Answer Me This! - AMT419: Living Statues, Mangelwurzels, and Tom Cruise’s Cakes

Episode Date: June 25, 2026

AMT419’s questioneers need to know how living statues get to work, whether ladybirds do have homes to fly away to, what happens to stadiums with brand names when the brand goes bankrupt, and what the whole deal is with Tom Cruise sending out hundreds of coconut cakes at Christmas. For more information about this episode, go to answermethispodcast.com/episode419. Support AMT at patreon.com/answermethis, and in return you get an ad-free version of the show, you can join us for our video livestream Petty Problems – next happening 28 June, 10pm UK time – and the highest tier gets access to our ENTIRE back catalogue, including all our paywalled episodes, our special albums, the Bonus Bits of Crapp on the AMT App (RIP) and all the Retro AMT episodes. Got questions for an episode, trivial troubles for Petty Problems, or feedback about an AMT old or new? Send them in writing or as voice notes to [e-mail], or you can call 0208 123 5877 to leave us a message. AMT420 will be out 30 July 2026 and the next Answer Us Back will land on on 16 July. AMT is sponsored by: • Quooker, the the tap that does it all, from instant 100-degree boiling water to chilled, filtered, and sparkling water. Shop at quooker.co.uk and until the end of August, you can use our code ANSWER to get free installation and your free Quooker glassware set • Taskrabbit, the online and mobile marketplace, available in the UK, that connects you with skilled, reliable local freelancers to help with everything from furniture assembly and home repairs to moving, gardening, and more. Get ahead of your to-do list with £10 off your first task at taskrabbit.co.uk or on the Taskrabbit app using our promo code ANSWER • Squarespace, the all in one platform for creating and running your online realm. Go to squarespace.com/answer, play around with the two-week free trial, and when you're ready to launch, get a 10% discount on your first purchase of a website or domain with the code ANSWER. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Does the Prime Minister leave to a montage of his best bits? Haskell it is, answer me this heat to rub ice cream in my armpits. In Answersmills 418, we dealt with the question about what you do with a copy of Ayn Rand's Atlas shrugged that you do not want to read. Abick says, I just remembered doing an activity with my kids where we're going. we used a book to grow mushrooms. Why didn't we think of that? If you can't bear to donate it, then why not boil it and use it to grow something edible? Sure.

They have included instructions of how to grow mushrooms on a book. And the thing is, not really edible. The instructions advise not eating this. I was wondering this, because the paper has ink on it. It's been treated with chemicals. It has, Olly. Those go into the mushroom. Exactly.

So that's not the best base for an. edible food stuff, but I can see that as a like a kid's science project, try making some fungi at home. What have you got around the house? Copy of Atlas Shrugged. I can see why an old paperback would be suggested for that scenario. But apparently glossy magazines or books with heavy plastic coatings are harder for the fungi to digest. I'm sure. But then you shouldn't eat anything that's been in ink. No. It says you can just have this book with mushrooms growing out of it as an ornament, but then you have an ornament or copy of Atlas Shrugged, which is maybe even worse. That's the problem. It's not the reading of it.

It's people knowing that you've read it. I generally prefer not to think about how mushrooms grow because I quite enjoy eating them. Absolutely. Me with most foods. I've accidentally grown mushrooms out of a bath before. Oh, congrats. It was when me and my flatmate in our 20s were living in our flat in Angel. It was an ex-council flat and it hadn't been fully refurbished and there was a hole in the pipes. At the time, I blamed us for never cleaning the bathroom.

Didn't actually then action anything about that and go ahead and clean the the bathroom ever. Too far. I've come to realize it is actually just poor ventilation and faulty plumbing, even if we had cleaned the bathroom. I think the mushrooms would have come through anyway, because it was like a hole under the bath. Oh, all over the shop. It's like bacteria.

Yeah. We coexist with a plethora of organisms. Well, that's it. You're never more than whatever it is, two metres from a rat or whatever. I wonder if you're always near a mushroom as well, you know? Reassuring if so. Kind of. I mean, whenever we raised it with the landlords, like he'd call us once a year and says everything

right with the flat, we'd be like, well, there is mushrooms growing out the bath. and he'd always make the same joke. He'd always say, like, make it into a risotto. And then there'd be a pause, and then he'd say, just joking. But never did anything about it.

No, no, no, no, same joke every year. In his mind, it was obviously like, I'm giving them a free source of food, so they should be paying me more rent. Andrew from Melbourne, who was the person with the copy of Atlas Shrugged, has been back in touch to respond to our advice, though. Cool.

There's always more of this sort of thing in every episode of answer us back, by the way. Yes, do listen. It's delightful. He says, Helen, thank you for the advice on what to do with Atlas Shrugged. That's what I'm here for, Andrew. arising from your answer, I will dispose of it in a responsible way rather than reading it, though I haven't worked out how yet.

He's going to string this over multiple episodes of our podcast. There is a follow-up conundrum, though. Oh, shit. I also picked up a copy of Rands We the Living at the same time. And as it's shorter, less vehement in its politics, and on a subject that interests me, the Russian Revolution, written by someone who was directly affected by it, I am more inclined to read it.

Helen answered me this. Is it inconsistent to be willing to read some books by an author and not others? No. No. Is it, am I just lacking in fibre and principles? No, I don't see why. I'll definitely go for the shorter one

that I think will be less abhorrent. Yeah, there were some Lovecraft stories that I'd never read and hadn't spotted who was a terrible racist as a result. And having read those, I'm glad I hadn't previously. Same with me and Orwell. So, like, if you ask me my favourite books, 1984, an animal farm would be up there. I've read them both multiple times.

Love them. Have I read Burmese days? Have I fuck? Like, what's an Apidistra? Not interested. I have read Keep the Aspidistra flying. And it's very different to those other ones you've read. Yeah.

It's quite mid. I gathered. Like, I've read excerpts. Do you what I mean? I get it. Like he was homeless for a bit. Went to Wiggin. Fine.

But I like 1984. I don't need to read all the others. And I think that's... Similarly, I enjoyed reading Virginia Woolf's bitchy diaries. It's brilliant. I say it's brilliant. I should be sensitive in these days of awareness of mental health. It is a woman having a mental breakdown who obviously had lots of trouble.

But along the way, she's like... Thoughtfully kept an interesting diary about it. Kept her counsel, yeah, where she was like, this homeless man that walked past me the other day is disgusting, and I hate him. And today I'm working in the garden. Cool. But that didn't make me want to read Mrs. Dalloway again. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah. We know she bought the flowers herself. What ifs. Maybe what Andrew is getting at is like having refused to separate the artist from the art with regard to Atlas shrugged, even though I think they are inseparable in that and most cases, should I exercise the same for this one that interests me more? We the Living is Ayn Rand's first novel. So if she got worse over her career, then maybe you can read the early career stuff and feel less bad about it. I agree. I mean, we welcome you over thinking, Andrew. You might even go as far to say we're inviting you to do so. But at the same time, stop it. Like, it's fine. It's a book. There's lots of things you do with the book. Grow mushrooms out of it. Give it away. Read it if you like. Don't if you don't. I mean, seriously. Here is a question from Ben in Spain who says, relative late comer to the podcast here. No, you're not. It's always a good time, Ben. It's never too late. So apologies if this is something I haven't come across in the back catalogue yet. Who will replace Tony Blair as Prime Minister? things can only get better, right? I'm on tenter hooks.

