Anything Better? - Backbend

Episode Date: October 30, 2021

Is there Anything Better than Bill & Paul talking about scary movies? Limited EditionEdition Merch ➡ https://silkshopstores.com/anythingbettermerch/

what's up everybody and welcome back to another episode of your favorite podcast that's right it's the anything better podcast with paul berzy bill burr and our producer and Andrew Themlis, out there in Beverly Hills. And you guys are listening to our Halloween episode number 39. What is that, Tres Nueve? Is that the right way to switch? I don't know how you say three and nine. I don't know how you say 39. I can tell you this right now. The best football players that I ever saw were number 39.

Yeah. Tough number, Paul. I know none. Yeah, because there hasn't been a great 39 in a while. The one that first popped in my head as a Pats fan, number 39 from the USC Trojans, Sam Bam Cunningham. Wow. Sam Cunningham.

And then also from the Miami Dolphins. This guy ran wild. Part of the last perfect season. Larry Zonka. He had that little thing there like a bull, like a bull's nose. That guy used to just plow through us, man, with the black cleats. Back when the fucking goalpost was right on the end zone, right on the goal line.

Was he on that undefeated team? Yes, he was. Him and Jim Kick. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Bob Greasy under center. Paul Warfield out to the right. Garrow, you're premian, almost fucking the whole thing up. Yeah.

That was their kicker. Went bald like he ran a car wash. After 35, the numbers kind of stink. But I think once we get into the 40s next week. But 39 is tough. I couldn't think of a 39. I didn't even have a baseball one. Let me look up a baseball one real quick.

Greatest MLB number 39 player. I mean, I can't think of any 39. Oh, wait, Dave Parker? Was he 39? I don't know. Okay, here we go. Let's see what we say. What was Dave Parker?

Dave Parker, the Cobra. The Cobra, Paul. That's such a great nickname. Let's see. That's such a great nickname, dude.. Such a great nickname. Let's see. That's such a great nickname, dude. I don't know what happens here. I can't find it. Let me see.

I don't know who it is, but we don't have time for this. Dave Parker, number 39. Let's see if he wore it. Let's see if he wore it. Did he wear it? Why won't my internet work? Dave Parker, images, images. Here we go. I got NBA dave parker number 39 nailed it paul that's great you know what else i don't know dwight howard was 39

uh dill white what's that dill white Howard not Dwight Howard Dwight Dwight this says Dwight Dwight this doesn't have to that's how you pronounce it okay Dwight Howard

no no it's not Dwight no it's like Dwight Gooden I disagree when he was out here it became Dwight Greg Ostertag

39 on the Utah Jazz back in 2001 I mean 2001 that is the most unathletic name I've ever heard in my life Greg 39 on the Utah Jazz back in 2001. That is the most unathletic name I've ever heard in my life. Greg Ostertag? Yeah, he was a big white dude

in Utah. Sounds like he sells jeans at the Gap. Well, if you'd like, you can talk to our manager, Greg Ostertag. Yeah. What seems to be the trouble? He wasn't. I don't know if he was in there for too long.

But you guys. You know what I would like to talk about, Paul? I would like to talk about the World Series. How it is the Houston Astros. And it is the Atlanta Braves. Yep. And the national sports media is saying this is a nightmare series for Major League Baseball because it's the city of Houston and the city of Atlanta and nobody cares.

That's what he's trying to suggest. And it's like, isn't that something wrong with the fucking league? Yes. Because the Super Bowl, it doesn't matter who plays. Everybody's watching. Everybody's excited. Why is it that baseball, Major League Baseball, I mean, basketball, NBA basketball is another one. With David Stern, that little slippery eel there.

Who's your dream finals? He goes, the Lakers versus the Lakers. It's just like, what kind of league are you running here? Yeah. So if the Minnesota Timberwolves comes there, nobody gives a fuck because you allowed all this. And you look at both leagues, both leagues allow pile on teams. I can't dispute that.

Hey, Paul, I'm making points here. Because you know what? If the Jacksonville Jaguars play in the Super Bowl against, let's say the whatever, the Cardinals, I'm in. I'm in. No, I want to see the Cardinals go. Yeah, Cardinals, I'm in. I'm in. No, I want to see the Cardinals go. Yeah, Cardinals are exciting because they're undefeated. Yeah.

But no, any team. No, no, any team. My point is any team in the NFL you're going to watch. You're watching the Super Bowl. A hundred percent. And then you've got these other leagues where they treat it like those Ocean's Eleven movies where they get 52 fucking movie stars, you know, all in the same movie.

That's their dream shit. The NBA has basically decided that it's okay if the Miami Heat, the Lakers, Golden State Warriors just out of the draft became one of those darling cities that it's like, okay, but I don't understand that at all. Like the Houston Astros, I mean, it's a great fucking story. That's a great story. They could actually win and be like, well, fuck you, man. You guys all said the only reason why we won is because we banged on those trash cans. Well, now there's no trash cans and we're kicking your ass again. There's a story there. Okay. And then you got all those rednecks down there doing the

tomahawk chop. And who knew they had cell phones, Paul? I thought they were off the grid. I mean, I think it's fascinating. It's fascinating to me that the Atlanta Braves had already built a brand new stadium. But all those white people didn't want to deal with the traffic. They didn't want to go to the inner city. So they just sold it to fucking Georgia Tech, which turned it, I think, into a football field.

And then they built a whole other stadium out by the suburbs so all those white people could feel comfortable. Now, here's the thing, Paul. I actually didn't buy the traffic. comfortable. Now here's the thing, Paul, I actually didn't buy the traffic. I didn't buy the traffic until a few weeks ago when I had to sit in it because they were playing, the Braves were playing the Dodgers and the venue I was playing was like almost connected to the baseball stadium. So it was really exciting. But dude, we sat in traffic. I was looking at the same traffic like for almost 30 minutes. I'm not. Like, 26 minutes, we were sitting there.

