Anything Better? - Every Generation Thinks They're The First

Episode Date: May 20, 2023

Is there Anything Better than Bill & Paul coping with female announcers?

what's up everybody and welcome back to the anything better podcast with your host my Paul Berthie, Bill Byrne, the Greek freak producer Andrew Andrew Themlis. And you guys are listening to episode 79. We're almost in the 80s. We're almost at Jerry Rice, but this is 79. And I don't know shit about number 79. First name that popped into my head was Harvey Martin from the Doomsday Defense. Played on that line with Randy White and Ed Too Tall Jones, 54 and 72 respectively.

And the guy, Coy Bacon. Those are the guys that I knew that wore 79. Oh, Paul, I'm on one this week. Dude, can I just get, before we get into, I want to hear that. I do. I i'm not gonna say all of that shit paul because you can't fucking say all of that shit what's that in a nice fucking way oh oh okay well dude my wife and i just got into a fight right before i came on here and here's what happened here's what happened dude and i'm gonna say this without being i'm gonna

say this without you know i'm not gonna trash my wife here i never do that on the show but i'm just i'm at my daughter's basketball game 20 minutes ago okay is it on espn yeah it was uh doris burke and uh no so uh cheryl miller no and i'm at my i'm at my i'm at my daughter's basketball game and my mother-in-law is there and i'm game, and my mother-in-law is there, and I'm sitting next to my mother-in-law, and I'm talking to my mother-in-law during the game, and we're just watching the game, shooting the shit, small talk, great,

and my wife leans up and goes, hey, did we take care of those renter cars when we go to California? Mid-game, kids are running up and down, so I just go, I give a look like, no, we'll figure it out. And I did one of these, like, you know? And then she, me doing that, it's like, what's your attitude?

And I'm going like, oh, we're at the game. Yeah, what's going on at the flight? So we get home and she goes, you know, what's your attitude? You got like an attitude lately. And I go, we're at our daughter's basket. You're asking me about rent-a-cars. I mean, like I'm sitting there, I'm talking to your mother. Like, I don't like an attitude lately and i go we're at our daughter's best you're asking me about rent-a-cars i mean like i'm sitting here i'm talking to your mother like what i don't have an attitude like who's she goes oh it popped into my head see here's the thing dude with women and i'm not trying to be this is the thing with women dude if it pops into their head if it comes out of their mouth if it pops into their head and comes out of their mouth it's okay but if i go

anything like that like hey i hey, I just had a- Oh, my God. If you were at a fucking woman event and you start going like, hey, did you tape that fucking Nick game for me? Oh. And then she gives you that look. Are you going to be in the car going? You're going to be like, oh, shit, I guess I asked the wrong time.

You're not going to go in the car and be like, hey, man, like, I asked you to tape that game when, you know, we were getting our kid christened. I was wondering, you know, what was your attitude about? The game is fixed. The game is fixed. Rigged, Bill. Hey, Bill, Bill, always was. Always was. Always was. Once they took the club out of our hand and our ability to drag them down the fucking dirt trail, that was it. out of our hand and our ability to drag them down the fucking dirt trail. That was it. That was the only game we had, Paul.

Once it went cerebral, it was over. Here's my fucking sports predicament. I come out to my office. Celtics must win. They're down 3-2 to the Philadelphia, the Doc Rivers, Philadelphia 76ers. So head coaching has been a liability. It's Doc Rivers, man. I mean, nobody's been around the block more times than that guy.

And every place he goes, he does a great, you know, kills it. I turn on my TV. Hey, hey, we're having satellite issues, right? Certain channels are having satellite issues, Paul. Can't get the fucking basketball game it literally looks like somebody took a picture of a tv in 1983 that's what the fuck i'm looking at i turn the other channels to see what's going on fucking women's lacrosse paul like like a fucking like a lake it's just crystal fucking clear crystal clear women's lacrosse i'm telling you it's a fucking conspiracy so then i go back to the game i go back to the game and then one of

the announcers is a woman and then i'm just sitting there trying to be progressive and it's just like they did it they did it they wormed their way into the one fucking place where you could get away from them where you could get away from them and now they're just fucking there and they're talking again i fucking go to bed listening to women talking fucking real housewives all these fucking goddamn shows you can't get away from them, Paul. They're like fucking robots. They're not fucking sitting down, and I'm watching the game. I mean, God bless her. God bless. You see, this is the two-minute offense I was talking about.

I feel like I'm getting reprimanded. I wanted to start going, oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't pay attention the first time you said about that two-minute offense. Dude, there's something to be said about that two-minute offense. Dude, there's something to be said about fucking leaving each other alone. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Yes.

Yes. No, they can't. They joined the party. They joined the party. Yeah. You know something, too? Door's open. Door's open for them.