Ollie answer me this. What is the deadly bit on a four-sided cheese grater for? The deadly bit. Ben says, you've got the side which does cheese for toasties. I assume that's the like mainstream grating gauge. Yeah. You've got the side which slices stuff. You've got the side which does fine cheese for toppings.

Yes. That's all the parmesan side. And then you've got the side with shrapnel's of metal sticking out trying to injure you. everything I've tried to grate on it just gets stuck and it seems impossible to clean. So what is the point? It's to keep you humble, Ben, as you shred your flesh off your hands. So this has concerned me this question because I read it and I wasn't certain that I knew which side he was talking about. So I've brought my own cheese grater here to the recording. Here it is.

That's exciting. It's an IKEA one, pretty standard. I'm not a flashy guy. Yeah. It's got the classics. Yeah. So, right, let's go through the sides, right? So the big holes, this is what he means cheese for toasties, the big holes.

Yeah. Okay. Maybe a carrot for a coleslaw size. Oh, lovely. Oh yeah. Requires no explanation. Let's move on. Then the slicing side is here.

Mandolin. I never really used that. Never. I've never used it either and I have a separate cheese slicer also from IKEA. It would never occur to me to just slice cheese using this. And even if I did, what's the benefit of the three slices there? I've never really understood. You only want one slice.

It's like the Gillette three blade razor. for cheese, Ollie. That's the benefit. But I think I've tried it and it has not been very effective. Well, apparently you can use it for potato chips as well. Right. Then there's the little holes, okay? The Parmesan side. Exactly. Now, this is where I think the confusion is coming in, because there are then some smaller holes which stick out slightly. And I think that is what he's referring to. Like very regular sharp goosebumps. That's how I'd describe them. Nicely done. Yeah.

It's like one of those foot skin revolting things that takes your... Maybe that's what it's for. Yeah, for grating your feet. Grating your feet. But I think he's answered it. I think that is the fine cheese

for toppings. I think that's the Parmesan side. Probably for grating something hard, isn't it? I think that side is for maybe nutmegs and ginger. Small holes I think are for zesting. Garlic, possibly.

I mean, let's be honest, it's got four sides on it because that's symmetrical and easy to use, isn't it? It's already got the filler side with the slicer that doesn't work. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, but you can't have two sides

because, I mean, you're wasting sides then, aren't you? They're just fucking around. Right, I've got to go and get my greater out, the distral shun now, so I'll look at it. It's important. Show me the four sides. Okay, big holes, little holes. Yes, mainstream, basic bitch.

Redundant slicer. Redundant slicers. And then the ones that this question is about, but they're huge. They are huge. So would those, see, I think there might be a slight difference in box grators. Run your fingers along those and tell me

if you have a serious injury? I think I could if it wasn't so blunt. Right, so I think that's the thing. I think some of them, because he's referring to them sticking out. I don't have that in my one. So maybe that's where I'm struggling to relate. I found a lady on YouTube who grated laundry soap into it

as a cheap detergent. Okay. Now, I'd never heard of that product. It sort of sounds a bit 1950s, doesn't it, laundry soap? Well, we have like a big block of soap instead of washing up liquid, Ollie. Okay. Well, I guess it's like that, but for your clothes. I could get behind that.

So I look to see whether this product was available in the UK because I've never heard of laundry soap. And it is, but as you read the description on Tesco.com, it says it's for pre-washed stain removal, which makes more sense. Like you rub the soap onto where there's a stain. Then you put clothes into the washing machine with your usual detergent. But what she was doing on YouTube and she had hundreds of thousands of views was taking this bar of soap and grating it down the side of the grateer and then saying, and then you have a perfect way to get some highly inexpensive detergent into your laundry machine.

I was thinking, well, yes, but those potato chips you were just telling me to slice and they're going to taste of daz. Well, you could have a laundry grater that you could also use on your foothills and a separate cheese grater so you don't have a soapy toasty. You know, live the life, Ollie. Live the two greater life. We have this question from Daniel in Pennsylvania, who is a vegetable farmer in small town Pennsylvania.

Daniel says, I grow a lot of obscure heirloom vegetables. And my customers know me for things like Mexican salivism. sour gherkins and pineapple husk cherries. What sorcery is this? Well, I look them up because I love cherries and I was intrigued by the idea of a cherry and a husk, but it's more like, you know, like Cape Gusbury Faisalis, where it's not technically a cherry and it's in a sort of papery. Oh, those things.

Ollie, answer me this. What are some obscure British vegetables I could grow here that might interest my customers? Bake beans. The tins go straight out the ground. North Americans are fascinated by them. I don't understand. Even though it's a derivative of a North American bean dish. I've been quite into the purple stuff the last few years.

Oh, gorgeous. When I've delved into weird vegetables in the supermarkets here, so purple sprouting broccoli, purple cauliflower. Did they definitely not already have those? I don't know what they have in Pennsylvania, but I know that recently they've become more mainstream here. They were developed in Italy, but created to grow in British climes. So they're kind of...

They're a talking point, aren't they? The sort of thing Nigella would put in her TV show if Nigella still made TV shows because you put it in as a centrepiece and everyone's like, oh, what's that freakish thing? It tastes like broccoli or cauliflower, but it is quite fun. There are some very pretty brassicas, for sure, that cauliflower that looks like a fractal. That's cool. Was it Romanesque broccoli? Yes, yeah, exactly, yeah. Other than that, I would say some fun radishes, Daniel, because small, not too much of a commitment.

Because, like, Britain has a lot of different varietals of apple that I don't think grow in the US, but they're so slow for you to cultivate. it would be years before you got one. Any root vegetable that looks like it should be in Wicked, one of those, or a mangle whirlsle. Excuse you? It's kind of like an obscene turnip. It's really long and it's bright red. Oh, it's got a crutch?

Exactly. Something you talk about, isn't it? Something your customers would be interested in. I mean, I was trying to think what is a real trademark obscure British vegetable based on going to like a village fate and they have a competition for vegetable growing. and it's not necessarily the obscurity of the type, it's just which one looks most like a cock and balls. That is the British vegetable priority.

Americans think when you say it like that, I think they understand that there's a British joke around vegetables that look like genitalia, that we all enjoy to laugh at that and that there's a popular culture history in which that's been a trope. But they think, I think, that part of the joke is that you pretend

that that's the reason you're all there, but of course, really, they are judging the best watermelon. But no, just to be very clear, it is just vegetables, that look like cock and balls. It is genuinely the village fate thing across the UK. It is the only fruit and veg that people are interested in. At all strata of society and at all level of fruit and vegetables,

it is things that look like cock and balls. It's very important to our culture. Yeah, it really is. I feel like this is a very Alan Titchmarsh coded episode today. We've done books, vegetables and now insects. This is from Simon, who says, Today I saw a ladybird and I spontaneously started muttering. Ladybird, Ladybird, fly away home.

