Answer Me This! - AMT414: Wax Seals, Y2K Songs, and the Butler Doing It

Episode Date: January 29, 2026

This month, questioneers want to know about songs for the year 2000, what the deal is with wax seals, why we say “The butler did it!” when the butler never did it, and how to shirk unwanted company at rowdy retiree lunch club. For more information about this episode, head to answermethispodcast.com/episode414 Got questions for us to answer, or feedback about an episode? Send them in writing or as a voice note to [e-mail], or you can call 0208 123 5877 like the old days. AMT415 will be in your podfeed 26 Febuary 2026, with an episode of Answer Us Back mid-Feb; paying patrons at patreon.com/answermethis also get a batch of Bonus Bits, plus the Petty Problems back catalogue, AND an ad-free version of AMT414. (Sign up at one of the higher tiers to get access to an RSS feed with ALL the AMT stuff EVER, including our entire back catalogue, our six themed albums, the retro AMTs, and every Bit of Crapp from the AMT App!) This episode is sponsored by Squarespace, the all in one platform for creating and running your online empire. Go to squarespace.com/answer, have a play around during the two-week free trial, and when you're ready to launch, get a 10% discount on your first purchase of a website or domain with the code ANSWER. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do successful traders get recruited as spies? Hasel deities, hazebelis. Why did Diana King have such a thing for shy guys? Has to be this, Helen and lonely, I'm going to be this. Helen, you are not alone when it comes to your predilection for whole raw vegetables in lieu of salad. Oh my God, finally, a meeting of vegetable club, which won't just be me crunching by myself.

Darcy was listening to our last episode, ad-free, on Patreon, and says, for what it's worth, whilst I was listening, I was eating a yellow bell pepper like an apple. Whilst Helen was saying that some people find eating whole raw vegetables odd, I don't think it's weird at all. Thank you for the validation, Darcy. Our friend Josie Long used to eat whole peppers like an apple. I don't know if she still does, but people really looked at her askance for that.

I do think it is nicer cut into strips and dipped into things, isn't it? I don't want to judge someone, but as a preference, if you've got a knife in the house, better in strips. What if you've had all your knives confiscated? If they've been subject to an amnesty, then at least you can still get your seven a day. I dear for you, Ollie, as a renowned mayonnaise fan, you open up the bell pepper, take the seeds out,

but keep it otherwise, hold like a cup, fill the cup with mayonnaise, dip your other cruditate into the pepper cup and then eat the mayonnaise, moistened pepper at the end. It's like porn. Well, last episode you mentioned a poor choice of Thai, Olly, when you appeared on Sky News, because your tie was the same as the news ticker

and thus you blended in like a hovering head. Indeed. And you talk about you're there on the news doing paper reviews. And Michael wrote in to say, that got me wondering about why the UK media does that. For example, my morning newsletter from the Guardian tells me the headlines from the other newspapers. I'm originally from the US

and you'd never catch the New York Times telling you what headline the Washington Post ran with that day. So, Ollie, answer me this. Why is the UK? media so interested in what other parts of the media, particularly the papers, are saying. And where did the tradition of the newspaper review come from? The origin of the paper review goes all the way back to 1956. Whoa.

And the second longest running British TV program of all time, what the papers say. No way. It began on ITV, which I didn't know. It was on Granada. And then made its way to BBC TV, our generation. We know it as a radio program from Radio 4. Apparently it stopped broadcasting in 2016, but such is the nature of Radio 4 that I feel. like I heard it only yesterday.

But basically the format of that is a journalist sort of looks back at the week in Westminster by saying, according to the Daily Mail, and then an actor comes and reads a paragraph, I was disgusted to see da-da-da-da-da. And then they say, but the Guardian had it as this. And then they have somewhat an actor being the columnist from The Guardian. And the origin of that, like why that was a thing in Britain, is because of public service broadcasting, because we have BBC and ITV with an obligation to impartially relate the news in broadcast, a way of getting opinion onto the airwaves then was to reflect what was in

our printed newspapers which didn't have such tight regulation, had a political view. Interesting. So you'd be able to say, the front of the sun says Viva Margaret Thatcher, the front of the mirror says Maggie Thatcher's a twat, and then you've got balance. You've said both. That's basically it. Oh my gosh. That's actually very interesting.

Thank you. And also it means that the news channel doesn't have to check the facts of the thing they're saying because you can say, well, according to the telegraph, da, da, da, da, da. And then if it turns out later that that is completely fictitious, it's unlikely you're going to get sued because all you're reporting is that the telegraph is reporting it. So again, it gives you a bit of justification to break news that you haven't double-checked yet. And it's popular. 10.30 at night, it sounds fresher.

Rather than saying, here's the same debate we've been having all day. and here are two journalists we booked two weeks ago talking about it, you say, oh, look, hot off the press and here to discuss this. You know what I mean? It suddenly sounds exciting. But also the other thing was, because of public survey broadcasting, until like 1998 or whenever the BBC website kicked off around them, wasn't it? The BBC wasn't a words publisher at all, like it was a broadcaster.

So it literally wasn't in competition with newspapers. There wasn't any issue of, like, you're promoting a newspaper. It's like, well, fine, we can also interview someone from Sainsbury. we're not promoting vegetables. Like it's just not... Not promoting vegetables. I mean, Delia talked about cranberries and all the cranberries sold out.

That seems like insider trading via the BBC. But you see what I mean? Like nowadays they have a news website and they're the biggest website in Britain. It's a slightly more complicated thing, isn't it? Because they're competing in the same space, actually.

But they weren't. It wouldn't have occurred to anyone that that would be a problem. Is the BBC the biggest website in Britain? I think so, yeah. Biggest news website. In the days of Ladb Bible, that's kind of a triumph. Here's an intriguing first sentence from Douglas, who says,

I lead a double life. Oh, you're right, intriguing. By day, I work in a respectable and serious position in the civil service, which requires some interaction with the public. This is like getting an email from our friend Alex in 2007, who had a respectable and serious position in the civil service whilst doing the, I'm a vagina, I don't for us. Yes.

