Anything Better? - Fractured Sneezing

Episode Date: December 11, 2021

Is there Anything Better than Bill & Paul talking about robbing banks and sneezing while injured? New Merch!! Anything Better Merch Shop Get Roman - if you’re prescribed, get $15 off your first month of ED treatment Policygenius.com/BETTER to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save

The merchandise, the Anything Better merchandise is now available. The new sweatshirts, t-shirts, new logo. What's up, everybody, and welcome back to your favorite podcast. It's the anything better podcast with your host paul bursey bill burr our amazing producer out there in beverly hills the greek freak andrew themless and you guys are listening to episode number 45 bill who do we have for 45 as great players greatest 45s of all time the recently passed the last couple years uh josh gibson rest of the uh st louis cardinals one of the last great power pitchers before they lowered the mound

wait isn't that bob gibson sorry bob gibson bob gibson josh gibson by the way josh gibson was an amazing apparently the babe bruce of the negro league back in the day and hit like more home runs and was an animal. That was Josh Gibson, and I think he had something happen to him, an untimely death because of illness, but rest his soul. Bob Gibson's a great one. Bob Gibson ended the Red Sox impossible dream in 1967. Tim McCarver still always hated us.

I think we didn't draft him or something. Or we cut him or something. I don't know what happened. That was funny. When we used to watch the Yankees and Red Sox, we both thought Tim McCarver hated our teams. Then we realized, oh, he hated both of our teams. Yeah, if you ever want to know who Tim McCarver got cut by, you could just listen to him commentate the games.

Can't get mad at that. The guy's competitive. Pedro Martinez. And one of my favorite safeties of all time, Kenny Eastley. The great Kenny Eastley from back when the Seattle Seahawks played in the Kingdome and they had that silver helmet. You had Jim Zorn and Steve Largent, David Craig, Kurt Warner, the first Kurt Warner.

Those were fun, fun teams. Yeah. Also, somebody said we should not forget Lewis Hamilton. And guess who else wore for Lewis Hamilton? It's like 44, 43.

Oh, okay. My bad. My bad. If it's a, I think Lewis Hamilton, but I think it's a good thing that you brought it up or else he would have complained and we would have got a 10-second penalty on this podcast.

Who else? Andrew said it the best. That fucking guy, it's like LeBron going into the paint. It's just he's going to get – he's going to the line. That fucking guy, if he does any shit, it just drives me. Every time I watch – I should just root for the guy. I should just root for the guy. Sorry. Go ahead. Um, you know, it's funny as all. You also said Jordan, by the way, I was going to say,

that's what I was going to say. I was going to say, I think it's one of the worst things that I've seen. Cause I hate that like Jordan went to 45, but whatever it's, he, listen, he's so great that it's memorable. What was his number when he played at North Carolina? Wasn't it 45? When he hit that shot to win the championship? Was he number 45 when he was younger?

You've got to look that up. I know he wasn't 23. He's so great, dude. All right. Yeah, Jordan wore 45 in. As a Tar Heel. Oh, as a Tar Heel. I thought you were asking about the Wizards.

Sorry. No, no, I know. No, he wore 45 as a baseball player, too, and then came back and used it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like the Jay-Z lyric. No, he was 23 at Carolina. He wore 40. There was a reason he picked 45. Maybe he wore it in high school i don't remember okay um but dude my buddy did a podcast with kevin harlan

kevin harlan's done more super bowls than anybody he's done more broadcasting than anybody uh he's the one that goes right between the eyes that's kevin harlan and oh yeah yeah and he said he said who's the like who did you watch live calling a game where you just couldn't believe what you saw and he said uh my buddy said yannis he did a podcast for he does a podcast called unleash with bed mgm and he said he said jordan he never seen a guy he said it was like he wasn't on his feet he said he was like the way he moved was just like he was like floating like he was always moving and the way he just moved on his feet and he was like watching it live was unbelievable like

when he was just running around without the ball and shit and it's just like, you know. How about for you? For me, who I saw? The greatest you ever saw. I would say like away from the ball. Dude, I'll tell you a guy who's great away from the ball. I can't remember. I think I did see him, but Ray Allen was great without the ball. Ray Allen running around to get open.

Dude, watch clips. He's running around without the ball. It's amazing to watch. Greatest athlete I ever saw, like the most when I just watched it was, dude, Randy Moss as a wide receiver was something different, dude. He was like, he had like a 37-inch vertical leap. He was six foot four. He ran a four three. He just would like literally throw it up and he would, Randy was something else. He'd just go like this. I saw that. I saw Brady throw to him in 07 for both of them to break the record against the Giants. That game you guys beat us 38-35.

And it was just Tom just dropped back, fake look left. You know what's funny, dude, is we had two of the sickest fucking games of that decade. It's just that all they were talking about was undefeated and you guys weren't supposed to win it, but both of those games were fucking amazing. Dude, the fact that Bill Belichick shook C coughlin's hand and it's quoted that he said it this is how fucking nasty bill belichick is if you didn't already know he shook coughlin's hand in midfield after you guys beat us um to go 16 and 0 and he said i think we'll be seeing you again or we might be seeing you again or something like that. Like he's just like, oh, this is a defense that could disrupt us,

which is fucking, dude, Belichick is number one. It's not close. It's not close. It's not close. No, it isn't. He's the best coach to ever live. He just is. He just is the best coach that's ever lived.

It's just what it is. All right. I'll tell you the best I've seen away from the ball. All right. And I saw it like, obviously right, I'll tell you the best I've seen away from the ball. All right? And I saw, like, obviously, when I came, dude, I saw Jordan. I saw Larry. I saw Magic. Magic always had the fucking ball.

Who's kidding who? But I would say I'm going to switch sports. I'll go hockey. And the most amazing thing about the guys who score 50-plus goals out there is they're out there. They're, like, when they're in the out there is they're out there they're like when they're in the offensive zone they're barely skating around everybody else is buzzing all around and they just sort of and then it's just a burst of speed and the fucking pucks in the back of the

net it's like they see something a split second for everybody else does where the puck's gonna go where they need to be and next thing you know it's just in the back of the net. Did you see, by the way, the first alley-oop in NHL history last night? Did you see it? Was it the Anaheim Ducks? Wait, what? Dude, the guy was behind the net. He did that thing where they lay the stick down on top of the puck. He picks the puck up, so you think he's going to do the University of Michigan thing and slam it into the net? He picked it up and just lofted it over the net. And there was a guy standing in front.

He just slapped it in. And people, like, the crowd, like, didn't understand what happened. Is that legal? All of a sudden, the red light was on. They're like, what the fuck happened and then people clapped was insane that's legal though i thought you can't get it up in the air like that you can't you can't have your stick above your shoulders i believe oh okay i always forget that rule where you can't do that because sometimes you see him bring it all the way up but

you're not allowed to put the stick uh you end up getting called high stick. But not only did he pick it up, he flipped it, and the alley-oop was perfectly like shoulder level or whatever, so this guy could just slap it in. Oh, he's got it right here. Watch this. Yeah, Anaheim versus Buffalo. Poor fucking Sabres, man. It's in the net whoa i hope there's a we have a better version of it that's sort of coming

off like real choppy at least on my end did you were you able to see they'll show in slow motion here it happens super quick that's why but that was nuts here it is right here lays it down. Oh, my God. I mean, look at that. Dude, his stick was down by his waist. Dude, that was fucking awesome. Dude, you see both their faces like, fuck, it worked. Like, you know they do it in practice. Dude, that's like historic, too.

