Anything Better? - Four Hour Vacation

Episode Date: May 7, 2022

Is there Anything Better than Bill & Paul talking about their precious time?

what's up everybody and welcome back to the anything better podcast with your host paul bursey bill burr producer andrew themless out there in beverly hills we are back this week guys we had a little break but but we are back. And you guys are listening to episode 60. Number 60, Paul. 6-0, Bill. The greatest number 60s in football, obviously, Chuck Bednarik. Right? I wouldn't watch a football game today. You paid me. Remember that guy? His fingers were all over the place. He looks like he would just choke. They asked him one time.

What'd you think about today's game? And he was like, I wouldn't watch a football game today. If you paid me, the guy went classic old man. Um, the last time the Eagles won a championship before the last time was with this guy in 1960.

He wore number 60. One of the great players and certainly Eagles of all time. And also Larry Grantham, who I don't know anything about. Paul, here's one you'll never get. What's that? Greatest NBA basketball players that wore number 60. Yeah, it's just not a number that I, I mean, I don't know anybody who wore 60 other than like offensive line.

It was a guy, Jonathan Gibson played two years, six foot two. He went to New Mexico state. He played for Dallas and then played for Boston. I'm trying to see who else. They're just like guys I never heard of. Walt Kirk for the Indianapolis Jets. And Dick Ware, also of the Indianapolis Jets. Let's be honest.

The next, like, 20 episodes, like 60s through 70s, it's just linemen. Yeah, but it's not them. Let's be honest, Paul. Those are some of the fucking guys you win with, though. No, those are the guys you win with. Those are the guys. I'm looking for some. Bill Linkitis, 67.

John Hanna, 73. Leon Gray, 70. Yeah, it was Howie Long, 75. You know me, Bill. I'm a little bit of a diva. I can't wait till we get in the 80s. Oh, then you'll light up again. And then the 90s will be defensive linemen and Wayne Gretzky. Yes. Yes. And then once we get into a hundred, we got to think of something else. We got to

start doing what happened a hundred years ago. We're going to, yeah. Like every hundred, 101. Yeah. Well, we'll figure it out. Before we get started on anything better, we want to thank all of our subscribers and let you guys know we really appreciate it. Keep subscribing to Anything Better and get the Anything Better podcast where you get all your podcasts. Spotify, iTunes, leave comments, rate the show.

It moves the show up. And once the next month goes by, yours truly will go out to LA and I will be in the studio and we will do some with people going, And once the next month goes by, yours truly will go out to L.A. And I will be in the studio and we will do some with people going, when are you and Bill going to sit in the same room? What the fuck? It's not a pandemic. It's like I'm 3000 miles away, but we will do that when I go out there. It is a pandemic. Just nobody cares anymore. Nobody cares. Bill, I got to say, I got one of people is there anything better

yeah then when the defensive player of the year in the nba plays for your team he's out and you already lost game one and then jalen brown comes out and puts on an absolute unconscious clinic for the first half. Tell you what, man, that series is fucking awesome. And that's going to be an amazing, that's really awesome and interesting, especially with smart out. You guys went in like that. Let's have a couple of guys out too. We're both a little banged up. We'll see. I will tell you that Giannis guy there, he's like LeBron. When he gets ahead of steam going,, it's like it's going in.

So if you hack him, it's going to be an on one and one. He's another thing, man, because he can also drive to the hole and make a great pass, too. He's unbelievable. Guy had like a triple. He can also speak Greek, Paul. He's bilingual, too. I mean, this guy, you can't stop him.

He's more Greek than me. He is, actually. No, he really, really is. Oh, I'm not debating it, Paul. You should be ashamed. Here's what I want to know, though, Bill. Here's what I want to know, because I was a little, I got to be honest with you.

