Anything Better? - Flipping Over Like A Bowling Pin

Episode Date: March 25, 2023

Is there Anything Better than Bill telling Paul how he lost it during 'The Whale'? Factor: Head to www.FACTORMEALS.com/Better50 and use code better50 to get 50% off your first box. Tawkify:  Tawkify is offering our listeners 20% off when you become a client at www.Tawkify.com/BETTER Rocket Money:  Cancel unwanted subscriptions – and manage your expenses the easy way – by going to www.RocketMoney.com/BETTER

What's up everybody and welcome back to the Anything Better podcast show with your host myself Paul Berzy on the East Coast, Bill Booger over there on the West Coast, and we got the Greek freak, our producer extraordinaire, Andrew Themlis out there in his compound in Beverly Hills. Everybody knows he's the Beverly Hills kid. And we are here with episode number 76. And the only person I think of is Jumbo Elliott of the Giants. I got a great one. Lou the Toe Groza, who's an offensive lineman for Paul Brown's Cleveland Browns with Otto Graham, the original Tom Brady. They absolutely dominated whatever the football league was,

the AAFL or something like that. They played for four years in that league the existence of that league they won all four and then when they joined the NFL all the NFL teams were like yeah well they're not gonna do that here and then they went to like fucking five championships in a row and they won like three of them and they tried to figure out what is it that they're doing over there and Paul Brown was the first guy to emphasize the kicking game. And he had Lou the Toe Groza, and they were winning games by two points, three points, one point.

And this lineman was just straight on kicker. Big, you know, doing this shit, just kicking in straight, you know. Yeah. Absolute legend. Hall of Famer. Lou the Toe Groza. I read his autobiography. It was fantastic.

What decade did they start kicking the field goal soccer style instead of the straight? Because I remember that Dempsey guy who had half a foot. He went straight too. Yeah, that was sort of the end of that. It was in the 70s. The soccer style thing came in. I don't know how they did that they took like fucking two steps and just like it was like a donkey kick

i mean it's fucking unbelievable that guy had half a foot and he fucking kicked it 63 yards and then people were like oh it's because he's got on a half a foot shoe that's what they said they were talking about his fucking shoe they had no i would have been like guys i got half i got one and a half feet over here can you fucking stop breaking my balls we're the saints we beat the lions who gives a shit yeah that's something you couldn't say today oh no you they did uh the guy who was he was running on the sickles you know in the olympics and they're like no that's it's too he doesn't have the drag of having calves and ankles and feet he was just running around there's oh that just goes to show there's always going to be haters guys kicking

field goals in the nfl with half a foot there's somebody going no but if you have those fucking uh ginsu knives dude it's like you're on one of those hovercrafts on the water. It's not the same as your sneakers hitting the ground. It causes too much resistance against the surface of the earth. Are there other 76s? Do we have other ones? Hang on a second. What did I look up?

I didn't recognize most of the names. People reached out to me going, Paul, you can't forget so-and-so. Oh, Marion Motley. I remember that name. Lou Kreekmer. Orlando Pace. Orlando Pace, Hall of Famer, I think. Bob Brown.

Steve Hutchinson. Let's see NHL. There's got to be some sort of European guy. P.K. Subban. P.K. Subban. There you go. He's 76 his whole career? Let me see here.

Where the fuck is it? 70. They say the best 76 is Andrew Peters. Peters is the only player to see extensive NHL playing time wearing number 76. Oh, P.K. did it. Montreal rookie P.K. Subban has more playoff appearances than any other number 76. I'd have to go with P.K. Bill, we saw him.

We saw him against the Bruins in Montreal, and he was on that team. Yeah. That was a dumb move by the Canadians getting rid of him. Dumb move. All right. Well, here, here's something that I didn't talk about on any other podcast. And I want to talk about it with you because you're an aviation guy. Now people that know me know, and Bill knows I am absolutely fascinated.

I love it. I was scared of it. Now I enjoy it. You went from terrified to absolutely fascinated I love it I was scared of it now I enjoy it terrified to fascinate and love it now when I take off I start I love it I actually love the the idea of flying now even though it still scares me but dude I gotta tell you something I was waiting for this documentary to come out the way people wait for fucking Tarantino movies or Star Wars movies the documentary about the Malaysia flight that disappeared in 2014. It's called MH370, the airplane that disappeared. It's three parts, dude.

And they have every fucking aviation specialist, people that have fucking pulled their hair out trying to figure it out. They broke it down to only three things that could have happened. And the scary thing is like the route. One people say he went this way and went down to the Indian ocean. Other people say he did it. One woman says they see wreckage and they went to her house and she says, it's where the thing went off. Something happened. A fisherman said he saw smoke, dude, Bill.

All I'm saying is if you love aviation and you're fascinated with shit like that, I just was like, but it was brutal to talk to the families. Fuck that lady and fuck the fucking fishermen. There's always some fisherman or some farmer standing in a field trying to get on TV saying they saw something. They're both out. All right. We were at dinner. We were at dinner and we looked back.

He turned off the transponder and he fucking flew it into the ocean. The ocean is fucking gigantic. You're never going to find it. You think that's what he did? Yeah. Yeah, that's definitely one of the theories. Well, I mean, I hope the person did. That'd be such a fucking douchey to kill yourself by yourself.

I want that to come back the i'm killing myself by myself i don't need to take 100 innocent people that are enjoying 300 whatever the fuck they're doing with me yeah but yeah suicide bombers you know it's just like you know you want to blow your car up you know it's just like you know you want to blow your car up do it at night in an empty fucking uh best buy parking lot yeah stay away from the light poles somebody's gonna have to come down and fix that just show yourself yeah i'm dude i'm with you i think that's the most horrific thing one guy from australia unfortunately his wife and two children were on the plane and he dedicated, he was rich. He dedicated his life to finding all this stuff out. And he,

he says he knows what happened and it was not the pilot. And he said that there was a, an accident that was tried, it was covered up or something like that. And he said, he's, you know, and he's talking, but dude is brutal. Like they show pictures of his family, wife, daughter, this guy, dude, he said calling his son at college yeah it was brutal I don't understand like I won't even watch horror movies that have women in when you know the women part is bad enough but when they got kids involved there's a couple of those things

that's like you know it's always like a single mom with like her kids and there's no dude around or anything so this I don't know it's just like all right why am i watching this yeah i don't mind horror because i just know it's but i don't like when animals dude i don't like when animals die dude i don't like when animals die kill the babysitter dude kill the babysitter all fucking day you know leave the dog alone dude i leave the dog alone man all that thing was love, you know? Yeah, no, it was, dude, it was just fascinating the way, well, one thing you'll find interesting was, and you could be right, because it's definitely a theory,

but when he left Malaysia airspace and he got to a certain point of the ocean over Malaysia, he was in between Malaysia and Vietnam, and then he had to go over to another air traffic control so we switched off to one and then the other people took it in and then as soon as that was done it went off so you could be you know you could be right but i just i just found it fucking fascinating i just found it fascinating uh how and the wreckage and then they said that that thing that they found off the indian ocean was not it like so there's no remnant you know but here's the thing how does a boeing

set a boeing 777 have that happen and zero debris anywhere zero debris debris debris Debris. Zero debris. Debris. Zero debris. No, isn't it debris? No. It's one of those stupid things where singular and plural. Oh, okay. It's the same thing. Debris means multiple too. Debris is a good last name. Marcus Debris.

Yeah, but dude, how is that, like they didn't find it they didn't find a fucking seat they didn't find a cup holder they didn't find shit dude that's what's fucking weird man yeah well you have no idea how far he flew yeah but the worst thing is the people in the back have no fucking idea that this guy's veering off course just going like out over the ocean i mean i feel like the person if they did that they didn't want to be found and right paul there's a there's a swirl of trash all right two and a half times the size of texas and like fucking a mile deep out in the middle of the ocean where we dump all our shit and you never see it yeah you know yeah that's what yeah that's what i said flew far

enough i don't want to talk about this because so many innocent people died so um it's fucking brutal man you almost want it to be like a, you know, like a terror, somewhere there's where there's blame, you know, it's hard to swallow that some fucking lunatic did that. But well, at least with that, then it's just like, oh, it's a lunatic. To me, it's scarier if it was the plane. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. But I don't think it was, you know, planes don't do that. yeah yes yeah but i don't think it was you know planes don't do that planes don't just veer off left and fly for six and a half hours

you really say let's just say that that's what to happen that this guy committed suicide and for some stupid reason i had to fucking take everybody with them like there's no way you believe in god if you do that no no i always had this vision of like i was gonna do a bit about it or like a suicidal guy he just he's a pilot and uh his wife was cheating on him you know he comes home she's sucking somebody else's dick the whole thing right and then he's gotta fly like honeymooners to hawaii getting on the plane with fucking they're all getting on the plane with hawaiian shirts i love you so much he's just got to do the announcement he's completely fucking devastated dude oh that'd be brutal dude that's a good beginning to a comedy as long as he

doesn't fucking do it no no as long as he doesn't yeah i can see ben stiller up there like he just comes in this is a big gangbang and ben stiller's just all right guys how many hundred meters we got there oh speaking of that my wife you know she always watches the award shows i never watch them i did watch uh kimmel's monologue he fucking killed the dude it was like the perfect tone you know he teased the people in the room. He wasn't being an asshole. You know, he still made people feel good to be there. So, you know, he walked the line perfectly, I felt. But he also wasn't doing like cornball stuff. I thought it was really good.