Like, the first alley. That's awesome, dude. awesome this is what happens when people like that do that after that michigan kid did that all of a sudden you saw guys coming down on a penalty shot picking the puck up turning their back to the goalie doing this shit with the stick and they had the puck on their shaft of their stick that's nuts then they do all of a sudden that just became something that people could do because somebody showed that it was possible you watch now that's going to be the thing that might end up becoming a problem

if too many people score that easy dude all of a sudden start betting the over start betting if the alley-oop has been added how big big that fucking net is, and the goalie's got his back to it, and he can't see it coming. But how many people in the league can do that? I would think most guys, if they went to do it. Like, did you see where that puck was? I thought he had it, like, right here. It was all the way down by his waist. I was going to say, I think there's a big element of luck in that.

I can't see that happening a lot, dude. Like, not luck, but, like the the placement of it was just like so perfect that was nuts well those guys they you know the saucer pass he basically did a saucer pass alley oop so cool man that mgm i say that kid's got another one in him the under over on that the next two years is probably under one like half a one um i don't know man do you think everybody at the end of their practice today i think in the end everybody in the nhl saw that you know how many kids are going to be trying that all over everybody everybody it's like the first time jordan came in from the side in the duncan contest everybody

in their nerf hoops was doing it. Well, the white kids were on Nerf hoops. The black kids actually went out and did it in the playground. But he showed that it was possible. I always think that. What's the dunk contest going to become? Is somebody going to get good enough to flip? Something has got to give, dude.

No, they ran out of ideas decades ago when they started jumping over chairs and people and cars. When they started bringing other people onto the court, I remember going, like, when's this going to end? With stickers up. When Dwight Howard put a sticker up. It's like, you're eight feet tall. It's like getting nuts.

It basically peaked Dominique Wilkins versus Michael Jordan. That was just the sickest one. 88? I believe it was 88. Yeah, I thought it was earlier than that. I thought it was like... Well, I guess he didn't really come... He came in the league 83-84.

What year was Jordan Dominique, Andrew? 88. Yeah. Bam, it was. Jordan coming over the foul line um yeah he was doing the he was doing the uh the julius irving aba uh dunking contest dunk from the foul line but he he added the down and then back up and the tongue sticking out and all of that he had the chains um yeah it was fucking sick it was sick i still love that first jersey jordan wore when oh with the weight yeah that everybody for some reason doesn't like

to write like that anymore we used to call that writing printing and writing was it not italicized what do they call it script cursive cursive yeah yeah i haven't never heard of that my whole time i haven't wrote a script since fucking school dude yeah i haven't um but i'll talk about when you're signing dvds after the show oh um speaking of basketball, speaking of basketball, I got to brag on my son real quick. Um, so my son had to do the final cut and there were 34 kids and they were only taking five seventh graders out of 34 kids are only taking five seventh graders. starters and um he said dad i'm so nervous i'm so nervous and i said look i said every big show i ever did i was super nervous so i go but you got to turn it into good nerves that means just work work and the nerves go away work and um dude he ends up having the like the try the best tryout he said even better than his first day when he was draining the threes and diving for loose balls. He said they had a layup line and you would do a layup with your right hand on the right and then come to the left and do what you're left. And then you would just go out by

the three point line and shoot. And he said he shot three threes and all three were swishes in front of both coaches. And then like some kid was like, kids are going like eighth graders are like, man, Lucas, his shot is sweet. And there's one kid who's like one of the big eighth graders yesterday the first real practice said man lucas is nasty so his like confidence and my son is my son is one of the smaller ones you know he's a garlic these kids are taller than my son so i said your shot is not enough to make the team i said if you have a shot you got to dive for if you ever shot it and you got to dive for balls, you got to work hard. You got to hustle. You got to get in the paint and get in the fight.

And you've got to show that you want to win. And he did. He fucking did. And dude, I fucking, he came to the car. This was crazy. And every parent is going to know.

No way. Did you now, when he's coming to the car, you don't know yet. No. So check this out. This is great. This is great.

And every fucking parent is gonna know this feeling so he's nervous in the morning taking it out on us when kids are nervous and lucas is like if he doesn't get sleep he's mean he'll be like you know how much smarter than you i am like he's like ruthless dude he's just like he's just like he's he's like, this isn't even breakfast. Like, dude, he's like, can turn into a, and Stacy, we love him so much. He's like me. Yeah. Yeah. You fucking Gemini.

When you Geminis have that mood, it's like, oh, you guys will eviscerate. So he's nervous. Sorry to all the other astrological signs. So I'm sending him motivational things. I'm sending him, hey, man, go out there and get it. You're this far. Go out there and finish this, all this shit. You texted him that during the day?

Yeah. Dude. Yeah, I said, go get it. I said, you're strong. All-star team, Dad. Oh, dude, I just woke up thinking about him all day because I knew what he was going through. I thought of him taking a test at noon, nervous about,

so I'm just telling him you'll be fine. Just have fun. You already did it. Just keep, you know, all this shit. Right. So I got to go pick them up at four o'clock and this is when the kids come out after they make it or not. Right. And I see all the parents are lined up while the cars are lined up. Right. And I'm watching, I'm watching, dude, I'm in the car. I'm fucking, I'm nervous. You wouldn't thought I was going to make, it's making me nervous and I know what happens and, and I'm watching, I'm watching, dude, I'm in the car. I'm fucking, I'm nervous. You would have thought I was going to make, it's making me nervous. And I know what happens. And, and I'm watching and I see one tall kid. That's really good. This kid comes out. He just gets in his

mom's Jeep. I'm like that kid made it. Then I see this other kid who apparently was on it, his head sticking out like fucking Dino. So, so then i see another kid who was on the fence and he seemed happy then i looked up and i saw a kid that i know walk into his mom's car and by his feet i was like he got caught i could tell he just he had his head so now all these kids come out of course lucas is nowhere to be found lucas and i'm just sitting there waiting and I'm looking and there's a bush. And then I see his legs and his sneakers coming. And he's you know, he's got real long blonde hair. Now it comes over his eyes and he's walking to the car with his head down and I'm trying to read it. And I'm like and he looks up and he just looks down and I'm going, oh, fuck.

