Answer Me This! - AMT332: slimy AND crunchy

Episode Date: June 2, 2016

The show is BACK. During our break, Olly had a son; Helen went outside; and Martin the Sound Man didn't find the escape hatch. So, AMT322 proceeds as normal. Find out more about it at . Tweet us http://twitter.com/helenandolly Be our Facebook friend at http://facebook.com/answermethis Subscribe on iTunes http://iTunes.com/AnswerMeThis Buy old episodes and albums at http://answermethisstore.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Will Idris Elba get to play Jenny Bond? Has to be this, has to be this Is there a software update for my magic wand? Has to be this, has to be this Helen and Ollie, has to be this Reunited and it feels so good I told you we'd be back Oh, in case you've forgotten who we are

due to the lengthy break, I am Helen Zaltzman And I am Ollie Mann And I'm Martin Sandman we'd be back oh in case you've forgotten who we are due to the lengthy break i am helen zaltzman and i am ollie man and i'm martin sandman so you have had a very eventful time during our break some of it good let's start with the goods yes um on the day our last episode came out so did baby man that's correct yes god i'd forgotten that it was the same day amazingly you weren't listening to the final cut of our episode in the delivery room no i wasn't and i Yes. God, I'd forgotten that it was the same day. Amazingly, I had other things on mind. You weren't listening to the final cut of our episode in the delivery room. No, I wasn't. And I also wasn't, as one questionnaire wrote to us to ask,

singing happy birthday to my baby. Someone said, why don't you sing happy birthday at the point that the newborn baby arrives? Because that would be absolutely insane. And you've been awake for 36 hours is the answer. I can see the head. You just want to be ready right the second he slithers out all right love keep pushing to you um yeah uh so yes yes uh harvey is his name harvey we named him after my favorite restaurant the harvester but harvey for short yeah that's a great name

thank you i i'm on record as saying you would ace the name i think you aced the name but yeah do you mean that yeah yeah There's no reservations. No. If I had reservations, I would just say, ah, but what a cutie. Which he also is. Adorable baby. Oh, thank you very much.

And if I didn't think that, I'd be like, lovely smile. Historically on this podcast, you've said such things as, I don't like babies. Babies can fuck themselves. Have you revised your opinion now that you've got one? No, when it comes to other people's babies so i still stand by that comment all of your babies

listeners can go but uh indeed uh as you're insinuating when it comes to one's own uh one does feel differently and that certainly has been the case for me i i i go into some detail about the whole birthing experience on my other podcast the modern man but suffice to say i was and this never happens completely speechless when he was born wow the first time yeah uh yeah i've never been speechless before i couldn't i couldn't string a sentence together i was overwhelmed with emotion i couldn't i basically couldn't talk for about four hours and when i called my parents to tell them they were grandparents i couldn't get the words out they thought i was taking the piss I was completely debilitated with an overwhelming sense of... You've never felt feelings before.

They all came at once. Is this what you humans call love? It was. It was my Dr. Spock moment. But she's doing well, the baby's doing well, you're doing well. Yeah, I guess so. Harvey's new thing at the moment is he's four months old now. He's learned how to roll onto his front.

Genius! Yes, I think he is very clever. There's one thing I the moment is he's four months old now. He's learned how to roll onto his front. Genius! Yes, I think he is very clever. There's one thing I noticed right from the beginning. From day one, I've seen other babies who sit in the corner of the room, look at a wall and they look bored all the time. He looks around and he seems engaged. So fingers crossed he's going to be clever. He might just have a wise face.

No, he's got my face. Looks like he's smiling all the time even when he's miserable. Okay. High chip face. The tears of a clown. But he's managed to get himself on his front, but he now can't roll over the whole way he's only half genius half idiot exactly yeah again takes after me so uh when i walk into a room any room you don't know how to walk out again at the moment all i'm hearing is is my baby lying on his front

going so harvey man all around thumbs up but something very sad happened as well in the man family uh yeah my father died stanley man who's kind of legendary to listeners of this podcast i think and to people who knew him in life yes i credit more the people that knew him in life but it was very sweet when the um news got out there that he passed away that a few listeners to answer me this did email me and say that they'd actually listened to re-listened to episode 200 which after all you don't have to purchase

in tribute to him he featured a few times on the show yeah it was very sudden so from his point of view quite good actually but like shit for people left behind because he didn't get to say goodbye it was very sudden and all that. And he did meet his grandchild though. He did they had they met four times. In a week considering he was only a week old uh it was pretty good going

those are like the two biggest events of your emotional life yeah got them done together yeah got it all done at once um and extra poignant you had just been given a promotion from being the policeman yes i forgot about that i think yeah this is a reference that you won't understand as you're a long time listener but my dad used to call me the policeman uh because i didn't like to keep packets of butter beyond their use by days policemen's and that was his kind of thing yeah yeah and uh just i'd already i've forgotten what did he call me the day before he died sergeant major i think it might have been i can't remember anyway i just got a promotion so yeah so there there was that and then three weeks later my employees decided not to renew my contract. Fantastic. Very

tactful timing on their part I feel. Maybe they're like well he already feels bad so now's the time to pull that plug. So this is this is LBC the radio station that I work for and they made a decision that they would rather employ Katie Hopkins than me. Well I've got news for you Ollie as of next episode of Answer Me This you will be replaced by Katie Hopkins. me. Well, I've got news for you, Ollie. As of next episode of Answer Me This, you will be replaced by Katie Hopkins. And the truth is, I genuinely, I mean, I'm not a big fan of Katie Hopkins, as you might expect, but she does what she does very well. It's different to what I do. I think it takes a toll on one's life more than what you do. Yes. But when I heard that it was her that was coming in and I was going, I sort of thought, well, fair enough. We're doing very different things. You are. And LBC did give me my first radio show and I'm I'm a I'm a

