Anything Better? - I Think He's Got Her On This One

Episode Date: June 5, 2021

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Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 what's up everybody and welcome back to the best new podcast on planet earth you know what it is it's anything better time with myself paul verzi bill burr we got the greek freak uh producer extraordinaire andrew themmlis. You guys are listening to episode, what is this? 17, 18? 18, guys. And I want to say, Bill, we got a lot of shit for missing one. People were going, my mornings aren't the same. So there you go, guys. You know what? Who was 18? Was 18 Johnny Unitas? go guys you know who was 18 was 18 johnny unitas yes 18 was johnny unitas randy vataha and the patriots way back in the 70s for you old heads i don't know a lot of 18 wait peyton manning no peyton annie was 19 that's why i always get the two of them confused i always get night yes
Starting point is 00:01:00 okay guys thank you so much for the positive reviews on anything better. Keep them coming. Rate, review. It makes the show go up. Get anything better on Spotify, iTunes, everywhere you get your podcasts. We really appreciate all the numbers going up and everybody listening to the show. And Bill, I wanted to start off by saying, you know something? I don't know. You know, I was watching some NBA basketball last night and I don't know how the Nets do it. You know, I was thinking to myself, because when it was over, I saw James Harden do the sign of the cross. And then in an interview, he said, we want the world to know. It's just the way they're eking out these wins. It's, you know, it is, it's what I love the most. It's my favorite sports story. You know, when some underdog team just digs down deep and just shows like the level of heart that they showed i mean the guy had 18
Starting point is 00:01:47 assists in one game can you imagine having 18 assists when you're playing with bums like kevin durant that fucking guy that we had i don't know much about hoop i can't watch it paul when is the i mean yeah just like the way they're gritting this out with three first ballot Hall of Famers on their starting five and all-stars on the bench. It's like, it's just really like they should make a move. It's everything I love about, I love competition, Paul. And when can you, you can vacuum up all these stars around the league and put them on one team.
Starting point is 00:02:19 And my team is down by 40 by the second quarter. I mean, that's what I'm into, Paul. I like to see the clash of the football players versus the math team. I mean, that's what I'm into, man. I mean, forget Hoosiers with Gene Hackman. I mean, who's going to play? Who's going to play? What is the NBA now? It seems like now that the Lakers have fallen off, because what's-his-face got hurt, unfortunately. Yeah. Now that they're out of it, it's just like they're going to waltz Utah, man.
Starting point is 00:02:57 That's who I got to go with, Utah. How are they doing? I think Utah is the most well-rounded as far as outside shooters, defensive player of the year. Yeah, but Paul, listen, anybody can look at college draft picks and try to figure out which one of them is going to be good. I know. And which is going to be a bust.
Starting point is 00:03:16 There's no skill in that. No, there's no skill in building from the ground up. The skill is finding people who have already established that they can play at the NBA level and promising them a mountain of cocaine and hookers to come to your fucking city to squeeze onto your bench. Yeah. And then what you do is you put them up against another team.
Starting point is 00:03:40 I mean, it was just like, I don't even, I mean, we won the one game. It was great to see, but it was just like, we don't even, I mean, we won the one game. It was great to see, but it was just like, we weren't even in the same stratosphere. I mean, Jaylen Brown was also hurt, but dude, we weren't even in this. It's like, we weren't even in the same league, dude. It looked like the fucking dream team versus like, you know, fucking, I don't know, back in the day, one of those European teams. I wonder what Steve Nash is saying to these guys.
Starting point is 00:04:04 Cause I'll tell you something that that Kurt Russell speech in Miracle, I mean, how is that being topped? All I'm saying is I just hope that they film it. I mean, I see the 30 for 30 coming. I mean, this should be a movie, Paul. We should option the rights of the Brooklyn Nets. This is so exciting. And, I mean, coming out of a pandemic,
Starting point is 00:04:28 to just see a feel-good story of the underdog. I mean, and, Paul, you've got to admit, this came out of nowhere. I mean, nobody saw this coming at the beginning of the year. I've got to tell you something, Bill. If they make it to, like, towards the finals, they should get Al Michaels, who said, do you believe in miracles, to maybe do this last game that they're in. To come up with something.
Starting point is 00:04:49 I already think the fact that they got past the first round, it's already like they're building towards something. And I think, Paul, if they could just add a few more pieces, if they could maybe get LeBron on that team with a healthy anthony davis
Starting point is 00:05:08 i think they have a chance paul and i'll tell you right now i cannot wait to put my hard-earned dick and shit joke money down to see this nba product because i i have paul i don't watch sports for entertainment no No, no. When I drive by the playground and I see the bully beating the shit out of some kid with glasses, I can't get enough. No, no. I cheer him on. I got to get my kids in front of the TV for this.
Starting point is 00:05:36 This is life lessons. You're showing them how World Banks works. Yeah. You see the Brooklyn Knicks? Yeah. That's the Illuminati. You watching the Celtics? That's works. Yeah. You see the Brooklyn Knicks? Yeah. That's the Illuminati. You watching the Celtics? That's us.
Starting point is 00:05:49 Well, I got to tell you something. When that one Hall of Famer kicked it to the outside and the other Hall of Famer hit a three, it just was like, I just couldn't believe what I was watching, dude. I mean, they took over the game. You know when you get chills up your neck when you're seeing something special that's it was the whole game it was the whole game i cannot wait to see jason tatum on that team next
Starting point is 00:06:13 year i'll tell you the sad thing the sad thing was i'll tell you the sad i'll tell you the sad thing the sad thing was um i'll tell you the sad i'll tell you the sad thing paul is if you then just turn the channel and watch the nf nhl playoffs yeah it's it's fucking ridiculous dude i watched the celtics first to brooklyn that's i mean i was taking a nap i watched the first two games brooklyn the brooklyn the boston bruins versus the new york islanders i aged like 20 years in a good way. Like when we lost in overtime, this kid had a fucking snipe little, he got on a breakaway, just fucking put a top shelf. I literally questioned why am I a sports fan? That's how much it hurt, you know?
Starting point is 00:06:58 Yeah. It's not like there was not, you know, and I'm watching all of these, every other series that I'm putting on, just like the, the energy and the excitement and the, you know what it is? What's that word? What competition, Paul? Yeah. The competition when you have evenly matched. Oh my God, dude. You want to talk about one of the most heartbreaking things that I saw other than the fact that the Brooklyn Nets lost one game of the last series, which was
Starting point is 00:07:25 so heartbreaking to see, you know, I mean, your heart feels for those kids. I just, you know, and to see them, the fact that they had to go to a game five, it's a travesty. It's a travesty. You know what I mean? Yeah. And I think a post me to America needs to realize how toxic it was that the Celtics didn't let those kids just sweep them. Dude, the fucking Toronto Maple Leafs. Oh, that game seven. That game six and that game five. Dude. Right.