I mean, he also played a vagina on stage at our first live show. He did. By night and we can. Ken's, continues Douglas. I do comedy of the stand-up and podcast variety. In the next few months, I have a comedy opportunity, which, if it goes well, would result in some publicity for me. Best of luck. I already keep separation between my work and my comedy. I perform under a stage name, and I give minimal detail of my extracurricular activities to colleagues and none at all to my clients. And do you have that thing in your social media bios saying your opinions of your own and not those of your employer?

Because that is legally watertight. But he says, given there's a chance of publicity, if it goes well, I need to work out how to change up my look. So it's not immediately apparent to people that the guy they saw on the weekend making elaborate knob jokes is the same guy they are now talking through a very serious and complicated issue with at work. They'll never believe anyone could have that range. I do think our culture is fundamentally wrong. We're not allowed to have fun in a fun environment and then be serious in a serious environment. That's being an adult.

That's fine. is when you mix the two that the problem is. We contain multitudes. Yeah, exactly. I guess you can if you're a parent because no one thinks if you're like playing with a kid in a ball pool that you couldn't possibly hold down a serious job. I wouldn't ask him for mortgage advice.

Look, what he's doing? Let me do that slide. Exactly. Helen, answer me this. How can I change up my appearance on stage so that I'm not easily recognisable to people I deal with at work? I'm a fairly generic looking 30-something Caucasian cis male. At work, I wear glasses and clean-shaven,

have short hair, which I always style the exact same way, and wear a suit. I'm still working on my stage persona, so it's blank page as far as my look there goes. What would you suggest to help me keep up the illusion of separation between stage me and work me? It sounds like a real Clark Kent type of look that you're rocking at work, you know, short hair styled glasses, suit that's presumably not a Superman suit. I will say I find it very easy to confuse Caucasian. cis men to the extent that I'll be like, oh hey to guys with beards and rectangular glasses in the street and turns out they're not Martin. I had this experience we went to the pool

recently and I walked past a guy who sat on a bench just waiting for his partner or whatever. And you thought it was you. I was like, is that me? And then I looked a bit closer and because I had my goggles on. I couldn't see that well and I was like, no, no, it's a different person. You thought you were seeing a projection of yourself sitting on a bench? He thought it was like in Gremlins when you get water on himself and he divides into more Martins. I mean, the implication here is that he should be flamboyant on stage, but maybe he should be flamboyant and easier to pick out in a line at work. Oh, maybe.

Maybe he should go to work in the civil service in a striped unitar. Yeah, maybe you should be wearing a frank side bottom head to work, not to stage, or a Darth punk helmet. But maybe it's just like as soon as you whip off the lanyard and put on a less boring shirt but not necessarily a super flamboyant shirt, that already your colleagues would be flummox. I mean, how many of them are going to random stand-up gigs and checking the comedy press for publicity?

Agree, well, that's the thing. He says some publicity. I mean, I'm assuming this isn't live at the Apollo. I'm assuming you're not at that stage, but nonetheless... I'm guessing it's like one of the competitions. Exactly. Or Edinburgh. So if it's Edinburgh, let's say it's Edinburgh.

What it could mean is that, you know, a thousand posters with his face are going to go up around the place. So that is a bit more outing, isn't it, than turning up at a comedy club? You've got to think. other comedians have had jobs that seem contrary like a lot of them were doctors like Harry Hill well but there you are the big collar the pens

you know Harry Hill went for it on stage didn't he in a way that you probably wouldn't recognise Harry Hill if he walked past you without his glasses and without that suit on gorethier was like that isn't he like if he didn't have his spiked hair and his like backwards glasses and his weird goatee he wouldn't spot him on the street he'd just look like a normal mid-leged guy Elton John I'm sure can walk around Windsor without anyone realising that's Elton John because his fashion style is so distinct

Yeah. But if you saw that man with a baseball cap walking around, he just looked like an old man if he was wearing conservative clothes. I think that a change of glasses to something quite different in style. Like if you're wearing wireframes at work, if you went for something in a colour or like clear frames or something that makes your face shape look almost different because they interact with your face so differently.

Also, moustaches. Like get a bunch of prosthetic moustaches. Your whole face will transform. Yes. You probably will it like a P.E. teacher from the 1970s, but not like Douglas the 30-something. civil servant. Is there a modern equivalent to the Tommy Cooper Fess that

isn't as characterful as that, but could be a hat that you wear? Not like a little party hat, like a, you know, a little cardboard. That's a fun look for comedian, isn't it a party hat? Because it makes you taller. I think on stage we give you a more dominant personality, but also just inherently funnier as well and a bit sad. I mean, I had that for many years.

I was like a teacher, and I mean, I wasn't a stand-up, but there were pictures occasionally of me in newspapers, not for crime reasons for absolute reasons. And that was a little weird. But my boss used to listen to our podcast. So that was weird as well.

So juggling those two lives was quite weird for quite a long time. And you just have to sort of roll with it, really. He used to listen to answering me this in the bath. And then he gave me a job and was like, I can't really do that anymore because that's weird. Yeah, you've seen me naked. Fair enough. It is a bit weird to tell someone you listen in the birth. Putting it in the past tense certainly eased that passage.

Yeah. I was talking to someone the other day who I had listened to in the shower and I did tell her and I felt odd saying it. But also I felt like I would have been censoring to not say it. because that is where I was when I last heard it. I was like, oh yeah, I was listening. I was in the shower. It just came tumbling out of me. But I was, but then I was like, I know she's imagining me naked

listening to her now and I didn't really want to do that. We're like, no, it's okay. I always wear a full set of clothes in the shower. Here's a question from BJ who says, I go by my nickname BJ and have for the majority of my life. I do this for a variety of reasons. I don't love my first name. I've always been called BJ by friends and relatives.

I like having a gender neutral name and so on. However, people regularly. regularly ask me, what does BJ stand for? I find this an odd question, because if I wanted people to know my actual name, I'd probably use it. I never know how to answer this question well. Sometimes I feel pressured into telling them. Sometimes I mutter something about just being known as BJ. Sometimes I ramble on about why I have those initials, and so on.

