Anything Better? - Big Truck Electric

Episode Date: August 14, 2021

What's up everybody and welcome back to your favorite hour of the week, the best podcast in the world. This is the Anything Better Podcast with myself, Paul Berzy, Bill Burr, producer Greek Freak, behind the glass, even though Freak, behind the glass, even though he's not behind the glass. He's in California. You guys are listening to episode 28. And before we get into 28, I just wanted to, Bill, you don't even know this, the amount of people, I don't know what it was about 27, or if it was people catching up, the amount of people that have reached out to social media and everywhere saying that the anything better podcast is now the king in

their opinion one of the best podcasts of um your rating and reviews we really really appreciate it keeps the show moving forward and moving to the top where it fucking belongs. So get it anywhere you get your podcast, Spotify, iTunes, everything. Now, Bill, I know you got a 28 queued up for me. So who is the top 28 for this? Can I explain the red mark on my forehead first? Please do, because that's the elephant in the room. All right. I was playing with my son, and I was making him my son and I was making him laugh and I was laying down

and my daughter wanted to get involved. So she tried to put her face over my face and yell. And she had her mouth open. And as I picked my head up to surprise my son, I caught her teeth right in my forehead, blood, the thing and she's like i hurt my teeth i gotta go on stage i've been putting putting neo sporn on it paul with a paint roller my friggin forehead so damn big like i needed to call attention to my forehead so i finally have good lighting i'm out here in massachusetts i'm doing the benefit tonight for the late, great Wayne Previty down there at the Wiltern. What's awesome, dude, is I actually reached out to a bunch of comics. I stayed in touch with some of them.

I hadn't talked to them in a while. And I basically booked a show that I did like 30 years ago, almost, at the 99s in Bellrico. So I had John David hosting. We got Todd Parker, Dan Smith, myself, a whole bunch of guys, Jack Lynch, all of these guys that I started out with. So it's going to be a big, you know, instead of just being sad, it's also going to be a reunion. Then I got a boatload of Chinese food afterwards with Massachusetts.

By the way, Paul, Massachusetts, best Chinese food other than if you're in China. That's what I hear, man. That's what I hear. I got to tell you, when I did that Kowloon and I did a show there, and then we went into the restaurant and ate, it was pretty fucking good. Oh, yeah. I mean, they're trying to kill you with what they're doing compared to what they feed each other because you know you look in china they're all

in shape you look at americans we eat chinese food we're fat fuck so something's going on there i think it's a very it's a cool it's one of the nicest attacks on a country ever right um all right steve okay the greatest 28th ever paul i was trying to think of a 28. We're in the weird numbers right now, dude. Like 27. When I think 27 last week, I think Mike Kruschnitzky. Don't we all? All right, number 28. The best 28s. The best guys to weigh the number 28 in sports of all time. Number 14, Steve Lama won the Stanley Cup with the New York Rangers. He's not 150, so you know he didn't win it in 1940. He won it in 1994. Vita Blue.

There's a great one. Wow. Vita Blue, three-time world champion with the oakland a's before that tight bastard wouldn't pay everybody and they all left half of them ended up on the yankees and you assholes won two with the oakland ace uh fred taylor paul i know you like him i love freddie t we met him yeah you spotted him we were in a hotel in uh jacksonville We were in a hotel in Jacksonville. Yeah.

Chris Johnson. Three-time pro bowler. NFL running back. Titans, Jets, Arizona Cardinals. Duke Schneider. Willie Mickey and the Duke. That's a good one. That is a real good one.

Daryl Green. That's a great one. Oh, man, I would have had that guy higher up than daryl green that's a great one oh man i would have had that guy higher up than number nine that guy's a great one the guy could run like a 440 when he was like tom brady's age right now uh oh oh god oh paul the guy who caught the final out for the red sox Sox in 1978. Carl Yastrzemski, check swing, popped it up to third base. Not Greg Nettles. Greg Nettles.

Whoa. There you go. Wow, that was a good one. Oh, here's a great one. I should have known this as a Patriots fan. Curtis Martin. That's a great one. My favorite, Martin. That's a good one. Oh, here's a great one. I should have known this as a Patriots fan. Curtis Martin. That's a great one. My favorite, Martin. That's a great one.

Darren Woodson. That's a great one. That's another great one. A lot of good 28s. Number five, Buster Posey. Okay. Six-time All-Star, three-times World Series champion. I mean, I don't know. Buster Posey, does that roll off a lot of sports fans' tongues? I don't know. Oh.

One of my favorites of all time. Paul, are you into condiments? You like ketchup? You like relish? You like mayonnaise? I'm a mayo guy now. I've turned into mayo, yeah. Well, this guy liked

condiments so much they were all over the front of his baseball jersey gaylord perry okay king of the knuckleball and uh jesus christ he could have started his own fast food joint with what was on his hat and his shirt back when you could do stuff like that it was funny oh marshall marshall marshall number three marshall wow how did we forget that one 28's a number that just doesn't stay with you adrian peterson if you sleep on it you sleep on it it's a it's an underrated number it really is and i thought is that is that the second or third great running back i think chad curtis remember chad curtis the left fielder for the yankees with the crew cut the he was 28 i think then i think he got in trouble with the law all right we're going international on number one cristiano ronaldo okay well even americans

know ronaldo right all the chicks loved him like he's so big that even if you don't know soccer you're like oh yeah that guy he's even bigger than that beckham guy because and still they made the movie uh bend him like beckham i was like who and then i forgot his name and then he started dating that spice girl yeah posh spike spice victorious? I don't fucking know. Posh Spice. Just oddly does not age. Sitting there like a little... I don't know what.

Just sitting there like a test tube. I think people like that, they sleep in like a fucking... That Michael Jackson bed, right? But then, you know, he ended up dying. Did you know he ended up dying did you know michael jackson died rest of the internet you're on but he died yo all right greatest aging process for anybody that's big i gotta tell you something right now dude take a look at john fucking stamos dude john stamos john stamos might look better now than he i mean john stamos he does because he looks like a man when he was

on full house he looked like a punk dude he's like super thin probably andrew can you look up his age my guess is gonna to be my guess is going to be 56 that's going to be my guess i'm gonna he might be 60 dude how old lower 57 whoa 57 dude that's that dude greeks paul you kept your hair you kept your hair paul oh my god dude that Paul Berzy with hair and that Greek blood forget it dude you look great for centuries dude that kid looks like he's thin he looks like he could fight at like 140 he's just I mean that guy is in some serious he's in better shape than he was back then and he looks better I went to something one time for bob saget he did the show with john stamos and john stamos showed up it was like ridiculous no he's i'll tell you

another one who's aging fantastic sandra bullock looks like she used i mean she's another one rob lowe oh my god rob lowe's a great rob Rob Lowe is the not Greek John Stamos. You know what's funny? When I search John Stamos age, it says people also search for Bob Saget, obviously, and Rob Lowe, 57 years old as well. Dude, look at Andrew Demelis. You wouldn't know he was 48. Another Greek guy. Look how well he's aging.

