Anything Better? - Everyone Knows This

Episode Date: March 6, 2021

What's up everybody and welcome back to the best new podcast anything better with myself Paul Berzy, Phil Burr, you guys are listening to episode lucky number seven, which means we're going to be betting. We might be betting on some UFC. What's up, Bill? There's a big UFC card coming up. Well, tell me about it. I dip in and out of that.

I'm a big fan of the sport, but I also, you know. Here's my beauty rest. It comes on too late at night for me, Paul. It comes on at like 8, 9 o'clock at night. By then, I'm worn out. Worn out with the kids. I had a friend come over to watch the last fight, and he's like 45 years old. Dude, I paid for that, and I never fucking watched it. No, I haven't.

Conor McGregor won, right? Well, yeah. No, they've been doing UFC the whole first quarter of this year. They've been doing like even on their ESPN Plus. They're just putting out great fights every saturday night yeah i taped one of those yeah what killed me they said they were middleweights and then they said they were like 175 i'm like that's not middleweight that's the thing about i don't know what weight is like these guys are like either i don't know what the

weights are there's like light heavy there's now there's heavy there's like i don't i never knew what bantamweight meant um but back in the day you were either a little shit a regular size guy or a heavyweight there was like only three belts to win now there's like all of these it's really inclusive i'm not really fat but i'm not skinny either that's the champion i am yo i had a friend come over he's like in his mid 40s with a kid he slept on my couch for the last two fights, and I'm going, yo, dude. I go, yo, they're coming on. He goes, you get me?

He just did. And I was just like, he's not. You got to let somebody sleep. He slept and snored through two fights, and I just literally sat there with my dog and watched him. But this week is that Israel – Snoring and fire are the only two reasons to wake somebody up. Other than that, if somebody's sleeping and they're tired,

you got to let them do it. Their brain needs it. If you hear somebody snore in a certain way, you're like, this guy has not slept. Yeah, he needs it. If every white starts snoring, I just do this. I just start moving the bed. I'm not going to lie.

What's better is you just touch him. They're like, what is that? And then you just roll over. Can I confess something? I'm going to confess something to you, which I never told you as a friend. But one of the times that I actually got like. Paul, it's okay if you're gay. No.

I'm open minded. Why would you phrase it as confessing? No, because I never said it, but I stayed in your room one night and dude, you, I thought you were going to scream at me. I was laying, we were young, dude. We were like, not young, but we were like, it was like when I first, when I knew you, I met you in my mid thirties. I've been an old fuck since you met me. I was in my, I think the first time I met you, like, Oh, if I was like 20, I may have just turned 27, but one night I showed one day I showed up to the hotel and I was, I had no room. My room wasn't ready and I had not slept and you saw it. I was like, dude,

I'm on like 45 minutes. I was on like two planes. And you were like, I'm not going to let you sit here in the thing. So you go like, come up, you know, you could sleep, dude. I went up to your room and I guess I was snoring and I rolled like, I'm not going to let you sit here in the thing. So you go like, come up, you know, you could sleep, dude. I went up to your room and I guess I was snoring and I rolled over and I came to, and I rolled over and I just heard you going, mother fuck. I was, I think you were just getting so, I think I was just keeping you up, which I get. No, I was flipping out probably about something else. I would have laughed, dude.

If you were snoring, I would have, I just would have, I always have always have earplugs with me i was definitely i don't get that mad at snoring oh okay i apologize dude like what you saw was what it's like to live with me is out of nowhere you just hear me yell a curse word and you think it's you or you think there's an axe murderer coming through the window and what what it probably is, is I'm downloading some new operating system or, you know, or the fucking 24 hour room service. I can't get him to answer. I just remember being like, oh, man, I feel bad. I got to get my own room. Like I was like, I must be snoring. But then I it's funny how you lose weight. You do a little cardio. The snoring goes away. Like Bartnick was saying, he doesn't snore that much anymore since he lost 70 pounds it's just sleep apnea like you know i'm gonna i'm gonna speak as a

professional here with no medical background that yeah that's just you got man tits man tits and when you lay down they roll up onto your throat and you're like you're just doing that somebody made fun of me yesterday because i said because i I'm doing good. I'm doing, I promise you this next time you see me in person, it'll be the best shape you ever seen. I'll be the judge, Paul. Okay. Paul's one of those guys. He drops five pounds. He's like, dude, I look fucking great. I mean, I look, I look amazing. And then he's like, I'm down seven. I'm down 17 or so right now. And here's the thing. I respect that double digits. Sorry. My friend gave me shit yesterday. I said, right when I get out of bed, I do 25 jumping jacks. I do 25 jumping jacks. You're going to blow out your Achilles? No, I do 25 jumping jacks right when I get out of bed. And your wife's still sleeping? No, she's already working, but I do jumping jacks,

dude. And the dog is just looking at me look what's going on the room is shaking and then i do 25 push-ups that's like right when i get out of bed please tell me you stretch before you do this yeah yeah i stretch well when i do the push-ups i make sure i stretch all i needed at that first year was was the truth okay all right paul no no the arms i stretch the arms jumping jacks the hoof yeah um but apparently jumping jacks is childish according to my friend that i'm a fucking i'm a kid he goes yeah it's childish to get over 30 then all of a sudden i mean you're doing over 30 of them and it becomes and becomes man's work um but no back to this ufc thing You also have a big watch, Paul, too. That's not easy.

No, no, no. One of your arms is going to be twice the size of the other. Dude, my man tits are down, Bill. It feels nice. Now I take my shirt off and, like, you know, I walk. I show off in front of Stacey. And I, you know, I'll just walk into the kitchen and be like, you sleep next to this every day. You know that, right?

And she just rolls around. Yeah. And then Sophia goesia goes dad put clothes on i've become dude i've become my dad i'm walking around the house and in like my underwear uh anyway i digress listen how fucking how much of a shit talker you are what are you trying to psych out your own family like you're gonna drop 40 on him put a shirt on paul what are you doing fucking stop watching the ufc you're like standing across the octagon staring him down did you did you come in the kitchen and start running backwards you know they do that shit they do that little gallop slapping lucas five as he's eating his pancakes i run around uh this kid is he is

this kid up on the kitchen island like he just won the fight slamming your chest i straddle it and start pointing at the neighbors no um this kid this kid that won champion, that Izzy kid, okay, the style bender kid. Style bender, I like that sound. He's nasty, and he's fighting this big Polish guy that if the Polish guy catches him, it's going to be night-night. But he's so good. I've been to Poland. I can see that. I can picture this guy.

Oh, dude, this Polish guy's got that polish jaw and and the head that looks like if you hit him you don't want to get slugged in eastern europe it's just it's not gonna be good no this polish kid you can oh the slovak you start getting into russians they just got big meaty hands you're going down you're going down to them you're gonna fall on a cobblestone street too he looks like if i punched him in in his, cobblestone street reminded me of Estonia. He looks like if you punch him as hard as you can in the face, it truly would not phase him. Like this guy looks like, I mean, listen, these guys are nuts, but what I do, what I don't like about this kid.

And it's actually uncharacteristic of me. You know, I love a head case. You know, I love a shit talker. I'm a shit talker a little myself, but not as much as I think you would say I am. This kid started. A lot of thoughts in there, Paul, but OK. This kid started break dancing while the guys like coming to that he knocked out. So he knocked the guy. He knocked the guy out. The ref's doing this.

And then he just he starts doing this and then he starts spinning on his back like a break dancer. Then he gets up and he's doing this. And you literally see the guy like doctors are on the guy on the ground. And for that reason, I want this Polish guy to put him the fuck to sleep only because of that. But then you can't get mad at a guy trying to get a, trying to get a contract, you know?

I mean, he's not talking shit as Conor McGregor is. So he feels like, but you know what? I know how to dance. You know what he should do? Every time he knocks somebody out, he should do a different style of dancing. At one point, he grabs his coach, and he does one of those cheek-to-cheek dances.

If they ever did a documentary on his life, he would remember the guy by the dance. Yeah. He'd be like, oh, yeah, oh, yeah. That's the fucking break. You moonwalk. You moonwalk. Remember that you did the walls oh yeah yeah could you imagine no like biggest I know. Sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me. Not one show comes to mind.

They all feel the same. Maybe about your hometown. TD Garden in your hometown? Well, anyway. Anyway. All right. Sorry. No, no, no. It's fine.