I'm like, there's my gig. I could have crawled to my gig in the amount of time. And I'm thinking, like, you know, people got flat screen TVs, Paul. You got a popcorn maker. You know, your wife is CrossFit, and she looks good to you. Why are you going to go down to the stadium? Listen, if you love the team, it doesn't fucking matter. And speaking of loving a team, Bill, can I just talk about this for one second?

I just need my soapbox for one second because I'm going to tell you guys something that gives me joy to no end, okay? Me and my son, when I tell you we are all in with the Knicks, we should be 4-0. We are 3-1. We put up 112 points last night with no player getting 20, okay? From what I'm hearing from analysts, that's a healthy sign. Okay, the garden is back.

We drafted a young team. We got kids 26 years and younger, okay? We're fucking shooting the lights out of the fucking gym. We beat a good fucking – we beat a couple of good teams. We beat a good Sixers team last night. We went into double overtime against the Celtics. I'm going to tell you guys something right now. My New York Knicks are fucking back.

The Garden is back. I'm not saying we're going to win a championship, but we're going to the playoffs. We might get out of the first fucking round. And I got to tell you something. Nothing, nothing gives me more fucking, I mean, it's been years years dude, so I'm fucking thrilled Paul, you are this excited every

year, you say this every year, four games in, I just wish I had tape of you for 17 seasons in a row, dude we cleared the salary cap, Allen Houston is finally off our thing, we just got this guy every year, Paul.

Charlie Brown running in to kick that football. Paul, I'm excited for you. I'm excited for the Knicks. I don't understand why it has been this long. I mean, part of you is you had Isaiah Thomas in your front office. I mean, the guy helped bankrupt an entire fucking basketball league. God knows what he could do to one team. entire fucking basketball league what god knows what he could do to one team because right we managed to have gms that took a star two years from retirement and thought that the name would

make us happy and then he goes out there and he's a fucking shell of himself and the garden is going what the fuck boo boo and we're signing all these oldies and now we finally look like we have the model of what the warriors did by getting an r.J. Barrett from Duke, by getting young players, by drafting these young players, and now they're starting to buy in. And let's be honest, Tom Thibodeau is just a raspy, hoarse-voiced fucking coach that screams defense. He was screaming at them when they were up 30 the other night. They were up 30 the other night, and he's going, get and he's going get on what and i'm like that's what we fucking lacked so i'm really excited and again i don't know i've had that before you i don't know if the knicks are gonna

go far but they're watchable dude they're fucking watchable and it's fun that's how beating down a nick fan is you are this excited you sound like you're gonna win a championship and you're just excited that you can watch them night in and night out i've been so fucking buried i'm working on this movie script we're trying to sell this thing and we had to do a you know it was 120 pages long we had to try to get down to like between 90 and 100 so i have been dude i have not i didn't watch any football on sunday i have not watched anything i don't know what's going on. You know, I missed that whole fucking scandal there, the stand-up scandal there.

I got to show you something that's funny. You want to hear about, like, a liberal bias in the media? Like, how they frame things? Yeah. So I'm not going to get into the whole fucking Chappelle thing, okay? Because, you know, I'm not getting involved in that but it said so Caitlyn Jenner I love how she spells her name C-A-I-T-L-Y-N like that was my thing when when Bruce became Caitlyn I was like what is this some Kardashian you know publicity stunt when I saw the way

that she spelt that name I was just just like, there was tremendous thought behind that. I didn't even know you could spell the name that way. So Caitlyn Jenner has spoken out in support of comedian Dave Chappelle, right? And this is what it is, okay? No, no, she's transgendered, right? Right? Is that the proper terminology? You know what?

I think so. I hope so. I what i think i hope i think so right i think so yeah this is how they describe her dave chappelle is 100 right that's the quote the former republican candidate for california governor tweeted tuesday like is that even remotely her biggest credit even remotely like right there they're trying to subconsciously and supposed to go yeah this conservative fucking son of a bitch and it's just like wait a minute this person this is a transgender person uh who watched it and said no biggie we are in the line and then all of a sudden republican candidate what because What, because you're transgender, you can't be a fucking Republican? Dude, we are in the weirdest times ever.

I did the Verzi effect this week. Giannis Papas was my guest, and we did the difference between a Sicilian vendetta and a Greek vendetta. And he made the point. Oh, I like that. And he made a point where he said, the Sicilians, you're dead to them. Like, head cut off, and then you never talk about them like they're dead. Whereas the Greeks like an active enemy. They like to talk about the enemy. They like to see that person do bad. And I actually kind of, as sad as this is to say, I've kind of seen both on both sides where the Greeks like to look and go, they're fucking this,

where the Italians are like dead to me. Right? So I tweeted it out. I said, me and my buddy Giannis had a good discussion on the Verzi effect. Here's a clip I hope you enjoy. Giannis writes back something. He goes, yeah, man, Greeks are psychotic. Doesn't get more Greek than Giannis. Papas. Giannis Papas. He can speak Greek.

And, dude, they fucking canceled. They threatened to cancel his account. Instagram went at him. Twitter went at him saying you can't talk about a group of people being psychotic. I mean, we are in times that are fucking even my wife, who just ignores this, just goes, what's going on in the world? Like, what the fuck is going on? Every every little thing becomes like the Cuban Missile Crisis. And what's funny is it's it's only like a thousand people talking about it. That's it. Everybody else is just sitting on the sidelines going wow they're really yelling at each other

it's a small group you're right it is i don't understand this whole uh yeah i i don't i mean it's just it's just like everybody just you know everybody fucking relaxed everything's gonna be fine is this a cup can i say cup is it okay is this a cup? Can I say cup? Is it okay? Is this a cup? Dude, I was watching the fucking, the weather when I'm in the gym and the guy's talking about how we're now going to have whiplash weather and all this. Essentially talking about the beginning of our ability to live on this planet. It's like the end of the world and he's doing it with the fucking smile on his face and there's no uproar like the uproar right now i think should be about fucking sustainability plastic recycling dude i i swear to god dude you put that shit in recycling i fucking recycle you stick shit in a blue trash can and i fuck it i bet the percentage of that shit that still ends

up in the ocean is fucking criminal dude it's fucking criminal i don't know what we're doing that is the most insane thing to me but that shit that shit is way on the back pages way on the back pages and um i don't know it's crazy but i just thought that was, if ever I saw a classic example, you know, who even remembers that she ran for governor? She didn't even get anywhere. No, it was a cup of coffee. It was like two days. Yeah. Yeah, she came out.

