Answer Me This! - AMT324: Eggstraction, Disney Jail, and Boners

Episode Date: October 1, 2015

Today's questioneers have family troubles: troubles with their parents' TMI; troubles with being an egg-peeling mother; troubles with having spawned a kid who's a bit of an arsehole. But wait, there's more! Find the full range of problems contained in this episode at http://answermethispodcast.com/episode324.Send questions to [e-mail], or the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877 or Skype answermethis)Tweet us http://twitter.com/helenandollyBe our Facebook friend at http://facebook.com/answermethisSubscribe on iTunes http://iTunes.com/AnswerMeThisBuy old episodes and albums at http://answermethisstore.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What's the best thing about being a woman? Has to be this, has to be this Is it the prerogative to have a little fun? Has to be this, has to be this 2015's not even over yet but some of our listeners are already really stuck into 2016 and what that holds Yeah well sometimes I think it's a reasonable approach actually at this point in the year to say live in the present not the future yeah but you know i think if you look back across this year and you're like well nine months has already gone and it's

not exactly been spectacular it's reasonable to say well what's coming up next year probably not also not spectacular what i'm saying is it could be a glass half full view to say let's look at next year and enjoy it rather than what you're suggesting, which is it's a glass half empty view. Okay. Well, I think Holly from Norwich is definitely glass half full. She says next February, I am ridiculously excited to be going on holiday to Disney World, Florida. Oh, wow.

If ever anyone deserves a trip to Disney World, it's a lady escaping Norwich in February. As a result of this, says Hollylly i've been on youtube a lot watching videos and vlogs about it ah you've got to keep the magic holly be careful spoilering yourself i mean there'll still be magic don't get me wrong but you don't want every surprise because i'm a big disney fan as you know as i may have mentioned on previous episodes uh and even i go easy when i'm reading the guidebooks and it's describing for example new attractions you want to know how to beat the queue to get to the attraction but i don't want the detailed description of what i'm going to see no you want to go in it prepared for

thrills but not particular thrills exactly it's a bit like uh frankly when you're doing internet dating it's wise not to exchange too many messages with the person you're meeting beforehand yeah in case your expectations are different to what the reality is holly says it suddenly occurred to me that you never hear or see of any crime in disney world yeah it's not part of their marketing strategy that's for sure watch out for your wallet when goofy's about west world surely people must steal things and get into arguments the same as anywhere else i wouldn't be sure magic magic well for a start you've paid a lot of money to get in yeah daylight robbery right there and this isn't me being a snob but it does cost something like 70 quid for a day at disney world so immediately you have separated a little bit of

the riffraff out secondly that is you being a snob by calling them riffraff but it's it's true isn't it everyone there is unlikely to be someone who needs to steal something because they've spent a lot of money to get in. You've got 70 quid you need to earn back through nefarious means. I've been before, says Ollie, and can't recall hearing or seeing anything, but I've heard a lot of rumours about Disney jail. Ollie, answer me this. Is there such a thing as Disney jail?

Does Disney have their own police? Or do they just call for police when they're needed? Well, a bit of all of the above obviously so disney world is is a huge site but obviously it is technically in a real floridian city orlando yes uh and so i imagine if some real shit goes down i mean if you're talking about being suspected of for example child abuse at disney world i don't imagine the disney sheriff comes in i imagine in that scenario the police the sheriff from Orlando, they're called. However, it is a massive private estate, effectively.

And so it is actually up to the Disney authorities, private security firms, to decide how to deal with you if you are attempting to shoplift and or cause a scene. And or more realistically, you know, you've had one Mickeykey beer too many you're a bit sun-stroked um yeah exactly or your kid has got a bit over excited and had too many smarties and and needs jack sparrow in the nuts that is not a crime in those situations obviously they're going to be very careful how they deal with you because there comes a point where they don't want to lose your future trade by treating you too harshly everyone gets carried away when they're excited and at disney world uh so yes there is what is so-called disney jail this is something that is seemed to have

spread since the invention of social networking whenever people get taken there they're like oh god man i'm in hashtag disney jail oh so it's like the turkey leg pictures. Exactly. But is hashtag Disney jail made to look like kind of cartoonish Wild West jail cell? In Disneyland in Anaheim, there is a room with bars on the window where they do put people until the police are called. In Disney World, I don't believe there is such a room, but there is a security firm there and they do get people misbehaving. Do they have a special Disney uniform? All the Disney police have little mickey badges