radio professional now thanks to them and hopefully I'll get to work for them again in the future so I genuinely am not bitter about it but it just the timing was not fantastic for my personal life yeah I have to be honest about that if you put that in a sitcom it would seem a bit artificial yes exactly yeah um tell the listeners who was covering for you when you were off work having the baby uh nigel farage of course obviously uh again he'll be he'll be sitting in for me on future episodes of answer me this i'm sure well actually we kept going during the break i just had him in instead uh so anyway that's what i've been up to uh but but since since that shit sandwich with harvey in the middle um yeah there has been some other stuff that's been good

yeah i'm relieved to hear it because that is that is an extraordinary opener to the year yeah it was sandwich with Harvey in the middle um yeah there has been some other stuff that's been good yeah I'm relieved to hear it because that is that is an extraordinary opener to the year yeah it was it was yeah I felt like you have dealt with everything admirably oh thanks I don't know I mean you just do you need my approval I think actually having the baby makes it all very grounding yeah you know you you have someone to care for someone you have to look after that's your priority then yeah and he'd be like i don't care if you've been replaced by katie hopkins because i've done a shit and i need you to sort it out exactly the shit is not going to wait and it's rising up to my neck oh that's the thing that happens babies hi this is john from portsmouth

um i'm in i've been looking at a few um cook programs, not that I'm particularly a chef or anything or even an amateur cook, but I keep noticing that lots of them ask for kosher salt. So what is the difference between kosher salt and normal salt? Cheers. Well, it is a coarser grain and it is used. It's not actually a kosher substance because salt is all kosher. It's used for making things kosher. So when you're drawing the traces of blood out of meat, A kosher substance, because salt is all kosher. It's used for making things kosher.

So when you're drawing the traces of blood out of meat, you use a coarse-grained salt, because if you used a fine-grained salt, all the salt would be absorbed into the meat and make it unbearable, even for the palates of a lot of Jews. Now, why is all salt kosher, I wonder to myself, when it's in the sea and may have been brushed by mollusks? Not all salt is in the sea.

Ah, but you said all salt is kosher. Some salt is in the sea. Is that you said all salt is kosher yeah some salt is in the sea um is that suitable for the little red hand just just doing my rabbinical spot on the show the reason why some recipes might specify kosher salt rather than normal salt is pretentious uh well yes they are well i think in britain we would call it what would we call it coarse salt or flaky salt but kosher salt does not contain some of the additives that the fine salt contains because that has things to stop it clumping like iodine and some cooks won't want that in their recipes because it can alter some of the flavors of other things in an adverse way and then sometimes they don't want to use sea salt because the minerals in that can discolor pickles you don't want a discolored pickle and also it's easier when

you're cooking to pick up a little finger full of kosher salt and sprinkle it evenly than it is with fine stuff. Fine. Those are the reasons. But I mean, I've recently got into cookbooks. You know, I always used to just make stuff up and now I've started to try and be disciplined and follow recipes.

Oh, you've really changed with fatherhood. I've never really identified with Jamie as much as I do now. And, you know, there's this constant thing of thing of oh I don't have that particular ingredient is it worth going out to buy it and so sometimes you think okay that's such a specialist thing you know rose water I think maybe I should buy that because I can't really substitute that yeah that's a flavoring that if it's supposed to be there you'll notice that it's not there exactly and in some of those like middle eastern recipes you know za'atar things like that yeah you kind of think well i'm sure i could blend spices together myself but i'd

rather just go to waitrose and get that thing yeah but then there are those ones that are in between where you think surely there's a substitute for that and kosher salt is absolutely in that category isn't it like it means salt basically so you've just explained means coarse salt if it's for flavor only like if you're throwing it into a stew Doesn't really matter So I think every recipe should say Salt I use kosher salt That means doesn't it Don't knock yourself out

Don't go Especially to go and buy kosher salt But some people would Some people were like Oh it says mirin I have to have mirin I can't use vinegar This I think

Reflects how some people use cookbooks Some people want them to be Extremely prescriptive And some people write them Wanting them to be Extremely prescriptive And other people feel the freedom to interpret the ingredients and the recipe people the opportunity to be but they have that don't chain them down they have the opportunity because the book's not saying i'm watching you and if you

use the wrong salt i am climbing out this book and punching you in the face yeah well you see this is the problem with it do you remember delia caused all that controversy was prescriptive she was too prescriptive she She did a book called... Actual Brands You Have to Buy in Order for This Recipe to Work. Yeah, exactly. I believe was the title. I think it was How to Cheat was the book. But anyway, I got it.

How to Make Money. How to Sell a Cookbook. Well, I got a copy from the Oxfam in St Albans, which, by the way, if anyone listening to this likes cookery and lives in Hertfordshire, go to the Oxfam in St Albans every January. Every Christmas cookbook, £2. Go once a year, spend spend 20 quid get all 10 of them they don't even have any recipes caked on the pages so literally someone's christmas present they're giving it

straight to the oxfam multiple copies of all the big celebrity chefs anyway yeah delia's how to cheat i got a copy from the oxfam in st albans and i thought this would be great because this is the kind of level of cooking where it would be easy, it would be casual Delia's not casual It's like a drill sergeant Exactly, so I thought it would be store cupboard ingredients But no, it's precisely Half a lemon from the Sainsbury's

Taste the difference preserved lemon thing That was discontinued four years ago Delia Well you spend less time cooking but more time shopping That's the bargain you've made With that book. That's the trade-off, exactly. I don't like it.

