Answer Me This! - AMT327: The Weeknd, Veggie Weddings and Greek Wine

Episode Date: November 12, 2015

Pop the party poppers! AMT327 is here, with The Weeknd feeling his face and Andy McNab showing his face. Find out all about this episode at http://answermethispodcast.com/episode327. Send questions to [e-mail], or the Question Line (dial 0208 123 5877 or Skype answermethis)Tweet us http://twitter.com/helenandollyBe our Facebook friend at http://facebook.com/answermethisSubscribe on iTunes http://iTunes.com/AnswerMeThisBuy old episodes and albums at http://answermethisstore.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Does Tom Selleck do Movember? Answer me this, answer me this Our club Tropicana drinks free If I'm not a member Answer me this, answer me this Helen and Ollie, answer me this Alright, three, two, one Don't hit my face

Hey, streamers, festive, smell of gunpowder I love that smell of gunpowder It's party poppers Don't hit my face Oh Hey Streamers Festive Smell of gunpowder I love that smell of gunpowder It's party poppers It just doesn't work in audio really Keep away from eyes

Do not dismantle Okay hold on Let me do one more Oh no Okay Well Ollie You have spoiled What this question

From Alex in New Zealand Is about And also you've covered Our living room with streamers You twat They were just sitting In a drawer in my house Since New Year's Eve

Right I see. Well, Alex says, when I was a child, I got given a party popper inside a treat bag at a birthday party. The safety warning on the back stated, do not aim at face or throat. So naturally I hid it under my pillow

until I'd been tucked into bed and the lights were out. I then aimed it directly at my throat. What? At a distance of about 15 centimetres and pulled the little string. Why would you do that? That's bizarre.

He says, the crushing pain I felt in my neck was excruciating, but as it was the product of my own naughtiness, I didn't tell my mum. Ollie, answer me this. Yes. What happens inside a party popper when you pull the string and why did it cause me such agony?

Well, that seems like quite an obvious thing, having something propelled at high velocity at your throat from a short distance. Yes. That's going to hurt. Something fired by gunpowder. Because it needs a lot of force just to get it all out the party popper

at a short distance. Well, a little amount. There's only a little amount of gunpowder, so it is classified as an indoor firework and not an outdoor one. What are you looking for? Do you have your own party popper? I want to dismantle this now.

It says specifically do not dismantle. It says do not dismantle it, but it's fired, so I think it's probably okay. Martin, with all that fur, you're highly flammable. Okay. Be careful.

Well, whilst you're dismantling it, Martin, let me tell you exactly what you're looking at. You are looking at, inside a party popper, what is known as Armstrong's mixture. It is a paste of red phosphorus and potassium chlorate. Shit.

Yeah, that's right. Otherwise known as shit. Be careful with that. They put it in toy caps as well. That's the other place that children get their hands on. I used to love, I had loads of cap guns when I was a kid. And we used to have those things that we called them devil bangers. They look like a little sperm or white tadpole made of paper that were full of gunpowder. Yeah. And you threw them on the ground or you could tape them along a doorframe for extra japery well there's a story and i don't know if it's an old wives tale but there's an urban myth anyway that apparently a crate was being lifted off a boat that was full of devil bangers and it got dislodged or the crate dropped it or something and it blew up the boat um because as soon as you

dismantle it then actually you're dealing with quite a powerful set of substances there well you're dealing little gunpowder blobs yeah and some people who are mad pyromaniacs have said oh why don't i dismantle it much like martin is doing despite the advice of the packet still alive right now and make an ied out of it no don't make an ied and they've ended up blowing off their fingers because actually as soon as you take it out of the protective environment of the party popper it can be quite lethal even in small not one but probably like a of the party popper, it can be quite lethal, even in small... Not one, but probably like a packet of party poppers. That much Armstrong's mixture is enough to blow your fingers off if you've misappropriated it.

But because I'm evidently too rule-abiding to have ever dissected or bisected a party popper, I don't quite understand what's happening. So you've got the gunpowder shoved in there somewhere. Yes. Behind the string. Behind the string. So is it like friction that is causing... Yes.

I see. So when you pull the string, that's the equivalent of striking the match, basically. It's like pull my finger. But lethal. Yeah. As is pull my finger often. I'm up from Cork.

Hi, Helen and Ollie. And tell me this. I auditioned for our school musical, right? And I got the supporting lead. I didn't get the lead. I know what my mum would say, Cormac. There are no small parts, only small actors. She's wrong. In the same way that people who say there are no boring questions only boring people are wrong

we of all people know that that is untrue and there are definitely small parts and I've played most of them in school plays non-speaking parts they're pretty small parts where you know you're waiting backstage for two hours to go on for two minutes

to carry like a prop or something but the reason she said it to me repeatedly when i was an unattractive 14 year old routinely not getting cast as romeo was because and this is right you got to play the friar right you exactly it's a critical role you can shamelessly steam steal in those roles usually you are amazing at scene stealing so i remember seeing you in a production of amadeus where you played what the emperor i was the emperor and i decided that he was magical basically rupaul in my portrayal i think i was really bad at that actually you see it's interesting you remember it as being good you might be putting a positive spin on it like i look back on all

of the roles that i did in in school and throughout our university drama and i think i couldn't bear the fact that i was playing a small well no i could bear it i enjoyed playing the small part and then stealing the steam. That was my thing. But actually that's like, it's not a very charitable thing to do to your other performers on stage because the person who's playing the lead has put in more work. Like, you know, it is their show.

