Anything Better? - 2024 NFL Season Preview

Episode Date: September 1, 2024

Bill and Paul are back to talk about the upcoming season. They are joined by Jake The Snake, aka Jake The Take.

What's up everybody and welcome back to the anything better podcast. We got a special edition today. Today, uh, me and Bill are going to just do a quick little NFL week one preview going into the season, which starts next week, which, oh my God, I'm so psyched for, uh, my glasses on Paul. Yeah. Well, you know, when Bill has his glasses know when he means business. He's like, I'm looking at the lines. I'm

paying attention. He's looking at his picks in HD quality. And listen, we have Jake the snake giving us some updates. Jake, are you here? Yeah, right here. Oh, look at it. Look at why it's blurry in the background because this

man could see the future. And he doesn't want anybody to know where he is. I do the same thing. Okay, listen, when you're when you're as when you're as informed as Jake with NFL betting, you never know what's gonna happen. He's got to stay protected. Jake, going into week one, we are going to talk Super Bowl pick MVP pick. What are and Jake the snake San Diego super chargers. Oh, you know, I love them. And you know, I love Herbert. Um, what do we got any big injuries? Nothing big, right? Everybody's pretty much a go. For the most part, there's been rumors that McCaffrey has been dealing with like a calf injury,

all camp. So that's the only one I'd look out for because last year, and he was hurt all year. See guys, our injury guy, our injury guy gives us rumors. Okay, that's how we're coming this year. We're even giving

you rumors just to have it over. In other words, they're talking to him. Christian McCaffrey called Jason snake. What about Captain Comeback, Jim Harbaugh? Captain Comeback, Jim Harbaugh. What are we seeing there?

All right, so. I think we'll be all right. I think we'll be right around that eight or nine win mark. All right, you play the Chiefs twice. Once there, once out here. What do you say? What say you, Jake? I'm hoping for a split.

Every year we play them twice. I hope we can get one. It's really hard to be honest. I wanted more smack talk, Adi. I didn't want hope. So Bill, you already made your picks. Bill says he thinks Kansas City's gonna go to the Super Bowl.

Bill, who is your NFC pick? You know, I don't know. I mean, who the fuck am I gonna hang my hat on? I don't know. I mean, who the fuck am I going to hang my hat on? I don't know. You know something? I'm going to say they're going to do it. Because then if they do it, at least I'll be right. But they're just a hard team to like.

It's just something about them that just feels like musical theater to me. I don't know what it is. They just don't feel like a, they're not like a punch in the mouth rundown feel. It's kind of weee. Football and swinging it, side-arming. Well I'm going to give you guys my Super Bowl picks this year. It's not anything outside the box.

It's just two teams that I think if they stay healthy, they'll be there. I think it's going to be the Detroit Lions are going to make it to the big one this year, if my New York Giants don't. If my New York Giants don't. But I got the Detroit Lions, and I think they're going to play. It was either Cincinnati or or the Texans. But I think the Texans have too many weapons. So I'm going to say the Houston those are the teams that I think talent wise healthy could go. There you go. All right. Here's his his I don't know who the fuck's gonna win. Okay. I'm most few people that just admits they don't know

shit, you know, be like the meta priest what happens when you die? I don't fucking know. It's just a business right? When it be great if you heard that it would be for me. Anyway, I think the Jets, oh, the Jets are going to start off a little rocky. Aaron Rodgers is gonna get comfortable with that offense. And I think that they're gonna get a wild card. And I think they win the game and go to the next round and then they fucking lose.

I think Aaron Rodgers had a whole year to just sit there and not play football and have people think that he was done and he doesn't know what he's doing anymore and blah blah blah blah blah. I think he comes out, you know, I think he's going to come back with some sort of hairdo, maybe go a little Chris Christopherson or something and I think that he's going to have a with some sort of hairdo, maybe go a little Chris Christopherson or something. And I think that he's going to have a little swagger to him. Little swagger to him. I think the Bills are not in the conversation.

They had their window. What do you like for that division? I hitched my wagon to them for fucking three seasons. I've had it with them. I've had it with them. There was some rebound chick when fucking Brady went to Tampa Bay. I was

like, all right, I'll fucking root for these guys. What a nightmare. All right. So you got Jets and who? Paul, I got a bag of shit. I haven't looked at anything. I don't know what's going on. I don't know who shot. I don't know who's not. Okay. I'm going to go Jets, Cowboys, Super Bowl. No, I'm kidding. Oh, I was like, oh shit. Picking at the beginning of the season is fucking stupid. Too many people move around. I don't know what I don't have no idea.