If you've got a question Then email your question. Do you want to be this podcast at googlemail.com? Do you want to be this podcast at googlemail.com? Do you want to be this podcast at googlemail.com? Do you want to be this podcast at googlemail.com? So retrospective, what historical events are we ticking off on this week's run of Today in History? On Monday, we bring you the real story of the mutiny on the bounty. On Tuesday, the anniversary of the day somebody invented the meatball, but who? On Wednesday, the iconic British car that ripped off an iconic American car.

On Thursday, how American airlines invented air miles. And on Friday, the UFO sighting that gripped colonial America. We discuss this and more on Today in History with The Retrospectors. 10 minutes each weekday, wherever you get your podcasts. Our inbox has been more than usually amorous, I've noticed, since we've returned.

I think it's partly because whilst we were away, Valentine's Day happened, and partly because we released that hour-long special about love. But we have lots of questions about love dilemmas. We get a lot of them anyway. I think it was just the fact that we had four months worth in one go. So we've discounted a lot just because we kind of think, well, that relationship has either ended or resolved.

Yeah, sometimes when someone's got a problem, you just need to leave it to run its course. So everyone who wrote to us in February, yeah, he probably doesn't like you. Sorry. But this one is relevant to now, to June. We have to do it now. So it was sent in kind of April-ish. I don't know if, John, you've made a decision about this yet, but let's try and help you out. It is John from New Orleans who says, I've decided i want to propose to my girlfriend correct uh he says i'm certain she doesn't listen

to the podcast by the way so this does not impinge upon secrecy what if she does and she's been keeping it a secret from you all this time no no no we want him to feel frank about this this is your safe space john carry on um uh i would really love to propose to her at a particular remote alpine lake in her home state of montana oh oh is it um lake mcdonald or lake five flathead lake those are lakes we've been to in montana that are remote and alpine i'm glad flathead is a lake rather than that just being a heckle to helen while she was talking oh flathead she's far from a flathead bulbous head it head. Well, it's quite flat on top, actually. It can balance things out.

No, you're a roundhead. It's very round. You look like a cavalier. You look like a H.R. Golders alien. Okay, thanks. Carry on. Anyway, I don't know which lake it is. Yeah, I'm just saying good for you.

There's some lovely lakes in Montana. There's some lakes there. I'll find remote places. Just showing that you have knowledge of lakes. I understand why you would want to go to there. There is water in Montana and it's nice. Lake Macdonald's gravel is multicolcolored it's pretty uh john says this particular lake is of great nostalgic significance to my girlfriend as she spent many summers camping and canoeing there

in her youth she calls it her favorite place in the world and a place where she's truly at peace and in her element so i hope she says, otherwise that place will be tainted for her. Exactly. Since we live far away from Montana in my hometown of New Orleans, and will for the foreseeable future, I think she'd like to have at least one really powerful memory tying our relationship to her childhood happy place. Although, as Helen suggests, if your relationship then goes sour, in fact, what you've done is make sure she has nowhere to escape to

and you've corrupted her childhood memories. Fantastic. We can't afford to visit Montana often, continues John. But, as it turns out, we're planning a trip there in June. What if they're there right now? I know, that is now, folks. So, quick decision is needed. This may present my last opportunity to propose at the

lake for some considerable time to come. But here's the catch. Okay. Had to be a catch. The reason we planned this visit to Montana is to attend a memorial service for my girlfriend's grandmother who passed away a few months ago. So Helen, answer me this. Is it a bad idea to take advantage of this somber occasion and propose during our trip given that it's likely to be my last chance for a long while to do so at this place that means so much to her my girlfriend has already mentioned that she might like to include a camping trip on the itinerary but i wouldn't want to preempt her chance to reflect on her lost loved one nor do i want her permanently associating our marriage with her grandmother's death.

I don't think that she necessarily would especially if it's a memorial service that's a little later. Yes, it's not the funeral. No, if it was the funeral and it was like a week after I think that would be inappropriate but this you can celebrate her grandmother's life it doesn't have to be miserable

it might not be well I don't know her family but also you could introduce a happy element to an otherwise melancholy weekend yeah you know the the end of something but the beginning of something else i don't think it's too bad an idea i think the fact that she's requested a camping trip as you suggest john does indicate that she's not thinking oh somber occasion we have to be serious yeah can't do anything else enjoyable on this jaunt. Yes, but the camping trip, that could just be between you two or whoever else you bring along.

The proposal is something that's going to have to be communicated to her family. When you've just been proposed to, you want to ring up your family and say, oh God, we're engaged to be married, right? Oh, I see. So if the family would think it insensitive that she had gone on a camping trip.

I think the family might think it insensitive. But if they don't, then it's fine. Exactly. So this is for John to gauge himself without checking with her or her family are they the kind of people that would be offended by you going on a camping trip at the same time as your grandmother's memorial exactly and think about the other i mean i don't know how many grandchildren or children this woman who's passed away had but don't just think about the one that is directly your girlfriend's parent

think about their siblings because you're going to be affecting your girlfriend's parent with grief if their siblings kick off about it as well i think actually this is the kind of occasion where everyone is like oh a happy event yeah i think i think you're right it was like um when i went to your dad's funeral and it was less than two weeks after Harvey had been born. But when he arrived later in the day, everyone's like, oh, Harvey. And they seemed genuinely joyful to see him. Yeah, but you see, I was very wary at the time.