Door's open. They said let them in. That's it. They're at the keg. They got the best cop, too. They got the same cop as somebody fucking pulling like nine zillion viewers. It's like... Here's the thing, Paul. I get it. It's fucking stupid that they

don't promote women. Okay? They have ESPN University. Have the women's one. Yeah, I mean, does women's, and this is going to sound stupid, does women's lacrosse need to be on? Well, we are stupid. But does women's lacrosse need to be on television?

I don't watch men's lacrosse. That's what I mean. No, listen, St. Paul. That's what I mean. It's like, no, listen, listen, I don't want to be this guy trashing them saying that they shouldn't fucking be out there.

They a hundred percent absolutely should be, but this is one of these fucking things where they're always talking about how hard it is. And dah, dah, dah, dah, dah,

dah, dah, and all that fucking horse shit. And it's just going like, well, yeah. I mean, they're presenting horse shit, and it's just going like, well, yeah. I mean, they're presenting your shit like it's...

You can't say it. Then you can't say it. Okay, all right, all right. Yeah. All right. Whatever, whatever. But I'm... It's too... It's just fucking... You know The number one thing I'm pissed about

Is the fucking I can't get the game clear And it's literally No that's crazy This is a direct TV problem It's not a fucking woman problem But I will say That that fucking

That added a little That rubbed a little spice in my eye Yeah And I can't even see the game And I got this woman reprimanding me Oh dude speaking of spice in the eye these allergies are fucking oh i'm getting old allergies are brutal um yeah no i'll tell you something else paul i'm on one right now the florida panthers uh are a fucking

relentless great team but i'll tell you this right now the fucking bruins and the toronto maple leafs are doing everything they can to make them look even better than they are. You can't, I cannot, the fucking Maple Leafs finally fucking showed up, Paul. And you know what they did? Guess what they did, Paul? They played defense. They had active fucking sticks. They fucking took the body a couple of times. They were just escorting these guys into their fucking zone. This fucking little guy, number 13, scores an overtime goal. This fucking big dude, number 78. I got kids.

I don't know the names anymore. Big fucking guy, number 78. They do a give and go, right? He's got the guy behind him. The big 78 fucking lets up for half a second. The little shit ducks underneath him. I know he's taller than me, but I'm a comedian. This fucking little guy goes in there just like

what are you doing what the fuck are you doing why are you making this team they're already relentless yeah why are you just coasting around out there fucking maple leafs dude every year when the bruins if the bruins don't make it well the maple leafs are always out in the first round this is the first year they're in i'll say all right root for this fucking team this will be fucking great to see them end a 57 year curse and they're out there dude fucking they're doing like a parade lap oh all right it's out it's out of my system and then you know what i'm watching the fucking maple leafs they're driving me up the wall and then you got me watching your fucking knicks dude you want to laugh?

Last night I'm at the stand and somebody goes, we're talking about the Knicks. And he goes, dude, you got Hulu? And I go, yeah, I got Hulu. He goes, you got Hulu live? And I go, yeah, I got Hulu live for the sports. He goes, yeah, dude, you can watch the Knicks game on your phone right now. And dude, my life at the stand changed.

I was eating dinner and i get it on my phone and i had a stick this big i had a fucking churchill oliva which i love i go outside i mind my business i go outside i sit at a table i put a glass there i put my phone up against the glass i light an oliva and i'm sitting there right nicks Knicks are down, you know, three games to one. We need the game at the garden. It's a straight Aaron Berg, Toronto's own comes over. He goes, dude, you mind if I watch Toronto Maple Leafs game? So he takes a Leafs fan and a Knicks fan. That's amazing. He takes his phone. He rests his phone against the glass. We're at the same table. He lights his stick. He's watching. We're at the same table.

I'm watching the Knicks. He's watching the Leafs. They're down 3-0. We're down 3-1. Both of them ended up winning. But I just want to say something to the Anything Better fans here, if I may, if I have the floor for a second here, because I'm on a little one with the fans. I know you talked about Jimmy Butler,

but some of the Anything Better fans are going at me going, hey, Verzi, nice pick, you dumb fuck, not knowing the Miami Heat. Let me just say this, first of all. You're an eighth seed with undrafted players. The reason you're winning the series, and first of all, Jimmy Butler, as good as Jimmy Butler is, Jimmy Butler's not been the difference in this game. 20-something points, Jimmy Butler is fine. The thing is, Jimmy Butler's not been the difference in this game. 20-something points. Jimmy Butler is fine.