I don't ask people who use nicknames what their name stand for, i.e. Libby, are you actually an Elizabeth? or Ollie, is that short for Oliver? So, Ollie, answer me this. How do I politely respond to the frequent questions about my name when I don't want people to know what the B and the J stand for? Incidentally, B.J is definitely an unfortunate nickname given the sexual connotations. I'm glad you mentioned it before I had to.

When I was younger, says B.J, I frequently had men asking me, oh, so B.J, is that your specialty? Or, B.J. Do you love B.Js? Classing. Luckily, I guess, I'm a lesbian, so I always could make a retort about how my wife and I don't enjoy blow jobs or something else along those lines. Okay, sorry on behalf of men.

Yes. The example that she gives of my name saying, I wouldn't ask Ollie is that short for Oliver, I don't think that is the same because it is a common abbreviation. It is a bit different, I think, to an initial. In my whole life, just to give this some context, I've met a DK and a JJ, two people in 45 years who go by their initials.

Oh, I've met at least three PJs. Okay. Short for pajamas. But the point I'm saying is, I understand why it gets at you, but also I do think it is slightly more forgivable that people don't think deeply before they ask you what your full name is based on your initials

because they've probably never been in a situation before where it would occur to them that that would be an unwelcome question, as opposed to Libya is that short for Elizabeth, which is a slightly different thing, I think. So I understand why people, ask and I understand why you've been put in this position. I would suggest that a way of dealing with this is humour, which it sounds like you've tried to do before, but you're just not quite sure what the joke is. I think having a sort of clear joke that isn't about blow jobs, but is up

your sleeves that clearly means, don't ask me about my name, I don't want to talk about it. So I was thinking maybe BoJack Horseman, just absolutely straight face say that's what it stands for, and then move on. Yeah. Billy Joel is another one. Boris Johnson might work in the UK. Yeah, that's why you would want to go initials only. If they say what's it short for, you can say. So people can say it quickly. Hey, very nice, Martin.

If you can deadpan a funny answer, they'll either laugh and ask the supplementary question which they were asking anyway, and then you do have to deal with it, or they might just laugh and realize that you don't want to talk about it, but in either case, they'll laugh. And so this issue about, like, how do I ask without being rude is diffused somewhat,

because you've made them laugh. Okay, my suggestion, if you feel like rudeness, is not entirely uncalled for, but this depends on your tone of delivery, is to just say it stands for BJ and repeat that until they get tired of asking. You can tell them that joke about Mandelbrook,

that's the way to do it. You know that joke about what's the B and Benoit B and Mandelbert stand for? No. The B and Benoit B and Mandelbrot stands for Benoit B andlebroke. It's a joke about fractals. So you could just pull that one out. Fine. Douglas, you writing these jokes down?

As someone who feels a certain like social awkwardness and often has inappropriate thoughts in social situations The reason I would be asking that is because the first thing I would think is like Oh like blowjob And I would have to stop my brain from saying that I'm made By saying the next thought which is Oh what does it stand for?

Have I told my Ian Dunt anecdote on this show before? I don't think I have. God, I can't remember. So, okay, apologies if I have said this in the archive. My first ever prime time show on LBC, this is about 12 years ago, I was nervous. And actually it had a paper review in it to call back to our earlier item. And I had to trail ahead to who was coming on at 7 o'clock. So the first thing I did when I came on at 7pm was, I'm only man, this is LBC, coming up.

And obviously I was thinking, just don't say Ian Cunt, don't say Ian Cunt, don't say Ian Cunt. That was what was going on in my head. It's been done on radio before. Yeah. And I got to air. And this is how the brain works, you see. I was so focused on not saying cunt that I said. This went out live.

I'm Oli Mann coming up at 7.30 from politics.co.uk, Ian Dunt. And from Labour uncunt at all hatwell. That's what I said. Stunning misdirection from your brain. I thought you're going to say, coming on next, Ian Twat.

Oh! Just, yeah, I do relate to the don't say blowjob issue here. Sure. I think that is likely 50% of the internet. interaction. I suppose you could just misdirect them into something not names related or together. They say, so what's that short for? You're like, oh, look over there.

Is there like an eagle about to eat that person's head? You do hit upon something. These people are just trying to be polite. They're not trying to be rude. They're just trying to ask a question that sort of looks like they're interested in your life. You could deflect with something about them. They might not even notice because that's the conversational plane they're on.

They say, oh, BJ, what does that stand for? And you just say, you've got a love that brooch you're wearing. And they probably won't even notice that you haven't answered the question. If you want to be a little mischievous about it, you've just got a little and then like gesture at your teeth. So they're like, oh, what, did I get it? Because they pick their teeth. And you're not at the other side. And that will make them forget.

I've got a question. Email your question. To answer me this podcast at googlemail.com. To answer me to this podcast at googlemail.com. To answer me to this podcast at Googlemail.com. Podcast at Googlemail.com. You answer me this podcast at Googlemail.com. So retrospectors, what historical events are we ticking off on this week's run of today in history?

On Monday, the anniversary of the treason scandal that divided France. On Tuesday, we explain how America fell in love with ice rinks. On Wednesday, they didn't come from Harlem and they didn't travel the world, but the Harlem Globetrotters still broke the mold. On Thursday, Britain's first black member of Parliament, who was surprisingly pro-slavery. And on Friday, long before the National Morning for Princess Diana, the nation stopped for Lord Nelson's funeral.

That's today in history with the retrospectors. Ten minutes each weekday, wherever you get your podcasts. A question from George from Aberdeenshire, now of Prague, a questionnaire from Days of Yore. He says, it is a wonder and a delight to have you all back in my ears, never knew how much I'd missed you till you came back. Same to you, George. Indeed.

A lot of people don't realize we're back. If you ever get talking podcasts with your mates, do tell them that we're back. Because people will be like, oh yeah, answer me this. Yeah, 2007, I remember that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, when I had hair. We're here.

We're still here. Still here. Some of us still have hair. Helen, answer me this. What are the origins of wax seals on correspondence? What is the first known personalised wax seal and is wax sealing still commonly used in any context today.

