Answer Me This! - AMT369: New Year's resolutions, gilets, and McDonald's mayonnaise

Episode Date: January 3, 2019

To see in the new year, AMT369 contemplates the orangeness of basketballs, the failure of New Year's resolutions, the lovelorn state of a lottery-winning listener, and why the hell does McDonald's in the UK not sell mayonnaise, are they doing this specifically to infuriate Olly Mann, GIVE HIM MAYONNAISE. Find out more about this episode at . Send us questions for future episodes: email written words or voice memos to [e-mail]. Tweet us http://twitter.com/helenandolly Facebook http://facebook.com/answermethis Subscribe on Apple Podcasts Get your engine revving for Valentine's Day with the AMT Love album! One hour of your questions about your body parts and the various fun things you want to do with them. It's available, along with all our special albums, Best Of compilations and classic episodes 1-200, at . Hear Helen Zaltzman's podcast The Allusionist at , Olly Mann's The Modern Mann at , and Martin Austwick's Song By Song at . This episode is sponsored by Squarespace. Want to build a website? Go to , and get a 10% discount on your first purchase of a website or domain with the code 'answer'. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How much meat was in Greg's sausage rolls in the first place? Answer me this, answer me this Why did the big bopper like Chantilly Lace? Answer me this, answer me this What a pretty face Helen and Ollie, answer me this Happy New Year, Helen! And happy birthday, answer me this

Twelve years old, twelve years old, twelve years old Happy New Year, Ollie How were your crackers This Christmas Helen They had chime bars in them Yeah you pull the full set And you get An octave of glockenspiel

Out of it Oh chime bars I thought you said dime bars No that would have been better Because dime bars Don't make a noise Whereas A glockenspiel

Plus four children That is A loud Several hours What is it with Grown ups not knowing not to give children young children musical right my mom did this the other day well i went to lunch with her and harvey and she did that thing that grandparents do which is quite sweet really i suppose and i

guess it's their role but it's a bit irritating of just buying him a toy for no reason at all on the way into the restaurant that she could present to him. It's just so she can be his favourite person. Yeah, and I guess it works. That bribery works with three-year-olds. But she reached into the bag and I saw the Paw Patrol logo. And I said, no, don't do it now. Don't do it now because if you do it now, he's not going to eat his lunch. Let him eat his lunch.

And when he goes into the post-ice cream coma, that's when you can reach in the bag if you really insist. So we got to the post-ice cream slump. He started to roll around on the floor and poke the woman in the next table in the eye and i said to mum right now now's the time to give him the pointless toy if you insist so she reached into the bag and bear in mind we're in a restaurant where other people are trying to eat the thing she bought him was a flute oh a poor patrol branded flute since when did dogs play the flute?

It's a stretch too far to have a dog who is a firefighter who also plays the flute. No, it's a brand extension, Martin. It's like having, let me think of an example from your life that you'd understand. Tom Waits branded shot glass and breakfast plate. There we go, yeah. I reckon I know why grandparents give children noisy toys. Not only for popularity, but also because some of the edges of their hearing may have been rubbed off. I think seriously, that might be part of it.

Or it's been so long since they had to do the hands on stuff. They've actually forgotten what it sounds like to hear a child blowing on a plastic recorder. But it doesn't take long for you to remember that that is the very definition of hell. That sounds shrill. Oh, it was tough. It wasn't just a flute. It was a set with a little sounds shrill. Oh, it was tough. It wasn't just a flute. It was a set with a little tambourine. Oh, percussion as well as woodwind. Why, God?

Why? A seasonal question comes from Lizette, who says, Helen, answer me this. Where did New Year's resolutions originate? Does anyone ever stick to them? Not the majority. Do you have stats on that, actually? A 2007 study from the University of Bristol of 3,000 people showed that 88% of people fail their New Year's resolutions.

But you're still, I gather, 10 times more likely to succeed with a New Year's resolution than a resolution made at another time of year. Okay, that's both kind of motivating and depressing for people listening. Yeah, why bother trying anything? But it's a natural thing, isn't it, as the year turns around, to think back across the year and to think to the year ahead. It is common to a lot of cultures. You can trace New Year's resolutions back 4,000 years to the Babylonians,

where at the start of the year they would promise gods that they would return borrowed things and pay off debts. Although that New Year was in mid-Marcharch it was part of a 12-day festival they would also reaffirm loyalty to the king you're just sort of clearing up your business aren't you i suppose the queen's christmas message isn't all that different to reaffirming loyalty to the king is it i mean that is for most people that's the one time a year they see her speak i've never seen it what yeah not even a clip on the news i've seen a visual i just don't care well anyway i do watch the speech and it was a boring example even by her standard she doesn't give a shit anymore does she well what was really obvious was that she'd

obviously said i can't be bothered to think of 10 minutes this year just chuck in some children and there was three minutes at the end which was just you know christmas choir like kids singing silent night oh that's the worst oh i'm so glad i didn't see it there's always a bit of padding there's like a bit of her inspecting a military troop or something or a family photo or something that goes on for a bit longer than it should to fill the time but that was clearly three minutes she couldn't be fucked to think of chow's done dozens of these fucking things to be, we've done hundreds of theme songs and we don't trot out a children's choir when things are getting a bit

