Answer Me This! - AMT323: Snail-Purging, Gondolas, and Macho Peas

Episode Date: September 17, 2015

What is the greatest sorrow of being let go from a job? The loss of income? The blow to the self-esteem? The fear for the future? Or not even having tried the macho peas?????Listeners struggle with this and numerous other problems in AMT323. Find out more about the episode at http://answermethispodcast.com/episode323.Send questions to [e-mail], or the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877 or Skype answermethis)Tweet us http://twitter.com/helenandollyBe our Facebook friend at http://facebook.com/answermethisSubscribe on iTunes http://iTunes.com/AnswerMeThisBuy old episodes and albums at http://answermethisstore.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Was it Tom Hardy's twin who wrote all the books? Has to be this, has to be this Was no one else prepared to hire Rebecca Brooks? Has to be this, has to be this Helen and Ollie, has to be this Life is all for the hacking, or so the internet would have you believe and Toby from Huddersfield has some life hacks of his own. He says, I'd like to save money when throwing dinner parties so helen answer me this is it okay to serve cheap box wine

in the bottle of an expensive wine toby you legend and what about serving instant coffee in a cafeteria next level so it looks like fresh coffee but smells and tastes completely different and i know that and i don't even drink coffee i think box wine does have an image problem uh you're you're absolutely barking mad about instant coffee in the cafeteria i mean i've made my feelings known before about uh instant coffee and they remain unchanged it is the devil's work it is a different drink and you can't fool anyone with that but wine i've been tested for years and years saying actually in a blind test even experts have trouble really discerning you know it's 50 50 as it would be in a totally random sample well and also the use case scenario is different the box of wine is

there so that you ration it out over time yes so if you're going to drink from a box over the course of a month say it's only you having the cheeky glass now and then rather than your partner or whatever perfectly decent way to do it very sensible but it's just it's redolent isn't it of student parties where it's all about quantity rather than quality a cunning way to do it toby would be to serve quite nice wine at the beginning and then the second bottle you open is the crap i do that at my parties and i'll tell you the other thing i do is, you know, when people come with a bottle, I say, oh, thanks very much. I'll just put it in the fridge for cooling.

Actually go and put it in the garage, save it for myself. Cheeky. Because they're not going to know. They've thought, well, let's not buy a Blossom Hill. You know, he's providing the food. Let's spend eight quid. Yeah. And then I keep that one.

I give them the Blossom Hill. I think you could play this as a strength, Toby, because to be honest, it's more fun going to a dinner party where the company is good and you're in a good mood than a dinner party where you're desperately trying to make things something other than what they are and people can sense that you're uncomfortable

with what you're able to provide. Yeah, well, that's the humour, isn't it, of much British sitcoms? That's every episode of Faulty Tales, pretty much. Exactly, yeah. And exactly, Basil and Sybil would have been better off making some spaghetti bolognese. Absolutely.

I think people would have more fun. Dinner parties. It's not quite as tinkling glass and best China as it was. No, I think people prefer an informal gathering, don't they? But in this Instagram world, it's an informal gathering that nonetheless can be snapped so you look like you're having a better life than you are. Just make your Finder's crispy pancakes look beautiful on Instagram.

I took a chocolate orange to a friend's and the reaction from the host was extraordinary. Just excited to see one again. Thrilled. Yeah. Absolutely thrilled. And that's what, a quid? Yes, that's it, isn't it?

It's just thinking outside of the box. Of wine. So just don't worry too much, Toby. And you can always get people to bring wine or a course and just serve their wine. But if you can't afford good coffee, I mean, serve soil, if you must, rather than that stuff gravy brownie seriously ness cafe is not the same here's another question of food from colby in chicago who says this summer marked the opening

of the first branch of nando's peri peri chicken in chicago isn't it sweet how they call it nando's peri peri chicken because they have to specify what it is having not built up a brand over decades well by sweet you really mean practical making it the second city after washington dc where you can get nando's well they have 20 outlets around washington dc and baltimore is baltimore a city i think yeah it's a separate city so yeah so it's probably the third city but you're right to say uh area not near washington dc yes okay, fair enough. It's the second area not near Washington to get Nando's. Right. Colby says, I worked there for one week. Oh, congratulations, Colby.

I was effectively brought on to handle the excited Chicagoans' hot and heavy first dalliance with the chicken, then kicked out on my ass on the second week when business had slowed. I hadn't even sampled the macho peas. They're good. They're good. Yeah, I like macho peas. That's just peas with a bit of spice sprinkled on them.

