Anything Better? - Italians In Space

Episode Date: April 2, 2022

Is there Anything Better than Bill & Paul talking about famous Italians, falling to the Earth, and the bleachers. Anything Better Merch:  Anything Better Merch Store Better Help:  Anything Better listeners get 10% off their first month at www.BetterHelp.com/AnythingBetter  Helix: Helix is offering up to 200 dollars off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners at www.HelixSleep.com/BETTER Paint Your Life:  Get 20% off your painting And FREE shipping.  Text the word BETTER to sixty-four thousand (64-000) Indochino: Get $50 off any purchase of $399 or more by using promo code BETTER at www.Indochino.com  Coinbase: For a limited time, new users can get $10 in free Bitcoin when you sign up today at www.Coinbase.com/better 

what's up everybody and welcome back to the anything better podcast with your host paul versi bill burr producer greek freak out there in uh beverly hills aka the beverly hills kid Hills, a.k.a. the Beverly Hills Kid. And you guys are listening to episode number 57. Isn't that a gun? Or is that... What's the... No, it's not a gun. It's a 47. Heinz 57.

No, what's the gun? 44 Magnum. 357. 357, okay. We got a ways to go for that one,ul no guns at some point i used to play street football with my friends when i was in grade school and this italian kid named luigi i swear i'm not joking his name was luigi he wore z cavaricci pants he had the fucking black he had like the black did he go by Louie or Luigi?

No, no, no. His name was Luigi. He played street football in Cavaricci pants, black feelers, a turtleneck with the chain over it. And he would play quarterback and he would call himself the 357. Yeah. I mean, the level of shit talk to this kid had like he looked like he was going to a christening, like he was going to a church. It was fucking, it was hilarious, man.

Well, let's do the best number 57s in sports. Who do we got? Who do we got for 57? As far as Hall of Famers, Ricky Jackson, Dwight Stevenson, Johnny Blood. He must be from back in the day. Honorable mentions, Clay Matthews mo Lewis Jeff van note Tom Jackson rumbling bumbling stumbling Reggie Williams and the New England Patriot Hall of Famer Steve Nelson dude I'm on stage at the stand not long ago, the new stand.

And I'm on stage and I see a man that resembles Tom Jackson and I'm going, no, dude, is that him? And he's laughing and big smiles. And I'm like, dude, that guy's such a gentleman. He did it. And sure enough, he's coming upstairs and it was fucking him and he went over and he shook my hand and he goes dude that was great so funny i really enjoyed you and his hand was big but i remember it was like big and soft i know that sounds weird but uh and and then i and then i did this stupid thing i just did this stupid fucking thing with because i'm so excited because i love sports people more than anything. And I go,

Oh dude, ESPN, man. So like, you know, like I missed Sean there. Are you coming back? He goes,

we're in the talks, you know, we'll see. I think I might be coming back. And then he never did. So I realized that I fucking brought up something just like I'm such a, it's like, I just loved him on there.

Be happy for him. I heard that's a terrible place to work. Yeah. I heard, you know, but, you know. He'll get another gig if he wants it. Yeah, no, Tom Jackson was great. You know, he was one of the guys you feel like you could call him Tommy even after, like, the second meeting. Tom Jackson and Chris Berman are, like, two of the greatest, like,

sportscasters ever. Just doing highlights. I mean, that NFL Sunday countdown, whatever that wrap-up they did, was unbelievable. My favorite, I still think my favorite, I know people don't like them. Some people give them shit. My favorites are the classics. I'm an Al Michaels, Collinsworth.

Don't mean broadcasters. I mean just as far as like sports anchors. Oh, like anchor analysts? That team, rumbling. Rumbling, bumbling, stomach cut. Go. Oh, yeah. No way. Chris Berman. Back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back. Remember when ESPN just did sports? There was nothing else but just highlights and talking sports and interview. That was the best. Late 90s with every place. Remember when MTV just did music? Yeah, I know.

