Answer Me This! - AMT406: Slicing Socks, Polyglot Popes and Stealing Butter

Episode Date: May 29, 2025

Why do Danes slice up the bride’s veil and the groom’s socks at a wedding? Is it OK to take pats of butter from a cafe? How/when do Popes learn Italian? And what happens if you drop your phone into the toilet at a festival? (Spoiler: nothing good.) Questioneers want to know all these things and more in AMT406.  For more information about this episode, visit answermethispodcast.com/episode406 Got question for us to answer? Send them in writing or as a voice note to [e-mail]. Next episode will be in your podfeed 26 June 2025. Before that, AMT patrons will be getting a new feature: Petty Problems, a live YouTube version of the show where we only deal with questions that are trivial, unserious, minor. And because it’s live, you can interact with us in real time! The first edition will be 10pm UK time on Sunday 15th June. Patrons also get bonus cuts from the show, an ad-free version of the episode, and the glow of satisfaction of bringing this podcast back to life; so for all that, go to patreon.com/answermethis. This episode is sponsored by Squarespace, the all in one platform for creating and running your online empire. Go to squarespace.com/answer, have a play around during the two-week free trial, and when you're ready to launch, get a 10% discount on your first purchase of a website or domain with the code ANSWER. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Is Ali Mug, Beal's dancing baby, now a dancing grown-up? Hustle me this, hustle me this. I ate the plums in your icebox, must my poem own up? Hustle me this, hustle me this. Heaven and lolly, hustle me this. Last time, we learned a surprising amount of stuff, some perhaps true, some really smelling of the bullshit about pretzels. Previously on Answer Me This. Bullshit in the shape of a pretzel.

Matt, from Commandman, but in southern Germany for the year, has been in touch to say regarding the size of pretzels. The city of Heidelberg in southern Germany has a pretzel shape carved into the wall of the main church on the market square. This was the size of a pretzel, which could change each year depending on the harvest. I know he means the wheat harvest, but I like the idea of a pretzel harvest. Salty pretzels fully formed from the field. The pretzel trees are thin this year, my lad. Anyone who bought a pretzel from a baker in the city could take it to this stone, and see if they'd been short-changed. Where are the Arthurian-style myths about the pretzel stone? I love that.

The city tour guide showing us around said that any baker who was selling pretzels made too small would be dunked in the river after being shown the correct size on this stone. I'm not sure if this is true, or just a story for the tourists, and I am half remembering this from before some mulled wine from the very charming Christmas market. I hear you. It is a lovely story. I have seen it oft repeated, but not sourced. Well, how can there be a defining town approved size for pretzels based on the wheat harvest anyway. I mean, surely within capitalism, even back then, an enterprising baker could be making a bit more of a loss. Is the pretzel thickness specified?

Because in the pictures I've seen of these engravings, it is just a single line scratch. It's not like obligatory width of the pretzel. So you could have one that was made of very little dough, but super spindly. I call bullshit. Talking of Market Square etchings, do you happen to know what is engraved in the Market Square in the town of Aylesbury, Buckinghamshire? I do not. David Bowie.

For checking that your David Bowie is up to size. Exactly. And it's because he first played Ziggy Stardust in Aylesbury, and that was the debut of the character. No. And I just happened to, like, I walked past it and I was like, I'm walking between two chain coffee shops on my way to a meeting. Is that really a sculpture of David Bowie in three different characters?

It was. Okay, so it's like a sculpture on the side of a church. It's not scratched into the wall of a church like the pretzels. It emerges from the wall. Yeah. I see that there's a whole Wikipedia section about vandalism. That's why you can't have nice things, Alesbury. Here's a question of food from Kayleen from Melbourne, Australia, who says, The cost of living crisis has prompted me to wonder what cafes do with the leftover butter

that comes alongside an order of fruit toast. That's very specific. Fuck all the other toast. I know. It's normally far too much for two slices, says Kayleen. I like to avoid food waste where I can and I love good butter, so… We have two things in common with each other, Kayleen, you and I. So to my kindred spirit, Olly Mann, answer me this. Can I take this surplus butter home?

Surely the cafe can't give it to the next customer who orders fruit toast, as it would have crumbs and knife marks. I say it's perfectly fine to save the butter, provided it's a daytime cafe and you've got a container to put it in. I'm not suggesting putting it in a paper napkin. That would be far too indelicate for a lady. Yes, you've got to have your great-grandmother's ivory butterbox. Some friends agree, but others have suggested it's not the done thing. It's not the done thing, but that doesn't mean it's a wrong thing. Make it the done thing.

Exactly. That's what I say. When something's been served to you, Alucard, at your table, it's yours. That's what a doggy bag is. So yes, it's a bit weird to scoop off excess butter and put it into a container and bring it home with you. It's an unusual thing to do, but it's certainly reasonable. You've paid for it. You've paid for it. I don't think it's stealing if you've paid for it and they're going to throw it away. If you'd have eaten it in the store, that would have been fine. If you bring it home, that is also fine. Where I would draw the line though,

and this is a personal matter of taste, I think. I think if the butter is individually wrapped, it's still your right to take it. It's on the plate. Take it, by all means take it home. I personally would feel like the cafe could give that to someone else. Even though I've paid for it,

they're probably gonna make better use of that butter. They've been generous with their butter provision by giving me too much, but if I don't use it, it's like sugar on the table, right? Or a NutraSweet. Someone else can have it. I wouldn't personally take a wrapped butter home. I'd argue indeed it only really becomes yours at the point you unwrap it. However, a tub of butter that you've already stuck your knife in, go for it. Smirrupy if you like. So the rubric by Olly Mann is nude butter, take home. Take home. Clothed butter, leave it.

Yeah, exactly. Practical. I like it. I don't necessarily live by my own rules because I was in a Denny's last month and they have Smucker's grape jelly on the counter. I stocked up. I didn't even order anything that you'd put Smucker's grape jelly on the counter. I stocked up. I didn't even order anything that you'd put Smucker's grape jelly on.