And then he gets to the door and he opens and I see his eye and he just, there was a little smirk and then, and then, and then he opens and he's blushing and he puts the bag down. I go, so how are tryouts? And I go, did they make any decisions today? Even though I knew it was cut day, I didn't want to make him feel. So he just goes, okay. He just throws, he goes, okay. I think I had the best. I think I had the best tryout and, and, and I made it. And I was just like, what? And I just start hitting them in the chest. What, what? And, and I was like, I'm so proud of you, this and that. And then he's like, they still said that they have to make decisions,

but I think I made it. And then he comes home and they got a text and the text said to the parents, I said, I showed you. And it said like, they did the extra weight. Fuck. So then, so then it said, if you're getting the, thank you for everybody who tried out. If you're getting this, you made the team. And then dude, his confidence went up and now I heard he's being an animal in practice. So I'm just so thrilled for him because he had a bad experience with a travel team that made him feel like he didn't you know and and uh i'm so glad that he's playing for his school he's probably dude he's like man he's like i want to

start at point guard even if i don't i'm gonna come off the bench and i'm gonna be like so i'm just so happy man that made my fucking what was the travel team was it parents and everybody just taking it too seriously everybody acting like they were in the nba it was this it was this guy who takes i mean i don't want to mention names, it was this guy who takes, I mean, I don't want to mention names, but it was this thing that you go, you don't have to talk. I, yeah. All right. I get it. It was just, it was just a thing that was like so overly done and like people already

there. And my son was like extra. And he was like, kind of like didn't get playing time and then like felt like what's going on. And, and I was like, are they just taking money? Like are they working with the kid? And I felt like what's going on and and i was like are they just taking money like are they working with the kid and i felt like it fucked with him and i felt like that was on his mind and then i'm thinking oh man is he gonna make this thing and then he does so he's i have a similar story paul yeah 20 years ago when i decided i was going to go back to collecting football cards so i could know everybody in the league again and I went down there and there was no kids in the store. And it was a bunch of guys. It was down near Wall Street in suits. We're sitting there throwing away. I learned this name, common cards. Those are just, you know,

people who aren't stars and aren't going to be worth money. We're just throwing them away and just keeping the other ones. And I was just like, what the fuck happened? I mean, I thought I was going to go down there looking like a creep, like i was buying them for the son i didn't have you know and be actually there for me and i have an arrested development you know i thought it was going to be like that right and i showed up dude and i swear to god these guys were down there the only thing missing was a bunch of people screaming on the fucking wall street floor and i was and then they had to do a whole thing where they were they would you know i'm totally joking about this like this has anything to do with uh you know but not having fun with the travel team i didn't think you were gonna make me tell the whole story i was actually a 35 year old

collecting football well all right i'll tell you the rest. I was actually interested in it. You know what sucks? Is you can't just buy a set. At least you couldn't back then. Because everybody was doing it thinking they were going to be worth money. And Topps was making all of them. And the demand was so high that none of them were worth any money. So then they had to create a on-purpose rare card.

And they'd have game-wornseys like stuck onto the card it's like just give me the fucking guy's face flip it over where he went to school how big his stupid feet are and then all his stats and i'll just look at him like flash cards like i used to it was the fucking greatest dude my dad used to be would freak out when i would know then he'd get mad at me because i sucked at school dude i knew all the offensive linemen i knew that where they went to school i still remember louis kelcher had a size 16 quadruple e cleat i brought that up and right when i said that like frank gifford or something talked about his size of seats my dad was like jesus christ i mean you really know this game and then five minutes later i don't understand why you can't apply that in math class and some of these other yo when me and you first met i was like we talked about

football and you went into like the 70s and early 80s and you just started saying shit and i was like oh this dude's like an encyclopedia of and it probably that era i'm like a vj i'm like an mtv vj you should fucking be able to buy a full set though man i remember buying tops you should buy like the i remember i bought the 1989 tops baseball set and it was the long box and it was everybody was the best it didn't matter if i used to go on ebay i i ebay i bought 83 back to 1970 and somewhere in these moves i don't know if somebody came by and fixed the house and stole a bunch of them but i can't find them i only have a couple of the years and i was thinking

like am i really gonna go out and go buy them again i go now that i got the kids and everything like i think i'm gonna kind of like let it go. But like we used to go up. There was a local, the Packy, as we call it up in New England, the package store, the liquor store. They would also sell one of those places. It was sort of like the original 7-Elevens. And we would come in, and from like August, July 31st, August on, we would come in and ask them, you got football cards yet?

Nope, haven't got them yet. Haven't got them yet. And the day that they had those football cards, dude, I went up there with my paper route money, like, would just buy them. Like, and every year I'd have a few more customers. And I remember by my freshman year of high school, I'm still doing a paper route.

My voice is starting to change and shit, but it's just like, you know, know i just needed money you know here's your paper mr smith here's your paper looking down on them and shit no i mean i wasn't that tall so um i ended up getting all the football cards in like two and a half weeks and it kind of took the fun out of it and then i remember one kid in high school said yeah man i already got all the football cards. And this guy just goes, aren't you a little old to be collecting football cards? He came at me like that dude on The Simpsons, you know? Aren't you a little old to be collecting football cards?

And I was just like, you know, totally not confident, no girlfriend or nothing. So I just stopped. What was the most expensive what was the most expensive card you had like like most valuable card you had well i never like i mean i i dude i touched him i'm so the corners are all fucked up i mean i i used them you know what i mean it's like having a ferrari you get the guy who is in 2001 ferrari it's got a 1200 miles on it it's like dude you're a jerk off you had that car for 20 years you,200 miles on it. It's like, dude, you're a jerk off.

You had that car for 20 years. You put 1,200 miles on it. You're a footy. What are you, in fucking Fast Times at Ridgemont? No, wait, there's that stupid movie. Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Yeah. I remember watching that movie.

As much as I wasn't getting along with my dad at that time, I was still like, you know, fuck up his car, you fucking cunt. I hated that he did that to that car. I gotta be honest. I mean, it's a good movie, but some people are like, oh, it's a good movie. It's decent. It's not crazy. I think that movie sucks. I think that movie sucks. No, no, no. And it's one of my things that I

disagree with most people on. I think that movie's awful. I think it's a terrible day off. You know who I like the best in that movie, who I relate to the best is the guys at the parking garage to take the car out. And when they're going over the hill, fucking freaking out. I just like, yeah, those are the kind of guys that I, I wouldn't have the balls to do that,

but I would hang out with guys that did shit like that. And I would be sitting there laughing my ass off. All right, everybody. It is Roman. When the moment for intimacy arrives, you need to be ready. You need to be Roman ready, whether you've been in a relationship for years or just getting started, having the confidence that comes from preparation means you're free to enjoy the moment when the moment comes. You got the right game plan, Paul. Oh yeah yeah you're going in your x's and o's are all ready to go um even though

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one back then they still, they had to produce a hundred cars for the general public for whatever reason. I think it was their way of, of, I don't know, keeping it sort of like not turning into, I don't know why they did i actually have no idea why they did that so the italians being being a good at business as they say they were like we're not gonna fucking hand make 100 ferraris so what they did was they just they started counting it like the first one they made they just wrote number 78 on it because they wouldn't go look for all a hundred cars. Or they said, this is number one, number two is number 26. And they would only make like 30 cars.

Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We talked about this. Yeah. Yeah. So they became even, and then, you know, you get a couple of guys go out there, they have a little fucking couple, two or three, they wrap it around a tree. Now there's only 29. So they're super rare and they're absolutely gorgeous cars cars but they didn't even make a hundred of them um i don't know how they found that out but uh i'm sort of fascinated with with uh with all of that type of stuff so that car there one of those whatever the fuck that that you know i'm not good with the ferrari stuff but that that's one of those late 50s early 60s ones that i've seen on those meekum auctions dude they i mean they go for like i remember when they first started going for a million bucks now

they're like you know they're like eight figures like 10 20 million dollars i'll tell you what sucks now is you know meekum got boring where it was just you know we got some hemi power coming up got a shelby mustang it was the same fucking 10 cars these baby boomers were buying and what's great is i've always been a truck guy so you could buy these old fords and chevys and shit for nothing now all of a sudden the market on those things are starting to go up but what's good is these people aren't they're not true truck guys because what they want is they want like the Blazers, those small Broncos, like the one that Rogan has. That 68 to like 77, I think, before they started making the full-size Bronco.