I realized why I don't watch those award shows. It's just the amount of grown men crying. I just can't. It's just so fucking awkward. Like was so happy for brendan frazier and i was watching his speech and he was saying all this nice stuff and right as his voice starts cracking and all that stuff was just i just don't want to see this i'm so happy for him and i love the movie and all that but like i just don't want to watch, you know, it's just every time I would come by the room, you know, I want to thank Perilous for believing in us in this little movie. Everybody pays up. You know, like, oh my god. Yeah,

and it's also like, yeah, take responsibility too. I don't want to see people cry. I mean, at least they're crying tears of joy. I didn't watch one second of the fucking Oscars, and I never do. It's so fucking dumb. And that fucking lady with that big fucking white thing. Oh, it's so dumb until you get nominated, Paul. Oh, well, you know.

You like this tux? You like that other tux? Oh, no. What's his name? Eddie Murphy. He goes, I don't go or watch unless I'm part of no. That's what, what's his name does? Eddie Murphy. He goes, I don't go or watch unless I'm part of it. There's nothing wrong with that because you're part of it. You know?

You don't think it's dumb. What do you mean? Oh, I think you're more upset that you weren't nominated. But I got nothing to be nominated for. No, but my thing is if you think it's so fucking dumb but if they nominated you you'd show up then it's really not that you think it's done you think it's dumb it's that you're not in you're not you know it's my party you're not invited yeah it's like it's like when a com a comedian's like man fuck that man fuck that festival man i ain't going to that book fuck it oh yeah really i'm

gonna fly for no money because i mean you're saying all of a sudden you get a letter hey man we'd really love you to showcase at our festival we love what you do you're like oh there's good people over there man i'll tell you i've lost uh i've lost twice at those things and you want you want to act like you don't care it's a it's a fucking kick right in the solar plexus both times and then you're mad at yourself going why i i did i thought i thought i was cool i thought i didn't care and then you're like i i fucking did care yeah the brendan frazier thing i had a grammy sitting right here the guy's holding the fucking thing in case i win it because i was hosting it on the

fucking internet so i'm'm studying at Burbank. And I'm like, I'm like fucking ready to just take it and go over the goal line. And they're like, and the winner is somebody else. And the guy goes, then I'd walk out and be like, hey. Nice to be nominated. It wasn't me. And I was trying so hard to be cool. And I drove home and it fucking, was like god damn it I gave a shit

that was on the internet that was on the internet I went I videotaped that whole thing yeah well it didn't hit me then how much I gave a shit it hurt a little bit but I had to go back on camera so obviously then I just fucking just

it was the drive home well it also hurts when you deserve it and the drive home yeah well it also hurts when you deserve it and you don't get it it also hurts when you think you're actually on television you bought a tom ford suit and a bunch of fucking money and you end up being on the internet you're like yo is this tv they're like it's it's the grammy i go wait is this on the internet and they just kept going it's the grammys i'm like yeah, is this on the internet? And they just kept going, it's the Grammys. I'm like, yeah, but like, is the guy from The Daily Show going to, am I going to meet him?

It's the Grammys. I thought this was at the Staples Center. Bill crushed with the crew because in between, as like, you know, people remember some of those clips got out, but Bill crushed it with the uh because in between as like you know people remember some of those clips got out but bill crushed with the crew because in between they would hand in this envelope and and and and i don't care what your level of reading out loud is these names were not like read them first it was the latino category paul and like not even american latino this is like latin america yeah like fucking accents over the letters and they were not helping me out American Latino. This is like Latin America. Accents over the letters.

They were not helping me out because they couldn't. Nobody knew how to say anybody's fucking names. On air, you would have Bill reading it like, okay, I did it. But if you were there watching it, it was them handing Bill an envelope. Him opening going, I don't want to say his name. I don't want to say his name.

I don't want to say his name. I said, okay said okay and the winner is three four times in a row just like it was staged that's fucking great dude oh dude yeah yeah that's so great um what was the funniest one was the emmys the emmys just sitting there right and i knew i wasn't gonna win that one i was surprised i was nominated and i was like i'm not like i saw who's in my i can't remember who but i was like i'm not gonna fucking win this thing and he is like don't say that you should prepare a speech it's like i'm not winning all right oh she was so mad at me she was so fucking mad at me um and then i didn't win and i was like i told you right so anyway the funniest shit ever is they then had you for whatever reason we were down near the staples center you then had to walk which felt like a quarter of a mile for women because they

were all wearing their i'm at the emmy's shoes and dude, the Emmys are like fucking SUNY, fucking those SUNY schools where there's like 52 of them. The Emmys are like that. They got the daytime Emmys. They got the Emmy Emmys. And then they got whatever the fuck I was on, right? The Roku Emmys, right? So we fucking, the thing about the Emmys,

it's not like the Oscar where they give you one and then they take it back and you get it in the mail like six weeks later. The Emmys, you get your Emmy. So people are like back at the table setting it down around all the fucking losers, right? So then you had to walk down the street to get to the after party and you just see all these people walking with Emmys and you're walking out like empty-handed.

It's just like they don't even put a curtain now they should like divide them off so all the losers go down like once like cattle off the slaughter and then the emmy people get you know they get a hot air balloon over to the party i felt bad for the women though because they had all those fuck you know you know those they're always saying that those shoes hurt their feet and shit and they had to like walk all the way down all the way down the street to get to the after party. Quarter mile walk. No, they could also wear more comfortable shoes, you know? Oh, come on, Paul.

They wear those shoes. You don't like looking at them? I just don't want to hear them complain about it if you fucking wear it. You know? It's like... Paul, I bitch every time I have to bring the fucking trash can sid all right everybody it's factor power up for springtime with factor america's number one ready to eat meal kit get nutritious chef prepared meals delivered straight to your door

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Don't give a shit. What's he driving? I have a boyfriend. Oh, yeah? Where is he? I mean, if he liked you, wouldn't he be here right now? You trust you like that? Yeah, I don't know why I brought the car into it.

What's he driving? Yeah, what's he driving? Imagine she goes, oh, it's a Porsche. It's like the sickest Porsche. All right. But does he listen to you when you talk? All right. Confidence is key when it comes to dating.

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today. And Andrew, did you see the whale or no? I have not yet. All right. I don't want to talk out of turn here, but like, I know he's like obviously in a really rough place and he's sick and dying and he's fat and he's in a wheel. And the one thing he wants to do is help his daughter and be there for his daughter so i don't want to talk out of place here so if i'm wrong about this but it also seems like you know you could try to get up and try to figure it out for your daughter it's like you know or like try to fucking you know get a trainer to walk on a treadmill something you know knock a couple hundred off or something do something for your daughter instead everything i saw was him in a wheelchair crying with oxygen in his nose. The prequel to that movie is Paul trying to get him out but failing.

Hey, not for nothing. Maybe you just eat one large cheese pizza, not four. You don't turn it into a fucking sandwich and put donuts in the middle. I'm just saying. I'm just saying, dude. Like, if my daughter was involved and I was in that position, I'm trying. No, no, no. They explained there was a reason for it.

Okay, yeah. I think that's what I'm saying. Did you see the movie? No, that's what I'm saying. I don't want to speak to that term. They explained that. They explained that. Okay, yeah. I figured he wasn't just sitting in a wheelchair eating,

going, I want to help my daughter. So I don't mean to talk at a turn here. I'm probably in illness. Me and my wife saw the movie. I loved it. I love Brendan Fraser. And every year is fantastic or whatever. So before we go in there, my wife, she does this all the time.

She gives me like a little fucking speech before i do shit and she just goes okay we go in there she's talking to me like i'm fucking sick i was just gonna say what are you a child well this shit like what the way i am here in the podcast women i'm like this all the time all the fucking time i'm always saying stupid shit. I'm just trying to make my wife laugh. Or I'm just really just trying to get through something I don't want to be at. So before we go into the movies, she just goes, okay. She goes, no laughing at inappropriate moments.

Okay? And I'm literally going like, oh, my God. Brendan Fraser in a fat suit. There's no fucking way at some point I'm not going to start laughing i love the clumps right so i go in there right and probably about about 10 minutes in i just was trying to guess where the movie was going and you know because he wants to help his daughter, I was picturing she'd have like an abusive boyfriend, which doesn't happen.

And he's too big to stop it. So at one point, you know, he lives on the second floor of this apartment building that like they were fighting underneath the balcony. I was picturing him like, getting up out of the thing. And then just fucking walking over the balcony, Paul. And just going like this.

Not even just, just leaning forward. And just flipping over like a bowling pin. And landing straight down and crushing the other dude and dude i was like i laughed like fucking five minutes and it was funny because the movie theater was cold so my wife was holding my arm i was trying to laugh quietly and i was fucking sitting there shaking and she fucking just shook her head and she let go of my arm. It was like leaning on the other arm. Like, what is this?

Who is this asshole that I married? Oh, shit. Oh, fuck. I mean, dude, I was fucking. Yeah, dude. He does one complete 360 and it's like a bowling pin. The legs wouldn't bend. Nothing.

He just, like, he's totally stiff. He just went, wham. The legs wouldn't bend. The legs wouldn't bend. Oh, my God, dude. Oh, dude, I was fucking, I was dying. I was dying. But then I also got to tell you, man tell you man i got like teared up and stuff

like watching it was a fucking amazing you know i got a daughter and stuff i was really the movie affected me i know nobody wants to be like that there were a few times when he was eating i'd be like i i wouldn't mind doing that that looks like a good idea no i heard adam sandler talking about it he said he was just like heartbroken through the whole thing i think but let me ask you a question so he there was a reason in the movie he couldn't do he couldn't try to do with money like getting money um okay i forget i forget but it was uh my god is that funny dude yeah oh my god dude oh jesus but that's not for some reason that happens like every it happens a lot and then you know um what's the last movie i went to go i think that might have been the

no i saw something else i saw um triangle of sadness i saw that one too, which was great. The guy, oh my God, the guy, the Russian billionaire, him and Woody Harrelson. They got a killer scene in that. And then I also saw the Banshees of whatever. Well, I can't remember the name of it. The Banshees of something. That was fucking- If I was like 600 wheelchair had no way

of of like getting money to fix it dude i would i would either do drugs or just get on a gambling site and go off i would do something to just get people to come and get me dude that's brutal dude that is fucking brutal like i'll be honest with you. It seems so sad that maybe that's why I didn't watch it. When I saw him just crying, going like, I want to do one thing in my life. I was just like, I can't do this, man. I can't do it, dude. It seemed like really fucking sad.

