Anything Better? - Don’t Buy Anything

Episode Date: September 25, 2021

Is there Anything Better than Bill and Paul talking about sales jobs and getting in trouble?

what's up everybody and welcome back to the anything better podcast your host paul verzi my buddy bill burr andrew themless producer and you guys are listening to episode number 34 okay when you hear the number 34 two numbers come come to mind. I'll say, Bill, who's the first one you think of? Earl Campbell. Oh, Walter Payton. Okay. And Charles Oakley. Charles Oakley. Of course, I don't have them looked up as always. No, no, no. Charles Oakley and Walter Payton are the first two I think of. No, no, no.

Charles Oakley and Walter Payton are the first two I think of. And obviously, yeah, Earl Campbell's a great one. 34 is a rare one too, man. It's not Ortiz. What? All right. Here we go. What's that?

David Ortiz. David Ortiz. There's a great one. There's a great. The Yankee killer, Paul. He did kill us. I was going to say, I was waiting for you to go. I was waiting for you to.

You know how many times I was in a fucking yard when fucking Mike Messina gave him a, he fucking jacked, went to right field. Shaquille O'Neal, number 34. Yeah, but I'm not counting that one. He's 32. Come on. He was 34 on the Lakers. 32 in the Lakers wasakers was Magic Johnson, Paul.

Right. No, I know. I guess. I always think of him 32 with the Magic, but I guess. I don't like when guys change it. You know, it's like. Some reason my fucking internet sucks this week, man. All right. We'll get the NFL guys first.

Sucks this week, man. All right, we'll get the NFL guys first. Sling and Sammy Baugh. Dorsett must have worn it in Denver. Earl Campbell. Walter Payton. Oh, what's his face? Who's the running back?

Thomas for the Bills. Thurman. Thurman Thomas. Yep Bills. Thurman. Thurman, Thomas. Yep, that's a great one. No, Dorsett never wore 34. They said Campbell, Harris, Payton, Perry, and Thomas. So it's Earl Campbell, Harris. I'm thinking Cliff Harris.

I know that's not him. Walter Payton refrigerator Perry Thomas I don't bad bad week for my internet Paul let's just talk until my internet runs out here okay my internet's gonna run out man well one thing I want to do right off the bat I have to do this is I need to thank everybody who came out to my special and And it is behind me, everybody. It is behind me. Okay? It was a great night. Thank you all for coming out.

I cannot wait for everybody to see it. I heard you smashed. It was amazing. I heard you crushed. It was an amazing night, man. It was. Club Soda Kenny said it was over the top. It was a special night, and we did it.

I heard the first one was so good they didn't think you could top the second one and what does paul verzi do he delivers dude my agent goes my agent goes he goes i might have been the best first taping of a special event he goes i can't believe how the first one was he's like now go out and just have fun you did it and then i and then everybody said and i felt like i topped it at the first one was. He's like, now go out and just have fun. You did it. And then everybody said, and I felt like I topped it at the second one. And my wife was going, watch what he does on this one. Watch what he does on this one.

But no, everybody, it was an amazing time. I cannot wait. Hopefully we could get a holiday release, something like that. I will let you guys know. But thank you all. It means so much to get that done. And yeah, now I get to live life for a couple years and and uh and get fucking work on a new one it's like you build you have to look at the edit i hate looking at the edit we gotta sit there i hate i want to like

nothing to do with it you know what it is like hey paul here's an hour of you let's look at yourself for a fucking hour we build a house and then we let a wrecking ball come in and fucking wrecking ball. What movie? They're going to need a wrecking ball to get me a willful Wall Street. I'm not leaving. Oh, I was thinking of Burgess Meredith. I love when he goes, I'm not leaving. Rock, this guy is a wrecking machine.

And then he goes, I'm not fucking leaving. I go, yeah. And he goes, they're going to need a fucking wrecking ball. They're going to need the National Guard. No, no, you build a house, you knock it down, and now it's time to build another one. So, and I'm coming out to L.A. to hang with you, man. By the way, when the head of your sales force gives a speech like that,

that means he's leaving for Miami that night. We ain't going anywhere. They're going to have to drag me out of that office, kicking and screaming because I'm here for you. Oh, that's so good. This is still America, isn't it? That guy is gone. I know.

He's going right to Teterboro, Paul. It's a private jet with your bonus money, and you're never seeing him again. But you would be psyched to hear that, though. Dude, if I was ever at a job and my boss just came out and he gives a speech and he just goes, they're going to need a fucking wrecking ball, dude, I'd be like, yeah. I would be. Can I tell a quick story?

I worked for a mortgage company that was very large in the mid-2000s. And they had these sales summits. And instead of the next year saying- Were they too big to fail? It was a little different than that. But yeah, it was, yes. Yeah, sort of. But they ended up failing.

But the CEO, instead of saying they funded $1 billion worth of loans one billion dollars worth of loans this year to say we're going to go to two next year. He said, we're going to he goes, fuck it. We're going to five. Like he said, this crazy expansion. Everybody went nuts. And I think like six months later, that was a wrap. Wow. And they're just going nuts because all they want to do is make money. Just on the way out, yeah. It's like, we're going to make my fellow countrymen $5 billion in debt.

We're going to put them $5 billion in debt on overpriced houses. Dude, I told you what those fucking cunts did to me. No. I had water damage post-2008, and I went to my insurance company. They paid the claim, which I couldn't believe, so they send the check, and the check's made out to me to my insurance company. They paid the claim, which I couldn't believe. So they send the check and the checks made out to me and my mortgage company. And I had to sign it over to them because they wanted to make sure I was going to use the money to fix the fucking house because they fuck people so bad in houses. They were so upside down in houses that people were

just keeping the money. It was pointless to fix up something that they were never going to make money on, so they'd go buy a car or have a keg party. Oh, my God, I laid into them. I go, hey, I'm not the one that screwed it. That's my money. Yeah, yeah. My checkbook is balanced, and they were just like,

no, you got to sign it over to us. And with each part of the job, I had to wait as their inspector came over to look at. Dude, they treated me like I just got out of a halfway house. I have great credit. How you doing out there, Bill? How was your week? You find a job yet?

I mean, that's how they were talking to me. Jesus. Dude, that's what that movie Boiler Room was about. That guy in Boiler Room, he was in Long Island. And what he did is he was a chop shop. And he had all these young brokers. And they were selling fucking bogus shit. And the fucking FBI raided it.

That's that movie where he goes, yeah, you see this? And he put his keys down. And he goes, yeah, it's a Ferrari or something. What's up? And then he goes, you know, that was a good speech by Ben Affleck. He goes, anybody who says money is the root of all evil doesn't fucking have any right and um but um i was working in sales and we were door-to-door phone cable internet when that movie was popular and our boss came in after seeing that movie and he was a young kid from boston you know what the fuck he was doing and he put his keys on the thing and he

goes you see this bmw what's up it was like at least three it was like all of us could afford it like oh it was literally and also happy you probably already saw the movie going like what is this guy doing no we all saw the movie and he like like scratched the table with it like this then he goes see this bmw what's up and he slid it down and we saw it it was like i said it was a three series and i think there was like a deal where if you leased it at that point it was probably like 329 a month yeah but do they do that shit my my brother was in sales he told me the guy came in one time he goes he's doing this whole rah-rah-rah speech he goes oh yeah by the way that crown vic out front yeah that's mine you're like a buick or a crown vic and it's just like you mean that

old man car you how addicted to cigars am i that i just said crown vic and now i want to go smoke a cigar i know i know i gotta take a sabbatical paul. I have fucking... I have smoked so many goddamn cigars. I didn't smoke any in March, any in April. I got three weeks into fucking May. You earned it. Dude, Bobby Kelly comes to town with his fucking CIA brief. He should have a handcuff to his fucking wrist. Oh, no, wait.

I gave him cigars. I used him as my apologies to Bobby. I used him as an excuse to come off the wagon, Paul, and I haven't stopped. I don't know how you guys. I'm not even kidding, man. Maybe it's because I've taken such a step back with them. But if I have one, I need like three days to get my. I don't know how you guys like now guys can just,

I know guys that'll go like two a day every day. What the fuck are you talking about, Paul? I know. I don't know. I don't know what happened. You know what happened? What happened?

