Answer Me This! - AMT342: Pathological Liars, the Oscars Curse, and Supergroups

Episode Date: October 20, 2016

What do you do when your friend has fallen for a pathological liar? Do you a) confront the fibber with evidence of their deceit, or b) write to a comedy podcast? It's fairly easy for you to find out: just listen to AMT342. There's more information about this episode at http://answermethispodcast.com/episode342. Tweet us http://twitter.com/helenandolly Be our Facebook friend at http://facebook.com/answermethis Subscribe on iTunes http://iTunes.com/AnswerMeThis Buy old episodes and albums at http://answermethisstore.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Can I have 50p for my locker? Is that locker room banter? Answer me this, answer me this Can a woman be president or do you need a manter? Answer me this, answer me this Helen and Ollie, answer me this The listeners seem to have been a bit surprised by your announcement of your recent marriage, Ollie, in episode 341. A bit surprised and a bit turned down. Because you had said so many times before,

I'm not going to get married. In fact, you talked quite a lot about your hypothetical marriage in the past. Plans if you were ever to get married, which at the time you weren't planning to, so those plans could just be elaborate fiction. Callum, who is 15 and normally in Inverness, but currently on

holiday in india says i invested in 50 back episodes of answer me this available now at answer me this store.com i was listening to answer me this episode 173 and i noticed that ollie said that if he ever got married he would like to dance to i'm gonna be snookering you snookering you tonight at your wedding i think that would be the best first dance possible That is what you said In light of recent events This stood out to me So Ollie answered me this

Did you dance to I'm gonna be snookering you Snookering you tonight Big break You've got to say big break Well we didn't have a first dance at all So it's not that we didn't dance to the snooker song it's that we didn't dance to anything there was a man playing acoustic spanish guitar did you go up to him and

say do you know this one i don't think even in the costa del sol that chas and dave is on the repertoire of the average spanish guitarist i would be surprised if it wasn't anyway point is no we didn't dance the snooker song but it's not too late for us to dance to a whole medley of songs from the hunting of the snark i'd really like to do the pig must die uh how does that go let's teach him a lesson he'll never forget for a devious deed he will live to regret it's clear that the pig must die that's what you consummated too danny from hastings so why do cafes always put your cake or your sandwich on a serviette on the plate?

You want to cut the cake or the sandwich, it's stuck to the serviette. You want to wipe your mouth with a serviette, it's covered in cake. That is fresh anger, isn't it? He's about to flip some tables over. There's going to be crockery and cake everywhere. I just wanted a clean mouth and it's covered in cake!

But Danny gets absolutely livid when he sees a doily. All the inconvenience of the plate serviette, none of the wiping. What are they for, eh? I think Danny is exemplifying the advantage of the cupcake here. There's no advantage of the cupcake. The advantage of the cupcake, Helen, is that the cupcake comes in its own wrapping, so they don't put a serviette under it so you don't have this issue you don't dirty the serviette it's a structural nightmare 40 icing on top i mean okay i'm saying all the serviettes

in the world i mean cupcake to represent any individualized portion of cake i suppose i mean the same would go for an iced fancy a muffin or a muffin I'd appreciate it if listeners who have insight into this process maybe they've worked in a cafe because I reckon there's probably a practical reason for this like when you're carrying the food around it's less likely to slip off the plate that was my guess or could it be so that the food is unaffected so much

by the plate being hot or cold or is it too difficult for them to carry the serviette separately without dropping it or is it to make the them to carry the serviette separately without dropping it or is it to make the plate look less empty because if you've just got a sandwich there it's rare that the serviette is on the plate when your sandwich has a side salad or when your cake has some cream or some strawberries next to it so is it to give the impression that the plate is not just this naked plate with one thing slapped on it that would be funny wouldn't it if it was like would you uh like a slice of lemon drizzle cake yep it comes with a serviette garnish

what does it come with well it's just a thin slice of tissue paper with um the shop bought cake on the top yeah for the cake garnish yeah garnish hi helen and ollie it's joe fromford. I went to a restaurant with my partner last night and I was sat behind a family with a baby. Normally, this isn't a problem for me, but the baby needs changing or do i just have to sit there and be put completely off my food i didn't actually eat anything that evening because it was so bad the danger with saying anything to the parents is chances are they've survived on very little sleep and they could just turn around and attack you with a steak knife and also if they're still there and you're still there, even if you get what you want,