Did you cry or no? Oh, yeah. It's a sad movie. Yeah. Yeah, it's tough. It's definitely a sad movie yeah yeah it's tough definitely sam i cried laughing you cried laughing and you cried i cried because i felt for the guy hey it gave you everything it really gave me everything no i thought oh no 100 i totally get why he won the oscar and everything I will tell you, though, man, Colin Farrell's performance,

did you see that movie? No. Dude, you know we just say we talk about some guys in life who just don't get it? Like, dude, here's the epitome. It's like this guy just doesn't get it. Why? What happened?

All right. Spoiler alert, everybody. Here it comes happened all right spoiler alert everybody here it comes all right so it's just it's basically it's these two irish guys they live on this island i guess it's off the coast of uh ireland or something like that and um they've been friends for a long time they always go to the pub and drink and just the older one just decides he doesn't want to be friends with them anymore because he bores them right and the guy just he can't accept it he just keeps he just keeps thinking it's got to be something else he just doesn't realize that

it's him i'm not even explaining it well he just doesn't get it where you just be like it's like dude just fucking find somebody else to drink with or leave this guy the fuck alone and he just doesn't get it where you just be like it's like dude just find somebody else to drink with or leave this guy the alone and he just doesn't get it and he's sort of like uh it's not like he's dumb but he's just socially he's socially dumb and he lives on an island he has a really small world view the way colin plays it like you ever get you just you get so mad at somebody but you can't express it to him because they wouldn't get it and it'd also be like such a shock to them because they're just so in their own world yeah and the way he played it dude this guy too he's like a you know the good-looking guy the heartthrob and all that he just plays this fucking loser and you

forget he's a good-looking guy he plays it so well that's all brandon gleason dude they and the woman who played his sister sorry i don't know they were fucking great it was i really enjoyed like that's one of those movies that I would definitely go back and watch that you know the whale man that's too emotional that's like leaving Las Vegas but with fat people it's just too fucking depressing

you know yeah it looked it looked horrible I only saw Leaving Las Vegas once and I was just like alright thank you for that It looked horrible. Like I only saw Leaving Las Vegas once and I was just like, all right. Like, thank you for that. Or Manchester by the Sea.

That I couldn't do. So that one is just like. That I couldn't. I almost got angry at that movie. Like what? Why the. Yeah. Why did you drag me through that?

When somebody told me about it and everything i said i'm not doing it man that's literally the story somebody starts to tell you at a bar you just go like all right all right all right dude dude dude yeah yeah i i i remember one time paul there was this guy you know those people yeah yeah dude dude they took the little girl dude you wouldn't believe it they put it and you're're like, I don't I don't need it. Need that. I don't want to know about what they did to the little girl. I don't I don't do that.

Up is the people that want to know. And the people that want to know, know a lot of those stories and they follow around these fucking stories of tragedy and misery. Like it's I always want to be like, how fucking boring is your life you're almost like a serial killer that doesn't fucking kill anybody like you know they always say like serial killers like that's the only time they feel anything is when they do some shit like that um like it's almost like those people they don't feel anything unless they're hearing the story of absolute fucking misery or tragedy that's why even even like that aviation thing you were talking about, I was trying to find the fucking jokes because it's just like,

if what it is, like if somebody just decided they didn't want to be here anymore, it's like, how fucking narcissistic and selfish. And the amount like that trauma that you create in all of those families it trickles down dude for generations and generations until somebody figures out what the fuck is wrong with the family and then goes to therapy and tries to take the bullet and not pass it on to their kids. Yeah. Yeah. No, there's no... I thought that was pretty deep, and you just go...

No, no, no, no. It is deep. There's nothing even funny to say about it. No, no, it is. It is deep. I never understood the people that... Listen, I like a good horror movie, okay? But I like a good horror movie.

Listen, I like a good plane crash. No, no, I like a good horror movie, like a good plane crash i like no no i like a good horror movie but i don't like i don't know how some people like dude did you see when they cut his head like or people that watch there's people that watch that some of that asian horror like the movies that come out horror movies out of asia it's like they're not just trying to scare you they're trying to fucking alter your brain like they're going they're going fucking hard like those i think that they make if that's what you're into no nobody does it better than them nobody does anything extreme better than asian asians asian prank shows dude an asian prank show they took

it to a point where a guy went in for an interview and his girl everyone's like laughing behind you see the split screen and his friends are laughing a guy guy goes into a full on interview and he's in a suit and they're all these executives in a suit and they're all sitting there and they're talking. And all of a sudden, dude, he's on like the eighth floor. All of a sudden, dude, the window gets shot at. And one of the interviewers, they go like this and he gets shot at and all of a sudden get down get down and everybody dies and he's there and then they fucking open the door and throw some dude every and it was going like this and then the door opens and they throw smoke and a SWAT team comes in and they fucking drag him dude he's dude he almost it was actually first of all it's one of the funniest and then I can't believe he didn't have a heart attack

dude he's sitting there in a job interview they're laughing and all of a sudden and it's just action Almost, it was actually, first of all, it was one of the funniest, and then I can't believe he didn't have a heart attack. Dude, he's sitting there in a job interview, they're laughing, and all of a sudden, and it's this action movie. And he fucking thinks everybody just got executed. Dude, it was like, and his fucking girlfriend is like, Oh, dude, it was one of the fucking most insane things I've ever seen. It was fucking. I feel like a lot of people over there need a hug like i just don't feel like the individual and their emotional needs if like that's okay

oh like dude can you imagine pitching that over here they would be the fucking lawsuit oh shit hold on hold on i gotta tell you that guy to i'm gonna fucking die in the horror of thinking he saw people die that's like two of the most like the trauma of war yo dude they just put that in there there's no way he didn't have a nightmare that night dude it was like america it was like america's funniest videos if everybody was steroids. Dude, it was one of the best ones. It was one of the funniest ones I've ever seen. And the woman actually gave it. She freaked out.

A boyfriend and girlfriend are walking to a car holding hands in a Walmart parking lot. Two guys are in a car chase. And they stop and get out. And they start shooting at each other. And it's like a shootout. So he gets down. Then all of a sudden they point to him and they shoot and the boyfriend's in on it and they shoot the boyfriend's leg and he's got a blood pack there's a right and they're fucking they start shooting it's a shootout

they get back in the car there's a ramp there's an explosion she's going oh my god oh my god she does she thinks her boyfriend was almost killed everything. And all of a sudden the director comes out. He goes, all right, cut. And, and, and like this production, the production director comes out,

he goes, cut. And a guy gets out and the guy's laughing. The boyfriend went to leg and the woman just went up and fucking smacked him in his face as hard as she could. And she's like, don't fucking do that to me, dude. It was nuts.

Good for her. Have you seen the one where the kid goes to the airport and as a prank, he goes to take other people's luggage? And so he goes to grab somebody's luggage. And this guy's like, what the fuck? Take my luggage. He's like, no, it's for a prank. And the guy's like, I don't give a fuck. So he's holding on to him to take him to security.

But then the guy whose luggage was getting stolen gets so aggressive that security gets after him. But like somebody just goes to like just to take his stuff. He's like, what are you doing? Yeah, dude, I've seen that those idiot white kids that go like, you know, dude, that one kid goes up to gang members and he starts going. And this dude, this Mexican dude goes. You know, I saw one of this guy actually took a gun out. He's pointing the back of his head. And then afterwards they're going like, oh, my God, did you one this guy actually took a gun out he's pointing the back of his head and then afterwards they're going like oh my god did you see that he took his gun out like it's just like yeah the level of like it's like dude don't you understand

don't you understand these people are living in this fucking condition that this is what happens down there and you should be down there going like why the fuck do so many people not care about what's going on down here? Rather than you going down and being like, oh my God, he took his gun. He was going to bust a cap in my ass. That dumb shit. No, it's just one guy walks into this gang neighborhood

and he's got an ice grill on his face. And this dude's looking at him. He goes, what's up, man? You got a problem? And he just walks up and he goes, yo, man, you looking to get chopped up up but then the joke was he had chopsticks on him and he was gonna get and like laugh and go point the thing and the guy goes like this the guy goes yo man you're gonna get fucking hurt out here man you're gonna get fucking killed dude one fucking dude

one dude just lifted up his thing and there was a gun he goes no no no no he goes homie homie it's a video it's a video it's like somebody's gonna get fucking killed doing that all for all for dumb internet shit all for fucking followers and the other thing too is you don't have any respect for that person that is living that life like he's out there every day and that guy could get killed and all of that type of stuff and like if you actually read up on um all this stuff that has been done to black people like i started reading all this dude and the stuff that they just don't even talk about and they just they just wipe it all out it's um like if i was running this country like i would have people read about the achievements

of black people after the civil war and before um segregation and how that whole thing went down and how hard black people were crushing it and that these racists couldn't white people couldn't fucking handle it and had to so-called you know you know put them in their place where white people thought that they should have been that's why like my whole time when I was growing up they would some black person would accomplish something and they'd be like this is the first you know black person in the house representative in this state since you know in in 80 years and blah blah i remember that could be like a little question being like how the did that happen 80 years ago like i didn't think it ever happened because they ignored that whole thing occasionally they'll do stories about you know like tulsa