on yeah right but they also have truncheons and possibly guns um i don't know where the theming stops so anyway if if you urinate on a statue of walt disney or if you drink to excess right you get taken into this room and basically they decide at that point whether or not to take things further it's a sort of holding pen so it's like being put on the naughty step a former employee of disneyland in anaheim wrote an expose about this for cracked last year and i quote directly disney jail totally exists it's the happiest jail on earth but that's still not a place you want to end up imagine being locked up underground in a room with bars on the windows and the lion king playing on an endless loop if you're're underage, we call your parents. If you're old enough to know better,

we call your family to pick you up. Generally speaking, winding up in Disney jail, and this is the thing to really pay heed to, Holly, means we're kicking you out of the park, sometimes permanently. No! Any Disney felon gets all of his or her passes revoked, and we do our best to make sure you never, ever

get an annual pass again. Punishment indeed for the Disney file. Well, I'd imagine that is a true deterrent for mischief in the first place. Exactly. Hello, Helen and Ollie. It's Lexi from London. Please, Helen and

Ollie, answer me this. Why is it that when peanuts are in shells, they're called monkey nuts, but when they're out of shell, they're called peanuts? What's that about? Well, why is it when you put salt on them, they're called a bar snack? I mean, there's lots of things you can do with nuts, isn't there? So true, Ollie.

If they had shells on and you still called them peanuts, people would be like, well, why am I paying for a bag full of shells that I have to take off myself? I'm paying for the absence of my labor and for the naked nuts like so often what you're saying is inadvertently fascinating is it because uh you're mocking me because if you think about uh prawns tail on prawns yeah more expensive than shelled very often yeah curious what is that about they've been processed when the tail's been taken off they're less likely to be poisoned yeah less work more to put clothes on exactly there's much less

work involved isn't there uh then when you have to take the shells off yourself i guess they weigh more i don't know but anyway the point being monkey nuts i think with the shell on are wonderful but actually more work has been put into peanuts and you get more in a bag so i think because they're called monkey nuts they sound more exciting but also more exotic because people are pointing out that that's what monkeys eat and everyone loves monkeys don't they except for me i'm ambivalent towards them it's hard to know exactly why these are called monkey nuts so i can only speculate but i do not agree with the often repeated explanation that is because they look like a monkey's nuts now we have the burger chain five guys yes from the united states of america uh they as far as i know are the first franchise in this country to have the thing where they give away barrels of monkey nuts at the door do they

barrels you can't walk away with barrels but they have an open barrel of monkey nuts into which you can dip a tray oh so you are getting the nuts without having the worry that someone has urinated on on their hand and then put their hands into the bowl full of free nuts like at bars. Yeah, does that really... I remember that horror story, but I don't know if that's ever been anything other than urban myth. I think just everything is probably tainted with dozens of types of urine. I've just never seen someone on like, you know, a Help for Heroes infomercial say

their injuries were caused by getting a dodgy nut. But you know, maybe. Maybe a pissed on peanut is the IED of the bar snack world. Here's another question of food from Katie from Cambridgeshire, who says, Ollie, answer me this. Why are the biscuit parts of Oreos black? Based on apes' tits. There aren't many black foods in the world,

and I'm not really sure what flavour the biscuit part is meant to be. The flavour is biscuit. I mean, you know. Chocolate biscuit, isn't it It's such a boring answer I'm sorry Believe it or not it's not a high propensity of artificial colouring in Oreos Really is it just charcoal It's cocoa

It's just black cocoa But it is so black the refined cocoa that they use for Oreos That actually if you were to type Why is my poo black into Google You'll find Don't look at the images you'll find very often that people i guess sometimes it's highly ranked because people make a reference to the color being analogous to that of the oreo uh but actually i think very often it's because an oreo has been consumed and it's actually come out in the poo so it's not been properly chewed so that's the danger well i suppose what it means is it's not

been properly digested your stomach can't deal with it puts it out into your crap which in a way is good it means even if that if there were artificial colorings you're not taking them on does it still have the pattern on um like i said i didn't click the images probably for the best um but yeah you sort of if you think about it you know that it can't be an artificial coloring because oreos is a heritage food they're over 100 now. So? They've put lots of crap into foods in the last 100 years. I know, but as we've discussed before, that stuff kind of reached its peak in the 50s and 60s. So if the item's

been on sale for longer, chances are there's a natural thing that at least the colouring would be simulating if you put colour into it now. And as is the case with Oreos, it's just cocoa. They've been kosher since 1997. Lovely news. I didn't know. They used to have pig fat in correct

pig lard did they really yeah that was the that was the filling Martin just neat lard oh lovely when they were launched

they had two flavours care to guess the other lemon that was a good guess thanks it was lemon meringue so I don't I don't care for it

but I'd enjoy that would you yeah I love lemon meringue I can't imagine what colour the biscuit would be in the lemon meringue flavouring I imagine the cream would be lemon meringue flavoured

but then why would the biscuit I think the biscuit would be white and the cream would be lemony right yeah so yeah that's your answer if you don't like it poo it out

if you've got a question email your question to answer me this podcast at googlemail.com answer me this podcast at googlemail.com Answer me this podcast at googlemail.com Answer me this podcast at googlemail.com Answer me this podcast at googlemail.com Time for a question.