No, I mean, I don't know what happened. You've done it. You've lived all you like a guy who quit doing heroin going, I don't get how you can stand in the corner, nodding off to fucking heroin. Paul,

you were the fucking guy that always wanted another one i know i was a tour i was you were a triathlete paul you would do you did you did threes that's what happens with me i burn out the i burn out the vice that's why i'm wearing people out paul people love you and then you just you go too hard i'm just doing it now because that's what i do my problem is is i quit everything else so when i get like fucking stressed out rather than dealing with my emotion or going for a walk or playing drums or something i just it's so much easier to grab a cold can of root beer and go sit out on my porch. Dude, the other night I called you up. We smoked a virtual stick. Dude, is there anything better to the pandemic

than a virtual stick with one of your best buddies who just crushed it on his special? I told Stacey, I go, I literally just hung with Burr. I go, the technology shit is nuts. I was like, I was sitting on a couch. He was sitting on a couch he was sitting on his couch we're sitting there smoking a stick i had a fucking joe i had to take a little johnny blue you know i had to have a splash you know bill had his root beer i had it and we just

dude it was literally like we were hanging man it was it was fucking it was really good but yeah i can't dude i don't know how guys dude i know guys that smoke three a day big ones bats all right you know how to smoke three in a day you just don't know how to consistently do it i don't know how they do it either no no yeah consistently i can't do it i listen if me and you were at a tailgate and the game's at one and we've been out there you know we're smoking one before the game we're smoking smoking one after all that. But these guys like every day are just, you know, I actually want to buy an old car,

Paul and not fix it up. And that's, you know, fix up the engine and everything and keep the up top just shitty. And that, and then when I want to just go out and drive around smoking a cigar, just like sacrifice one vehicle and just, now i got one for you you're cruising around town okay you're in la it's a beautiful day like all the days you got your cruiser to smoke in

what music is bill burr listening to while he's lighting that beautiful fucking stick what are you because listen i look at it like this you can't go rock with the cigar. You can't go rock, but you also can't go. I also think you can't go, like, even hip-hop. I'm thinking. No, it's too aggressive. Makes you want to go to the gym. Motown. Motown.

Motown. Motown's a great one. Dude, Motown with a stick? Great one. Motown, that's a good one. I was going to go. Oh, Andrew wrote down jazz. Two on the nose for me.

Stan Getz, you know. Yeah, two on the nose. I'll show you. What would I listen? If I was driving, if I was sitting down, Motown would be great. If I was driving, let's see the one I got. I downloaded some crazy shit. I would probably listen to this one right here.

Is it playing? Ah, you cunt. Ah, you motherfucker. No, not even that. No, that's too fast. That's a good one. It's a little too silly. I download this shit.

I play it for my daughter when I drive her to school, like all different kinds of music, but it has to be silly. I downloaded this shit the other day, and she fucking loves this song. She likes the silly ones. Remember, you're too young to remember trucking music. This guy's fucking hilarious. Well, I pulled out of Pittsburgh Rolling down the eastern seaboard

I got my diesel wound up and she's a-running I could never be home. This is what she does. Six days on the road and I'm going to make it home tonight. So silly. I heard that song. I'm like, I got to pick my daughter up from school i gotta play that at first she didn't like it and then i started acting it out and she was laughing her ass off um but anyways getting back to the thing uh cigar smoke

i think a nice motown little trump yeah like a mellow mellow album um what about just like a what about a saxophone instrumental just a saxophone going low while you're just cruising down smoking a nice stick yeah there's weird there's like drug music like i was on a happy drug that's just making me like hallucinate a little bit and just feeling good and feeling like the chair and me had something in common. I'd fucking Jane's addiction. That second side, three days all the way to the end. Got Andrew.

Imagine seeing Burr with glow sticks in a club like this. I'd be like, what the fuck is he on? No, no, that's that fucked up shit. That's that shit that makes you die. That's rave.

Yeah. Ray, you die at a rave. People die at raves. No, people literally choke on their- They're sweating. They're leaning all the way back on fucking Molly and shit. They're out of their fucking-

Yeah, dude. That is just like- You should walk in, instead of getting a bracelet, they should give you a defibrillator. And they tie it to, you know, like when parents have their kids on a leash, they should have like a defibrillator on you. Then there's like just, you know, like mushrooms. Mushrooms are eating a little more weed than you should have.

Oh, back in the day, Paul, when I used to get fucked up, it was fun. It was fun, Paul. But now all I do is I drink a soft drink. And now I got you judging me. I don't understand how people can fuck. Because, Paul, I don't have Johnny Blue anymore. Yeah. I don't have any wine.

See, that's what it is. I walked out on him, Bob. I fucked up that relationship. You know what, dude? You could always spark her back up. I could, but the thing is, it just took me so long to fucking quit. And you know me. I love a streak, Paul.

I'm a sports fan. I love the stats. I'm over a thousand days, Paul. I was going to say, how long have you been dry now? Three years? Be three years in the end of November. So I went over a thousand days at some point in August. I don't even count the days anymore, Paul.

It is what it is. The day's going to suck, and I'm going to feel every second of it. That's what's the brightest. Are you ever going to go back? Like, not heavy, but you're going to lay down a bunt, or is it over? I think I could beat it out to first base. They'd be so surprised. You don't have to be such a hard cocktail.

Lay down a pint. At this point, Paul, they got the shift going on. I'll lay it right down the third baseline. Well, that's if I was a lefty. I'd have to throw it down the first baseline. Dude, a good glass of red wine is my shit now. Keith Robinson had it right years ago. The only problem is it burns you up here,

so you got to do that like antacid shit. But, dude, you get a nice bottle of Barolo or Cab. You just need a glass. If you're an adult, one glass and you really fucking enjoy it. It's hard to have one glass of red, dude. Yeah. I mean, one glass of red. I take a sip and I look and I go, you know I'm having another.

I know instantly I'm having another one. Right. Dude, I literally see the bottle and I feel like it's talking shit like you can't finish me. It's like, oh, you don't think so? I used to buy bottles of booze and look at it and be like, whiskey. I'd be like, I can finish that in three nights. Three nights, I'll watch two episodes of 77 Sunset Strip, about two or three Peter Guns, maybe a Maddox.

And that fucking bottle doesn't stand a chance, Paul. Oh, yeah. They're going to have to bring a wrecking ball in here to get me off this chair. In the national guard. Yeah. Um, it's weird that you're just haven't had a sip of anything in that long.

It's, it's actually really cool, but then you got to smoke a stick. I mean, what are you going to do? You don't gamble. You don't really, I mean, you don't gamble,

gamble. Like you don't go to casinos and play craps all night. You don't fucking get hookers. You're not a fucking guy like that. You, you don't go to casinos and play craps all night. You don't fucking get hookers. You're not a fucking guy like that. I got nothing, Paul. I got root beer and I got fucking cigars. That's what I got. Well, you got to have it then. And you earned it. You fucking earned it.

You know? I know, but that doesn't mean I got to fucking do it all the time. So right now I've been doing it almost like every other night. So I'm trying to stop doing that. One cube in a week how about how about how about when we were uh oh can i say this i'll tell the fucking story yeah when we were fucking smoking on the rooftop of that building having a great time in the middle of a stick and that guy came up and opened the door and then pointed to the sign the sign that said it closed half an hour. Oh, Paul.

We hear everything, he said. We hear everything. Is that what he said? Yeah, he goes, the sign says 11 o'clock. He goes, yeah, we hear everything. All right, well, we're loud. And we were breaking the rule. But just, dude, he came in like the feds.

No, but he should have came in. He do he came in like the feds? No, but he should have fucking do it. He should have came in. This is what a cool guy does. A cool guy comes in and goes, Hey guys, it says 11. I get it.

You guys are having a good time. He goes, if you could just keep it down, we got a young kid. That's what a cool guy does. He came in pointing like this to the sign. Hey, you know what a cool guy does?

Paul doesn't ignore the fucking sign and make a bunch of racket up there. When somebody has a kid. There's two sides to this. I looked at it like this. The way he said that, that's not the first time he's had to say it. He's literally laying downstairs in his bed being like, what the fuck is the point of the sign? I'm just selfishly saying.

It's Saturday night, though, too. It's Saturday. It's the other thing. If it's Sunday or Mondayay i get it saturday gotta bend a little bit i mean hey that's just we won money on the game i mean it was the perfect end of the night anything worse than a yeah that's a good one is there anything worse than a buzz kill when everything's great just that fucking wet blanket that shows up. I got one. You ever fucking been hanging out with somebody and you're having a great time and all of a sudden they get a text from their wife

and they got to fucking leave. And you're just sitting there right in the middle. You got everything. You got the fucking cheese and meat plate fucking. I don't do that. That's when I go, I either text back and go, no, not going to happen tonight. Or I tell her before I leave. That's not happening. I say this, this is what I say. Look, I'm going to be with my friends. I'm going to be with my friends for the night. It's going to be late. It's going to be late. So I'm going to walk in two, three o'clock in the morning. That's it. I'm going to walk in. Whatever hopes you have at sea tonight, you can take those, throw them right out the door because they ain't happening. I love you. I kiss the kids. Okay. Three o'clock in the morning.