They like those and they like the K10 Blazers from like the early 70s. And the price on those is going through dude i saw a couple they were total totally redone you know with the coyote engine and all of that shit thrown in dude they went north of fucking 100 grand for a fucking chevy blazer insane no those old blazers are dope but i gotta tell you something bill if you want a sports car today, and, and I know people are gonna be like, fuck that, bro, like, yeah, you know, I said, I said to somebody, like, dude, I gotta tell you, dude, I'm going electric, man, I was like, it's the way of the future, and I,

I drove a fucking Tesla, and people could say all the shit they want, but no, fuck, you know, I pull it, fuck that, don't want gas, don't want to, I want, I was like, yeah, go, drive a Tesla on a highway at two o'clock in the morning with no one on the highway and punch that fucking thing and tell me that you are not in a fucking porsche dude it is the fucking most insane dude i went faster dude i went bill i was like cruising at 65 and my buddy goes punch it dude go ahead i just go all right i was at like 102 and we were getting nauseous dude it is unbelievable man yeah no it's scary it's actually the level of health it's like motorcycle fast yes you got a bag of groceries and a kid in the back so that's the

only thing you got to watch out for those things getting pulled over and i will say that they are just you know um for the most part they're so they're definitely soulless a lot of cars at this point you know another thing that i that i fucking you know you know who's killing it right now with the colors because everything out here dude i really notice every car out here is black gray or white it's like you're driving here in traffic it's like overcast sky is on the fucking ground right who's killing it with the colors is toyota dude their truck colors that desert sand have you seen that with the black rims and the black uh interior yes it is fucking gorgeous and that's the thing if you go back and you know look at those old fords and chevys the colors of those trucks the two-tone dude i went online and i bought a 1975 uh ford pickup truck like brochure that had all the trucks

and stuff i should run upstairs and go get that fucking thing and just show it to you can you hit pause for a second i'm gonna get it for i gotta get this thing this thing's unreal all right ran up the stairs check this out paul we got in the protective plastic oh dude 1975 look at these things so they look at all the like the different colors the two-tone that was a school bus yellow with the white this is called like uh garden box green or something i'm not into that blue but look at that see this is what the original crew cab looked like they got white walls that green one's got white walls oh yeah the interiors all of these interiors look at you

can put your kid and the dog in the back the bench seat that was the super cab uh rugged and durable all of this shit hang on a second okay here we go this was this is classic 70s shit where you could get like the factory camper up on top all of this shit is like worth money now if you have like an original one a little bit and then i forget what they called that with this thing here we actually uh dragged the trailer but i wish they had one for like i think f-250s were just always considered work trucks this is when they were starting to like literally they're trying to sell it as like a recreational vehicle with the boat in the background like i mean there's a lot there's a lot of money in this photo. Well, they're redoing that. Andrew, show the one.

Andrew, can you pull up the electric one that Ford's doing right now that looks like that? That's a 78 or 79. That's the only year I really don't like of the Fords. Oh, really? Because I looked at that. I don't like the 88 to 90s, 91, whatever. Their first one where they had the aerodynamic headlights.

I kind of got used to that. But the OJ years, that Bronco that he had, those ones are the shit. The early 90s ones are good, I think. Something like that. Then there's one other generation of the Ford that I can't stand. It was when the Ford Ranger and the Ford F-150 and 250 basically had the front end. And when you look at a full-size Ford of that era, it's an optical illusion. Like, am I looking at a Ranger or am I looking at an F-150? Other than that, I like them.

Okay. Nice. Sorry, Paul. I get into shit. No. Which one is the... No. There's the old school one, though.

Yeah. There's the old Ford one. Say retro Ford electric truck. ford yeah it's like the old school old school there it was hold on yeah no why can't we find it you know it's like the white with like an orange pinstripe. There it is. There it is. The second one in. Second one, yep. Look at that. Look at that.

Dude, that's electric. I like the stripe. I like the orange stripe. Yeah. That's the only front end. For some reason, I'm not quite into that. I like the 80 to 86 that a lot of people don't like. They call it a bullnose or whatever.

What can I say, Paul? I'm a truck guy i like the trucks yeah i thought about getting a dodge ram pickup dude um you know dude dodge made some of the ugliest trucks ever in the 1960s and then they were kind of okay into the 80s but dude once they went to the ram yeah dude that that one that hemi one with the short bed the regular cab is one of the sickest looking trucks of the last 30 years dude the front's mean dude i love it um yeah i love it i love being in the country i always get wood and shit i need a like a flatbed would actually help me and my wife always dirty in my leather wooden shit yeah that's fucking hilarious i need a pickup truck i can barely change a light bulb i get fucking wooden shit no that's why p i think that's why like the blazers and stuff like i can be honest with you, man. I don't get into that whole Chevy-Ford rivalry or whatever.

I'm just more of a Ford guy. But I will say, like, those early, the 70-71 front end on the Chevy is fucking beautiful. They're just beautiful. It's funny. When I drive my old Ford pickup out here, you know what I like about Mexicans is they love old trucks, too. And any time i drive that truck there's always some mexican dude telling me hey man i like that truck i'm like like they get it yeah they get it everybody else is just like you know all my other friends are like why would

you get a truck why would you like i don't know why do you have a fucking back seat you don't have anybody in your life you don't even you don't even need a passenger seat why aren't you driving a little fucking triumph okay unicycle you fucking loser yeah because i like them yeah guys like are you are you gonna put stuff in the back yeah dude i can't even tell you how fucking great it is to have a pickup truck at your disposal. The amount of times your wife goes out and buy some fucking stupid thing. Oh, dude, don't get me started.

Our truck, all the way to the Christmas tree, uh, to fucking shit for the yard, all of that. And then, you know, what else is great?

It's just the, the, the, like, you know, one of the great things about like a cigar is the alone time, right? You got a pickup truck, right? I, you know, I get in that thing. I mean, I can't take my kids, you know, it's illegal. You can't have them in there. My wife doesn't like it because the

suspension, dude, you literally go around the corner and that thing, I have to grab the under part of the seat so I don't slide into the door dude i'm talking at like 15 miles an hour like those things were literally designed to just put a bunch of in the back and just drive straight um oh man i love that thing i think i'm going to start smoking cigars in it because i realized that i'm going to uh um but you know what it is? It's a manual. It shifts on the column. So it's kind of a pain in the ass. I can't fucking sit there doing this shit. Guess what? Sick, going on seven weeks, no stick.

I have not had a cigar. I went to the doctor. I went to the ear, nose, and throat doctor. He goes, yeah. He goes, your larynx is a little. He goes, when's your next show? I go, I took December off. And he just goes, perfect. He goes, shut this whole fucking thing down for a while dude i worry about

that yeah no when i did seven weekends out of eight i gotta tell my agent like dude i can't fucking do an hour and 15 you know 90 minutes i can't like uh or i'm gonna have to change my style just you have to have you seen you seen these new refrigerators? Hey, guys. You guys doing good? Turn into like Steven Reilly. No, but whispering is bad for your voice too. That's as bad as screaming, I learned.

