Answer Me This! - AMT294: Bowling Shoes, Pole Vault and Nude Sunbathing

Episode Date: July 24, 2014

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Will this theme tune last longer than Cheryl's new marriage? Answer me this, answer me this Is that tattoo on her arse of a red cabbage? Answer me this, answer me this Helen and Ollie, answer me this Sorry listeners for the disruption to your regular fortnightly answer me this schedule. What happened was, we all needed a holiday. We've all been on our summer holidays

we went to iceland which is like winter all the time and i went to paris which is like a big plate of food with some building sprouting out the top and a subtle smell of piss it does smell of wheat it does it's a little bit yeah iceland smells of sulphur. When you're having a shower and the hot water is geothermal, it does stink of eggs. Iceland is a country that illustrates very effectively the three states of matter for water, because there's a lot of ice, obviously, in the name, and there's water.

Amazing waterfalls. Yeah, amazing waterfalls. And then steam, because they've got the geysers popping out all the time. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. Eggy, again. Oh, really?

Yeah, they don't look eggy on TV. No, you don't get the smell of it. Did you ever stand underneath one and pretend to be Michael Jackson in Earth Song when it burst up? No. Shame. But the water would scald you right up the undercarriage. Well, it's worth it to be eggy Michael Jackson for just one day. Here's a question from Craig in Stafford who says,

I was on Google Maps and looked at the street view of Downing Street and noticed that number 10 is all blurred out. Yeah, that's what it's like in real life. You've never been. It's all blurry. Well, he asked me this. Why is this the case? As everyone knows what number 10 looks like. A terrorist using Google Maps to see potential targets. Well, yes, basically, that's the fear.

Right. I'm surprised that the Google Street View car was allowed up Downing Street. I'm not. Massive publicity win that, isn't it? Yeah, but the gates are shut. Yeah, I know, but they arranged it in advance, I think it's probably fair to suppose. Spontaneous. I was passed by the Google Street View car a few days ago. Did you wave and do a silly bell face?

No, I didn't do any funny jokes that in two years' time would have seemed really funny and clever. You've got to think of something that's prescient, haven't you? And what can you do that's physical comedy that's going to be funny in, as you say, two years' time? I guess squatting to look like you're having a shit is always funny. Couldn't beat those people

in Scotland that did the fake murder scene. That was very quick thinking. Yeah, that's nice. Difficult. So I'd suggest to you listeners, have a prank in mind, just in case.

Can you do some sort of visual joke that's about data privacy or robots? Because that would be quite a good visual... A visual joke about data privacy? Yeah. You'd need to walk around with your own little blurry screen that you hold up in front of yes brilliant it

could be quite funny do you think that's why they had to blur it out because david cameron was doing a funny joke for the google street view car just wasn't funny two years later no um so yeah no it does appear that the british government had a about turn on this as they never do with any of their other policies oh no um and this was that yes they did indeed allow the google street view car down downing street to take a picture much like at the white house you can not only see the outside but also inside the building as well it was a big flagship thing you know downing street working with google da da da partnership exciting and then after this recent law was passed saying that you are allowed to request that buildings are blurred uh after which point i think uh paul

mccartney's asked for his house to be blurred Paul McCartney's asked for his house to be blurred, Tony Blair has asked for his house to be blurred. Tony Blur. Tony Blur. Wait, wait, but isn't that really counterproductive? Because then you can just figure out where they live. You know they live roughly in this area, and you can just look for the blurry house.

Yes, but you can't necessarily see what number the house is, for example. Well, you can look at number 10 and number 14. People will be able to find out where Paul McCartney lives because he's had the same place in Peasmarsh for decades. But it's probably harder to go and case his house from the street than it is to look at a picture online

and figure the most vulnerable entrance points. And also just knowing like, you know, oh, Paul, you've got that yellow plant pot in your window. It's just a bit weird, isn't it?

A bit personal. So I don't know why Downing Street is now on the list. As you might imagine, they haven't released information to Google about why this would be, but I imagine it must be a security thing, obviously. They've decided

that there is too much of a risk that people would be looking at it thinking, where could they throw a bomb, basically. But it's on like a hundred thousand postcards. Well, I was going to say TV shows. So you could just take a little bit of Sky News and go, oh yeah, that's how high the window is. I can trip it. Yes, but I wonder if you can actually, in the same kind of clever ways,

use the data in different systems, like cross-reference that data with other data. So if it's all computerised and you've got an image, could you run a programme on Google Street View that shows where you'd run to plant the bomb? Because it's just easier to just take it off, isn't it? Well, here's a question from Fergus, who says, capers can be very difficult to source in manchester for uncivilized place smaller supermarkets don't stock them which calls for a terrible trip to a terrible big supermarket can you mail order them capers.com maybe i think there are lots of things you can only get from

big supermarkets so you just lump them all together don't you and you only go occasionally well in manchester you could go to booths i'm sure booths have got booths are all over the capers and it is a caper going to booths absolutely uh despite this says fergus i am a fan of capers the heart wants what the heart wants and but helen answer me this actually what is a caper for many years i thought they grew in the sea due to their affiliation with seafood like parsley and lemons chips yeah and i continue to refer to them as the olive of the sea you renegade although my girlfriend does not accept this appellation a caper fergus is a pickled bud of the shrub caparis spinosa and caper berries are the fruits of the same so when you're buying a caper you're're not buying the berry? No, you're buying the bud.