I'm not abandoning my family, but it might feel like that around two or three in the morning. I'd go like this. If we were in West, I go, here's the deal. Okay. Bill's in town, Barnick's in town. We're meeting up with Steve Mazzilli. We've got, I'm drinking and smoking tonight. That's happening. Okay. So I'm going to walk in the house at three o'clock in the morning. Let me sleep in. And then tomorrow we do whatever. Don't text that we don't have litter. Don't test that. We don't have food. That's it. You got to let them,

you got to let them know. You got to set the tone, Paul. You got to, yo, cause those guys, cause here's the thing. You want to know what happens with those guys? I'm telling you, this is it. The guys that get the test text, text and have to leave. Those guys didn't set the expectations. They go like oh i'm stopping by mike's for a second i'll be back like he makes her think there's a chance that that's not all for his night you can't i was smoking a cigar one time this guy looked at his phone his eyes got big like remember cartoons where they literally would go zoinks that was the look on his face like wow yeah i'm just looking at the guy like it was just me and him so then he leaves oh god and now i'm sitting there you know and i'm

just looking at the remnants of what he started to eat and started to drink and that half a cigar laying in the ashtray but then again this is what's so great fucking half a cigar laying in the fucking ashtray. But then again, this is what's so great about smoking a cigar is even by yourself. It's still great. It is. I just put my feet up and I just fucking laughed because I had to walk him out as he apologized because he felt stupid. I was like,

no, no, I get it. I get it, dude. I've had a couple of those. I had a buddy of mine get yelled at. His wife came over to us.

Oh, that's brutal. Smoking another one? Right in front of all of us. Oh, shit. It's like, honey, save that for the car ride home. I know I'm out of line, but can I have my dignity? Yeah. Alan!

Oh, yeah. yeah alan oh yeah no what stacy will do you just once want to see the guy be like what i know i know what what stacy would do is give a look if my wife was ever mad at me if she would just kind of do the she'd give the look where i knew the car ride was gonna suck but i'm staying in it sometimes you just you got to take a loss listen i'm staying in the pocket bill i'm letting the i'm letting the linebacker bliss i'm not scrambling that's right you gotta go steve grogan you gotta wait till that receiver is open regardless of who's coming up the gut right in your face you're putting the neck brace on that game i tell you my uh my one of my buddies i had

a lot of friends that were in sales back when i lived in massachusetts and one of them had this this fucking sales manager he said one time his wife came in judy and she was cracking all these jokes and he was trying to get the uh the meeting going this guy was like 65 lifelong smoker and he had a cigar he had a cigarette hanging from his lip and she's like hey making all these jokes and he finally got his lighter takes a cigar and takes a cigarette out of his out of his mouth he just goes hey judy screw she laughed and she left and he lit up inside wow yeah old days paul i would dude i was at some dude screw i was at some dude's house and it got uncomfortable i was at this dude's house one time and we're sitting there and like we were trying to figure something out and wife came in and was like

why don't you do this why don't you do that and he just was like we're talking just and she just yeah that can go either way i was like we're like we're talking and like she was cool about it she was like okay like she didn't want to overstep, but it was just like, okay. And you know when you're like at their property, so you're just eating like, I don't know. Hey, how about those giants? You guys lived here long? Yeah, in your head, you're just thinking like that's how you you guys talk to each other is anything worse than knowing you're in trouble i remember me and my buddy stayed out overnight i don't think i told my mom uh you know like kind of when i passed out on your couch and my wife hey

history repeats itself bill um and i remember we're laying in bed we just passed out me and my buddy we passed out in this king-size bed we're laying in bed. We just passed out, me and my buddy. We passed out in this king-size bed. We're laying, and all of a sudden, we hear, like, answering machine go, dude, yes, just want to let you know, Mike, Paul Verzi's mother is looking for him. She seemed really upset, and I'm laying in bed hungover hearing this, and I was just like, I'm going to finish. I'm in for it anyway. Let me just get some rest.

Oh, you didn't let her know you were? I would have called up and said, listen, I'm really hungover. I'm sorry for it anyway. Let me just get some rest. Oh, you didn't let her know you were. I would have called up and said, listen, I'm really hungover. I'm sorry. Yell at me later. Goodbye. Just let her know you're all right. When I heard like Paul Verzi's mother. No, she knew I was all right.

Just didn't know where I was or where I stayed. But she talked to the mother of my buddy. So knew that I was OK. But I just didn't. And she was pissed, dude. And I heard that. And I was just like. I remember when I got arrested for drinking and driving my dad bailed me out of jail like three four o'clock in the morning he fucking got me up like 90 minutes later

because they're they they wake up early they're like 6 30 he's like bill i think you should go downstairs and tell your mother what happened i'm like jesus christ like you already haven't and i had to go downstairs and i was like still hammered he's like my address she just had this look in her face like oh such disappointment and then i got driving gloves i got driving gloves for christmas it was the 80s i swear to god with the holes over the knuckles? Those are hysterical. Which was stupid because I was driving an 83 Ford Ranger four-cylinder.

They bought you like a Ferrari kit? It really just felt like one of those, oh, we got to get him something. Hey, drive him. He's got a car. He drives. Get him these fucking things. Oh, my God, dude. 80s gifts were the god dude 80s gifts were the best 80s gifts were

the fucking best life was simple no technology oh my god dude there was a lot of technology just what they don't have now everything like your childhood always like the reason why the 80s seems great too is because you were a kid you didn't have any responsibility there was a lot of horrible things going on that's like i look at the 70s i romanticize the 70s seems great, too, is because you were a kid. You didn't have any responsibility. There was a lot of horrible things going on. That's like I look at the 70s. I romanticize the 70s. It was like you had the Watergate, the gas crisis, the end of Vietnam War. I know.

I'm not a historian, but a lot of bad shit. Everybody got assassinated in the 60s. Really kind of sent a message that unless you steer the ship in the direction they want to go conveniently a lone gunman will come out of nowhere and take you out so but i was looking at it like i had a paper route and i was collecting football cards so i was looking at it like oh god the 70s were great yeah reruns of sanford and son assassinations are done now dude can't really the only way you could do assassinations is through like like bio weapons or other things but the days of a guy running up

with a gun it's just retrying it just happened in haiti yeah but i mean i mean last year you mean here i'm in here yeah i'm in here well you don't really need to do it anymore. You can just make up some shit on the internet. Yeah. Yeah, all you need is a couple of comics to be like, oh my God, did you hear any dead? And that's it. You could take out a president. Dude, how bad would JFK get fucking Me Too'd nowadays?

Oh my God. Rest his soul, dude. Jeez. He said, can I see your pussy your and we were in the we were in the pool yeah clinton i mean a lot of guys i love when george carlin called him clinton is that what he called him george carlin because i don't call him clint he goes i call him clinton George Carlin, you ever saw that? He goes, I don't call him Clinton.

He goes, I call him Clinton. Yeah, that guy was an animal, man. Fucking animal. This is what doesn't make sense to me about liberals, is they still love that guy. You know what's, dude, he got a pass. They still love that guy because he does blue tie shit while they're sitting there trying to get rid of fucking creeps. That guy was like a creep's creep.

Yeah, there's something about that. You know, again, right when I thought of him, you know who I thought of? Sneaky Pete. Every time I think of Sneaky Pete Carroll. Dude, Pete Carroll, I'm telling you right now, man. What is your thing with Pete Carroll? Because he would sell you down a fucking river, dude. I know it.

I don't think that he's really done anything that most big-time college coaches haven't done. What I think it is about him is he looks so innocent, and he's in good shape. He's got the full head of hair. You're kind of hating on the guy. I think he would sing like a fucking canary if you guys robbed a bank and he got called in and they said, listen, Pete,

we're going to give you a deal here, dude. You're going to get 18 months as opposed to 20 years. You got to tell me who you were with and what happened. Oh, absolutely. He'd fucking belt it out as a song. He would take out his Sharpie like he was like fucking outlining the game plan. All right. Here's what happened.

Bill came around the back. That's fucking great. No, I. Yeah. You know, Clinton just has that. Clinton just has that slippery. All right, Bruce Ahrens. Is that his name for Tampa? Yeah. All right.

He would hang in there, and they would just let him get hungry. And then eventually they'd be like, hey, man, you getting hungry? Well, you know, we can make this easier if you just give us a name. Oh, that's great. We got an Arby's right around the corner. That's fucking great. Who else? Let's go to Coke.

Then he'd be thinking about how they have the meats. He'd start sweating under that Kango hat, and that would be it. He'd sell you out. I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what. I think Bill Belichick. He wouldn't say a fucking word. Keep his fucking mouth shut.

Tom Coughlin would keep his mouth shut. Tom Coughlin and Belichick were just old school. They were just going on and on. Mike Ditko wouldn't say shit. He'd fucking try to headbutt somebody just for asking the question. Ditko would be chewing his gum. I'm not just talking about it. I'm not just talking about it.

Jerry Glanville would sell you out in a second. Oh, big time. Before the deal was even on the table. It's like, buddy, you're still looking at 20 years you might want to talk to your lawyer before you give us this information bum phillips wouldn't have said anything i got one for you what is this no would have but because it was right and then he would say i don't want the deal andy reed what do you should all do to andy Reid. Which one is he again? Are you serious?

Oh, for KC? Yeah. No, those fat guys, man. They get hungry too quick. They roll on you. You get that guy a sausage king after about fucking hour and a half. Start eating that in front of him. Yeah, just a Philly cheesesteak.