38. Dude, 38, you look ridiculous what about um any athletes two years out of college what about any athletes bill that still look good what athletes what about me paul there's a fucking 53 year old ginger. I mean, we do not, we look like lobster fishermen by the time we're 41. I'm doing all right, man. I'm staying other than the fact I got teeth mark in my forehead. Yeah, guys, you do.

You got your skin, for a guy who's white like you, your skin, you don't, some guys have fucking blotches. You know what it is, dude? It's because white people, I did a bit on it. White people, you know what it is dude it's because white people like did a bit on it white people you know you got to hang out with black people that teach you about

lotion all of that shit black don't crack is bullshit they take care of themselves they've got the lotion they moisturize oh paul is a greek with your olive skin if you're gonna moisturize dude there's no see paul Verzi is going to run on the Republican ticket in fucking 2048. Speaking of Republicans. Some sort of local. You're going to make something great again, Paul. You know, I just want to say something. I just want to say something, okay?

I resent the fact. Now, you guys know we don't get political on anything better that's not what we do we're a fun show we talk some sports we talk a little shit but i take a little exception and i'm a little i don't like that that the former governor cuomo who had to resign because he got a little happy hands there i don't like he didn't get happy he said he's italian that's what i don't like okay listen to me he said you come over here you can't put in the same sentence i'm not a perv i'm just italian and think that that's gonna fly with me okay listen yes we're affectionate people bill i see you listen bill when i come to california you come to New York and I see you, what do I do?

You feel me up. It gets uncomfortable. But then I think to myself, wait a minute. Oh, no. He's Italian. I give you a pound. I give you a hug. That's what we do.

We get a little drunk. You know, you kiss on the head. Dude, I get that. But to say that he's Italian, so that's why he's not a perv and he's groping people, man. I don't like it. Okay. He took your people down with him. Yes, he did. He used us. He used our love and affection. He used our good souls. He used the fact that we like to embrace and say, I love you. And he fucking tried dragging it down with his scumbag actions.

And I take exception to it. Paul, isn't it enough that every fucking story that has Italians involved in it from Hollywood for a good 50 years had you guys as bookies, gangsters, just scumbags, yes sweatsuits gold chains well I mean that's I am dumping jewelry into it it's just our culture but well us fair skin would just jealous we can't pull it up, all right? So you already got that going. I'm not a perv. He literally said I'm not a perv. And now he introduced. You think Hollywood right now isn't going to try to reboot Goodfellas with just a bunch of perverts?

Yeah, we got them right where we want them. Takes on a whole new connotation. I have never, he said, I have never touched anybody inappropriately. And then when he resigned, he goes, I take responsibility for my actions. No, when he said he never touched anybody inappropriately, it sounded like you talking about how I have never driven over any bridge

to get into Manhattan. I take the Henry Hudson Highway. Mr. President, you would go over the Henry Hudson Bridge, which is at least a quarter of a mile in the air. Oh, my God, dude. What I meant was no significant bridge. What is a significant bridge? It's one of a I cannot even begin to tell you how many people have brought that clip up. Oh, no. I know. I know. Dude,

Bobby Kelly was driving to the city and made a video and sent it to me. And as he's going over the bridge, he's going, you see this? You see that? It's a fucking bridge. You pay a toll. Pretty significant. Yes. I i was wrong but what i was

trying to say was there's no major there's no major bridge or tunnel the way that i go as far as a george washington or the throg's neck or the lincoln tunnel i go over this it's a little it's a little insignificant bridge that i don't but i I was wrong. Paul, if you could like leap to your death at least four times off that bridge. Like if they went like, this is high enough. Okay, keep going. This is high enough. That thing is unsettlingly high. You look down on the projects, if I remember.

I'm sure now they're all glass towers bill bill i am not a pervert i'm italian put your hands up i can't see you you're fading away again i don't know you got to get you a new camera paul no by the way we know it's really echoey in here i you know i don't want to tell you i'm on vacation with the uh with the family and uh i'm up in the attic dude i gotta tell you man like i'm fucking staying in i you know i don't want to tell you i'm on vacation with the uh with the family and uh i'm up in the attic dude i gotta tell you man like i'm staying in this you know one of these houses they just redid everything nice you know i'm right on the water and it's just like i swear to god paul like that like that you'd never see me again i just do local shows.

I'd come right back. I'm Ernie Buck. Come on down. And I'd act like I bought a car. I'd just do a couple of local. Left on Spitbrook, right on Daniel Webster. I would fucking move back here. There's something about you on the East Coast. I see it in your face. You always got a little pep in your step when you're over to side.

You always look like you're ready for the road game. You know, I know what you want. You want me to move right down the street from you and open our cigar bar slash liquor store slash barbershop. Well, that's part of it. Remember in. Splash horse track. What else? What else do we got?

Remember. Yachting club. Remember in a Bronx tale? He goes, you want to know why Joe D in a bronx tale he goes you want to know why joe d was the greatest and he goes because he was italian dad then here goes that's part of it um dude yeah i'm telling you man i'm walking 60 65 tops dude that means 18 i may have 18 more years in this business as far as like touring doing all that shit do maybe 65 I'm fucking out dude. I'm gonna be sitting in a on a mountain somewhere

Just fucking staring staring at something with a stick give a fuck How about you back your paw I'm somewhere high no I know I mean I'm on a mountain I'm on a mountain on a hill why give a fuck dude speaking of that did you see that fucking drunk guy because that just reminded me of uh of uh rick flair dude that that that guy that drunk guy who was yelling at people saying his grandparents had two million dollars on the flight they had to duct tape him he was groping like flight attendants if you listen to that rant it sounds like like drunk rick flair he's almost saying the same i was just waiting for you like big lights pretty ladies grandparents got

two million dollars i inherited two million dollars dude i'm not gonna lie i'm not saying they shouldn't have done it but when they were duct taping them, it kind of creeped me out. It reminded me of like a horror movie when like the village turns on the witch. Like it started to become like soft a little bit. It started to fucking, when he was just sitting there motionless and they're just doing, it literally reminded me of like those horror movies where they were like, get the witch.

She's wicked. And like, they're hanging her. Like it fucked me up. The fact that they have that on the plane because when somebody wigs out at 35 000 feet you can't pull over to the side of the road dude you don't be amazing if they had the if they had an ejection seat for somebody like that almost like a Duncan stool and they just they duct tape you to it

all right we'll take the vote from first class first. All in favor, say aye. Come on, man. Don't do me like this. I got 12,000 free-for-fly miles in us. Sorry, buddy. At least wait until I'm over the Rockies. Have a heart.

And they just send you right out dude they did did they duct tape his mouth and then pull it down like that was up dude paul he was groping stewardesses can't you tranquilize them or zap them or something no because what if a guy like that gets hold of it right i guess shoots the pilot on his foot right in his artery right on the inside of his leg he falls on the yoke all of a sudden you start going down then everybody slides up to the front you can't open the cockpit door for that one passenger 57 that knows how to fly the plane dude duct taping somebody to a seat with their mouth shut is one of the most wild things i've seen american citizens do dude oh

it looked like narcos it was i was waiting for to take the car battery out or some yeah like the only thing was they didn't put a gun to his head just blow his head off in a plastic bag that was nuts the only good thing that came out of that is someday when somebody go dude what is the drunkest you've ever been? I got a story. I got a story, too. Well, you should probably go first because. Dude, that kid's grand. That guy's grandkid.