You're buying, so like the head of a flower? A prepubescent flower. Yeah, which is kind of what it looks like. Whereas the caper berries are smooth and they've got a stalk usually, and they're bigger. But I know what he means because it is so associated with seafood. You do think maybe it's, because I knew it was a plant. Like you can tell looking at it, it's a plant. But I thought maybe...

Duh, Fergus, everyone knows it's a plant. But I did think maybe it was a plant that grows near the sea or even in the seabed. It's not inconceivable that it's a plant but i thought but i did think maybe it was a plant that grows near the sea or even in the sea it's not inconceivable that it's a bit of seaweed exactly well no it only thrives in arid climates or semi-arid climates and in fact even too much humidity can cause it to rot a bit right so the reason why they have this slightly marine taste is because people only eat them after they've been pickled because otherwise they don't taste very good in ancient greece capers were used as a cure for flatulence i wonder if that works would you just shove it up your ass hi it's harriet from cambridge um i'm just folding at

the moment so helen and ollie will you answer me this um what is it about bowling shoes why do they have this hideous black and red stripe? What is the origin of that story? Why do all bowling shoes look like this? Well, not all bowling shoes look like that. It's just that is the most commonly stereotyped bowling shoe because most bowling shoes otherwise just look like shoes. I'd be very disappointed if I went to the bowling alley

and they weren't in the bowling shoe style. No clown shoes. No, if they were just normal shoes or even just like, you know, Converse trainers or something. Yeah. I'd feel cheated. I think a lot of bowlers though

think those shoes are ugly. So there are many styles available. But I think these ones are the stereotypical bowling shoe, partly because they have no associations with other things. So you think bowling shoe. Secondly, because they don't want you

to nick the shoes and those shoes are so ridiculous and also blatantly bowling shoes that they think, well, no one wants to look like a clown. I think that's a huge part of it, not stealing the shoes. And those shoes are so ridiculous and also blatantly bowling shoes that they think, well, no one wants to look like a clown. I think that's a huge part of it, not stealing the shoe. And I think maybe thirdly, the aesthetic of bowling seems to be from a mid-20th century Americana perspective.

And these shoes sum that up more than subsequent styles. Yeah, because it's a bit like this with the computer graphics, isn't it? At the bowling alley, you know, you get a strike and the computer goes strike and the alligator comes out the water and dishes out an X or whatever. A picture of Doris Day comes up. Well, it's specifically 1980s, early 1980s when they digitised the bowling alleys.

And yet that was an era kind of in love with the 50s. Yes. So you've got the general kind of trend of the bowling alley. You know, there's normally a place that sells burgers and fries there. You have the music, which typically will be 50s and 60s music you have the shoes

yeah and then you and then the graphics come from the 1980s now it's not as if the technology hasn't existed in the last 30 years for them to update those graphics but they choose not to because they're selling an experience that is rooted in nostalgia aren't they and i think the shoes are part of that i agree i think if yeah you know if if nike or reebok came along and redesigned the bowling shoe and made them cooler you still would want the old one all i've got on the brain at the moment though is we're gonna score tonight from greece 2 oh i'm not familiar enough with the film thankfully for that to be uh well what it is is a clever double meaning because the scoring not only refers to sex but also bowling as in my favorite

song from the hunting of the snark i'm going to be snookering you tonight well done for for out obscuring grease too as a musical reference when you go bowling are you a bit apprehensive like you said that like it's a regular thing i haven't been bowling since i had back trouble so that puts us in 1997 i go about once a decade because i have very poor spatial awareness so it's not very enjoyable for me to fail i actually went with a work trip um about five years ago and that was pre-shoulder dislocation it was pre-shoulder dislocation but post back trouble so i was taking it easy um but what was funny was because it's a sport even though it's not really a sport yeah i still wasn't taking it that seriously because i can't because it's a sport it's meant to be a fun game yeah it's like mini golf you look like a dick if you take mini golf too seriously right but there was a guy there and he was american working in britain he was from new york

but he'd lived in britain for 20 years did he have his name engraved on the bowling ball yes he turned up with his own bowling ball his own bowling shirt he's like the guy that marge simpson almost has an affair with it was so cool but also what was cool is he's about 50 and bald yeah so it was it was the combination of yeah but like his persona in the office would not be someone he was a new york intellectual in his 50s living in britain like the persona of that being someone who has their own bowling ball and was really into bowling he took it so seriously i never seen anything like it like when he went to bowl he sort of cleared out either side of him yeah he looked from left to right he got down on one knee and sort of like looked like he was

sniffing the tarmac before he got up and bowled extraordinary was it any good yeah it was great you bloody hope so with all that ritual what I was going to say is when you go bowling do you feel apprehensive putting on the shoes

that have been worn by the steamy feet of strangers no because I always am very reassured by the spray the spray you know just before

you put the shoe on they go and then it comes out it looks like a rainforest effect in a theme park it's like a virgin shoe again. Yeah.

What is the point? I mean, you're not supposed to scuff the ground, is that it? It's to keep the bowling alleys clean and on scratch, but also the soles are to help you glide because a street shoe would make you stick to the lane so you couldn't really do the proper glide as you bowled. You're supposed to glide? Yeah.

This is the thing. I mean, probably one in 20 bowlers in the UK takes that. Well, a proper bowler who has their own shoes one shoe will be glidy and the other shoe will be grippy so you can get your posture perfect it's a bit like when you go ice skating isn't it i mean obviously you have to use their shoes when you do that because you can't get your own trainers or a nice drink but they give you ice shoes that that really a decent ice skater couldn't use like they're you know you can't be brilliant in them, can you?