She went down looking. The point of that argument. They sent her back down to Hershey. The point of that was to say Republican. That's it. The point of that article was to say Republican. was to say Republican. That's it.

The point of that article was to say Republican. To say that and then to fucking try to get, give you that little earworm and then not have you listen to what she has to say after this. Yeah. Is there anything better

than being away from everybody and just trying to raise your kids to be normal, good people and watching your favorite team, what your children win? Is there anything worse than dropping them off at school and just seeing the

fucking mouth breathers that also banged and didn't have protected sex. And you see their kids that your kid is not going to school with. And you know, there's nothing you can do about it. No, that's terrible. Is there anything worse than your kid getting off the bus saying, I heard these kids saying these things, what does that mean? And it's just the dumbest, most ignorant thing. I haven't gotten to that point yet.

Oh, you will. That's a, that's, I that's i mean hopefully not but dude they run off the bus i know i know i know what does this mean he said this the older kid said this and it's so horrible and you just and you feel the innocence taken from your kid and you're like well i'm driving you every dude i saw a woman the other day we were at the playground and her kids would we were just fucking animals animals and the kid pushed another kid down right and i'm just i'm clocking the other day we were at the playground and her kids would we were just animals animals and the kid pushed another kid down right and i'm just i'm clocking them because i'm sitting there going like these kids getting in my kids it's got to be a problem right yeah so it pushes the kids down and the mother comes over she goes i'm sorry my kids are bad it's like yeah what the does that mean what does she mean she tapped out it's like, what the fuck does that mean? What does she mean? She tapped out. It's like, well, fucking do something about it. They're wild.

I can't control them. I have fucking parents like that. What could you do? Boys will be boys. No, fucking put the kid in his room. Take away his shit. Yeah, you suck. It's like it's a rudderless ship.

Those kids are acting that way because you haven't given them any fucking boundaries and now i'm sitting here and i'm thinking about punting one of them over the swing set and then if i do that i'm a bad person oh dude you just brought back a memory of when this little boy ran my daughter over at the park. He just started running and he was like 15 yards away. And I'm going, he's not stopping. And Sophia was a baby, dude. She was a toddler. And this kid must've been like four. And he just, and he fucked. And I like, and just like before I could even think he just bowled down, bowled her over and she's crying. And his fucking fat grandmother, like saw it and got up with a cane and started walking. And I i go but little boy

you can't you can't do that and i was just fucking glad his fucking grandmother was fat and with a cane that's how fucking mad i got oh yeah the thoughts that you have for somebody hurts your kid dude i'm surprised i wanted to be like what do you mean like what do you yeah it's like that thing you just sparked it in me when you go i'm sorry my kids are bad. It's like, no, your kids don't have a fucking chance. You fucking dope because of you. Yeah. No people that like, there's so many people that like have kids that, that like, they're not so many, but there's enough that have kids that like, if you're not going to be involved, like we're all going to have to deal with them. Is there anything better? Is there anything better than a good parent?

When the parent goes, I'm sorry, tell that man what you're, what you're, and then I'm so sorry, sir. I didn't mean, yeah, go tell him. Oh yeah. Then you're like, oh, good. You're going to raise hopefully a responsible adult. I got one, Paul. I got one of those.

Is there anything better than a backbend? Oof. Nobody does backbends. I don't do a fucking backbend? Oof. Nobody does backbends. I don't do a fucking backbend because you can't do it. Because there's no way. Anybody can do like the down dog thing because you can get on all fours. But no one can go the other fucking way. After 30 years of sitting in rental cars and behind computers,

I got the, this is like a free product thing. I got those TRX bands. You tie them across twice and you create like a loop and then you put it right on your lower back and you're able to reach back like that. Dude, I feel like a fucking new man. Pulling that psoas out. That's why you get lower back pain. That psoas gets really tight and it's pulling you forward

so your lower back has to activate dude a back bend a back bend yeah a back bend and at the same time there's like blood rushing to your head you get up man i feel like i took a steam yo bill you're not gonna lie to you the first time you do it it's hard to breathe there's something about your head you're like you're making all these weird noises and shit oh dude that's so funny you're gonna love this so i go to physical therapy now right because i'm in the last steps before needing the surgery on my and i don't you're gonna be bionic right so he goes like this he goes come here you got some time i go yeah i got some time because i want you to do a couple exercises so he puts a band between my you know like time? I go, yeah, I got some time. He goes, I want you to do a couple exercises. So he puts a band between my, you know, like those bands that go, the stretchy bands. He puts them on my wrist. It's a band, Paul. It's on your wrist. I got it. What's it called? I don't

know what it's called though, but whatever. So he goes, I want you to put your hands against the wall with the band on it. And I want you to do the clock, right? And I want you to stretch the band and do the clockwise this way, and then go this way, however you want to go counterclockwise, right? So he goes, I want you to do eight on this side, eight on that side and repeat it and do the clockwise this way and then go this way however you want to go counterclockwise right so he goes i want you to do eight on this side eight on that side and repeat it and do it eight times right so i'm like by the fourth one i'm going yeah and he's looking at me and my shoulder starts burning i'm going yeah just stop for a second i I stopped and I go, ah, shit. He's going, no, no, I know it burns. And I'm just going, ah. Dude, I'm going, how am I?

It went from me thinking it was the easiest thing to do to shoulders burn, neck burning. And I'm just going, whoo. People are watching me. You're not a gym guy, Paul. Paul is a track guy. I'm going to go for a walk. Steam, hot tub. Steam, bathrobe, towel around the neck.