I have no idea what's going on. So, by the way, that Andrew just posted this up in our chat here. So the Texans versus Lions in the Super Bowl is plus 50,000. If you put one fucking stack on it, you get 50 if that happens. All right. Where is what I think? I think as far as the AFC West, I think that the Chargers got way better with

Jim Harbaugh. And I think the Raiders, I think the Raiders are going to be at, who do they got a quarterback now? They got somebody now finally? Finally, finally, we got somebody to throw to the fuck. No, they don't. Actually, Bill, your your pick is way better odds than mine.

Jets. I mean, I know you were joking, but Jets Cowboys is plus 1212,500. That's not that bad. That's not that bad. How do you not put five grand on that book? Because I put 1000 on Alliance for fucking 50. Anybody puts five grand on that and it comes in as getting investigated. They're not just gonna give you that much. You're telling me they're gonna see you. Jets, Cowboys, you saw that. Yeah, I don't know man. The Jets, listen, Aaron Rodgers is coming dude and that team is really good with a good defense and good off.

That team is the Jets are good on paper. They're great. I kind of love Aaron Rodgers. It's good. He's and he's still got it. He's still got it. He says wild shit in the media. You know, he likes attention.

Kid likes attention. Let's be honest. He does. He does. And then he kind of has this older guy. I don't give a fuck. Now I'm gonna say what I want. He's got the beard, he's kind of looking a little Kenny Stable to him, I love the guy. He's on the fucking Jets, the Jet fans are fucking insufferable.

Insufferable just to look at. You know what I mean? Dude, could you imagine if Rodgers just came out with a white fur coat like Namath, dude? That'd be tough for me to see because I'm a fucking, I'm a Giants fan, but that'd be Oh my God. Do you know how great that would be for the team? If he came out game one, wins it. Wins it. No, he should save the fur coat for the colder months.

And when they need a victory and everything and he gets them, okay, they're up, they take them out of the game, fourth quarter. He breaks out the fucking chinchilla. Oh, Paulie. Oh, that's gonna be tough for you as a Giants fan. How do you lay off Aaron Rodgers in a fucking, and I'm talking full length, chinchilla? Dude, if he came out with the beard and a full fucking length white fur as much as I'm behind his ear, fuck you. Oh, no. Holding a cigar. I mean, dude, as much as I'm a Giants fan, that would be that'd be I would get the chills if I saw that I'd get the chills. Kind of has to happen.

All right. Andrew just put up a fun one. Comeback player of the year odds. Aaron Rodgers plus one hundred seventy five. Joe Burrow plus 250 and Kirk Cousins plus 500. Aaron Rogers. I got Joey B. I got Joe Burrow. All right let's do something here Paul. All right. Well I mean how would we gamble here? I got him you got the other guy like what else? Let's just go head to head we'll do $150 bet. But are they going to say who came in second, third?

Yeah, they do that. Yeah, they do that. Yeah. Yeah. All right, Paul, it's got to be worth my while. It's got to be at least $500. Let's go $500. Oh, wow.

All right, $500. I love it, Paul. The rational side of you said, wait a second now, and then immediately you went to your ego. Your chain started talking to you, Paul. Joe Burrow, I believe. I believe. I love Joe Burrow.

So who are they saying that? Aaron Rodgers, Joe Burrow, and who else is the other top one? Kirk Cousins is plus 500. Kirk Cousins scores a lot of points. And he's got a new team. Who's he with? He's the Falcons quarterback now. The fuck does he think?

What does he think? He's the Messiah? Who goes to Atlanta to win? Yeah. You don't go to Atlanta to win. You go down there for the Teddy Bars. That used to be why you went to Tampa until Tom Brady went there and showed you could win a Super Bowl down here too. I like to, oh here we go, offensive player of the year. McCaffrey is plus 700. Tyreek

Hill plus seven, I mean both are plus 750 seven fifty CD lamb plus a thousand Justin Jefferson plus twelve hundred Jamar Chase plus twelve hundred offensive player of the year. I would say this if CD lamb or Tyreek Hill was on a different team. It's all the fucking wide receivers do it. It's just like, it's all who's giving you the ball. I know that guy, however you say it, whatever his name is on the Dolphins. I'm not saying he's a bad quarterback, but I'm just saying, you know, if Aaron Rogers has C.D.