Oh, my God. The peppers and onions are perfect on this thing. You start talking to the other cop about the food,esteak. Oh, my God. The peppers and onions are perfect on this thing. You start talking to the other cop about the food, he rolls. Oh, my God. Dude, you just reminded me of that fucking Tony Rock joke. By the way, one of the most underrated comics, Tony Rock. He goes, I'm watching the first 48. And he goes, the guy's sitting there going, fuck that, man.

I ain't telling you shit, man. I ain't telling you fucking shit. And the cop goes, you want a cigarette, man? All right, all right, all right. Tony Rock is a beast. I remember Charlie Murphy, rest his soul, said the amount of guys sitting in jail because of a quarter pounder with cheese. He said he'd make them get hungry and they didn't know to ask for a lawyer. Because I watched that first 48.

That's the first thing I learned. I learned all you got to say is am i being charged with anything if i am i want a lawyer if not i want i want to leave that's when they shut the cameras off paul they shut the cameras off and they give you a couple that's a tactic of dirty cops there was a whole thing called like people that confessed that didn't do it these fucking guys kept them in they confessed and they didn't do it what they did is they kept them in there for 11 hours and dudes were going dude i gotta go home you keep asking me the same question i'm tired no you're gonna go home you're gonna go home and it's like is there a chance though that you were and they give one thing these fucking dummies don't realize to just say, call my lawyer, you can't hold me here, and get up and leave.

It's brutal, man. They told one woman- McDonald's should talk about, people have gone to jail over how good these sandwiches are. Modern Finance, everybody. Our NFT's here for the long haul. Which cryptocurrency is a fad?

How does decentralized finance work? Modern Finance podcast hosted by Kevin Rose looks to answer these questions and many more about the investment marketplace. Modern Finance is a crypto show for the novice and expert alike. Their mission is to, what is this? Demystify crypto and the world of NFT without dumbing it down. I got that one good. I love what is this? Yeah. I haven't seen a word demystify. True venture partners, Kevin Rose interviews, top tech experts, entrepreneurs exploring modern finance tools and helping others understand crypto, NFTs, and even traditional finance hacks. called Consensus. Episodes explore weekly news and distills into digestible information and then deeper interviews with individual crypto founders and NFT artists. Ten years ago, some people called cryptocurrency a scam. Five years ago, people thought it was a fad. Now it's already a trillion dollar market and growing. The Modern Finance Podcast helps you make sense of all the coins, NFTs, and chaos.

Now it is time to equip yourself with the knowledge of where things are going. The financial landscape is harder than ever to navigate. But why is this yellow, Andrew? I can't see it. Because it's supposed to be important. You're supposed to be nailing this. Okay, hold on. The financial landscape is harder than ever to navigate, but you don't have to do it alone.

Download and subscribe to Modern Finance wherever you listen to podcasts. That's Modern Finance wherever you listen to podcasts. Modern Finance wherever you listen to podcasts. They should have said the financial landscape is harder to navigate than ever. Instead of saying harder than ever to navigate. And by the way, dude, demystify, I would have said demystify. I've never seen that word written ever. When I saw demystify, I was like, just go with it and see if it comes out right no but you said you said what is this that's what you said first like you had to stop for a

second regroup and try to get some momentum to run over it all right let's watch me get tripped up on this one all right ray cons everybody you know there's so much going on in the world whether it's stuff you're excited about, give an example. Well, you know what? I tried to recreate the Boston, Massachusetts steak and cheese on my flat top grill the other day. I did it and everybody loved it. It tastes delicious. Paul, I had the onions and peppers going on. You would have loved this. This isn't like the Philly cheesesteak. this is the one where you got your fucking dice it up um or stuff you'd rather not think about oh i'd rather not think about everybody treating those haitians horribly you know they they the president got assassinated

they had an earthquake you know like we don't we have bottomless bucket buckets of fucking coca-cola you can't let them come by and go to a 7-Eleven. I don't understand it. You can't always control the vibes out there, man, but you can always control the vibes in your head with a pair of Raycon wireless earbuds in your ears. Personalized experience. I put these things in.

I would put these things in just to feel how good they feel. I don't even need to listen to music, Paul. It's like putting on a new pair of socks. You know how that makes your feet feel energized. My favorite. It's the greatest thing ever. These are like brand new pair of socks, but for your ears. Talking points.

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They should make socks like that, Paul. They are an impressive, it's like an insert for your sneaker, but for your ears. We get it, Bill. You put it in your ears. You get three new sound profiles to make sure everything you listen to

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I should give those to my wife. Right now, I would offset her happiness with this product, with my behavior. Right now, anything better? Listeners can get 15% off their Raycon order at buyraycon.com slash better. R-A-Y-C-O-N. That's buyraycon.com slash better r-a-y-c-o-n that's buy raycon dot com slash better all capitals b-e-t-t-e-r to say 15 on raycons buy raycon dot com slash better dude what is this fucking detroit style pizza out of nowhere it's delicious it's always been like fucking all you ever heard about was new york

style pizza or chicago style pizza then there was some you know smaller all you ever heard about was New York style pizza or Chicago style pizza. And then there was some, you know, smaller versions. You never heard Detroit. They've been sitting on this gem for this long. Dude, there's a place called Detroit style pizza next to Gotham. And they put it in those like like pans that aren't deep dish, but they're not flat. They're like in the middle. It's basically like it's like Chicago chicago knew how to make pizza yes instead of having it be like a birthday cake of sauce and and and all

that it's good on you yeah yeah i'm not a i'm not a i've had chicago pizza that was thin that was good but the ones that are like pizza it's like it's like a calzone without the fucking dough around it remember we were in chicago and that guy walked up he goes hey guys what and he just threw hundreds of dollars on the table and wanted to sit there and he's like hey he was like yeah but i was at the show man he just threw a like wad of money like hey man i'll hang out and you were like dude we were like get your fucking money oh yeah yeah yeah i vaguely remember that through like a wad of cash to give to like it was weird it was like but we were eating deep dish that night and i was like the thing about deep dishes you have two slices you feel fucking horrible it's gross dude yeah after you have one

you're done like i don't understand like that pizza it's like how many people is that for and then you walk around chicago and you're like oh these people eating that by themselves I'll tell you what man I did back-to-back nights after my special after my special I did back-to-back nights I went to Popeye's and I got the chicken sandwich and then yesterday I was with my kids. People have died over that sandwich, Paul. I'll tell you what. Chick-fil-A is the Jordan. It's not close. There's no better chicken. There is no better.

Zaxby's down south is close. But, dude, gun to my head. Chicken sandwich with pickles or whatever. Chick-fil-A is numero uno, hands down. As far as fast food. It's not that bready. Yeah, it's not that bready. It's fucking delicious.

Their buns are softer. The chicken, when you bite it, it's like white meat. Like, there's not veiny. I got to be honest with you. If I'm rating chicken sandwiches, Chick-fil-A number one. I mean, who doesn't like? I mean, Chick-fil-A is delicious, dude. It really is delicious.

No? I can't eat any of that shit. I know. I mean, I love, you know, by the time I got to Chick, by the time Chick-fil-A came out, I was out of the league. They were always down south. I got to be honest with you. I hate getting chicken sandwiches at fast food places

I fucking hate it there's only one thing you should get you get a fucking burger and last time I went to Wendy's I got their chicken sandwich and that thing sucked and I'm like it's literally Wendy's old-fashioned burgers and what does dummy do he goes in and he orders a chicken fucking sandwich this is not what that redheaded woman built her fucking house on a wendy's burger is a wendy's burger dude if you get the right fixings on it is really good all right here's one for you you got one last meal of a fast food place and you just get everything you want from it you gotta go i gotta go mcdonald's that's because i grew up eating this shit i grew up eating the shit. I grew up eating this shit.

Gets me sick, dude. I can't. It gets literally. Hey, who's dying here? Me or you? No, no. I'm saying. This is my death, Paul, and I'm going to fucking live it the way I want to.

Okay. You know, I don't know how you like it, though. So you're going to fucking bitch at me as I'm fucking on my last meal? Can't believe you're going to be dead in five minutes and you're eating that. You're dying, Bill. You should have went Wendy's. I got a mouthful of food. Can I just have this?

Can I just have this? It's fucking a little piece. Jesus, Percy. I'll tell you what. I go Whopper over Big Mac. Andrew, Whopper over Big Mac? That was never really impressed with either, to be honest with you.

The hipster. I was always like, you came in a little pretentious, Andrew. You came in a little fruity. I can't even answer. They're not trying to impress you. They're trying to nourish you with their fake meat. I've never had either, to be honest. I've had a Big Mac.

I've never had a Whopper. I'll tell you right now the big mac stinks the big mac stinks it's always stunk and i remember they used to have those uh 99 cent things that i'd come in there faced and be like all right let me get a couple of whoppers. The fucking thing, it's just terrible. It's all fucking bread and that soury sauce. It sucks. A Whopper's good. It's too big.

I'd rather go a Whopper Junior. But after that, after that, you know, the quarter pounder with cheese, the double cheeseburger, McDonald's french fries, Coke versus Pepsi, Wendy's, you know. Oh, you're getting me hungry, Bill. I feel like we're doing fucking Sal and Joe's fucking podcast right now. Let them talk about the food. Well, those guys, they'll fuck it. Dude, that's the fun.