Mine involves three counts of sexual assault and some saran wrap. Dude, he wasn't groping. Piedmont Airlines. He wasn't groping flight attendants. He's Italian. Oh, that's right. He wasn't groping flight attendants. He's Italian. Oh, that's right. He was. He was.

The kid's Italian. I mean, Paul, how far have you people fallen that there hasn't been a hit put out? How is this guy still walking the streets? First, that rainbow color rapper is still getting to walk around. And now this. I was thinking about what you think Cuomo was doing at home last night do you think he sat down after he resigned he just poured a drink he's staring out the window going that went that didn't end well hey you know she had nice tits what do you want from me what's

that supposed to do you come walking in there they're at me it was it was more of a defensive move oh you know he lies to himself dude she came at me okay i was seat i'm sitting there right and a little gobble you know twisting it up on the spoon like a gentleman she comes in with the fucking what's an old school world for tatas what would an old school guy say her honkers these headlamps blinded my eyes oh she had it's a funny one oh she had a transcriber you came up from behind her well i mean you know yes i did but you know before she turned around, she was facing me. I never want to judge a book, OK? I never want to judge a book, all right?

But that guy's face just says, I did it. I mean, listen, dude, if that guy's face doesn't say I fucking groped her, I don't know what face would. His face doesn't say I fucking groped her. I don't know what face would. His face is somewhere between a sleazy car salesman and a game show host who needs to tone it down. A hundred percent. Like, you know. An old school game show host that would kiss all the women like Richard Dawson.

Some people just look what they are. You know, Eli Manning, his face was always the oh shucks guy. And that's exactly what he is. Okay. You ever look, you know, you ever see an older Irish guy like 70 with the red nose? You're like, okay, that guy is a drunk, angry man. That's what it is. Cuomo just said, slicked hair, governor of New York, accusations. you never want to say they're true but in gun to my head did he touch an ass or two probably probably uh andrew were you gonna say something like a sleazy rick patino and i don't want to hear anybody say that r Patino is sleazy. He wasn't. He was playing the game. I'm not talking about the bullshit he did off the court. I'm just saying on the court.

I mean, it's a filthy game. Dude, a sleazy Patino is perfect. It's perfect for him because it's like he did have people that he led and liked him, but then he also had that shit. Not that Patino did. Andrew, what were you going to say, dude? Another story just came out today. A 13-year-old boy was duct taped to his seat on a plane. A young man was duct taped to his seat after he went mental and tried to kick out the window on an American Airlines flight from Maui to Los Angeles. A 13-year-old boy tried to kick out the window next to his seat and came physical towards his mother an hour into the flight.

Flight was diverted to Honolulu. Okay, they should have duct taped him down and their parents because that's bad parenting. Who for the airline is going to Home Depot getting those rolls of duct tape before the flight? I just love that they have them. Dude, I know a guy that was on a flight back in the day before people really were flipping out or they paid attention to him. Like two guys, two probably fat guys, they took their belts off and they just tied them around one there.

And then like his hands, like two times around. Just put this guy down on the ground. He's a comedian. I forget who told me that story a long time ago. Dude, that's wild. All right, you guys load the drinks. Get the ice. Okay, Tim, go to Home Depot.

I want three rolls of the strongest duct tape they got. We got to keep that. I mean, the fact that that's on the plate. They should just put retired UFC guys. Because they could just come up and just choke them out it's better for the environment you don't got to waste all that money with the duct tape i like that uh a ufc air marshal that just comes up and just puts you to put you to sleep and that's it yeah you're gonna keep talking sir are we gonna get cauliflower ears what do you want i i bill you just i'm telling you you can't see it from my perspective andrew

bill's just bill's just got the east coast swag right now if bill was going into a fight all my money on him all my money on him right now you could tell me three weeks from now what punch you were gonna throw you'd still hit me with it my fucking head is the size of a globe i do not have quick twitch i i am like i am a texcob style fighter i'm trying to walk through what you're throwing at me with but i don't have a strong chin like texcob i like there's none of this in my game. It was just move forward, get it to the ground. Could you, could you on your best day go into an octagon versus a UFC fighter that's not great? Let's say the UFC fighter is 500. This is the dumbest question. No, no, no, no, no, no. You didn't let me, you didn't, you got it. Let me hear it. It's a good question. It's a good question.

question. No, no, no, no, no, no. You didn't let me, you didn't, you got it. Let me hear it. It's a good question. It's a good question. So the guys like 12 and 12 might be on his way out. Could you go in there and last 30 seconds? No, you get to run around. I'm not turning my back and running away. The clock hits, you got to just get through 30 seconds. the clock hits you got to just get through 30 seconds you'd probably get to 15 20 if you ran no and what does he stand to win if he knocks me out before or she or they paul let's try to be progressive well yeah we don't know what they we don't know what they what they identify as know what they identify as.

Yeah, what they identify as. What's their reward? I don't know. Yours is more. So their reward would be- No, no. I want to know what their motivation is. Dude, for a title shot, they take my fucking head off dude one of those leg kicks you ever

get kicked in the shin that's it i'm done i'm on the couch holding my shin i know but listen man if you're strategic 30 seconds is something that could be possibly achieved if you're small you're the kind of guy that watched the olympics for about six hours and you start to think that you if you put your mind to it you could compete and that's not positive thought all right that's you're delusional that's why i'm a winner bill you know now i want to look at me i'm in the attic of a house right now you know you know how long it took me to get to this attic You know how long it took me to get to this attic? Paul, you are disrespecting professional fighters on all levels the way Mario Cuomo disrespected you perverted Italians.

You perverted, dishonest, mobbed up Italians. He added another one, Paul. Like you needed one. Look, you hit me with the Irish thing. I let you get away with it. With this red nose. How could he just be some happy old Irish guy who likes Christmas? He had to be a drunk, didn't he? No, I found out what that red nose means.

I actually found out when you see a guy with a really red nose here and it's got veins. Oh, no, sunblock. No, but it's also alcoholism. a gym blossom yeah paul there's a band literally called the gin blossoms i've been around for a long time yeah i got one you don't even know what a bridge is you're gonna know what the gin blossom is it's not significant bill no i got one for you ready Is there anything worse than a bland slice of pizza? Dude, I went to- Oh, when you bland bad food, so you're paying for it with the calories, it doesn't even taste good?

Dude, last night, my family's at the beach till next, you know, I see them in a few days. I had the night to myself. I was strolling through town and I said, you know what? I haven't had a slice and a soda in fucking three months. So let me go get a slice. And this place has big slices.

So I get the slice. Oh, you can't go big slice. I know. You don't watch Barstool Sports? I know. It's one of the truest things Dave Portnoy ever said. It's true. Big slice is usually bad.

