Anything Better? - 'Is He Happy?'

Episode Date: June 18, 2022

Is there Anything Better than Bill & Paul talking about how hard it is to be a sports fan, and the death of Han Solo?

what's up everybody and welcome back to the anything better podcast with your host me paul bursey bill burr producer andrewis. You guys are listening to episode number 64, everybody. We are back this week. Bill is somewhere. I am home in my studio. I'm in Wilkes-Barre. What I always thought was Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania. B-A-R-R-E spells Barry.

Like Sherry's Berries. Wilkes-Barre. My brother lived in Wilkes-barre when he got a promotion for this company once and they gave him this beautiful condo they paid for it he was the sales trainer dude he was so fucking miserable i showed up to his house in wilkes-barre he had laundry piled up to the doorknob and just empty fucking Arby's containers everywhere. And I go, dude, you doing all right here? He just goes, dude, there's nothing going on.

You got to get the fuck out of here, dude. He's gained weight. He said he was eating Arby's like two meals a day. I got to tell you, nobody travels worse than New Yorkers. There's so much shit to do out here. You just can't do New York shit. I bet the fucking hiking, all of this stuff the stuff out here dude this is a nature place and he's fucking sitting in there fucking up to his elbows in arby's containers man this is god's country it's fucking gorgeous my brother's

got that thing where he gets like if he's not around family or people he loves, even if it's two hour drive, he gets like sad. So I think that that's what, that's what it was like to him being in Wilkes-Barre, he might as well have been in fucking Iceland. He was just fucking depressed, man. But you could always tell if some, how somebody's mental state is by their bedroom. You ever go on, you go into somebody's bedroom. That's a good one, dude.

I like that. You look around somebody's bedroom and you go, somebody's bedroom. That's a good one, dude. I like that. You look around somebody's bedroom and you go, oh, dude, this dude's going through it, man. This dude, empty water bottles on the floor, on the rug, dude. It's a wrap. If the rest of the fucking

apartment is semi clean, but yeah, the bedroom's a disaster. This is the whole place is a mess. They're just a slop. Right, right. If they're living. Some woman's going to take But yeah, the bedroom's a disaster. The whole place is a mess. They're just a slob. Right. Right. You know what's funny, Paul? Some woman's going to take that on.

Take what on? She'll go in there and see the fucking absolute shit show that his apartment and bedroom is. And she will fucking, for just, I don't know know why they will believe that they're going to change that ladies if we have any lady listeners you're going to walk that's what you're going to be picking up or that's how you're going to be living if you get with that guy yeah you know what we we were i saw this guy whose wife was kind of ordering him around, and she was saying shit. He's like, you know, he's going, ah, man, I got to go.

I got to look. I got to go. And the woman was just kind of like doing this. And the dude did what she wanted, but I realized something. There's two types of dudes. There's dudes like me who that shit will never, that's never going to fucking happen. There's no look.

Yeah. Yeah. But there's some guys, some guys I think almost want that in a weird way. Yeah. And she might be giving him a look because she realized that she's less of a wife and more of a mother. Yeah. She's basically married to a 35 year old, 12 year old. Yes. And both of them like that,

though. He almost likes being mothered and told. And she likes to be that fucking help. Like I'm in control and I'm going to do this, which is a weird dynamic. She's like a fucking C note. So no guy like you or me put up with it. So then she had to get some fucking like chihuahua of a man right but there's the other thing where they have that hope that she was going to turn around so she might be like ordering him around because she's mad at herself that all the signs were there and she thought that she was going to turn this slob into fucking felix unger and it didn't happen as soon as you said guys like me or you wouldn't be like that, I just pictured me and you rescue dogs just barking at the cages when people

walk by. I can't. I'm going to die. I'd rather die. Put me down. Put me down before she's my master. Yeah, dude. If you were a dog breed this is a good one bill if you were a dog breed what dog would you be i'm trying to think what i would be i definitely i'm lazy but i wouldn't be a bulldog because they're like too lazy because i like to

play i'd be like a whippet where they like run and go hard, but then they're fucking lazy. Like they go hard, but then they love to crash on the couch. I'd be a whippet. What would you be? Oh, you'd be like a German shepherd, just always looking, questioning. Whatever that dog is that you think is like that, but isn't really like that.

Whatever misunderstood breed there is. I'd be a Dalmatian dalmatian wherever he's like oh that's a great dog that's one of those dogs they have down at the firehouse then you get it it's fucking ridiculously difficult mild you know passive aggressive whatever those fucking things are dude how funny is it that after 101 dalmatians animated movie disney movie came out, everybody bought that doc, and everybody in the country said it's the biggest fucking nightmare. They like to be defiant to their owners. They're fucking tough, dude. Dalmatians.

Yeah, no. There's a reason those firemen take it to a fire. They're hoping it jumps in it. Hey, Andrew, what country do Dalmatians come from? Are they German? What's your guess, Bill? I'm going to say they're German. I don't know.

Why are you going all fucking Trump on me here? Why? Because you're trying to find, where the fuck are they from? They ain't from around here. Where are they from, Paul? They ain't from around here. Where are they from, Paul? They're from the fucking mall. That's third. And if elected,

I would build a wall so no more Dalmatians could come in here and act like a bunch of cunts. My Dalmatian would never be like that. Everybody knows I'm the greatest dogunts. My Dalmatian would never be like that. Everybody knows I'm the greatest dog trainer. My Dalmatian is not defiant towards me. I am defiant towards the dog. It has not eaten in a week.

Where is it from, Andrew? We are still not absolutely sure of the exact origin of the Dalmatian. Most reliable of sources suggest they originated in eastern mediterranean from where they spread to over india and over to europe some suggest they did this while traveling with gypsies uh i don't think that's the proper term anymore uh the name suggests the breed came from fortune tellers yeah apparently i didn't know it was you know what you're supposed to say fortune tellers travelers Travelers, yeah. The name... Can the Who sing that song anymore?

The Gypsy! The Acid Queen! Probably not. Pinball Wizard? That'd be funny if every band had a song where one word in it wasn't appropriate and they just had to edit it. They bring the fucking Who back in the studio.

Yeah. We got to scrap that. He's going to change it live. ACDC. I'm on the highway to heck. Dumb it all down. Cause I'm a cowboy. Wait,

can I say cowboy? John Bon Jovi stops. Cause I'm an oppressor i stole your fucking land oh shit uh it's over every yeah dude every that'd be a funny sketch like it said like the year 3000 every team name just something so so fucking vanilla across the board. It just it just got worse and worse. Like the Cleveland Indians. I get you're not going to call them the Indians anymore. But like the Guardians, the mall cops.

They couldn't come up with anything better than that. I do like the Washington Commanders. I think the Commanders is a fucking hard no. I like that. I like the Commanders. The Guardians is, you can't go from the Cleveland Indians to the Guardians. Why does somebody have to be commanding over somebody else? That just sounds like oppressive.

That seems like the typical. Are they their boss why would they that's just you know what that's just really until there's a woman president i don't feel that commander to me just reminds me of commander in chief just a sea of penises for the last 200 years. Telling us what to do. Paul, I saw a couple of really fucking amazing things this week. Like? I went to see a Broadway

play. If you can... Oh, Paul, just immediately his face like twists up. Oh, look at Paul. Yeah. Nah, dude, I'm not gonna be honest. And I gotta tell you something. I saw Wicked. Oh, look at Paul. Yeah. No, dude, I'm not going to be honest. I saw Wicked, and I got to tell you something. I saw Wicked. Oh, my God, Paul.

Oh, I saw Wicked. Yeah. You saw Wicked? I was fucking joking. I would never go see Wicked. I saw Wicked with Stacy fucking when we were in our 20s. I'll tell you what play fucking stuck. Dude, I bet that play did great in Boston.

Dude, let's go see Wicked. Yeah. No, I saw American Buffalo. Oh. I saw American Buffalo. Is that a musical? No, it's a David Mamet play. Good.

No, that's better. Paul, you fucking, I'm telling you, dude, you'd love it. I saw To Kill a Mockingbird, and'm telling you, dude, you'd love it. It's in the. I saw it to kill a mockingbird and I liked it because it wasn't, it wasn't a musical, but I'll tell you what fucking place stunk. I went on some fucking date when I was in my early twenties. I saw that rent. Dude, that play was so bad.

By the end of it, I was glad the kid was sick. I was like, at least it's not going to be a sequel to this fucking thing. Dude, I fucking hated every fucking minute of that shitty fucking play, dude. I fucking hated it. I fucking hated it, dude. You know? Because that thing won like 9,000 Tonys. That fucking stuff.

Yeah, you can take all your Tonys, give them to Anthony, and shove them up your fucking ass. It was just a bunch of fucking dirty roommates just fucking. I mean, I get that they were supportive to the kid, but I hated it. I fucking hated it, dude. And it made me it made me feel like I was in college and I fucking needed my mom to send me money. I the whole thing. I fucking hated it.

You know, it's hilarious. I was downstairs at the hotel gym and Kenny comes walking in And they were showing the highlights of the Golden State Warriors. Celebrating in the locker room. Oh, yeah. And he goes, you know, they put the goggles on when they spray the champagne. And Kenny, you know, Kenny doesn't watch sports. He just goes, they put goggles on? Just don't do it.

And I was just thinking, like, how much the NBA, you know, it's like you can't even stand under the fucking net anymore. You can't guard your own fucking net for longer than three seconds. And then somebody comes in and dunks. Nobody feels anything. Yeah, shouldn't this celebration be up anymore? And then they can't even handle champagne in their eyes i was just gonna say shouldn't shouldn't part of the celebration be dealing with champagne and your fucking face what's next

yeah they're gonna be in hazmat suits in a few years just full-on fucking big fat suits you kind of float around and um covered oh by the way congratulations to the warriors dude i mean i can't even like i can't even as a celtics fan dude steph curry is one of the he's he's the greatest fucking shooter it's not the guy is literally fucking unstoppable you come out to the three-point line he goes around you you're collapsing on him he's got that floater he He's just fucking... He's unfucked. You want to talk about an MVP?