You got to find that happy medium. Yeah. You got to have that coming off the bench energy. Guaranteed contract energy. No, dude, I have not had a stick in seven weeks. I'm the boot. Dude, I don't like boozing anymore. Every single dude, if I have two glasses of wine, which I love my red wine, that's what I'm turning into an old.

I'm really I'm turning into an old man. I drink a couple glasses of red, but I wake up and I'm like, but two glasses is hitting me now. Dude, I got a fractured rib. I got a fractured rib and a strained fucking back right now. I'm falling apart, man. I'm falling apart. Paul, just, you know what it is?

Aging is cool, man. It's a cool, if you just give into it. I'm not saying like, just be defeated, but just listen to yourself saying, dude, you had your fun. The party's over. Go home. Go home. Those fucking people that hang around,

we can hang around till you got a gin blossom looking like fucking WC Fields sitting in the walls, trying to listen to your party guests to see what they say about you. You want to fucking live that life? Wait, what's a gin blossom? a gin blossom is that fucking ugly ass goddamn nose that alcohol they it looks like a fucking potato that nobody picked oh yeah dude

guys who drink a lot that that red face that red veiny face dude oof oh yeah they get varicose veins on their face yeah dude once you get but you know it's funny now i bet you can get that shit lasered off and just keep going like peter o'toole just be drinking moonshine until you fucking drop do you want to say the way that guy drank he was one of those guys if he stopped drinking he would die he would like literally go into shock he He needed it. Yeah. Oh, dude, speaking of need, you know what I watched last night?

It was one of the saddest things. I never saw the 30 for 30 with Chris Herron. I never saw the 30 for 30 with Chris Herron until last night. And someone was like, you got to watch it. And I watched that. And it was one of just seeing a guy, dude, they were were like if he cared about basketball he would he was like legendary not caring about basketball just wanting to get drugs and he was from um he was from what's it called fall rivers massachusetts and and dude he just dominated games he fucking crushed it he

went to boston college and then got kicked out or that didn't work out. He was doing drugs. And then Tarkanian who went from UNLV to Fresno called him up. And I was like, I think you'd do really good here. And he shows up to Fresno and his first game, he fucking drops 30. He's fucking doing six'2". 6'2", white point guard. Shitting on the whole fucking court. Then people are calling him Junkie. So anytime they would call him Junkie or say shit like that, he'd have this

epic game. Dude, he told this one story where he played... Dude, that's back when you could be mean in the crowd. What are they going? Junkie. Oh, dude, they showed a 74-year-old man go, yeah, where's your next fix? Well, dude, it was brutal.-year-old man go, yeah, where's your next fix? Well, dude, it was brutal. It was fucking brutal.

Hey, the old man had money on the game. He's trying to get an advantage. So, dude, check this out. Chris Herron goes, Oxycontin has started to get somebody introduced me to Opie. He said he is playing for the Celtics. He was supposed to be drafted in the top 15. He dropped to 33 by the Nuggets. Okay, he played for the Nuggets for a little bit.

He said, dude, Antonio McDyess and Nick Van Exel called him aside when he got there. They literally, he said they grabbed him, called him into a room, and they go, dude, we know about your problems. We know everything. You know, we're going to help you. Just keep it to him. We're going to win some games. They started to play good. He said his first year with the nuggets was great. He said,

Antonio McDyess and Nick Van Exel took him out to dinner every night to make sure that he wasn't drinking and make sure he was all right. He ends up leaving the nuggets and he goes to the Celtics and he's like, this is a dream come true. He would go to the Celtics. He would drive his car to fall rivers get drugs do dope go to the thing dude he tells a story where he's at he said i can't play if i'm not on opiates i can't play if i'm not on drugs he's in the fucking boston garden warming up in his warm in his fucking warm-ups dude the full-fledged top to bottom he's warming up and he's fucking talking to the guy he's running to the phone he's calling the guy he's gonna talking to the guys running to the phone. He's calling the guy. He's going, dude, I need my shit. The drug dealer goes,

I can't get there. He goes, dude, the game starts in 20 minutes. Now 18 minutes. You got to get, you got to get here. The guy's like, all right, dude, I'll be there in 10 minutes. Chris Heron runs outside. I think when you open a side door, watching fans come in the game, he's standing on a corner in his full warmups outside the Boston garden, waiting for the guy. Fans are watching him. They talked about it last night.

Fans are watching him and he's going in. He gets Oxycontin. He pops an Oxycontin and he goes into the garden and he starts doing it. And then somebody comes on and goes, here's the thing. He played great. He played fucking great, but he needed it, dude. It was one of his wife. Oh, his wife is a fucking soldier, dude. Stayed with him. Dude, he went to Modesto, California and fell asleep next

to a 7-Eleven. And he was thinking about just telling his wife and kids, dude, you don't need me. And he just, I can't do this to you guys anymore. Dude, she stuck with him. Now he goes around telling these stories in prisons in schools he's clean he's got like three beautiful kids his son is playing ball played for kind of a say yes to drugs though story right he's then i took oxy and i dropped 50 on the sons he od'd three times and lived he od'd three times and lived but He OD'd three times and lived. But, dude, good looking kid. I did drugs and I made it to the NBA, and I actually played better when I was on them.

So, kids, you stay away from this shit. Wow, what a story. One of the saddest. One of the saddest, dude. Dude, some of those drug stories from, like, back when they didn't even know how to help people or they just didn't know the signs. Dude, you ever hear the Theo Fleury shit?

Theo Fleury would fucking play for the Rangers, go down to Atlantic City, gamble and drink and drug all night, and then drive back in the same clothes and play like a back-to-back or whatever. He would just be down there until like his next game or the next practice and just coming in with fucking booze gambling and like drug sweat and the guy could still perform at that level like you want to talk about a guy who with some of the most terrifying speed i ever saw in my life when the puck would get in the offensive zone he would just be be like, he couldn't stand still.

The guy would be going backwards faster than a fucking car could drive like 40 miles an hour, just buzzing around the zone. Wow. Just stirring shit up. He was fucking amazing. To think that he was doing that to his body and could still play at that level.

It's, I guess, another say yes to drugs. You know, it all depends on, you know, your body type. It's actually funny what you're saying because, like Lawrence Taylor, guys, don't do drugs, don't smoke crack. He's like the best defensive player ever. This guy's all over the field. Oh, the fans wanted to know about that safe thing. So I'm going to find out right now.

The guy that broke into the safe and found that child porn. Everybody's like, please tell me what podcast it is. So I'm going to find out. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was crazy. Dude, that was. All right, here we go. Podcast.

So for the people that wanted to know something human. Andrew, how much time have we done here? How to human. 35, 40 minutes. Wait a second. 35, 40 minutes. Sorry. Okay.

The name of the podcast. Okay. The guy's name is Matthew Hahn. The name of the podcast is how to human, how to human. And it's about him stealing a safe. He was on his third felony. If he gets caught, it's life in jail in California. He found soiled diapers and a fucking hard drive with child pornography. Did the judge give him a break? Decided I don't give a fuck about myself. I'm going to fucking put this monster away.