Yeah. I think we can answer commonly no. Well, actually, it is still in use in sort of obscure stuff like governmental and legal and religious contexts. Like the papal bull still gets to splats and wax, doesn't it? Yeah, I think when you get your CBE in the post, that's got a wax seal. That's one of the ways you know. When I do.

Yeah. When it inevitably arrives. When I get my entry into the Wikipedia list of people who turn down a New Year's Day honour, that will come with a wax seal, right? That's my ultimate dream to be on that. the list of people who turned down and on it. My mum would be so cross. So it is still used in official context,

which is partly tradition. You know, like, there's so much in British governance that is archaic. I don't know if this is still the case, but a few years ago, they were still printing documents onto vellum, which is animal flesh. Can you print onto vellum? What do you know? Inscribing document.

I don't know if you can feed it through a dot matrix printer or something, like they did in medieval times. Sure, yeah. Outside of that, I think it has been on the increase actually in a sort of crafty way, like wedding invitations, and they've redeveloped sealing wax so that it can survive the modern postal system because old sealing wax would have cracked or got knocked off by the mail sorting machines, whereas now there's special flexible wax that can survive it.

That's nice. Yeah. It sort of almost weirdly makes more sense now, I think, than it did 100 years ago. Because 100 years ago, when people were posting correspondence as the main way to talk to each other, it wasn't special to receive a letter and it would have seemed really above your station and overly ornate to put a wax seal on something. Whereas now you're spending like two quid

to send someone anything. So actually you might as well make it, it is a special thing and you are deliberately trying to invoke some oldy-woldy charm. You might as well accessorise appropriately. I would enjoy getting something with a wax seal on it.

Have you ever had a wax seal? Because I remember when we were growing up there was that short pastimes that sold. Oh yeah. historical gifts and this scenes very much in their wheelhouse. Yeah, was pastime really just for like Tolkien fans? No, my mum bought a lot of my Christmas presents there. What kind of thing would it be then?

And for my grand. Oh, she got me some rings, like a ring that would flip open and you could keep poisoning it. Right, okay. Anbelin top trumps. Probably oven gloves with Amberlin on. That sort of fantasy type vibe, no? No, no. It was much more like National Trust gift shop style than fantasy.

It's weird, isn't it? What used to be sustainable before the internet as a high street change. I know. High Street chain selling Ambulin oven gloves and wax seal. But Ollie, you and I both noted when we were watching the Taylor Swift Euras tour docu series that she has a wax seal moment. She does. She's sort of giving a raise, isn't she, to all of her stuff? She's given them their bonus. Yeah, everyone's got a massive bonus because that tour was so limited to.

Yeah. And, oh, don't you know, the cameras just happened to be capturing her, putting everyone's money into an envelope and being incredibly modest about it because she's such an amazing person and working with her is incredible and she really shines a light on everyone's diversity and incredibleness. And while she's doing it, she puts a wax seal on.

Yes, because she's crafty. And her mum's like, Taylor, you've got 120,000 people out there waiting to see you, stop fucking around with the stationery. And she's like, no, I want to make it special.

And it is... I mean, I think probably the big water money inside is special. Well, the problem with someone that famous giving you a wax sealed envelope with money inside it is it like, is it worth more to open it?

Or do you what I mean? Like, there's money in it, But then you could eBay Taylor Swift's Wax Seal for more than probably she's given you as a bonus. Well, why don't you just open the bottom with a letter knife and then you can take the money out and still have the sealed envelope, if that makes sense? That's a good solution, actually, yeah. Which wouldn't have been such a good solution in days of your when Wax Seals had a more practical aspect, both of security because they were personal. And you knew if it had been broken, your letter had been tampered with. But also, when you were paying for postage by weight, people would be like, okay, I'm just going to seal up the pages and not have an envelope.

Oh, right, yeah, of course. Yeah, because, I mean, pre-postal service as well, like a messenger would be delivering it. Right. The weight in their bag was relevant. They're carrying lots of things. Yeah, there were also envelopes, but I'm just saying if you had done the little, like,

well, I'm going to slit it open so I can keep the wax seal intact, then you would have ripped your leather than half. Yes, yes, yes, yes. I don't think we know exactly who was the first personalized wax seal, but that's because the first known wax seals go back to at least 6,000 BC. Fuck me. In like ancient Mesopotamia, ancient Greece, China, Egypt.

Not necessarily using sealing wax at that time. Clay was very common. Or sometimes it was like a stamp with ink. Or sometimes the whole thing was being inscribed into a wax tablet. And the seals were often cylindrical and they'd have these quite significant designs on pictures and stories and things like that. So there was a lot of detail on them. Gods, animals, myths.

So they had like quite a lot of value for just, oh, nice story on this thing as well as, oh, this is uniquely from this person. But literacy was a reason why wax seals took off in Britain from the medieval era, and also because sealing wax had improved in formulation, so it was more useful and less likely to just break. Yes. I've been reading up on how wax evolved to become more secure once it became important to protect the information. So, like, obviously, as the commoners become literate, you don't want them reading your important messages. It was kind of fine before because they couldn't read what they had anyway. But then suddenly you've got, you know, potentially confidential information, important thing

between aristocrats, you know, matters of state, etc. So like how do you protect that? So what you do? Grot. It's you. Royal Grot. Yeah, people send each other grot written on parchment. Actually, a couple of hundred years ago, different colours of sealing wax did denote some of the content.

So pink or pale blue were often the more romantic contents indicators. And white was purity and green was hope and new beginnings. I bet people put a lot of filth in the purity ones. They didn't. They just throw someone off the scent and then be like, ha-ha. There's rot in here. Maybe I will get a wax seal that just says growl on it. But the technology changed.

So the new tech in the 16th century was gum Arabic, which was obtained from the sap of acacia trees, or shellac, which is a resinous substance, secreted by a species of Asian bug, yes. And at that point, they became harder to open by interlopers. Before then, like the original kind of first second century wax was literally wax, beeswax, with a little bit of turpentine sometimes. And you could prize that off.

Sometimes people use horse. tail hair to slice underneath the seal and detach it in one piece so they could then put it back again, yeah. Or you could actually just completely hack it off and then create your own if the seal was very crude and just do a copy.

