Anything Better? - Bury Him & His Bicycle

Episode Date: June 26, 2021

What's up everybody welcome back to your favorite hour of the week anything better podcast myself Paul Berzy, Bill Burr, the Greek freak, producer extraordinaire Andrew Thimlas and you guys are listening to episode number 21 and I got a lot of people saying that we can't leave people out. So we have to start with Deion Sanders. We have to give, somebody said, an honorable mention to Paul O'Neill with those World Series with the Yankees. Somebody also said LaDainian Tomlinson, 21. But I want to give a shout-out, special shout-out.

Paul O'Neill is 21? Paul O'Neill is 21. Right fielder. New York Yankees. I know who he is. Yeah, no, I know. I just. He's in your program at 21.

Sean Taylor, rest in peace. Rest in peace, Sean Taylor. He was 21, I believe. God, if I got that wrong. But Sean Taylor, I believe, was 21. He played for the Miami Hurricanes, and then he went to the Washington Redskins at the time. They were the Redskins. His home in Miami was invaded.

They didn't think he was home. They shot him in the leg. Unfortunately, he passed away. But that dude, they said, as far as D-back, was going to be unbelievable. So I will give definitely an honorable mention to the great, late Sean Taylor. You guys listened to episode 21 and bill do we have a do we have a docket for the fans today okay if you ever want i mean we got father's day to talk about we wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute dominique wilkins 21 dominique wilkins 21

wow duncan tim dunk tim dun Duncan was 21. 21. Sammy Sosa. Roger Clemens. Stan Mikita. He's a hockey player, Paul. Lauren Spahn. LaDainian Tomlinson. Peter Forsberg. There's another hockey player. Who else? We got to make sure we got to clear the docket here. 21 is a big one. 21 is a big number. Oh, it's clickbait. But. You're just going to fuck with me here.

Neon Dion, man. Primetime? Yeah, that's, yeah. He's one of the first ones that came about. Tiki Barber. Hang on to that football. Mike Aruzioni. Yeah, he's one of the first ones that came about. Tiki Barber. Hang on to that football. Micah Ruzzioni.

Let me see. Some of these guys I don't know. There's Paul O'Neill. Dominique, the human highlight. Bill Sharman, Celtics. Probably won like six rings. Charles Woodson. Bob Lemon.

Kevin Garnett. Woo! Andrew, can you make sure Sean Taylor, the late Sean Taylor who played for Washington, was 21, please? He was, right? Oh, and the number one of all time, Paul. Thank God.

We got to start looking at this shit. Roberto Clemente. Oh, my God. Another good. Rest his soul. Yeah. Rest his soul. We got a lot of good 21s.

21s? He was 21 okay um guys episode 21 is gonna be you know sometimes me and bill we shoot the shit we have fun we joke around we got some things to talk about on this one number one we got father's day number two number two we got brookeley brooke we got i mean we got a lot of stuff to talk about, but let's dive in. Bill, let's dive into, how was your father's day, Bill? My father's day was actually, it was great. It was great. We, you know, we, my wife made me a, what do you want for breakfast?

You know, I ate like an animal the night before. So she just make me a green smoothie. She did she took the kids she left the house because i told her i said i want like you have mother's day it's all fucking it was all it was up till like five o'clock then we got to put the kids to bed and you know we both got to help with that but um so she was cool to the point they left where i was just like we didn't have to leave i just because she was like do you want to go to a brunch do you want to go apple picking she was cool to the point they left where I was just like, we didn't have to leave. I just because she was like, do you want to go to a brunch? Do you want to go apple picking? She was just like picking all this shit women like to do. I was like, I don't want to do any of that.

I don't want to do anything. Do you want to go blouse shopping? Yeah. Yeah, exactly. She just took the kids and left. And I was like, well, I still like my kids. I like you guys. But it was kind of nice. I hung out and I watched some sort of game, smoked a cigar.

Nice. me about like you know i kind of fucked up with the timing so i kind of had to huff the last 30 of it no no no you know what it was as i had two and the second one i was like all right i can't like this i gotta make sure the house is fucking out so i went and i cleaned up the house i showered so i wouldn't smell like a stick and all that and they came home and it looked great it was great they came home and it looked like I didn't need them, which is exactly the message I wanted to send. Doesn't Father's Day feel, this is what Father's Day feels like to me. And maybe I'm wrong. I'm not trying, listen, they were great. We went to brunch with them. Here's what Father's Day feels like to me. It feels like when the sheet rock gets like a hole in it and you just got to put that fucking gooey shit and just fucking real quick, a quick paint job.

Mother's Day is a fucking cinder block. Mother's Day is a cinder block that can't be fucked with. Father's Day is a makeshift. Let's fucking put it together quick. And it just feels that way because when my wife and listen, she was she was great. But my wife on Mother's Day is like, oh, you know, I'd like some. And she's not a pain. She's like, I'd like some fresh fruit and a breakfast.

And if you got what do you know, she there's like there's kind of things I know she want. You know, God forbid there's no flowers. It's fucking over for a week for me and all that stuff. Right. Me, I go, I don't want nothing. I want to be with you and the kids. Let's go out to eat even this year, Bill, because normally what I do on Father's Day is I go play golf. I play golf. I play 18 holes. I'm four hours. I'm smoking cigars on a golf course. And I said, I want to do that this year. I don't want to be five hours away from my wife and kids. I want to just fucking go. And we went out. But it was just like, why is every other day not even close to that? It's a facade. Why is every other day not even close to that?

It's a facade. It feels forced. It feels like. It's work. Yes. It's definitely work. They pitch something that they want to do with you. And when you say no to that, she just took the kids.

You know, I don't know. Here's what I did. i actually went out because i i got her flowers for for mother's day i got one for the kitchen one for right when you walked in and one for the bedroom right so i'm thinking well fuck this father's day i'm getting flowers and the house is going to look nice so i went out and i got it just to see if she would notice she didn't even notice okay and granted the ones i got for her were white these were like white and pink because i was gonna do like dude blue well blue's a good guy flower right i was just like just get some pretty ones so then she'll

because then she'll be happy yeah and i i didn't i just got like these white and pink ones or whatever and then finally she was like talking and blah, blah. She did have a big thing that went well for her. She goes, what are those flowers? I was like, I don't know. What are those flowers? I go, you didn't even notice them? She didn't even fucking notice until she got upstairs. The big ones were downstairs. Then she was in the bed.

She was like, I'll go down and look at them. But I will say this. I will say this. My wife is cool enough that I don't need to give her a shout out. Like all of these guys on the fucking internet where they're going, hey, happy Father's Day, everybody. But, you know, here's a picture of my lady that I couldn't do without her. And this is what it is.

I'm not making fun of those guys. I feel bad for them. Because what it is, is there's finally a day that's not about her. No, fuck, don't give them an out, Bill. They made their fucking bed. They made their bed. They know. I got a little Carlito in me. What can I say?

I let Benny Blanco leave every once in a while. Benny Blanco from the Bronx. Yeah. My brother texted me that today. How funny is that? It's weird. So I, it's just so foreign that a day is actually about us.

It feels weird and it makes you nervous around your wife. So you have to make sure her emotions are okay it feels like that's all i saw all i saw in those videos was a hostage i saw something in a hostage situation read the paper read it i i he's blinking sos he's blinking SOS. I sent it to, I saw one, there was this guy,

it was a picture of him with his wife. And it's just like, gee, it's just not even on Father's Day, Paul, does it end? It never ends. I'll tell you another funny,

you know what is the funny thing? Was, my wife was talking to somebody on Zoom that day. She goes, what do for your husband she said well for breakfast she goes i just i just made him a smoothie she goes you didn't just make him a smoothie you made him a smoothie oh jesus and i'm thinking in my head like i fucking do that for like every three days oh my god yeah it feels like they want it to be over with. Like Father's Day is like a blowjob. They just want it done.

It is. Yeah. It's like this errand they have to run in the morning. But my wife wasn't like that this year because I made such a, I made, because I bitched, I did what you bitch about it. I bitched about it. So she knew I was like, this is going to be the whole fucking day. It's going to be the whole day. Didn't end up being the whole, I mean, it was mostly the whole day. It was a whole day. It was equal because hers ended at five. My ended at five

too. So it was equal. I, so I had a good father's day, but I will tell you, I did notice that there was a lot of that vibe on the internet. Yes. And I think it's disgraceful. And I think everybody feels the angst of they didn't like it. They don't like it. They don't like that it's about dad. They don't like that it's about a man. Some of them. I don't want to put all of them.

I wouldn't say they don't like, they don't care. Yeah. I mean, dude. There's no advertising. There's very little advertising. year pro flowers sherrys berries all that stuff that even like the men's products didn't even do a father's day campaign it's absolutely insane dude you know why they understand us yeah we just want to be left alone i don't want any fucking stuff yeah Yeah. No, I'm Jimmy.

