Anything Better? - I Could Pick Lois Lane Up

Episode Date: May 22, 2022

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What's up everybody and welcome back to the greatest podcast on earth. It's the anything better podcast with your host Paul Berzy, Bill Burr, producer extraordinaire, the Greek freak out there in his beautiful compound at Beverly Hills. And you guys are listening to episode number 62. 62, Paul. Yep, we're in the fat linemen. We're in the fat linemen group here. Middle relievers.

Vic Power. Jorge Posada. Where did Jorge go after the Yankees where he wore 62? No, he never. He never. He retired a Yankee and he was number 20 with the Yankees for his career. I don't understand where he was 62. My guess would be minor leagues. Wally Berger.

John Lester. I have to be honest. Wally Berger is one of the most brutal names I've ever heard in sports. Yeah, that one died out. Wally Berger's here. He's all right. He's a real swell guy. Jose Quintana.

Rick Wise, the old Cleveland Indian and Red Sox. Jose Ramirez. Lance Lynn. Now there's a name that puts terror into anybody who watches sports. I'll tell you whatever sport he played, you didn't want to see him come. Baseball. Josh Harrison. Rich Hill. Hal Morris.

Chris Davis. Eduardo Escobar. Carlos Martinez. Scott Shields. I got a great one, though, for football. Jim Langer. Ooh. Who's he, Paul? What position?

I'm going to say he's definitely a defensive lineman. Offensive lineman. He was a center for the undefeated Miami Dolphins. Hall of Famer. Okay. No. 1972. There's Famer. Oh, okay. No, his name. 1972. There's a lot of centers coming up.

Bill Linkitis, 67. There's a lot coming up. Dave Dalby. Who else is a great center? Wait, Jim Burt? Jim Burt was, he was a nose tackle. Oh, he was a nose tackle. Okay.

All right. Well, there you go, Paul. That's the exciting world of number 62. You know what's great about those numbers, Paul? Is they're just there for the taking. Let's be honest. The numbers aren't going to be great until we get into the 70s. And it's only because those guys are still great.

It's a hall of famer. No, those guys are still great. But as far as knowing them, you know. No. This is the best part, Paul. You've been shitting on the number 60s. You're anticipating

how fucking awful it was going to be. What is it, Paul? Because they don't have the ball? Because there's go kind of. got me you got me um you don't like an offensive lineman nameless faceless going to work getting the job done i mean paul presidents win elections talking to people like that yeah a lot of people don't know who i know who you are i see you i was one of you i'm gonna go to washington and i'm gonna clean it up

i'm going to drain the swamp they can't get enough of it no um well you know what i should be more into Offensive linemen Because that's why My New York Giants Have sucked so bad And we got that kid Evan Neal

From Alabama Which is I mean can we just call it What it is Alabama is You know Junior NFL I mean how many kids

Come out Like the whole fucking team Is saying Three wide receiver All the offensive linemen Alabama is just Oh dude Speaking of that Did you hear what Jumbo –

They're still loose to the Jaguars. What's his name, Jumbo Fisher? Jumbo Fisher. What's the guy's name? Steve Bofit. Anyway. The professional eater. Andrew, can you pull this – we need to pull this up because this was –

two things happened this week that we have to talk about on anything better. I've guys are starting to do. Coaches are starting to do what comedians are doing, where the way comedians will sit down. So what do you think about that comedian scandal? And and you shouldn't do that. Dude, Patrick Beverly went in on Chris Paul talking a lot of shit. And then this coach fucking murders, verbally murders Nick Saban. He goes, yeah, I know what he does. And it's fucking despicable. And yeah, and he wins,

dude. He just fucking, can you pick that up? Jumbo Fisher on Nick Saban. I want Bill to see this dude. He's in an interview. And I was like, who's he talking about? And then I looked it up and they go, he went on Nick Saban. because i guess nick saban said something to him but he went on some shit and i was just like oh man he was like yeah it's and they you know he coached uh texas a&m uh i don't know he coached a couple i don't know where he is now but uh yeah yeah it was just one of those and i I love a good Southern accent football coach. Like Steve Spurrier. You got to love the old ball coach. He just comes in.

I'll tell you what we need to do. It was like my joke. There's always the guy. You got to hold in. Number 79 on offense. It's going to be a. Yeah, they used to all be Southern. Yeah.

No, dude. He fucking. yeah they used to all be southern yeah um no dude he fucking he almost implied like i know why he wins and it's despicable and i ain't gonna do that and i was just like what do you think's going on down there same thing old sneaky pete was doing out in usc dude they're just like they're going on a run. But I don't know. I would think at this point they would have got caught at something by now if they were really doing something awful. Andrew, you want me to find it? Even Pistol Pete.

Come out and say this. When he doesn't get his way or things don't go his way, the narcissist in him doesn't allow those things to happen. It's ridiculous. But when, when he's not on top and the parody in college football, he's been talking about, go talk to coaches who coach for him.