The thing is, Jimmy Butler changes things on the floor, I know. But, dude, Pat Riley and everything under him, everything down. The organization knows how to win. They got undrafted guys who kicked the ball out to the open man. They're knocking threes down. They seem better coached. They seem like they're better on the perimeter man. They're knocking threes down. They seem better coached. They seem like they're better on the perimeter than we are. I give them credit. But to say I didn't know what I was talking about because Jimmy Butler's going to take over,

that's not happening. And listen, oh, Charles Barkley said it best, Bill. Bill, tomorrow night, if my New York Knickerbockers, by some miracle, can get out of that game six and bring it back to the Garden on seven, oh, Bill, all bets are off. I'll spend $5,000 on a ticket, take my son, and we'll be in the building for game seven. I don't know if it's going to happen. I don't have a good feeling about it. It's not going to happen, Paul. I've been telling you, you don't want Jimmy Butler in the heat. You just don't.

I'll say this. He might lose game six just to go to the garden And fucking beat you guys Oh god that would be That'd be tough dude I'd rather lose in six than come back to the garden And lose in six I also got that dude love

That guy just knows He knows exactly how to fit in on a team He's like reverse Kyrie Irving Yeah dude how to fit in on a team he's like reverse Kyrie Irving yeah yeah yeah dude Kyrie Irving dude you were right about that one you had that kid right I mean that kid just he's the perfect number two he's a perfect I didn't have him right I was excited when he came to Boston and then when he went to Brooklyn I was thinking like you know, a lot of weird things. That's a nice way of saying weird things happen to black athletes when they go to Boston. So I'm thinking

like, now watch, he's going to go down there. They're going to embrace him. And then Brooklyn's going to be great. And then it happened again. And I was like, oh, okay, maybe it wasn't us. And then he went to Dallas. Dude, nothing's more annoying than that white shooter who's undrafted and just knocks down threes. And I mean, that kid on the heat looks like he should be in a surf shop. It's driving me nuts, this fucking nerd. It's driving me fucking nuts. And we can't stop it. It's killing me.

It's killing me. What are you going to do, though? Hey, you guys are in a game tonight, right? Game six tonight. I was just saying that, Paul, and I'm watching it on some like my flat screen tv looks like a square tv from fucking 1979 are you recording it bill or you want updates on that i don't give a i don't have time i i just walked by and i got the guilt trip you know uh not the guilt trip they said hey you know your kids yeah play with your kids i gotta fucking knock out this podcast you know, not the guilt trip. They said, Hey, you know, your kids. Yeah.

Play with your kids. I got to fucking knock out this podcast, you know, but Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, I got all of this shit I'm doing. I'm in pre-production for this little thing that I'm going to shoot my wife. That's, this was what a lot of this is. This is what a lot of this is because I was actually, as a Celtics fan, I was rooting for Kobe Bryant and his daughter. Cause I was seeing what he was lining up i'm like this guy's gonna save the wnba this guy's gonna kill it and you know i had plans to take

my daughter to a wnba game and all that so it's really not women's sports it's just fucking being too goddamn busy you know when you get busy and you get stressed and then you get a female voice yakking in your fucking ear i mean it's it's over. It's a recipe for a disaster. So my apologies to the crystal clear women's lacrosse. How many times are they going to fucking have a woman softball pitcher pitch to an MLB guy and watch him go fucking yard? I mean, would you just stop it with this shit? There's a lot of bandwidth with that.

There's a lot of bandwidth left over for that lacrosse game. The bird's chirping in that one. I don't get it. I don't fucking get it, man. I don't know why ESPN has ESPN University, espn has espn university espn to espn college all of these fucking things they all do it for money and the only reason why they're promoting female sports is not because they give a fuck it's because they were pressured and they got worried that they were going to be called sexist that's it that's why everybody does everything yeah everybody has everything for money and except

a very few very few goddamn people you know i'll tell you right now paul if it was women's volleyball i would not have a fucking problem if that was crystal clear although in the gymnasium i don't like those emaciated ones on the fucking beach like oh i like the beach is there anything worse than than fucking those leathery white people on fucking men and women on the goddamn beach? I mean, they just. I'm not. You know what? I got to disagree with you there.

I love the beach volleyball with the ladies. Oh, you do? Oh, yeah. But anyways. I like them a little thicker, Paul. Hey, I like a big girl. Okay. And there's another thing too. I don't give a fuck if you say I'm objectifying you. It's like, yeah, I am. Uh, I mean, that's what the fuck we, that's what we do. And you know, we do. And you take advantage of it. That's how you bring us into the fucking boat and we fucking put a ring on your

goddamn finger maybe we saw that guy well two things i want to say one is somebody said something funny about trans women and men's sports they go dude i got no problem they go i got no problem with men competing in women's sports because i'm a gambler as long as i can bet on it yeah we gotta have you know something you know have that. Don't objectify me. We got to have something when they ask us what we do for a living. We need a word for that. Don't me for me. Remember in Swingers, John Favreau in Swingers? They were at a party in LA. And she just goes, he goes, hey, what's up, guy? And this woman just pretentiously, she goes, what kind of car do you drive? And he goes, it's a red Cavalier. She just goes, he just turned away.