slow. Yeah, when you hear us do a Squarespace ad with a children's choir, then you're like run out of inspiration. Anyway. The Babylonians had them and then the Romans had them. January is named after Janus, the two-faced god, who looked backwards and forward,

so into the previous year and ahead into the new. Ah, I thought it was Samantha. She deserves it. She did a good job at the Eurovision. So at that time of year, as in the song by Craig Phillips, winner of Big Brother Series 1, the Romans were reflective and they offered sacrifices to the god Janus and they made promises of good behaviour for the coming year. And so it continued. I'm actually someone who naturally does do that because it's something that I feel instinctively.

It's not because of other people doing it. I'm someone who naturally sort of resets in January. I often, well, actually one of the reasons that we started this show 12 years ago in January was, I can't remember if it was me that suggested it, but certainly it's typical of me to say, let's start a new project at the turn of the year. It just feels natural to me to like try something new. So I do tend to spend most of my Decembers thinking, what can I do differently in the year ahead? And I guess my New Year's resolution for the year ahead is actually the same as the one that I had at the beginning of 2018 which is a little bit depressing really because it's an

admission that I failed obviously but it's basically slow down don't do so much yeah I think mine's probably speed up yeah well it's difficult because Helen I know that you like me enjoy or not even enjoy that's the wrong word can only basically work with a deadline imminent oh yeah and so there's obviously a usefulness that comes from that energy and adrenaline but also i just don't want like i don't need that in my life like i'd rather have time to do stuff don't be so short with people don't like read twitter whilst i'm having a piss you know just slow the pace of my life down that's one of my few pleasures in life. So apparently the most common reason for people failing to keep their New Year's resolution is that they set themselves unrealistic goals.

And then one of the next most popular reasons is that they just forgot about the resolution. But apparently a specific goal is more likely to succeed. So if you said, I want to save more money, that is less likely to succeed than if you said i want to save more money that is less likely to succeed than if you say i want to save 100 pounds a month yes and then you keep track of your expenditure using an app or writing everything down yeah so if my specific goal was don't look at twitter whilst i'm having a piss just that one yeah rather than generally slow down i feel like that is achievable i have actually kept two new year's resolutions that i can remember i'm still keeping them from a few years ago when I resolved to read more.

So I started keeping a spreadsheet. Oh, that's what Zuckerberg did, isn't it? Is it? Yeah, Zuckerberg was like, this year I'm going to read a book a week or whatever. And because he had the incentive of putting it all on Facebook, he stuck to it as well. Oh, right. Not Zuckerberg. This year I'm going to invade your privacy even more.

And I've got a spreadsheet with all the ways how. Well, anyway, I've read this year the most books that I've read since I began the spreadsheet in 2011. Partly because I was in hospital with nothing to do for a while. That's a resolution to do something that you do enjoy. Yeah. It's the opposite of the keep fit resolution isn't it actually. I'm going to have more time to do something that I want to do. And the other thing was not to click on mail online links and I've kept to that for many years. So I would recommend that. That is easier to do than you think. Because you do think, oh, casual internet browsing, it's harmless. And yeah, they're making money. What would you do if someone quoted you in a mail online article? Would you look to see what you'd said? No, couldn't. Resolution.

What if someone tweeted you and said, hey, at Helen Zaltzman, you won't believe what Mail Online have written about you, Link. I'd say, can you send me a screen grab so I don't break my 2013 resolution or whenever I made it. But then they're clicking on the link to make the screen grab. So the net result is still one more sale. But I suppose they've already clicked.

So it's not a new cookie. Yeah. You could probably like open an incognito browser or some shit. But I mean... No, because it's not incognito to me. The resolution keeper. my name is anthony i'm currently living in london but just moved here from australia i'm a long time listener of the podcast and my question is this years ago you guys were talking

about your parents fashion choices and one of you mentioned that your father bought a gilet and wore that essentially for the rest of their lives. What the fuck is a gilet? I don't even know how to spell it to Google it. Can you help me out here? This has been bothering me for years. Thanks. I like that he spent such a long time being bothered by himself before bothering us with it. Yeah. I mean, years ago we talked about that. It was me, it was my dad. Whose trademark look was a sand-coloured gilet. Yes, he visited a branch of Banana Republic in Beverly Hills

and bought his entire wardrobe for the next 30 years in essentially one or two trips. Anthony, we can put these years of worry at rest. Firstly, gilet is spelled G-i-l-e-t it's a word from french and it means a padded sleeveless garment which would be very useful to you as an australian experiencing british winter that's interesting because i assumed that the defining characteristic was its sleevelessness in definition of a gilet padded you know if know, if you, I mean, this, of course, has become a topical word again, thanks to the gilets jaunes in France.

