Answer Me This! - AMT413: Secret marriage, wet Mr Darcy and transparent pie

Episode Date: January 8, 2026

How do you tell your parents you’ve been married for several years? Is bell-ringing a sport? What should you wear on a TV quiz show? How rich/soggy is Mr Darcy? And what species is a Womble? AMT413 questioneers want to know all these things and more. For more information about this episode, visit answermethispodcast.com/episode413, and let us know your weird snack preferences too.  Got questions for us to answer, or feedback about an episode? Send them in writing or as a voice note to [e-mail], or you can call 0208 123 5877 like the old days. AMT414 will be in your podfeed 29 January 2026, and paying patrons also get a fresh edition of our video livestream question-answering session Petty Problems on 16 January. So become a patron at patreon.com/answermethis and you not only get to watch all the Petty Problemses, you also receive an ad-free version of the episode, plus bonus material each month, and if you sign up at one of the higher tiers, you get access to an RSS feed with ALL the AMT stuff EVER, including our entire back catalogue, our six themed albums, the retro AMTs, and every Bit of Crapp from the AMT App. Cor! AND you’re helping with the continuing existence of AMT through 2026. Also, if you want to check out our other podcasts that we mention at the end of this episode: Olly's daily history show Today in History with the Retrospectors is here, and you'll find Helen's Pride and Prejudice re-caps in the archive of Veronica Mars Investigations. This episode is sponsored by Squarespace, the all in one platform for creating and running your online empire. Go to squarespace.com/answer, have a play around during the two-week free trial, and when you're ready to launch, get a 10% discount on your first purchase of a website or domain with the code ANSWER. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Visit medcan.com slash moments to get started. Can my new year's resolution be to eat way more chips? Answer me this, answer me this. Before bottles exist, did where do you dock tiny ships? Assume this, answer me this. Heaven and only, answer me this. Oh, Christ. Old.

The show is now too old for Leonardo DiCaprio. Hey, his current girlfriend's 27. Practically a geriatric. So she was six when we started, yes. My dad's making me want to die, and I'm younger than he is. Wait, wasn't she aged when we started? If we're 19. I will trust you on Math Smart in the Sandman, if nothing else.

We are here slightly later than promise, because Helen, when we last spoke to plan the show, you sounded in your own words, like Madge Bishop. Yeah, and it is a classic sound, but it's not ideal for podcasting. I've had Laring Daiters for the past month. I know. Katie has been in touch to say, I started church bell ringing three years ago and I love it. Nice. I've... Nice.

Oh, you like this, do you? You like this fucked out larynx. You like the itis. I've managed to get good enough, she says, to ring several quarter peals over the last year. Oh, I don't know what that means, but that sounds cool. From context, it's like running a 10K in the bell peeling world. Okay. She says that's ringing 1,260 changes on six or eight bells in a particular order or method, usually for around 45 minutes without stopping. Jesus. 45 minutes.

Intense. That's a whole episode of 24. Imagine Jack Bauer just doing that for 45 minutes. It'd be even more exhausting than him running around killing 800 people and never eating, sleeping or shitting. As I'm a fairly new ringer, she says, I get very nervous on the lead up to these quarters. I don't want to let everyone down by messing up. Aw, you won't. Try and remember, Katie, that everyone else hearing the bells

has no idea what it's supposed to sound like. I grew up with a church like in my garden virtually, and I can't tell you what a good peal sounds like. She says, I wear an Apple Watch, which can monitor my heart rate, and I can see graphically that my heart rate increases to a very high level and is sustained for the duration of the performance.

Even though I'm standing still, and only moving my arms, I'm not out of breath. So, Helen, answer me this. Is 45 minutes ringing with an average heart rate of 145 BPM doing good things for my health like running a 5K? Or is it bad as it's anxiety and stress? It's not the same as anxiety and stress. Not all elevated pulses that. I guess she's tied it in with the nerves that she's feeling and jumped to that conclusion. She's attached a screenshot of her court appeal.

And yeah, she spent 28 minutes in Zone 3 for those of you who are used to looking at such things. Yeah, that's between 139 and 1001. BPM. Can I say that bell ringing is legitimate exercise or even laughing till I cry emoji a sport? Let's not get into what is a sport because tedious. Yes, to exercise. And in fact, there's quite a lot of organisations that are pushing bell ringing as an activity for all ages as a fitness thing. I don't think it's one for me because of my dislocating shoulder. That's fair. But it does have health benefits such as cardiovascular ones and muscle endurance, agility, coordination, balance and reaction time. So all good stuff. And I did find that a decade ago there was a movement to try to get

it recognised as a sport. But some church people did not want that. Oh, right, really. I think they thought it distracted from the intent. Yes. Takes from the spiritual. And then there was a high court case that decided it wasn't a sport because it didn't require enough, quote, physical training. That surprises me because I heard that Bowling is very popular in the legal profession. Apparently a court appeal has court appeal. Get out. I'm very keen on incidental exercise. The last time I knowingly got my heart rate up because I felt a bit queasy afterwards when I wasn't expecting to.

It was when I had to re-plug in my skybox after the cleaner had taken the lead out of the back. Oh my God. Practically an Olympian. Hello, Helen and Ollie. It's Jim from Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada. And I saw a post on Reddit yesterday. asking about the pronunciation of my city, which is Regina, R-E-G-I-N-A. And, of course, it rhymes with a part of the female anatomy, which some people make fun of.

And McJegger famously said when the Rolling Stones came here to perform many years ago, he said it's the city that rhymes with fun. But why don't we say Regina the way that so many people would pronounce that word? Why is it Regina? I'm told that that's how it was pronounced in Victoria in England when my city was named in the 1880s. Can you help me solve this mystery? You answered it yourself, Jim,

because in 1880s in Britain, they said Regina, and that was the official title of Queen Victoria, and they were naming Regina after her because she was the colonial queen of Canada. They didn't want to offend her by mispronouncing it, the way that she pronounced it. Did they pronounce vagina, virgina then? They would never say vagina.

That's true. They actually wouldn't, would they? Like even a doctor would say lady parts. They wouldn't even refer to it. The Victorians, they would sometimes call genitals like really weird stuff like limbs so that they could avoid acknowledging the existence of the pelvis. Like the word limbs or like arms and legs? The word limb. Oh.

At school, in the 80s and 90s, I had pretty prudish teachers who would say Reginar presumably to swerve all of this difficulty. But they must have only done that if there was some Latin-based legitimacy, Helen. You went to a good school. They wouldn't just make it up. Of course they would. Just through prudishness. You know, there were extremely repressed people where, like, they would check that your skirt length was two inches above the knee when kneeling.