Don't buy anything. Bring it back. Get it the fuck out of here. Get it out of here. Shout out to comedian, Ali Sadiq. And I know Ali Sadiq because he's the only guy who's fucking bit on comedy. Central has more than me.

Mine's got 5.2 million. The lightsaber. He's got 6.1 called father's day and his joke is basically about father's day is like at the list of holidays it's fucking so at the bottom how nobody gives a fuck oh i heard that yeah yeah and it's like 16th it's like yeah either 16 or 18 or 21 something like that 20 whatever And it's just like, you can feel that they're like today's for dad, but we'll get back to normal tomorrow. That's how you feel. You feel you. You're right, Bill. When you said like, you almost have anxiety,

even though it's your day, it's like, it's raining, but tomorrow the sun's going to come out. It is. As long as I'm not one of those guys going on there fucking who i gotta give a shout out to my fucking wife on father's day that's dude that's when your relationship is in a bad that's like that remember that fucking nba guy he had to sit there and rub his face right before he took the foul shots oh my god yeah and i love you to my wife oh oh my god i think i know you're talking was that doug christie yeah don't even doug christie dude that guy was in a fucking hostage situation completely had lost all sense of self what happens to a man to get there where

they just feel like if they don't have that person in their life, they're fucking nobody or nothing. It's really fucking unbelievable. Are they being abused where they, well, you got it. You got to, what people should be doing is breaking down whatever her style is. Cause that's like a pimp level what she did to that man that was humiliating yeah yeah okay i love you all right now fuck off i gotta make a file shot in front of 20 000 people if you don't mind dude that thing you sent me it's like hey guys just want to say man's father's day it's our day but let's not forget man it's all it all is about mom it's like mom had her day last month mom had her day last month it's like you know it's my fucking day i don't care about mom today it's not about mom today it's about fucking me i'm a fucking good father i'm a good father

paul you just gotta see the humor in it it's annoying i know but it's why we're funny paul annoying. I know, but it's why we're funny, Paul. It's why we're funny. It's why you cannot even know another man and shit like that's happening. And you guys look at each other and you have to look away because you're going to start laughing. Right. You just, you just, right. Yeah. And I tell you this, dude, there's no, there's no word why I would trade that for what they got. So maybe they do need more attention. Yeah. I think they're too smart to be happy. Paul, we're dumb.

Being dumb is a good thing. It's a good thing. You're too stupid to know that you should be upset about something. Everybody keeps saying how much. Listen, I know women have a maturity level of smart. My, my, I see it in my daughter. My daughter is nine. I see this like little woman. I see that.

But like when you say smarter, what do you mean? In all aspects of life, smarter or, or, or emotionally? As far as like processing emotionally, a lot of levels, they just are, they are smart, but like everything, there's a balance of life that are, they're emotional. I think they got like a lot, what a lot of people have, like, like what makes you great also takes you down. That happened with me. I get into something, I stick with it. I make it as a comedian. I got into alcohol.

I went off to fucking rails you know oh you crushed hey you crushed it in that i i did i did i had a fucking hbo special of bourbon drinking right so i just think it's it's like um where we have that shit where we don't deal with emotions and then drop of a fucking heart attack. Cause it was, it's just sitting on your chest, you know, in your fifties and sixties, they have the other way where they have to like, they, they so are in touch with their emotions, you know, like, uh, you know, what am I feeling when I'm above above, it actually, it slows them down.

So I think it's prevents prevents them from i don't know maybe just having that what was that joke i used to do like when was the last time something happened you were wronged you're 100 in the right and you just said like hey the you're gonna do and you moved ahead right yeah like i i think we can kind of learn from each other because i can tell you like not dealing with my emotions me all that made me a fucking asshole to live with so my wife should have had two mother's days for a lot of the years but then on the other side though there is this shit where it's just like, does every fucking thing have to be a problem? They want a movie. They want the beginning, middle, and the end, the resolution, and then fucking roll credits

on, you know, on like, you know, should we get a new dish towel? Yeah. Kind of exaggerating here, Paul. No, somebody told me once, and it's actually a smart thing. They said for marriages to work, sometimes you have to be 100% right and still apologize. And that was hard for me. That's hard for me. That's directed 100% at the man. That's 50% of the arguments. I like to think half the time I'm right.

I'll even give you, let's say, 30% of the time. But I apologize 100% of the time. The end of shit. Yes. I have no problem saying I fucked up. Paul, to the point, it doesn't even mean anything. Right. When it comes out of my mouth now, it's just like,

thank you for flying American Airlines. Yeah. I'm sorry about that. I'll work on that. Yeah. Yeah. Your apologies have American Airlines. Yeah. I'm sorry about that. I'll work on that. Yeah. Yeah. Your apologies have become routine. Yeah.

It's like muscle memory. We're an NBA guy, blindfolded. Could fucking probably hit eight out of ten foul shots, most guys. Yeah. Now boarding rows. Yeah. Yeah. No.

Look, man, it was a great day she we were about to fall asleep gonna do it no we really had a good time no i was trying to answer the ladies i was drinking some mimosas at brunch you know she got it she got a bloody and i was like i want champagne you know i don't want to drink that tomato juice i don't want tomato soup in a glass with ice i said give me i like don't get me wrong. I like a nice bloody if it's spicy with olives and shit. But I was in a mood for champagne. So I start drinking champagne.

I start getting a little tuned up at brunch and shit. We go home and I close my eyes. I'm like, shit, I don't want to sleep on Father's Day. So the kids are like, what are we going to do? What are we going to do? And I go, fuck it. Here's what we're going to do. I go, let's go to some rescue shelters and see what dogs they got available. So my kids go,

Oh, my kids. Yes. Yes. Dad, dad, he's eating, but they're going there. They're saying to Stacy, dad said it, dad said it. And Lucas is going, he's serious. I go, listen, we're just going to look, we have to, it's gotta be a dream come true. It's gotta be a great breed. It's gotta be calm. I said, the chances of us coming home with a dog today, they start getting ready. Sophia's sneakers are on before I finish. Stacey's going, I don't think this is a good idea. I said, listen.

I got to side with Stacey on this. You're half in the bag. You're going to come home with a fucking wolf. Stacey's going, kids, we're not going to come home with a dog. Well, I go, it's a nice day. Let's go for a drive. Let's go for a drive. It's a nice fucking day.

We'll go for what else are we going to do? So there's not as fathers. Everything's because I said, if some ASPCA is, maybe we save a dog's life today. Who fucking knows? Maybe we fuck. Maybe there's a dog that's going to fucking die. We save its life. And Lloyd has a friend.

Maybe we do something like that. So we go and dude, I mean mean the only thing that looked worse than some of these dogs in the cages were the fucking people you know taking care of them i mean this fucking guy had one eye this way one eye this way he was all fucked up he was like fat wearing crocs and he couldn't and i couldn't tell if he's looking at me he goes you got to go online you got to go online we don't just do this this is by appointment he was all fucking dirty and shit i was like dude i'm never coming back here then i went to another place this fucking lady had three of her fingers were fucking gnawed down to the fucking i'm not even joking dude three of her fingers were like

gnawed down to the top thing and she's just going like you should go online i'm going i don't yeah i don't did that come from here like what the fuck happened to you you know um long story short the dogs were fucked up then i see this beautiful black dog i go look at that might be a lab mix and i went and i go hey girl and the dog just kept looking and walking in a circle and then she'd come around to me and look at me and start walking in a circle and i was like all right that thing's fucked up and then i was just like you know what kids we tried then then then lucas was like locked in he goes so we can't go to another know what, kids, we tried. Then Lucas was like locked in. He goes, so we can't go to another place?

I go, buddy. I go, we tried. There's nothing. It's just hard. I told you it would have to be a perfect situation, and then he fucking throws in the towel for the day. So now we're dealing with him. Now he's pissed.

He's just pissed the whole day. He's like, what are we going to do? This is when, remember we said women are smarter? You should have listened to your wife. I'm looking at dogs we're having fun it's a nice day i made it upsetting the kid there's no way that was gonna end well unless you came home with the dog what am i gonna do i can't fall asleep on the couch she was tired no it's i don't want to i want father my father's day. I want to be with my kids. Look at a couple dogs. You're going to be there tomorrow?

You got a little tuned up at fucking brunch. Take a little 20-minute fucking nap. I'll tell you what, dude. You should have gone out and done batting practice like some 70s pitcher. Still booze on his fucking breath. All right. Was this a lefty or righty? What do we got going on here?

Just touching everywhere? Oh, shit. You know what's crazy? As I saw baseball is really starting to crack down on the foreign substances on pitchers' jerseys. Did you see him throw his fucking hat off? Scherzer? I know.