It's a good point. Music television. Now they took it away. They all got to try to make more money. What can we do to keep the viewers? Dude, they used to just show fucking the sports center over and over and over again. And then they show like a fishing show and then more games would happen and then they would just it was amazing it was fucking amazing

i got one for you when is the last time you ever went serious question either of you guys when is the last time you watched a music video i haven't watched a fucking video like a video in i mean i probably over 20 years probably over 20 no i mean i watch like classic videos i'll go on youtube but yeah i watch them they're pretty bad you'll watch them now yeah i just watched one of tommy lee buying a pair of shoes in hollywood shirtless right the day before he's gonna marry heather locklear and he had a fucking corvette with the t-tops yeah dude i that's all i do i just fucking i just just look at shit like that oh you look at older shit like that yeah yeah i mean i'm old i'm going back to my glenn miller benny goodman taste it's just motley crew and acdc oh my god everybody does it all these

all these fucking you know these kids today do when they get older they're gonna go on these mumble rap cruises dude i got a story last night you realize how great that is how timeless you're gonna be if you're a mumble rapper oh my god when you get old it's not gonna be like ah man he's he's got no flow anymore so he never had any yeah he'd be a mumble rapper with dementia yeah he sounded like he had dementia in his 20s yo last night i'm at rhode i i'm in rhode island at the comedy connection and it's the first time i'm doing a th Thursday because it's usually just two Friday, two Saturday. For some reason, they said, you want to come in on Thursday? Sure.

I'm working on jokes, whatever. After the show, there's a table that wants to meet me. And the guy goes, hey, you got to meet this woman. And this guy always comes to see me. And he goes, I brought people. He goes, you got to meet this woman. She wants to meet you. And she goes, nice set, really good set.

And then he goes, yeah, she wants to ask you something. And I don't know set and then he goes yeah she wants to ask you something and i don't know what the fuck she goes do you like steely dan so she says to me she goes you like steely dan and i go i go yeah ah i don't know she goes oh that's my band and i go and i, no, I mean, you know, yeah, it was definitely, dude, it was. Wait a minute, her band? I thought Steely Dan was those two guys with Studio Musicians. One of them died, too. I think that she's their, I think that she's either their manager, like something so like I was trying to because I'm going there's not a woman in Steely Dan and she's like oh that's my and then I don't know if

she was gonna try to give me so I don't know it was just really weird because she was excited to say something about it and I just go yeah yeah and it was and dude I backpedaled No no but like You know I got some You know reeling in the Start singing That's the only one I fucking hate that song That's the only one I know Actually I don't know the songs Of Steely Dan

You know Jimmy Page said that was one of his favorite Guitar solos of all time I had to like read that twice And I'm thinking to myself, the real and the knees. Like the solo. I'm going, really, Jimmy? That's my favorite.

Anytime somebody comes to see a show that you're in, that you're doing and they ask you if you like something, just go, well, yeah. No, because then they'll fucking ask a follow. Oh, yeah? Well, what album do you like? All right, you got me. I was being nice.

I have no idea who you guys are. Red-handed. Sorry. I don't know. red-handed sorry i don't i don't know so anyway paul i'm i'm almost wrapped on this fucking movie over here paul versi came in for a day two days two days sorry crushing it that was fun man see that it was so easy to work with i only thought it was a day uh dude, I'm not going to lie. The staff and makeup were just like, my God, you're so nice.

And I go, yeah, isn't everybody? And they were like, the makeup lady. I'll tell you right now, if you're not nice to hair and makeup, that'll get around town in two fucking minutes. I said something to her. I go, you actually put makeup on actors and they're mean? And she just was like, eh. And I was like, what the fuck dude it's like

give them the mascara some people they don't they don't get it they just don't fucking uh but that's just people in life too it's not just there you know no it isn't that's another thing too like every year when the oscars happen people always go like oh my god the self-congratulatory fucking every fucking business has an awards yep yeah top regional manager for fucking whatever real estate the fucking guy in the friolator can get his picture on the fucking wall they all do it they just don't like it because it's beautiful people that are fucking each other making movies you know what and i agree and you know what else it is it's until it's you right you ever say fuck that dude i don't even like that stupid shit and then they invite you in fuck a list all these people

are on lists and then they're like hey top you know top five comedy albums paul versi i'm like oh those are nice people man you know it is you know they're just making a list you know, top five comedy albums, Paul Verzi. I'm like, oh, those are nice people, man. You know, they're just making a list, you know, doing anything wrong. Everybody wants to be invited. Everybody's insecure. And for everybody asking, let's just nip this in the bud for everybody asking, what do you think about what happened at the Oscars? Somebody did something really wrong and stupid and the other person handled it great end of fucking story that the amount of shit that i got on that monday for not fucking talking about it it's like do i really have to talk to another comedian through you like why do you have to be privy i mean what else was there to think it And then what about the other comics? Some comics just like typing in all capital letters for like three days in a row.

And it's like, all right, are you really this upset? Are you trying to get some of this stink on you so you can sell some more fucking tickets? There you go. Fucking three days in a row. Three days in a row you sustain that level. Listen, if Will Smith came out and pulled his dick out, there's a whole different ballgame. Then there's a whole new can of worms to open up.