It's a little, wasn't too happy. Wasn't too happy. I got to, I got to, here's what happened, Andrew. I'll tell you the story so the listeners could know. You guys know Paulie likes to golf every once in a while. Pauly likes to take out the old wrenches and swing them around a little bit. I played twice this year already. Right? So I get a text message from our friend,

Bill and our friend, Mike Bertolina, and they're holding sticks and they're on the links and their fucking sun is out. And I see palm trees and it's the fucking all things comedy invitational. Now, listen, I wouldn't have been able to have gone, but I was I'm not going to lie. Part of me was a little jealous. I fucking wanted to be there. But I had to ask you, Bill, because I saw one of your putts. I saw you line up for a putt and I watched it. And the thing you almost sunk a good 12 footer just missed it uh how did you play oh I mean I'm terrible did you but did you have did you have fun did you have any good

shots was it like or no I did I did I enjoyed it I enjoyed I like the hang dude but I just like everybody uh you know it's just the whole thing is so outfits the whole thing is just silly i just find the whole thing just silly everybody they're dumb slacks on and they're stupid hats and the level of cheating and all of that shit the breakfast balls the gimmies the mulligans the cheating it's it's funny you said that because I played with a guy recently and he goes like this. And I said, dog leg left. Who's that? 149 years old.

Wait, seven or eight. I go eight. He goes, I go eight. What the fuck? You fucking whore. Fucking three hours of that. I play with a guy. He hit it in the woods and he goes, he goes, he hit it in the woods and he goes, dad, I just dropped with you.

I'll just hit with you. And I'm going, all right. So then we get into the cart. I go, what'd you get? And he scored it as if he was shooting from with me. I want you to be like, well, what about the one that went in the fucking woods? Oh no, dude, it's brutal. I'll tell you, I actually went out with the – I was a great group of guys that I went out with, and they were really good golfers.

I had fun. You know, you get excited. You're fucking, you know, make it go straight away. I had a couple of shots. Nothing to write home about. I got enough hobbies, Paul. I'm not adding skin cancer. The same thing. And if I if I went out, I I would walk the course.

The whole golf cart thing, dude, the doctor told you to go out there and get some exercise so you don't have a fucking heart attack. And then you get the thing. And I also hate the what is there some unwritten rule that when you drive a golf cart, you have to have one leg hanging out the side? No, you're not supposed to do that. You know how many ankles break because of that? Why do they always do that? Because they're dumb. Dude, towards the end, this guy came flying in and almost T-boned us. And I had my leg in the cart. Thank God.

No, dude, this orthopedic doctor or whatever was like that's like one of the biggest ways guys are breaking their ankles because they turn the golf cart and they fucking break their legs it's so stupid you got to keep both in the cart but uh i was you know i got excited that you were playing i was like man i can't wait to come out there i'm done i told berlina i said i am in that tournament next year oh that's gonna be a thing be a thing, dude. We had, uh, you know, we had some athletes in there. We had some big time actors in there.

It was fucking fun, man. I'm not gonna lie to you, dude. It was, it was a great time, but you know, golf to me is like coffee.

It's kind of like, why would I pick up that habit? You see that long line at Starbucks. Every time I see it at the airport, I'm like, there's one thing I did. Right. I've never stood in that line,

Paul, unless I was getting a cup for my wife. I've never stood in that line, Paul. Unless I was getting a cup from my wife. I've never sat there going like, you know, let me get two iced coffees with the fucking sugar. I can't start my day. Although I did start drinking it a little bit when we were shooting the movie. So occasionally I will drink it. I'll tell you this, dude. I'll tell you this. And I'll take this.

I'll say this forever. I'll defend this forever. When you line up for a tee shot with your driver and you spank a nice drive and it goes straight down and goes in the fairway. Oh, that keeps Pauly coming back. That keeps me coming back. I love it. I love it. But I saw your group by the way. And your group looked like the thing when you golf with awesome dudes and smoke sticks. It's like, what's the problem here? There's no wives calling. There's no fucking. You know what the problem is? The golf. That's the thing that gets in the way of it. I would just if I joined a country club, I would just get a golf cart and I would just drive around the course and never play. Just drive along the golf on the path, just smoking a stick with my little root beer. That's

all I would do. How are you doing? How are you playing today? Oh, that's great. Fantastic. See you later, dude. I'm going to keep your legs inside the cart. The number one way we break our ankles around here. I was playing with, uh, I was playing with these guys and this guy just goes, takes his phone, he goes, fucking wife. Cause I just got out of here. I go, no, no. I told my wife, don't go like, Stacy calls around hole 16, 17. Are you almost done?