There was one teacher who wouldn't let you eat an uncut banana. Okay, this is maybe a more interesting question, but what did teachers at 1980s private schools in Tunbridge Wells call a foof then? We did not talk about that. It must have come up. No. Even in biology? I mean, no. Clunge.

Sex-ed in the 80s was bad, man. Yeah, we didn't have sex ed in the 80s. In the 90s, there was like a lesson about contraception, and they really managed to avoid the vocabulary as much as possible, and the end fell off the femadom when that was being demonstrated. So, you know, it's a wonder that I was as successful with contraception, as I have been, but I think it was due to self-education. I prefer the prior name that Regina had, which was pile of bones.

For the Canadian city. For the Canadian city. That is atmospheric. Pile of bones, was that like literally what it was called or was that a translation of the indigenous name? It's a translation of the indigenous word for the place. It was where there would be piles of bison bones. Regina, the word, when you said it was applied to Victoria, what does it actually mean? I sort of know the context.

It just means queen. It's like Tyrannosaurus Rex, Victoria Regina. Rex is the king and, well, Reginar, as we were taught to decline it, queen. Right, okay. Reginaar. Christine from Richmond, California, wrote to us ahead of Christmas. This was a sort of festive question. Sorry, I ruined that.

You know, like all Christmas traditions, it will come round again. She says, I'm in the midst of my holiday baking. A crowd favorite every year is chess cake, a treat my mom would make off when I was growing up. Here's the recipe. Mix one yellow cake mix, one stick, four ounces of soften butter and one egg together,

pat into a nine by 13 inch pan. Mix eight ounces of softened cream cheese, one egg and one pound powdered sugar together and pour over base. Bake for 30 minutes at 350 degree Fahrenheit. What's that, Helen, in English? That's like 180 Celsius. About 180, yeah.

Cool before cutting. I'm assuming she says this is a post-World War II era recipe since it uses a packaged cake mix. But Helen answered me this, why is it called chess cake? Oh, that's a festive noise, isn't it? You know, these things... She's so glad you asked. It's going to be interesting and it isn't. So prepare for the sweet taste of disappointment. Like I imagine I would if I ate chess cake. It sounds not that welcoming. It doesn't sound like it's for me because where is the flavour? But I don't want to yuck Christine's annual yuck. The boring but most probable explanation for the name is it is a riff on pronouncing the word cheese because it has cream cheese in it.

But also the name goes back to before the fixing of spelling because this cake or pie, it also appears in pie form, has been mentioned in textual form from the 16th century. This doesn't sound like a boring answer, Helen. This sounds like a fun answer. It's not great. That's as good as it gets. So at that time, it was often spelled cheesecake as in. C-H-E-S-C-A-K-E, the long or short E hadn't really been consistently indicated yet by like a double S or like an E after the S or a double letter. But then those recipes often didn't contain cheese, so help, I don't know. And then the rumours are that it's an abbreviation of chestnut because they used chestnut flour maybe, or I hate this one, it's an abbreviation of it's just pie.

What? I'm not going to do the accent that would make that work and also don't waste our time with that shit It's just pie What? It's just pie She's getting close to doing the accent It has other names that are also amazing

Including vinegar pie Oh God, that sounds like something you'd have in prison And transparent pie I love it I would be so fucking disappointed as a kid If someone offered me transparent pie And it was just a normal cake And it was in any way opaque, yeah

Yeah, afraid so This is an opaque cake A bake cake, yeah. Another question of festive foods from Roast Lover, who says, whilst ingredient shopping for a roast dinner, I noticed the huge section of jars of goose fat intended for the perfect crisp and fluffy roast potato. This got me wondering. Inspiration really is everywhere, isn't it, listeners?

Exactly. I don't hear that much about geese on farms, but there must be huge numbers to be feeding our insatiable appetite for delicious roast. But I don't ever see pre-roasted geese for sale, nor any other goose buy products. Olli, answer me this. Where are they hiding all of these geese? How do they get the fat out? And what happens to the rest of the goose? Poland is where most geese farming happens in Europe. But if you are at all concerned that the goose may have been raised for foie gras, then if you avoid geese that originated in France,

Spain, Bulgaria and Hungary, since those countries export foie gras, and you're more likely to avoid that practice. Poland, goose is popular as a meat, so there's loads of it. You think how much goose product there is, actually. You say you don't see it around. Feather down pillows, duvays, etc. Coats. Exactly. That's all from Poland, basically. So there's like a massive goose industry there. Can they use the meat of the geese that they kill for the down? Or is it like separate? I think it is from the same farm. But I don't know if they're bred. differently, because obviously if you're breeding for nice feathers, I imagine the premium feathers aren't the ones that you get goose fat from, but who knows? Roast lovers saying, how do they get

the fat? Obviously, you can cook it if you're making like pet food, for example, and then some fat will drip off, and you kick it that way. The rendering of the goose fat is an essential part of goose cooking. The bird shrinks so much when you're roasting a goose. And there's not that much meat on a goose either. It's like all the fat, and then a huge cavity inside its rib cage. There's so much fat on the goose anyway, it's a fatty bird, that actually probably most of the fat that you're buying as a pre-cyphoned off jar of fat has literally just been taken off the organs. Like you can see it. There's loads of fat. You don't need to collect it. You can just rip it off and that's a separate product. They can like peel off, I think, chunks of it and then

they render the rest off. Yeah. And again, it's about premium versus, you know, cheaper, isn't it, as much as anything? Like, there's lots of people that want to cook in goose fat. But people do eat geese in Britain, you know? Scrooge, for example. I think we've covered the Christmas meets before on the show, and I seem to remember that Turkey was like a 19th century fashion, and it was

so expensive. So it was a real aristocrat thing, whereas goose was more accessible and therefore for the commoners, and so that's how that trend got tweaked. There was a period of my life where I had to eat a lot of goose. Right, why? It was when I used to work

at our college, including during, student vacations when conferences would come into college. I remember you did a great side hustle in Sardonic Waitress. I remember it well. Well, no, that was during term time. And that was easy because, you know, that was students just getting a slop slammed down in front of them. But in the holidays, when you were off doing fun shit,

I would by day work in the Porter's Lodge and by night do Silver Service and then bar. Before we had to serve the Silver Service dinners, we got fed yesterday's dinner cold, all the staff. Okay, yeah. And there was so much savour. moose and so much cold goose. Right.