That's what the guy did a long time ago. He went like this and the nail file went flying. He goes, I got nothing. He throws his hat. He takes his belt. He just hits his hands up. He goes, I i got nothing i got nothing he said it like five times and he walked over to the belt and the hat is what you got well here's the thing though is um i know how how how how quick is that that you're guilty as yeah so any any major league

baseball player if anybody's watching this shit, okay. Have this shit on your belt and then throw your hat. Cause then they're going to go after the hat. Yeah. Yeah. No, he got pissed. He got pissed cause they they've been doing it now on like a nightly basis. I mean, he started on, but he did everything to pull his dick out there. He's going like this. He fucking untucked his shirt. He put his thing out and he's just looking disgusted. I got nothing. I got nothing. I got, and he did. Was he mad? No, he was mad going. I don't have anything like

stop this. Did he? No, he had nothing. Well, here's the thing too, is, um, I thought he was, okay. It's my bad. I thought he was doing that. Cause he actually had something. Here's the thing. I heard that hitters would rather that there was a little something on it if it gave them more control. Because what they're doing, if it doesn't go where they want to, they could die. So it's like I'll give you that little bit of an advantage where it's going to break more or whatever,

but I want it to go where you want it to go. Yeah. Well, I hope I'm not being repetitive here, but I had Fred McGriff, the crime dog on the Verzi effect. And, uh, it was so cool to tell him he hit a shot in the upper deck that I taught. He knew he goes, Oh yeah, I know that he hit one that I thought was going to go out of the fucking stadium, but he said something to me. And if I said this before, I don't remember if I said it on this one, but he said something to me where he goes, dude, what people don't see on TV is when we're driving, he goes, I'm driving to the stadium, knowing that I'm facing Randy Johnson in a playoff game. That's nationally televised. And he goes, and all I'm thinking about is he goes, when we're in the batter's box, we can't show it. He goes, that man throws 99 miles an hour, wherever he wants to put

it. And he goes goes it could kill us so so what you're saying is 100 true because we're just in the box going like this in our mind we're going that's one of the most deadly throwers in history yeah you know so it is it is fucking scary but those guys are so good bill i don't think the substance is gonna really do i mean i think it just makes the curveball just fucking you know that shit they put on their neck they go like this and you know i don't know you know i hate that they're just all of this shit is just becoming all sterile i mean that was part of the game yeah you know the little fucking you know whatever the fuck you had some little bullshit you know once every fucking two three years somebody gets caught with a cork bat.

This shit's funny, man. He's in a slump. He needs to get out of it. He's trying to stay in the league. That shit is just all funny to me. And it's like, I don't know. I just, like, what fucking drives me nuts, Paul, is the outrage that all these fans have.

And I just want to be like, are you not in the business world at all? Yeah. Because the level of stealing, legalized stealing that goes on when two guys get into business and the deal is being, it's like that, why I hate Shark Tank. Because I know how that fucking thing goes down. They're going to get in business with them. And they're thinking, oh, we're in business. It's like, no, all the money is going to that rich guy. And then you're going to get paid with his name on that check. And then someday you're going to smarten up.

You're going to audit that fucker. You're going to find out how much he stole from you. And then he's going to settle for less than that. And it's all legal. And he's not going to jail. And then these guys are like, can you believe they were banging on trash cans? It's like,

yeah, that's a reflection of what the fuck everybody's doing from the lemonade stand all the way up to the fucking computer people. That's great. All right. It's great all right it's helix everybody helix uh not being able to sleep because of today's politics you love life your balls are full there unwanted drama helix sleep has a quiz that takes just two minutes to complete and matches your body type and sleep preferences to the perfect mattress for you. Why would you buy a mattress that's made for someone else? Low self-esteem, abusive or late. There's a lot of reasons.

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and two free pillows for our listeners at helixsleep.com slash better. That's helixsleep.com slash better for up to $200 off and two free pillows. Nice. I actually have a Helix and it's helped my back. We got the firm. You know what, Paul? I was going to say you look really rested and fresh on this podcast no thank well you know you look great too hey Paul you know what maybe I was thinking about you and that helix mattress just the thought of you on that mattress maybe we're just a couple we're just a couple of fresh looking bald guys who are ready to go it is yeah That's the thing about going bald. You know, you keep it tight though.

You know? Keep it tight. No fussing about it. You see those guys. They keep their hair, man. They get out of control. They get jowls, their fucking hairs all over the place. It always looked like they just got done drinking a bottle and flying a kite. Dude.

That's what bald guys do. Yeah. No. Stanley Tucci. All those bald guys. They look the same. Yeah. The worst you could tell about a bald guy is he needs sleep.

All right. He needs hair. I mean, we need hair, too. What you can tell a bald guy is he's bald? Other than that, we keep it tight, man. We're in fucking shape here. Max Weldon, everybody. Kick off your summer in style with the brand that's reinventing men's basics,

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That's perfect, dude. I went back to therapy. It's the best thing I ever did. Listen, man, it's nice to give that shit to somebody. I remember going to therapy and then I'd walk to the, I would walk to my car and be like, oh yeah, let them fucking digest that for a while. What the therapist? Yeah. Fuck. I'm paying them. Let me ask you a question, Bill. What's your favorite part about baseball? If you had to, if you, if you're, if you're at a game, you're watching, you're at Fenway, you're watching your

favorite team. What is your favorite play thing something that happens during a baseball game what's yours i got one oh my favorite play okay okay i got a couple of ones here uh all right okay the most exciting hit in baseball is the triple. I love a triple. Yes. I love a triple. And I love somebody testing an outfielder's arm and he doesn't even hit the cutoff, man. He just throws it all the way to the catcher. It's a fucking strike.

That's a great one. Fucking rings him up and the fucking place just goes nuts. Oh, he got him. He got him. The announcer's are fucking almost falling off the balcony that's a fucking great one i love the uh the the uh the brooks robinson dive on the third baseline yeah from your fucking knees and it does the one bounce and the guy's stretching it first. Yeah. Fucking pulls it up. I love that one.

And then I would say the infielder doing the over the chest, the over the shoulder. Catch. Yeah, runs out and lands on his chest, like that type of show. Oh, snagging a home run, bringing it back in. I love all of that shit. It's all defensive shit. I have one. I have one. There's nothing better for me. And it's a stolen base. And I know that sounds simple enough, but when I'm watching a game and I love to watch the runner take his steps,

then go back. I love guessing when I think he's really going and I love and I love when it's a big game and we need a runner on second and he's got to get there to get rid of the double play and it's a close thing but he's so fast and he goes and I love it because I know the pitcher and catcher know he's going to that and that's I love a crowd that understands how important that is oh yeah and like that's, I love a crowd that understands how important that is. Oh yeah. And like, that's what was so good about Ricky Henderson. Cause when Ricky, when Ricky got a single, it was a triple. A lot of times he was, he was still, he stole both. He stole both third base. Third base is the, is the most exciting stolen base. Fuck home plate. That's

like a trick. You catch somebody sleeping or the catcher lobs it back. That's like a heads up play, but it really is. It's more of a bonehead move by the other team. They got caught napping, but a third base stealing dirt. I mean, you have to be flying. I'm so dumb for the longest time. I'm like, well, there's 90 feet between first and second. between first and second, same as third. Why is that? It's a diamond bill. It's closer. As much as people are laughing right now,

somebody else just figured that out by me explaining it to them. And I like when a catcher throws a guy out. So my favorite, I do love what you said. I love when a right fielder guns at home and like, he's got a fucking hose. I love that. But for that guy trying to go to first to third on a single to right and just gets all. Yeah.

And it goes over the cutoff, man. One hop in the third basement, backhands it. Boom. Right down. Yeah. And he gets, and the fucking, the runner always has that same look on his face. Like just, oh, now I got to go back to the duck.

Manager's not even looking at you i love when the catcher throws him out and his mask is off and when it gets called out you just see the catcher looking with that fucking he i love that shit i love that shit dude i hope baseball listen i i'm gonna take the kids and stacy to a game one of these summer nights. Just get a beer and a hot dog and sit up there and just fucking enjoy a game. But, Bill, something else happened in the sports world recently. Wait, before we get out of that, my favorite baseball highlight I ever saw, selfishly, I saw a highlight from a baseball game in the late 60s or early 70s. It was in color. And they went to the stands and there was a guy in the

stands with a fucking cigar head on a fedora. And he had on a cigar with one of those short sleeve falling down white fucking dress shirts. You know, the Michael Douglas from falling down. Oh my God. Nobody was turning around like, eh,

can you put that stinky thing out? Can you imagine being at a ballpark? What? Oh, my God. Nobody was turning around like, yeah, can you put that stinky thing out? Can you imagine being at a ballpark? What do you want? Could you give a fuck less? Phil, is there anything better than sitting in the stands of a ballgame with a stick? What? Can you imagine if they actually had a smoking section?