oklahoma and stuff like that black wall street stuff like that like out here same thing happened you know down along the beach that they were allowed to just sort of be free and they were crushing it doctors lawyers they were politicians they were winning office they were then because that's another thing too that like racists like to say is like why don't they assimilate it's like they did okay but they were crushing it to the point that they were passing a lot of, you know, white people, regular white people and stuff like that. And it was making them realize that they weren't as special as, you know, white people. You know, that that lie that, you know, you're this special person and God is white and, you know, he likes you the best and all that. It's just like, oh no, this was all bullshit. And it was kind of like all they had, all they had

was that I'm better than you. And they just did absolutely fucking horrific, horrific, horrific fucking things. And they're still dealing with the trauma that, and nobody goes down to help the neighborhoods. And then years later, later classic abusive behavior after you abuse people you blame them and then they go they're prone to violence they don't want to assimilate Baba Baba Baba Baba Baba and all of this fucking shit and um you know everything all of that shit just doing experiments on them like they're fucking lab rats just giving them syphilis and stuff dude it is the most evil a lot of that stuff i had to like put the book down a bunch of times and just being like this is like so it's horrifying horrifying

jesus yeah and then and then you get to watch politicians we're the beacons of freedom everybody looks to us it's like yeah the nazis look to us to watch politicians. We're the beacons of freedom. Everybody looks to us. It's like, yeah, the Nazis look to us to see what we did to the fucking Native Americans when they were trying to deal with their air quote problem. Dude, it is fucking like. But it's also like I've read enough, too. I also don't subscribe to that shit when people, oh, man, white people are evil and blah, blah, blah. It's like, no, white people, what you're seeing was certain. And I'm not saying all white people are evil and blah blah blah it's like no white people what you're seeing was certain and i'm not saying all white people but so you're basically seeing human beings with

unchecked power what they're gonna do so everybody should see that when you look over both sides you should oh that would be me you know the gangbangers and all that shit that would be me if what was done to their race was done to my race and like i never sub you know i don't subscribe to that thing like you know like the trading places thing or if you just take a drug dealer and if you gave them the opportunity of a white person you know they'd be a doctor or a lawyer it's like oh yeah or they'd be running a corporation and pouring shit into the water supply. They could do that. Because I feel like that liberal ideology is also racist because in a way you're saying white people are perfect and none of them are doing anything wrong. And it's like, no, there's plenty of pieces

of shit white people. So it's just like, he could become a doctor or a lawyer or he could run a Ponzi scheme, Paul, and steal your fucking retirement and look i think the bottom line is i think that there's good people and bad people and i think if you're raised right i think parents are a big part of it dude at the end of the day you shouldn't be going into that neighborhood and turning their life and death struggle into a fucking joke so you can get likes on fucking instagram i think that that's what i was trying to say no no dude the guy goes what the fuck he goes you know what the fuck you're doing out here like you went up to this black dude and the black dude's trying to be nice to him and he's like

hey dude what's up and he's he's living that life he's actually helping that kid out he's he's he's living and and the kid's looking at him just walking up and down going you know like that and the guy goes yo and the guy tries saying like is there a problem like is it and then he was like what are we doing here and then it got real serious and it goes no no no there's a camera's a camera it's like it's almost like it's silly man it's well i've seen people that are aware of those prank things and they still beat the fuck out of the guy oh they go i don't give a fuck yeah there's a camera's coming goes yeah i don't give a fuck about your stupid bullshit it starts beating them up in walmart and shit yeah and that's where i i kind of look at it like, yeah, well, yeah, you deserve that. Yeah.

Dude, you know what one of the funnier ones I saw was? You can't do that, man. Dude, I know people have ripped this off, but the first time, I didn't even see it. You know the comedian Talent, right? Yeah. He told me this story. He had me dying laughing. This guy had a spray bottle that was like he warmed it up a little bit,

and he'd walk up behind people in – Oh, like he sneezed? Yeah, you go, that's true. And he'd go like that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. People would be, dude, what the – I mean, I can't believe that guy didn't get the fucking shit kicked out of him.

Yeah, I saw one guy get that done. And he goes, what the? And he's like, I'm getting security. And it was like during COVID, which was fucked up. You know, it was like during COVID. So people had masks. So he would hit the back of your neck. And people were freaking the fuck out.

People will do anything, man. That's what I've learned about the internet. What I've learned about the internet is people are desperate, man. Oh, there's some comedians out there, Bill. What I've learned about the internet is people are desperate, man. Oh, there's some comedians out there, Bill. There's some comedians out there that'll fucking, uh,

you know, you don't know what they'll do. You don't know what they'll do or say. Oh, there's a debt. I mean, the amount of hail Mary's being thrown by people, which you don't need to do.

You don't. That's where you could do the work. And you could really like enjoy, you know, cause you really don't know as where you or you could do the work and you could really like enjoy you know because you really don't know as much as you know you're on like a path or whatever like say the path i'm on i really don't know what's going to happen next and that's kind of like uh the fun and the anxiety of it but i do know that the worst thing you can do is try to force a moment. Yes. Because people are too smart.

They're going to know that that's what it is. It's going to come off as phony. And then, I don't know. It's a weird thing. Like as much, I don't know. I think people are way smarter than they get credit for as far as like when they're watching something as far as whether they're gonna you know realize it's fake or not or something like that we just sort of focus on the lunatic smart people smart people yeah smart people look at something and they go oh this is bullshit or they go i'm saying just like fucking average like an average regular guy like

myself right didn't do that well in high school, figured out something he was good at, you know, doesn't quite understand the definition of meta, you know, like me, right? Like I could tell if I'm watching something, it starts to feel like this feels like planned or I'm not, I'm not, because that it goes beyond, you know, you being able to go two plus two is four. It's like the vibe. It's kind of like a crowd where a crowd can sense you're nervous. It's like nervous when you're on stage, like subconsciously, like not even being aware

that they're doing it. And then it affects them and it becomes this, this mood in the crowd that you created and you have to do something else to help them fucking relax. And then it was funny as everybody in the crowd who now has that information, some people feel bad for you. And then other people see blood in the water and they start heckling or whatever. And then it becomes like a, you know, crapshoot.

One thing that is very funny. I don't understand it. Let's talk about liars for a second, because dude, a pathological liar, as much as it's fucked up and wrong. And dude, there's something hilarious about a dude going, no, no, dude. Then a knife fight broke out. And then I, and like, everybody knows it did like those dudes that do that shit, where it's just like, no, dude, we were all there, dude. I put, he started shooting back, dude. dude and you're just like and his friends going like no dude that never happened that absolutely like there's something like a comic he had this bit my boss said this and then i said that and then my boss said this wait who was it who is it so i punched

him in the face i used to always like sit there going like you didn't punch him in the face what's funnier is you wanted to punch him in the face but you had too much to lose what's funnier is what you did afterwards when you were alone replaying that in your head and then saying all this shit that you wish just said that's that's what's funnier i think yeah dude i don't want to be the i don't want to be the fucking stand-up comedy police here though telling people how they should do bits but i think no no no i'm not even talking about comedy i'm talking about just pathological liars in life is i'm not even talking about standout i'm talking about like in life like when people like do my friend just so you know he makes shit

up and like you don't know the guy yet and the guy shows up and he ends up being a nice guy like hey man nice to meet you and then he just. I remember I was knocking doors in Queens, phone cable, internet, knocking doors at night. And a big deal for us was lunch. And like either after we were done knocking, we would go to like a bodega in Queens or something. We would eat. And this one dude's like, man. And the other dude called it out. This guy goes, man.

He goes, fuck the cops, man. He goes, fuck the police. He goes, me and my friends. He goes, we used to show on the bag of coke and then hop a fence. And the other dude just goes like, no, you didn't. You didn't show the cops the coke. And the kid was like a street kid from Queens. He knew it was a lie.

But he was just one of those guys. Yeah, man, we didn't give a fuck. We showed the cops and ran. It was like, no, you absolutely didn't do that on the streets. Because if you get caught, you're going to jail for like no you absolutely didn't do that on the streets because if you get caught you're going to jail for you you didn't do that i had a i had somebody in the business tell me one time they were like oh yeah dude uh those agents guy was trying to manage me or something he goes i got agents to come and look at you in montreal and i go nah they weren't there they left i saw them leave they left they left before before it was at that supper. And he goes, he goes, no, no, no. They were there. They were there.

And I go, I didn't do that. No, no, no. I saw them. I saw them leave. No, no, no, no, no. They were there. And I was just like, oh, my God, dude, you're lying to my face. You're lying to my face right now. You put up my face. I saw that happened to me a long time ago at the Laugh Factory. Oh, yeah? In this comedian, Ruben Paul, we had this showcase. We had the same agent, and he tried to act like there was all these people here to see us. And we got off stage.

We were all hyped and stuff. Like, where are they? And he was like, it was almost like he was coked up. He's like, oh, man, they loved it. They left. We're going to set up meetings and blah, blah, blah, blah. You know what was funny? We were just going like, they left? And he was coked up. He's like, oh, man, they loved it. They left. We're going to set up meetings and blah, blah, blah, blah. You know what was funny? We were just going like, they left?

And he was like, yeah. And he was trying to keep the plate spinning with the energy. And we were just sitting there looking at him going like, OK. All right. He knew that we knew. Oh. And he was still trying to stay up here, trying to drag us up there. And we just stayed down there.

And he left. I remember we looked at reuben me and reuben just looked at each other and we just started laughing being like there was we didn't even say to each other there was nobody there we both just it was funny because we walked out and he did the lie to us at this to both of us at the same time oh and i was too early in my career to have the balls to be like dude you're fucking lying to me right now i just i did the more like you know i just showed it on my face and he was doing it the guy walked out of the laugh factory and then me and ruben looked at each other and we both just started laughing um because it literally it got embarrassing oh and he and you saw him overcompensating with the it was great it's great you're like oh big things big things oh thanks guys hey I got one for you what's the

I don't know if you want I don't know if you want to say this. I'm going to give you one though. What's the craziest thing you've called? I guess what's the most honest you've been. So if you weren't young, if you weren't young and you actually, you and Ruben looked at the guy and you go, nah, do we know your bullshit? Have you done anything?