I thought I don't want people to have their first association of meeting my son to be at my father's funeral. So, I mean, he could have come to the gravesite and he didn't for that reason. So I'm conscious of the thing of judging the tone correctly. I do think it does depend john on your girlfriend's family and we can't advise you on that you have to make that decision helen says the one thing i disagree with you on is you say make that decision without them

possibly think about making that decision with them i mean not from a kind of old-fashioned i want to ask your father's hand in marriage which gives me the creeps yeah but just actually you know if you've been together for a long time they're maybe expecting this. Maybe there's someone in the family who could run it past as well, just to see if there's other shit going on you don't know about. You do live on the other side of the country. I think maybe an easy way to play this would be to act like it was spontaneous and not planned. And then you're kind of defusing the idea that it was planned

and may have annoyed people. I think she'll smell bullshit. I mean, Martin, you proposed to Helen around her birthday, didn't you? Around her 30th birthday, which did bring some happiness to an otherwise very sombre event. Well, let us know how it goes, John. I think go ahead and do it. Don't you? I don't think there are too many problems associated with it.

I think talk to the family. I think take a punt. So that's two say do it, one says do it with caution. Okay. So basically do it is the outcome. Do it with caution okay so basically do it is the outcome do it with 33 percent caution listeners um during our absence we did release an album all about love yes this is the uh answer me this love album that is what it is called so we took that to mean sex as well should you be buying sexy clothes for your mum uh how do you make it fun to put on a condom what is that liquid squirting out of your girlfriend's vagina

that kind of thing and they're real questions it's just if you've not engaged with our albums before they are effectively hour-long special editions of this podcast it's just all around one theme so they're questions you've never heard before in the podcast and you can buy it on iTunes and Amazon

and also the Answer Me This store yes thank you for saying it with a very clear stir uh because i did listen back to the last episode it sounded a bit like you were saying answer me this door.com open the answer me this door it is the answer me this store in a way is your door to our world of paid for content yes but it is answer me this store.com buy answer me this door.com and redirect to answer me this store.com all right and also if you want to read more about the album before leaping in to purchase it you can go to answer me this podcast.com slash love and you can listen right now to a clip from it as today's

intermission it's jacob in wisconsin um helen answer me this why is the term horny Used to describe being sexually aroused? It just makes me think of Spiky, sharp vaginas And that really doesn't do it for me I always imagined this was because a curbstiff He looks a bit like a horn Yeah, that's right Well, maybe the profile of his own erect member

Is very different to a horn Well, that's true, in which case we shouldn't be laughing at all No, well, imagine if it was curly like a ram's horn Yes, exactly, yeah. Or forked like an elk. Yeah, exactly. Or like an arwal. I think a lot of men wouldn't mind being as horny as an arwal,

because that's like a metre long, isn't it? It's pretty big, yeah. I think that's quite a horn. Whereas actually I think that would be very impractical in life, but I bet still most men would go for it, given the option. Well, Stag's antlers is more like a tree, isn't it? And that would only be useful if you were having sex with an animal with a really complicated vagina like a duck listeners deliver us questions in your voices by phoning this number

or you can skype answer me this. But let me just tell you that if you did do that between basically New Year and mid-April, Skype saw fit not to give us those messages. We've never heard them. Sorry, I'm really sorry. So to those of you who left absolute masterpieces deposited upon our phone line, which from experience is probably about two of you. I'm sorry, we didn't hear it. Call back. Call back.

And if you called us drunkenly and you're probably quite relieved to'm sorry we didn't hear it call back call back and if you called us drunkenly and you're probably quite relieved to hear that we haven't heard it don't worry you haven't embarrassed yourself no exactly it's like you did just shout into the wind but this message did make it through hi hello and ollie it's joe from watford hello and ollie i'm samita what the fuck is ripley's uh believe it or not of london and why did it exist well there's two questions here then aren't there there's there's what is ripley's believe it or not as a touristic experience and then there's why specifically do we have one in london when you would perhaps correctly say this sounds like an american thing yeah well because brits i think

are naturally quite cynical and apt not to believe yeah i was thinking more just that it's so schlocky and kind of obviously from the kind of american carnival tradition yeah but give me the option not to believe i'm going to take it um it's in the trocadero isn't it it's actually in the london pavilion which is the building next to the trocadero right uh possibly owned by the same landlords this is uh answer me this fans the same building that once housed rock circus ah that was grand when you talked about rock circus which i've also never been to as i haven't ripley's right well no i've never been to ripley's in the uk but i've been to them all around the world well no i haven't i've been to about three in the states okay not all around it no for american listeners i've been to ripley's all around the world for everyone else i've only been in america we're gonna get complaints um but uh yeah it is now in the same building that has rock circus

which was my favorite childhood attraction when i was in the target demographic which is which is i would say actually the same as for ripley's kind of i think they're mainly aimed at broadly kind of 9 to 14 right um and possibly slightly skewing male as well just because there's that emphasis on sort of trivia but obviously women can be interested in that too but i think little boys in particular they love the accumulation of facts but and also there's a slightly sort of freak show element about it as well which probably appeals a bit more to boys i'll return to that because the freak show thing is the thing that always concerned me robert ripley was an explorer who had a newspaper column in the 20s and 30s um this is going back a long time