Paul, I'm a walled off lunatic i just go up there and i'm listening to them and making sure they have a good time so they want to come back if you want to say the most fun shows i guess what i'm question what's the biggest one it's i feel like i used to do stand-up dude i don't even remember i know shit's fading away what's the biggest show i did probably my last one my last official one where everybody wasn't wearing masks i did the bond scott thing with uh with dean del rey 40th anniversary 30 let's see 90 oh my god 40 years ago the 40th anniversary of bond scott's death i got to work with Mark Maron, Dean Del Rey. I'm going back. I forget, but you know, Steve Gorman was on drums. I got to sit in for half a second. I don't remember the song that I played. So. All right. Well, the point I'm trying to get is whatever your nerves you felt

during that, going into an octagon, knowing, knowing you you can really literally be put to sleep in front of millions of people around the world and they'll remember that knockout and ass kicking you got the rest of your life is more ballsy than fucking anything anything without a doubt without a doubt and the worst thing is is a bunch of douches who don't even know how to fight will then be like yeah he got you got knocked the fuck out and you know those people who uh their favorite roy jones fights are like the two he lost at the end of his career and they ignore everything that he did up until then i hate that yeah yeah it's like dude you need to go home and punch your dad that's what you need to do and you got to stop taking it out on these guys because dude the just to know that there's a professional fighter

yeah looking at your fight tape training and coming up with the strategy to basically do brain damage to you yeah to look i mean that's like nauseating yeah because they'll be like oh burr leads with his left leg and comes with the left. And then they take that away from you. And then. Yellow check. It's over. And then there's my big pumpkin head just sitting right on a fucking golf tee. Waiting to get kicked.

And the way. I would go up and out of the octagon. I might even hit the mezzanine level. My head wasn't so heavy. Can they do something like in WWE? Can they like. And this is a serious question if they're grappling can a guy just turn a guy and like can they do like that if they were strong enough yeah you know this might be a rogan question i don't know what you can do you can sort of suplex

a guy but you just don't let him like if you did i know you can't kick anybody in the head when they're on the ground. You can't punch in the balls. Dude, you should watch like the original ones that UFC came out of. They were like no fucking rules. I think maybe like no eye gouging, but I believe you could punch somebody in the balls. You could kick them when they were down it was kind of like watching a bar fight between two like olympic level athletes i listen don't ever forget that time

that fucking guy this black dude got this white guy somehow like this like jesus on the cross and he was up here and the guy's head's here and he just he started pulling him in doing elbows he was like an accordion going what guys what guys what guys in the first three the guys like this and then he just started like like and like classic my only problem with MMA is you take about 63 more shots after you got fucking knocked out. It's unbelievable how much punishment. Because it's like in boxing, if the guy goes down, you're like, okay, no, done. But with them, you can still go. You can still just keep hitting and hitting.

And they're so fucking fast that even the best reps, I don't know if it's not 60, but they get at least three more in. Dude, that guy, Derek Lewis, one of the biggest knockout guys. He knocked the guy out cold. And then two of the biggest punches while he was sleeping and his head went off and it was nuts. But I got to tell you something. I shit on the UFC and I used to call you going, what the fuck? These guys are barefoot. Want to put, you know, put socks on. This is stupid. I like boxing. And you know what? Boxing just laying around. You thought they were in the missionary position. It made you uncomfortable.

Well, you know what? I mean, I still- You have to understand the sport before you can see two shirtless guys in that position. It's a little shocking at first. It's beating boxing- Once you realize they're trying to kill each other, I think everything's cool. No, listen. I was just one of these, like, yeah, I was one of these Roy Jones, Floyd Mayweather, even Tyson. I wanted I like boxing at its best. I put it. It's but it's every fucking 18 months, if that.

So Dana White and them, they did it. Then you got this Amanda Nunez, who's like, oh, she's amazing. She's the she's the co-main. So you So you got two of like this Saturday night is nuts, and she's fighting a big, big woman who hits and kicks hard, but I still think Nunez gets in like Tyson used to and puts her to sleep. You know what's nuts about fighting, though, is no matter how good you are, if you do it long enough, somebody is going to be – because it's that age thing too, somebody is going to beat you. And if you're the best, everybody's looking at you to figure out

how, you know, everybody's breaking down your style, sharing notes, seeing, okay, well, this person made it at least to the second round. This person made it to the third round. They gradually, like a pack of dogs just run you down and i just can't imagine being like a champion you know because everybody wants to leave undefeated right but then you love doing it you love the money and you know you you know you're like you i would be thinking early on i i just don't want to be that guy who thinks he has one more in him yeah and then my jaw gets spun around my fucking head like i don't want to be that guy who thinks he has one more in him yeah and then my jaw gets spun around my fucking head like i don't want that to have happen but it's like it's really

hard to avoid unfortunately that happened to roy who was one of my favorites um that's why you know i still me and mike vecchione shout out to funny comedian mike vecchione he said what i said it's like say what you want about how boring mayweather's fights were, man. Like that guy getting out 50 and 0, and he had like five or six really big challenges on there. Out of the 44, yeah. What's that? Out of the 44, yeah. My thing is just like, I don't know enough about boxing or anything like that. But what I don't like about boxing, and I'm not talking about Floyd here. I'm just talking about in general, how ever since I was a kid, if you were the champ and didn't want to fight somebody, you could like avoid. Yeah,

you could avoid them. And I think that that really hurt the sport. And what helps the UFC is that it is a monopoly. So you don't really have a choice. So when they say you're fighting this guy, you have to fight this guy is been great as far as like a fan, but I'm not shitting on Floyd because I think slipping a punch to me is more fascinating than to be able to knock somebody out, which is still cool. But like, I've always said,

dude, you could tell me in three weeks at this time, I'm throwing this punch and you'd still, you'd still catch me. I just, I, my this punch and you'd still catch me. I just, my instinct is I go into it. Or I watch it come in. I just, I can't slip a punch to save my fucking life.

People are like, you look here, you look here. And I go, huh? Fucking head knock back. Giannis Pappas, shout out to Giannis Pappas, hilarious. He had one of the greatest analogies ever he said Floyd Mayweather's neck roll or shoulder roll to to to slip the punch was like Mariano's cutter and I was like like you know he's gonna do it and and and I was just like oh right it's like Mariano Mariano guys were like I know it's. Then the guy would saw off your fucking bat. I just wish he fought Pacquiao like 10 years earlier. But 100 percent.

But. You know, but I understand why he didn't, because, you know, I don't that that shit where a guy keeps moving up in weight class and keeps getting stronger. You mean when he turned into fucking he man and started fucking destroying people and wouldn't take a blood test? Like, that's the only thing. It's like, blood test yeah so i wasn't too upset i was upset as a fan that i didn't get to see the real them the young them the real them fighting but i don't blame him for that so i yeah so i should shut up um dude i got one for you stacy met me how cool is my wife on my birthday i was doing a festival in vegas she was we're gonna stay she was gonna stay for your birthday because she knows i like a little

action right so so she fucking shows up i'm at like the old stardust before they fucking demolished it and she goes i'm taking you for five extra days for your birthday to mandalay you like the stardust that's fucking cool man that was when i drove to chicago for an audition and i got it and they flew me out and i'm doing this vegas festival which was kind of new um one of the greatest things i ever saw was pat cooper shitting on the whole thing pat cooper came out he shit on the whole thing the people that ran it shit on the other perform. It was literally like. What could Pat Cooper at the start of. He closed the ceremony of the festival.

He was on the thing. And he's talking about, you don't serve food during this. Who does this? And they're telling me this guy's on his way up. In my opinion, he should be the way to fuck out on his way to fuck out with those impressions.

We've heard them for you, dude. It was, people were sitting there. I've never seen anything like, I'm not even joking. I've never seen anything like- They were laughing. Laughing and like, I can't believe this.

This guy's wearing cowboy boots. He fucking runs this place. It smells like horse shit back there. It's just so dumb. You don't bring steak out while people are on stage trying to perform. Dude, it was me and Stacey. Anyway, Stacey comes out.

She takes me to Mandalay Bay and it's Roy Jones, Tarver one. And this is when Roy came down and wait. And he came in, the fighters come in on Wednesday and Thursday for the Saturday. And they're fighting at Mandalay where Stacy's got me staying. And we're walking through the fucking casino. But I think I told you, they're walking through the casino and I see Winky right remember winky right he was a great defensive fighter i see him in this like mint green velour suit playing dice and i'm just walking and i swear to god i see roy jones jr at a craps table with his bodyguard behind him a woman next to him and the spot next to that her is open. And I look at Stacy and I go, I'm throwing dice right now with this kid. So I walk, I walk over. I swear to God, this is a true story.

It's the best. It's one of my favorites, but I feel like a dick because of what I did. So Roisling and I noticed and everybody could notice his face was sunken a little bit because with the weight he had to lose, he lost muscle. And I remember him being taller than I thought he was. They say like 5'11 and 5'6. He's like six feet, but he was just sunken in a little bit. He was really lean, but he didn't look good. And he's a world-class athlete, but he didn't look like Roy. And the point is to me, for people that don't know craps, when the game is on, The point is to me, for people that don't know craps, when the game is on, when the disc flips on, you got to get whatever the point is.

So the number was a four. The point was a four, and now the game is on. For craps players, it means just a seven can't come out before a four does. And it's my fucking turn. And I'm next to him right there. And I go, all right. And I throw. I go, give me give me whatever dollar on a hard four hard four means two twos dollar on a hard four everything he's there

he goes me too he goes me too he puts it on a hard four i take the dice and i go let's get this money and i roll it hand to god two twos hit the place goes nuts and this fucking dude puts his fist out to me like this. It looked like a cinder block. It looked like this to me. Right. Wow. And I didn't know what to do. I just and then like I ended up giving some awkward some awkward because I was just so. I mean, I did it. But at first I like went in like, what do I do? And he fucking like looked and he smiled and I saw the money that I made him. And fuck it. And then I tell Stacy, we're staying for the fight.