It's like wearing a plaster cast of your own foot. Exactly. And yet, most people still probably don't use the limited features that are provided on the ice shoe that they give you at the rink. Well, how could I when I'm clinging to the barrier the whole time? All you're doing is clinging to the barrier,

pushing yourself around. What I really need is crutches when I go ice skating. I got a question. Email your question to AnswerMeThisPodcast at GoogleMail.com AnswerMeThisPodcast

at GoogleMail.com AnswerMeThisPodcast at GoogleMail.com AnswerMeThisPodcast at GoogleMail.com So retrospectives, what historical events are we ticking off on this week's run of Today in History? On Monday, we bring you the real story of the mutiny on the bounty.

On Tuesday, the anniversary of the day somebody invented the meatball, but who? On Wednesday, the iconic British car that ripped off an iconic American car. On Thursday, how American airlines invented air miles. And on Friday, the UFO sighting that gripped colonial America. We discuss this and more on Today in History with The Retrospectors.

Ten minutes each weekday, wherever you get your podcasts. Here's a question from Andy from Manchester who says the top 40 chart is now allowing streamed music from manchester who says the top 40 chart is now allowing streamed music from spotify and others in the official chart i can't help feeling helen you should be doing this question in the style of alan fluff freeman and this is an opportunity in the top 40 chart now they're allowing spotify and naps to streaming yeah that's not a great impression i should never i should never have because it's very rarely presented by a woman.

Until now, but I can't do an impression of Jamila Jamil. Not off. That's a really good impression of Jamila Jamil. That's exactly what she does. That's how she's so down with the kids. Ollie, answer me this. Yeah. How many times would I need to stream a song to be number one?

And what was the lowest amount of singles bought to ever make it to number one? Okay, so the fewest selling singles bought to ever make it to number one okay so the fewest selling number one record ever in a week uh was uh awesome's no tomorrow oh which i completely forgot that song earlier i thought i can't believe my ears this can't be happening i was like what was that song but when i played it i was like oh yeah that one i meant they were very arrogant because they called their album your favorite band or Band or something Oh yeah Your New Favourite Band Bellends Look how well it turned out for them How many sales?

So they sold in one week 17,694 copies and got to number one And that's the lowest That's the lowest for a weekly sale to get to number one

in the UK When was that? So mid 2000s So that's when it reached its nadir because that was when the sales chart was still based solely

on physical sales Oh yeah So iTunes didn't count then So iTunes didn't count As soon as digital sales started taking on board as well, then you got back up to a kind of figure of 100,000, which is what it used to be. I think, I'm pretty sure that Natasha Bedingfield

was the first person at number one when they started including iTunes. I can believe it. And this time with streaming, it's Ariana Grande. It's not necessarily the most memorable act that get these landmarks. Well, the biggest streaming act ever is Bastille. Whoa! I'm not even sure

I know a single Bastille song. I know. Who are they? It's a French prison. It's just the same as people moaning and clinking cups against bars. And having their heads cut off. I'm not surprised they're popular, but I was surprised that's the biggest streaming song ever. Yeah. What is it? Pompeii. And if you close

your eyes... Why is that called Pompeiiii and if you close your eyes why is that called pompeii and if you close your eyes you can see the frescoes on the house of the vertigini that's pretty much it yeah bastille i've been to pompeii as well uh what's unfair as well about this whole streaming thing firstly napster i'd forgotten that that was a going concern i hadn't even heard the name used in the last 10 years i know it it's a music sales site now, but really, who cares? Yeah. Secondly, 100 streams equates to one sale.

That's right. Which I think is a bit skewed. I think that's... I understand how... Okay, so on the first point, yes, they do mention all of these ridiculous other rivals to Spotify to justify that they're not just mentioning Spotify when really it is just about Spotify. And yet, YouTube is where a whole generation gets their singles from. Yeah.

And that's not included. But not Deezer and RDO and Xbox Music. I mean, seriously. Xbox Music. Come on. Nokia chart. I know, ridiculous. But anyway, so yeah, snaps to whatever.

But basically it's about Spotify. You might as well like, you know, music I've heard blasting out of a car that passed me by on the street. Can I just point out that my music is available on all of these terrible services? Really, Xbox Radio? I think so, yeah.

But anyway, 100 streams on Spotify, yes, now counts as one sale. Yeah, that's a lot of listening to an advert about British Gas, though. I think it's too much because I think, obviously, it makes sense to say, look, just streaming it once or twice, that's the same as just incidentally hearing it on the radio. That doesn't count as a sale. Yeah. You're not making the same commitment. I get that.

But surely somewhere less than 100 Like 50 If you listen to something 50 times You like it as much as if you bought it 50 I mean surely that should count And who bloody buys singles now anyway? Exactly

At the moment Since it does take 100 streams to count as one purchase And the average single now Sells around 100,000 copies a week Really? To get to number one That's oh okay um you would need to uh stream a song if it was just you single-handedly on spotify and no one

else was buying it in the shops you would have to stream it 10 million times there's probably software that can auto repeat stream for you yeah but i don't think you could stream a three and a half minute pop song 10 million times in a week could you single-handedly oh if it's a complete play yeah no you think you have to stream it for more than a minute for it to count right it gets very messy so 10 million is the answer you'd have to stream it 10 million times to get a number one but when you stack that up against youtube i mean like the sort of gang lamb stars of the world got like a billion hits didn't they over the over a countable period yeah 10 million youtube hits isn't a particularly successful song is it um it's like a moderate

yeah but that's in a week remember yeah maybe it's a moderate hit for like a big pop-up size gentleman which was the fastest growing youtube video was 38 million in a week if you want scale but um i'm saying this is to reach a target of 100 000 copies per week yeah that's what currently a number one single on average sells but that is because we're still in a sales-based world when it changes to a streaming-based world, it might well be the case that actually now you're going to be getting things that have sold a combination of 100,000 physical or digital sales with, say, 5 million streams.