Stick it to the upper deck. It'll float away. Have a fucking fan blowing it like that. Dude, if I ever fucking made Mark Cuban's money and I could do what he did and bought a franchise, I'd have a smoking section. Dude, we went to the Staples Center and that one place, they had that little cigar place where you could buy a cigar, but they had you locked underneath the stadium. And defense them, obviously, they're inside. But if you have an outdoor fucking stadium,

and just like the old days, like guys would be smoking like those Dutch masters. Dude, could you imagine sitting on the third base line with a fucking Pappy Van Winkle with a fucking stick? You could die. you know what happened all of these fucking assholes ruined it they ruined like look i i'm actually that's not true because i was excited when you couldn't smoke cigarettes everywhere but i but cigarette smokers are animals dude smoking a cigarette on an airplane's wild the fact that that was legal

to me i i can't even could you imagine being in a fuselage with a guy fucking that's fucking i got one for you i was just looking at this fucking ford uh custom 500 1970 right looks like the ltd but it's not quite the ltd it's a ford custom 500 and the the back of the front seat with the front seat was a bench it was brown of course the 70s right yeah it's a bench seat and you know in between where the two passengers would sit was a little ashtray on the back of the front seat oh and you just be sitting in the back like we're going down to the elks club and just be fucking tapping cigarette that little ashtray oh my god it was such a sick ass car my wife thought it was ugly as hell i love watching those i love watching those movies where like the detective in the 40s

is just it's just a constant put it out light another one go in his office take a fucking whiskey in his office throw it back i know those guys and i i go on imdb and they all died at like 60 but they lived they lived dude anytime they wanted a steak you know if they had the money they got it yeah and a hamburger when they wanted to have a hamburger that you know all of this fucking knowledge they didn't know they were killing themselves so they just fucking went ah shit and they just fucking died you know but that's better yeah those guys you can't eat a steak every fucking night steak and potatoes every night for fucking you just can't that was a sign of wealth back then this guy eats steak like four

nights a week nowadays like oh my god his colon must be a rupture back then people just like oh man that motherfucker you know he's got everything um smoking in your car dude is another one is a badass one smoking a cigar in your in your car is just driving around you just got to sacrifice the car you mean that's like a body died you're never getting that smell out of there yeah oh my god who's that fat italian guy who drives around and he's playing you know what i'm talking about i haven't you told me about i haven't seen him he gives advice and he'll just be like hey have a blessed day and he's like playing like spring love come on it's just smoking and he just giant fuck it's the fucking bed he's like in a cadillac and he's just smoking and he just giant fuck it's the fucking bed he's like in a cadillac and he's just smoking and the sun's hitting him and he's just going down it's the fuck and he's

just happy as hell he is he is happy dude i'll tell you we did uh king of staten island i got to know uh dom lombardozzi one of the great actors of our generation, right? The day we were going to rehearse the fire, the apartment fire scene, we were shooting in Staten Island, and then we shot that up in the Bronx. So he had a fucking really nice car, and we went out and got some cigars. I go, dude, do you think we have enough time to smoke these after we park he goes no we fucking smoke them in the car i go dude but that's a it's a really nice car he goes he goes let me tell you something i'll burn that fucking

car down i don't give a fuck we're smoking it dude one of my favorite on slash offset moments driving with dom we were just laughing our asses off the whole way up and then we also laughed because it was hot as shit and we were going to have to put on all this fire you know all of the whole get up and we were going to be dying and the last thing we wanted to be getting hydrated

and instead we were smoking cigars and it was going to make it even worse and we knew it was stupid we were laughing the whole way up i missed that guy man this stupid fucking uh pandemic he's another guy i have not seen that guy me and dom played golf a couple times last year i'll tell you two stories and i know i think dom listens to the show so shout out to dom lombardozzi great great remember that picture we took at his house? He sent it to the wives?

Yeah, yeah. He's bald too. And it was the three of us who were shot from behind. Dude, that looked like the beginning of an HBO series. We were all in this pool. It was just our three bald heads. And I texted to my wife. I go, can you pick me out?

You know what I loved about him? He goes, let me go to the store. Let me go to the store. I got to get more wine. Or I got to get. and he came back with a fucking case of the same bottle and just fucking took it out I was just like yeah this guy gets it Italians they get it that guy gave me a bag of vegetables from his own garden yeah insane you ever had like celery right from a garden yeah dude it's we have a garden here. It's unbelievable.

Dude, celery, carrots. He had cucumbers. I never ate so good. I never ate so many vegetables the whole week because I was like, I can't waste any of this. Yeah. He had tomatoes. I immediately went out and got some mozzarella, right? Did a little fucking caprese salad.

Oh, my God. It was unbelievable. All you got to do with that tomato from the garden is slice it up, put a piece of fresh mozzarella and eat it like that. It's over. It's fucking over. A little olive oil. Yeah, maybe a tiny, tiny drop of salt. Listen to this. Dom

hits the ball in the woods and I'm going. We're golfing. You're golfing, all right. We're golfing. He hits the ball in the woods. He did this two times, two different weeks. Never seen anything like it before. The guy is an incredible athlete, by the way. Arm is incredible. This guy hits the ball, not just in the woods

where you got to go and you're a few... He's 30 yards in the woods. His ball went 30 yards in the woods. He's looking around for it. I got it. So I go, all right, you're just going to drop. Now he goes, I think I can get it out. Dude, this fucking dude.

I'm literally almost laughing. I can't fucking believe how far in the woods I'm watching this guy. I've never golfed with somebody that way. He's in the woods, dude. He could have fucking set up a tent and camped. That's how far in the woods he is. And he takes the thing out and he's walking around. He's taking a long time and he's looking and he's looking.

So help me God god this kid hits the ball fucking 30 yards i see it travel through the woods i see a little white thing past trees boom just goes on the fairway goes out and he just looks at it goes i got it i'm going like i go i never saw that before and then he did it the next week like when dom hits it bad he'll search for it find it pick the club to get it out and get it the fuck out it was it was incredible man it was really and then he did magnum pi in hawaii and they put that video of him where the the star of it goes you can't throw that baseball over the warehouse and it was nuts and he fuck and like it's on you and he just took the ball and he threw it the guy is incredible man

like the guy is, uh, for the people that don't know Dom, Dom was the 15 year old gun salesman in a Bronx tale. Uh, it was his first movie. Then he was in the wire. He was in entourage. I believe boardwalk empire. I mean, the Irishman, the Irishman, he played fat Tony Salerno and the Irishman. So, so shout out to, uh, shout out to, to Dom. He's been in like over the last like 30 years, he's been in some of the best movies, best TV shows of like all time. Humble guy, great guy, dude. Really, really a nice guy. So a lot of people were talking about what are me and you going to do about Brooklyn losing?

Let me just say this first before we get into this. OK, Kevin Durant, I will say, I don't know if I've seen a guy. He averaged 35. He averaged 35 in the series. But the last three games averaged 43. OK, he hit more clutch fucking shots from the perimeter in the biggest moments three seconds to tie in an elimination game three seconds he did all that it's really incredible um but i will say that i did like to see a super team with maybe a couple head cases injuries not i'm glad i i'm i would, I would be lying if I said people were like, Paul, it's New York. Don't you want to suck? No, no, no, I can't have that go. I'm a Knicks fan. So I'm a Knicks fan. So I can't, that can't be the title holder. So I was glad to

see it, but I will, I got to give a shout out to Kevin Durant. And what else could he have done? shout out to Kevin Durant. And what else could he have done? Seriously. The kid's unbelievable. Yeah, no, absolutely.

But we were wrong. We were wrong. We were, but how, listen, how are we wrong? Exactly. How I still stand by that team was fucking stupid.

And that's a stupid fucking, like those victories. When you get that many of the, the best guy on the fucking thing. I mean, I guess we were wrong because they didn't win at all. But like the year before the Pylon Lakers did. A couple of years before that, the Pylon Warriors did it. The Pylon fucking Heat did it. The Pylon Celtics did it. The Pylon Lakers did it five fucking, they've done it six fucking times with Pylon teams. I hate Pylon teams. I will stay with that. But I'm psyched they fucking lost though.

I did enjoy that. Where was Kyrie, Paul? Huh? I twist my ankle. I can't play a seven fucking game. Show me a hockey player that would do that, Paul. That's a good point. Maybe because you got a fucking like, you know, I don't know what.

Dude, hockey players get stitched up on the bench. They don't give a fuck. And they don't do that now. I think you're right, man. What happened to the guy? I remember Terrell Owens. People could say what they want about him. I shouldn't use the hockey analogy because then people will think that's

like being like fucking racist. Larry Bird would have played. No, dude, if anybody thought that, that's crazy. I mean, I know what you're saying. People always think that shit. I shouldn't have gone hockey. Yeah, I mean. Let's go football.