But we don't have that in England. So I stole like half a dozen. But it's because I live in the country, jam is taken very seriously here and we don't do shit jam like that. But I like shit jam. Wow, you're trying to start a war. And I like the American pairing of shit peanut butter and shit jam

when I want to have a sugary treat. And you can't you know, it doesn't work the same with the posh French ones you get here. So I just yeah, took home like a shoe box full of it. And I didn't pay for it. So I don't live. I don't live the way I'd like others to what can I say? I think there's a very different attitude towards like food waste in North America. I think like having a doggy bag is just expected. And also they charge here for containers. There's like an environmental fee. So Martin, a couple of years ago.

Yeah. Oh, please don't tell me you started putting hot pot in a paper napkin. Please tell me you pay for the container. Just pours it into his shoes. Okay. Collapsible Tupperware. Tupperware that sits in your bag and it's flat. It doesn't take up much space.

You pop it open and then you put stuff in. I've got that as a dog bowl. It says I heart Blackpool on it. You can have it if you want. It's a real thing for humans too, Ollie. It's a game changer. So, Kayleen, I would advise investing in your own container for such things. You could start with butter, start small, like a little repurposed tiny jar or one of

those silicon stash of bags if you want it to take up little bag room beforehand. But then you can progress like Martin to a set of four different sized collapsible Tupperwares. I think actually, weirdly, if they're matching Tupperware, I don't know why, but that feels less objectionable, like producing matching things from your bag than producing different odds and sods stuff you've got from the bottom of the drawer. There's something more stylish about, oh yes, well this is my doggy bag set. There's the sheen of respectability. Yeah.

I think it's the fight against entropy, isn't it Oli? Like, the leftovers are inherently quite entropic. They're sort of messy and gross. So you want to be putting those into something that feels like neat and contained and Marie want that to be putting those into something that feels like neat and contained in maricando issue the was you just put mess into mess and that's a sad no one wants to see the the wood try for a ventriloquist. If this kind of insignificant issue is to salating you and you'd like to hear more. We are going to be launching what they they call in the industry a programming strand. A new vertical. Yes, that's right. We're launching a new vertical called Petty Problems. What this is, is we've had our Patreon up and running ever since we rebooted the show in January. Patreon.com

slash Answer Me This. Thank you. Yes. Patreons get an ad free version of the podcast, bonus bits every month, and we are about to try a new thing. A live video version of Answer Me This, but we're only going to do insignificant and simple things. So not like, what does this mean in Dante? We don't want that question. We want questions like this. Can I steal butter from a cafe? And we're calling it Petty Problems. Because we're going to do this on YouTube, you can come and watch in real time. You can be chatting in the sidebar. So if this is your problem, you can respond to us while

we're dealing with it. Yes. Which I'm thrilled about. That's going to be 10pm UK time on Sunday the 15th of June. We're going to experiment with our first ever petty problems. 10pm on Sunday the 15th of June, but you must pay up first. Patreonise us at patreon.com slash answer me this. That's right. Thanks.

A topical question now of popes, Helen. A question of popes? Virtually fresh from the conclave, this question. Fresh from the deathbed. It comes from, yeah, it comes from Pope Francis who says, Helen answer me this, was I a good man? It comes from M who is currently in Florence who says, Helen asked me this, when do popes learn Italian? The use of Italian seems to be a basic requirement for the job as all their public speeches are in this language, in Italy at least, and as a native Italian speaker I can confirm Francis sounded

fairly fluent. As a linguist, however, I know it gets really difficult to achieve fluency after a certain age, so I wonder, do hundreds of young priests learn and keep practicing their Italian skills throughout their whole life in the hope of becoming Pope one day? Do they have stuff like exchange programs to Italian congregations as part of their training? Or do they just learn the speeches by heart once someone has translated them? Well, by the time you get very high up in the clergy, like Vatican levels of clergy, which isn't just popes and cardinals, there are other clerics

in there. But by the time they reach that point, they are often conversant in several languages already. Like current pope, the one from Chicago, had spent time working in Peru, so he was already good at Spanish. I believe that John Paul the Second could speak 12 languages and was able to greet people in 60. He used to say Happy Easter in 65 languages. I mean, I know that's only two words, but the guy was like 90 when he went. I mean, that's a lot of words to remember, isn't it? Yeah. And Pope Francis grew up in Argentina speaking Spanish, but also his parents were

Italian immigrants, so he knew Italian from a young age, as well as the regional language, Piedmontese, and like four other languages. Fine. But this could be happenstance. The question is, do they have to? Well, okay. This is a fairly new problem, because until Pope John Paul II was elected in 1978, before that, for 455 years, all the popes had been Italian. So there haven't been that many popes where they're like, oh shit, this one doesn't speak Italian, but apparently it is an advantage to already speak Italian when they're choosing who is pope. I haven't seen conclave. Is that part of it? A duolingo

test? You must see conclave, and no, the Italian language is not part of it. Although I do recall learning from somewhere that the Pope's side hustle is as Bishop of Rome. But again, can't really do that if you don't speak Italian. You just wouldn't be a good candidate for that. Although the Pope doesn't have to do that many duties as Bishop of Rome, he often offloads those onto a popling. But the thing is, while Italian is the lingua franca of the Vatican, Vatican official communications are issued in many languages. Their newspaper is published in seven languages.

Their website is available in over 30 languages. And also these people are familiar with Latin, right? Latin is a big part of being in the Catholic church. It was also the official language of the synod until 2014. So I reckon that all of them are going to be able to understand quite a bit of Italian just from knowing Latin, even if they can't speak it. It's a bit like if you're a rabbinical scholar, isn't it? And you've been studying Hebrew. If I am. And you've been studying Hebrew for decades. Inevitably then you've sort of halfway to learning modern Hebrew, aren't you?

It's like that. Like if you're that well versed in Latin, you know, every prayer, and you conduct ceremonies in Latin, you could probably understand Italian anyway. When I learned Italian to prep me for becoming pope, it was easier because I had learned Latin at school, but the people on my course who were Spanish found it an absolute piece of piss, because there's a lot of overlap there. A lot of the cardinals and pope possibilities speak Spanish. And the other thing that happens is that some of them, when they're getting posted to the Vatican, do do an intensive language course for a few weeks. Fun fact about the pope, which I've learned during

this month of Pope News. The Pope goes to confession. I never knew that until recently. I think that the Pope should, but I am curious as to what- I think they should televise it. I would love to know what the Pope confesses. But I also just kind of think, it's a hard gig, isn't it, if you're the priest that has to listen to the Pope. How's how's it even like your business to forgive him or not? Do you know what I mean? Like, he's God, basically. Like, he's one down from God. So, what does your opinion matter?