Let's try to stay for the fight. And then we couldn't. We couldn't stay for the fight. But I hit the hard four and I called it with him and he bet it with me. How cool is that? That's amazing. Yeah, dude. I used to play craps.

I already forget. So the roll of four, that four is the point. Seven or 11 wins on the first roll? Yeah, so the first eleven, and you hit the pass line, you hit the pass line. But then if somebody throws a nine, it gets flipped on, and everybody wants a nine

before a seven hits. You gotta wait till they throw a nine? Yeah, because that's the point. So now the game is on. Nine has to come. I thought on the first roll, if you didn't roll a seven or eleven, whatever you rolled, that was the point so now the game is on nine has to come i thought on the first roll if you didn't roll a seven or eleven whatever you rolled that was the point yeah it is it is oh i thought you said they had to throw a nine before it's a point no no no no 7-11 just wins when it's off i thought you said you you were okay spider no no you're not okay you stuttering prick that's a good pesci he goes he goes what's the family a bunch of rats

except the fucking first hole i dug uh nice fucking game nice fucking game so um me and stace are on the mend dude me and stace are on the mend so and and my wife's been coming down watching the ufc fights with me she went from being grossed out to it to being like this guy's gonna lose I could tell she's like she's it yeah she's into it she tries to stay up she'll have a glass of wine she'll watch the fights and but dude that's what Dana White and them did they made like Saturday nights now like a thing my wife loses her mind when we rent that thing. Like likes it? Dude,

she is up off the couch yelling, knees, knees, like oh my god, what the fuck, I forget, he used to walk in like a fucking spider. Anderson Silva? Yep. Dude,

when he fucking had the compound fracture on his leg i was just like oh like dude when his yeah his leg was just hanging yeah i'm like oh my god horrible right dude she was like sitting there like right up watching it it fascinates her like watching the replay and shit watching a guy they just did on snl where they say like you know talking about uh women being up late watching like murder shows yeah yeah she does that and she told me she said i do it because it actually made sense in a way it's just like well you know we're women so like something shit can happen to us so you like watch it and you try and think like what i would have done that's what she said i was just like you know

i know it's funny about that my neighbor sent me that snl sketch and said i thought of you because that's what i do i watch murder all night long i i do it i got a i got a thing in my act where i said i'm watching it so much that now i'm like pointing out what he's doing wrong like when i'm like dude they're gonna see the tire tracks in the mud. Like I know all the DNA, you know, all the shit. You know, the first 48 was like that. Yeah. Because I was watching the first 48 and I said to Club Soda Kenny, I go, these fucking guys are so stupid.

All you got to do when you get in there and say, am I being charged with anything? If I'm not, I'm leaving. If I am, I'm getting a lawyer. And he was like, that's why I hate that show. He goes, it teaches dirtbags how to get away with shit. And he also was saying, I don't want to get away with shit and he also was saying how like uh i don't want to say all the shit that he was saying but just just say the way we would watch a stand-up

act and say he should put a tag there or whatever he can break down the interrogation it was really fascinating that's funny yeah oh you know he was really he was going like anytime you see a guy if he's interrogating them and there's a table between himself and the suspect he doesn't know what he's doing and I said why and he goes you don't want any barriers that they can hide behind where they can feel comfortable wow he broke the whole thing down I sat in like 10 different positions I was like if I sit like this he goes you're guarded I was like what if I sit like this, he goes, you're guarded. I was like, what about this? And he broke down what level that was. And then he was saying how he would do this thing where when he felt a confession was coming, he would lean forward and have his hands like he would get into a confessional position.

And people have a tendency to mirror your body language. Yeah, that's nuts. That's some guy to admit that that you know finally let up that he did it you know so when he watches that that's like us watching evening at the improv going oh my god a jack nicholson impression what is this guy doing did he know this was on tv excuse me mister do you have a pretzel yeah nobody loved a pretzel in Europe like club soda Kenny. It was his favorite thing to do. He would go to the stand at Adam and he would just walk around.

What kind of train are we taking? Oh, a choo-choo train, Paul. Hey, if, yeah. Oh, man. I can't wait to get back out on the road with that guy. He's just the best. No, he he was just he's he fucking hit me up recently like i love the new podcast my some of my two of my favorite people yeah i've never seen i talked to him i don't talk to him as much as i'd like to but i still talk to him i don't go more than a week

he's just the funny thing is his same expression, even with the funniest thing, I've watched him laugh and he just, I've never seen a dryer. It's even, it could be so funny or sad and his voice. He kind of rocks his head. That's how I know how much, how hard I laughed him, how red his face gets and how many times his head rocks back. If it's over three, I'm like, all right, he's dying laughing. He's a security guy, man. He's stealth. Even when he laughs, he doesn't make any noise, Paul. The man never forgot his training.

And make no mistake about it, Kenny could throw somebody through a fucking glass door. I mean, he's... I saw Kenny kick a door shut in Budapest. I'll never forget it. Really? Oh, yeah. There was people coming through.

He didn't want to... He was trying to take a picture. He back kicked it. I remember that. It was funny because it had a window on it, so I saw the person on the other side. Whoever took the picture with me got a great picture. I remember it was snowing out

and kenny's standing there in fucking sneakers i thought i felt like we were on the fucking western front we're in the middle of fucking europe and he's like not yet not yet this fucking guy just kept pushing his way through and kenny did i don't know some kempo karate shit from way back in the day in jersey some strip mall he broke that one out yeah oh he's fucking that fucking door shut i saw like him like working out in the gym like he's a fucking dude he's what is he six five he's a he's a big dude yeah he's a big dude i'm fucking kenny dude i missed that guy how much weight is that 225, 17, 18. Kenny could pick up the Nautilus equipment.

He could work out with that. He could just, whatever you were curling with, he would just. Are you done with that so I can pick it up and do my tries? All he'd want to do, he'd come to smoke with that to cigar lounge but he wouldn't smoke you would watch james bond on tv and you knew he was tired you'd be like kenny do you could go back like one night one night oh no no i'm okay i'm okay they'd be good kenny you don't have to do this dumb shit i'm in prague nobody knows me here get out of here oh no if anything, I'd feel terrible. All right. This episode is brought to you by Viore.

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That's stamps.com promo code better. Dude, I'll tell you how quick time is going by. I just scared the shit out of myself. I think George Carlin died at 71, and he died in either 07 or 08, and I was 40, 39, 40. And 71 seemed like light years away. And now all of a sudden 13 years goes by. I'm going to be 53 this year. 71 is 18 years away. It's just like, what the fuck just happened? It's really, really scary. No, dude, my son is getting older and it's weird because me and you are a generation apart. So a lot of my nerves opening for you helped with so many big, huge fucking

gigs young. And I'm going, fuck it now that I'm headlining, but I still get nervous because I'm, I just started selling tickets like a year and a half ago and it's moving up, but it's like, it's, it's nice when you hear that they're there for you but you know on your way that's a new kind of nervousness because now it's like they have expectations yes that's where i'm at all your special and now you got your new thing and is is the new thing gonna be that's why i always make sure where i feel like this is at an acceptable level of funny that i can now bring this out on the road and not feel like I'm screwing people. Because you can't ever screw your fan base. I don't think entertainers, so many of them still don't understand.

I saw a couple guys do that, go back out with the same shit or charge them too much fucking money and their act wasn't ready. And people are like, they're not stupid. This guy just vacuumed 60 bucks, 50 bucks out of my fucking pocket. Yeah. And that was like, it was all right. You know what? Yeah. You can't have it.

It was all right. But that's what you just said is where I'm at. Special came out. Now it's like people are going, okay, let me see. Next one's got to be better. Do my manager who's, who's been in this for a long time. He said he said something great. He goes, he goes, anybody could do one special because you do comedy for 20 years, 30 years, you do a special. He goes doing another one. He goes getting a couple of them out and having them be good is one thing.

He goes, anybody can you could do comedy whole career. I'm going to put the best of my hour out. He goes, no, doing it again. And I love that. But like, you know, it's, you know, I'm a competitive lunatic. I would never put, you don't put it out if it's not better than the last. But that's, yeah, that's, that's a, but you gotta do Frank Sinatra said his whole fucking career. He's like, if you're not nervous, something's wrong. As far as like a good nervous, like I'm going to come out here, dude, Tyson used to cry in the locker room, they said,

and then turn the cry into a rage and then just start beating a locker into like a fucking soda can crumbled. And he would just go out there and want to put it, put the guy's face to the back of his skull. Yeah. I remember I never heard the crying thing. I just heard he was like, felt like scared. And then the move walk by the time he got to the ring he felt like a god well i don't know if he always cried but the one they showed this one specific incident in the movie where

he's just in there and he just starts getting really emotional and then he just starts teeing off on this locker and then walked out and i'm just thinking god be with the guy he's gonna god be with the guy who's to do could you imagine if mike tyson just stared okay i got one for you you uh top five stare down oh five stare down guys you got a tyson yeah uh tyson for sure when that one guy was going back and forth and tyson's eyes just went with them yeah i brought that up to him on the podcast and all he did was talk about how cool peter m McNeely was and that they stuck him in some hospital. McNeely showed up, go, come on, man, let's go out and get drunk.