So retrospectives, what historical events are we ticking off on this week's round of Today in History? On Monday, we bring you the real story of the mutiny on the bounty. On Tuesday, the anniversary of the day somebody invented the meatball, but who? On Wednesday, the iconic British car that ripped off an iconic American car. On Thursday, how American airlines invented air miles. And on Friday, the UFO sighting that gripped colonial America. We discuss this and more on Today in History with The Retrospectors. Ten minutes each weekday, wherever you get your podcasts.

Question from a man who wishes to remain anonymous, but I'm in a playful mood, so I'm going to call him Hans. Hans? Okay. Just to give it a sort of craftwork type vibe. Right. Hans says, my wife and I are... What's her name? Ooh. Inga.

Gretchen. Bertha. Bertha, I like. Okay. Okay. My wife, Bertha, and I are parents to a spirited toddler. Julio.

Oh, yeah. A friend of ours... Oh, no, now we need names for all of them. You created this mess. Sorry. A friend of ours... Oh, no, now we need names for all of them. You created this mess. Sorry. A friend of ours, Franco, hosts a weekly dinner party at his house. Before sending the invitation for this week's dinner,

Franco phoned to suggest it would be best if we merely popped in to say hello from now on. Franco said he fears that Julio risks injury in his non-childproof home. Sounds like bullshit, doesn't it? No, it's plausible. It seems far more likely to us, continues Hans, that it's our child's activity

that is an annoyance to Franco's fiancée. Francesina. Francesina. Our toddlers' actions are not perilous feats that threaten personal safety. Rather, they typically include pulling books off shelves or dropping objects on the floor, such as napkins, placemats and puzzle pieces.

Classic child. My wife and I are quick to replace everything where it was and nothing has ever been damaged. Well, some of the damage you can't see because it's in our souls. Yes mean that's the thing if they're picking up uh treasured family keepsakes and throwing them around the room even in a way that you think of as playful and innocent might not be coming across that way to friend's wife that puzzle has never lain flat since uh but i've often thought that his fiancee appeared exasperated by our toddler's perpetual motion

well where do they get their energy from? It's an abiding mystery. Whatever the reason, continues Hans, I have no qualms about complying with my friend's request. I reckon you have some qualms. I think he does too. Though this essentially means not attending the dinner party at all. You think? As popping in would actually require a roughly 30-minute round-trip drive from our home.

Actually, that doesn't sound too far to me. 15 minutes each way. This is obviously someone not from the southeast of England, where a 30-minute drive just takes you down the road. But I suppose with a toddler on board, that is a pain in the arse, isn't it? Yeah. It's his home, and he can extend or deny invitations as he wishes. But this puts us in an awkward position.

We are still on the weekly email list and our other friends are bound to ask us why we are no longer attending the dinners since we have been amongst the most constant guests. Since small children have attended the dinner the entire time we have. Oh, ouch. Almost weekly over the last seven years.

Including several children who are currently the same age as ours. And my wife and I have often talked about the event as the highlight of our week. Yeah, this doesn't sound like you have no qualms. I agree with your analysis, Helen. That's quite sad, isn't it? Sounds qualms-y.

Indeed. I don't want to provide an answer that suggests my child is ill-behaved. Even though he might be. But I also don't want to respond in a way that makes our friend appear insensitive. Even though he is a bit. a bit so helen answer me this what do we say to our other friends when they ask why we hans burta and julio are no longer attending franco and francesina's dinner party i think those people will know because they will have been there going oh can someone please control that child our children didn't do this yeah i think that's right i think

that there will be you're right to point out hands uh one email that goes out uh and then when people turn up they'll be like oh why isn't hands and julio here but then they'll be like thank god hands are who goes not here yeah they'll you'll be the point of discussion that evening will be like you're not there because your kid was making a load of noise and stuff there's a reason why julio has been disinvited where the other children haven't and it may be that julio is a little destroyer but i understand that that's very hurtful and i do also think possibly even though your child's presence at the dinner party it sounds was ruining the dinner party for everyone else i still think probably franchencina should have swallowed it and possibly just not invited you all over as often said oh we're a bit busy can we do this once a month yeah

with everyone spawning it means the dinner party's twice as big as it used to be yeah yeah yeah make some logistical argument well what they could have done is be more honest about the reasons yes because also saying popping in that is a soft that's like i don't want to go out with anymore but i still want to be friends that's that kind of dump isn't it my mom sort of does this at christmas day like she has the philosophy uh that um you know it's christmas day and you should open your home to people but she doesn't really want them to come for the whole meal so she'll say why don't you pop in for a drink? Pop in about five o'clock, pop in. And that means we don't want you with us for four hours. I think that is kind of fair enough on Christmas Day.