You know what's funny about that, Paul, though? Not only do I understand that I totally respect it it's like anybody can be a fucking it's like you know you know no one wants to marry a loser oh yeah the problem with us Paul is like us being

losers is so fucking obvious we show up they see our sneakers the piece of shit car we pull up and it's like hey fucking hitching my wagon and that right women for the most part all look great when they get dolled up and they fucking you know put all the shit all the fucking you know boosting this up and fucking highlighting the eye line in this they look great yeah they put a fucking mask on underneath all of that, Paul? Yeah. Hey, sweetie, take your mask off, okay?

No, they should have a number. Sewn into their thing about how many nagging questions they're going to say to you every fucking day. It should be a dial. Just dial after each question. Do you remember when you- No, you graph fucking day. It should be a dial. Just dial after each question. Do you remember? No, you graph the month. You graph the month and you see how they handle their situation there.

We were on the road. All I needed was this fucking little leather chair and my flat screen TV. And to watch either watch the Sixers put us out of our misery or take us back to a game seven. That's all I need. I'm a simple man.

You're not asking much. You're not asking much. I'm not asking much. But I'll tell you right now, I can watch game fucking whatever of whatever, however long the women's lacrosse season is. I can watch that. Well, dude, you know what you can do. Get it on your phone.

Just get the challenge. Get it on your phone. You get it on your iPhone. You sit on your thing do get it on your phone just get the challenge get it on your phone you get on your iphone you sit on your thing put on my phone right now all this shit i bought doesn't fucking work um dude do you remember we're in jacksonville we're in jacksonville this is a long time ago we we went to that game in the rain we went to a jaguar alligators and we went to the gun range and we went to the gun rage yeah and we were staying there and uh fred taylor's family we were talking to his brother fred taylor was there was fred taylor day and there was a guy outside and he was just like i don't know if you remember this but he was like with these women and he's just going like he was like holding this

woman's hand and like rubbing her leg and then afterwards he walked up and i just heard he just said dude i'm married. I know. He's like, I shouldn't do this. You know, I know, but dude, I got, I love my wife.

He's just like, I just love pussy. I just love pussy. And it's like, what, you know who else does? I don't know. Every straight man, you're married.

You'd be like, he was justifying it. It was like, he was justifying those actions by going like, ah, dude, women, what are you gonna? he was justifying it it was like he was justifying those actions by going like ah dude women what are you gonna it was like yeah it was ridiculous i i know another guy that said that to me one time but he wasn't married and he was telling me why he wasn't married and he said i just love pussy too much just love it i fucking love it and i'm just like

i yeah i i get but there's this you know i'm saying you should graph graph of the month that the woman has like this is how i'm gonna this is gonna be my mood right yeah um you should like if you graft like a guy crushing it to when he becomes an old player and the level of sadness and loneliness, oh, my God. Dude, we know it's the worst. I've seen them too. Those old, when they get into their late 50s and they're still out there and they used to hit into the upper deck

and now they're just trying to hit a flare for a single just to stay up there in the league dude and they will literally bang anything it is just like um it's a much better it's a much better road i mean i'm not bitching about my wife at all i'm just fucking talking about like you know the one oasis that i had if I just didn't watch pregame and postgame was to put on ESPN and just watch a fucking game is what I had and that's now that's gonna that's that's also gonna become this this fucking I'm actually genuinely sorry I I I don't even know what it's gonna become no no I'm genuinely sorry because I'm putting myself in this situation. If the Knicks game is on and I just couldn't do it, it would just –

I mean, I would do – yeah. I knew you were on a hot one today when I logged in. And, like, when you log in on Zoom, you come into the meeting and the other two guys are talking, and Bill was just fully launched into something, and I was like, oh, okay, he's ready. I sat down, I put on the fucking NHL game. Couldn't get that in.

It was also like, uh, in between periods, doubles up one, nothing. Then I go, let's, you know, let me,

oh, fuck the Celtics are playing, put on two Oh six. No. And then I went one channel up and it fucking worked. So then I go to two Oh six to watch ESPN satellite fucking problems. I go up one women's lacrosse crystal clear. So then I go, oh, is that the secret?

So I type in 205. 205's clear. Then I go up one. I thought it was like one's going to be bad and then you go up one. I'm trying to fucking crack the code of the satellite um nope nope i just googled it and it looks like not gonna happen for you it looks like uh direct tv has had a few there's like an outage detector and it looks like it's had a few outages in the past hour in los angeles it says you know what i'm complaining about right now,

Andrew, that there is a fucking guy on the other side of this country that's being beamed up to a satellite down to my stupid house. And there's a problem. I mean, the fact that I can see anything at all is pretty fucking amazing. Let me try to get my head around this. Stop trashing women. It's just one of those things, Paul. I'm going to come home and I'm going to put my feet up. I'm going to fucking have a little fucking Arnold Palmer or some bullshit. I can't watch the whole game.

