Answer Me This! - AMT309: Baked Bean Baths, Gotham and Melanie Griffith's Lion

Episode Date: March 5, 2015

Unsuitable celebrity pets prowl through today's episode; visit http://answermethispodcast.com/episode309 to find out more about it. We also take a dip in a charity bathful of beans, try to see into Snoopy's psyche, and cosh each other with stage weapons. Send questions to [e-mail], or the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877 or Skype answermethis)Tweet us http://twitter.com/helenandollyBe our Facebook friend at http://facebook.com/answermethisSubscribe on iTunes http://iTunes.com/AnswerMeThisBuy old episodes and albums at http://answermethisstore.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Will you sponsor me to watch all of Red Nose Day? Answer me this. Answer me this. Why do florists laugh when I ask for a nose gate? Answer me this. Answer me this. Helen and Ollie answer me this. Answer me this. Helen and Ollie. Answer me this. How am I on this day of recording Answer Me This? Drunk on power.

That's what I am. Plus such arms. Because after we talked about fast food companies doing home deliveries in episode 307, Burger King announced that they are going to try this out. And when the announcement hit the press, I kid you not, dozens of you, I mean, within a few minutes. You'd just been waiting for this so you could send it to us. You'd had a Google alert or something. Tweeted us saying, oh my God, look what you predicted.

Yes. As if we are the Nostradame of the podcast world. I mean, other people had already written in and said, yes, it's already happening in other parts of the world. But now it's being trialled in Romford, Truro, Hornchurch, Skegness, Hull, Northampton, Hayes and gantz hill not crystal palace fortunately well there's no burger king here so it would have to come in from quite a long way out i mean this is sort of exciting it's also sort of the beginning of the end of the national health service yes and the

end of civilization we were discussing weren't we that the sums of money involved in creating a service like that probably wouldn't make it worthwhile because you could theoretically order a cheeseburger for 169 or whatever but actually what's interesting is when you're on the site there's some clever reverse psychology at work they offer you rather like kfc sort of feasts combinations oh right i see and you are led down the path of spending 25 quid on burger king now you don't have to but there's almost a sense of guilt i think if you just order a burger like there's definitely a sense that you should be ordering milkshakes mozzarella sticks accrued amounts basically that you wouldn't order in the shop 25 quid though I mean I think if I ordered myself that much food

from Burger King I would cry myself to sleep do you remember back in the 80s when McDonald's was well established Burger King not so much in this country and their trademark was have it your way you'd go into a Burger King and you'd be able to ask anything and allegedly according to the advertisements never actually happened because we're in england where customer service doesn't exist people would say you got it you'd be like i'd like five pieces of cheese please and an onion you got it have it your way at bk you got it that's all gone really there's no customization on the delivery so if you're someone who goes in our way dicks so that is something to bear in mind you know people are very excited but if you're someone who likes to go in and specify a particular type of burger twist that ain't gonna happen delivery wise other exciting thing that happened since last we met ollie answer me this appeared as a clue in

the uh mail on sunday crossword yes that was very exciting, wasn't it? Long-running podcast presented by Helen Zaltzman and Olly Mann. Blank me this. Bracket six, close bracket. That's not the first time we've been a clue in a right-wing tabloid's crosswords. I'd like to appear in a Sudeikis one day. What, as the number nine? Here's a question from Rob in Loughborough.

He says, I moved to Loughborough about ten years ago and I thought it was ace when I found out that a few miles up the A60 there is a village called Gotham which is a freaking brilliant name. Gotham City in Nottinghamshire. City of Justice. I wonder if it has a crown court.

Probably not if it's just a village. Yeah, it's pretty small, isn't it? Yeah, it's probably just a market town. However, he says, I soon found out that it is pronounced Gotham by the locals. And I got disapproving looks when pronouncing it a la Bruce Wayne.

So Helen answered me this. What is wrong with these people? What's wrong with you? You'd think they would know how to pronounce where they live. Like if people came to Loughborough and started calling it Loughbrough or Loughbrough, then you would be like, no, you're wrong. Yeah. But if you knew that really there's not all that much, I'm going to go out on a limb and say there's not all that much exciting about Gotham.

Oh, excuse me, Ollie. How can you say that with a place that contains Cuckoo Bush Mound? What else is in Gotham? Soily Pubis Road. Well, I'll admit, Gotham had a quite outstandingly boring website but i think that was deliberate to really uh quell the excitement of people who went there like oh i was doing the same thing like where batman lives and they're like oh village hall curtain fell down that kind of level of interest yeah i wonder though but you know with all the um

publicity around arkham city and all those kind of arkham city all those games where you can sort of explore the world of batman um you'd think there'd be a tie-in there wouldn't you between the games company and the village like they've missed an opportunity there so i mean every time they launch a new one of those games they need a gimmick like bringing all the tech journalists to gutum would actually be quite fun yeah yeah well uh why not they can explore gotham like you do as batman explore gotham if anything it is all the bat fans that are calling gotham city uh by the wrong name ah gotham nottinghamshire that's in the doomsday book it's an ancient town and it came from the

words goat and home home of the goats is there a possibility that it was supposed to be pronounced gotham all along and it was just in the pap 60s tv series they started mispronouncing it and then it stuck. Maybe. Because you didn't hear it said out loud, did you? You just read it in the comic book. The comic book got it from Washington Irving, nicknaming New York that, in the Salma Gundy papers.