And I'll go like two holes left. But I just saw this. You realize how fucking annoying that is? Yes. Are you almost done? Yeah, no, it's, well well it is a four and a half hour day and i have kids so i get it but it's no no your wife's going out with the ladies to go drink some rosé at what point are you texting are you almost done uh yeah can you wrap up the fun paul how much shit would i know how much shit i'd get

oh my god oh my god yeah it's brutal it's brutal that's why going on vacation golfing that's the way to do it you and few buddies go to north carolina for a couple how about just going golfing down the street and you tell her i'm gonna be back at this time so don't fucking say are you almost done. Yeah. Oh, Bill. Bill, you fight with your wife? You got that look.

It's, dude, it's the double standard. I know. Okay? It's like watching Grant Williams try to get a call versus watching, like, a superstar. You know, superstars in the the NBA they're allowed to clear out like like the forearm shivers that you if you're an all-star and you're buying that referee a new zebra t-shirt with all the money you're making and he can get himself a little uh you know a Dodge Challenger you can clear out you can come come right in and they'll come up with a reason why it wasn't a foul.

Dude, this guy, this guy, he posted this video on social media and he's he's in a golf cart and he's with his two buddies. His buddy's about to swing and he goes, wife, call, wife, call. And all of a sudden they just run in the back and they put on like construction worker stuff and he goes oh hey honey pulls out a saw and he acts like he was doing something he goes yeah i'm just sitting here in the bobcat dude i was crying laughing it's really really funny um sad paul and sad but it's a joke why do we have to hide having a good time Why can't we just go out and have a good time and they can be happy for us? Why do they have to try to like, you know, fast forward to the final like half hour of your good time?

Yeah. And you know something? Are you almost done? Because the kids are really acting crazy and blah, blah, blah. Hey, when I left, you were still taller than them. All right. Yeah. There's no problem here. Yeah. It's like, it's like, he was still taller than him. All right? Yeah. There's no problem here.

Yeah, it's like, what are the kids? It doesn't matter what the kids are doing. Right there, the switch was flipped. I'm out. Right there, Paul's coming with me. Here we go. Yeah. Yeah, it's like, oh, the kids are acting up.

Okay. Okay. It's like, I'm out. I'm playing golf. I say I'm playing golf. I said that. You know something, Bill? That's why I said that you want to talk about a double standard. Going back to this Johnny Depp, Amber Heard thing, the shit that that woman did to this fucking man and the way that he fucking was just like, dude, she was like, I'm not punching you. I'm hitting you. If that was reversed and that audio was him going, I'm not punching you.

I'm just stop being a fucking bit. It would be. And dude, she's in my opinion, she's still getting a pass. She's still getting a fucking pass. They all do, Paul, unless they're ugly. The ugly ones go to jail. Never forget that. Ugly people, broke people, they go to jail.

If you're some beautiful white woman and you got money or maybe you took some other guy, nothing's going to happen to her. And you watch the feminist movement completely ignore her. The ugly ones go to jail is the funniest shit. It's so true. An anomaly. It's so true, dude. When you look at those women in prison.

They're a very toxic couple. They'll drag him into it. But if it was the other way around, they wouldn't be this toxic, fucked up couple. It would be on Johnny. How many nine or tens do you see in a female prison? Zero. And if they're in there, it's minimum security and they get out before the holidays that's how it works oh my god it's so true that is so fucking true man yeah dude

they're ugly then they gotta work for it and dude here's the greatest part Johnny Depp is so charming and fucking cool that even in a trial like this the way he's laughing the way him and his lawyer are nudging each other the way he's

like waving at the jury this guy's like fucking winning it's like I at the jury. This guy's like fucking winning. It's like I love that guy. That guy is the fucking best dude. That guy is the best. And then when when she shit on his bed and he explained, he just goes, you know, it was so grotesque. He goes, I could just laugh. You know, she said it was our Yorkie because the York is four pounds.