Yeah, this is what I was wondering, because there is this emphasis on it being used to verify the sender and so on and it being unique to that person, but was there a big directory of who had what seal, like that library of clown makeup where it's all on an egg so that clowns don't copy each other's makeup? Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know how you would have verified seals in those days.

I suppose everyone would know like the Prince of Wales's seal, though, wouldn't they? But you're right, if it's your dad's. Well, suppose if it's your dads you do know. I guess that's the thing, isn't it? But you wouldn't know, yeah, the guy you met last week necessarily. But then you don't know now with signatures, do you? Absolutely not. But you can guess.

So you can tell whether it's authentic, sort of. Like, you know what I mean? Like it gives something of the personality of the person. Because also people would choose the kind of seal for the occasion, right? So like you say, it's not just the colour. It's also just, yes, personal seal, but also probably my business seal, my family seal, and my affectionate seal. It's probably a bit of that going on as well. Oh, right.

So he's saying like the historic princes had like a party seal. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So again, so their business didn't get mixed up with their pleasure. It's the burner phone of seals. But the clever way, once they established this new technology to defraud someone, read their letter and then post it on as if you hadn't, was to take a cast of the seal. Oh. So you'd make a negative image of the seal, which you could then use to cast a new seal from wax.

It was still not really that secure. There were a lot more forges around in those days. There's a neighbourhood forge, exactly right. And forgers. Oh, is that where forgery comes from? That is where forgery comes from. Oh. I think it'd be really nice to receive a romantic seal,

but I wouldn't compare it to a kiss from a road. Oh, how long have you been fermenting that, Martin? About eight minutes, I think. Before you name your baby, have you bought their name dot com? If you don't their future digital brand will bomb Or a spammy bastard will use their name to sell porn Or some cheap off brand Viagra! Every square space account comes with a free URL

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That looks better. I think it would be quite funny if I got an OLLI email address. I don't know why I'd never thought of that before. Maybe it's a bit of a cell phone. I mean, if it made you laugh every day you checked your emails, then who's to say that's not worth it? I hate checking my emails,

but maybe that would incentivise me. See what kind of offers you get that I don't get. Anyway, take out a two-week free trial, impersonate me at your place of work by going to Squarespace.com slash answer. And when you're ready to launch your Oli Man website, then you can save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain, which Oli Man would definitely do because he loves a discount.

Absolutely. Using our code. Answer. Here is a question from Jen and Chris, who self-describe as early 40-somethings from Coventry. Yay! Yep, leaving space for the mandatory West Midlands recognition. Yelp of Recognition.

Midlands Prize. They say, Olly, answer me this. What songs are there about, inverted commas? The Millennium. Our poor Googling only finds songs about millennials. But we mean songs like Will 2K by Will Smith, 1999 by Prince, Year 2000 by Pulp and Millennium by Robbie Williams.

Okay, so specifically about the moment that the 20th century became the 21st. You want a song about that? Yes. Okay. We've been reminiscing and can't quite believe. I don't believe it's been so long since those songs were about the future. It's quite odd to be nostalgic for a time when our current time sounded like the future.

But I know what you mean. I mean, I miss the era when the words millennium and 2021st century sounded like something special. Well, Busted got in very early for the year 3000. Is the Busted song originally about the year 2000? But the songwriters didn't sell it until too late. So they updated it for the next millennium. It's that James Bourne from Busted was overhearing Millennium by Robbie Williams coming. out of a telly in the adjacent room

four years after the release of Millennium and improvised Year 3,000 on the spot. So they directly influenced each other. Well done to him. Yeah. I think I slightly prefer Year 3002 Millennium by Robbie Williams. As a teenager, I hosted a fashion show, hard as that is to believe.

Yeah, it sounds out of character for you. When you're a wannabe presenting... But hosting's not. Exactly, you take the gigs that are available and that's what was available. And the practice music for the models, walking down the catwalk, was Millennium. And so therefore, at the dress rehearsal and there were 150 contestants. I heard nothing but Millennium all day long, all day long, like for eight hours of dress rehearsal.

There's not a single Robbie Williams song that I would happily listen to all day. It's really not designed to be heard on the loop. Anyway, in looking into alternatives to the songs that you mentioned, yes, I found a few. One that occurred immediately to mine that you'd forgotten actually, which is, of course, the song that was actually number one as the century came around. And that is Cliff Richards, the Millennium Prayer. A song so awful that even Cliff will not sing it anymore He's like, I've gone full in on my gravy granules

Leave me be, we do not mention the millennium To be fair, at least it is an attempt to mark the 2000th anniversary of Christ's birth Which is what, you know, was happening as 1999 became 2000, right? I mean, Robbie Williams didn't go there. Yeah, no one's bumping that anymore, are they, Millennium Pro? No one. Not even in church schools, like it's just everyone knows it's awful. I've also just discovered Anthem for the Year 2000 by Silverchair.

Do you remember Silverchair? I could not harm a single song of theirs. I only know of them because one of them was married to Natalie and Brulia. Wasn't they like incredibly young Australians, like 16-year-old? Yes. Like Nirvana style. You got it, yeah. So like, I vaguely remember their name because it graced the giant Redding Festival poster,

which was on my bedroom wall when I was 18. But I certainly did not go and see Silver Chair when they were on. I probably would have been watching Groove Armada or something. Then Moby's on again. But this song did reach number three in Australia. They're a kind of like grunge metal group, but with the stylings of a boy band, I would say. Right.

I think they'd just straight ahead of grunge band on there. Just because they were young. Maybe they were marketed to... Exactly. They were marketed a bit like the calling, that kind of look like he's blonde and boyish. But the music sounds more like, not slip-knock because it's pop,

but it's heading in that kind of thrash, like, not melodic direction. And the opening couplet of that song is We Are the Youth We'll take your fascism away. Thank you. That would be nice. Yes, yeah, come back.

You failed there, but we could do it now. Come on, Silverchair. There's still a chance, Silverchair, and there's so much more fascism to take away that your fascism removal business will do great. But it's really bad. It's a bad song. And I also discovered which I enjoyed.