I got the kids. I'm going to fucking watch a quarter and a half of this shit. I'm going to get a vibe for the game. By the way, we came out great. I already think we're going to win the game. Anyway, I don't have the stomach for the NBA. By the way, we came out great. I already think we're going to win the game. Anyway, I don't have the stomach for the NBA. It's so fucking stupid. It's game of runs.

Up by 26. 27-3 run. They're right back in it. Every fucking game. You can almost hear the advertisers calling in. Sorry, but I was trying to... I hung up the wrong one. If you guys get back to your place for seven,

I like your chances for sure. Yeah. Home court and basketball is big. It's bigger than football. Football, I don't think it matters as much. I mean, they kind of changed – they've changed the games a lot. I don't think it matters as much. I mean, they kind of changed. They've changed the games a lot. I don't know, Paul.

I just would like to be able to see the game that I want to watch. What about hockey? What about hockey? Would you say home-court? Dude, I'll tell you right now, Paul. I wish you were a hockey fan. The NBA playoffs cannot touch the, the, the Stanley cup final, like playoffs.

You just, it's just fucking unbelievable hockey. I just wish that there was more hitting, but I also don't have to take the concussions. So it's like a different thing, but dude, the, what you have to fucking go through to win that goddamn thing.

I mean, he's fucking guys, dude. I saw what's his face he took a fucking slap shot dude it hit him like right here and you just see him go uh uh what's his face on did he break it he broke his forearm no and he's on the fucking bench and you see him he sees fucking doing this shit oh dude that, dude. Didn't miss the shift. Wow.

Yeah. Was it Austin Matthews? Didn't miss it. This is like one of the fucking best guys in the fucking league. Hey, Bill. One of the best guys in the fucking league gets hit like that, isn't falling down like a fucking he's playing soccer or some shit like that. What about home ice? Is home ice a big deal?

Is the home ice? It is. It is. It is. But I will tell you as far as. I'm probably an all sport, but it is like beyond what you're watching, it's so fucking psychological. And you see like the momentum, the switches and that type of stuff that happened. It certainly happened back in the day when enforcers would really, people just thought they were out there beating the shit out of people.

They were readjusting the game. That guy with the beard, that guy with the beard on the Panthers, he's skating around out there like he's six foot four running into people. And the fucking Maple Leafs are doing nothing about it. Doing nothing about it. That didn't happen back then. They reminded you. Yeah.

You get a reminder. Yeah. And it wasn't always the fight. I read this book on it. The guy come out and he just said, hey, man man things better settle down if somebody could get hurt out here sometimes that's all you had to say other times you had to beat the fuck out of somebody but um you know that's the frustration i have like

watching like that guy in the warriors kicking people in the balls and nobody just goes over and beats the shit out of him sits down for minutes, and then he stops kicking people in the balls. It's just fucking... Like, all the dirty shit I've ever seen in my fucking life, and the history of me watching NBA, I've never seen a guy accidentally, consistently, kick somebody in the balls in a follow-through to a jump shot. But he's not even trying to make the ball go in. The ball is a prop, so he can jump in the air

he's doing like he's jumping in the air and scissor kicking you in the nuts yeah yeah no but they didn't do that shit on those old knicks and i'm not just saying that because the knicks but oakley mason rest his soul they didn't do that shit i remember fucking uh charles the greatest shit you got to watch this charles oakley took fucking charles barkley by his neck and put him down on the ground with one hand and the garden went fucking nuts dude it was i've seen that but he never beat the fuck out of him no i think they're friends kind of too i know but i'm just saying like they never like the last guy that really got rudy tom janovich oh that's hard to watch dude well only because you know what happened it's a beautiful fucking punch it was perfect that guy kermit what's his face did that and uh they said he was tasting spinal fluid dude he would that was fucking nuts dude oh it was really bad too and

it was also when the league in 10 years went from 90 white to 90 black so there was a lot of like white people that didn't want to watch it anymore and then cocaine was coming in and then this black guy punched this white dude and almost fucking killed him and uh you know you know you know how that game's played. Dude, that spinal fluid thing got me sick. Is that true? Yeah. Dude, as soon as you said that, it was just stop. He threw a punch like he knew how to box, and he was like 6'10". It was just like instinct.

He turned. It was a fight. Somebody came running up, and it was just like instinct. He turned, it was a fight, somebody came running up, and it was just like hit, hit before you get hit. What's the worst you've ever, I heard the Frank Gifford, that was way before our time, but I heard the Frank Gifford hit was one of the worst things ever. I know the Joe Theismann was a bad one. What's the worst one you ever saw live? Or like saw on TV?

