Anything Better? - 'I'm Reasonable'

Episode Date: August 28, 2021

Is there Anything Better than Bill and Paul talking about Paul's Presidential campaign.

What's up everybody and welcome back to your favorite hour of the week, the Anything Better podcast. Myself, Paul Berzy, Bill Burr, we got our producer, the Greek freak, Andrew Themlis, and you guys are listening to number 30. That's right, Bill. Even 30. Who do we have? Who do we have are the top number 30s in sports? All right.

In no particular order. From Ranker.com. When I was a kid, that was giving somebody shit. Oh, dude. He got ranked on. This is Ranker.com. Number one, Steph Curry. Steph Curry.

Okay, that's a great one. He's scared of his own talent. You know, he hits shots and he fucking runs away. Nolan Ryan. It's a great one. Nolan Ryan, come on, man. I saw that guy pitch in 1989 in Fenway Park playing for the Rangers, and you could hear him screaming after every pitch.

He tore the pitch. His arm would come over, and he'd go, That was like my age. Throwing gas, Paul. Throwing fucking gas. Ken Griffey Jr. I think he wore that. I don't think he wore that.

He wore it with the Reds. Yeah, he didn't always have it, but yeah, he had it. That was his dad's number, I believe. Terrell Davis. Great one. Mile high salute. I was at the game, unfortunately, when his career ended against the Jets when Vinny Testaverde had already lost his fucking Achilles tendon.

He lost it, Paul. He couldn't find it. He cost me $700 on a bet because he stumbled at the two. Marty Brodeur. Martin Brodeur. How do hockey fans rank him all time? The guy played behind the left wing lock

of the trap his whole fucking career during the clutch and grab era. He's got the most shutouts ever. It's because no one can get past the red line. Bernard King. Oh, Paul. Yeah. Finally, a New York Knick. Bernard King, number 30. We had to go through 30 numbers before they brought up one of the Knicks. Jesus Christ, Paul. I know. Henrik Lundqvist. Wow, man. This is a serious list. New Yorkork ranger yeah todd girley great one so girley that's

he's such a man because his last name is girley got sick of people teasing him he did his school remember dave meggett on the on the giants no i remember that name i remember the name what about mosey tatupo we should have been been in there. Mosey's Mooses. Rest in peace, Mosey. Rasheed Wallace. I love Rasheed Wallace. I love Rasheed. Getting the, they should have called him the big technical.

Or maybe those referees should have fucking grown up. When did you ever see Rasheed wrong? Misunderstood. Misunderstood, man. Eddie Belfour. A lot of goaltenders. Eddie Belfour. Ken Griffey Sr.

Wore it for the Yankees, Paul. There's another free agent you cunt spot. Jerry Chevers for the Boston Bruins. You ever seen his goalie mask, Paul? No. Every time he needed stitches, he had a little stitches drawn on his mask. It was completely covered. When I was a kid, I thought the whole team autographed his mask.

I thought he was like a fan like me. Orlando Cepeda, Hall of Famer. Oh, yeah, here you go, Paul. Going deep. Going deep into hockey history. Gump Worsley. Wow. Just with that name, Paul, what decade did this guy play?

His name was Gump Worsley. 60s. Further. Wow. For the back. 50s? 50s. Wow. Dude, Gump Worsley. I the back. 50s? 50s. Wow.

Dude, Gump Worsley, I would have said 1930s. Maybe he gave people, maybe he gave a lot of people shit on the ice, you know? Don't give me any of that Gump. Oh, dude. Don't get Gumps out there

starting to stir it up. Tim Raines, but he wore it for the White Sox coming down to the end here. Del Curry. Charlotte Hornets. Ryan Miller. Wow.

All right. We're grasping here, but dude. Dennis Martinez. Oh, Icky Woods, the Icky Shuffle. Oh, shit. All right. What would have happened if he didn't get injured? Terry Sawchuck.

Now, you must have seen him with his face all busted up, right, Paul? Bernie Parent. This is like the fifth goalie. David Maggot made the list. Number 22. Yes. Chris Osgood. Moose Haas.

How long is this list? Philip Lindsay. George the Iceman McGinnis. Willie Randolph. Oh, Willie. I'm just going to read them an hour from now. John Cude. Who the fuck is that?

Bruce Gossett. Kerry Kittles. Seth Curry. I'm going to end there. From Steph to Seth. Jesus, Paul. Well, it's kind of ironic that those are on the list because big news came out today,

and it's unfortunate, but it looks like Steph and Seth's parents after 30 years are calling it quits. And they're, you know, accusing each other stuff. We won't go there. But let me ask you this question. You're married 30 years. Your kids are both successful basketball players. There's millions in the family. You don't really got to worry about money, but you were married that long. Your kids are old and grown up to you. Get back out there. I guess you could date, but would you consider marriage after all

that or no? I think you got to call it a career you got you gotta know when to get it out you gotta gotta know you gotta know when to get out i mean yeah you put 30 years okay dude if you if you get if you get married almost at 30 you put 30 years in you get out at 60 wait what are you doing although dude all of those' homes. You heard about that. The fucking STDs are out of control. No. It's horrible. It's just a bunch of old people banging. It's not a joke, dude.

What? Yeah, they're out there. Put on a little music to get her in the mood. Hey, Maryland! Hey, Maryland! You know I get frisky on polka night. Get in here, Maryland. Did you see the varicose vein on Ethel?

Oh, my God, dude. You can't tell me that they don't have blackout curtains when they're banging. Some of those guys, it's like, dude, you think the horrors of war were bad? How about the two of you naked fucking going at it, dude? I mean, I couldn't imagine like, but to them, they don't care. You know, to us, we picture veins and all that shit to them. They're fucking psyched. It's like jello in their program before bed at nine.

Get a little fucking handy from fucking whatever her name is that's what it is yeah okay let's just get out of this pulse get out of this room open the curtains don't look just get out of here go out the side door oh my god let me take my teeth out uh and uh that's how it ends paul that's how it ends look you're married you had kids yeah everybody said they loved you that you got the card on father's day and this is how it ends uh you trying to tag some fucking 73 year old hoping she doesn't have the clap can you imagine being 77 walking in with your war vet hat with your little medals on it and shit yeah but how do they have stds that's what i want to understand if they're all

they haven't banged in forever who's getting them who's giving them stds all it takes is one of them paul the orderlies go down to the ihop on a thursday night when the fucking medicare checks come in and all those dirty whores are coming by trying to get that get a piece of that medicare check maybe get some pigs in the blanket or whatever you know all it takes is one of them to tag one of them in there and then it's in there and then you know i bet that was in the original script of cocoon and they took it out because hollywood's so afraid to make a truthful movie. Oh, Brimley with the fucking pissing green jumping into the pool. No, you have to. What you have to do is you have to find a chick that was also in something for that many years.

is you have to find a chick that was also in something for that many years and you guys have an understanding like you go to dinner and you lay it out on the table look i like you you like me we had our three decade marriage we had our kids grown we let's just get a house or whatever we'll have fun i like hanging with you we don't have to do the whole fucking legal thing. You know what I mean? And then just see what happens. That's I bet people have done it like that. Yeah. Yeah. Because listen, if you're in your late fifties or sixties and your kids are like in their

thirties late there and you did it all, it's like, what are you going to do? Have a ceremony and then just do the, it's like, you've already done it. You know, do you, let me ask you a question.

Do your kids care? If you get divorced, they're in your late 30s. Do you give a shit? I think the Currys do only because of all the nasty stuff that's going back and forth and being said about their parents. I wasn't talking about them. I'm saying if you were in your 30s, right? Look, if you're a kid and your parents get divorced and it's i wasn't talking about them i'm saying if you were in your 30s right look if you're a kid your parents get divorced it's devastating but if you're in your 30s

yeah if you're in your 20s or 30s and it's not public to everybody and your parents just go hey it's ending it's like yeah i had a friend in school who's like their parents just waited for them to all get out and go to college like it was almost like they knew and then it was like oh yeah so and so they're left they're with other people now and they were like do you care and they were like nah you know because you because you know and i also think kids get a sense at home what's going on kids know it's like a franchise moving second the kids go out it's like the colts leaving baltimore going to indianapolis middle of the night pack the night yeah that was such a pussy move

yeah you should just done in the day we're leaving all right but unless they did it like like all right well we don't want to have a riot we don't want to do it for safety yeah they did it for safety dude because you get did it for safety, dude, because you get a bunch of drunk football fans standing there watching the buses leave. It's not going to go well. Who do the guys, did they get, did they hire Indianapolis people to drive those trucks out?

Can you imagine if it was a Baltimore fan, but he needed the money? Just driving the truck out. Oh, God. I dedicated myself. Why can't choosing the money and the right thing ever be the same. Have you noticed that? If there's a decision to make and there's ever choosing more money or doing the right thing, when is it ever the same?

Yeah, I mean, never. I got one for you. Is there anything worse than seeing a guy in a Brooklyn Nets jersey and the name on the back is Biggie? I saw that at Grand Central Station yesterday. I went down, I did the Jim and Sam show at Sirius and I went to Grand Central and I missed my train. So I had to wait 45 minutes. So I go get a sandwich and a kid is holding a skateboard. He's got a backpack on over his Brooklyn Nets jersey. And the name on the back said Biggie. And it's like, I wanted to say Biggie's a Knicks fan. Rest his soul. He was a fucking Knicks fan.

You know, it's like something I forgot though. fan you know it's like something i forgot though the brooklyn nets before they were the brooklyn nets were the new jersey nets before that they were the new york nets they were the new york nets wow what year and dr j and the aba dr j paid played for him so they finally came back paul ah i did not know that but maybe that'll take a little bit of, you know, because I don't like seeing you as angry as me. No, but just like you're putting a rapper's name on it. It's like I get that he was from Brooklyn and he rapped about being from Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn, but like to get a jersey and have it.