it's a long tradition now um and it went all the way through to the 1950s i believe and he died in 1949 but the newspaper column actually continued for decades i think it's still being printed in some newspapers around the world and the column the phrase was believe it or not exclamation mark fact so it was like believe it or not there are insects that can eat a phrase was believe it or not exclamation mark fact so it was like believe it or not there are insects that can eat a human hand believe it or not one man has such a large forehead he can steer a car that kind of thing believe it or not right that's the format what does it actually mean the phrase believe it or not it's it's sort of unnecessary isn't it you're saying a fact it doesn't really matter whether someone can believe it or not because it's a fact that's what it's there for isn't it it's to say well you may be skeptical

about this but i i assure you this is the truth well that's a less catchy phrase i own it's a it's just a more um immersive way a more attention grabbing way to say here are some surprising facts which is not a very catchy title a bit bit like Answer Me This. You're involving the listener, aren't you? You're involving the reader. Yes, your role is to decide whether or not you believe the following thing. It's interactive in the 20s and 30s. Exactly. And it was enormously popular,

and then went on to become a massively popular radio show, which ran for 14 years. Wow. So we're catching up. Nine and a half. That's the edge. Have we been doing this for more episodes than Kelsey Grammer did Frasier?

That's, for me... That's the benchmark. That's the benchmark. It's got to be a similar number. Don't forget him playing it in Cheers. The 265 episodes of Frasier, I don't know how many Cheers... That's what you've got to find out.

Carry on. So, yeah. Anyway, it was just being developed into a TV show when Ripley died. He made a TV show, I guess it was also called Ripley's Believe It or Not. You wouldn't mess with that name

if that name was the successful label despite being nonsense. Don't drop the hit. And he died on stage. He did a Tommy Cooper. Oh. Yeah.

I mean, pre-Tommy Cooper, so he wouldn't have known that. We wouldn't have known anything. He had a heart attack. But anyway, he was on stage talking about the origins of the military funeral hymn, Taps. Wow.

People would have been like, well, if you talk about funeral facts, then naturally. Yeah. So when did he die? He died in 1949. And when did the houses of believe it or not begin? Are there lots of them? The first auditorium, that's what he called them 1934 at the world's fair um so he he lived to see his uh creation spin-off into an interactive exhibit

but perhaps he didn't live to see the uh touristic behemoth that it's become no because basically wherever you find american tourists you find a ripley's believe it or not well that explains why there is one which is essentially orlando but in the rain which is why it's terrible um but um in london the ripley's believe it or not there which opened a couple of years ago is the largest in the world which i didn't know it opened a couple of years ago yeah i think or maybe well i'm i assumed it had been there since the 70s oh no no no i mean i'm i'm estimating but i mean it's definitely not been there for more than five years i'm amazed yeah i assumed it was just a relic of another time of tourism that they couldn't

quite be bothered to get rid of well in a way it is because they've got exhibits on the tallest man in the world and they also have uh sculptures of the fattest man to ever have lived that ripley met which actually they had in guinness world records which was the exhibit that used to be there. So I wonder if they did inherit some of the models from that. So Believe It or Not is just the more freak show elements of Guinness World Records? Yeah, but that doesn't really do it justice because it's just... Go on, Ollie, do it justice.

Well, he did... Do it for Ripley. Ripley's columns were about a miscellany of things. That's why they were so... But rather like this show, right? Rather like the straightcellany of things. That's why they were so, but rather like this show. Rather like the straight dope and many things. Yeah, you know, as well as encouraging the audience to get involved by wooing them in with such an addictive title, he'd also give them sort of a mix of tragicomic

and, you know, trivial and serious facts. So, you know, yes, there's a freak show element to it, which has always made me a little bit uncomfortable but then there's also like weird art and like so for example in London and they have apparently a portrait of Michelle Obama made from soda caps oh look at that anything with Michelle Obama yeah a Christmas card from Prince Charles to Prince Philip big Big deal. I know, again, but to a young tourist probably is a bigger deal. First edition books from Agatha Christie. Okay.

So it's a really sort of miscellaneous collection of stuff. And also the Titanic made out of 147,000 matchsticks. See, that's what you go in there for, not to look at a first edition Agatha Christie, which as spectacles go, is unremarkable. Something for everyone, I guess. I guess. And this is the thing that makes me a bit disconcerted still something for the person in 2016 who wants to say look at this hairy woman's face look at this look at this man with a tiny hand as a donald trump so it's like channel 4 factual programming yes three

dimensional exactly no it is very much like that yeah that's the mix i mean he was an explorer in the 30s therefore you know people who he was writing for hadn't seen brown people so there was a completely different level of look at this amazing thing because it was it wasn't just look at this tribe who wear 25 brass rings around their neck it was just look at this tribe aren't they exotic and odd? So there's still an element of that, I think. The modern day website tries to put a spin on it by saying, visitors walk through our beauty room to learn about how beauty is perceived in different cultures. Okay, so that's more anthropological than just plain exoticism. Yeah, but it's still like, ha, look at the shrunken head of this guy that lived in Brazil.

It's also tremendously bad value. If you book in advance, by the way, if you're a tourist, you're listening to this, you want to come to London, you want to go to Ripley's, book in advance. How much? 50% off in advance, full price on the door. Yeah. Guess. I mean, okay, large, but essentially a series of rooms showing displays. It's a museum.