which is the absence of poo stench, you're not going to feel comfortable and have an enjoyable meal, are you? So either way, your meal is ruined. But the restaurant staff have probably dealt with this kind of thing before. It can't be that uncommon. And it is their job to give you

and the diners with the baby a good restaurant experience isn't it so you could have a word with the service staff and see if they've got a plan yeah that's true or if you could be moved further away because that's that's right i i think if i overheard people on the next table say that they couldn't eat because of the smell of my baby's crap i'd be mortified but if a manager of a restaurant came up to me and said i'm terribly sorry so preemptively as if no one had complained yeah i couldn't help noticing that you know well how would they put it i couldn't help noticing that you might need to find our baby changing facilities yes very good um i i'd be less offended i'd think okay they're subtly trying to tell me that there's a smell because the thing is often i guess parents of babies don't know

their own babies stink i mean you notice when the baby's done a crap right but if it's a general kind of pooped his pants three hours ago kind of aroma i think it's a bit like people who don't know the smell of their own pets in their house they don't know that their carpets will stink i think also um if the baby has been sitting in its own crap for quite a while, probably not going to be that happy. So a parent might want to de-crap the baby for the baby's own sake. Well, to be honest, by the time you've made it out for dinner, you're kind of just hoping that you forget that the baby's there for a bit.

Actually, the other week, my wife and I, my wife and I, thank you, thank you, were driving to Cheltenham. I was doing a bit of work and she came along for the ride. Baby had to come with us. Suck it, Harvey. I want to stay at home and watch Netflix. No. And en route we stopped off for dinner in Oxford.

And that was very much the kind of thing we used to do. Yes. And we chanced it. He'd fallen asleep in the car on the way to Oxford, which is what we'd hoped like the plan was get him out the car put him under the table in the car seat yeah but unfortunately he woke up in the car seat on transit into the restaurant oh harvey but we just selfishly followed through with our plans anyway even though he wanted to be changed and you know put back in the car to sleep and every other diner in the restaurant wanted him not to be there i really wanted my uh lambuna so you're not the boss of me and the boona harvey so we put him under the table

and rocked him with our feet even though he was clearly stirring and crying um and then when subsequent diners came into the restaurant i pretended not to know where the noise was coming from as well i didn't say anything explicitly, but when they looked around when they heard a whinge, you know, I also looked around and thought, who is... That's a funny noise in a restaurant. Can't see my foot moving. Just because I just wanted to pretend he wasn't there for a bit.

So they're kind of in denial, is what I'm saying. Does a parent really not notice if their child has trapped themselves? When they're trying to eat. Yeah, when they're trying to eat. Because presumably, if the baby was right next to them, that's an even more intense odour than at the next table. My fear would be that it's not a current cack your pants situation, but that the baby's wearing clothes that previously it's cacked into

and they can't even smell it anymore. That's the danger. So it's just ingrained. I was going to ask, are parents, especially new parents, just used to everything smelling of shit the whole time? Sounds delightful. Yeah, it does seem magical. Why did we opt out of this?

I don't know. If you've got a question, email your question to answerthespodcast at googlemail.com Answer this podcast at googlemail.com It's great! The new BMO VI Porter MasterCard is your ticket to more. More perks. More more. More perks. More points. More flights.

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is like being part of humanity's greatest. The money you raise, the time you you spend the energy that you give is helping people live is giving people hope and that's just so beautiful care the fire for cancer research join the ride at ride to conquer.ca elliot has been in touch with two questions of showbiz the first is this helen answer me this is there really an oscar's curse it's uh oscar wilde he didn't have a very happy end did he oscar the grouch oscar the grouch yeah it's in a bin very bad isn't it yeah i was very unhappy well that's two for two so far oscar pistorius oscar pistorius yeah. That's true. Helen, answer me this.