Y2K, the bug is coming. Which was by the band Y2K, which was a supergroup featuring Jim Bob from Carter the Unstoppable Sex Machine and Fas Townsend. Oh! Yeah, we used to know Jim Bob a bit because we lived in the same neighbourhood as him. Yeah, lived in Crystal Palace.

Oh, right, okay. Yeah, we used to see him at like bookshop events. It's a sweet guy. That's a fun fact, but I haven't even got to the lead vocalist yet. Oh, yeah. And it was the last vocal that Ian Dury ever recorded. Fuck. Y2K, the bug is coming.

At the time, you know, this was the big paranoia and they're kind of like mocking it and they're kind of playing on their punk rock credentials. So jury's over the top being like, yeah, it's coming through the walls, that kind of thing. I've only listened to it once. Forgive me if that's not quite it, but that's basically it. And at one point, he says, we're under your mouse mat. Christ. How 1999 is that?

Chef's kiss, perfect. Just to deliver some justice for people that corresponded with us, oh God, however many years ago, when we were talking about the Y2K bug, and we had intimated that it was a bit oversold as a problem and a lot of people wrote to us going it only wasn't a problem because of the hard work of computer engineers yeah because of our valiant efforts so respecting sure i remember there's that tricky album called pre-millennial tension but that's an album i don't know if there's a song well yeah if we're talking albums there's a backstreet boys album called millennium but it doesn't actually refer to the millennium it just sort of implies that they're the future and the will smith album that contains the song will

2K was of course called Willenian. So in Will 2K, which I hadn't listened to since 1999, because it is very specifically about, hey, it's a night, it's 1999, we're going to get on the floor and we're going to have a good time. You would never listen to it again after January 1st 2000. Here's a question from Chris

from Bath, who says, I've always been a fan of murder mysteries, especially from the Agatha Christie Golden Age of Crime era. Yeah, they are fun. Can I just say I've never read an Agatha Christi? I've seen plenty. Have you watched them on Teddy? Yeah, I've seen the plays. You've seen Ken Poirro. Yeah. But I don't I think I've ever read a murder mystery of any kind, come to think of it.

But it's amazing how you know the tropes anyway, which is kind of what this question's about. I've read books, Chris says, where the killer is the conventional husband, wife, friend or employee, and others where there's a twist, such as the detective did it, or the policeman, the narrator, the children, or even sometimes the victims themselves. What I've never read is a book where the butler was the murderer, so Helen answered me this, where did the cliche, the butler did it, originate? I've got to credit the entire answer to this question to Caroline Crampton of She Done It Podcast, which is all about Golden Age detective fiction, because I texted her about this and she was like, oh, this is actually very interesting. There are not many butlers in this genre of fiction at all who are the murderers.

There's like a Sherlock Holmes one. There's some fairly obscure short stories from the 1910s and 20s. And then there is a novel called The Door by Mary Roberts Reinhart. It's from 1930. Apparently it's pretty shit because she wrote it when she, I think she'd been ill and she had some bills to pay. So she just like sharted out this novel. But she's the one, Mary Roberts Reinhardt is the one who's like seen as the American Agatha Christie, isn't she?

Apparently one of her plays inspired Batman because it has a killer in it who, like, or inspired the costume at least, like dresses up to kill people. As a bat. I think it was a play called The Bat that she wrote. Yeah. Wow, cool. Well, anyway, so the butler did do it in the door, but she doesn't say the phrase, the butler did it.

But actually, it was kind of an unpopular trope at the time because, firstly, there was a list of rules published by the author who went by the name SS Van Dyne. Cosby Van Dien. And it's like 20 rules of detective fiction. And like, authors are breaking them all the time. But some of the rules are also ones that you'd understand. Like, there's got to be a corpse. there's got to be a detective

the culprit should not be the detective the reader should have all the clues presented to them like it can't be solved by a clue that the reader has not been given that's a good one that's because that is the one that you get frustrated about at the end is it yeah yeah yeah yeah it shouldn't be a completely

inconsequential character which it often is as well where you're like okay there's this character is only in this so that they can be the surprise twist at the end because otherwise they serve no function and have no personality true one of the other rules is like it can't be oh surprise identical twin or doppelganger, which comes up a lot too, really annoying. They shouldn't solve the crime because of like Ouija boards. And so number 11 of these rules, which were published in

1928, by the way, is servants, such as butlers, footmen, valets, gamekeepers, cooks and the like must not be chosen by the author as the culprit. This is begging a noble question. It is a too easy solution. It is unsatisfactory and makes the reader feel that his time has been wasted. The culprit must be a decidedly worth one. person. One that wouldn't ordinarily come under suspicion for if the crime was the sordid work of a menial, the author would have no business to embalm it in book form. So he's basically saying don't write the butler being the culprit because servants' crimes would be unworthy of a book. Yeah, kind of don't trouble my time with the working class people who happen to be in a room

with all these other more interesting, glamorous rich people. Or a more charitable reading is that it's a cliche to have a sort of dishonest servant. I think it's just more that butlers, by definition, go upstairs and downstairs, have access to every room. So it's just a bit... Every secret. The servants know all the aristocrat secrets. It's on the nose, isn't it? A reason why this is an interesting area, though, is in between the World Wars.

You have like, just sort of the last gasp of people in Britain still having domestic servants. A lot of those big aristocrat estates were still in possession of the family but much reduced. They couldn't afford that shit so much anymore and I think they sensed that like that world was ending. But during the First World War a lot of domestic staff went off to do

war jobs, you know, be in factories or serve in the armed forces. So when they came back, they were like, I don't want to wear this fucking uniform and have no agency because I am just the drudge for these rich people. And it was a lot more difficult for the aristocrats to get servants. And so there was a thing called the servant

problem, which Caroline has also made a really interesting episode about. And a lot of these stories are reflecting that they can't get the help and they can't expect absolute loyalty from the help, which they had been able to do before. Because they couldn't get the servants, they had to take a risk on people that they didn't know rather than people who'd just been working for the family for their entire careers. So those people as well might have secrets. So actually it goes from being a cliche that you don't want to do to like playing on a fear that's in the ether, which then makes it a lot more evocative. Yeah, absolutely.