How much? Okay, I'm guessing with 50% off, £14. I need to do some maths. So that would be £28 full price. Staggeringly accurate. Am I? I did not look that up. You are £0.05 off. And I've never been.

So is it £13.95? It's £27.95 per person full price. Crivens. And 50% off. That's quite a lot, isn't it? But how are they dealing with the halfpenny? Dividing the £0.95 in half. Do they go up or down? I'm sure they go up. You get to keep that halfpenny? Dividing the £0.95 in half? Do they go up or down?

I'm sure they go up. You get to keep that halfpenny. That's what they call Ripley's share. I wonder why that price point as well, why the £0.95? Why not just call it £28? Because psychologically, people are like, well, £28 would be too much. But most of £27, it's OK. I understand the psychology when it's £9.99.

But £27, £28? That's not a border in my mind. Both of those are expensive for that experience. I wonder if it comes at a different price in dollars. Maybe that's it. Maybe it's like the $40 price. Oh, yeah. Probably is, isn't it?

It's probably that cynical. Despite slagging it off, having read a bit about it now, I'd quite like to go. So if you work for Ripley's, invite us along. I'd happily go and pose with Helen in front of the world's fattest man.

And one of us going, I believe it. And the other one going, can't i like reading but not while i'm driving apparently that's illegal i want to listen to richard dawkins reading darwin Voyage of the Beagle Me too Well now we can do that And I'll keep my license by signing up for a free audiobook Let's go to answermethispodcast.com Slash audible and have a look now Oh, it's nice to hear those jingles again

Those are some of my favourite ever answer me This jingles, the Audible ones. Yeah, we're running the Audible offer again, I think for the first time since 2012, 2011, something like that. It's been years anyway. So yes, the deal's the same. We, or at least our good friends at audible.co.uk, are offering you Answer Me This listeners the chance to have a completely free audiobook. Yay! How many have they got to choose from? Now they have over 150, got to choose from now they have over 150 000 to choose from yeah i remember when audible was now but fields it was now but 30 000 books read by ricky gervais yeah exactly um but now they're full of full of books yes uh and also this offer is available to listeners around the world around

the world so all you do is you go to answer me this podcast.com slash audible oh felt nice to do that again uh and uh you click the link and it will take you to your local version so if you're in japan you go to the japanese audible if you're in the us you go to the us audible so on and you get a free audiobook if you sign up for the month's free trial you can cancel at any time yeah so that's the important thing you do put your credit card details in and obviously if you don't cancel then you'll be a member of audible which by the way is a good thing but if you don't want to pay anything you need to cancel um but if you want to support answer me this the good thing is not only do you get your free audiobook that's yours to keep that's yours to keep even if you cancel uh our friends at audible will still send us some remuneration to thank us for featuring them on

the show so you are supporting answer Me This just by getting this offer. You're telling Audible, give these guys money. Yeah. We like them. Yeah. Even if you cancel. So you don't have to pay anything and we can get some money

and you get a free audiobook. That is a deal for winners. And the last audiobook that I listened to was the actor Jane Lynch. Yes. Her memoir. Does Martin always have that reaction when you say Jane Lynch?

Pretty much. Yes. He just did. Let me try one more time. Jane Lynch lynch yes her audiobook's really good yeah it's really really good and she's reading it which makes a huge difference doesn't it when it's the person that's written the book and it's about her own life so that you know that's like three levels of jane lynch she digs deep but can i spoiler this the book kind of ends on a happy ending in that she has just got married but we knew at the time of listening that

she and her wife were just getting divorced yeah but other than that i think the facts remain it sounds like a good one uh the last audiobook i listened to was david mitchell reading his memoirs backstory i think it's called we both love uh comedian actor memoirs read by that person it's because exactly it's the person telling their life story obviously he's a very engaging storyteller anyway um and yeah i to be honest no disrespect to david mitchell i like him i like his career i probably wouldn't sit and read his book yeah i wouldn't sit in a deck chair that's where i tend to read on holiday for you know three days reading about what's it like backstage on would i lie to you but when i'm walking around a field, perfect. Lovely. Just the dulcet tones of Mitchell in my ears.

Anyway, lots of other books, as in 149,998 other books to choose from at Audible. And the really good thing about this offer, final thing, is that even if you've done this before, so, you know, we've run this promotion before, so have other podcasts, let's be honest. Even if you've taken out a free book on Audible before, so long as it was more than 12 months ago they'll let you bloody do it again yes that's pretty good answer me this podcast.com audible thank you here's a tale from leslie and she says i just stepped on a snail in bare feet oh traumatic experience i'm sure slimy and crunchy its shell is crushed but the snail is kind of intact. Ollie, answer me this. Is it dead? Even if it's not, can a snail live without a shell?