Yeah, and at a wedding where it's like, come afterwards. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come for the C-listers part. Come for the bit where our not real friends are there and we'll be too drunk to remember it. But on a weekly dinner party basis, I think it would have been probably easier, Hans, if Francesina and Franco had taken you to one side

and said, look, this is awkward, but Julio is a very noisy little boy. He's an arsehole. We don't like him. It is maybe just for the next few years till he grows out of it. Would you mind getting a babysitter? Exactly. And I think they haven't had the balls to say that.

The thing is that that is theoo that's very difficult to cross, even amongst close friends. Well, telling them that their child's an arsehole. No, telling parents how to parent. Because the real message is not your kid's an arsehole. The real message is you're not keeping them under control. And if they're in our home, you need to keep them under control. Yes, they haven't broken anything,

but I don't want them running around pulling books and stuff off the wall. For their own safety as well. Because I feel that in our flat, our flat is not child-proofed at all and there are open stairs and there are things for them to trip over or like smash their heads in on all over the place. I've heard razor blades around the place. Yeah.

You make it sound accidental, but actually. Drugs all over the floor. So once my friend's children are mobile, I do feel like it's more convenient for me to visit them in their homes, which are set up for having a child in them rather than ours. And it's not because I don't want them here, homes, which are set up for having a child in them, rather than ours. And it's not because I don't want them here,

but I just feel like until the children are old enough to not kill themselves on my property, it's probably easier just not to. But then I would say that to them and say, I'd love to see you for this weekly thing, but it just feels like it's more hassle now that they're not a babe in arms anymore. Yeah.

I mean, that's genuine. There's not been kids here that have made the flat look worse than it already looks also the question is like how should i tell people why we're not there that's not the question at all the question is like how can you be a better parent yeah like one or just like how can these people be better better friends like how can they be better friends you know yeah well i think there's kind of fault on both sides isn't there like i think hans and burton perhaps have slacked on their child disciplining duties and i think franco and francesina have not been the most tactful hosts i think the big thing for this listener is that you need to make peace with it so francesina and franco have been brought to a position where they they feel like they're

faced with either disinviting you or making a comment comment about your parenting which they don't feel comfortable doing and that's where they've got got to the situation so that might be your fault it might be their fault. What you have to do is just get through this in your friendship. Maybe you should invite them round to your house, maybe for lunch. Yeah. Maybe you could suggest devolving the dinner party to all of your different houses and you'll take turns.

What you should do is invite everyone around to the house, apart from Francesina, and say, I think it would be best if you just pop in. Because Julio really doesn't like you. That's going to work really well. Just pop in. Julio, he's got a bit of an allergy to people who don't have children.

He just thinks they're kind of cruel. Today's intermission is from Answer Me This from early 2011, episode 125. And you can buy that on iTunes, you can buy it on Amazon but we'd prefer it if you bought it from answermethisstore.com Chris from March in Cambridgeshire

Helen and Ollie answer me this what the fuck is the difference between a cheese sandwich and a cheese toasty my missus seems to have a go at me constantly when I want a cheese toasty instead of a cheese sandwich are you messing with our heads, Chris? It's the heat.

The application of heat. It's like saying what's the difference between water and steaming. It's like saying what's the difference between a raw chicken breast and cooked chicken. No, it's like saying what's the difference between raw chicken and chicken Kiev, Helen? It's two steps away.

It's not even... I'm flabbergasted with rage, Chris. You're an idiot. Come on, Chris. Here's a question from Swapner from Louisville, Kentucky, who says, My almost two-year-old son loves hard-boiled eggs. Question for Martin. Egg chap.

You would think that after making them close to daily for a year... Is that safe? Feeding a two-year-old? He loves hard-boiled eggs. Yeah, but... I mean, I know there's theories now, aren't there, that, you know, you should just give children whatever you're eating, you know, not baby food.

Just give them what's off your table. Chicken nuggets. Get them used to mature taste. Chips. Gin. But, yeah, hard-boiled eggs every day for a two-year-old. I can't believe that's recommended. He's bodybuilding.