I mean, that team isn't shit without him. But I will say this, dude. Watching that game, I'm not even a Celtics fan. And I was pulling for them. Listen, I picked the Warriors to win, and I'm pulling for the Celtics. But, dude, when the Celtics just kept turnovers and bad passes across court, I was pulling for them. Listen, I picked the Warriors to win, and I'm pulling for the Celtics. But, dude, when the Celtics just kept turnovers and bad passes across court, that's when I was just like, ah.

Yeah, we played like dogs. I don't know. I mean, I don't want to say it because I don't want to take anything away from the Warriors. It was just fucking. What you saw basically, Paul, was one team that's too fucking young to know how to close it out. And you saw another team. Dude, they just fucking bam, bam, bam.

They were down to one. And then that was it. Well, you know what? That's good for Tatum because Tatum needs one like that, because that kid's going to come back and fucking be real. Dude, that kid, Jason Tatum. Our average age, I think is about about 25 We're a really young team That's a great experience for them dude What sucks is they're in the east and they're coming

They're coming What sucks Paul is the NBA And I'll tell you what's great is I barely watch the series And it's because I'm post mushrooms And I'm getting rid of all fucking Relationships that don't work for me And it's actually gone into sports Like I am so fucking

done with the nba i watch an nba game and i get i get like livid as i watch the game i fucking hate the officiating dude and all the fans in the lower bowl is the biggest collection of fucking douchebags first the fucking celebrities that sit there on their phone not even watching the fucking game dude i remember game one steph curry hits a fucking three-pointer and they cut to the crowd some white kids like miming shooting a bow and arrow i'm like i just can't i just can't i don't i'm too fucking old for this like what are you doing what What the fuck? What is that? Why did you just do that? And why are you not getting this shit kicked out of you?

By Warrior fans. Dude, I can't handle anything. I'll tell you another thing I can't handle anymore. Stephen A. Smith. After he posted that video of him sparring, it's like, I'm going to listen to you talk about an athletic endeavor. I know. video of him sparring it's like i'm gonna listen to you talk about an athletic endeavor i know and and the confidence with which he speaks about sports and i just now i look at everybody at espn

i'm just like are these all guys just a bunch of uncoordinated guys in fucking suits breaking down games that's not true because uh what's his face played college hoop. There's a couple of guys, you know, but I mean, I, who the fuck posted that video of him fucking sparring. I, as a guy who talks about sports,

it's just like, now, why would he want it out there? I think he thought it looked good. Well, yeah, he did, but dude,

I mean, somebody should have, wait, listen with all the friends he has in sports, somebody should have called and been like, dude, that's not the way you throw a right hook. I can't watch him anymore. Anytime I see him, I just see a picture. I'm like, oh, dude, Chris Redd on SNL nailed him, dude. I mean, it was they had the fucking wig with the far back hair and he was was just going, dude, it was, I was crying, laughing. It was really, really good.

But listen, Stephen A. Smith carved out that fucking path for himself. That's what he does. He's making money. God bless. I'm not going to knock that hustle. He's the loud guy. Look, I'm just saying. I was just watching him.

I'm going, this guy is talking to charles barkley breaking down a series charles barkley one of the greatest nba players of all time is talking to a guy this shit imagine i killed on stage we did a set together and i walked off and i just went you know through that a fucking West Coast call me I say that West Coast shit what

does this even mean it's not even archery's not even probably somebody's celebration and then he's doing it look I'm not just singling out Warriors fans I'm just saying like the lower bowl of all NBA games dude I'm not just singling out Warriors fans. I'm just saying, like, the lower bowl of all NBA games, dude. I'm telling you.

I'm telling you, dude. It's just the biggest collection of fucking jerk-offs. Like, I swear to God, those celebrities that sit down the front and they don't even fucking pay attention, the security should come down and just be, all right, you got to get out of here. Just get out of here just get out of here baseball is the same fucking way

now baseball is a bunch of corporate fucks who are just under the stadium eating prime rib for like nine, for fucking seven of the nine innings I know I'm gonna sound like a prude right here but I think they should fucking really monitor people yelling and cursing at

players like seriously you're sitting there with an eight-year-old kid you're like yeah you fucking pussy it's like can you do that anymore i actually missed that no but it's like but those are the jerk offs that get drunk and then end up like either throwing some dude i was at a knicks game with lucas a kid from the high deck at Madison Square Garden threw a bottle half full of water towards the bench. And it like landed two feet from a player. And the player. You know why that is, Paul? What the fuck?

You know why that is? Because they allow gambling at the games now. It's going to make emotions raise up. That's. Well, none of it makes sense to me. I don't understand how Pete rose can't go in the hall of fame but they have like off track betting at the fucking major league ballpark now the only reason why i i think pete rose should be in the hall of fame so i want to say that but the only

reason why is they don't know if he bet if he was betting on his own games they don't know if he sabotaged his team that that's something that i don't think he would, but that's what's fucked up. Hey, Paul, we don't smoke crack over there. We smoke it over here. The whole thing is, I don't know. I don't know what, but I will tell you this. I want to say congratulations to the Warriors because it is not easy.

You know, with the fuckingba officiating and shit and the inconsistency and those fucking the fucking like uh i don't know what i which what the fuck game was i why oh with was it with yeah with smart with that ref you literally saw lost his temper with him called a fucking technical on him. And then there was like no file and he called another file. That was his, Hey, you shut the fuck up right on TV. And I'm just like, where's how does anybody tell the ref to shut the fuck up? Like, dude, the egos of the NBA officials are just fucking. Yeah. Listen, I'm not saying that the players don't say rude shit to them

or whatever but dude like it's the only game i watch man where it's just like you know they they they just take over the game in certain points and it's it's bizarre to me yeah every other sport they're sort of invisible unless there's, like, a controversial call. But in the NBA, they are driving the fucking bus. And I don't know, somewhere along the line, it's really gotten out of control. It wasn't like that.

It wasn't like that, I would say right through somewhere in the 2000s, they just started imposing their will. Yeah. I think that Rasheed Wallace era, I want to say it was from like 03. Things started to go 03. I fucking love Rasheed Wallace. Yeah. But guys like Rasheed, guys like Iverson,

guys that really went up to refs going, what the fuck are you doing, and questioned the authority, that's when, like, things change. But I got to stand corrected, man. I thought I said that Boston was going to win last night. I would have fucked it. I really thought the NBA wanted that game to go seven. So.

No, no, no. Once you're in game six, it's fine. Their job is to make it be 2-2. The best they can, you know, do your best to finesse it, to give the team the best chance to make it 2-2.

And then after that, game five doesn't matter. And then if it only goes six, that's fine. Go seven bonus. That's what I feel like. It's the job. I, I,

and you can't talk me off that ledge, but I, but having said all that, the, the, the bet, the better team definitely fucking won. The Warriors were amazing.

Steph Curry was one pick from the Knicks. It's like, so as fucking. what can you do? You couldn't even finish that sentence. Yeah, the Knicks, it's always one away. It's always – I don't know. What do you think, Paul? You think if he went to the Knicks, he wouldn't have left?

I think if he went to the Knicks, he'd be the shooter he is. I don't know what would have happened. But you never know, man. You know what would happen. Maybe. I can't even argue it. But let's talk about this for one second. I do have to talk about this.

My New York Yankees, it's getting crazy now, okay? I said in the middle of May, I go, I can't go nuts and start comparing them. But, dude. Oh, you fucking bandwagon Yankee cunts. All you guys out there right now, now that half the season's over, I'm fucking, dude, I saw so many brand new Yankee hats when I was in fucking May. It drives me up the fucking wall. You know that that's not me, so don't put that on me.

Well, I was telling you about the Yankees in April and you're like, dude, I don't, I don't get, I can't get into it till like July. I can't get into like unless they're 48 and 18. Then all of a sudden like, Oh, 46 and 16. But you're looking at the paper now. I don't get it. Paul is watching baseball in June. You never watch baseball in June.

I'm a fucking Yankee fan. You're not, Paul. I wait until basketball is over to really get in to it. I'm not going to lie. Yeah. 100%. What do you mean? I've known you for 15 years.

You always say this is the worst part of the fucking year because football doesn't start for another fucking two months. Well, dude, it's a fucking long. Dude, 162 games is a lot. But I'm paying attention. This is like the first 48. This is like the first 48 where you just changed your story. No, I didn't change my story.

It's a lot of games. Unless they're 46 and 18 or whatever you are, then all of a sudden you're taking your boy to the game. Come on, Paul. Who are you talking to, Paul? We're friends. Friends don't do this. Friends don't do this

to other friends, okay? They fucking they tell the truth. And fucking shame on the Cubs. Did you see what the Cubs said? The coach of the Cubs, the manager of the Cubs? Oh, this isn't about the Cubs. This is about you and your excitement about the Yankees in June, which never happens unless

Listen, I'm not super excited. I'm not super excited. I'm just acknowledging what's happening. You're texting me about regular season baseball games in June. Doesn't happen, Paul. What did I say in May on this podcast? I said, guys, I'm not going to go crazy yet because it's not.

I got to give it some time, but this is pretty nuts. And now it's getting fucking nuts. That's all. But I got to read this thing. Hold on. Cubs manager against Yankees. We beat him 18 to four and he made a public statement saying shame on us doing that to a group of kids that are fighting and trying to feed their families. And I can't believe Anthony Rizzo allowed that to happen because Anthony Rizzo used to be a Cub and now he's a Yankee. It's like, how about you don't lose by how about you don't get swept and lose by fucking that many?