So much tough old goose. Goose went hot and recently roasted, fine. Goose after a day just leathering up. Less luxurious. It's interesting though, isn't it, that an Oxbridge college would go for goose for their sort of dinners

because in the holidays the people that are paying to go to those things are going for the name of the institution, aren't they? They could have had their do anywhere but they've had it there because of the prestige. Let me tell you what else they were going for, Ollie. they were more debauched than the students according to the people who had to clean up they were like the students are okay

these people are scum they're going to do some extra marital fucking and to drink all night because the bar was private didn't have to obey licensing hours it would stay open as long as they were paying I've heard MBAs are like a hot bed of middle aged affairs

that's why people do MBAs generally like oh fuck I've done the same job for 30 years I need a challenge in my life you know my work life but actually you don't realize until you go for these weekends away that really what you want is to fuck someone who isn't your husband or wife and it happens constantly.

Wow. That's what they're doing on the goose. They have the goose and they all go and fuck each other. The goose gives them the protein injection for a pre-opic night. MBA stands for middle-aged business adultery. That is a thing people say, isn't it?

Is it? Or something very similar, yeah. No one has ever said that phrase before, really. I think they say something like marriage breakdown assholes. Accelerant. That is what they say. Marriage breakdown accelerant.

I haven't made that up. Yeah. So you were close. You've got a question. Then email your questions. Answer me this podcast com, answer me this podcast, com, answer me this podcast,

a big or mail dot com, answer me this podcast, to bego melta, come answer me this podcast, So retrospectus, what historical events are we ticking off on this week's run of today in history? On Monday, the anniversary of the treason scandal that divided France. On Tuesday, we explain how America fell in love with ice rinks. On Wednesday, they didn't come from Harlem and they didn't travel the world, but the Harlem Globetrotters still broke the mould. On Thursday, Britain's first black member of Parliament, who was surprisingly pro-slavery. And on Friday, long before the National Morning for Princess Thurton,

Diana, the nation stopped for Lord Nelson's funeral. That's today in history with the retrospectors. Ten minutes each weekday, wherever you get your podcasts. Here's a question from Mark, who says, I met my boyfriend seven years ago, and a year or so into our relationship, he was in a miserable marketing job he hated, but couldn't leave because they were sponsoring his visa.

Oh, ouch. Yeah. I told him I didn't believe in marriage. I've never wanted to get married, and I think it's a stupid institution. Reasonable. But more power to people who want to do it. It's all right, Mark.

You don't have to give a sop to us. By the time Martin and I got married, I was also anti-marriage, but thought I should go through with it. It wasn't Martin's fault. And I didn't even consider doing it until my wife said, we've got a child,

I'd feel more comfortable if we're married. Can we do that? Romance begun. That's true. It was a shock twist when Olly Mann got married after being vocally anti-marriage in the auntsming this back catalogue available

on the Patron Tears Soundbag. You're so slick at this. well I don't mind being married I actually quite like it I'm going to be the voice of dissenter like I said Martin what term me against marriage wasn't you and it is quite convenient

for various things but Mark continues I said though I would marry him for the visa as long as we could get divorced when he got indefinite leave to remain honestly I love that I think that's beautiful

our friend Morgan's parents I think were compelled by their parents to get married when they didn't really want to when they were like 17 and 19. Yes, yeah, sure. It used to be a much more common experience than it is now. And so when they could, they got divorced but stayed together because they wanted to be together and they had been forced to get married.

And I thought that is cool as hell. Yeah, that's very interesting. Have they ever wanted to get married again? No, they're both dead now, so it's... Too late. We had the cheapest ceremony, he says, at Southwark Town Hall with two friends where I cried despite just reading out standard lines about not committing perjury.

Oh, I mean, perjury does carry a heavy sentence, so, you know, it is emotional. And also, you were committing perjury, so that might be why you were crying. Might not be the emotion at all. I mean, you have forwarded us your email and confessed to a crime. No, but it's not really a crime. Like, they are in a relationship and they're getting married. And they're taking advantage of a system. You're swearing before a magistrate that you are telling the truth.

I mean, okay, yes, they are in a relationship, that's true. But you're swearing that you're not doing it for a visa, and he was. The system allows itself to be taken advantage of in this way. And therefore, I don't want. mind that people do it. If we must have borders. Well, exactly. I have friends who, like Oli Mann, were very anti-marriage

and then in recent years have got married or civil partnered because of, like, practical things like they've got a house or children and just the drudgery of reality. And even they were kind of moved doing it. But I'm not sure it's moved by the fact that they were joining an institution that they had previously on principle rejected. I think it's more like when you concentrate on a relationship that you've been in long enough to not necessarily,

like think about it as its own thing that you're opting into rather than just carrying on. I think that can be emotional. And it doesn't mean that you're glad to be married, Mark. Yeah. But it is sweet. I think it's sweet that you cried about perjury. I mean, yes, you're right.

It's the focus on your relationship in a public setting, even in front of two other people. It's still something that might move you. We also, he says, managed to get the fee refunded, as they were really late because they thought, quote, the bride hasn't arrived when we're two men. Oh, God. They deserve to be sued.

I sent them a letter with the subject line, Our Special Day Ruined. and said, don't fire anyone, but maybe just don't assume it's a man and a woman getting married in the future. Yeah, good for you. That's awful. Anyway, he says, last year, my boyfriend was eligible for ILR, indefinitely to remain. But wasn't applying. We went for a walk, and I asked why, saying I wanted to get on with the divorce. He started crying and said, his mom wouldn't understand if we divorced.

I said, fine, we can stay married then. God, the romance. Isn't it? Overwhelming. Beautiful. Well, Mark is making a significant compromise for someone that he loves, and that is romantic, even though we tease. He's made the compromise, though.

He's just not unwinding the compromises doesn't really make a difference. It's just an agreement from before they made to the compromise. The compromise has been made. He's making the other compromise of not getting the divorce that he's been looking forward to for ages. Here's the dilemma, he says. Okay. My family don't know we are married. A twist.

So, I said we'd have to have a wedding party. Oh, shit. I mean, that really is a twist, given what you've said about marriage up until now, Mark. We have now planned that wedding. Okay. And invited everyone for me. Mark, you're full of surprises. Everyone knows we are already married apart from my parents.

Hmm. We've told them, we did the legal bit some time ago. So they know that the celebrant will just be doing a celebration rather than a legal ceremony. I thought I should tell my parents but now feel like they would be really hurt. But I'm also worried

someone will let slip on the day that we are already married. Yes, I imagine that would be the content of every speech. So, Helen, answer me this. What should I do? I think the least worst option would be to casually tell your parents what you told everyone else,

which is that the legal bill, bit had to happen before for logistical reasons, but the meaningful part is the wedding wedding you're now having. And if someone does let something slip, who are they going to believe you or a person they just met at your wedding? Although if people are making speeches, you should prime them not to mention that you're already married. Yeah, exactly. This befell some friends of mine. They moved from Britain to another country where one of them had a job and they'd been together a really long time and getting engaged was for love, but getting married was so that the one who didn't have the, like, job visa for that country could stay.