I like vanilla cookies. What does that mean? Okay, I would say a football player. A football player is not going to play the fucking Superbowl. No, that's what I was going to say. Fucking ankle. He'd be like, tape it up. I'll figure it out. Dude. Terrell Owens. People could say what they want about him. That guy had a fucking fracture in his leg and he played in that Superbowl and he played fucking great, even though they lost. That's the one I think McNabb was puking or whatever but the the uh i swear to

god dude terrell owens they're like there's no way he could play on that and he fucking did and the craziest thing he said with the separated shoulder do they go hey they said to terrell owens they go to how could you play like how are you able to play and he just goes god all right hey man listen whatever but like he was out there and James Harden, I don't think James Harden's come up big in the playoffs, but he had his hamstring wrapped up. He was out there. You got to be out there. You got to be out there. You missed it. Emmett Smith with the separated shoulder,

separated shoulder getting tackled in the NFL level. He still played. Lawrence Taylor said that the muscle ripped off of his fucking chest plate. He was wincing in fucking pain and they wrapped it up. And he said, Bill Parcells was the only man he would have went in the game for. Parcells was like, I never seen a guy in pain like that. That's what you do. It's fucking, you know? So I don't know, man, you were right about kairi irvin when he went to when he went to the celtics i don't know that guy's talent is through the roof something's up man i don't know but he was listen it wasn't bad i what i did see the ankle i don't hate the guy or whatever

but it's just like i just wish he would you know just fucking he's got all the skill in the world but there's a you know it's like a fucking being a relationship there's always a problem the dude is gonna find something it's gonna be something that is a miss that's gonna make him not go to practice or not fucking show up or i don't know what i don't know what it's a. It's a shame. I never take it to the point of actually disliking somebody, but I will say, I still stand by what I said. It was a fucking stupid ass team. They just got hurt. They don't get hurt. There's no way the Bucks beat them. And it would have been a bullshit championship. Yes. All piling on the same thing.

I stand by it. I stand by it. I want the guy that's like Durant, and I know this is going to sound like I'm being biased, but I want a guy like Durant or someone like that to go to a Knicks or go to like a Trailblazers or go to like an Orlando Magic and take that team and fucking win. Like one or two guys. Durant's not the fuck.

Durant could actually fucking do that. But like I would have liked that he stayed in fucking. OKC. In OKC. Where Harden was to begin with. Like I think if all three of them could have just stayed there. Yeah. That team would have been. team especially now like that can

you imagine the next year when they came back to avenge they're blowing a three to one lead against the warriors that would have been incredible but i kind of got to be this is where i am wrong um it is so much fun to see a super team lose. It's almost worth having them. When a super team loses, it's just, it's the fucking, it's the greatest thing ever. But what annoys me though is super pile on teams being compared to teams from back when I grew up watching that were not pile on teams. And then they're going, could this team be fucking that team?

Or like this person won this many and this guy's got this many. Is he the same? Yeah. You know, like the big number for the modern era is six with Jordan. And, you know, when guys would get close to it, like Tim Duncan, I would be like, yeah, because he never fucking left. And the Spurs were never a pile on team as far as I know. No, no, they had Ginobili, Parker, and they all kind of came up together.

You know what that team was like? They get no love. They get no respect. Nobody gives a shit. You know why? Because the NBA didn't like them because they didn't make them fucking money. And they weren't flashy. They were just fundamentally right.

They were just a fundamentally sound, well-coached. All they were doing is playing basketball. And they were boring to the league. And that's what people people didn't want to see. Yeah. No, dude. Tim Duncan's turn around off the glass kid was fucking knocked down shots off the glass from 18 feet old school you know uh 21 that's

right 21 episode 21 um so what's going on in philly right now is they're giving ben simmons a lot of shit dude ben simmons but stephen a smith is like ben simmons can't ever come back here i was almost like it I'm not going to lie. I wanted to, I like Stephen A. Smith, but what he was doing was borderline like irresponsible. He's going, I've been a reporter there for 17 years. You got, forget your time as a Sixer. That's over.

He goes, you can't be in the city. You got to worry about being in the city. You can't be. And I was going like, dude, I was goes, you can't be in the city. You got to worry about being in the city. You can't be. And I was going like, dude. I was like, you know, he's like, you could go to Australia. You could go to another market. And I'm going like, all right, dude.

Like, it's a basketball game. He's making a joke. Yeah, but he's, yeah, that's one of those things where, you know, there's too many hot jobs out there. It's a joke. Is that the guy, instead of shooting it, he passed it? Instead of shooting it, he passed it i kind of said he passed because he's like i guess he's like 32 percent from the line so what they try to do is they try to foul him or then they take him out of the game but he had like a layup or a dunk and he

kind of kicked it out and they end up losing the fucking series in game seven and like everyone's all over him and fine whatever but i mean dude at the end of the day like you can't have a guy going to starbucks to get his life threatened i mean i'm not saying that that happened but like you shouldn't do that shit i mean you know it happens i remember bill buckner rest his soul he had to move to fucking idaho um there was that guy on the uh um in the world cup who was a great player for columbia i talked about that yesterday with Chris Italia. That was one of the best 30 for 30s. He missed one, yeah.

And then he went back there. Some guy talked shit in a bar. He gave him shit back, and the guy killed him. Yeah, two Escobars. He took sports too fucking seriously. And somebody said if Pablo Escobar was alive, he would have never fucking let that happen because he loved that guy. And that guy was a big reason why Columbia was on the fucking map.

And he fucking was said that. And I guess one of like Pablo Escobar's like guys or, you know, muscle, whatever was talking from jail and he was going, Pablo would have never fight. That guy would have been protected because he did like Columbia. Wasn't one of those Columbia.

Wasn't on the map as far as the world cup until that guy. And I didn't realize yesterday, somebody who knows soccer said that your own goals happens like very often. Like he goes, it's like, because it happens a lot where like a guy, the ball's either going back or it hits a guy and goes in. It was his own goal. He hit it into his own fucking goal. And then he went and apparently he was so cool and calm. He wanted to go and talk to the people to be like, listen, what's the problem?

And they fucking gunned him down and they killed him, dude. It's fucking like, you know, we saw that guy bubbling from fucking Argentina. It was like they took his fucking door. Yeah, but you got to lay low, dude. You fuck up. He just got to lay low. You postmate for a while. You fucking lay low. got to lay low. You postmate for a while. You fucking lay low.

I would lay low. Imagine being a comic and bombing. Your fans are like, where the fuck is he? I paid $40. I told my family. No, dude. That's fucking sad. Well, in our world, it's, yeah,

it'd be somebody trying to fucking, you know, take one of your jokes and make it seem like it just became law in Washington and then trying to cancel you. All that dumb shit. Yeah. I've yet to see them be able to, like, really, like, you know, affect somebody's road money. um so i've yet to see them be able to like really like uh

you know affect somebody's road money all of these people that they canceled like their fucking agent walks away the corporate side walks away but the fan base these guys still go out and they they go to go somewhere and they still sell the place out so i it's sort of like not really a uh yeah i think they prevent you from being on tv maybe doing an episode of uh 50 ways to kill your mother whatever those fucking shows are you can't do those but then you can go to a funny bone or whatever you can still get money out there which is nice to see these club owners have some balls and be like, look, I put his name on the marquee. The people are coming. Get mad at the fucking people. I'm

running a business here, but sometimes they cave. Well, I'm not going to mention names. We don't do that on this fucking podcast. You know, we're not going to sit here, but there's been a couple of guys that had recent things happen. And somebody was like, yeah, their careers are bigger than ever. They're selling out. They're going everywhere. People want them. And yeah, like people's agents and managers walk away, like you said, but, um, you know, listen, if, if, yeah, but the whole thing too, is like, you know, you know, like as far as like people getting offended, like there was one recently. Yeah. Okay. And it's like the reason why everybody chimed in was not because of what this guy did or didn't do it was because this guy didn't book him so isn't like it's like so isn't what you're

doing like kind of gross too is you're pretending that you're feeling the pain of this other race of people when you really are is you're just butt hurt that they didn't fucking book you at this festival and now you're like oh my god and then he fucking said this to me and then somebody said that to me it's just like i i don't know feelings hurt yeah i don't know all of the shit going on but i know that there's been a few and i know that the comedians i was in some cities and people are going, no, man, they're working. Their fan base is bigger. The fans rallied around them, you know, because if it's not really a bad thing, if it's not an egregious thing, and again, I don't know each individual case, but people can see, dude,

people could see. But it's also like people have the freedom of choice. The same way somebody looks at that and they said that person should never be able to work again. Somebody else is like, eh, it's not that big a deal. Both of those responses are fine. So if you don't want this fucking, just don't go see him.