Well, it's all just basic ingredients with spice sprinkled on it. That's just peas with a bit of spice sprinkled on them. Well, it's all just basic ingredients with spice sprinkled on it. That's literally the business model. Colby continues, on an online job posting board, I noticed that Nando's is hiring again, I believe for their second location in Chicago. I applied. Why? After such an amazing experience

the first time round. To try the macho peas! Ollie, answer me this. If I get the interview, should I pretend to be a Nando's novice? That's interesting, actually, because I think had your experience been longer than a week, let's say you'd worked at Nando's Branch 1

for a month even, then I think that's relevant experience you'd want to tell the employer about. They may even have a policy whereby, you know, because no employer likes to make people redundant, they may even have a policy whereby they'd favour, because no employer likes to make people redundant. They may even have a policy whereby they'd favour you if they'd previously dismissed you for reasons that weren't your fault. However, a week's experience, it could be that they chose you because actually you weren't working out.

And maybe you should just use it to your competitive advantage. I mean, whatever you had in your CV got you the job last time. So use the same CV again, but then just be better at the job because in the training you'll already know all the answers it's not colby's fault that business had slowed or is it well i can't say i can't say i don't know what colby was doing if he was eating all the sides and not giving them to customers just so that he could sample them even tried the macho peas then that probably wasn't working out could you not spin the first job experience as being brought in short term to help supervise the opening of that nando's well the problem is obviously chances are it's the same regional manager of both stores

it's better to keep your head down i would say right then raise the issue that they previously employed and dismissed you but then if you apply and they interview you and they're like you look familiar for when i last employed you but you didn't mention that on your resume yeah what then that's okay okay because then you say oh i didn't think to mention it because it was only a week's experience but as you can see by the fact i'm a return applicant i love the experience of working for this company so very much i'm very closely aligned with your brand values i just really want to try the macho peas i'm very keen on becoming a nandoka because that's what the employees call each other. Do they, though? Is that like a numerical quiz?

Of course they probably don't, actually. But apparently, Nandoca is the term for a plural of Nando's employees. Nandoca. Well, what's a singular Nando's employee? I don't know. A Nandoer. Fact about Nando's. Yes, please.

They are, as an organisation, the largest collector of South African contemporary art in the world. Good Lord. Why didn't Zach Zaltzman get on that gravy train? Or should I say peri-peri train? Because he doesn't just make sculptures of multicoloured chickens. He needs to stop his game. Well, Elliot in North Warwickshire has another question of cuisine.

Sort of. He says, I was at a restaurant the other day and my glass of Dietpsi worst of all possible colas in my view seriously i'd rank them pepsi max number one so i'm not anti-pepsi right then then coke then boxed wine then diet coke then coke zero then diet i've nodded off at this point anyway diet pepsi poor choice my glass of diet pepsi arrived at the table with a straight straw god i hope you took a picture of this phenomenon uh which made it a little awkward to drink how you've suffered what a nightmare it made me aware says elliot about the beauty in the world i saw this bag dancing it made me aware just how ubiquitous bendy straws are.

Yeah. And it also took me back to a time in my childhood before I'd encountered them. It's like an episode of The Wonder Years, isn't it? So, Helen, answer me this. What is the story of the invention of the bendy straw? Well, Elliot, sit down on a cushion on the floor and I'll begin. Once upon a time in the 1930s, in a soda shop in San Francisco,

the owner of the soda shop's brother, who was called Joseph B. Friedman, was watching his little daughter Judith struggling to drink a milkshake with a straight straw. And he thought, there's got to be a better way please god please strike me with inspiration and he was an inventor of usually writing implements things like pens

and so he went home and experimented with the straws which were made of paper then by putting a screw into the straw and then wrapping dental floss around it so that it made grooves along the screws lines. Nice.

And that became the bendiness. I mean, it's all sounding obvious now, but no one had done it before. Exactly. They hadn't. And so he got the patent in 1937. Oh, he must have been so excited. He must have known when he went to the patent office. This one.

This one's a goer. You know, I thought that the red pen that looks black was going to be my win i thought the bendy pen was really on something but this this is the win in 1939 he founded the flex straw company not the best time to uh start any kind of entrepreneurial venture that wasn't bombs so he first sold them to hospitals because a lot of patients couldn't sit upright to drink their drinks a bit of a downer though isn't it yeah but it's great something for kids to enjoy milkshakes with you're changing lives i think oh i've got to wait for the 50s for this to take off now changing lives so that's the story so there you go the bendy straw nice hope you enjoyed it i did

i actually did enjoy it i can't speak for everyone listening i tried my best i'm not a natural storyteller no no i thought it was enjoyable four stars i felt a bit patronizing do you want a bonus straw fact uh absolutely you know those uh crazy straws which are the ones that are really really wiggly i had three those were originally a mistake by a glass blower wow that is a good fact tube went wrong yeah and then so right you see now unlike bendy straw man man who's accidentally invented the crazy straw, I bet it took him years to even have the balls to go to the patent office. It's almost embarrassing, isn't it?