And of course, if it's actually genuinely like a supporting comic role, then it's your role to be comic. If the role isn't written in a comic way and you don't have the support of the director to really reinterpret it, but instead, just because it's a school play, you've just bulldozed your way through and decided that you're going to turn it into a comic turn,

it's not really very fair on everyone else in the play. Because you do get laughs, but they're cheap laughs, aren't they? It's a team sport, acting. Exactly. It is, except for one-man plays. What is the most major role you've played was it um michael douglas in a chorus line uh i think it probably was yeah i'm trying to think so i did my first ever role that i recall was uh the judge in super

toad which was a musical sort of musical for schools version of the wind in the willows not a shit version of super ted they're like we can't have the ted because it's copyrighted so super not too far off um and then i was mr brown low in oliver he's a goody goody that adopts him he adopts oliver yes um but you see now okay that's a classic example so age 10 i was mr brown low yeah i had a funny uh sort of ginger moustache awesome and a top hat and tails and everything lovely and i only had two scenes one was the wet scene where i was just like a dad to oliver and nice to him and everything yeah uh the other scene was i say something like now be careful out there on the streets oliver walks off gets kidnapped by bill sykes which in

our production happened on stage in a corner of the stage. So you see Oliver get abducted and dragged off into an alleyway. And then I turn and say something to the maid like, I do hope he'll be alright, or something. Which the whole way through rehearsal, the director had never indicated to me was a comic moment. It isn't. Oliver's just been abducted. Child abduction is not comic.

Went down an absolute storm on stage. Laughter, applause. So once I realised that it was funny to turn to the audience with a raised eyebrow and say, I do hope he's all right. That was like the big comic moment of the show. Oh, jeez. Not supposed to be.

You're supposed to be on Oliver's side at that point. So we're just going to advise Cormac to make the best of what he's got and we're not going to advise him to try and overthrow the lead. Well, actually, now you mention it, I'd completely forgotten this. Oh, no.

A friend of mine called richard unwin he's an actor now oh so and he was a good actor then and he was cast as the lead as you would expect in my school production of a show called the clink i was cast in a stupid role that i then camped up and like totally made the most of in every single scene and then he got suspended for smoking cannabis. And it was two weeks before the show. And I don't know, I still don't know to this day whether my theatre teacher, who was the director of the piece, asked me to do it only as a bargaining chip

to say to the headmaster, look what a fucking farce this is going to be. We're going to have Olly Mann playing the romantic lead to try and get Richard back. Olly man deserves love too or whether he seriously thought i was the most capable because you know i'd flattered myself by thinking i was nearly as good as richard but not quite and that's why i had this small comic role but it was a much smaller part right i was kind of staggered to be offered the opportunity and it was two weeks before the show which in school theater production terms is like saying five minutes before you're on, right?

And they were like, yeah, you're going to have to learn the whole thing. You know, we've been doing six weeks rehearsals, but you're going to be playing the main part. But anyway, looking back on it now, I do wonder whether actually the whole thing was just that the headmaster was like, whatever happens,

I am not allowing people to come and watch the production where Ollie Mann's playing the romantic lead. We will unsuspend Richard Unwin and he will get to play it. Which is what happened. And they didn't re-suspend him afterwards. It wasn't like a suspended suspension. I don't think so. I think he'd learnt his lesson.

I think that was the point. I think that the real sense of threat that the part could be taken away from him because they knew he was going to be an actor and he was really into it, that was the biggest punishment they could give him. And this is the worst possible punishment. the idea of you the idea of ollie man replacing you yeah well imagine now what if you're listening to this and you're an actor in

the west end now right yeah imagine i'm imagining you're caught backstage with drugs yeah and the person's like we don't do that in this theater company like that would happen we're we're going to replace you with Olly Mann. That would be a massive slap in the face, wouldn't it? Can you imagine? You can't act. He's a podcaster. He's never done any musical theatre outside of school. You know, he's a G-list minor celebrity.

We just need a name. Imagine the dancers at Sadler's Wells would find it particularly troubling. No offence. Here's a question from Aaron in Pennsylvania who says, Helen, answer me this. What does the band The Weeknd mean? Not really a band, just a man.

True. That's not the end of the question. No, okay. Because it would be easy to answer, wouldn't it? Abel Tesfaye, that's his name. What does the band The Weeknd mean when they sing... I can't feel my face when I'm with you. I'll sing this so that people...

Please do. I can feel my face when I'm with you I'll sing this so that people Please do I can't feel my face when I'm with you Yeah slightly slower Try again I can't feel my face when I'm with you Not like yearning I think my impression was good enough That people now know the song we're talking about

That's enough That's all I wanted to achieve What does, says Aaron Losing the ability to feel your face Have to do with being attracted to anybody Well you know you could say You smiled so widely that your muscles have to do with being attracted to anybody well you know you could say you smiled so widely that your muscles have become weak and numb yeah or someone has been sitting on your face for so long that the circulation has been cut off you know you ask i'm just giving you

some hypotheses but also i mean if metaphors for love often a nonsense well they're not literal you know she boned me over i mean if actually did, you wouldn't still be interested, would you? Well, you'd be... You'd be filing a lawsuit. But anyway, is this, Erin says, some new expression of youth that an old person like myself is unaware of? It's all the rage amongst the youngsters.