Starting point is 00:07:58 The Toronto Maple Leafs are like, like if I was the mayor of Toronto I would have a sage tax okay and I would get the biggest bundle of fucking I don't know what that city is built on it's like poltergeist dude it's beyond
Starting point is 00:08:21 as much as you think you're suffering as a Knicks fan okay the Knicks fan. Okay? The Knicks had the decency to put you out of your misery like three, four weeks into the season most years. Yeah, that's the thing, yes. That's not what the Maple Leafs do.
Starting point is 00:08:41 Maple Leafs do what they did what the Red Sox used to do to me. They'd have a nice 18-game lead going into the fucking September. No way you can fuck this up. They lost five in a row. One game playoff, you give up a home run to a fucking shortstop. Ball goes through your fucking, every fucking way to blow it with the whole world watching. This is what the Maple Leafs do every, I couldn't do, they had, they lost two overtime games, game five, game six, both on giveaways. I want to say in their own end, both times. And then they just showed up lifeless for game seven. And watching those Maple Leafs gathered outside the fucking arena every year. Dude, it's the hardest ticket to get in the NHL. You cannot get a free ticket to a Toronto Maple Leafs game.
Starting point is 00:09:35 They are the greatest fans in sports as far as how hard it is to get a ticket and what they do to their fans. I mean, dude, if they beat, people don't understand down here what it means to beat the Montreal Canadiens for Toronto. And also to not do it and then to fucking choke to them. I mean, that is as close to winning a Stanley Cup. Just to shut up those loafer-wearing, pocket-squared cunts pretending they're from Paris up in Montreal. Just to shut them up for the first time since fucking LBJ. And they had it right on their fingertips, Paul.
Starting point is 00:10:12 We get it. You speak French. Three fucking games. Dude, that team should be tried for assault, what they did to those poor people up in Toronto. I'll tell you, there's a reason you don't see Drake at a Maple Leafs game. You know, it's funny. It's like when you finally tell your parents about the girl you're dating, you finally make the move. And then all of a sudden she doesn't come up again. And you're like, ah, you know what? I got that one wrong. She, uh, she,
Starting point is 00:10:37 she shacked up with somebody else. What can I tell you? I jumped the gun. That's a perfect out. I got that one wrong. I got that one wrong. Sorry, mom. A month too early. Blew a draft pick on that one. Yeah, you're right. And that's the one thing I want to say about the Knicks this year. If we lose tonight and we're done, I could say this.
Starting point is 00:11:00 It was a great year. Vegas had us dead last. We got a coach that we all bought into. We played defense, got to the playoffs, got to take my son to not only his first playoff game, my first playoff game. We come back and win. Now we could look, if we lose tonight, we look, okay, where do we need improvements? It was a great year. Normally the Knicks put a bullet in the back of your head by Christmas, by January, we know. And it's nice. Cause then you're like all right whatever man we'll go for fun to a game now yes yes it's the genuinely if you're gonna fucking blow it do it before the holidays do it like a gentleman yes don't wait until the whole world is what was driving
Starting point is 00:11:40 me nuts dude on the nhl channel is they just kept going like shocking. I can't believe it's like there's nothing shocking about this. They have done this three fucking times in the last decade. I saw him do it against the Bruins. Dude, they were up three games to one. I was at game seven. They were up like four fucking goals, Paul. It was like a movie. Three or four goals with like, I'd like, I swear to God, like six minutes left,
Starting point is 00:12:06 seven minutes left. I apologize to Toronto fans for dragging you back through this shit, but I have empathy for them. And they fucking tie it up and it goes into overtime, Paul. And I just, you know, I just, I don't know. As much as I feel for for them you got to feel for those kids on the Brooklyn Nets though you really do Paul I mean geez that was like you know that was inspirational to me yeah you know I wonder what they went through the night they lost you know like that must have been a really tough like flight home it was quiet on all of those yachts. I will tell you that. There was not a lot of shrimp cocktails being eaten that night. And Paul, they dug down deep.
Starting point is 00:12:52 Yeah. They dug down deep. But I'll tell you, Paul, it doesn't get any easier from here. No. Okay, next round they could be facing the Atlanta Hawks. I'll tell you what. Oh, those Atlanta Hawks, Paul.
Starting point is 00:13:07 Jesus Christ. That's one bird you don't want on your shoulder. They might go from 30 to 20 by winning. Winning from 30 to 20 in this next round. How does that affect them psychologically, Paul? Where do they find it in them? Who does James Harden pass to then? Oh, dude. them who does james harden pass to then oh dude uh the nba is fucking ridiculous somebody said there's a lot of pressure on steve nash coaching this first team first i know
Starting point is 00:13:40 dude they should have like make a wish kids going down there yeah you can coach a quarter don't worry about no you're legit coaching this is how much better we are than everybody else this is jonathan smith he's from uh he's from brooklyn new york he's gonna he won the contest he'll be coaching the second quarter tonight everybody wave to jonathan he's got spinal meningitis he just got his spine drained he's gonna be laying on the fucking bench this is what he does all right uh blind you you and you you guys just go out there oh my god it's so fucking that's so funny yeah you know what's funny watching the celtics no the celtics just like like like the Celtics did everything they could
Starting point is 00:14:27 with Jalen Brown out. Kemba Walker was out. Your coach kept coaching. Tatum kept fighting. I know, but so we fielded a team like this when we fucking – when we had the big three. This has been a problem in the NBA all the way back to Kobe, Shaq, Phil Jackson, Ori, and all of those teams. And
Starting point is 00:14:46 they just, they, I think it's great for ratings. I think people, I don't know, they want to see like a super group or something, but I would rather see them play each other. I don't know about that. Barkley was talking last night and he goes, the sad thing about this is he goes, Brooklyn doesn't even sound loud in here and he actually said he goes compared to the guard and he goes this doesn't even feel like a playoff game dude there's such a there's such a new fan base and then they kept chanting brooklyn brooke they kept chanting and it's just i can't i can't you know i can't there's more yeah i know oh they got like a the dj plays the whole game to drown out the lack of passion it's not lack of passion they're just sort of bored too i mean how hard are you going to keep cheering when your team's
Starting point is 00:15:37 up by 53 that's yeah well yeah just like a three-pointer to go in up 40. Actually, you know, the first pile on team was the Dream Team. And I got to tell you, Paul, I hated that team, and I didn't watch that team either. The game to watch was Larry Bird versus – it was Magic versus Jordan during practice. I don't want to watch all those guys play Somalia. Yeah, I know. I know.
Starting point is 00:16:04 They got a big test. Dude dude they were beating Lithuania by like 70 at one it was like it was just yeah you know how they should advertise Nets games you got plenty of time to go to concessions yeah you need a beer go for it just watch the first quarter you're gonna take your kid for a tour of the barclays yeah you'll be up by 20 by the time you get back to your seat um so how you doing bill i haven't seen you i haven't talked to you what's going on here how's everything going on in california you go are you taking dude my kids are just going i'm taking my kids to just, it's just sporting event after sporting event to where I hate to say this,
Starting point is 00:16:48 but I'm- You took, this is the charmed life you live. No, I mean their sporting events. But I'm saying though, the charmed life,
Starting point is 00:16:55 Paul Verzi, I should have buried that game. When you told me you were taking your son to his first Knicks game, game two, I'm just like, Santa Claus is coming to town. There's no way they lose.