They are protesting, aren't they, wearing roadside assistance type gilets, which I assume aren't padded. They're just neon, aren't they? They're thin material. Well. But they're still called gilets. Gilets, as imported from French into English,

is basically padded sleeveless garment, like body warmers. They were called body warmers when we were younger, but I'd imagine they're called gilets now because it sounds more sophisticated. In France, the word has been around for a long time. In the 19th century, it was a decorative waistcoat. And so it just means waistcoat in other places. But here we would say waistcoat if you meant something that was non-padded and sleeveless. So what you're saying is, so the English speaking world thinks of g-lay as padded and sleeveless but in france just sleeveless yeah like in britain that used to be called a jerkin

back in olden times did it technically the one that my dad used to wear uh was called a hooded bush vest i didn't know it had a hood it didn't i don't know why it was called that because you're right it wasn't hooded but it i found this out because I was curious about this shop in Beverly Hills that I went to with my dad, this branch of Banana Republic, because it was so different to what Banana Republic has become as a brand internationally now, which is kind of sleek and bland, basically. And I remember that it was like jungle themed and had giant life-sized giraffes in it made of plastic wow i was like that is that the same company anyway i looked into it and it was originally when banana republic was formed they sold repurposed military costumes so they had like israeli paratrooper knapsacks and

stuff hence the name banana republic it was like arm it could people forget but there was like a safari army trend in the 80s like indiana jones and romancing the stone and the hooded bush vest was part of their original lineup of clothes so this is like for people who are fans of the original banana republic before it got bought by gap and turned into something else there's there are like websites dedicated to the g-lay that my dad wore as like an a fashion icon which is hilarious adam in yorkshire asks ollie answer me this mayonnaise packets at mcdonald's why is it not a thing why god why it's outrageous it's in the fucking secret sauce it's on the flipping mcChicken sandwich the place is drenched in mayonnaise and yet you cannot get mayonnaise it doesn't make any sense how is this such a popular restaurant

chain when they've deprived you like this I find it absolutely baffling they sell it by the way in France McDonald's in Spain McDonald's and in Portugal McDonald's you can go in and you can get mayonnaise but not in British McDonald's why well i mean i do know the answer i can answer okay why it's really dull okay good that's what i was expecting so a uh muck spoke person uh told cosmopolitan who last looked into this quote what we offer in our restaurants is based on customer demand we don't currently have any plans for mayonnaise to be made available but how would you know because in britain people be too polite to say give me mayonnaise when it's not being offered well i i there is a change.org petition uh to bring mayonnaise mcdonald's oh well those are highly effective aren't they um and that's had uh 1824 signatures which i think qualifies as piss poor

yeah it's not enough i think i mean as usual as usual, McDonald's have probably got it right. I mean, probably their target audience don't care. But I am telling you now, McDonald's, that I would go there twice as often. Like at the moment, I basically only go if I'm with my toddler and he wants McDonald's or if there is no other choice. Does he like mayonnaise as a nearly three-year-old?

Is he into that yet? Yes, of course he does. He's a man, as in an M-A-N ma double n you can take the mayonnaise out of the boy but you can't i don't know yes he does you can't spell mayonnaise without man i bet you get that a lot you can spell mayo though without man but why would you i just think i would sometimes perhaps well no i wouldn't i'm lying to myself Helen I was about to say I would choose McDonald's over Burger King if they sold mayonnaise because Burger King does but I wouldn't because Burger King's clearly better so the only scenarios in which I'm in McDonald's

I'd be there anyway why don't you just take your own mayonnaise I assume you keep a jar in the car I keep a jar in the condom pocket of my jeans for all occasions apparently the tip is if you like me really want mayonnaise when you go to mcdonald's because obviously um the tip is if you ask nicely certain muck employees will fill a sunday top as in s-u-n-d-a-e with mayonnaise for you it's by no means certain but if you ask nicely they have the they have mayonnaise it's just not in little portions that they can put through the till but they have it for the mcchicken sandwich so you can say can you put a bit of that mcchicken mayo into the sundae top wink also what's weird is the sauces that they do have available like if the reason is customer

demand doesn't want mayonnaise like does customer demand really want like because obviously they do barbecue fair enough how do customers know until you put it in front of them exactly because one of them is that weird sort of quasi chinese one isn't it sweet and sour like how many people really say oh yeah fry sweet and sour sauce please i just can't believe that's more popular than mayonnaise i think there's got to be some dark conspiracy here ollie there usually is it'd be so easy for them to do it, or at least to do a trial to see how much customer demand there really was for mayonnaise,

a classic condiment to have with chips, a thing that they sell. So I think they're deliberately withholding it. For why? Couldn't say. It makes me angry. I'm so sorry to bring this painful subject up. No, it's all right. It's all right.

I mean, I'm glad to have an opportunity to speak about it. I mean, if I ever met face to face the person whose decision it was to withhold mayonnaise from sale in McDonald's. You'd pick them up by the scruff of the neck and then cry right into their mouth. No, I'd want to sit down and really understand where they're coming from. Like, I can't comprehend their worldview. Answer me this podcast at Google Mail.com Answer me this podcast at Google Mail.com So retrospectives, what historical events are we ticking off on this week's run of Today in History?