Was it a white kid or no? It was a white kid. Ah, then it's bad. The black kid, it's like, all right, again, Brooklyn Pride or whatever. It was a white kid. What it used to be. How weird is it now to see a white kid ah then that's bad the black kid it's like all right again what it used to be bill how weird is it now to see a white guy and you're like where do you live he's like bed sty and it just doesn't even make any sense it's like you live there you can live there yeah it's weird yeah when is it gonna stop paul i i don't know.

I think it'll stop when the Knicks beat them in a series. No, I don't mean that. When is this urban sprawl of making everything a glass tower and look like a bed, bath, and beyond? Where is all this money coming from? I don't know. I don't know. You know what? We should listen to that financial podcast.

Maybe we knew what an NFT was. Do you know how we should listen to that financial podcast maybe we knew what an nft was did you know how i know i'm getting older i don't like people like oh you saw that thing right like you saw what's going on in the news i'm like no i don't watch the news i'm up here in the country away from everything i go do my shows i don't watch you never know what was going on in the news let's stop acting like you were a news junkie at some point no but i knew like rappers i knew like pop culture shit oh yeah i i knew like i kind of knew what was going on and now i'm just like i feel like that old guy like when my son or daughter goes dad did you hear about some song just like no you're weird like no i knew i was getting old i can't make it from waking up to going to bed at night

without sleeping at some point in between yeah i nod off in chairs now chairs just it's over i i used to have a judge getting heavy yeah my friends at 40 would yawn a lot i remember when i was in my mid-30s all my friends who would be between like 40 and 45 would yawn around a lot. And I would be like, oh shit. They were like, dude, you'll see it coming. You'll see it coming. And now, yeah, now naps hit now naps hit you, you know? Yeah, dude. Like I used to, you ever see a guy like 65, but why does he walk like that? Like, why is he walking so slow like that? And then you're like, you get a little old,'re like oh okay no he stopped stretching yeah yeah and everything gets all shrunk up all these fucking people sitting in desks you know at the cubicles like you know someday man

someday i'm gonna get that fucking corner office you just fucking sit there look at andrew's stretching right now all of those guys fucking sitting there men and women that's so as right in the front connects your bottom with the top that thing shrinks the up and then then he gets tight and wants to pull you forward then your lower back has to compensate then you oh my back oh my back hurts and what do they start putting ben gay on it the shack patch whatever the he's pedaling icy hot shit icy hot it's like he should be telling people to stretch he knows that yeah he knows that he wants a new buick paul how funny is it that anybody's gonna believe that that guy's driving a buick it's like yeah

maybe if you ripped out the front seat he sat in the back made it one long door patrick ewan had to do that with his buick yeah i'm worth over 800 million dollars yeah lebron i can't wait to drive a 2021 buick all-star weekend i know what i'm riding i'm riding in a buick yeah it's so full of shit dude a fucking old man car i would love to see what shack really drives no he's got you could watch a bunch of the shit that he's got on there he's got like just souped up trucks suvs like they take he got a mazda miata and his waist is like up at the top of the fucking he's riding a matchbox car at the top of the windshield miata under his arm like it's a

skateboard dude he could drive a miata and be like pushing cars away from him uh i saw um patrick ewing had a big um mercedes and uh somebody was saying that it was all custom front seat was like they have to put like another it's like the equivalent of a fat guy on a plane getting the extender they do something with the front seat where the thing could keep going back yeah no i i you know like that divider between the front yeah in the back seat like that's where their head is they that's why you know when's the last time you saw patrick ewan driving on the street yeah no because he's hiding behind that thing paul he's not in the front seat he's not in the back he's in limbo how uncomfortable it must how uncomfortable must it be to be like

7-1-7-2 in life other than a basketball court it must be you know those guys got to duck their heads every house is like a fucking hobbit house you ever see them like on like tv shows when they're in a normal size house they just look like it's like they're in a dollhouse i bet if you if you like buy like an nba uh guy's house after he blows all his money trying to fucking i don't know do whatever the fuck he's trying to do right like i imagine all the door jams you know whatever you call them the door frames i mean there's no fucking way he's walking around his house doing this the whole day no i bet the counters are up higher you know just everything's everything's just like up to here and all of a sudden you feel like you're eight years you just walk around yeah you guys want an egg no i'm i'm gonna get all of this fixed

dude have you stuck ten fingers i'm gonna open up the fridge have you have you stood next to a seven foot man like what's the closest you to i shook the hand of somebody i believe like six nine six ten i was there when you and bartnick shook fucking Patrick Ewing's hand. Dude, it's like it overlaps like this. Like, like it's just, it's, it's, they're just gigantic human beings, dude. It's really unbelievable, man. And like, when you watch a basketball game,

I remember thinking John Starks was small and then he walked in a room, like walk past me. And I was just like, oh, that's like a fucking tall man. It's just, but he's, you know, he's next to Oakley. He looks like he's 5'8 when he's playing. Yeah, they do. I remember a long time ago I was doing this comedy club in Kansas City. And the backup tight end for the Chiefs, like the blocking tight end came in.

And, dude, he was one of the biggest human beings i've ever seen in my life the next day i go to the game and i watch him blocking on a punt and some guy just hitting him and sending him sailing like three feet away and i'm thinking how big is that other fucking he's like like he looked indestructible i'm like you're looking at the guy like that guy's never going to get hurt in a game yeah then you go to the game and you watch him he's like, like he looked indestructible. I'm like, you're looking at the guy like that guy's never going to get hurt in a game. Yeah. Then you go to the game and you watch him get hit. It looks like, it looked like I got hit.

Dude, those defensive ends we grew up watching. Derek, Derek Thomas, Derek Coleman. No, Derek Thomas, rest his soul. Reggie White, Bruce Smith, obviously Taylor. When you look at the men they threw aside, like it would be like me and you going to a fucking elementary school, they're throwing men around, dude. Men.

Those are 300-pounders, and Reggie White would just use his forearm like a club, and he'd go like that, and a 300-pounder would just go flying. Yeah, dude. Those guys are a whole other thing, whole other thing dude that's why man there should be average side sports seriously dude it's not fun like when i watch a guy seven four dunking and everyone goes oh shit it's like it's like dude he doesn't even jump he like his like toes come this far off the ground it's i know but those six six

guys i know good paul you know something if you weren't big enough too bad your dream died go get a fucking job i'm so sick of everybody having everybody gets to make it now everybody makes it everybody's special everybody's fucking unique it's just like why don't you just accept the fact that you're not good enough and you can't be mediocre and try to exist within that and just realize that your job in the nfl highlight film is to be the guy going like this and then the fucking crowd okay that's who you are you're you're you're in the crowd i want to dunk bill i want to dunk once and for some reason i was taken i was taken from me oh how great would it be to dunk Bill I want to dunk once And for some reason I was taken

I was taken from me How great would it be to dunk once Just to fucking flush it on somebody once That's what makes it great And the fact that only a few people can do it At the professional level Is why we go And I'll tell you

And it also makes it really crazy to see Guys like Iverson And guys that were like 5'11", 6 feet That were doing it at that level And I'll tell you, and it also makes it really crazy to see like guys like Iverson and guys that were like five, 11, six feet that were doing it at that level. That's what's really like Shaq was like, dude, I've never seen a guy go into the trees like fucking Iverson. Just how tough he was. Skinny, small.

My buddy stood next to him. My buddy was six one. My buddy stood next to him. My buddy's like, dude, the NBA says he's six foot. He's not. My buddy goes, dude, he's barely like 5'11", and he was a fucking animal. How nuts is that, that he could play with him? I'll tell you what's nuts.

How many people lie about how tall, how many guys lie about how tall they are? I know what you're doing. I know what you're doing, and I know what you're trying to do with me. I wasn't trying to do that with you. Oh, okay. Because I took my socks off the other time and the lady said, you just hit 5'8".

I'm 5'8 on the button. All my licenses have said it. I thought you were going at me. I swear to God, Paul. I was not talking about that. Oh, because one time we were talking and you looked at me. I know a guy that tells me he's 6'2".

I'm 5'9 and 3 quarters. This this fucking guy i'm looking at him eyeball to eyeball he goes because i'm six two and i'm trying to think like well maybe he used to be six two when he did the hulk's finishing move you ever see the hulk hulk hogan oh he lost like what do you lose a couple inches yeah three inches in his fucking arms and shit are for a 6'7 guy, and they hang down to his knees. Yeah. That guy could grab anything you want in a room and never get up. His fucking arms are ridiculously long.

But when I saw him at the airport, I was like, I remember this guy used to be 6'7. He looks like 6'4, 6'5, and I found him jumping up and landing on his ass all those years he lost three inches of height he probably had back surgery where they took a vertebrae out to infuse them together all that shit dude they don't they take a vertebrae out they'll they'll yeah they'll what they'll do is they'll now they could take them out the cable stick out then they could take uh you mean a nerf yeah well what they could do phone lines what they could do now man there's there's so much shit they could do but what they do is they'll take the disc out they'll take the disc

out and they'll fuse two together and now they even have plastic stuff where if a disc is degenerating um because i have all those neck issues, that they could actually put, do the things they could do. They could actually put a new plastic disc. It's pretty nuts, but I mean, he wouldn't do that. How nervous are you as a doctor working on somebody's spine? Yeah. One little twitch.

Okay, here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Dude, that's fucking scary. Bone particles. Had a bad night. go here we go here we go dude that's that's fucking scary particles had a bad night hung over hung over yeah look at this guy c4 and c5 uh jesus christ isn't there like a reason i think andrew you should look this there's a reason why they like surgery super early in the morning there's like a there's like, I think somebody will write in about it,

but I heard a chance to catch the red eye to a different country. If they fuck up. No, dude, that's a dude. There are just people that are just so fucking smart. Like, like neurosurgeons or just spinal doctors and people like that. Brain surgery? Women. I mean, have you seen some of the fucking hype out there about women?