What are the batters supposed to do? Strike out? It's one of the fucking weakest things I've ever heard a manager say. I mean, you know, you guys spent two hundred million dollars. I mean, what the what? You know. Oh, fuck you with that, too. That has nothing to do with this. Oh, what did he say? I don't know, man. He said that. That's what he said. He said something along the lines of for them to run up runs on us

against kids fighting for their job and family to feed. And I can't believe Anthony Rizzo let that happen. And it's like, well, the Yankees, your fucking bullpen was giving up hits. Why are you taking that seriously? He's got to do something. He just got his ass kicked like that. He's a major league manager. I know, and it's exactly, he's trying to get it off of him.

He's not talking about those kids. He's talking about him. He probably just bought a fucking house in Wrigleyville. He's all fucking excited. He thought he was going to go there for a while. His wife calls him after that loss. You better fucking fix this, okay? I'm not moving back to Seattle.

I know. His kids made friends in the school system, and then you guys come in there with your fucking stupid pinstripes and your $200 million. You don't want to wear the pinstripes on the road. Yeah, and you fucking spanked him. You didn't take anybody out of the game. No, dude, it was like our fucking eighth pitcher.

I mean, what are we supposed to do? Paul, if you lose a baseball game, 8-14-4, just move on. Who gives a fuck? Bill, you know what Lou Piniella would have said? He'd go, we got our asses kicked. And this is blah, blah, blah. And he would have fucking stopped. Absolutely.

That's what a fuck is, you know? Dude, this whole fucking generation of I'm 40 don't yell at me I'm 40 yell at me I'm 40 not those kids and it's like it's just it's deflecting our generation did the same thing to get your fucking ass kicked and just own up

to it Paul it's a very rare quality no matter what generation you are I like the beard I like your beard thicker. Looks good. Thank you, Paul. I'm settling into the final third of my life. No, dude, I said on this podcast the other day, dude, I go, I know I'm getting older. You know, Bill, you know, if anybody knows other than my family, it's Bill Burr about how I'm an old man at heart. I mean, I was the only kid looking at sedans when I was 16, 17. I was looking at Buick sedans and all my friends are going, what are you fucking nuts? I go, look how fucking comfortable that thing is.

But dude, I said this the other day to somebody, this 60 year old guy in this cafe that I always go to. He goes, hey, Paul, how you doing? And dude, I just go, if I was doing any better I'd be you and I pointed like that right and dude this 65 year old guy he just goes I like that one yeah it's a good one if I was doing any better I'd be you and I gave a point and I loved it I fucking loved it dude I love oh I loved what I did I love the old man shit I love that he loved it and he was just like oh I like that you know

my brother-in-law took me out for my birthday right went to uh got some food right next door there was a cigar bar and this fucking guy came into the cigar bar this old guy and he walked out to my brother-in-law he goes he goes forgive me if I met you before what's your

name he gets his name he gets my name and then he just proceeds to just shit on us for like a fucking hour just like he just wanted to know our name so he could just give a shit like busting our balls dude it was fucking hilarious oh but give you shit in a good way. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. When we went to leave, he goes, what do you guys do? He goes, you look like ballplayers or something like that. I said, no. He goes, well, I didn't say you played. He was doing like that shit, like setting you up with like a compliment, like that old man shit.

And then when we gave him shit back, he loved it. It's fucking great. He's one of those fucking cool old guys. He wants to know everybody's name so he can kind of hold court and get his jokes. And it was great. There was a guy there, dude, that was playing on the senior pro golf tour. How old are these guys? The guy that was busting your balls?

80. Oh, that's the fucking old oh that's the um the other guy um i don't know how old he was he looked to be about my age or whatever and he was just talking about golf and all of that. It was just fun. There was another guy. You know, I remember I was watching the – back to me, the guy was watching. This guy just was watching the Dodger game, you know, and the ending ends. And he just goes, how many fucking guys are you going to leave on base? And I turn around. It's this fucking guy with just, like, white hair, this awful bulk cap on. Just this great collection of fucking old guys oh it's the best there's nothing better than playing golf with old guys too guys that are 70 80 they've been

playing the same course they know every fucking angle of the course they say the same jokes it's the fucking best and they and they love telling you you know'll be like, hey, you know why they call it golf? And you'll be like, why? Because fuck was taken. He's just like, all right. All those old golf jokes. You just laugh at them because they're so happy to tell you. All right, everybody. It is Helix.

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That's helixsleep.com slash better. That's B-E-T-T-E-R. That's Helixsleep.com slash better for $200 off and two free pillows. There's nobody on the planet like you. So why would you buy a generic mattress built for anybody else? Go to Helix, guys, and get that $200 off for our listeners. And hey, listen, I'm a sucker for a pillow. For a new pillow, you get two of them. So there you go. You know, there's a lot of people, myself included,

they just buy a pillow and they keep it forever. To the point, you know those pillows that just, I don't get it because it's not like the stuffing fell out of it. But like, you know those pillows, they look fluffy and you put your head in and it just kind of wraps around you and your head's laying on the mattress. Then you have to fold it in half, like a half sandwich. And then you got to fucking stick it back there like that. I will do that, Paul, for decades. Of course you will. If I didn't have a wife, Paul, I swear to God, I would, I would still have the same pillow I had from high, from high school. Golf courses get like a bad rap. I've hung out

at a few. Obviously, I don't play, but going over there and meet guys to go smoke a cigar or something. Everybody over there seems like they're fucking guys guys. They're cool. They break balls and all of this shit. I just think that's just yet another thing where

I remember when they were just going after football players. I ran into a guy, ex-NFL guy, was going like, I remember like when they were just going after football players during that. I ran into a guy, ex-NFL guy, was going like, I love that Ray Rice bit. A lot of guys in the league like that bit that you did about Ray Rice. And I was like, I don't remember the bit that I did. Well, they tried to act like every guy in the NFL was out there beating up his wife. And my bit had something to do it's like most of these guys i have charities and are trying to make their neighborhoods better and they just don't even

bring that shit up and they and he said to me he goes yes to statistically speaking the like the nfl was better than society as a whole i can't even talk today and when it came to domestic violence, but, you know. Well, I've been playing, dude, the idea that golfers are those frat boys with fucking sweaters around their neck is ridiculous. Because I go out there and it's like guys that are just like,

hey man, I'm just out here, this is my third year, I'm retired, just a guy's guy, blue-collar job, just trying to fucking be outdoors and play something. They're not all pretentious assholes like you said. Of course you're going to come across some assholes but like what let's name a profession where there's not a fucking asshole or or or something where it's not an ass you probably go to a bowling alley there's going to be i think a lot of the hate towards uh golf courses and all of that shit as far as the type of people that golf, it just comes from the outside.

You know, like that whole fucking thing that they were doing in sports where they would pick different, like, aggressive sports, and they would talk about rape culture. Like the coach was in there going, and after this game, I'm going to rape someone. It's just like, what are you talking about game i'm gonna go rape someone it's just like what are you talking about yeah i'm not saying that there weren't like problems but there wasn't necessarily it was like it was a societal problem to fucking put it on a sport and somehow make it

seem like you know coaches and shit were like for this stuff i mean i don't know like that's like like that's what they were teaching i don't know yeah i mean look it obviously when you got a kid that's making the school you know hundreds of millions of dollars or whatever he's going to get the benefit of the doubt i'm not saying there wasn't a problem with that but to just specifically go out there and try and make it seem like like a part of sports was that. I don't know. Just personally speaking, that wasn't my experience with sports. I like sports because it brought people together.

It taught you how to, like, take shit, let it roll off your back. There's a lot of this incredibly, you know, you learn how to bounce back from defeat was the big thing. Losing. You learn camaraderie, all that shit. Yeah. Especially for a college football coach or a football coach. You got 53 guys on a team. One guy fucks up and does some domestic violence shit.

And the coach is like, and he's like, all right, dude like even like aaron hernandez when he was at florida they said like that urban meyer heard some shit about fights or you hear about like a woman something a woman saying something you got 53 guys and it comes down on the coach and i'm not saying that the coach shouldn't know but dude that's like that's why there's curfew. That's why there's things like that. You know, I don't know. How can you control a kid that's fucking at UNC? You know, I'm not saying that there's not a problem with guys assaulting women. But there was that period where they were trying to put it on like. Associating like, you know, certain sports with like advocating that and like i don't think the

numbers just didn't i think in the end didn't support it it was like this is no greater than society as a whole so like how is this helping the problem i just feel i don't know it's kind of a like uh i think a lot of shit comes from uh. You know, who doesn't want to be the fucking sports star out there getting all that fucking attention? You know? Or like somebody, you see these, all these people on the golf course. It's a lot of successful people. You know, at some country club you can't afford to be. And it's a bunch of fucking rich dicks.

Everybody there fucking, you know, lied, cheated and it's a bunch of fucking rich dicks everybody there fucking you know lied cheated and stole their way there a bunch of rich kids that was all handed to them like look i'm not saying that isn't there there aren't examples of that but like a lot of that chatter is so the person who's not in there yet can fucking feel better about themselves there's a person you know i see they they keep going after this one guy that i know and it's just like why can't you get inspired that this person came from nowhere yeah and is now worth fucking nine figures as opposed to like just trying to rip his life down. I don't know. It's really a fucking weird thing, man. No, it is a weird thing. And I, you know, I always, I always say it's like America loves

an underdog until they're not an underdog anymore. But it's like, um, I feel that, you know, some people like, I guess I would say I'm religious. I believe in God, but then there are people that don't have anything. And when you have something, they go, yeah, but do they have God in their life or do they do that? I don't like when they do that either. I don't like when it's like, yeah, but are they happy? Yeah, they have a million dollars. Are they happy? And it's like, yeah, maybe they are happy. Right. Maybe that statement has nothing to do with the other person. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe they are happy. Yeah, but are you happy? Not as happy as you, buddy.