Starting point is 00:17:10 Paul Verzi, if you ever wondered what Saint Nick looked like when he was still in his middle age, it's Paul Verzi. The man gets life. He knows how to live. He's a very zen. And I knew you going down there was just like, yeah, dude, you literally are a tom hanks movie yo you know what's funny is one of the most um honored and humble and
Starting point is 00:17:33 amazing flattering nicknames i ever got was joe bartnick calling me santa claus and then when i show up he goes santa claus is here call you the same. How do you not have a drink with Joe Bartnick when you see him after not seeing him and you see his smile. He's one of those guys that when you see him, it's like you're getting greeted on going on a cruise. Yeah. Yeah. bruised yeah yeah you all the guys that you ever rounded up that you introduced me to i mean there's a couple of beauts but all the guys that you write all just guys that are just like i could drink
Starting point is 00:18:17 with that guy all fucking night all night just all night good guys guys that get hammered All night. Just all night. Good guys. Guys that get hammered. Guys that don't say no. One of his classic fucking statements ever. He was in the green room. He was in the green room.
Starting point is 00:18:34 Some fucking improv or something. And he had a crown. Crown on the rocks. And he just had a great set. And right before Lawhead went on stage, he goes, Jay, Jay. Jay turns back and he goes, I could set and he was and right before law had went on stage he goes jay jay jay turns back and he goes i could drink a hundred of these and you know what i know that feeling oh oh i love that feeling paul you know what though he joe would go hard and then pass out you were the type that when you went and i
Starting point is 00:19:06 learned this about you later actually after we were friends for a long time you were the type where when you said yes here's the thing about bill burke when he goes to drink he you you don't go down you you just don't you're just like it went down right no it was like a it's like a goddy ward fight where you're like there there's no way. How is he not? How is he not? And, dude, sometimes I – because I would go long, and I'd stay up later. But when you went, dude, I couldn't fuck with you, dude. When you really put it on.
Starting point is 00:19:34 No, dude, you were a marathoner, though. I was a marathoner, for sure. You were Gleason in The Hustler. Yes. All right. Let's play some pool. That was you at 5 in the morning. Yes.
Starting point is 00:19:44 Yes. But you, you would go – You and Law That was you at 5 in the morning. Yes, yes. But you, you would go. You and Lawhead kept going that time on the bus. And you had a bus driver who had been driving people all the way back in the 80s when everybody was on blow. He got up from his bunk the next morning. You guys were still sitting there drinking. He came out.
Starting point is 00:19:58 Remember Steve? And he was just like, you got to be fucking kidding me. You got to be shitting me. You guys got to be fucking shitting me. Dude. I ain't seen that. He goes, I ain't seen that in a long fucking time. And we were just like, really?
Starting point is 00:20:14 He goes, yeah, I get people now, man. They put heat on the bus. They do fucking yoga. No, we went through those bottles of Makers just talking, talking. I'm a marathon runner for sure. But when you went, when you decided to drink, and here's how I would know because you would be asked after your third or fourth. When you were done drinking, it was three or four,
Starting point is 00:20:36 and you were going, no, I got to get back. I'll tell you this. Mike Jordan, night of drinking, Jordan in Utah when he had the flu. McKellen Winslow dragged me off the field. You know what night that was. That was Chicago. Chicago, yeah. The Liars Club or whatever.
Starting point is 00:20:52 It was a dive bar. I didn't want to go. It's not a dive bar. It was a beautiful establishment that played ACDC. And I brought half the bar up on the dance floor with me. Oh, dude. You guys were dancing to ACDCc i didn't want to go and you go paul just go back to the hotel then and i'm like i'm not gonna fucking not you know and
Starting point is 00:21:11 you guys it was like a movie montage how you guys just that was the most out of sorts i've ever been for a stand-up show because i slept until four or five in the afternoon the next day. I woke up. I had a little something to eat. Bless you. Thank you. These allergies are nuts, dude. I had a little something to eat, and I just walked on stage. And I just remember thinking, these people fucking worked all day.
Starting point is 00:21:40 Like, that's where their head is. They probably had arguments trying to get ready to come out here tonight, and I literally just fucking rolled out of bed. I felt like such a piece of shit. And the whole show, I was terrified that I wasn't giving them their money's worth, but Paul, I pulled it off.
Starting point is 00:21:54 Yeah, you did. You know what? I use the future Brooklyn nets as an inspiration. Yeah. That's what I'm going to do before. I think the night before my special, I'm just going to watch, I'm just going to watch,
Starting point is 00:22:06 I'm just going to watch them in the playoffs and just be, you know, just marvel at it. Oh, dude, I'm already past you. I'm going down to the playground today and I'm finding the smallest kid I can find out there. I'm like, you want to do this? You want to go for money? You got a little allowance money on your buddy. What do you got? Full court. I'm going to dunk on my son tonight and just feel better you know just dunk on him and then to make sure you know where the
Starting point is 00:22:31 cameras are show people you got heart yeah do that 300 ah yell yeah let him know the sign yeah no you're right you're right that's what i'm dunk your son, make him cry, and then chant Brooklyn in his face. I think that was the message. Oh, shit, dude. I, uh... No, God bless him. God bless him, you know? So, uh...
Starting point is 00:22:59 It's, uh... So, Lucas, check this out. Lucas is done with, uh... He just sat down, and he goes to... He with, he just sat down and he goes, he said to me and Stacey, he goes, stop making me play baseball. I am done with baseball. I hate it. And we go, buddy, but you're so good.
Starting point is 00:23:17 Like at all the positions, you just make plays. Stop. He goes, I'm done. And you're making me do something I don't want to do. I'm done. He goes after these next three games I don't want to do. I'm done. He goes, after these next three games, and I'm like, all right, dude, like, and then Stacy was like, but you're so good. And after she's like, will you finish out the years ago, finish out the year, I'm not quitting. I'm done. It's like, all right, he goes, I'm gonna play. So basically,
Starting point is 00:23:37 he's gonna play basketball. And then when he's not playing basketball, he wants to play golf. Okay, and here's the thing, I have to give both you and your wife a tip of the cap for incredible parenting because that kid already knows who he is and what's he want what he wants and he's not afraid to say it to his parents and you validated him you listen to him which which you're building here paul is going to be a a an asset to society well Well, Stacey gave him a little, you know, Stacey, you're so good. You sure? Mom, mom, mom, I'm done with baseball.
Starting point is 00:24:10 Okay. You know, he doesn't want to do it. What can I do? You know, he goes, and you guys keep telling me that I'm good. I don't care. And I'm like, all right, dude. Yeah, he knows.
Starting point is 00:24:20 This is it. He's going to be in a relationship. If he gets some broad, tries to walk all over him. Hey, I'm done. I'm done. I'm done. Yeah. Not doing this anymore. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:29 Well, if he, yeah, he's heard. Yeah. Paul, look at you. You can't even make eye contact.