And crimes need to be committed. This is the one thing. Crimes need to be committed. If crimes are committed and charges are filed and things happen for a fact that were criminal actions then fine dude then all bets are off well then the cops show up and then there's a fucking thing right listen i'm not going to sit there and act like i don't understand that you know there's certain situations that are not policed by cops and stuff

like that apps are fucking luli and they need to be dealt with but that whole fucking thing where you're going to try to help take somebody down not because of what happened but because of some that happened to you that you're bitter about your own career is what that's just like shouldn't you kind of be put on the bench for a second yeah we got a two-minute minor pretending to care about the issue actually bitter about his own career right right no no that's that's a good weekend i mean come on paul if we're gonna clean it up right no that's a good point people that do that that's really fucking like let's get them i don't like that pile on shit going oh that's fucking let's get it going. Come on, guys.

Just DM me some stuff anonymously and I'll just repost it as fact without researching any of it. And yeah, dude, it's this business has made me go back to seventh grade. I've thought of everything. I'm like, was I mean in seventh grade? Did I not invite that? Nobody can go back to seventh grade not even the people canceling people can go back to seventh grade without something fucking shameful that they did nobody that's the thing nobody had a pizza party and you

i went back in his past and found out he is a human being and he has made some mistakes. I want mistake free people. As long as I am not held to the same standard who share my political views. If you meet some progressive. Yeah. If you meet somebody that's like i made no mistakes i never dare you're like yeah all right dude yeah all right you know you know what's funny is throughout stand-up like shit is falling out of favor as far as stuff that you can joke about in words that you

can say and it always organically worked itself out you didn't need these fucking idiots being like you believe what this guy said in Chattanooga? Yeah. He should never be allowed to step on a stage again. I'll tell you what, dude. I got really upset. I got really kind of pissed off. It still fucking bugs me.

I was on stage at the stand. Great time, by the way. And amazing that the stand is back. I did three shows Friday. I did four on Saturday. Fucking crowds are back, dude. And the vibe in that place, like it's fucking great, right? And I'm on stage and there's this buttoned up fucking dude jacked.

And he's so nice. And I'm talking to him from the stage. He's calling me, sir. And I go, yes, I am a sir. It feels good to hear. I'm Mr. Verzin. I'm Mr. Verzin. Nobody loves status like Paul Verzin.

And the guy's a Navy SEAL.. And the guy's a Navy SEAL. Find out the guy's a Navy SEAL. And he's fucking quiet. You could tell he's like humble about it. Like another comic talked about it. He's humble, but he's just with his girl trying to enjoy the night. And I start talking to him and we talk. I go, this guy fucking wakes up. I go, push-ups first thing in the morning.

First thing when you wake up, push-ups. And he goes, yeah. Like, I know. I know. Like, look at this fucker. You know, we're having a good time. I go, this guy is fucking buttoned up and everything like that. And I go, I'm just not built.

I'm not built. I'm built to make guys like you laugh. I'm not built to do what you don't having a good time. And then I was like, and we're done. And I go, well, man, you know, thanks for what you do. And the fuck is like a people start like a couple people clap. And I'm going like and he's like being like the nicest, polite guy is Jack. And I go, yeah, you guys could like being like the nicest polite guy is Jack. And I go,

yeah, you guys could fucking clap for him. And then they clap. And I go, that's how fucking liberal New York is that they're like, should we even clap for this? And they laughed and they were like, yeah,

we are that fucked up. Like they didn't even want to give it up to this fucking guy. And it really fucking bugged me. It really fucking bugged me because it was like more of like the narrative instead of what you what what is really right do you know what i mean that makes sense why don't you think that they wanted to clap they didn't want to clap because it was it's almost like well they admitted it i go you guys are so fucking liberal that you actually had to be like well maybe we should and then and he

loved it i could tell he was like kind of like a shot but, but he, and it was just like, because of everything, I guess that's going on in the world. They were like, what is, you know, cause you know, dude, let's be honest. There's a line in the sand right now. And for some reason, the military, which shouldn't have anything to do with anything kind of falls under the, I guess under the umbrella of like, you know, let's fucking go and get them. But this guy just was a certain, just was a military guy.

And it annoyed me that I called them out. I go, you guys are so little, you don't even know. And then they go, ah. And it was like, yeah, fucking clap for the guy. Guy's a fucking, you know, you're sitting here with a fucking. That's what always ends up happening. Then you call them out and then they want to act like they're not that. It's like all these white women calling other white women's Karen's right now. And it's just like you're doing that to get that off of you, to get the shame of your own behavior off of you.

And by you calling her that means you're not that. And, you know, I don't know. It's a very, I don't know, it's fizzling out, though, dude. You can feel it. It's just like this was like, but I think that overall, though, it is better. It is a better thing. And it's a more friendlier, I think people are thinking more about what they are doing and saying. So I don't think that that's bad, but there was definitely a bunch of over corrections and abuse of power by this shit. And, you know, some woman was saying to me,

well, you know, guys had that power forever. And it's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Like certain guys could shut down your career, but in no point in history could a guy who nobody knows shut down the head of a studio's fucking career. It never worked that way. The way it does now, where it's like someone, nobody who knows who the fuck they are

can say something about somebody who's up on the mountaintop and flip it. That never existed. But they kind of are framing it though like that did exist that if you were a man you were just in the club automatically it wasn't like oh no that rolling ball went over you too if you didn't get out of the way or if you didn't offer something to that guy up there so it's kind of like everybody i don't know it just became it really became wildly like racist and sexist um they it all reversed it all reversed in all of these different ways and it was handled

as recklessly as before yeah but i don't think was obviously not with as severe results because when it was just like white males and shit like people were tortured enslaved killed and all of that type of shit but i'm seeing some of these fucking white broads out there and it's just like if you were in the right fucking position and the right circumstances you you would be, you're kind of the same person. And that's that shit I was joking about on SNL, the brilliance of how white women positioned themselves when black people said, we've had enough of this shit from white people

for the umpteenth time, and this time it was actually gonna take traction because the news and everybody couldn't block them out because they had their own social media the way that they positioned themselves where they were standing next to us and all of a sudden they did the fucking 180 like yeah white guys it's like wait a minute they took their jersey off and jumped on the other side of the fence the way that that fucking went down dude was like it was shakespearean man it was fucking it was an amazing move pr fucking move the way that they did that and continue to do that i feel that they just they they um what was the other joke i did how

they were all acting like mob wives when the feds show up like oh i thought he was a plumber jewelry dripping all over i had no idea what he did dude drunk white women i just don't want any comedy clubs man i just don't want any comedy clubs and like that's the thing like and when you call somebody out like you know i call this drunk woman they just squint and go like what do you they all become nearsighted they all what what do you even what do you even and it's just like just i do you know what they should do a comedy you know the way if you got to be on jury duty they screen you like you know do you have any bias towards this do you have any bias towards that get the fuck i should do a comedy but dude where would the fun be it's so much fun those sensitive

assholes come in you can still have a good time and they don't really hold any power they're just acting like they do and they're puffing hold any power. They just acting like they do. And they're puffing their chest up and they're acting like something fucking happened when it didn't. And the end of the day, dude is nobody cares. Nobody, including them.

All they care about is their own bullshit. So that's one of my favorite things from a Bronx tale. Nobody cares. And then he was at his funeral and he goes you were right sonny and he looked around and he just sees everybody laughing smiling shaking and he goes nobody cares nobody cares yeah well that's because of the life that guy lived right yeah yeah you'll be fucking laughing at my funeral and vice versa. No, exactly. No,

but there will be. I also hate it when he said, you think Mickey Mantle gives a fuck if you blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And it's just like,

look at this guy ruining this kid. Can you let him believe in Santa Claus for a couple more years? Yeah. He told me Mickey Mantle wouldn't pay my rent. He goes, he told you that as a fucking kid because he loved the yankees um yeah after that i never watched another fucking yankee game again it's just like he just took his fucking innocence

yeah like he's like he loved the yankee goes the yankees were in last place and i didn't give a shit. Oh, you know, great story about Eddie Mush. The real Eddie Mush, the guy. He was a degenerate. He was a degenerate. I don't know if he's still alive, if he's not, rest his soul. That doesn't sound like you're long for this earth with that name,

and you're a degenerate gambler. So he wasn't an actor, and Chaz had met him. And he'd go, dude, this guy, you got to. So, like, they went to, like, Aqueduct, and and they and then he goes dude bob deniro wants to meet you and like he goes and he goes this guy's perfect like you play the part he's gonna he's a gambler all he does he's always at the track betting so he fucking meets he's like he goes to a car or something deniro's in there and they start talking and then he goes oh this is great man can you come you know come tomorrow we'll talk maybe you do a read for the movie he goes i can't he goes i gotta be an aqueduct all day tomorrow and and he goes you're really really fucking and like they after that they were like this guy's fucking perfect he didn't

give a fuck about the movie they skipped the audition he could give a fuck about the movie he's like i'm gambling all day if you wanna but that was you that's the guy for the people that don't know that's the guy go come on grip tonight come know. That's the guy that goes, come on, grip tonight. Come on. He goes, he bet the fuck. One of the most Italian things ever, though, was when Chaz started shaking hands. It actually did remind me of me because he goes, that's it. It's over. They start shaking hands. Congratulations.