It's difficult to mass produce those. You know, this feels like a frippery. You know, I'm a glassblower. I've got serious work to do, but I just can't... You know, I've got this on my conscience. I've been looking at it for 10 years. I can't escape the fact that one day this is going to make... I just have to patent this.

And the patent club must have been like, what's this, mate? Look like you dropped it. Yeah. Last bloke that came in here invented a straw that helped war invalids. What have you done? They said it couldn't be done,

but I've invented a straw that is crazy. I've got a question. Email your question. To answer me, this podcast at googlemail.com to answer me this podcast at googlemail.com to answer me this podcast at googlemail.com to answer me this podcast at googlemail.com So retrospectives, what historical events are we ticking off on this week's run of Today in History? On Monday, we bring you the real story of the mutiny on the bounty. On Tuesday, the anniversary of the day somebody invented the meatball, but who? On Wednesday, the iconic British car that ripped off an iconic American car.

On Thursday, how American airlines invented air miles. And on Friday, the UFO sighting that gripped colonial America. We discuss this and more on Today in History with The Retrospectors. Ten minutes each weekday, wherever you get your podcasts. Here's a question from a man who is choosing to remain anonymous, who says, I recently came out to my friends as gay. All of my friends were very supportive and happy for me to have finally come out. Truth be told though, it was one of the worst

kept secrets in human history. I'd never hidden my love for Eurovision or musicals. That's no proof because Olly Mann here is not gay. Can I just say for the record that I like tits and Eurovision. Eurovision is a great place for spotting tits but i guess that stereotypes are there to be smashed not by this guy um i never made any overt attempts he says here to appear purely heterosexual don't even know what that means really you know how some people who are not out as being gay uh overcompensate overcompensation i can understand if you're taking the word though overtly heterosexual that would actually mean like constantly flirting with women yeah yeah but some people do do that or some people are very very If you're taking the word though Avertly heterosexual That would actually mean like constantly Flirting with women

Yeah but some people do do that Or some people are very very negative About homosexuality Yeah that's a good point But I'm glad that that's not you Anonymous Man Well done Yeah So for the most part he says

No one was really surprised Good It's good that you've said it Well done However The reaction Yes yeah there's always a however on this show Alan There's got to be

We're not just about celebrating 21st century masculinity. Where's the fun in that? However, the reaction of one of my old school friends has proved problematic. Interesting. It's not in the way you'd expect. OK. He is, if anything, a little too excited

and keen to show his support. Overcompensating. Yeah, yeah, yeah, possibly. As a matter of practicality, I told him via text message and for a few days after I told him, I received a series of all caps Facebook messages exclaiming his excitement at my news,

telling me it was, quote, best news ever and that it was, quote, like Christmas Day. Maybe Santa came out to him on Christmas Day. My friend also said it was the 50th time he'd read my messages. Weird.

It is a bit full on. Okay. Evidently someone doesn't take in information on the first few passes. He even said he wants to throw a coming out party for me. That's quite sweet. That is sweet, but it sounds like... Not in the context of everything else. It sounds like you were being quite unceremonious about the coming out

and therefore you could have thrown in your own party if that's what you wanted. It's I'm coming up, so you better get the party started, isn't it, in the lyrics? Yeah, but... You misheard. But then what about I'm coming out? I want the world to know.

Yeah, it's true. But he's let the world know by text message, so... Nonetheless. There are musical clues that maybe he's following. It's very sweet, continues this email, that he is excited for me. It's very sweet he's being supportive. But he's really making a mountain out of a molehill. It's even got to the point where I'm disinclined from going out to dinner with friends in a few weeks

because this particular friend has a penchant for standing up in crowded restaurants and very loudly reading extensive pre-prepared speeches. And this one could get tearful. I didn't know real people actually did that. No, I thought that was a sitcom trope. I thought it was rom-coms father-in-laws. This is Michael Scott in the office. He's one of my oldest friends and his support is touching,

but his excitement is getting out of hand. Do you think this friend just has a really boring life and is just like, anything! Oh, brilliant! I'd like to think that he is simply, he knows that his job is to be supportive and he's just got... Gone overboard. Gone overboard.

Nonetheless, the problem is legitimate. Helen, answer me these. One, how do I stop him making such a big fuss about this? And two, does wanting him to stop make me a terrible friend no i think you you seem to be quite kind towards what this person's intentions are which to be supportive but you admittedly don't need this much attention directed at your personal life okay fine so that's the answer to number two number one is a little bit more problematic how do you stop him uh what about asking him to go out for a quiet drink or dinner with you where you can say

it's really meant a lot to me how supportive my friends have been about me coming out but i don't think anyone was surprised and it doesn't feel that different to my life before i just wanted to let people know because i didn't want it to seem like there was a secret even though there wasn't yeah i just imagined myself in the position of friend when you told me that face to face yeah i still felt a bit slighted. I felt a bit wounded. Really? Why?

