Anything Better? - I Approve This Message

Episode Date: April 17, 2021

What's up everybody and welcome back to your favorite hour of the week, the Anything Better Podcast with myself, Paul Verzi, over here, my good friend Bill Burr over there. We got the Greek freak Andrew Semlis behind the glass. And we are doing episode 13. Oh, episode Dan Marino. Who you got, Bill? Got episode Dan Marino. Who else?

Ken Linsman. I don't know that guy. He's a former Edmonton oiler that wrapped up his career. He was a Flyer, an Edmonton Oiler, a Bruin, and I forget what else. Why are 13 so hard to think of right now? Was a baseball 13? Shit.

That's a tough one. 13 seems more of a football number, I feel like, but I know we're missing somebody. Oh, wait, was Odell Beckham 13? I thought he was 15. No. Oh, he was. Will Chamberlain. Oh, how dare us. A-Rod. A-Rod. Oh, that's right. A-Rod, Will Chamberlain. I got to tell you, Will Chamberlain, if you want a guy who's going to score 100 points in one game in the regular season, that's your guy.

But if you want a championship, I got to go Bill Russell. That's somebody doing a hot take in the 60s. There's a still shot, black and white, of Will Chamberlain with his hand up dunking, and there's three white guys, and their foreheads are up to his dick. It almost looks like a comedy. Yeah. They made dunking illegal because of, uh, you know, because of his dominance, racism and other stuff.

All right. I got, I got one. Odell's 13. There you go. Nice. Um, I got one for you to start the podcast bill. Is there anything better than your wife just walking up to you, giving you a hug and hug and says hey let's go sit down outside together for a little while and watch the sunset i had that last night and it was nice i sat down she sat next to me she put her feet up on my

legs we looked at the sun and uh i was smoking a little bit of a stick you know half a stick with her that's nice and we were just looking out and I was like, you know what, is there anything better than when it's just that, you know, it's just you and your wife looking out, no one's talking, nobody's saying anything. There's no commotion. It's just a nice calm, you know, just looking with your mouth. By the way, how underrated is silence? looking with your mouth by the way how underrated is silence underrated is nothing dude i was gonna say is there anything better than when somebody you want to shut the fuck up 10 minutes ago finally wraps it up is there anything better than that where they just like all right you know i think we covered everything you're like oh thank god God. I don't even know what you said for the last 10 minutes. All I've been thinking about is this moment. Rapid, underrated, wrapping it up.

Underrating the room and wrapping it up. You know those rooms in everybody's house that the room that nobody goes in? It's nicely furnished. It's got a couch, maybe some chairs, a rug, and maybe like either a glass coffee table, but it's got a couch, maybe some chairs, a rug, and maybe like either a glass coffee table, but it's the room that nobody uses. Well, I use that room. I go into it. There's a chair that your arms kind of go like this and you just sit back and I'll sit there and either close my eyes or have the lights off and just be alone. And it's like my decompression chamber, fucking priceless. You know what's funny right now people who live in studio apartments are complaining uh maybe next time where am i supposed to go my quiet room and my

loud room are all the same room i live in one room yeah it's like we'll do fucking better do fucking better yeah it's like do better that's not my fucking problem where you live it's like get a room that has an extra room oh please run for office and fucking have that as your platform paul verzi says do better to those who have less than him i'm paul verzi and i approve this message listen get your shit together we all did it you want something good get you that's my policy so successful i have a room in my house. No one's allowed to go into. We don't even need it. We don't use it. At least you have a pet, Paul. Get a dog. Get a fucking dog. You know, I got a yard. Don't punish me. But me and Stacey are starting to do some stuff built to the house.

So like I've gotten to that point in my life where I've actually, I'm going online and it's not just cars I'm looking at. It's not just sports I'm looking at. I'm looking at garage remodels. By the way, I have a thing with garages where it's almost, I fantasize about, I'm going to give this guy like 12 grand and I'm going to transform my garage where you could eat spaghetti off the fucking floor. I'm not even joking. New walls, new floor, the whole deal. I fantasize about it. And that's what I'm going to do. And I'm going to put my fucking four wheeler in there, Bill. I'm going to have my four wheeler in my new

garage. And that's what I'm doing. That's what I am doing. You're going to be eating off the floors, but you can be driving an off-road vehicle in and out there, Paul. I'm going to say when he's done, you can eat off the floors. That's the old epoxy floor. It looks great for like a fucking week. And then you're like, ah, is that a dead fucking Caterpillar?

It happens. You need a leaf blower in there um i love a good epoxy floor though like when it's first done oh it's like yeah if it's done right if they don't fucking have bubbles in it and it pops and you gotta have them do it again i've had it all paul i'm a roof guy too i stare at somebody's roof me and yannis were going through the neighborhood i gotta give yannis credit he called it a hat he goes look at the hat on that thing and you know me i love shit like that i burst it out i almost jumped out of the car because because he goes he goes vers you just keep talking about my roof and i go no i'm saying like you only got like five years left like

because i have a new roof and i just i marvel at a new roof and he goes he goes oh the thing needs a new hat right and i was like done game. It's called a hat from now on. You have a nice roof over there, if I remember correctly. I don't know. I was over it the other day, and I looked at it. It doesn't look so good. The people fucked up my roof. I don't want to get into it. You go, I don't know.

I got this old-ass fucking house, like literally the water that drains, for some reason there's a crawl space between the attic and the crawl space and the floor, right? Where you live, the living area. And the pipe, the drain pipe, rather than draining it off the roof, these guys have the pipe go into that crawl space and then back out. So when these guys did the pipe go into that crawl space and then back out

so when these guys did the roof when they unhooked shit they didn't hook it back up and the first time it rained i had lake michigan oh in my front and the guy goes oh that's a problem right there it came back and it's just like no you never hooked it up oh i just said just get the fuck out of my house did you really good for you get the fuck out of my house did you really good for you get the fuck out of my house then i called the fucking stupid ass fucking cunt insurance company i paid the insurance the bullshit happened they fucked it up and i put in a claim you know what these fucking assholes do paul you know what these fucking cunts do they send me a check that's made out to me and them i had to sign it over to them.

The money goes to them because they had to make sure that I was going to take that money and put it into my house because they fucked people over so bad in 2008. Fucked people over so bad that it wasn't even worth people fixing up their fucking houses. I can't do a Caitlyn Jenner joke, Paul. That happens. The whole fucking world starts, but these fucking assholes can do that. You're 100% right. I paid the entire premium. That's my money. And these guys have so much fucking money. It's such a rigged fucking game. And these politicians are such sellout fucking pussies paul okay and these are the i guarantee you whoever signed that shit over at the end of their political career or once a year they go out on a golf course that that fucking insurance company rented out and they give a

speech and they they pay him a ridiculous amount of money and that's the fucking payoff for fucking over old billy Freckles. Yeah. No. I'll tell you, Paul, one of these days, I'm going to put together an A-team. I'm going to get a van with an A-team of people wearing fucking headbands and shit, and we're going to start visiting some of these fucking insurance people. Dude, I'll go.

I'm up. Yo, I'm in, dude. I'm fucking in. Oh, yeah. Grab them right by the fucking tie. Oh, yeah. Don't get me started on those fucking cunts, yeah. Grab them right by the fucking tie. Oh, yeah. Don't get me started on those fucking cunts, dude. I've literally had every goddamn fucking thing. You ever had drain flies?