But that's like being Beyonce's choreographer, Olly. Someone's gotta do it. Here's a question from Diane from South London who says, at festivals and the like, they have portaloos. Some are plumbed, but others are more chemical toilety and some are literal pits. Helen, answer me this. What happens to the phones, jewelry, purses, et cetera, that fall into the effluential abyss? Some of that stuff is literally money.

Well, I think it partly depends on which kind of toilet and what sort of efforts have to go into processing the waste from that toilet. I mean, you do get these sort of newspaper stories where someone's like, I lost my engagement ring down a long drop at Glastonbury and someone got it back for me. Yes, because you would, wouldn't you? You know, if someone comes to you in tears saying, I've lost my engagement ring, someone is going to wade through the shit to get it. But when you're talking about money, as she mentions in this question, generally, it's your problem, isn't it? Phones you're talking about money, as she mentions in this question, generally, it's your problem, isn't it?

Phones have got to be pretty common as well. And do you really want your shit-covered phone back? Like they must have to sift through the waste because I think in Glastonbury particularly, it goes off to be compost. But someone would then have to clean the shit off the lost property and is it worth the health risks to them to do that? The amount of time it would take? Most of them are volunteers who are cleaning up after festivals. So the answer is yes, sometimes, but generally not. I think generally not. We have some house guests staying, Joe and Linus, and they texted one of their friends who used to clean up at festivals, and their friend George said, yeah, there's little to no chance of ever getting that back.

And also the phones would often be broken. I imagine it's not the most like, salubrious environment for an electronic item to find itself. Like, it's not just like dropping it in a pristine pool of water. There's a lot of acidic stuff going on. Yes, very not a pristine pool of water. It's the worst. I saw someone suggest that if your phone falls into shit, put it in the microwave to kill germs, but wouldn't the metal break the microwave?

But also like this is multiple people's shit, isn't it? As well. Yeah, exactly. Oh, fresh baked. Oh, no. Fresh baked shit. Every year there's a story about different things that people have found in festival toilets. Some of them really sad, like dead people. I mean, there was also a story about different things that people have found in festival toilets. Some of them really sad, like dead people. I mean, there was also a story about a man who was alive who chose to be there to perv on women taking dumps.

That's the thing that happened because you can walk in the bottom. Oh, what? He went into the pit of the long drops. He chose to be in the pit to watch it. Yeah. Oh, God. He's in prison. I'm pleased to say.

So people have fetishes about it. It's a strange environment. It's the thing you only really get at a festival, that long drop type thing. Look, if you're gonna do that perving, then at least do people a favour and pick up their lost property. If you've got a question, email your question to answer me this podcast at googlemail.com Answer me this podcast at googlemail.com Answer me this podcast at googlemail.com

Answer me this podcast at googlemail.com Google Mail dot com. From early morning workouts that need a boost to late night drives that need vibes, a good playlist can help you make the most out of your everyday. And when it comes to everyday spending, you can count on the PC Insider's World Elite Mastercard to help you earn the most PC optimum points everywhere you shop. With the best playlists, you never miss a good song. With this card, you never miss out on getting

the most points on everyday purchases. The PC Insider's World Elite Mastercard, the card for living unlimited. Conditions apply to all benefits. Visit pcfinancial.ca for details. Here's a question from Rachel who says, I moved from Canada to Denmark a few years ago, and last summer I was invited to a Danish wedding. Right after the couple's first dance in the dimly lit ballroom, the crowd of guests stood in a circle around the bride and groom and started slowly clapping in unison. As everyone moved inwards towards the couple, the bridesmaids went up and each tore a piece of fabric from the bride's veil. At the same time, the groomsman picked up the groom, like he was crowd surfing, pulled off his shoes and chopped off the ends of his socks with a pair of scissors. It's

all a bit mid-summer, isn't it? Everyone applauded and the evening went back to being a normal wedding celebration. The whole incident felt very surreal. Since then, I've asked every Danish person I know about this. They know what I'm talking about. Apparently it happens at most weddings here, but no one has been able to tell me why they do this or where it comes from. So Helen, expert on Denmark, answer me this. Is there a reason for this strange ritual? I've seen many reasons for both these things happening. Again, like the pretzel stuff, it is how plausible you find it. Like, to me, it's the sort of stuff that began because it was kind of amusing and then people had to add some kind of meaning. One of the possible

symbolisms of the veil thing is it is releasing the bride from her old life and welcoming her into her new life as a married woman. The guests then take home a piece of the veil as a good luck charm, or they're supposed to make a wish on that piece of veil and then tie that piece to the newlywed's car and when it falls off the car their wish comes true. So that shows how ancient this tradition is. It's as ancient as a car. They have a car, exactly. It's sort of a logical conclusion though of the veil as a symbol of virginity and purity there, isn't it? Like, rip it off, you won't be needing that anymore. The veil represents modesty and protection from evil spirits during the wedding ceremony. And then once you rip it up, it's presumably because the evil spirits haven't been able

to disrupt the marriage that's taken place. So you're safe now. Yeah. The more the veil gets ruined, the more happiness the couple will have in their marriage. Or the veil shredding represents the bride's departure from being a young girl and entry onto womanhood. Is it a big Hyman metaphor thing? Because there's a lot of problems with that. Yes. It might be problems in 2025, but like I can see that you're leaving your old world behind, you're entering a new one.