Yeah. Because I'm imagining myself as friend who's like, oh God, I love my friend so much. And I've sent him all these messages. I've told him how supportive I am. And then he's just told me to my face. Yeah. Can you just back off a bit? I read between the lines.

Prefaced it with. Yeah, but this guy. I knew you were being nice. I knew you were trying to let me down gently. I feel like this guy is not necessarily going to be the most perceptive to signals between the lines. This guy is throwing a party between the lines which is unusual behavior equally i understand that he's making a mountain out of a molehill and i understand that you don't want to look like the kind of person who would choose elect to have a coming out party however

if it's clear that your friend is throwing it for you and it doesn't get out of hand it's just for your mutual friends and they all know because they all got the same message as well and they know what your friends like you could actually just deal with it it would probably be okay i know it's kind of embarrassing for you could you manage to engineer the party so that it's on one of your birthdays either your birthday or his birthday that's clever yeah i think what would be expedient for you anonymous man would be to find out the source of your friend's enthusiasm and if you're having this quiet little tete-a-tete try and find out what is missing from their lives or whether they want some fuss made about them do you think this friend is also gay or doesn't even know whether he's gay or not and is therefore using this to

try and channel some of his feelings yeah well i couldn't possibly speculate as to that because we don't know him, but I think that's definitely a possibility, isn't it? So maybe you need to really open your heart to him and say, I don't want a big party. I'd rather spend some time with you and we can both talk about our feelings than see if you can bring him to some realisation about himself. Or say, I just don't really fancy the party, but I have set up a gift list at John Lewis.

Yeah. It's happened with a lot of weddings that I can't go to recently. You might as well get the presents. You might as well get the presents. Even if they're boring like cutlery. It's traditional, isn't it? Can't make the party. Kitching.

Here's another excess of enthusiasm on the phone line. Hello, and Ollie, it's Matt from Boston Spa in Yorkshire in the shitty Hilton in Watford. I've just finished listening to all of your last 318 Ask Me This Is and I've loved every single one. How I'm ever going to get that time back in my life, I just don't know. But I think it's been well worth it.

How long is that, like like nearly 200 hours that's a fuck of a lot but proof positive obviously that time and money spent at answer me this store.com is never to be regretted although he sounds a bit like he regrets it doesn't he's wondering how he can claw back the time i think he's more concerned reading between the lines about ever scaling those heights of happiness ever again i think actually it was more existential than that i think he was like you know here i am on this tragic universe where ultimately we'll all perish i think the fact that he spent his time listening to us he doesn't regret life is ephemeral but these things are not for today's intermission here is a little nugget of the joy that matt has been experiencing it's from answer

me this episode 163 available at answer me this store.comcom Here's a question from Richard in Redding who says Holly answer me this Why do people use the saying Chico blocked when the car parks are full?

Does he mean chocker block? I think he must It's not like Chico is standing there waggling his hips so no one can get in That's incredible

Apparently it was a shipping thing you know like chocks away They used to have a pulley system for raising the sails made of blocks. And then there was kind of a fixing system called the chocks. And then when it all got tangled up, it was chock block. But in any case, nothing to do with X Factor failure Chico.

You saw him live once, didn't you? No. Where did that story come from? Somewhere in the recesses of your brain. You've either had a dream about me and Chico or you just made that up. You said I saw Chico in my car. You made up that story. You definitely did.

I definitely did. You went with your mum. Oh my God, I did. You're right, I have seen Chico. You're the same about... Oh God, I'm so unclean. And I said... You had completely wiped that from your memory, hadn't you?

I'd completely wiped that. I'd completely forgotten that. Time to hear some questions. Your fellow listeners have drunkenly spewed down our question line. If you feel the need to call in, please do. The number is... 02081235807 Or you can Skype

Answer Me This. Let's hear who's been in touch. Hello, Helen and Ollie. This is Richard from Trinidad. I have just made myself a pizza, and I'm so happy with it. It's good. And I am thinking that I'm ready to take on in my next culinary project, escargot, maybe. So, Helen and Ollie, I'm Martin the sound man.

Answer this. Can escargot be made from any snail or from, like, Trinidad snails? Or does it have to be made from some special French or European snail? It does have to be a land snail. Not all snails are edible. Not all snails. As opposed to, like, a sea snail? Yeah, a flying snail. I don't know.

I don't know. But it has to be a land snail. And the ones, I think actually what it is, apart from being poisonous or whatever, some of them are just actually too small to bother cooking. Right. Like you just end up with effectively like a broad bean. Yeah. So, yeah, it has to be a land snail.