That's fun. No, but we are starting to get problems. Fucking house flies the size of your thumb come into your fucking house because they're changing out the sewer system that one of the original Three Stooges put in 100 hundred fucking years ago oh geez and then they come in and go do what the fuck's going on and they just know oh it's a drain flies great they just just because you know what it is then that i'm supposed to be okay with that yeah i love how they blow it over because they're educated on it that's a drain somebody blindfolded could have killed six flies per swing that's how many were

in my fucking downstairs oh my god oh yeah offensive lineman of flies dude um it's funny we're talking about this because our water our water uh our hot water heater and our boiler went yesterday so the guy comes in and i call up i go guys I've been with no hot water for four days. I have two little kids. Like we're trying to shower. The water's barely getting warm. Like what's going on? The guy calls back. He goes, I'm sorry. I misunderstood. I'm going to come back today. You do need to misunderstand that. What did you, what did you say the first time? Yeah. My wife goes, I didn't misunderstand. So he shows up yesterday. I got to say though, nice guy. And he goes, listen, he goes, new boiler is going to be sixty eight hundred.

Everything included. He goes, here's the thing. Your hot water heater is almost done, but you could go without getting a new one. My suggestion is if you get the new boiler and the new hot water heater, he goes, both are 30 years old right now. He goes, you do that. It's eighty eight hundred. If you wait, it'll be an extra 800 later. So I look at Stacy. I said, Oh, they're all upsell. I said, listen, me and Stacy, I said, 30 years old, get them both out of the fucking house, put two new ones in for 8,800. It was a big hit. And the guy goes, Hey man, he goes, I hate to meet you. And the first introduction is that price quote. And I go, Bob, it's what it is. I go, Bob, it's what it is. I go, Bob, it's what it is. It's 8,800. Just be here Friday,

put the new ones in. And we got my favorite thing is they always come in and they say the last guy didn't know what he was doing. Who did this one? Is that three quarter inch? I mean, that should have been an inch. That's not even up the code. It said the last guy never knew what the fuck he was doing oh that is oh dude those blue-collar guys shit on each other crawling around with their flashlight you dude that has to do that's a bit that is a fucking bit because they always tragedy plus. I'm still living it. Who did that? Who did? Yeah.

See, they shouldn't. Just passed inspection. Wow. That surprises me. When was this redone? We got, that's your problem right there. And I'll tell you, I got to follow those lines into the walls and I'm probably going to have to go up into the attic.

Yeah. Sometimes they shit on the company without doing it listen we don't want to say anything bad about the competitor okay i'm not here to do that but they've been known to sometimes cut corners i'm just saying i like you guys hey poe listen don't tell don't don't tell my boss i'm doing this okay but i like you so what i'm gonna do is'm going to get that inch and a quarter pipe in there, okay? I'll knock $200 off, okay? But it's not going to be. We have a mouse problem in our garage. So Stacy goes, we need more mousetraps.

We need more mousetraps. And there's like this little hole that they're all in. So Stacey, Stacey puts hunks of cheese. So were smart enough to just drag it off so all six of them they just got this huge score it was like their oceans 11. they just dragged this cheese lift when's the heist one of one of the mice was in the shower going oh he goes who's the who's security you're looking at him i'm the overnight Who's the security? You're looking at him. I'm the overnight.

How many mice are getting whacked in your garage right now? So she made the. What Mickey liked more than anything is he liked. I mean, he actually loved to steal. You got good fellas down there with the mice oh shit he actually enjoyed it oh i gotta be honest with you i don't mind a mouse i i don't want it in my house but there's something fucking adorable they're fast as shit i don't mind the mouse either you know it's like i don't

know don't rat you know the tails what gets you but i either you know it's like i don't know red you know the tail's what gets you but i mean you know i'll tell you what's an ugly motherfucker is a possum a possum is a possum freaks and they know it and that's why they come out at night the eyes the tail any kind of pink no fur hair tail any kind there's no go easy go easy you're kind of describing me here any kind of pale no hair that's hilarious uh pink orange dude i saw one the other night like coming up the street i got home late i'd done a spot and this fucking thing was just like they just run up the street they're're looking at you. They're varmints, man. Varmints. They really are fucking creepy. Look, they look like a creepy skinned raccoon. Like if a raccoon was skinned and scared, it looks there.

They're just. It's like somebody threw acid in the face of a raccoon is what it is. Dude, I'll tell you what goes down at night in your backyard would blow your mind. If you ever got a fucking camera out. My late father-in-law, rest his soul. at night in your backyard would blow your mind if you ever got a fucking camera out my uh my my late father-in-law rest his soul before he passed he put a camera in his backyard and there was a weird looking deer and somebody told him when he showed it they said that that's a very rare you don't see that a lot we had a bear rip stacy's um garden door ripped the the the poles in the door and a black bear went in there

and they saw like you could see like black bear shit is really different it's like flat it looks like lasagna and uh he went in there and he just fucking ransacked her whole thing i'm not having italian tonight paul sorry but uh it's a very specific. Have you ever seen a black bear? It's hilarious. They look like a little person in a costume because they can run on two legs. I don't fuck with bears, dude. I don't fuck with areas where there are bears. Dude, those fucking things maul you to death.

All day long, I'll take a mountain lion death over a fucking bear death. Yeah. Mountain lion's going to grab me like this. I'm going to be out. I'm going to tap out. Big John's going to come over. Ring the bell. It's over.

It's going to be over. Dude, a bear? Forget it. Let's talk about this. You're not going to die until it's done eating. That's actually horrifying. That's actually horrifying to know. It's fucking horrifying. There's Komodo dragons, bears.

I've talked about this shit, dude. Like those fucking things. I don't watch. Anytime there's a bear killing something, I don't watch it. I don't want to see it unless it's like a fish. Yeah. What? Yeah.

Fish never gets sympathy. Isn't it funny? People go fishing, hold it by its mouth screaming its face so one guy's going because you know with like when they the masters don't they fuck it the bass masters this guy's holding this thing he's going yeah yeah yeah this fucking thing is just his back it's like it's fucking brutal fucking um what did bill hicks say about human beings that we're a virus with shoes it's it's what we are dude we're fucking horrible the shit we do uh-huh fucking let's talk about the masters dude let's talk about the master speaking of bass master let's talk about augusta hideki Matsuyama. Am I saying that right?

I think so. First Japanese champion ever. And you got to like him. He talked a little smack in the end, sort of. They go, you're the first Japanese golfer to ever win the Masters. And he goes, does that mean you're the best japanese golfer of all time dude sports writers are such lazy fucks like why would you why would you ask him that what did he say but why would you ask him that why can't he just be like yeah it's great it's an honor for my country so it's

like so are you saying you're the best just trying to get some shit going right so he said well there's been a lot of great ones but i am the first one that won a major so i i said something so i think i set the bar i kind of like that like the way i like the way he played the last four or five holes on saturday where he just took over i thought now he bogeyed the first one on Sunday and got right back on track on hole number two and birdied it. Yeah. I thought that that Xander Shuffley kid had an opportunity to win the Masters. And then when that ball went in the water on 16, and then he went in the – I mean, he had a – dude, he shot a –

he played like I played at a regular – he shot a six on three, man. And it, it ruined it. It ruined it. And he ended up getting back to 10 under. I didn't want the Japanese kid to win. I didn't. And the reason it has nothing to do with like the history of it. I was rude. I always root for a comeback. I was either rooting for speed because in golf, they write people off. You know what? It really bugged me is when Rory McIlroy,

your Irish kid there, when he said, and they're friends now, and I think he, but when he said nobody's afraid of Tiger anymore, the fucking disrespect that that was. I see a theme here, Paul. You don't like Japanese people. You don't like the Irish. Who else? Who else is on your hit list this week?