It is really true. Usually bad. So I get it. Comes out. I put a little bit of pepper flakes tiny little bit of pepper you know and i just dude you gotta grab everything just real quick like a little tiny of the garlic powder but it's got to be such a hint and i'm excited and i bit the first bite and i'm like ah you know what maybe once I get into the middle of this thing and dude I was lying to myself and I just I had a soda and a fucking piece of pizza to do what you said just cheat and have a fun thing walking back to my car shaking my head not worth it terrible a bad slice

of pizza you know when you said a bad slice of pizza you know what I pictured afterwards walking in is that guy who doesn't know how to make pizza is throwing the dough up in the air. You just grab the dough, slam it down over him like that. You get your fucking money back. Because you can't break out to the dough, out of the dough and the fantasy. All right, guys, it's Cigars International. I love smoking cigars. I love a cigar. It helps me disconnect from the craziness of the world. I have a room in my house dedicated to smoking cigars. Yeah, it's the garage, okay? Whether you're working from home or you're just kicking back after a week, there's no better way to relax than with your favorite cigar. And Cigars International has the deals and selections

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Dude, I saw an alligator get eaten by, an alligator eat a dog the other night on YouTube. Why would you watch that, dude? I don't know. I just came up, you know, you watch something. This is what ends up happening. I watch an animal defeat so many fucking animals. I want to see something kill it, you know, like a praying mantis. It's just like, Jesus Christ, this fucking asshole's like eating these birds' faces. let me see somebody kill this fucking thing dude that is such a you and then somehow i end up uh watch i don't know what language they were speaking but was like a stray dog the dog felt nothing dude it was just it was over yeah dude i i get creeped out man i get creeped out anytime you know rept, reptiles or snakes or anything.

Just I don't like seeing the animal just can't move and not knowing. And then the other animal just fucking beat. Well, then you don't want to see an otter eat a snapping turtle. That's a bad one. I don't do it. I don't want to watch anything like that. The only thing that I. And I'll tell you right now, Paul, you don't want to watch an old lady runs into a grizzly bear uh in her spare fridge in the garage you don't want to watch that one

either i'll tell you what you don't want a middle-aged woman to go near an italian governor uh i'm kidding um oh dude what about that video i sent you i was well i woke my wife up i was laughing so fucking hard I just Googled like you know after you see a dog get eaten by a alligator you know you can cleanse your palates I need a little ginger here right for the next course so I I just Google um uh drunk people falling down oh my God dude this guy goes into a convenience store, and it's like he's – the top half of his body, you can't believe it doesn't fall back on his head. It takes him – it was like he was on a ship on the high seas.

He just couldn't get his footing. He gets into this aisle, pulls either a 12-pack or a sixer out of the freezer, and he goes down and – they had to fast-forward the video. It took him like eight eight legit minutes until it was to get up well here here let me paint the picture from my perspective i'm sitting on the couch watching a movie i get a call it's bill i answer the phone and he goes dude he goes i gotta just tell you this my wife just yelled at me for laughing so hard so i paused the movie and i'm like all right dude how funny can this be and i go send me the video and within two minutes i was

fucking i was hysterical laughing dude i had tears in my eyes what made what i gotta show how he was walking he was fucking walking like this he was just like and he's like trying to grab the handle my favorite one my favorite part was when he fell into the counter and his feet were still on the ground and his back was flush was laying down on the counter this is another thing too was it was like in broad daylight this guy walked in like a convenience store he was that hammered and what i liked about him too was like his stick-to-itiveness first of all how drunk he was he still wasn't passing out no that's a guy you want to never never got me down right they never got yeah he's who you want on your football team but my favorite part of that was the convenience store employee the

old man looking at him and then finally realized he had a drunk guy on the floor in his drink section and the guy like tried to do it he tried to get up and like show that he was okay when he wasn't and he dude it was when he fell into the fucking the the thing that made everything shake oh oh what do you oh then he goes out of view on the camera and then you see this whole snack rack just start like there was an earthquake you know he fell into that thing dude my son taking first his first steps was was more coordinated than this guy had been walking for decades. And the fact that he went in there to get more booze, and he was so, if you really look at him, he's like so eloquent, like he's trying to act like he's sober.

Yeah, yeah. It's like he was getting pulled back in time. It looked like he was possessed by something at one point. It looked like somebody was moving his body it was so fucking but he never dude guys like that i was just in austin and i'm not going to mention the guy's name because the guy's great but dude i was talking to this guy he's a promoter he was fucking hammered and from eight o'clock at night he was drinking glasses of jameson this big and by one in the morning his eyes are going down but he's still in the convo and he would pop back

up and he would get in the convo and even during dude even and the whole time i'm going this guy's gotta fucking end up sleeping this guy's gotta end up going down he's going the distance and he fucking stayed up he fucking he you know like he would throw a little thing in the conversation but it was a mumble so he'd be like oh yeah because and everybody would just kind of everybody would kind of just be like oh yeah you know we don't want to be rude dude the guy fucking hung on till everybody went home he closed the place down eyes half down the guy fucking hung on until everybody went home. He closed the place down, eyes half down. The guy had a responsibility. Whether his blood alcohol is 0.0 or 2.9, he was getting that job done.

That guy right there is why America is the greatest country out there. Vegas needs odds on guys like that. You're like, oh, Greg's starting at eight. Is he going down? How many rounds is he going? And each round is an hour You can never do it with the liability But if you could just get guys that fucking hammered

And you could just sit there and bet on him You could bet When is he going to fall? How long is it going to take him to get back up? Falling asleep is one one falling asleep you're out like that's the uh that's that's passing out is getting knocked out first round of the playoffs all right what about puking not acceptable okay so puking you're out um well you know the others other like rock star level guys who puke and then continue to

drink more like they just made it's like an eating disorder with alcoholism combined dude if you puke and then continue and then crack a beer you're a fucking savage on another level dude because like once you puke it's bedtime all right you know what when we were in high school my crew of guys that i drank with the ultimate shame was if you puked and you just sat there holding it in and hold you just wouldn't puke and then there was another crew same high school their if you puked they laughed and then they kept going so i always respected them because they had the freedom to puke it was almost like looking at women like they can cry and everybody comforts them rather

than being like you right they could like puke and everyone would laugh and they would like keep going so we had one guy in our crew who was not only was he a puker he had he had no idea that he was gonna puke he was like a time bomb he'd just be sitting there at once dude i remember one time he was in my buddy's car and he was sitting in the front seat i was in the back seat and he was we were driving down the highway at the end of the night we were just sitting there and then just out of nowhere dude like the exorcist just went all over dude it looked like pulp fiction when i just shot johnny in the face you know his brains go all over the back of the window except it was the inside of the front windshield it was all puke he had another one. We were walking out of Faneuil Hall, and we were walking towards these glass doors because it was the wintertime,

because usually it's outdoor seating, the glass doors. And, dude, we were walking towards the doors, and when I'm telling you this guy was like 10, 15 feet away from the door, he was walking in front of me, and I'll just see the door just like all over it. All over it and like a whole group of people just went like, alright, I guess we're walking out this door. And then we were walking in Faneuil Hall.