But then, as I watched the ladybird crawl along my sleeve, as I walked along the road and a gust of wind blew it away, I thought, we are now maybe quarter of a mile from where we were when the ladybird landed on my sleeve, and as ladybirds are little, they're at the mercy of the wind. So Helen answered me this. Do ladybirds have homes, or do they just live where they end up? Effectively the latter, they're kind of like,

Oh, this has got food and shelter. Let's congregate here. So they do end up in, you know, trees, shrubs, grass. Inside hollow plant stems is apparently pretty common. Under tree bark, garden sheds. I think they often get into like these slightly damp wood of people's windowsills. And they can huddle there in winter loads of them. And then they may use their pheromones that deter predators in warmer months

to indicate to other ladybirds where's a good place for them to hang out and hibernate during the winter. So other ladybirds, but not necessarily like their spouse or their parents or their siblings. They're not communal like bees or ants. I don't know. Maybe ladybirds just look at

another ladybird and I think we're all family. Well, that's nice. We're so used to the idea of the colony, the hive. There's a lot of insects that aren't like that. Flies don't have hives, do they? Flives. But ladybirds are intriguing in a way that flies aren't to the general public.

Just because the aesthetic, they get away with so much. They're such cute little lads. So cute. I'll tell you how I can distinguish this. When I see a ladybird, regardless of whether I'm with an adult or a child, I will say,

it's a ladybird. Whereas like tractors, for example, I'll only say, oh, look, it's a tractor if my son's in the back of the car. Otherwise, I feel like an idiot. I'm not going to point out to an adult. Oh, look, combine harvasser. But ladybirds feel special, still.

Well, they're very useful because of their role in like pest control. You know, they are the farmer's friend. During the pandemic, I bought some ladybirds because I managed to get a tomato plant cutting. They attract aphids, and I was like, way to kill aphids is to get ladybirds. So I got a load of ladybirds in the post.

You bought 20 ladybirds. I released them in direct proximity to the tomato plant, and I would say 17 of them immediately fucked off. Like, I have no idea where they went. This flew at the window. They had no loyalty to me at all. They don't like tomato aphids. They're like, we're going to get chips.

So there are three left, and two of them spent, I just think about three days, like fucking. It was five days, and, you know, I wouldn't normally be purving on Ladybirds fucking, but it was a COVID lockdown, so what else was going to be busy with? Yeah, there wasn't much to do. So they were just crawling around one on the back of the other for several days. Right, okay, okay. But are they continuously fucking, or they're not even aware that each other's there? I think you'd notice if there was something your weight on your back.

I think it's noticeable. Maybe they were just hugging some of the time. Anyway, they had baby ladybirds, and baby ladybirds are not pretty, but they do eat a lot of oafids because they're growing. So they laid eggs underneath one of the leaves, and then that really helped to clear out the ophids. So Martin was a proud ladybird granddad at that point. Yeah.

Until... And then those little babies all fucked off. They all left me as well. It's hard to be a parent. They all leave. Still had some of the reward, though, didn't you? You still had the feeling of facilitating some procreation. I mean, that's not really.

what a parent feels about their children, I don't think. I don't think they're thinking, I hope they fuck soon. I mean, in a roundabout way, it does, of course, answer Simon's question. No, ladybirds don't have homes. You know, you offered them a very loving home and they fucked off. Yeah. They successfully eliminated the aphids on the tomato plants, and then they're like, my job here is done.

They left. The aphids came back, but they didn't. Devastating. If you've got to question, then email your question to answer me this part. Answer me this podcast at Googlemail.com. Answer me this. Podcast at Googlemail.com. Answer me this podcast at Googlemail.com. Answer me this. Podcast at Googlemail.com. Answer me this is sponsored by the London Review of Books. Which is a phenomenal publication with an incredible range of subjects in it. So you'll go from like 3,000 words on Cicero to 3,000 words on Britney Spears. Oh, yeah.

And they're both treated seriously and written by, you know, great writers. Which I think is how we like to do things as well, just vacillating wildly from pop culture to something ancient through something serious or moral. I agree. I think the variety is reflective of our style. And also unlike us, the LRB has tote bags. Oh, such a good tote bag. I mean, I know I shouldn't say subscribe to the LRB so you get the tote bag, but I mean, I looked like the coolest intellectual on the beach.

You are. I'm sure you're the coolest intellectual on any beach, Ollie. I love a paper magazine and more and more the rarer they get. And in this sort of fast-paced world that we're in now, that kind of lean-back experience I am all here for. And it's simultaneously like luxurious, but also to the point. Yeah. This life can be yours as well, because,

you can get a six-month print and digital subscription to the London Review of Books and a free tote bag for just £12. That's right. Subscribe now at LRB.me. slash answer. That's lrb.m.m.m. forward slash answer. Here's a question from Sam from Nottingham, who says, Long-time listener here, I think I found you guys at around episode 100.

Wow, 2009. 2009, newbie. I was procrastinating on YouTube recently and autoplay gave me a short reel about the seemingly famous slash infamous Tom Cruise cake list. I don't know what this means. Well, I'm so excited to cake explain it to you on. I had never heard of this, says Sam,

and I just have to know more. It's coming. It seems that every year, seemingly hundreds of people get sent a cake from Tom Cruise. Helen asks me this. What is the origin story of the Tom Cruise Cake List? Once upon a time. Who is on the list?

What are the logistics of sending out hundreds of cakes? What is the cake? Should we start an online petition to get AMT on the cake list? Basically what he's saying, Helen, is tell me about Tom Cruise and his cake. Asking whether we can get answer me this onto the cake list, perhaps we would get on it just from answering this question because Guardian journalist Stuart Heritage wrote about the cake in 2020 and in 2021 for Christmas he got sent two of the cakes

and again and again in subsequent years. But the reason why I would not want to be on the cake list is because of what the cake is. It is a white chocolate coconut bunt cake. I don't know what bunt cake isn't conjuring up an image for me. White chocolate coconut sounds okay. White chocolate and coconut are two of my least favourite ingredients. Bunt cake is round with a hole through the middle. It's a really fun word to say, but as a cake format, I think it means there's too much dry cake on the inside and then all the icing is just on the outside.

Don't ruin our chance of getting the cake, Helen. I'll receive the cake. Yeah, send Ollie two cakes. The cake is from Doan Bakery in Woodland Hills, California, just over the hills to the northwest of L.A. And it's a family bakery. The matriarch invented his cake recipe 25 plus years ago. All right. But, I mean, what the fuck? He started sending the cakes to people that he'd worked with or, you know, interacted with. So like Barbara Walters got one, I assume they had been on her show. Kirsten Dunst gets one because she was an interview with the vampire with him in the mid-90s. But her husband, Jesse Plymins, also gets one because he's been in another film with Tom Cruise.