If somebody does something nuts like that, you go up, you smack a guy in the face. Chris handled it. And here's the other thing. I also like when they were going like, this is going to open a door for people coming out. It's like that's been happening yeah I got a bottle there's nothing worse than security at a comedy club my favorite thing ever the amount of times somebody came up on stage and I'm looking like I remember dude I've never been

at Dangerfields and having the mic stand going, you can't come up here. You can't come up here. And I'm looking out at the bar. Those three jackasses in suits are just sitting there watching like it was part of the fucking show. And the worst thing is when they go to kick somebody out, all they do is just get them on the other side of the door. And they're like this. And then they turn their back. And the guy always gets back in.

Dude, I had like three guys that wanted to beat the out of me and on separate occasions and they ended up standing in the line like waiting to beat me up when I was selling merch that's how dumb they were and I'm looking up and they're like five guys away and I'm looking at the bouncer like I thought you threw that guy out oh my God why do you get back in here he walked right through the front door again walked right through the front it'd be funny if he bought merch yeah you signed a church um yeah man it it's silly. It's like, what do you think? I think, what do you think? I think, yeah. What else is there to think there's no right in anybody. And then you have to make a comment. Like you work at some fucking the standup comedy, U S embassy. Yeah. Walking out in like a fucking podium. I did love though. The amount of people that just made it about themselves of course of course when

i thought it made me feel i'm not gonna lie to you like they like it i actually i didn't that's why i kind of didn't say that because it reminded me of a few people in my life that will's behavior i i didn't like that i didn't like that in we in some weird way the only thing that really i didn't like about it was will smith to me always had that fresh prince nice guy motivational speaker type thing oh did he break your heart paul did you buy into his brand no no it didn't i i wanted to i guess i wanted to believe that the dude was like really fucking chill like that not not the whole hollywood shit just like a nice fucking dude because i've seen him talk to fans and i've seen him like really fucking like you know tiffany haddish had that thing where she had a broken down car he got in the car and he was

just so fucking nice so you have that and then you see that shit over was that on film no that was a story that that was a story that tiffany haddish had said and you just hear about you're like oh man like you know the guy seems like a fucking nice guy and then a benign joke gets him like that you had a rough night what are you gonna what are you gonna do you know and all these people like you know i'll tell you what if i was chris rock what the fuck i would just say you would have been stunned and shocked like flip would have flipped that thing. You would have thought he was coming up there to improv too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Arm around you joking, little thing like that. Yeah, exactly.

But, dude, what are you going to do? Hey, listen, the Oscars have been – and you know what's funny? I actually said to myself – I just hope the people that saw it can recover. The traumatized? Yeah, and take the time they need. Yeah. They need.

You know what? Yeah, not Chris. Not Chris. All you other people, just talk to your therapist about it. I am still not okay after watching that. You know, it's funny, though. I had no intention of watching the Oscars that night, and I watched this movie called Windfall.

It's this new movie out about this guy. That sounds like the only thing worse than the Oscars. No, it was all right. This guy, Jason Segel, plays this guy. He breaks into this billionaire's villa. Oh, that sounds like a romantic comedy to me. Windfall of love love and then they come in the billionaire and his wife come in and he's in the house and he gets caught and whatever it's

got that weird hitchcock music it was all right and i'm like oh good it's 11 10 the oscars are over i don't have to hear what steve tweets and then all of a sudden i just looked at my phone and i go well i gotta see what's going on over there. Somebody gets smacked. You got it. But yeah, no, it's what it is. I'm glad that nobody's going to talk. I'm done talking about it. It's just so. I got to be honest with you, Paul.

I don't know that I'll ever be okay again. And I want to thank all you guys for your support. Yeah. Because for me. Comics making i had like getting slapped men upset that i wasn't gossiping about the fucking oscars it's just calling me soft it's like you watch that shit you actually sit down and watch an award show and what do they want you to do what do they want you to they want you to they want you to fucking that's what i want to know what would you like for to dedicate a podcast to it i mean you know i i don't know paul and i don't give a shit either are you triggered bill i'll tell you what i'm excited about paul is i'm going to birmingham

alabama and making georgia do you know that Macon, Georgia, that theater that we're in, I believe is where they had Martin Luther King's funeral. Historic. Oh, wow. Historic place, Paul. Yep, and you'll be telling shit jokes in it. I'll be telling a dick joke.