I don't know. I mean, I don't like that. I know what you're saying. I know what you're saying. I know what you're saying. You don't say to a guy that won 14 majors, nobody's afraid of him anymore. That's just like, that's disrespectful. Yeah, I'm not going up there to kiss his rings. I know.

Rex Ryan. Rex Ryan. I know who it was. Oh, yeah. You called that guy from the gate, man. You called Rex Ryan early. Yeah, called him early. I wasn't saying he was a bad coach i was just saying this confidence is a it's a put on it's a show yeah it's a little fake yeah it's just like but that is a great we know you're coming up here to

try and beat us you know i'm not going up there is that what you just watch a john wayne movie should have been sitting on like a fucking Chuck wagon. Tiger Woods is Tiger Woods is 12 year old son. Is going to be I mean that you saw that father something that they did, right? They did. They did. Every every every PGA Tour pro got to bring a family picture and talking to him i gotta understand there's gonna be a lot of women out there

i'm not saying don't have your fun but just i don't think i need to say anything else yeah he just goes you know you know you know um dude watch out for waitresses they're fast they have a reason to talk to you they're bringing you food they bring you a bill conversations happen don't trust barkley or jordan that's what they say dude they said in the book don't trust Barkley or Jordan. That's what they say, dude. They said in the book, don't hang out with those guys. They flat out blamed them. Like flat out said Jordan. My mother-in-law called that.

My mother-in-law called that in the late 2000s. She said he needs to stop hanging out with them. He's a married man. He needs to stop hanging out with them. She said that in the living room. And I remember when the shit hit the fan, I looked at her and she goes, I told you. No, I said, did you see what happened?

She goes, I know. I like, she, she saw it coming. What? Yeah. Hank Haney, his swing coach wrote it in the book going like, those guys just took them out and he saw some shit and was like, all right. Just, you know, a whole other world but um no so that amazing baseball player and he started hanging out with those drug addicts and all of a sudden he got all

the tattoos he said he didn't even want them and he learned that you don't watch who you hang out with because you start doing what they're not saying i don't want to be throwing you know these other guys out of the bus or anything like that yeah no yeah i'm sure like cutting that out i love both of those guys no but i mean it's in the book everybody knows we're not saying anything that nobody doesn't know i mean what are we you hang out with you hang out with jordan you're gonna throw some action on some game i mean you hang out with jordan you're gambling it's just uh like if you hang out with jordan you're gambling if you hang hang out with Barkley, who knows? I mean, I heard, oh, I heard Barkley was a good time. Okay. Barkley's a fun one. No. So all the PGA pros,

this is like this year, I think like, or, or maybe the end of 2020, all the golf pros got to bring a family member to play with them. So some guys brought their uncles, some guys brought their dad, some guys, and it was just like best ball of the two gets the number and tiger's playing with his 12 year old son charlie and i'll send you the clip we got to show the clip dude he hits a five wood and he just crushes a five with his 12 year old and it goes like 170 on and had a better shot than tiger and ended up getting the they ended up winning the hole because of him. And it was just like, and Tiger, like he ran up to Tiger. He was so fucking happy and proud. And Tiger went like this. And the other dudes are like, great shot.

You're like, Oh, that kid has come. Like that kid is going to be with everything that his father knows. It's and everything that his father taught him, like his grandfather over, dude. And i'm rooting for that's awesome well how could you not yeah no dude there are people yeah there are people that there are they of course there are they're called sports writers yeah i don't i don't know how you fucking sad sad dude they just i don't know what i don't know what happens when you write about sports but you just go down this fucking

it's almost like they stop enjoying sports maybe that's what it is like you kind of turn it into uh you know you just turn it into work like i remember talking to a musician buddy of mine one time he said it's the weirdest thing when all of a sudden music becomes your job like your whole life it was like oh man i can't wait for school to be over so i can go play guitar i can't wait till my day job to be done so i can play this gig tonight and then all of a sudden it's like you get in a band you get signed you have a hit album and now you got to write another song and then it's just like oh god i gotta go to rehearsal and it's just like wait this used to be this used to be fun it's just like, oh, God, I got to go to rehearsal, and it's just like, wait, this used to be fun. It's weird.

I also think that some of the sports writers that can't do what they do, I think there's a lot of jealousy and envy in it. I think if you dedicate your life to writing and reporting on something that you don't do, there's something there that you wish you could do, and if the guy's a dick to you, you shit on him. That's why these nerds are keeping people out of the Hall of Fame with their votes.

There are some guys that are not in the Hall of Fame because they were like, the guy was a dick. He didn't treat people right. He didn't treat the media right. These fucking nerds. Fuck out of here. You know, you're even-

That can, like, come on, man. If you have overwhelming stats, that's not going to stop you. No. You know what they will? They'll just be cunty and not let you in the first time. That's their fuck you to you. Bill, Mariano Rivera is the only baseball player in history who is unanimous across the board.

Every single person said yes. What does that tell you? He was the only one because he was an absolute sweetheart and undeniable. He was like a comic that murdered every single time he was on stage. Wait, somebody voted against Babe Ruth? Yeah. Babe Ruth was hated. He didn't like – what's this?

There are currently an estimated 11,700 sports writers in the United States. The sports writer's job market is expected to grow by 3.4% 2016 to 2026. Well, yeah, it's a crowded market. So I guess you got to be like the edgy guy. Yes. I guess that's why you ask a question. Some guy from Japan finally wins it out. And rather than being like, hey, man.

Yes. Just like a great aunt. I mean, it's got to be amazing. Like they were saying during a gymnast goes, this is how big this is. If this kid wins this, he's probably going to be lighting the Olympic torch. I mean, that doesn't happen. I don't think Tiger ever lit the torch. You ever see one of those guys?

No, he didn't. You ever see one of those guys in a press conference and he just goes, like after a loss, and he just goes, really? That's the question. Next question, man. Because somebody say something smart, that even if that guy becomes a Hall of Famer, that guy's going to be the one to try to find something. You ever hear Russell Westbrook? They go, Russ, did you ever, I'm not going to say the word he used, but they go, Russ, did you think tonight

they won it or you guys lost it? And he was pissed and And he just goes, N word. What? Just like that. I swear to God, just like that. And his face had the disdain and, and Russell Westbrook will be a hall of famer because of his triple doubles and all that. That guy's not voting for him. That guy's not going to vote for him. So yeah babe ruth didn't like reporters that were short you could look babe ruth didn't like short people that's the god's honest truth look that up andrew babe ruth did not like guys that were like under heard his back to look down on him the fat fuck wait oh yeah bro what are you talking about man wait you you gotta get the beginning i don't need the beginning i got it i got it he goes yo tripping he goes he goes what y'all tripping

that's tough though to go up to a professional athlete after a tough loss and go how do you feel that's like uh bill how do you feel is is okay i don't think that you know do you think they won it or you lost it dude who was that guy who fucking went up to like Karl Malone? Do you feel like you let him down? Do you feel like your career's a fail at Peter Versi, whatever the hell his name is? Oh, Peter Vessi. Yeah, it's just like, Jesus Christ, dude. Like this interview has nothing to do with Karl Malone. This is your bullshit, man.