Okay. So they're a two cake household. So it's just a Christmas card list, really. Yeah. But he does cake. Okay. But he first found the cake thanks to Diane Keaton, who was the original celebrity fan of this cake. She was filming a mad money with Katie Holmes, the 2008 film. Katie Holmes was married to Tom Cruise

at the time. I remember that. Yes. Yes, we all do. I wonder what cake she likes was not a question I was asking about that marriage. Well, you should have been because she and Diane Keaton had a contest about who could produce the best cake. And Diane Keaton got one of these cakes flown in from Doan's bakery. And the reports don't tell us what Katie Holmes chose, but Tom Cruise did a taste test test. to pick the winner and the white chocolate coconut bun cake won. And so that's where he first found them. And the reason why he sends them to people is he says, I love sugar,

but because I'm training nearly all the time for action stuff, I can't eat it. So I send cakes to everyone else, and then I sit and wait for them to phone me up and tell me what they thought of it, and I love that part. So he's a feeder. Oh, that's interesting.

So yes, it's not just philanthropy. It's secondhand pleasure. Also, in the outsiders in 1983, he decided his character was going to eat chocolate cake for a scene, and then they had to do like 100 takes, and he ended up puking. So I wonder whether he can't actually eat cake now because the associations with it. And then he sends at least 100 of them, but I reckon way, way more. In 2021, he sent a private jet to the UK with at least 300 for the Mission Impossible Dead Reckoning crew. So why haven't I heard of this then?

I don't know. That's, I think, on you, Ollie, because every year there's more and more. tell of the Tom Cruise cakes because, you know, it starts with a hundred celebs and then each year they talk about it and they like Instagram saying, thanks for the cake, Tom Cruise and show the gift label. And then other celebs are like, how do I get on the list? We've covered the Toby Carverie VIP system in detail on this show. I'm not immune to this insider stuff. Just obviously my timeline doesn't have Tom Cruise's cake recipients on it, I suppose. You're using the internet wrongly, Olly. You need to get a coach.

Brooke Shield says she was on the list for like a decade after Tom Cruise apologized for saying some shitty stuff about her taking antidepressants. But then she was like, I stopped getting the cakes every year. They'd arrive sporadically and now I don't get them at all. And how do I get back on the list? Because it's the best cake? She could buy their own cake. Is it the pain of not being on the cake list rather than the pain of not eating the cake?

It's knowing that other people are getting the cake and you're not getting the cake. That's the issue. You're not part of the club. Knowing that you've been removed from a list that is up. otherwise perpetual, you are naturally going to think, what have I done to deserve this or not deserve this? I'd feel slightly nervous being on a list that Tom Cruise held, even if it would give a both cake.

Well, that gets to one of the other questions, I think. Why does Tom Cruise do this? I think it's because hundreds of celebs are giving him good publicity every Christmas. He's not wrapping all these cakes himself and sending them out. No, he's making a phone call. He's making a phone call. He's got cake assistant. His assistant's assistant is making a phone call.

Yeah. The cake section of his production company, in productions is doing this. It's an amount of money, like even if it is 6,000 cakes, that is a meaningless amount of money to him. It is keeping this family bakery afloat. They're very grateful for it. How much did you say each cake was?

The small ones are 40, the big ones are like 100, then there's delivery, and then his team giff wrap them elaborately. So average 60 plus 10, yeah, 10 to us, let's say $70 per cake. And then you put them on a fucking private jet, so that's like 300 grand. 4,000 cakes. That's $280,000. Yeah, he can afford that. then you've got to probably double that for the private chair, haven't you? So you could be,

you could be easily getting to half a million pounds. I wouldn't call that meaningless even for him. I appreciate it's not what it is to me. But is he just threatened six thousand cakes. That's a really big list. No, I just plucked out a big number that's probably more than the amount of cakes. What if it's a thousand cakes or five hundred, like then it tens of thousands of dollars? Yeah, sure. If we're back, if we're back in the $200,000 territory, I suppose it's achievable for Tom Cruise, yes. I think the amount of image washing this does for him is probably worth. it because it counteracts a lot of the bad publicity of his association with Scientology and all the damage that he did to his public persona in the Katie Holmes couch jumping years

where everyone is like this guy is acting really strange. The other thing they say about him, isn't it, every year is when he does the red carpets is that he'll spend more time with fans than other stars. But I always think with that and with philanthropy actually, yeah, but so would I and so would anyone, like if anyone normal had got to the position where they were commanding $60 million to appear in a film and where

people had travelled across the world to come and meet them in a queue in Leicester Square for an hour, then A, you would give some of your money away because you don't need that much money and B, you would spend time with people. It's good that he does it, but it's more of a shocking commentary that other people don't, I always think. Do you what I mean?

People said this about George Michael as well. He was famous for it. He would get stoned and watched daytime TV and when I worked at this morning people would field calls from George Michael who'd seen a sob story on the telly and wanted to give money to them. And when he died, all these people came out and said, you know, he always said it was a condition that we never said

it was him that did it, but now he's dead, we're going to say, you know, he denies to this woman's IVF, he denoted this person's HIV treatment or whatever. He'd leave £5,000 tip for waiters. And I think that is really cool, but also he was worth hundreds of millions of pounds, and he's from Bushy. So I would do that too if I was in that stuff.

Do you what I mean? Like, that's nice, but why doesn't every rich person do that? Why doesn't every rich person give people cake? I mean, a lot of rich people do sock, Ollie. That's the point. Is it Mike Scher that did The Good Place? Yes. And he did that ethics podcast for a while.

And he said, if you look at a billionaire, like, what's the amount of money that they would have to give away to be an ethical person? Like, 90% of their wealth, 99% of their wealth, because no one needs a billion quid. Like, no one needs $200 million. Everyone has a different level of where they feel rich in quotation marks. But no one needs a billion books. Like, you should give most of that way if you ever find itself with a billion dollars. Elon Musk definitely doesn't need a trillion dollars even though I think a lot of his money is made up. Yeah, well, he doesn't have a trillion dollars.

He has a trillion dollars worth of companies, doesn't he? But, yeah, I mean, everyone's a hypocrite with that as well, aren't they? Like, obviously, I think he's the world's big ex-gun. But if he said, X would like to sponsor your podcast and you're allowed to have complete creative control over it and will give you a million dollars a year to fund it, I'd probably say, okay, then. So that's how he gets away with his whims. For this podcast or one of your other ones?

Well, it would have to be one of my other ones because I think you'd say no. But as long as we had creative control, so we could say on the show, every week, Elon Musk is a massive cunt. He's cunt washing his money through answer me this. Fuck, Ollie, now we're doing it for free. He might pull the contract after one episode if you were to do that. I don't think you would. I don't think you'd listen to it, would he?

No, he wouldn't listen to it. So, X, if you're interested. Anyway, Coke's cheaper than that. So, anyway, I think Tom Cruise does this because there's very little negative impact for him and it makes him seem like a better guy. And also, apparently he's the kind of guy that remembers people's names if he met them fleetingly years ago and he remembers their kids' names, the ass after them, which is some real kind of like business manual shit, isn't it? It's like how to be the person everyone loves the most at the conference, use their first name all the time.