What's the craziest thing you've done as far as actually calling somebody on going? No, you're lying. Have you done something like that? Uh, yeah, I just killed him. I know. killed i just do it i don't remember it though the first thing i thought of i went to billy joel and stevie nicks at sofi stadium me and josh adamires and just had a fucking blast dude they both killed it they were amazing and uh this guy came up to me and he goes he goes hey man he goes can i get a picture

and i was like yeah sure he goes he goes is this he goes is this is this cool or is it annoying i was like it's both it's like it's annoying because i'm at a concert but it's cool that you give a fuck about me and then he goes like oh it's great because my daughter i just go dude i go i don't need a whole fucking backstory. Come on, man. Take the picture. Fucking Stevie Nicks is on. And he laughed.

But the thing is, is like I was breaking his balls. I wasn't like really being a dick, but I was kind of like I laughed at Josh. I go, dude, how great is it that I kind of established myself as an asshole that trashes everything that I, so I can be that honest. Cause he kind of loved it. He like was, I mean, he was like laughing through all of it. There was something.

Oh dude, I remember one. I remember one, but I can't say it on here because yeah. Well, I got one that I got one that I will. I got one that I will say on here. Cause I don't give a fuck.

I, but I'm not going to mention Paul. You got to give a fuck a little bit because you know, it is a game you do have to play. No, but I'm not I'm not going to use any names. But this is a good one. Don't be a martyr. So so I turn off your mic to spite your mic stand. I open I open up for a legendary comedian that you know everybody knows it in atlanta and we have a we have a you know we have a thing we have a good time whatever and i get a phone call

late the following week from a woman who works with this person and And she says, Hey, Paul, I understood you were working with so-and-so he's having problems in his casino hotel with the internet. I was wondering if you could go there and help him. Now I say, Oh, I'm sorry. There must be some confusion. I said, I was just with him in Atlanta. I'm home now back in New York. I'm not in the casino with, Oh my God, I'm so sorry. I didn't know. He told me that you guys work together. It was blah, blah, blah. Great. So anyway, I run a club. I run a club and I'd love to, I'd love to have you. There's a great one, dude. She goes, I'd love to have you, uh, you know, if you wanted to come and feature or something. And I was like, Oh my God.

I was like, I heard about that room. I'd love to do that room. Cause yeah. She goes, we, when you're in town or whatever, I said, yeah. Can I reach out and get some? Yeah, absolutely. Really, really nice. Right? Yeah, we'll be in touch. I call a month later. I say, hey, this is Paul Verzigan.

I don't know if you remember, but I know you work with so-and-so. You called and asked if I could help with him in the casino. I wasn't there. I was like, anyway, I'd love to do the room you had mentioned. And she just goes, why wouldn't I just have locals here why would I have somebody fly here and do that right no this is great dude and I go oh you oh because you had mentioned she goes yeah no we have great local talent here like I don't know what like I mean dude just like as rude as could be and I'm going like oh because you had me yeah

i mean like i don't know why i would do that like you know we have great but you know blah blah blah and it was so cold and rude and boom fast forward three years later i'm at jfl and i'm doing a tv spot for jfl i think it was on kevin hart, Kevin Hart's LOL thing that they, that they shoot there. And you know, the way, when you go to JFL, they hire somebody to go with a certain like a van. And when you're in the van, there's somebody there and they kind of take notes of your set and go over. If you should say this on TV, whatever.

So I'm in the van and Adam Ray is in the van and there's other, I remember Adam Ray was talking about you and I was mentioning, well, you know, we're talking to him and, and there were other comedians in the van. Now I'm a little more established at the time. I think I had a special or about to do my first special and my, my album was out and I was JFL for the third time. And, you know, so some people knew you knew me a little bit, but I was just a little more confident.

And all of a sudden the person that's assigned to me is that woman. And she shows up with a notepad and she gets in the van and she's sitting next to me and the van is filled. Josh Adam Myers might have been there. Aaron Bird. There's a bunch of us. Adam Ray. And she sits right next to me, dude. Ask Adam Ray about it, dude. He said it's one of those gangster things. She sits next to and she goes hey you know i'm so and so and i go oh no i know who you are and she goes oh really and the whole van gets i go yeah man you were really really rude and disrespectful to me one time man and i didn't forget it i go i actually called and i told her everything right there and she just goes oh and i go yeah it was it wasn't cool or something dude and i just looked ahead and dude when i fucking tell you it was a fucking dude not only it was the greatest thing then i did my run through it it was fine i crushed the tv taping never see her or talk to her about notes never ever once i was done she's sitting in the back never went up there got in the van went back to the fucking hotel dude i just looked at her go and i did it in such a nice way i go i go yeah man you really like it was it

was hurt i said something like yeah you were really rude to me one time man and it would dude it was fucking the greatest feeling dude what did she say did she say nothing during the van ride she was just like oh i didn't you know and just very kind of yeah and she just said nothing dude it was the fucking best dude adam ray they were just like oh shit dude like i didn't oh dude it was i'd be honest with you dude that was a feeling that like you don't get a lot in this business and i know you know this business is a lot of swallowing hard taking shit feeling like shit being and and and the one time to just be like, no man, you fucking were wrong. And what you did was wrong and shitty. And now you're here at some fucking big thing that you think you have a

clipboard. You're going to tell people doing TV. Fuck. It was the best. It was the best dude. And some people need it, dude. I love guys that go,

no, you're lying. You're lying. That didn't happen. I love that shit, dude. And you know what? No,

dude, it doesn't like like you know what it is is it's fun to say that and everything but like you know i i got to the point where i'm just like oh yeah all right and then it's just like okay that person's foolish you just you kind of move on no not this time she needed to remember i'm not saying dude most of my shit now is me just fucking uh this case this kid came up to me people gonna think i'm an asshole because i always just tease people when they come like i'm just i'm i'm fucking around i'm obviously happy they know who i am and they buy tickets or whatever, but like, I just tease them, right? So this guy, I was at this retirement party for this guy, and this kid comes up to me.

He goes, oh, hey, man, you know, I'm sorry, you know, fellow Boston guy, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I just had to say hello and da-da-da-da-da-da. And I said, oh, man, thanks, you know, that was cool. That was cool, right? So then, you know, the retirement thing ends. I want to go up and talk to the guy my buddy who's retiring right and before I get up there this fucking guy comes up a second time and he goes hey man and he goes to shake my hand again he goes you know I gotta I gotta say

the whole time I was shaking your hand I was thinking like man this guy must just fucking hate this you know people coming up to him and I just looked at him I go you know what dude it's not the handshake it's not so much the handshake as it is the never-ending conversation afterwards and he literally went like this he went and then he threw his head back and laughed and I laughed but I felt like it was more like he got something like oh yeah I can't you know Bill Burr told me to go fuck himself because they they say that to me yeah yeah i was on i actually told this story at the end of my podcast i was on a movie set one time right doing my little three lines and i was there for only like five days and like in like four different occasions somebody was driving by and saw me and they were going like hey billy freckle tits go fuck yourself

and i would just turn around i wasn't even i was so used to i'd be like hey how you doing right i mean dude hey billy red nuts go fuck yourself you bald cunts right i mean hey thanks for listening right and by like the fourth one this actress was like like trying not to laugh because she felt bad they were ripping on me so bad and she was going like your fans like it's weird they like love you but they say the meanest to you and i didn't even notice i was so dude because every time somebody writes me in they come up with a new nickname an insulting nickname for me So that's sort of the relationship. I kind of have and it's I actually love it because

No funny nothing worse than somebody just sitting there fucking Complimenting you and there's no way to get out of it. You just said oh, thank you. Yeah, okay And I don't know i'm not good with that i saw eddie eddie murphy one night they had a night honoring him yeah and it was like three like what it was like really long and he came up on stage he goes wow man because this this was like somebody singing happy birthday to you for three hours straight oh my god i totally knew what he meant. Yeah, it's so great.

Happy birthday. And you're like, all right, thank you. Thank you. And you just totally want to be like, all right, stop. You know the way we got to be good? We got to be good at, like, cutting it short. There's also fans that get it. Where a fan's like, hey, dude. Like, I love the fan that goes up.

They shake your hand. And they just go, hey, dude, saw you, like, two times already. Dude, love what you're doing, man. Love. We'll keep coming. Thank you. And you go, and you go hey thanks oh that's the best and they leave they grabbed and they leave then you got the drunk though who's like no dude dude when you you remember you were in milwaukee seven years ago yeah dude have a good i gotta take this picture oh yeah none of those guys yeah then they go like no get the fuck out you're not walking away i've

seen you like seven times fucking guy's gonna walk away that's the way they're just spitting on you and shit oh yeah yeah i will say no somebody's like spitting on me but dude you're fucking spitting on me i had a guy just wouldn't stop because i'll show you spitting yeah you got to take pictures of that fuck you you. You're taking a picture with me. And you're like, yeah. Those guys always make me laugh because they remind me of guys I grew up in the neighborhood. And they're good hearted. They don't mean.

No, because they're also funny because they're also insulting you. They come up. Look at this fucking guy. Don't even think you're fucking walking away without taking a picture of me, you fucking asshole. Come on, Karen. Take the picture. Look at this fucking guy. He't even think you're fucking walking away without taking a picture of me, you fucking asshole. Come on, Karen. Take the picture. Look at this fucking guy. He's staying.