Starting point is 00:24:34 No, he's heard me and his mother get into a couple, you know, not bad though. There's a thing. There's a thing. When me, when me and my wife fight in front of our kids,
Starting point is 00:24:44 we, they kind of just know like they almost like look at each other like i think i think he's got her on this one or like i think they don't like they're never like like one time sophie's like all right guys enough but like we never like oh you fuck we don't do that we almost like have like a like a debate about like an argument and then and then it's just like it's done i don't know if that's healthy or good but one thing i know it you know you're showing them that it's not always no and then like we'll walk up and hug but like dude i mean not to get heavy but i think when my parents fought like i think like a couple of plates
Starting point is 00:25:20 went against the wall yeah you're hiding your Yeah, like we were just sitting in the corner like, what the fuck is going on? Like now we're just kind of talking, oh, let's get yogurt. We were fucking around, you know? It's just that's the way that it should be. Yeah, dude. Dude, I tell you what my brother used to do. What's that? When we were young, my parents screaming and yelling used to freak us out as kids.
Starting point is 00:25:42 But then after a while, you know, we just, you know, it it was what it was i grew up in a very volatile time yeah i just would you'd walk down the street you hear everybody's parents screaming at each other right so my brother had a a boom box with dual cassette oh i remember those yeah so he would record the argument and he would put music music underneath it are you serious yeah we we just wish he kept him his masterpiece his masterpiece was he put he put led zeppelin no quarter from the houses of the holy he put that underneath oh shit and it was perfect because my dad was just getting ramped up and it starts off with this this haunting keyboard solo oh and then robert plant for whatever reason sings all weird like close the door put out the light you know we won't be home tonight oh my dad's going i'm getting sick and tired of this every goddamn Every goddamn day, going on and on.
Starting point is 00:26:46 And right when he starts to hit the apex, John Bonham, that must get too bad. I'll tell you right now, walking out that fucking door, I ain't going back. This is the way when no one. Dude, we used to. Stop, dude, it's you. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:03 Tell me, man. This fucking started back at the wedding reception. Dude, we used to listen to that fucking tape. Oh, shit. We used to listen to that fucking tape and crying. Oh. Crying laughing. Dude, that's the most brilliant thing I've ever heard anybody do in a situation that is pretty much not not healthy and crazy and toxic
Starting point is 00:27:28 and then to turn it into music like it was actually it was a piece of art it was fucking unbelievable dude i was i remember when he played it to me i just had my head back and i was holding my stomach and I just couldn't believe how perfect. It was sort of the first mashup I had ever heard. How perfect it fit with the whole. Dude, your brother could have started a whole new genre of music. People send it in their parents tapes. By the way, don't do that to your family because I would never do that to my family.
Starting point is 00:28:03 My mother started fucking yelling. Her voice is higher than Robert plants. It's making him look like a bum. That's amazing, dude. Dude, if I told you, I do,
Starting point is 00:28:18 you have no idea the fucking people I grew up with, how much funnier than they are. They are than me. I used to work with this fucking guy. These two guys. And one of the dude's dad's was a fucking big drinker or whatever. And he was dating this alcoholic mess. And the other guy could imitate his dad.
Starting point is 00:28:43 And he would call up the dude's girlfriend and pick fights with her when she was shit-faced and he would record it. Oh my God. And he brought it into the warehouse and we would just be listening to it. Oh, that's great. I just remember one part.
Starting point is 00:28:57 He'd be like, yeah, it's me. That's how the guy talked. And he just started winding her up. And at one point he just goes here he goes to the courts come drag your kid's ass away from you and i remember she just goes bullshit that'll be the day i die that'll be the fucking day die. And then he goes. And we were just sitting there listening at work at a place of work before cell phones in the warehouse, listening to this guy torturing an alcoholic. Oh, my God, dude. That is so fucking great.
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Starting point is 00:32:51 feel like it so freaking comfortable you'll want to wear it all the time fun fact vuori is a finnish word for mountain vuori's performance loungewear apparel inspires the expansive clarity you get from the top of a mountain view. Goddamn we are. I'm still singing Italian here for something to finish. Their clothes are so versatile. Vuori can be worn for just about any activity like running, training, yoga. Paul, I love the yoga.
Starting point is 00:33:19 I hate to say it, Paul. You're losing me. I'm going over the other side of the fence and I'm not coming back. I like making shakes. I like a dessert. I don't know what happened. I used to drink bourbon and smoke cigars, but also grateful lounging or weekend errands. Vuori is an investment in your happiness. For our listeners, they are offering 20% off your first purchase. Get yourself some of the most comfortable and versatile clothing on the planet at vuoriclothing.com slash better. and versatile clothing on the planet at vuoriclothing.com slash better. That's V-U-O-R-I clothing.com slash better. Not only will you receive 20% off your first purchase,
Starting point is 00:33:51 but enjoy free shipping on any US orders for over 75 bucks and free returns. Go to vuoriclothing.com slash better and discover the versatility of Vuori clothing. Crushed it, Paul. And I love their sweatpants because I wear them days in a row. Not going to lie. I got the burgundy. I'm a kid that likes maroon. What do you want from me? Hey, Paul, I want you to be you.
Starting point is 00:34:14 Better help. What interferes with your happiness, Bill? Oh, the list goes on, okay? Yeah. Is something preventing you from achieving your goals? Listen. Does this something have a name? Did you say I do to this something?
Starting point is 00:34:38 No. Let's keep it nice for the ladies here, Paul come on uh listen lord knows i have my personal mental health issues there you go paul you did you were a little self-deprecating oh yeah yeah ocd depression better help will assess your needs and match you with our licensed professional therapist connect a safe and private online environment it is so convenient yes you can start communicating in under 48 hours um it's not a crisis line which just always makes me are there two phones sorry just somebody who calls up going way too hard i got a gun in my mouth man, we don't do that over here.
Starting point is 00:35:30 That's the other line. Oh, shit. It's not a crisis line. It's just mild depression, man. We take it light here. I mean, these kids just got out of school. Hey, call me if you're having a bad week. I ain't working out that childhood shit, man. All right, sorry.
Starting point is 00:35:50 Oh, shit. It's not a crisis line. It's not a self-help. It is professional counseling done securely online. You'll get timely and thoughtful responses. Plus, you can schedule weekly video or phone sessions, all without ever having to sit in an uncomfortable waiting room. BetterHelp is committed to facilitating great therapeutic matches so they make it easy and free to change counselors if needed. It's more
Starting point is 00:36:20 affordable than traditional offline counseling and financial aid is available. The service is available for clients worldwide. Find a particular expertise you need online. Don't limit yourself to counselors located near you. Licensed professional counselors who are specialized in depression. Ooh, got that. Stress. Ooh, tell me about it. Anxiety. Hey,
Starting point is 00:36:46 Paul, what's this number? Relationships, sleeping, trauma, anger. Oh, Jesus. Family conflicts. Boy, they really hit all the bullet points, don't they? They really did. But keep it light, Paul. Keep it light. Grief and self-esteem. In fact, so many people have been using self-help that they are recruiting additional counselors in all 50 states. Hey, we need to call in a cavalry, okay? Oh, we got a live one. Get Arkansas on the horn. I want you to start living a happier life today. As a listener, you'll get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at betterhelp.com slash anything better. Join over 1 million people who have taken charge in their mental health. Again, that's betterhelp.com slash anything better for 10% off your first month. dot com slash anything better for 10% off your first month. All right, people, last but not least, Policy Genius. Summer begins this month, and you know what that means. If you're a redhead
Starting point is 00:37:54 like me, it means you go indoors. But everybody else, it's time to save on life insurance. What? I thought you were going to say go to the beach.. That way you'll have a bigger budget for summer things like pool floats and hot seltzes between Father's Day. Let's be honest. Father's morning. That's what it is for most people. Then it's back to the grind. Flag Day and National Yo-Yo Day. Now, is that rap or is that the boy?