Why do so many best actor winners fade into obscurity? I'm thinking Hilary Swank. Hilary Swank is the example that everyone uses because the best actor curse seems only to obtain to the female actors. Oh, I can think of male actor winners that haven't done much since winning an Oscar. Yeah, but people are always saying, oh, you know, Halle Berry won and then she made cat woman and her career bombed reese witherspoon made a load of rubbish romantic comedies that doesn't seem to happen so much to the men well the men that it happens to i suppose are more the men that are getting an oscar because they're 90 and they

were famous 50 years ago anyway and it's just a thank you um well yeah i do think age is something to do with it because you get best actress winners like Helen Mirren and Julianne Moore and Cate Blanchett where it's far enough into their career that they're pretty much fine. But the ones who are in their 20s or early 30s, realistically, the roles are about to dry up until they're old enough to play mums at that point anyway.

So there's that problem. But also just maybe it cranks your fee up more so then the films often get worse so it'll often be like someone's paid 20 million quid to pay catwoman and it's a really rubbish film but i suppose it's like the more money there is the more risk averse they are and the worse the film tends to be yeah that's interesting i also wonder as well whether if the oscar is ho is Hollywood's recognition that you have reached peak you you know, this is your best role this is the best thing you've ever done and it's the best thing that year

Or not the best thing you've ever done because you've already done that but they fail to reward you at the time That does seem to be a really common thing, doesn't it? Like Sandra Bullock, she has done better work than the blind side that she won it for, but everyone loves Sandra Bullock so it's her time Yeah, but you also don't really win an Oscar for comedy, do you?

Still less romantic comedy, so it's partly the fact that she's just done a drama but but anyway if Hollywood is saying you've reached the moment where this is your perfect moment this is your perfect role it could just be that that's right it could just be that lightning won't strike twice and actually there aren't Oscar caliber performances that are in every actor on multiple bases or do you think actors just go well where do i go from here i might as well just make some bank until i retire like meryl streep did okay well she really taken the foot off the accelerator that's what i mean there are exceptions to the rule yes but a lot of people i think just kind of think yeah that was my oscar film you know like not everyone's going to go off and be intense like daniel day lewis you know six

years off trying to be a what was he, a clog maker or something come back having, you know, sat around with people with manic depression for five years looking at a lake you know, some people are just going to be like, yeah I want to do a Marvel movie. I mean, even some of the greatest actors, I mean, I'm thinking of male actors I suppose, like Robert De Niro and Marlon Brando, but

they both did really, some quite dull films towards the end of their careers. Anthony Hopkins current example. Right, right. What was the last good film that he did? Fuck knows. Had he died after The Remains of the Day, everyone would be like, oh my God, Anthony Hopkins, what a great actor.

He was always a great actor. But then people see him in Mission Impossible 3 or whatever, and they're like, oh, he saw that. But all he needs to do is come back with one film where it's like, this is my serious Oscar bid. Yeah. Like Matthew McConaughey or michael keaton worked a treat for them yeah all right reese witherspoon because she made absolute shit after walk the line and then she did wild so all these frothy romantic comedies and then wild which looked

very uncomfortable to film because it was on in the sierra nevada i didn't see it but what was doing in the sierra nevada God. The curse of the Oscar. But actually, the curse of the Oscar that does have a little more traction is the one that the women who win Best Actress get divorced. And out of the last few, that has happened a lot. So you have Reese Witherspoon, Kate Winslet, Sandra Bullock, Halle Berry. That's quite a lot already in the last 15-ish years or so.

But isn't that just because most marriages in Hollywood don't last? Well, there is that, yeah. See, I don't necessarily agree that this is just about actresses versus actors, because I think you could find actors in a similar scenario. But I do think it is about the performers, because no one ever says, oh, Roger Cohen, after he won an sfx award for you know independence day what happened to you know he didn't get recognized at all for the lost world you know no one even

looks at that shit the curse of the grading technician yeah exactly i think it's just people like to have something to say about film stars because it's an exciting world to talk about it was nice this year though when the costume designer jenny bevan got all that press albeit for her looking scruffy in people's eyes compared to red carpet people. But still the fact that... She did look scruffy. She was a costume designer. She knew what she was doing.