All the fun stuff. Amenities. Yeah. I had no idea how much fun there was to have at a gym until i started going to the gym with you when we were on the road remember me and paul just walks by the the the workout equipment yeah the best was me and bill do a steam they give us robes i think we were in canada we do a steam they give us robes then we sat on leather chairs in this little room with TVs and they gave us tea and I just looked like this I stay here all day Nick I remember one time we were on the road and you did like 20 minutes

on an elliptical and you got off you were like no one goes harder than me at the gym you worked out like with a mom with three kids that had a half hour before she had to run out the door I'm at least gonna get 20 minutes in you weren't even sweating no no there was one i went with bartnick where i stay real long and he got off and i stayed like for a long long time i think that's the one you're talking about no i'm not i'm talking about the one you did 20 minutes on that's why i was fucking laughing you didn't go long and then i should you walked out with all of us no but there was one time you weren't there and i went long with bartnick real long you see what you just did there you try to you're

trying to insert that one into the time i was there when you said the paul you're moving evidence around if i said this when you were there i'm guilty what are you gonna do no no you said it paul no i did say it but i didn't you just said said it. No, but what I'm saying is I did it long. Oh, man. My wife gives those apologies. What? Well, if that's what I said, then I'm sorry. It's like, no, you fucking said it.

My wife gives those apologies. It's hilarious. Listen, if that's how I made you feel, like that's that passive aggressive. I don't know. I'm not a passive aggressive guy. I think you got me wrong. I'm not a, am I a passive? Have I ever been passive aggressive in all the time?

You know me, I'm not really like that. Generally speaking, you're not, but that was. It's like me being calm. speaking i'm not calm but i have the ability to sometimes no you're common you're calm in the times where most people aren't that's the that's the genius about you you're calm you would be you're calm at times where 95 of people won't be calm but you freak and times 95 of people won't freak that's 100 you freak and times 95% of people won't freak. That's 100% me. I'm trying to think what I freaked out about the other day and it felt weird because I hadn't flipped out in a minute. What's up everybody? It is Roman. When the moment

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Put your helmet on, Thurman. You're going back in the game. All right. Dude, that's funny, dude, because your package, discreet package, got me hard. I don't know why. That's just. Well, I mean, you got to be thinking that. You know, if if you're getting dick pills you don't want everybody in the building to know your neighbor's like paul you got a package just

leave it there yeah i don't know you want me to offense get your hands off my mail on your business mike oh shit all right um okay here we go so now we go all right all right my dick doesn't work okay is everybody happy now and i have to take these fucking pills to make it work i don't appreciate your dog on my lawn either, Mike. Just starts labeling shit. Oh, fuck, dude. That got me. Oh, dude.

Anybody? Oh, I know what it was. I know what it was. What? I was walking, cell phone in his hand, and I was trying to fucking do something, like put my mask on or something but this was just wide enough that I couldn't do it I forget what it was and I

was in like the parking lot and I just yelled out I go of course and this woman was near this woman was near a car like fucking looked up like what the fuck but other shit like I swear to god if my house burned down i'd be like i don't know i'm telling you right now well you know it's kind of nice to not own

shit you know somebody that i would want to be in a foxhole with and i mean that like you're the thing like if there was a killer in the house and the lights were off and me and you're in a room and you go dude he's in the house You would actually be as crazy as this is. Bill would go, all right, dude, here's the thing, dude. Just just go in there, lock the door, grab something. He comes in. You would be in a total where other people would. But yeah, like I speaking of that, I'm watching, you know, Halloween week.

By the way, it's a Halloween episode. Episode 39 of anything better. This is our first Halloween episode. Guys, this is what I'm doing at night. You ready for this? Anybody, it's the greatest thing you could do. I like horror movies now. So what I do is go to bed.

Kids go to bed. We eat dinner, whatever. Watch a game. 11 o'clock. Paulie goes downstairs by himself, sits down next to the dog. Slash your film every night of October. And I try to find the ones that have suspense. I fucking love it, dude.

I love it. I hate horror movies. Oh, dude, I love it. They scare the shit out of me. Dude, don't watch those fucking Japanese ones or the Korean ones. Those guys, they don't fuck around. They're trying to ruin your life.

Yeah, no, dude. I saw one. I could never get through it. I ended up having to go do something, but I had nothing, no desire. This woman and a kid. So it's perfect, right? Female and a child. And there's no man there to protect them.

Not to be sexist, ladies, okay? This wasn't Ronda Rouseousey this was just some woman with the kid right and there was some fucking thing in there it was called baba duke or something like that and the fucking thing i just remember the thing was just be going at night it would be going baba duke duke duke it sounds fucking stupid but i swear to god this thing scared the shit out of me i got mad at the movie i'm like they shouldn't have fucking kids in horror movies dude I hated that one the ring the ring I actually thought the American version of the ring was scarier than the original

you know I told you this one I watched you this one, I watched, I watched one time, I watched this one movie called Dark Knight of the Scarecrow, all right, and it was like, back in the day, a lot of horror films were scarier than today's, because, because they had bad special effects, it was all about building up to suspense, so I watched this movie, Dark Knight of the S the scarecrow and i'm trying to remember it was basically there was some special needs guy which was a big trope in fucking horror movies i think back in the day right some mentally challenged kid and some woman died the hot chick in the town died and i think the guys that the cool guys in town did something to her and killed her so they blamed the special needs kid

they were like it was him it was him he was like you know he was like one of these guys he was like you know still living at home he was like 24 or something so they fucking chased him out into a cornfield and the kid was trying to hide and he got into the scarecrow and then they were they saw him in there and they all knew he was in there they're all acting like what is it and they fucking blew the guy away all right so then like the next day a couple days later or whatever you know the guy the fucking one of the guys that helped kill him is hanging in his house with his hot girlfriend and she's just going like hey you know i really appreciate all the work you've done around here blah blah blah blah and she goes yeah when did you uh oh and when did you put up the scarecrow out in the field he goes i didn't put a scarecrow up there and then they just cut to the fields like

kink that noise and the fucking thing is out there the same fucking dude and this guy goes back and starts killing all of the guys dude it was so fucking scary i was actually rooting for the townspeople i was rooting against a special needs kid who was killed i wanted him to kill him again just so i could fucking the movie would be over you you sound like you get mad when you get scared like my little brother gets mad when he gets scared there was this movie in french called martyrs and dude it was about a woman who had multiple personality and she was a fucking psychopathic killer and uh this one thing where she takes this guy's head and she fucking basically slams it against the dresser with something.