So maybe he didn't know that it was pronounced Gotham. Because why would you think it was pronounced Gotham? That's amazing. Wouldn't it be great if just in one of those films someone said to Batman, mate, you're getting it wrong. Yeah. You know, when he's being well-hard, he's like, come to my Goth films, someone said to Batman, mate, you're getting it wrong. Yeah. You know, when he's being well hard, he's like,

come to my Gotham city. You're like, yeah, I will, but it's Gotham. Can you say Gotham in the Batman growl? I'm from Gotham. It's not bad. Yeah, except I'm doing Bale Batman, and obviously they will have changed Batman by the time the next Batman comes along, won't they?

Well, Ben Affleck's the next Batman. Oh, fine, so it'll be like, I'm from Gotham. Yeah, that's how we speak, isn't it? Do it in a Boston accent, because that's the next Batman. Oh, fine. So it'll be like, I'm Gotham. Yeah, that's how we speak, isn't it? Doing a Boston accent because that would be the appropriate Batfleck accent. I'm the Waterman.

Have some craft beer with me. Where did that come from? Just channelling Affleck. The tiny little old southern lady that lives inside you, Ollie. Hello.

This is James from London. I've just put a stew in and I was thinking, why is Snoopy's little bird friend called Woodstock? Is it related to the music festival of the same name? Or is it just a coincidence? He is, of course, named after the small village

on the outside of Oxfordshire. Wouldn't that be cool? But is he named after the small village in upstate New York of the same name? He is actually named after the music festival. That was held not in, but near. Near that place in New York State. So I suppose sort of indirectly he's named after the village.

But no, really, he's named after the music festival. And that's because he is kind of a trippy character, isn't he? Is he? He's a hippie. And I was wondering why Snoopy is called Snoopy. Because he doesn't do much snooping around. He's a very incurious dog. Sort of sleeps a lot, doesn't he?

Yeah. But dogs typically get named before owners get to really know their characters. Good point. But do the same rules obtain to cartoon dogs where there is some element of foreknowledge? I have to preface anything that I say about Snoopy with reminding you, I hate Snoopy. You do, you do.

Why do you hate Snoopy? Because as a child... It's too existential, Martin. It's not enough fun. I was interested in, you know, fun stuff like Stockholm Syndrome and Beauty and the Beast or Victorian Poverty and Mickey's Christmas Carol. Or nihilism in

Garfield. I wasn't interested in existentialism and I just couldn't handle the philosophical bullshit and no punchlines of Snoopy. Well, so did you like Garfield? Because Garfield's similar. Yeah, I like Garfield, but that's a cat. I also don't like dogs. So you like existential cats, not existential dogs? Yeah, I think that's about right, yeah yeah garfield's a bit more flamboyant than snoopy as well well also garfield's motivations were easier to understand what greed yeah exactly so

the end of every strip even if it's been moderately sort of philosophical ends with lasagna whereas snoopy's just leave you hanging and you're like i don't know what this means and actually life is too short for me to be thinking about what a cartoon saying that life is too short can do for me. Don't you think it's sad that Garfield is always coming back to his base urges and not answering those philosophical questions that Snoopy's left wrestling with? Well, Garfield's sort of like a Falstaffian character in that way, I suppose. Yeah, he's to forget. As an adult, looking at the strips now, I find them both unfunny,

so I wonder if when I'm, like, 70, I'll still not like Garfield, but I will come round to Snoopy. Maybe it's possible what creature is woodstock canary woodstock looks like a fetal version of big bird yes he does a bit yeah but neither of them really look like bona fide birds numerous years of snoopy were spent trying to identify what kind of bird he is snoopy's list was uh crow american bittern caroline wren rufus sided tauhi this is why i hate snoopy all this just messing around oh god whimsy yellow billed cuckoo canada goose warbler and a morning warbler okay none of the above in 1980 after 10 years of guessing snoopy gave up trying to guess that's why i hate snoopy like come on give me a story give me a song existentialism give me fun

here's a question from b from the Netherlands who says, Some months ago, I was asked by my boyfriend to accompany him to the funeral of his ex. Oh, dear. Yeah. I was hesitant, but I wanted to show some support, so I went.

Good. During the funeral, they played something from ELO, Mr Blue Sky. Quite jolly for a funeral. It's a good send-off type tune in the way that some of the bombastic hymns are, I think.

It's stirring. Kate Bush and another artist I have never heard of. Okay. I really loved the third song and without thinking much about it, I took out my phone and opened Shazam. No! Shazam worked. You can't do that at a funeral.

At the funeral. That's like the people who tweet that they're, you know, sitting behind a celebrity at a funeral. You can't do that. Shazam worked and gave me the name of the song and of the artist. Yeah, because Shazam's an app and it doesn't know that you're in a funeral. But it shouldn't work when you're there because you shouldn't be using it. Well, then they should have some kind of signal scrambler on funeral home.

Oh, sure, yeah. And they should give everyone an iPod shuffle when they leave with the playlist on. Yeah. So my funeral's going to be in a Faraday cage. Ollie, answer me this. Was it inconsiderate of me to have shazammed a song during a point in the service where everybody's supposed to reminisce about the guy who died?