And he ended up getting some sort of, I think he's a, he ended up getting some sort of thing. My wife actually was elementary school friends with his wife and they connected and she told him a story, but now they're buying a house. He's got a kid apparently on a straight and narrow, but do what a wild one.

And I heard a movie is talked about but that's like so anybody that wants to know is called how to human and uh dude that script writes itself because well how do we root for this guy well he was looking at forever in jail and instead he turned in a fucking pedophile and he was just all right i can see i can see the movie i can can see this movie. I fucking love robbers, dude. I love bank. I always root for the bank robbers, dude. Best bank robbery movie ever. He, for me is heat with Pacino and De Niro is a great one.

Um, I gotta tell you as much as I don't like him and listen, I don't know if he's listening because he bumped into me, but Ben Affleck owes me an apology. I've said it many times. That guy bumped into me hard. Cause had a Yankee hat on, man. Fuck that. But I got to tell you something. The town was good, dude. He did, Bill.

He bumped into me hard and he was not a gentleman. He was drunk and he didn't say, oh, excuse me. And then. Might have been the booze. And then I found out that he was doing a movie and he shut it down because in the background, he saw a guy with a fucking Yankee hat. He's like, get that fucking thing. and then I found out that he was doing a movie and he shut it down because in the background he saw a guy with a fucking Yankee hat like get that fucking thing I fuck I and I said I fucking knew it dude he bought me I heard he's got like a thing and he was drunk and he was at that after

party didn't you guys start it by chanting 1918 at us for fucking ever you don't hit a guy in the back you guys were cunts you don't hit a guy in the back. You know, if you were wearing a red socks hat, I wouldn't hit you, Bill. I'll be honest with you. I wouldn't do that. But like you think when I wore a Patriots hat into Buffalo Stadium and somebody did that to me, I wasn't I was confused. I don't like them. I wasn't

in a stadium. I was at like a social. I was hanging out. We're having drinks. I'm trying to stick up for him here, Paul. But that being said, the town was really good, man. The town was shit. The town was a fucking really good movie, man. Yeah. I root for robbers in movies.

I don't root for him in real life, dude. I don't root for him in real life, dude. Going to a bank and scaring the shit out of regular people that are honest and going in and taking their fucking... The bank's already taking the money. You know? The fucking assholes that are making money off of the money who are the real thieves, they're not there.

You like that, Paul? If a bank robber doesn't harm somebody and they're just trying to get the bank's money, I don't if they just do the note I know a comic that did that but then where's the movie no Paul you like them coming in

everybody on the fucking ground gash gash gash fucking pantyhose over their head don't be a fucking hero there's always the old security guard trying to grab his little fucking pistol. He has a heart attack. Now they're looking at a murder charge.

He's got his little eight shooter. Six shooter. That's so funny. Yeah, no, I don't. Don't try to be a hero today. Today's not the day. I told you that's a big fantasy of mine yeah they got everybody scared out here because out here that you know there's been a couple incidents where people uh been followed home and jumped uh but they're making it seem like it's happening

everywhere man everybody's getting fucking jumped and it's just like you know i mean this is what happens we're in the middle of a pandemic. Shit's going to get fucking, I mean, if we still even are, I feel like nobody cares anymore. Everybody's just working around it. Yeah. Yeah. You can't have people fucking, you can't have 10 cities all over your fucking city

and not think somebody's going to get fucking followed home and get clubbed. Dude, I heard a brutal one. A guy won 10 grand at the Parks casino in pennsylvania drove home to jersey guys followed him and shot and killed him in front of his wife and kids for the 10 grand and they got caught in the airport they got caught thank god but it's like that's the other thing why can't they just rob him i know i know rob him rob his house take his cat whatever just fucking well maybe not that far

but paul i thought you root for robbers i thought you liked those pieces of shit no no i i like no i let me let me explain i like bank robbers i should have said that i don't like people going into somebody's house taking shit i like a bank robber i like a good old-fashioned we're not here for you we're here for the bank's money like leaning what are you thinking paul if you're in that bank you got a wife and kids we're not here for you don't be a blob are you thinking oh good okay i can relax now i would do this with my head down and that's and just wait i know And you would have psychological fucking damage knowing what if one of them is going to go fucking Mr. Blonde here and start, bam, bam, bam.

Hey, if they hadn't done what they ought to do. You know what I don't like about bank robbers movies? There's always the one guy that does kill someone. And then the other guy goes, what the fuck was that about? We that about we talked about this he's like no he's making a move it's like no he was not making a move yeah that always yeah somebody has a fucking heart attack it becomes it becomes a murder a murder charge yeah and i'm getting sick i'll tell you another genre i'm getting sick of i was talking about about this with somebody at the stand. I'm tired of these movies where it's like the love, the new family moved into a house until the sinister secrets of the house come alive. I'm tired of that. I'm tired of like some kind of like spiritual, like it was a lovely family. I'm tired of it. How about some bank robbers

go into a bank to rob a bank and then it turns out the bank is haunted? Then someone turns into a werewolf. We bring werewolves and vampires back and then the Marvel people come in and you find out that's the only place they can't go. Then the Marvel people have to combine with the X-Men, you know,

and Superman's a woman, right? She can combine all the tropes of movies nowadays. And in the end, nobody hurts anybody because everybody decides that they want to be brave and progressive. That's what I said on stage. I told you that I was working on this thing. I go, pretty soon they're going to say Santa Claus is a woman.

And then I said, if Santa Claus was a woman, the president, she'd bring you something she thought you needed. Like, no, I asked for a skateboard. She's like, no, you're getting a closet organizer. It's like, what? Fucking, I asked for a skateboard. She's like, no, you're getting a closet organizer. It's like, what? Fucking, I wanted something better. Was I not a good guy this year? I would have preferred if he got me coal. I could at least get the fucking grill going.

Maybe make a couple of burgers. Dude, if Santa Claus was a woman, she'd still make us go down the chimney she would outsource that whole fucking thing oh she'd have her fat fucking husband cooking the cooking and making the cookies it's my turn it's my it's my christmas um what about bank robbers that kill everybody i got one for you there's a group of bank robbers that kill everybody? I got one for you. There's a group of bank robbers that don't give a fuck. If you're in the way, everybody gets killed but then one of them sees their

mother or somebody they love coming in and the rules are we kill everybody but now he can't. Now he's conflicted. There you go. My first thought was bank robbers that go in that kill everybody are hacks because they have an inability to handle crowd control. And then they're going to be like, you know, you know me, I don't give a fuck.

It's like, no, you're dumb. It's like people who say, you know, I don't give a fuck. Generally speaking, our mouth breathing morons. There's a chance that there may be smart and were just abused and weren't shown love. But generally speaking, people that have to tell you they don't give a fuck i mean if they don't give a fuck you should feel that vibe and everybody knows that vibe because it's unsettling yes like i don't know what this person is going to do they are not concerned about jail or any sort of ramifications. That's truly not not giving a fuck. Not going off on your Instagram.

Yeah. Account. Whatever the Lorenz Tate Lorenz Tate. Remember Lorenz Tate? Lorenz Tate was a great actor, man. He's still around, Paul. Yeah.