And he's talking to me as he was talking. He's like, what's up rare man? He's like your dad's coming, your father's coming down to pick us up. And then he would just turn his head in stride and it was like a lake what it was unf dude it was like the only other time i saw puking like that was pat from munaki and i can't tell the story without gagging on the eggnog drinking contest. No, no, don't. On the late, great Opie and Anthony show. It is one of the greatest pieces of comedy ever.

Ever. Yeah, dude, puking gets me sick, man. When people fucking, I start gagging, dude. Oh, Paul, you never would have made it like dude people see pictures of him when he finally puked and they don't think it's real it looks like something out of a comic book i don't like he's turned like uh he's turning into a superhero in some weird way like he becomes a liquid weird way like he becomes a liquid oh it was like that dude first of all i've told this story a thousand times but it needs to be told again every 30 seconds you had to do a double shot of eggnog

last person to puke wins it was so simple but so fucking brilliant it's like when that comic comes out with the perfect joke you're like why didn't I think of that? That thing was just sitting there and he went up and plucked it off the tree and now he's doing it. Yeah, dude. And this guy was the returning champion and he was a diabetic and had lost a toe to the disease and proceeded to drink at least three quarters of a gallon of eggnog in less than an hour. Oh, my God. And I will spare all the puking stories along the way, but everybody got a nickname. There was the Blair Witch Guy.

There was the terrorist. There was one guy, I remember, who was it? Ari Shaffir was saying it sounded like he was was like on a loop like a decent made the exact same noise every time he puked and he laughed like like five times in a row and it sounded like the exact same audio um there was that guy and then the end Paul I can see your face Nathaniel came up with the idea Joe Rogan said the only thing that can top that is if somebody leans their head over the barrel, opens their mouth, and lets Pat puke into their mouth.

Dude. It was called the baby bird. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no. So, Paul, this guy... I'm going to get him. So this guy fucking puts his head like this and fucking cat lets it go Paul it was like a bucket of paint except it was eggnog oh it was in his stomach too Paul so you

know it was a little warm right no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no All right, dude. So I got to tell you a story. Let's let's, I got a story. So the guy with his mouth open says, I, if I actually tell that story in detail, I can't do it to this day, dude. And it is, it is 16 years, 17 years later. Let me not that 14 years later. I can't do it without gagging.

If I watched that on YouTube, I would probably gag or throw up for sure. All right. Now just imagine you were there, Paul. No, no, that would have fucked me up. I would have thrown up with them. I would have thrown up. I almost did. I held it off all those years because the guys I drank with, I was able to hold it off. The baby bird. Look it up. Open Anthony show. So check this out. My stepfather was in the Navy and they had a game like this. Frame your face, man. Jesus Christ. You're blurry. Am I blurry? Not not you're not now. There you go. Now you moved again. Now you're blurry. Here we go. There. My stepfather was in the Navy and they did a game where they would, uh, with

recruits where they said that you couldn't, you, for you at a half hour, this is real shit, man. This is a great story, actually a half hour. And they said, if you want to make money on friends and I'll, I'm actually going to say this, I'm going to say this before I tell the story, do not do this because people can die. So if you do this, it's irresponsible. People can die. Okay. I did not know that until I did it and I'm competitive and I want to win. So let me just say that, but it was very dangerous. My stepfather says to me, you can't drink a gallon of water in a half hour without throwing up or peeing. It's impossible. You can't do it. Now, Navy guys, don't have to do that. You'll fucking make your, your, your cells like disintegrate. You drown

from the, or some shit. Yeah. They had a radio contest. A woman fucking died doing that. Yeah. So, so, uh, stupid me. I said, I can do it. And usually I heard they do it with milk and guys throw up, but with water, it's incredibly hard. You got to time it perfectly. So a friend of mine tries doing it. And on the third, on the fourth glass, he goes, Paul, you're an asshole. And he runs upstairs, just throwing up. Right. Then I had a guy at work go, you're so fucking stupid. Versi put up a hundred bucks and he drinking it. And all of a sudden you just see him going and he dude he ran to the bathroom and on the way to the bathroom his arms went out and his mouth came and it came out like

i swear to god he looked like a fountain he looked like a fountain he's gonna fuck you right swear to god yeah guys i cannot tell you how dangerous because i looked it up because i was surprised that you could you know i'm an idiot I didn't know that something happens where it gets crazy. Listen to this. Yeah. Your cells, like the wall of your cell, just like disintegrates. I don't know what happens. So I'm going to shut up. I fucking sit down with my, in my kitchen and I had friends there. My mom was there and everything. I said, I'm going to do it. And my stepfather goes, you can't do it. And I was so dumb. He goes, you have five bucks and I'm in fucking high school. Fuck your five bucks. I'm doing it. I'm on the fourth glass. I'm okay. I'm breathing. I'm on the fifth glass, and now my stomach starts to get really distended,

and I got like this much left in the whole gallon, and dude, at 28 minutes, I was on my last glass, and I waited for the last seconds, and I did it, dude. And my stomach was distended. And all of a sudden everything started shaking like this and I didn't feel right. And my body and back started to be weird. And my mother looked at my stepfather and he goes, if something fucking happens to him, I'm never going to forgive you, dude. And I started to panic and my back started to hurt. And at about like 36 minutes, I'm in the bathroom trying to puke. And I was a guy that would drink. I can never really puke even when I got fucked up. That's why I was always had such bad hangovers. And finally, dude, like 10 minutes later, I'm in the bathroom and it all starts coming up. But dude, when I tell you things

were off with my body, my brain, everything just started to like vibrate and I fuck it. I did it. And my stepfather, i didn't think he's gonna do it i thought he would puke and my mother's like if anything happens to him but um i think most people are like me they don't know that you can you can die doing that don't ever listen man don't ever do it from the anything better podcast to you do not try you know there's some competitive idiot that's gonna do it because you just said that you did it, Paul. You should have said, I didn't do it. No, I was a competitive idiot and I fucking barely did it.

And just luck with my timing. I got it done and I could have went to the hospital or died. So don't fucking do that. These fucking guys in the Navy, I heard they used to do it with milk, but which was just the consistency of it, how much thicker. So halfway through the gallon, I was just like, whoa, you know? And like it became that. So then people tried doing it with water. But really, really fucking stupid.

And it was just not fun after. Like when I did it, I'm like, yeah, I told you. And then things got weird, dude. So never do shit like that. All right? Never do shit like that. There you go, guys. You heard it from Paul Verzi.

What else shouldn't they do paul one time i got a bb gun my uncle said hey i bet you can't shoot the bottom of your tongue with it i said you and your five dollars dude i did it when i tell you. I couldn't sing Fa La La La La during the holidays. My head started shaking. Do not do this thing that we already know you should not do. Joe, I don't know what you think you know. He's a good man. What's that from? Reservoir Dogs. Oh, is that Harvey Cattell?

Yeah. Yeah. Joe, I don't know what you think you know. He's a good man. Dude, Harvey Cattell's got to be 80, no? Yeah, him and De Niro and all those guys. I mean, they kind of broke out in the early 70s. They were 30. That was like 50 years ago. I mean, they kind of broke out in the early 70s.