You don't need the veil anymore, so we might as well rip it up. That makes sense as far as the veil goes. But socks, you do need socks. This can also symbolise the responsibility of a groom entering married life, no longer a young boy with no spouse, now a married man with spouse. How? How? Farknose, or the sock thing, was a way to test the bride's sewing skills and thus suitability

for being a wife. There we go, that sounds more likely. Again, like old fashioned now, but I can sort of, yeah, yeah, okay. So it's a ceremonial first domestic duty, basically. Mend and darn your husband's socks. Ha ha ha. Domestic servitude for you now, even on the biggest day of your life. Welcome to hell. Ha ha ha. You're not a virgin anymore. Look, we've torn up your past and now you're going to have to do some darning. Yeah, that feels like the kind of thing people would do at weddings. Yeah. And the other bullshit I, sorry, possible bullshit that I saw about the meaning of the socks was by cutting off the toes of the socks, it would prevent the groom from trying to

fuck other women. He can no longer wander, yes. Come on, you can wander with toe-less socks. You can wander with no socks. People who want to fuck around, find a way no matter their sock situation. Helen, you can take the ring off, it's all symbolism. I mean, that one actually does kind of ring true because I also saw that at some Danish weddings they do this thing where if the groom leaves the room at any point, male guests

can kiss the bride. Which is a symbol of what? Like cuckolding basically. Why would you have that as part of the festivities? But apparently, traditional thing. Isn't it a German thing to kidnap the bride mid-reception and then the groom has to find her and sometimes she's miles away? Ugh.

I mean, there is always that bit, isn't there, at the wedding breakfast where you could do with something dramatic happening. Do you know what I mean? After you've eaten, round about seven, but before the dancing's really got underway. I'm not opposed to someone kidnapped. But they could just put on a compilation of fun YouTubes instead. Tell me if you're in Denmark and if you're not wearing a veil, is that alright? Can you just get around this by not wearing a veil or not wearing socks?

If it's not a heterosexual partnership, does this still take place? Here's another question of Weddings from Cockerer who says, you were introduced to my eardrums a few years ago by a long time listener and regular contributor Shaq. I didn't know Shaq was drumming up business for us as well. Cocker says, I'm invited to a wedding in a few weeks with the dress code morning dress. The groom mentioned he is expecting everyone to come in tails. Personally, I think that's a bit smelly. Yes, the bride and groom are posh, but not THAT posh. And more importantly,

tails are not my vibe at all. Social gatherings aren't my vibe, why invite me at all you bastard? Honestly, that's what I think a lot. Ollie, answer me this. How do I navigate this situation? What is the alternative to wearing tails? To be honest, I'd rather not go versus renting tails. I'm totally aware going completely against the dress code, i.e. casual, is a knobbish move. Or is it? I think it's a bit of a knobbish move to impose a dress code in this day and age with rent so high that requires people to have a lot of money to rent or buy something that they'll never wear again. Yeah. I mean, that's always the issue with morning suits, isn't it? I completely agree with you if

it's a birthday or graduation or a christening or something, then when it's morning suit or white tie, I do actually open the invitation and think, oh, fuck you. That's what I think. But I do think at a wedding, yeah, it is asking people to go a little bit further, but then a lot about weddings these days is asking people to go further, isn't it? People have hen-des and stag-des where it costs 500 pounds to join in. You can object to that, but it is a thing. It exists. And the point of it, I suppose, with morning seats is uniformity.

You're not supposed to stand out. You're supposed to blend in. I think it's more like a cosplay of a particular kind of festivity. The point is that this is a sense of occasion they want to define by a group of people all looking the same. They can all wear school uniform then. They could. And that would be a legitimate choice.

It's like a beautiful army of love. I think ignoring the code, yes, would be a novice move. But I do think there's some middle ground here, which is iteration. I think that is the word you're looking for. Oh, explain me this. Well, you can go either way, can't you? So like, if you accept that, okay, I have to do morning dress, whether I like it or not, you've got two options then, haven't you? Either back away or lean in. Now, I'm a lean in guy. If I was kind of anxious about morning dress, I'd just go the whole hog to look different.

Pink tailcoat, big frilly shirt. Antique pocket watch, silk top hat, pocket square, tie pin, matching handkerchief, silk gloves, cane. Go for it. When do you ever get to have a cane? And then you could just be like, this is cosplay. This is like going to a Doctor Who convention. So it's fine that I don't feel comfortable.

Actually, that's what happened when Martin and his dad had to rent like top hat and tails for his sister's wedding. They got canes. I think she had suggested that she would not like them to have canes. Well, I just think, why not? Like you've asked for it, so I'm going to, if you're going to be so ultra traditional, I will be ultra traditional. So that's one option. The other option, as I say, is do less. And so for that, I would say you could get away with the waistcoat. If you think about it, morning dress, yes, it's the tails.

And okay, the groom said he'd like tails. But actually, if you went sort of Gareth Southgate style, no jacket, but with a bright waistcoat, then you've technically followed the code, but not fully. You can still have your own style, but still be effectively in morning dress. I like that waistcoat idea actually. That's decent. I prefer going full fancy dress.

So do I. What would Billy Porter wear on just a dress down Friday? I think you can probably get around it as long as you were very well dressed. I think you could wear a normal suit as long as it was really nice. I would put money on not everyone wearing morning suits. So if Cocker doesn't do it, I reckon like 40 plus percent of the other suit wearers are not going to be wearing tails. I mean, you could always just get like a bunny tail and stick it on the back like a Playboy bunny and then say I'm in tails.

Oh, or a couple of raccoon tails. Or dress as tails from the Sonic games. You could do all those things, but then you would be a twat. But that's open to you as well. It's an option, isn't it? Being a twat is always an option at a wedding. Oh, yeah. But the thing is like, once it is your wedding, one person's jacket shouldn't be the thing to ruin it. Like we didn't have that strict dress code at our wedding, but someone did turn up wearing a fleece,

which I thought isn't usually wedding wear, but I was like, you know, as long as he's comfortable, I don't give a shit at this point. I mean, the couple will notice even if they don't care. I'm giving advice that's completely different to my thing. So, like, because I'm a rotund gentleman, I would not be doing the waistcoat with no jacket, because the jacket is my protection at spilling my gut all over the dance floor. And you look fucking cool in a tailcoat. Thank you, Helen. I mean, actually, as it happens, morning dress is actually quite comfortable. That's why you can wear it out to the races. It's designed for riding on a horse.

I guess so. That's why they do a Royal Ascot so that the flaps can be flapping up and down on the horse. Yeah, Ascot actually is the other occasion where I think it's all right to still insist on morning dress because again, you spent 500 pound on a ticket and there's an equestrian tradition there anyway. You don't have to do the morning closure. And you, you spent 500 pounds on a ticket and there's an equestrian tradition there anyway. You don't have to do the morning closure. And you're cosplaying.