And the ones that they eat in France, where obviously they popularized escargot, are Helix aspersa, which is the breed of common European brown snail. I don't know if that's what you have in Trinidad, Richard but it strikes me that that's unlikely. But that doesn't mean the ones you have there are poisonous it just means you have to treat them carefully which I can avail you of in detail if you're interested. Wonderful, please do.

If you collect them whilst they're hibernating that might be ideal. Do they hibernate in Trinidad? Again, can't answer that. Warm place. Indeed. But the French collect them in the autumn when they've already gone into hibernation. And the reason for that is they're fat, obviously, because they're storing up their reserves.

Clever. But also they're naturally purged because they haven't eaten anything for a few days. Clever. So that is the best time to do it. And also they're safe inside their shells. You're not going to hurt them or damage them picking them up and you're just going to kill them you're just going to kill them you're just going to bore them alive but at that point you're not going to hurt them um so that's ideally when to do it you it's a good shortcut you avoid

the need to fatten them up or dry them or purge them what does snails eat then that you might not want in your body well uh in a english country garden things things like slug pellets, which is there to kill slugs. And even if you don't have it in your garden, you might see a snail there and think, oh, I haven't put any pesticides down in my garden. Your neighbour might have. And even though they move very slowly,

they do travel great distances. So chances are they've eaten a pesticide at some point and might be about to die. Do they make escargot-like dishes, dishes but with slugs saving you the peeling job um because they should so if you collect them whilst they're active not hibernating if one is just slowly crawling over your foot and sliming all over you and you think i'm gonna cook you you little shit uh then you can't just drop it in the pan and eat it because you have to purge it. And purging, commercially what they do is they put them up in nets for two weeks and starve them. Wow, so under the net must be pretty gross.

Pretty horrible, yeah. But if you're doing it naturally and you're doing it yourself just to cook your own snails, you only actually need to purge them for about 48 hours before cooking, which again obviously is kinder to the snail. Although unkind. Unkind because you're going to put it in boiling water water because you're torturing it in preparation to kill it yes well yes but actually as i say so many people put slug pellets down yes that actually most people poison snails to death anyway actually it's kinder than that isn't it if you don't want snails in your garden this is the

best way to do it eat them eat them at least you're doing something with it so 48 hours before you boil them alive you keep them away from food and water in a bucket with a net over it some tights will do if you want to stop them crawling out but for the two weeks before that you need to make sure that they're eating ideally a healthy diet not just whatever crap they're finding on the floor so you really need to have a snail small holding exactly gosh that's a lot of trouble can you feed them garlic and things like that? Yeah, so basically you feed them vegetarian food that humans would eat

for about two weeks. That clears out all the grit in their guts and fattens them up a bit. So things like lettuce, onions, greens and then you purge them in 48 hours. Then you boil them alive. Jobs are good. I don't think I'd, after two weeks of keeping the little snail friend. They'd be your friend. I don't think I'd want to eat it. No, no i know if you're actually keeping them in captivity and choose

not to kill them then you have to make sure that you've given them powdered lime don't ask me why but they need powdered lime in their diet so you need to give it to them if they can't get it from the soil and the dirt wow so you need to go to a builder's merchant if you have a change of heart yeah yeah but presumably if you are really planning to compose a meal of snails you're going to need quite a lot of them in your snail farm yes and truth be told if you're really going to do that you're probably going to go to a professional farming outfit to get them aren't you it's a bit silence the lambs otherwise yeah but it's a nice idea that if you live in the country and you have a problem with snails and you fancy eating them you know this is something you can do completely organically and and you know they eat snail dishes in asia and i assume

they don't import french snails for the purpose no exactly i'm sure there's snails everywhere you can eat so you should toss them into boiling water to kill them does that come quite quickly well you know like with lobster people say it kills them quickly who knows i'm not a no one has asked them exactly i imagine it's horrific if you're the snail. But I also imagine that it's completely overwhelming if you're used to living in cold mud and you haven't eaten for two days. And you've never been boiled alive before. And you've never been boiled alive before.

The shock, I imagine, maybe it isn't instant. I can't imagine you living for more than 30 seconds. It must be quick. It must still be pretty nasty. I wouldn't want to be boiled alive in case anyone out there wanted to kill me. Don't do that. I've made my fortune on the dark web selling machine guns but my dream is to monetize my homemade cream buns they don't sit too well listed x2 ak-47s my poor lonely buns build your

bun shop of dreams using squarespace.com there's's 24-7 support if you get it wrong. And you'll be selling more buns than guns before very long. If you evade the law. Oh, I've just been arrested. Hey, Squarespace. Thanks very much for sponsoring this episode of Answer Me This. Squarespace makes it very easy for you to make a website that isn't shit, even if you know nothing about how to build a website.