Yeah. She was making a point. Yeah. But someone finally was talking about costume designer and not one of the glamorous jobs. That is true. Yeah. That's a tactic for you, Colleen Atwood, if you ever want it to be your time. Elliot's second question of Showbiz is, Ollie, answer me

this. Why are musical supergroups always shit? What's been the most successful supergroup of them all? I'm guessing not the one with Joss Stone and Mick Jagger from a few years ago. Who was that supergroup? Well, that was a supergroup. Who was, wasn't it? Damien Marley. Okay, I know, son of someone

from this. A.R. Rachman. And Dave Stewart. Okay, Dave fucking Stewart. It doesn't. Okay, right. A.R. Rackman. And Dave Stewart. Okay, Indian composer. Okay, Dave fucking Stewart. It doesn't matter your personal preference, Martin. He shits up any super group. It doesn't matter. It's a super group.

Shits it up. Five successful artists in their own right. It's a super group. Sure. So that's the son of one. I mean, that just sounds like some sort of weird lottery, doesn't it? I'd never heard of it, actually. I only am so fresh with this information on the Super Heavy, they were called.

Super Heavy. Oh, very good. Apparently, they were formed on paul allen's yacht paul allen's the one that runs microsoft that isn't bill gates right and uh he let them use his super yacht because he's got a recording studio to be fair i mean martin may be underwhelmed but i think if the news had got out that mick jagger was in a new band that might have stirred some pots so they couldn't really work in any recording studios anywhere in the world without being recognized so they recorded all on his yacht in a week which is a 414 foot mega yacht called Octopus with two helicopters two submarines and a jet ski dock I wonder how that album did I've done some real power googling

around this and to find the most successful super group by album sales i mean basically no one's ever written that article no one's ever written that listicle in a way that's searchable damn it so yes i'm sure i could go through every single bit of data for the traveling wilburys and do a spreadsheet for them the smoking mojo filters who's in smoking mojo filters paul mccartney paul weller all the polls uh noel gallagherher Steve Craddock who was he from Ocean Coliseum Steve White and Carlene Anderson I don't know who

half those people are Steve White is a drummer who used to work with the Star Council In any case I think my answer probably is right if you did go

through the data I'm bending the rules a bit to include it as a super group the three tenors Oh yeah that's fair because that was the

biggest selling classical music album of all time so even if I'm slightly off i reckon i'm in the right ballpark there and how do you define a super group well i think it's artists that are known in their own right coming together to work on a new project um but they have to be artists that are pretty well acclaimed because some people put nick cave and the bad seeds as a super group that's nick cave and his rotating band exactly i'm not aware that I've ever heard a Nick Cave song that isn't Nick Cave

and the Bad Seeds. So I didn't even know that was a... Oh, Grinderman, that's a super group. That's another one of those, isn't it? Yeah, Warren Ellis from the Dirty Three, that other very well-known band. And some people put Gorillaz as well as a super group. I can see the reasoning for that. That's interesting.

That's more a collaboration because I think you're putting the animated characters front and center there it's not quite the same as selling it on the basis like people didn't even know necessarily who constituted gorillas when they first started yeah and also at what point is it a super group and at what point is it just people having a new job because their old job finished i think that question actually hints at a truth underneath elliot's question you know why are they always shit i don't think it's that they're shit i think often the motivation is um people who have had their careers you know they've won their oscar or equivalent in musical terms and now they want to do something to expend their creativity because they can easily make another record in the style they've done before the whole point is

they want to experiment and do something different and inevitably these things become very high profile but really it's usually millionaires dicking around in someone's home studio isn't it and typically that isn't going to be as good as someone's passion project but it's a chance for them to do something different so i think often it's just set up that it's not going to be as compelling a listen and yet a duo composed of some of those people i think would work a lot better why is it that it just really falls off quite quickly the more people you add the level of interest and interestingness because it's difficult to get a group which is genuinely composed of really great musicians isn't it like that like like that one you were talking about

what the the smoking major filters like who really cares who paul weller's drummer is like even people who care about paul weller about Paul Weller in a minority, they probably couldn't name the drummer. Ouch. Poor Steve White. Sorry, Steve White. I'm sure you're a really good drummer, but you know.

I quite like the one that Franz Ferdinand did with Sparks last year. Is that a super group or just a collaboration? I think that's a collaboration. I think super group needs three or more elements. I agree. I think that's right. So yeah, three tenors counts, right?

Or as my dad used to call them, 30 quid. That's a good one. Does she and him care as a supergroup? No, it's a duo. I think it's fair to say they're not going to be the best-selling supergroup of all time. What do you mean? Their Christmas album did quite well. Monsters of Folk, anyone? Future Sounds of Jazz, guys!