Starting point is 00:38:20 The month of June. That's a lot going on. Yo, yo. Thankfully, Policy Genius makes it easy to cross life insurance off your list so you can get back to yo-yoing. If someone relies on your financial support, whether it's a child, aging parent, or even a business partner, you need life insurance.
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Starting point is 00:39:10 earned PolicyGenius an excellent rating on Trustpilot. Getting started is easy. Don't make excuses. It's easy. First, head to policygenius.com slash better. In minutes, you can work out how much life insurance coverage you need and compare personalized quotes to find your best price. When you're ready to apply, the policy genius team will handle the paperwork and the scheduling for free. Policy genius never sells your information to other companies. Policy genius doesn't add on extra fees. Head to policy genius.com slash better B E Te-r to get started right now policy genius when it comes to insurance hey paul it's nice to get it right the shit
Starting point is 00:39:56 yeah but it's hard people that i worked with in that warehouse i remember there was a guy guy i think he passed away this guy went hard he was one of these guys like six five just straight arms straight legs and just like a big fucking barrel chest this guy fucking put him away did blow the whole thing and i remember one time he showed up dude this guy he was like you talk like that right and this guy fucking showed up, dude. This guy, he was like, you talk like that, right? And this guy fucking showed up like two hours late. Two hours late for fucking, for work. Hair soaking wet, right?
Starting point is 00:40:35 It's a fucking July day. It's like 80 degrees out. His hair soaking wet from like a shower. And he comes in. Our boss had like a high-pitched voice. He's like, come on, where the fuck were you? And he's just like boss had like a high-pitched voice he's like come on where the fuck were you and he's just like oh a lot of traffic his hair was soaking wet so we and we used to tease him for being an addict you could at work there was no hr we would just tease him. I remember we were going to Dunkin' Donuts.
Starting point is 00:41:07 Guy's name was Paulie. Hey, Paul, what do you want? You don't want a donut? He's like, no, no, no. This guy goes, how about a rum cake? And he came running over. They had to break him apart. I just remember, this is going somewhere as far as the brilliance, is when he got fired, he had a he had a shacket. Remember shackets was like a flannel in a jacket. Yes. Yes. Yeah. So he had left this shacket behind. And this other dude, we used to ship software out. He had all these different size boxes and he made all these different size boxes, it into this guy Paul and put the jacket on
Starting point is 00:41:47 it it's like a memorial and stuck it on his desk and it had the big box this big Elky whale of a body and then I forget what he used for like the little arms and he had the jacket on it oh my god dude i swear to god like it was like it was like a fucking it was like snl and there was musicians there it was musicians class clowns and all of us were some form of a drug addict alcoholic um and we were all like sports fans and shit. It was like, it was the most fun fucking job I ever had. And I used to say that all the time. Like if I wasn't going to turn 30 someday, I would never leave here. We just,
Starting point is 00:42:34 we had a fuck. We used to play, we used to play softball against other warehouses and you would just go out there and get fucking shit faced. And everyone would just drive home while we're in the warehouse i worked at a at a at an alcohol like a beer a beer place and i was just filled with beers and pallets of booze what what warehouse were you in what were you i worked at this place that uh this was before the internet and amazon this guy came up with this brilliant idea
Starting point is 00:43:02 because back in the day if you were a business and you wanted to order software i remember i remember the software was like lotus one two three dated uh data plus or something data three plus or norton utilities you had to call each company so what he did was he just ordered a shitload from all of them and was like just call me uh and he became this thing and the company just it exploded it was this little ass company then we were like two different buildings then we got this big building and then i left you know tried to finish college and i i kind of lost track with them but i think eventually it got sold but it was um it was fun because the product you were working with was clean it was in a box
Starting point is 00:43:48 because i worked another i worked well i worked like cumberland farm warehouse and there was sort of that smell of dairy and eggs and shit you know that farm smell which was kind of nasty mixed in with like computer paper the place where i was at it was kind of uh little on the nastier side but um i didn't work as young i didn't work as young as you because i know you had a paper route and shit but my first job other than i was unemployed for about six months when i was 22 i've had a job since 1978 wow my first my first was I worked at a bakery at 14 years old. I worked at a bakery and it was in like the strip mall down from, and it was a Polly cannoli. And it was all these fucking giant Italian guys that ran it.
Starting point is 00:44:35 And I remember this one guy, he used to fight people. He used to get into, he used to like to fight groups. He'd be like, yeah, fuck off for three or four. I'm not going to figure this one dude.
Starting point is 00:44:43 He was jacked like this and i remember one time he was just like just a huge dude he's like rolling dough and he's going do i fuck that girl every which way to sunday and i remember him just talking there's like cookies around and shit and he's just like it's early in the morning it's just like this giant like there's just a display and it smells really good at like five o'clock in the morning, the bread. And it was just this giant Italian guy. And I thought, yeah, fuck everybody up. He's just like, fuck that girl every which way to Sundup.
Starting point is 00:45:13 Tell you, it's a fucker trip. And he's just rolling dough. And I'm just a scared kid. And I'm in the back there. I got flour all over me. But dude, my favorite job of all the jobs I ever had growing up, Bill, where I had the most money and the most freedom was pizza, pizza delivery, man. My buddy was just like, I had a little Toyota Tricel that I got because I hit car Toyota Tricel
Starting point is 00:45:38 four speed. And you know how I got it? How smooth did that thing shift, dude? Dude, here's how I got it. How smooth did that thing shift, dude? Dude, here's how I got it. And here's the discipline that I had. We go to Mohegan Sun and I'm about 18 years old. I'm about, I'm about 18 years old. We go to Mohegan Sun. My buddy is sitting next to me and my other buddy's out on the floor. And it's, it's the first year three-card poker came out and we kept getting flushes and when you hit a flush on three-card poker it paid six to one so we kept making money and we kept getting flushes and finally my buddy next to me goes fuck it dude i'm going we keep hitting flushes i'm going big he puts 50 on the ante so i go well i'm getting flushes like you are i'll put there too and they deal me queen king ace of diamonds red i'll never forget it paid 40 to pay 41 dude so i got one shot what's that two grand grand one shot two grand and i
Starting point is 00:46:35 look at him i go dude i he puts a three i go yo dude i think i got a straight flood like i was so i couldn't fucking black dude two grand for a kid i'm gonna do it i think i got a straight flush i got a straight straight flush to the ace royal royal flush couldn't fucking do two grand for a kid. I'm going, dude, I think I got a straight flush. I got a straight flush to the ace. Royal, royal flush. That's what it was. It was a royal straight. It was up to the queen. And he goes, no, dude, he goes, that's 50 to one. And all of a sudden the dealer goes around and he flips him over. He goes, oh, we got the whole
Starting point is 00:46:55 table. He rubs. He goes, dude, you just won two grand. Swear to God. True story. Hands me the two grand. And then you left. You took the money and you left. Please, Paul. I hate you gamblers. No, no, no. Break my heart every time. No, no. You're going to love this. This is beautiful. He gives me two grand. And then you left. You took the money and you left. Please, Paul. I hate you gamblers. No, no, no. You break my heart every time. No, no. You're going to love this. This is beautiful.