On Monday, we bring you the real story of the mutiny on the bounty. On Tuesday, the anniversary of the day somebody invented the meatball, but who? On Wednesday, the iconic British car that ripped off an iconic American car. On Thursday, how American Airlines invented air miles. And on Friday, the UFO sighting that gripped colonial America. We discuss this and more on Today in History with The Retrospectors. Ten minutes each weekday, wherever you get your podcasts. Time for a question from Helen in Oxford.

What, you, back in your university days when I first met you? Time travelling? Shit! No. And she says, Ollie, answer me this. Why do you keep hanging out with me i've made it quite clear i see you only as a colleague uh would you ollie can i watch neighbors in your room this lunchtime she says would you rather be a butcher a baker or a candlestick maker i'd quite like to

be a baker wow um okay well hold on actually before before you answer the question we should actually explain the context for for those uh international listeners unfamiliar with the rhyme rubber dub dub right the current version of rubber dub dub what not the remix by n dubs oh my god i'm surprised that's not happened the the common version that we grew up with was rubber dub dub three men in a tub and who do you think they be the butcher the baker the candlestick maker and all of them out to sea however that is a version as sanitized in the victorian era because the rhyme in its earlier form from the 15th century was rubber dub dub three maids in a tub and who do you think were there the butcher the baker the candlestick maker and all of them gone to the fair oh my god how risque is that i feel sullied just by hearing that let

me break it down three maids in a tub the tub was a strip show or peep show that was an attraction at a traveling fair and those three professionals were watching it and being shamed for watching it by the rhyme wow so it's basically saying you'll never guess who's ogling naked ladies these respectable professionals yeah right so it's like saying rub-a-dub-dub who's on porn hub it's only the social media brand manager i don't think the rub-a-dub-dub means that they are rubbing one out whilst at the peep show i think the rub-a-dub-dub was a kind of tut tut analog yes yeah but the point is you'll never guess who's looking yeah right and so the victorian sanitized version i think is just trying to make it like a nonsense song where

these three people are in a tub which was a boat and floating out to sea fine yeah okay so anyway that's that's where we get this grouping that english people are aware of butcher baker candlestick maker i've never given it any thought before so thank you for enlightening me already not even in the same union those three professions happening in different buildings not even on the same high street these days yeah so but but okay so to return to your answer please go ahead my choice is okay butcher i'm gonna say no that is a difficult profession i i've known butchers and um they had a lot of scars from flying bone chips yes i don't think i would enjoy being around the smell

of raw meat all day i can't justify it environmentally baker sometimes i do think about that but it's very early mornings whoa whoa whoa when you say sometimes you think about what like serious backup plan no frivolous backup plan. Because I know that it's actually a hard job that I would probably suck at. Because, you see, I'd enjoy making bread and stuff, but I don't think I'd be a good enough baker for the Great British Bake Off era of baking. Candlestick maker, I think that would be the one because I do like making things and I am more interested in candlesticks than I am in candles which I don't particularly like. And of course you'd be following on in the parental tradition of being a sculptor of some kind. Yeah but my dad makes his sculptures out of wax so you could say that they are expensive

candles that cost several thousand pounds but don't burn them. I think I would go candlestick maker as well because actually leaving aside the lifestyle element um you know we've spoken before on the show about the bijou rise of scented candles but actually the sticks haven't changed a great deal in the last century have they there's not the same range of sticks as there are candles themselves do you think i think there's a tremendous visual variety in candle sticks really really where where is this tremendous visual variety helen i don't see it well some of them are twiddly some of them are minimal some of them are concrete you can get a lot of fancy menorahs yeah but these are not disruptors helen who's who's going to come

along and do the candlestick for the 21st century that's what i'm saying well you know what disrupted the candlestick fucking proper light lamps like who's disrupted candles candles are basically the same it's just they don't smell of beef anymore nonetheless i think there's probably like if you did it right if you got the website you know candle dot stick or something you know it could be that if the candlesticks are so trendy people buy the candlesticks without even having a candle to put in them then they have to buy a candle then the candle makers are like oh my god we've got to keep up with candles dot sticks you're from a long line of butchers that's true did it skip a generation with you uh well my dad never enjoyed being a butcher like my dad uh inherited um with his sister the butcher shop from his father which

is still uh open now and a family business in edgeware louis man and son go check it out if you're in the area they do some excellent chopped liver. My dad never enjoyed working there, really. I mean, I think he enjoyed being with his family. I think he enjoyed a bit of the lifestyle of like owning, being part of a family business, because it meant that he could go out in the evenings and sort of choose his own hours to an extent. But you had to be up very, very early in the morning to go to the meat market. As you say, everything stinks of meat.

Even though he was at the level where I don't think he was literally putting his hand up chickens. There are butchers on site who do the actual butchering. He was in the butchery business and that involves handling a lot of raw meat, talking to the general public about raw meat. And I don't think it was something that ever really appealed to him. And that's why he started his business selling vintage cars out the back of the butcher shop. Wow.