And they didn't tell their families for five years. It wasn't deliberate. I think they were just like, we don't want to, like, tell one set of parents when we see them because we live on a different continent. It feels like we should tell them closer together and blah, blah, blah, and then five years passed. I mean, in truth, probably if you were going to feel like this, you probably should have told your parents about the whole scheme from.

the beginning because you've explained it to us in three paragraphs yeah but it doesn't mean anything to us whether mark is married or not and it clearly means something to other people around mark that it doesn't mean to mark hence mark's question it does mean something to him and that he wants a divorce and doesn't want to be married yeah but then it's like he's agreed not to get the divorce and instead is having an actual wedding which is a shock i mean anyway what's the use of me saying you should have told your parents yeah i think you should have told your parents but that's gone so given the options that you have now just go the extra step and tell them a version of this story.

I mean, you've just managed to tell thousands of people you don't know through the medium of this podcast. Yeah, and also all weddings are a kind of performance, and I've been at lots where it hasn't been the legal bit. So the ceremony has been a parade of some concoction of the couples. So that part doesn't seem that unusual to me. No, exactly. I mean, one of the reasons, by the way, that I got married in Gibraltar in the end, rather than Marbea, which is where we wanted to get married.

Oh, yeah. Because for us, it was important. that we had such a small number of guests, really, just like the same school friends we'd all had together since we were 10 and our parents. I thought if we're doing this thing with such a small roster of guests

and it's so intimate and it's really about saying, come on honeymoon with us, then I want them to see the real thing. And in Marbea, in Spain, we couldn't let them see the real thing. We had to go to a British registry office first and then have a fake thing.

And actually, it's funny, isn't it? Like, lots of people do, lots of Brits do that. They go to Gibral to get the wedding certificate and then they have a big party in Marbea with 100 people. And that's fine. But it's just the fact that because there weren't 100 people there. It wasn't a big party. I just thought if everyone's coming, they should feel very intimate like they're part of seeing the real thing. Whereas other couples just don't care about that.

I don't care whether it's the real thing or not. And that's legit. Like that's about how you feel. Do you think that if the issue is that Mark's parents will think that the legal bit of wedding was more important that Mark thought it was? would it be nice to like sit with them and say here's a photo of when we did the legal bit which to me felt more like just a formality some logistics but I thought maybe you'd like to see or just you could milk the fact that the venue messed it up and say you know it was always kind of a difficult day to remember because of this homophobic mistake they made so it wasn't something

that I wanted to be my overriding feeling of being married to my partner yes you know could you just use that since you've got it I mean you've got the documented evidence sure but the fact is This is the kind of thing that upsets people, as do so many things about weddings, and you don't get to control it. Like, they're going to be pissed off if they want to be pissed off. Yeah, that's true. I suppose the important thing is, if you are prioritising them this time round, there's less for them to complain about. Oh, yeah. If they are right next to you as this thing happens, whatever this ceremony actually is with the celebrant, if they're there, then I think it's difficult for them to say they haven't been included in the past.

Because that's not really relevant because they're being included now. Okay. I like the fact that this is ending on what feels like a positive love story. I mean, given it's an email that's full of such cold disregard for the institution of marriage. It's certainly not written in a way that suggests that this is something that Mark is heavily invested in. But then to go through having a wedding when you didn't need to is, again, a big act of love of the kind. I mean, exactly. You've confused me, Mark.

What is it that you want? What is it that's important to you? It's none of my business. It's effectively a renewal of your vows, isn't it, seven years later, yeah. Oh, that's sweet. Yeah, I mean, that is a length of time where you should, like, check over a contract and see if you still want to be in sned in it. Yeah, you've got to tax records.

You can destroy seven years later, can you? I know that my baby is the absolute best. I put Facebook photos up daily, and my friends are impressed, apart from ones who block me because they're jealous. Because their babies are so. ugly. Well, why not build a gallery of your kid on Squarespace with special pages for its cute feet and cute hands and cute face? So my Facebook feed won't have your kid all over the place. He looks like a scrotum. Thank you very much to Squarespace for sponsoring Answer Me This

and for being our one-stop shop for building our websites, you know, designing them with the award-winningly designed templates that Squarespace offers, larding them with all the tools and features one needs and then running them. Here is a great thing that I enjoyed over the Christmas holidays. One of my other podcasts, The Modern Man, has a website that is also hosted on Squarespace and we have a feedback form on there

so that people get in touch. If you're off duty over the holidays, you are not looking your emails, you are not involved in producing your show or whatever your project is, your Squarespace website can still be working for you. So you can send automatic form follow-up. So like an out-of-office, basically,

but highly tweaked. so whenever you get a form submission day or night your site can be automatically set up to say thank you very much here's the link to the thing we're doing you know here's a bit of extra content you might be interested in or just confirming receipt and the person who has got in touch has the endorphin buzz of interactivity without you having to do anything which is really valuable when you don't want to do anything I didn't realize that endorphins were so easily unleashed Good to know as well as good to know about that because I do have a form on my website and I think maybe people will just get a cold, nothing from me.

Head to Squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, you can save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain if you use our code. Answer! Hi, Helen, Olly and Martin the Soundman. I occasionally, to my shame, find myself looking at pictures of celebrities,

paparazzi pictures. And I've noticed that they always seem to be holding a giant coffee cup. It seems that any American celebrity out and about on foot is always holding an enormous takeaway beverage in a non-reusable cup. What is that about? Is that some sort of signal? Signal to what? The fucking Illuminati? What are you talking about? Or are they genuinely always sucking down gallons of frappuccinos? The celebrities drink fluid.

I think she means, in the context of PAP shots, that there is a kind of coded meaning to them when they're staged. Is it Spawn? Yeah, well, sometimes. Oh, sometimes it is Spawn, yeah. Like Ben Affleck and Duncan becoming his whole like Super Bowl Duncan campaign. pain. Well, we'll get to that because that is a very specific example, yeah. But even if it's not Spom, if it's complicit, let's say, like either the celebrities people have told the

PAPs that that's where they'll be to organise the shot, or the celebrity sees the PAPS are there and deliberately decides to stage a certain type of shot because they know it's more likely to get published. In those circumstances, there is certain coding to coffee. So one thing, for example, in L.A., which is often where this is, it's iced coffee. Obviously, that's because of the climate, but also because it takes longer to sip, so the paps have longer to take their shot and get a good shot of you. You know what? I think it's them trying to also code that, hey, look at me, I'm normal, drinking a drink, the peasants drink, not just peacock milk for me. That's, yeah, totally. But also, the publishers are more likely to publish it if it looks like

you're living your day-to-day life, because then you can come back the next day with a different look. Come back the next day, wearing a gold chain, and it's a different set of photos. It looks like a photo that was snapped on a, on a random day, rather than here you are at the red carpet premiere of your film, which can only be used once. Intersecting with Martin's suspicion of Spawn, which I think is sometimes the case, I read an intriguing theory that sometimes celebrities need to show something off like jewellery, like rings and watches, because the hand is on display, or a manicure. Yeah, because, you know, they're on loan.