You know, clearly wasn't a york he's just he goes he goes i've uh picked up their fun for some time now and i know that that's not what it looks like dude and when amber heard's fucking lawyer buried himself he asked a question and then goes objection that's hearsay and the judge goes it was your question. And he just goes, oh, okay. And Johnny Depp and his lawyer just bursted out fucking laughing. I was like, this is fucking unbelievable. And yesterday that same guy's voice cracked. And it's just like, man, you don't want your voice cracking at a time like that.

Yeah, well, you know. Yeah. Well, you know something, when a bully goes down, when a bully goes fucking down and she fucking did that, it's great. It's great. I know, but it's a beautiful white woman, so it won't track. Doesn't fit the narrative, Paul. Doesn't fit the narrative. I love talking to Bill because I could just listen to Bill talk and know exactly how his day is going.

It's not, Paul. The day is fine. It's just you're bringing up shit. No, you know what? I woke up this morning to some news that really fucking annoyed me and then I've kind of been in that shit, you know? Oh, okay. Okay. Nothing like tragic though, right?

No, just the typical shit that's going to get sensationalized, but you can fucking Huh? No, just the typical shit that's going to get sensationalized. But you can fucking, you know, turn our food into poison and no one will ever know the people's names that did it. The usual media coverage. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's Helix, everybody.

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There we go. Message data may apply. Terms may apply. Available at paintyourlife.com. Again, text BETTER to 64-000. Yep. Paul, I'm fucking with you. i actually enjoyed golfing i had a good time no i know man i saw the pictures you guys smiling putting i was like i told berlina goes

would you have flown out for this and i'm like yeah i'm playing next year so they had hecklers on three different holes oh my god that's fucking great oh Oh my God. How was that? This is what's funny. Me and Al Madrigal, our best holes were with the hecklers. Oh, that's great. How's Al? Is Al good? Uh, yeah, he's doing great. He's doing great. We have this golf podcast that just came on. So they were like giving me shit. I just was trashing them back. We had a great time. And then as we left, I was going, Hey, gay fellas, stick with it. Hang in there.

Uh, any, no, but I actually hit a nice drive. It was a nice straight drive. And I turned around and I said, I don't even play this game. I don't even play this game. Oh, that's great. That's good. Is a Berlin is good golfer, right? Like legit. Yes. We were calling him the golden boy, the trust fund kid because he had gold golf balls oh my god that's great yeah he was a trust fund kid wait what course did you guys play what course was it uh i don't know i honestly don't i know how to get there they gave bill an address he's like all right yeah i don't know it was nice it was really nice i get why people go there you know what's great about also like they always talk about like these golf courses these these um country clubs how it's a bunch of toxic white males like carving up the

country and you go there it's a bunch of meatheads just trashing each other. That's all it is. That's how I find it. I mean, the few times I've gone to a golf club, nobody's up there going like, and then we'll buy out Best Buy, and then we're going to do this. Well, there's two types of golfers in the world. There's guys like us who golf. There's guys who golf, and then there's golfers who are fucking pretentious assholes. And when you go with a group of guys that golf and then there's golfers who were fucking pretentious assholes. And when you go with a group of guys that golf and have fun, it's just better because if you hit a bad shot, everybody laughs.

You're smoking a stick. Hey, let's go grab a sandwich, grab a drink. It's four hour fucking nice day. And if you're out with those other fucking guys who were like, you know, don't walk in his path. Don't do that. It's just like, you know, fuck those guys you know i yeah who's gonna do paul it's fun for the first three and a half hours the last half hour is when the texts start coming in yeah yeah don't get me don't don't it's such like a you know they should ease you back into what the world's gonna to be when you're done golfing.

Yeah. It's like a four hour vacation, but then as soon as you hit the parking lot and you get in your car, life is back. That's why I love golf. Cause for those four hours, you want to laugh. You want to know my father's day gift. This is, this is actually, and I'm not saying this for the podcast to be funny. My father's day gift is I golf and don't hear from you until I come home for dinner. That's it's it's part of the. Paul, that should be your day to day existence. It's tough.

You should be able to go out for four fucking hours a couple times a week. Have a good time. They're so dumb, Paul, if they would just let if you if she did that okay i'm not coming down to you i'm just saying women in general if they would just let a guy do that and then you came home to a sandwich over you would be walking around going i have the greatest fuck yeah occasional blow job a surprise oh my god. You imagine an Italian wedge and she's just fucking ready for a quick BJ. Oh, that's the dream. Okay. Yeah. Can't happen. This won't need us. Yeah. Never. It's just so fucking rigged.