What do you think? What do you think? I mean, you could have just asked afterwards, couldn't you? That's the thing. There are a lot of people around you can ask. There may even be in some funerals an order of service with the songs written down. Often at those occasions,

it's very difficult for people to know what to say afterwards. You know, people often struggle for what to say as a matter of condolence, you know, how to comment on the service you've just seen. It's actually a good weapon to have in your arsenal, isn't it? Something up your sleeve, go up to people after and say, that was such a beautiful song. Do you know what it was? Why didn't you do that? Yeah, because also, would your boyfriend not know this song, which, in case you're wondering, was Happiness by Jonathan Jeremiah. I'm not familiar with it. I wasn't. I've listened to it now. It's OK.

Would you whip out your phone during a funeral to find out the identity of it? I'd like to think I could fight that instinct, but, you know, maybe I'd just multitask and get some Angry Birds done. I've got a question! Then email your question to answer me this podcast at googlemail.com

Answer me this podcast at googlemail.com Answer me this podcast at googlemail.com Answer me this podcast at googlemail.com So retrospectives, what historical events are we ticking off on this week's run of Today in History? On Monday we bring you the real story of the mutiny on the bounty. On Tuesday, the anniversary of the day somebody invented the meatball, but who? On Wednesday, the iconic British car that ripped off an iconic American car. On Thursday, how American airlines invented air miles.

And on Friday, the UFO sighting that gripped colonial America. We discuss this and more on Today in History with The Retrospectors. Ten minutes each weekday, wherever you get your podcasts. Here's a question from Alan who says, With Comic Relief just around the corner, I was reminded of various stunts that fundraisers have tried over the years. And I had some questions regarding the one that seemed to be prominent when I was younger, the bathing in baked beans. That did used to get talked about a lot, didn't it? Although I remember more the gunge tank being the thing.

Gunge didn't seem to be a huge issue to me. If you went dressed for the gunge tank, then you could easily get through the gunge tank. And you always knew that really they weren't going to suffocate Andy Crane live on TV. He'd be fine. But if you're having the bath in beans, you are going to be finding beans in your leathers for a long time.

Well, Helen adds me this, says Alan. How many tins of baked beans does it take to fill an average bath? And therefore, how much sponsorship would you need to break even against the cost of the beans? OK, well, the average bath, I would say, is around 180 litres. Sounds right. A tin of beans is about 450 millilitres and therefore you would need 400 tins of beans to fill that 180 litre bath.

If you're filling it, I mean you probably would want slightly less so that you could fit the human being in it without them slopping over the sides. Also I doubt you'd get a normal sized tin of beans wouldn't you go to Costco and get a big drum? I think the tenets of his question Martin is the standard bean measurement which is the normal tin. A four pack of Heinz baked beans, so in Britain, the classic baked bean.

The standard bearer. That is about two pounds. Why would you splash out on Heinz? Well, OK, so if you wanted the value beans, that's about half as much. Really? So let's say... A pound for four tins of baked beans? Hence the value, Martin.

Value? Value beans. I thought value beans were about six pence. I went on the Tesco website, and I think value beans were about six pence. I went on the Tesco website and I think value beans are about 24 pence a can. And therefore, if you were spending £1 for a four-pack of value beans at Tesco, you would need to spend £100 to fill the bath of 180 litres with the beans.

I mean, the point is, however you do the maths, that is a three-figure sum on beans. Yeah, but I think probably that's quite small compared to like if you're running a marathon you probably need to get new trainers that are over 100 quid so what we're learning is that you need i mean obviously you could get sponsored for 101 pounds and then the whole thing hasn't cost you anything and you give money to charity but then you've got to drive to the supermarket to pick up the beans or spend time online or well unless every time you go to the supermarket for a year beforehand you pick up some beans yeah take them with you but i think the point of this kind of stunt is

it's a public facing one yes it is it's not something you do it in your home by yourself you're expecting this one to really accumulate a lot more than you spend out on it yeah so what's what's the minimum you could write because people always get a round of applause don't they on red nose day itself standing up in the audience I sat in a bath and made beans and I raised and they could say anything and the studio audience will applaud

but actually the studio audience should boo if it's under £100 shouldn't they also it's a lot of wastage what are you going to do with 180 litres of beans

afterwards and also there are people starving in Africa that is the point of comic relief you are wasting a crop maybe that's why the bean baths

stopped being done because it was just oh look at me. Unlike you, I've got so much food. I'm just bathing in it and then throwing it away. 400 baked beans, tons of baked beans. That's a meal for over a month for a large family, isn't it? Yeah.

Yeah, a pretty gross meal. Really big meal. Yeah. Not once it's had someone's pubes in it. So they're chucking them away afterwards. I wonder whether they feed them to animals, whether baked beans are not good animal food. But do they warm them before you go in?

Because sitting in cold beans would be pretty bad. Well, I wonder if that's... Isn't that part of the challenge, that they're cold? Right, I don't know. It's not a challenge, though. Is it just getting in a bath? How long do you have to sit there for? Until you pass out?

My brother had to do a paddling pool full of custard for a charity event once. But it got in his hair, and that's what everyone wants to see with my brother's hair. That would be good, yeah. I remember seeing, you know, magazines have stupid, stupid sex tips in. Like Cosmo. And one of them was like, lovers, take a bath together and fill it with cooked spaghetti beforehand.

It will sensuously stroke your bodies. And I was like, you've been in baths with spaghetti. Like soon the starch will bond it together in this huge eel of spaghetti. And then your bath is covered in starch and bits of spaghetti. It's hard enough to get them out the bottom of a saucepan, let alone a bath. Where's the romance in that?