Yeah. Yeah, he's got a yacht. He's got a yacht. He's dating all these women. Is he happy? Maybe he's fucking, maybe he's happy. Maybe he's doing good. Hey, Paul, maybe I'm fucking happy.

How about that? You know, a lot of people- No, no, no, listen to me. Maybe I'm happy because I just fucking ordered my dream truck. I just ordered it. I'm getting it. No, you know, you know what they say too. I'll tell you what, and this is true in some sense, but they go, a lot of these millionaires, they're fucking miserable. These fucking millionaires, they got fucking, they're fucking miserable.

Their wives fucking don't love them. They're fucking miserable. And it's like, yeah, but there are millionaires that their wives do love. is and it's like yeah but there are millionaires that their wives do love yeah i don't know you know everything that you said sounds like shit that i heard in bars growing up i used to always hear stuff like this yeah and exactly and you're not listening to me paul that's what i ordered my dream car yesterday you said truck yeah my dream car growing up you know you're a four-door sedan guy my dream car was a ford f-250 regular cab with the lights on top yeah i got the giant diesel engine i'll be able to pull a house in this thing i can't fix anything paul did you get it you got the car what color i ordered it what color i'm not saying that on the podcast because i don't need fucking people looking i

never say anything more than i just i fucking ordered the thing you know i i'm not going to be allowed to keep it at the house you know i finally got it my wife goes uh because i already have the 68 f100 no she goes she goes yeah you already have a truck you don't need another truck and i go you already have a bag you don't need another bag and she just goes just give me that look and then she started started laughing. Yeah. Yeah, I'm like, this is my fucking whatever, you know, my fucking Hermes bag or whatever the fuck they're into. Dude, I can't wait for that. You know what the thing is?

You got 100 shoes. You got 100 shoes. Can I get two trucks? Yeah, what the fuck do I care? No, when my kids get old enough, I'm going to get rid of my car. I'm just going to gonna drive big fucking thing anyway uh plus my son dude and my my daughter love absolutely love riding in my truck like my son like my daughter i was driving her like i go up the street where there's no traffic you know because it just has the lap belt and uh there's you know there's like

nobody on the road i'm driving like fucking six miles an hour or whatever and she said to me she goes dad she goes you have the biggest truck in the whole wide world it's just it's a it's a two-wheel drive short bed and i was driving by i think that truck's a little better she's like no dad this is the biggest truck in the whole world and then my son i just pull it out of the garage you know start it up keep the engine you know um the battery from not dying and i just sit there revving the engine and he stares at my foot and when it makes the noise he smiles and then he looks up at me he fucking he freaked out the other day right uh he saw a fire engine it was parked on

the side of the road he just went like whoa he was talking all this gibberish pointing at and the guy inside turned the lights on and my son was literally jumping up and down on the sidewalk and all the firefighters were cracking up oh that's great that's here's the last cool thing that he did he's the coolest kid ever like my daughter because she's old that gets on me about smoking cigars she kind of laughs but she goes dad i don't want you smoking cigar all right but my son saw me smoking and he was laughing he thought it was funny and then then he would go like this you know as i blow the smoke out he'd go this then start laughing and i was looking at him going like oh my god i'm going to

smoke cigars with him someday oh that's nuts, I haven't had a cigar since the Masters. How wild is that? I wish I could say that, dude. I probably smoke one every day since then. I'm trying to fucking... You know it gets a hold of you? It's got a hold of me, man. I got to fucking lay off him. Yeah, I

I've had... Oh my God! I had two drinks in six, seven weeks and I had two days of drinking in seven weeks and no cigars since April. And yeah, man, what could you say? I'm trying to fucking look better. I don't want to be a piece of shit, dude. You know, I've run around my kids. I don't think I'm a piece of shit, Paul.

No, I said I don't want to be. You look like a fucking prize fighter. I'm doing the things that you're saying you're not doing and then you say you know you're not drinking like how are they supposed to make me feel paul i'm sorry if i hurt your feelings um like yeah i smoked a cigar at a good time yeah i haven't smoked one in six weeks i don't want to be a piece of shit i'm, I'm not talking about you. I'm talking about me. Well, dude, what? You haven't had a drink in how long? Are you going four years?

Four years in November. Not four years. Oh my God, dude. That's a college career. You're about to go a college career, dude. Four years. How many days is that, Andrew? career, dude. Four years. How many days is that, Andrew?

Three sixty five times four. Holy shit. I'm coming back. One day I'm coming back. I'm coming back hard. Oh, dude. Bill's going to get back in the batter's box. The most hammered I got with you is when we left Madison Square Garden after the Ranger game.

Oh, I mean, we were staggering. Like were staggering like Rocky and Apollo in fucking Rocky II when they both went down. We were walking to here. No, the Liars Club. That was the most drunk I ever was. No, I don't miss – yeah, I miss drinking alone. That's the way to do it. You drink alone. You don't piss to do it. You drink alone.

You don't piss anybody off. You're at home. No one can shut you off. That's how a pro does it. You go out to the bar. You drink. You end up fucking getting into it. You start yelling about sports and shit. This is just my own personal opinion. Oh my God, I got a great story. You just reminded me. So our sponsor

Diet Smoke, they'll like hearing this. My buddy had the Ranger game on projected on a movie theater screen in his backyard, game six, the one that they lost. And I wasn't drinking a lot, so I had like one seltzer, but I got to watch everything here and all the acid reflux. So I had the gummies because I gave them to my neighbor and he goes, dude, these are like just kind of THC with very little hemp. And I go, all right. He goes, you want them back? And I go, yeah, I'll take them

back then. Because I gave one to my neighbor. I gave some to my neighbor and I use you want them back. So, dude, I took it's 10 10 milligrams i cut a gummy in half because i'm scared you know i do drugs scared i always have and i take it and i'm like all right this is 45 minutes later dude i felt so chill i had no pain and no worries i was i wasn't paranoid i didn't have that weed fucking is everybody i didn't have that and i'm just chilling so i drank another seltzer let me take another half of this fuck let me take the other half which is you know 10 milligrams so i take the other half and everything is cool and i'm away i'm down the block six houses down whatever

i feel fantastic i come home i'm relaxed no worries it was weird i felt felt great so i go into bed and stacy says something to me and i just said something to i swear to god i swear to god my wife is fucking incredible she i haven't been on it i never haven't taken edibles in in in nine years whatever it is eight years and i lay in bed and she said something to me and i go and she goes i go i said something back and she just goes are you all right and i go yeah i'm fine and she goes uh she goes did you take something did you take like an edible i swear to god and i go i go no and then we kind of she started we got into something but i was calm right so she said something to me and i just go you know good night i'll see you like and she just said the next day she goes i go dude i took those

edibles she goes oh my god paul she goes i knew because i've never seen you that relaxed she goes i kind of went at you and she goes for the first time in our marriage she goes you were just so calm and cool you didn't say anything back and she goes i knew something was wrong she goes she goes i said something to you that normally there's no way you wouldn't. She goes, you were fucking chill. She goes, you were just, and I go, yeah. So I'll tell you what diet smoke, man. See that's the only way that a guy like me, cause I'm such a fucking over, I'll start panicking. Dude, that diet smoke. I felt fantastic. No worries, dude.

No fucking worries, dude calm everything was good everything was nice it was like a it was like being on coke but mellow if that makes sense no it doesn't andrew fell out of his chair. Did not make any sense whatsoever. I felt happy like I was on Coke, but mellow, if that makes sense. Because you get happy. It's 10 milligrams per gummy. I had to confirm. I just wanted people to know. So you ate five.

You ate half, which is five. I bit half, and then I had another one, and it was fantastic. And guys that are really into it took two of them, which was 20, and they were fine, acting like it's fine, but I can't fuck around like that. Yeah, because your tolerance goes up. Dude, you're fucking, you weed guys, you guys that could get fucking stoned and high like that, I commend you.

I don't know how you do it. I don't know how you do it, dude. Dude, I got to tell you something, too too now that that shit's been legalized the amount of drug fiends out there right now that don't even realize it i did fucking this guy's show where you like you i didn't know this but like at the show you give stuff away to the crowd yeah i was like god fuck i got all these old t-shirts i would have brought them down i didn't know and there was a weed guy there and he goes well here's a here's a free bag of weed. He goes, give this away. So at the end of my setting, all right, I got a free bag of weed, dude. It was like,

really nuts. And I was like throwing the shit from the bag all around the room. And people were fucking going like crazy. Dude. Yeah. Fucking crazy. Standing up. Well, I know a lot of people aren't going to like me hearing this, but the truth is weed is really fucking bad for you. They had a doctor who was they had a doctor who goes, here's what alcohol does to your

brain. And he showed a 3D picture and then he had another brain and he goes, here's what weed does. And then he just goes, I'm sorry, sorry guys people asked me to do this this is what it is it was if it's you're still doing some damage to your brain when you smoke weed you just are it's not just because it's oh it's nature it's you're still fucking doing something to your brain you just are and the guy fucking proved it so you know i'm not trying to be a downer what did he say you were doing to your brain? That was pretty big. He he basically had pictures of three brains and three different drugs. And I think one was either I don't know.

One was alcohol. One was marijuana. And I don't know what the other one was. And he showed pictures in a 3D thing with like dye. And there was like all this blue and white shit on the alcohol one. And then the same blue and white shit was on the weed one and the same thing and he goes hey this is dr so-and-so at university somebody wanted me to do this he goes and then he finished and he goes i'm sorry guys this is they want me to say to you one is better

than the other or one doesn't hurt he goes this is kind of what it does to your brain and he goes sorry and it was just like yeah he's like i know some people aren't gonna like this but it has an effect the idea that it does nothing because it's not everything that you take that alters your fucking thought process and mind and your body does something to you. That's not good. Period. I don't mean to be the drug downer here.