I try to be that guy because I'm a freelancer. I often find myself in a studio with people who are like harangued and rushed and don't know who I am. And I always think, okay, I've got an opportunity here to remember that this makeup person, I met them last time. I could ask her about her child and remember the child's name. I've cynically thought that before. Try and be that person. You can't fake that. No. Because I'm not interested. I'm not

interested in that person's child. At that moment, I'm not being nice. I'm thinking about, I'm here to do a job. And I'll be chatty and not be horrible. But actually, I think that is then a special person. You know, unlike rich people who should give away more, I feel like it is a special person who takes a level of interest in, like, Tom

Cruz, the amount of menial people around him from his perspective, if he really does take an interest and remember that, that is notable, isn't it? That's not just about ordering cake. That is a special skill. No, Tom Cruise probably meets more people than we do in our lifetimes, and therefore his memory is some hot shit. He's also just a gifty guy, I think, because Dakota Fanning has talked about how for her birthday, ever since she was 12, because they'd worked together on War of the Worlds in 2005, he has sent her a pair of shoes for her birthday. And now I'm like, oh, that's a bit much, because I wouldn't want other people choosing my shoes,

but she says he does have good taste, and she does wear them, and she will keep them forever. It's a bit like fragrance, isn't it, that? Absolutely. Personal. Not something to be guessed. Yeah, so in a way that seems a bit too intimate. For her 11th birthday, he gave her a Motorola razor phone,

because mid-2000s. But then her 12th birthday, she was excited that it was the first time she was able to, adult-sized shoes and to commemorate that he got other shoes and I wonder whether he's still buying her 12-year-old size shoes or whether he gets updates on her shoe size. Well, if he was really considerate though, he'd also take reviews on the cake seriously too. So does everyone call and so when he gets his secondary pleasure about, oh, it's great, your cake, Tom. Some people must say, for being honest, this year, three stars.

It was better last year. Something went wrong in the post. Do you mean? And then he'd think, well, next year, olive oil basket. But he doesn't, he sends the fucking cake again. You know, some of the celebs rave about how delicious the cake is and then others like Carrie Elwes has said, normally I don't eat cake, but when it comes from Tom, it's mission impossible not to, which remains vague about whether he likes the cake.

But then others talk about how they have a party for their friends. Like Glenn Powell has a party each year because his friends are so hyped for the cake to come and they all want some, but they're all restricted to a tiny amount so that everyone gets a bit. Right. Well, thank you for educating me. Now I know. I don't know if you've ever helped your mum build a website.

It is the kind of torment from which there is no respite. If she asks, what's a widget again? I will kill her with a rusty spike. Or a brick or a spade or a chainsaw. But Squarespace is so easy even your mum can use it. She can drag and drop and cut and paste. That's all there is to it. So Helen put that spike down.

I beg you, for Christ's sake, don't do it. Sorry, Mum. Thank you very much to Squarespace for sponsoring this episode of Answer Me This. Yes, it's very good of you, Squarespace. I'd give you a hug, but I can't because you're a purveyor of websites, and your corporeal existence is unknowable to me. Here's a magical thing. If you run a shop online using Squarespace,

but also sometimes have sales in the physical world, like, for example, you take your stock to a market to sell at the weekends, or you sell merch at the end of your show, that kind of thing. Yes. You can now, with Squarespace, accept in person. and payments via the Squarespace app on your phone. Your phone works like a till. No extra hardware needed. You can just enter in a custom amount and your customer can use their credit card, tap your phone through your Squarespace website. Honestly, that is one of the things that I do

love about living in the 2020s is that kind of thing because I do have to vend merch after shows. And I do love that my phone can be the till now. They save you money. They simplify your accounts. Can you tell me that I did a good job after the show while I'm selling the merch? Please. Squarespace.com slash answer, have a play around during the two-week free trial. And when you're ready to launch, you can save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using our code. Answer.

Here's a question for Megan from Seattle, Washington, home of T-Mobile Park and Lumenfield. That's delivered in the style of a baseball announcer, Helen. Home of T-Mobile Park and Lumenfield. It's a real calling for you. Yeah, sorry, they say T-Mobile in North American, I think. They do T-Mobile, that's right. actually have T-Mobile in the UK anymore. They're part of EE.

Olli, answer me this. What will happen to places named after corporations if those companies go out of business? Will those venues exist with the same names even if the company goes bankrupt? If cell phones are replaced by totally new technology, are we still going to go to T-Mobile Park? Will it be like Carnegie Hall

where people just accept the name and don't think about why it's called that? Is this normal for places to be named? so blatantly after companies like this. It feels like a new thing? So the phenomenon you're describing, Megan, is called naming rights. And if you look up news stories about naming rights, you will see that it is, a,

quite a big deal in how global entertainment is funded, and B, no, not new. So just a little bit about the history of how things started to be named after companies. It goes all the way back to the Chicago Cubs, arguably in 1926, renaming their home Riggly Field, as in Riggly's gun.

But William Riggly did actually own the Chicago Cubs. So, I mean, yes, it was promoting his product, but it was his product. He kind of had the right to do that. The first example of it just kind of being sold to the highest bidder, like who would like to name our stadium after their company that's nothing to do with our baseball team or our football team,

is still a generation ago. 1973, Rich Products Corporation and Erie County, New York, came to a deal to name the Buffalo Bill's new home, Rich Stadium. It's a bit on the nose, isn't it? Rich product in the first place. It's like Evil Corp, isn't it?

As the name of a business. Well, you may think so, Helen. The partnership lasted a quarter of a century, but this is the crucial point before expiring in 1998. So that is no longer called Rich Stadium, and there are lots of examples of this, where particularly football stadiums,

changed corporate names quite regularly. Yeah. The most stark example in the UK that I could find is in the lower leagues, obviously, because if your football team is becoming less successful as the years go on, you're more like to shed your way through corporate sponsors. Dunbarton FC in Scotland in the last 15 years have had their stadium called variously, Strathclyde Holmes Stadium, the Bet Butler Stadium, the cheaper insurance direct stadium, the Your Radio 103 FM Stadium, the C, and the C.

and G Systems Stadium, the more room.com stadium, and now the Marbill Coaches Stadium. Oh, the indignity. I suppose it does shed light on the follies of capitalism, not to just give the stadium a name and then a tagline sponsored by cheaper sofas. Well, I actually do think, like, in the world of corporate sponsorship, the ones who get it right are American Express, because that's what they do. They go for that second tier. Oh, yeah. So there are a few stadiums called the Amex Stadium, but American Express have a deal across stadiums around the world where there'll be like a corporate lounge where if you've got an American Express card,

you can go and use the lounge, or if you pay with American Express card, you get 10% off a drink. And they're one of the sponsors. But I always think when I'm in those venues, like in terms of brand associations, that's really clever because then I as a customer see it as a plus. Like Amex are making my life more convenient, more comfortable and cheaper,

rather than they're changing the name of the building. You know, we all know that this is Wembley Arena. No one calls it the OVO Arena Wembley. And it makes no benefit to me that their gas and energy is supplied by OVO as a customer. So I kind of feel like it is a bit counterproductive sometimes when these big sponsors come in and want to rename the whole shebang. But I guess you get these examples where, and in the UK the biggest is probably the O2, which is one of the venues where American Express has this second tier sponsorship, which I'm referring to. But I mean, everyone does refer to the Millennium Dome as the O2 now. and that deal has, you know, promoted O2.