Don't even look. Don't even watch it. He starts shaking hands. Don't even watch. And then all of a sudden, come on, grip tonight. And he goes, he bet the fucking horse. And he goes, you just fucking ripped the tickets. And he goes, he bet the fucking horse. And he goes, ah, you just been fucking ripped the tickets. Tear up the tickets.

It's over. I love that movie. Dude, that movie's great. That movie is. So who do you got in the NBA finals, Bill? We got game one. You know what's funny about that movie? Because it moves me emotionally every single time.

It angers me when he takes his son away from him and shows him that world but i'd never seen a movie so perfectly show how back then or or whatever how you can lose your kid to to bad um influences in the neighborhood his dad's this hard-working guy driving a bus when he used to ride with them and respected him and everything and then all of a sudden this guy gets in his ear yeah you know and because your dad's your dad and tell him you pick up your clothes you're you know too young to understand that he's making you into a good person you start to resent him he starts looking at his dad like he's a sap

for driving a bus kills me every time because your dad's the tough guy tell him you know they're not getting i'm getting up every morning working i watch that scene i sit at home going that's right that's right no it's it's i root for him to listen to him every single fucking time and he doesn't and i love the music in that it brings me back to just like that was my dad's time but just driving through there and when it go on the streets of the Bronx. This is where I want to be. I'm like, oh, God, it makes me just want to fucking slice. And it makes me want to hang out with those neighborhood kids just talking shit about sports.

It's the fucking best. Dude, I got everything to just not go smoke a cigar right now for this fucking podcast oh no this is a fuck you know why joe d was the but you know why joe d was the greatest because he's italian daddy's most part of it that's the most that's the most my dad thing like saying it as a matter of well i mean we know that but you know um same we we are going into nba playoffs game one of the eastern conference finals the atlanta hawks versus the milwaukee bucks hey by the way congratulations to the hawks and the bucks when's the last time these two guys these two teams have made it to the uh the conference finals dude it's been a long time. And you got the Clippers and Suns in the West. That's

another fucking great one. That's another great one. And I actually, I don't even know who I'm going to root for. I love the Hawks because of Dominique Wilkins and Tree Rollins and all those guys back in the day. What's his face? The guy who coached the celtics played uh on on him um um coach the clippers now he's coaching somewhere else just fucking spaced on his name doc rivers yeah and dominic wilkins wore 21 i don't know if you said that earlier yeah yeah yeah dominic wilkins 21 um greatest dunk contest and then the the milwaukee bucks sydney Moncrief from way back in the day. The Suns, I always liked the Suns just because that was the late game when I was a kid that would come on. And I don't even know who they had.

I don't even know who the fuck they had way back in the Sidney Moncrief days. I'm trying to think who was their guy, who was their big man. I don't even know. I always throw in Jack Sikma as a default, but he was on Seattle and then Milwaukee. And then the Clippers, man. I could get behind them more if they were the San Diego Clippers. But I might be going to the game tomorrow night,

but I'm not going to be an asshole. I'm going to root for the home team when I'm there. You see how they lost last night? Oh, my God. A last.88 seconds even the guy who dunked it was looking around like what the fuck that that counted the sons couldn't believe I don't know enough about hoop but is that one of those how do you let that happen because that's really the only shot you can get off right in 0.8 seconds the second he touches the ball, the clock goes, he's got to slam it home. Yeah. I can't,

that's a brutal way to go down. Oh, two because the Clippers needed to take one there. I think that series is over. I got the sons and the bucks and the finals. I think, I think Giannis is too much when he just, you know, he's like unstoppable if he stopped shooting and goes to the rack. And then he's got Middleton, who's a great shooter. Then they got that kid, Drew Holiday.

I think the Bucs are built to fucking go. And then I think the Suns, that kid, Devin Booker, is incredible. So I – They got a couple guys. They got a good big man. And who's the other guy? The guy with that left-handed scoop. He was killing them last night with that.

I just watched the highlights. I don't know shit. Oh. From the left side and the right side of the rack come and do some george gervin shit oh wait on what team on the suns oh um there's devin booker oh the the the guy that dunked the guy that got the dunk in or dunked it that's uh deandre something or other. Yeah, that's DeAndre at a time. And your boy Crowder is on that team. Jay Crowder is a beast. Jay Crowder doesn't fuck around. Yeah, it should be interesting, man.

I'm looking forward to it. I want to take the family out to the Yankee Stadium. I got to find this guy's name. Not Jay Crowder. Cameron Payne. Okay. Yeah. cameron pan's a cool name um so i'll end with i'll i'll i know we're getting down to it i gotta tell you what happened last night i uh i took a little drive i don't know what i can say legally so i took a little drive to a place and I bought some fireworks.

And dude, I'm going to tell you something right now, dude. It is fucking like what you saw at my house when you came that day. It kills me. I'm not going to be there. Quadruple what you saw, dude. I'm putting a fucking Macy's barge fucking thing in my backyard. I'm going to have people fucking listen to military when the show's done. Well, gonna say paul you're gonna have to at some point and i'm being serious here dude yeah because every year you gotta top what you did yeah i mean it's it's getting to the point

like some sort of symphony orchestra should be playing at the end of your firework show, and you have nothing but trees around there. You got a lot to lose, Paul. You don't want to burn down your neighborhood at some point. Yeah. You got to have some sort of volunteer fire departments. I have a fireman here that will be here. Does he have the truck? Well, we're going to have some extinguishers and all that shit um

and we're hoping for a little bit of rain last year we got lucky we had two days of rain the one that i saw it looked like you were reenacting the blitzkrieg and that wasn't even like fucking no we did bigger than that yeah no we doubled that but uh we have ray charles playing we have ray charles playing america oh during it oh my god yeah and it and it when Ray I mean Ray is blasting in my backyard America God shed his grace boo boo boo boo it is fucking I'm getting the chills right now and uh yeah so I'm I'm ready for I'm ready for the fucking I'm ready for the fourth you know what I love about that Paul what I love is the first time someone's going to be, so you told me what was going to happen.

My wife didn't know what was going to happen. So when I told her, hey, Paul's going to shoot up some fireworks, and she's like, where? I'm like, right here. And she's like, she didn't think it was going to be a big deal. All of a sudden, those big ones started going off. She was like, looking at me at me i go this is the beginning i go he's building last year you just hear the same thing is this like legal it's like

and i don't think so salvo cano you hear him in the backbone holy shit holy shit he's going he goes how's that how's that leak and bartnick is on the deck going, I never seen a set of reds like a minor league baseball game show. I got some good news for the show. I want to thank everybody, all of our listeners, Bill, for the Anything Better podcast, for our numbers moving up, our ratings and everything like that. And apparently they liked when we were in studio together. podcast the uh for our numbers moving up our ratings and everything like that and apparently they liked when we were in studio together so uh they're gonna be calling me all paulie uh paulie red eye because i'm gonna be flying out to los angeles hopefully by coastal paulie yeah by coastal

paulie will be out there we'll be doing a couple in studio and uh we're gonna be doing more of that yeah yeah we're gonna be doing more i'm gonna be renting cars out there be smoking sticks oh yeah um but i want to thank everybody for watching this show man uh we're having such a great time and um i'll plug my show actually i'm plugging my show uh july july 23rd I'll be at the SHU. They call it the Fairfield Community Theater at the Connecticut Comedy Festival. Tickets are available on my website. The dates for Salt Lake City, Utah got changed to September 3rd and 4th,

and I'm going to be making an announcement this week. I'm shooting my next special in September. All dates and everything are on paulverzi.com. Paul Verzi, just off and running. You know, Paul, you're all grown up. All grown up, doing the town. And you're going to- Paul, it doesn't open for Bill anymore.

No. You're on your next special, dude. It's the greatest thing. You know how happy I am for you, dude? Oh, well, you know what, man? And I thought you were going to blow all of it on fucking white leather couches, turn it out, and you're of it on fucking white leather couches. Turn it out. You're blowing it on fireworks for the neighborhood.

That's the kind of heart this kid has. It's America. It's America. That dude with the Ray Charles. Oh, yeah. We start off with the boss, born in the USA. And then there's one more in between. I don't know if it was Neil Diamond.

There's one in between. And then the closer, our Mariano is Ray. You know what you got to throw in there one time? What? Piss off the wives. American woman, stay away from me. Just kidding, ladies. Just kidding.

That one was for the husbands. It's a joke. And check out Diversity Effect, Monday Morning Podcast, all our podcasts. And I know, Bill, you got some shows coming up. Yeah, I got two shows at the Cosmopolitan, July 2nd, July 3rd. I'm doing three nights next week at the Comedy Store, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday in the main room, getting ready for those shows.