Lamb or Tyreek Hill. All right. I'll give you guys one. Offensive player of the year is not on the list I just got. I'm going to tell you who the offensive player of the year is going to be. You ready? Malik neighbors is going to be the NFL's offensive player of the year. Number relation to Jim neighbors.

Yeah. He broke every LSU every every LSU wide receivers numbers shattered that includes throwing in the ball. What's that? Who's throwing on the ball? No, you got to look it up. That's not good. Paul

Daniel Jones. All right. Come back player of the year. Everybody shits on the kid. They forget what he did. He throws a nice ball. He's got a good arm. What do you mean forget? What did he do?

You mean? He went, he went. You know what he did, Paul? He did something okay, but he did it in New York City, so now it means something. No, he won a playoff game on the road. Oh! I'm just saying. Everybody says he did a back up. Oh, Jesus! I'm telling you though. He won won a playoff game on the road. Oh, I'm just saying everybody

says Jesus telling you on a whole playoff game. Again, you're paying $80 million a fucking year. He also ran down the fucking field and fell over himself. That's brutal. It's brutal. It is brutal. It's brutal. And I'll tell you more people know Mark Sanchez is fucking name. He runs into the ass of his own fucking Lyman, then they do some whoever the fuck's playing out in the other places. You had me until that.

I got kids, I don't know who anybody's name is anymore. And these names are fucking ridiculous. It's like those guys sketch on fucking Comedy Central. I mean, I can't say, I mean. Oh my God. By the way, one of the best sports comedy sketches of all time. Did you see the one where they were making fun of Parliament

and all those late 70s funk groups that were like, fuck, oh my God. They're doing the thing. They're both playing bass. One's playing righty, one's playing lefty. They had like one of these late 70s funk bands that was dressing up like they just got off a fucking spaceship and everybody's on drugs.

And then they had the one white dude. There was always one white dude with like a saxophone that was fucking killing it, keeping up. I don't know. Anyway, anyway, I don't even know why I'm on this podcast. I can't name more than five football players anymore. I guess I'm expecting cards again. Here we go. The coach of the year odds, Jim Harbaugh. This will make Jake the snake happy. Jim Harbaugh is plus 900 and the favorite to win coach of the

year as the new coach of the Los Angeles Chargers. All right, here's my question. What exactly do you have to do in San Diego to show a huge improvement? How many games is that? They're not in San Diego, they're in LA. LA, whatever. How many games is what, to improve? Well, they're- Like, do you have to get coach of the year?

What would you, how many games do you think they'd have to win? I would say- So the water is so low. I would say second round of playoffs. Well, it's regular season, so you probably would want to get to 10 wins, because they had five last year, so it'd be a five-win improvement. They only have the five... It's the Chargers.

It's the Chargers. Isn't it just nine? What's up? Isn't it just nine if you're dealing with the Chargers? Yeah, you've got to factor in a crazy loss, that's true. No, I'm just saying, the Chargers have just, they've tortured, they've tortured their fans. I don't think they're getting 10 wins,

I'm just saying, if you want them to go to the year. Listen, you know me, I love Justin Herbert. I think Jim Harbar and Justin Herbert's gonna be a good thing. I think it's the guy on the Lions. If he doesn't, if he goes for the field goal this year and goes further into the playoffs, because at the end of the day, he's also winning. Don't shake your fucking head at me, Paul. No, he did it twice. He did it twice. No, don't shake your fucking head.

He did it to a man of a certain age with giant glasses. You don't shake your fucking head at me. He did it. He did it fucking twice, Jake. Yeah, he did. I like the green. There is not once but twice. Oh Dice Clay reference. All right. Well, that's that's our thing. Paul. I swear to God. I went out to fucking dinner with a friend of mine and I actually bought an NFL preview so I could know some of the names. And all I did was talk during the dinner and I forgot the magazine. I don't know what happened to me.

Well, listen, when I listen to my son talk, I realize I know nothing. My son knows every college player that just got in the NFL, where they went, their stats in college, what teams they're on. I don't know any of this shit, but I know what I saw last year and I know what I did last year. Okay? know what I did last year. Okay. So I need Paul. Can I take some bets on your quarterback? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. You know what you knew your first, yeah. Didn't sound confident. And then you tried to throw another, you went, yeah, no, because, because this guy is a workhorse and he's, and he's way better than people give them credit for this. What do you say about a star quarterback? guy is a workhorse and he's and he's way better than people Yeah, but they always say about a fucking star quarterback. He's a workhorse It sounds like he's fucking a square peg in a round hole, dude

He ripped his knee in half last year, dude. He fucking went ripping over himself in the kitchen You know what sucks is I can't even argue that I can't just so sick of fucking mediocrity making national fucking news in New York. How do you think in New York? Oh my fucking God. Well, they're all saying what you're saying. The kids getting shit on and everywhere, everywhere they're saying he shouldn't be. They're saying he should be. Is he going to be?