And you're cosplaying. Ascot person. Exactly. And then you see all these amazing photo montages of people dressed like that, but head in a bush, feet sticking up to the end, one shoe off. Because they are hammered in the sun. Anyway, for me personally, actually the thing that I do is I keep the jacket on all night. I'm not the person who takes the jacket off. You take your trousers off for a bit of breeze.

No. So the hack is, my wedding hack is, and I know this is not what any, you know, menswear emporium on Savile Row would suggest. Short sleeves. Let the air circulate. I know that technically you're supposed to see the sleeve, but seriously, when was the last time you truly found yourself observing a man's sleeves? Just have the cuffs like a Chippendale. Yeah. I wear a blingy watch and I find that the blingy watch has something on my wrist that

people notice. They don't notice there's no sleeve there. And then I can dance all night because I've got short sleeves on under my jacket. I'm not sweating, but I've still got the shaping of the coat. But I understand Cocker's resistance to this because I don't like being told what to do or I don't like being made to feel uniform or like set dressing. But do you like to feel when you get to a place like you're eccentrically standing out? I mean, that's the other thing, isn't it?

Like what can seem like I'm going to wear something that reflects my character and my individuality when you're standing in front of your mirror, then when you get to the do and everyone else is wearing the normal thing, you know that people are going to be looking at you thinking, why didn't they just wear the same suits everyone else? I think I just don't get invited to do's where people dress boring. But do you think morning suits are boring? Like you just said, I pull it off. I think morning suits are pretty cool actually.

I think in themselves morning suits are not the problem. I think morning suits on people that haven't chosen to wear morning suits are not usually that stylish because they don't usually fit that well. They're not usually accessorized in a particularly finesse way. You know, when you see a bunch of people in hired morning suits and they're just like accessorized in a particularly finesse way. You know, when you see a bunch of people in hired morning suits and they're just like the closest size to what they are and they have these like matching lilac ties or whatever. I see a point, but there was something quite cool about everyone wearing the

same thing. I think maybe it's just for the photos, not just the posed photos, but the photos you look back and be like, Oh, everyone is dressed up. Made an effort. Yes. But I can't quite put my finger on it it's not that they're in uniform but it's that they all look kind of smart in a slightly formal way and that's funny because a lot of people just would never dress that way right like the listener doesn't sound like they would ever want to dress that way voluntarily but I think doing it for one day it's as as wedding asks go spending I don't know what it is like 50 or 100 pounds to hire

the stuff for one day so to make your friend happy it's not I don't think that's a ridiculous thing for them to ask I wonder if the discomfort does come from being told what to do as Helen was suggesting though because it's like imagine if the dress code wasn't morning suit because we can all associate morning dress with a particular class of person a particular exclusivity of cost. Yeah, but what if the Dress code was I want everyone to be wearing Short sleeves and shorts from fat face. Do I mean so it was within everyone's reach. That's still quite funny

Like I remember I'm going to Matthew Crosby's Stag do and the dress code for that was dressed like Matthew Crosby So you had I don't know what it was about 30 mostly white young men with like gray jumpers And like black rimmed glasses looking a little bit like Matthew Crosby. It was really delightful I don't know. It feels kind of old-fashioned to me to impose this dress code, but that's what you're facing cocker So do you think cocker should not go because Because Cocker would rather not go versus Rent Tales. I think what we're all saying is dress as Matthew Crosby. It is the go anywhere dress code. Why are all Yow's fansites just about one thing?

The only way is up is not the only song she sings. What about Abandon Me? One true woman or good thing going, her single from 96. You should make your own Yaz site to fill in the gaps. Since you seem to think all the current Yaz sites are crap, go to squarespace.com, build your Yaz site and put Yaz back on the map.

The only way is up. Thank you to our firm and long lasting friends, Squarespace, for sponsoring this episode. Much appreciated, Squarespace. I also liked when you said firm. I thought, yeah, Squarespace has been keeping it tight. Oh, and Tumescent. We talk a lot on this show about how, from a business point of view, Squarespace can help you get customers through the door,

SEO rankings, great URL, beautiful design, all of that. Worth saying, they also help you kind of extend that experience to your punters once they're through your doors. So you can send invoices via Squarespace with all of your branding perfectly aligned so you don't get that friction of having a really well-designed website, but then an invoice that looks like horse shit.

Oh you know how to have a good time Ollie. Friday night. I'm gonna send myself some invoices. What do you think young Ollie man would have thought if he could see the Ollie man of today? I think he'd be so proud. Be so proud. Go to squarespace.com slash answer to use the free trial to build yourself something. And then if you like it and you want to keep it, Use offer code answer to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Here's a question from Ricardito in Brighton actually, who says, I listen to the radio on my internet sound system or my smart speakers. These have a delay of about 40 seconds from the live broadcast.

Right. The on the hour pips on Radio 4 and World Service used to be helpful for correcting the time on our clocks. Do you want to just explain what the on-the-hour pips are? Beep, beep, beep, beep, and then crucially, beep, and that tells you that it's the top of the hour. Gorgeous rendition. Thank you.

You're welcome. Ricardito says, since the pips are no longer accurate and our clocks set themselves anyway, answer me this, why do BBC radio stations still play them? Why broadcast anything? I mean, you can listen to a song on Spotify. Why broadcast that? You can find out news on the internet. Why broadcast that? You can Google a question. You asked us one. I mean, it is educational and entertaining to include time checks as part of radio, live radio. If people still choose to listen to it,

they wanna know what the time is. Everyone knows, oh, Pips, top of the hour. You don't have to actually say it at all if you don't want to. That actually gives you more flexibility in radio programming in a way to just have the Pips as the thing that the whole nation has grown up understanding means means top of the hour.

So what you don't have is like a zany music DJ doing their own way of telling you the time and you don't have any rules about like, oh, you have to talk over the end of the track to say what the time is. So if you're going to have a time check, why have the pips is kind of the question. But why pips at all in 1924? I mean, they've been on the radio for 100 years. No one wants to be the Radio 4 commissioner to take the pips away. Why have them in the first place? That does go all the way back to Lord Reith himself. He said, it's important to tell people the time. It really was important to tell people the time then because there was no way of synchronising everyone's clocks

and broadcasting was a good way to attempt it, right? So then you'd know that the banks and the train stations and stuff could set their clocks by the BBC. Right, they had probably all been out of sync forever. For like 200 years, yeah, exactly. So he personally reached out to the astronomer royal, Sir Frank Dyson, and until 1990, I didn't know this, the sound of the pips actually came from Greenwich, from the Royal Observatory. Really? Like on Radio 1. Just an astronomer pips actually came from Greenwich, from the Royal Observatory. Really? Just an astronomer going, poop.