Oh, he's got a suit on. Oh, he's getting too big for us. He's just doing the – you feel like you're in a Bronx tale. What I do miss, what I do miss, or I should say what is needed is a Nick DePaul, rest his soul, a Patrice O'Neal. I really do think guys like that, if they kind of saw what was going on with some people,

that there would be call-outs or at least be jokes where everybody at least knew what the fuck they were talking about. And I think, and I don't mean in a bully way. I mean in a don't fucking take shortcuts way does that make sense oh yeah yeah no I think he would definitely

oh Patrice would yeah he would I mean I will say you know nah I'm not gonna say cause I just don't I don't wanna I don't trash I'll call you up but I I don't like openly fucking I'm not gonna criticize comedians or no no no no I we said Paul I would

become what I don't like I can't stand when I see fucking comics trashing other comics it's like I get it because they're young because I probably would have done it if I was young and social media exists but it's just like if you understand the level of fucking shit that you're gonna have to I get it because they're young because I probably would have done it if I was young and social media exists. But it's just like if you understand the level of fucking shit that you're going to have to take doing this stuff like you don't need extra shit. We don't need to be going at each other. And, you know, I understand if something fucked up happens. Yeah. By all means.

But my thing is, if you weren't fucking there fucking there like why are you chiming in on this because like stop acting like you care you're fucking trying to just get your name thrown into this so you can increase the amount of you know social media followers you have there's a lot of that man yeah no for sure what i said i wasn't do. Yeah. Andrew, how are we doing on time? We're good? What we got? Yeah, we did like an hour, huh? Giving some stories.

What do you people want from us? You got the NCAA tournament? Tell you what, my New York Knicks. My New York Knicks, dude. Dude, the Knicks are here. They're here. We did it. Oh, they've been there, Paul.

They've been there for a long time. Just laying in the weeds. know what bill we got him right where we want him 18 years laying in the weeds he's starting to get up i'll tell you the bruins and celtics are putting on such a display man like there's actually people already starting to put the pressure on the playoffs well it doesn't mean nothing i love people say that doesn't mean nothing if you don't do it in a playoffs it's like yeah obviously obviously everybody knows that jason tatum i will say this i haven't had fear and and as a nick fan believe me we all there's certain guys you fear there was obviously michael but then there was reggie and then there were certain people tatum gives me the feeling I get I used to

get when Reggie had the ball around the perimeter like when Tatum's got the ball and he's up there he's so good dude Jason Tatum and how cool is it for you you got to see him do him and Jalen Brown have fucking ice water no they're dudes Marcus you're gonna win a title I I wish I just wish I had the time to watch more because like these are like some legendary you know teams that um the Bruins and Celtics have right now so like I you know I pay attention to box scores and that type of stuff but like uh, you know, got to be a good dad first. Dude, I feel fucking like an asshole. I, you know, I usually have to get my daughter to school by 830.

I woke up at 830, not thinking like the time change I was going to oversleep. And, uh, fucking chaos. Oh, dude, I told the story about when I was drunk at your place and you saved my life. Dude, by the way, Bill Burr saved my fucking life. Dude, I was so hammered. Real quick, we go to a Ranger game and we get the royal treatment. And dude, I'm drinking vodka, this bitch. And then we went out afterwards.

It was the first time, dude, me and you, it was the first time, me and you were bumping into each other's shoulders. It was like Rocky II when they both went down. I don't know how we didn't both go down. And then we, you start going to bed and I'm on the couch and I go, no, no,

dude, I got to go home. I go, my wife, I got to go home. I got to put the kids on the bus at seven, 10 at seven in the morning. And you go,

Paul, Paul, you, you gotta, you can't drive. And I go, no. And,

and dude, I was so fucked up. I didn't even realize what I was saying. You go, no, no, you got to just sit down for a second, dude. Seven twenty seven a.m. The phone. I look at it.

It's my wife and she's going, where the fuck? I'm about to tell your son you're not coming out. This and that. It was the most horrifying thing that has ever happened to me. You should have said to her you would do that before the cops called you and confirmed that I was dead? This is why I don't come home! But anyway,

don't feel bad about getting up at 830 because at least you got her to the bus, right? There's no bus. I got to drive her to school. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. You know, she has a little more dad time you make her a waffle oh usually my son wakes up first and i just and he wakes me up that's my alarm clock he wakes up he just goes dada get out

the little kids have no like idea that you're tired at all it's the funniest oh he doesn't understand yeah i'm like all right buddy all right and it just goes dad i'll be like i'm coming what time is that is that like six or seven well with the time change now i mean he didn't do it until like uh which would have been 7 30 is now 8 30. but he usually does it around seven which would be eight but um no me and my wife we had you know we had a great night last night we went out to uh we go out to dinner once a week where you know you do that we're gonna start doing that every week but we've been doing it like the last three weeks just having like a great time and uh then she came home and watched watched the oscars with her dad and you know i don't know what i mean i went to bed i felt like a regular time i just fucking passed out dude yeah i just woke up and i just said i go nia i go it's 8 30.

she's like what i go it's 8 30 and she goes what day is it i'm like monday school day and she just went and then it was just that energy oh and dude all right before i get out of bed man i have to stretch you know what i mean that the the achilles and all i gotta point the toes at the knees and all that shit. I got to do my, all my old man. And I had to like hop right up and just like hobbling old dad, trying to get out of his pajamas. Dude, you're going to love this.

You're going to love this. I, I, I hit Stacy on the ass. Right. I just put my hand on my wife's ass and she had like really thin. She had like really thin, like pajamas and I touched her ass. And then all of a sudden she lays down in bed.

She's like, I want to watch a movie. So since I touched her ass, I felt like, all right, maybe this, this, I felt like, you know, I got a little frisky. So I just, I go and I lay in bed. I lay in bed. Yeah. I watch a movie. I've seen the third base coach going like this. No, no, no, no.

Watch. Helmets coming off. You're running into home. Pete Rose. So I was like, oh, dude, oh dude she let me you know I touch her ass I was like I feel maybe this so she gets in bed she starts watching a movie and I was like I'll lay in bed next to you and she goes oh my god she goes I don't know what the fuck is wrong and she just goes into the bathroom and then she came back and she's like i'm dizzy dude i got a i got a headache and i just go yeah you know what then i'm gonna watch a movie downstairs i went from like yeah you know what that's a good idea let's watch a movie here

to like as soon as i knew that she's totally old i got a headache to get out of it I think she wasn't no she hasn't been feeling well but when I touched her ass I thought she'd let it go I thought she would deal with it like I thought she would be like all right you know but so then she's like I'm gonna lay down and watch a movie the way you described that I was like I thought she'd let it go I thought she'd deal with it you sounded like you just grabbed the ass of somebody you didn't know you know I grabbed her ass I thought she'd let it go I thought she'd deal with it you sounded like you just grabbed the ass of somebody you didn't know you know i grabbed her ass i thought she'd let it go i thought she'd deal with it like hey you know she's like ah you know i want to rest i'm just going to stay in the bedroom and watch a thing but i touched her ass and she was i was like i'll stay with you and she

goes okay but that wasn't i basically i took the wrong cue she was basically like oh lay with me as i don't feel well and when I realized that's what it was, I was like, I'm going to watch the Knicks and Lakers. The umpire called foul ball. Paul just like slowly walked back. No, the umpire did this. And then all of a sudden he went, no, no, no, no, no. He corrected himself.

I got halfway there. You ever see a run and do that? He's got his. You got around the catcher, but then you had to come back because you missed the plate. And the catcher tagged you. You got one of the catcher, but then you had to come back because you missed the plate. And the catcher tagged you. You got one of these, Paul.

Oh, shit. Yeah, dude, I stole second and I was out by a mile. Oh, shit. What are you going to do? Sometimes you got to take a shot. You know, you got to know your wife. The ball was in shallow right. Paul said, I'm on this one. Shallow right. wife the ball was in shallow right paul said shallow right it's gonna take a perfect throw

nothing's funnier than when you think you're gonna get lucky and you hang out and then you realize you're not and you try to fucking retreat i take care of the cat actually i gotta i gotta get shit downstairs she's like all right she's turned when you were like a kid you thought when you got married that that meant you could just get laid whenever you wanted i will say and you actually had a choice in that you didn't understand that it was going to be still like you're at a singles bar hey how you doing there sweetheart i go fuck yourself all right i gotta i gotta give stacy credit for one thing dude she never we're married 15 years she never ever like would say no or turn

down if i like try to you know it tries until i think the second kid was born. And then it was just like, it was just, it was just tough. So I got to give her credit for that, dude. You know? Yeah, she played a lot of years in the league with you, Paul. Some women do the opposite. You know, some women while you're dating, they're just like fucking go nuts. And then as soon as it's over, you know, fucking sin. It's over.

You know? Fucking sin. Yeah, but I always feel like you're doing something at that point. If they don't want to get with you, there's something wrong with the relationship. What do you mean? Oh, I know what you mean. You know what I mean? Like, you repulse them. There's something you're doing.

There's resentment at that point. If you, yes. If there's, if there's like, if your wife is repulsed by you, it's, it's. They don't want, you know, they're not in the mood. They're not in the mood. But if it's just like, they're still not in weeks go by and months. And it just becomes like this fucking chore. And they're not really into it.

Like, it's like, all right, what, what am I doing? Like, what's going on? What's going on with you? You know? Yeah. They start working late. Oh dude. I put out a clip today and I was right. So I go like this last night. I mean, I was, I'm in Chicago, right? At Zany's by the way, thanks to everybody who came out, man. I sold out the whole weekend for the first time in my career in Chicago. So thank you.

But I'm at Zany's and I look at this woman and I go, are you guys married? And she goes, yeah, we are. Right. And when she said that, I go, oh boy. I go, she's saying it like that. I go, that's, I go, yeah, we fucking are. Right. I do that shit on stage.

And then I go, I go, that sounds like some marriage counseling shit. And I, out of nowhere, dude, I just go, are you guys, it's on, the clip is on now. I go, are you guys in marriage counseling by any chance? And the buddy with them rats him out. He goes, oh yeah, they are. And the place goes fucking nuts. And I go, I fucking knew it by the way she answered. And dude, everybody, but dude, she went like this.