By the way, check that podcast out. They screamed at each other over things that I was crying laughing at. They'd scream over ketchup or something. You know what it's like? It's like when Skip Bayless and that dude from the broncos it's like if they did it's rather than yelling about football they're yelling about food he literally one time he goes mustard's fucking what's wrong with you and i was like these guys are going in um yeah i don't know. So I got one for you, Bill. Sophia, another goal yesterday in a scrimmage.

She waited. She's a sniper. She waited in the middle, and she wasn't really being active. And then all of a sudden, the thing came across the middle. She skated up to it. Boom, right down Broadway, right through the thing. And I was just like. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Paul, we got to get you good with the terminology here. Whoa, whoa. Right down Broadway, right through the thing and i was just like whoa whoa paul we got to get

you good with the terminology here whoa right down broadway right through the thing that was it between the goaltender's legs no it was like right in the middle of the goal so i'm sorry i fucked it up where was the goaltender uh there was a position yeah you know the goal was open when she hit it because the goaltender was coming up on the side. Open net. Buried it. Yeah. Just like saw it. Came across. Boom.

I mean, she's nine years old. I'm sitting there. I'm going. I'm like the dad. Stacey wasn't there. I'm looking around like a lunatic. It's like a scrimmage. I don't care, man.

There's all different holes. It's like one, two, three, four. Between the legs is five hole. Every hockey fan only knows five hole. I looked at the diagram a million times i forget where is it now they have like between the arm between like the fucking glove and the blocker or whatever or the blocker in the body i can't keep up with it um that's awesome though man yeah she's doing that i got a good dad moment last night my son was going to

bed right so my wife brings him down she's holding for me to kiss him good night and he leans all the way out with his arms out and i'm thinking he wants to be picked up and i went to go pick him up and he still was squeezing his legs around my wife so i couldn't take him and i realized he just wanted he's like a hugger gave me a hug oh gave me a hug laid his head like on my the side of my head of my shoulder and i gave i kind of went back and i was like oh my god i said some noise like that and he had his pacifier and he smiled at me oh like yeah that's right that's how i do it and then he grabbed his big big sippy cup he's ready to go to bed kid is the best oh it's the best dude oh it's the best dude if he's not hugging you he's trying to destroy something he's just the best of both worlds

that's it that's what you want well balanced well balanced kid you know he's got a heart but you know you mess with him he's gonna fuck you up i don't talk shit for him i'm just saying he's the type he would choke you out a ufc fight and then help you up he's already the man i wish i was he figured it out at that age that's hilarious he's already he's living a better life than me that's all i wanted oh i can't wait to talk to you after a sporting event because dude you're in there with them sofia was almost crying on her soccer bench going they want to put me in a goalie. They want to put me. And I was in a good mood.

I was hungover, but it was the day after my special and I was just in a good mood. And I go, go in there, go in the goalie. You know, and it's like there's like a lot of parents for both teams and the goalie. You're alone and shit. And she's just and she goes, he's going to put me in. I go, go in there, have fun. So she's in there and she just got into it everywhere. The ball went, she got, and then there were three shots on goal and she saved all of them.

And then she walked off, she walked off and she was blushing. And I go, you see that kid, you see that you got it. And she was like, yeah. And I was like, see, and I was like, see, you did that. You did that. Like, that's, that's the shit, man. It's like getting rid of their, getting them over the fear, man. Just getting the kids over the fear.

Well, if you're the, if you're the goalie in soccer, I would feel like that would be feel like you're standing up, don't giving a book report. Or if you're just running around with everybody else, you can kind of have the ball for a second and pass it. But like the pressure. Even in basketball. Yeah. You dish it off. There's other people. Hockey. You're just like, you're, you're isolated and you're there, dude. Um, I brought my kids. I don't know if I, I think I told you this. Not hockey, you mean playing goalie.

Playing goalie. I'm sorry, playing goalie in soccer. I brought my kids to my special, the first one. I told Stacey, I said, I want the kids with me on the first one. I just want them to be there. So they're in the green room and stuff. And then we had to get there early. Production wanted me there like three hours before they're setting everything up. So the kids walk on stage with me and Pete's in the control room and then we're going over the sound.

And I saw them like taking this in and then everybody's packed in and they're going to say, ladies and gentlemen, Paul Verzi. And my kids are there and they're running up the back ramp looking. And like they were just like pulling on their own shirts like they were like nervous you know and lucas lucas was my son was more nervous and i heard him say to sophia i'm nervous and my daughter was why and he goes um mom mom i'm nervous and then you know but i told him i said listen your daddy's been doing this a long time your daddy's good at what he does and here's the other thing i can't get knocked out like a ufc because we watch ufc and he's seen like kids crying when their dad gets fucking choked out you know dads have been choked out kids are like i told him i said that's not that's not why if you're a professional fighter i don't know why you why would you bring your kids there dude the wife

starts crying then the kids are crying then she's holding the son as he's getting beaten. And I'm like, that's not going to happen here. So, so, you know, they'll, they'll laugh and we hope they laugh, but if God forbid, I'm not going to be choked out. And he was like, no, no, I know. But it was, it was really cool, man, to have them in the, to have them in the building was really cool, but they're nervous for me, man. He was nervous for me the way that I'm nervous for them when they're at the plate or when they're playing soccer and shit. I know I wouldn't want my kids to be hearing what the hell I'm saying. Oh no. I told Stacy, I said, listen, only bring them the last five minutes when I'm doing the kid stuff and the basketball thing and all that stuff. And, um, one of the comics goes, the, one of the guys who opened for me, he goes, no, no,

it's all right. He's talking about this now. So the kids came out. And right when they came out, I think I said something like, me and my wife were having sex the other night. And my wife just grabbed him by the head and just ran out of the room. And I was like, you shouldn't have fucking brought him there. But it's so funny. They're going to see it on YouTube in a year. I know, but then I just have some frigging comic making the call for you.

It's like, dude, at what point did this become your family? I think he was just trying to be nice, I think. What did I say? Don't let him watch anything. Get him the fuck out of here. What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you? No, it was one bit. He wasn't saying anything bad here what's the matter with you what's the matter with you no it was one bit he wasn't saying anything but what's the matter with you

that's what i'm gonna i'm gonna tell my wife i got my tour dates coming up got a big tour tour uh next year and i'm just like i just want to just, whatever California lets me keep, which isn't a lot. It's like, just fucking, just don't buy anything. Dude, I got to be honest with you, dude. I have not bought clothes since before the pandemic. Like, I am wearing the exact same. Like, I always have like three shirts, three, four shirts. Like, I call them my headliner shirts, the button downs, right? I like three shirts three four shirts like i call my headliner shirts the button downs right i got three four of those things like i'm just no no

wait i had to buy one because i had uh i had red rock so i needed a new one they were so fucking worn out from those stupid hotel irons and everything but um you know i'm at that age dude i'm 53 i figure i just sock it away till I'm 65. Just keep putting it away, putting away as long as the banks don't collapse, you know, which Andrew will fucking, yeah, Andrew's eyebrow just goes, Hey, you know, you might want to get the fucking Bitcoin. Oh yeah. Andrew's all about, you want to laugh? You know what I was looking at last night, Bill? What? My wife, I don't want my wife to see the search. I was up last night looking at electric sports cars.

I'm looking at this fucking electric Porsche I want, dude. The Porsche Taken. This fucking thing is white. It's a fucking beautiful car. What's it called? The Taken? Taken. Taycon?

Taycon. T-A-Y-C-A-N. Andrew, can you pull that up? I thought you were saying T-A-K-E-N, like taken. No, no. I'm sorry. The Taycan. It's a white Porsche.

Can you pronounce Taycan? Taycan. Okay. Yeah. All right. You know what I've been looking at? What's that? Ford Highboy F250 four- wheel drive with the divorce transfer case.

Ooh, the legit ones. Oh man, you're getting a truck. I could see it in your face. It's coming. I've been looking at those Ford B one hundreds, which was Ford's answer to the suburban that they only sold in Mexico.

I like weird shit, dude. Yeah. I just like, I like fast and I like white. I like, hold on. I got it. I mean, why is one of those rappers like Rick Ross? One of them just has everything's white, right?

Or is it? Wait, is it? What's his face? Mayweather. Doesn't he have all white cars? He either has all black. Look at his thing, Bill. You're going to be like that, Paul, when you make your money.

You can barely see it. Yeah. All right. I'll have to look that up later. It's a little blurry. I get it. It's a Porsche, and it's electric. It's got to be blindingly.

Dude, they got a truck now that just came out, Paul. It goes zero to 60 in three point something seconds, which means if you were towing a boat, I'm like, can it still do it in like eight seconds? It's fucking scary. That's like being on a fucking roller coaster, man. That's like ridiculous. Well, when I was a kid, the only thing that went that fast was a motorcycle. Like back in the day when I was a kid, if something got into the high fours or five, zero to 60 in five seconds was fast. I drove my car on the street. The fastest thing that I've ever been in. I drove my buddy's Tesla.