So actually, it could be that to get to number one will be even harder if you're trying to do it just through streaming. Well, here is another musical question from Elliot from Wrexham, who's been listening to this podcast for bloody ages. Oh, I love Elliot. He's been listening since the pre-digital sales age. When it was delivered on Mike's cylinder by horseback. Elliot, am I right in thinking that you're one of the people

that we recruited in the first few months of this podcast by grooming you on MySpace? I know it sounds bad, but you're an adult now, so it's okay. Helen demographically targeted you when you were a hairless boy. Well, I can't comment on his hair. Elliot says, Olliellie answer me this what was the first band t-shirt ever produced this is actually a really hard question to answer when was the first t-shirt produced i wonder exactly went from underwear to outerwear well so t-shirts have been around for 100 years but they weren't really properly popularized when i say it's obvious 50s yes right

brando streetcar right so that was everyone saw that and they were like huh you could look hot in a t-shirt even though actually i've read that brando only wore a t-shirt when he was playing stanley in a streetcar named desire because he spilled egg on his shirt no you know he was all about building up the um subtext of the character of course and it was because you know, he was all about building up the subtext of the character. Of course. And it was because, you know, there's a lot of stuff in Tennessee Williams about how Stanley's character, he comes in carrying a big bag of meat, doesn't he? Symbolism at the beginning of the play. What can that possibly be?

And so he was supposed to represent his kind of brute physicality. So you could see his muscles, yeah. So that was the point. Yeah, but it had a big Mickey Mouse on it, which rather diffused the masculinity. Well, this is the thing. So it became a big fashion statement, and the point is, at what point did T-shirts start having big Mickey Mouse on it, which rather diffused the masculinity. Well, this is the thing. So it became a big fashion statement, and the point is, at what point did T-shirts

start having big Mickey Mouse on them? And people seem agreed that it was sometime in the 60s, but it's hard to say who did it first. Yeah, when did merch become a particular thing? Hard to say. Retrospectively, you can say Kiss is the biggest band to have merched the hell out of their brand. Yeah, they had, like, action figures and masks

and a whole lot of... They have coffins. Board games. Coffins? Yeah board games they have pinball machines they have condoms with kiss on them jls have got condoms coffins can only be the next step for them i'll have the pink one because ashton's my fave i want to die in a marvin um so anyway it's very hard to find a definite answer on this because there was a movement It was a counter-cultural movement of youth and it wasn't that people were writing about it at the time saying, hey, we did this first because that wouldn't have been cool.

It was probably more incremental than that, wasn't it? But as far as I can make out, it's a bit like me talking about I Love Lucy in the last episode. No one knows for certain, but I think the band that did it properly in terms of they did it and then more people did it is the Grateful Dead.

Oh. Because Grateful Dead would have been mid 60s yeah which quite early so that's before rolling stones lips merch for example right and it was t-shirts rather than caftans t-shirts and what it meant basically was i smoke joints so it was really part of the countercultural movement so there was loads of them printed so i think great there was a bit there's a big um acid thing with the grateful dead of everyone getting together and taking acid and like tuning into a collective consciousness yeah well the same with love right yeah but that as far as i can work out actually was people in the 70s reprinting psychedelic t-shirts from the 60s and not actually that love particularly printed loads

and sold them at their gigs or anything because that wouldn't have been cool to do in the 60s whereas the grateful dead did sell them as a signifier you were interested in drugs i can't imagine um a 60s band going we really need to merchandise our brand a bit harder exactly yeah but but if the beatles had done ringtones in the 60s how cool, we really need to merchandise our brand a bit harder. Exactly, yeah. But, but, if the Beatles had done ringtones in the 60s, how cool would that be? Imagine Landline ringtones. Oh, wow. I need somebody. Sorry, I've just got to get the phone. Or doorbells. Hello, hello.

And now, we give you the intermission. Brought to you by Answer Me This episode 106. Available to buy now at answermethisstore.com Sean from Leicester says, Helen, answer me this.

In mythology, why do dragons prefer to eat virgins as opposed to other women? Is the hymen that tasty? There's really no way of knowing unless we ask a dragon. There's a shortage of dragons now. Maybe that's because there's a shortage of dragons food because people are sexually active earlier.

No, I think there's a shortage of dragons because dragons make all films worse when they come. Apart from in Shrek, that's quite a cool dragon, but that's a subversive dragon that's taking the piss out of dragons, isn't it? Harry Potter 4, though, are okay. Oh, they never impressed me, a dragon. I i mean i guess the point is to a dragon the world is his oyster isn't he's a big scary fire breathing monster he can ask for whatever he wants so why wouldn't you ask for a virgin you'd rather eat a spring chicken wouldn't you than a ropey old hen i think dragons

have sensitive palates and uh they want you know lovely tender untainted meat i think it's about age actually i think that comes into it as well typically virgins will be younger well they're and they want lovely, tender, untainted meat. I think it's about age, actually. I think that comes into it as well. Typically, virgins will be younger. They're not asking for Susan Boyle, are they? They're not asking for Anne Widdicombe. They're asking for... The 17-year-old.