You'll find out all the parody, go dig into wherever he's been. You can find out anything. And it's a shame that you got to sit here and defend 17 year old kids and families and Texas A&M because we do things right. We're always going to do things right. But we're not, we're always going to sit here and defend 17-year-old kids and families and Texas A&M because we do things right. We're always going to do things right. But we're always going to be here. We're doing a heck of a job.

These coaches have done a great job. Our players have done a great job. The whole organization of recruiting people. It's despicable that we got to sit here at this level of ball and say these things to defend the people of this organization, the kids, 17-year-old kids and their families. It's amazing. Some people think they're God.

Go dig into how God did his deal. You may find out about a guy that a lot of things you don't want to know. We built him up to be the czar of football. Go dig into his past or anybody that's ever coached with him. You can find out anything you want to know we built him up to be the czar of football go dig into his past or anybody's ever coached with him you can find out anything you want to find out what he does and how he does it and it's despicable it really is and it's a shame we have to set up here and have this conversation about things we do and it and it's personal to us yes it is it's personal to a and m it's personal to is. It's personal to A&M. It's personal to our players. It's personal to our coaches and everybody involved.

And I know the guy. I know him really well. It's amazing that we're allowed to do those things. It's really despicable. And I hate it. For our players who are coming here, who did things the right way, have done things the right way, and will continue to do things the right way, I apologize to you that people insult you publicly the way they're doing it.

And our fans, I apologize to you guys for people saying those things about Texas A&M. I promise you this. There are no violations. There are nothing wrong. It's the second time we've had to do this with grown men who don't get their way and want to pout, throw a fit, and act up. Just go ask all the people who work for him.

You'll know exactly what he's about. I always said this. My dad always told me this. When people show all the people who work for him. You'll know exactly what he's about. I always said this. My dad always told me this. When people show you who they are, believe them. He's showing you who he is. Oh, Jimbo Fisher coming out the gate. Oh, something happened. So is he talking about recruiting?

Is he talking steroids? It sounds like it sounds like Saban is like kind of taking shots at the university. And wow, man, I like that. My dad told me when somebody show you who you are, believe it. That's great. I mean, I think everybody's heard that. I'm not saying I'm just saying it's a good report. Actually, you know, your dad didn't come's heard that. I'm not saying, I'm just saying it's a good, I would have been that reporter. Actually, you know,

your dad didn't come up with that. Did your dad, did your dad say that Jim? Is he the one that started that? Because that really took off. Dude, that's, you know, my mother used to say something to me. Stitching time saves man. Think about it. You know, my grandmother used to say something to me. Stitching time saves nine. Think about it. You know, my grandmother used to say, sticks and stones. They break my bones. But them words.

George W. said, you know, they had a saying down in Texas. I don't know if they have it around here. He's like uh fool me once shame on you uh fool me twice you're not gonna fool me again i saw a rapper uses that j cole the rapper j cole actually uses that whole thing in a thing. He fucking bailed. He bailed in the middle of his fucking speech. He ain't going to fool me again. He ain't going to fool me again.

For as much shit as Sleepy Joe gets, at least he has the excuse of a medical condition. But I will say George W., greatest first pitch thrown out before a game ever. When the country needed a strike, Paul, I don't care what those fucking liberals say. It felt good watching them do that. I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what, Paul.

We haven't talked about this. You want to know about Paul Verzi? You want to know about his fire pit in the backyard? You go look into it. I'll tell you what. I'm tired of people around my house taking shit because we ain't got no fire pit. You know why that is? Because we do things the right way around here.

All right? We got a saying. We got a saying in my house. So something like this. Live, laugh, and love. Think about it. I'll tell you what. My grandfather said to me one time, life's short.

You live it to the fullest. You know, and I took that. And I tell you, it is absolutely disgusting. The people keep coming around my house asking where my fire pit is. Five-year-old, two-year-old kid over here. We do things the right way around here oh shit well bill your first pitch was incredible dude bill burr's first pitch at fenway not only was it a strike it dropped in the zone dude it dropped in the zone like a perfect break

that's what happened. It looks good. It looks like I threw something on it. It wasn't. That was gravity. Dude, if I did that at Yankee Stadium, I would be like, dude, who do I talk to for a statue? Who do I talk to for a... Is there a banner? Is there like a greatest first pitch

banner out here? Have you ever heard a coach talk about another coach like that ever? I've talk about another coach like that ever i've never heard a coach like that yes who i think it was bobby knight talking about john calipari going i don't get everybody talking about this everywhere this guy goes he builds the program up and then right as he leaves the whole program gets put on probation i mean how long are we going to sit here and ignore him that's what he said oh okay because this guy was taking shots it's despicable you make him a god he's a bitch he's kind of annoying me it's just say what they're

doing and you guys if you look you can find out you can find out exactly what they're doing just look you can dig over there because you can dig if If you dig, you're going to find it. And I want to be like, oh, you just tell us. They're obviously not digging. I get to sit there and dance around the whole thing and throw out an old expression and I'm supposed to be satisfied with that

fucking thing. Oh, my God. Imagine you did that with your wife when you fought. When you come home late you go like i'm a dad my mother told me something and i live by it i do things the right way around here okay i think it's absolutely despicable that i can't walk into my own house at 3 30 in the morning and i have to sit here and listen to allegations like this, you know? I know why the house is clean.