And where's the good taste in spaghetti that tastes of palm olive and semen? I thought for another day. Yeah, great. But I've got a supplement. I'm not going to eat your pasta sauce. But I've got a supplement. No, I'm saying we've been in the bath

with your romantic encounter. Better than your tuna pasta surprise thing. Supplemental question from Alan. Does he mean supplementary? He does, doesn't he? I don't know what Alan means. I can't see into his mind. I say supplemental in Star Trek. Does that work? Okay, fine. He says, Helen, answer me this.

How on earth do you empty a baked bean bath when you're finished without blocking all of the plumbing? That is a very good question, Alan. I think it would probably be easier to do it in something that wasn't plumbed in so maybe a paddling pool but you can just tip the beans out in the end because it's hard you're buying a paddling pool as well and throwing that away after it's full of beans an existing paddling pool yeah and then and then hose it off but then you're wasting water and again you've still got to put the beans somewhere i find it hard enough disposing of soup because you don't want to put that down the plug hole. It's too thick.

But you don't want to put it in the bin. It's too runny. I think with the beans, you could probably chuck them into a wheelie bin though. Maybe not in the 80s when they didn't have wheelie bins. You're just creating someone else's problem. The poor bin man getting splattered by 180 litres of beans. It's all a nightmare.

So I would say, Alan, what you've done is highlight the very real horror that is the bean bath. It's not a jaunty charity thing at all it's fraught why do we always it's just outsourcing difficulties for other people can i just say for the record we're not terribly hearted people like you know it seems whenever we talk about charity we say that's such a waste of time just give them the money and stop doing stupid attention grabbing things you know that's an easy thing to do like you know like we ever do

anything exactly respect to anyone making money for comic relief it's just uh you know that's an easy thing to do like you know like we ever do anything difficult respect to anyone making money for comic relief it's just uh you know sitting in a bath of baked beans slightly ridiculous yeah don't do it in a way that is causing environmental and hunger problems yeah and then eat the beans afterwards yeah yeah okay that's that should be the thing you have to eat your way out of the bath of beans that is a real challenge that's really putting yourself out for people. Ladies and gentlemen, we now proudly present the intermission brought to you by Answer Me This, episode 75, available to buy at answermethisstore.com.

I would be worried that whatever my last words are, whoever was transcribing them would punctuate them badly. Punctuation denotes tone. Well, maybe that should be your last words. Punctuation denotes tone. There's only three words in that sentence. There's no way they can fuck it up with punctuation. Well, but unless he's put punctuation denotes comma tone exclamation marks,

as if you're talking to someone called Tony. Listeners, please do give us a call on the following number. 0-2-0-8-1-2-3-5-8-double-7 Or Skype answer me this to ask us a question using your voice. And let's hear who's done that. Hey there, this is Nick calling from Oakland, California in the United States. Helen and Ollie, answer me this. What ever happened to Audrey Hepburn's deer?

If you search around, you'll find a bunch of photos of a pet deer that the actress Audrey Hepburn got. But all the photos are of the deer as a small doe. And I want to know, why have we never seen any photos of the adult deer? Did she get rid of it? Did she eat it? What happened? Well, presumably she would be dead by now. I mean, how long did deer live? That's a good question, which I haven't checked. I think it's reasonable to assume that they wouldn't outlive Audrey Hepburn. It's a lot easier to have your picture taken

with a fawn than with a full-grown deer, because the fawn is only about three foot high, but a full-grown deer is quite a beast, and the delicate Audrey Hepburn probably wouldn't find it as easy to pick up and cuddle. I think that's probably right, and it's also a less appealing image. I mean, Audrey Hepburn's really interesting, isn't she?

Because she's always, obviously, selling herself as a glamour puss, but it's always very buttoned up and subtle. I think she's more vulnerable than glamorous. Exactly. And with a large deer, you'd be worried it was going to claw out her eyes. Or headbutt her. Yeah. Whereas the little one, the comparative sizes seem to work for her general image, I think.

So the reason why she started having this deer is when she was filming the film Green Mansions, which came out in 1959, was directed by her then husband, Mel Ferrer. Her character has an animal sidekick, which is a fawn. And so they suggested that she take the fawn home with her. So the fawn learned to follow her around and they built up a rapport. And apparently she really fell for the fawn. And they were great pals. It was called Pippin and she nicknamed it Ip.

Good. As if Pip was too much of a mouthful. She obviously wasn't familiar with the dip dog shit rhyme from my youth. I thought she would have avoided that seriously. But people aren't sure what happened to the fawn after the filming so maybe it went off to become a full-grown deer in an appropriate place for deer to live. Oh, come on. People aren't aware what happened to the fawn after the filming uh so maybe it went off to become a full-grown deer in an appropriate place for deer to live come on people aren't aware what happened to the deer after filming because as ever in hollywood no one gives a shit do they it's like what happened to child stars well they all went mental because no one cares or they just grow up and get ugly but in in a fawn's case i mean you would send it off to an animal sanctuary