I'll tell you. In recent history was when Antonio Brown, when he came over the middle against Cincinnati. Against that perfect guy. Dude, that was brutal. There was just no... There was like, I'm going right for your head. The shit Scott Stevens used to do, it was legal. like i'm going right for your head uh the shit scott stevens used to do it was legal but that guy was just like i'm going right for your fucking head with my shoulder

i'm gonna skate in about 20 25 miles an hour and i'm gonna come in from the blind side a lot of people will keep your head up you see him he's coming in like this you're trying to deke somebody out and he would just come like just passing through like a fucking freight train and dude he he just this guy like that guy that guy was like scary remember leonard marshall on montana when my from behind montana just went. He was face down. Yeah. Oh, and that was also the turf, the, the, the,

the, the turf too. There, there's been some, uh, yeah, there, there's definitely been some ugly ones.

So like, that's why, you know, as much as I bitch that, you know, there's not as much hitting in hockey as there used to be. It's like, I don't have to take the hits and these guys deal with the physical

ramifications of it for the rest of their life. It's also, I don't have to take the hits, and these guys deal with the physical ramifications of it for the rest of their life. It's also when they got rid of the red line, the game became so much faster. Like a bunch of old guys, when they came back after that year-and-a-half strike, just immediately had to, like, leave the game. The game just became, they were fast enough

before the strike, and in a year-and-a-half, it was like they should be back down in AAA, and they had to hang them up. But, yeah yeah the stretch passes and all that type of stuff it's just such a fast game that you just sort of gravitate towards that so you get these guys that can fly but you don't get these physical guys and then you get up against the physical team and they start hitting you and it fucks up the flow to your game. And then like it's kind of this interesting period where I think there was an over a correction and adjustment to the speed and all of that. And I find like the way the St. Louis Blues were built in 2019, they really exposed us for being a finesse team. team uh they they really exposed us for being a finesse team and i think the florida panthers just watching them they are really exposing and as the series goes on and more and more liberties

are sort of taken and there's no response you know they did that fuck oh my god i'm such a parent i almost said growing up coming up like a bouncy house i swear to god i almost said growing up, coming up like a bouncy house. I swear to God, I almost said that. Oh, I am fucking finished. Bill, you know what's really fast and agile and strong? Women's lacrosse. I feel bad that I said that. I don't want to shit on that type of stuff. I'm just fucking pissed. Of course, of course, that's crystal fucking clear some fucking asshole trying to sell me some shit that so my keys don't fall

down between my seat my car that ad that ad will be fucking that goes right up to the satellite right fucking down oh my god dude i dropped the remote in a crease of my new leather recliner and i couldn't get it and i couldn't get the tv on i couldn't get it it was luckily the knicks weren't playing or i would have just tore apart i would have taken a knife to the middle of the fucking recliner dude what was it like it was left alone with your own thoughts not to be distracted by a fucking screen um not good yeah not good i went to bed i looked at my phone i was a mess but honestly if it was the knicks i would Not good. Yeah. Not good. I went to bed. I looked at my phone.

I was a mess. But honestly, if it was the Knicks, dude, go to a bar. Go get up with Bartnick. Go get some wings and a stick. Watch the game, dude. I would do that shit. If it's the Knicks, I can't miss it. If it's the Knicks, I'm not missing it.

You know, one of my favorite things to do is to listen to baseball on the radio. Oh, baseball on the radio. And just sit there and, like, just not think. And then, you know, especially if it's a slow game. Yeah. Because then if you got, like, a good color guy and a good announcer and they just start telling stories and they're joking around, laughing, I can listen to, like, I love that shit, man.

Baseball on the radio is great. Baseball on the radio is great. Baseball on the radio is great. Basketball on the radio, not so much. They're like Brunson and Randall. Randall, off the glass. Oh, he's got that. You're like, what happened? They're like, transition.

It's fucking tough, dude. It's tough. The MLB app's awesome. The MLB app, you can tune into the home team announcer. So I remember I did it for two years. When I had the time time i would flip back so i'd listen like pirates nationals an absolute pointless game generally speaking and you could just swap back from the pirates the nationals and you listen to their home broadcasters and you

learn so much um right great app it's and bill's right yeah it's really fun it's just such a shame whoever owns the pirates is doing that to the pirates oh god that ballpark unbelievable city dude that city in my stand-up career went from a friggin eyesore to one of the most beautiful cities in america and and that ballpark is and i i that's might be i mean i don't think there's better sight lines all of those bridges out there it's fucking gorgeous that's the best ballpark I've ever been to and dude they sold out I sold out an improv 362 tickets on a Tuesday shout out to Pittsburgh dude Pittsburgh is the shit dude good food great people the bridges are amazing the city's great the rate those, those guys, Randy, Randy Bowman and Bill Crawford on DVD. Dude, that place is, I will tell you, man, Pittsburgh is, somebody said out of all the

cities, what's an underrated one that people wouldn't think? And I said, Pittsburgh. And they were like, really? And I'm like, that ballpark was like being at, I could just stare at the grass. It was incredible. It was incredible. You know what's funny? I love Pittsburgh so much.