I know what your tactics are. This is terrible. And you throw your buddy under the bus? You think the reason I came home this late is because of me? Go call Jim's wife. Find out. Find out why I came home so late. Say it right now.

You're not going to like the answers. Oh, dude, it hurts to laugh. I got a fucking tooth extracted, and they told me this is the day of the real pain, and I'm laughing at you, and I feel the swelling, and I don't care. Yeah, just don't get a dry socket. I know. Just don't do that. Don't create a vacuum. Well, they told me for 24

hours i can't like use a straw spit any of that i'm on i'm on 48 hours right now she goes if you don't ice it it's going to be out to here so i did it pretty good i did pretty good um imagine i did the podcast welcome back to the anything anything playing hard this week it's like all right paul we would just just skip a week um yeah dude he he i don't know it kind of seemed though like what was not cool was when he said talk to his coaches talk to all the people that coach with them they'll tell you that goes like he's basically saying they bitch behind his back like that that was some wild shit. Like, cause if I'm a coach under Saban now, I'm like,

the fuck can I talk to you for a second? Come on. You know, like he could call you and be like, what have you said anything to Jimbo or. Yeah, dude, I hate that shit.

I hate that. Yeah. I hate that. You just add, you know, the first time you find out there's no Santa Claus, just keep continues just throughout your life. And the amount of times you watch something you think it's fucking great and then it turns out they were doing this and then you gotta sit there going like is this people just

hating on them um yeah i mean i don't know fucking i'm gonna just listen to this other guy like they do things right at texas a&m what did you say so? Because you're wearing a Texas A&M t-shirt? What, because you're losing? We do things right here. That's why we were 8-12. Hey, why don't you start doing things a little wrong? Hey, whatever that guy's doing that keeps winning. Why don't we start doing things the way they're doing it?

You know? Oh, man. That was the Houston Astros, Paul. Oh, that's so funny. That was the Houston Astros. They watched the Red Sox and Yankees with the $200 million roided up free agents winning all these World Series. And they were like, we don't have that money, but we got a trash can we got a trash can and they did what they had to do and any fucking yankee fan

or red sucks fan that fucking whines about that it's like we created that baseball created that um you know i i agree i yes or no i agree i agree to an extent you're gonna sit there tell me that that was fair no i i said i agree and disagree to a certain extent i think you're right and i think that getting an edge definitely you know certain teams like our teams may be to blame but i feel like taking steroids and knowing what pitch is coming are different. I've always said that. I know you have, Paul. I just made it a little different.

You know why, Paul? Because your team did steroids. So did your team. Paul, you're not listening. I'm saying we cheated. No, we did cheat. But not every guy on our team's cheated, and none of those guys knew what pitch was coming.

That takes away from the game. That's all I'm saying. I think steroids takes away from the game too. Could you imagine being in a world series, knowing a curve ball's coming? It's like, well, can you imagine being in a world series with $200 million of talent and your body still feels like it's the first game of the year? No, it's fucking hard. Those it's horrible. What it's fucking horrible. It's horrible what those guys do. They were X-Men.

It's horrible what those guys do. I'm agreeing, but I just think that, I think what they did was they're like, I'll see your steroids and I'll fucking add this to it a little bit. Well, they couldn't outspend us. Paul, who's kidding who? You know, it's not like you guys didn't do a little, some shit with the ey us. Paul, who's kidding? Who, you know, it's not like you guys didn't do a little some shit with the

eyewatches and shit. The Red Sox didn't do when we got Alex Cora there, dude, we're doing the same shit. And I don't. Why are there iPads? I don't get. I don't understand. Paul, why can you go to the fucking ballpark and gamble now?

And Pete Rose isn't in the Hall of Fame. That's a great point i get i but i get why because pete actually was managing he could actually control the outcome of the game he could leave a guy in you can't have their players gambling but the fact that they're sitting there you know letting fans do it and turn it into fucking off-track betting and i can't smoke a fucking cigar in the stands. I can't do that, but this guy can go up there and lose his kid's fucking tuition in your

ballpark. And you have the nerve to still have a mascot. I mean, what are we talking about here, Paul? Uh, I think, I think if,

if, if you're part of one of the elite teams, as far as the money that they spend and all that Dodgers fucking, you know, Yankees, Red Sox and all that shit. I don't want to fucking hear it about the fucking goddamn trash can. Shut the fuck up.