I mean, they're amazing. Strongest people in the world, dude. They're unbelievable. I mean. They're amazing. Strongest people in the world, dude. They're unbelievable. If we would just let them run everything, Paul, there would literally be no problems. That's how far advanced they are. I actually think a female president would be dope if it was the right one.

A little iron fist. I would say the same thing about a guy. A guy president would be great if he was the right one. A little iron fist. I would say the same thing about a guy. A guy president would be great if he got the right one. We've only got one right one my whole life. Rex MD, everybody. Should Viagra really cost $90? I don't think so. That's why I got to tell you about Rex MD. RexMD.com has FDA approved generic Viagra starting at just $2 per tablet and delivered discreetly to your door. You know what? It's about time old poor people got to continue fucking.

It's just all about rich people still banging a hooters waitress. Let a guy who paid his dues in life, 80-year-old, get a rager. let a let a guy who paid his dues in life 80 year old or get a get a rager for no i want to see that empty dishwasher box moving on the side of the street uh here's how it works just fill out a brief survey and uh if you uh was that appreciate was it hold on oh you're married that's appreciate yeah just haven't heard that since you was single uh sorry no no that's not appreciate it's appropriate yeah appropriate there you go jesus paul too many p's in there that really threw you for a loop no i'm going like appreciate why would she appreciate it it's a it's a natural. Here's how it works. Just fill out a brief survey.

If appropriate. Oh, you literally tapped out on that word. Actually. Yeah, dude. And it is over. Oh, it's actually appropriate. Appropriate. Not appropriate.

Appropriate. Like, it's appropriate that you get this. It's appropriate. Okay. Appropriate. What did i say you said it wrong too oh this is like wwe characters we got to be a tag team uh yes uh all right anyway a prep uh what is it how do you say it appropriate appropriate if appropriate

you can try and start jesus what are we in high school still uh you can try a starter pack of generic viagra uh starter packs are currently available to new customers rexmd.com has helped over 100 000 i just realized how confident i said appropriate it's appropriate paul yeah and i was like... What are you, an ice hole? I think the way you said it was so confidently that I looked at it like I squinted. It doesn't look like that, but... Paul, one of those Spelling Bee champions

couldn't have told me anything different. I was so confident I was saying that. I apologize. Go ahead. Oh, God. Every doctor and lawyer listening to this thing is like, why do I listen to this? Fuck these fucking morons.

Oh, fuck those guys. What, they can read a book and memorize it? Cut you open and not kill you? All right, I'll respect that. Keep you out of jail. RexMD.com has helped over 100,000 men get generic Viagra from the comfort of home. There's no copay, there are no doctor office visits, and your shipping is always free uh if you're looking for generic viagra rex md has made the process fast easy and affordable so don't wait another minute to get that rager all of you should be standing up for the national anthem Anthem. Show your patriotism with Rex MD, a pair of sweatpants, no boxers, just 80,000 ragers going on at the,

at the next football game. Rex, a stealth bomber goes by. Rex MD is now offering starter packs for generic Viagra for new customers. Visit rexmd.com slash better right now to get started. That's rexmd.com slash better. I will be honest, $2 a rager is a pretty nice, for a guy that's having a little trouble, two bucks. I don't know. It's a pretty good deal. Yeah, absolutely. Is there anything funnier than a rager? No.

And there's only one solution. All right. I mean, that problem needs to be taken care of. All right. Modern Finance Podcast. Are NFTs here for the long haul? I don't even know what that is. Which cryptocurrency is a fad?

How does decentralized finance work? These are some of the questions I didn't even know I had, Paul. Modern Finance Podcast hosted by Kevin Rose. Oh, Kevin the Rose looks to answer these questions and many more about the investment marketplace. Modern Finance is the crypto show for the novice and expert alike. Their mission is to demystify crypto. What is it, Paul? Just talk to Kevin Rose and the world of NFTs without dumbing it down.

Well, right there, you and me are out, Paul. True Ventures. True Ventures partner, Kevin Rose, interviews top tech experts and entrepreneurs exploring modern finance tools and helping others understand cryptos, NFTs, and even traditional finance hacks. Modern Finance offers two shows on a single podcast feed, one weekly consensus episode that explores weekly news and distills it into a digestible information, and then deeper interviews with individuals, crypto founders, and NFT artists. Ten years ago, some people called cryptocurrency a scam. Five years ago, people thought it was a fad. Now it's already over a trillion dollar market and growing.

It's like they're talking about the history of hip hop, Paul. Yeah. The Modern Finance Podcast helps you make sense of all the coins. NFTs, I swear to God, if this fucking guy says NFT one more time. Now is the time to equip yourself with the knowledge of where things are going. I'm going to listen to this, Paul, just to find out what an NFT is. I thought that was like the initial offering once it comes out on the market and all those guys scurrying around with their pieces of paper on the floor there. The financial landscape is harder than ever to navigate,

but you don't have to do it alone. Download and subscribe to Modern Finance wherever you listen to podcasts. That's Modern Finance wherever you listen to podcasts. Don't be the last person on the next train out. Listen to Modern Finance. I had to do the math on that. Paul, don't be the last person on the next train out. Hey, I'm glad you got this, Rick. Listen to Modern Finance and get ahead of the next train out. Hey, I'm glad you got this, freak. Okay.

Listen to modern finance and get ahead of the future of finance. Jimbo. Jimmy Carter was the only fucking guy. He sat down and gave us the fucking truth tea we needed. This country's addicted to oil. He put solar panels on the fucking, I'm telling you, on the White House. Then old fuckface came in and he took him down with his Fonzie haircut. He put solar powered things on the White House?

He put solar panels on the White House in the late 70s. Wow. The hostage situation, he avoided getting into a fucking never ending war over that shit. He knew they were nuts. Don't go in there. Let's wean ourselves off of oil. They're going to go bankrupt. You want to know? They were on the path and everybody ripped him down, said he was fucking weak.

He was fucking weak. I'm going to tell you something right now. Look at him now, Paul. Look at every other fucking president retires. What do they do? They go on a big speech tour. Their wife wears some hooker boots. They end up with a fucking palace in Martha's Vineyard, right?

That's what they all fucking do. Or they buy aqua furs down in South America. That's what the fuck they do. Jimmy Carter's out there still in his 90s building homes for poor people. Guy won a Nobel Peace Prize after being president. All the rest of them put their feet up, bring in the horse, where's my mansion? Name that library after me.

It was the only human being, decent human being, who really gave a fuck about meatheads like you and me, I believe. You know what? That's a good point. You made a lot of good points. Everybody else was fingering somebody in the over office. Well, I mean.

Carving up the world. I mean, that's a little. You might not want to say all of them, but, you know. Come on, Paul. Paul, you're telling me right now you're in a house that has columns. You got security and you're in a round room. You telling me you could lay off you got a red phone any any time during the day you could blow up the world one phone call do it click i mean you're telling me your ego could fucking handle that i'm gonna tell you something you're gonna

make fun of me i would make a good president i would make a good president dude and then i'm being dead serious last week you were an olympian i mean paul i don't know what you can't do no no no you're a very inspirational person i'm i'm fucking reasonable dude i'm reasonable i would be a good president could that be your campaign slogan paul versi i'm fucking reasonable no dude i'm reasonable i would sit down I would talk things out You know what I like about this Verzi guy He's fucking reasonable I'm Paul Verzi and I fucking approve that message Yeah man

Come on dude put me in the White House Come on dude if I had the right people around me Good decisions would be made dude Good decisions would be made Paul you just said nothing What do you mean You put me in the White House You put me in the White House.

You put me in the White House. I mean, come on, man. I would make good decisions if you put good people around me. In other words, I'm too fucking dumb to make these decisions. But you get some smart guys around me. Dude, John F. Kennedy, rest his soul. He was my age, 40s, hanging out. Paul, you don't have it in you.

I could do it, man. Why not? I'll tell you why why because you're too good a person there's a problem but though you're gonna go to bed and sleep at night with those dead bodies on your fucking brain if listen if things are necessary for the betterment of people you got to do what does that mean the betterment of what people mr president it it means first of all, what bodies- Do you find this line of questioning funny, Mr. President? Which, what bodies are you talking about? The bodies you just were blowing up, hypothetically. I would not blow up, but that's the thing with me, though. I'm reasonable. I would talk to the

leader over there and go, look, I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this. Well, you just said, now you're contradicting your point, Mr. President. No, it's contradicting. It's not a word, Mr. Media Man. I'm not running, though. I'm not the leader of the free world. I think what you've just said is completely inappropriate. Appropriate. No, I would be like, look, I don't want to do this. OK, I could send fucking planes. Okay. I could send planes. Now I can make a phone call and put you people in a world to hurt. I don't want to fucking do that. I don't want to do that to kids. I don't want to do that to women. I don't want to fucking do it. If you don't leave me a choice though. So how do we find a medium? That's what I would say.

Mr. President, why do I have to live my life the way you say it's my country. I'm not telling you how to live. Well, then you got to stop my country. I'm not telling you how to live. Well, then you got to stop fucking torturing your people though, man, showing it on TV. What am I going to do? Oh, what about Hurricane Katrina? You leave all the poor black people on the other side of the bridge. You let the dogs drown. Slavery, genocide of the Native Americans. I mean, didn't the Nazis use your tools to figure out how to get rid of the Jews? Well, first of all, I wasn't in office when that happened. Why don't you clean up your fucking house before you talk about my house? How about that?