It's the same with sugar though, or caffeine. You know, look at Andrew. I love Andrew. Just had to jump. Andrew had to because i've seen this stuff you're right no because i've seen no i mean i've seen this stuff before and it's like yeah like while while you eat three pieces of cake you're something happens to your brain while you get high something happens to brain while you drink something happens to your brain and they

they never actually tell you listen there's reasons why you should take breaks your biomarkers there's stuff like that. But like that whole like your brain, this it's like depends on the person. Right. Because it depends on the person. I know people who smoke and they get to the couch 10 in the morning and there's other people who go and they do their whole thing. So I'm not saying that that's bullshit.

I'm saying maybe it's bullshit. But don't you think there's a part of you because you love weed so much that you're going to be looking for like the loophole this is like during the covid thing where people were going you know i don't want to fucking wear a mask so i'm just going to list information that says like a mask doesn't work i saw this one guy he had written on his truck which is really funny to be reading medical advice on the side of a pickup truck. Where it says, thinking that a mask stops COVID is like thinking your underpants stops a fight, a fart, sorry. And this guy writes, a virus is a solid that travels through water because fart is a gas.

They're two completely different things. And here's the thing. I'm not going to sit here and act like I knew that. I didn't. So it's like it's stopping the water vapor. That's the philosophy behind it. But, like, I just love that this guy, like, that is what ignorance is. Like, you're so fucking stupid, you think you're smart,

to the point that you're writing your ignorant opinions on the side of your fucking vehicle as you drive down the street, and then other morons are beeping the horn. That's the think tank. Yeah. Yeah, that reminds me of my political bumper sticker joke. A guy's got a political bumper sticker on a shitty car. It's like, why the fuck would I ever take your advice?

You've been voting for the wrong person. Yeah, it's like, no, man. I love the people when they have like nine thousand. I saw somebody. I was just going to say that. Like, there's like 50 of them on the back of your car. Like, what are you doing? The two people, the Prius driver with all the liberal shit. And then the guy with the big pickup truck lifted with the giant American flag.

It's just like, oh, that's a long evening. Pick your poison. Yeah. Yeah. It's so true, man. Because either of those people can't be spoken to you just can't they're gonna talk at you the whole night and and they'll if the only way that they're gonna like you is if you agree with the way they see things that's the psycho left and the psycho right oh the two things i was gonna say so i saw american buffalo and then i saw gerard carmichael's new special dude which i'm telling you dude i i can't remember i saw like a special like that like i'm trying to remember the last time dude and i'm going back decades it was fucking riveting it was incredible and bo burnham the way it was shot

the final shot of that the way they I don't want to ruin it or whatever it's just fucking I mean like dude I'm a comedian I don't watch stand-up specials

I don't either I fucking we were flipping through I came like 20 minutes in I've got to see the beginning because I heard the beginning's great too but I was like

I don't know I was like you know 15-20 minutes it was like I couldn't I was I was locked in i can't remember the last time i saw something like that it was really what's what what what about it funny or what dude the la the brutal brutal honesty i i haven't seen i don't know if i've ever seen anything that brutally honest

because there was you know enough like uh like is brutally honest it was still like a surface keeping it to a certain level of uh of doing like stand-up this thing was sort of uh like i don't know it's a certain level of doing, like, stand-up. This thing was sort of, like, I don't know. It's a different thing. Like a John Leguizamo-type one-man show type thing? No. This is just a different thing. Different fucking thing.

Because John Leguizamo's things were, like, characters being funny. I would say that was, like, when I first saw Whoopi. That lived in that sort of world this was this was its own fucking thing dude i'm telling you i gotta check it was it was fucking amazing i gotta check that yeah good for him man good for him that takes a lot of that takes a lot of balls to do it on that on that stage i saw i saw those two instead of watching the nba finals paul and watching people fucking doing this shit and everything i was like i i just knew that yeah don't act like that's not your anger huh that's also your sports anger there what is

like why you chose to watch something else other than your team in the finals no no no i i stopped watching it because I don't have the emotional maturity to handle it. And I would have got so fucking mad watching Warrior fans be happy.

And I was like, why am I doing this to myself? It's like, I will do this in other sports, but I'm not doing it in a sport

that I feel is so obviously manipulated and massaged, which they all are. You know, they all the fucking, you know, the star quarterbacks get, you know, there's always star treatments and, you know, people getting calls, everything, everything will be like that. And if you're, you know, some bum, you say one thing to an umpire, he throws you out of the game. If you're a star, you know, you get a little more leeway. I get that.

But I just, that, that fucking game is just like, look, if it's going to be this obviously fucking manipulated, like I'm not going to invest, like I'm not going to be losing my shit here. I'm having my kids sitting there watching me fucking losing my fucking mind as I, as I hate some random guy from San Francisco. I'm never gonna fucking meet like what am i doing paul that's true it is a great thing they didn't fucking win so what did i miss out on a bunch of fucking misery it's so fucked paul being a sports fan is so fucked where you have a one in 30 chance every year of being happy because your team

won a fucking championship. It's fucking nuts. And then when you look at it and like, you know, even like watching ESPN where they call them like the warriors, like a dynasty, like even that has changed. It's like, what do you mean a fucking dynasty? They haven't won it in years. A dynasty, you had to win three in a row like what the Tampa Bay Lightning are trying to do that was a dynasty and then I remember the Patriots won two lost now one one lost and then won the next two and they called it a dynasty like wait how's that a dynasty you know yeah Tampa won one in between them And then somewhere now it's just like, you know, and then they're sitting there like, did they win because Kevin Durant left?

It's like he came in one of the worst NBA seasons ever where he went there and everybody's like, well, they're going to win it. And then they did. Yeah. And that's part of their fucking dynasty. And now they're like changing it, like going, oh, because Kevin Durant left, is that why they won it's like kevin durant's what kept the thing going what are you talking about he blew out his fucking achilles now they're talking about this guy like he was

like some sort of a i don't know i don't know i and it's and i sit there and i watch that shit and then i get into these massive Fucking arguments with people And then I'm like alright What am I doing here I'm telling you Paul Yeah you realize it was you You know you realize that you can't do it I saw my daughter look at me in game one

And I was like I can't do this For six seven games It's like literally what am I going to do Paul Am I going to be a good father do i want to be a good father or do i want to be a basketball fan right i mean i'm gonna make that that fucking choice it's like i don't give a fuck anymore that's self that's self-awareness on another level because there are some guys that would sit there drink yell tell their son or daughter hey daddy's watching the game freak freak them the fuck out,

go back to the game. And you were like, you know what? I don't, I can't handle it like that. See me, I do it different. I don't yell or get, I take in the pain. It's the one thing that I'm not vocal about. Like I take, like if the Knicks lose a series or the Yankees or Giants get knocked out of the playoffs,

I kind of take it and then I kind of walk away. And it's probably better to be like you because at least you lay it on a table there where it's like, I just kind of. No, it's better to be like you. It's better to be like you because you're teaching them that it doesn't matter that much, even though to you it does. They just don't see it. But like, it's like, yeah, I'm actually, I don't know, Paul.

yeah, I'm actually, I don't know, Paul. Like, I could literally, I could walk away from this shit. You're going to walk away from booze, sports, the whole fucking deal, dude. No, maybe, you ever think maybe you just outgrew it? Like, when you're literally going there, and there's nothing to Paul, like, you know know time marches on and at some point what you loved isn't what it was aren't you going to therapy yeah no but paul it's

like when it becomes like what it wasn't like all you all these fucking young fans all they do is hear me bitching about how come it isn't the way it used to be and they're like okay okay grandpa okay boomer whatever the fuck they say but it's gonna happen to them too because it's gonna fucking change or whatever and it's like i just feel like when you start doing that it's like why can't you let that kid mind shooting a bow and arrow that's what the fuck he wants to do if you become that guy then maybe it's time you just fucking go home and that's what the fuck he wants to do if you become that guy then maybe it's time you just fucking go home and that's what i'm thinking like why don't i just fucking go home yeah and uh that's but it is i will tell you this it is why i enjoy watching baseball because there's so many games that a loss is not that big a deal and what's great is you guys are getting all the press and

meanwhile we're fucking on a tear. It's just we shit the bed so bad. And what's killing me, Paul, is as excited as you are for the first time ever in June, since maybe the 1998 season, the Red Sox could still get a wild card and then face you guys in the playoffs, Paul. Dude, the season's not even a halfway done. Of course they can.

Yeah. Last year, you guys were in the playoffs. And all of those wins, Paul, don't mean anything. I get it. And then you have to face your nemesis

in the playoffs. The team you guys cannot beat in the playoffs the boston red sox all of us with our potato faces and you just hate all of us with our freckled fucking smiles i love those series man i don't i gotta be honest I got to a point where it doesn't bother me that much anymore. Yeah, that's what you say when you lose all the time. No, I don't bother me anymore. It doesn't bother me anymore.

Fuck you. And all you Yankee fans who now that the Red Sox win and they beat you in the playoffs, I'm happy for you guys. I don't care. Get to the cunt hair before all that. 1918. Go fuck yourself, you Irish prick. All of that

shit you guys used to say. Go fuck yourself with your happy-go-lucky horse shit. Including Regis Philbin, who did the same thing. It's over. You guys won. What's the big deal? Fucking babies. You guys are babies, man. You guys have been big babies about this whole fucking thing.