Yeah. A Jonas brother. I think it's partly because virgins were... At the time that dragons were peaking, they were a common sacrificial victim. And I suppose because there was a kind of sacred thing about them because they were pure. So actually, contrary to my theory, the dragon was just saying

don't make any bother over me, mate. If you've got a virgin you're going to sacrifice anyway, just give that one to me. Here's a question that I think will definitively place this episode in summer of 2014. Consider this a time capsule

if you're listening in the future. It's from Katie from St Ives in Cambridge, not Cornwall, who says, I'm a primary school teacher and in the past few weeks, loom bands have taken over. Boys and girls are wearing them

from foundation stage to year six. I've been given several by my children. So, Ollie, answer me this. Where did this loom band craze come from? Aren't they just sort of like friendship bands? No. They're basically like little colourful rubber bands that you can weave into various different concoctions.

But a friendship band is woven, so it's... It's the act of creation, Martin. The loom bands are the constituents to a thing you might wear. The Rainbow Loom was invented in 2011 by Chiang Chong Ng. Ng? Well, NG, you know that Chinese surname. Is that how it's pronounced? Well, actually I worked with a girl called Sue NG and she used to say her name was NG but I think that was because people couldn't say

how you say it in Chinese. I used to work with someone called Diane NG and she used to pronounce it Eng. Eng, okay. I saw it with Jane NG and she was at Ng, I think. It's not the important part of the story. He was born in Malaysia. I think he was in Michigan the important part of the story. He was born in Malaysia. I think he was in Michigan, though. And it was his daughters who sort of invented it.

So he didn't invent it. He purloined it and mass marketed it. No, he noticed that they were weaving bracelets out of elastic bands with their hands. Because you can just do it with your hands. Oh, of course. So many gadgets you can do with your hands, but people don't. And Fleshlight, for example. And he invented a loom because he wanted to join in.

He wanted to weave some bracelets with them. And his hands, his big man hands, were too big to join in. Now, is that the point where the children don't want to do it anymore? They're like, oh, Dad's doing it now. Dad's built a loom. Yeah. I know. He's like, hey, girls, can I play loom bands with you?

And they're like, we're on Barbies now, sorry. It must have seemed really talky uh but anyway he did it and uh you know it took off in his local school in michigan and it was one of these things that he then he then thought right this there's obviously mileage in this i'm gonna i'm gonna become a toy entrepreneur in that very american way yeah and he put like ten thousand dollars of his own money into a company sold it to his own local independent toy store so So it's quite nice in a way, because the story is one of a proper, like, roots-up ground entrepreneur

was not a big toy corporation that came up with this. But presumably he sold it and then never made any of the money of all the loom bands that there are now. Well, I don't know what the deals are, but I know that it's not really properly copyrighted because, yeah, it's a loom, isn't it? Elastic bands and paints, isn't it?

Yes, elastic bands have been around for a while. What's that? Specifically, 1845 it? Elastic bands and pegs, isn't it? Yes, elastic bands have been around for a while. I've heard. Specifically 1845, the first patent for an elastic band. Really? Yeah. And obviously the idea of turning them into catapults, bouncy balls. You know, kids have been using elastic bands as a tool. Very creatively.

Very long time. I mean, it's sort of like finger knitting, but with elastic bands. And that's been around an awfully long time. I do think it's kind of brilliant though that there is this massive trend involving something as old world sounding as a loom. It's like if Conkers or Yo-Yos came back in a big way. And no electronics at all. You know, it's a gadget that involves

no under the bonnet computer power. No touchscreen, nothing. But I would have thought that this is a very easy idea to knock off so there's not that much money in it. Well, yes, although there's very high profit margins that said i mean it's elastic bands because it's elastic bands i think they sell them for like a thousand for a pound but even say that's still high profit they've got them in our corner shop they're even advertising the fact with a handwritten notice on the door here's another question from katie who says helen answer me this how do you learn

to pole vault and i think we can interpret from this she means how does one learn to pole vault yeah do you just have a go or do you start with a shorter pole and progress to a longer one it all looks rather scary and probably more complicated than that run stick pole in ground jump twist and fall that is essentially what it is but but usually a pole vaulter will have already shown ability in the long jump because that has the most similar takeoff technique. Or they'll be a good sprinter, but not fast enough to win sprinting events. And so if they've also got good upper body strength, then they'll be encouraged to start by practising using the long jump sandpit for a soft landing. Well, actually, believe it or not, I've done the pole vault.

No way! What? My school wasn't traditionalist in terms of the sports it made us do. Wow! So we did have to do football and rugby and cricket, but actually they were quite cool about letting us try things like trampolining and running. And yeah, we had pole vault kit and I did it in sixth form. It was fine. No training at all.

No one told me how to do it. I just did it. Did you do the proper body flip over the thing? Yeah. So what you do is you practice first exactly by doing the high jump yeah and then you do it with a pole i mean it wasn't really any more complicated than that probably really dangerous and they wouldn't let you do it now but uh yeah but the ancient greeks and the celts used to do it in order to cross marshes and fens as a mode of transport wow that's wicked yeah what

about on the other side though if it was lower or i mean if you lost your pole or how do you get back well climb a tree and scream just uh just pick up a stick on the other side well you could leave your pole on that side chain it up to a fence yeah okay someone nicks it yeah well i would assume you would use sticks that were there and get from lump of semi-solid earth to the next one sort of like big stilts you know what i've never heard of anyone jumping a fence like you know when people used to jump the fence at glastonbury using a pole but it would be a sensible way of doing it would i mean you'd have to be pretty good especially at glastonbury because you would

land on a load of drunks soft landing yeah what's interesting is that we're all so incredibly resolutely unsportive and yet podcast keeps proving that we're somewhat popular with the sportive because just the other day there was a piece in the guardian uh from ultra runner rory basio talking about how she listens to us when she's ultra running and ultra running is where you just keep running for hundreds of miles until you take off into space and she listens to us while she's training it was one of those articles where they say like what are your influences what how do you train and then what do you listen like, what are your influences? How do you train? And then what do you listen to?