Why don't you stay fucking home? First, you're going to talk to me like that. Then I will send the fucking planes. Of course you will. Why don't you come over here with your Air Jordans? Why don't you come over here and i'll see what you do hiding behind your planes oh big fun i'll be in a fucking f8 with your fucking planes you uncle sam and the babe ruth and for that reason and for that reason right there bill for that reason right there, Bill, for that reason right there, I'd be able to live with those bodies. And that's why you can't make an emotional decision.

All it took was one Yankee getting made fun of and you're ready to nuke a fucking planet. Mr. President, how are we doing that? He brought Babe Ruth into this. Babe Ruth is one of the greatest Americans of all time. Oh, shit. Nah, man. You'd be a good president. I could see you being a good president.

Nah, you're a reasonable man. Paul, being reasonable and fucking doing that job is two different things. That's all you need to be is reasonable? That's the slogan, dude. Paul Berzy, I'm fucking reasonable. Paul, what are you going to do about the climate? Big truck electric. Next question.

You over there. My rallies would be the shit. People would be holding big truck electric signs. Absolutely, Paul. I got to tell you something. You can tap in to the dumbness of the general population and that is a that's a key that's all successful people they tap into joe six-pack he puts his pants on one leg at a time he gets up there

you know they don't say what they're really saying joe six-pack he's too stupid to run anything just you know tell him he's a fucking great american and uh he'll pick up boxes all day for you while you get on a spaceship shaped like a dick and go to outer space i love that he put the helmet on it i love it i fucking love that he did that he should have had balls on it he should have had two fucking arms with hair plugs coming out of the fucking balls i don't like the guy i'm not into the man i'm just saying there's something listen i'm not saying he's a good guy but there's something in the way it looks like a dick so many fucking people hate instantly hate billionaires and i don don't fucking like that. It's like good for

that guy. And if you don't like that guy, take the packages off your fucking porch. Okay. Cause everybody's used that guy made life. Like how many people don't go Christmas shopping anymore, which annoys me. Okay. I always tell people, no, no, just go online and fucking Amazon, Amazon, Amazon. It's like, no man, go to the fucking mall, go to the store, pick out what the person that you love, you think they would want. Tell them to fucking bag it, wrap it up, put a fucking ribbon on it. Okay. Put some thought into the fucking process. Oh, you're all over the map here. You're saying he ended that shit. No, I'm saying that. I'm saying he ended it, but all the people use it. I said, I didn't like that, but all the people that don't like him use his shit. And it's like, then don't use it.

Oh, but it's convenient for you. Oh, okay. So I'm going to use his shit. But then when he goes up to space, fuck you, Mr. Billionaire. It's like, pick one. Did the guy make your life easier? I think there's a lot of flaws in your theories. Nah.

I'm reasonable. I don't think. It's the way I'm going to fight with my wife next time we fight. Stacey, Stacey, listen, I'm I'm a reasonable man. You got to have the F-bomb for him. I'm fucking reasonable. What would your slogan be? What would Bill Burr's slogan be running for president?

Twenty twenty four. Don't pick me because I don't want it. Don't pick me because I don't want it. Don't pick me because I don't want it. You're making a mistake. That's funny. I'm a loner. I feel like I've worked hard in my life and I'm tired. Dude, you would be done.

I'm fucking tired. I'm tired and I'm tired. Dude, you would be done after the first... I'm fucking tired. I'm tired, Paul. I'm tired. You'd be done after the first press conference because the first question you didn't like would start to annoy you. No, no. I would love the press conferences. I would love the press conferences.

You'd get mad though, dude. It'd be the rest. It'd be the meetings. Sitting there, watching that guy who takes his loafers off and he's rubbing his feet together with his dress socks on that's what would drive me nuts but the press conferences i would have a blast at uh why are you guys sitting here acting like i'm running shit i love you know why why you know you know i'm just like I'm a fucking puppet here. Dude, you'd resign. I'm just here to give you a face to get mad at. You'd resign in three months.

You'd resign in 90 days. You'd go, you know what? You would just put your hands up and go, I'm not dealing with these fucking assholes. Good luck. No. Paul, we wouldn't even get there paul i don't i i we we couldn't even run for local office and get elected unless what it is a joke what qualifications do we have

we're anti-social we've both gone in and out of having problems with we've both gone in and out of having problems with substances. Yeah. We love a stick. Yeah. You're like, yeah. We'd win a town. We'd win maybe a local primary or something.

If I got elected, Paul, this is what I would make public schools good again.'d make them great again and i would open up cuba oh i like that vacation to havana i love it no no no that's not for us it's for them it's their country we were wrong all those years ago trying to put best buys and think that's their country it's their natural resources i i dial it all back paul i'd reel in the fucking empire okay reel it in this is me reeling it in i don't know what i'd do once i reeled it in this is why i wouldn't be president that's slogan. Bill Barr, we're reeling it in. I do support the troops.

I support them coming home, standing on our borders. Yeah. Myrtle Beach, Revere Beach, South Beach, Redneck Riviera, Hermosa, Seal Beach. I don't know what it is, you know,

whatever. That'd be great, dude. Just like, oh God, that'd be great to be the mayor of a beach town. Yeah, but even there, you can't get anything anything done because there's always somebody else that wants to do the opposite thing and then they try to get you you know they start sending whores over to your house and eventually you give in do you know how many dreams have died over a hummer one stupid fucking look at look at look at bill clinton he'll never be respected again. Right after that blowjob, he just became a big, pasty guy in slacks. That's all he ever was. Yeah, and it made his voice sound what it should sound.

Before he did that, you were like, oh, a president with an accent like that? Then after he did that, you're like, he did that you were like a president with an accent like that then after he did that you're like yeah that makes sense hey how about we go around back to the rose garden you're like oh there it is there he is there he is i knew i saw that guy at a tailgate come on sweetie just pull pull your skirt up there it is there it is. There it is. Yeah. I mean, listen. I would love to see their holiday cards to each other. I mean, you want to just talk about something that's just been over for so fucking long. Oh, my God, dude. They probably don't even spend.

I would bet they don't spend more than two hours a day together. It's a lot of water under that bridge,ul look at andrew our producer andrew's just gone i don't know yeah like he they might not even live together like they may have a residency that is under the clintons and then they probably just don't even live together dude they probably like you know their daughter chelsea's out married their grandparents now. They don't live together, dude. They don't fucking go on hikes. I don't I couldn't imagine. You don't ever really see them together.

Like unless it's like during a voting election where they show up together. But like they don't know. They don't. You know, I always thought was wild as far as like the level of fame you get when you're one of the two people left running for president. And then you lose. You give the I lost speech. And then the next day, all of the I used to bid about that. All those news trucks just drive away.

It's like the Super Bowl team that loses. Nobody remembers. You have this, right? I don't remember. Well, you remember all the teams that lost because your fucking team was in it every year. But for people that just watch. I also like to think I'm a student of the game. No, but I don't know.

Other than the teams that the Giants went against, I don't know who lost. Like, oh, who lost? That's who. But you know who who won same thing with the presidency you know that howard dean guy that went yeah everybody knew that guy for about 10 minutes gone no he's legendary we're going to arkansas we're going to new mexico and people were like okay his voice just didn't crack he just went yeah he went yeah or something like that so it'd be funny if trucks just started backing out after all right take care it's kind of funny what like what little thing could end your presidency can't your presidential campaign you know mike dukakis

sticking his head out of the tent howard dean going right like little fucking things who was the guy that said you'll never get something on me and then they caught him with a woman on a yacht oh gary hart gary hart he's like go look dig in he was like daring him go look because they never used to because they never used to mess with mistresses mistresses were considered off limits and he was also talking to the mainstream press

and they had never done that sort of national inquirer type shit it was considered beneath them if you can believe it now it's become all of that i actually did i was in a movie about that oh called the front runner okay and he what they found him on a yacht with his mistress right sitting on his lap or something they didn't find him on a yacht what happened that somebody took a picture of him on the yacht with the mistress

and uh i you know what? I forget. I don't know what happened. Yeah, I don't know why you would go like, yeah, I dare you. Come find me. It's like, what do you, why would you? Because they never used to look at, he meant like, you know, I haven't done any fucking backroom deals with mobsters and shit.

Right. That's what he was talking about. And that guy was going to win, it looked like, because you know how it is. fucking backroom deals with mobsters and shit right that's what he was talking about and that guy was gonna win it looked like because you know how it is it was eight years of reagan and then it began all the red ties are the problem let's go blue tie for eight years you know we just just do that yeah um so it was a blue tie guy was coming and you know it would have been him you know which would come down to charisma he was a better looking guy was coming, and it would have been him, which would come down to charisma.

He was a better looking guy. He was going up against George Herbert Walker, Bush there, and he didn't have the charisma. He didn't have that it factor, but then he got knocked out, and then Dukakis came in, and Dukakis had less of it. And then he got another four years. I don't think you could be really ugly. Like you could be a four or like not the greatest looking guy,

but I don't think you're going to win the presidency. If you're a fucking, just an absolute fucking, you know, I, you, you, you, to be that Trump was kind of a shit show.

Yeah. But no, I'm talking like, yeah, I mean, but no, I'm talking like. Yeah, I mean. Obama sort of looked like a kind of a dork. George Bush was all right. Clinton looked like a goof. There's never been like a James 007 president.

Just a motherfucker. JFK. JFK was the best looking president. Okay, there you go. JFK was the closest one. Yeah. I mean, Reagan looked weird because he had those fucking rosy old man cheeks, and then he had the Fonzie haircut. It was like jet black.

Jimmy Carter was a mess. Gerald Ford was a good looking dude. He just lost the roof a little bit. He was a Michigan football player. Nixon was weird looking a little bit. He was, you know, Michigan football player. Nixon was weird looking a little bit. Nixon was a weird looking guy. Yeah. Lyndon Johnson looked like a retired state trooper.

Eisenhower, he was all right. Truman looked like a worm. FDR looked like he was going to keel over. Herbert Hoover, I mean, yeah, that guy looks like he should have been selling peanuts before a baseball game. Thirties.