And I was just like, that's like the coolest. You could be looking at a guy like that, and then once it's over, you could just go out and go get beers with the guy. You always hear that about enforcers and shit in hockey. But top five, I'd go Tyson. You know who I loved? Who I fucking loved? Tommy Hitman Hearns.

Tommy, because he was so lean. He was like 5'11", 6 feet, but he could make middleweight, which back then was like 155. I mean, the guy was just a rope.

And he would stand there. He'd have his trunks pulled way up. And he had the jerry curl and the fucking goatee. And he'd just be looking down at the guy. What was he? It was the, what the fuck was his nickname? It was Hitman Hearns. Then he had another one, the Cobra or something like that.

It was because he had this fucking right hand. That one he hit, he hit fucking Duran with it. And just, he hit him like he was knocked out standing straight up and just fucking, like he hit him and then one of the color guy goes, that's it. Like just fucking, I don't know what, has there ever been a documentary on that middleweight division? Hagler, Hearns, Leonard, Duran.

No, I think there was. I think there was like a 30-30 with one of them, but it showed the whole thing. Wait, you said to Tyson when the guy was going back and forth, you specifically mentioned – He's a super humble guy, so he's like, oh, yeah, that guy was cool. He's like – He's beyond. He's past it.

Well, I mean, he didn't want to – where he is as a person, I just kind of felt like he's – I don't know. I obviously don't know what it's like to exist at his level of fame and power. I think that he – I don't know. I don't know how to verbalize it, but it's just like I can't listen to too much of that because it puts me to a place where I don't want to be. I want to be humble and present, enjoy my kids and my life.

Like that's where this guy was at. Like I really, really enjoyed my time on his podcast. And, you know, dude, only a couple times in my life have I met arguably the best guy to ever do what they do? Yeah. I met him. I met Lawrence Taylor one time. Oh, dude. How about that clip that sent you a Taylor as a rookie where John Madden goes,

this is the best. I've never seen a guy take a man that's bigger than him and throw him around like that ever in my life. And he did it as a rookie. I've never seen anything like it. I'm not even kidding. I'm not saying it because I'm a Giants fan either. No, no, he totally, he changed the position. They didn't know what to do. They just like, they literally did not know what to do

with the guy for the first five years of his career. Then they came up with the game plan, I feel, and it still didn't work. They thought that it just just and then all these guys started like it's amazing once somebody shows you what's possible yeah then you had all these other guys all of a sudden they're standing up dude linebackers stood here and then there was a defensive lineman he came up and just remember he's just standing there quarterback's looking up like fuck is this guy no he he was i've never seen i got one for you you're about to fight somebody in the ufc you got a big main event you guys get to the whole hotel around the same time and you and him bump into each other in the elevator you and the guy that

are on the poster what you what do you say anything or no just you two see i'm too nice of a guy i would be like hey dude you know, hope they're your family. Unless he said shit about my life. If he said some shit about me or my family, but if it was just like a main event and you're in the elevator. I'm not fucking with my money. I'm not going to say anything that's going to make him mad. And then he starts swinging on me.

Now we're fighting for free in the elevator. It's like, if you're going to knock me out, I'm going to get paid for it. I'm not going to fucking. So what are you going to, so what are you going to do? You're just going to look at your phone, make like you don't see him. That's it.

Just give him a nod. That's it. I'm not fucking giving you anything. No bulletin board material. And I'm not fighting you for free. You're so, you're so fucking fun. That is such a you thing.

Yeah. I would love to see, cause you would be like, yeah, you know me. I would, I would crack. I'd be like a big one tomorrow. I would say I would do something stupid. And then you know what I would do? I would call my four friends in life and I go, dude, do you think I fucked up? Do you think I should, I shouldn't have done that right now? He thinks I'm weak. That's what would happen if I did that. Um, I love that you just put me into a headspace that I could even, I couldn't even get in

one of those, uh, rough and rowdy things. I wouldn't even do that. Oh shit. I couldn't even win one of those. I'm old, man. I'm fucking old. I'm tired. I'm actually not tired, dude. I couldn't even win one of those. I'm old, man. I'm fucking old. I'm tired. I'm actually not tired, dude.

I've been getting sleep this month. I just decided this month I was going to take care of myself. That's it. I'm going to get sleep. I'm not smoking sticks. I'm not fucking staying up all night. I'm not going to try to do a thousand things. Guess how many sticks I had this year so far?

We're in March. I had a year's worth so far. How many? I think three or four. I'm just enjoying them when it's time to enjoy them. I'm done with doing it in 32-degree weather under my deck, calling friends, shivering. I'm not doing it anymore.

I used to do that. I used to be like, hey, what's going on? And like, I would have a Cuban that I just couldn't enjoy. You always do this to me. What? You always do this to me. You say back to me what I told you. All the way back to when you told me Peyton Manning was better than Tom Brady. And then by fucking seven years later, like, dude, Tom Brady's a great fucking quarterback. No, no, I was wrong about that. I told by fucking seven years later, like, dude, Tom Brady's the greatest fucking quarterback. I was wrong. I told you from fucking day one, Paul, if I see you smoking one more Cuban cigar behind a fucking

dumpster in the goddamn rain. Well, listen, I never did it in a dump next to a dumpster. I mean, that was a little fucking standing outside. You could see your breath. Oh, yeah. You and Barton. Dude, I closed with that on that audio that didn't fucking work the first time i did uh msg i know i i told that i have oh you told the story about in my garage

yeah all right i'm gonna tell the i'm gonna i'm gonna basically do the i'm gonna tell the story here so all right me and paul do a gig have a great time and then we get we get some fucking sick bottle of bourbon somebody gave it to us or some shit i can't remember what and we're driving back to his house because i'm staying at his house um um on paper i'm i'm his kid's godfather right because you never did the corleone ceremony. No, no, we're doing it. Yeah, we're doing it. I was a kid like 26 now. So we're driving there. We got cigars. We got the fucking bourbon and all of that shit.

We're so fucking amped up. We're so stupid. It doesn't even dawn on us until we pull up to your house that you're married with two kids. Where the hell are we going to drink this and smoke it? I go, Paul, when are we going to drink drink and smoke this and it was the middle of winter it was like fucking one of those 15 degree the second you go outside you just start cursing fucking so you go I don't worry we will smoke it in my garage I said oh fuck and I immediately was just picturing this man cave because nobody puts their car in the fucking garage anymore. Everybody turns it into another room, right? Leather couches, heat, whatever.

And I fucking go into his garage, and it's a garage. There's like old creepy toys hanging. There's just paint cans. Bags of clothes and shit that you're going to take to Goodwill and shit. And it's like fucking freezing cold in there. And I'm looking at you like, what the fuck? But I don't want to be rude. And the only light in there was from the end of your driveway.

There was a streetlight. It was coming through one of those square windows. So we're sitting in there with bourbon with ice on it. I got my gloves on with big winter coat. And I'm smoking this fucking thing. And I look over at you. And you just look at me and you go doesn't get any better than this it gets a lot better we could be inside there could be heat there could be leather chairs

and a game on music there could be could be a waitress coming over here. It could get a whole lot better than this. I know. That's me, you know, eating a sandwich, looking at the leaves. I know. It's just I took the moment, but, yeah, it could have been a lot better. It definitely could have been a lot better. But I'm done, man.

You're such a good guy. I can actually feel the sadness that I went there and maybe didn't have the best time I could have had. You're a hell of a host, Paul. You really are. The thing with me is when you walk into my house, and this is just, and anybody will tell you this. I take pride in this. If you walk into my fucking house, the chances of you not having a glass of something within fucking 30 seconds is just not going to happen.

You're going to have fucking cheese. She'll have cheese and salamis up there, And you're going to have a fucking glass of grape juice in your hand before you get up the stairs. And that's just how it's going to be when you come to my fucking house. You're going to have food. You're going to fucking eat a lot. You're going to have a great fucking time. And then we're going to go outside and smoke sticks while they prepare dessert. That's what the fuck is going to happen when you come to the Verzi household and you're going to leave going, what the fuck just happened? And anything other than that is unacceptable. That's it. I mean, what do you say to that? I love how you went Trump in the beginning.

And anybody will tell you that. It's a hand goes out. Anybody tell you, you fucking ask. People don't even know me. No, they look at me and be like that. That guy's handing you a glass of wine and some, you know, some some cheese i don't give a fuck what anybody says man they're gonna miss donnie t in like three months they're gonna miss trump shit even if it's ridiculous they're gonna go remember he used to just i mean i'm telling you dude i have to tell you the the country is a lot more boring or maybe it's because i'm out here in hollywood everybody's fucking not in a hissy fit anymore but like jesus christ like that guy was uh dude you're gonna be he was like he was like a vegas show that just went 24 7 oh dude he came out the other

day he goes and i just might come back and beat him a third time and the place went nuts i mean he's still got it he's still fucking wait i. Wait, I might beat who? The Democrats? He came out and spoke. And he goes, and who knows, 2024, I may come back and beat him for the third time. And the place went fucking, I mean, the guy's got gold. I mean, I don't care. But he should have. Can you imagine if he was a boxer?