I think now like so many of these people's careers when they form a super group it's time for us to take a break yes for the intermission today i'd like to hear a bit from i think what is possibly my all-time favorite episode of answer me this oh wow which is what it's 200 oh okay yeah episode 200 bittersweet because because that has your your recently departed dad in it it It does. I think episode 200 at the time was one of my favourites but it's not a textbook episode of Answer Me This, is it? No, it isn't.

And that's why it's good. But it wouldn't be the one that you'd introduce people to the show with. No, it's atypical but I really enjoyed it. For listeners who have joined us in the last five years, what we did for episode 200 is we thought should we do a kind of celebrity special. And in so many ways we did. In many ways we did. episode 200 is we thought, should we do a kind of celebrity special? And in so many ways we did.

In many ways we did. Who are bigger celebrities in the eyes of our listeners than our own families? Don't answer that. So we went and met Helen's parents. I've met them before, actually. Yes, yes. We, the royal we.

I've met them as well. Martin's sister and Martin's parents as well. Martin's mum is really sassy in episode 200. I saw a new side of her. Yeah, Toadfish love. My grandma's in it. Yeah, nice i'd remembered that when we went to your grandma's flat to record with her she had toilet paper with her own name on it and i was wondering whether she put that out especially because we were coming or whether all of her toilet paper has her name written on it i'd never

noticed that my grandmother has toilet paper with her name on it so that may have been commissioned especially for you her name is andrix but anyway if you want to listen to episode 200 or the 199 episodes that preceded it or if you want to buy any of our albums or our best of collections they're all available at our very own store answer me this store.com were you aware of martin having any little crushes when he was younger? When he was about 12 months old. He really started early, didn't he? Yeah, he did. We were in a pub and a very glamorous waitress passed

and I thought Martin's head was going to fall off his shoulder as he followed her. But then after the physics took over, you thought, well, that's the end of all that ladies' man business. Yes, agreed. We read today that Skype are going to discontinue personalised voicemails. Boo! So at the moment, if you call the Answer Me This question line,

you get to hear Helen, but that might not last for much longer. So this is your last chance. Yeah, if you want to hear a ten-second voicemail from me, then dial the following number. 0208 123 58 007 Yeah, if you want to hear a 10 second voicemail from me, then dial the following number. But I don't think people do listen to my voicemail that much because it does say leave your name in question. A lot of people forget to leave their names. Yeah, I think they get just excited, don't they? They're adrenalised.

It's their big moment. The questioner we're about to hear from gives his name and has a hell of a story to tell i'm looking forward to it hi helen and ollie um my name's simon and i have a friend who's um i'm 45 and he's about 10 years younger than me um he started seeing a woman who's about my age and And before he actually introduced me to her, he told me a bit about her, and she found it quite interesting. Cordon bleu chef, apparently, who had previously been teaching the special forces how to do climbing.

I thought, gosh, what a powerhouse of talent this person's going to be. When I met her, she added to her sort of repertoire of skills that she had been to Oxbridge University, that she was a nurse in a school for the deaf, and that she spoke fluent French, and she thought my apartment looked very yam, she said.

So pretty obviously she's a complete pathological liar. Just about nothing she says checks out. She hasn't had enough time to do most of the things that she claims to have done. And you can tell just from talking

to her that she never went to Oxford or Cambridge, let alone both. My mate, though, is absolutely besotted and completely overcome in this kind of fog of testosterone. And I don't really know if it's fair to tell him. And he's pretty guileless as well. I think if I told him, he'd almost certainly kind of go and tell her that I'd told him, that she kind of talks a load of bullshit. So what do you think?

Should I sort of put an end to his happiness by injecting the cold steel of cynicism or just watch watching kind of sleepwalk towards disaster. Yes, answer me this, Helen O'Reilly. I like the fact that he laid out the ages quite specifically as if Simon's like, I know that this woman's full of shit because we're both about

45. Yeah, I pick that up too. 35s wouldn't get this. 35-year-olds would not get that Oxbridge is not a university. Yeah, just a hint of the sense as well that maybe you know this woman wants to keep hold of this younger man so has maybe invented some stuff too yeah maybe she's trying to impress him in the first days of their relationship although so i look at this from the point of view of someone who has a friend who bullshits incessantly i have a friend who i'd go as far to say is a pathological liar what was your first clue to their pathological lying like how long did it take before you

realized that they were bullshitting was it quick or was it years where you were like oh these things don't really add up i can't really give specific examples without that person realizing you don't have to i'm just interested no no but there was a specific example okay there was one claim that they made that was so ridiculous that it made me check out everything else in my head. I am Princess Diana. It was the equivalent of if I said to you, Helen, that I am on the British Olympic teams for rowing. It was something that ridiculous.