wouldn't you or something like that to be rehabilitated for wildlife well I suppose even then they'd be aware that there was the danger of negative press if anyone thought to investigate what had happened but I don't know there wasn't animal cruelty in the late 50s was there well I think they're probably a tabloid would have run that story but I still think um the whole concept of aftercare it seems to me a kind of post-1980s concept but there's some rumors that um after she filmed green mansions she uh broke vertebrae she fell off a horse and then she had a miscarriage and to cheer her up her husband bought her it oh really keep as a pet but people don't know people don't know where would you keep a fawn

a full grown well where would you keep a deer a full grown big garden i still thought los angeles it's probably not the optimal home for deer yeah old school beverly hills mansions don't have guns that are that big either like you have it's you know it's a sizable you know if it was one of our houses we'd be happy with it but you're not talking about the kind of land where you'd keep animals really i think audrey hepburn's fawn is remarkable the pictures are beautiful but not as remarkable as the lion that Melanie Griffith grew up with. Her mother, Tippi Hedren,

kept a huge fucking lion in their house. And there are pictures of Melanie Griffith asleep with the lion, hanging around by the pool with the lion. This big lion. A lion. I think it's also worth remarking upon that particular creature

that it was called Neil. I think that's one of the best things about any Hollywood animal. That's almost a palindrome of lions, isn't it? I suppose it's a good way to kid yourself that a lion is an appropriate house pet. And she has now admitted that that was a really bad idea and that I could have killed them. Yeah, because it obviously was.

And in fact, Tippi Hendren is now involved, isn't she, with the protection of big cats. She runs a sanctuary and so on. Yeah, from her own bathroom but it's because i think that experience opened her eyes to the fact that what they were doing was wrong but it seemed to take her decades to realize that it was wrong and for all of them to get some horrific lion related injuries and did they yeah melanie griffith got clawed across the face by one of the lions so what happened to neil lion neil one i don't know well she opened up this lion sanctuary so i think probably all of her...

Neil went in there. Yeah, she became crazy cat lady, but for big cats. But the origins of the reason that that lion was living in the Hedren slash Griffith household was the same. It was for a film. The original concept was, hey, this is a fun idea for a movie. People who live with a load of big cats in their house

in a domestic situation kind of like turner and hooch but with an edge um and that's why the director similar story to uh audrey hepburn is interesting the director says well fine but you need to have a rapport and you need to know as actress slash producer what it is like to live with a lion so when they did that photo shoot that you're thinking of for life magazine, they had been spending a year or so living with this thing in their house. And it's so insane that you would risk your life on a daily basis so that you could research something for a film. I just don't understand. I'm so fascinated by the story and I now want to see that film.

It's called Raw. They made it in about 1981. I want to know what that is like. And Jan de Bont had his scalp ripped off by a lion when directing it. Amazing. Director of photography. Sorry. When he was DPing it his scalp ripped off by a lion when directing it. Amazing. Director of photography. Sorry. When he was DPing it.

Sorry to get all IMDB on your ass. Yeah, the director got chewed and swallowed. So, this might sound like a slightly stupid question, but how dangerous

is it to live with a lion? Dangerous. She admits, dangerous. Right. Fucking dangerous. It's not like you form a rapport with them

and it's okay. No, you do. You absolutely do. But that's, in a sense, the danger, isn't it? I mean, that is what happened to Siegfried and Roy, really, wasn't it? I was a tiger. But the thing is, you can have a relationship with a cat.

And this goes to the same, I dare say, with myself and Coco. You can have a relationship with a cat. You can think that it loves you. And indeed, at the moments that it's purring and being happy, it probably does feel moments of love. But essentially, in that brain, there is a psychopathic killer. And all it takes is...

I wouldn't say psychopathic. It's just got different priorities to human beings. No, I would say there are moments where it doesn't feel empathy with what it kills. That's how it lives and works. You can't tell. It might be crying whilst it rips that giraffe's stomach out. I think we can be fairly sure.

And a lion can just decide one moment, for whatever reason, you're threatening it and its family. It's like, ah, fuck this. Exactly. And it doesn't think back, oh, but we've had such good times. You know, it will just kill you.

Yeah, like the SeaWorld whales. Exactly. Yeah, yeah. Anyone would think that these wild creatures are not really meant to be in captivity. Although, in fairness to Tippi Hedren and their lion, Neil, he did look happy in the pictures. I know it's a photo, but...

Well, you can't tell with a lion because they always look a bit smiley. Like you. Yeah. That's true. You've just got an upturned mouth even when you're sad. He knows what kind of pain was going on.

But yeah, but generally speaking, I think the lion probably had a bit of a riot living in a Hollywood house, swimming pool, reign of the house. Don Johnson probably came to visit towards the end of Neil's tenure. Yeah, I wonder if they ever had a threesome. Oh. It's no more

inappropriate than generally what was happening in that relationship anyway. She was 14. So anyway, point being, fascinating story that will obviously never ever happen again except maybe in Bollywood. It probably would happen because you've got idiots like Justin Bieber. Although he jettisoned his monkey, didn't he? Yeah, that was a big story, wasn't it?

What did he do? He adopted one and then decided to leave it somewhere. He left it in Germany it in germany hilarious what kind of monkey was it a lonely one martin only elvis had a kangaroo pet that is a dangerous pet because those can punch your lights out you've got to be careful though because the tippy hedron thing that was real like we've said audrey hepburn was real elvis pet kangaroo i think was probably just a photo shoot what about Nicolas Cage's pet octopus? They found that when they were trying to work out how much he was worth Because they were going to have to bankrupt him And they were like what's the resale value on a pet octopus?