I mean, you would watch every fight he had. He just would know what to say. And you'd either be like dude i love this guy or i want to see him get knocked the fuck out i mean he is like he is a promoter's dream i might just beat him a third time he said i'm who knows i may come back and beat him a third time and just step back from the podium if i was in a movie theater i'd be like i'm seeing that movie dude he stepped back from what's gonna happen he stepped back from the podium like he released the three and knew it was going in before it went it was and and the place is just

going nuts and then he just did a nod he just goes like one of the most fascinating fucking of the last i said of the last 50 i've ever good and bad mostly bad I've never seen that level of that I grew up with a few people like that that unbelievable

low self worth so you compensate with just your ego through the fucking roof yeah that's that's that's a torturous way to live one of my favorite things about trump is when you would compliment them he would go look look at interviews where they compliment him you compliment him when he would go he's a good man you know he just he needed that he's a good man. He knows. He knows. He knows.

He knows. You know. Everybody knows. And his memory was nuts. Dave Portnoy went to the White House to interview him, which is such a fucking huge get, right? And he's sitting down with him. And Portnoy goes, you remember when Sacha Baron Cohen had Ali G, right? You remember that?

Yeah. The Ali G show. And he would go in and be like, I'm in now. And he sat down. He sat down with the defense, the secretary of defense, the Vietnam War. And he goes, and he goes during it. Did you ever think about switching sides? And the guy goes, no. He goes, you being a favorite Ali G one was when he came in. He had another distinguished panel. And he basically said somebody took a shit in the toilet and didn't flush it.

And I don't appreciate that. And the look on his face, he looks so fucking mad. Yeah, he was dude. Oh, dude, I was crying, laughing, watching that. And you see this guy's just going like, no, I didn't do that. And I don't know why you'd want to bring that up during the interview. Dude, he had the attorney general and he goes, is there a chance I'm not going to die? And the guy goes, no, no, you will die because he's a bit pessimistic.

But he had he had Trump on and he, as Ali G and dude, Trump knew in a sec, Trump's looking around and he answers the question. And he goes, I want to make a ice. He goes, me have an invention. Trump goes, yeah. And he said like an ice cream cone glove. So like when the ice cream cone would drip on the glove and he's pitching it to Trump, dead serious, straight face. He goes, and then, you know, the kids, they don't need to work. And Trump's just going, all right. He goes, listen, this is, dead serious, straight face. He goes, and then, you know, the kids, they don't need to work. And Trump's just going, all right.

He goes, listen, this is, this is over. Listen, he goes, I hope you make a lot of money. And he knew. So Dave Portnoy fast forward like a year ago, sitting with him. And he goes, you're the only one that knew Ali G. And that's all Dave Portnoy needed to say. And Trump's like, I like, he remembered he's good. I like this.

He just, he just needs that shit. And listen, I don't mind if Biden comes out a little bit, but I want to see the guy. Like, what are they doing with this? Where is this kid? What? I want to see more Biden. Like, I want to see him out, you know, doing, you know, I don't know. See, you know, you don Dernike does all that shit. I want to see the old man. He does the fucking shot. He goes, come on, man.

He's, you know, he's like, walks around eating ice cream. And now he's just. I don't think he does it. I think Jim Carrey came up with that, didn't he? Or did he do it one time and then Jim exaggerated? Jim Carrey went like. Jim Carrey. Oh. Jim Carrey went like jim oh jim carrey went fuck i don't know how people have time to keep up with no all of that shit because it never ends

man it's 24 hour fucking news cycle is i don't i don't want to get i don't want to go down that fucking road all right whoever's in office i just hope they do a good job that's it i hear you i know full well who they all work for that's fucking great uh dude i got one for you man i uh we're gonna talk sports at all dude yeah see the celtics i see in the highlights of the celtics clippers i got to see the first half last night jalen brown and uh paul george put on a fucking show paul. They just, they couldn't miss. PG-13, as they call them. How about my Knicks being the fourth seed right now? You guys got a better record than the Celtics?

It wouldn't surprise me, man. We lost like fucking three in a row. I felt like five out of seven. We went like seven and ten last month. I can't believe I'm saying this. The New York Knicks are second in the NBA defensive efficiency. Number one, I believe in block shots. We're fourth seed right now.

You sound like a fucking community college trying to figure out what you're fucking number one in. Hey, man, listen, we got to. I think they say number two in the East. Number two in the amount of towels used during the games. No, we're number two in the East. Number two in the amount of towels used during the games. No, we're number four in the East. We're number four in the East. We're 500 going into the All-Star break. We're going to beat the Pistons tomorrow to be above 500 for the first time

in fucking however. I thought you were going to go fucking Howard Dean. We're going to beat Detroit, and then we're going to Sacramento to beat the Kings. You guys are sixth. What's that? You're sixth. We're sixth?

Yeah, Celtics are fourth. Celtics are 18-17. Raptors are 17-17. We have 18, right? What you people are seeing right now is a diehard. Look at the look on his face. That is a diehard Knicks fan. No, no, no.

But, Andrew, we have 18 as well as the Celtics, correct? Yeah, but you got one more loss than us. Okay. That was because of last night. All right. We beat them tomorrow. We'll be back. We're back.

It's all right. It's one game. You know? I mean, what do we, you know, you acted like. Well. That happened. All right. That happened last night.

What are you going to do? like, well, it happened. All right. That happened last night. What are you going to do? Fucking shout out to Andrew Themlis on the other side of this thing. Fucking being a Boston guy had to fucking throw that. You got to know what arena you're walking into here. I wasn't giving you shit. I was happy for you. But you know, if our if our producer was that's Paul, the stats don't lie. If he was from New York, he would have never fucking jumped up it's actually six you guys lost yesterday i mean what the fuck is true hey paul you know what everybody knows it you guys do the sixth rank some fucking asshole comes on and goes hey paul just so you know the knicks did this recently to you guys okay your record Your record at so-and-so,

so don't get, and it's like, listen, can I fucking have something with the Knicks? Can I have something? You know, it's March. I'm watching fucking basketball that matters. All right. We have a good defense, a new coach. We have an all-star and so can I fucking have it? I'm a diehard fan. Why? Cause I'm not a fucking rat who went to the fucking Nets. That guy's not from fucking Jersey or whoever the fuck. He's not. Most of these people are not from Jersey, you know? So, you know what? Brooklyn Nets fans, how does that work?

Because I was trying to picture if Massachusetts suddenly had an NBA team in Worcester or Springfield, the place where they invented basketball. I don't see all these Celtics fans being like, Oh, you know, Springfield. It's Springfield. No, what happened? We go hard. Yeah.

What happened was a bunch of New Yorkers were tired of the Nick shit. Brooklyn came in playing biggie at their fucking halftime show. And they had a cool colors and everybody's like, Oh, Brooklyn is cool and trendy. Let's do that. You know, that's it's, it's, it's it's I can't get down with it. I'm not behind it. I think it's a disgrace. I got to tell you, Paul, they got to win one.

They got to win one soon because the fact. Well, I mean, it's not that big a deal. You guys have like fucking two teams in every sport there anyways. You remember the bliss that you had? Do you remember the bliss that you had when you guys won the world series in 04 as a Red Sox fan? Do you remember what you must've felt then? That's what me and Lucas and Jerry Ferrara and Sam. Cause we won three more times, but I'm trying to remember. It's like the Patriots. You remember the first one and they all just kind of blur together after a

while, Paul. All right. Well, you know, you only have four teams but despite that you know you go out and win 12 championships over 20 years it's just it just seemed like one long parade paul hey listen though i i've i got my three that's not fair huh i've never i've never changed who i liked man since i was a kid you know i have my three teams you know that i don't do that you don't so i'm not saying you do but a lot of new yorkers do you guys just kind of go with the day and it's a fucking sin nikes bats nicks nets

fucking giants jets you don't give a whoever's doing well and it's like on the back of that sports page that's what did your girlfriend are you guys are all a bunch of fucking rats down there oh get out of here but you know what i'm fucking with you it's like how come you don't like does anybody love their grandparents it's like who did grandpa like you know what i used to go in my grandmother's basement my yaya andrew i used to go in my yaya's basement and there would be all these little like yankee things and show all your grandfather yaya that's grandma yaya's grandma in greek in grandma in Greek. That's what little Kim called her pussy. Rest her soul, Jesus.

Did it? Oh, that's the Il Nana. Nana was the puss, yeah. Yaya is the grandmother. There's different ways to say it. Yaya. Jesus Christ. Yaya with the Il Nana.