I was like, oh, okay, so everything you say is bullshit. I see. And until then, I'd sort of thought maybe they were prone to exaggeration. But then I reassessed everything they told me. But the point is, I realised that it came out of their insecurities. Oh, gosh, yes. And I thought, well, I could address this. It's a shame that this person feels they need to do this.

I could address it head on and say, look, I know that's not true. You don't need to lie to me about that because, you know, I like you as a friend anyway. It doesn't matter. But then that then becomes all about me, not about them. And actually I thought it's fine for me to just know that they're a bullshitter and just treat everything they say with a pinch of salt. That's fine. So that's how I treat them now.

I just ignore half of what they say as if it's complete fiction because it is. And are you worried about the people with whom they're in relationships? A little. But their relationships don't last very long. Fancy that. And I think it might be for that reason. But that's don't last very long. Fancy that. And I think it might be for that reason, but that's kind of none of my business. So I suppose the thing that I'm saying is

for her to pretend that she's a cordon bleu chef, I presume she's quite good in the kitchen. So at least your mate is getting a good meal out of this. Or a meal that he thinks is good because he's so impressionable. She's a convincing liar. Yeah. So, you know, he's getting well fed.

He's in love i think you could say to him i'm not sure this checks out it sounds like bullshit to me there is no oxbridge university but really he's just gonna think oh okay well maybe that's not true what she said i'm not sure he's gonna go straight back to her and say um why are you lying to me because he's in love with her and also probably you confronted her, she'd come up with a different lie. There are people who are Renaissance men and women who do a bit of everything. It is possible.

It's unusual. It is very unusual, though, isn't it? It's not her fault she's brilliant. Exactly. I think, though, if this is a load of shit, it's slightly difficult to deal with because it hints at instability in her. And that you have to handle carefully.

Like if she was fine, you going, you're talking shit, would have different consequences to that she's doing this because she has some mental health issues. So I don't quite know how you deal with that, except for trying to be friends with her and maybe tease out a little more honest conversation with her and being there to support your friend if things go tits up because also they're in the early stages of a relationship which tend to be quite unbearable for anyone to witness anyway um and

once those have worn off um the relationship can be a bit turbulent for a while while you recalibrate for it not being fresh and new anymore so i think you can have a support role but i don't think you can go in there and be like this must end yeah but maybe she is quite casual about the relationship she's not desperate to cling on to your mate simon she's just like oh this would be a bit of a laugh i'll tell him i'm an astronaut like you know you know it could just be that it's more interesting you know like at a party sometimes i've been in situations actually i was really annoyed i met a guy a friend of a friend once at a party and he told me he did something for a living i can't remember what it was now um but something like he told me he was a session guitarist was he an accountant in reality he was a secondary school teacher which is perfectly

interesting enough like i could have had kitchen bants with him about being an english teacher but maybe he's sick of talking about it i'm sick of talking about what I do for work. So he'd obviously decided, OK, it's a New Year's Eve party. I think he was on cocaine. I'm never going to speak to this guy again. Let's live my alternate life. Let's pretend I'm a session guitarist. How did you find out?