And the guy's head just rips off and blood starts squirting out. And my little brother was scared. So he just goes, that's fake. He was so fucking scared. He was, he wanted it to be fake so much that he's like that's fake but um no dude they're like i like the suspense i watch this one why why would you want to feel like that why would

you just want to sit there being like fuck fuck and then now all of them they try to turn all of them into a franchise so there's always that little twist in the end you know after the credits or something where you know the fucking thing's still alive so there's no satisfaction like it used to be back in the day like at the end they killed the fucking thing and then the next movie would come out and they would show how it how it you know came back to life well what's yeah what's happening in a lot of horror movies now is you think that the what they're doing to make people like especially horror movie buffs come back is the main character who you think is going to survive like i watched this one they got this kid in a van and they finally got him they were stalking him the whole fucking movie and

they finally got him and he's in the van and do the fucking killer just comes over and does that whole fucking tilt in his head thing and he looks at a knife and he just puts it to the kid's neck and he just fucking does it he just puts it in and the kid's going and then and then the kid's just head goes down the kid dies and the whole goal of what the killer wanted to do to that kid actually happens and then the news just goes more bodies washed up on shore and the california blah blah blah and then it just ends with those fucking freaks still doing it. So it actually leaves you with a fucked up thing.

And the fucked up thing about that was that's based on true events that was happening throughout college campuses and bodies washing up on the beach. So it's not the most pleasant thing, but it's Halloween. Wait a minute. Wait, there was people killing college kids and they were washing up on the beach? Wait, there was people killing college kids and they were washing up on the beach? Yeah, it's basically throughout, I guess, a certain amount of years, a ton of kids were being, bodies were being found ashore. And what was happening was- You're just saying what you just said to me.

Like, where did it happen and when? It happened in California, like campuses that are near the water in California, this was happening. I got to look at the name of the movie, but it said this is based on true events that happened. And they never actually found the group of people that was doing it. They know if it was like a satanic thing, a cult. It was a group of people killing college kids, throwing them in the ocean. And then they washed up on the shore in California, the state I live in. And I missed it

when did this happen so there's a there's some uh there's some stuff that people think that that might actually be so um the one of the guys pushing that theory uh apparently he was on an episode of tim dylan's podcast but he didn't even air it because he said this guy's out of his mind. And he thought that maybe that was all bullshit. So not saying Tim's right or whatever, but maybe that guy's already killed people. If you look into it, it might,

it might, yeah, it might not be as, as tight as that story. But I did hear about that, Paul. And I have heard people say that that's bullshit, that these girls separate.

This is, this is what's funny about Paul. Is the movie allowed to say this is based on true events that happened in this california sure but they just don't know if this is actually something that was all done by the same people the i think that's what's being disputed it's part of the marketing paul it's all the same paul what's funny about you paul verzi in real life reads people like i've never seen but you get paul eating some popcorn and some fucking candy in a movie theater and he will literally think in the end that courtney love killed kurt cobain like he just buys it this fucking guy one time we had a tour bus guy

and like paul in three seconds i don't like this guy i don't know what the fuck man you're putting a bad mojo on the on the tour here and he goes he's selfish he's fucking selfish dude this guy redefined fucking selfish redefined fucking selfish i still remember the guy's name so i don't ever get that guy i appreciate that recognition so yeah dude you fucking i mean that was one of your great calls i remember i remember jason lawhead goes dude we're not even a quarter a tank into this thing and bursey hates this guy i knew what that guy was early yeah yeah well because we also had the greatest guy ever we had steve before that steve moore um but uh what was i gonna say the uh but you dude you get into a movie theater i mean you just go in paul is just

you you're buying it paul the lights go down if what's your candy what's your candy but paul goes like it's it's a ritual paul goes to the fucking movies yeah and gets like i like i don't think i've ever met anybody that enjoyed like i really like going to movies i really miss it because of the pandemic but like i used to like going to the movies with you just to see how it's like it wasn't going with a kid it's one of my favorite it's because when my parents were divorced we visited my dad on Sundays and that's what we did and movies were always therapeutic to me that's why I miss blockbuster video I I used to tell Stacey, I'm going to the movie store. And dude, I would just peruse. I would go up and down aisles.

Bill, I would go up and down aisles. I was best friend. I was not best friend. I just love that you said peruse. Dude, I was such dear friends with the manager at Blockbuster. I'd walk in. What's up, man? Hey, did you see that one?

Oh, shit. I swear to God, it was like I was talking sports in a barbershop. I loved it. Movies make me feel good but you are right about this when i see the words based on true events or based on a true story nothing gets me more excited than that that's one of my big ones that's one of my big ones dude well you know at that point like the liberty that you can take when you write based on a true story can literally be like these guys went out fishing and their boat sank and they died how is that legal how is it legal to like make like see people victims die and say this is based on things that happened the same way they can say something is nonfat or has no trans fat, but it actually has a percentage of it.

It just comes down to like legal speak and money and influence and all of that crap. You know, what fascinates me is like that Zodiac killer in the Bay area and stuff. What fascinates me is that evil shit like that, that people have that evil in them. The serial killers without conscience. And they do that. And you feel horrible for these victims.

But the fact that that exists out there in the world that we live in while we're having fun, we're talking football, we're laughing at farts. We're fucking eating fast food. We're doing all these. We're prey, Paul. We're basically prey. We're like rabbits just fucking hopping around. You ever think that those serial killers laugh at a fart? You ever think... I was wondering if Jeffrey Dahmer would go into Starbucks and

would he just get a coffee and just be fucking chill? I always wonder what those guys do during the day. I always wondered if they thought about what they did yeah or like did they have a favorite team like you know like i'm trying to quit cigars and you're just sitting there going like all right did it again last night i am not like they i am not killing anyone for the month of october like they're sober Octobers. They don't kill anybody.