Hey, Patrick, do you feel you let Madison Square Garden and all of the fans of the Knicks down how are you supposed to react to that they're hoping you're going to flip out and they're going to have an easy day and then also like that was that interview

you never know the interviewer's name like I had to learn his name but who the fuck would say that? Like what did Karl Malone ever do to you? He's playing against the greatest fucking basketball player of all time, the greatest fucking team of all time. They took him to fucking six, seven games,

whatever they did. They played great. They played great. And he's being humble and he's being whatever. And then like this guy's just coming i don't know maybe i don't know who knows maybe there's another side of the story but just watching i was just like like i don't i don't want to watch like athletes getting humiliated by little skinny guys no a guy that never held a fucking football here's the thing he should

have just put him in his little inside sport coat pocket it just walked away well what are the hung up the jacket what are the what are the funniest um funniest meltdowns you've ever seen i think the the ones that come to mind are playoffs that's a good one but i gotta tell you the one, the one where the guy goes, I'm a man. I'm 40. That reminded me of Will Ferrell, actually. You remember that? The coach of the Oklahoma State. He goes, don't do it to him.

He goes, I'm a man. I'm 40. That's a great one. And this is the thing. None of those sports writers gave a fuck. They just want you. It's like that bullshit when people write stuff to you on Twitter and don't ever respond to it because that's that's that's what they want

you just fucking ignore that mean part of yeah i guess the real thing is part of doing you know being the person that they people ask questions of you just have to understand that just people are going to be fucking rude as shit and say stuff. And you're going to want to be like, what? Shut the fuck up. And you can't because you actually make their job easier. Policy genius. Spring is springing as we speak. Do this smart. And it's the perfect reminder to tidy up and get your life in order. I love that little twist with how to get into it. Why not start protecting your family with life insurance? Policy Genius can help you compare top insurers in one place and save 50% or more.

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It's where I sleep. Uh, it's the hoof. Everybody's unique to Helix. No, everybody's unique. Helix knows that. So they have several different mattress models, uh, to choose from. They have soft, medium, and firm mattresses. Mattress is great for cooling down.

If you sleep hot and even a helix plus mattress for you plus size sleepers so you big boys they got you covered uh i took the helix quiz and i was matched with the mattress um because i wanted something that felt um it's been wait what i took the helix quiz and i was matched pa Paul you talk shit and now look at you just fill it in with how you feel that's it dot dot dot I told him I feel great it's written this way

I got a firm one Paul's rubbing the full man's shoe after that first read it's been awesome it really actually has been a great match my wife loves it too it's been awesome it really actually has been a great mattress my wife loves it too it's been awesome getting uh unboxing videos from so many of you who also how do you rub it one out on that mattress is it better than your last mattress no i go to i don't do that in a bed i would never do that to my mattress um that's how much I love this mattress. I even quit jerking off in the bedroom

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what he thought the the reporter was really doing and then saying something like well yeah or like he would laugh it off and let the guy know without letting him know that he knows what he's doing um but the documentary about i never saw him argue with an umpire his whole fucking career he'd do that thing he wouldn't look him in the eye he'd just be holding his helmet like he was gonna take it off be like you know that so that's yeah dude you could see the umpires had respect for him because he showed them respect. Yeah. Yeah. I remember I saw Jeter one time look at him, say no, no, no. And then get like one time and then he just put his head down and walked away. But that Allen Iverson documentary showed that Allen Iverson's friend was killed.

Somebody that he loved was killed. And he found that out before he went into the press conference of the practice. We're talking about practice. So he was in a mood and then they're going, Alan, you know, you didn't, you didn't show up to practice, anything like that. And he was thinking about his friend and they talked about in the documentary, how he was devastated. And that's where that came about. And we don't get to see that. That's why Marshawn Lynch, your boy, Marshawn Lynch decided that he's just going to go and just say the same line over and over. Oh, God, that was the greatest. He just said the same line over and over. He would just go, what did he say? He would go. He didn't say no comment.

He would just go, yeah. He go, yeah, that's yeah, that's yeah, probably. And he would just and then everything. And then they knew they didn't have anything after 15 questions and they moved to the next locker. That was his that was his. What about Bill Parcells when he told that guy, that's a stupid question. You're a jerk. Oh, Bill Parcells had Bill Parcells and Lou Piniella. Bill Parcells and Lou Piniella, those were the guys that were just up. Greg Popovich was a dick, but when it was his friend, or if he liked the guy, he wouldn't be a dick. But Greg Popovich would just go,

what do you think we need to do in the second half? And then he would smile and walk away. But Lou Piniella and Parcells, when they were in a mood, it was like a drunk stepfather. You knew it was coming. I loved Lou Piniella. of mood it was like a drunk stepfather you knew it was coming i loved lou panella i actually i miss guys like lou panella it's fucking nuts you can't be that guy anymore you just have to like the nerds one like you have to just sit there and listen to these fucking people going

like all right yeah well there's a fine line between lou panella who's the guy dude who just attacked his desk and threw the fucking phone remember that baseball manager he just lost it you know it's sad to watch because they broke them they were in a losing streak and every night they're just going what's going well how come you're not winning do you think it's something you're doing do you need to shuffle the line and it's just like every fucking night you know you're under all of this press pressure as a manager and then these fucking nerds come in just picking you they'll pick you apart when you win. I know you won by seven, but don't you feel that, you know, are you concerned about the amount of runners left on base?

Coaching is a job for only certain people. I remember the high school basketball coach at my high school, which I did not play for. I didn't play basketball, but he was a teacher in one of the classes. His name was, I swear to God, true story. His name was Mr. Nick. And he was the old coach. The new coach was in. And he said, Paul, they called him coach Nick. He goes, Paul, he goes, I'd lose sleep. My wife and family was like for high school, he would go. Cause if you're a competitive person, he goes, all you would, he goes,

it was just a job that one coach, Mike Tice or whatever, he coached the Vikings. He goes, 17 hours. He goes, 17 hours, I'm away from my family a day. And when I'm with them, I'm sleeping. And he goes, you're just sitting in the office trying to figure out how to beat that team next week. It's just life consuming. I know a guy who turned down the job because of that. Turned down what job? I met an athlete

one time and he's just like football guy, just knows the game, knows the game. And they were trying to talk him in towards the end of his career going, you should get into coaching. He goes, I'm not doing that. And he said, why? He goes, because I want to stay married. I want to see my kids. Dude, and that's like the head, at least the head coach, I don't know, making some money or whatever, but those guys underneath him, I think it's even worse. They like sleep at the stadium. Because they're trying to get that head coach job. They're trying

to get promoted somewhere. There's 32 head coaching jobs in the whole world in the NFL. Think about that, man. Your wife's got to love you. Your wife's got to love you. Your wife's got to love you. For your wife to go, I'm going to be in this and we may move. You may get another job. Your kids may leave the school because now you're the offensive coordinator across the country and she sticks with that. Yeah. That's a tough. She either loves you or it's an abusive relationship.

Hey, I did this when you met me. You knew what this was. Stop crying. It's South Dakota. They're in the whack. I'm going to fucking destroy them. We'll be back in the Pac-12 in a minute. If that fucking kick isn't wide right, we don't live in Texas.

She starts losing her shit. It wasn't my fault. She's going, you bring it home with you. What the fuck? It was a chip shot. It was a fucking chip shot. Bring it home with me. My fucking face is all over the paper.