Oh, you're going to be in the gym. I'll be in the gym. And then I got, I think I got a gig in, in August. I forget where I am. One of those casinos out there. One of them. Are you flying?

Are you flying yourself by helicopter on the roof of the casino? Not yet. There might be nothing more gangster than you in the set outfit getting out of a fucking chopper getting in the elevator going down they hand you a water and you walk on stage taking the jumpsuit off he takes the jumpsuit off oh my goodness slides down as a tux and and when they're waiting for land at their airport i've i've flown uh i've flown a helicopter a couple times to las vegas but i always did it with like an instructor um the helicopter that i usually fly you know it's only a four-cylinder dude it's it's kind of like if i had a headwind sometimes you can actually look

down and cars are going faster than you if it's really bad and that's work dude it's work like that's like uh you know is it hard to land on a rooftop like is it like like a high it absolutely isn't it's fucking terrifying i've only done it one time and it wasn't windy out but um it's it's like you know when, when you're above, like, especially if it's like the tallest building around, there's nothing slowing that wind down at that altitude. See, when you're down a little bit lower at an airport, there's buildings and all. You know, that can cause venturis and speed stuff up and you have a little problem with, you know, the tail flipping around and stuff. tail flipping around and stuff but like i just would not want to be like that just seems you know i need a nice you know it it's you know what's weird is as you're coming in it looks like you're landing on a postage stamp but it's really fucking big yeah they make because dude they don't want you to fall off the side and land on somebody walking out of a fudruckers they don't want that to happen so yeah you know they got the

wind sock there you just look at it or whatever but like you really have to be um yeah it's not worth it man well usually yeah usually when you're coming in for a landing one of the things is you know once once you come in and like if you hover taxiing you're probably like 10 15 off feet off the ground you got your speed then you could immediately enter an auto and just flare and then just stop or if uh if you're just sort of wait I don't know I think I used that wrong but if you're just sort of like taxiing you're just three feet off the ground and if you were to lose your engine you know it's pedal settle whatever the fuck it is i know how to do it right so the thing is what i would be concerned about is like coming in

um and just something happening loss of tail rotor effectiveness uh your engine quits wind shear just um any of that type of stuff because but when you're doing it in an airport it's like you're on the ground yeah it's not this thing you're hitting that and then you're gonna fall off the side and you're fucked so that's why you know i don't fly for a living. And it's also why, like, you know, I don't fly unless visibility 1-0. That means it's just clear day or whatever. Anything less, like the other day I went up to go fly. It said seven miles. IFR is three or less.

It said seven statute miles. And even then I said, I'm not flying out in this shit because I know I go out and I come back and it's going to be under the limits. And then I'm going to have to land somewhere else land somewhere else a big fucking pain in the ass so I just flew the pattern which is a really good thing to do because it has everything it has you know your takeoffs your turns holding altitude radio calls your descent your descent and then your your lands landing eventually you land but whatever just like trying to keep it all, um, you know, at a commercial level. Um, that's fucking your proficiency and all of that type of stuff. So that's like, so I made the most of that time, but I also stayed within the envelope of how comfortable I was.

It's like, I don't feel comfortable flying off by myself soloing if it's only seven miles. So I just don't do it. It's the, uh, the guys who cowboy it or the professional pilots who it's like, no, you have to deliver this, you know, with helicopter pilots. A lot of times it's like, you know, like organ donors and stuff like that. You could save some kid's life or you have a high profile client. You're trying to make something fucking happen. Or you got to deliver this helicopter over there. Cause some fucking person needs it the next day. And you start getting into fucking shit that if it was just you. Yeah.

Yeah, I ain't flying in this shit. I'll fucking go tomorrow. But it has to be here. That's how you get in trouble. So I try to stay away from that shit. It just makes me think of those guys that could fly like those choppers in like the Blackhawks getting shot at. And it's just like, that's so fucking nuts to me. I know a guy.

I know a guy that used to fly those things. Yeah. Had a fucking engine failure on a on a tour. And he was looking he was looking back talking to her. And the fucking thing quit doing it. He went right into it. And he thought he was going to land on a highway. And the last second he saw a field.

And there was like a ceremony or something going on. Like the ceremony was here. And he came in. Just flared and just landed the thing like a stunt holy shit dude because it it could explode if he doesn't like he's got to go like that right like no it doesn't explode it it like you could it's it's what you're coming in you're just uh i don't want to bore you with the whole thing it's it's when the engines works it's induced air you're drawing it boring we're talking about helicopters making emergency landings and it's

great so that's induced when you're in a hover it's induced air when you move forward it's introduced air but that's all being drawn into the top of the disc when you when your engine fails you lower the collective because you want to lower your blades because if your blades like that think of the wind hitting it it's going to slow them down so you lower the thing you want it like that you want it streamlined and then the the ship falling to the earth is is the air's going up that's what's keeping it going so all you do is you just keep it in the green on your gauge and then as you're coming in um you pick your spot and as you come in um you don't raise your collective you're leaving that down and then you just gently go back into

your flare and you have to look long you don't look at the you want to look at the ground you fuck up you got to look long gently back on uh half cyclic you're in your flare and then right as you're about ready to stop you you you on mine you pull the collective up and it's left pedal cyclic forward you level out like that and right as you're about ready to hit the ground you pull full power which turns them like that and it causes like an air cushion and then you land it that that's ideally but what i like about helicopters is that you can you can bleed off all of that forward airspeed so i don't have to like a plane those little cessus it seems like

you're hitting the ground you're still doing like 45 50 miles an hour and you're basically in a fucking golf cart with no crumple zones and there's an engine in front of you and if you hit that thing that goes like a 1950s car just goes right back into you and you're dead or your cartwheel and all of that shit's hitting you all of that stuff it's it's a bad thing but what i like about a plane is they can glide forever like the thing about a plane is when the engine quits you're still flying you're still flying you just you know don't have the ability to continue flying. You got to go, yeah.

Where our shit is, it's like, you're technically, you still are flying, but it's like, it's, you're going, you go down much faster. Decisions have to be quicker. And you're also flying at a lower altitude just because planes fly faster than us. So, you know, we tend to stay around 1,500, 2,000 feet, 2,500. They're sort of 3,000 and up. And they're cruising along

doing like 150, 160 knots. So what we have in maneuverability, what we give up is speed. And they, you know, we have maneuverability and visibility, which I also think is huge in an emergency that I can look all the way down between my legs and pick out a spot. But dude, with a helicopter, you can be like right over your spot. You can be right over your spot, just bleed off all your forward airspeed. And then as you're falling, you just, you nose it down. You can do a 180, come in like that. You can turn the ship sideways and add drag to slow you down if you're coming in a little too hard, and then straighten last second. Then it's like a hockey stop.

You just come in like this, like that, and then you pull collective, boom, down. Once you get them down, they're just terrifying, but once you get them down, they're just shit. I remember when I was flying with you and I was sitting in the back with Dean Del Rey, and we were up there and like i remember i was listening to what you guys were saying i remember we're like 800 feet and i was like oh this is nice and then like when you go up to like 1100 it would get windy i'm going like maybe it's just like in my mind like maybe we should go a little lower like maybe we should stay a little lower i remember that no it's

because we what we do is we got at the, you want to be a blow below above, above like the mountain or the hill or whatever. Cause that, that wind's coming over. So when you get at the same altitude of it, it gets a little bit turbulent or whatever. Yeah. We were in that,

like in that Valley and fucking Dean's gone. This is rad. And I'm just fucking, I'm just going like, yeah, it's cool, man. Just like a little,

it's a little lower. Yeah, no, it's fun, dude. I like it when it's a little lower. Yeah, no, it's fun. Dude, I always pre-flight the thing, and I always do all of that fucking training and all that stuff. You can really reduce the risk of it. As my instructor says, it's as safe as you are. So if you want to be a fucking idiot and not pre-flight and fly into some shit that you're not comfortable with,

you're tempting fate with, you're going to, you know, you're tempting. I mean, you're tempting fate doing it anyway. But I will tell you this, dude, there is nothing scarier to me than driving down a fucking highway out here with my kids in the car. Yeah. Dude, these people, it's like, I feel like I'm a stick in the middle of a river and it's just water going, like they're just on either side it's like is this like a dream sequence this is one of these movies where i can't run fast enough am i not going 75 miles an hour yeah no it's it's driving is the most dangerous thing we do i had both my kids going up my hill today and a 10 speed was in the middle of the street and had to get out of the way and it was just like i could have killed this guy on a 10 speed today.

And my life is fucking over if that happens. My life is over. Like no matter what, even if I'm okay. And he's at fault. You live on the sticks. You got acreage. You could have buried him in his bicycle before anybody even came home.

Nobody would know. Oh guys, we'll end it on that. Episode 21. Thank you guys for listening. Until next week, we're out of here. Thank you guys so much. I'll talk to you guys soon. All right.

Thanks for listening. Music Music Music