I think it's just a matter of trying to get your child to eat anything. I know. Seems like an infernal project. Okay. I guess there are worse things than eggs. Yeah. .tumblr.com She says,

you'd think after making them close to daily for a year, I would be proficient at cooking a hard-boiled egg, but sadly I am not. You failure swapner. I've tried several different ways, but I cannot find a simple way where the egg is cooked, no half-done yolks, please. Good God, no.

And the shell is easily removed each and every time. I wonder how she's trying to remove the shell. The hammer drill. Yeah, that could be the issue. My default method has been to add eggs and water to the pot and boil. Once at boiling, let it run for close to 10 minutes, then put eggs in cold water until cool and remove shell. I would go as far to say that that is a conventional method.

Yep, you're not doing anything wrong you're a good parent that's right the eggs are always properly cooked this way yes but i can't get the shell off without ruining the egg and wasting much of it how what are you doing with the egg when it's cooked there's stamping on it with a boot so answer me this what is the best way to cook and peel a hard-boiled egg okay there are two types of cutlery that i use for cracky open eggs once they've been hard-boiled one is called a spoon to cook and peel a hard-boiled egg? Okay, there are two types of cutlery that I use for cracking open eggs once they've been hard-boiled. One is called a spoon and one is called a knife.

In either scenario, I've not encountered any difficulties. They each have their merits. They each have their pros and cons. So you're not using them together. This is separate. Indeed. So, well, actually, no, with the knife, I cut down the middle. So it's in two halves.

Then I scoop out the two halves with a spoon. Yeah, but then you've got... With the spoon, I crack and then put the spoon in the reverse end so I'm sort of going around the outside with the spoon yeah that's the method I would use even though I hate hard boiled eggs the spoon peel so you must be using a fork to have any issue here you've just picked the wrong thing from the cutlery drawer or a corkscrew but I think maybe where you're going wrong is putting them in cold water because it's a lot easier to get the shell off when the egg is warm so I would grasp it in a tea towel roll it a bit on your kitchen worktop so that the shell cracks and then slide the spoon

under and get the shell off that way i'm amazed though that she is in the united states of america and there is not a gadget being advertised in infomercials constantly for peeling hard-boiled eggs there is it's called the eggstractor extractor how does it work um it doesn't maybe that's what she's using and that's why we haven't heard it maybe that's what she's using and that's why it's not working for her it looks like the pump that you'd attach to some sort of penile growth device right um and so it's a compression that you just up and down with your hand flat flat palm on top of this compressor device compress compress compress compress right you put the egg in it and it's supposed to get the whole shell off in one using air does that also mash the egg it doesn't work as far as i can tell

i've read numerous reviews and it doesn't work i think the chances are that like with lots of gadgets you know if you used it constantly used it all the time after numerous years you'd understand its peculiarities but it's certainly not simpler it's just a way of separating stupid people from 999 couldn Couldn't you just cook an omelette? I mean, I know it's not quite the same thing as hard-boiled eggs.

It's a different texture, Martin. The kid loves hard-boiled eggs. She could cook them in an egg poacher. You could poach an egg. Then that would be

quite a similar texture. Five-star hotel. When you go to one, the omelette station's always there, right? Right. I've never been to an omelette station.

I don't know what that is. Serious? Never been to an omelette station. You've stayed in five-star hotels. You've never been to an omelette station. Have we know what that is serious never you've stayed in five-star hotels you've never been to an omelette station have we said in five jolly chef little bowls of cheese spring onions an egg and can you get anything you want so even if you're doing a very ill-advised combination they're like of course egg pizza with buffalo wings please and a straw that actually sounds like it could work anyway the omelette station is always there you have to take my word for it they also have boiled eggs yeah the boiled eggs are left in one of those weird rotating round things that looks

like wheel of fortune for eggs and in kind of steamed wheel of eggs to keep them hot you know the thing i mean so there's like a little bit of hot water in the bottom and then on the top some here are some that i made earlier hard eggs are you sure this is a five-star hotel and not the wonka factory of breakfast? That's how the eggs are kept. Sometimes they're kept with one of those dome things over the top, but it's the same effect. The point is to keep them warm. I've mainly seen them in a bowl that I'm avoiding. The point is they're not fresh. Now I think if you're

going to make a song and dance about the fresh omelette make me a fresh boiled egg as well. Yeah, but you can cook an omelette in a couple of minutes. People don't want to wait an interminable six minutes for a boiled egg, do they? I would wait would that's un-american now i'm sure if i asked they'd do it but i feel awkward asking because they're gonna point they look at me like a mad and say well there are the eggs sir go mad have an egg well this is really going to bring down their trip advisor but i'm saying i i think they should all separate the two i think all eggs

should be freshly made have you ever asked for an omelette filled with the hard-boiled eggs? Little challenge for you next time. In the 90s I hired a 12-person web team to build and run my websites and I realised my tech dream. Then the dot-com bubble burst and I had to drown them in a stream.