That's tricky isn't it because of course what you're not looking at Is what the resale value would be on a pet octopus That didn't belong to an Oscar winning actor But at what point does Nicolas Cage's octopus Become worth more than anyone else's? Or less. Indeed, yeah. I think the most exotic modern example is probably Mike Tyson's tiger.

But Mike Tyson is also a keen pigeon keeper, and I think that is more extraordinary than Mike Tyson having a tiger. I agree, because you'd expect him to have a tiger. He was probably given a tiger, whereas he probably sought out pigeons. He's devoted to the pigeons. It's a bit less of a penis extension, isn't it, to have a load of pigeons? Yeah, well, I don't know what his penis looks like. There are hundreds of it and it's covered in feathers.

The tiger that's in The Hangover is Mike Tyson's tiger. And he had it before The Hangover? I don't know. Was he like, well, I'll be in The Hangover, but it's my day to look after the tiger, so he has to come? Yeah, maybe. I don't know, but I think that's a brilliant thing.

Because often people are like, well, you can use my property if my wife plays the part of the mistress you know but to actually be like uh yeah you can uh you can film with mike tyson but you must have a cameo for the tiger where do people buy these animals these animals i think are endangered how do you obtain them as pets that's kind of thing harrods used to sell isn't it do they still harrods don't because there must be laws now harrods don't even sell kittens anymore they don't have live pets yeah they've closed their pet department that's because they were always getting skinned by the fur coat department the short answer is places like china and vietnam you just get you go direct

to the country where they don't have a rule on it and you sort of make yourself feel better about the fact that it might have a happier life arguably in california but uh it is a bit suspect isn't it i suppose in the olden days you probably could have got an animal that they were retiring from a circus but now circus animals are rarer you'd have to get a retired Cirque du Soleil gymnast now that's a real curveball you've just thrown there Helen because are you doing good for animals and their welfare by taking an animal almost a rescue animal from a circus or are you doing bad because you're still keeping it in captivity or in a domestic setting where it's not supposed to be yes i suppose the domestic setting is a problem whereas if you made it possible for that animal to be kept in an appropriate kind of

animal refuge yeah then you're doing a good thing but let's be honest celebrities if they do that tend not to boast about it they tend to boast about the fact they have a pet exotic thing i don't know if celebrities do something good most of them want to boast about it. They tend to boast about the fact they have a pet exotic thing. I don't know. If celebrities do something good, most of them want to boast about it so you think they're not terrible narcissists. The only one I can think of with regard to animal sanctuaries is Anne Widdicombe and her donkeys.

You know, like, Anne Widdicombe gives a portion of all of her appearance fees to fund donkeys in Israel. Why does she like Israeli donkeys so much more than people? It's extraordinary, isn't it? I don't know.

And I'm sure they are treated badly by tribes in the desert or whatever But of all the Humanitarian causes Well not even humanitarian Is it What would you even call it Donkitarian

Donkitarian causes Weird Maybe Anne thinks That you have to support The animals that Bored Mary Towards Bethlehem Before giving birth to Jesus

Actually that probably Is it Isn't it Now you mention it Of course She's quite a religious Christian She probably does that

And in a way, at least, she's helping the donkeys with her beliefs. She might like the song Little Donkey. Yeah. Maybe she likes the Tinder Sticks album Donkeys. They gave a lot of money to donkey sanctuaries, didn't they? Yeah. What networks are you on? Vibo, Friendster, Parkview, Porn MySpace, Ping and Google Buzz

If you want to be our pal, go to this URL Facebook.com slash AnswerMeThis Or Twitter.com slash HelenAndOllie But please don't follow us in real life well here is a question about the internet from adam who says helen answer me this why did twitter come up with the 140 character limit it's a good idea so you don't ramble on but why 140 and not say 100 well i suppose the upper bound was the length of a text message which at the time twitter was uh contemplating its wares was 160 characters

remember that guys when text messages had to be short and they were called twitter and it was meant to be a text-based service and so it was 140 characters and then the rest of them were available for your handle yes because also it was kind kind of pre-smartphone as well. So actually the idea was not just that you'd look online and be able to send messages from your phone to online, but that actually you'd be able to read other people's messages using your phone. So that would have to be a text back at you, wouldn't it? Because until I got my first smartphone in late 2011,

because I'm a late adopter of things, I was texting Twitter to tweet on the go. Yeah, I remember I used to do that. It's such a hilarious idea. I didn't know if anyone had responded until I got home. Yeah, you did. That's funny, isn't it, that that happened within a recent lifetime. It was an innocent time and I got a lot more reading of books done.