No, but like I remember like he was doing those movies. He did Menace to Society where he played O-Dog or whatever. And he's the one that just fucking went in, shot the guy in the head. And they're like,

that's when they were narrating going America's Nightmare. And he was just like, and he was like rolling dice drinking. He's like, I just don't give a fuck. Like, that's not like, that guy didn't give a fuck. That guy did not.

That guy knew he wasn't going to jail. It's like when the time comes, I'm just shooting them until they kill me. And that's it. He had reached the Zen level of a sociopath of a, of a, of a mass murderer. Like,

I don't give a fuck. That's truly not giving a fuck. Truly not giving a fuck is like, they got to kill me. I'm never going to jail. I'll kill a cop. I'll kill a cop that, which is just dude.

Yeah. And then you you're getting judged by god and you're sitting there with this look on your face like like that that's not giving a fuck um anyway dude i went up and i did some stand-up the other night and i tried all this just these new silly stupid fucking bits and they all worked i was really really uh that's the best yeah i had some friends in town and i wanted to you know do something new and different and uh yeah they came in they had a great time dude i totally fucked up like i told them i thought that they were coming down saturday

night and they came down Friday night. I told two different groups of people. I got my days confused and I woke up, dude, and I went to bed early and I woke up to like 30 fucking text messages. Dude, where are you? What's going on? We're all dressed up. My wife's here. I'm above all this.

Oh, my God. I was so fucking embarrassed. But fortunately, they were both able to come back the next night. I was able to smooth it over. But Jesus. Oh, Billy O'Brain. Oh, man. Billy O'Brain fucking it up here.

How about this, Bill? My special is edited. I finished the editing yesterday. And it took so long because I was part of every move. Every move. Every camera angle. And I don't like that no i don't like it i don't know i don't like it from the left go straight on and i did it and it

took me a lot longer than i thought but it's fucking done and it's so nice to be done man the easiest part of doing a special is being on stage so much goes into it yeah no the editing's always we're shooting the movies the fun part editing and it's the pain in the ass i gotta edit my special um if it's gonna be a special um this thursday and monday dude editing is an art man like editing like when they edit a movie like that and they put it together like it's like and they actually make it a story and they put it's really amazing how especially if you see like the rough cut when you see a rough cut of any movie you you know even like scorsese goes oh my god the first cut you're just like why am i even in this business but uh i actually did a a table read for something i can't say like who's in it but i was on this

zoom call dude with like two like fucking huge people i was just like this is was so much fun because uh we were just we're doing we're just doing like the table read so the writers could hear how like how much work goes into yeah you know and then it's a little bit of the music like written and stuff it was it was really like uh i couldn't believe it man i was just sitting there like the whole time kind of geeking out i had a few lines but i was like this is fucking and you know what's awesome you know what's crazy is like a scorsese movie they'll talk about like oh wolf of wall street was another two hours and you're like they're like it was four hours like what's like what and they're like yeah they had to condense it down but there's so much

extra shit i'd love to see shit like that well that's it i wish that there was the time to do it now. Somebody told me the other day to watch a movie, a French movie. I got like halfway through it, dude. It's fuck. It's the shit. I'll have that for next week. I got to finish it tonight, dude. It is fucking amazing. Just like that.

It's a gangster movie. Yeah. Nice. You know what it is it's i can't even say what makes it what i liked about it because it will it up because it'll it up so like uh you know you watch it and then then we can uh then we then we can talk about is that a reflector on the front of the truck or is that just red paint? Look at that. What is that? What is that right there?

It's got to be red paint, right? Right in the middle? No, that's like a reflector. Why would you have a reflector right there? It's like an emblem. What are you asking for for Christmas, Bill? What's on the Christmas list? You too, Andrew.

What's on your guys? What gonna make your guys christmas i got nothing this year i had uh some thermals what do you mean uh you know thermal pullovers oh you asked for thermals thermals electric head shaver i'm gonna try one of those i found like the top of the line one and uh you know if that doesn't work out maybe one of those. I found like the top of the line one. And, you know, if that doesn't work out, maybe one of those mirrors in the shower that doesn't fog up. Now I'm going in this year, Paul. I like getting one or two things.

You know, I like giving. I like, I'm a giver, dude. I like giving. Shut up, Paul. You want to know, you just literally brought this up like what you want for Christmas. Let's not try to make yourself out to be Santa Claus here.

I only need two things. I need boots. Alexis? No, boots. Well, what are we talking? Boots, hooker boots? What kind of boots? Timberlands?

No, like, yeah, like I'm going to get like, I got to get some Timberland boots. I had, if I had Timberlands for 10 years, they're all done, more than 10 years, they're all done up. The soles are done up, ripping them. So I need, I say, get me a pair of new Timberlands boots. I had Timberlands for 10 years. They're all done. More than 10 years. They're all done up. The soles are done up, ripping them. So I need, I say, get me a pair of new Timberlands. The classics?

We going to crazy color? What are we doing? Classics. Classic construction boot Timberlands. Classics. You're going to do the little spray-on thing there so you keep them looking new? What are you doing?

Yep. The little waterproof spray-on thing. And then. Maybe get PV emblazoned on the side pvt paul verzi's tims branded no dude that's it that i like a nice sweater you know i like a nice cashmere i don't i don't buy this what do you mean i think i i i just asked for my fucking stupid you know angela's ashes shit so now you're you're you're fucking downgrading what you asked for. I swear to God, the whole point is the same.

Paul, you're a chain guy. You're a watch guy. Paul, I live vicariously through you. You need better gifts. I got everything I need. I got everything I need. Unless she wants to buy me a Tesla. Unless she wants to buy me a Tesla.

That's a meme right there. What? You pulling your chain out going, your chain's out. I got everything I need. No, man. Come on, Paul. There's nothing?

Because everything that I want is just fucking, like really want is just stupid expensive and I'll have to go get it myself. Oh, you know what I was thinking? I did say to Stacey, I was like, i don't know should i get an oculus you know those oculus things that like you oculus goes on your head and it's like that virtual reality and you could play video games in a virtual world or whatever it's like 200 bucks so i was like would that be cool like but i was like i don't know man like i i don't know, man. Like, I don't know. Like if, as far as fun,

then you're going to be on Lucas, Lucas, he's going to have the fucking thing on. You got to have, you're going to bring that into your fucking world. No, man, you can live your life. That's why you want to live your life.

I can tell you right now, the first real disagreements I'm going to have with my kids is going to be video games and cell phones. Because I will tell you this right now, I do not understand how a standup comedian cannot tell jokes of certain subjects without everybody losing their fucking minds. But you can give a goddamn seven-year-old a cell phone where every porno ever produced is in there. Oh, I put the parental fucking locks on them. Yeah, they can Google how to shut them off. Well, his friend could show them too.

Yeah, they should just make, they should make fucking rated PG cell phones that you can't even, you cannot go on those fucking sites. And then, you know, one of your kid's friends would have to be a super genius to figure it out. That's what they should do. Maybe like a flip phone, I guess, is what you get them.

And then they go to school like, oh, that'll be them in therapy in 20 years. And everybody else had a smartphone. I had to open mine up. Why don't you want your kids playing video games? That's where you lost me. Video games could be healthy. They learn to solve problems. Some games are really educational too.