They were 30. That was like 50 years ago. I bet you Cartel. What is he? 82? 82. Harvey Cartel's 82, dude? God bless him.

Great actor. Great fucking actor. He almost got me killed. He was the wolf. Asshole. He was the wolf? Yeah, he was the wolf asshole he was the wolf yeah he was the fixer he was the uh mr white he did that movie that's all you had to say he goes oh you called the wolf oh dude harvey kytel man classic dude that that guy 82 though man that must mean yeah pacino's 80 so it's crazy man all those guys 77 who is deniro 77 wow man that's dude that's an end of an hour i think

pesci's 80 that she's definitely 80 he knows pacino's 81 wow what's pesci 82 78 okay oh dude man that era those guys dude i wish they could squeeze one more i wish there was a story of like old you know they just did it well yeah well they it wasn't old though they they just they just use old just the irishman. Kill the Irishman was that other one. What did I say? Kill the Irishman. Okay, yeah. Was Kill the Irishman good? No.

I liked it. A lot of people didn't like it. I don't know what the fuck they wanted. I liked it a lot. And I also loved that Joe Pesci Got to wave goodbye to everybody His character When he left the scene No you're talking about another movie Yeah The Irishman was great

The Irishman you liked Bill He said there's one called Kill the Irishman It's another movie I think it's with Walken Was it with Walken? Yeah Oh yeah Ray Stevenson It's another movie. I think it's with Walken, right? So is it with Walken? Yeah, Kill... Oh, yeah, yeah. Ray Stevenson.

Dude, you guys want to laugh? I'm in the house. Wait a minute. What was the fucking Scorsese one? That was The Irishman. The Irishman. That's what I was talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, Pesci was fantastic in that. I didn't see Kill the Irishman, though. But, dude, you guys want to laugh? I'm in the house alone. And it's just me, my fucking dog and my cat and the kids and Stacey or I'm FaceTime. Yeah. Good night. What's dad going to do?

I got nothing to do. I just got off the road. I'm sitting on the couch and I fucking put on this, this fucking, uh, somebody was like, Hey dude, if that's a really good, like scary movie, horror movie, but it's like also a thriller with a good story dude i put this fucking horror movie on i swear to god but i'm not kidding and i'm just watching it dude and the fucking cat jumped on the floor and i go i fucking got up dude listen dude this is true i fucking can't as a grown man i fucking paused it i walked to every window in my house made sure it

was locked i had that panic feeling like somebody was behind me i locked every door and i was scared fucking shitless dude watch i don't watch horror movies horror movies scare the shit out of me i buy in every time i don't unless it's just so poorly done but if there's anybody who knows how to build suspense, they got the right music going on. I'm on the edge of my seat. I fucking hate it. The whole movie, I can't relax. That's the beauty of good horror movies.

It's not when like the guy's walking slow and they're suspenseful. And then he gets, dude, this movie was a guy walking in the woods with a fucking ax. And when he caught you, it was just instant, unmerciful killing. And there was no bullshit, dude. And what gets you is not the killing.

That's the relief. Okay, she's dead or he's dead. Put him out of his misery. Yeah. When the axe hit the guy's head, I'm like, oh, that was good effects. But it's hoping that waiting. Yeah. Where is it?

Wait, just yeah, I'll be in the movie. I'm just like, just fucking kill the person already. Yeah. Yeah. You don't like my son's crime. Shit. Well, we're almost we're actually we're actually almost going to wrap this puppy up anyways. Bill, are you going in the water? Are you going on a

boat, Bill? Dude, I'm right near the fucking water. I got a paddle boat I'm going out on tomorrow. I'm swimming. I'm going to swim a little, you know, parallel to the, you know, I'm not an ocean guy, Paul, but I'm going to get out there. I swear to God, if I get killed by a fucking shark. No, it's beautiful, man.

That salt water is beautiful. It's not beautiful, Paul. It's a terrible death. No, no, no, but I'm saying jumping in the ocean is beautiful i literally go if i get killed by a shark you go that's beautiful she was so busy thinking about your experiences we're talking about scary movies i saw jaws when i was saying you know like in fifth grade that's it over over done when that little boy got fucked up on the rat on the raft and like you saw the fins like from behind him and then there was just blood that was pretty wild oh and her mother her mother was such a great actress he just had that mom look about her she looked like her kid just got eaten by a shark uh yeah well you know what dude like that's i gotta be honest

with you though like parenting like you don't have your kid go out and fucking far out in the the kid if you watch the movie the kid was far out on a raft paul verzi blames mother no my kids will never be that far my kids will never be that fucking far in the ocean okay if anybody's gonna be that far boogie board it's gonna be my fucking dumb ass but my kids are not gonna be fucking fish food and go out every time i see lucas try to push limits i i you know it's not gonna happen it's not gonna fucking happen someone's on the my kids stand on the beach i get nervous all i think is like what if a tsunami's coming right

now 500 mile per hour fucking wave oh dude that's horrifying yeah that's that's horrifying dude but um yeah let me i don't want to jinx anything but that ocean just takes you yeah that's the thing i'm a pool guy paul you get me in a pool you you fucking have a pool paul you can't get me out of that fucking thing a pool a nice pool is unreal unreal unreal heated you gotta you just sounded like bill cosby it's you and and this echo and the water that's it. It's not a you cannot say pussy fucking Italian. Yeah, yeah. You cannot

say fuck. That's what he said to Eddie Murphy. You cannot say fuck and then that motherfucker was doing. I would rather you say fuck than fucking dropping roofs into fucking women's drinks. Yeah, then tell me why he's free tell me why he's free paul guy's walking around he knows people he knows i was doing a bit about

that but people just like you know thinking that that meant he was innocent it's like did you read the articles i just read the big words and look at the picture bill cosby free dude i told you fucking told you dude paul i swear to god i swear to god like i don't know i've only been here for a couple of days but like i might have to get a place back here you got the itch get a small little fucking Cape house, dude. Little cottage. Cottage, dude. Go big, dude. Buy a fucking mansion with glass fucking rooms in the ocean. Oh, you want to retire when you're 65? You don't go big.

Get that Michael Corleone house when he was looking out the window and Fredo got whacked. Get that shit and fucking look out on the fucking- That's right outside of Reno. Lake Mead. No, but I'm saying buy the equivalent of that. I'll tell you this. I give you this for your fucking, whatever the hell he says.