What music do you listen to? How do you distract yourself from the extreme physical pain? And she answered, I don't listen to music. I listen to a podcast called Answer Me This. I'd need something like, you know, full on, like Eye of the Tiger on constant repeat to feel motivated. But if you're the kind of person that's so motivated that you do indeed keep running till the land runs out, maybe you almost need something that kind of chills you out.

Yeah, you've got to pace yourself. If you're running for 100 miles or whatever. Exactly. There've got to pace yourself if you're running for 100 miles. Exactly. There's got to be something that's like, this conversation's going to go on endlessly. Will this never stop? Then it turns out quite a few of our listeners are ultra runners. Really? I wonder if there's anyone who listens to us in waterproof headphones while swimming.

Maybe we should have an Answer Me This Olympiad for all the people that do sporty things whilst listening to us. I'm trying to build a website to bring tourists to Radlet, but when I open it up on my smartphone or tablet, something goes wrong and it just looks a bit shit. Unlike Hertfordshire itself. Well, try building that website using Squarespace.

On desktop and devices it will look simply ace. As well designed as Hertfordshire with all that lovely green space. County of Opportunity and Stevenage. Yes, time to say thank you very much to Squarespace.com for sponsoring this episode of Answer Me This. If you would like to design a beautiful website, head on down to theirs and use the code answer to get 10 off a year's subscription to their service which includes a free url a lot of

storage space and of course the designing templates and tools it's so easy to use e-commerce tech support in new york and dublin as well if it all goes wrong here is a question from neil from crawley in west sussex who says i am someone who is squarely in the cupboard camp you may wonder what that is you're going to find out but ollie answered me this once and for all should ketchup be kept in the fridge or in the cupboard no option for both what decant it and keep it in both Like an experiment Well I think the official advice On the bottle from Heinz Which is after all I believe

I know I say Heinz now rather than Heinz Heinz I believe account for 85% of ketchup sales In the UK Their advice is canonical Their advice exactly Keep it in the cupboard and then once opened refrigerate So I mean both But that's a precaution because They admit themselves in their faq because of its natural

acidity heinz ketchup is shelf stable however its stability after opening can be affected by storage conditions we recommend that this product be refrigerated to maintain the best quality that's just hedging their bets though isn't it just in case someone lives in a very hot unhygienic shit hole put it in the fridge. But it's fine. And actually, there is an element, I mean, this sounds wrong, but there is an element of healthy bacteria, I believe, I have no scientific basis for this,

where if it's left to mature slightly in a couple of weeks, it can taste a bit better. Sometimes. Things like that with long life, like with vinegar in them, can taste a bit better when they've been left out. I don't know why that is. That's probably chemical,

that's probably the vinegar maybe oxidising a bit more yeah but also cold things uh harder to taste so you would have to bring it to room temperature before using it anyway uh but also vinegar and sugar are preservatives there's barely another organic ingredient in there and the recipe of course goes back centuries doesn't it so in the early 1800s, when they first invented ketchup, there was no fridge. No, it was to have a way of... A pickled product that you'd keep for years. So yeah, the original, the first printed recipe in English was from 1805.

Yep. And they say you make five bottles and you keep them for three years. I actually made a recipe on Valentine's Day this year that involved using half a bottle of ketchup. Wow, what were you making? A really horrible tomato soup? You're just the worst boyfriend in the world are you making a big heart on the wall it was uh jamie's mountain meatballs is what it was and no they're really really good they're

just meatballs basically but the sauce is made of um you it sounds disgusting it does sound disgusting it's a load of ketchup with coffee and a bit of mustard and what else was in there sugar there's already sugar in the ketchup yeah but it was really good okay very tangy it's kind of like very um southern tasting yeah it's sort of like being sandblasted in the taste buds so you don't even notice what you're eating it was good i promise okay here's a question from jill who says while navigating the minefield that is preparing to take my children on holiday, including getting them their own passports, I think it makes sense to have photos of a child on a passport.

It was always an anomaly that you didn't. But a baby. I think that's it. I've got friends who have got a baby. Ben and Nikki just had a baby. They went to Portugal with their baby, like seven months old, and had to go and get a photo. I mean, you could have just cut it out of a frame in Snappy Snaps

and put it in your passport. They all look the same. My passport's 10 years old. When I went through customs for the first time, they really started to peer at me as if to say, is that actually you? Yeah, because in Martin's passport picture, he's got short hair, he's got no beard,

and he has the worried expression of, say, a young political seditionary which is not martin's look now now he's bumbling i had damn it with a lot of fur you'd think you'd be able to connect the two and say yes look at this young awkward activist he'd obviously he'd obviously settle look what he'd obviously become in 10 years jill continues uh helen answered me this when did people start using passports i can't imagine that my ancestors lined up in the pharmacy to get their picture taken during the great famine of the 1840s before setting sail.

So how official or reliable was travel documentation before photographic ID? I think this is a question framed from somebody who's never been alive without photography. Of course, before photography existed, things wouldn't be reliant on photography, would they? True. I like the idea of having an artist's impression of you, though,

as your passport photo. Then all the royals, everyone would have their hand on a greyhound, wouldn't they? And a ruff. I see you're not travelling with your greyhound today, sir. Step aside. As previously discussed, the Queen doesn't have a passport, so that's an exemption anyway.