Is it a drug reference? Yes. Is it a euphemism? Yes. Sort of. Is it an oblique reference to cunnilingus I hadn't even thought of that I'm not going to even linger

but no because it's a drug reference probably that works as a cunnilingus reference what's the drug reference it's just so smashed on coke really yeah that's apparently what the song's about that's boring isn't it

and a lot of his songs are about drugs it's a bit more interesting because it's when you actually analyse the lyrics it's a love song to cocaine so he's not comparing the girl to cocaine it sounds like a song to a the lyrics it's a love song to cocaine so he's not comparing the girl to cocaine it sounds like a song to a girl actually it's a love song to cocaine well that's never been done before in the history of pop music well it's never been done in 2015 with the vocoder martin and that's good enough i think it's cunning to write

a song that people could still think is about romantic or sexual yearnings even if it's about drugs no it's boring no. No, it's boring. No, but it means it can be about, yeah, this is our song, we just don't think about it too much and it's fine. That was interesting in 1965. It was difficult to write or sing about drugs, but it's not exciting to do that anymore.

It's been done a million times. Personally, I loved it when Sixpence and On The Richer covered There She Goes by The Lars and didn't find out till afterwards what it means because they were quite a clean band. They were a Christian band. They were upset. But then you can re means because they were quite a clean band. They were a Christian band. They were upset. But then you can reinterpret it to be about a woman going. Can you reinterpret it if you're lip syncing it though?

Because Tom Cruise did the lip sync battle on Jimmy Fallon to this song and I do wonder whether his people knew that it was about cocaine when he lip synced it because that's not a cover that's not interpretation. Well I think firstly lip sync battle, it's basically charades so you don't necessarily have to approve what charades is about that's true secondly i think tom cruise kind of has the ability to sanitize everything anyway and and also make it sinister yeah once

so what a skill exactly so actually it's a pretty good choice for him i think i'll tell you what about tom cruise right i don't like tom cruise as in like he's definitely if I was naming film stars that I like he wouldn't even be in my top 50 and who's number 47 Glenn Close good choice but

if Tom Cruise walked into a bar I'd shit myself I'd be like oh my god it's Tom Cruise do you know what I mean yeah

he's a proper movie star and then you'd be like I've soiled myself how embarrassing how embarrassing I've got a question email your question to answer me this podcast

at googlemail.com to answer me this podcast at googlemail.com to answer me this podcast at googlemail.com to answer me this podcast atMail.com Lens or me, this is Podcast at GoogleMail.com So retrospectives, what historical events are we ticking off on this week's run of Today in History? On Monday, we bring you the real story of the mutiny on the bounty.

On Tuesday, the anniversary of the day somebody invented the meatball, but who? On Wednesday, the iconic British car that ripped off an iconic American car. On Thursday, how American airlines invented air miles. And on Friday, the UFO sighting that gripped colonial America. We discuss this and more on Today in History with The Retrospectors.

Ten minutes each weekday, wherever you get your podcasts. Here's a question from Coralie in Durham. Pretty name. Pretty place? Yes. Pretty, pretty name pretty place yes pretty pretty pretty oh how everything is so beautiful there what could possibly be going wrong in her life that she'd need to write to us hopefully nothing um she says ollie answer me this how is our cathedral so magnificent ollie answer me this isn't the approach on the train one of the best views in britain she says i write to you with an admittedly low level dilemma that's good sometimes it's nice Isn't the approach on the train One of the best views in Britain She says

I write to you with an admittedly low level dilemma That's good Sometimes it's nice to take time off From people having things That will psychologically impact them forever To celebrate getting my first actual job As an archaeologist Wow

I intended to go to a reputable shop And get a discreet cartilage ear piercing So that presumably is one of those ones up on the top not on the lobe goes in the bit that you don't want to see a piercing it's one of those i don't know i don't mind them i like this do you understand helen this uh idea of wanting to get your ears pierced to celebrate a job to make a permanent scar to your body to say hey i'm getting some money for me so much of my career progress has involved emotional scarring rather than physical.

I think if I'd just got a job as an archaeologist for which I was being paid, I'd probably go and get the Indiana Jones hat and whip. I'd probably get myself a shiny new trowel. But I do understand actually people marking certain points in their life with physical modifications. I don't have that urge myself. But when people say, well, my body is kind of like a map of my experiences, I get it. Yeah, it's funny, isn't it? I know someone who had cancer and they had a tattoo on their arm when they recovered from the chemotherapy to remind them that they'd survived.

So that every time they looked down, they reminded themselves. And the idea, obviously, was for them to live every moment as if it was their last and really make use of their life. Right. But if that was me, I'd look down and think, oh, God, I had cancer. Do you know what I mean? I would constantly be reminded of the bad stuff, I think. Well, I don't know. It's trying to transform the bad stuff into something more positive.