Why didn't I just sack them? But now, thanks to Squarespace, you can do it alone. And build a lovely website for tablet or smartphone. Enjoy it now, cos in ten years you'll be replaced by a drone. Just like Terminator 3. Cheers Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of answer me this and also supporting the efforts of human beings who are internet enabled to build websites that work and are easy to run yes that's right if you've ever seen a website on the internet and thought oh that looks

better than other websites almost certainly it's almost certainly been designed by the geniuses who create the templates at squarespace. If you don't believe us, give it a go. Have a play. It's free for two weeks. And then if you want to sign up for a year, you can get 10% off using the code ANSWER. Hi, this is Gregory. In the song Thank You Doodle Dandy, he puts a feather in his cap and calls it macaroni. Answer me this, what the hell does that mean? I was amazed to discover that this song isn't a nonsense song i just assumed it was one of those where they're like funny word and funny word and funny word that rhymes yeah i know what you mean but actually because we've previously

discussed on the show haven't we the origins of she'll be coming around the mountain when she comes when she comes um and then there was a serious historical event that was being described although there was some debate about what it meant yeah and on my childhood keyboard my favorite toy that i had when i was eight uh was a red sort of like a fake casio keyboard i mean you could play notes on it but basically it just played eight pre-programmed songs one of them was she'll be coming around the mountain Round the Mountain When She Comes and the other one was Yankee Doodle that I remember. Because in my head they're almost the same song

because they're from the same device, I thought ah, maybe this keyboard was like a quasi-educational device. It's like Harry Smith's folk anthology, isn't it? Through the connotation, I assume there must be something about the Civil War or something like that about Yankee Doodle. Yeah, well there were a lot of different versions of this and a lot of them came out of the war of independence so a lot

of them are the english being rude about americans all right as in this case okay yes doodle meant idiot so it was american idiots uh-huh ah don't want to be a yankee doodle i was gonna sing that but I was doing it in time. Guys, it's collaborative. You could have done it together and now look what's happened. It's fallen apart. Not like Green Day. But anyway, the macaroni, I was intrigued to discover,

referred to an English fashion of the 1760s, 1770s, which was a youth movement called macaronis. It's kind of dandy-ish in the manner of the new romantics. They wore massive wigs and pointy shoes and really tight jackets and they behaved in kind of an effeminate way. Effeminate men who dressed a certain way

were called the macaronis. Yeah, they were hipsters. Sort of foppish hipsters. Why would you name hipsters after pasta? I think because macaroni was their favourite food. I wonder whether because that was exotic Italian pasta fun then.

Right. It was like les roast beef being the French name for the English. It would be like calling a hipster a pulled pork. then. Right. It was like Les Roches Beef being the French name for the English. It'd be like calling a hipster a pulled pork. Yeah. Now. Or a mason jar cocktail. I see.

And so the song is suggesting that these Yankee Doodles think that just by putting a feather in their hat, they can be like these very fancy guys. Fancy Englishmen. But they do not realise there is a lot more to it than that. Still the case, isn't it, actually? You know you if you did like an english romantic comedy set at oxbridge yep american student comes in you know he looks the part he's all glam he's got a sweatshirt that says oxford on it exactly no no no no get yourself a threadbare coat that grandfather wore isn't

pretty fly for a white guy pretty much the 20th century equivalent of that song because it's all about how he's trying to be hip and down the streets. He does everything wrong. He's very gauche in his fashion. He asked for a tattoo and it asked for a 13 and they did a 31. You're telling me a story I'm very familiar with.

What else happens in the song? I'd never seen that parallel, Martin, but well done. You are a beacon of light shining on my intellect. Here's a question from Andrew in Dundundee who says helen answer me this who composed the little tune that some clocks chime every 15 minutes my grandparents doorbell was that yes i i think my doorbell was that. Yes, I think my doorbell is that. We presume he means that one, but he says some clocks.

I mean, some clocks have a cuckoo, don't they? Some clocks don't chime every 15 minutes. But I think the ones that do, they pretty much stick to the classic. Yeah, I think that is the one he's talking about. Anyway, who composed it, Helen? Reverend Dr Joseph Jowett. Of course. The Regius Professor of Civil Law at Cambridge.