Starting point is 00:47:08 He gives me two grand. Gives me two grand in black chips. I hand one black chip to my friend sitting next to me just because he was next to me and he said, let's go more. That's the fucking gentleman I am. He gets 100 just for that. Okay? He gets 100 just for sitting next to me.
Starting point is 00:47:23 Okay? That's the kind of guy I am. for that. Okay. He gets a hundred just for sitting next to me. Okay. Then I walk over to my friend on the floor and I go, here's a hundred, man. I go, I just want two grand. Here's a hundred for coming with us. We're all going to take something today. I give him. So now I'm down to 18. I take $100. I go to roulette. I lose it. I cash out $1,700. I put it in my pocket. I bought a Toyota Tricel with it. My friend who was a gambling junkie goes, oh, that would have right. Because that would have been when I take my jacket off. I swear to God, never forget. Yeah. Cause he would have, he would have. And he was, he was a blackjack player. So he would have put 500, 500, try to stack it. I've
Starting point is 00:47:59 actually witnessed him win 10, 12 grand in front of me. That prick only gave me, didn't even give me anything. But I take $1,700 from that day. I buy a four-speed Toyota Trestel, and I was delivering pizzas. And that's when I smoked butts. That's when I smoked cigarettes. So I would listen to Mike and the Mad Dog on the car. This dude, I'm a kid. The Mad Dog is still one of the funniest fucking, when he gets going, when he gets upset.
Starting point is 00:48:24 Dude. That fucking, did Bartn going, when he gets upset. Dude. Did Bartnick send you that thing where the head coach of the Jets brought security to the Knicks game? Did he play? Oh, I saw that. No, no, no. Yes. Was he at the?
Starting point is 00:48:36 Yes. Yes. He was at the. Dude, he went up into those high registered. He's amazing. Yeah. He, yeah. So, dude, I would listen to Mike and the Mad Dogs, smoke cigarettes.
Starting point is 00:48:49 I would have the pizzas there. My buddy who was the owner goes, dude, you're the fastest delivery guy. He goes, how are you doing at this fair? He goes, don't get me wrong. You stink in here. I would take long washing trays. He goes, you stink in the store. He goes, delivering, you're my fastest guy.
Starting point is 00:49:03 Right? Because I didn't want to wash dishes. I would fucking daydream and shit, right? So I would always have- I daydream about delivering pizzas. I got big dreams back here. Dude, I knew the routes to the houses. Most of the same people ordered on Friday, Saturday nights.
Starting point is 00:49:23 I always had three, $400 cash. I was driving, either listening to, I put a kicker, like a boom box in my back, like a speakers. So I would either listen to like hip hop loud. I would listen to Mike and the mad dog. I would smoke cigarettes. I made money and it was dude, it was the freedom. It was the fucking best job for a kid, man. Yeah. i know there's something about like being out on the road and making money yeah i hated what i hated about school i like study class because you didn't have to do anything and i like lunch cafeteria because you could joke around and make people laugh right other than that i just wasn't into like school and i hated that whole fucking going back to the same fucking place and i and i didn't really feel that i think with like school i think as much as i felt with the job i hated when i was at a job
Starting point is 00:50:15 like and a year had gone by and i remember thinking like one year ago i was standing right here i haven't fucking moved anywhere. And what's weird is I've been doing these stupid fucking comedy clubs now for like almost 30 years. But I never feel that way because I'm doing what I love. Where back then, I loved the people I was working with and I loved the laughs and everything. But I was looking at it like, okay, there's no way I can support a family buy a house or anything dude my dreams were so fucking little I don't know how to I don't even know how to fuck I mean I kind of know how it happened but now I do but um they were just so like fucking like all I wanted season tickets to all four the boston teams you know i wanted a house in massachusetts
Starting point is 00:51:09 you know went married one of the beautiful girls in my grade you know uh and just live a regular life i don't know what the happened well i know what happened now through therapy i know i didn't know i had all this other shit in me dude where i where i had where that wouldn't be enough that wouldn't be enough for me i i still had they hey look at me you like me right does everybody like me now so i can fucking relax um that type of shit so that i think that that's in i think that that's in a lot of people i just think talented funny people find a way you know like when they say comedians are damaged and fucked up. It's like, yeah, I've seen that in our community, but I also know people who aren't comedians who are really fucked up and damaged.
Starting point is 00:51:53 They're just not talented. So I think this was the thing, Paul, was the only way I was going to get the house and the girl was if I became that was my only way out because I did not have the ability and I'm not I'm talking financial I'm just talking emotionally as a fucking human being yeah to make that to just walk across the street and make that simple dream happen I had to take the long fucking yeah the long fucking road doing you know stand up in fucking bars and all of this shit to to figure all of to figure out the first 20 years of my life i had to do 30 years on the fucking road speaking ofnings and Willie Nelson, Waylon and Willie album. Dude, I love Willie, dude.
Starting point is 00:52:52 Oh, dude, his voice is unbelievable. The older I get, listening to Willie Nelson is one of the most beautiful, therapeutic, American things you could fucking do. Oh, you got to do it. You got to, on your drive home from New York, forget it. So this thing is that classic mamas don't let your babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys. And I'm reading these lyrics, dude.