Yeah. Maybe. Look, everyone's different. Coralie wants to get her ear cartilage pierced. She says, I have not had a piercing since I was 10 when I got my ears pierced the first time. However, on a recent visit home, I drunkenly mentioned this to my mum. My mum is a very lovely, if rather traditional, lady. She was extremely upset by the notion of my cartilage

ear piercing. Maybe she was upset by you being pissed. Maybe she thought she's not thought about this properly because she's pissed. She maybe hadn't thought this is a plan she had before she got pissed, but she's just relating it while she's pissed. She argued that the cartilage piercing would probably get infected because I'm allergic to non-precious metals.

I mean, often the ear reacts badly to non-precious metals, but that's why they make so many earrings that are out of silver and gold. Yeah, okay. She also said I oughtn't be drawing attention to my slightly sticky-out ears. Oh, that's such a mum thing to say. Such a mum thing. I see all your imperfections and I'm not going to let you forget them or even see them

as not imperfections because humans are so varied and different. What's wrong with having sticking out ears is what she's not saying. Yes. And she said she'd accepted my bottle green DMs and wasn't that alternative enough? Maybe in the 80s. My ancient Greek

teacher used to wear burgundy DMs at a private school in Kentent in the 90s so i think dm stopped being alternative sometime before that frankly says coralie mum reacted worse to the idea of my cartilage piercing than when she found out i'm not straight which is arguably a good thing but also rather alarming i assume she means her mum's reaction rather than her sexuality yeah i think she she meant you know if you're going to come out to your mum, you think there's going to be a big reaction. There wasn't.

And yet when she said she was going to pierce her ears, there was. She says, I've decided to pick my battles and put the idea out of my mind. Aww. But I've been mulling it over again. I don't live at home currently. Oh, the plot thickens. An idea comes to shape. I would obviously be paying for the piercing.

Oh, £10. I'd need mummy's pocket money for this. And it wouldn't scupper me professionally. Fair enough. Unless at work you set off someone's metal detector. So, Helen, answer me this. Should I disregard my mother's feelings and have the cartilage piercing anyway,

risking familial upset, the worst of all punishments pretty much or should i console myself that the doc martins are enough i mean the doc martins are pretty racy but at least they do not draw attention to your ears they draw attention to your sticking out toes i think if this means this much to, it's your body and you should do it. Absolutely. You're an adult. Yes. You don't need her consent.

And also it's so minor, really. You could get it done and just even see if she noticed. Yeah, but I wouldn't. So I'm saying that I think the right advice is go ahead and do it because it's what you really want. But in truth, if I was in your position, I wouldn't because when my parents make it really, really clear

they're upset to me about something so tiresome isn't it if they don't play that card enough then you know you're just like well this is the one thing this year they've really put their foot down about you know they did bring me into the world you know it's not that big a deal i'll go with it to be pragmatic it in itself is not as big a deal as some things could be but the point is more just her mother is not allowing her to do what she wants and what she wants is not harmful to anyone else or harmful to her well her mother is upset about it because she has a different view on it i gave you your beautiful baby body and your terrible sticky out ears oh maybe that's the thing maybe it's drawing attention to what she feels is her own

failure to give you flat ears yes maybe yeah in, yeah. In my family, I might not do it because they would take the piss out of me for the rest of my natural life. What, just for having a real cartilage piercing? Just for anything. Like, even if it's something completely inconsequential. My dad, when I was 12, invented a boyfriend for me

and then still teases me about him. He invented a boyfriend called Duncan that got the same school busases me about him. But he invented a boyfriend called Duncan that got the same school bus as me. Right. I don't know if I've ever known anyone called Duncan. That's weird. It's so weird. What was the nature of the joke when you were 12?

Because most dads don't like the idea of their 12-year-old daughter having a boyfriend at all. But you know how you tease children when you're like, oh, you fancy someone, don't you? How's Duncan? And you're like, oh, stop it. That's so embarrassing. If that person doesn't exist. Yeah, it's just a weird someone, don't you? How's Duncan? And you're like, oh, stop it. That's so embarrassing. If that person doesn't exist.

Yeah, it's just a weird joke, isn't it? So weird. But it's a surrealist joke of the type I imagine your father would enjoy. So I can see why that tickled his funny bone. I think the thing is, throughout my life, but particularly before I was, say, 30, I didn't really express myself physically very much.

So I didn't do anything particularly outrageous with my appearance. I think you'll find we met through interpretive dance. But Martin had all the different hair dyes and you had your hair shaved off and you had very long braids. How did they feel about that? About you expressing yourself in that very typically teenage way, but in a way that neither Helen or I did through your hair?

They were fine about it. Were you ever tempted to get a piercing? Yeah, I thought about getting an eyebrow piercing at one stage because I think they look really good When you were kind of gothy and I use the word kind of advisedly gothish

when you had long hair when you were a teenage physics weirdo I can imagine that in that period of your life that's when you would have wanted it I was a teenage physics weirdo and a metaller The thing I'd be worried about about any kind of jewellery on my body is that I think I'd play with it constantly. Yeah, it's fun.

But anyway, I wouldn't want to play continuously with a cartilage ear piercing. That sounds like that would be bad for you. But the thing is, cartilage piercing seems to be so mild because it's easy to cover up with hair if you decide it doesn't suit you and piercings can just close over. It doesn't really matter. If you're getting the flesh tubes you know the big kind of plugs in your ears they permanently alter your ear and tattoos are very

hard to get rid of so it seems like as a starter body modification this is a very gentle one okay ease your mom in to when you get your tongue forked surgically probably the idea of you doing it is worse than you actually doing well it is now time for us to pierce this episode with a clip of old Answer Me This for the intermission. Something that we did when we were young and we've never regretted. Today's intermission is from Answer Me This episode 89. And it, like all of our first 200 episodes, is available from answermethisstore.com. Jack from Gloucester has written in, Ollie, I've worked in the same office for about two years now and I've come to realise that I really fancy my boss. No, you're just bored.