Even if you're a functioning idiot, you can come out with a website that has nice clean white space like the guardian and you can make all of the changes on the front of the website so it's not the weird back end where it's all nuts and bolts and you get a free url and loads of storage and if you do want to get 10 off uh after using the two-week free trial, then remember to use our code... Answer! Do you remember, about a month ago on the show, Martin teased ahead... Such a flirt, isn't he? ...that he was designing a new website using Squarespace at the moment.

At the time, it was really like foreplay. I mean, he shouldn't have mentioned it. I think you may have piqued their excitement too early, Martin. But if you want to see the great things that a Squarespace template can achieve, Martin, your website is now available...... by song podcast.com and what is song by song podcast.com it's a brand new podcast where we're going to talk about every song recorded by tom waits in chronological order okay good for a minute i thought you were going to say every

song every song no that is i mean the tom whites i didn't want to be the one to tell you that you were going to die before you finish the project. Yes, you did. We've started with Primal Screaming and we've made great progress. Only another 40,000 years to go. We're on to Gregorian Chance. Okay, good. Well, I'm glad to see that as you expand your podcast empire, Martin, you're certainly not afraid of the niche.

At no point have you looked over your oeuvre and thought, hmm, could do something a bit more accessible here. It's pretty mainstream. Yeah, well, Tom Waits a bit more accessible here. It's pretty mainstream, right? Pretty mainstream. Tom Waits was a mainstream artist in America in the 90s, so well done. How many songs has Tom Waits done thus far? Having counted, because I'm a bit afraid to, a couple of hundred at least. Oh, so this should be a long-running show.

It can be a running. You might as well commit to it, listeners. Here's a question from Alan in Glasgow who says, One skill I've learnt whilst working part-time in a well-known retail store was how to iron shirts to perfection. From this, I learnt how to iron other pieces of garments. Well done, Alan. This is a transferable skill. I'm on my way to becoming Prime Minister.

Of ironing. And now I even iron my Calvin Klein boxers to make them last longer. What? Along with clean bed sheets. I mean, who doesn't want to sleep in a crisp bed? My girlfriend thinks this is hilarious. You are united by your excellent senses of humour. As someone who regularly looks as though

she's had a fight with an iron, I just got a lot of burn marks, I take her opinion with a pinch of salt. So, Ollie, answer me this. Do you iron your underwear? What do you think alan no obviously not uh ironing to me is about presentational skill yeah but what if someone is looking at you in your underwear no one's looking at me in my underwear that's a separate

podcast uh but uh in terms of the uh images that i present to the world uh the only thing i ever iron uh are cotton trousers and shirts your shirt does look very crisp this is a new shirt so this is deceptive this is fresh off the store rack it looks fresh but generally speaking I'm pretty laissez faire about it what I do is it's boring

it's so boring so what I do is when I do my laundry once it's all dry obviously I create two piles yes and I try and keep pile A something about 90 of the ratio to pile b great insight uh pile a is clothes that in my view i can get away with wearing without ironing even though in reality they probably most of them should be ironed pile b are the

ones that i absolutely cannot wear without ironing because i'll look like a hobo i put all of pile b into pile a and forget about it i'm tempted uh but i put pile b under the bed in a rattan basket and i forget about it for a quarter correct it's a quarterly thing for me once a quarter i do my it is a huge it's an ironing binge that must feel great so i usually do an audiobook actually yeah i listen to all of peter mandelson's autobiography last time i was doing my own thing it's like a full day thing um well it's very boring so I spread it out across the day, yeah. Four segments, so like, you know, one, formation of new Labour, two, Gordon Brown's prime ministership,

and then three, the loss of the last election. That was roughly the times at which I did my ironing. And, yeah, I go through about probably 35 items of clothes in that one ironing thing. But no pants. No, so the irony is, of course, the clothes that i'm choosing to go into pile b are the ones that actually i'm most anxious about being presentable because they're my nicest clothes and you haven't seen them for three months and yet exactly those

are the ones that i only wear three times a year but actually i end up wearing the clothes that aren't particularly nice and look a bit crumpled all the time anyway so what's the point all the time all you need to do really is iron the collar. We don't iron anything. Ironing is an irrelevance in our house. Well, you both kind of get away with it. I mean, you're wearing often dresses. Yeah. So those, I don't know, because they're one flowing thing,

you don't notice so much, I think, when those aren't ironed. Martin, your shirt does look a little bit crumpled right now, but you're at home, you're casual, you're relaxed. When you're out at work, I don't notice that you look particularly creased. I wear patterned shirts. Do you ever buy non-iron shirts?