I mean, it might not even be that they're getting paid. They might be getting paid in the item itself. You have to be out wearing your Rolex in three different places. Yeah. I think if you're calling the Papps on yourself, which should. so many of them do, calling them to a random chain coffee place is kind of a smart move because it means places that you are regularly like your house or your children's school are not depicted.

Yeah. Or Brentwood Starbucks or whatever is relatively neutral. I think also sometimes these people are on set, like they are filming, but in places where randoms and paparazzi can take pictures of them and it's production assistants going on a coffee run. Yes. And putting a coffee in a slab's hand. There are other reasons.

so you're less likely to be standing on private property if you're the pap outside a coffee shop you're more like to be on the sidewalk so there's no permissions issues you can just stand there exactly and you can argue afterwards well why did they come to Starbucks they could have sent their assistant so it's fair game you know there's that as well

you know celebs they're just like us in that sometimes they probably just really need the toilet and then they have to buy a coffee as toilet payment true otherwise the story is Oh, Pierce Brosnan came to my Dunkin' Donuts and he didn't even buy a donut, just went for a dump. Dumpin' Donuts, more like. So the Ben Affleck example that you mentioned and that I parked,

I just think it's worth returning to in more detail because I did find that fascinating. Did you? Fascinating. He's a Massachusetts guy, so he genuinely likes Dunkin' Donuts coffee. I love that you still can't pronounce Massachusetts, even though you've been there multiple times. What did I say? Massachusetts.

Massachusetts. Did I not say that? No. Massachusetts. I think that, in my mind, that's what I, said. But anyway, he's a master's suit. I can't say it now. He's from the greater Boston area. There you go. He likes coffee, right, from Dunkin' Donuts? We don't even know if he likes it because he always looks so doleful. But he does like it. He moved to the West Coast and sort it out when

Dunkin' Donuts came to the West Coast and was genuinely papped outside Duncan Donuts because he was hot then. And he even put his hand in front of his face like, don't pat me. I'm just getting a coffee, you bastard. And then that became a meme. which then involved in the end, him getting paid to be fronting the Dunkin commercial campaign, like in the Super Bowl and stuff. Do you think any Oscar winner has ever spawned as many memes as Ben Affleck looking undignified in pap shots of him smoking, or taking in his post, that was also a meme as well of him, like trying to pick up too much post at once.

This guy has a lot of advantages, particularly financial ones, and he does not seem to have his shit together. Here is another question of entertainment. from Ewan in Dorking, who says, I was just watching, have I got news for you? Don't get attached to that. That is not relevant to Ewan's question. And noticed a clip featuring the Wombles.

Oh, no. Given your track record of covering bizarre elements of British culture, Ali answered me this, what animal, presumably a rodent, are the Wambles? And what's the point of them? Like, what are they? I remember them as a minor footnote of my childhood, a bit like Mr. Blobby,

but I'm not sure what or why they are. other than being from Wimbled and Common. I just want to investigate, first of all, that, oh, no, Martin. What's the problem with the Wombles? I have no problem with Wombos. I just know you are heavily invested in the Wombles. No, I'm not. And that we're in from a ride.

Isn't it a Mike Bat joint? Yeah, exactly. Ollie's heavily invested in Mike Bat, Martin, not in Wombles? But didn't he do remember you were Womble? Yes. Oh, okay. Right. But it's not hunting of the snark.

That's the thing Ollie cares about. That kind of connection hasn't transferred a Wombol mania to you. It hasn't. Okay, that's good. Carry on. Carry on. I understand why he says, are they rodents? Because the 1970s TV version of the Wombles with the theme song by Mike Bat, thank you, Martin, yes. With the design created by Ivor Wood,

that is why people think they're sort of rodent adjacent. They do have snouts. They do look a bit rodenty, yeah. But actually that was for telly. So the book that the Wombles are based on, was published in November 1968 and here's a quote

from the Times' review of that book quote, In the Wombles, Elizabeth Beresford, more of her in a moment, dreams up a group of subterranean bear-like creatures.

Oh, who frequent commons, eh? When was this was being gay legal yet? Just, yeah. I mean, well, that era, 1968, yeah.

Wow, yeah, just, I think, 67 in Britain, was it? whose existence depends like that of the borrowers upon the untidiness of human beings the walkers, picnickers and children on Wimbledon Common and I found the original book cover and they do look more like teddy bears

they walk on their hind legs I'm looking at the book they look like teddy bears that are dressed as carol singers Yes exactly So it is the TV version that makes you think Rodent The original vision was more like teddy bears And yes they live on Wimbledon Common They clean up people's rubbish

And the idea for the Wombles came to Elizabeth Beresford when she was walking on Wimbledon Common with her two children on Boxing Day, 1966. Her daughter, Kate, said words to the effect of, isn't it great on Wombledon Common? I presume she was like five or something. So it became a family joke, Wombledon.

And as it happened, she was a children's author. She'd just been commissioned to come up with a rival to Paddington because Paddington had just been published. And it was like the big publishing hit of the year. So they were like, can you do a Paddington type thing? And it just clicked. Wombledon. Holy shit.

She said afterwards, she admitted afterwards that it might be that like in the back of the recess of her mind she had heard there was a World War I marching song

called from Wimbledon to Wombleton. So that may have triggered that in her mind. Yeah, Wombleton is in Yorkshire so quite away from Wimbledon. And she thought, right, the Wombles of Wombleton

common. And then she created these little creatures that clean up after everyone based on her family traits. It's a bit like Matt Graning with the Simpsons. Like she took

elements of her family and turn them into wambles. Yeah, her family very tidy. Well, her family were into progressive ideas. So the environmentalism may have come from her father, the novelist J.D. Beresford, who was quite progressive for the 1940s. He was into sort of vegetarianism and passivism and stuff like that. So that's the origins of it. Here's another showbiz question from someone who says,

I would like to remain anonymous or call me Greg. Oli, do you prefer to call this person Anonymous or Greg? Greg. Greg. Okay. I mean, obviously, I'm thinking of cousin Greg from Succession now. Oh, no. I was thinking of old Greg from Mighty Beach.