You're just stuck. That's just golfers' ball syndrome. I get strong indications that she feels the same. I know in the cold light of day, work relationships are meant to be wrong, but are they always a complete no-go? Does he say if they're both single? He does not mention. That's a crucial thing, isn't it?

I assume that they are. I assume that they are, because if they hadn't been, I'm sure he would have mentioned that. Would you not act on it if you fancy someone at work, then? I work on my own. I'm a really bad person to ask. You don't want to be acting on that when you're freelance. Honestly, you get nothing done.

I was talking to this colleague of mine who's a urologist, and his girlfriend is a colorectal surgeon. How was your work today, darling? Shit, how was yours? Piece of piss. Let's take a question from our phone line, please, Helen. Oh, all right, Ollie. Anything to please.

I didn't realise I could just summon questions like that whenever I wanted. Yeah, really, after all this time. After all this time, do you realise I had that secret skill. Got a very big supply. If you want to send us a question via the phone line, then this is the number you need to call. 0208-163-58007

Or you can Skype answer me this. Do it. Patrick, we got the number right. Why is there no such thing as Greek wine? It's the same climate as italy and it's close and they should have wine they have yeah they make raki which is made of the leftovers of greek wine why do we not know greek wine how can you make something out of the leftovers of greek wine if there is no greek wine patrick think about your own question very good question

is this guy taking the piss or what? Most of the Greek wine I've drunk has been dessert wine. It doesn't matter what category it's in, Martin. It's wine. No, no, it doesn't. Because this guy's basically just called the phone line

and said, why don't the Greeks do drama? The Greeks, they like God, don't they? Why have they never invented any God? You say Greece is famous for wine. Yes.

Why is wine... The Greeks had a God of wine, right? Oh yeah, that's a good point. They were really fucking into their wine. They used to sacrifice people for the god of wine. Yeah, but he was the god of Riesling, not local wines. Dionysus loved a nice glass of Shardy. Oh, that's smart. So what is the most

famous Greek wine? Retsina. Retsina, now. And Retsina does taste like cat piss and it's not very nice. I've never drunk Retsina. Yeah, because it's not very nice. Basically, you can only really drink it in greek restaurants or of course in greece so the question should really be why does greece not have nice wine compared to other countries at the same latitude not even the right question oh the right question is why is it that the

british don't have a taste for greek wine okay or even specifically why is it the british don't have a taste for the g Greek wine that gets exported here? Yes. And the answer to that is twofold. The easy answer is, obviously the Greeks drink most of their own wine in their own local tavernas and whatever, and they slightly export the stuff that isn't very nice.

Yeah. That's the simple answer. The other bit of it, though, is really interesting. And it's because, and this is just a theory, I'm not a wine expert, I don't know. Is it an only man conspiracy theory? No, no, no, it's not a conspiracy. It's just a theory.

Okay. But I've seen it written about a few places and i can't discount it it kind of makes sense we drink french wine italian wine spanish wine yeah i mean obviously now we drink california australian wine but that's because of improvements in transport but until very recently french italian spanish right the reason we drink french italian spanish wine is because the french and the italian and the Italian and the Spanish vineyards started developing the techniques of modern wine growing

whilst Greece was part of the Ottoman Empire, aka Muslim. It's not into their wine. Not growing great. Not really. It's not wine at all. Kind of encouraging the whole let's get drunk on wine thing.

Yeah. And so the modern taste in Britain and therefore America and a lot of the other places that have wine cultures uh have been not to the taste of the wine that the greeks export but then when did greece stop being part of the ottoman empire centuries ago yeah so you think the trend had been established then we go to france for our fine wine we go to greece for our slightly ropey cat piss wine that we have with the Moussaka. No, because tastes change a lot quicker than that. You know, Alcopox was suddenly a thing.

It took like people months to get into the taste of Alcopox. From being like, oh, it tastes like children's drinks. To suddenly being like, yeah, Alcopox, cool. Yeah, we're going off tangent now. But now you mention Alcopox. Alcopox. You speak more truth than you realise. Alcopox is a great name.

Now you mention Alcopox. I was in California recently. One of the tours of the Sonoma Valley Alcopox. The range of Alcopops that they have in America compared to, and it must be a legal thing compared to what they're allowed to do here. You can walk into a petrol station in the States and you can buy something that has something like 20 booze in it wow and it's basically it looks like iced tea and it's got a cartoon character on the front but it gets you absolutely shit face i assume those are the most glorious thing full of sugar rather than

booze absolutely full of sugar so you're absolutely off your tits like it's like being a child that's drunk too much ribena and you've got the full-on slam of drinking three cocktails. It was glorious. I drank one and I was like, this is the most happy drunk I've ever been and I can't buy them here. But all of these are quite modern innovations. They are all newer than wine

and have really taken the market more than Greek wine. But anyway, newer than the classical civilisation of Greece, which definitely had wine. So this is a stupid question. A lot of Greek literature makes reference to wine. I refer you to book six of the Odyssey where there's a word that means wine dark sea. Good knowledge. Do your homework before you call next time Patrick.