They'd know if you were pretending to be a royal that you weren't a proper royal. So most people attribute the appearance of the passport to the era of Henry V. There was an Act of Parliament in 1414 requiring people a safe conduct document and these had to be issued by the king but he could

give them to anyone whether or not they were English and foreign nationals didn't even have to pay whereas subjects did have to pay. What is that like? That's interesting. Topsy-turvy. But actually there's still a trace of that kind of language, isn't there, on the front page of the passport? You know when you're bored on a flight and you've got nothing else to look at?

You've read the in-flight magazine. I've always got a book with me, Ollie. What do you take me for? Obviously, I just don't think ahead. Of course, if I was flying BA, I'd be listening to Answer Me This on the Comedy Podcast channel. I'll never be bored. Big shout-out to you BA guys.

How's it doing up there? But, you know, sometimes you're on the flight, you're bored, and you find yourself reading your passport. A bit like when you find yourself reading the shampoo bottle on the bog and you've read all the magazines. Desperate. Desperate. Retreat your imagination a little bit.

What is sodium lauryl sulfate? There is still this legalistic thing written in beautiful script on a British passport. Illegible script. Illegible script, but it kind of says something like, this hereby entitles the recipient to full protection under the queen's auspices abroad and it's actually it's actually quite emotional reading it i think it's like that your rights as a british citizen like going to any uh what's the word i'm

looking for any corner of the empire once shaded pink yeah but yeah but exactly but and to receive an ambassadorial support if you need it. That's all inscribed on your passport document, which I imagine is something that's been there for centuries in some form or another. Do you know what almost did for the passport, though? The development of the railway system across Europe because there were so many borders, because a lot of the countries hadn't unified by then,

that it was just too much of a pain to check passports. And so they stopped issuing them and then they came back with a vengeance during the First World War. And that is when you needed a photo. The word passport, that was first used from at least 1540. That means passing through the door or something, does it? Yeah, passing through a gate.

Yeah, exactly. Which I suppose must be part of the reason why they kept the name for airport. It was established not only that port was a port, but people had passports and you were going to use a passport at an airport. It's a place of transition and also a beautiful bottle full of tasty alcohol Have you ever bought a bottle of port at a port? No. I have. In Portugal

Okay I was at Portugal airport and I bought a bottle of port. Well congratulations you're the portiest one here. I only did it because it was so meta. Here's a question about something you might do on holiday from, who says, Olly, answer me this. Why is it that when you sunbathe au naturel,

that one's todger never gets sunburnt? I mean, one would have thought you would have to smother it in oil. Richard, you're lucky, basically. That's the answer. Really? It's got an unburnable todger. No, no, no. He's just been lucky not to have been burned on his todger.

Your todger is no less burnable than any other part of you. I would have thought that the skin on there would be more burnable because it's so rarely exposed to sun in the average Brit. Yeah. Anyway, yes, your penis can get burned. Testes. Particularly if you're circumcised, obviously the head of your penis more at risk.

Oh, God. So if you are going to sunbathe for a long time in direct sunlight, yes, you should oil it up. Or put a little parasol over it. Like a cocktail umbrella. Now, the disadvantage, in direct sunlight, yes, you should oil it up. Or put a little parasol over it. Like a cocktail umbrella. Now, the disadvantage, in a way, if you consider this a disadvantage to the nation as a whole, is that you can't really sunbathe nude here

because you live in an area, you know, a very, very pretty public park. Oh, you mean we can't sunbathe nude? Yes, but you don't really have your own garden space. I don't sunbathe. So why would I sunbathe nude? Sure, so you wouldn't be able to choose to anyway. No. But I've been partial to it in the

past have you yeah in my parents garden i do oh when they're not in when they're not in do they have neighbors that can overlook no and for that reason that's why i have in the past although once i did do it and then the gardener came in to do something in the patio he started screaming i went running into the house very quickly indeed um but uh in my new garden in my new house which i do love but this is a fault with it there is nowhere in that garden that isn't overlooked by a small child so i'm just even when i'm shirtless i feel a bit like i shouldn't be there's not a part of my garden that isn't overseen apart from there's like a trench next to the garden shed yeah which is lying in mud but then if i did lie there in the mud next to the garden shed where I think the cat craps,

if I wanted to lie naked there, you're not viewed by children from the houses adjacent but you are potentially viewed by the public footpath next to the house. So someone walking the dog again... If someone were to find you, that looks much worse than... It looks worse. Just some bathing in your bath. Why am I in the mud next to the garden shed? Why are you on a trench of cat shit?

Maybe they thought you died. Exactly. Maybe, is there some kind of structure that you could put up? Almost like one of those beach changing huts but without a roof that you could lie in. Perhaps. I just think some of the relaxing vibe

of being naked in your own garden would be ruined by having to erect a wall. It'd be a bit like you're in a cocaine, wouldn't it? It would be a bit like you're in Berlin in 1989. I don't think it would be that relaxing. Could you go up on the roof? It's slanted. Yeah, what about on the peak?