You goddamn Italians with your oily skin. That guy talking to Michael Corleone like that. Oh yeah, dude. And you just, and the best was like watching Pacino's face take it. Like he just listened and you were just like, oh boy, everybody's dead. Everybody's dead. I love that. I love that. Don't let anything. I'll tell you what I love, Paul, is I'm fucking, like I knew this was going to be a good vacation because I saw my dream

pickup truck. If I was going to buy a new one. Sitting right outside the house. Ford F250. This was actually a 350, but an F250 regular cab. Not that extended, not that stupid crew cab. Just the one with the bench seat. You're like this, driving down the fucking street. Four-wheel drive. Fucking cab lights up on top. Over. That's going to be me, Paul. over that's gonna be me paul it's gonna be i know paul you're

a sedan guy i'm a sedan guy i need i need one truck and i need a fucking sedan that's it yeah i need i want a sports car a sedan and i could and one nice big suv i'm big on the i want an rv no i like i'm a big i like a big su i like a big tahoe suburban one of those i fucking hate those things why did you put the whole family in there watch them fucking things are stupid they get like three feet to the gallon it's 130 degrees out they're gonna make an electric one. They're making them. Paul, it's over. It's a wrap. The scientists have been trying to warn us since the late 1950s. About what?

What are you talking about? Global warming. But like I'm saying, I could get a big truck electric. They're making them now. Get a big truck electric. You mean a big electric truck? Yeah. I like how you say it, though.

Hey, I'm Paul Verzi. You want to come down to Paul Verzi's Old Swimfield and get a big truck electric? You talk to me. Big truck electric. That's like a fucking album or a band. Big truck electric. Coming to the stage, big truck electric. Oh, shit,

dude. Yeah. I love that you're on the East coast and I love that you're loving it, but you know what? It might be. I just got some clams. It might be. Bellies with some French fries.

I'm gonna eat some Chinese food tonight. I'm going for the heart attack before I go back out to the West coast, eat, drinking green juices. You need to start maybe, you know, in the next few years, start packing up out West and,

you know, just give it a little salute. You had a nice run and then you come back home. Well, why, why are you wrapping up my career? I finally got on fucking star Wars and I'm supposed to fucking pull up stakes. What do you mean? Wrapping up your career? You don't need to see. I had a nice run. What do you mean? I had a nice run. Like it's over. I mean, you had a nice run in out West. You lunatic. I'm not talking about your career you could fucking be in Boston sometimes the way you say things I think you're saying my career's over listen Paul seriously for five years if I can move back here get a big truck electric I'm gonna have a big truck electric I want to have a big truck electric. I want to have a big boat electric. Give a fuck.

I'll get everything electric. Here's the thing. You want to stop the overwarming. Everybody drives a big truck electric. No more plastic water bottles. Let's start a car dealership outside. And you vacuum up the ocean. Outside we'll have a big sign that says, big truck, big car electric come down

are you big enough for our cars we're saving the environment and we're fucking taking care of your family okay saving trucks pretty ladies they're duct taping us to the big truck electric hey andrew i think we know the name of this episode huh i think we know the name of this episode if this episode's not big truck electric i don't know what fucking name for the episode um are we uh i think we're good to go man i mean bill you got your you got your family over there you're sitting on the water i'm already regretting that I have to fight that.

I got to go back after these gigs. I want to stay out here for like a fucking while. Having a good time, Paul. Eat some places, Bill and Bob's fucking roast beef. Go over there to Wahlburgers. That wasn't around when I was here. Got to pay my respects, Paul. Yeah, of course. I got to around when I was here. Got to pay my respects, Paul. Yeah, of course.

I got to eat at all these places. All right, that's it. Yeah, that's it for episode. What a good, fun episode. I mean, it's just. Paul, is there anything better? Is there anything better than sitting on the front porch, listening to the waves hitting the beach, right?

I mean, no. Smoking a fucking stick. See, you're starting to come around to the ocean. Away from the house. Away from the house. That's my rule. The things that don't smoke in or around the house. So I have to get away from the house.

Like, fuck, I got to talk like in casino, you know, with my fucking cigar like this. Dude, you want a good one? I'm telling you, do this. When nobody's around, when everybody's sleeping, just fucking go by the ocean. You're Italian. Don't take your dick out now.

I've heard about you people. No, no. Yeah, I'm Italian. I'm not a pervert. Walk, walking by the ocean or just looking at the ocean alone. When everybody like when the sun starts going down and you just reflect, you reflect on your life and you reflect on your blessings and you watch the ocean and you look at the fucking boats over. Right there.

And you redeem yourself every time, Paul. Every time people go, I'm listening to a guy who drives over a fucking bridge every day in Manhattan and doesn't even fucking notice. Big truck electric. Big truck electric. Paul Verzi does not notice bridges, but has the presence of mind to sit near an ocean by himself and give thanks to a higher power for all of his blessings. I'm telling you, Paul. You're a a superhero they call you the redeemer uh and totally redeem yourself hey bill real quick before we get out of here are the yankees you wouldn't show up after somebody up you gotta give them a chance you know i just looked up the lyrics because I because my daughter listens to a different

Spider-Man song because she watches Spider-Man now and I'm as but she watches the kid version so I was like oh Spider-Man Spider-Man she's like dad that's not how the song goes so I actually looked up the lyrics dude there's kind of some talking in the one that I have is he tough listen bud he's got radioactive blood it's's like, hey, take it easy. I mean, how the fuck was I supposed to know that? Listen, bud, I just love that that was in there. It was a kid's show. Like they're grabbing me by my lapels that I don't have.

Uh-oh, kids are coming upstairs. I got to run here, man. What were you going to say? I was just going to say, do you think the Yankees can catch the Sox or no? Catch the Sox, dude. I think you and I could have a wiffle ball team and catch us. You know what happened? We were overachieving.

We were overachieving. We were winning all these games. And then the fucking time to do something came around, and they didn't do shit. I think it killed the morale of the team. Dude, it's like watching a blooper reel. I was driving around, Paul, in North End, looking for a spot to go to a little cigar bar right now, right?

I got the socks on WEI. I'm fucking doing it. I'm doing everything but plowing driveways. I'm so back in this fucking city, right? So I'm listening to the game. We're up fucking four to one, and I'm like, this is it. It's over, man. We got this fucking dude next thing you know like they just it's almost like the red sox right now to

management is like we're gonna show you what we could do for the first six innings and then we're just gonna tank it next thing you know it's four to four they scored four runs paul in the top of the ninth inning yeah not only won the game, ended up kicking our fucking ass. Well, we're both chasing the Rays. But, dude, did you see the guy, Nestor, the guy who looks like a 1988 baseball card on the Yankees? He's got that dark mustache right here. He's a pitcher. And he was going against Otani.