Very different Gregs, I'd say. Greg says, I may or may not have been asked to appear on a popular television quiz show this year. I won't say which show it is, so I'll cut to The Chase. It's obviously pointless, yeah. It has got me thinking about outfits on TV for the job. general public. I know you aren't supposed to wear tight patterns, yeah, for the strobing, branded products, etc. Yeah, balaclavas, not supposed to wear one of those. And it should probably be at least something presentable. That's such a mum term, isn't it? Wanting to look

presentable. So, Olly, please answer me this. What do you think is the most outlandish but borderline acceptable attire I could turn up to a day of filming wearing? I'd probably assume any extreme level fancy dress is out of the question. But just how far do you think I could push it and still be deemed TV ready and broadcastable? I think the fact that you've given us that hint as to what show it is is informing my answer. Like in the abstract sense, you know, what's the most outrageous thing you can wear?

It's different. But the thing about the chase is, and by the way, I've never really seen it, but I get the vibe and it's often about the vibe on telly, isn't it? I would call it the sort of Ron Jeremy factor, right? You should dress as Ron Jeremy? No. No. All right.

In the sense that the audience are playing along, right, as you. You are the cipher for them when they're watching. So I would say in any quiz show, but particularly a daytime ITV quiz show like that, there's probably a higher threshold of conservatism that you need to adhere to because that's the audience. Like, you know, would a middle-aged man in Essex or Yorkshire wear what you're wearing? If not, it might be too much trade for the chase. It depends what the show is, right? But I think probably they will tell you,

look, wear a shirt or a polo shirt, wear a conservative color, because that's where our audience relate to. That is what I would imagine would happen before you're invited onto the chase. They will brief you into roughly the kind of thing you should be wearing. And it's because it's really important for that format that the audience relate to you.

What about those of us who can't relate to people dress super boring? What about us? But you're not watching the chase. No, that's true. I'm not. That's what I mean. That's the point, isn't it? You got me. I think it's important.

to dress somewhat how you would normally dress I sort of think that about wedding wear as well like people often dress like a totally different person whereas I think you just need to dress as an amped up version of yourself so Greg what do you wear the rest of the time I'd go for not a particularly voluminous shape just because it can be difficult to frame it well in those sorts of shows but maybe a very bold colour or pattern

like a fun jumper yes yeah but like this one and I'm wearing wearing. Look at it. It's got aliens on it. That's all well and good. But you don't know who the artist is. Like, is it a registered thing that you're wearing? Are you promoting someone who might have beliefs that are against the beliefs of the program? They do have to think about all that stuff because there's not much else going on. It's you on screen answering question. So I do think they will tell you what to wear. But I would say in general, standards change all the time. Like, you watch back clips from the 1970s and the interviewes are like smoking

cigarettes the whole way through an interview and no one blinks. Nowadays, I feel like a man wearing makeup or a man wearing nail varnish. Like probably as recently as like five years ago, that would be something that even if it was implicitly kind of permissible, the host would probably pick you up on. Like, oh, I see you're wearing, you know what I mean? Whereas now that just wouldn't get commented on. So standards change, I think. But I do think each show is different and the producers will tell you. Like I once made a mistake. I was, remember when we used to the paper preview on Sky News years ago. Yeah. I once wore a neon yellow tie, which was the exact same color as the breaking news bar at the bottom of the screen. It so it looked like I was coming out of the ticker.

Wow. The breaking news is, Olly Man. Exactly. So you could be careful with that. And it can happen at all levels of fame. I was once on the BBC breakfast sofa when Victoria Dalboshoe was hosting. and she was wearing a very light sort of cream top and hadn't realised until she was on that when the light shone through it well as she said when I sat down you can see my brassiere I haven't heard that word in many a year

that's what I was thinking I was like who says brazier not someone in their early 50s it lent the whole encounter some class that she used that word but anyway the point is even someone with her experience hadn't dressed appropriately for that occasion so everyone makes mistakes I would say that whatever you wear aesthetically have temperature in mind

because I think being too warm in this circumstance is a real mistake having too tight a collar is bad news and remember they want you to look sweaty and under pressure because again that's the format

they may tell you to wear a thick fabric but don't that's a good tip obviously like your upper body is going to be the most in shot so that's where you want to go for it maybe with a rough a rough and then nothing at the bottom lovely don't go plain top and elaborate trousers because most of the effect would be lost, let's see.

Oh, and also percussion. I was on a radio show once with a guest who had a cacophony of bracelets. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's that great, what was it like, We Are the Worlds recording? Yeah, yeah, where Cindy Lauper had this incredible cavalcade of like necklaces that were picking up on mic. Yeah, and they have to stop the recording. So they're like, where's that noise coming from? And then Cindy Lauper has to strip off loads of jewelry.

Yeah. I loved that documentary. We've never talked about that before. It's really good. And we love Stevie Wonder doing the impression of Dylan in front of him. I was just about to say. So funny. That's the best bit, isn't it?

It's the best bit Bob Dylan being shit scared of being in a room full of people who can actually sing. But also, Steve, you wonder, like, knowing what to say and what to say is to do a terrible impression of Bob Dylan, but that somehow was the right thing to be. It's such a legend. It was so good. He's like, hey, you can do it like this.

I'm Pennywise the clown from Stephen King's It. We're not abusing children. I like to sit in my sewer listening to answer me this. Me-meh! A question of literature now from Anne, who says, Helen answered me this. How rich was Mr. Darcy? Could he casually go and visit the king?

He's not Lord or Baron Darcy. Is that significant? Not really. How many people were at the time, as wealthy as Mr. Pemberley. Okay. Just in case people are coming to this, unspoilered for Pride and Prejudice

for the last 200 plus years. Yeah. Mr. Darcy is the love interest from Pride and Prejudice and people are like, this guy has £10,000 a year. Obviously, a different era of British money, predesimalisation for a start. And also like how dating worked.

Like even if it wasn't a particularly impressive amount of money, you'd say it because that's what you're doing, isn't it? You're setting people up based on their, commodities. Right. And I thought, how did people know what money people had in those days? But they can basically tell from how much land he owned or inherited. He's landed gentry. He's not got a title. Jane Austen actually didn't write many characters with titles, but he is richer than the average lord. And I think at the time, if he had been a lord, he would have had to do a lot of schmoozing because he would have been working in politics. And he doesn't want

that life. He just wants to like mooch around smouldering, being uncomfortable. looking at beautiful Elizabeth Bennett, swimming, horse, that kind of shit. His family, by today's metrics would have been in the 300 richest families in the country, according to Ellie Dashwood, the YouTuber who talks a lot about, like, Austin logistics. So that is rich, isn't it? I appreciate then there were fewer people in Britain, but that's to be in the top 300, you're still, that's good. And the £10,000 a year, that's probably the interest. off his estate and the farming that took place on it.