But nowadays, of course, there would technologically very much be the option to allow us to write more than 140 characters. Sure, but they've got their shtick. They've got their whole, and it's more than their shtick, it's their whole raison d'etre, isn't it? Keep it brief. I think Twitter are quite unusual in social networks for not trying to do anything particularly different to what they did when they started. Facebook throwing a lot of mud at the wall and everyone's like, oh, Facebook's a bit insecure. Twitter staying with what works. I i think that's right but you have to acknowledge that because twitter are the main social network for real-time news it's become a bit more important

that sometimes you want the conversation to be a little bit more sophisticated than just 140 characters i don't know you can get a lot of very finely honed sophistication in there you can and i welcome the opportunity sometimes to sub down because sometimes i'll write exactly what i've put on facebook and put it on twitter but it doesn't fit so i have to sub words out and then i look at the tweet and i think actually that's better than what i put on facebook because i've thought about it always be editing people which is good but like i say i think you do have to acknowledge sometimes there isn't much room for nuance i know you can put a link to a longer article but a lot of people won't read that and they'll just see the first tweet in a series of tweets or something like that do you know what I mean

it's sometimes you just want more but I guess where do you draw the line it's the space between a tweet and a blog post isn't it Adam has another question

he says Ollie answer me this why do they call internet cookies cookies not just they we everyone

me I call it you call it that you just did Cookie Monster calls it that caught you in the act yeah so why would they uh call something which is uh for good and for evil after something that well i suppose it is good and evil in that it's delicious but also very bad for you health-wise

two reasons uh the first most easily relatable one and the reason why it caught on i think is it is essentially a reference to when you eat a cookie and it leaves crumbs behind so you see a trail you know someone's left got some crumbs on their jumper or on the sideboard or whatever because they've eaten a cookie problem with that analogy of course is that then really they should be called crumbs and the website should be called cookies and or they should be called soup stains because I think that's a lot more noticeable and harder to get out yeah that's very much I mean you have to put the whole thing through the wash which is like when you clear your cookies but that's a western europe reference I mean, you have to put the whole thing through the wash, which is like when you clear your cookies. But that's a Western Europe reference.

I mean, there are hot countries in the world where they just don't do soup. Everyone knows what a cookie is. I think soup is more universal than you give it credit for, Ollie. There are hot countries where they do not bake cookies because baking is an inconvenience. I agree that soup is more prevalent than cookies,

but I think cookies are more relatable because of the pervasiveness of American culture. I disagree. I think it's American cultural centralism. In any case, they're both more relevant than spam. And yet everyone says spam. The second reason that they say cookie is that it was an extant term from computer programming anyway.

Right. Because in the 1970s, I think, at Xerox, some computer programmers first invented something that is vaguely related to what a modern cookie is. Obviously, it wasn't around the internet because they didn't have the internet at Xerox, some computer programmers first invented something that is vaguely related to what a modern cookie is. Obviously it wasn't around the internet because they didn't have the internet at Xerox then, but they invented a file on a computer that kind of follows you around the computer as you use it. Like a user preference file. Yeah, and they called that a cookie because they were a bit wacky and they were nerds. Because of the valley, man. And apparently at the time the Andy Williams show, which was a big show,

had a character which followed Andy Williams around asking him for a cookie. So it was a joke about that. Kind of like someone would do a joke about Red Dwarf or the IT crowd now. Yeah, but then 40 years later, you'd look back at that joke and think, that reason was flimsy. But anyway, so those are the two reasons. So when people were thinking for the crumb analogy, they reached for cookie because it already existed in computing circles as a term.

And when in the internet did they decide to nab Xerox's term? I think right from the early days. I think it was Netscape specifically that started talking about cookies because Netscape basically designed what we now think of as a browser, didn't they? They were there before AOL and Internet Explorer and all of the early ones. Netscape was there, and I think they created

a lot of the infrastructure and the language that we use. But, yeah, I don't remember a time ever learning anything about the internet without people talking about cookies and spam, so it was right there from the late 90s, wasn't it? It was always very food-focused. Yeah, well, again, nerds. They were just looking at what was stuck in between their keyboard keys. Cookie crumbs.

Lots of spam. I've got too much money! I've got too much money! I've got too much money! Buy an Antimedist satchel or an Antimedist apron. I've still got too much money! I've still got too much money! Buy an Antimedist mug

or an Antimedist yellow T-shirt. I do not like yellow! I don't look good in yellow! There are also available in red and white and black. Where can I get these things from? Where can I get these things from? Where can I get these things from? From cafepress.com slash askmedis.

I've got too much money! Oh no, I haven't anymore because although the items were very reasonably priced, the import duty was cripplingly expensive. But no matter, it was still worth it because I'm a fly mofo! Here's a question from an anonymous person who says, I am currently lodging with a lovely family while working for an opera company. Amazing first sentence. Well, you're going to like the second.

I am a fight director. Incredible. And my job entails a lot of playing with weaponry of all sorts. As a way of ingratiating myself with the two little boys of the family, I let them into my kit bag to play with blunt stage swords, bows and arrows, rubber knives, etc. Sounds fun. I supervised them the whole time,

and when they wanted to fight each other rather than just pretend to be Jedi, because it doesn't matter what age you are when you're given a sword, what else are you going to do? I gave them safe rubber swords to play with so they could wail on each other to their heart's content. Yeah.

I can imagine that mum or dad looking on to that might be, like, wildly impressed to begin with and then think, hold on, what are you filling our son's heads with? The thing is you can do a lot of damage with blunted weapons and rubber if you're ingenious. And children will find a way, won't they? Oh, they will because they're savages

and they don't understand the concept of causing other people pain yet. That's right. Or actually, I mean, I remember thinking when I was a kid, things like when you were in a swimming pool, oh, it'd be fun to hold that person down for seven seconds and see what happens. Until they stopped thrashing. Yeah. You don't think, oh, well, then their mummy and daddy would be really upset because I'd have killed them.

Yeah. That just doesn't occur to you. You didn't. Yeah. But you were a very strange sociopathic child. Yeah, maybe. The family is fairly quiet and a little uptight. Brilliant.