Yes, theoretically I could. I think it's not worth it just to be naked, and then I'd be a mascot for the whole village to see. Firestar Hotel It had an omelette station, a multitude of pools, but 30 quid for parking, WTF? There's ethernet, not wifi like it's 1998, but there was a swim up bar in the rooftop pool Three star hotel A bit more down to earth They did still have a pool

But it was full of kids Two star hotel A lot more down to earth They also had a pool But it was full of dogs One star hotel There's a body in the pool Answer Me This Holiday

All the fun of travelling with none of the stinky toilets or frightening food Out now at answermethispodcast.com slash albums Ferris has written to us I wonder if he's having a big day off From Lebanon He says Earlier this year I gave my friend a bit of advice about the stock market I wonder if he's having a big day off from Lebanon had made off my advice well you should have said when you were giving the advice here's my advice and my cut is this amount yeah but you'd be a dick if you'd say

that wouldn't you not really especially if it was a small percentage like five percent i don't think that's too much well to ask for hold that thought uh privately he says my reaction always was how about giving me a cut of your profits but I didn't say anything like that to him that's what I'm saying do it in advance rather than afterwards

if you're going to do it do it in advance but you can't offer advice and then say by the way I charge a commission on my advice next time

think ahead I mean I've got advice you know go and build a rival to the Walt Disney Studios right I want 5% if you do it I mean it's not the same

is it or I'll foot 5% of the loss if a loss happens he and I haven't talked about his offer in months% if you do it. I mean, it's not the same, is it? Or I'll foot 5% of the loss if a loss happens. He and I haven't talked about his offer in months. Probably because you ignored it. Recently, though, continues Ferris, I realised I probably made a mistake.

My friend was genuinely grateful and he certainly wasn't obligated to offer me a free dinner at a nice restaurant. And it's a restaurant my wife and I can't normally afford. So selfishly, I now kind of like the idea of going there and have someone else foot the bill. It's not that selfish. It's a bit selfish.

It's probably not shellfish, though, in Lebanon. My friend and I still talk regularly and are on good terms. Nice, even though you're stewing away on this. Yeah, and you'd never offer him financial advice again, in case he becomes successful, the prick. So, Helen, answer me me this should i tell my friend i'll take him up on his offer or is it now too late given that several months have now passed since he made it would it be poor form to say out of the blue hey remember when you said you'd buy

us dinner we'd like to do that now if the offer is still on the table i think that is rather difficult especially given the diffidence that you displayed when the offer was initially made and maybe your friend thought well better not offer that to Ferris again because he might be insulted. But maybe the way to do it is saying, oh, we never did go to that restaurant. Tell your friend, would you and your partner come with us? We could have an evening out all together. That suggests splitting the bill, Helen. He's very, very keen on the point that his friend is paying.

But at that point, his friend might just say, oh, of course, we'll pay. Might's no good, is it? You can't bank on might. You're hoping to pick him up on an offer to take you to an expensive restaurant. Well then I think the offer is passed. Well I think what you might say this is very devious. Oh no it's not going to be one of your

Olly Mann grifter things again that you seem to be coming up with a lot this year. Disabled pensioner. You and your wife creep out of the toilet window. What you say is, because you so kindly offered to take me to insert name of posh restaurant, we'd love to take you and your partner out for dinner as well.

Come with us on Saturday. We're going to insert name of mid-market restaurant. Now, you do have to shell out a little bit for this, but you've then planted in his mind the idea that this is already reciprocating for something that didn't happen. And then he'll surely say, and we never did do that thing. You don't need to say it yourself. I think that's rubbish.

I think that's worse than my suggestion. I think what you could do is say, oh, it's my wife's birthday coming up soon, or we've got a big anniversary coming up. I'd love to take her to that place that you mentioned. And the guy might be like, oh yeah, sorry. Yeah, I never did send you to that place. Unless he's already spent all the money that he earned. The thing is, if you're having the guy might be like oh yeah sorry yeah i never did you send you to that place unless he's already spent all the money that he earned the thing is if you're having the kind

of conversation where you're offering financial advice and you're good friends anyway yeah i could say to my in fact i did say to my friend ben who is taking me out for dinner in two weeks time i did say you never took me out for my birthday you were going to and now he is and that was fine he was like oh shit yeah i forgot about that so that's fine i mean if you're good friends it's not actually that big a deal is it or you could just book in for that restaurant and say to your friend, oh, I've booked in for our special dinner that you very generously said you'd bought me for Saturday. And your friend is then obligated to go, yes.

Well, I'll give you my credit card numbers. That's actually not so bad an idea. It's adequate. But listeners, have you got a good idea that means Ferris will finally get his meal? If so, please let us know. Or you can just send us a question via email, phone or Skype. All of our contact

details are on our website. AnswerMeThisPodcast.com And remember, we also have side projects away from the podcasting world of Answer Me This. Thanks to our crowdfunding target being met. So thank you to everyone who contributed. I am now the presenter of the media podcast, which is a

fortnightly, as it turns out, because we didn't get as much money as we which is a fortnightly as it turns out because we didn't get as much money as we wanted a fortnightly discussion show about the uk media but that's good because it comes out in the answer me this fallow weeks right so if there's not an episode of answer me this remember then on the friday there will be an episode of the media podcast and you can find that at the media podcast.com well i know i also make uh the sound women podcast uh this month i spoke to Annie Nightingale, who's been on Radio 1 since 1970 and hasn't been fired. Was she mad as a box of frogs?

No, she was very cool. And that's at soundcloud.com slash soundwomen. And I do two monthly podcasts, the same The Ladies podcast and Podcast for Braintrain. And if you missed the event that we did at the Apple Store in London, where Helen and I, well, Helen was hosting, I was on the panel, as was Pete Donaldson from the Football Ramble,

as was Chris Skinner from the Bugle. Fuck you, Chris! Talking about podcasting. Have no fear, because Apple filmed it. We'll put a link to it on our website. We will. And it just remains for us to say thank you very much to Squarespace for funding this episode of Answer Me This,

because they are benevolent towards independent podcasts. And we will see you next time. Bye!