Grandpa loved it. This isn't a podcast anymore. What are we doing here? Rest your soul. She lived to 99. Here's something as an outsider. When I came to New York, I could pick, When I came to New York, I could pick,

you could pick a Giants, Yankees fan and a Mets, Jets fan out of a fucking crowd. Rarely did you meet a Yankees, Jets or a Mets, Giants. It was pretty much Yankees, Giants, Jets, Mets. And you could just see, you saw it in the shoulders. You either saw pride or you saw defeat. You could just see it. You're just like, that guy, that poor bastard. He's out in Shea.

And then he's going over to the Meadowlands to watch his Jets play in Giants Stadium. And then like, Yankees and Giants fans just look like winners. They look like somebody you wanted to get in business with. It looked like it was going to happen. And everybody else, Jets and Mets fans look like Pacino and Donnie Brosco. You want to laugh? Fucking old shoes and the fucked up hat. Dude, I had a friend who got tickets to a Met game against the Padres at Shea.

He goes, come on, Paul, man. I know you're not. I know you're not. Just come. I got a ticket. And I walked in and I did the sign of the cross. And I told my grandfather to forgive me when I walked in. Yeah, but you didn't pay for it.

Plus, you're going to see him. National League baseball is fun to watch. You know what, dude? I saw a fat Tony Gwynn, rest his soul, up at the plate one of his last years in the league. And he had an 0-2 count. And he was just big and out of shape. And 0-2 count and he was just big and out of shape and 0-2 count like nothing just slapped the double and he could barely run so it was like a stand-up double anyone else would have got a triple he hit it in the gap and I was just 0-2

like it was nothing I mean that guy was so that was one cool memory I thought you were gonna say well then you know three more pitches it was a full count i used to love watching guys like him pete rose tony gwynn uh just working account wade boggs yeah um rod carew george brett i just wish you know for all this fucking you know chicks dig the long ball and everything i miss those high average guys. Every couple of years, there was somebody hitting 370, 380. Yeah. Somebody just have a – like Bill Matlock one year had some crazy year for the Pirates where I think he won the National League batting title. One of the coolest things I ever saw, if you're like a silver slugger,

I think that's the trophy, you get the silver bat. I remember Rod Carew was in when he was with the angels he had the red gloves you know he'd do a little thing you know and he had seven of those he was sitting in his house isn't it two bats isn't it two bats like this is that what it is i thought andrew can you andrew can you get that picture of the silver slugger award and see what it looks like or is it the thing when you won the title the batting title i don't know what it was but it was just a big silver bat yeah okay um and he was just standing next to him and it was like oh yeah it's a big silver bat that's a silver slugger yeah so he had like seven of those

and i i have to be honest with you. The two, like listening to people talking about home runs, hitters that hit home runs, is not as cool. I like listening to like people talking about like Ichiro was like the last guy. Oh, what is that? That's the Louisville Slugger sign. That's just the logo that you're thinking of. Yeah, the Louisville Slugger sign. That's just the logo that you're thinking of. Yeah, the Louisville Slugger logo.

Oh, okay, okay. So I love listening to those guys talking about, you know, hitting. I met this guy one time. He played for the Giants, and he had a real high average against Tim Wakefield, who was a knuckleball pitcher. And I go, so why were you able to hit him and nobody else really had success against the nut

because it's so erratic? He goes, people overthought it. He goes, I just looked at the tape, and his ball would either go or. So I would just guess. It's either going here or there. And he would just swing his bat. Oh,

that's cool. But the thing that was great is he blocked out all that. What the fucking fuck is this thing? Yeah. And he just swung in the two places that it landed the most. And you know, you hit three out of 10, you're fucking killing a guy.

Right. And that's, that's what this guy did. He just waited for the location. It do we had it was one of the great uh after shows the guy came out and he was just talking about just hitting i got to talk to pete rose one time he was doing a signing at um at uh caesar's palace oh that's a great one so they they had two pictures of him. The Reds, the big red machine won the World Series back to back, 75-76. In 75, they beat the Red Sox. In 76, they beat the Yankees. So they had two pictures of him, both times sliding headfirst into third

base. Each year, no helmet. Helmet, you know, on the other side of second base, because it always come off when he ran around second base. Charlie Hustle, right? So I had him right on the other side of second base because it always come off when he ran around second base charlie hustle right so i had him right on the first one because it was against the red socks i write can you write can you write bill i'm sorry pete rose and i said can you write bill i'm sorry and he just fucking looked at me he goes i'm not i go i go you're gonna get the joke you're gonna get the joke i loved it he couldn't shut it off right he's like i'm not sorry like oh he writes it and then i go now can you write bill you're welcome and then he laughed he got it oh that's great i just loved it he said i'm not sorry that's like the dad that won't let his kid win yeah like you're gonna beat me the day you beat me yeah that's that's i'm not gonna go nicey nice here i'm oh i'm sorry i'm sorry i

want a world so you're gonna put me in a position i gotta say i'm sorry yeah 4 000 fucking hits i agree with you about the hits i'd rather i'd rather talk about a guy who could steal bases like like watching ricky henderson like go from fucking first to third just on stolen bases and you knew he was doing it but he was that good at the art of leading off and making the pitcher guess. That's like, for me, dude, like I love shit like that. I love robbed home runs. The guy would just go over the wall and take a home run. Minnesota.

Minnesota, that center fielder used to do it all the time in the 2000s. Oh, Torrey Hunter? Yes. Yeah. And then I saw Fenway a long time ago. I saw Ricky Henderson when he played on the Yankees. Yeah, 24. Still like in the prime of his career, you know,

when the Yankees used to buy a guy, Paul. Why can't you be like the Red Sox and just have homegrown talent? Manager was Lou Piniella. You should have jumped all over me on that one. No, I heard you. We're more the Yankees than you guys have been for a while. Do you play sports, too? Because something happened that made me sad that one. No, I heard you. We're more the Yankees than you guys have been for a while. Do you play sports too? Cause I, something happened that made me sad this week. I had a, you know, on, on Facebook, sometimes there's a memory. There's like a, it's like a memory four

years ago and good morning football asked me to host something from the West fourth cage where all of the people, Kay Adams, Nate Burleson, Kyle and Peter Schrager, we're going to eat pizza at Joe's and like kind of do like this whole New York thing. And I was, they wanted me to host it. And I went in and dude, Nate Burleson was like balling. And when he's a fucking guy could have played like in the NBA and he's a great wide receiver in the NFL. And Schrager goes, dude, throw, throw a pass, throw a pass to Nate. And I'm like, yeah, so I'm in the NFL. And, uh, Strayger goes, dude, throw, throw a pass, throw a pass to Nate. And I'm like, yeah. So I'm in the cage and Nate runs and I throw him a pass and you could see it. And it was, it was a perfect spiral. You know what I mean? But it was a little, it goes without

saying you wouldn't be telling the story if it wasn't, but it was a little low. No, it was a little low. And like, it caught him like here, like he got it and he walked back and he goes, good throw. And I goes a little, he goes, that it and he walked back and he goes good throw and i goes a little he could have been a little higher that's a good throw though and i'm like so it bugged me so i put that out and then somebody that i grew up with goes hey man he should have saw you when like you were younger because i had a good arm when i was fucking younger and you had a great arm and it made me just feel bad it made me feel like did i not like exercise my like sports thing but i moved a lot so i drank and wanted to be like have friends and you know what i mean and meet girls and like i feel like

i could have maybe i mean listen i'm five eight where am i going but i feel like i wanted to do something more with it it made me feel like fuck do you know what i mean like did i miss out on like being an athlete because i was a fucking you did have a relative that was is in the Redskins Hall of Ring of Honor right yeah yes yep uh Vince Permuto Vincent Permuto man he played two years he was a two-time all-star he played a couple years under Lombardi he's 80 something years old in Florida and he is uh yeah he's like uh say he played more than two years if he's in the Ring of Honor no No, no, he played two years with Lombardi, I think. Wow. But he was there from, I think, like 52, 50-something to 61.

What the hell is going on out there? Yeah, yeah. Grab, grab, grab. Nobody tackle him. Oh, he was – and, you know, he was a giant coach before he was – Vince Lombardi was a giant coach before – a giant coach. Tom Landry. That was your offensive and defensive coordinators

when you played the greatest game ever and was at 58 of 58. You lost to the Colts in Yankee Stadium. Colts went back-to-back. Who did John Unitas start with? The Colts, right? No. The Rams? Steelers traded him to get fucking Bobby Lane.

Bobby Lane, who won two titles, two titles with the Lions. Lions won three titles, I think 54, 55, or 53, 54, and like and like 57 but 57 he was already on pittsburgh i think he was he was gone um don't ask me why i know that paul i don't have a life how do you how i was gonna say how the fuck do you know that because um i just i don't know i just thought it was weird that the nfl ignores pre-Super Bowls and all these guys went out there and fucking slammed into each other and I should know who they are. Bill, who was the Raiders quarterback in 1971?

71. Probably still George Blanda before Ken Stabler came in. All right, can we do the Ken Stabler follow at Alabama? I don't know, man. Come on, you're a New Yorker. One of the great New Yorkers. Who did he follow? Who's the greatest New York quarterback as far as like superstar?