And dude, I was on the highway and he goes, he goes, just punch it, dude. And just see like, and I just got out of the way of other cars and I punched it. I went from like 65 to like 104 in. It was just out. And you could feel the car like push down to the ground. And it was like I was on rails. Unbelievable car, man. Tesla's unbelievably fast. Yeah.

Well, it's the motors. It's instant torque right to the wheels yeah there's no powertrain no no none of that bullshit that because i never understood that when i watched those gear heads 700 horsepower you know 660 at the wheels like you'll just lose horsepower or whatever i didn't never understood it i was actually on looking up videos of fucking uh transmissions. That's how weird I am, Paul. I swear to God, if I had the free time,

I would take a fucking automotive class on how to rebuild the transmission. It's one of the most fascinating things I've ever fucking seen in my life. That and a differential. If you look inside of a differential, they had to figure out how to take all of that torque, right? Turn it 90 degrees to the wheels. And then they had to make sure that when you go around a turn, it's like track. One person has to run less steps than the other. The wheel on the outside has to turn more than the one on the inside, or one of them would just be getting dragged as you went

around. So they had to come up with this gear. Looks like it's tumbling inside of it so they could turn independently. Wow. wow yeah so that's why when somebody comes oh i saw you stand upset dude you're brilliant it's like hey easy easy i didn't have to figure out how to make 700 horsepower go 90 degrees and turn wheels independently when i start fucking doing shit like that oh dude i gotta tell you this. We got a game here, a flight simulation game. And it's really like they have the exact airport, the exact approach taking off. You have the controllers and yeah, it's for the new Xbox Series X. And like Lucas was like, what airport do you like? JFK is exact. And they have all the things taken off so you can fly. So what I'm going to do later is

I'm going to fly from like Westchester County airport to like Florida. And I'm going to just see, I'm going to just, and I'm going to see like how it goes because like the way you are with like transmissions, you know, that's how I am with, I still can't wrap my head around the fact that I could be in LA in five and a half hours on an airport still to me I just that's my fascinate I can't believe it man flight is insane to me dude taking 200 people with all their shit all their bags all that weight all that fuel and and putting TVs on there and somehow it flies yeah I don't get that I look at that one but when I look at a fucking cruise ship that's the thing that I look like how does that float and i get it you know they got like the fucking you know the enough mass spread i get when i'm in a pool if i'm like this i go under but if i spread it out you know

i get buoyancy but it's like there's a fucking pool on that thing you've already started to sink the ship what about an aircraft carrier fucking land in a plane, land in an F 16, 11 on an, that's like, and you have like, you can't fuck that up. I got one for you.

You've ever seen when the guys land the helicopters on a pad and the boats going like this and the whole pads like, no, but I've seen planes and shit go off of the side and it sucked like i've seen that that's a bad day that would be called a bad day paul that's fucked up dude having to having to do that man um yeah when you land i guess on the aircraft carrier when you come on you land you then immediately go full power in case you'll hook miss that that fucking extension cord you're supposed to catch when you land on the thing.

Dude, that's insane to me. I can't imagine the whiplash. And that cord stops it? Yeah, because you couldn't have a ship as long, the length of runway that something like that would need to come to a stop using its whatever, reverse engines and its brakes would just be like like it'd be from here to fucking Milwaukee. You know, what's funny is you'd have to have a ship like three quarters of a mile long.

I used to think that when the plane longer than that, what am I talking about? Those fucking runways are like a couple miles long. Which ones are not the ones when like the jumbo jets take off it's like you wouldn't know you're looking it's like yeah man that's like you know i i forget what they are because helicopters i never have to think about that because we can just stop and sit down but i remember when i was down in long beach there's a runway three zero i forget how long that thing was and i was like like wait a minute that's a mile. That's a mile and a half. He's like, yeah.

It's just when you see the plane land, it's just going so fast. You don't understand that it's going like, you know, I think they go like a lot of those ones. They're still going like over 100 miles an hour when they land those bigger ones. I don't know. I don't know shit about planes. Well, that's what I was going to say is, like, you know, I learned a lot about different planes and stuff. And people think when the plane touches down, then they start clapping.

You're not out of danger until that Michigan team, thank God it worked out. They landed and then, like, or either were landing or taking off and slid off the run. When you hit, you're going, like, really, really fast. And that's when they put the run when you hit you're going like really really fast and that's when they put the thing on and you hear it like kind of slow down you're the like that that's like if that thing fucks up man like they gotta he's gotta slow down dude i saw one the other day a guy they landed and both pilots were tired and they forgot to put the brakes on they heard the guy in the background what the fuck are they doing they

didn't think they had enough runway left and they went full power to go back up and they put they had to nose it back before they had reached you know there's the optimal speed so you get the most lift they were before that went back and then you hear the guy going we're not flying we're not flying then one of those those runway light things they hit that they inverted that was it because they wouldn't try to fly back around again then they said well they might have been covering their own asses but the people that make the plane said that if they just they died everybody died yeah if he just hit the fucking brakes they still would have you know maybe worst case scenario kind of gone off the end of the

runway and fucked up the wheels a little bit but it was a commercial flight it was a private flight fuck oh fuck i hate hearing that man yeah i do too i hate watching those fucking things because it makes you not want to fly ever but like uh your buddy also that's kind of how you learn um how are you tired when you're like it's like just finish like i don't get that like when you're landing paul the same way you can be on stage at this point doing your act and be thinking about your life you can literally be just sitting there going like ah i got all this to do tomorrow what if i did this for and you're doing your act i know it just becomes uh complacent so high high hour pilots their biggest i think they're big their biggest flaw in their game is that they've flown that long and nothing has happened. So you get a little on your, not off, you're just not on your toes, maybe.

Dude, you're tired. Dude, how do you fall asleep driving? I know. Dude, I almost did once. I had my fucking head out the window like Ace Ventura in Baltimore. Dude, I drove all the way up from Myrtle Beach somebody goes dude you're gonna leave after the show it's 11 o'clock at night I go I just want to get home and dude seven hours later man I'm just like fighting it and I was like oh this is how people die okay oh you know what I you know got me to

stop doing that Wally Collins Wally Collins I told doing that? Wally Collins. Wally Collins. I told you that story. Wally Collins was coming back from a college gig. He said, I was driving, and he goes, I woke up in a field. Like, he fell asleep and got thrown from the car. Last thing he remembers is looking at the road, and he wakes up, and he's looking at the sky. Now, you can't be laying there thinking, like, I dead i'm there's got to be angels coming down right now

that's wild dude oh my god i couldn't imagine dumb you must feel and then the cops show up and you can't find your car and you're like uh it's like a ghost ride at a bike no i know when the field i'm just picturing it it continues to go you get ejected you're over here your car's over there i had a laptop anybody see a laptop out here i had a friend we talked about this on the podcast that i never hit record on um i had a friend sitting in the passenger seat he was a cop and they go go in the passenger seat. He was a cop. And they go, go in the passenger seat and get the, you know, and he was looked in. A truck, something hit him.

He flew out of the driver's side like Superman because it was open a little bit. And his shoes were perfectly where his feet were, like this. His shoes were next to each other where his feet were. I don't fucking get that. No. Because they're tied on. That to when you really get fucked up you get hit by a car like your butt you leave your shoes yeah shoes were left perfectly where he was sitting and his body flew sideways man and he

was in the medium just laying there fucked up it's and it's like dude physics it almost doesn't even make sense but it still doesn't because they're tied on like i understand that there's an explosion and it blows your shirt off and you're standing there like you were turning into the hulk like i get that you know what i also didn't understand for the longest time is how an explosion can kill you like aside if you're like far away, but just the waves, like it's like getting hit by water, but it's air and it's moving so fast

that it hits you. When it hits you, it messes up. It's like, it's literally like a rock hit you. Makes no sense, but it just turns your insides into jelly. Done. Yeah, but you got to be close to, you got to be close to the actual explosion for

that to happen right oh paul you don't you you can be fucking 90 million mark yes you have to be close you got to be within that that kill zone right i just made up kill zone i just made that up i think i heard that in an army movie i just said kill zone. Like I had some special forces training, Paul. You got to be inside the kill zone. Oh, my God. Well, that's why I don't fuck with fireworks. Do you know somebody got me some sparklers just because, you know, I got kids for Fourth of July. And I'm just sitting there.

I was trying to find a safe space, safe space where I could just not feel any toxic male energy. I was trying to find a place where I could light these fucking things up and not burn down my neighborhood. It was just such a hot, dry summer. I was just like, I mean, if I'm going to fucking burn down my house and my neighbors, it's got to be an M80. You know what I mean? I can't be like, oh, sorry, I lit a sparkler. Well, the only reason why we were able to do our 4th of July party is because we had, like, unbelievable thunderstorms four days in a row before the 4th. Well, you would have done it anyway.