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Who's gonna check? Huge thanks to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of answer me this and making it very easy for me to design a website for my dad despite that realistically it should have been the most frustrating experience that i had ever faced with my dad which is quite a big list what is the website that your dad asked you to design well for his sculptures because there's not a lot of Zach Saltzman on the web. No, a lot of demand. And now, what did I get him? ZachSaltzman.com or.org, I can't remember.

But now there are some sculptures of Zach Saltzman's online. There will be more when I get around to it. It took like a couple of hours to put the whole thing together, which included mainly photo editing, which is not Squarespace's fault. No, Squarespace are really good at doing galleries, actually, aren't they? It's one of the things they're great for doing a portfolio. So if you've got a lot of pictures you want to share simply.

If you've got a dad who is a sculptor and you kind of want to make... Nicest ad ever. You kind of want the website to look a bit like if the sculpture was in a gallery, so in like a very bright white plane environment, very easy to do that. And also the URL was included through Squarespace. Yeah, you get a free URLarespace that was less trouble too and i did also get 10 off for a year by using our code

answer good work it was a good birthday present for him so now i reckon i should set up a twitter account as him and not tell him about it and just tweet as him and see how long it takes for someone to tell him he could be the king of twitter if he chose as we've uh demonstrated of course in episode 200 of answer me this very amusing man available to buy answer me this store.com on squarespace which is hosted by squarespace yeah here's a question from elliot from manchester who says my girlfriend and i were just shopping in the manchester arndale when we happened to walk past wh smiths in the window they had a sign saying that andy Andy McNabb would be doing a book signing soon. Ollie, answer me this.

How can Andy McNabb do a book signing when he is famous for hiding his face? Is he going to wear a balaclava the whole time and mask his real voice? That would be ridiculous. He could send along Banksy as him. That'd be fun. I like the idea of him wearing a suit which is like an oversized cartoon version of Andy McNabb. Do you think Andy McNabb goes around in a Frank Sidebottom papier-mâché head?

So, for listeners who aren't familiar, Andy McNabb is an ex-SAS best-selling author. So he used to be in the Special Forces. Initially, you are absolutely, if you're leaking any trade secrets here, not allowed to display your face for national security reasons. Yeah, when you're writing about having killed a lot of people as a sniper, for instance. It's generally not a good idea to say, oh, it's me, do you remember?

Look at me profiting out of war. But it's been a long time now that Andy McNabb's been around. So the short answer to this is, no, he won't wear a balaclava, but the procedure when Andy McNabb does a book signing is everyone in the room is allowed to see his face, but you're not allowed to take any photography at all. I know, but now that it's so much easier to be a sniper, but then he'll shoot you. Yeah.

He's a sniper. But I suppose if they confiscate smartphones, it's still quite hard to take a picture. It just seems like such a pain to go to an Andy McNabb reading and have to have all the security frisking and everything. Is it worth it? Yeah, but if you're an Andy McNabb fan who would go to an Andy McNabb book signing, and we know from our own book signings that you're talking hardcore fans by that point i think you're the kind of person who'd be into the procedure of shedding your phone to go and meet andy mcnab the ritual

of your hero yeah exactly of almost dressing up for the occasion isn't it you are allowed to photograph him from behind he's got great buttocks he doesn't have a very memorable back of the head so there are pictures of him online shot from behind signing books. And you can see it's a late middle-aged man with grey hair signing books. It could easily just be an actor, couldn't it? It could. That's the thing. Ultimately, you don't know because there aren't any pictures of him.

But anyway, so that's the short answer. You can't take a picture, but you will be able to see his face. The long answer, I think, is actually, would the SAS give a shit at this stage if you recognise who Andy Manab was and he was leaking secrets from the 90s? Probably not. His big book, Bravo Tisere,

is that from the first Gulf War? From the first Gulf War, exactly. So 1991, nearly 25 years later. He was already out of the game by the second Gulf War, I think. Yeah. So, ultimately, I think, really, his people propagate this. Mystique.

Exactly, because it is part of his brand, isn't it? That's what he's selling. I used to be in the SAS. I've got trade secrets. I'm dangerous, so they can't take my picture. And it's part of the whole game. So, actually, I think, even if, secretly, there had been a letter from the SAS saying,

look, mate, it's fine. You can show your face now. He wouldn't show his face. Here's a question from Richard who says, my wife, Abby, and I were at the beach this weekend in Costa Rica when it started to rain. We were in the sea, but it wasn't stormy, so we weren't too worried. However, after seeing the first flash of lightning, we got out of the water and walked along the shore.

After a couple of flashes and some rumbling thunder, there was a huge thunderclap and a flash that felt like it was directly above us and we both bent double with our hands on our heads screaming out in pain oh jesus it felt as if we'd been hit on the back of the head with a rock but only lasted a second or two after which point we were fine if a little dazed and confused we haven't experienced any after effects but ollie answer me this were we hit by lightning shouldn't we be dead we haven't experienced any after effects but ollie answer me this were we hit by lightning shouldn't we be dead we haven't experienced any after effects but ollie answer me this google the majority of people that are hit by lightning actually don't die 90 survive and do we think they were hit by lightning i do it

sounds very much like they were hit by lightning the um fact that they were hit in the back of their heads that they're lucky that that didn't then cause a coma or brain damage. It can cook your brain cells in the worst situation. It can heat the surrounding air to 50,000 degrees Fahrenheit. Jeepers. Five times hotter than the surface of the sun. Where you may have been lucky, Richard, is that you had been swimming, so you probably weren't wearing anything metal.