Because you get like free sausages if you bought a Bentley. I mean, I'd think about buying aley if you got some triple otters you could just buy some sausages so it was always made very clear to me that he didn't see his time as a butcher in the most positive way so you know it never really appealed to me although i do actually quite like the idea of providing a need i mean that's the thing about that's the only thing i think the butcher and baker have over candlestick maker um candlestick maker i think is the business case now uh baker i think is a bit done like everyone wants to be a baker everyone starts up cupcake businesses and stuff but like obviously it sort of can work but i think butcher and baker at least people are always hungry you know people are hungry so at least it's a thing people want and if you got together then you can make um bacon sandwiches not the kosher butcher obviously no yeah exactly

i wonder whether anyone playing on the popularity of this riddle over centuries has created a shop concept which is housing all three under the same roof well basically borough market yeah sure but that's also includes other things like uh you know freshly ground coffee but what if the shop just sold meat bread and candlesticks but i think the conflict you have if you've got the smell of raw meat and a scented candle yes which scent is going to win because obviously the nicest smell of all of those i think is the freshly baked goods yes i think i mean various shops pump in the scent of bread don't they to disguise the horrible smells that are actually going on whereas subway pumps in a more horrible smell than the food would create on its own in the 90s i hired a 12 person web team to build and run my websites and I realised my tech dream.

Then the dot com bubble burst and I had to drown them in a stream. Why didn't I just sack them? But now thanks to Squarespace you can do it alone and build a lovely website for tablets or smartphone. Enjoy it now cause in 10 years you'll be replaced by a drone just like terminator 3 this episode is sponsored by squarespace your one-stop shop to create and maintain your own website and if you've got a promotion running on that website what you have created uh you can tell people about that promotion really easily by creating a pop-up not an irritating one wow but like a nice one that's like hey get 10 off or hey check out our new thing all right and it's really easy to do so you go to my snazzy website.com yeah and uh it's like hey for this

month only you can save 10 on my snazzy website's special snazzy snacks yeah and then you have to dismiss it if you don't want that is that what you're talking about yeah or you can do an announcement bar at the top which is a bit more full-on so that's like guess how snazzy we are like either one 100% uh but anyway yeah it's a it's a nice little feature that because um yeah in real life when you're using other people's websites you obviously don't want loads of promotional pop-ups but when you're creating your own website you want to get in people's faces with your stuff and they make it really really easy for you to do that and then when the promotion ends turn the pop-up off there

are many many functions of a squarespace website one thing i like is that you can check how it's looking on desktop and tablet and phone all from the same place yeah just by switching between different views so if you think i've done some pretty sweet layout business for desktop and let's just check that it's not a hot dog shit on mobile yeah you can just check in a click and if you want to create your own squarespace website and after this talk up frankly who wouldn't you can get 10 off your first purchase of a website or domain by going to squarespace.com slash answer and using our discount code answer here's a question from johnny who says helen answer me this why is it called the

edgeware road i mean he means why is the edgeware road called the edgeware road not you know his pet name for a part of his body who knows who knows could be he could call his rectum the edgeware road with marble arch at the end, his sphincter. Is it on the brown line? I can't remember. Why is it called the Edgware Road, but not the Regent Street or the Bond Street? That's a part I've never thought about that before. Well, I think quite a lot of roads are like that. Like the Cowley Road in Oxford, where we both used to live. And I think that is a thing that informally comes up when

the road is named after a place. Yes, I was thinking this because like the Harrow Road is also the Harrow Road in London. Yeah, so roads going to a place whereas Regent Street and Bond Street are not named after places. No, they're named after the Prince Regent and I don't know what Bond Street's named after. Named after... James Bond. Michael Bond. Landowner Sir Thomas Bond. He developed that area in the 1600s. So he gets his own fancy street. But how did he like his martini?

He liked it incredibly expensive and built over farmland. And also Edgware Road is a neighbourhood. So maybe you'd say Edgware Road when you were naming the road, but you'd say the Edgware Road if you're like, oh, it's up around the Edgware Road. You mean that neighbourhood. So maybe you'd say Edgware Road when you were naming the road, but you'd say the Edgware Road if you're like, oh, it's up around the Edgware Road, you mean that neighbourhood. Whereas I'd say Regent Street and Bond Street aren't really neighbourhoods. And even Oxford Street is not really a neighbourhood.

But does the Edgware Road or Edgware Road go all the way to Edgware? It goes all the way to Holyhead in Wales, Helen. Well, it's part of Watling Street, but is it still called Edgware Road when it gets to Edgware? Yes, it's it still called Edgeware Road when it gets to Edgeware? Yes, it's still called Edgeware Road when it gets to Edgeware. And then you're right.

Yes, I suppose it's called Watling Street roundabout Radlets and Albans, isn't it? I don't know what it's called between Edgeware and there. It's just like a series of roundabouts and mini golf places. Because Oxford Street is definitely not called Oxford Street all the way to Oxford. True. This is Philip from Berlin. Helen and Ollie, answer me this who takes instagrammers photos for them do they have friends who like job it is just to take their photos all day or girlfriends and

boyfriends who do it for them and don't mind uh yeah so who takes i mean it just sounds awful so who takes instagrammers photos i mean there sounds awful. So who takes Instagrammers photos? I mean, there are as many different Instagrammers as there are people in the world. I mean, not literally, but there are a lot. So it's hard to generalise, I imagine. Yes. There's a huge diversity of different ways people take their Instagram photos. I know somebody who is an Instagram fashioniste.