And he was joking with him. And he was like, am I going to throw it? Am I going to throw it? And then he does a quick one. And then he does something else. And Otani and them are just laughing because he knows he can't strike them out so he was throwing real slow he was like doing all kinds of stuff you got to watch it it's actually oh because you ran out of pitches no no he's a pitcher but he's like a minor league journeyman and we called him up and he's got this dark 1988 mustache he looks like that clip

yeah dude and he's like kind of joking with the guy and he's doing what his leg is going up and he's got this dark 1988 mustache he looks like yeah dude and he's like kind of joking with the guy and he's doing what his leg is going up and down and then he like throws like slow then he tries to throw real quick when he can't pay attention everyone's going the hitter was laughing the hitter was laughing the ump was like dude what are we doing here it literally looked like a kid in the backyard it was one of the funniest things ever you got to check it out it was who's that guy on the dodgers when he struck that guy out and the guy was complaining he's walking off the field he looks at the player and he just goes like that crying face i wouldn't have known it but they've made like murals of it out in l.a it's hilarious he just called the guy huh bill kelly he used to

play for the sun oh dude funniest ever uh i love baseball man yeah he was doing like that and everything xander was just saying um well we got i like that the mullet's back how great is it that the mullet's back ah i mean i can't i'm not a mullet guy dude it's it was you got a chain down to your dick hanging out of your t-shirt you're not a mullet guy what because you can't grow you could grow on paul do you look like a young ben franklin meets michael corleone you got to do it go outside fly a kite with a little cannoli on this string come on paul oh that's great how about uh how about football coming back bill we got four weeks buddy four weeks saquon's back i'm excited we're gonna do nfl picks every week all that stuff guys solid football

the whole thing right now is the time though to listen to baseball dog days of baseball is hilarious the they talk about this guy was talking about the disease his dad died of and I was just like what the heck is this like a rain delay like how does that come up of and i was just like what the heck is this like a rain delay like how does that come up jesus well there's just nothing to talk about we're in this skid we're in this slide and god forbid they change a picture the guy's got to have like 36 warm-up pitches and these guys are just sitting there yeah you ever uh you have a job uh taking barnacles off the bottom of a boat this is this is my least favorite time in sports. My favorite time in sports, September, October, is when everything goes. Paul, why don't you sit next to the radio and reflect on how lucky you are to be a sports fan?

Is there anything better than being a sports fan in the United States of America? Oh, is there anything better than that? Four best sports. One of us donated by Canada. Respect to them. Yeah, I got to be honest. The only sport where you can't be some big talking guy. Everybody in the sport,

they got the big talking guy who can't really fucking fight. In hockey, you find out. This is my new move. You go out, you find out. And I throw the fucking cellophane. There it is. That's a good one.

The thought of sitting on my couch watching my New York football giants every Sunday coming up soon gives me pleasure. Is there anything better? Why do you say New York football giants? You tell me why. I'm going to tell you why, because there was a, the baseball team in New York. And I said to my, I said to my wife once I go, you know, they're called the New York football giants, right? And she goes, no,

they're not. I go, she thought I was fucking with her. I go, no, know, they're called the New York football giants, right? And she goes, no, they're not. I go, she thought I was fucking with her. I go, no, no, they're actually the New York football giants. They're not called that. They were called that when the giants were there. There's no reason to do it. Chris Berman brought it back. Well, they still do it now though. And, and what if you were talking about Chris Berman who was quoting them? I don't know about that. Here's why. Because if you refer back to the New York Giants of baseball, if you talk about like maze and all that, it'll get confusing. So you so it makes sense. There's a sliver of that. I don't like how you just said that thing. There was an awkward silence. And then you did this little move like like like it just, you know, Ken Harrison, put it on the board. Yes. You know what?

I'll give it. I'll give you that one. I'll give you that one. What the fuck was that move? I want to see that as a fucking meme. What? Whatever the fuck you just did. That little, I just made a point.

That was your, you talking to the person at the scoreboard? Is that what that was? I just went. Yeah. You know what does that shit? You got to see the L.A. Weatherman. There's a guy out there, man. He fucking dresses up like, you know, he's going to host a telethon.

Oh, dude. He goes, hey, right now the whole state's on fire. I'll give you the news right in a few minutes. No, dude. Talk to an old black man in the South. Nothing funnier. When you talk to an old black man in the South, they make a point and immediately agree with themselves, dude, talk to an old black man in the South. Nothing funnier. When you talk to an old black man in the South,

they make a point and immediately agree with themselves, dude. This dude, Andre from Alabama, he's the sound guy at Brad Garrett's room at the MGM Grand. And for some reason, he took this insane liking to me. Like, he just loved me. He was like, dude, let's go out and talk sports. He loved bet and he was just southern right like and he sees he told me you come in with your bald head and your chain hanging down like all right this guy's got a problem i'm hanging out with him he fucking loved me like he was like paul's come dude people would go to vegas and go

dude andre keeps talking about you like this guy i want to hear him how does he how does he do the thing let me hear it he would do he would go like this he would go like this you'd say a point of group so he goes i'll tell you why man i'll tell you why he goes because they don't have a defense and their running game is suspect uh-huh that's right he would say uh-huh that's right or like you know that like and i didn't even say anything and he was just just like, it's a Southern thing. That's their version of that. That's their version of that. I'll tell you, I like both.

I like yours better. Because I was trying to think of a rebuttal, and you did that move, and it just, whatever my comment, it was over. You just cleared my head. All right, guys. This has been Episode 28, Anything Better. Please like, subscribe, get it everywhere. I will be, Bill, I know your shows are sold out, okay?

I'm trying to fucking sell out these shows. I will be at the Salt Lake City Wise Guys, September 3rd and 4th. I'll be at Governor's on the 27th of August. A lot of anal sex in that state that state no they're just italian no no so because the chicks want to stay virgins so they would just like you know because of that uh that polygamy religion out there or something i haven't been to utah in a while there was something out there so they wouldn't have vaginal sex well there you go fellas throw it in her ass you know what i mean you go, fellas. Throw it in her ass. You know what I mean? There you go.

Get to throw it in her ass and then whatever. Also, my special, guys, my special. This is September 18th, Levity Live. I'll be there the weekend before. I'll be in Philly September 15th and the Wilbur Theater right near where- Philly, home of The chicken fried steak sandwich. They're so famous for that. You got to get a chicken fried steak sandwich.

Okay. Okay. Um, I'm fucking with you, dude. That's all they ever do. Give me two. Give me two. Wilbur theater.

Anything else going on in that city, Paul? In Philly? Well, if they come here, they don't tell you how to order a bowl of fucking clam chowder. Oh, dude, I got a guy mad at me once. I went to Jimmy's and I go, yeah, can I get a Philly cheesesteak? And he just goes, I was like, I don't,

I'm sorry. Like, I don't. They're like Parisians. Try to speak French. It's like, yeah, but dude, I'm sorry. I don't... They're like Parisians. They try to speak French. It's like, yeah, but dude, I gotta listen to your English. Go to the meat store? It's like, it's fucking beef and bread. Put it in the fucking bread and give me the sandwich, you fucking asshole. I don't give a fuck how to say it.

That's all they... But they do that with... But I don't think that everybody in Philly does that. Because for the longest time, whenever they would show a fucking patriots game they used to show some stupid lighthouse before gillette put up a fake one and they'd always show like the autumn leaves in this fucking lighthouse i mean my buddy after 30 fucking years before they ripped down sullivan state and they finally showed the lighthouse. Have you ever seen that lighthouse? Where the fuck is that thing? That's so funny. All right, guys. Well, this has been the show. Go to all of Verzi Effect, Monday Morning Podcast, YouTube, all that shit. Get dates,

paulverzi.com. If Bill has tickets anywhere available, go to that. Andrew Thelmas, I love you. Bill, I love you. Tell everybody over there, give my regards, and just know that this is the best podcast out there right now, and you guys have said it. And let's go Red Sox. Take care. Thank you.