With your fucking, hey man, I'm happy for you. Or the words, will you go 27? That shit. I never said either of those things. I never said either of those things. I don't buy it, Paul. I said you guys fucking killed us and it was the worst way you were smart enough to say that to me but I know when you peel off and you get with your pinstripe friends

and you look around and it's all safe we all know what you said you go like that oh man when the Giants lose when the giants lose a playoff game now i'm just well we don't we don't go but i'm just like i think what happens too when you're a sports fan that's been in it for a while you kind of know the team you got and you know the

team that should have won you know and sometimes you get lucky like that's the beautiful thing about eli was eli we're like i can he go into fucking green bay and the nfc championship or win and then he would and you were like oh my god this is nuts i i'll be honest with you though dude i just enjoy watch i might i'll tell you what i'll tell you what i might watch the avalanche and fucking uh tampa bay lightning just because when i took that edible and i watched the rangers i just killed me i just going to do your wife's line. I go, Paul, did you take an edible? You're going to watch hockey. Dude, watching hockey relaxed in the playoffs is incredible. So I might even watch that. But like,

I think I actually enjoy watching. That's all. I am such a wound up fucking lunatic. I actually enjoy a playoff series more if my team isn't in it. So I can just watch great teams like, like, um, when the Celtics beat the heat, there was like a happiness and sadness. Well, I was psyched.

We were going to the finals, but then I was also like, fuck, I have to go through this again. And this is how good the Warriors are. I was like, in order for the Celtics to beat the Warriors, they have to go in, game one is a must win. We have to show them and their fan base that that team can be fucking beat. And they won one and three. And I was confident then I'm going, we're going to beat them. But they're the Warriors. It's going to take seven games and we're going to fucking win this thing.

They fucking just clamped down and that was it. Kind of fucking took our heart, as champions do. And they never took their foot off the gas. What Steph Curry can do with the basketball from like five feet behind the three-point line. It really is're like get on that guy get on him it's insane he really and then when you come up and you double him he splits defenders gets a layup he makes the i mean the kid is fucking unbelievable man and then kicks it out to clay thompson if that guy's on listen man they're a great team what could you say you guys And you guys are a young team that are going to be back.

Tatum, Brown. It was a great series. It was a great series, but like you said at the beginning, you could tell the team with the experience. It was a team with experience versus a young team who hasn't been there before. No, not through three games. Through three games, I was like, we're going to beat these guys. Then they tied it up, and then I was like,

we're going to go out and win game five. When they won game five, I was like we're going to beat these guys Then they tied it up and I was like we're going to go out and win game 5 When they won game 5 I was like I still thought we were going to win game 6 I'm not going to lie to you And the fact that they won game 6 That they won 3 in a row against us Just shows you how fucking great they were

But I will tell you this Paul I don't think I'll ever be able to do it But there's a major part of me that would love to walk away from sports and just see what I would do with all of that free time. That'd be an interesting fucking, a good documentary. A guy like you who's watched sports since he's a little kid, just like a year without it, just having no idea what's going on oh it's my identity then all of a sudden i'd be that guy at the fucking whatever in the cigar bar who can't hold a conversation about sports because i don't

watch it then i'm like now what do i what i gotta hang out with scientists what's what's the other group of people out there oh literally you you talk to me what is the other group of people out there? Oh, literally, you talk to me. What is the other group out there? You could join a book club. Where do you go? You could join a book club. Yeah, look at the drop off. Oh, that'd be a sad day, seeing you sitting,

talking to a bunch of people about a novel you just read. Hey, Paul, I'm not into sports anymore. I'm a cinephile now. I love going to movies. Dude, that would be the saddest thing if I ever called you up and I go, dude, the Red Sox are in the ALCS, dude. It's game six tonight. And you just go, I have no idea about that.

But, dude, Oprah referred this book. I'd be like what happened no no i'd be like come on bill i've been into sports for so long i'm trying to think about this there's like sci-fi comic book store people there's movie people where they're kind of the same people, I feel. Like, what else is there? I'm going to tell you something. Dude, I'm going to tell you something which was amazing. I go to the Comedy Cellar a week or so ago.

I do my set. I had some sets at the stand. Then I go to the Cellar. And it's like 1245 at night what midnight little after and i see greg stone there funny comic sitting at the table greg stone has a new son he's got a he's got a baby boy but he's the biggest fucking star wars guy and i love star wars everything star wars so everyone's buying drinks and there's people in booths and comics at the table and they're drinking and eating. And Greg goes, dude, is there any way I could get a coffee? And I go, you guys make an iced coffee, right? So, dude, we're at a table at the cellar where I'm drinking iced coffee. It's almost one in the morning.

He's drinking coffee. Everyone's drinking booze. And me and him just sat. We talked about our sons and our and our and my daughter and then we did we broke down every star wars movie we ranked them which characters didn't put the whole thing it was the greatest fucking one of the greatest conversations i've ever it was the level of me and you talked about sports but we talked about like this and what's your favorite character what was the worst one what did you think i was like oh jj abrams did this when han solo got killed by his son it was fucking nut i was like i literally texted him we were texting solo got killed by his son what a great conversation han solo got killed by his son kylo ren yeah oh my god did

the nerds act like that lady that hit that dude with the with the bat it's oh dude it was a crazy death scene because it looked like they were going to embrace and he was trying to get him back from the dark side. And then he said, thank you. Thank you for setting me free. And then he fucking took his thing and boom, put a lightsaber in his thing. And then he fell through. It was one of the most iconic Star Wars movies. Wait, Obi-Wan Kenobi?

No, Han Solo. Harrison Ford. Han Solo got killed by a lightsaber by his son yeah I thought that guy was a gun guy Han Solo had a gun but he got killed by his son's lightsaber

because his son was Darth Vader's grandson and he wanted to be like the grandfather it's dope, dude. So there's the message, Paul. Don't ever hug your son. Oh, shit. No, man.

Get away from me. Get away from me. That's why, dude, I don't like going to sporting events now. I don't like going. I took my son and four of his friends. I was at Yankee Stadium with five 13 year old boys. And I got to tell you, we had amazing seats. The weather was great. It was fun. But just the yelling, the walking to concessions, the going to the bathroom, the filing to your car, the in line with the car. It's like, I got a 70 inch here. I got a 70 inch here with great sound. It's like, it's got to be one, a couple of year. That's it. These season ticket holders are out of their

fucking mind. You're going to go to 80 baseball games in a fucking regular season. What the fuck are you doing for a living? I mean, that's a, that's a fuck it. How many marriages? Think about that. You go to 80 baseball games, dude. If you go to 80 baseball games, dude, you got a fucked up marriage or, or no wife, dude. I mean, that's wild. Like, nah, man, Cincinnati's in town. We're going Wednesday, Friday. Then we well fly with the fucking team, dude. That's what I mean. Like, it's a level of caring that is actually weird. As much as it's weird to love Marvel movies and superheroes, to put on a jersey and go every week is fucking nuts.

Dude, that's the TV show. You take a passionate Marvel movie guy. Yeah. And a sports fan, like everybody has to quit what they love, what they love. And like a Marvel movie has to come out in fucking IMAX. And that fucking Marvel fan can't,

has to not go. It's the NFL playoffs. It's a NFL playoffs. It's a Sunday, Paul. And you have to go do something else. Dude, I am so in despair. I don't even know what else to do. It's funny because of the business that I'm in.

That's the line I always use. I know what you would do. I'm casting something and they go, hey, are you familiar with so and so and i go no i i watch sports i just watch sports i'm sorry i'm sure i've seen their face but i never and then um if i see their face dude that's why i'm telling you man go see that american buffalo dude i walked in that theater you could you just feel it you're like something great's gonna happen this is gonna be great like the way they had the whole set designed and all of that lawrence fishburne sam rockwell fucking right in front of you that's awesome two feet away just fucking hitting home

runs that's amazing no that's amazing i feel like if you got rid of sports i think you would go to concerts a lot too. I think you'd go music hard. That would be my prediction if I had to bet. You'd go to concerts or get more into music. I actually think I would go out on my back porch and silently cry to myself and figure out what the fuck my life has been. what the fuck my life has been.

Like, wait, who was I? What was all that yelling about? Dude, everything in moderation. It's what it is. So we're talking about drugs. You're going to smoke weed, smoke weed a couple of times. You're going to drink, drink a couple of times a week. You can't fucking go to every baseball game. Is it bad that I have all four fucking sports packages?

No, it's not. And I watch the motorcycle and F1 racing. I actually think it's a healthy thing. What's not healthy is you screaming at the TV. You got to find that medium. I just, Paul, when I'm playing, when my team, I just when I'm playing when my team I just said I'm playing see that's how far

when my team is playing a team that I fucking hate and they're beating us and they cut to their fans enjoying themselves like murderous rage goes through my body I'm like what am I doing? That's, but that's normal.

That's normal. It's just a little excessive. Why do I want to fucking put myself through that? Dude, you were built for that. That's why you fucking went out and threw that first pitch at Boston and it was a fucking dart right down the plate because you were built for it.

You fucking love sports. Don't fight that. That's not why. No, it isn't. Yeah, it is. You're competitive. I did stand-up comedy on Letterman. If you could get through that, I can't fucking throw a ball to a guy 60 feet away. Yeah.

Paul, you're playing catch. That's all it is is just throw it to the guy he's a fucking major league player he's gonna catch it if it's anywhere near you're gonna look fine yeah i know i'm just saying why give up something you love if you could just kind of figure out a way to not care as much. Yeah, I don't know. There's always next year. That's what I, you know. Hey, listen, as a Knicks fan, I've learned that.

As a Knicks fan, I've learned there's always next year. There's always another draft. There's always, the sun will come out tomorrow. You know what's funny, Paul? Do you know what I want in my life more than anything right now? I just want quiet. I know. That's all i literally want i just want to fucking like everything in my life has been loud including me for fucking you know

54 years it's just been loud fucking craziness and i just want to like i don't know i just just want to fucking sit on my back porch and just stare at the trees imagine andrew imagine bill's next special imagine bill's next special was like hey guys how's everybody doing uh you know i'm gonna change the face of people what the fuck you just everything low no yelling people are waiting for the people are waiting for like a classic Bill Burr rant. And it's like, no, you know, I get it. I understand. People would be like, I put myself in that person's position. Well, the people don't have to worry about that.