Yeah, dude. I had a lot of fucked up looking people being president. Let's look at it. I'm talking. Let me, let's look up. Oh,

give me a top five. We can even name top five. Best looking presidents. JFK. Presidents of all time. All right. Oh, my God. It actually exists.

The hottest U.S. presidents ranked. Can't imagine the spam I'm going to get after this. All right, let's see. What do we got here? Number one, JFK. Yeah. Number two, Ronald Reagan, but they show a picture of the guy from the 1950s.

That's not fair. Right. It's got to be winning an office. Number three, Barack Obama. I sort of see it, but his ears are too big too big takes it down george herbert walker bush i mean the guy's got an incredible story george w bush look at the bushes you know what they're doing is they're going back picking like their high school photos ulysses s grant yeah you can't do that. FDR? Come on.

Even when he was young, he looks like that fucking guy from one of those Brat Pack movies. Rutherford B. Hayes? This is bullshit. Yeah. I disagree with all of that. You know why, Paul? Because I'm fucking reasonable. There you go.

Reasonable. A reasonable man. I think it's time this country had somebody who is fucking reasonable and i'm that fucking reasonable person for you i'm paul verzi fucking reasonable would get votes dude no i just want to watch that over and over again. You go, fucking reason I'll get votes. Then you nod with confidence, and I don't say anything,

and all your confidence goes away, and you just go, no? Did you ever run for shit like that? Did you ever run for, like, school, class, anything? I never did. Paul, I never wanted to be part of anything i didn't and it's not it was not because i didn't want to be i used to fantasize about being out in front of everybody i was abused paul like most comics i was abused as a kid so at that point i didn't like people if i'm not away from people if i'm away from people no one can hurt me so the last thing i

wanted to do was get out in front of a group of people and if elected yeah no i mean i did i didn't go to my high school reunion have no desire no fucking desire i went to a high school reunion yeah i got no desire for that dude i love the people i went i had a great class man great i had a great class, man. Great. I had a really fucking mellow, great class. The class that graduated before me and after me were fucking lunatics. Lunatics. Kept the cops very busy. Very busy. We were like sort of happy drunks.

Like in my grade, like the football football players we all just everybody just started hanging out that just a circle of people that would we used to drink down on this this place this industrial park and just it was just like every week a new social group of people came in yeah like the athletes the uh the background people the burnouts the smart kids next thing i remember was just sort of like it just became like this giant sea of drunks. No, I look back, it was actually, it was kind of, it was really nice. I think that's why, like, when I look back, like, there was, there wasn't one person that I hated in my grade. Oh, God, I had a big, I mean, I, listen, I didn't care for, I didn't care about the kids. I was friends with who I was friends with. I just hated school.

I was very distracted. My mother moved me that one time we moved like during a crucial part. And that was really tough and meeting new friends. So sports went out the window because I just wanted to get be have friends. And then I dated girls and I was fucking drinking, doing stupid shit. And as soon as the class sounds like me. You were crushing it. Yeah, but. Girlfriends, you're playing sports.

You had friends. Yeah, but I hated the actual hours of school, dude. Oh, I know. That was the worst. I had to be in homeroom at 717 was homeroom. So like. I still drive by my high school and I was back in my hometown a few weeks ago. I drove by my hometown and one of the

high one of the it was building a b and c i remember building a i'd be sitting there on the first floor and i would just be looking out at the street just thinking like if i just fucking i just remember just looking out being like that's it right there that's i could just walk out there why can't i just walk out there right now and just walk away from all of this i fucking hated it and and and one of the things that i i loved about the privilege of becoming a comedian once you quit your day job you quit your day job but then you know you got the work of like trying to make a name for yourself but like now like you make a name for yourself you can sell tickets and as long as you bring it people will keep coming to see you

hopefully yep um and you can do whatever the fuck you want to do i like the fact that i can get up whenever i want to i can't now because i got kids but all those years if i went to bed at four in the morning and i needed eight hours sleep I would not get up until noon that I could actually do that no nothing better there isn't there's nothing better than that dude yeah even like no matter where you get in this business how fucking fun it is to be a comedian if you can just allow it and not and not get involved in competing with other people and all of that shit if you just get into the fact that you can go down to a club and do 20 minutes, make people laugh, and then people say, hey, great job, every fucking time, unless you're bomb. And then you get to hang out with all these fucking people laughing your ass off, eating some wings.

Incredible. Incredible. It's actually ridiculous it's it's and that part of your career is actually the most fun and the freest i think you'll ever be that they'll allow you to be as a human being unless you just literally go off the fucking grid but then those people go off the fucking grid now it's like you know you gotta worry about hunting every day yeah but i think what you said is is uh i think we find it we're fortunate enough to find it because there's somebody out there right now probably listening to this podcast who's like i'm still at the fucking thing i don't want to be doing and um dude this ufc fighter guy said the dopest shit ever. He said, he said, if you could be, he said, if you could just get comfortable with the uncomfortable, nobody could fuck with you.

He goes like, like he said, you have two lives. He said, and the first one is when you realize like that you, you, you just have one shot, you know? And then he goes, and then that one, and then you got to live that one. Once you realize, once you come to the realization that, like, you got that shot, and then he just said, dude, be comfortable with the uncomfortable, and he was just, like, untying his thing, and he goes, like, if you could be comfortable, uncomfortable, like, who could fuck with you? Like, nobody could fuck with you man and it's it's really true but we found something that was uncomfortable at first but it gave us freedom dude and it's like like you said it's it's uh it's you know it just pissed me off when

you said wings i was at the fucking comedy cellar table i should say this cocksucker's name because he's a fucking piece of shit but i'm not gonna and now i'm the other side of comedy go ahead no no i should say his fucking name because he's a fucking cunt but i was sitting there and i'm at the comedy cellar table and i'm like i'm gonna get wings man because the wings are good so i'm gonna get wings should i get wings and i'm like looking around and i'm asking people and i go like i say hey man if i get wings will you eat some meaning i don't want 12 of them and that's what comes with the order. But I'll probably have like five or six.

I'd like to give something. And he just goes, I like how you're asking. Like, I couldn't get my own. And I want to be like, like, I know you could get your own. I know you could get your own. I'm saying I'm going to get fucking 12 of them. And I want to give you some, you dumb fuck. You're not on stage right now you

fucking ugly nobody fuck that guy fuck that guy dude oh no that guy is in the sicilian files now oh yeah no no no it's like he is in the official you're dead to me drawer bill i wish you would have saw my face like i just sat there seething. I just sat there fucking seething. Oh, check this out. Check this out. This is really cool. Tell me if you guys can, if you guys can, if you guys could, what's it called? Hear this.

See this. The second one begins when you realize you have one. So there's going to come a point in your life where you're like, I don't know. I got a way to go. That's dope, right? No. uncomfortable. You're not even getting comfortable with the uncomfortable. Who the fuck's going to touch you now? You know what I'm saying? That's dope, right? No. I felt he danced around the whole fucking thing. I didn't know what he was talking about. What do you mean? What do you mean?

What didn't you like about that? He made a great point. If you know how to apply it. I mean, he's an MMA fighter, so he probably is going about it that way. But I think that that's a light. If you know how to apply that,

there's a lot of shit that I'm uncomfortable with that I don't want to get comfortable with. Well, I don't think he means go start swimming with sharks. I think what he's saying is the shit that you kind of avoid, that's a weakness in your life. If you could walk into that, then- I don't know, Paul.

Maybe I'm too fucking dumb over here. Maybe I need a little more. No, it's just one of those things where I was waiting for the- I almost understood what he was saying. I thought- Whatever he's doing, it's working for him. But I just wish he explained it a little slower for someone like me. I just kept thinking, here it comes. I'm going to get it.

He's building to a point, and then it just fucking ended. When you said he was dancing around it, though, what did you think he was dancing around? He was sitting around, and one day he woke up like, fuck, I got to fucking do something. He was dancing around it, though. What did you think he was dancing around? Yeah, sitting around, and one day you wake up like, fuck. I got to fucking do something. That seemed a little understated for a profound moment in your life where you're kind of like, I need to.

I don't know, Paul. Paul, don't send me philosophical shit. I mean, if he's not going to fucking say what he's thinking, you know, get comfortable with the uncomfortable. Then who can fuck with you? Like, and now you're done talking. I have to unwrap that. What the fuck is that?

And at the end, he just goes, you know what I'm saying? But I actually, I actually, I actually thought that I think the uncomfortable is, I think it's kind of what Jim Carrey was saying in that commencement speech, where he was basically going like, you can get that paycheck where you got medical benefits and you're paying your bills in your car and you're getting by with your fucking food budget. Or you could fucking jump into something that you don't know what the waters are going to be like, but the reward is good. That's what I took from it.

Hey, I'm a reasonable man. Paul, you're fucking reasonable. I'm not saying what he said was wrong. I'm just saying that I have a habit sometimes, Paul, as I think the thought for like three minutes, and then I start talking to somebody like they've been listening to my thoughts for three minutes. That's what I felt like.

Okay, so you felt like... In defense of the guy, he seemed like he'd been talking for a while. Right. And then somebody just who had watched all of that took just the ending and then puts it out there. And I just felt like I was trying to catch up the whole time he was talking.

Well, he actually started with saying you have two lives. And one is when you wake up and realize, oh, fuck, I can't be like, you know, mediocre. That's what I took from it. But hey. But he didn't say that. But no, you say that, then I get it. But what was the other life?

The other life was you looking out the window saying I could just walk out there. He didn't say that. I said that. Right. But that's what he's saying the first life is. Well, I'm just like, who's on first? What is the second life? Actually walking out there.