No, listen, what's done is done. Everybody got their penalties. It is what it is. What can you do? You're still sitting there going, they did.

They cheated worse. It's a very, you know what, Paul, I gotta be honest with you. That's a real sort of female fucking way of looking at it. Well, they cheated worse. It's a very, you know what, Paul? I've got to be honest with you. That's a real sort of female fucking way of looking at it. When you did it too, when you did it, you did it worse. I love when I ran into an Astros fans.

And I was just like, I go, yeah. Hey, so what do you think about that? All these years of saying the Patriots are cheaters. Now what do you got to say? The thing is, I don't have any problem with what they nope nope i loved it i loved it you just fucking that that like those types of sports fans it's just like dude you're a fucking yeah half that paul you have that because you won't just sit there and say what the fuck you guys did to get to go three and oh three get three in a row was a little fucked up dude i said that the 09 world

series i took you to 09 no well i didn't know any i didn't know what was going that's when it came out that's when that report don't play the babe in the woods wait i'm not gonna be able to see my mother i i can't i'm sorry henry i gotta see my mother? I'm sorry, Henry. I got to see my mother. All right, everybody. It is freeze pipe. Spring is in the air and everything is turning green. So smoking green should be just as pleasant as taking a refreshing dip in the pool. For the smoothest, coolest, and biggest hits, you have to try freeze pipe.

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That's why I don't like when you go into a fucking weed store. You got to give them their driver's license. It's like, who the fuck are you? No, this brand is incredible, dude. I'm one of those guys that fucking panic, get anxiety. This will just relax me. I love it. Oh, was I insulting you insulting i'm sorry paul

a little bit i was just sort of joshing man i was joking around i didn't call me a head case you call me a head case you know i do have problems bill sorry hey you know what's the mary's florida this is one of these places you know you can fucking see the weather coming in uh uh go to diet smoke.com and use promo code better for 20% off all their THC gummies. That's dietsmoke promo code better for 20% off. Go to dietsmoke.com and use the promo code better to get 20% off diet smoke THC gummies. We're getting people high over here, man. Andrew, you had a clip for me and Bill to see I understand on this week's excellent episode of Anything Better

I mean what else do you want you got Bill Burr in a Batman shirt you know in his hotel room I got it and I can't tell you how many nerds stopped me on the street did you see the last one I know it's unbelievable I thought he was going to die

thank God he didn't right you know what I like about. I thought he was going to die. Thank God he didn't, right? You know what I like about Batman? I like Batman because he's mortal. I don't. I don't like Batman. And I don't like fucking Spider-Man. And it's a shame that they never made the real superhero, the fucking gangster.

Bill, who's the best superhero? I mean, we know who it is. Wait, wait, wait. Back up. You just named my two favorite. You don't likeman or superman no no i mean spider-man no the the most the the best superhero ever they fucked up every one of his movies but he's the fucking in my opinion he's the goat he's the fucking goat paul's gonna say oh no who am i gonna say andrew i was gonna say the punisher. No. The fucking Man of Steel, dude.

Superman. Fucking Superman. Ever since Christopher Reeves, rest his soul, they've never made... Who's ever debated that? Jesus Christ. I swear to God, you are just an Olive Garden Cheesecake Factory fucking Nike. Of course you like Superman. What do you mean debated that's to pay? Nike. Of course you like Superman.

What do you mean, to pay? Is there ever a left turn? You know, I like the first one of them all. Well, he's the best one, and they don't make his movies good. They keep making this stupid fucking movie. Not the best one. I think he's the best. He's my favorite.

And I think he's the best. He's got dumb glasses, and he parts his hair the other way, and nobody can figure out it's him. Only, well, that's stupid, but nothing could kill him other than kryptonite, dude. And he's fucking... And Doomsday. What? In the comics in the early 90s,

they killed Superman. And they actually, if you read the comic book, it's actually pretty well done. They show every other superhero trying to defeat this character Doomsday. And this thing that comes from space just starts basically manhandling everybody and then superman's like away doing something else and then finally he gets there and he tries fighting and then he kills yeah he's being moody

in his fucking fortress of solitude no he had a chick with him he had a chick with him good for him dude he was trying to fucking figure his life out he lois lane you guys superman he's banging some broad two desks over from work he fell in love dude give the kid a break listen but here's the thing they don't man i see could have any woman he wants he He gets another journalist who's going to fucking nitpick his fucking spelling and punctuation. It's not going to last. But here's the thing. And if she's so cool, why does he need a fortress of solitude? Why does he need this giant ice fucking man?

Because she's a woman. He gets it. He fucking gets it. All right. That's a big advantage for Superman. He's like, listen, sweetheart, when I'm in the Fortress I don't need any calls. Zip it.