I mean, you couldn't have paid for Michael Jackson and Prince to say the words O2, could you? It wouldn't have been possible. But because that was the name of the venue they were scheduled to perform at, they said it in their publicity material. So I suppose that was worth it for them. And interestingly, that's probably as we speak, being renegotiated right now because O2 signed a 10-year deal for 125 million pounds in 2017. So it's up next year.

Oh. Hmm. But then you think whoever's coming in. in after. I wonder if they get a slightly lower rate because people have had 10 years of calling it the O2. It's like people still call the London higher bikes Boris Bikes. Yeah. After the former Mayor Boris Johnson, even though I think it was Ken Livingstone's policy that made the bikes. We did call them Kenny Fathers for a while. And they're now what, like Santander sponsored? So they were Barclays, then they were Santander and I don't think they're available anymore.

I can't remember, you only see line bikes and those bikes you just leave randomly on the street for people to die in. You don't see the ones you have to actually responsibly. return to a stand anymore. But there are some terrible examples. I mean, like Olympia, which is a historic venue in London, albeit not one you associate with music particularly, that's reopening next year as the British Airways Arc, ARC. Ooh. That's what I thought.

There's probably a lot of places that are named after former corporate interest. It's just historical enough that we're not registering it anymore. Like whole towns in the US probably are named after an industry that was there. Hersheytown. And what is Hershey Town? no one ever buys it now. I like it in London where you see the ghost of corporate confidence because you have all these Victorian buildings where the name of a brand is in the brickwork.

And it just bespeaks this 19th century attitude of like, this will stand forever. Yeah, absolutely. And when you see an example that has stood for more than a century is actually remarkable because it has, isn't it? You know, Taitan Lyle or something like that. Two vast and trunkless legs of stone. In Brixton, there's that. building with bovril in the paintwork. Even though the bovril is not manufactured there anymore. No, I agree. It's funny, isn't it? It comes out the other side, I suppose, at one point,

and becomes something that feels redolent of the era in which it was built rather than the era in which it's supposed to be attracting customers. I think when the bovro comes out at the other side. Bovroles come out of the other side. Looks very similar to the way we didn't understand. Co-op is an interesting one. I did you, if you were following the story of the co-op live arena in Manchester that opened over last summer.

No. They just kept fucking up, basically. I can't remember who in the end ended up opening it, but there were like three or four big gigs, like Harry Stiles, Peter K, that had to be postponed because the arena wasn't ready. It started getting called like the co-flop arena, the cock-up arena, stuff like this.

And co-op had to like issue a public set. Bear in mind they paid millions to have their name associated with the arena. They had to then put on social media, we don't own or run this venue. Stop complaining to us about your tickets not being refunded. Co-flop. the one I always used to think was weird was the Staples Centre in LA

Can't buy Staples there Do you remember Staples? I don't know if it still exists We've got a Staples where we live Fine, so you're regular customers But I mean I haven't been in the Staples for 20 years I always thought it was odd when Like Michael Jackson's funeral was at the Staples

And I remember thinking like What are they going to do? Whole Punch him into the ground It's just strange, you know As an association You can make a coffin from some very large staples They're the right shape Yeah well they do have some very big box

files. But the stadium there is now known as the crypto.com arena and that's even worse, isn't it? Oh my God, it's so cringe, isn't it? It is really cringe. Crypto.com just seems like it's going to age like a fine shit, doesn't it? Well, this is it. So Enron is the classic example there. So Dakin Park in Houston used to be known as Enron Park. Enron paid 100 million pounds. What could possibly go wrong? For a 30-year deal and then went bust two years later.

And the Houston Astros, the team, had to be. pay Enron's creditors $2 million to buy back the rights and erase the name from the stadium. Whoa. Because they were being hurt by association by being called Enron. That's so weird. I do feel like once Enron had gone tits up, then really the obligations for the team should have been minimal. But being able to buy debt seems so weird to me anyway.

I know. But yeah, that just, yeah, that tells you everything you need to know about like sport and lawyers in the United States, doesn't it? The fact that it was someone's job to still be fighting on behalf of Enron. for their naming rights on a stadium when the company doesn't exist anymore is kind of extraordinary. Yeah.

One of the few things that Martin is interested in with regard to sports is teams being bought with the whole name for a different city. And then it's making so little sense. It's wild to anyone outside America that your team would just fuck off if they're offered enough money.

Like it's so weird. Like the idea that Manchester United would be like, well, no, we're London United. Like, that would never happen. They would literally, their stadium would be burnt to the ground. But the M.K. Don's were, Wimbledon. So that did happen there. But I think Wimbledon went bust.

Do people care about the M.K. Dunster? No offence. But that is an outlier. It is an outlier, but it's a good bit of trivia. I think I think Wimbledon was a bit hooligan-izy. I think that's what happened. And I think Wimbledon fans didn't want to be associated with Wimbledon anymore. Right. So they're like, Milton Keynes is a clean slate. Okay. Yeah, that's an exception. But you've got like these huge teams, like the LA Dodgers. That's because there were the Brooklyn Dodgers dodging trolley cars.

The Utah Jazz, because that was a Louisiana team, that actually had some fucking connection to jazz. Like the other, Utah is the home of jazz is the funniest thing I've ever heard. And there's this example after example of these huge, huge sporting teams that have done that.

And it just seems very capitalism built to not think this is weird. Here's a question from Stuart from Bridge North, who says. Bridge North? Is that in the Midlands? I didn't know it was in the Midlands. That's your way of telling me

it's like a ping on Google Maps. That's why Robert Plant lives. Right. Isn't it everywhere in the Midlands where Robert Plant did a thing? Yeah, to be fair, but he does live in Bridge North. Who's your top three Midlands people?

Robert Plunk comes up a lot. I mean, Ozzy Osbourne, obviously. Lenny Henry? I mean, who else is there? Yeah, Lenny Henry. Martin loves that Tiffany lived in Staffordshire for quite a while. Yeah, that's great. As in I think we're alone now.

Yeah, yeah. She lived in Cannock. There's a lot, aren't there? There's Julie Walters. Julie Walters, yes. She's amazing. No, she wins. She's number one, isn't she?

That woman, Alison Hammond. Is that what she's called? Show some respect, Martin. A well-known woman, yes. Alison Hammond. get it right. She's lovely, but I didn't watch a lot of reality TV, but she's from King Standing,

which is where I was, well, not where I was born, I was born in the hospital, but when I was until I was five. Okay, top, top three I asked for, we're getting on to 10. Stuart's from Ridge North, and he says,

when I lived in London, do you want to make a noise for London? I was always bemused by those human statues that used to stand around in Covent Garden and the South Bank. And then he says in brackets, I assume they are still a thing, can confirm Stuart, still a thing.

Right. Not only was I bemused as to what the attraction was, and why people gave them money. But what the logistics are of being one. They all have very thick makeup and costumes, but you never see them traveling into their places via tube or bus. Do they go into nearby public loos to get made up and dressed? You might be quite hard to generalise.