Was it Namath? Yeah. Oh, okay. I was thinking Alabama with Bear Bryant. He went from Joe Namath to Ken. Oh, okay. I was thinking giant. With Bear Bryant. He went from Joe Namath to Ken Stabler. There might have been a little gap and then Ken Stabler. Can I do a couple of these? Can I do a couple of these with you just to show?

Guys, when me and Bill first met, I started just throwing names and years out, and he was fucking hitting me with it. All right, ready? 1974. Who was- This is my wheelhouse because anything 97 and beyond i don't know this is my 1974 the quarterback of the rams 74 whoa god that was it pat hayden was he there already i love i mean you're asking me. What the fuck do I know? He's right?

Who is it? Never heard of him. James Shaq Harris. Jimmy Shaq Harris. Never heard of him. The Steelers, you know. How about Arizona? When did Arizona Cardinals get into the league? They were the St. Louis Cardinals.

So they've been in the league. They were one of the original NFL teams. So when did they go to Arizona? The 80s. Oh, okay. I think. It was a while ago. 1976.

Are you going to ask me who their quarterback was in 74? It was Jim Hart. Dude, I have no idea who these people are 1976 who was the Cowboys quarterback Roger Starback come on Paul okay

I'll do the whole fucking league I'll do 78 I can do the whole league go for it Steve Grogan Richard Todd Joe Ferguson Patriots with Steve Grogan uh Richard Todd Joe Ferguson okay I said Patriots Patriots was Steve Grogan uh Jets was uh was that Richard Todd Richard Todd um Buffalo was Joe Ferguson Giants is hard I don't quite remember who the fuck who the it might have been Phil Simms I think they just drafted

Phil Simms in 78 yeah yeah and you guys booed him fucking then it was like Joe Theismann

Jaworski Terry Bradshaw Brian Sipe was in Cleveland. Dolphins? Bob Greasy. Bengals was Kenny Anderson. Where do we go from there? Green Bay was Lynn Dickey.

Detroit, I think, was Eric Hipple. The Bears, Bob Avellini, maybe. Jim Hart was in St. Louis. Dan Pastorini was in fucking Houston. I'm smiling because it was so much fun watching these guys. Was Montana there yet? I think he was still at Stanford. You might have been Steve DeBerg with an old OJ Simpson.

I remember Steve. Bill Walsh came in to prove Paul Brown wrong, which he did. Paul Brown, he was under Paul Brown. Don Correale, I believe, that was the coaching tree. Don Correale and Bill Walsh were under Paul Brown at the Bengals. And Paul Brown is the original Bill Belichick. All right. And Cleveland was finally forced him out. So then he went down and started the Cincinnati Bengals, which is why their colors look so much like the Browns. It was a vindictive thing that he did. The NFL eventually

made him put Bengals on the side of their helmet, that original helmet and uh so um it came time for uh well they drafted some quarterback i always forget his name the guy had an unbelievable fucking arm and he screwed it up and they didn't it was like a rotator cuff and they didn't know how to fix it so his arm was weak and that's how they came up with the west coast offense because this guy couldn't throw deep anymore all right that's where they came up with it. So Bill Walsh thought, because Bill Walsh said, if that guy didn't mess up his arm, everybody would know his name. So he thought he was the next in line to get the hire,

and he got passed over like Fredo, and he was devastated. Not only did he get passed over, Paul Brown bad-mouthed him around the league, said he didn't think he was mentally strong enough, something like that. Oh, wow. Left the NFL, went down to Stanford, turned them into a powerhouse, came back, took over the fucking 49ers. I think his first or his second draft, he drafted a guy by the name of Joe Montana. Two years later, they're in the Super Bowl playing the Bengals. And they asked him, they go, hey, considering what Paul Brown did to you, passed over and talked shit about you, is this extra special if you beat these guys? He goes, no, no, it's just

another game. I can't think like that. I got to focus. First offensive game that they played, he called some classic old school, outdated Paulul brown play like the 23 skidoo called it on the first play and then beat the bengals and that was his fuck you to paul brown oh that's great how great is that that's fucking great dude yeah now you ask me why i go back because that's what i want to hear because when you're watching it in regular time i'm listening to analysts and um reporters and all that. And it's just like, I want to hear what the athletes say and the coaches say, because they actually did it. Which is what was funny about the Jordan last dance, that Peter Versailles guy or whatever going like,

oh, I didn't like it because it was all in his words. It's just like, well, finally, it's in his words. words it's just like well finally it's in his words it's like i listen to your words and everybody else who didn't play pro hoop telling me what this guy was i want to hear his perspective there's nothing wrong with that and i know that his perspective and your perspective somewhere in the middle and i'm going to lean towards jordan is right but was right but was peter vesey saying that saying that jordan was not really touching on on things that were that people wanted to hear about because of his favorite because of because it would be unfavorable to him because i heard grant he was pissed that he wasn't in it i don't know the guy but i just remember like he was the guy that kind of came up i'm not just saying him

but it was just people in general no No, Horace Grant said it. Horace Grant goes, yeah, man, people didn't see a lot of the real shit that happened. So I thought it was okay. But I thought more could come out. And it's like, well, Jordan had editing. That's also Horace. But then if you saw Horace Grant's, it would be his perspective. The hardest things to have in life is empathy and perspective.

Because what goes on, what you look at and then you think is so fucking real. This between here is bigger than the universe. There's like two universes that people live in. The universe and the one between their ears. And this one seems more fucking vivid. That's why you see all this bullshit online with these fucking people like an acorn falls and they think the sky is falling because they're just fucking. Yeah.

Hey, you remember last week? By the way, I want to tell all the fans here, thank you so much for the reviews. The reviews on Anything Better and the ratings. Keep doing that. It makes the show move up. We really appreciate all the positive feedback. Get Anything Better where you get all your um podcasts itunes spotify but on the last uh on the last episode i said where are these italian athletes and a bunch of people wrote

back so i love it nick and joey bosa dude nick and joey bosa defense and their beasts and they're and they're fucking beasts like they get after the quarterback and then one guy i forgot his name but he uh he's a big italian ufc fighter but like italy like italian not like not like me fucking italian italian yeah and he's just i don't know how he's italian because he's like six three and he's got the fucking italian flag shorts it says uf. He's fucking huge. He's got this big thing. And I'm like, fuck, man. So there are. You should have a room in your house.

That's that's that's old school. Italian American. Well, I guess Italian. If you're going to have an actually just Italian athletes. I got one for you. I was at a golf course. And guess who was on the Italian American Hall of Fame wall at this golf course? Old fucking flabby tits. Phil Mickelson. No way. Phil Mickelson is his mother's Italian.

All right. I got one. His tits aren't flabby anymore. Biggest Jewish athlete right now. What's that? Biggest Jewish athlete right now. Here's that? Biggest Jewish athlete right now. Here's a leaflet on Jewish athletes. No, dude, back in the day, dude, they had boxers. Dude, Sandy Koufax. Sandy Koufax did this. Pete Rose said, I go, who's the toughest guy you ever faced? It was me and Lawhead.

We were just like, we couldn't believe it. It was like, it was our own personal This Week in Baseball. And we were like, who's the toughest guy you ever faced and he and he looks at us you know looking at us like we're probably just a couple of jerk offs so he just goes who do you think he's like testing us and i was like uh i said bob gibson it's like nope my head was like don verisdale he's like nope we were naming all these guys we just couldn't get him and he goes sandy kofax we were like really and he did this he goes like both sides just didn't because he was a switch hitter i took as it didn't make a difference which side side he batted from he could make it be right there and then break off on the opposite side so i just edelman edelman

julian edelman yeah ielman, Julian Edelman. Yeah, I just said that from the movie Airplane. Remember, she goes, would you like some reading material? She says, do you have anything light? She goes, here's a leaflet on famous Jewish sports heroes, sports legends. Yeah, no, I heard Koufax was an absolute animal. Julian Edelman and who else? I a i heard a story in in like 88 before

the fucking world series they brought him in for morale and he was throwing batting practice and they said sandy can you slow it down you're getting into these guys he was thrown to the dodgers and he was he was still throwing gas wow yeah oh by the way our boy brent barry this fucking guy remember yeah talk about people that come to shows. He was so cool. The worst, the funniest thing was Brent Barry was at our show in Memphis. Okay. He was calling the game in Memphis.

He comes to our show and he comes up to me and he goes, hey, man, I'm Brent. I'm like, I know who you are. And he said the same thing to Lawhead. Yeah, I know who you are. And we're so enamored with talking to this fucking guy who won the dunk contest and he's all this stuff and fans were coming up going hey nice show can you sign this and we we were borderline rude okay what's your name like what's your name i'm talking to brent barry here and brent barry came back on the bus and he was so nice and cool and everything and i'm listening to the game last night. And Knicks were playing the Spurs.