She goes, oh yeah, we are. And I could tell this was like a, when you looked at them, you were like, oh, this is answered and dude everybody but dude she went like this she goes oh yeah we are and i could tell this was like a when you looked at them you were like oh this is a trying to work it out date and you see it and it was it was her idea too i think i think marriage counseling was her right the way oh yeah we are yes yeah yes i think it was her yeah she was like oh we she said oh yeah, we are. Yes. Yeah. Yes. I think it was her. Yeah. She was like, oh, we,

she said, oh yeah, we are as if to say like, I don't know, like we're, this is not going to go good. I felt bad when I nailed it because everyone went nuts

and the friend, then I just looked at it and I go, this guy's a fucking rat. I go, this guy's a fucking rat. I heard from a marriage counselor that a very large portion

of the people that go in for marriage counseling it's actually it's a lot of times the one one spouse knows that they're going to get a divorce they just need to go through a few sessions to show that they tried and it's very common for them like usually for the woman because women initiate divorces in a higher rate for whatever reason uh and so that they get a fucking payout, Andrew. Sure.

Like a guy doesn't want to divorce because he's going to lose everything. Yeah. I mean, there's the occasional scenario where the woman's making more money than the guy. And then feminists, I don't want to fucking hear from you because that's what the, that's literally your ideology that you don't make as much money as men. Right.

And like, then I think that they're trying. I will say this, dude. If you're a guy and you're taking fucking alimony, I mean, Jesus. Like, your man card is over. Get a fucking job. Yeah. Yeah, but if you're getting a job. I expect that behavior out of a woman.

I saw last night, like, my wife was watching Real Housewives. And she goes, no, if he was doing that, I would have told him, get a divorce. Take all this fucking money. And I just muttered out of my breath, take all this fucking money. Why don't you get a fucking job? Why don't you get a fucking job? Like, that whole fucking thing that they just look at us, dude. Like, they're just going to clean us out and take all our money listen i get that i mean that's business that's what people do

but the fact that they can just be so shamelessly like that dude there's something hilarious about a guy getting alimony just going out with his boys ah it's coming it's not giving a fuck. Guys going to Vegas. Every first. We're going to the game. I'm going to be on for two. And guess what? The game's on, Cheryl. You got a divorce and you started taking alimony. Like, that would be hard for me.

I wouldn't be able to look at you the same way. Like, Paul, what are you doing? What if she was worth billions, though? Huh? She was worth, like, billions. If she was worth billions and I didn't do anything to create those billions and I was just some jerk off sitting on a couch, I'd be like, hey, I got to tell you, man, this was the most fun ride I've ever –

hanging out with a billionaire has been fucking great. You know? I just – What if you're a good dad and you come home and when you come home she's just fucking just going off on two dudes worth a billion dollars i mean i'm gonna divorce her but i'm not gonna take her fucking what is her fucking money have to do with anything it's so true am i literally gonna be like know what, honey? I supported you when you came up with that billion dollar idea that I could never come up with. And I was like, you can do

it, honey. Rah, rah, sis, boom, bah. And I should get $500 million. Dude, they are fucking shameless. Like the level of fucking credit and all of that crap. Dude, I'm telling you. No, you're right there should be a salary cap all right if you marry some fucking genius okay that like you know that was like i don't know like i draw the line if the guy was physically abusive and beating the shit out of her and all that which they're all gonna say um but like it like that that that i understand but that fucking bullshit where like dude tiger woods somebody sent me an article his girlfriend he broke up with his girlfriend and she's suing him yeah and it's like maybe that's why he broke up with you because he felt that gold digging vibe and she as you see what she asked for in her

mind it was like the perfect amount she asked for like 30 million she just asked see what she asked for in her mind it was like the perfect amount she asked for like 30 million she just asked for like she asked for a little chunk you know she's asking for 30 because she's hoping he's gonna settle out of court for five fucking unbelievable man i know right no you're right this is my thing paul good it. All of this shit talking about predators. They're acting like there's not female predators out there. And then the classic thing is when you see that scenario, women go, well, he shouldn't have married her. Hey, you shouldn't have married the guy. What the fuck is wrong with you? Yeah. Yeah.

Classic, Paul. Ah, the water flows one way, doesn't it? It's a fixed game. It's a fixed game. It's a fixed game. You think the NBA is rigged? Oh, Paul, you've been sending me some clips lately. Jesus.

Listen, listen. Men have been the Sacramentoramento kings of 2006 forever oh my god yeah man no it's it's not fixed it's the it's what the players say it's not fixed he goes there's two assholes that fucking are like those ego guys it's like when a cop pulls you over and he wants to be a fuck because he got bullied or what he said like there's that's one of many problems that they have no i know but he goes he goes why there's a guy that every time chris paul plays chris paul loses there's another guy like every because they don't like him paul i gotta be honest with you that that fucking that last lakers celtics thing where they called 30 something fouls on the Celtics and then in the teens on the Lakers like we were out there and we weren't like hacking them it was just like

they put them on the foul line like I don't know what happened but the referees just decided you're not winning this fucking game and they did it in a game seven in front of fucking everybody dude i haven't told the nba is filthy it's fucking filthy they fucked the sacramento kings like and i'm not saying that they haven't fucked the lakers either i'm saying like this there's something like the level of power like that a referee has it's the only game dude like you can you can put the other team give them a free fucking shot. You can take stars out of the game. Two technicals, you're gone. I give you two quick fouls, you're on the bench in the first quarter.

Baselines, your friend. There's all kinds of shit that you can do. It's an unbelievably rigged game, and those guys are all listed as entertainment leagues. None of them will say that they're a sports league because they don't want the government coming at them when they get busted for fixing games. I 100% believe that. I think the NFL is the most. I think NFL, NHL are legit. Baseball does it in different ways. I feel they juice up the ball.

They let steroids run rampant I love how there's this surge now people saying like there was nothing better than baseball and people weren't like roids and stuff dude there's a conspiracy theory out there that that I don't believe um because I don't feel like he got nearly the media attention that he should have, because they were saying that they were sending juiced up balls for the Yankees game so Aaron Judge could do it. I would believe that in a second because it's a billion-dollar business, but he didn't get any – I was talking about the government. This guy's getting no press for this.

He's getting no coverage for this he's getting no coverage for this no I feel like if they were doing that to gas it up then there would have been the media coverage it would have it would have happened um but I I definitely think that they've you know they've juiced up the ball they've let players get fucking juiced up and shit like that the NBA is though the one where I feel um my my conspiracy theory and this is all it is you know what the fuck do I know I just feel like the golden age of the 80s where you actually it looked like two pile on teams the Celtics and the Lakers but it wasn't it was just two incredible fucking GMs that put together these monster teams. And they actually passed.

They always had a hockey. They passed baseball and football and they became the most popular fucking game. They were like, that's what our fan base wants. And I think that that's why they allow, you know, these pile on teams for the most part.

You know what I mean? Every once in a while, that block. I never thought. Yeah. I never thought the Celtics. I never, ever thought teams for the most part. You know what I mean? Every once in a while, they're blocking. I never thought. Yeah, I never thought the Celtics. I never, ever thought or considered the Celtics, even when they got Garnett and Ray Allen as a pile on team.

I didn't. Oh, I 100%, 100%. That's a pile on team. I don't think it is. We went from the worst team in the league to winning it. Kevin McHale was the, was the fucking, the guy over with Minnesota. He gave his Garnett for nobody. Yeah, but I mean.

That's like when that Lakers guy was in the front office of the Grizzlies and they gave him Pau Gasol for nothing. Listen, I think they put together a great team, but like a super team. I mean, Garnett was a little past his prime when he got to you guys, wasn't he? A little bit? No, I mean, he might have was a little past his prime when he got to you guys, wasn't he? A little bit? No, I mean, he might have just been starting to dip. Dude, that guy played with us for a long time after that. I loved Kevin Garnett.

Yeah, I mean, listen, I thought when— Ray Allen? Dude, LeBron James and Dwayne Wade. That's like fucking—that's fucking like—dude, that's like two Hall of Fame, like, top-tier superstars in history. Like, that's bigger like, dude, that's like two Hall of Fame, like top tier superstars in history. Like that's bigger than Jordan Pippen, dude. I mean, that was a great. I hate when fucking people say that.

Say what? Pippen was a draft pick. They drafted him. Other people could have drafted him. It wasn't like people go like, oh, well, fucking Jordan had Dennis Rodman. They had one major fucking free agent signing. The guy won six fucking championships with Bill Cartwright and Luke Longley as his fucking center.

No, no, you're misunderstood. I'm not talking about the pylon. I'm saying the level of talent. I'm not even talking about a pylon team with them. I'm saying better as far as like talent, both of them. I'm not talking about draft or free agent. I'm saying LeBron going to Dwayne.

Crazy. What about the runway thing they did when they signed and they all came out and they had like fucking dry ice shooting out. I was really going like, is this a musical? The worst one ever was when, was when Kevin Durant went to the warriors. fucking dry ice shooting out. I was literally going like, is this a musical? The worst one ever was when Kevin Durant went to the Warriors. Dude, 73-win team.

I was just going to say that, dude. 73-win team, and he left his team. That was 3-1. Dude, if he would have stayed. Yeah, and all the fans missed out on the rematch of the Thunder and that. Like, dude, I don't know like they like like barkley and all those guys say that's bus riding because this thing lebron to me is a champion because he went back when that one he won in cleveland like that's the one he went back far i'll go back okay i did the pylon thing in miami and i'll come back and i'll lead this team and he

beat the warriors in a classic series my favorite NBA finals that I've seen yeah I haven't seen a better one since then I don't think um but I I you know it's just it's a different time Paul this is the thing the kids like it the fans like it you know the DJs throughout the whole fucking game so I mean that's what people want nowadays so that's what they're giving them. Let me ask you a question. What best two do you have other than as far as guys that played together and won championships, level talent,

what best two do you have alongside Jordan and Pippen from when you've been watching basketball, the two guys? Would you say Shaq and Kobe? No, because that was pile on. Shaq – Kobe got drafted by the fucking Charlotte Hornets, and Shaq was an Orlando Magic, and fucking Phil Jackson. The whole fucking team was free agents. Yeah.