Some have big heavy counterweight, so they look like they're hovering. Yes, that's right. That is the trick, isn't it the first time you see it? Like, whoa, how the fuck is that? Oh, my God! And now you just walk past you're just like, oh, yeah, it's one of those Yoda things, yeah. How do they get those counterweights there to the centre of London? I can't imagine they make enough money to employ a van driver to get them there every day.

So Helen answered me this. How do human statues get to work? You had it right, Stuart, when you said, do they go into nearby public loos to make up and get dressed? Yes, that tends to be what they do. Although good luck finding a public loo in London. There really aren't that many. Or sometimes they go in wearing their costume already and just do the makeup. up. And I think you can travel on London transport, dress like a Victorian or a Greek statue or whatever, and people are like, yeah, whatever. You know, it's unremarkable. It's when you're covered in silver face paint that maybe people would bat an eye. But then my question is, how do you get from that public toilet to and from your statue plinth? Because that seems like non-statuie behaviour. I guess you just have to make sure that it's in character, even when you're moving, because they don't never move. Sometimes they move as part of the act.

I have seen a statue off duty Oh and they didn't kill you to preserve the mystery No they were like sitting having a Pepsi Max on a wall I think if you look you do see But maybe they make a point of not doing that in view of punters and Covent Garden You know maybe I've seen them in one of the streets behind But I have seen it It's very easy especially if you're a performer of any kind

Having done the thing that you do to make people look at you It's actually quite easy to then turn that off isn't it You know how to do the opposite of that and melt back into the scenery, I think. And they do that. You just don't notice them. Yeah, that's true. Even though they're covered in silver paint. You know what I mean?

Also, I think a lot of living statues, a lot of the gigs are not in the public gates. They're private parties and corporate events or theme parks, and so maybe they get changing space provided there. Yeah, but there is stretches of London still, where you'll see a line of them in like three or four pitches. I'd read that there are battles over who gets the pitches, because in Covent Garden,

there's only actually a handful of legal pitches. And so if you don't want to get moved on, then you have to turn up really early, like at three in the morning sometimes, to get one of them. And so statues have been documented as getting into fights with each other over those pitches.

I mean, that is Tricky Happy TV stuff, isn't it? We would pay to see that, yes. I did read a story back in 2011 about a kind of turf war between two living statues. They were sharing a flat together. Oh. But every morning,

they would race each other to get the best pitch they could on the South Bank. And it was kind of friendly rivalry, but whoever got the best pitch made the most money for the day. And one day, the guy who didn't get the best pitch just snapped and brought his concrete block that he was balancing down on the head of the other statue. Oh, no. And yeah, he went to prison for GBAH. Yeah. And the other bloke was in hospital for like three months.

Brutal. Historically, the living statue goes back many centuries. but in the early 20th century specifically they became more of a thing in theatres because nudity was banned on stage unless there was no movement. So naked people would just stand stock still on the stage and often were dressed up like a statue.

Yeah. You know those like contraptions that you referred to earlier where people look like they're hovering. Yes. It's a support rod, isn't it, that runs up their sleeve or whatever? Or down a travert leg. And there's a hidden seat or a harness. Like how small do those pack down for transportation?

I think the really serious ones surely would be easier to transport by car. But then if you're there at 4 in the morning, that's kind of okay, isn't it? Like if someone gives you a lift. I guess if it's small enough to get into their costume, it's probably small enough to carry home without it being like this huge spectacle that Stuart is maybe expecting from a human statue on the move. Actually, a human statue on the move on their way home is in itself a spectacle and maybe a missed opportunity for revenue.

You know, if there was somersaulting all the way home, jazz hands, in their full gold paint when you're in the carriage with them you would feel intimidated to give them money I'd respect it as an art yeah so would I I'd prefer it Five Star Hotel

It had an omelette Station a multitude of pools But 30 quid for parking WTF 4 star hotel There's Ethernet Not Wi-Fi like it's

1998 But there was a swim up bar in the rooftop pool. Three star hotel, a bit more down to earth, they did still have a pool but it was full of kids. Two star hotel, a lot more down to earth, they also had a pool but it was full of dogs.

One star hotel, there's a body in the pool. Answer me this holiday, all the the fun of travelling with none of the stinky toilets or frightening food. Out now at AnswerMe Thispodcast.com slash albums. Some frequent questionnaires to the show like to eke out their inquiries over a number of months, so you will sporadically hear the same name on the show if someone's a good, ardent questionnaire. Others of you send nothing for years and then boom, spaff all your ideas at once into one

dynamite email with multiple questions in it. And that is what Victoria has done. Yay. Victoria's Question the First. Helen answer me this. Why are baby kangaroos called Joey's? It's one of these origin obscure things, but in the late 1880s, an article on Australian colloquialisms said that Joey is a familiar name for anything young or small

and is applied indifferently to a puppy or a kitten or a child, while a wood and water Joey is a hangar about hotels and a doer of odd jobs. Mm-hmm. I don't know what that means. So anyway, maybe it was just, that's what you call a baby animal colloquially. And then because they're already poppy and kitten words in currency, people are like, well, let's keep this for the kangaroos. So do you think there are still Australians who call kittens joys as well?

And what happened is that as kangaroos sort of went global, both I suppose through, you know, nature documentaries and stuff, but also in zoos and safari parks around the world. Yeah. People use the deliberately Australian term, for a young thing because they're an Australian animal and that's their identity, but it wasn't exclusive to kangaroos.

That was such a long sentence that I slightly lost the thread, but I'm going to agree with you, yes. Koalas also have joys. But I suppose they are in the same kind of animal category as a kangaroo being marsupial. I think I'm right. I think it's basically themed entertainment, isn't it? You have your Australian zone

of the safari park in other countries, and so they use the Australian terminology, and that's how it's kind of solidified. Wow, female koalas have three vaginas. Two are for sperm and one is for birth. That sounds efficient. Yeah, nice to have options. Do you think they rotate when they're having their period? Maybe they've got a fourth secret vagina.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here's Victoria's second question. Olli answered me this. What happens to old police cars from the UK? Someone told me once that they have specific engine adaptations which means they can't just be sold off to the domestic market and they can only be in service for a few years. So are they sold abroad or scrapped? The old panda car, the old jam sandwich? The jam sandwich is not a term I've ever heard before.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, because of the line down the middle, you see. Oh, okay. They are often scrapped, yes, because they've had a difficult life, speeding around multiple chases, crims in the back, scratches everywhere. You don't necessarily want one. But, yes, you can buy one, typically via auction. They're basically never sold as far as I can tell, like, owner to owner. they're sold via auction.

And although there are ex-police car specialists online, you can Google it and you find the website that just auctions ex-police cars. Interestingly, on each listing for the car, it doesn't talk about its history. Because I kind of feel like there would be a market for like if they arrested a famous person in the car or if the car came from a particular force.