Well, no, I mean, that was the other thing. The revolutionary thing about it was that it automated and removed human error theoretically from the telling of the time on the radio. So long as the person broadcasting shut up, then the technology would take over and pipe in the sound of the pips from the Royal Observatory. Then they did pivot to a system where there's literally a box like a computer in Broadcasting House that plays the pips. And in the 1980s, an academic who was listening noted that the sound of the pips had gone from B natural to B flat and wrote into the Daily Telegraph about it. And there was a lot of angry correspondents about that then. They needed to restore the oscillator. And

ever since it has been restored to B natural. Has the BBC ever thought, you know what, just for a little giggle, just for a little giggle, I'm going to put the pips out at the wrong time, but everyone's going to think it's four o'clock when actually it's 3.15. They've talked over it. They crashed the pips by accident. I mean, that's classic, isn't it? Crashed the pips. Got some terrible news for you, Gladys Knight.

They've crashed the pips. I actually, I mean, a lot of presenters now choose not to play the pips. So I'm often a cover presenter on BBC Local Radio, and it's difficult. Like when you're driving your own desk, they call it, when you're doing the faders and everything. And I'm not a particularly coordinated person anyway and I'm trying to think about what I'm going to say. It's a lot to think about at once. It's a lot to think about. It's not your show. If it's your show, every day you say the same thing, don't you? And now time for the news with Helen Zottsman. But if you're like actually

trying to think, oh shit, what happens now? Trying to think also, I need to not crash the pips is an extra pressure. But I quite like it because it is that extra challenge. It's like, because you have to hit 5954. So on a radio clock, right? The pips start at 5954. They don't start at 00 because that's the time they're counting down to. And that's just hard because like in everything else in your life these days, there'd be a digital clock counting you down to when you have to stop talking, right? That'd be the logical thing. But there's not. You have to look at the clock and it's saying 13, 59, 52.

And in that two seconds, you've got to think, oh, shit, do I need to stop talking in two seconds or in five seconds? And yeah, I don't know, I quite like the pressure of that. And- It makes you feel alive. Yeah, it does a bit.

But what's weird is like even the chimes of Big Ben on Radio 4 are played in live, still. Wow. So when you listen at 6pm, those are the 6pm chimes. That's cool. Apparently when they were restoring the Elizabeth Tower, they'd used a pre-recorded Big Ben, but now it's the real one. And they kept innovating the pips for this hundred years that they've been around. The most significant thing was in 1972 when they added that stretched one at the end.

So you know, the final pip. And was there outcry like when they changed that stretched one at the end. So you know, the final pip. Was there outcry, like when they changed the neighbors theme? No, there was a lot of support, because people who are really nerdily into time understood the reason. There's two reasons. One is if you tune in after the first or second pip has been, how would you know it's the last pip? Great. You wouldn't know when you're getting to the top of the hour, because you wouldn't know, right? But if you extend the last one, even if you tune in just to hear that, you're like, oh, it's the top of the hour. So that's sort of like the listener reason.

But the other reason they extended that last pip from a tenth of a second to half a second was because, Martin, you'll enjoy this, this is physics, because on rare occasions there would need to be seven Pips and not six. And that's because they decided to make the Pips universal coordinated time based on the vibration of the casein 133 atom instead of GMT. So it was Krenich Mean Time until 1972. Then they made it UTC. And when they make it UTC, GMT defines a second as one eighty-six four thousandth of one rotation of the Earth, and the Earth's spin is slowing, so there's a leap second to atomic time, which needs to be added every few years. Hence, sometimes there would need to be seven pips.

Heather Hyslop Couldn't they just have a second more radio for the pips? Sam McQueen Yeah. Again, that's what happens though, isn't it, when scientists are working it out rather than broadcasters. Put broadcasters in charge, everything will be cool and fine. Yeah, great. Yeah, yeah. I'm still a bit confused about this though, because I understand the sort of, you know, skeuomorphic effects of having something that's traditional, having something that feels like it belongs to a different era, you know, represents the longevity of the BBC.

But if it's like 40 seconds wrong, isn't that actively like misinformation? Isn't the BBC basically no better than info was? Sure, absolutely. 100% true news. For a long time, they were kicking the ball down the road because there was FM and DAB being broadcast at the same time. And they were like, well, we're never going to have digital switch over because people listening to FM in their cars, we don't need to worry about it.

If people ask that question, we'll say, well, the VHF is the accurate one and there's nothing we can do about DAB. But now, as our questionnaire points out, with internet streaming and a lot of people listening on Carplay and stuff, most people are hearing it wrong. That's true. But then that's also true when you just say what the time is. So it's different though, isn't it? It feels like it's some sort of centralized authority. They shouldn't fuck that one up. Come on, BBC, do better. It's on the audience, isn't it? It's like, do the audience want their clock adjusted so that the Archer starts at the right time, or do they want their clock adjusted so it's the actual time, and I suppose a lot of Radio 4 listeners prefer the former.

They just want to know when Radio 4 says it's the time so they don't miss their shows. I mean they're just happy to live in 40 seconds in the past. Here's a question from Alison from Toronto who says, I was recently watching Point Break and an FBI supervisor described Keanu Reeves' character as young, dumb and full of cum. A phrase I'd always interpreted to mean receiving a lot of cum. Not manufacturing a lot of cum. But the way the guy used it, it had the connotation of young garden or hot shot or full of piss

and vinegar. Holly, answer me this, have I just been misunderstanding this phrase the whole time? Or has the meaning in fact shifted? Okay, unanimous then. It's an easy one to answer, yeah. So, she thinks young, dumb and full of cum means... Someone who's been spaffed into a lot. Someone who's been fucked a lot, yeah. Right.