Have you ever been down that road? They're kind of sweaty, aren't they? Yeah, they're not normally very nice materials. Yeah, they're normally synthetics. It's quite clever, though, isn't it, theoretically? I mean, I get the marketing appeal of that. Yeah, have a shirt that looks gross in a different way. But in any case, no, I would never iron my expensive underwear

because, as I've just described, I then put it in a box. So I want something that I see more regularly than that to be in pile A. iron my expensive underwear because as i've just described i then put it in a box so i want something that i see more regularly than that to be in pile a also aren't calvin's made of jersey which is not necessarily an ironing essential fabric i could kind of understand it if you had those billowing boxes that are made out of a woven fabric but jersey is not well what he's suggesting is that it's all about the feel of cloth on skin which i can believe believe. In a way, I wouldn't want to tempt fate by trying it because if I tried it and it did feel much nicer, I'd be wanting to do it all the time.

Archie says, I was recently in an art gallery and one of the pictures focused on quite a lot of Venetian gondolas. Looking at them, I suddenly realised how strange the figurehead, if you can call it that. I couldn't. I would call it a pharaoh because as of today, I've found out that's what it's supposed to be called. So this is like the face at the end of the gondola. It looks like a comb at the front.

Is it called a pharaoh because it was made traditionally from iron? Correct, Martin. Carry on. Is. So, Helen, answer me this. You did interrupt in a weird place. What's the origin of the figurehead and why do they all sport them?

Well, the origin of the pharaoh, as we've learnt it's called, that looks like a comb with six teeth. Those six teeth represent the six districts of Venice and then on the other side, there's a single tooth of the comb facing the opposite direction, which symbolises Giudecca,

which is an island just to the south of Venice that has always been part of the city. And then the whole thing is in the shape of an S, which allegedly represents the Grand Canal, but also allegedly represents the shape of the Rialto Bridge and also the Doge's Cap. So one of those has got to be bullshit. What's in the shape of an S? Like the whole thing. Just the pharaoh. Okay, fine. I've not seen an S-shaped gondola. That would impractical well you know they have a lot more engineering than you think they've got 280 parts wow and the reason it is there is firstly to protect the bow which is made of wood from knocks and secondly to counterbalance the fact that at the back of the boat there's a gondolier standing ah so it's a counterweight yeah and actually the port side of the gondola is uh 24

centimeters longer than the other because the gondolier is uh punting or rowing from the right side and so they have to uh engineer it that way to stop it uh tipping over that's nice i like the fact that they've actually turned a necessity there into something artistic yeah because the counterweight obviously you need don't you it would seem expedient if you want not you want not to drown yeah exactly or just die of whatever horrible waterborne diseases are in those canals but good on the italians i mean if that was done now it would be a sponsored message wouldn't it rather than something artistic well actually all the gondolas have to be black uh because uh a few centuries ago warring noblemen were uh painting their gondolas more and more outlandish colours

in competition with each other to have the most glorious gondolas. So the city was like, no, stop it. All of them have to be black. Do you think the gondolas in Vegas, though, are engineered the same as the ones in Venice? Definitely. I think anyone who's ever visited Las Vegas knows that all of the microcosms they have there of European cities are almost entirely accurate. Very authentic. Absolutely. It's like you're really there, but better because there aren't so many pigeons.

Hello, I'm Wilson, the ball from Castaway. And here is my song about my favourite balls. Football,by ball Volleyball ball Tennis ball Zoe ball Basketball Netball

Handball Debutant Ball Bowling ball Baseball Big sweaty ball Answer Me This Sports Day A marathon of fun and games

out now at answermethispodcast.com slash albums Here's a question from Lizzie from London Lizzie says I'm just listening to Prime Minister's questions

Ollie answer me this When did my right honourable friend become the standard way to refer to other people? Not everywhere in Britain just specifically in Parliament

Actually yeah not everywhere in Parliament either just specifically in parliament actually yeah not everywhere in parliament either i mean that that is a misunderstanding that doesn't apply to all mps does it it doesn't know so when the prime minister stands up let's just keep it as the prime minister for now because it gets complicated when people are addressing the prime minister for example when the prime minister stands up and refers to another member of the house yeah uh they are all honorable by virtue of them being a member of the house of commons they are all honourable. By virtue of them being a member of the House of Commons, they're all honourable. They need to amend that wording, hey. So let's say that I'm the Tory Prime Minister,

you're a Labour MP, but you're not the leader of the opposition, okay? Okay. And you've just made a point saying, ah, I put it to the country that Mr Mann is a penis. Yeah, okay. You sit down. I can go with this.