I said to my friend afterwards, our mutual friend, I said, oh, yeah, that guy who's a session guitarist is really nice. And he's like, who's that? And I said his name. And he was like, oh, no, he's a secondary school teacher. I felt betrayed. But nonetheless, from the point of view of the guy who was actually session guitarist is really nice. And he's like, who's that? And I said his name. And he was like, oh no, he's a secondary school teacher. I felt betrayed. But nonetheless, from the point of view of the guy who was actually a secondary school teacher,

I imagine that conversation was just a fun way to pass the time. Yeah. So, you know, maybe she's just thinking, this is a laugh. Maybe. You know, why not? Yeah, I'm a Nobel scientist. Simon has provided us with this long, complex voicemail, but he still hasn't provided that much psychological

insight into his friend or his friend's girlfriend so we can't really diagnose we can only speculate um about them but one option for simon would be just to have some fun with it player at her own game yeah i'd be like oh yeah i was at the cordon bleu what year were you yeah same exactly yeah we 45s that's when we went yeah or when she says where have you come back from i've just been climbing everest uh sorry i couldn't see you last weekend i was building a school for the blind at the top we're opening a cafe that serves only jelly the markup is immense and then we'll get on the telly we want a brand ambassador we're in talks with nelly but also cisco is keen we've put the full menu on squarespace.com you can choose from raspberry

strawberry lemon or the green one and our website will look great even when we're bankrupt after year one they're not ready for our jelly thanks very much to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of Answer Me This and allowing you listeners to build beautiful websites without even knowing code Oh, what's code? But yeah, if you've never heard of

Squarespace before, you've obviously never listened to a podcast but let me praise you for you. They're basically venture capital for podcasts, right? Is that not what they do? They enable you to create a lovely website using the internet itself. So you have to build a thing offline and then import it. It's all just drop-down menus and templates

designed by really world-class designers, and you can make something look very beautiful very, very easily. And you make all your changes to the front end as well, which saves a lot of time. I'd like to make some changes to your front end. Martin. I a lot of time i'd like to make some changes to your front end i wouldn't i'd leave it just the way you are this is very inappropriate you're beautiful martin if martin you would like to build a shrine to helen you could do that on square

space very very easily and if you wanted to sell merch like my toenail clippings or something then it's pretty easy to put in a store interface as well isn't it yeah and and helen wouldn't be any more compressed image wise if you started to look at it on your mobile phone whilst in bed touching yourself that would all be covered by squarespace's front end we're married well that's just fantastic well if you want to do that but don't build a website for something else go to squarespace.com you can play around with the two-week free trial and then if you want to sign up you can get 10% off using the code ANSWER Here's a question from Ryan who says

Ollie answer me this, where do Jewish men get their yarmulkes? Couples as we call them in North West London where I'm from They were called kippers in my family As far as I can tell, synagogues don't have shops attached for buying such goods Are all Jews secretly crafty and making them themselves

do they build them with their horns uh well brian um the rather dull answer is i mean there are judeica shops where you can buy things like menorahs and and that's where you can buy a couple or a yarmulke if you so choose and that's where some of the jazzy ones do come from so um like sometimes someone will have like a manchester united one or a captain america one or something if you're you know a bit of a fun jew is that considered respectful enough for sure uh i think it would be disrespectful on yom kippur but if you're an observant jew then you'd have the fun one for your sort of regular day-to-day business meetings and stuff and then you'd have a different one for

funerals and whatever if you are a kind of common or garden jew who only goes occasionally to synagogue like twice a year and for high holy days and stuff you're gonna have a more conservative color and in my experience those come mostly from other people's weddings um so i've never bought a couple in my entire life but i have a drawer full of about 50 of them at home. 50? Yeah. Such a thief. And that's from going to weddings and bar mitzvahs as a child. And do you get given them or have you just stolen them?

You get given them. So it's very frequently a thing that's at the table. Like a wedding favour. Like a wedding favour, yeah. And on the inside, there'll be an inscription. So I've got all these people's souvenirs. I don't even know who they were, you know, Jonathan's bar mitzvah and whatever no idea who these people are still wearing the couple now did you have your own for your bar mitzvah yeah there's there's a collector's item for you is it like glitter because it was hollywood themed no i think mine were purple if i remember correctly

with a silver trim when ryan suggests that there could be a shop appended to a synagogue it's actually a sensible idea isn't it until you realize that most people go there on a saturday and on the sabbath you're not allowed to work yeah and you're not allowed to buy stuff basically because you're not allowed to carry money is there a vending machine outside the synagogue and it works until sundown on friday so you can get it on the way in they do have all kinds of ways of working around the religious Jews. They do. It's almost as if those rules are being bent in a way

that is not really adherent to the spirituality they're trying to maintain. So, for example, if you have a Gentile working in the shop, then they could, I guess, sell you a couple, but you wouldn't be able to pay any money for it because you're not allowed to carry money. So they'd have to find a way for you to choose it without it feeling like you're shopping and you're not allowed to carry either.