So it's much worse if you're wearing jewellery or, for example, an underwire bra. It'll burn around your tits, yeah. If you're wearing jewelry or for example an underwire bra it'll burn it'll burn around your tits yeah if you're wet though that can often be worse can't it that's true and and if you're on a beach there's quite a good chance that you're the highest thing on the beach because most beaches are quite flat for a little way so what you should have done is flung yourselves into the sand until it was over maybe built a large sand castle if there was time i thought that i would never love again oh no i went on to the internet and then What then? I found a place where all true love lasts. Hooray! At www.answermedispodcast.com

Here's a question from Siobhan in Paris, who says, I'm getting married soon in deepest, darkest France. I've been a vegetarian for most of my life, and my partner has been a vegetarian for about two years now. Are you worried that they're going to eat you in deepest, darkest rows? Is that why you're writing to us? He thinks we should serve an entirely vegetarian menu

to our guests at the wedding, even though only around 10 of the 100 guests will be vegetarians themselves. Or 10%. That's a bit of maths for you. Fucking hell, are we? I did that in seconds. We didn't stop the tape and then press record again.

I'm so proud of you. Just did that instantly. It's like you're Rachel Riley On Countdown Siobhan says I understand the argument That if we're vegetarian It's problematic

To buy a hundred or so Servings of meat But I think There are lots of reasons Not to go veggie Controversial I wasn't expecting that I wasn't either

Because I would say Yes veggie wedding Every veggie wedding I've been to The food has been great Yeah some of the best food Veggie wedding Sounds like the title Of a 1970s glam rock song Doesn't it yes veggie wedding every veggie wedding I've been to the food has been great yeah some of the best food veggie wedding sounds like the title

of a 1970s glam rock song doesn't it dum ba dum dum da veggie wedding doesn't it can you imagine like T-Rex doing that or Slade

yes I can now and I wish that was real but it isn't bring on the carrots veggie wedding in fact we all attended

a veggie wedding I think even a vegan wedding um yes we did this here tommy and ishbell felicitations and the great thing was on on the form that you filled in for the rsvp there was a box you could tick if you couldn't go a whole evening without meat in your diet yeah so pause this for a second the invitation lands we both asked the question was that a joke yeah or is it an arsehole test or but yeah but we both assumed if two vegans are getting married and they say on the on the rsvp form this is a vegan wedding but tick here if you really need some meat is basically what he said we thought that was almost a joke to to make you feel too embarrassed to tick that box but just like it's such a

ridiculous question like who would be unless you had a heart problem or something and you desperately needed your medication to be taken with some kind of meat. Unless you were so allergic to all of the vegetables that were likely to be served to you. And also bread and cakes and sweets. If you're wheat allergic and chickpea allergic, then maybe you're running out of options. Anyway, we both actually thought that it was a joke.

I suppose what we thought was we'd never really actually tick that, even if we fancied meat, because we're going to a veggie wedding and also because I was like which arsehole can't do without meat for that long

but anyway so the point is punchline we get to the wedding and it turns out about a dozen people had ticked that box some of them ticked it because they thought that was a joke

and what happened was they were all distributed as a badge of humiliation I think that kind of ultra processed square ham but this is what happens when vegans order meat anyway it's not going to be good meat is it no whereas the rest of the menu was delicious amazing really really great food if they hadn't pointed it out i probably wouldn't have even noticed that it was like i only noticed whether the food is good or bad exactly i've had

a horrible lamb shank at a wedding once you know i remember that i don't remember there was a carnivore's wedding yeah uh anyway i would say vegetarian wedding no problem but siobhan points out problem okay she says first of all the wedding is in france yes and a large number of the guests will be french and therefore very surprised and confused at the lack of meat this may sound like an exaggeration but after living here as a vegetarian for 10 years i can confirm that sadly it is not. Meat is the default. Le default. In many countries like France, which are very foodie.

Is there a foodie country that really values vegetables? A lot of areas of India. That's true. That's a great answer. Gujarat. No, Gujarat's a good answer. Thank you. Siobhan continues.

Any non-veggie British guests who have travelled over will be expecting some authentic, i.e. meaty, French fare for the full Gaelic experience. Well, not if they're going to the wedding of two vegetarians. I think that's a better argument. If someone travels to France, they want authentic French food. Well, they can go and get it the day before. I have also previously attended a lot of my guests' own weddings and feel that they could argue that while they made a special effort for me

and provided a vegetarian meal, I wasn't making a special effort for them and simply imposing my culinary choices on them but they don't not eat vegetables good point if any of them don't eat vegetables then you should make a special effort for them but that might be one person exactly yeah if any of them are condemned to only drink liquids like if any of them have never eaten a meal without meat in it's time to open their eyes, even in that scenario. I felt like it was no trouble at all to provide for vegetarians and vegans and lactose intolerant and wheat intolerant people at our wedding. That was not a problem.