I remember talking to a woman in, in, I remember, I remember talking to a woman in Philly and she goes, I blow my husband on his birthday. That's it. And she fucking meant it, dude. And I just thought about that guy's life. She's doing him a favor. And I thought how sad that was that this guy looks forward to his birthday.

He gets a blowjob from his wife once a year. It's just like, it's like, why she's doing it? You know, she doesn't want to do it. So there goes like, like all the enjoyment. It's just like, you're just not into me it's an obligation yeah it's it's it's okay i gotta tell you you know how this guy increases his fucking blow jobs by a hundred percent he turns down the birthday blow job oh yeah turn it down no no hey hey sweetheart don't put yourself up yeah yeah i don't want to put i don't want to do that to you don't worry about it now granted this guy could be a dick i don't know

listen if you're being a good guy if you're out there making money and shit and you're fucking coming home and you're not fucking throwing people around against the wall i don't think an occasional you know but i will tell you this bill i don't know what your thoughts are on this if your woman threw you down and blew you like every day, I'd be like, something's weird. I'd be like, what the fuck? Everything in moderation. I love a cigar, but if I'm doing it every day, I hate myself.

By the way, how many cigars did you have on the course? You go two? I had one before I went out there. I'd smoked a nub. And then, uh, then I had one when I was out on the course. Okay.

Nice. Nice. Oh, nothing like a golf course stick. Oh, you were there. I would've had four. Oh God,

dude. I would have one before two during and one after. So the ulcer in the throat is almost fully healed my antibiotics are clearing out this have not had a drink in nine days have not had a most of that paul it has to do with your diet and you get an acid reflux it what it has to do with is it's the acid acid reflux um and not taking the acid medicine that i had along with the alcohol the travel the tobacco the dryness and all that why do you have acid reflux it should it should die you shouldn't be shouldn't be taking like that those fucking rolades and tums you're putting a band-aid on a

problem man no i don't need that shit no no i don't take that i can't take that but um but whatever you said you said you had antacid medicine yeah no it's touching my ear it's driving me crazy what's that? it keeps tickling my ear so let me ask you this question if I come out to LA would you do a

golf would you golf like a par 3 course could we do that? I would go 18 holes nice if you get at me out there and i got a couple of root beers and a couple of sticks i don't give a fuck what we're doing oh that's yeah that's great well i would go to a musical if i could sit there smoking a cigar drinking a fucking cold root beer i i would listen to hillary clinton give a speech dude if i would buy a donald trump hat if if that's what it was dude if i could smoke a

cigar anywhere i would do it i mean if you're smoking a cigar it doesn't matter what you're doing it doesn't but they don't let you smoke cigars anywhere yeah that should be a cigar section in every stadium this should i call it the degenerate State the degenerate section and it's tinted windows you have glassed in so you don't influence the kids there's no mascots there's nothing everybody's in there playing cards smoking cigars gambling yeah the vice what happened to that what happened to sitting down with a Scotch anywhere? I'll tell you what happened to that ball. Degenerates. We can't just blame the goody two-shoes.

People who can't just go out and get a little dirty. They got to go out and fucking, you know, bet their whole house on the fucking under. They lose, and then they jump off the back of the stadium. And then Brian Gumbel comes out with his little legal pad and interviews somebody. What exactly went on there? What are we doing here? What kind of message?

And then he does that fucking real sports shit, and then it's over. And then guys like you and me who can go out, you know, and lose 500 bucks and take the hit. Paul, you know what it is about you and me? We run north-south, but we step out of bounds. We see that linebacker. We step out of bounds. Yes.

Yes, we go down. The degenerate goes Earl Campbell, runs wide open, and gets all fucked up. And then, you know what? Then it's no fun for anybody. The smart man cuts his losses and lives to see another day. Yeah. Smart man goes back to the room. Smart man goes back to the room. Yes. You start chasing your own blood. You realize you're losing out here. You cash out, you go up, you put a little neosporin on it and that's it. Then you got a funny story.