Starting point is 00:53:10 This is like, he's like, he's singing about a comedian. Cowboys ain't easy to love and they're harder to hold. They'd rather give you a song than diamonds or gold. I don't know about that. You and me, we're a little flashy there, Paul. But listen, listen to the, than diamonds or gold. I don't know about that. You and me, we're a little flashy there, Paul. But listen, the... He said,
Starting point is 00:53:28 mamas don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys because they'll never stay home and they're always alone even with someone they love. That was my mushroom trip. Well, I didn't know cowboys had shit they needed to unpack is that why they're out there fucking
Starting point is 00:53:47 riding off over the horizon they're running from their problems i want no part of any drug that's gonna make me feel like that fuck that dude i already have my shit last thing i want to do is be fucking wigging out and all of a sudden all my insecurities paul it didn't make me feel like that i was feeling like that it made me aware that i was feeling like that i'm not gonna get all hippy dippy and say you start fucking eating these things like fucking doritos because i only did it one time i did it one time i got what i needed out of it i was like that's that's that's what this whole thing is built on i need to fix the house is built on that I gotta fix that
Starting point is 00:54:27 I have to get fucking sober and be a fucking man and figure this out so I would only be able to do that if I was with my brother, you home at my house you can take a guided trip Paul
Starting point is 00:54:42 I'll send you this video that my drum instructor, he'd send it to me. I always did drug scared. When I played with Coke, I would be, my friends would- Yeah, but that's a scary drug, Paul. No, but my friends would do lines and I would fucking do that thing where I would go like, I'm not, let me just, and then I would like smell, and then i would like smell and then i would like to like i always did drugs scared in my 20s because i was never going to be the guy to fucking keel over i mean dude i knew guys that would fuck they would do like line races one fucking drop i mean it's like it's i would never do that if i took mushrooms i would do that bitchy little like i remember one time we all decided to trip on acid and we're at this house and this this this girl's uh parents
Starting point is 00:55:25 went away for the weekend she had a real nice house and we're back there and the guy goes yeah man these are white pearls dude just put it on it'll keep you up good mood and i remember i put it on my tongue and everyone and i just as soon as i put it on my tongue and everybody like swallowed i just fucking i took it out and then um i ended up i don't know because it went on my tongue i ended up staying up late and laughing at everything and being like feeling a little different. But I didn't go the whole way, dude, because I was just like, I don't want to go there, dude. I don't want to get locked in. Dude, I was a fucking, I was a busboy.
Starting point is 00:55:55 I can't say that. I can't say the chain. A very popular, a very popular restaurant that is still out there. It's a chain. It's a franchise. And I was a busboy. And my buddy gets me a job and he was an epic waiter everyone loved him the kid crushed it he's like multitasking all these tables and i was but he goes dude dude i need more ketchup for this table can you give me more ketchup i just run in the kitchen and apparently i took the wrong
Starting point is 00:56:21 yeah like what are those what are those things called? The, the, the little, the things. No, no, no. The things that you dip, like it has the ketchup in it, like a cylinder that, that, uh, there's a specific name for a saucer or something. I don't know. Um, Oh, I thought you took the wrong dip. Like you took something like, you know, cocktail sauce instead of ketchup. No, i ended up taking a small fucking soup bowl and i just kept going like this with the fucking ketchup and i was just nervous it was like my first week and he goes yeah they need more ketchup and i finally run out to him thinking i did a good job and him and the table just bursted out laughing at me i gave a fucking soup bowl of ketchup right it was supposed to be like a little uh dude i was
Starting point is 00:57:08 wild man i would get naked at this at cleanup time at your station i thought they probably if you know if he just brought it over they would think you were being passive aggressive like you want some more fucking ketchup i had a buddy of mine they did that to him at mcdonald's he used to always order cheeseburgers ketchup only he hated pickles I had a buddy of mine. They did that to him at McDonald's. He used to always order cheeseburgers, ketchup only. He hated pickles. So he fucking sits down with ham and he bites into a big pickle and he goes up and he goes, hey, I'm sorry, but I ordered this pickles only, you know, just ketchup only.
Starting point is 00:57:41 And when he got back, he sits down, he picks up the burger, he bites into it, and all this ketchup comes out the side. And he comes storming up to the thing and the cashier goes he did it and he wound it up like fucking clements when he's all fucking amped up he goes yeah then you fucking eat it you can throw it at this kid over by the wow by the burger thing yeah oh that's great no dude i was i was like a class clown during that time like we would have our station because i became a waiter and we would have a station. You have to bissel it, you know, a bissel. That thing with like the brushes underneath and you would go and it would pick up the lint.
Starting point is 00:58:13 So I got stark naked in the kitchen and all the cooks are looking back on fucking. I would go drink with them. They love me. And I took whipped cream and I put it all over my fucking, you know, whipped cream all over my privates. And I made like a whipped cream, like fucking underwear. Right. And the girl next to my station, they were all there. And I just walked out and it looked like I had a white bathing suit on. It was just whipped cream. And without saying a word, I just started bisseling my fucking, I just started bisseling my station and it's dripping down my leg. We would always do, but like we would smoke weed, you know,
Starting point is 00:58:45 we would drink. And then after we went to the restaurant, it's a restaurant business. Dude, that movie waiting with Justin Long, the movie waiting with Justin Long, Ryan Reynolds, and, and Anna, Anna Faris, I think it's one of the most realistic for restaurants like that, like a Chili's, like an Applebee's, like things like that. Like when the waitstaff goes to parties after, Hey, we're all going to so-and-so's house, we're all going to smoke weed and drink. And it was never heavy shit, but it was like this community. It was like this family. And like when it got rush hour, Friday night, everybody kind of did their shit. Then you would count your tips at night. And, um, but, but I never did the heavy,
Starting point is 00:59:24 I never did the psychedelic drugs. I could never do a psychedelic drug because I was mentally. Paul, like I got to be honest with you. Like, I don't know shit about any of that stuff. But I do know, like, you know, you did the smart thing with like all of that to alligator arm, all of that. But like below, man, that was, you you know no number one draft pick ever fucking ate mushrooms the next day and then died the way like len bias like you know you know what i mean it's just like you can or lose your career or any of that type of stuff so it's weird like i kind of
Starting point is 00:59:58 uh it's interesting now where i think there's so much information about a lot of drugs that have been around for a while now. That you know what you're getting into. And that's the hard thing about all of that Oxy and all of that shit. The way that that was just unleashed on people. I cannot believe that. Well, I can't believe it because it's pharmaceutical. But they should be. They're like mass murderers.
Starting point is 01:00:26 What they did. And, what they did. And also what they did to this. Because we're sitting here fighting fucking terrorism. And you're letting these fucking people turn everybody into junkies and shit. I don't know. I'm on my soapbox now. No, no. But you're right.
Starting point is 01:00:38 You're right, dude. And listen, as somebody that lost somebody close to a drug addiction, I think I'm just going to tell my kids, look, man, here's the deal. You do that drug, it'll kill you. You want to smoke weed with your friends. You do it moderately and smart. You want to drink. You do it moderately. I was the most not addictive person and it's just, but psychologically where I was at, that shit became a crutch and it, it had fucking got ahold of me. And it was like something that was really, uh, many failed attempts to stop. Um, I'm too antisocial for any group to fucking sit there and be like,
Starting point is 01:01:21 okay, do you want to share now? You want to share what happened to you? It's like, no, no, I don't. No, dude, I don't fuck be like, okay, do you want to share now? You want to share what happened to you? It's like, no. No, I don't. No, dude. I don't fuck. No, dude.
Starting point is 01:01:29 Fuck that, man. I don't do that either. I just like to be with the – is anything better than watching the Brooklyn Nets somehow muster up the courage, reach down and find another gear? I mean, they want the world who who would i ever thought paul i'm telling you this time last year you told me if kevin durant i don't even know their names what is it what is the guy the guy looks like bill cosby from the 70s james harden kairi irvin kevin durant james harden Harden. Kyrie Irvin, Kevin Durant, James Harden.