So they were like, I can't trust my butler. And what if the butler wants revenge for being my subordinate for so long? But the phrase, the butler did it. It's a thing that everyone knows above and beyond Mary Roberts Reinhard. So how did that become the thing? No idea. No idea. There is a PG Woodhouse book, I think, called The Butler did it.

And I wonder if that's a bit like, you know, and play it again, Sam. people started saying right again, Sam, when they were doing an impression of Humphi Bogart, but actually in Casablanca, Humphrey Boggart just says, play it, Sam. He doesn't say play it again, Sam.

That's the title of the Woody Allen movie. I wonder if it's a bit like that, and Woodhouse actually influenced how people thought of this moment in retrospect. The Woodhouse book was published under the title, Something Fishing, and the US edition was what was called The Butler did it, and I think it came out somewhat later,

but that's not to all the late 50s anyway. I think that was like, it was like a fake spoiler. That was how interpreted it. Yeah, so when you're discussing it in polite company, you can use the code of the Butler did it. People do that now, don't they, with the mousetrap? They do actually say, you'll spawn secrecy at the end.

Oh, but the Butler did it. Everyone knows the Butler did it. Safe in the knowledge that the Butler couldn't have done it because the Butler never does it. Something that I noticed, though, when I was recapping Veronica Mars for my retired podcast, Veronica Mars investigations, this is like a 20-plus-year-old spoiler. Episode 10 of the first season, there is a party that a rich actor throws. and he's had an affair with one, the catering staff, and she's angry and she stabs him.

And the reason why it's a surprise is, like, basically no one notices the staff until that happens. Like, they might as well be invisible. It's an incredible cover because the Rittoes are just oblivious to everything that they're doing, which you notice in other kind of upstairs, downstairs things as well, but that one was set in the modern era, which maybe Wyatt stood out more than, like,

Gosford Park. In the next series of The White Lotus, the Butler does do it, though, because they haven't actually done that yet, have they? could be a like really, you know, like the hotel suites where you get a private butler. Actually, yeah, that is possible for White Lotus. Called it. Then finally, this trope will be justified. Get it done, Mike White. This is your legacy.

Hello, I'm Emily. And I'm Charlotte. And I'm... And together we are the Brontes sisters. I've just been on the Moor. Have you? I love The Moorish. It's so very Moorish. I know. Why did we both write questions to answer me this?

Good idea. Let's see who gets published first. Okay, I've got on. I've got on. Helen and Olly. It's me. It's Kathy. I've come home and I'm so old. Won't you let me in your window? No. Good. All right. My turn. Helen and Ollie, how did that madwoman get in my attic? Oh, yes, very good. Right, where do we go and spend two years

working that into a manuscript? Good idea. What about me? Oh, I shouldn't bother, Anne. No one will read yours. Time for a question from Lucy in Brooklyn, who says, I am an athletic woman in my 70s. and also a word nerd having had many years of Latin in my use. May I recommend my podcast, The Illusionist? Available at the Illusionist.

When I retired a couple of years ago, I joined two seniors groups that keep both mind and body active. Great. One of these groups offers a wide range of activities from bird watching and playing sports to eating gang lunches out and or day drinking. Senior groups have more fun in Brooklyn than they do in North London. I can tell you that for a fact.

Whilst I enjoy the first two options the most, because I like to keep moving and get whatever fresh air I can, I occasionally join one of the lunch or bar dates to see different folks. However, at these indoor events, there is a man, I'll call Joe, a widower, who is lonely and rather sad, and who, for lack of a better term, keeps hitting on me. I try not to get stuck near him. At a bar, I can walk away and talk to somebody else, but when we're sitting in a restaurant, I can't just get up and change my seat. He drones on with one sad story after another.

And of course I feel bad. But at this age, most of us have had a good bit of tragedy in our lives. It makes me uncomfortable and is a buzzkill. Yeah, fair enough. You're going there for fun. You sound like a party pensioner, Lucy. I like the sort of mercenary attitude as well. Like my grandma was always like this.

I mean, she was in her 90s, not 70s. So time was really ticking on. But she was just like, I don't need to. I'm done with sick next people I'm not interested in. I don't want to speak to him. Fair enough. You don't want to waste your remaining years with bad anecdotes. Yeah. I'm 45 and I feel that. Lucy continues. He has mobility issues, so doesn't often join in the more active outdoor activities.

But she says, I don't feel like I should exclude myself from the equally enjoyable lunch. Sure. I don't want to be hurtful. And while I don't mind being a tiny bit rude to get my message across, I mean you are from Brooklyn, I would rather not be that person. I get it. He knows I have a partner and a family, but this does not seem to deter him. In a way, it makes it a bit easier for him because he's like, well, I can flirt with no fear of consequence. Everyone knows this above board. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So Helen answered me this. How should I deal with this guy without seeming like a total bitch and still set boundaries? You've said he's got mobility issues, which makes it sound like he would be easier for you to get away from if you just sat somewhere else. Like if you arrive late, so he's already seated. and you don't sit near him, that's a move, right? Another one would be, are you friendly enough with anyone else in the group that you can be with them at all times

so that he doesn't have as much of a chance to get his hooks in? Like, they're basically running interference for you. And he's got another person to talk at slash another person that will interrupt his conversation. Sure, but I mean, if he's choosing you, if he's coming to sit next to you, he's probably going to get that you're trying to fop him off, which you are, but you're doing all this to try not to be rude,

and yet that will be fairly obvious to him, won't it? Like, if you are actively avoiding him and then sitting him next to someone else. Yeah, it's rough, but I think often we can't really avoid hurting other people's feelings, you know? What's interesting to hear this anecdote for me is that, like I say, with some experience secondhand of senior groups in the hood where I live, the thing that I hear most often is that they're full of women

because there are so many widows. So actually, generally, the men can be awful bores and still have groups of women sitting around them because a lot of women don't particularly just want female company and like having men there. And actually it's quite easy for the men to be incredibly dull and still attract dinner companions. So I've never heard it this way round

where a female guest is kind of saying, I'd much rather be speaking to the women here rather than him. It doesn't seem to me to be that difficult because I'd imagine that there are women in there who are there to meet men, like women who don't have partners anymore. Maybe Joe is drawn to Lucy because Lucy's not interested. And Joe's like, she's the only person here playing hard to get.