I told you to stop subscribing to it. Oh, I like the gossip section. The gossiping about me. I always feel bad, like, with certain guys that are volatile guys, right? When you just see them, you know that shit that you know the that stance that they're in when there's a field goal where they got their hands on the knees and they're just sitting there like one time one time come on come on just put it in it goes wow and they lose the game I I love the guys that go they try to be calm but then they they mouth it but they don't say it they

go they look at the kick the kick is up and they go he missed it he missed it that was the one i remember that kicker that talked shit about uh peyton manning banderd jack yeah going and he went i was just our idiot kicker he was trashing our idiot kicker and uh fucking peyton manning drives him down the field like a fucking champ like a hall of famer drives him down the field puts him in a position to win and the kick is up the coach peyton manning they both go he missed it then they cut to the coach he's like he missed it and then and then uh chris burman goes and he missed it dude i got one field goal kicker field goal kicker that has got to be the worst because everybody in the crowd's like dude i could have fucking made that it was a fucking 20 yarder yeah i was gonna ask you a question what would you rather do you're a field goal kicker to win

the super bowl and you miss it or you're a relief pitcher that gives up a home run to lose a World Series, which would you rather do? I think you'd have to be the pitcher. I would rather be a pitcher. Me too. Because whatever side it went to is a kicker. That's what people are going to chant at you for the rest of your life. That's your free bird. Play free bird. It's wide left or wide right. And by the way, that dude for Buffalo, it was a fucking 48 yarder. People act like that was a fucking chip shot. It just didn't break in.

Yeah. Oh, I remember. I was on my dad's bed. You know what I'm saying? It's because there's a four in front of it. People don't appreciate it. If there was like a 50 yarder, I think people would be a little more forgiving. How about the fact that Bill Belichick shut down the fucking running gun? That's what really did

him in. So then it came down to the fact that they had to try and kick a field goal to win it. That's the other side of it, Paul. I just saw something on the buffalo bills four in a row losses and thurman thomas was sitting there and he's going harry connick jr comes out and he goes and they moved my helmet and harry connick jr is about to come out and sing and they moved my helmet and we couldn't find my helmet and then one of the you know and then one of the reporters goes yeah in a nutshell them losing the helmet helmet was just why that organization wasn't together. They ended up doing something like that where it was like not an omen, but like in a nutshell, the team just didn't. In what world is Harry Connick Jr. moving the helmet?

And if he's watching this, I know he's going, I didn't move the fucking helmet. No, they moved it for his performance. He didn't move it. They moved it. Like, I guess they't move it they moved it like i guess they basically they lost thurman thomas's helmet before the super bowl which they said is a microcosm of how the team didn't have their shit together no no no no it wasn't before the suit was it before the super that was in the middle of the game and he was coming out and he couldn't find his fucking helmet oh no i don't know either way he's going i don't know where my helmet is i don't know where they put my helmet he goes and we couldn't find it that's why i'm

you know i root for buffalo it's weird buffalo hates the fucking patriots i don't hate buffalo i don't even know that during all of those years with jim kelly they were kicking our ass before they got to the superbowls and then after well then we got drew bledsoe so they kind of leveled out a little bit and parcells but like they were kicking our ass you know they kicked our ass you know the better part of a decade we had like bob greasy was kicking our ass which rolled into dan marino and then jim kelly and then jim kelly and dan marino were fucking going at it and we were like hey what about, I mean, what goes around comes around or whatever. So now they got a great quarterback.

I love that town. I love those sports fans. I would, you know, even though they would cunt me at that Jets game, a couple of them. Yeah. You know, and that they don't acknowledge OJ's, you know, on field. I know, off field, you know. I get it.

Didn't OJ play for the – who did he play for after the Bills? Was it the – did he play for the – he didn't play for the 49ers, did he? That's where he ended, yeah. He ended with Steve DeBerg. It was him. I think Gene Washington was already gone. I'm trying to remember who was on that team. Bill Walsh, who got passed over.

They passed me over, Michael. I'm smart. Not like everybody says. He got passed over in Cincinnati and then went to Stanford, regrouped, kicked ass, and then came. And then there was 49ers stunk, and there was a number one draft pick by the name of Cool Joe Montana. They built around that.

Yeah, it's Willie May maize in a mets uniform it's patrick ewing in an orlando magic we talked about that like fans of of this podcast if you're out there right in the saddest like just like this you had to look away to see somebody. Really sad. Really, really tough. That's what's great about Tom Brady winning in Tampa. Because he won. He got the ring. It's just like, oh, my God. If he went there and they sucked, and you just watch him get beat up and everything,

that would be brutal. What's it called? Even Montana went to an AFC championship game with uh with kc you know the the chiefs yeah with the chiefs like that's a dude i still can't believe fucking brady went to the bucks and won i still that is one of the most fucking gangster things i've ever seen in sports history i mean that motherfucker shows up to tampa bay with that coach ridiculous there's there's nothing to compare that to now it's far into your career you're talking the guy won his first super bowl almost 20 years ago

to be that old that would be like if they traded george blanda and he fucking went i mean that guy played he looked like ulysses s grant by the end of his fucking career. Even the way he talked, even the way he talked during the season after they would lose, he'd be like, we're, we're a couple of weeks away. Like he just knew what he was doing. He knew, he knew what the offense was doing and he knew how he was clicking.

He knew how to use guys. He's gone, you know, that was a tough one, but I think we're gonna, he just, and he would like do Instagram posts talking about it. And then they beat the fucking Chiefs.

Beat the Chiefs, man. Beat the Chiefs. I mean, it's unbelievable, dude. It's like that team was like a monster, monster team. So it wasn't it was like it wasn't like, you know, like when Patrick Mahomes got hurt against Cleveland. You know, if if he doesn't come back or whatever, you beat the Chiefs without Mahomes, it's like. Club soda Kenny?

I can't say something, but he beat a fully stocked team of Kansas City Chiefs. He just, he beat big teams, great teams during the regular season too. And there were some games he fucking blew teams out. And then the games. He then the saints in denver was saying him but the whole team uh drew breeze last game he beat the kansas city chiefs who else he beat uh uh fucking aaron rogers i mean he just played hall of fame quarterbacks the whole time he played games too if i'm if i'm correct the kid is something i've never seen before i've never seen anything like it he's just an absolute fucking animal uh club soda kenny said he texted me he goes versi i got a dude i called it for you he said brady's gonna

go to a third team and win one you heard it it here first. Dude, I'll tell you right now, nobody is going to let that guy go again. No, no. I actually think he could play two more years, retire, and then if he came back and wanted a contract, somebody's give him a tryout. I'm telling you. Yeah, like he's going to be 47 years old and they're going to be like, he may make the, you know, the backup we'll see. And then he gives them a run. That guy is something else, man. I just really want him to stop though. And the reason why I want him to stop is because I don't want to see with everything that he did, especially going to Florida and winning that shit the way that he did, which like I said, is the most gangster shit I've ever seen.

I don't want to see him now ailing. He's come this far. I don't think he'll do that. This guy is going to he's going to do a two year victory lap and be in it to win number eight and nine. He just is. It's just it's who he is. He's the fucking Terminator.

He's like one of those, one of those fucking horror movies where the person's running and the fucking scary person is walking and you just never, he's just, I'm going to, I'm going to do something here on anything better. I'm going to make an early, early prediction. Okay. I think Aaron Rodgers, Aaron Rodgers is really upset. I can, he was really, he thought that this was the year he was at least going to go to another Super Bowl, which I did as well, because that's how good he played. MVP of the league. He was unbelievable this year. I think Aaron Rodgers is going to be heard from again. And I think Aaron Rodgers is going to win a Super Bowl

within the next two years for sure. But I think that- Well, I'll tell you the problem in Green Bay is not Aaron Rodgers. What's the coach? He needs, well, I don't know. He needs whatever the, I don't mean, it ain't fucking him.