Starting point is 01:02:06 Yeah, first, if you would have ever told us. The dude from the Clippers. Yep. DeAndre Jordan. DeAndre Jordan. Blake Griffin. Blake Griffin. If you would have told us that that collection of guys would already have advanced, it's like. Paul, it's why I watch sports.
Starting point is 01:02:21 It's why I watch sports. It's because of the randomness of something like this it the alley-oop dunks and three after you know next year i hope the kentucky derby yeah has has the best horse one of them and the rest of them are like burrows in one go. Like, that's what I want. Yeah. Yeah, just a big... I just want to see that horse fucking dominate those other animals. That's what I want to see.
Starting point is 01:02:54 20 horse lengths. Never even a race. Yeah. Never even a race. I don't want it to be a race. I want to know what's going to happen. It makes me feel safe, Paul. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:03:04 You know, there's been so many, like, it's just been such an insecure time. So much questions and everything. You know, I just sometimes you want to know the ending, Paul. I think they should let Division III schools play big schools. You know, just why not? For a championship. Yeah. schools you know just just for a championship yeah yeah yeah i think alabama should play a division three school and you know just well they kind of do every september don't they
Starting point is 01:03:33 they they bribe them money to be fucking stiff they give them bribe money to be stiffs yeah appalachian state although they had that big win against Michigan that opening week that's the one everybody remembers and you know another one I remember in the NCAA tournament Valparaiso when I was in high school Valparaiso hit a three to beat a monster one and everyone I remember
Starting point is 01:03:58 Valparaiso in the NCAA tournament and I remember Appalachian State beating Michigan week one and people lost their shit is it Appalach I remember Appalachian state beating Michigan week one and people lost their shit. Is it Appalachian or Appalachian? Andrew. Appalachian state or Appalachian.
Starting point is 01:04:12 It's like, it's like based on Appalachian mountains. It's Appalachian. I think it's Appalachian state. Is that right? What year was that? No, I'm saying,
Starting point is 01:04:20 how do you say it? Oh, it's Appalachian. I mean, that's what we said. Appalachian. See Paul, you're always doing this. You know, you call it the yuck, it's the yoke.
Starting point is 01:04:28 You say, you know, the dick, it's the balls. Charlie, I ain't worried how to say the fucking words. When are you going to watch that fucking, you're going to watch that movie when you come out here? Yeah, well, you said that. You said we were going to watch it together. Is there anything better than getting buzzed with the people that you love in an
Starting point is 01:04:45 environment you know oh and i know what the environment you know means no one shut you off environment i know means no environment you know means jesus christ i just got dizzy i'm starving um environment you know means don't pass out of me now. Either your house, my house, a cigar place, we always go just where it's home. We're home and you're on your second tequila so it already kicked in and you know a stick
Starting point is 01:05:16 is about to be lit. The greatest feeling is when we went to your house. And you know what else? If there's a game on that you don't give a fuck about. it's sports so you like it but you're not like living and dying on every fucking pitch or whatever you just got the game on that's what i love about baseball there's so many fucking games that i i just uh you know the mlb package man i mean a lot of people they don't they're in debate i fucking love baseball i love pitcher's duel. I love when some old guy comes out there. I love when they cheat, when they got
Starting point is 01:05:48 shit all over their fucking jerseys. Actually, I heard the batters don't mind that either, because they want them to have at least control. I disagree, Bill. I used to want a pitcher's duel, but after seeing the Nets, I want, I want pure dominance. Listen, I want pure dominance. I want pure dominance. I would like a perfect game with the elite teams playing teams with rookies that just came up that don't know how to hit yet. There's something about that that just gets me. It's entertaining. I don't know. All right.
Starting point is 01:06:20 Well, it's my wife's birthday today, so I got to go pick up some stuff for her. Happy birthday, Nia. All right, well, it's my wife's birthday today, so I got to go pick up some stuff for her. So they have it. Big, big congratulations to the Brooklyn Nets. Just unbelievably inspiring victory. And so entertaining to watch. I mean, you know. Oh, we got to do plugs. When a team gets up by 40, Paul, that's when you know who they are.
Starting point is 01:06:44 They're like a guy putting concessions, come down, fucking play the last five minutes. By the way, anybody getting mad at this? You did this to your fucking selves. Don't get mad at the fans. No,
Starting point is 01:06:56 no, no. I'm saying anybody getting mad at us. Oh, you know, go, well, what are we supposed to do?
Starting point is 01:07:01 Hey, it is what it is. All right. Somebody goes, Verzi, you're full of shit. If it's the Knicks, I go, no, no, no. I said, if Kyrie and Durant went to do? Hey, it is what it is. All right. Uh, somebody goes, Verzi, you're full of shit. If it's the Knicks, I go,
Starting point is 01:07:07 no, no, no. I said, if Kyrie and Durant went to the Knicks. Yeah. I, when you threw Harden in,
Starting point is 01:07:11 there's like the 2009 Yankees, dude, I, as much as it's a tight, I can't talk about it. Mark to share at first, Kanoa at second, Jeter at short,
Starting point is 01:07:21 A-Rod at third. I mean, it's a fuck. You know what it is? It's the hanging out together and then all agreeing to pile on one team. That's the thing where it's just, I don't know. Everybody's friends now. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:07:34 It's just like, dude, you ever go back and just watch those fucking. Oh, Peyton Manning, 18. Nice. Oh, so he fucked up. So Johnny Unitas was 19. I always fucked that up.ny unitas was 19 um all right guys well happy birthday to nia check out uh the versi effect the versi youtube channel monday morning podcast all the stuff that we got going on guys next week oh i'm gonna be in la bill
Starting point is 01:08:00 by the way next anything better we're to be together in the ATC studio. Oh, next week, I'm going to be in LA. Paul's going, going back, back to Cali, Cali. And then I will be June 11th and 12th, guys. I'll be at the Vulcan Gas Company in Austin, Texas. One show Friday, 7.30. One show Saturday, 7.30. Get tickets. I'm only doing one show a night, two nights. And then June 25th and 26th, I will be at Wise Guys in Utah, one of my favorite places. And if I can swing it, I might go to a Utah Jazz playoff game. So check me out at Wise Guys 25th. Oh, dude, you got to go. And guys, Wilbur tickets are on sale right now. Be at the Wilbur October 22nd.
Starting point is 01:08:45 It's my first big theater, so please check that out. Get tickets, and I'm going to be making a big announcement on when I'm shooting my special, my second special. I will be shooting very soon. That announcement's coming up soon too. Bill, what do you got? I got Vegas, July 3rd. Second and third, I think.
Starting point is 01:09:04 And then my tour starts, you know, Atlantic City, the end of August. My dates are a little far out to be promoting. But all my tour dates from the end of September to mid-December, all of the tickets are on sale on BillBurr.com. B-U-R-R. Just click on tour dates and i got a whole bunch of shit that i can't wait to go out there and talk about so that is it thank you guys for watching we'll see you next week Thank you.

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