There might be something in that. Yeah. So maybe weirdly the answer would be to be flirtatious, but that is not something that we could advise when the man is hitting on you against your will. It doesn't sound a pain. Maybe you could make it into a game, Lucy. Maybe you could just start telling him such gross out anecdotes that he doesn't want to sit with you while you're eating.

We've got a couple of friends who OBGYNs and Martin, it's often a little queasy when we have lunch. them because they talk about the worst things they've seen in hospital that week. Tissue necrosis, that kind of stuff. They're really mean to that stuff because it's their job. At the same point, and I'm not that squimmish because I used to work in hospitals, but it's also just like, I'm trying to drink my cup of china here, guys. And now I'm just thinking of foaming pus.

I do know this thing of like people who are a bit old and sad, because we have a village walk where I live. And I tried it a couple of times because I like walking. and I wanted to meet people of all different ages, you know, from across the village, but I found myself at the back with a just really miserable and it was just moaning about everything. And for two hours, there was no joy.

And we were doing an activity that was supposed to be fun. Everything was like, oh, it's raining now, so I'm going to get a cold. Oh, we went this way last time, this is a nightmare. It was like that the whole way round. And after two hours, I did almost want to like spin around and just like, fucking cheer up. We're all here to meet people She broke Olly man

So I do identify with it It was really difficult What do you say Like when someone's just a bit of a downer You know I probably would pretend to get a phone call Oh sorry I've got to take this Oh and then hang back and like walk with someone else

But I'm a win Can you say something like Someone's got a really A really big case of the grumps Or looks like someone got out of bed The wrong side today And then like pinch their chicks Yeah I guess

I mean in this case One sad story after another, Lucy says. I mean, he's presumably talking about bereavements, you know, illnesses. Can't really reply with someone's got out and bet the wrong side, can you? Even if that is what you're thinking. When your children were really little, Ollie, did you have techniques you used to redirect their mood? If they were just sort of grizzling about something and you were like, what noise does a cow make? And they're like, mm-hmm, moo?

Yes. Anything like that, that you could try on an adult? Props. Props. Props, like what? Lego brick with a child. Okay, so Lucy could take a Lego. brick to lunch because this guy could be a Lego guy.

It's for all ages. Could be. Very portable. Distraction technique. Yeah, dominoes, top trumps, something, whip it out when the conversation's not going the way you want. It's not a terrible concept. Because it then involves more people around you as well, doesn't it? Just take a cribbage board with you wherever you go. Yeah.

But there's probably a different cribbage club in this network of activity doers. Then you might get in a turf or... Whoopie cushion. No one can be miserable when you're playing with a whoopi cushion. I'm kind of miserable when there's like, art noises when I'm trying to eat. We're watching Letterkenny at the moment over dinner and that is trying me some episodes. Otherwise, very good show. Well, if you have a suggestion for Lucy to fob off this boring widower that she doesn't want to be around, then do reach out via the usual places which are listed upon our website. Answer me this podcast.com, which is where

you should send your questions as well. Yes, in the form of voice recording or written down. And on there as well, you can find links to Patreonise us to help keep the show going and also to get a bunch of perks. Including at all tiers, access to all four hours so far of our live web stream series Petty Problems. Thank you everybody who joined us last week. If you haven't seen it yet and you are a Patreon member, you can watch it whenever you like at your own convenience in the latest episode. We discuss vegan salad dressings, unintentionally communal driveways and mystery bags of dog. shit. Hmm.

Fun. And you can also listen to this show ad-free. And at higher tiers, you can get every single Answer Me This Thing ever, including our albums, our classic episodes, that's 1 to 200, our retro Answer Me This is, with our commentary of remorse. And our bonus bits? Right. The bits are crap on the app.

It's a lot of extra Answer Me This Audio. And whatever tier you take on Patreon, you are supporting this show, thank you. Yay. And once you've finished all of that answer me this stuff, listen to our other audio work. What's Olly Mangot cooking this month? Let me refer you to my daily history podcast, today in history with the retrospectors. Coming up in February, we will be discussing how and why Charlie Chaplin founded United Artists. We are watching back the first ever Tom and Jerry cartoon, and we are answering just how Nazi Volkswagens are.

You search for Today in History with the Retrospectors wherever you find your podcasts. I feel like we've done Just Our Nazi are Volkswagen's in this show before, as well as Just How Nazi Adidas shoes, Just How Nazi is Hugo Poss. Spoiler, A Little Bit Nazi. Helen, what have you got in your world? What have I got? Well, my voice is back and therefore so is the illusionist.

Also, I mentioned Veronica Mars earlier. If you want to listen to me and the wonderful Jenny Owen Young's recapping that, then it is available at vmypod.com and in the pod places. I mean, that is ours of. of committed entertainment, isn't it? Because ideally, you'd watch the episode of Veronica Mars, then listen to your recap. Totally. And then you could watch the episode of Veronica Mars again with the recap in mind and then listen to our episode again now that you've refreshed on, you know, you can just keep going.

One of the fun things in it is our friend Lowe, who introduced me to Veronica Mars, does a thing called The Lowdown where she talks about all the crimes being committed in the course of a Veronica Mars episode, which is so many. Martin, what if you got cooking? What have I got going on? Nothing exciting, January has just been a time of high. hibernation. I mean, there's all the stuff I've done in the past. There's the song by song of 400 plus episode 8 year Odyssey into the music of Tom Waits. There's Neutrino Watch, my

experimental podcast. Different every day. And there's my music, palebird music.com. Check all of those out. I'm sort of in between releasing something cool and new, but when I do, you will be the first to know. Before you get on to releasing something cool and new, can you please write us a new jingle for our Patreon? Oh, yeah. Thanks. Sure. There's a Martin Hole. Subscribe at a high tier to get pictures of Martin's Holes. We will be back with an answer us back mid-February and then AMT 415 on Thursday the 26th of February. Tell your friends.

Bye!