Hey, Aaron, why don't you come on? He's got to do the Kobe thing, where Kobe be like, listen, the fuck? It's not me. Rodgers is the guys I need. Listen to me. Rodgers is listening to this podcast. I know he is. Okay. Aaron, come on anything better. I know what you're going to do. I know who you are. Let's talk about it. Come on the show. Okay. You're the you know it i know it let's put this shit to bed okay tom brady had his time it's your time aaron you know it oh i'll take that action oh yeah oh yeah i wouldn't say that to aaron rogers i don't want to like the flame any more

than it is but uh that you hear that aaron bird just said if it's you and brady in the big one he's taking comedy um hey it was out of respect what hold on what i don't have i don't have hold on can we be professional here we're doing a podcast. Why would, geez, Louise. Hi, Bill. Bill, did you ever hear what- Hey, Stace, what's going on? I'm taking Lucas to baseball practice for the first time this season.

Pop your head in. I haven't seen you in like a, since before things went crazy. Oh, all right, all right, all right, all right. Women are hilarious. Unless they're like red carpet ready, they're not going on camera. I would have walked into my pajamas eating cereal. All right, what's going on? Did you ever hear what Bill Parcells said to Belichick on the sideline?

I was just reading the stories, looking up Parcells. There was one terrible moment during game when Belichick called a blitz and Parcells seemed to oppose it. They went ahead with it and the blitz worked. The other team had done what Belichick expected and not what Parcells had. But Parcells was furious. And over the open microphones in the middle of the game, he let go. He said, yeah, you're a genius.

Everyone knows it. A goddamn genius. But that's why you failed as a head coach. That's why you'll never be a head coach. Some genius. Wow. Yeah yeah and here's the thing if that's true here's the thing parcells never won the super bowl without bill belichick no and i think it's maybe it was that speech paul that made him at the midnight hour turn down the Jets and then come to New England. I got to tell you something, dude.

The saddest fans I've ever seen. Who? Mets, Jets fans. You see it in their shoulders. Like when you walk behind New Yorkers, you know if they're rooting for the Giants and the Yankees or the Jets and the Mets. You just see it in the shoulders.

They got that Willie Loman. Yeah. Bill Belichick. I'm trying to think of a comedian. I haven't seen him in forever. He is your prototypical Jets fan. Oh, Jeremy Hutz? No, no, no.

Jeremy Hutz, yeah. Jeremy Hutz looks like whatever team he roots for, they're always like one yard away or something happens. Yeah. That used to, that used to be my posture too. Growing up. We had,

we did have the Celtics, but there was just like, you know, I've said forever that we were, uh, not only did we not win forever, we were also the Washington generals to the globetrotters of two sports with the Yankees and the Montreal

Canadians we were the rival and they would just come in and kick the shit out of us or we would look like we would win and then you know shit too many men on the ice fucking the collapse anything anything that

could possibly happen we were so bad we choked to the Mets that's where the fuck we were um yeah it's also looking good by the way dude they won like four in a row we did you know go to baltimore's having a tough year but uh all right it's only seven it's only you know it's only 10 games in look how your eyes got like that you really hate it don't you no no, no. I'm 27 championships, Paul. You can't be whatever. We're trying to get number 10. No, I'm saying, though. I know we'll never catch

you. Look at you, Paul. No, you can't say they're looking good seven games, and that's something I would do. They're looking good. They are looking good. You know what? Everybody has five wins. You guys have seven, so it's annoying. Hey, you're not paying attention, are you, Paul?

I ask that all like that. I know nothing. I know nothing. Paul, I mean, it's got to be your guy. The American League East has to be the Yankees to lose. Has to be. I think so. Yeah, you guys got a great fucking team.

We got Gary Cole. Our team has sucked the last couple of years since we were banging on the trash can there. And, you know, we're starting to come back around again. I think we got some Tupperware now. We're going to burp it. I think a coach is really, really like a certain coach can change things. And I think that what Tom Thibodeau is doing with the Knicks, making them relevant in fucking April, Bill, we're playing meaningful basketball because we're a defensive

team, top three defense in the league. I'm worried about you, Paul. Why? I'm just worried about you. What, with the Knicks? You know, I love you. You're one of my best friends in the world, Paul. And I just, every year i see you get on that bandwagon and i i see you start to slip off the side and i see those wheels turning and it just it just kills me to see your jordan sticking out underneath that bus every year that thing runs over you uh you're talking to me like i'm like i'm an alcoholic that you know is going back? Paul, I just hope you know what you're doing. Bill, I got it under control. I got it under control.

The Celtics, dude. If Kemba Walker keeps playing the way he's playing with that Jalen Brown guy, you got – Jalen Brown guy, just a little more respect on that guy. I'm saying – Jalen Brown and Jason Tatum that they are the future. They have scored the most points since bird and McHale, the best two person combination.

You are such a boss. And they're both. I am not that Jalen Brown guy. I'm giving you a compliment. You said that Jalen Brown guy, like, like he's, he's,

he's trying to make a name for himself. All right. He's a one-time all-star. The kid's coming. He's great. But I'm saying... One-time all-star. You New York fans are so fucking cunty. You have 27 World Series. What are you fucking worried about?

You know, we're talking basketball. Don't try to control me with your tone well what you went all the way down all right we're talking basketball what are you a former cop trying to avoid the confrontation before it happens did you reach for your mace we're talking basketball there's no reason to you know we're not talking baseball no you're raising your raising your voice. I'm not raising my voice. If you said that Julius Randle guy, I wouldn't be like, whoa.

You know, he made the All-Star team the first time. But what I'm trying to tell you is I like the Celtics. I think if Kemba Walker continues this, and I'd love to root for you guys against the Brooklyn Nets, of course. Of course. Hey, Paul, you know, you're just starting to headline clubs. You're just starting to fucking, you know, sell tickets and everything. Look at your eyes.

Look at you. When Paul goes like that, he knows the pain's coming. You're tightening up. What if somebody referred you? Yeah, we had that last week. Who'd you have to club? We had that Paul Verzi guy. It would motivate me.

No. I would bug you. Yeah, it would bug me. It would bug you. It would bug me. I'm a competitive. It would bug me no uh i would bug you yeah it would bug me it would bug you it would bug me i'm a competitive it would bug me you know what and if the if the celtics for some reason traded jalen brown to the knicks you would not say we got that jalen brown guy i'd call it jalen brown so don't give me your fucking passive aggressive thatgressive, that Jalen Brown guy bullshit. And then try to act like, oh, he's got one all-star game. You're going to go all fantasy fucking football on me now.

I would be psyched to be. His name is Jalen Brown. Mr. Brown to you. If he was a Nick, I would be psyched as shit. I know you would. You would be psyched. Dude, I heard he goes to Club Macanudo. Maybe sometime I go in there there he's smoking his cigar

you'd be so excited i'll tell you who i love marcus smart that kid is an animal that's the kind of guy that can win you a championship he does the intangibles that kid's more valuable than a jalen brown maybe he had a nice three against you i don't know if you remember that right through the fucking heart oh i saw a fuckingameless even tilt his head when I said that one. Dude, Marcus Smart was out for about two weeks and we were like rudderless out there. You're not the same team without that guy.

He's a, he's the, he's, and he talks a little shit. He's got an unbelievable engine on him. He dives for basketballs. He can hit a big three, which he did.