Zip it. Sorry, I was saving the world last night. I don't need you right now. By the way, I can see you coming up through the walkway. Just because you can't see me, I can see you. So don't even try that shit. Here's the thing. They had who they have at batman

right they had michael keaton they had val kilmer they had christian bale they had ben affleck george clooney ben affleck all this they've made bronson how many how many spider-mans have they made toby mcguire now this kid tama the other kid garfield all these different kids and they've done two superman movies and the fucking stinks they like it was like they're not making that movie because they say marvel is better than dc that's really what it is it's more of a marvel studio thing and superman is not in the marvel umbrella, but Superman, a good Superman movie has not been made dude for a long, long time. They've been making Spider-Man and Spider-Man Marvel.

Is he DC? No, he's Marvel. Well, all right. But Batman's DC, right? Yeah.

Batman is DC and they keep making that one and they're not making more Superman. It's fucking interesting. Yeah. It's fucking interesting. Yeah. It's the hardest character to do because he just, you know, it's this. What's the same thing? He's Bruce Wayne. His parents got murdered when he was young.

He has a fucking mansion and he's got an English butler. And he fucking, it's like, okay. Fucking this kid. This kid's fighting. What do you mean? Let me tell you something right now, Paul. There's no fucking way I'm having this argument. There is no fucking way

they will ever make a fucking Superman movie as good as the one that one dude did. I know. He's got better villains. He's got that bald cunt who looks like me. Lex Luthor. That's his big fucking nemesis.

A guy. Bill's right. He's in space. Yeah. It's one of the big reasons. Yeah, he goes after Mr. Clean. I'm supposed to be like. What about this dude?

He's got the fucking Riddler. He's got the show pony. I don't know where they fucking fight. Whatever. Willem Dafoe. No, he's got. He's got the show pony. I don't know where they fucking fight. Whatever. Willem Dafoe. No, he's got Beto. Willem Dafoe has been fucking with Spider-Man since the 1930s, Paul. Oh, no, no.

There's just no rivalry, Paul. It's boring. Well, it's Lex Luthor. I'll tell you, you know, fucking Batman put up a pretty good fight against him, though, in that one movie where they just fucking. I should have brought my earplugs. I thought I was going to see ACDC. It was so fucking loud i actually tried paul i'm like you know what as a comedian i should be knowing about these fucking things they're in the zeitgeist

uh i'm gonna go to this thing it was just all it was was loud wait a minute dude but i don't i'm not understanding why you not why you don't like or you're giving credit to superman when like they didn't give him a good movie dude i'll tell you why paul because you know what he's involved in yellow journalism okay that's why i don't like him he fucking coming after stand-up comedians and he's ignoring all these pharmaceutical companies he's ignoring people who start never-ending fucking wards. He's at the little fucking Daily Planet. Dude, Bill, all he wanted to do was bang, no, the Daily Planet.

All he wanted to do was bang Lois Lane. It was just a fake gig. It was a fake gig. He didn't want to work there. He was trying to bang Lois Lane. I could get Lois Lane. I could pick Lois Lane up. I mean, which Lois Lane we talking?

All of them. With that Andrew's sister's haircut? She's a plain Jane, Paul. I'll tell you right now, Peter Parker's fucking girlfriend, that raven-haired fucking goddamn chest and ass. Yeah, and she went crazy and started dating the other one. At least Lois Lane's going to stay faithful, dude. When are we dating the other one? I'm talking way back

when she had the blue highlights in her hair before they turned her into that fucking whatever they gave him. Bill, would you date a chick with blue highlights in her hair? Superman knows. He's like, I don't want headaches. Superman has blue highlights in his hair. No, he doesn't. He's got that I don't want headaches. Superman has blue highlights in his hair. No, he doesn't.

He's got that little, he's got that little, you know, cowlick. He's got a little, I'm telling you. He's got that cowlick. He can't get a Caesar's haircut. I'm telling you right now, the right director, the right director, whether it be JJ Abrams or Nolan, the right director gets a good Superman script and that movie that they need that. I'm telling you, Paul, it was like Lewis Hamilton all those years when Mercedes just had the best car and the best driver was a race to the first turn.

You knew what the fuck was going to happen. It just was like, you know, the guy is like, how is that not Batman? What you're describing, you're describing Batman. They haven't even made a Superman movie is my point. They have made Superman movies. They stink. They do. And that superhero deserves better. Yet simultaneously they can write all these great movies for the other one.

The character stinks, Paul. Well, somebody needs to come up with a new Superman villain. First of all, him and Wonder Woman wear the same boots. Okay. I'm not judging anybody, but they do. Wonder Woman, I didn't see. So I can't. I mean, I, you know, I'm not trying to be sexist here.