The thing you thought of when you said, I don't want to fucking be here. I want to go walk out there and be free. He's saying that's the second life. That counts as two lives. That isn't all one thought. I don't want to be here. I got to get the fuck out of here. And then when you fucking make the decision to get out of here, then you're living the life you want to be shit. I should have got comfortable and comfortable and opened that window and jumped down in those hedges. That fucking...

Dude, what would you do if that comic said that to you? I love how I can't buy my own win. I would do what you did. I wouldn't have said anything and then years later be like, you know what I should have said? I should have said, fuck you i love how i can't buy my own i would do what you did i wouldn't have said anything and then years later be like you know what i should have said i should have said fuck you you cunt yeah you never you never say you know what's underrated paul uh having the ability to say exactly what the fuck you're thinking in the moment i know which is easy to do as a comedian because there's no ramifications what'd you say hey why don't you go yourself everybody's gonna laugh who gives a nobody cares but when it really counts paul all right when

you're in dollar renna car and you get some douche behind the counter that doesn't like their job and starts taking it out on you all right but they got this power over you paul they got the keys to that hyundai sonata that you want right so you just got to take more than you want to take and then you drive out to take more shit than you want to take. And then you drive out of that parking lot muttering, already muttering, and you're going to carry that, Paul. No, you know what I'm going to say to him? You're going to carry it out, Paul.

I can see you squinting your eyes. You're squinting your eyes. You're thinking about all the times that you took more than you should have. Paul, you got two lives, okay? You got that moment when you walk up to the dollar rental car and you think that you're not going to meet a cunt, and then you think, whoa, this guy is a fucking cunt. And that's when it's time to not be fucking reasonable.

You got to tell him that what he did was not appropriate and that you will never be sharing wings with him. Oh, fuck. You fucking cunt. Yeah, that was brutal. I always picture just reaching over and going Joe Pesci in Casino. Except just I always picture grabbing him by the tie and just slamming their head down so their chin hits the desk

and they get knocked out. I do like the idea of stabbing someone in the neck with a pen and then be like what is that hear that paul what is that is that a little girl what do you hear frankie was a little girl you know dude i i did that i did that in the van you stabbed a guy in the neck in a van in in in montreal yeah and i know i was long story short i come home from a gig i get a phone call from a woman and she says to me, I'm not going to mention names. She says to me, but I'll mention the comic I worked with. She goes, Hey, are you still with Dom? I was working with Dom Herrera at Atlanta Punchline. Apparently

I'm home and he's at a casino. And she says, yeah, he's having trouble with his computer. Do you think you could go to his room in the casino? I said, oh, ma'am, I'm sorry. I said, I'm actually home now. I just worked with him in Atlanta. I'm not working with him anymore. She goes, oh, I'm so sorry. And then she goes, by the way, I help manage Dom, but I also own this club in Texas. Blah, blah, blah. If you ever want to come, blah, blah, blah. All this nice stuff. Right. you ever want to come blah blah blah all this nice stuff right so then i say let me call this lady in a month try to get a fucking gig so i call her up and i say hey i don't know if you remember as paul verzi i worked with dom you actually asked if i helped her oh yeah i said yeah i said i'd really loved it she goes well now why would i book somebody that's not really local right now to to feature and uh i go oh you kind of told me she goes now we have a lot of she goes we have a lot of great talent we have a lot of great talent here locally so like why would i do that really cold and rude and like was so nice when she needed my help right fast forward

i'm in the fucking van this is fucking gangster dude this was This was the shit. I'm in the van, Montreal. I think Adam Ray is in the back. Other comics are in the back and I'm going to do a practice for a TV set I'm doing. And she was one of the people that takes notes and she sits in, she sits next to me. Everyone's packed in there. I don't know what came over me. I just didn't care. Cause this was like, now I was headlining and I was like my third time in Montreal. And she I just didn't give a fuck. And she goes, hey, you know, I'm going to be reviewing your thing tonight. My name is so and so. And I go, no, I know who you are.

I go, you were actually really rude to me, man, on the phone not long ago. And, dude, she just goes, oh, and the whole in the van, in the van, dude, in the van. And shit, Paul went out the window and started walking down the street. And I was that was my second life. And I said, I said, yeah, you were really rude to me, man. I called up and you were like and she just was like, oh, my God, I'm so and everybody in the car. And I was like, oh, you know, whatever it is, what it is. But it bothered me. And you're like, you were nice once and then you weren't. And I just fucking look forward, dude. And everyone in the van was like I could tell everyone was like oh shit and it felt fucking great it felt fucking

great and it's like you know fuck you and your fucking club you know it's like you treat people like that get the fuck out of here you think i want to do it i think i want to go to fucking texas all the time i'll go to fuck i'll go to the fucking Addison. I think I give a fuck about you being rude. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. It's like if you're rude to me once, it's a wrap. It's a fucking wrap, dude. If you're going to treat me like that.

There's no coming back. No, there's no coming back. And then I'm going to get bigger than you and tell stories like this. And you're going to be fucking sitting there hopefully one one day, knowing that it comes back to you. That's the way to win. Anybody, you know how you win? You fucking win by success, and you win by knowing who you are and being confident and being comfortable with the uncomfortable.

Paul Verzi, fucking reasonable. Yeah. Have you ever had a moment where you actually told somebody, no, dude, you were a fucking asshole in that moment. I don't have many. Not without saying it like that. And then I become wrong. What was great about what you did was you kept your cool and you didn't drop any F-bombs. Right. Even though you were thinking you're a cunt, you didn't say you're a cunt. So all of my stories are like that. I say, I say it, you know, the wrong way.

Yeah, if you drop an F-bomb or the voice raises, same thing in your relationship. It's like, Paul, I've been in the basement forever. We're never going to have a winning record when it comes to shit like that. But you know what I need to do, Paul? I need to get comfortable with the uncomfortable. I need to learn how to tell somebody to go fuck themselves without actually saying that you are the baltimore orioles of the east

when it comes to you are just in the basement that is so sad that you picked that they were such a great team when i was growing up i i fucking always never like i never hated the orioles but dude every year you look in the East, dude, I think they just lost 18 straight. I mean, they're like, dude, they're on like they're on a level of like it's brutal, dude. It's how about my Yankees, by the way? Eleven in a row. Just climbing, climbing. I read socks.

I guess this year what we were really trying to do was just wait for Sale to get back and then next year we're supposed to, you know, somebody's like, we'll get Clayton Kershaw or something. I don't know. But it was hard watching you guys beat us three games in a fucking row. I'm just hoping, you know, I'm really hoping somebody knocks you guys out, Paul.

I'm not going to lie to you. I don't like you guys. I get it. I don't like you guys. I it i don't like you guys i'm being i'm being honest about it okay yeah well yeah you're a little passive-aggressive with your hatred of boston sports no it's not true it is it is true no no i know i like this guy i like that guy or whatever no no you know and then you know so yeah we really fucked him in the ass you know whether you win oh i said one fight you get. Oh, I said one thing to you.

Get all. Yeah, you do. You do, Paul. You get hostile. You get hostile. You're right. Paul, when you're full of shit, you squint. No.

When your feelings get hurt. No. Or you're being full of shit, your eyes squint. You were just squinting. No. Am I wrong? You weren't just squinting? I have no problem with the Celtics or the Patriots.

And I definitely have a hatred for the Red Sox. I mean, there's nothing. It's the same way. You don't hate the Knicks, right? You know, you've never been like, fuck the Knicks. I don't care about the Celtics or the Patriots. I have a hatred for the Red Sox and, and the Cowboys and the Lakers in a way, which is weird. I don't know why the Lakers thing was me. Something happened. Something happened along the way where I don't know if it was the Shaq and Kobe.

I think it was the Shaq and Kobe thing where when they, and Phil Jackson. That whole thing was, that was the beginning of the pylons, which for some reason Lakers fans don't see. They look at it like the Boston big three was not a reaction to what the fuck they were doing because they were showing like it's like when the Red Sox had 180 million dollar roided up free agent team we didn't want to do that Paul that's what we had to bring to the party because you guys were doing it you guys were spending 200 fucking million what were we supposed to do Paul bring a knife to a gunfight no keep up with the joneses i get it that's right and what all of a sudden the astros bring out a fucking trash can

and then because what because they can't expect they can't afford to spend 200 grand they had to go home depot well i think they did a little more than a trip i think they didn't have like wires on their neck those guys like half of those guys were robots. Oh, stop it. Listen to the Yankee fans complaining about the fucking Astros cheating. It's a joke. Come on. The shit the fucking Red Sox and Yankees did at the turn of the century. $200 million roided up free agent teams coming up with no necks. Crushing balls.

God, using the Kansas City Royals as a triple A team. Get the fuck out of here. Quit your whining the astros championship was legit they finally got out got themselves a couple of choppers and they cut some people in half good for them i say good for them all right dude these fucking cunts are on the sideline now with ipads and shit i know i don't like when i don't like that they do this thing, when the guy's coming up, they flip something and they're like,

Oh, there's the scouting report. It's like, what happened? You do that when you're taking a test in high school, can you lift up your little fucking thing and do that? No, it's a great,

no, you cannot. You would be called cheater. You would call cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater. That's a great point. I don't like it.

I don't like when a comic goes on there, by the way, never did it. It's part of my OCD. Paul, would you get all the biggest guys on your block to go play a bunch of eight-year-olds down the end and then have a championship parade for yourself? No. Would you feel like a champion? No. No, you would not. But I wouldn't go on stage with a legal pad or my phone.

Never done it. It's cheating. it's cheating the crowd it's cheating yourself what making a set list set list is one thing i'm talking about like these comics that go up there oh what's the other thing i want to talk about is yeah what do you guys think about like so that's a set list i don't know man i'm not for that paul listen nothing scares nothing scares a guy like you like a pen and a piece of paper let's be honest paul you were not a guy looking forward to the first day of school other than the chicks you wanted to bang and the guys you wanted to hang let's be honest paul paul let's be honest academia you go into a. Academia. You go into a club. It's not your strong suit.