The fact that I literally cannot even watch a fucking basketball game around my kids without psychologically scarring them to the point I had to not watch it. The fact that your daughter was watching you is wild. No, she just gave me a look, and I immediately clocked it, and I shut it down. There was one thing, and I was just like, I was just like, ah, here we go. Now here come the fouls. That's all I said.

Which, by the way, Paul, they did. They did come. They rained down. The fouls rained down. And then all of a sudden, we were in the penalty. Every fucking time, Paul. The early parts of the playoff series, I'm telling you.

20-point lead in the first quarter. We can't have that. The casual fan's going to shut it off. Tweet, tweet, tweet. Go fuck yourself. Seven-point lead at halftime. How many times, Paul? How many times can you fucking watch it?

How many times can you sit there and try to kick the fucking football i'm telling you paul there's something you said earlier that actually fucking pissed me off what when you you said when your wife said yeah i was coming at you and you didn't fucking react that like i had such a fucking reaction i'm like that's what they do well no she just said she didn't come at me. She said something that I normally would go, nah, but I just didn't. Okay, because you said she said I fucking came at you. No, she goes, I said a couple things and you just kind of stayed there and didn't say anything.

And she goes, normally you would have. And I go, you know, my wife said to me one time, one time she was fucking getting after me and I just didn't take the fucking bait. And I stayed calm and she ended up losing her shit. And she goes, what did she say? She goes, oh, you're happy? You made me mad. She goes, you're happy?

You won. You made me mad. And then I went, what did you say? And she realized she fucking let the cat out of the bag it's like is that what you do is that what winning is to you uh that was like did you give that order no that was a good one you're damn right i did that was a good one dude i gotta tell you something man if i didn't give a fuck about my private life, I'm telling you, me and my wife have amazing, amazing arguments. They're fucking hilarious.

And in the end now, dude, we get it to like a fucking, we like literally, we end up hugging in the end. Like we don't have those fucking fights now where it goes for days. I just sit there and i just finally go what are we yelling about what are you trying to say here i was like all right it's like you know like what are we gonna what you know okay all right i didn't mean your class bill there's your master class hey do you fight with your wife but want it to end well you fight with your wife and then for three days you got to spend all that energy not talking to her? As you mentally go through how you'd get a one-bedroom apartment without her realizing it and still trying to keep 50% of your income?

Hey, you getting really familiar with your guest house? Well, hey, after that fight, I know what to do to make you hug and make up. Is your best friend the sofa down in your living room? Is your best friend the sofa down in your living room? Do you actually like it when she tells you to go to sleep down on the couch? When you lay down on the couch and you suddenly hear her two stupid feet hit the floor, does your heart sink a little bit because you know the argument isn't over? Hey, does your wife storm off to your mother-in-law's house all the time?

I'm going to teach you. It literally is. No, I actually find that like I can't. I don't know if it's women or my wife. They're just cool as shit. If you just fucking tell them. Tell them what you're thinking and what you're feeling, that's all you have to do. But trying to fucking go point to point with them.

I mean, it's like fucking, it's like, it becomes like a major league umpire. You just scream and you get fucking tossed. That's it. What is the problem? Why are you mad at me?

What did I do? I just picked i just picked your knee walking up to you yeah no dude she said she has said some of the funniest fucking shit uh my wife's hilarious dude so it's like she she says shit in the middle of an argument i just start fucking laughing and she's trashing me and it's's just like, it's just, it's too funny for me to stay in my ego and try to win at that point. I just start laughing. I told you that classic one when I was going off, you're doing this, you're doing that blood lunch.

She goes, yeah, well, you're no pony ride either, my friend. That's a great one. That's a fucking great one. I still remember where I was driving. I was on Fountain Avenue and I was just fucking dying. I burst out laughing. She laughed too. And the argument was over, but not in a good way.

It was over when we just stopped arguing. But now, she said that a while ago. I actually used that line in F is for Family as a nod to her. That's great. But now we, when that moment happens, we then sit there and we talk it out and then we're just fucking laughing

and we're friends again by the end of it. But we actually get to the point where we figure out, you know, I figure out what it was that I was doing

that upset her and then I own up to, oh, sorry. Because at the end of the day, I to oh sorry because the other day I don't want to upset you I don't want to be doing this it's just that I am just hardwired to you know you know you you I just do that it's all ego and pride pride. Fuck you. And then why, why fuck me? Why, what did I do? It just fucking deescalates.

Yeah. Yeah. Why are we yelling? Oh, you know, I love that one. That's my go-to. Why are you yelling?

And then, cause there's, you can't say it like that though, Paul. Why? The way you just said that there was a lot behind that. Well, why are you yelling?

No, now you said it differently. The way you said it before was like, what the fuck's lot behind that. What? Why are you yelling? No, now you said it differently. The way you said it before was like, what the fuck's wrong with you? Like, why are you yelling? There is a fine line there. You had your face all twisted up. And everybody knows you're the mellow Mediterranean guy. And us Northern Europeans, we're envious of that, Paul. You got something we all want beyond

pigment is you have the ability to chill paul i gotta tell you something paul what i love about you is when you fucking go i can go to a diner by myself and just have a cup of coffee and look at the wind blowing through the trees and just be like, this is fucking amazing. Do you realize how much money people spend in therapy trying to get to that just for a second? Yeah. Dude, you know who said something amazing? That Billie Eilish, that Billie Eilish singer, you know what she said?

She goes, she goes in a hundred years, nobody's going to fucking remember you or really pretty much anything you did like it may be she's like so fuck it like literally in 150 years from right now even if you accomplish some shit they go oh that guy did this great it's fucking over dude so it's like right i i thought that that was a really good way of looking at you know what got me you you said letterman before and i know he's doing some stuff with netflix but dude letterman when that dude retired it was over like it went from like the david letterman show and the big ending and and foo fighters coming on and doing it and then dude for like five years it was just like, who that, that old show it felt. It's like, dude, things go, things go. And that's why my friend old Paulie is lining up for a house at the beach.

That's that I'm out at 70. Paul wants to leave at 60. So we're going to retire together. We've got about 16 years. Okay. We're going to a a dual retirement party and that's it bill will be 70 i'll be 60 i will maybe make some appearances here and there you know shake a couple hands oh we're gonna do casinos oh it's called old pals oh dude we just do vegas sit by a arms around each other. And at the end of the show, Paul, we got to sing a song. That would be great. Have like a full orchestra in the pit like the old school thing.

Like Buddy Hackett ended a special singing a song that he wrote and it was sad. It was about how his daughter was all grown up and she didn't give a fuck not like she doesn't give a fuck she didn't need him anymore she met the love of her life and all of that that's that's you know something i just realized that's when guys walk their daughter down the aisle and they're crying like wow i i was thinking like why that was

you know but i mean they but i i don't think there's there's an answer for that there's a bunch of one of them could be like she doesn't need me anymore because i i talked to a lot of people where they they go like they talk about um oh dude you're fucking me up right now dude that just hit me hard when you say people talk No, people talk about like, hey, man, you're kids of this age. Enjoy it. Enjoy it. They're like fucking sick of people telling me to enjoy my kids. It's like I am enjoying my kids.

I am enjoying my kids. I do get it. I do get it. I've been doing this bit in my act about how guys do that. It's like, did you not do it? That's what it is. Yeah. That's the bit in my act.

It's like, I get it, dude. You were a terrible father. So don't fucking put your fucking bullshit on me. Go fix your, go repair your, because, dude, people say stuff. It's like, I think somebody just said I'm yelling too loud. People fucking say shit to you, and it's like, it's not like a, like, oh, man, enjoy it, man. That's such a great thing. There's like a, there's a urgency and a panic

it's fucking annoying yeah it's for them it's like it's just like dude like listen i don't know what the fuck you did but i'm not doing that i literally just didn't watch my own team in the nba finals because i chose my kid over that so don't fucking come at me with your bullshit oh my god that's so fun yeah because i'm not fucking doing that. It was the Celtics. It was the Celtics. And I didn't want to do that. That's really funny. For my daughter, dude, you just made me cry. And I had a TV out in the fucking garage.

I could have watched it, but I would have been away from them. So instead, I watched fucking Puppy Dog Pals and walked around and acted like a horse as they fucking jumped on me. Oh my God, that's great. That's fucking great. Don't fucking come at me with your fucking panic bullshit because you were out at the bar or whatever the fuck it was you were doing you made me think of something i went to my manager's daughter's wedding and she goes like this my great manager my manager rory rose garden i went to his wedding and uh it was such a cool thing you know and she said something she goes i may be my last name may be this now and she looked at her dad and she goes but i'll

always be a rose garden dude and i remember being like oh that was dope man like you know and i got that sicilian keep the name shit her Her husband's going to fucking carry that. You had to say that in front of my family. No, it wasn't like that. You know, it was a, I know what you're saying. Yeah. Yeah. It was a, what you have to do, Paul, is you have to be excited for them to know that they're,

they're going to get married and they're going to have kids. And then they're going to get to feel all of that love with their kids. That's what you do. Yeah. But you got to let one thing that I'm going to let be known is if anything comes to my little girl, somebody was, I'll kill somebody. Somebody's going to get killed. So if it might not be from me and you'll never know where it's from,

but if you're going to lead with that, Paul, no, no, no. I'm going to be very nice. I'm going to be very nice. I'm going to be very nice. Let's just kind of role play here. I'll just pretend like I'm some young guy that must take your daughter out or whatever. How are you going to fucking... Well, how far along is the relationship now? I don't know, but I'm immediately picturing bad boys when Will Smith came to the door.