I don't want to offend anybody, but I just can't, you know. Hey, Paul, how about this? I'm not into reverse sexism. So I didn't want to fucking sit there and go there and watch it. Just basically, basically do to men what we've been doing to women and then acting like that's powerful. That's what I thought. I just feel like, how many times am I going to go to a movie and watch some woman throw a guy upside down through a plate glass window? It was bad enough when the guys were doing it to another guy.

Well, I don't like the invisible weapon too. What's this here, Andrew? I don't like the invisible weapon, too. What's this here, Andrew? Oh, he's dead. This is the death of Superman. If they were to do a movie and they actually followed this, they'd do a good job because it shows Look how small his arms are. You can see

that's what it is, Paul. With steroids, most guys have bigger... That guy looks like middle of the lineup. He's an alien. He doesn't need to fucking do that. Wait a minute, Paul. You're a conservative guy. I thought you guys didn't like aliens.

And if elected, I would get Superman the fuck out of here. He's not paying taxes. We're going to get Superman at the border. He's gone. We're going to get Superman to build a wall and Superman's going to pay for it. We're going to build a space wall. My wife said I had a nicer dick than Superman.

You know it. I know it. Everybody knows it. Everybody knows it. Hey, you know what? Right into the show, guys. I know it. Everybody knows. Everybody knows. Yeah, that's it. Everybody knows. Hey, you know what? Right into the show, guys. Let me know. Superman. I know everyone's going to go Batman because that's all they fucking make.

The segue into that clip. I'll tell you something. I couldn't give a shit about this any less. I just knew you liked Superman and I was just trashing him. I have no fucking idea. That's why I'm not even trying to do my argument paul i thought superman worked for the daily planet he does he doesn't no peter parker i was right no peter parker works for the daily planet no he works for uh jameson doug jameson from That Metal Show. And I will agree with you this.

The greatest superhero movie of all time. It's The Daily Bugle. Okay. Who does? Peter Parker's The Daily Bugle. Superman's. Oh, that sounds like fucking the Regal Beagle. But I think we can all agree on something.

And Bill nailed it. And I've been saying it for a long time, the godfather of superhero movies, the greatest superhero movie of all time is Heath Ledger as the Joker and Christian Bale as Batman. It's number one. It's incredible. I'll tell you the one, they always fuck up being an angry guy.

I hate what they do to the Hulk, but he has to be all dumb because he's mad. It's like, maybe you guys can't get your shit together, and that's what's making him so frustrated. But he's actually not dumb because he's a doctor. He's a scientist. He turns into a fucking moron the second he starts yelling.

That's so true. He's like, Hulk, you're a fucking And then when he's not anymore he's like all intellectual dude that's so funny that's so true you won't like me when i'm angry and they're doing she hulk now yeah and he turns into that fucking guy in your section where you're actually excited that they threw him out. Because you're like, that guy could actually hurt somebody. But I guess he can't be intellectual. He can't be intellectual, Bill, if he's throwing cars through buildings.

Why? They all do it. They all do it. Superman doesn't do it. He destroyed his city with Batman. That's true. Maybe just because he looks fucking big and green. Andrew, what video do you have for us? They always send the fucking the army's always going after him too. I hate that

too. The military, yeah. They shoot him and shit. He's like, he's almost like the human version of King Kong when he greens out. Yeah, I don't know. You know, he's fucking you know, Superman wears the suit. Speaking of not Aquaman,

are you guys talking about going to the ocean? And, uh, this came up as, uh, uh, perhaps bill, would you be interested in never doing something like this?

Let's see. And doing what? And doing what? Oh my God. It's a, it's a two-person submarine yep human beings just have to go yeah human beings just have to go isn't it isn it enough? Don't we have enough fucking enjoyment? Now, you know, we fucked over everything on the land. Now we're going out to the sea. Yeah, dude, that just has. That would be the worst fucking three seconds of your life.

Dude, how's that? When that thing fucking blows and your head implodes from the water pressure dude i can't laugh i swear to god dude that looks like something you'd see at a fucking theme park there is no remember those self-driving teslas and these fucking idiots would take a nap there you go there's the water version of that yeah i don't like that they're not like they don't have like backup tanks like that's just scary shit man what if it breaks you know i was paul that also there's a limit where that thing can fucking go you know there is and like what sort of training do you get this goes forward

this goes back this goes up this goes down all right go take your life into your hands i mean they do that with cars i guess this guy's trying to get laid though too he's like don't worry sweetheart it's going to be incredible then we're going to go to the restaurant later she's trying to she's all impressed that'll be that'll be a club the undersea club but paul they're probably videotaping you well for fucking fucking legal purposes. Yeah, I wouldn't do that. I would tell you that I would do that before I'd swim in the ocean, though. That's wild.