You go into a club. People paid a ticket to see comedy. I know if I'm sitting there and the guy goes, hold on a second. Go and change the subject like Paul Verzi. So what do you guys think of this? Come on, man. Don't do that. Crowd deserves better.

Be prepared. Hey, you came to the club on a Tuesday night. All right. If you're coming on a showcase fucking night, you're going to see comics working on their acts. They didn't come down there to see me. You go to a Paul Verzi show and Paul Verzi shows up, you know? Oh, you definitely can't do it on a special.

With a pair of fucking ponies. He doesn't even wear his Air Jordans. He shows up, you know. Oh, you definitely can't do it on a special. With a pair of fucking ponies. He doesn't even wear his Air Jordans. Only has on one gold chain, and he's fucking looking at a bunch of notes. Yeah, you should have had your act together by then. I love what Don Rickles said. Don Rickles was at John Stamos' 50th birthday, and Rickles is going, he's talking about roasts.

And he's got his head down. And he goes, he had never used notes either. And he pointed to somebody. Everyone, oh, shit. It's the other thing. These guys at roasts, they go up, 27 roast jokes that everybody roasts for them. And it's just like, I don't like that. I like, go with your shit. Paul, a roast is a different thing.

Because everybody's going up doing the same subject. Right, that makes sense. You can't fucking really work the shit out. You're doing it the first time. Dude, what about the fucking president? He's fucking sitting there with it. He can't memorize that shit? Speech somebody else wrote?

No, it's true. You back in America, Paul? Is that what you're doing here? When I'm president, I wouldn't have a prompter. I'm going freestyle. I'm going off the cuff, dude. I'm going off the cuff. Thank you guys for coming, American people. I appreciate everything. We're in a crisis now with a pandemic. I want you to know we got the best minds working this, okay? We're going to do everything in our power to make you and your family safe. I got the best doctors here. Okay. We got the best scientists working day and night

to put this thing to an end, to change this virus. If any of you guys have questions, I'm going to answer them as honestly as I can. I have a question. Yeah, go ahead. Mr. President, how are you going to change the virus? Well, we don't know if we could change it, but we think we could slow it down. And we think that we can have something. You just said you were going to change it. That's why I got confused. You're going to change it into what? Something that wasn't contagious? Well, I don't use a prompter like everybody else. So I'm sorry for that misunderstanding. What I meant was. You feel because you don't use a prompter, you're better than other

presidents that we've talked to before? Maybe not better, but a little more honest and reasonable. Paul Verzi is a fun one. I'm tired. Olympian, presidential candidate, headlining comic. I'll tell you, Paul, you got a lot of clubs in that bag. Found out today I got a hernia. What?

Went to the doctor. I was like, dude, my groin's a little fuck. He goes, all right, lay down. He just goes, I knew I had something because he goes in my groin to like

not my balls, like my groin and my like next and he goes cough and I go and he goes to the next one and I go, he goes in my groin too, like not my balls, like my groin and my like next. And he goes cough and I go and he goes to the next one and he goes cough. I go and he goes to the where the problem is. He goes cough and I go and he goes, oh, and I knew that I knew. And then he goes, I feel you got a little hernia. There's nothing. I don't think anything to, you know, we have to just, you know, we'll keep an eye on it. But like, it's really small. What is a hernia?

A hernia is when kind of tissue breaks through the, I guess the way I was described it is that there's like tissue and fat in your skin or, and it just starts to protrude out a little bit like that. Well, why don't I do us both a favor? Why don't I just look it up? It's tissue protruding for sure. Final answer. Yes. is both a favor when i would just look it up huh it's tissue protruding for sure final answer yes some sort of tissue or fatty thing protruding answer final answer what is a hernia yeah a hernia happens when an internal organ pushes through a weak spot in your muscle or tissue. There are several types of hernias that can, you

can experience including in guinal hernias, femoral hernias, umbilical hernias, and hiatal hernias. If you have a hernia, it's important to get it treated quickly. So it's an organ, Paulul pressing through muscle or tissue that has become weak you said it was tissue pushing through all right well mine is in mine is a groin so i don't know what organ is there but i got that i think it's your dicks coming through uh your ball sack there. All right. Wikipedia. Let's go reasonable here.

Wikipedia. Reasonable. A hernia is an abnormal exit of tissue or an organ. So you're all right. Such as the bowel through the wall of the cavity, which it normally resides. Hernias come in one number of types. Oh, my God. Risk factors for the development of a hernia include smoking you can get a hernia through smoking oh fuck chronic obstructive pulmonary disease obesity pregnancy peritoneal dialysis collagen vascular

disease and an appendectomy oh disease, and an appendectomy. Oh, yeah. I had an appendectomy. That's how I got a fucking hernia. Oh, brother. I haven't had a cigar in eight days, Paul. Dude, every doctor asks, you smoke? Like, it's just so.

But they mean cigarettes, by the way. They don't, Paul. No, listen. I talked to my doctor. My doctor said an occasional cigar well i got life insurance just smoking cigars how much more it was was ridiculous no listen paul you can either listen to the fucking truth or you can say doctors don't know what they're talking about it's fake news you

could be one of the other any doctor in any doctor in the world will tell you an occasional cigar is way better than smoking a pack of cigarettes a day that's a fact okay paul that's like any doctor will tell you doing a bump is way better than shooting heroin. Right. Okay. Well, yeah. You're comparing it to fucking heroin. I mean, none of it's good.

That's what I'm saying. Yeah. You know why he came to that conclusion, Paul? Because you're fucking reasonable. I'm reasonable. You're reasonable. Listen, Paul, I don't understand. You know, if there's anything I'm going you're reasonable listen Paul I don't understand you know if there's anything

I'm going to ask God if that ever happens I'm just going to be like dude what the fuck why why why the brussel sprouts make me thin

but cookies make me fat I mean what kind of a fucking sick joke was that? I know. Or does the devil make cookies? He's going to say temptation. That's what he's going to say. You know,

I don't mind. I can't ask you a question, Paul, if God's fucking God, right. And he can do anything he fucking wants to. Why does he just get rid of the devil? Um, I mean, right and he can do anything he fucking wants to why does he just get rid of the devil um i mean there's got to be yin and yang right you got to have both says who i mean i think if they you know i think god outweighs the devil

but you got to have a villain yeah for, for a good story. I'm saying if this is real. The devil was just an angel. How, all of a sudden, did he rise up to the point of something God has to deal with? It's the typical story of a villain. He was disgruntled. He was disgruntled. I'm not talking about Sid Fields, how to write a fucking script. I'm saying if this shit is actually true

you're fucking breaking down the next fucking Fast and Furious you need a good villain how are we going to go three seasons with this shit we need a hundred episodes we got to have a villain that would be the one thing you would ask God that's what you would ask God

you would go why can't I have a cookie but I can have Brussels sprouts I would be like where the one thing you would ask God. That's what you would ask God. You would go, why can't I have a cookie, but I can have Brussels sprouts. I would be like, where the fuck are you getting off judging me for what the fuck I did after what happened to me by the fucking cunts that you made, that you made your work, douchebag, your work that you take no fucking responsibility for.

You made serial killers. You made pedophiles. You made sociopaths. You made all of that shit. Look what you did with the fucking animals. Look at the fucking rabbit, Paul. Dude, he would not be happy with your

approach at the pearly gates, dude. I know where I'm going anyway, Paul. Might as well get my money's worth. No. You can't go up there like Bobby Knight out of the gates. of the gate fuck fuck how i'm coming at him paul answer those questions if there's a god paul why does he make pedophiles uh that's a great question why does he make sociopaths why does he make planes crash i get it i get it it's a it's get it. It's a great question.

It's a great question. Paul, I'll give you this as a guard, but not one who cares. He's bored. He set this whole fucking thing up to watch us go at it. Look at animals, Paul. Look at animals. Predator, prey. animals predator prey yeah why is there a rabbit ever do to anybody to deserve the fucking life it has yeah no fucking bunny rabbit little stupid white tail on its ass hopping around fucking

buck teeth okay nothing it Goddamn snakes and hawks and fucking stoats, all these goddamn fucking varmints coming up just eating a thing alive. And all they can do to survive is try to out-fuck their slaughter. That's their lot in life, Paul. People cutting their feet off

so they can have good luck. Tie-dyeing their feet different colors to match their fucking T-shirts. Yeah, but you could go the other way, too. You go the other way. Go the other way. Go the other way and convince me, by all means. No, no. Why is there love?

Why is there friendship? Why is there, you know, having children that you love on a level you didn't know before and all those things that you get out of life. Why is there beautiful staring at the ocean or staring at, you know, all the things. Paul, if you created a universe, would you create love, children, and all of that? Yeah. Would you also create pedophiles, Yeah. Would you also create pedophiles? Sociopaths? Murderers? No, I wouldn't.

Just to balance it? Well, you got to have the yin and yang. No, you make a good point. Why can't I have this guy with this family that people love unless I have a fucking axe murderer wanting to go in there and chop everybody up? Look, I'm not arguing, man. You're making a good point. I'm not arguing that. I'm just saying like, you know, I think that we don't know what it is. I think there's something we don't know what it is. And I'm fine with saying I don't know. People need to be fine with saying I don't know. You know, no, I don't know, because that's what all you religious guys do is you tap out. Well, you know, it's a big mystery. It's bigger than us. We can't fucking. you tap out well you know it's a big mystery it's bigger than us we can't fucking you got no answer paul i said i believe in something i said i believe in i believe in something too but i don't

believe in something that cares uh you know i guess i guess paul come on paul like you just have this out the whole fucking time. You have this whole fucking, it's a devil. You got freedom of choice. The devil, the devil made you do it. You know, that's like these fucking assholes you get in business with, and then they steal from you, and you audit them, and you catch it, and they sit there with a straight face. Oh, that's the accounting department.