She gets her boyfriend to take her photos and she says most bloggers do and what she does is take pictures of several different outfits at once which takes half a day and then each day she'll post one as if it was just taken. Yeah because that's the weird thing about Instagram isn't it because it actually even in the way the app was designed i actually hardly ever use it but um i did actually interview the guy who invented it when i used to make a podcast for the guardian about technology so i was talking to him about it and it was designed so that you couldn't store a photo and then upload it initially i know it's different now but it was all about basically taking the picture through the app and uploading it instantly and it was very much about this is what i'm doing now and and the way it's designed still it kind of suggests it's

what happens now except it's obviously so heavily edited and curated by the people that are posting to it isn't it and also my source said that an awful lot of the fashionistas borrow a lot of the clothes they don't own them So they get a variety of outfit, but they're not actually wearing that around all day. They'll be lent it by a fashion showroom. It's a weird world, isn't it? I mean, it's no weirder than being a model in the old days and being employed by a fashion magazine

to post for a photo wearing an outfit. But the fact that people self-publish it is just, I don't know, it feels odd. It is different to that because you are effectively the magazine yourself. Yeah. And the stylist. I suppose it's just cutting out a lot of the other distribution mechanisms and editorial mechanisms but then so her boyfriend does that but she does she spends half it so is it in a professional studio it's like

street photography right and like there are certain walls yeah places like brooklyn that will crop up in a lot of different people's photos if they're like a particularly good colour where the outfit pops or they've got an interesting mural that doesn't compete with your outfit. Yeah I remember watching an episode of the Kardashians and when I say watching I mean absorbing because I was in the same room as it happening when my wife was watching it and there was a scene where one of them I don't know was it Kim probably got to japan i think and then was um basically in her stretch limo chaperone thing driven to a wall in a city so that she could do a street scene thing wearing her clothes that she needed to put on instagram and she literally got out the car with her camera crew from e

took the picture next to the wall in a street scene on a mobile phone and then got back in the car so i mean it was like a heavily produced itinerized diarized showbiz event but it had to look like a street scene you couldn't simulate it in the studio hello helen and ollie and martin the sound man it's lucille from coventry answer me this who designed the orange basketball the person in question is apparently Tony Hinkle, who was a coach at Butler University in Indiana for nearly 50 years. The basketballs used to be brown, and Hinkle thought that this colour was difficult for the players to see and also difficult for the fans to see.

So he thought, let's make the ball a colour that anyone near the basketball court can easily see let's make it orange and in 1957 he and the spalding company that make balls developed a new basketball and the orange colored ball made its debut in the 1958 NCAA finals in Louisville Kentucky see I would have thought maybe it was because orange was closer to the natural color of rubber or whatever they make the balls out of. I mean, I knew it was a dye, obviously, but I thought it would be an easier colour to achieve than pink, for example. But is that nothing to do with it? I thought that too, Ollie. Our minds are in concert. And yet Tony Hinkle was driven by a different car to Ideas Town.

I like the idea of making it so that the whole audience can see. It's a bit like the Queen wearing bright pastel colours, isn't it? Oh, she knows what she's doing, doesn't she? Yeah. And a flamboyant hat. As you know, I hate sport of all kinds. But if I was ever going to be a professional sportsman... And it's only a small if.

I think I'd put darts in number one but basketball in number two I think. I don't hate basketball. Darts there's a lot of maths. Are you sure you're ready? Yeah I'm not saying I'd be good at it. I'm saying like if I had a choice if someone you know made me be a sportsman I'd say okay I'll try darts and then second place basketball looks all right. Now bobsleigh because you just have to sit in the bobsleigh. But actually i feel more confident that i could be a basketball player now because um i interviewed a man with dwarfism recently and he told me he was a really enthusiastic basketball player in his teens and that's what he wanted to do professionally and i said of all the sports like surely that's the one where you have to be tall isn't it and he said that's a massive misconception there's there's there is obviously

if you if you're the person shooting the hoops you probably do have to be tall but there's a position you can play i can't remember which because not interested in sport where it doesn't matter it's all about passing to other people or being the fly boy or whatever they call it fly boy so i'd be that i'd be that so because i am tall but i'm not tall like basketball player but you do have a bad shoulder i do now but you know maybe if i was 19 and i started out in my basketball career it would be a shoulder as strong as an ox. Do ox have strong shoulders? I don't know. I assume they do. Yeah, I'm assuming if your shoulders were so strong, you wouldn't have dislocated one falling over on the way to your ski lesson.