Yeah. As opposed to a situation a situation bill how great is getting older do you know the other day i looked at the clock and it was 9 30 and i didn't have a show and i go oh dude i'm going to bed soon it was it's incredible that is amazing if i wasn't so fucking busy right now i just got it once i'd done editing this movie and all of that i already told my wife i'm like i going to find out the day this thing is due and we're going on vacation the next day. I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I got one for you. You ready for this? What's the New York, the New York football giants are playing the green Bay Packers October 9th in London. I'm going to line up a couple of gigs, take my family to that game

and go out there. I've never been there. And people are saying, Paul, when are you going to come to London and do some shows? So I'm going to have my agent line up some shows. I'm going to take Lucas, Stacy, Sophia. We're going to go out there. We're going to see big Ben, the whole fucking thing. And we're going to go watch. We're going to go watch my Ben Wallace. You're going to see Big Ben, the whole fucking thing. And we're going to go watch my New York. Ben Wallace? You're going with Ben Wallace? New York football giants. And it's a pretty good game against the Packers in London.

So that's what I think I'm going to do. Sounds like a plan. Then you get in a car, Paul. You go through the channel. You go to Paris. How far is that? Paul, Jesus Christ, it's like driving to fucking Poughkeepsie. No.

Really? Albany. Five hours? Five hours. Going across the English countryside, the French countryside. Bill, I'll take my family. Excusez-moi, monsieur. Je voudrais un pan au chocolat.

Merci. Merci. Le même chose, monsieur. Le même chose. Excusez-moi, Paul. What are those hats? I'm going to have my whole family in those fucking French. Est-ce que vous voulez boire quelques choses avec moi?

Oui? Oui. Excusez-moi, monsieur. Deux à 1664, s'il vous plaît. I'm doing that, man. I'm doing that. I'm going from London to Paris. I'm doing that. Gotta do it. We'll stay in Paris

for two nights after we go see the game. How about that? Think I give a fuck? I'll go all over. Café or restaurant? A côté? No, monsieur, le bar. C'est le bar. Merci.

A droite, a gauche. That's all I need to do. Know how to ask where a bar is or a café. Is it close by? Is it down the fucking street? Is it on the left or the right? That's good. Then just learn how to order in French,

and then I'm telling you, they'll love you. i didn't know it was only a five hour drive i mean that's still that's still long but it's that's doable telling you paul take the train yourself get yourself a beret you can take the train i did that i took the train dude i'll take a first class the whole family first class train we'll get get fucking the Harry Potter fucking suite. A choo-choo train, Paul. That's a classic one. Yeah. Hey, Kenny, how are we getting to Amsterdam?

We're taking a train. And Paul's like, what kind of train? And Club Soda goes, a choo-choo train, Paul. With his pretzel with i love club soda love club soda um yeah so that's what we're gonna do we're gonna go to europe i'm gonna take the family i should have went to italy man that whole stupid russia ukraine thing made me not take, you know, Stacy. What in the fuck does that have to do with Italy?

I don't know. I don't know. It was going. It was, you know, two different sports. No, here's what it was. It is. It is. But when that thing was really heated and it was going nuts and they were like all this, Stacy was just like, should we book this now? Because we didn't know. Cause all that stupid shit or other country's going to get involved and we didn't fucking book it, you know? And now I wish I did. Then I saw pictures of people like in the Coliseum still vacationing in Rome. And I'm like, I fucked up. I should have went, but what are you going to do? You know what? We'll make it to London.

We'll do the London Paris thing this year. I'll take the family to Sicily and Greece next year. You know, that's that's just what we'll do so you know europe's not going anywhere um that's what you're doing paul and you're still getting text messages are you almost done what do you no you know what it is though i think you said something a while back women don't like when we're having too much fun there's something about it when you're it's almost like is it a control thing what is it what is it my wife doesn't my wife loves when i go out hang out with the guys have a good time my wife is cool as when it comes to that but her thing is she gets sometimes you know they plan and