A fucking untradable smart tatum and jaylen brown that kid jaylen brown could be traded uh i love this celtic team i i i like him i i have a i have a real problem with the fucking nba in this stupid all-star game with like the fucking team lebron team kd that's just this night of too many stars let's i mean how many more fucking guys are the brooklyn that's gonna get what are we doing here and i gotta tell you something else the fuck oh i'm on a rant here oh here we go the fucking nba paul is the only game where you go from college to pro and it slows down i don't know what and i know they're faster i know that they could destroy every college team but the game is just slower it's fucking longer there's

more timeouts there's more fouls there's just more fucking tv shit dude college basketball is just lean and fucking mean and and you know i, if I watch college hockey, I'm enjoying it. By the way, UMass won the first fucking NCAA title, I think hockey title of the school's career. But if I'm watching college hockey, I can see how much slower it is than the NHL. I will say college football, though, still seems like it holds up. Like football just is awesome.

Football, though, still seems like it holds up. Like football just is awesome. College baseball, you see big time difference. First of all, those fucking aluminum bats. But you watch like college hoop is way more fucking exciting. Just a college hoop game is way more exciting than what the NBA is offering. And I think they got a big fucking problem in identity crisis right now. But I can't say that

because everybody's still fucking watching, but I'm like going, you guys are dangerously flirting with not being a league anymore and sort of almost being like UFC where it's just like, I know who's fighting in the championship. Yeah.

Okay, it's this guy versus this guy. I know it's going to be Lakers, Brooklyn Nets. They know it. The All-Star Game is named after. It's not even the East and the West anymore. I think that's a problem, personally. I think you're being a little disrespectful to the Utah Jazz, who are 41 and 13.

I hope I am, because I saw when Shaq was disrespectful to that kid out there, and he fucking – Donovan Mitchell, yeah. He's been playing even better. But I can't watch these fucking teams that just get a zillion guys on them, and then they're like, you know, they still need another piece. Dude, I think that 2008 Celtic team, it was fun to win another championship, but it was like, you know, we just, that was paid for.

It made sense because we were going up against the Lakers who every fucking year are doing this. But like, you know, that's why I do. That's why I don't consider what the Astros do did cheating as much as that they brought a gun to a gunfight with what the Yankees and Red Sox were doing when we had $200 million, you know, fucking roided up free agents already going to teams that had ridiculous amount of talent. I'm not saying everybody was on roids. I'm just saying. Yeah, I think that what LeBron and them did took it to another level though. I think what the Celtics did in 08 might have been like part, but I don't

put... It started with Kobe Shaq, Phil Jackson. The league changed with that. And then it just sort of became like, you know, it just kind of, you know, all of a sudden the Lakers like run off five championships. It's like, oh, that's the game. And then LeBron's like, what the fuck? And then he goes to Miami. And then he went what he went

two down there yeah and then he's like oh you know he just fucking piled on then he goes to cleveland and gets the shut the fuck up championship right yeah does his thing there and then like it's just sort of become like uh it sucks man it's not fun it's not fun and i gotta tell you something and i really mean this and i know people are gonna think i'm talking shit because i hate them so much if i was a nets fan and i won it this year i would not feel that good the same way when the yankees won it when they had fucking mark to share at first robinson cano at second derrick jeter at short and alex rod Alex Rodriguez at third. Winning that one, it was nice to go ahead.

Like, it was one of those where it was like, I didn't hate it, but I wasn't like, yes. I'm just hoping that football and hockey don't go that route, which it doesn't seem like they're going to. I think the reason why the NFL is so fucking great we i think we talk about this too much but it's just the nfl is great because like you know you can hang on to your stars you can build teams all of a sudden you know like a couple of shrewd trades or whatever but it's not like they don't have that thing of like you know everybody just sort of piling on.

I mean, I guess it's going to be like the celebrity of a Lakers Brooklyn thing with all those superstars in it playing for a title. I guess it's kind of fun on some level, but I don't know. I just look at the Pelicans like so. What is that? What do you what do you tell Pelican fans? Pelicans, like, so what is that? What are you telling Pelican fans? Enjoy Zion while you can because he's going to go to Miami or I don't know what.

I mean, Kevin Durant, Kyrie Irving, and James Harden are on the starting five of a basketball team. It's stupid. It's stupid. Dude, if I'm running the league, though, I would have, you know. The unfinished business of the fucking Oklahoma versus the rematch. Up three games to one, and fucking Steph Curry and those guys just fucking took it from them. And they did not win yet. That's my favorite thing. Are they going to learn how to win?

And then the whole team just fucking took off. Whatever. Whatever. And they did not win yet. That's my favorite thing. Are they going to learn how to win? And then the whole team just fucking took off. Whatever. Whatever. I'm sick of talking about this. I apologize to people. I talk about this too much. Oh, well, we've only talked about it once on this.

Oh, I thought I talked about it more. I just, you know, I like hating guys and rivalries. I don't like fucking hating a guy. And then all of a sudden he's wearing my uniform. I'm just like, oh, so I guess I like hating guys and rivalries. I don't like fucking hating a guy. And then all of a sudden he's wearing my uniform. I'm just like, Oh, so I guess I like him now. And everything's fucking cool. Yeah.

And it's good to watch your team and go, this is the year we're going to get over that team. Like you said, like within the last dance, that was the year that they were going to beat the Pistons because Scotty Pippen got tougher and Jordan was working out. Like that's, that's the fucking thing you need to do.

Not this like I'm going to join them and I'm going to go and do that and I'm going to be Kevin Durant and go to a 73-win team. Whatever. It is what it is. But I don't think it changes, dude. I think that that's what it is now. And it was bad before when the owners are like, I own you. it was bad before when the owners are like, I own you.

Like there was guys that never made, never made the pros because the position they played back in the day was the same position as Mickey Mantle or, or Ted Williams or, or DiMaggio. And you never even made the pros. So they needed a free agency and also the owners were fucking them over. But like the like you know it's i think that becomes like an over correction of uh you know just like power you know what i mean one side has too much power let's they always seems like they over correct it hopefully it will settle in the middle because uh i love a regular season hoop game dude well yeah and settling in watching

the game like i i can't even tell you how much i'm missing tommy heinz and rest his soul um just missing him getting on the refs and all of that shit like um i don't know well something's gonna give because lebron's gonna be out of the league in a few years. And, you know, Durant's get, I can't believe I'm saying this, but Durant's getting older. I just love the fact that I can root against these fucking teams. I can root. I mean, nothing's going to give me more pleasure than watching the Lakers or the Nets lose. Um, and the fact that my Knicks can take part in that. Lakers aren't going to lose, dude. They're not going to fucking lose. Anthony Davis, he'll, he'll, he's just resting, dude.

They're just acting like he's fucking hurt and everything. LeBron's taking some games off. They know. Well, LeBron knows. He knows. He just knows the mindset. Oh, I hope you're wrong. Utah's not.

They're not going to fucking beat them. Seven games, they drag you into the deep water, man. It ain't fucking happening. Is this you? Is this you? Those guys are, no, dude, they're killers, man. They're fucking killers. LeBron is a killer.

I don't know if this is like a defense mechanism you're doing or if you really feel that way. No, I absolutely feel that way. Okay. All right, because I know you don't want it. I know. Oh, I know you don't want it. How good are you as a Celtic fan?

Yeah, but I've also, you know, I've kind of come to terms with the fact that, like, guys want to play in L.A. more than come to Boston with the winner and, you know, and, you know. Fucking, you know, it's, LA's the total package, man. Beautiful women, beautiful weather. You know, you can get your production company or your rap career going. There's so much shit you can fucking, you just can't do that.

You know, dude, you can go to bill and bob's roast beef and talk to a couple of sixes you go to union oyster house you know that's a classic i you know personally like that's the selling point uh So you got the Lakers. I have to be honest with you. I wouldn't – if all of those guys were going in Boston, I just – I'm not into that. I'm just – I'm not into winning like that. I want to see like all of these guys are on the same team.