That's pretty much the standard of debate in the British Parliament, isn't it? And then I stand up, and I as the prime minister would then say well i think what the honorable lady needs to consider now the reason i say honorable pass ag the reason i say honorable lady um is twofold what honorable is is to try and keep some decorum even though we're having a spat we all appreciate that we're all put there by the electorate and we have a role the reason i say lady rather than just the honorable lady of crystal palace which would be your full title the area you represent the constituency you represent is because it was getting to the stage where there are so many mps that people couldn't even

remember everywhere imagine it you wouldn't be able to stand up and talk about someone you'd have to remember what constituency they were in and if you said the wrong one that would be a headline i don't even know what my friend's jobs are so so now you just say honorable gentleman honorable lady and then that way you don't even need to remember everyone's name or the constituency that they're from but the reason you don't actually say their name is because the naming of a member is what the speaker does when he or she wants to bollock someone so the whole time in the house that's why when you think about it, they never say,

well, as the Honourable Lady Ms. Harmon said, they always just say, as the Honourable Lady said. And the reason they don't say the name is that is when you're disciplined. When you're disciplined, the speaker will say, I name the Honourable Member for Crystal Palace,

Ms. Zaltzman, for disregarding the authority of the chair. And when he says that, you get suspended for five days. Whoa! And then the second offence, in the same parliamentary sitting, carries 20 days suspension. So if you then stand up and say, yeah, but I still think you're a prick, then he'll say,

well, Ms Zaltzman, I've said your name again, and by saying your name, that's it, you're fired. Yeah, 20 days. And then if you were to do it a third time, then the House itself could decide to suspend you for the rest of the session wow so that's that's why you don't name people because naming people is to like raise it up a gear it's like when uh your mom says oliver louis man exactly so friendly so it's just honorable gentleman and lady but then there are complications as well so as um lizzie suggests my right honorable friend there's a few things going on there friend means on the same team as you so if i'm the tory prime

minister if martin is the conservative minister for dudley it's like a dream come true then i would say well as my honorable friend the minister for dudley said if you though are a friend of mine but you are the Labour MP for Crystal Palace I wouldn't call you a friend, you're just the honourable lady you're not my honourable friend but even though you're on a different team to me, you could still be

the right honourable lady and Martin even though you're on the same team as me you might not be my right honourable friend. I'd just be your honourable friend. You'd just be my honourable friend? Yeah. And the reason for that is that if Helen were, for example,

the leader of the opposition... God, this is complicated. ..then she'd be on the Queen's Privy Council. And right honourable, as in very honourable... Yeah, as in right good. Well honourable, mate, indicates that you're on the queen's privy council so who's on the queen's privy council that's very complicated i can't be asked to describe the queen's privy council but basically there's lots of lords on it and the leader of the

opposition is automatically on shadow cabinet important people yes everyone in the cabinet i'm not sure about everyone in the shadow cabinet but most of them would be so you can't and it's for life right so once you've held a really senior office, you are forever right honourable, which is why in the Lords, you get a lot of my right honourable friends. I see. Because the majority of them are old Tories who were on the same team

and were in the Privy Council. So you're supposed to remember that and you can't remember someone's name and constituency. Jesus. It's not helping at all. So yeah. So that's the point. So when they say, when Lizzie, you hear the Prime Minister say,

my right honourable friend, you know that he is referring to someone who is also a Conservative and who has also served on the Privy Council. Bloody hell. So there you go. Wow. And in the past, there were other honorifics that were used in addition to right honourable.

They're just not conventionally used anymore because they seem to be outdated. Oh, like what? So honourable and reverend, which i presume meant you know clerical yeah honorable and gallant oh it's not to be a fine thing well it'd be like a night uh i guess yeah uh and honorable and learned which you do hear some of my learned friend in court don't you but i think that's from the law profession? Yes. So actually technically Tony Blair, because he was a barrister I think he could have been

my right honourable friend if another Labour MP had referred to him but the chance that they do that is slim So there you go, that's the reason That's good, that was a good question I haven't even explained what the Privy Council is because life's too short so you know, it's complicated.

It does sound complicated. You've done very well. Thanks. Privy is also old language for toilet. So it's just people who get to use the good toilet. With information like that, Helen, it's why you're my right honourable friend. Thanks.

Well, honourable listeners, that brings us to the end of this episode of Answer Me This. It certainly does. But don't fret because like Prime Minister's questions, there will be another one along soon. Although there is, of course, a weekly edition of PMQs and we're fortnightly, which is why we're better. Yeah, less filler.

That's right, yeah. All of our details, so you can be in touch and send us a question, are listed atop our website. AnswerMeThisPodcast.com Where there are also links to follow us on Facebook and Twitter and all the other things that we do, but importantly also to the Answer Me This store where you can buy our first 200 episodes

and other things besides to support the show. Indeed, and you can also support the show by taking up our Squarespace offer using the code ANSWER. And many thanks to them for supporting this episode. But mainly you support the show by listening to it, so please return in two weeks to do that again. Bye!