But that is not mentioned. So any value that you'd have out of its history is not given. The giveaway is it'll say one owner, but it'll have done 140,000 miles and it'll only be five years old. Oh, interesting. Because it's just been driven hard forever. But I think there must be some restriction on private sale, which is why it's always through auction, and kind of monetising its value as an ex-public service car by saying anything glamorous attached to it. So I think the kind of key clients for these are private security companies, basically,

who want to carry on using the modifications that, as you allude to, Vigua, might be in there. You know, it might be a voxel astra, but it can drive faster than a normal voxel astra, or it might have space for wires in the back that you need to record conversations or whatever the thing is. Of course. But you're not allowed to make it look like a police car again. I think maybe if you're a collector, yes, you can.

But there is legislation in place to deal with people who use a vehicle to impersonate emergency services, so you have to be careful what you're insinuating. I think you sort of dress it up as a police car from the 70s. That's okay. Okay, so Dennis Waterman-style police car. Exactly. That's my belief. I assume that a reason why they are auctioned rather than private sale is they're not privately owned in the first place. Yeah, precisely, yeah. We wouldn't want individual police forces to be monetising the activities that they've done with the car by rating it and saying what the history of it was.

It wouldn't feel right. I feel like an aberration of public service. So they distance themselves from that. Yeah, I mean, the police would never do aberrations in public service. That's right. Never. Here's another question from Victoria, who says, Helen answered me this. were crumpets designed only to be eaten toasted? Not exactly if you're talking about the original crumpet because if you are cooking them from scratch and you're eating them straight from a hot griddle

then they're already hot enough. But commercial ones, they're very damp and dense batter and so commercial ones which come cold are meant to be toasted and they are sold a tiny bit undercooked for that purpose because you want them to be crisper and you want them to be hot so the butter melts into the holes. I was reading an article about crumpets and it was illustrated with what appeared to be a photo,

but I'm assuming was AI, of several jaffa cakes arranged with four slices of orange in a small paella pan. Who's searching for that? That is not Crumpet. Where's it learnt that from, though? You know, it can only regurgitate human behaviour of the past. That feels deviant.

Oh, true. The fuck are you doing, humans. Here's another question from Victoria. Oli answered me this. What is an efficient way to store scarves of many different sizes and styles, etc? In a giant crumpet. Mm, nice. Roll them up in the little holes.

I mean, actually, you can get scarf organisers that are effectively giant grumpets that hang on the wall. That's exactly what you know. Like the sort of portholes you see when you take children to the softplay and they have to put their shoes off, those things. Well, that's an image that I don't understand because I never have to take a child to softplay. Yeah, I can't really think of another equivalent apart from, I suppose, in the old-fashioned Oxbridge College Porter's Lodge, where you'd have your little cubbyhole to put your letters. Yeah, you're really helping. mainstream this site. But I know what you mean, like a sort of grid that can go in a drawer or can hang up.

Yeah, a hanging pigeonhole. The best solution, actually, that I've seen, and I did go down the Pinterest rabbit hole on this, is you take a normal hanger, and on the bottom bit where you normally put the trousers, you thread curtain hooks onto it. Oh. And then you can thread the scarves through the curtain hooks, and therefore you can put like half a dozen scarves on one hanger. So even if you've got like 20 scarves,

that's only three hangers in the cupboard. You can also get those ones which hang multiple pairs of trousers to sort of flat against each other. That would probably work for bulky scarves. For scarves, yeah, I've got one of those for ties. Yeah, you could get the Thai ones and put loads of thin scarves like silk scarves on it.

But mine are just crammed into a bag. I have like, I don't know, 70 silk square scarves, just crammed into a bag. If you're a podcaster, perhaps you'll have at home one of the little zipped bags that shoes come in when you're advertising shoe subscription services. Oh. And they send you a sample.

Shoe subscription services. I've never been bidden to advertise those. There you go. Well, I have, and I've got four of those special zip bags. And each individual pair of shoes comes in a little zipped kind of linen bag. They're perfect for stuffing 10 scarves into. So that's what I use. And if you let your subscription laps, do they take all your shoes back like Cinderella?

No, no. So they send you a pair of shoes. I mean, the company that I'm referring to has now gone by. Not surprised. But they did use to send you a pair of shoes and if you didn't want it you'd send it back but no, they were yours to keep and the bag they came in perfect for scarves.

Well, this brings us to the end of today's episode of Answer Me This but don't weep, don't despair. There will be more episodes of Answer Me This if you send us your questions in the form of voice or writing. Our contact details are listed on our website. Answer me thispodcast.com

and also send us your feedback for answer us back, which appears in your pod feed halfway through each month, and that features your responses to answer me. This is old and new. And if you happen to be listening to this, upon the week of release, there is an edition of our live streaming series, Petty Problems, all three of us live in video form this Sunday at 10pm UK time. Sunday the 28th of June 2026. It's not too late to send in your questions for that as well. Well, I say questions, your problems, your petty problems, your tincty troubles. Not serious, problems, like how do human statues get to work?

No. Or what beans do I grow? Well, actually, efficient scarf storage is exactly the kind of thing we like to discuss on petty problems. But anyway, we've done it here. But if you have a petty problem you would like to discuss, you can send it to as you, at the usual channels. And if you'd like to join in live, then to see it, you need to join our Patreon first at patreon.com slash answer me this. It's a good time, though, because you also get bonus bits, culled from every episode, a little dispatch each month. and so much more.

For instance, you can get all of the Answer Me This episodes and albums and bits of crap on the app, basically everything we've ever done. And also, perhaps most appealingly, if you're someone who just likes listening to the show every time we put out a show, but would maybe like to support us and skip the ads, if you join our top two tiers at patreon.com slash answer me this, you can listen to an ad-free version of every episode

on your preferred podcast provider. That now includes Spotify. You can also do it on Apple Podcasts. and also do it on YouTube music. So all of the episodes will come on your usual feed, but they'll be ad-free and you'll be supporting us as well. patreon.com slash answer me this. We'll be back with a new Ons Me This at the end of July.

But before that, you can check out all the other podcasts we make. What's Holly Man been up to? There's been quite a lot of news in the UK this week. You may have noticed. If you find that quite exhausting and you would like a break from that, may I recommend my news podcast, The Week Unwrapped, which is the show that I present. You said it was a break from the news.

It's all the news that you may have missed because everyone else has just been talking about Andy Burnham. So, for example, recently we've discussed the completion of the Sagrada Familiar in Barcelona. We have talked about how driverless cars are getting on in London, and we have discussed whether Japan has broken with pacifism. See, not Andy Burnham. Well, you know, they topped off the Sagrada Familiar and there he was sat on the tallest spire. The week unwrapped, wherever you get your podcasts. Helen, what can people find from your podcasting career? In the Illusionist Back Catalogue, there are episodes about ladybirds with a lot of useful

ladybird information in, and also about apples. You know, we're talking about unusual British fruits and vegetables earlier. The Apples episode is very amusing on that score. And then in the present, I've just finished my mini-series about Dracula and Dracula spin-offs and fan fiction. so check that out on the illusionist.org and the pod places. And Martin? There's like podcasts I've been doing.

I've been making videos for another podcast. I've been making music. And if you go to Martin the soundman.com, it takes you directly to my website. You don't even have to spell my surname. Is that new? No, it's just a forwarding address. Well, you're full of surprises.

What a dark course. Bye.