Yeah. Now. What? See, now, see, I'm the opposite. No way. I'd swim in the ocean before I went fucking underneath in something where i'm not protected that thing breaks down your fish food fuck that paul your fish food the second you go into the ocean you are fish food and you aren't protected if you do it smart like up to your knees and waist you're fine

paul that's not swimming well no i don't i don't swim you're fine. Paul, that's not swimming. Well, no, I don't. I said swimming. You're talking about wading. Right. Paul, you're frolicking. Okay, what are we doing here? We're frolicking. You don't put a submarine up against frolicking.

You're in the water like that naked chick in the beginning of fucking Jaws. Swimming out to a buoy and then coming back. I said Star Wars. fucking jaws to a buoy and then coming back i said star wars it's the same fucking movie uh andrew do you can you show bill my instagram story with the guy uh with the bear the guy yeah so just check this out my instagram story story. There's a guy, somebody, a fan sent this. There's a guy and I don't know who's filming it, but there's a guy on the top of a tree and the grizzly bears just going like this and he's calm. So I'm thinking the guy videoing either has a fucking gun.

If you if you could show this one, dude. But apparently the anything better fans love when me and you talk animals. Look at this, Bill. Show Bill this. See the guy? Jesus fucking Christ. That thing is trying to fuck. That's a grizzly bear, right? Yeah, grizzly bear is trying to knock him off of that.

And here's the scary part. If that guy gets down and starts running, that thing is like a fucking defensive back. That thing will run like a cornerback. What do you mean if he starts running? The thing's already made the decision he's going to eat him. No, no, no. I'm saying if the guy tries, how scary is that, dude?

But I don't get like this guy's getting all the way inside with the camera what i don't understand what's going on here this seems a little set up to me well no what i think is happening is i think there's somebody clearly with a gun there so what's the bear was it was is there any audio i i don't listen i can tell you this, Paul. He's got to blow that thing's brains out right then. If that guy falls out of the tree, does he hit the wrong person? Yeah, it's weird to me. This is my thing, Paul.

If you end up like that in life, you deserve whatever the fuck happens to you. How the fuck do you run into that and end up on that thing? How do you get on that tree branch unless it is a setup that bear doesn't look like it's trying that looks like wrestling to me he's not trying unless unless that bear is like a circus bear and they're playing around and shit they cut out the original audio it's uh replaced with an Eminem song. This looks like a job for me. Dude, that's but that is horrifying, dude.

That's horrifying. That's horrifying. But swimming in the ocean with the grizzly bears are under the water. It's all scary. It's all it's all scary. Did you see Jackass, the last Jackass? The last Jack, the last Jackass, one of the things was they put that guy, Dave England, in a chair and they put honey all around him and threw a salmon on him. And then they let a they let out a grizzly bear and they put all the salmon and honey by his balls. And the grizzly bear like came out calm and just started like licking at his balls. And dude, the terror, he's going, how much longer?

How much longer? And Johnny fucking Knoxville and fucking dying. And then they finally dude that's fucking bananas like do you ever see the one where they they like dressed up like a zebra that was on the wild boys and they put like they put like headgear from boxing around their neck and wore a football helmet no they ran out there and these two lionesses just ran up one ripped the head off like the lines were fortunately confused them i was i asked steve-o about it one time i go do you

have people there with like fucking pellet guns or no we're not pellet guns one of the ones that that shoot tranquilizer guns tranquilizer gun yeah it's funny i asked him and he answered i can't remember the answer no No, they have to. They have to have. You can't have a dude. You can't have a fucking grizzly bear and a prank in a fucking studio and not be able to put the thing to sleep instantly. You can't, you know, like through the waivers that those guys have to sign on. Jackass, dude.

He Johnny Knoxville got taken away in a hospital. Do we lose bill oh i'm here all right my battery's getting low johnny knoxville had a had the bull hit him and the bulls the bull swung him around it's on the trailer of the last jackass the bull he was going like this like he was trying and the bull took out his legs he did a complete flip he had a punctured lung he fucking dude he was fucking and then he's like giving the thumbs up and they're all cheering like that guy earned his fucking money dude dude i gotta tell you that's one of the few things that cartoons don't exaggerate like what a bull does to you

you literally go a fucking mile up in the air it's fucking nuts dude my phone's gonna die i gotta get i gotta get the charger hang on no no we're no, no. We're going to wrap up. What? We're going to wrap up. Well, let's talk till the phone dies, man. I'm out here in Tampa, Paul. Then I'm going down to West Palm Beach, Paul. Going through Florida. All right. Nice.

Nice. Well, can I show you what I got? Can I show you what I brought? Yeah. All right. Just hang on one second fucking table dude how funny would it be if Bill just came back with a giant gun with like a fucking laser did I show you guys

just a Batman mask I'm in Florida did I show you guys what I got in Florida look what I got in Florida? Look what I got, Paul, from the great Tony V. Oh, it's a stick. It's a stick. It's a stick. Look at these little things.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Called a firecracker. This is the David Ortiz one. Usually when they license a player's name, they're not good. These are fucking delicious. Look at that. It's adorable. It's like a little breakfast sausage.