I want to see you guys face each other. Yeah. No, I do too, man. That's what makes it great. That's what makes it great that's what makes it great but i i don't think the lakers are a shoo-in i really don't i i don't i think that that's a well it's definitely hard to repeat but like uh i don't know i just think uh lebron brings people up to his level as much as people fucking still hate on that guy i don't get it it's like dude he went back to Cleveland and he won,

and he beat the fucking Warriors, who were an unbelievable team. That block, that championship is undeniable. And everybody said when he did that, oh, these fucking haters. And it's like, okay, so it's over. He did it. Dude, he won a championship in Cleveland. Who does that?

Nobody. Then he goes to fucking la and then they all start hating on him again like he never won in cleveland so that i don't get but like i just know that that is the guy and i knew as a celtics fan i'm like okay he's there he you know that's gonna be like moths to a fucking light i knew they were all coming um but like you know i don't know what uh i don't know what brooklyn's doing though they're just anybody who ever made an all-star game the last 20 years they're signing they're just fucking i don't know what they're doing they really are i mean to get aldridge and griff like, coming off – it's like to get – They're in talks with – was it Stefan Marbury? They're going to see if he wants to come back and just –

Yeah. Sit on the bench like Jose Consenco sat on the bench for you guys in 98 and 99. John Stockton's going to be the third point guard. He's coming out. He's still in good shape. I love all those stories about what a filthy player was. He was so good at it. never even noticed yeah maybe i was just psyched there was a white guy doing something out there look at a small white guy a small white guy's got to do anything he can you know a small small white guy's got to scrap and do it i remember if that

fucking dude on the warriors has to kick people in the balls at his fucking height what do you think what is what is that little white dude got to do man i was in pickup games i was the little white guy in the corner and that's why i knocked down the shots because that's all i had maybe your autobiography the little white guy in the corner then they put you on the cover like this this guy doesn't whitey lips fucking Middle Eastern. I really could. I could go Middle Eastern. I could go Russian.

They've told me Puerto Rican. Yeah, I got a lot of different ones. Armenian, I don't know. Not quite. You got the beard. You got the beard. I can go like three places. I got Ireland, Scotland, and England.

That's it. Yeah. Germany. Other than that. German. I got Ireland, Scotland, and England. That's it. Yeah. Germany. Other than that. German. You got the German too. Yeah, but you only said that because you know. Come on. Name another redheaded German.

I was going to say, if you shave the beard and you, you know. But yeah, I guess that's true. I mean, the first look at you is Irish. Boris Becker. And what's her name, too? Hingis. Hingis. No, I'm saying a redhead.

Famous redhead German. Wasn't Boris Becker blonde? I thought he was sort of a redhead. Oh, Jesus, Paul, this is unraveling. You got... We did over an hour. Hey, before we go, because I got to go pick up my daughter at school.

Dude, I got the second vaccine shot. Nice. Did not get sick. My second one. Did not get sick, Paul. And I think it's because I'm fucking stone sober and all I do is just fucking have i make myself a chocolate malt saturday night that's all i don't even smoke

sticks anymore the uh the doctor said people that never had covet have are having an easier time i don't know if that's part of it but maybe the fact i also think people that if you're not a fucking booze bag because i got a buddy of mine that was a booze bag, and he got the Johnson & Johnson, and he had a real tough time with it to the point he was thinking of going to the hospital or whatever. I love how people are freaking out about the Johnson & Johnson because six people out of fucking seven million

had a problem with it. And then Ford sold those fucking Crown Victorias to the cops for fucking 30 goddamn years. And they were dying in them because the gas tank was in the wrong fucking place. Right. Took them 30 years to recall that fucking thing. Seven people. Yeah.

Millions and millions of people are having fine are fine with it. That's why I like these people online, man, that are saying like DMX. It's just really dangerous what they're saying and what they're doing they gotta sell the virus they gotta be from the people that cured polio and every fucking measles mumps all of this shit they cured it all they they eliminated like there was plagues constantly in history modern medicine eliminated all of it and now they're going to eradicate this fucking thing and there's people that are going to the place where there's free pornography to also get their medical advice is the funniest fucking shit ever

ever that's that's yeah that's really funny way to look at it it's true like i trust my doctor and if your doctor tells you which the doctors are saying it's safe, go and do it. Do it. My doctors are right. want an official one not some dude who got kicked out of a hospital for whatever the he was doing that's some quack in a strip mall I'm talking someone who's in the league Paul I want I want to know what college they went to he's got his name sewed into that thing I want to know what college shiny into okay if you didn't go to a promenade. Behind him on the fucking wall. Yeah, I agree. Give me a starter. I want Harvard. Hey, Paul, you know who said that about fucking DMX? That was just our idiot kicker. Just talking.

Does that sound anything like him? He has such a specific way of talking. Peyton? Peyton. Peyton Manning. The first time you did it sounded like him. That time you went too hard with the accent. I think I went in a little Lou Holtz. You love my Lou Holtz.

I go out here getting a huddle and think about God. Nobody on your game does steroids. Everybody else cheats. Cause they're not Catholics. Your Lou Holtz is one of my favorites it is it's the it's it's so good i wish more people knew who lou holtz was because that's so perfect y'all come together you gotta leave yourself call your mother and father telling me love him have your dog go out and fetch the newspaper he sounds like he's talking about America in like 1953. Not saying he's not a great coach.

You got to hear Bobby Kelly do Artie Lang, dude. Oh, Bobby Kelly does Artie Lang, and it is nuts. The only one I got, I could do a good Florentine. I love your Florentine. Hold on. He goes, yeah, what's going on? Yeah, nobody wants to hear Madonna at halftime. It's a joke.

It's fucking unreal. Fucking ACDC always. It's fucking brutal. Nobody cares. That dancing robot. I mean, who's that for? Who's that for? What am I supposed to do with that?

It's fucking stupid. I pulled my hog out. What do you think I want you to do with that it's fucking stupid just i've i pulled my hog out what do you think i want you to do with it put it in your mouth it's a fucking joke no dude you got it i was in a ramada i took an upper decker all right i gotta go i'm gonna be late here uh all right man This is episode 13, Anything Better. Guys, like and subscribe on iTunes. Get it on Spotify. Anywhere you get your podcasts, subscribe to the Anything Better YouTube channel.

The Monday morning podcast. And I won't bitch about the NBA anymore. I'm even getting tired of me. I won't bitch about the NBA anymore. I'm even getting tired of that. Check out. So, guys, April 22nd to the 24th, I'll feel I'm even getting tired of that. Check out. So guys, uh, April 20th, April 22nd to the 24th, I'll be at the Addison improv May 20th improv.

She's telling some knock knock jokes. Yeah. April 22nd to the 24th. Uh, I'll be at side splitters in Tampa, May 22 to 23rd. Also got Austin and Salt Lake City in June. You could go to paulverzi.com. Go to my YouTube channel. Bill, what do you got? You got a tour coming up. I got a whole fall tour. I start July 3rd in Viva Las Vegas at the Cosmopolitan.

I second, sorry, July 2nd. And it runs through Phoenix the end of the year. So I'm hoping to see you guys out there. Everybody be safe and do whatever you're supposed to do. Yeah, you big. Whatever the hell you got to do. I'll talk to you later. All right, guys.

This has been episode 13, Anything Better. We'll see you guys next week. Have a good week. Talk to you soon. Thank you.