So it doesn't necessarily include investments that he had or rents from other properties. If you just convert it to modern money, it's not a direct comparison. It doesn't take into account the other stuff, like the fact that certain things were really, really expensive, but the wealth gap was a lot bigger. So the aristocrats were served by staff,

and the staff were relatively cheap, and their food was grown on their land. So that was also cheaper, but then having a carriage or a horse was like super, super expensive and very heavily taxed. Male servants were taxed more than female servants. So, like, I've seen different estimates of what this £10,000 a year would be the equivalent of in these days.

Some people say, well, 10,000 pounds is the equivalent of getting £1 million a year if you just convert the numbers, but then more or less podcast estimated it as being more like if you had £60 million coming in per year. Well, important to know when you're thinking about the prospects of this completely fictional character. Yeah, well, when you read the book now or when you watch the adaptations, you're like £10,000 a year. It doesn't sound great.

My rent is more than that. And it's sort of like as well, when you watch it and the Bennett family of sisters, they're like, oh, shit, we're really financially fucked. And you're like, you're living in this amazing huge house. Yes, yeah, yeah. It's just hard to compute when you're watching that. Yeah, I often think that, like, when I watch working class American dramas, you know, they're obviously designed to make Americans look at the family and think,

oh, my God, look at that shit hole they live in. And you look at their house. It's like a five-bedroom house. Basement, flat, but no one even lives in. They've got a front drive, they've got their own parking space. They've got five bedrooms, they've got more than one bathroom. They own their home. Yeah, exactly.

But it's just a different culture, isn't it? And obviously very much Jane Austen's Britain was a very different culture. I haven't read the book. I have seen the BBC Andrew Davis adaptation. You remember Mr Collins in that adaptation, right? The sort of like skeevy vicar cousin that if one of the Bennett sisters marries him, then their family is less financially fucked. but they don't want to.

And so Lizzie's friend Charlotte, who is like, I don't have that much currency on the marital market because I'm 27 so old, and I have a bad haircut, so I'll marry him. And he's on about modern equivalent of £240,000 a year with a house. Very decent. Yeah, exactly. You know, she's pragmatic. That's not bad.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good on her. Yeah. Obviously, everyone remembers the scene where Colin Firth's wet. His wetness. His royal wetness. He was apparently not caused by diving into the lake itself. He actually didn't go into the lake because it was feared that he might contract vials disease spread by rats urine in the water.

Yep, yep. So they plonked Colin in a tank. Yes, Ealing Studio. And he decided for the close-up to pick up a bucket of water and drench it over his head, which was not part of the script. So this whole, like, iconic moment where basically you can see. see his nips through the transparent fabric Victoria Derbyshire style.

This whole moment where you can see his brassiere was written to be a comic scene of social embarrassment, having to have a polite conversation ignoring the fact that one of them is soaking wet, whereas instead it becomes this sexy thing because he just tips this water over himself just at the last minute.

And no one mentioned it on set. It was only in the edit that it became that. I think also he's of such social status that embarrassment doesn't really touch him the way that it does people who have less. Colin Firth or Mr Darcy Mr Darcy Right yeah

Well also he's not being filmed in that moment is he He doesn't know he's in a BBC adaptation on a Sunday night Does he? He's just having a chat with someone He's never heard of television Yeah Here's a question from Zoran Who says My fiancé loves tortilla chips

Dipped in cottage cheese With hot sauce mixed in Time to put off the wedding Ollie answer me this What are some of your favourite snacks That other people might look askance at Mine is probably a scrambled egg sandwich on white bread with mayo. Wow, double egg. Double egg. Yeah, but I mean, egg mayonnaise is double

egg, isn't it? I do treble egg very frequently. How do you do treble egg? Just with mayo on everything. So if it's egg based at all, you've got double egg, and then if, you know, you're dipping in a yoke, for example, I mean, I don't know. Wait, so if you're dipping an egg mayonnaise sandwich soldier into a runny boiled egg yolk, that's triple egg. Let's say you've used an egg to make some like eggy bread or French toast, that kind of thing, right? So then I could easily dip that into an egg yolk. See, You're agreeing with me now. But that's still only double egg, Ollie. Where's the triple egg?

With some mayonnaise. I'm a mayonnaise freak. Leave me B. I don't find that odd. See, I don't think the things that, I guess that this thing, isn't it? You do you. The thing that you think is perfectly acceptable, other people find a scantzance. I mean, yeah.

I, for example, the skin of a salmon. I think that's delicious. Oh, yeah, it's so good. So good. Very nutritious. It's crispy. Yeah, it's got to be crispy. But genuinely, my favourite meal in the world, like my death row meal, if they could do it properly,

would be the shit that comes at the bottom of a roasting tray after you've made a roast vegetable. Like a platter of roast vegetables and meat and then you just scrape it out with your fingernails and get the garlic and onion under your fingers. Fuck, yes. Ollie, we're going to have to explicit tag this. Yeah, this is a real ASMR after dark episode.

Yeah. So, yeah, burned bits at the bottom of the baking tray. I eat that. Oh, heaven. I don't think that's weird. Do you remember about 10 years ago when my agent told me to lose weight so that I could host a quiz show?

Yes. Did you host the quiz show? I did host the pilot. It was worth a pop. It was by the people who did who wants to be a millionaire. It could have happened. Then I decided to eat for breakfast and I look back on this now and think,

what the, was I thinking? Smoked salmon with goji berries and lime and nothing else. Goji berries on the salmon or at the side? Like sort of sprinkled on the top. What doge berries taste like? Like just, I don't know. They're very sweet, aren't they? I think that was it.

I think because of something so salty, I thought it kind of gave it. don't know what I thought it gave it. Maybe I'd heard that goji berries were good antioxidants or something. It's rank. I couldn't eat it now, but I ate it every day for about two months. Intentional weight loss makes us do some wild, wild shit. That's right. What's your favorite weird thing to eat? Which isn't weird, and let's not judge people. Yeah, that's the thing. I don't think this is very weird, but other people sometimes look askance, is I like to take my salad deconstructed as in I basically like the whole vegetables

on their own so like I'll crunch through a carrot a cucumber some tomatoes maybe I'll have some nuts on the side or bit of cheese surely right yeah which isn't that weird it's a salad by the time it gets to a stomach but crude dete are at least chopped up these are just a whole just a whole cucumber I think that's quite nice I don't think that's weird no but some people are like ooh what and sometimes in our household we will make a crisps salad which is where you have two to three types of

Chris mixed in a bowl. That's Nigella Lawson level stuff. She'd put like chocolate spread all over the top of it as well. I mean, the most disgusting thing that I, I suppose, objectively, isn't a weird combo like Zoran's fishing for. It is a single thing and it is vushed. Have you ever had vushed? What's vushed?