Hiring chairs and toilets, that was a problem because that is dull. Thinking about how to make a vegan cake, easy. Anyway, Siobhan says, we want all our guests to feel welcomed and comfortable and to have a great time. Well, they can't without steak. Forget it. Doesn't that involve catering to their tastes? Yeah, I see the argument, but no, it doesn't.

I think we're all agreed on this, aren't we, before we even get to the question? Before we even get to the question, Ollie, answer me this. Should we risk causing a diplomatic incident and try to bring vegetarianism to rural France? Be the change you want to see in the world. Or should we forget our ethics for a day and buy a ton of meat for our nearest and dearest? Process time again.

I do have a suggestion for a third way, at least for the aforementioned guests whose nuptials i've already celebrated serve them the exact meal i had at their wedding that's mental that is amazingly mental i love it this will work out well for most of my british guests they can feast on delicious moroccan mezze or a roasted camembert but they've come over for the french food you just said that in the previous paragraph your email they're expecting're expecting French fare, not like Moroccan... Roasted camembert, I think you can file under French. I just feel like the French wouldn't roast the camembert so much as a Brit would.

This wouldn't work so well for my dear French friends and family. Three asparagus spears and some rice with the meat sauce scraped off, anyone? Your advice would be most welcome and may save our wedding from ruin. It's not going to be ruined. It's not going to be ruined, although I think your third-way solution, though amusing, is clearly not the third way. save our wedding from ruin it's not going to be ruined it's not going to be ruined although i do

i think your third way solution though amusing is clearly not the third way it's very addictive it's very admin heavy i think go vegetarian but have a magnificent cheese board the issue in my my mind is you are ethical vegetarians right sounds like you're not doing it for uh religious reasons or health reasons i mean they might be part of it as well but it sounds like what you're saying is you don't like the idea of dead things being on the buffet. It seems like there's a principle here, certainly, the way that you phrase the email. Although not so much that you are dismissing this idea entirely. So that is confusing. So my answer actually is make it a vegetarian wedding, but make it a buffet.

And if it doesn't hurt your ethical principles, if it genuinely doesn't bother you, then just have a meat on the buffet. Have some chicken wings. You don't have to eat them. Chicken wings. And other people can eat them and that's fine. But then that's kind of worst of both worlds, isn't it?

No, it's not. If you're going that far, you might as well go 100% vegetarian. Yeah, I completely disagree. A wedding is meant to be a celebration of the couple and a reflection of what you want. I agree, but I'm just saying, again, it comes back to just being pragmatic.

I think I've got a better compromise. If you're saying the Brits want to come over for fantastic French food, go to a really good restaurant with them the day before or something, or send them to one the day after and they can eat whatever they want. Which is exactly, actually,

what Tommy and Isabel did with us, isn't it? Yeah, we went up to Scotland and we went to a very meaty restaurant the night before and they ate vegetarian and then the wedding was vegetarian. Well, good. And we were in a B&B where there was a fuckload of sausage in the morning. Flaked our first for blood. Also, if there is good French food that is vegetarian, shouldn't you promote that?

That might make people more thoughtful about ordering it in the future. Yeah, that's a big if though, isn't it? I'm trying to think, have I ever eaten anything in France that was good and vegetarian? Dessert? There's lots of good fresh produce. You be fine you'd be fine but yeah i think go with what you would ideally want and they can bloody deal with it also get them plastered beforehand on french wine they won't care well uh martin's kicking me repeatedly in the ankles so i think it's time to come to the end of this episode of answer me this yes i i think that's probably a good signal

uh remember that if you want to get your question on a future episode of Answer Me This... You're going to have to send it, otherwise we won't know about it. Yes, but there are numerous channels by which you can send it. They're all listed upon our website. AnswerMethispodcast.com Although we would recommend email or Skype or phone.

Otherwise, we won't remember you've sent the question. If you text our phone line number, that is an absolute no-no. Don't. It reads like spam. Like, immediately we hate you before we've engaged the question if you text our phone line number that is an absolute no no just yeah don't it reads like spam like immediately we hate you before we've engaged with what you're trying to say and you might be a very nice person it comes through like all of those if you've been missold ppi insurance spam messages so you know just stick to the classic methods email phone and skype nothing wrong with email got us through the 2000s but we certainly enjoy your interactions with us on facebook and twitter so uh join us there follow us there as well and remember our other podcast side projects my new show the modern man oh my god the modern man modern man m-a-double-n.co.uk

on this week's episode i meet a man who supported the manic street preachers on tour when he was a teenager of course i'm thinking that manic street preachers with two n's because it's on your show uh but then got dumped by his record label after one album he tells his story in this week's show when he was a teenager. Of course I'm thinking that manic street preachers with two N's because it's on your show. But then got dumped by his record label after one album. Who was that? He tells his story in this week's show.

Who's he? You'll have to tune in to find out. Well, I will. And The Allusionist as well. Yeah, theallusionist.org. Martin? Songbysongpodcast.com.

And you're currently steaming through Tom Waits' second album. The Heart of Saturday Night. It's a very nice album. And later got adapted, of course, into a hit TV show

with Anton Deck. One of my favourites. Little Leonard Cohen, my favourite character in that. And finally, we must say thank you very much to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of On Two Nights. Thanks, mate. And that is all. Goodbye. Bye.