I am only putting groceries in my trunk in the month of October. I am so upset with myself. I'm laughing like I'm high on this one. No, but like if Jeffrey Dahmer loved the Brewers because he was from Milwaukee and he's just like carving up a knife and it's like a grand slam. He's like, ah, fuck. Get him out of there. The Milwaukee Brewers,

you know what goes great with beer? A nice calf sandwich. If they don't fire this manager and he's just fucking i swear to god if they don't fire this guy by the end of the month i'm going to track him down and eat him dude what is with wisconsin wisconsin is like you know like western pennsylvania's where all the quarterbacks came from for a while dude all the serial killers were coming from with like like the greatest like the jordan of serial killers ed gein where they made like wasn't ed gein texas or oh no no no he was such a fucking lunatic they just took pieces of what the fuck he did no pun intended and they would build franchises off of that yeah like they they couldn't do the all-encompassing someone's just like it was a treasure trove of horror

that this guy i mean he just he did he had the whole he was the guy making like you know suits out of people's i don't get in this he would just have like you know yeah like shit lampshades and shit like his wind chimes were like jawbones and shit when they showed up i mean the guy was a fucking lunatic uh i was gonna do a bit but then i saw sam morel was talking about something but like um do serial killers look at other serial killers work and i was like a serious question like if like dahmer's watching it and they're talking about like another definitely have I bet they definitely have envy because it was that guy the BTK killer and he wanted a nickname yeah he wanted a nickname and they they wouldn't give him a nickname and he was pissed because everybody you know the hillside strangler and the Boston strangling

fucking you know whatever that these guys get these nicknames right um son of sam and he had nothing and then he came with that bachman turner fucking overdrive whatever the hell he came up with the btk killer you see the guy he looked like he fixed watches that was the scariest thing about that guy he was like a church going guy nobody knew it was him dude he got fucked because of uh my brother told me the story of what finally made him but he was like a church going guy that was just so they fucked with them in the media. They could tell that he had an ego. So they were saying things. And then he got I think I think that was him.

And then he actually they were able to draw him out by by making claims that they were getting closer. I can't remember how they did it. It was really brilliant. They got, they, it was like, you know, how a woman gets you to say something so they can win the fucking argument.

It always goes back to that with me, Paul. They, uh, they said that that last week or whatever, right, Andrew, they,

they said that the, that group of investigators or that group of private investigators said that they definitely 100% said that the Zodiac killer was that Gary post guy. And then they were like the fbi was like you can't say 100 that it was definitely him but he was like one of three but they got it down to three guys that it was and they all apparently they're all that's what's great about the dna thing is they can at least bring closure to those poor people that fucking i mean dude i saw one once i can't this is like such i mean it's halloween i saw this time this guy this guy was addressing this guy that fucking killed his daughter and the killer looked at the father and smirked and the guy just fucking lunged across the table um no he tried to i mean

it's just like in a perfect world they should have let the guy fuck him up a little bit yeah that's they literally go in there and they're protecting this fucking murderer. I don't understand it. That's why the mob does things better than the law. Do they, Paul? That guy wouldn't be in court if it was, you know... Okay, and then he'd be leaning on you with your little Pauly's Pizza Parlor. And they'd be coming down, I don't know, Paul.

I don't know. Something could happen. It's pepperoni all of a sudden you know you end up in the pizza but I don't fucking know do they Paul it's a good point it is a good point that is a fantastic point but I still like the idea that piece of shit getting killed I'll go with you on that one like the idea that piece of shit getting killed i'll go with you on that one are you dressing up bill are you are you the are you the dad that dresses up with his kids or not i had a hilarious idea for fucking halloween i was gonna go out as uh mayfeld from the mandalorian oh my god dude that would be fucking so great, dude. And dress one of your kids up as Baby Yoda. Oh, my God.

And then when people came up to me, I would just say that it wasn't me. Oh, dude. That's a mask, man. It's a mask. This is just fucking. Oh, my God. That looks just like him. Go out and win a contest. You fucked up if you lost.

Dude, I knew this. I knew this. Oh, this oh that'd be great dude i knew this fucking chick she could sing her ass off she used to work at hilarities could sing her ass off and she was a single mom and she told me one night how she used to she used to hustle karaoke where she would go down there. That's great. You know, they would have a contest. I go, so what do you do? You go in there and just fucking win the thing and make all this money? She goes, no, no, then you only get paid once.

She would sing good enough to get third place. And then she'd come back a week later, sing good enough to get second place. I mean, just the control of her voice. And it's like all right this is the money week and then she'd just come out there and i'm just picturing people being like wow man she's really practicing i mean she's lucky she didn't get like remember uh you have you you probably never saw this but you ever see the hustler of course with paul newman yeah remember when they then they figure out he's hustling them? Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Like, she's lucky that that didn't happen. Somebody gives her a fucking throat chop. But I was just like, I remember, like, listening to that story. I was like, dude, two times I was in Cleveland. And, like, hanging at that bar, that martini bar. Loved that club. I loved that bar. And women told me these like these amazing stories every one time i was

there and there was two women there and hey we enjoyed the show blah blah blah we start talking or whatever and i go so what do you guys do and they go we're gold diggers they literally said that i go what so he goes yeah they laugh yeah we're gold diggers i go all right well this is when cleveland was really fucked up. You know, when... Were they fucking with you about your bit or no? No. Like, I don't even know if they went to the show.

They were just, like, hanging out. So I just... I was like, all right, I'll bite here. How are you gold diggers in Cleveland? This place looks like it's going underwater. This is when Nick's Club was the only game in town on that 4th Street. 4th Street, yeah. I go, where do you go?

And she broke the whole thing down. They would go to steakhouses, and they would hang out at the bar. And you think about that. The kind of people that go to steakhouses, it's usually an older guy, you know, coming down there with the blue sport coat. They would go in. They would start chatting these guys up. And a lot of them had courtside seats to like the Cavaliers.