Or is it now just a slug? Oh, Lesley-Anne, I know you want me to say, yes, it's just a slug. It's going to have a happy life as a slug. But it does rather sound like it's going to die, I'm afraid. Snails can live with a partially cracked shell. It's a bit like when we crack our fingernails that's all it is so they have calcium stores and they can regrow some of that bone again if you leave them for i think 14 days okay and they so if you see one that's like

partially cracked but it's struggling if you put it somewhere where it can hide from predators like a snail sanatorium exactly and there's lots of instructions online as to how you can create one of those if if you can be asked but really i'll just shove it under your garden shed um then it will recuperate after 14 days but if the shell has like cracked into its organs and stuff which you know usually happens when you stand on it you're quite heavy leslie and i imagine compared to a snail compared to a snail this is not a personal judgement You're probably heavier than the snail Exactly Then to be honest the best thing to do now Is probably to euthanise that snail

Which does mean drop a brick on it Or salt So you're horribly dissolving its flesh Apparently if you really want to quickly kill a snail Humanely, freeze it So it just goes to sleep But this is only quick if you already have a Tupperware container full of water in the freezer yes but if you do and it's just at freezing point if you just drop it in it'll die instantly so there you go that's the best thing to do they

will be alive for a while because what it is is the um the muscles that are connected to the shell are the same muscles that the snail requires to breathe oh right so it's a bit like you having a blockage on your lungs and then slowly just panting to death over the course of say 12 hours oh that's sad um so that's why they look alive and you think oh it'll live as a slug no it's just panting to death so best to crush it okay yeah if you're gonna do it do it properly yeah don't maim a snail here's a question from claire in allistock who says helen answer me this why do maple syrup jars have a tiny handle on them that is a good point it's impractical and it's a sticky liquid isn't it so if it goes over the side in the future you really want a firm grip

to make sure you're not spilling it all over the place yeah why do they do that why do they why do they what is with the tiny handles it's been a bit like espresso cups, though. Those handles are not really for human hands, are they? But they control a small volume of fluid, don't they, in an espresso cup? Yeah. It's appropriate. Whereas a maple syrup jar that's quite heavy when it's full. Well, it's more of a heritage handle because maple syrup originally came in these huge earthenware jugs

with a big handle on them. And then when they started selling it in little bottles, they scaled down the whole design so the handle became tiny as well like when the independent went compact yeah yeah exactly but but the pages didn't become proportionally loads thinner like the handle the handle is unusably small yeah but presumably it's less likely to break than if it had been a bigger i get it now it sort of makes sense aesthetically so it's like if um heineken or whatever sold a beer keg for your fridge that was an eighth the size of a beer keg and they put a fake tap on the front of it yeah and the tap was so small that no beer could come out yeah yes it is like that except you actually need the handle to pour the maple syrup so it is a design flaw isn't it well i i gather that in quebec which is responsible for 91 of canada's

maple syrup production goodness me their maple syrup comes in cans and you puncture two holes in the can and pour it out of one and the other one is for pacing the flow so they don't trifle with these residual handles but um this is an example of a skeuomorphic design so decorative feature that is based on a formerly essential feature yes like the original podcast app which had a reel-to-reel design yeah well do you remember just a lot of the earlier iphone software in the jobs area a lot of that was skeuomorphic like the notebook that like a notebook yeah it's still all over the place like the trash can on my computer is a waste paper basket and email icon is an envelope save Save is still a disc. Cut icon, scissors.

I read that Greek columns, the ones where they've got ridges down them, that might be skeuomorphic, even though that's ancient, because the columns were, before that, trees, tree trunks, which are not smooth. So it's a representation of wood grain. Yeah, but also I wonder whether it's just much harder to make a perfectly smooth cylindrical column. Any mistake is going to be a lot more obvious than if there are some ridges on it. That's what I suspect. Interesting.

Okay, it's a reasonable answer, but I still think if I was a maple syrup manufacturer... Which you could be. I'm still only 35. You know, LBC let you go. Now's the time for a new business. Yeah. Answer me this brand, maple syrup, is brought to you by... I haven't checked, but I bet that there are hipster maple syrup is brought to you by i haven't checked but i bet that there are hipster maple syrup brands where the packaging is novel and not like this well

pseudo traditional that's what i do yeah you would i would and i'd really give it a hard sell because i think would you do a squeezy bottle like squeezy honey yeah make it as convenient as possible spray spray is good i'm just saying i think maple syrup Would be more widely used If they changed the bottle Maybe they don't want it To be more widely used Because Canada's trees Are tapped out

On that point I have an issue as well I think maple syrup Is Canada's thing Right Yeah It's on the flag for God's sake Let them have a thing Olly

Let them have a thing No I agree The point I'm making Is actually I would insist That maple syrup Had to I would regionalise it

You know that thing Like feta cheese and champagne What's that what's it called like the place of origin designation that thing yeah yeah i would ensure that on maple syrup because it pisses me off actually when i'm in every airport in north america and they've got their own maple syrup i just think just let canada have their thing that's sugar water isn't it maple flavored sugar syrup it's disgusting give it to can, let them sort out their bottles. The world would be a better place. Wow, you've become very political in our brain.

All the important issues. Answer me this. 1066 was the Norman invasion. 1818 was the publication of persuasion. Wasn't it? I love that book, they all wear bonnets. I got my own with a pretty flower on it. Donut!

Amy from Leeds says, Ollie, answer me this. Is it true that if you direct the pilot for a TV show... I don't think that's going to happen anytime soon. I'll be honest, my agent's working quite hard on the radio gig at the moment. I think she meant general you, not you, Olly Mann, specifically. But how typical of you to interpret that.

Kind of about me. Is it true that if you direct the pilot for a TV show, you get money every time any episode of that show is aired? Yes. Whoa, what? Well, that was a good reaction. Thanks. To a very hesitant yes.

I didn't say yes, to which you'd go, whoa. Okay, should I go? I was like, yeah. What? Maybe. Whoa. You could say that. Whoa.