So you'd have to leave it there. Right. Anyway, it's a bit of a minefield, so easier not to have to shop in the synagogue. Could you wear it though? Yeah, does that count as carrying? You're wearing clothes for me. You don't leave the house naked on the Sabbath.

Yeah, I think you probably could wear it. But then of course, to be in the synagogue, in the shop the shop you're already wearing one anyway so what do you do with the one on your head apart from carry it unless you doubled up yeah why not it's complicated that's a good look complicated so this is why but there are shops basically they buy them in shops the shops that aren't in synagogues that are in high streets in jewish areas and ryan you've never seen one because either you don't live in a particularly jewish area or because you're not jewish you've never noticed them here is a question from greg who has a question about greg the word greg or the part of the word greg because he says helen answer me this are the greg in gregarious and the greg in egregious i guess both those words do have

greg in although you pronounce one Greg and one greege. You say Greg, I say greege. Let's call the whole thing Greg. Are those two Gregs related to each other? Are either Gregs connected in some way to my name, Greg? In answer to your first question, Greg, yes, they're related to each other. Oh, wow.

Gregarious and egregious two very different meanings very much and you know what i was very surprised to find that the meaning of egregious which currently is terrible used to be the opposite thing and it only ironically no to mean terrible it used to be something that was distinguished or excellent so from the latin uh there was the little particle x that means out of and then the grege means uh of a flock or herd so it meant you you stood out from the pack and and then irony flipped it interesting because it does have actually you just say the word egregious it doesn't sound like a bad word it sounds it has the tone of a word like auspicious

or something doesn't it sounds like something celebratory. Or pinogregio. Yeah. And that is the same Greg in Gregarious, because Gregarious meant disposed to live in flocks. So, friendly. But the Greg that is your name is from the ancient Greek for watchful or alert. Oh, okay.

So nothing to do with that with being outgoing at all? No. Or watching your flocks, from which you are distinguished. distinguished okay so egregious and gregarious are related but they're not related to greg no exactly which means you can marry them if you want to greg well we are now at the end of this episode of answer me this yep hold your own funeral but i actually thought it'd be quite an interesting podcast to make where you had people planning their own funerals that's a great idea for a podcast

even getting the people on that they'd want to do the elegy because essentially it's someone having the fun of hearing all the praise spouted about them at their funeral whilst not being dead but I'm giving you this idea listeners if one of you wants to go and make that I think that would be a good show that is a good format yeah I like it you've had that for free listeners

you've had that for free because at this point too tired to make it myself but we will make another episode of Answer Me This in two weeks' time. If you send us your questions via email, phone and Skype, and our contact details are kept on our website. AnswerMeThisPodcast.com Also, we have other material for your ears. My series, The Modern Man, M-A-N-N, it's a magazine show about sex and trends and interesting people

is back uh october 25th season three begins uh we are at modern man m-a-double-n.co.uk and my show the illusionist continues it does i have a bullfighter on my show this week who do you have i have a physician talking about how disease names may have Nazi origins, so you've got to be careful. Not all of them. My guy's a 76-year-old matador from Salford. Is there a bull ring in Salford? There isn't. There's certainly one in Birmingham. What does he do then?

Like go to the outlet mall and just see what he can get? He now lives in Marbella, and in fact I met him there whilst I was out there getting married. Right. That's what I did on my honeymoon. You got married at a bull fight. I went and met an old man and talks about how he nearly was gone through the stomach does that mean you can offset the expenses of your whole wedding trip because it was because that's a legitimate thing to do and i don't think you should be uh worried about it anyway both episode subjects sound

fascinating yours slightly less laced with current danger hey a few weeks ago i had some people who were at the actual South Pole. So that's good. That's good. Both shows are good. You can put them in your ears. Martin has a show too. Song by Song, where we talk about every Tom Waits song in chronological order.

Which one have you got to? Blue Valentine. If you're interested in Tom Waits or just listening to some music and us talk about it. Look at him trying to make it broad at the end. Where do you find it? songbysongpodcast.com and it just remains for us to say thanks very much to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of Answer Me This. Thank you chaps

and we'll be back in two weeks so you better be too Bye!