It's basically what Jews eat if you're observant and you don't eat pork. So it's a salami that is processed beef that's been dyed to look pink. when you slice it up it has like you can taste bits of bone in it like it's objectively rank and it sort of taste of nothing like a taste of nothing at all

it's just the texture and then bits of bone cool but a lot of other Ashkenazi Jews from my part of the world will eat it as a comfort food because you're sort of brought up on it is a Sunday lunchtime staple

it's the thing you can snack on before the meal like have a slice of fish and because my auntie worked in the butcher shop if I went to visit her with my dad She'd give me a slice of vush. That's sweet. So it's like, I know it's disgusting, but it makes me feel happy. And so I always buy, because I still live in the hood, I can buy it.

And it's always in my fridge. And I know it's rank. And there's only one brand. Blooms make the vush, and it's not nice. No, they've got the monopoly. They've got the vushedopoly. I mean, I don't think any of these things are that weird, honestly. I don't think Zoran's fiancée's snack of choice is particularly Utre.

No. Is there something wrong with me that I'm not seeing it? Is there something wrong with them that they've, that they feel so guilty about it. Yeah, I'd put hot sauce on my stuff. But I do invite anyone listening to try to stun and shock us into horrified disbelief,

sending us your special snack. Well, so people can just make stuff up, aren't they? Oh, I like to part a hot dog into my ice cream and then slather it with pickles or whatever. No, I want evidence that you've really eaten this stuff. Yeah, pictures or it didn't happen. Don't toy with me.

The videos are you eating it and smiling. Yes, yes, yeah. But not AI videos, please. I'm not a stunt because I will notice you flinching if this is your first time. I want your genuine snacks. We're very demanding. Yes, I am demanding. You know, it's often to be this as 19th birthday.

I don't want to be messed around with some fakery. Yeah, do you want to give a slice for our birthday? I need to feel something. And send us questions for episodes in our 20th year. By voice or in writing, our contact details are on our website. Answer me this podcast.com. And due to the fact that this episode was delayed from December, you lucky things are going to have an Answer Me This Heavy Month.

There will be another episode, episode 414, on the last Thursday of the month, as usual. But also, in between this and that, there will be an episode of petty problems, our live streaming video show. When are we doing that, Ollie, for paying Patrions at patreon.com.com slash answer me this. Friday the 16th of January at Sorry for Bring Britain Centric 10pm, UK. time, but Helen helpfully puts a link to what the time is in other places that you might live. I spend most of my time these days just converting time zones for people who are patrons of things. Yeah, 5pm Eastern, right? 2pm Pacific. There we go. 22-0-O-U-T-C. So if you have a question that is maybe too insignificant, perhaps? Yeah, something light,

something trivial, maybe you've got a cohabitant problem. Yes, a mere piffle. Maybe something is just chafing you in a thoroughly bearable way, but you still want to voice it. That's what petty problems is for. That's right. Not something profound, like what the fuck is a womble. Oh my God. Then make sure you submit those questions now in the usual places, but also at patreon.com slash answer me this. What's lovely about it is that because you are present on the live stream, you can feed back on our answer and chip in yourself. It's very collaborative, which is delightful. It's really fun. And if you can't make it, that's fine, because you can watch back afterwards if you're a paying member at patreon.com slash answer me this. Not only this

one, three hours worth. The full collection. And you know what else if you are paying Patreon? You get access to all of our archive, depending on what tier, either add free through the Patreon app or if you pay a bit more, add free through your podcast app of choice. When he says all of answering this, he means episodes that have been paywalled for most of the show's lifetime. All of the episodes from one to now and all of our retro answer me this is with our commentary on what we said all those years before and all the bonus bits that we put out that used to be the crap on the app and all of our albums it's all there hell of a deal hell of a deal and you're also supporting this show which is why we are carrying on all the way through

2026 that is thanks to you at patreon.com slash answer me this so thank you for your support I didn't mean my yay to sound so tired. No, no, you're just your voice is, you're going into Majbishop territory. Before it conks out completely, what do the Zaltz freaks have in store across the Zaltziverse this month? Well, it's the Illusionist's birthday this month also. The Illusionist turns 11. There'll be a public live stream where I read from my dictionaries with musical backing by Martin. And then I suppose I've got to get off my ass and make more podcasts for the year.

So, yeah, check it out at the Illusionist.org. Also, for more Pride and Prejudice content on my retired podcast, Veronica Mars Investigations, my beautiful co-host Jenny Owen Youngs and I, recapped not only the BBC miniseries of Pride and Prejudice, featuring Colin Firth and his soggy blouse, but also the film version with Kiranightly and Matthew McFaddyan and his handflex. So you can listen to that on the show's archive, Ron and Comar's Investigations. And what is happening, Oli Manwise? Well, I make five podcasts. You can discover them all at Ollyman.com. Jesus. Well, it's new year, isn't it? So I thought it was a good moment to say in this habit-forming time

that I have a daily entertainment show about history. The show is called Today in History with the Retrospecters. It's 10 minutes each day of me and my friends, Aaron and Rebecca, pondering a curious moment from history for your listening pleasure. Coming up this month, the history of the Harlem Globetrotters, which I knew nothing about because sport, the creation of the National Trust, the molasses tank that exploded over Boston. Yikes. Sounds fun. Wasn't lots of childhood death. Did you have to say Massachusetts a lot in that episode? Probably. Yikes. Today in history with the retrospectors, search for that wherever you get your podcasts. And we'll put a link in the show notes as well. Martin. Oh, I've not been up to much. I was mostly

making mince pies. You say you've not been up to much. I went away for two weeks in December. When I came back, you'd built a robot to keep your company. Yeah, but that's for an as yet unreleased project. So I can't share that with people yet. I hope robots don't learn to read from dictionaries, Helen, or you'll be fucked. Oh, it'll be peaceful for me. I Bose after all this time. You could go check out my music at palebird. com.com. There was a song called Poison Garden that was featured

on the Illusionist a few months ago. Very catchy. Very catchy little fokey tune. So that's Palebird, which is the band name I go under, palebird.combe. That's supposed to play a little place. I talk my music off Spotify, but you can still get it on QuoBuzz and Apple and all those places too.

In the meantime, find us some questions. Send them to us. And we'll see you in a few weeks' time. Bye! Heaven and all the answer to be it.