And then they'd go to the Cavaliers game, and then they'd try to make eye contact with the player. And then their deal was they never went to the bathroom at the same time because they kept an eye on their drinks. And they also always made sure that they drove separately from the guys to the game what so they kept like the buffer and she said yeah somewhere around the third quarter they would start realizing they weren't getting laid and they'd start getting mad but hopefully by then during a time out you were able to make eye contact with somebody dude I sat there like I was doing a radio show with joe de rosa i got

their contact info and i was trying to get serious like we gotta fly them in to tell these stories dude that's fascinating i mean once they said steakhouse i was like holy shit every time i go to the steakhouse there's those fucking big watch cigar smoking fucking marks. You're a fucking mark. And you're in your ego and you're crushing your business and you're a particular age. And these two cuties are looking at you and you say, I still got it. I'm still virile. It's still happening.

And they're playing you. She's throwing fastballs. Yeah. What do you guys like to do? I don't know. I'm a big cats fan oh i got a hookup i'll take you to the game it was amazing premeditated that's like serial killer premeditated dude it was fucking amazing dude i'm telling you the two two i remember

like just i would just sat there like this going like i mean that, that's fucking amazing. And I asked him everything. I go, so what happens like at the end of the night and when those guys realize you played them or whatever? And she goes, yeah, sometime around the third quarter, they realize they're not getting laid. And I'm just picturing the energy of that. And then what if this fucking steak drinking guy has had a few? But then what's the genius is, is they're in public.

I mean mean the whole fucking thing is just like it's just worked out calculated yeah um but i thought but some of those girls would fuck i mean they are pieces of shit let's be honest um i look at it this way it's like at this point in my life it's just like like they didn't have the family structure they needed unless they were born that way. You know what I mean? Because there are people that are just born like those serial killers, just born just not caring or feeling about things.

What ages were these women? What ages would you say? Oh, God, dude. This is going back to like 2006, so I can't remember. But like under 40? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah oh yeah oh yeah and and they but they weren't young either they they had some miles on them um but like you know they were off that night i guess so they were just telling me those those stories or whatever that's insane

dude yeah dude dude i've had some i remember one time i got in a taxi cab when i was in san francisco and i got in there and there's an asian guy driving and he had the most hardcore southern accent i'd ever heard in my life and i was like this guy is a fucking star why i remember calling the opie and anthony show going you got to get this guy on because he was fucking hilarious and i got in he's just like hey how y'all doing i thought he was fucking with me and i'm looking i'm looking at his face and i'm hearing the accent and it just doesn't match he's like oh you know i go i'm like i'm doing good he's like oh it's great man it's beautiful day isn't it i'm just like what the fuck and i He goes, ah, it's great, man. It's a beautiful day, isn't it? I'm just like, what the fuck? And I finally go, what happened?

He's like, ah, yeah, man. I grew up in Tennessee. I was like the only fucking Asian guy out there. Da-da-da and all this shit. And then it got even deeper because he asked me where I was. I said, you know, I'm a comedian. I go, dude, you've got to call in a radio show. You should be on

like howard stern calling in they would this this like you could make money dude this i've never met anybody like you and he was fucking the coolest guy and i started he's ah man i did that show business stuff for a little bit and he started telling me dude he was an extra when they shot dirty harry when it was in fucking san franc Francisco he was one of the people up on the counter goes watch it he goes that was a featured extra he came in I talked to him a little bit but you know they didn't you know they don't talk to you much when you're when you're an extra oh my god I remember I I I got his phone number and I either gave it to Opie or Anthony, and I can't remember what happened.

They had so many Pat from Munaki guys, but it was just like I was trying to explain. I was like, you got to get this guy in. This guy, and he was really into politics, so he was getting passionate in the southern accent. I'll tell you what the fucking problem is that's is when you got the public schools are going by the fucking wayside he was cursing and all of this shit and i'm just i was just i have never met anybody like this guy in my life and i was i didn't want the cab ride to end and like he had me laughing my ass off he was funny as hell um trying to i

dude i've met some fucking people out there uh on the road and i'm telling you you know if you just shut up and you listen to their stories dude like the stories yeah that some people have yeah i mean obviously you know you meet like a veteran that saw action you know what i mean like but those guys aren't gonna like really open up about it you know if they really saw you know what i mean that's kind of what i learned with those guys like the guys that saw much less start really running their yaps and you know the guys that are quiet you're like all right all right so there there's a there's a guy that i met in this business i did a festival in tucson arizona and i just hear this guy like this really weird and the whole place looked it was like looked at

him and i met this guy and he started doing comedy. He's one of the most fascinating people I ever met in my life. And I actually talked to Mike Berlina about doing this guy's story and animating his stories. This guy is like Forrest Gump. He, he wrote two books. He was a Vietnam vet. He, he was a bookie. He's got a book called confessions of a Bronx Bookie. He tells me that the 1969, you know, he's the guy I told you. He says that the 1969 Super Bowl was fixed and he could prove it.

Then you talk to him. He was a freshman in college at the University of Florida. Don't do that to Jet fans. Don't take their only title away. No, no, listen. I don't know if he's trying to sell, but this dude was one of the most sober now sober now uh was a freshman in college it was like literally like back to school with dangerfield he was a freshman at college at the university of florida at 53 years old he got his writing degree author everything and the guy just tells stories

so i had him on the podcast when we did all, all things comedy festival. And I had Ryan Sickler and court McCown and a couple of people, and he came on talking and everyone's like, who's this Billy O'Connor guy you're having on? I go, just watch dude, Ryan Sickler's face. Everyone's like this while he's talking all these comedians who all we do is fucking blab and talk. We're just like this. Yeah. He just went into stories about gambling. He went into stories about parlays and teases and what they think when that happens. He went into stories about owing people money, drinking, Vietnam, 9-11. And you're just like, and you could tell by his voice and who he was that it was.