they're thinking and they go blah blah blah blah and you're part of the plan meaning that they have something for you to move or whatever i mean it's just it really is like this if you go to like sit down like i like when you're on like a vacation or something oh speaking of who Nia what is that thing right I was just saying how like you're cool here we go you're cool as I if I go hang out with the guys you're great right sure yeah but every once in a while I feel like you start thinking too far down the road and you get anxiety and you start being like going like hey man like when are you going to be home because i need you to do this this and this and the so-and-so person is coming tomorrow and all of that she's not giving me a good look this does not seem like the playful conversation i thought

it was going to be are you doing your podcast or you want some zoom uh both a zoom podcast assume oh with versi with versi versi hey hey nia no i'm wondering where you are because it's late and i'm like where are you well where am i supposed to be i don't know but you're talking no not right now just you know i'm not going on camera because i'm not camera ready but you try you try to like walk me into some like trap that you and and paul have set up about how your wife was bitching at you about x y and z it's not a trap it's totally a trap i'm how did i know you were walking in no no no the setup was already fucked up the setup was fucked up is it good for that but it was nothing to do with me i go out with friends like you're cool for the most part right but when i call my friends now all of a sudden it's like because you need me to do something now go fuck yourself i'm not now i'm not participating in that well you can you can

sit there saying all of this stuff it is true though it is not true i'm just wondering where you are not because i want i need you to do something how many things do you actually have the physical strength to do but you ask me to do it instead because i'm here well what else are you doing standing around maybe i'm sitting down relaxing Watching old footage of like you know Babe Ruth on YouTube like who cares About that the trash needs to go out let's go Yeah but you can do it Though That's great that's fucking great

Um That's great I think you look family ready Alright There you go. See, that's how it works right there. Because my wife's cool and she can bust chops and we just end up laughing. I got to give her that one, though.

You did try walking her into something. You just go, hey, you're cool. How did I know that she was walking in? I had no idea. You know what it is, Bill? We married smart, strong women. Oh, she's back. Neil, let me ask you another question. I'm no idea. You know what it is, Bill? We married smart, strong women. Oh, she's back, Neil. Let me ask you another question.

I'm not back. I'm not back. Sorry. Go ahead. No, what was I saying? No, when you married... We married smart women. Stupid.

No, smart, strong women. Dude, if I ever get divorced next time around, I'm marrying a fucking dope just an act like i'm talking an embarrassment someone you can't go out that you just can't go out to dinner with because she just embarrassed you just that dumb oh my god all right so Burbank on vacation Should be completely excited about it Alright

Well guys this has been fun Want to Thank you so much for listening to episode 60 we're going to wrap This puppy up and Apologies to the lovely Nia for Walking her in Yeah

It's not like you walked into my podcast studio. You should have knocked. This is our bedroom. That's how I get away with talking shit about my wife. At the end of the day, she's a big ham and cheese sandwich that wants to be on the

podcast, so i can basically say anything as long as she can come on and trash me um i have a feeling the golfers are going to like this one hey send your funniest story about when you're golfing and your wife called and interrupted you know you're in the middle of a great round and your wife just needed you to go to the fucking grocery store. Like, right in. The segment's called, and then the text message. Yeah, the guy's about to break 80, and he's on 16, and his wife is just giving him shit.

He's just in his own head. He's missing putts. All right, guys, this has been episode 60. When are you going to be almost done? Who says that when you're out having fun? I mean, who do you think? Hey, Bill, there's only one category for that. Guys, please.

The level of anxiety that that text gives me and it didn't even go to me. Like now I have to speed up my good time. Or like, yeah, like are you, yeah,, it's just just knowing that it's monitored. I mean, knowing that it's being tracked. Like, oh, it's been four hours. Are you close? So you are. It's just it just ruins it.

It ruins when you got to send the text. Hey, if you keep texting me, I'm going around again. I'll go 36. I'll play 36. I give a fuck. Thank you guys so much. Check out Bill's tour. Check out my tour. Check out the Monday morning podcast. Check out the Verzi Effect podcast this weekend. Oh, this week. Well, this is coming out Saturday. Three shows tonight. I'll be at Tampa Side Splitters. And then May 26th, I'll be at helium and Buffalo. And then I got stuff coming

up in San Diego and more dates. Go to paulverzi.com. Check out all of our shows. Thank you guys so much. This has been another episode of AB. We'll be back next week. Thank you.