So would you say Stockton Malone? Well, I mean, they got to win a championship I know but nobody won one because Jordan took the whole fucking decade away who did Olajuwon have who was Olajuwon's number two oh that was uh not Ralph Sampson that was the Twin Towers in the 80s. I think Olajuwon led those teams. I was doing a lot of stand-up doing that. You're going back home. You know Kenny the Jet Smith? I didn't know this, but Kenny the Jet Smith won two titles with the Rockets. Yeah, you know what?

I'll tell you, my other favorite one was I loved that Detroit Piston team that won in the early 2000s against the lakers oh uh with tayshon prince and all of those guys yeah chauncey billups and rashid wallace that now see that to me was like one of the last old school like just role players and just fucking we're gonna we're just tougher than you are we're mentally tougher than you are that was a really fun fucking team to watch i'm trying to think of the best two players forget draft or free agent two guys that played together for like more than seven years on a team and i don't give a fuck about free agent because anybody once somebody establishes themselves as a star it becomes a money and location game my thing is like a gm sees this and puts it together the the old art

of being a gm which was drafting and shrewd trades not um you know just shuffling around superstars. I'm also, dude, like my NBA knowledge is pretty fucking weak. Magic and Worthy was a good one? Well, Magic and Kareem. I mean, you have arguably, you know, this argument. Oh, my God. What am I talking about? Yeah, Magic and Kareem. Magic and Kareem, you could argue that either one of them is the greatest player of all time.

Yes. That's probably the best. My buddy Rudy Rush was talking the other day going like Kareem won championship in high school. I think he might have won three out of four years or all four years at UCLA. He won with the Bucs. And then he won like five with the fucking Lakers, scored the most points of all time. He did all, I mean, it's unbelievable. That's the answer. That's the answer.

But here's the thing. People would say, well, he was a free agent. Didn't he pile on with the Lakers? It's like the Lakers, people have to, the people don't understand who the Lakers were before Kareem got there. When Kareem got there, the Lakers were a team. They can't beat the Celtics. That's what they were. Here's the thing, dude. They've won 11 championships since him coming there. They won five when he was there.

They won five with Kobe, and then they won one with LeBron. But my thing about the Lakers is I respect them in that they sort of showed, you know, they won the old way and they win the new way. Because, you know, what's funny is everybody I just named, none of them were Laker draft picks. You know? Yeah. As far as LeBron, I mean, not LeBron, LeBron, Kobe, and Kareem.

Like, that's like, they're just sort of the, if you're going to go pile on a team, that's the place to go to. And I don't know. I always equate it to like back when, you know, you had outdoor recess, you know, in grade school, and you started picking up sides. And if it got too lopsided, even as kids, you were like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Even as kids, you'd be like, well, where's the satisfaction if all the best guys are on one team? But I think you answered the question, too. I think it's right. I think the two greatest players to ever play together for a certain amount of time is probably Magic and Kareem. I don't think the league has ever seen anything like those two.

Wasn't there one before that? Wasn't it like Elgin Baylor and somebody else like that? because it was always like a big center was it a chamberlain i don't know my nba knowledge is not is not nothing's gonna be nothing will be magic and kareem as far as those two as far as amount of championships and like like you said that you that's a good point you say that that's pretty and then also the fact that you know when i've heard uh people say who's the greatest person player of all time i've heard kareem's name a bunch of times and i've heard heard magic johnson's name a bunch of time i've heard jordan's a bunch of time i never heard somebody say pippen's the greatest of all time no i've heard kobe bartnick says bartnick says magic. Bartnick thinks magic.

And the fact that you can argue those two, it's got to be them. Well, I think magic was better than Kobe because magic made everybody. Magic had an ability to have people elevate their game. Where Kobe had that reptilian thing that I loved, just like that ice cold thing but like he he didn't have that I'm gonna make you better around me thing yeah like the way the leadership that uh magic yeah like magic literally dude I I mean I could have ran the break and got two points at some point I mean Kurt yeah Kurt Rambis and Michael fake out everybody else I fake out everybody else, I would be wide open. If he did it to me three times,

I'd hit one of the layups. Yeah, Kurt Rambis and Michael Cooper go, dude, he knew when we were open before we did. He said, just catch a lane. He goes, you just catch a fucking lane and magic was gonna hit one of us. Like he was amazing, dude. His highlight reel is more fun than anything.

Yeah, and it was like – the funny thing is they were running a fast break, and I always felt like for him it was still in slow motion. And the fact that he was like 6'9". Like people don't understand. Like the way he handled the ball at 6'9", guys back then didn't do that. Yeah.

And it's the hardest thing ever for people once they once somebody like that shows you that it's possible then everybody starts doing it because he gives them belief and then this guy's genius level of play becomes standard and then young people go well and three six no gives fuck everybody does that now it's like yeah because he showed him it was possible so my thing is whenever they talk about whenever you talk about the greatest of all time for me it can't just be like oh you got all these points and you have all these championships it's got to be influence yeah no you have to change the game yeah you have to do something that people said couldn't be done or didn't even think to think that it was possible and you come in and you fucking do it and then

people are like oh all right like a lot of people now they would go back and look at like jordan's dunks and all his game time dunks and his dunking contest stuff it's like that blew people's minds like if you look at but what you have to do is ignore now and you have to watch dr jay and because he was jordan before jordan and then you got to watch then dominique wilkins who's really underrated yeah and and and doc and uh and and michael Michael Jordan, they came in. Every kid that could fucking dunk went outside with the ball and practiced so they could do it. And then those dunking contest dunks became game time dunks.

Yep. And then they got that little safe space half a circle now where, like, dude, back in the day, that was like fucking, you know, Tree Rollins was there. You know, I'm trying to think. I'm going back with the centers. You know, Kareem would be standing there. If you were going to dunk, they were standing there. And some power forward.

Like, you didn't just – you'd have to dunk on Kareem and Worthy, and they weren't going to let you dunk on him. And fucking nasty-ass Michael Cooper, that guy had a mean streak in his fucking game Moses Malone Daryl Dawkins like they were gonna fuck you up the fucking the Detroit Pistons Bill Lambert you didn't want to leave your feet around that guy but now these guys come in and like my thing now is though is the perimeter game because i i do think these this is the highest level athlete that's ever played in the nba and it's the greatest shooters dude the amount of people that can shoot just as good as larry bird that are in the league right now is fucking ridiculous it's fucking by the way we didn't hurry i would say if i was to say who is the uh

the greatest of all time of this era it's hands down steph curry uh yeah yeah like he he that guy makes fucking shots i've never seen anybody make ever yeah like there's nothing yeah on the regular being guarded. It looks like 20 feet behind the three-point line. It's literally Harlem Globetrotters shit. Yeah. In a fucking game. By the way, we've got to mention Bird and McHale too because those two together were, I mean, they won and they were great.

Those two are up there, I would say, in history and probably in the top ten of two guys together for sure. Yeah, I would put that. in history and probably in the top 10 of two guys together for sure. Uh, yeah, I would put that, but you know, I magic and Kareem were on it. We're on a,

uh, no magic and Kareem's number one for sure. Well, at least it was visually a lot easier to watch. Um, I mean, I got some dates to plug here. Guys got some dates to plug in. guys. Got some dates to plug in.

This was a great one. This was a great one. It gave you a little overtime. Fucking overtime, kid. All right, guys. I will be... Where am I going here? All right.

First of all, yeah, thank everybody in Chicago. Guys, March 30th through April 1st, I'm going to be a providence rhode island comedy connection and it looks like they're gonna sell out so get tickets for that um then i'm being salt lake city uh wise guys comedy club one of my favorite clubs utah uh cannot wait to come back out there that is april 14th and 15th i'm doing one night in denver at the comedy works on the 16th And then we have more dates in Raleigh, Charlotte, Austin, and Tampa. You go to paulverzi.com for all those, but thank everybody

for coming out to the Level Up Tour. I'm having a great time doing the new hour. And Bill, I know you got some, you announced some big dates. Yeah, I do. I got College Station in Texas because I'm going to the Moto gp in austin the motorcycle race after that i got uh i got two shows up in ottawa on april 1st uh springfield massachusetts they're all the dates are up on uh billbird.com check it out old freckles dude i'm rested and relaxed my three months dude this was I might do this every year every year I might just take it off

I mean I don't know if I need to do that every year but I'm definitely going to take a month and a half off every year December's mine December Christmas Pauly's home putting Christmas lights up drinking fucking drinking eggnog for a month.

I'm going to get a green light. I'm going to get a green light. I'm eating gingerbread cookies, eggnog, I'm shoveling. December, I'll put my kids. I'm going to do that this year. Put all green lights up on your house. Hey, Stace, this is what I'm talking about.

This is what I want from you in 2024. All green lights. I don't want to be watching any movies downstairs by myself. Green lights around our door, our bedroom door. All right, guys. That's it, man. This has been Anything Better, episode 76.

We'll be back with, ooh, 77 next time is a good number. We'll be back with that. We will see you guys soon. And that's it. Check out Monday Morning Podcast, VersiEffect, and all of our fucking podcasts. And anything else, Andrew?

No, that's it. Just stay on after. All right. Take care. I like how you ran out of shit to say and then you threw it to Andrew. You're like, anything else, Andrew?

All right. All right, see you later. All like, anything else, Andrew? All right. All right, see you later. All right, everybody. Take it easy. Bye. Bye. Bye. Thank you. you