Believe it or not, I can't decide. So the reason that there was a sceptical yes is the answer is a very firm yes if you are a Hollywood director. So if we're talking about the big sort of of box set type shows you know your billions your dexters those kind of shows uh yes if you direct one of those then it is written into uh you know the guild of american directors or whatever and the hollywood industry in general that if you're the director on the pilot episode then at the very minimum uh you'll of course get a very decent fee for the first episode something like 150 000 but then you will get at the very minimum a royalty of between one and five thousand dollars

for every subsequent episode that's made that seems extraordinary because often things change so much from the pilot episode to the series that the director of the pilot doesn't really have that much credit well but if you think about all the elements that come back week on week so the cast you know the director's been part of the casting process but then also often from pilot to series that cast can change quite a lot it can but the ones that stay the director had a role in you've got the title sequence which often the director has directed which you know can be the way that lots of people tune into the show week after week and the general kind of tone and style of the show so like if you think of house of cards and david fincher's involvement in that yeah um you could say that it's been directed in a fincher

style ever since episode one even though he only directed episode one and if you look at house of cards it's quite interesting he's remained i think he's executive or associate producer and i don't know how involved he is in house of cards maybe he is very involved but what basically happens is if you get a big name like that or martin scorsese and boardwalk empire or brian singer on house what they'll do is they'll direct the first episode get their 150 grand then get their five grand for every episode subsequently but say oh and i want to be an executive producer because i've had a key role in creating this and that comes with i don't know 20 25 grand more per episode and then they might even say i

want a sales bonus because this has gone to series as a result of my hard work and they'll get another 50 grand out the studio so for one pilot a big director a tarantino or a spike lee or something can make a million dollars but what about littler pilots well if by that you mean britain or just pilots there are so many American series that are piloted and they're not necessarily big. Obviously, a lot of them don't go beyond pilot, but the ones that do go beyond pilot, but just for a series or two,

and it was quite a small production. Like I say, it's gilded. It's in their equity. You get between $1,000 and $5,000 for every episode. But Brits? But Brits, as with all showbiz in this country, emphasis on the show, less on the biz, we are a bunch of rank amateurs that are very bad at making money.

Just happy to be taking part? Yes, exactly. Just happy to be leading the world in artistic endeavours, but also quite content to give all the money to J.K. Rowling and Ben Elton. So, yeah, if you direct a pilot here, I believe there is no such formal arrangement. Although I suppose your agent can haggle if you're a big deal. Yeah you are but if you're not which most people aren't so i i reckon if you've directed pilot for channel four try being a big deal yeah exactly then you'll get much better returns use the leverage to go and make a show

for netflix that's my advice right so answer to her question it is true it is true good to know gonna look up directing gigs yeah well exactly and reference your earlier frazier point yeah i mean you know if you're on a show that goes into hundreds of episodes which i am and you're and you're making five thousand dollars per episode even without the executive producer credit and everything else yeah you can live off that can't you 24 episodes a year syndication as well rerunning all the time yeah once they're over 100 episodes that's when the money rolls in yeah listeners if you have a question for us then please do email or phone or skype all of our contact details are on our website answer me this podcast.com and this time you don't have to wait four months there'll be another episode along in in two weeks three years

what uh but if uh listening to our return has prompted you to think oh yeah these guys are good i would like to hear them elsewhere on the internet uh do check out our other spin-off But if listening to our return Has prompted you to think Oh yeah these guys are good I would like to hear them elsewhere on the internet Do check out our other spin-off projects Yeah I saw people going Well I've been listening to Modern Man To make up for your absence I make a podcast too you shits

It's called The Allusionist Yes and it's all about words and origins And how people use words and language It's more really about humans and oh no oh no you've been with radiotopia too long what do people mean really um there are gags took a pop at the band extreme the other day the allusionist.org the allusionist.org pos org right indeed the modern man is back for another series which is almost ended by the way we do series of 10 so you can binge we talk about sex trends culture food all of that kind of thing it's a magazine show there's even a song at the

end martin and i listened to one whilst driving through a blizzard uh across the top of a mountain in colorado so it was terrifying because we could not see like everything was white couldn't tell what was the road or not and we're listening to modern man and i thought i do not want to die listening to you talking to a woman about blue dildos well modernman.co.uk m-a-double-n uh and martin you too have your own well your numerous spin-off i've got a couple choose one well no let me don't be greedy i've got two i've got two on trend so i've got same the ladies which is my music podcast and it's its 100th episode wow um it's only a monthly i remember our 100th episode that's 100 songs that i've recorded and put out and uh this and this month because it's the 100th episode i That's 100 songs that I've recorded.

And this month, because it's the 100th episode, I'm going to be putting out covers of the people I've done of my songs, which is making them sound better. That's quite nice. And I do a podcast called Song by Song, which is about the music of Tom Waits. We've recently had the lovely Geoffrey Cranor from Night Vale. He's a good guest at the moment.

He's a good podcast. Yeah, he's a fantastic guest. If he hadn't listened to Tom Waits, would he? I don't think so, no, many of our guests haven't listened to Tom Waits they learn quickly I've never listened to Tom Waits, I haven't been invited on well, if you play your cards right yeah, we've got another 12 albums to get through

so just hang on there songbysongpodcast.com there we go, and remember as well if all of that weren't enough to get your free audiobook as well, answermethispodcast.com slash audible. Thanks. And we will return in two weeks. Two weeks Thursdays.

Mark it in your diary. Bye.