No, no, no. Do it like this. Ask me. Tell me you're the guy and you're asking me to marry her. Alright, I'm pulling up my car. They've been together five years. They've been together five

years and I like the kid. Alright, what am I saying? And I'm fucking... Just asking for the hand to marry. What's your name? Mr. Berzy. Mr. Berzy, not for nothing, you're probably wondering why I asked you out for a fucking espresso. Why is she marrying a dope from fucking Staten Island? Because there's no way you're not going to let her fucking marry someone who's not Italian.

Who's kidding who? Hey, Mr. Verzi. I want to thank you for coming out to get this espresso with me. I just want to say before we get the cannolis that, you know, I really fucking love your daughter. You know? She's alright.

You know, she fucking plays sports. She knows how to fucking cook. I was wondering if it would be alright for you, not for nothing, if I gave her a ring. this is a nice ring too no bullshit i mean look at it look at the look at the fucking shine on that come on you got to give it up there oh i love that that's like half italian half irish boston

you know she's a good kid i love that so here's what i would say i'll say you break my balls for the argument's sake i'll say i'll say michael okay you're michael oh what a surprise i say it's like angelo i would say well first of all michael i really appreciate you having the you know asking me that you didn't have to because i didn't with my family. I appreciate you appreciating that. Yeah, no worries. No worries. Listen, you've been with my daughter five years. You're a good kid.

I see you work hard. I know you're going to be out there working. I bet the fucking T-tops just put in. I like that. I like the white leather, too. I like the white leather. I'll be honest with you. If it was red leather, we'd have a problem.

The white leather, you know, I could have my daughter for whores red leather's for whores i love your daughter she's an angel that's why i went with the white not for nothing if i got the red leather i'm not sitting here talking to you no no um here's the deal i'm gonna give i'm sorry can you just hang on a second can i get a little more cream in this? Just a little more cream. I'm sorry. Go ahead. What place? You over there at Tony's? They never give enough cream. They never give enough cream. Tell them I said hello and we're done.

Once Anthony died, they never did the cream right again. But you know, I love the family. His grandfather was the best, rest his soul. So anyways, listen. I appreciate you asking me for my daughter's hand. You've been almost like family anyway the past five years. Of course, I would gladly accept it. Here's the thing, though.

OK, you know, she's going to lose my last name. That's a tough one for me to swallow. But I understand that that's how it works. All I ask of you and anybody around you is you treat my daughter with respect. She gets treated good by everybody around you. And I will tell you this. If anything ever happens bad, though, you know I don't need to tell you this because I hate to

tell you this because I love you. But my daughter, if anything ever happens bad, you understand the repercussions of what that would be. Not that I need to tell you that. I actually don't understand. I don't understand where this is coming from. You've been so cool over the last five years. I feel like I'm getting threatened here. And I'm paying for the coffee, not for nothing. You're not coming from. You've been so cool over the last five years. I feel like I'm getting threatened here. And I'm paying for the coffee, not for nothing.

You're not getting threatened. You know I love you. I'll say it in a pleasant way as I can, but if something ever happens bad to my daughter at your hand, it's going to be bad for you and anybody involved. Why would you say that? Why would you on one hand say it's okay for you to marry my daughter and now you start

talking to me like I'm wearing a wife beater over here? Well, you know I have to say this. I have to say this. I don't think you do. Is that what you think about the scope and always, cause we ain't like that. It's going to be awkward. Yeah, no, I would go, I would, I would say it more as a joke, but I know I wouldn't, I wouldn't say it to be honest. I would, would if i liked the kid i would just think that it was understood that he would be that he would know not to do that i would hope michael scopinoli michael scopinoli scopinoli's never hit no fucking broad even if she had it coming to her dude what do you do what do you do if your daughter comes to you crying

hugs you saying oh my god daddy he hit me and you saw something i mean dude it's all it's it's it's yes you go to jail for a soul and you know you're going to jail so you get your fucking you make it worth it what does what does you know what a mob guy would do a mob guy would go all right sit down michael you understand what you just asked me right and you understand as a father what i need to let you know right we understand each other mob guys always say something without saying it okay it's on this you know they just hug and kiss like what what what even happened there what even happened there it's like when uh in uh vito corleone he goes and i'll lower the rent uh by by by ten dollars and he just goes

okay fifteen dollars just looks and then he says another one he goes okay there we go He shook his hand after. Oh, my God. Yeah, dude, you're going to be bubbling down the fucking – that's when me and you are going to be bubbling like that Argentinian fucking World Cup fan when you're walking your daughter down. Dude, I remember this soccer fan was the greatest. He would stand there, he's just looking.

His team just laughed and he just goes... Dude, Stacey's dad, rest his soul, when he walked her down, I'll never forget. I was standing there. I was freaking the fuck out, dude. She came down looking beautiful. I'm standing there and he walked and she got there and I just kind of like lost my breath and I just go and he had water in his eyes and he just goes yeah he knew and then he just you know it's wild oh it's wild yeah hey that's what they say have all

boys okay it's me and my daughter man like no then there's enough there's another panic with that dude there's another panic with that no i i mean it's just it's that's up you just hope that there was somebody good and that it's gonna work it's fucking um did you see what amber heard said about johnny depp in her post like she did her first public interview and they were like you know what do you think? I don't give a shit. She talked about him being Edward Scissorhands. He was a real character.

It was the weirdest thing ever. She goes, oh, you mean the guy who convinced the world he had scissors for hands? And the interviewer just goes, Hey, somebody's got a little... Hey, god bless her god bless her hey man i hope she gets the help she needs hey you know i hope in her next relationship she doesn't feel the need to shit on somebody's bed okay and blame a yorkie for it um i know at least blame a medium-sized fucking dog oh the best was when he goes the dog's four pounds He said it in that tone

He goes they could never come from that dog And then dude it was like You just heard the fucking jury laughing Dude shitting on somebody A four pound dog can't take a two pound shit Dude that would be like You know I weigh like A buck eighty That's like me taking

A ninety pound shit And there's an elephant In the room And I'm trying The elephant's going It was Bill It was Bill Oh shit It wasn't me the other was like i'll fucking step on you you say that again

it's an 80 pound shit dude i mean you're fucking oh oh fuck dude that's so funny dude Dude, that's so funny, dude. I can't even tell you how happy I am for Johnny Depp. I just really am. It's just nice every once in a while. Every once in a while, Paul, you know? Fuck, I haven't laughed like that in a second. All right, dude. I got shit to go do.

I got to go do a show and all of that type of stuff. So, hey, uh to the golden state warriors and i'm you know what paul i'm gonna be very happy for whoever that guy was that shot the bow and arrow i'm sure he's gonna be you know having a good time oh well speaking of congratulations how great wilkes-barre is i did this last night look. Look what they did. They got me like monogrammed drumsticks. It says Bill Burr, Wilkes-Barre. And then they got me like, they got me these aviator sunglasses, Ray-Ban. It's got my name on the little thing there. And then they got two little ones for my son and daughter.

Oh, isn't that nice? It's fucking beautiful. That's fucking great. Aviators you know aviators well let's do uh let's do plugs here uh i got a big plug i guess when is this coming out well it's not going to be official till early next week but uh tomorrow tomorrow oh okay all tomorrow. Oh, okay. I can say this. My next special, my brand new special, will be out June 23rd on a major platform.

Wink, wink. It'll be out June 23rd. We're going to make an official announcement next week, but put two and two together. Connect those dots and check it out. check your streaming platform. I'm a major streaming platform, June 23rd. And I'm not saying you can or cannot go now and set a reminder on that said platform. So you can go and do that. But June 23rd, you're still not allowed to announce it. And it's that close.

I can save it on my wish list. How can you not say it out loud? It's on Netflix, guys. My special will be on Netflix. Netflix, June 23rd, everybody. June 23rd on Netflix. Okay, go set the reminder. All the screeners are getting good reviews.

It's better than my first one. I know that. So go have fun. Enjoy it. I hope you like reviews. It's better than my first one. I know that. So go have fun. Enjoy it. I hope you like it. It was a lot of work to get here. And I'm thrilled. And I hope you guys like it as much as we enjoyed doing it.

And San Diego. I will be at the American Comedy Company June 30th through July 2nd. So you could go to that. July 22nd, 23rd, I'll be at the Rosemont Zanies right out of the side of Chicago and I'm also going to Michigan in July I'm doing the Park Theater in Holland Michigan and I'm doing the Full House Comedy Club I believe in Grand Rapids

all those dates are on paulverzi.com check out the Verzi Effect all that shit alright I'll be in Portland Oregon I'll be in Washington State Vancouver and Calgary next weekend, or probably this weekend by the time you see it, and then I'm off for a little bit. Yeah, that's it, Paul. All right. Congratulations to the Warriors. Anybody but the Lakers.

Oh, I thought you were going to say congratulations on your special. Jesus Christ, you gave the Warriors more credit. I've been working 20 fucking years for this, Bill. Because I shit on the NBA, and I don't want people thinking it's just because my stupid fucking team lost. It's just like I'm just not into the NBA. So I've got to make sure I say that. You know something?

For 15 years, you've called me sensitive. I think you're getting a little sensitive in your older age, Bill. Fuck these people. Oh, I hope so. My fucking emotions were paved over for the last 40 years, 50 years, or whatever the fuck. Dude, you've come a long way. All right.

We'll be back on episode 65 next week. We will see you guys then. Take care. Oh, we didn't say what the great 64 was. Oh, we didn't. We did. We always do that. We're doing it here at the end. That's player war 64. The Green Bay Packers, Jerry Kramer. Jerry Kramer. I hope he's still alive and saw the shout out that he deserved. All right?

Is Jim Burt on that list? Was Jim Burt 64? The great giant nose tackle? Or was he 60? Jim Burt, B-U-R-T. 64. Yes! Paul Bursey!

You know what, Paul? That's it. I know! My New York Giants! Thank you.