I don't think Keanu Reeves gets fucked very much in the films, I see. I can't remember. I just can't imagine, given how homophobic 80s Hollywood was, they would not go anywhere near it, if that's what it meant. Well, and also the character that's using the insult, because he's being used as an insult this moment, is the straight conservative kind of FBI guy, isn't he? And what he means is, you are a virile young man thinking with your dick, rather than someone who's been the recipient of a lot of semen. You are someone who goes around thinking only, where can I spray my seed, and therefore you are not of the intellectual capacity to work within this excellent institution.

You've got too much cum and you've got to get that out of your system before you move on to higher things. You're young. On Urban Dictionary, they have the description of this phrase as a young man, often a virgin, describing himself as stupid and horny. That's kind of the way they see it being used more. Someone will say, I'm young, dumb and full of cum as an explanation as to why they're behaving in a laddish or sexually motivated way. I remember hearing it a lot, now I think about

it, in the 90s. It crocked up, I think, in the 1930s in something. But now I can't remember what. What a great anecdote, Helen. Cool. The band Jeeves and Worcester book. It's a real collector's item. I wonder whether it's not just someone who has not ejaculated yet being referenced to, but more an idea of cum being a source of virile energy and vivacity and life force. Well, it's that, but it's also a combination of that and they haven't got it out of their system. It's not literally, they haven't had sex.

They can't concentrate on the job at hand. They haven't had sex enough to have burned off all of this testosterone that's flying around their young bodies kind of thing. But it's amazing how the internet obviously changes the meaning in the sense that if you now Google this phrase and I'm warning you what's going to happen if you do, almost all of the results are explicit gay porn. That's what you get from putting that phrase in. So then it's become a search term rather than either an insult or a compliment.

You can on Amazon buy a t-shirt with the slogan Young, Dumb and Full of Come on it. What I enjoyed about it was this quote from the product description. Young, Dumb and Full of Come is a funny quote design and a great option, which is suitable for all of us. Is it? Not sure. Not sure about that. Not for all occasions. Not for all occasions, not for all people,

not for all age groups, not for all genders. Otherwise it's suitable for all of us. Even not all of us look good in a t-shirt. I mean, I felt excluded by that phrase. I needed a t-shirt that was like, younger than he looks, bookish and full of cum, you know? You're still attached to the full of cum part though. That's important to you to have on the t-shirt, okay. Well, as an 18 year old boy, nerdy,ish and full of cum. You know? You're still attached to the full of cum part though. That's important to you to have on the t-shirt. Okay.

Well as an 18 year old boy, nerdy Jewish and full of cum. Oh right, not as a 43 year old man now. No. I just like a t-shirt that says do not ask me about my cum. Yes, yeah, yeah, keep my cum out of it. Yeah, totally. Keep my cum out of your mouth. Yes, it had an omelette station, a multitude of pools, but 30 quid for parking WTF. There's ethernet Wi-Fi like it's 1998

But there was a swim up bar in the rooftop pool Three Star Hotel A bit more down to earth They did still have a pool But it was full of kids Two Star Hotel A lot more down to earth. They also had a pool but it was full of dogs. One Star Hotel, there's a body in the pool. Answer Me This Holiday, all the

fun of traveling with none of the stinky toilets or frightening food. Out now at AnswerMeThisPodcast.com slash albums. What's better than a well marbled ribeye sizzling on the barbecue? A well marbled ribeye sizzling on the barbecue that was carefully selected by an Instacart shopper and delivered to your door. A well marbled ribeye you ordered without even leaving the kiddie pool. Whatever groceries your summer calls for, Instacart has you covered. Download the Instacart app and enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees, exclusions, and terms apply. Instacart, groceries

that over-deliver. Here's a question from Mystery Neighbor who says, I'm a long time listener and so glad you are back. Thank you. Help me with my crisis. I live in a small neighborhood in a large town. I have grown close to my neighbors and got really close with a lovely older couple who moved to the UK from overseas, not saying from where. They are good people, party people, and love to host parties and barbecues.

Those things don't always go together when you're describing a good neighbour relationship, do they? Good people and party people. I'm pleased to hear this is the exception that proves the rule. Well, except it leads to a crisis, apparently. It does. A crisis! One day, after a raging party, they cooked for me and my family, and it was amazing.

They kept doing so, and it was amazing. Every month, a wonderful wonderful meal at least once. Wow. Does this guy live in hedonism? What is this? Like raging parties and full meals. Here's my problem. They have now said they want to get into catering. And now that they cook for us more than they did before, I have discovered they have about six tried and tested absolutely brilliant dishes. The dishes that veer away from that are, at best, over-salted, greasy to the point of nausea, or just food that won't pass muster. Not in our town anyway.

Right. They are wonderful neighbours, and I adore them, but I just don't want to see them blow all their cash on a catering van and then crater, or have to do word of mouth to keep them alive if a good 40% is going to be absolutely awful slop I wouldn't feed to my cats. Ollie, answer me this, what do I do? I think crisis is a strong word for this. Crisis just means a turning point, and I suppose this is one of sorts. It sounds like you're not prepared to tell them that in your opinion some of their food

isn't as good as you've had them think that it is in the past. But as you've indicated, if they do this, if they start a catering van and you're right, their food will not appeal to the people of your town. Although, by the way, just as a side note, I sometimes get street food with precisely this goal in mind, over salted and greasy. I mean, that's not necessarily an issue, but you, but I'll take your word for it. Then the market will tell them, because they won't sell any, as you suggest, and then it's up to them to pivot, isn't it?

Like, that's not a crisis. That is a moment where they will come face to face with the reality of whether or not their product is commercial, and that's nothing to do with you. You don't need to get involved in that. Like, that happens all the time. There's a guy in my village who did sort of pretentious street food, and obviously I went. Most people didn't want to stand outside the Mini Tesco

eating salads and chicken dishes. He pivoted to bacon baps, and when he did, he was full. Presumably, he contained his frustrations at the fact that the market wasn't ready for him, but he still made a business out of it. I'm not sure he regretted going into catering. A thing you can do is offer to help them with that market research. You say they like parties. Get them to invite a load of your friends over for a free meal or a subsidised meal. No, their friends. Like anyone. No, well sure, but, no. Like anyone. No, well, sure.