Oh, my God. I smoked the one you gave me. A little dog dick for you, Paul. Somebody gave me this box here. Oh, dude. Like a little mini humidor. I can bring my little buddies out here i can go for a stroll oh you don't know you don't know how much i've changed i actually am willing to give golf a chance and i drink coffee now dude i told somebody i go dude i can't wait to go dude i cannot wait

to golf with you and smoke a stick on the course. That's going to be fucking incredible, man. You better get me soon because it's fading. The golf thing is fading. The coffee is strong with me. But the other shit is just sort of fading. What, you're drinking coffee? Yeah, I never did. I just, doing that fucking movie, I would be exhausted.

And somebody just finally goes, what do you want? I was like, I don't know, cappuccino. Oh, my God. First cup. Oh, my would be exhausted. And somebody just finally goes, what do you want? I was like, I don't know, cappuccino. Oh my God. First cup. Oh my God, dude, we could share so many new things together. Dude, this is like, this is amazing. I just brought our relationship closer, Paul. We're doing coffee, golf. And by the way, I haven't had a stick in six weeks, and I haven't had a drink. Old Paulie's been dry. Monday will be a month. Not a swig.

That's amazing. Yeah, and it feels good. Granted, I'm dealing with shit, but all right, man. Well, this has been such a fun, quick episode. This has been so fun. What else do you guys want? You got grizzly bears. You got two people submarines.

Okay, you got Batman Batman, Superman arguments. What else can we do for you? I can't believe how long I was able to argue that. I had to go all the way back to my childhood of reading those things, sort of. Here's the other thing about Batman. It's like,

stop talking, Bruce, we are normal. No, no, no. That was Christian Bale. And you love that one. We went. We went. No, but that was the one we still goofed on. I'll tell you why.

I'm not wearing hockey pants. Yeah, because Paul. If I was like this and I'm still going, Paul, I'm Batman. You'd be like, no, you're Bill Burr. I can hear your voice. At least he understood he had to disguise his voice. you're Bill Burr I can hear your voice at least he understood he had to disguise his voice granted I recognize your dumb chin even I don't care what you had on it's kind of a gimp mask that's the direction I would have gone

like Batman dresses like that dude in Pulp Fiction what do you think Bill should we we're gonna leave we should leave him wanting more we should leave him wanting more and by should leave them wanting more. And by the way, when I come out to LA, Oh, we're going to be out there together in the studio. Who knows? Fucking studio. Um, guys, this Thursday, this Thursday, I will be in Buffalo, New York. I will be at helium in Buffalo, New York. I have never been to Buffalo alone.

I think I did a college there with Bill many, many years ago. I will be at Helium one night only, Thursday the 26th. Please come out. It's going to be a great time. Get tickets to that. I'm going to Atlanta, Punchline, June 3rd and 4th. I got some more dates coming up. San Diego, the end of June to July.

I got Michigan coming up. And I just got Chicago added at the end of July. Go to paulverzi.com for all tickets. Please subscribe to the Anything Better podcast, Monday morning podcast, Verzi Effect podcast, my YouTube channel, and please rate and review the Anything Better podcast. Okay. It makes the show go up. Get it on Spotify, iTunes, everywhere you get your podcast. Me and Bill love doing it. The Greek freak. What else can you say? I mean, he's a, he's a, he's a producer extraordinaire. Look at the hair on that kid. Look at the hair on that Greek kid. He's crushing it. Uh, got enough hair for both of us, Paul. Oh dude,

Andrew, why don't you shave some of that off of me and Bill make a wig from that fucking thing. Uh, you know, he's just bragging with a some of that off of me and Bill make a wig from that fucking thing, will you? You know, he's just bragging with a man bun at some points when you're wearing a man, but you're just bragging about a man of hair you got. I've never had a certain age at a certain age. I'm not going to lie. I would I have never if I did have hair to do a man, but I would try it one day. Just do a podcast and have people trash me. That's it, everybody. Till episode 63. We'll get those fun numbers. Paul just does not like, Paul's into the glitz. He likes the glamour. Paul, you like a quarterback. You like a running back, a wide receiver.

Yeah. You know what number I like? I always liked art monk, 81, 81 art monk. And it was just a shiny. I know. I like one's a good number. Russ Francis. 81 is a good number,

but we got to get through the six Francis who got out of, out of football. Cause he was focused. He liked aviation so much. I bill, I can't get over. You like coffee and golf. I mean, me and you were going to be sitting in Italy with a fucking latte and a stick right outside the Coliseum.

It's going to be fucking epic, dude. Can't wait. I mean, I'm in Florida. I feel like I could smoke at a coffee shop here. Hey, you could do blow at a coffee shop there. Fucking flip-flops. All right, everybody. Enjoy.

Enjoy the week. Come see us at shows. we'll be here next week take care all right bye-bye Thank you.