The show goes on at the Verzi's. What are you talking about? But I would have had more precaution then. Paul, I've seen your show. No, no, but you've seen it. I've precaution then. Paul, I've seen your show. No, no, but you've seen it. I've seen the show, Paul. You've seen minor league. You are not concerned about your neighbors.

That's what makes it great. Paul, you watch your fireworks show. If I didn't know you, I'd be like, this guy's moving. This guy's moving. He just sold his house. He is not trying to be friends with anybody here on the block no i know you're right i yeah this guy's out this guy's out dude uh my crazy neighbor drove past i think and he went past the house we were out in the front yard and i just went i just gave a wave did he wave back i don't

know he was just speeding up the road but i just you know how's everybody doing uh dude i'd stay away from that guy yeah no i have i have been but you know, how's everybody doing? Dude, I'd stay away from that guy. Yeah, no, I have. I have been, but, you know, but we all wave. Like I'm in one of those neighborhoods where everybody does this. Like you ever just walk your dog. You don't know the person coming up. Yeah. You know, you just go, hey, how you doing, everybody?

Everybody good? You know, that's it. So, you know, when cars come up, sometimes people go like that. So I just wave at everybody. But I get a little kick out of it when it's him. You know, I noticed when you're picking your kid up at school and there's a circle of parents talking and you want to get credit for saying hello, you got to do the double wave. Like, all right, guys. See ya. You got to do this.

Are you a talker with parents? Are you guys getting ice cream? Because we're taking off. Are you guys going to get ice cream? You going over here? You going to? Okay. All right. All right.

We'll meet me tomorrow. Tomorrow. Okay, you guys. See you. That's so funny. I was talking to a hockey mom. Looks even better with all the black background. I was talking to this hockey mom yesterday.

She had two little boys out there on the ice. And one, she's like, one is just stubbornness. And she was just, you could just tell she was the strong Irish woman. She's looking at her kids and she's shaking. She's going, if you don't go back, if you don't get back, I'm leaving. No, then I'm leaving. And she just was doing the whole threatening thing. And I was just so funny. We were just talking about it and she's like, yeah, I want them to be able to escape, but I'm not one of those parents that, you know me, Bill, I'm a talker. I'm not one of those people that stands there cold and picks my kid up and ignores everybody i'm just going like oh how old is he oh it's great i'm one of those yeah i

do that yeah you have to what are you gonna do stand there and be the be the cold weird guy that nobody's you know like i'm a little bit of both sometimes i get there if i've had a day you know i can't turn it on yeah i'll be like hey what's up what's going on yeah hey what's going on with you uh you know same how's you know i bet even they can pull me out of it yeah everything good how's everything going yeah you, it's what it is, you know. Me, my wife can't stand it. You know me. They get me talking to a dad about football.

I mean, I'll sit there all day. I'll sit there all day. But they won the game twice. They won the game twice. We still lost. And the guy goes, oh, tell me about it. Then I go, then forget it. Then I just go, I just go on.

I was in a restaurant. I like doing the pickup, though. What do you mean? I like doing the pickup. The kids are like this generation of kids, man. They're cool. They're cool kids. They got a lot of, like, I don't know, a lot of different personalities and stuff.

I just like seeing, you know, I don't know, just seeing all like the like there's really just a bunch of different vibes or i just felt like when i went to school there was the popular kids the kids in the middle the nerds and the burnouts and that was there was like four groups now it just seems like there's like everybody's sort of like i don't know maybe it's because i'm an adult and i can see like all different types of personalities but it just seemed like there was just there was four boxes they just jammed you into them all right you're gonna do drugs someday you're gonna be a scientist you know and uh this guy's gonna be a superstar and the rest of you guys are gonna applaud that's it those those were your options those yeah i loved i loved everybody like i loved

i had friends that were nerds i had friends that were jocks i was friends with a couple of the burnouts i was just really self-serving paul no i was the man of the people i get it no i was never like i'm not talking to that group oh the mayor oh paul verzi comes to town a little sash around him i talk to everybody i get. Shake hands with two hands? You had a convertible. You had a convertible. You rode to high school in a convertible sitting with your feet on the back seat just waving at people as you came in.

Never trust a man who shakes your hand with both hands unless there's real love there. No, that's a great one. That's a great one. Another one, too. Another one, too. there no that's a big that's a great one that's a great one another one too another one too never fucking trust someone who does to meet you and does one of those dojo bows oh i haven't had that once oh yeah one of the biggest joke thieves i ever met in my fucking life wow i just he had he had the reputation before i ever met him and i met him and he's oh he goes oh he called me Mr. Bird he went like this

and I was like all right I'm losing 20 minutes tonight oh that's just a weird greeting who does that that's horrible yeah like it was his comedy sensei yeah that's about we should let we should let the younger listeners know some things yeah if if somebody you know you just met shakes your hand with two hands don't trust them somebody bows to you don't trust them here's one my brother had anybody who stands with their feet at 10 and 2 is a fucking moron that's a great that's a great time we were looking at we used to fuck around we used to go like to kill a day we would go out and you take uh test drive cars we'd come in and just say that we were rich and our parents were gonna buy and we're both going to college we say we were twins just to fuck with

them and we would say yeah we're uh we're going to college and uh they want to tell us to come down and pick out a car so they'd let us take anything so this guy's trying to college, and they want to tell us to come down and pick out a car. So they'd let us take anything. So this guy's trying to sell us. And I remember at one point, now I'm trying not to laugh because my brother would get him so fucking excited. He fucking, when the guy looked away, he elbowed me, and he pointed down at the guy's feet. And he had these worn out fucking brown shoes, and they were pointed like that. And I had to like, I had to just fucking walk away. Oh, that's great.

Here's one. Anybody who says one of two things. Anybody who goes, are you calling me a liar? They're lying. Anybody who goes like, you know, I'm a very honest person. They're a lying piece of shit. Anybody who does that fucking, they're like selling themselves. Yeah. Let me tell you something.

Nobody, nobody's more loyal than me. That's all bullshit. Here's one. Young Comics. It's the guilt. It's the guilt. If you got a comedian in the back of the room watching your set for way too long, then a comedian would stand in the back and watch it.

That's not a good sign, I don't think. What about when they come out smiling and their eyes are like busy? Like they come out and they're just kind of like, you can see him already working your shit in there. They just, I saw that the other night. And I was like, I was trying, I was judging him, sex, race, and clothes by which joke he liked and what he was going to take.

So now I'm going to be watching this guy. Yeah. I know you're not supposed to do that, but Paul, these are jokes. I have to, you know, I got to have my defenses up. No, of course. Like if I saw you, Paul, I would be like, all right, this guy likes family jokes. Did I do any jokes about food? He looks Italian.

I would. Oh, you do that. You really size them up on all their shit. Well, I know if you're doing that, I'm going to take some of your shit smile. Then I got to break you down as a person to see what's going to fit into the act that I think that you do. Wow. Okay. You go heavier than I thought. you do. Wow. Okay. That's that's you go heavier than I thought

you're going, you go into it. Yeah. And it probably, it's not even happening. Just paranoid. Yeah. Yeah. No, I don't like, uh, there are certain people that I don't like. Um, and I don't like comics that go up and go, uh, Hey dude, you know, you should really do this and that. And like, and, and they you know, you should really do this and that. And they're just... You could tell it was scumbag comic. You know what was a move back in the day? What? Was the host would go on stage

and start riffing about, well, do you hear what he said about the fucking bagels? Because, you know, that's true when you have the bagel thing. And then they would start fucking riffing on that. Oh, yeah.

And then they would take the back end with a little bit of your shit. Yeah. I don't like when the veteran comic who's older than you, if they treat you different after they see their, your act or like they don't let guys that don't like you doing well. You ever have those guys with egos? You get all that.

Well, you know, you know, the guy you had to watch out for that guy that had the fucking closet rack in his backseat of his fucking car with the clothes all the way across it? That guy you're like, I'm never going to see this guy again, and he's taking these jokes to fucking Oklahoma

or some run of clubs of some promoter I've never heard of before. Yeah. I had a guy go. I had a guy go once. You're funny. You're funny. You curse a lot. You curse a guy go once you're funny you're funny you curse a lot you curse a lot but you'll do okay

but you're funny and I was just and I'm like yeah I know you know you just know you just know that means he had a hard time

following you that week and he's gonna talk shit about you when he gets back to New York or LA I don't wanna be around that guy alright let's do some shit about the broads stuff that they say on a date.

And by the time you got experience, you knew that there wasn't going to be a second date. I had one girl go like this to me once. Me and my brother were in Atlantic City having a good time. And she goes, are you going to make it back to my barbecue? And I go, no. And she goes, you know, my family's really disappointed. My grandmother was coming disappointed and I literally, as it was going on, I was like, this is through, it's over. Like, it's just, you know what I mean?