But I think your friends would be useful. People that don't feel like they owe them anything, right? For a free or subsidised meal, £5 a head if necessary, and give them little chits of paper and get them to fill in what their favourite dishes were, why they liked it, proper market research. Anonymous? No, because- I would do anonymous.

Well, the point is, it doesn't matter because it's not you. If you don't want to say it, if your friends agree with you, if the wisdom of the crowd agrees with you, that will be a way of you helping and still being on their side, but actually delivering the message that you're finding complicated to issue. When you say you worry that you will have to do word of mouth to keep them alive, no you don't. You can say you did, but you don't. How many people are coming up to you saying, God, can you get me a caterer?

I need a caterer right away. Well, you might be expected to do a five-star Google Maps review, but you know, just take it up the chin. You can't prove that you did or didn't. Just bloody do it. It's fine. It's law of averages, isn't it? I don't ever go to a place based on one review anyway.

Most people I've known who've worked in catering, it hasn't been necessarily a repertoire that's strayed away from the things that we're really good at. Right. I've watched enough Kitchen Nightmares to know it's always about restrict your menu down to the five or six hero items anyway, isn't it? That's basically the advice they always give you. And a client might wish for a taste test beforehand, in which case they can be critical because they're paying.

But also, you may not know their strengths. You know, this is all based on the idea that your tastes are correct. And the market is going to reflect those tastes. Exactly. But you alluded to the fact they're from a different country. You may not know what makes that food good. Like there may be other people from their community who like exactly the things that you don't like, and they could tap into that community who would enjoy their food, and or even if frankly it's not very nice, they may be able to dress

it up at a hipster street market as something exotic anyway, and people will eat it and not notice that it tastes horrible. So I mean, actually, you don't know what other people might make of it, based on how it's marketed. You've also said that older, and maybe their taste buds aren't sensing the salt in the same way yours are. But if they cater to people who are older than them, maybe that's not such a problem. I mean, except for my mum who, as she's got older, has become more and more of a supertaster. So I don't know what is happening there.

Looking at your email, I don't think there's much in there, apart from the most egregious adjectives, that you couldn't reframe into constructive criticism, right? So you can say well these dishes are delicious Um, and these other ones I find a little bit salty But that might just be me so maybe we could ask some other people if you're actually worried about them I don't think that's that's not the weirdest thing to be like. I find that a little rich Meaning greasy, you know, it's it's it's not that hard to To do that. You're right. You, I was gonna say make a shit sandwich there, but obviously an analogy in cookery is probably not best.

But you could say instead of this doesn't work, you could say your X is fantastic, your Z is beautiful. The Y I'm not sure is such a hit. And actually they've got two things to work with there. I don't know whether this is a bit rich coming from me, someone who does a podcast telling other people what to do. But one of the lessons of adulthood is just knowing that you can't get other people to make what you perceive to be better choices. They're going to do what they decide to do.

But also this choice may not work out the way you assume. Yeah, it might turn in tremendous for them. Yeah. Because you can't predict how other people will react. But also there's a difference between being like, do it this way and saying, this is what I thought. Maybe it's a good idea to test these out on some of the people and see what they think.

Well, listeners, what would you do? What would you do if you were a mystery neighbor? Let us know. And also send us your questions for future episodes in the form of email or voice. Our contact details, and all of our other shit, is on our website, AnswerMeThisPodcast.com. And remember, if you are a patron of Answer Me This, not only do you get bonus bits each month, culled lovingly from the episodes, and you get the glow of satisfaction for supporting this enterprise, but also you get to join us on our live stream dealing with petty problems. patreon.com slash answer me this and we will deal with as many as we can. Remember, petty problems

only. Like, not the really serious existential stuff. Petty problems. 10pm UK time on Sunday, the 15th of June, exclusively for our paid for Patreon members. Yeah, judging by our inbox, all of you have got gifts that you don't know what to do with. We could just do a show called What Do I Do With This Gift? We could just do that every week. Wedding shit. Endless supply. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What else is happening in the Answer Me This cinematic universe, Helen? Well, Ollie, my podcast The Illusionist is back from break with four-letter word season.

There is an episode about the fuck word. There is an episode about new developments in the cunt word. One other four-letter words are coming up, ones that are less rude than that. Also, Martin and I are performing live shows. One in Toronto on the 1st of June 2025 and one in Montreal on the 9th of June 2025. Also 2025. Also 2025. You should come because very good. That's not about swearing, is it? Actually, there is some about swearing because there is a piece about how... Well, I don't want to spoil it, you see, but it's about a guy who lived 900 years ago causing sweary

technical problems in the present. Right. Okay. Get tickets via the illusionist.org slash events. What's going on in the Ollyman pod universe? Yeah, you can check out for yourself at Ollyman.com. All my podcasts are there, but to highlight just one, the Modern Man, M-A-N-N, that is my monthly magazine show, For Your Ears, in which we test out trends and we tackle relationship questions and I meet some extraordinary people.

Recently on there, I have interviewed a guy who commissions artists to make site-specific work for mental health wards. Cool. And also, this is cool, actually. He's a fan of The Illusionist, in fact, a man called Armin, who I interviewed. He was excited for me to interview him because of my association with you, which was humiliating for me, but I was pleased to make him happy. And that was an episode I did about gig work. So Armin is a man who created an app that could measure how many miles Uber drivers

were really driving so they could challenge their wages if they were being underpaid. So all that sort of stuff, stories about the modern world, search for The Modern Man, the modern M-A-N-N wherever you get your podcasts. Martin? I've not been up to much. I'm thinking about building a shoe rack. So if anyone's got any hints. What just from scratch?

Well actually a bench more than a shoe rack that we can put our recycling in. Brilliant. Yeah, that's it really. Oh, I make a podcast called Neutrino Watch. It's no new episodes, but every episode changes every day. So you could listen to one of the old ones and you'll get a totally new experience. It's sort of experimental, weird. There's music, there's a little bits of story.

So yeah, check out Neutrino.watch or find neutrino watch on iPod Catcher of choice and stream it so you get a new version each day. And remember as well that our first 200 episodes, which in themselves are quite experimental in a different kind of way. 200 test pancake. Self-expression is an expert, constant experiment. And our five exclusive albums, which are good, are for sale at AnswerMeThisStore.com. And we'll be back in your pod feed with a new episode on the 26th of June.

Bye!