Brent Barry is the new president of basketball operations. I believe for the San Antonio Spurs. Oh, is that right? So he got a big executive job with the Spurs. Good for him. He's a great guy. Great guy. Great big time comedy fan. You know, dude, you want to talk about like legendary family. His brother was a baller his father's all i mean that guy was uh that guy was really fucking cool down to earth and uh yeah he's funny because somebody said to him going yeah you won the 2000 whatever they won the 1990 something

duncan contest he goes that's right he says you're the guy that blah blah all i know is punchline was, and now you're having a beer with him. We all just died laughing because it was sort of like a little bit of shit talk. But like humble, like, but really, really humble. Yeah. So is there anything else on the docket, Andrew? I think we covered it, dude. I think we covered it. I can't believe I already did seven episodes dude flying by like my life next one is two months and it's it's not work it's a fucking joke it's a jamming we just turned our phone conversations into a show paul what are we doing america talking about sports italian food i'm fucking fights with our wives what do we give a fuck the jewel of this podcast was you like i nobody who listens to this podcast doesn't not does not want to go over to the versi's house at this point no because listen i just enjoy life because i know

we're all going down and that's what it is so you know i go full dude i go fucking full i just loved how you were saying all this wonderful stuff you do to somebody but you almost sounded like angry you come to my house you give me a fucking glass of grape juice there's going to be cheese and cracks it's just what the fuck it is you were saying it almost like someone would complain it's like no paul that's not like a wonderful host i'm not trying to hey what a host what thank you for having me oh we brought a bottle of wine i i hoping you saw that what do you think i do i fucking wine here you know what we have to do i got like 20 bottles of those fucking i can get my wife bring it up in two seconds you me you me bartnick

femless we have to just sit down we have to say fuck not drinking one night we got to get bottles of bourbon the the hoyo the hoyos or the particus whichever your preference we got to get a real one paul i'm really i'm really turned off by the then that i i know it can do real cuban absolutely look at the band you do that now when you light it you say oh my god every time we did that in montreal i thought the ones in montreal were real at the place we're not in montreal how are you gonna you can drive up paul four hours no we could get them shipped from there all right i i don't know if i ever told this story but still one of my favorite versi stories we were doing the uh cape cod melody tent down on uh down in cape cod literally the name of the place where it's at.

And Paul was pulling up to the venue. So I gave the security guy his number because he was looking for Paul so he could come in and park. And he, oh, no, no, he was talking to me. I go, yeah, Paul, the security guy just needs to know, you know, what you're driving so he can let you in. I go, what are you driving? And you go, I am driving a beautiful 2011 burgundy.

It sounded like you were reading it out of the want ad. Oh, I think, yeah, I'm driving a beautiful gray 2012 Nissan Maxima. I am driving a beautiful 2012 gray Nissan Maxima leather seats. I just started. What's funny about you is I started laughing halfway through it, and then you just started cracking up. I was like, all right, man, I'll see you in a second. He's driving a beautiful 2012. Are you?

Your voice got all calm, too. You were like, where is this venue? I can't find it. beautiful. Are you, you know, voice got all calm too. You like, where is this venue? I can't find it. The guy's going to let you in. Paul, what are you driving? I am driving.

Beautiful. 2012. You know what? You talk shit, but you enjoy the finer things too. I've seen it. I've said you're the most Italian. Let make no,

but guys listening to this, this kid kid if you think you know bill this guy is so fucking i've never seen a german irish kid act more sicilian the food in the restaurants your taste for food is very maybe we're more similar than than the powers that be want us to admit people yeah like that whole sicilians never forget irish don't scottish people english people yeah but we'll make it disappear okay i just no i'm not saying some people aren't better at it i love that richard prior joke he goes the italians man he goes

he goes they just figured it out. He's like, you like walking? He goes, you like your legs? You like walking? Remember? He was just talking about how their business plan is like, you know, if you like walking, that's going to happen. You're going to get that done. You know? Oh, I love that thing. Oh my God. He's going to shoot us.

Because I came in with a gun. The Italian guy started laughing. That's, yeah. No, man. You are. You go. You like the finer things, too. I just.

Listen, if there's a God and I could make millions, if I make millions and millions of dollars, you're going to see it spent like nobody's ever spent it before. I promise. I cannot wait. It're going to see it spent like nobody's ever spent it before. I promise. I cannot wait. It's going to happen. You're a fucking beast. It's going to happen. You put your time in. You did all the fucking gigs.

You worked. You got better. It's going to happen. Bill, I'm going to fucking buy a horse. I'm going to be more happy for you because I love you, but it's also going to be – I cannot wait to see you with money. I told Stacey we're going to do it. I said to Stacy, I go, let's buy a horse. She said, where the fuck are we going to put a horse?

And I replied, we'll figure it out. That's who the fuck she's dealing with. To ride or to race? No, to have. To have it walking around. Yeah. To have, what do you mean to ride? To have a horse. There's, do you mean to ride to have a horse

there's i live on farms people have horses out here do you know how to ride a horse i mean you get a saddle you sit on a thing how long is it going to take to figure that out you know all right everybody this has been another wonderful episode all right guys yeah we're just picturing you getting thrown off the back and your untied jordan's going flying in two different directions we had to get rid of it bill you're fucking sitting there in like a neck brace gotta get rid of it this fucking thing this thing was fucking crazy did you see the jordan one it's like bill i cannot have something that i'm feeding and it's not paying rent dude my mother-in-law was there i I can't have it. I can't have it.

What did you do with it? You know, it's not going to be a problem, Bill. Paul, what did you do with it? You know, I took it to the park. I let it go. My friend picked it up. Took it out in the woods. Did you see the Jordan 1 hockey skates?

They made hockey skates. Andrew, is there any way you could pick that up? They made Jordan 1 hockey skates? They made hockey Andrew, is there any way you could pick that up? They made Jordan 1 the original. The red, the black, the white, and they made a hockey skate and somebody said, Ferzy's all over this because I go skating out with my kids. You got to see this thing, man.

You probably skate better than me. I'm the skater I can't go backwards. I can't go backwards, man. You're too positive, Paul. You're always moving forward. I've got to see these things. Paul, you have to go out and get that horse. It's done.

Bill, it's handled. I'd love, yeah. Those are pretty cool, man. They don't look bad, right? I like the gray better. You know who first guy we had? I want to say Sergey Fedorov had a pair of those back in the day. That's a little too busy for my taste.

I like the gray ones better. I'm more subtle, Paul. You got to say, though, I do have a little more class than you. A little class. You know what though I do have a little more class than you Little class You know what I like Oh you talk Sometimes you talk I like Vegas

A little more than I should You don't like Vegas I was just fucking with you But that little half a snarl You just got You're like Nah because you You know

Like I'll go to Vegas And be like Let's go throw dice At the trop And you'll be like Or like I'll go to Vegas and be like, let's go throw dice at the trop. And you'll be like, or we could just go to a nice steak dinner. Yeah. Instead of throwing a steak dinner on a table, we could actually have a steak.

Let's let's go look at some nice. What I don't get with craps is anytime and say, hey, take me down on that six. And I go, you're chasing the shooter. It's like, well, I might as well just leave it here until I lose. And it's a bet option. You fucking it's a bet option you're fucking it's a bet option wait here's the thing when somebody hits the point and everybody wins does that mean it's over and everybody takes their shit yes but yes it does okay then maybe i was wrong so there is there is the asshole who when the

table is hot on fire and everybody's getting the point that the, the one guy comes in and he puts the money that the guy's going to, to crap out to like the, like the pass. I think it's the come line or something like that. I don't, but there's a million, but no pass line is over. Once the points out, that's then, then you're just waiting for the point to come out. You back, you back that bet up. But there is the guy that bets against the table, and people get a little bit like, hey, man, we just hit the point four times. He's on Twitter every fucking day.

Miserable cunt. Yeah. All right. That's the same guy. Same guy. Same fucking guy. All right. This has been another wonderful – no, that's the wrong podcast.

This has been wonderful. Because I always end Bill Burt that way. Well, this isn't Bill Burt. I just started podcasts with all my friends during this fucking thing. I love Burt. I love you. I love talking to myself. I got three podcasts.

I'll start another one. You think I give a fuck? I'll fucking do a podcast with every friend every day of the week. I'll do a podcast with my new fucking horse. He'll just sit there. You think I give a fuck? Put a microphone in front of him the week. Oh, fuck. I'll do a podcast with my new fucking horse. He'll just sit there. You think I give a fuck? Put a microphone in front of him. Wrap it up, dude.

You wrap it up. This is your show here. Guys, man, this has been another amazing episode of Anything Better with me, Bill Burr, Andrew Themlis, the amazing producer out there. Please, like I said, reviews, ratings, anything better, subscribe everywhere you get podcasts. Check out the Verzi Effect like I said, reviews, ratings, anything better, subscribe everywhere

you get podcasts. Check out the Verzi Effect, the Monday Morning Podcast, all the fucking podcasts we have. Just subscribe to them and check. Oh, I will be, guys, coming up.

Thank you for the tickets that are being sold. Orlando Improv on the 24th of March. West Palm Beach Improv on the 25th of March. Get tickets and all my tour dates

of 2021 are on paulbergsy.com. So there you go. Thank you. you