Yeah. Yeah, Paul. There's parts of the internet where you can learn how to speak another language. Nobody's there. They're all watching somebody fucking blow a yak. They're not going to fuck Paul. They're not going to fucking. I played video games.

I know what I want to do. I want to go on shooting sprees and drive cars and run over people up on the sidewalks. Are you talking like Grand Theft Auto shit like that? Okay. Medal of Honor. Siphon filter. Did you ever play space invaders or

pac-man what are you talking about Paul I remember when those things came out yeah but those that was like I could have invested my paper route money

in pac-man and I wouldn't even be sitting here NBA jams was great he's on fire dunks from the fucking

three-pointer I know I know but Paul listen to this if we didn't fall into comedy because god knows we both didn't study if we didn't fall into comedy and we he's on fire body blow body blow all of that shit i'd still be on a fucking you know a loading dock. Yeah. With a cigarette and some donkeys waiting for the sausage king to show up.

That is true. The roach coach. That is true. Now that I think about it, I know friends in their 40s who like sit and smoke weed and just play video games still. And it's like, all right. I have to tell you something, dude. What are you doing? People that still play video games still. And it's like, all right. I have to tell you something, dude. What are you doing tonight? People that still play video games. Yeah.

Past a certain age. There's just something about it where, I don't know. Like, I feel like that has replaced playing catch with your kid. As you guys both sit down and pick up controllers and eat shit food and get fat together. My dad was the greatest. He'd always let me win when we played Space Invaders or whatever. You look like you're in pain, dude.

What happened to your rib? I got a fractured rib here, and I strained my back yesterday. I'm a mess, dude. I hurt myself. I don't know if I hurt myself playing with my son. I don't know, throwing the ball. What am I going i gonna do you don't know how you broke a rib no dude i dude i'm every and every time i sneeze or move i see stars it kills i know i had uh i don't know what i had when boomer siason gave me that fucking trying to show me how that guy picked him up and threw the guy down to the ground.

And he fucking squeezed me. And I heard pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop on the side. Yeah. And he goes, oh, shit. And I go, I think that was my back. He goes, I think that was your ribs. I was trying to make him feel better. I knew it was my ribs.

Dude, so I fucking, this is the first time I said it was him who did it. He's the funniest fucking guy ever, right? So, like like week dude i'm having like muscle spasms remember trying to get out of my old truck at the comedy store it's the hardest i've ever made comedians laugh i was just doing i couldn't it's fucking brutal right so i ended up doing boomer's show like like a year later when i was in New York for all this pandemic shit. And I told him what he did to me. And he just goes, hey, you know, it's not my problem. You come from weak people.

That's great. Every time I think of that, that makes me laugh. That's funny. I was just like, oh, my God, how much fun was this guy in the locker room just busting he said it like yeah did you i can't help you come from weak people that's food dude that's great did your ribs still because i felt a snap like with the ribs it's like a snap feeling like i didn't break them like it was he just compressed them and I heard pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. So there was like a thing. I went and I got him a massage. My lady fucking worked it out and I was like, two hours. And then I felt like 80% better. And then it just took a few days. It was fine. It was

a broken rib. I don't, you can't obviously massage that out. So, um So I just felt what strained ribs felt like. Yeah, dude, every time you turn, you sit up, anything. And if you have a sneeze coming on, you almost start crying before the sneeze. That's what gets me, dude. You know what I would try to do when I had a sneeze? I'd try to blow all the air out of my lungs. So I'd just go. Try to do like a little one.

I try. Actually, I think maybe you hurt more I'm doing that too like I'm trying to sneeze with like relief to not get this but if you could please if you have a sneeze coming on please hit record there's nothing funnier than a guy with bruised ribs sneezing the first half sounds like a sneeze the other half sounds like you got kicked in the fucking nuts it's like oh shit uh what about that uh that ross bennett bit when a guy sits down andrew, look that up. Look that up, dude. There's got to be bruised ribs sneezing. There's got to be a clip of that. Oh, Ross Bennett, that's one of my favorite bits.

Yeah, he goes, he goes, the guy, he goes, the older you get, he goes, when you sit down, you make two noises. He goes, you go. Yeah. Oh, when you go to get up. Nobody sits down yeah that was what i always loved the second one just the relief of not standing dude yeah i gotta i it'll get better like my back strain will get better but the rib thing it's like dude every time i sneeze i feel it you'll be all right that's just one of those things you

gotta ride out yeah dr burr thank you well no your medical degree you just gotta ride that out paul they can't do anything with ribs they really can't what do you do with a rib you can't that's like your tailbone tailbone's the same thing oh have you found one he's laughing he's laughing i think he found one i'm saying there's something up see here's the part of the internet you should be able to see i'm already laughing oh god this is gonna be great you gotta get this sound up oh no oh you've got the face it looks like me in 20 years five years who am i kidding It's because this guy. Oh, he's got the face. It looks like me in 20 years. Five years. Who am I kidding?

Can you sneeze? This tough bastard. Can you sneeze? Achoo, achoo. Look into the light oh oh shit dude i thought the first one was the sneeze. That was just him anticipating, like, oh, no. He tried to hold his chest together.

Andrew, could you just go back to the actual sneeze? Oh, God, that's great. Oh, my God. He's like, oh, no. Oh, no. Look at the dog. It sounded like he got sucked out of a spaceship. Dude, he freaked his dog out.

I only know half of that pain. I cannot. Oh, my God. Bill, good call, dude. I have to thank you for that oh yeah the panic the sheer panic knowing a sneeze is coming when you have bruised or broken ribs all right dude i got something here in 10 minutes i gotta run let's let's wrap it up here all right all right let me put my bible away the 1975 ford truck brochure oh that was a laugh that I definitely needed. That is so funny. Uh, guys,

um, my new special will be coming out soon. I'll let you guys know about that. But if you are in the greater Atlanta, Georgia area, I will be at the punchline in Atlanta. One of my favorite clubs, favorite spots, um, January 7th through the 9th. Okay, I'm kicking off my 2022 tour in Atlanta. Get tickets to that. I'm doing Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Last time we sold a bunch of tickets, which I thank you guys. I want to pack this place out.

So come out there. We're going to have a good time. And more dates will be on paulverzi.com. Check out the Verzi Effect. Check out the Monday Morning Podcast. Check out the YouTube channels, everything. Bill, is there anything specific you wanted to plug? I'm at Harrah's just north of San Diego, December 10th.

And then I got the next weekend I'm in Indiana and I got Phoenix at the end of the month. Is Bill Burr going to be at the craps table at Harris? That's what people want to know. Are you going to be there? Oh, if I am, you know, we will be. Yeah. Yeah. I would be if you were there, but I don't think so.

All right, guys. Well, this has been episode 45. We'll be back next week and And I have to let everybody know the merchandise, the Anything Better merchandise is now available. The new sweatshirts, t-shirts, new logo, go out there and get it. It's not a Christmas version this year. It's just the regular, we just have the regular TV. I mean, the regular Anything Better, the AB with the, we got a cool question mark, really, really cool logo and stuff. So go on the merchandise, get that. And yeah, please continue to rate and review the Anything

Better podcast, iTunes, Spotify, everywhere you get your podcasts. We'll be back next week. We truly thank you guys for listening and we'll see you soon. Thank you.