I don't even tell people how beautiful it is because i don't want people to ruin it and move there just keep sending people to nashville and austin it seems to you everybody's moving dude everybody i know in the last few years is that i've run into or that i even know moved to one of those two places. Yeah. I was talking about it last night. I, I, I shouldn't say this, but I, I just, you know, the whole drinking and partying cities, I just don't love. I just don't. Yeah. No, you know what it is. It's a young person. Great comedy though. Great comedy. It's a young person city. So then you almost, you feel like,

like when I walk down whatever street that is in Austin, whenever I walk down that street where they're all partying, Rogan's Club is on that street, right? So I'm walking down there and I just immediately feel like I'm the creepy old guy there. I want to be like, I'm going to a comedy club. I'm a comedian. Continue with your fun. I'm not not gonna narc anybody

dude i'm embracing getting older today i went to barnes and noble to get shout out to joey diaz joey coco diaz uncle joey i got his book i went into barnes and noble i got his book tremendous i'm gonna be reading it on an airplane in north carolina get that book that guy is the fucking best and i was in barnes and noble and i just saw the board game section and I just saw like checkers and Othello and connect four. And I literally envisioned being in a home or like an old man at a beach, just sitting with a friend, just playing in my old, in my old age, dude, playing a board game through the game has slowed down. I swear to God, I don't how oprah winfrey has not discovered you yet like she's always searching for happiness and people that can make people happy like you literally just made fucking dying alone with old strangers in an old folks home

sound amazing dude my grandfather rest his soul he wanted to be in the hospital. I hate to say this. Rest in soul. My grandmother, too. My dad, I'll tell you a great story about my grandfather. And this is no disrespect to my grandmother. Rest her soul. She came here from Sicily at 10 years old. Didn't speak a lick of English, but she went on my grandfather hard. Oh, she went on Frankie hard. Oh, Frank Verzi. Rest his soul. Right. She was hard on him. oh she went on frankie hard oh frank verzi rest his soul right she was hard on him my he was in the va hospital which by the way is a disgrace how those fucking va hospitals are funded and the treatment that people get there but he spoke hebrew he spoke hebrew my my italian grandfather spoke hebrew because uh when he was in the military he learned it

so he went on the jewish floor wow yeah he went on the jewish floor of the hospital and he would speak hebrew to them and hang out with them and like sing and dance with i swear to god they love so my grandmother would always bust his chops and shit he'd go paulie paulie go give me his he had emphysema so he wasn't allowed to have ice cream because the ice cream the cream would would you know you know make phlegm and he couldn't breathe he'd go paulie paulie go get me go get me a scoop of vanilla don't don't let your grandmother know right he's he's the one that told me when he was 75 he goes he goes paulie it goes quick he goes it goes quick so anyway he's in the hospital my father my grandmother's telling my father you got to get

him out of there he's in a va hospital he's fucking partying with these jewish guys he's playing cards he's fuck he's in the hospital you got to get him out of there my father goes to the hospital it's a true story man never told this before ever and he says dad you got to come you got to come and my father my grandfather goes he said he actually snapped on him he goes don't get me out of here whatever you do do, I'm staying here. I like it here. I don't want to hear from the doctor. But you're trying to get me out of here.

I'm staying here. And he fucking, dude, he like played cards. And he fucking, what you just said. He kept his mind active. He was like, he had a thing going. The nurses loved him. He sang and danced. It's fucking, it's hilarious, dude.

Dude, they told me, they go, they go your grandfather they go not trying to be funny they go your grandfather was john travolta saturday night fever they go he showed up to the club and they fucking parted the thing and they were like frank versi's about to cut a rug frank versi's about to cut a rug dude ah well you know what i think you got a lot of him in you yo dude how funny is that that in the 60s and 70s, if you showed up, the bad motherfucker was the guy that took the jacket off and was like, watch, this is his jam. Now it's like, you know, it's like hip hop.

Nobody talks to me like that. The tough guy you don't want to fuck. But back then, they're like swinging coats and shit. I don't know. I think everything's still the fucking same it's just different it's all the same but still different if that makes sense there was all of that shit was going on you know you watch those old movies dude they were fucking around just as much as they're fucking around now they try to act like the 60s was the sexual revolution it It's like, what are you talking about? What do you mean fucking around?

Like, just like... Banging. Bang, okay, the dating scene, yeah. Banging, swinging, all of that shit. Dude, you know that group, the, is it the Velvet Underground? Is that the name of the book? Yeah.