It's just, you know, you're too early in to say some shit like that. I had one, one of my first girlfriends told me that, uh, you know, the reason why she was still single because she was a little older than me was that a lot of men just couldn't handle her oh so i took the bait like i'm gonna be the guy that's able to handle you i didn't realize like that meant that you know i'm kind of a cunt what do you mean people can't deal with you like what the fuck what does that mean yeah i guess my problem is i think i just i give too much of myself that means you're a selfish cunt yeah that's all of that anytime like that it's usually they're the opposite

yeah okay and i told this to i told this to a friend of mine a female recently here's one for the women we got to help out the women here paul we can't just be picking football games for the guys here uh here's one for you is when a guy says you know i just don't know how to be in a relationship you gotta break up with that guy immediately oh you don't well i wanted a relationship so this shit's over that just means like'm going to keep fucking you as long as you let me. Yeah. Or yeah, it's going to be no ring at the, I don't know how to be in a relationship. Come on. No, that's, that's a selfish bullshit. Yeah. And guys that are like, I just don't want my balls broken. I'm just going to do what I want to do. I mean, I'll take you out.

I love hanging with you. But, like, I'm not going to be, like, that's over. It's just not going to be. Yeah, that means he's enjoying fucking you. Yeah, he's enjoying his freedom. And he's not coming around because this guy knows how to do that. But he's just clunky about it. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm trying to think of another red flag somebody could say on a date. Yeah. Paul, what were some of the other things we used to say to women? Well, we can act like it was other guys that said it. Um, I was too, you know, I was just one of those, like, I was like, you know, I just wanted to have a good time, you know, but if somebody, it was the, it was the crazies that I didn't like the crazies that like, you know, did I ever tell you one time this chick was so I was, I was out, we were out just like eating. We weren't even really dating. We were just hanging out like first time and she got like hammered. And like,

I went to the bathroom and I came back and she was at another table And I fucking sat there And I was like what the fuck And like mingling around the restaurant And shit like took her shoes off And I was just like dude what the fuck This chick is out of her fucking mind crazy dude Like dude you know how lucky we are That we have like I'll complain about shit

Like I gotta fucking normal Some of these chicks I mean are fucking nuts The same way dudes are You know how lucky we are that we have like I'll complain about shit like I got to fuck normal. Some of these chicks, I mean, are fucking nuts. The same way dudes are. Some people are nuts, man. Some people are nuts. People have been. Some people have been fooled and fell in love with and went on vacations with like clinically crazy people. Yeah.

Crazy fucking people. No, they end up on that fucking first 48 show but i mean if you're young how do you how do you fucking not know it i mean i'm not saying how would you know dude is that's like that fucking that fucking guy there you were telling me about like he's going on this fucking trip with this woman he's doing everything taking pictures it looks like they're having the greatest vacation ever there might be an engagement ring at the end of it and all of a sudden he comes home without her yeah we actually should say that like club soda kenny posted it you could look at his twitter

they're looking for this guy but uh rest her soul gabby uh petito disappeared then they found their boyfriend left and now they can't find him and they were yeah like that's crazy they were this is and i'll tell you right now paul that is why i don't believe in a god that cares i mean i i listen i understand that because both of those people are his work or her work or they's work whatever god is to you i'm gonna tell you it's like he puts that fucking douche on the earth who does that to that woman you know allegedly right and then the parents gotta fucking live with that and then you're supposed to accept that he's challenging your faith that'd be like if i was your roommate right and? And I just fucking leave shit all over the floor.

I'd have to kill something in that scenario. Whatever. We're just, we're doing something a little lighter here. Well, I'll tell you right now. And I kill your fucking dog. Where's my dog? I don't know. I don't know what happened.

And then I expect you to just be fucking all right. Well, I mean, that's part of the, you know, that was one of the worst analogies I've ever given. Well, I mean, that's part of the, you know, one of the worst analogies I've ever given. Well, I'm not going to lie. You lost me halfway through it. And then I lost myself. And I just couldn't admit that I had. I couldn't come up with a good analogy.

I tried. Then I tried to get back with it with the dog. What can you do? But I'll tell you what, my daughter's not doing that. And I don't give a fuck. I'll be that guy she hates. I'll tell her straight up. I'm going to be like, listen, your boyfriend, you're in your 20s.

This isn't going anywhere. You're not going away with that kid. It's just not going to happen. I'm not even joking. She's dad. I can't believe this. I know. You're going to drive her into his crazy arms.

I'm going to go. You're not going to Aruba at 23 years old with the fucking Gregory. It's not going to fucking happen. Okay. So, and, and if she says why I'm going to say, because the girls, your age go out and never come back. That's why it's not going to happen. That's it. That's it. Okay. I'm not going to fucking be the dad. Who's fucking sitting in front of a camera going. He was a nice guy. We invited him for dinner. Fuck that. Jitsu, Paul, you got to get her some jujitsu training. Creeps are going to front of a camera going he was a nice guy we invited him for dinner fuck that jitsu paul you got to get her some jiu-jitsu training creeps are going to be in close every woman should learn it

they should have that guy tied up like a fucking pretzel when the cops get there she's over there playing xbox the creeps over there in the corner the one whimpering yeah but you know something dude i will i will say this and defend women in the sense that like they do put up with shit. We don't have to do it. I saw this woman crossing the street, New York. It was like midnight. I was doing danger fields, obviously pre pandemic couple of years back. And this group of guys just walked out of a bar drunk. And this girl was like walking by,

it was either her and her girlfriend and all these dudes just turn around, started saying shit, doing stuff. And like, I was just like, fuck man. Like that's, that was my, like, you just start thinking, man, if that's my daughter, like, yeah. So I want my daughter to learn to fight back. Guys don't understand how uncomfortable they're making women. That would be like, you just walked into a prison and all the guys were yelling at you. You know what I mean? That terror of walking into that, like you're, you're doing that to them and they're coming out of an applebee's at least if you're going into prison you did some dumb shit at least you stole a car you did something yeah and the guy thinks he's being funny going nice ass sweetie and like it's fucking it's it's kind of not cool. That line has never worked. Oh, you think so?

Yeah. That works with a woman of a certain age who's insecure about her ass that's fucking behind her knees. That might work on a 58-year-old. Hey, nice ass, sweetie. Really? Nobody said that to me in 40 years. Take out your schmeckle.

Now I'm doing Louie's bit from back in the day. I'm going to take off your trousers. You say he used to get those old broads when he would call phone sex? I'll give you the old 23 skidoo. i'll give you the old 23 skidoo uh i remember i had a bit i never put it in anything but i said any woman that like reacts positively to a cat call can't be trusted yeah because it's like how are you raised if a guy's like nice tits sweetie get over here Then she's on a date with you. Yeah, man.

That's because her dad didn't stick around. All right, Paul, we got to wrap this up here. Yes, we do. This has been episode 34, guys. Thank you so much for listening to our podcast. Anything better? Please like, subscribe and leave reviews for anything for anything better. And you can get 34 Kevin kevin mckale how did i forget that the great celtic wow yeah we you know what we're gonna have somebody reach out i blew it with all the celtics no we're gonna have somebody reach out like they do every

week how did you and bill miss how did you and bill miss this guy it's a fun they're right paul they're right well you know what we just do it for fun at the beginning it's a fucking travesty. And they're right, Paul. They're right. Well, you know what? We just do it for fun at the beginning. It's not fucking, what do they want, 134s? Hey, Paul, maybe for some people it's not fun and games. Guys, check out all our stuff. The Verzi Effect, the Monday Morning Podcast. I'll be at Wilbur. I'll be at the, dude, I'll be at the Wilbur, kid.

It's going to be fucking, it's going to be pissing, doctor. No, I'll be there October 22nd. Get your tickets there. Doctor. Oh, dude. Say it's D-A-W. Doctor. Doctor. Doctor. There you go. You'll work on it, yeah.

Nothing is funnier than, I mean, what's funnier than a deep, deep Boston accent? I mean, it's up there with the best of them. I mean, I love it. Oh. Dude, this one that my, one of my family members' brother-in-law has the greatest fucking Boston accent. He's New Hampshire, and it almost sounds like he's slurring his words.

He's just up. Oh, we were up there in Lake Winnipeg. Shockey is just dude. It was just fucking killer, man. He just kind of like is a year out. He stretches it. He stretches it. It sounds like a motorboat halfway across the lake.

Yeah. When he's talking. And I was trying to like pick up on it going like, now there's the accent. If you had an acting gig, rather than doing the hacky Boston accent that I do, like if you could get that one down, because there's subsets of it. Just like New York, there's harder versions.

There's the Long Island version, the Brooklyn version of it. Back before everything just became, everybody became everybody with the internet. You know what I mean? When you were just sort of subjected to the little pot of people that you were in, it was all these different ones. All right. Let's not talk dialects, Paul. Let's fucking let's, let's wrap this up. Sorry. Wrap this puppy up. All right, guys. Well, next week we'll be back. Hope you enjoy it. Enjoy our football picks this week.

I hope you enjoyed that week three going in and me and Bill got to get out of that we got to get close to that 500 mark everybody that's what we're going to do we're on the hot seat Paul we're on the hot seat so until next week we're out of here guys talk to you soon Thank you.