No offence. Have you ever played basketball in any form? I guess as a girl growing up in England, it would have been net rather than basket. Yeah, we had to play netball, which like basketball but uh very very still and you're not allowed to run with the ball and you're not allowed to go into the entirety of the court right so I mean I know the whole kind of gendered sports thing is a bit odd anyway but why is netball outside and basketball's in I never understood that like the boys at my school were playing basketball the girls were playing netball the girls were outside in the winter what's that sadism that's what it is it doesn't make any sense does it i don't know i'm sure it does there must

be a sporty reason but it feels weird because people practice basketball outdoors don't they like in father of the bride when they've got that basketball hoop outside in their posh house see i've seen basketball listeners i just don't understand sport yeah or they're in the video for baby one more time oh is there basketball in that? I'd forgotten. She's bouncing a basketball. It's in the third act. Yes, she is. When everyone's dancing and the teacher comes in, looks very cross the wheels, it's a really good song,

starts dancing. It's all happy. Yeah, she is bouncing the iconic orange basketball. Frederick Hinks, or whatever his name was. Tony Hinkle. Tony Hinkle. His real name wasn't Tony. It was something completely unrelated.

But apparently he loved to eat Italian food. So someone gave him an Italian nickname. Isn't that the shittest reason? I think it's sometimes worth persevering with these answers to get to the nugget of information like that, that for some reason will stick with me forever. Hey, pasta guy, Tony. Fuck. buzz. If you want to be our pal, go to this URL, facebook.com slash answer me this, or twitter.com slash Helen and Ollie. But please don't follow us in real life. Here's a question from a man who calls himself Sadluck and is in Canada. Sadluck says, I had this beautiful girlfriend, smart, godless, funny,

and we made each other quite happy. What does he mean by godless, actually? Does that mean atheist? Yeah, I think they both match in their beliefs. Fine. Together for five and a half years, lived together for over three years, been to Cuba twice. That's a proper relationship, isn't it?

It's long term. Serious. She is a studious, career-minded individual. Bachelor of Science degree, working in insurance type. Okay. I'm a Jeff Lebowski type. I remember absolutely nothing about the Big Lebowski. It's done quite a lot. Okay. I was working as a bouncer at a gay bar, painting acrylics in the evenings. When I met you. And not achieving all that much,

except making her laugh every day and a few great home-cooked meals. Think of me as a stay-at-home comedian. Her age is 26. My age, 31. In my life, I've backpacked abroad and had a blast. She had not travelled much aside from leaving her home country, which she does not specify, to come to Canada, which is where we met. So she left in December 2017 on a working

holiday visa to Australia. Oh, I'm feeling sad violins coming in now. He does call himself sad luck. So he does. I had already been to Oz and used up my visa when I was 18. In her absence, I gained a lot of weight, drank more than is sensible, and began playing the lottery in the vain hope of winning and reuniting with her. Two weeks ago, I won. A hundred thousand dollars. Whoa. Wow.

Whoa. Yep. I didn't see that coming at all. What? A hundred thousand dollars by playing the lottery and drinking too much. What a great advert. yep I didn't see that coming at all what? $100,000 by playing the lottery and drinking too much what a great advert

this is enough to clear my debt put a solid nest egg away and go find my lady in Australia yay okay yeah because the flights from Canada to Australia

I had to cancel one because of the hospital thing about $1,000 he's got it except tonight she told me she's still trying to find herself and still sees me as an underachiever hello i just won the lottery i mean that's not

an achievement as a piece of blind luck isn't it yeah i'm not fit for her future oh i understand her perspective but i thought we could do anything if we were together and is she saying this is gonna be i understand I understand her perspective but I'm still going to trample all over it and insist I'm the one. That's what this is, isn't it? Because you were together but you said that you didn't do anything. Yeah. And I empathise because I feel like I've spent a lot of my life

older than you, sad luck, not doing enough. Sure. I mean, I technically don't have a job. I mean, not just technically. You're on a gap year,in oh yeah right so i played and played hoping to win to win her back i won and still lost her i mean you're very good at summarizing the story of your own life into a movie trailer but i'm not sure that's gonna help you get her back in a world where winning the lottery isn't a matter of achievement he's won the lottery but can he win her back?

This shit is writing itself. Yeah. Ollie, answer me this. What now? I mean, from the way that we're approaching your email, the thing to do would be a big final act of a film, fly to Australia, put on a big romantic surprise. Who could resist?

But the worry would be you'd get there and she's like snuggling up with some other person on a working holiday visa to australia yeah have you seen call me by your name yes i haven't that final scene i'm not i'm just i'm not no details just worried that that final scene is what's going to happen if you go to australia well that means that sad luck is going to be in a lot of gifs yeah sad luck imagine being just as cute as timothy chamelet people compare you to a panda that'll make it worthwhile also that is a fantastic

shirt he's got in the last scene sure and he's about to have dinner with his parents those people eat very well in that film they do and a cracking 80s soundtrack you know it's not so sad after all i guess the thing about winning a hundred thousand dollars um amazing though that is it's not enough to retire for the rest of your life is it no and i feel harsh saying that to you sad luck but it isn't like let's be honest it is a life-changing amount if it helps you buy a house or whatever but it's not actually changing your life in the sense that your direction is still coming up lebowski isn isn't it? You know, her concerns for you are that you don't have a proper job. You are the kind of person who, when spurned, drinks too much and plays the lottery.