So when a new clock was installed at St Mary the Great, the University Church, in 1793, he was asked to compose a chime. So with the help of the Professor of Music, Dr John Randall, and an undergrad called William Crotch, he wrote a melody which was reportedly a rip-off of part of

Handel's Messiah. Oh, really? Yeah. And it was called Jowett's Jig, and then it was known as the Cambridge Chimes, and then it was copied when they put Big Ben into the Houses of Parliament. And so now it's usually called Westminster Chimes or Westminster Quarters, because it's the quarter hour. They ripped it off.

Well, yeah, well, it was so popular... Everyone was ripping each other off, weren't they? It was so popular that everyone far and wide ripped it off. But no-one innovated, did they? It was a clock meme. Yeah. It's interesting because I read the other day that the Nokia theme, you know,

da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Bong! Apparently that also was ripped off a piece of classical music. I forget which now, but apparently it is a variant on something that Bach did or something. I suppose it is quite a classical arpeggiation. Yeah, I suppose in a way, like anything involving classical instrumentation, the classical composers did or something. I suppose it is quite a classical arpeggiation. Yeah. I suppose in a way like anything involving

classical instrumentation the classical composers did. Yeah. Everything's going to sound a bit like it was influenced by someone because you know they

had a lot of centuries to come up with the best formations of notes. And a lot of combos. Yeah. Bound to be some overlap.

You sing it at the end of brownie meetings. No you don't. You do. You do the bong. Oh lord our god. Oh right. Thy children call.

Bong. Grant us thy peace and bless us all. And then you all link hands and you step into a circle and you go, G-O-O-D-N-I-G-H-T. Good night. So you did learn something from brownies. I didn't know that was still in my brain. It's been there for nearly 30 years. Hi, Helen and Ollie.

I like to be anonymous because I'm not sure if the people in this question maybe listen to answer me this. So Helen and Ollie, answer me this. My parents divorced quite some time ago, and then three years later, they got back together. I never understood why. I mean, I understood why the divorce happened, but I didn't understand why they got back together. And now they're having all sorts of problems. And because I'm still really close with my brother, who still is young enough that he's still living with them, I spend time over at their house and I inevitably hear all of the problems. So how can I get them to stop telling me about all of their marital issues, including ones that they really shouldn't be telling their daughter about?

In a way, I think they're probably oversharing because they're thinking we want her to realise things aren't as bad as they could be. You know, we've got these issues that we're dealing with, but actually we're having an adult conversation about it. We're staying together. They think you're the grown up and you can help contribute to the resolvement. I think that's a very optimistic view of the situation. I'm not saying that's wrong, but maybe they are confiding in her because they're thinking we split up last time, but now she's old enough to help us. Maybe she can save us this time. Maybe she'll save us money on marriage counselling yes that's true the fact is one's parents tell one things you don't want to hear anyway not necessarily saucy but my mum will say she'll tell me stuff about people who i don't know's uh ailments yeah i don't want to hear about someone i don't know's bad leg my grandmother tells me a lot about members of the family in quotation marks and I don't mean mafia here.

I just mean members of the family that are so distant that I mean I'm not sure she's ever met them. There's no way that I care. I would say the best solution for this would just simply be to fight fire with fire. If they're not realising that what they're telling you is inappropriately lurid tell them what you get up to. Yeah, tell them your personal problems. They'll get the message fairly soon. Do you think this is also a coming-of-age thing where you realise that your parents aren't just your parents, i.e. the people who are immortal and know everything, as mine are,

but they're also just people who have a lot of foibles and problems and that can be somewhat difficult to deal with and imagine? Why are they confiding in her? Like, haven't they got friends? Like, it just seems weird. Maybe they also are talking to their friends, but they probably think she has the obligation to listen because she's family.

You have to do things for your family you don't want to do all the time, right? Yeah, that's true. But I suppose you could just say, mother or father, I'm not the right person to tell this to. Perhaps you should seek couples counselling. Because also you don't want one parent telling you something that is really rude about the other parent when you want to love them both equally.

Well that's exactly it, you're still in the middle of the relationship. Or, maybe get them a dog. Dogs are great listeners, aren't they? That's the solution to everything. Dogs are just like, yeah, tell me more, yeah, brilliant, brilliant, throw a ball they want to do it, yeah! Here's a question from Mike from Bath, who says, Helen, answer me me this where does the coconut shy get its name is it unique

amongst fairground amusements in being called a shy um sort of it's very complicated this and unsatisfyingly the etymology is unknown for why shy in this case means throw because you're throwing something at the coconut to knock it off the little stalk that it's on so you can win it. I'm about to say the phrase cock shy several times, because before coconuts arrived in Britain, and this became a old game they used to play at Shrove Tide as a kind of funfair game where a chicken was on the top of a stick and people would throw stones and little sticks at it and the person who managed to kill it got to take it home and eat it.