Are they reading his stats? No, they're just they think that he's... Well you gave that guy like blue chip fucking like I don't know what you're seeing in this guy. I'm not saying listen you know what it is I don't have anything against this guy other than why did you give him that much money? I'm gonna tell you why. They gave him that much money.

Are you guys like running an illegal business and you had to wash some cash? They gave him that money because he threw five interceptions all season the year they went to the playoffs and won a road playoff game. That's why they gave him the money. And you know how many quarterbacks threw five interceptions the whole year?

Oh, I don't give a fuck. He's a game manager, fantastic. What game did he win? What game did he come from behind and say, hey, it's on my fucking Duke's shoulders? I was at the game. He did it. It was third and eight.

We needed the first down for him to win and he did it with his legs and we won the game. I'm getting off this podcast. What's that? I'm getting off this podcast. All fucking season, all you got is he scampered eight yards for a fucking first down. That's him putting the team on his back. No, but you said game he won he won a game with that play that's all i'm saying it's not what i said what'd you say i feel like i'm fucking talking to my wife right now that's not what i said what did you say what did you say i have to repeat myself enough with my

wife i'm not doing it with you you know what the fuck i'm talking about i'm talking about vince young against usc i'm talking about that paul that's the kind of money you gave him. You can't use Vince Young. Vince Young's got to fucking sell stakes now. I never gave him that fucking money. You use one of my favorites against me, dude. Come on, man. I did. That was dirty. I'm sorry. As soon as as soon as he said Vince Young, I had to lower my gun. I had to put the guy. I mean,

I'm just energy my way through this. I don't know shit about football. I do know I was surprised. The sheer amount of money. I mean, I know the cost of living in New York is expensive. So you got to fact that and you know what, if I'm being honest, I definitely understand people that question him because he hasn't been healthy a lot. He fucking had that one season where he threw all those interceptions.

I get it, but like, I also don't think that taking a fucking rookie and trying to rebuild is definitely better than that yet. I don't think it is either. I'm just saying the fucking amount of money that they gave that guy. Yeah, no, I get that. I get that. He's the least of those problems in New York. There's a lot of other problems on that team.

All right. I mean, you know what it is? I have to yell and scream. You just come in and you just fucking really quietly. You just did you see look at Paul's face. I mean, you just stuck it in and twisted it in like five fucking words. Dude, Jake, Jake, Jake, you'd be an amazing husband in a fight if you just walked in with that energy and you were like, you know, well, I mean, I did buy you the truck yesterday, but anyways. No, he would be like, well, you know,

it's not too late to bring that truck back, you know. He'd be like, well, you know, it's not too late to bring that truck back, you know. You know what's funny, dude? It's talking that quietly, it's actually easily, it's much easier to be heard if somebody else is yelling. If you talk quietly, it's weird. It's like you're, like Jake vibrates on a different frequency. Yes. I'm trying to get you a t-shirt, dude.

I'm trying to get you some quotes here. Oh, that'd be great. Um, yeah, I don't to get you a t shirt dude. I'm trying to get you some quotes here. Oh, that'd be great. Um, yeah, not a yeller. Unless I want to be like you don't don't know. Maybe I'll start yelling but that's it. Yeah, who'd you guys like for the super bowl again? Get your official fix. Look at Jake trying to get the attention off him. Jake, the day you start yelling, like if you flipped out the way I flip out of a fucking absolutely nothing every 10 minutes of my life,

if you, like, people don't even hear me because I'm just an idiot. You on the other hand, how nervous would you be if he came in fucking screaming and fucking yelling, spit coming out of his mouth, I'd be like, oh my God, this guy's gonna kill somebody. Dude, that would really you would be a sto show stopper if Jake really just let it fly. You know, you gotta have a couple of those just so you know that it's like I'm actually,

you know, this is something that's actually pissing me off, you know. Yeah, you have yeah, every once in a while. Let's see, you got to keep them on. Exactly. Yeah, because if you do it all the time, they're just like, ah, there he goes flipping out again. You know, listen, everybody knows you're the brains behind this fucking podcast. Me and Paul, we're just the pretty old bald faces here.