The boys are six and four and called Sebastian and Horace, which tells you all you really need to know about their white-carpeted middle-class existence. Brilliant. Give them the short ones. So when they were let loose to play, fight, shoot some arrows and generally just do what little boys do, they loved it. That's interesting, isn't it? The suggestion being that an uptight existence is anathema to a young boy. But actually, as a child, I wanted a more uptight existence. Yeah, children, they relish structure, right? Yes, I didn't want my mum's open-minded modernity.

Oh, Jesus. The dad also thought it was fun, but the mother now seems to think I'm a corrupting influence and has been very firm that the boys are not allowed to play with the spare kit anymore. It's always the mum that is the killjoy, isn't it? Never the killjoy dad. Well, it's often the mum that has to take on the role of being

the killjoy because the dad's not prepared to. And that is why women are better than men. And the mum is often the one tending to the injuries and the broken vases and stuff in the house. Anonymous continues, I respected her request and have kept everything locked away but both boys have been badgering me for weeks now to let them play around again.

It's hard to say no to their sincere and excited requests and I think the mother is being a little overbearing so ollie answer me this what should i do let them play and piss off the mum or withhold fun and piss off the kids well obviously piss off the kids because they don't own the house you're staying in um i think if you really think it's that much of an issue you have a structured sit down with mum and you say it was they got so excited about it and they keep asking me for it and i totally understand why you don't want this in the house and i totally understand that you're worried about their safety and you don't encourage them to get into fighting but you know they showed such a natural disposition to it i'm a fight

choreographer and i understand like how i can teach them some real skills they could use that will help them with their kind of... Their nativity play. Well, you know, I don't know, their balance or some shit. Make it up, I don't know. And why don't we do this in a safe environment one weekend? One weekend, can I take them to the forest and I'll make sure that they're safe and we'll supervise it? Let me take your two infants to the forest with my weapons.

Yeah, that's going to go down a real tree, Ollie. Good one. Maybe, though, you need to get the mum with my weapons yeah that's gonna go down a real tree ollie good one maybe though you need to get the mum interested in weapons like in a film where an uptight woman is taken to a firing range and suddenly loosens up a lot okay so you're basically imagining annette benning in american beauty yes and um then maybe she will be more into the children having the weapons or maybe take it outside is the problem that they're doing it in a confined space and she's worried about her household goods i mean actually boys screaming at each other because inevitably the weapons comes with screaming yeah that's trying i think though

just knock it on the head because i've seen this with my niece she's once you start them on something it escalates and if you start them on something that is them doing play violence it becomes violence so i think if they're locked away just tell them that the stuff isn't here anymore it's at work yeah these are the weapons being locked away not the children yeah well you could lock the children away and the children locked away problem solved really yeah i mean survival of the fittest but i think then they'll never want to play with weapons again i just think if you're staying in this woman's house though it's kind of her you've got to please more than the children the children forget soon i know you say they've been whining at you no little boys will not forget

that there is a closed bag full of play weapons concealed somewhere in the house they once were able to play with. Pretend it's not in the house. Pretend it's at the opera. And then take them to the opera and then they won't be interested anymore because what four-year-old can sit through an opera? That's true. But maybe you just need to make them interested in another thing that is less vicious.

They've got you pegged as a fun person. Yes. But can you divert the fun to something which might not be your professional interest yes can ping pong fill the void no nothing with missiles god's sake well but that's how they see him they see him as the guy who brings the physical loom bands or some shit like that what about like something like um tightrope walking something that's sort of like sense of danger yeah but not exciting but not not kind of combative and oppositional. That's quite good, yeah.

Something tells me the mother's not going to be into the tightrope walking. Yeah, but you can be tightrope walking, you know, a foot above the ground. Yeah, but how are you going to suspend the rope without ruining the plaster? Hold on, this is going to be too much like being at work for this guy, though, isn't it? Yeah. He spends all day choreographing fights. You can lash a rope to a couple of trees. There's one thing giving some people some weapons and saying,

go for it, do your worst. There's another thing actually teaching them to tightrope walk. I mean, you'd have to learn how to teach it to begin with. It seems like he's got the sort of will to show these kids... Teach them an appreciation for opera. No parent can complain about that. I think I would. That's a tall order.

Yeah, but you haven't got children called Sebastian and Horace. If you did and you had white carpet, maybe you would be thrilled. The idea that the opera director who's living with you is teaching your children about opera appreciation. They'd grow up like Fraser and Niles. Exactly. You can use the sword, but only if you can sing the aria.

Yeah, yeah. Teach them the exact same thing that you're teaching at work. Well, listeners, what would you do? Because I'm sure all of you have been in this situation. That's very commonplace, isn't it? Get in touch with your suggestions or just send us a question. Our contact details are on our website answer me this podcast.com where you can also find details of where to buy our first 170 episodes and our albums and our

albums and our apps and you can donate to the show oh lovely and we're all individually on twitter as well the three of us under our names marty you just at martin orswick yeah i'm not martin the same way i'm at Martin Orswick. He has a life, you know. Thank you for listening and for sending us questions. Keep doing that. Such good eggs. Otherwise we die. In this form. Not in real life

on our real Twitter profile. But if you die in the Matrix you die in real life. Yeah, exactly. It's no play battle anymore. Well, if you send us questions we'll be back in two weeks with episode 310. See you then. Bye!