And he's a really generous gracious guy but like you listen to a guy like that you're like what the fuck do i have to say what the this guy but i ran into a guy i don't want to tell this guy's stories because i feel like someday he's going to write a book he was a comedian i'm not gonna i'm gonna try to tell this as light as i can to not take this guy's story but basically he used to work security for uh big rock bands and one of his jobs was to figure out how people were going to sneak into the venue and they were working some gig on an island and he asked around he figured out like the the venue was like right up near the water where there was a harbor it had like a fence and these kids used to swim in and they would hop the fence and then they'd be in the venue so him and his brother went down to the market and they bought a bunch of horse meat and they chummed the water right before the show and

got a bunch of sharks in there what no one snuck in holy shit dude this guy and all of this shit he told me it all checked out because i remember he was saying he never wrote a book because if he wrote a book then you don't get asked back by the band and this one of his buddies the band was going back out again and he goes hey man they're not asking me and he goes dude you wrote a And this guy, he saw him on the tour. He saw him writing shit down on a little piece of paper. And he wrote a book. And dude, it was the most obscure out of print book. And he knew the title of it.

And it was written by this security guy. It was like in the early 70s. And I went online that night because the guy's stories were so mind blowing. I was like, I got to fact check this. And I looked it up and it fucking existed you know on like Amazon you could buy some beat-up copy for like 99 cents and uh dude this guy had I was like he go he go I go why don't you just go on Letterman and tell these fucking stories and he said they've asked me to and blah blah blah he goes I don't he just was a loyal guy

he's like I'm not doing it I'm not it. So that's why I kind of told it like, yeah, yeah. As light as I could hear. I love, I love hearing good stories. Cause a lot of times people always tell stories about you hear this guy or her, that guy's a piece of shit. Oh yeah. This guy on an airplane. But I love hearing stories about the dopest story, the most gangster shit I ever heard in show business. I mean, there's a couple, there's a couple of stories. Um, there's a couple of stories um there's a couple of comedians that sit did shit jay leno has some epic ones but the dopest shit i ever heard in my life was there's a famous thai restaurant there's a famous thai restaurant in vegas right it's fucking known i forget locust something it's it's huge known and uh it's

christmas time and fucking smoky robinson is in there and he's fucking eating the place place is packed and uh this fucking dude people are going nuts that he's in there this fucking dude goes up to the owner he gives his card he pays for everybody and this is this everybody proved this too that they they i heard this from multiple people he he paid for everybody in the rest in the thai restaurants dinner and then sang uh uh white christmas and then left dude he sang white christmas while people were eating during christmas and paid the bills and left that's the most fucking gangster shit dude it is but i gotta admit if i was there

that'd be super awkward i'd be like dude you don't have to pay just please stop singing you don't have to appreciate it smoke now dude that'd be like sinatra though like sinatra just being like hey everybody i just you know and then just the summer wind came blowing in and he's standing right next to you and you're like looking down from across the sea is he going to sing both verses alright Frank thanks buddy thank you appreciate it I didn't bug you during the meal

why are you bugging me now it lingered there that is funny after the second verse, you're like, yeah. I'm like you. I like to be left alone and walk with me.

Yeah, you had to tell everybody he paid for the dinner so they were in it. He's eating with his horn section. They pull out their horns all summer long. They sang along. Oh, shit.

Oh, fuck. Anyway, I got to kind of like wrap this thing up, too, because I have to have this copy of the script done by tonight. Oh, we're going to be burning the midnight oil. I cannot wait for tomorrow, Paul, because the script will be done, and I can just go back to my regular workload. I have no idea. The Celtics started playing.

I have no idea what their record is. How are they doing? No, the Celtics went into a good Charlotte team and won. That kid, oh, dude, that kid, what's his name? Jalen Brown, dude. He fucking yammed it on some kid hard. It was like... It's Jalen and Jason Tatum's team.

It's been their team forever. And they just... I think they finally cleared out the way, you know. Dude, he didn't dunk on this guy. He dunked on this guy and then put his dick in his mouth. Dude, he fucking... It was... That guy's amazing.

Him and Jason Tatum are what everybody knows they need to build around. Those are our future, and they're super young, and you just got me excited to watch the Celtics. No, he dropped 42 in front of me and my son, and it was a great game. Hey, Paul, I got the fucking NBA package, and I got the center ice package, all right? I'll get the NFL package. I got the NFL package.

I got all the packages, Paul. I got them all. Guys, this has been our Halloween episode 39. By the NFL. I got all the packages, Paul. I got them all. This has been our Halloween episode 39. By the way, thank you all who have gone to the merchant merchandise store of the Anything Better podcast. We got the sweatshirts and we got the T-shirts. They're going like hotcakes. Bill is Freddy Krueger. I am Jason Voorhees. It's a great shirt. My wife is so psyched because anytime she sees tie-dyed. So the tie-dyed ones are great. And there's going to be more stuff as the seasons go on.

Please, please continue to like, review, subscribe to the Anything Better podcast. Get it on iTunes, Spotify, everywhere you get your podcasts. Also, obviously, the Monday Morning Podcast, the Verzi Effect, YouTube, dates, websites. Oh, and I'll be at my last date of the year. I'll be at the Stress Factory in Bridgeport, Connecticut, Thanksgiving weekend. You don't have any more dates? November 26th and 27th, and your boy is taking December off. I am taking- Fucking Paul Verzi knows how to live. Listen to me.

My special is done. We're almost done editing it. We're going to name it this week, December. I'm home for the holidays. Make no mistake. Home for the fucking holidays. Paul's going to be buying pizza slices for everybody and singing I'll be home for Christmas as he

walks out. I'll fuck yeah. I'll sing Silent Night for all the fucking neighbors. Give a fuck. Hey, sing it for that fucking lunatic two blocks over. Silent Hey, sing it for that fucking lunatic two blocks over. Silent night. Oh, fuck you.

Oh, fuck you. Oh, yeah, dude. I waved at him coming up the street the other day. Did he wave back? No, I don't even know if he's just like flying by. I will tell you this. If anybody hits my kids because they're driving fast, my career is over because I'm killing somebody.

But anyway, it's a weird I'm killing somebody. But anyway, it's a weird way to end it. But anyway... You got that John Gotti gene. John Gotti did that shit. That was it. Never saw him again. What was that guy thinking that he didn't immediately fucking move out? Yeah, it was... That's brutal, man.

Anyway, this has been episode 39. Weird way to end it, but it's Halloween. So be safe out there. Go trick or treat with your kids. Enjoy yourself until next week. We are out of here. Take care. We'll see you next time.