Yeah, I mean, listen, I wish I knew. I wish you did too, Paul. wish i knew paul fuck you no sorry yeah why does somebody why does somebody jogging get murdered and get fucking cut up and buried and i i know i i you know i it's a really fucked up thing, you know. But, you know, why is a blowjob incredible? Why is sex incredible? Why is that shit dope? You know, it's, there is some shit that's really amazing. I know. But here's my thing, is if you're going to make all that amazing shit and also have those lunatics walking around, don't fucking come after me with your judgment. You should be saying like, hey, man, sorry about that.

But what if I just kind of put that guy in the game to kind of make it interesting for me when I look down there to see, you know, you know, every every good story needs a good villain. No, but what if he says this to you? What he says i'm i'm really sorry for those things but there's a lot let there's a lot less murderers and pedophiles and there is love and good people and also what's the now i'm going to hell no no i'm going to hell because uh because what because i didn't go to church every fucking week and bow down to you no but what if the the murderers are just like the misguided that he couldn't help or do? What do you mean he couldn't help it? He's God. He can do whatever the fuck he wants to do.

He created the universe in seven days. He can't get some stops. He can't fucking solder the wires correctly. So someone doesn't want to do all of that shit. What if the devil got him? Dude, the fucking devil was just an angel. God created the devil too. He created everything.

Paul, let me tell you something. You can fucking do any backflip you want. At the end of the day, the shit doesn't make sense. And I'm getting mad at not the true thing that's out there. I'm getting mad at what fucking dopes told me it was. That's the reality of it. Fair enough. Fair enough.

I, you know, you're not going to, I hear what you're saying. You make valid points. You know, I'm a positive guy. So I like to. Passive aggressive. Go ahead. No, no, no. I'm a, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Passive aggressive directed at me. You know, definitely not. OK, definitely not. I get it. You're 5'8". You're 5'8". No, no, no, no, no. It's not passive aggressive. If I was passive aggressive, I wouldn't do I wouldn't I don't go like that. I'm not a passive aggressive guy and I wouldn't do that to you. I'm a positive guy, so I like to think, OK, maybe there was something, a plan for that awful shit, why that awful shit happened. And I'm going to focus on the positive good shit that happened. That's all I'm saying. Because I want to hope something's good. Who doesn't? I don't want to fuck.

I don't want this shit to end. And then all of a sudden, it's just, you know what I mean? I don't give a fuck about any of it. I don't give a fuck about any of it. I just resent the fact that someone's going to be sitting there going like, August 23rd, 1991. Well, what's up with that? It gets me like, really? The fuck is up with you?

Yeah. Andrew, you got any input on this? Are you a religious kid or no? I'll drag him into this shit. People get weird about this stuff. I don't even know why I went down this road. Are you wearing a Tom and Jerry t-shirt?

Yeah. You know what? My daughter went out and was, uh, was getting some cool t-shirts and she wanted to get a cool t-shirt for me. And she wanted to get me a SpongeBob SquarePants. And her mother, my wife, kept saying he didn't watch that when he was growing up. Your dad watched Tom and Jerry and Mickey Mouse and Top Cat and all that shit.

So she got it for me. And she gets excited whenever I wear it. Today was her first day of school. By the way, underrated. Your son going to a park for the first time, playing with other baby boys, and one of the baby boys rips a toy out of his hand, and your son gives that kid a smack and gets the toy back. Wow.

Oh, dude. You know what I love about it? Nobody was surprised in my family. We all knew he had it in him. That's amazing. We knew it. We saw it oh you could see it i told you that one kid that was standing around going

his fucking dad was looking off in the distance i swear to god there was a fucking little kid he's standing on a slide my son's like trying to figure stuff out discovering shit and there's a kid just going oh oh he's like looking around and then I looked at his father and his father was just like gazing off. And I was like, yeah, dude, taking your kid to the park is nerve wracking, though, dude. I saw a little boy and he's running, running, running. And Sophia was like, too, not even. And he was like four. And I'm going and he got like 10 yards and I'm going, oh, my God, he's not stopping.

And he trampled my daughter. She's crying. And the grandmother got up and I dude, I was like, Hey, you got to chill. Like I said, something, the grandmother was like, get over here. Like he ran my, and I wanted to fuck. I wanted to grab this little kid. Cause he hurt my little girl. My little girl was so little, but that's nice that your boy got a toy taken from him. It was like, nah, not happening. Yeah. Here's one for you. I went to playground one time and there was some seven-year-old girl and no one would play with her she was walking up to people saying will you play with

me and they said no and she was seven she's gonna carry that for the rest of her life those are the moments that go there's no god what did she do as a seven-year-old it deserved that to be the kid at the playground that nobody like nobody wanted up she never having to play with like adults yeah that's dude i carried that for like three weeks i couldn't stop thinking about her how long ago that was fucking months ago i don't know that's horrible it's fucking horrible and what did she do when she's a fucking seven year old kid and now she's walking around with this fucked up bullshit because no kids want to play and she's gonna marry some asshole that treats her like shit because she's got no fucking sense of self-worth now dude that's true and a great point and you know what my my son was so

what is some fucking invisible cunt gonna be asking me questions for while he's letting that happen when all he had to do was just go whoosh whoosh whoosh and make the universe in seven So what is some fucking invisible cunt going to be asking me questions for while he's letting that happen? When all he had to do was just go whoosh, whoosh, whoosh and make the universe in seven fucking days. Well, you don't know if she hits the fucking mega millions in a couple of years. So maybe that was the but like the trade off. But that was one of the biggest cop outs on a fucking question ever. So at nine, she's going to be going in getting scratch tickets.

This is how far she fell. No, but two pickums and a lucky strike. You made a good point, though, man. You made a really good point because my son said something to my daughter and he said something like,

shut up, or he was like, and she looks up to him like a God. And then I called him aside and I go, look, you call it, you tell your daughter to shut. I mean, you told your sister to shut up and you told you treat her like that. And she looks up to you. I go, so what's going to happen now? She's going to be with somebody later in life, date somebody and that she's going to really like, and she's going to think it's okay for them to say, shut up and them to treat your sister like that. And then what are you going to do? And dude, it fucking hit. I go, so you're going to have somebody talk to your sister like that. Cause she loves you and looks up to you. So what if a guy does that or tries to hit her

or fucking talk to her like that? Watch how you talk to your sister. And he fucking just was like, and I was just like yep point made because if you if if they think that that's okay they can't think that that's okay that's a good dad day that's a good day that was paul versi three two one bottom of the net reasonable man you're a reasonable man paul wow we're long. We're almost doing two hours here. That's how good the show is, everybody. Speaking of the show. You know what's underrated, Paul? What?

You know what's underrated? Getting in a fucking helicopter, flying it by yourself, and crushing it. Coming back and getting in your old pickup truck and drinking an ice cold root beer. That's the day I had yesterday. Oh, that's a... Can had yesterday oh that's a i can't with that yeah kind of it kind of went uh kind of when you let it stick did you let it stick with the root beer no because i'm um you know you're trying to cut back i i was doing so great i didn't smoke from february to like the end of may and then the summer dude all the summer reason why they think california's on fire is how many fucking

cigars i've been smoking so now i'm sort of off them but uh i think the next one i'll have is maybe when i do me you and joe bartnick are gonna see the penn state nittany lions we're doing a show out there we're gonna go to the game we're gonna we're gonna fucking bet the game or something oh yeah get a little action oh do you like action paul do you like action is there anything better than a little action oh yeah it's nothing better little juice hundreds where's excitement you have is when you're a room and nobody knows you got juice on the game that story just living in your own little fucking world. My wife knows because I never go to the bathroom. I never go get a drink.

I never get a snack. She knows games I didn't bet on. I walk away. I'll grab a drink. I'll take a piss. Games I got juice on. You know me, Bill. Who likes to be right more than me

in a sporting prediction I mean I live for it yeah I live for it um but thank you guys so much for uh subscribing liking the show continue to subscribe like get anything better podcast where you get all your podcasts iTunes Spotify umify um salt lake city one of my favorite cities one of my favorite clubs september 34th ever you know i know it everybody knows it one of the greats september 3rd and 4th wise guys uh september i haven't been to utah in forever sorry go ahead i didn't thought you no no uh ph the 15th, and I'll be at Levity Live the 16th through the 18th, the 18th, shooting my next special. And, guys, if you are in Boston, the New England area, Connecticut,

I will be doing my first show at the Wilbur ever October 22nd. Want to fill that puppy up. I love that place. So get tickets for that. All tickets will be at paulberzy.com. Check out the Verzi Effect. Check out Monday Morning Podcast. And that's it. And God bless. God bless you all. God bless all of you. God bless everybody. Is there anything else? No, I think we got it. I think after my fucking ranting about the higher power, I think we're good. No, no, that's good radio.

And you know what? It's a good question. And everybody's got that question. Let me tell you something. Anybody that gets mad at that question is not understanding that that's a logical, reasonable, reasonable thing to think. Yeah, I believe in some, but why is horrible stuff happening? That's a normal question people go through. Okay? Paul, let's not get back into it man no i don't want to say off again i don't want anybody getting fucking mad at that you know it's like these fucking people tell you why

because fucking it's like you don't know you don't know yeah but yeah i didn't i didn't i create that by opening up my big stupid mouth? No, what'd you create? Good fucking content? Fuck these people that don't get it. I don't even know how to fucking say appropriate if it's fucking spelled out. Who the fuck am I to question the creator? This is when I walk it all back, Paul.

No, no, you didn't crush it. All right, guys, that's the end of the show. Until next week, we're out of here. Take care. Music Music Music Music