And this isn't changing that. This is sort of confirming that bias that she already feels about you. So I like you. I sense a lot about your character from your email. You're very self-deprecating. You're funny. I can see why she might have liked you as well but it sounds like she knows you're that person you know there's no point

changing to try and uh convince her because she loved you as you were she's just decided you're not right for her and i worry that you're not i'm not sure that him doing different things with his life is changing himself you can do different things in your life i've had periods of extraordinary under activity and then periods of extreme busyness and i don't think that means an entire personality alteration yeah but i've seen you in both those periods and i'd say you approach both the same you remain true to yourself and i'm not sure that he you know if she doesn't think that his approach to that element of his life is right i'm not sure that he you know if she doesn't think that his approach to that element of his life is right i'm not sure he can change it but maybe if he had a bit more of a plan maybe

he's like okay i can kind of think about what i want to do because i have enough money to pay the rent for a while what do i want to do and how do i do it and what what represents some direction where she's thinking, who is this person that I'm opting into a life with? That's the kind of thing you want to know. So she might be like, in a few years time, will I be living with a 40-year-old Jeff Lebowski? Because it was kind of cute when he was in his 20s and I was a student, but in middle age, it won't be cute.

We might turn into mature country and western style jeff bridges i mean oh hello that's cool too yeah a lot of women into that including my wife by the way she'll watch anything with jeff bridges oh really so what we're saying is just use jeff bridges as your life icon but choose a different film jeff bridges sure yeah but you also have some writing style sad luck so i think what you could do is pitch a book based on you making over your life in the style of different deaf bridges films that's a good idea yeah i'd read that do you think the grand gesture fly to australia and surprise her thing would work or do you think she's trying to say to him it's definitely over well both i don't think that's mutually exclusive you know i think uh it it raises your hand like

you know she'll have to have a reaction to it you are imposing yourself upon her so of course she's going to react to it but i'm not sure it's going to change what she fundamentally believes as you say there may be another man or lady on the scene that she's not telling you about so i just think you know yes okay temporarily uh it gives you a bit more of a chance, but ultimately, you know, once the holiday bit has gone and we're back to normality again, you're the same guy and she wants a change. Okay, so maybe instead of that, spend some of the money on yourself. So maybe you go on a life-changing trip to somewhere different or hire a life coach.

Find some direction. Try and sell your acrylic paintings well we hope uh sad luck's luck gets a bit better listeners if you want to listen to something a little more cheerful about love we recommend the answer me this love album a one hour special of questions all about love and sex and dating and your sexy body parts, buying sexy clothes for your mum, squirting. That's in it, schoolgirl fetishes. It's not often you hear that being used in an album sell, is it? Is there someone who I think has got more than one hole in their penis? That is in there and it is available for Valentine's Day. Now's the time to buy it

for your significant other. Get them really revved up and raring to go. And like all our albums, you can find that at answermethisstore.com and on Amazon and on iTunes. And is it suitable for children? I would say not. No. Just FYI. Imagine an hour of us talking about sex and ask yourself

whether that's suitable for children. You didn't even need to ask us. Yeah, you're capable of deductive reasoning, listeners. The deuce. that suitable for children you didn't even need to ask us yeah you're capable of deductive reasoning listeners the duels and we will be back on the first thursday in february with another all new episode of answer me this and for that we need your questions listeners all of our contact details are on our website answer me this podcast.com and whilst you're on the internet why not check out our other projects as well including my magazine podcast the modern man that is at modern man with two n's.co.uk in the latest edition all new for 2019 it is part five of my annual conversation with tom price and stewart goldsmith about our mutual fatherhoods.

Gosh, so the first part predated you being a father? It did, indeed, yes. All our anxieties about becoming dads were then realised across the subsequent episodes. You can listen to my podcast, The Illusionist, at theillusionist.org. The last episode is a quiz that you can play along with as you listen, which is a bit of fun. It's novel. It's learning through play. Also, Martin and I are doing a brand new illusionist live show at SF Sketch Fest in San Francisco. That's what the SF stands for.

On the 25th of January at the Bravo Theatre. So tickets are on sale now. You should come along. And when you say brand new, so if someone went to see your live illusionist stage show last year, is it completely different? Like 80 80 new or all new wow well martin and i are both there so that's old but uh yeah okay 98 new and martin oh

yeah you can listen to uh song by song the podcast in which we talk about the music and film of tom waits at song by song podcast.com and just a quick message for those of you who were emailing us over the festive period, asking if you could donate to the show or do we have a Patreon. The answer is you've always been able to donate to the show. We just don't tend to talk about it very much because we're English. But I would like to

take the opportunity to say thank you to Laura for a very kind gift on PayPal. She pledged a very lovely amount. So thank you very much for that. Much appreciated. Thanks, Laura. And all the links to donate to the show, if you want to do that, no pressure.

We're English, as I say. Are on AnswerMeThisStore.com and AnswerMeThisPodcast.com. So we will be back with a retro Answer Me This halfway through the month and then return on the first Thursday of February with a fresh new Answer Me This. Until then, bye!