The Velvet Underground. You know, they got that, they got that name from a book called The Velvet Underground. And it was about this, this,

it was just interviewing all these people talking about all the sex that they were having. All of this stuff, like wife swapping, fucking, you know,

beating the shit out of each, whatever the fuck people are. Like all of that stuff like wife swapping fucking you know beating the shit out of each whatever the fuck people like all of that was going on and they wrote this book about it and there was so many people doing it that it didn't seem like that fucking crazy and then somebody like the next title they put on it though someone bought the book and then changed the name of the title like what the fuck's with these people like went more like that way i don't know why maybe to get people under control i have no idea but like you know you watch that movie the apartment with jack lemon jack lemon's like a a junior junior executive in this big fucking corporate building and one night he loans his apartment to one of the higher ups so he can bang his fucking chick on the side this is a 1960 61 movie

right and then all the executives start using his fucking apartment he's like this guy who doesn't know how to say no and it's jack lemon it's great but when you really look at the um the movie and the subject matter when i was saying i was going i didn't know people did stuff like this and i remember i always tell this story a long time ago my uh my my first drum teacher frank shushan the last of the great armenian trap drummers that's what he would say and uh he told me stories one time because he fucking banged them all right he told me these stories and i sat there with my jaw on the ground i remember he's playing paradiddles and stuff he's talking while he's playing right he had this pad and i'd sit on the other side we do all these rudiments and stuff

and he told me these stories i remember you know i had this redheaded chick with green eyes. I used to bang her up against this tree down in the Boston. Jesus. Oh, yeah. Look at this fucking. He was like 70 then. Right. And I was like, like that. And then he just he was playing and playing and playing.

He saw my jaw drop and he just stopped with a stick. He goes, let me tell you something, kid. He goes, every generation thinks that they're the first ones that ever fucked and then he went right back to fucking oh i never got that because not because it was this old man telling pussy stories it was because it was also like you can take that and apply that to everything right up to the guys dancing at parties and that type of shit. Like, uh, it's, it's just being done a different way. Like now that guy swing this thing,

like nowadays he'd be on Tik TOK doing a fucking Tik TOK dance. Yeah. Yeah. You know, himself next to whoever the fucking pop star is that everybody's like, it's, it's, it's just,

it just moves, but it's still the same behavior. I don't like when old dudes tell us the sex stories though like dude i remember i was in a car dealership at nissan and this this old guy he was in his 60s 70s like ah dude this chick was fucking dead to him like you grab your cock i'm just like yeah dude i'm looking for a fucking i'm looking for a maxima here yeah you know what's funny dude is when they do that, you know, you're like,

all right, that's a guy that never grew up. Yeah. Like those guys are fun to watch though. They're fun to fucking watch, but like, you don't want them in your, in your life. Yeah,

guys, that's the episode. Anything, anything better. Number 79. Thank you guys for, uh, all the nice comments on the last two episodes.

We're back doing this more, which is fantastic. Please rate and review the show. Leave comments. It makes the show go up. And get the Anything Better podcast where you get all your podcasts, iTunes, Spotify, all that shit. Andrew, when is this coming out? The 20, May 20th. May 20th.

Okay. Well, then, guys, check me out. I'm going to be at I'm going to be at, what's it called? Helium in Indianapolis. I'm going to be doing one night at old Nick Costas' place at Hilarities June 1st in Cleveland. Then I'm doing the Panita Theater.

Love Nick. Yeah, I'm doing the Panita Theater in Sandpoint, Idaho June 8th, 9 through 11. I'll be at the Punchline in Atlanta. Then I'm going June 15 through 17. I'm going to be at SideSplitters. Then we got Houston. We have Dallas.

More shows being added. Check paulverzi.com. Check out Bill's schedule everywhere you can see him. Wait a minute. Why can't I talk about my shows? Yeah, yeah. Go ahead. Go ahead.

I didn't know I was being respectful. I usually don't promote any. I'm probably getting some dates on the ahead. Go ahead. I didn't know. I was being respectful. I usually don't promote any. I'm probably getting some dates on the books here this year. I got Atlantic City. I got Hershey, Pennsylvania. I got fucking somewhere in New Jersey, other place in New Jersey,

Bridgeport, Connecticut. All right. Anyway, yeah. So check us out. Check out all the podcasts, Monday Morning Podcast, Versi Effect, all that stuff. And that's it, guys.

We'll see you next week. Number 80 next week. Later. Number 80. All right, Paulie. I'll see you, buddy. All right, buddy. Morning Podcast, Verzi Effect, all that stuff. And that's it, guys. We'll see you next week, number 80 next week. Later. Number 80. All right, Paulie. I'll see you, buddy. All right, buddy. Be good, man. Thank you.