Oh, well, at least it got eaten. Yeah, but after... After being tortured. Yeah, after being broken all over its bones. After being stoned to death. Yeah, or sticked to death. That's awful. I wonder now whether Hook the Duck started with similarly terrible origins.

It is a worry. And so there was the phrase a shy cock, because naturally if a cock was seeing a bunch of missiles being thrown at it, it would be... It would probably try and run away. Yeah, it'd be pretty shy. I assume it was tied up to prevent it from running away and so shy cock was an insult level that politicians and i think just from the

expression shy cock came the verb that to shy was to throw something that's great i'm not surprised that that game is no longer with us all of those funfair games always leave me slightly cold i must say especially because you have to pay yes but then they have to pay for the prizes. No, no. But if, for example, a theme park model was applied to funfairs, so you spent £10 to get in and then you can have as many goes as you wanted on the coconut shy, that might be fun. But the thing of like paying a pound to then almost certainly not win a toy that would be shit,

even if you won it, has always left me cold. Is that because for you, there's no interest in the doing only in the end result i don't mind the test your strength hammer one like that to me seems like a fun way to like compare your strength to your friends is that really a contest you want to get into yeah no it's one i'd never win but at least like it's fun to see what your comparative scores are isn't it and it's quick where i was like hooking a duck i don't want to put in the hours to learn how to hook a duck fair enough i'm pleased that i don't know how to hook that duck. Splat the rats, all right.

What's that? Is that like... It's pest control. Yeah. Well, I wonder if actually, now you've told us about coconut and cock shies, maybe splat the rat really was a method of pest control back in the day. And instead of rats, it was orphan children. Population control. When your other sources are no help or meet with disapproval

Where can you go when your mum doesn't know and you can't be asked to Google? Answer me this podcast at googlemail.com 0208 123 5877 0208 123 5877 0208 123 5877 Here's a question from Anonymous who is 16 and from Exeter. And I'm assuming Anonymous is male because Anonymous says, I've got a minor problem that's been troubling me for some time. I get boners at completely random times.

For instance, on my way to school. I know they can be caused by a full bladder, but I'm sure that's not the origin as I usually have no need to pee. So all the answer be this. Is this normal? Aww. Sorry to be so patronising, but, you know, everyone tells us that teenagers are so worldly and they're watching porn all the time,

and all they know about is boners, and yet they do not know how this is the normal teenage experience. Yeah, no, it's perfectly normal, yeah. Yeah. When was your first boner, Martin? I don't think we've had this conversation before. Can not can i leave the room before this conversation happens i don't i remember my first boner do you yeah yeah fisher price my first my first but i was really young really really young well babies get boners yeah exactly but it's not talked about much because

then you're like oh you're sexualizing children you're not really talking about your own experience i remember getting i had um a pair of pajama trousers, which were made of, don't be, don't make that suspicious. Like, whatever, you and your erections. This is normal stuff, Helen. That's what I'm trying to say. I had a pair of trousers that had like a stimulating fabric inside. It was bobbly, basically.

Red bobbly fabric. And it was just, it wasn't a sexual thought. It was the friction of that against my penis. How old were you? I think I was probably six. Were you always trying to hump Santa suits ever since? I don't remember that, but I remember, I remember then, and then I remember about a year later,

I was in the back of a car being driven by one of my friend's mums. Not a sexual thing again. One of my friends, it was a girl a sexual thing again okay uh one of my friends it was a girl but it could have equally been a boy was sitting on my lap because we were in the 80s people didn't care about cars like 10 people in a backseat at the time and i so i had this girl on my lap and the friction again boner yeah um but then because it was a girl i started associating it with sexy thoughts a bit um and then I remember deliberately rubbing a teddy bear

on my dick when I was about eight. And that's when your sexual career started. It's what I've been looking for ever since. He lost his virginity to a teddy bear. It's my ideal girl is someone who looks like Gary Gatwick. Well, there's a little bonus for any of you who were just about to write in

saying, Ollie, answer me this. When was your first and second boner? Yeah, absolutely. This has had a happy ending, this episode. You talking about your penis. If you'd like to contribute a question to a future episode, all the details about how you can get in touch are on our website.

AnswerMethispodcast.com And we relish the challenge of seeing how Ollie will turn whatever question you send into something about his penis. That's right because your questions are like sexual stimulation to us. No, not to us. Okay. I get a boner when I read your questions.

That's what I'm saying. Bye! Stuffed mailbag. And when they ask how our professional partnership dissolved, this will be the moment that I pinpoint. Remember, you can follow us on Twitter at Helen and Ollie and on Facebook.com slash AnswerMeThis All that remains is to say thank you to Squarespace

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