I'll take it. Paul didn't like that. Paul didn't like that. I had to mean your old Paul. No, no, I'm very viable. Why are you showing off the guns? I'm thinking about what you said about... You're a pat maxing on me now. You guys make good points. You guys make good points.

I'm being hopeful, but this idea that he's a bum... He's not a bum, but he's not worth $168 million a year, or whatever you guys are giving him. I think it's like... $40 million? I think it's like... Is it 40 or 38 million? Something like that? Jake, what other problems do you think we have? Running back?

He made you nervous, Paul. He said it with such confidence. Yeah, I don't know who the running back is. I'm sure the line's still... No, they got Devon Singletary. Yeah, guys. Yeah, I listen.

Okay, he just doesn't like a confrontation. Okay, there's a lot in that. Oh, okay. I got Justin Jefferson and Malik neighbors battling it out for offensive player of the year. And I think what's it called? I think the Lions go

this year. If that guy's not a dope they go. I got my question. If you think the Lions go how is that guy not getting the fucking coach of the year? Right. Um, yeah, that's a good one. Why is my camera moving? Like there's some sort of invisible director. Watch this. Look at that.

It zooms in on you. If Harbaugh makes the Chargers win double digits though and and you know, but anyway All right. Listen P pick for you. I like CJ Stroud. That's my MVP CJ Stroud your MVP. Yeah. Oh, so then that helps him. Okay. I like that. Yeah Texans first person to throw a helmet in frustration What wide receiver? Oh, man, where's Dave?

The guy in the Raiders or CD lamb. Devontae Adams. I was a good pit. That's a good call. Devontae Adams in week three, if they go oh, and to you know, ownership, he's got to have a bunch of incentives in his fucking contract. You know what I mean? Well, if you make this amount of catches, you know, when you open like that, Paul.

Yeah. Yeah. Listen, I'm going to get, we got time. We got like five days to do homework before. Oh wait, week one is what? Chiefs opening up against who? Baltimore. Oof.

Yeah. At Arrowhead. At Arrowhead. You know who beat the Chiefs at Arrowhead after last year? Before last year? Detroit. Yep. That was a good game too. Baltimore Ravens with the healthy Lamar Jackson. He's got something to prove too. Nobody's talking about Baltimore. Yeah, they were they won 11 games, right? Yeah, that's my Super Bowl pick for right now. Because I just think they're the most complete team. As of today. Jake, this takes me back to high school. It's like you clearly did the assignment. You did the homework. I just showed up thinking I could bullshit my way through it because I read the

front and back cover. And I'm just resting on beating the book a few years in a row? That's pretty good. Look, I mean, I thought we were practicing without pads this week. Jake showed up with his fucking mouthpiece in, and he took us to school. I mean, what do you want from us? I'm wearing props over here. I was doing anything I could.

Jake came in ready. You could tell. The kid's just ready. I mean, the kid's just ready. Look at him. He knows he's ready. He's ready. He's ready. Alright, that's it. This fucking camera movement is just bizarre. Like,

do I have to shut this when I leave? Does it start looking around the fucking room and selling information? Alright, guys. You know what would be amazing, Paul? If I put looking around the fucking room and selling information. All right guys, you know what would be amazing Paul? If I put my glasses on and then the background became clear. All right everybody. Hey, whoa! You know as you could tell we're still all over the place with the week one preview but you guys know know you guys know you guys know there's only five teams in the AFC and there's like four teams in the NFC that could do this so we'll be back next week with uh our picks looking to 4p against the book that's right i already did what the

chiefs are trying to do the chiefs are chasing you, Paul. This has been anything better podcast. Check me out on tour paulversey.com. Go to bill bird.com. Go to Jake. Jake, what do you got? What do you got going on, Jake? Got nothing.

That's why he's got the blurred background. That's all things comedy channel. That's all I got. It'd be funny if you just saw topless women cutting coke back there so they can't steal anything. There was a watching you bitches. That's when he raises his

voice. Yeah, like well, gators bitches with chimneys. Thank you guys for watching. You want to make money? Don't listen to me. Listen to these two guys. Listen to these two guys. How do you do it? I do it. There it is. There it is't listen to me. Listen to these two guys. Listen to these two guys. How do you do it? I do it. There

it is. There it is. There it is. Here's the good news. Here's the good news. NFL football is back next week. Everybody. That's all. That's it. What's better? Is there anything better? There's nothing better.

There's nothing better. And that's what this podcast is. Anything better. We'll see you next week. Gamble responsibly.