That's why you only need three good friends in life. Hey, Paul, when the day comes, okay, and you're sitting there and you're getting your star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame because you paid $1,800 for it or whatever they charge you for it. That's why I felt good about the Red Hot Chili Peppers. They just got a star or whatever the clip I just saw them getting a star. I like at least they got to split that four ways you know what i mean that's so funny man but it comes out to about 350 a whack when when they do paul or you get your feet in the cement at man's chinese theater if they even do that anymore uh you would you actually what pair of sneakers does paul verzi wear

you got to go jordan cements right just for the whole but would you would you sacrifice a pair of cements stepping in cement you got to figure at that point you're a huge because right now will smith opened a door paul they're gonna put him on a bench for a second you know whatever and paul i think that you could run in and right now you're you're a nice guy i'm a nice guy why don't you reboot fresh prince they've already done it yeah they did a drama one i've watched it i actually like it do you i don't mean i actually like it like i was surprised of good i mean i actually what kind of usually just watch sports i sat down and watched it i really liked it dude there's no better show on earth right now than fucking yellowstone it's the fucking dude it made me want to buy a big belt buckle dude i'm not even joking dude i fucking i fucking dude

that kid cole hauser that dude's crushing it. Costner's crushing it. But the girl, Kelly Riley, she's British. Dude, she's stealing this fucking. It's the best show there is. Picture just cowboys killing people for land. It's the Sopranos in Montana present day with cowboys. It's incredible.

It's fucking incredible. Of course, though, guess what, Bill? Guess what they don't have? There's not an Italian cowboy. Dude, Italians are the most I've said. I'm going to keep saying it. You weren't here. What do you mean?

No, it's happening now. It's happening now. Yellowstone is about now. Yellowstone is about now. And it's about cowboys killing each other in Montana is a now story. Yeah, because Costner has this big ranch and the fucking, you know, Native Americans want it. But it's just it's been a fight for 100 years of his family keeping this ranch. And there's fights and there's all kinds of shit like that.

No Italians. It's not one Italian in the fucking show. There's no Italian. Paul, but there's no Italian wizards in Harry Potter. Bill, there's no Italians in Star Wars. Fucking there's no Italians. They fucking, and God forbid you say anything. We had Rocky and mob guys.

Give me someone else, please. Well, what else do you guys do? We got you on the Food Network. I mean, that covers you. That's a good point. You're an organized crime and you cook i mean that's your fucking wheelhouse that's that is that is true that is true irish guys we're fucking drunks yeah we ruin holidays and we get burned in the sun well i i don't i don't want to hear it dude it's a fucking you know everybody has this shit you know they just have this shit what do you want italians to be doing paul what are you

talking about but my cousin vinnie he was a lawyer dude yeah it was small town and he saved it yeah but they made fun of him the whole point of it was he was a lawyer that didn't belong he was a fish out of water he's getting you know in contempt. He wasn't dressed right. The two Utes. The two Utes. Did you say Ute? I know. And look at you. You were talking about Augusta.

It's going to be birdies all over the joint. I mean, Paul, you are, when I watch My Cousin Vinny, I see my friend Verzi. That's what I think they should call that movie. That's literally, dude, you remember when us two meatheads were walking around Columbia, South Carolina, the amount of looks we would get?

Was it in Charleston? Look at you. Look at you. You look like a bookie. I mean, what am I supposed to do with this? This is the fucking gold chain. You're not even trying to assimilate. You should just have a T-shirt that says, oh.

Dude, I can't be a cowboy. I could be a fucking cowboy. Give me a fucking hat and put me on a fucking horse. I could do it. Man, you know what I would see, Paul? You're even laughing. Get your pair of Jordan cowboy boots with spurs hanging off the back. Get the fuck out of here.

Oh, shit. That got me. They're not really Irish cowboys either. That wasn't our shit. I feel like that was like... Yeah, it's not. Irish Cowboys either. That wasn't our shit. I feel like that was like. Yeah, it's not. It's like, it's more of like. No, but there are some more Irish.

You guys have more range as far as the stereotype. I'm trying to think of Stallone movies. Let me tell you something right now. Italians have been in some of the coolest fucking movies ever. That's true. Ever. What more do you want coolest fucking music you got the best food you look great in all the colors you got the beautiful olive skin

you can wear not one but two gold chains i mean literally detroit made t-tops for you people what more do we have to do i'm gonna make a movie i'm gonna make a sci-fi movie one day italians in space i'll name it that italians no but you can't do that because then you get off my planet well they already did homeboys in outer space so why don't you you really didn't did they yeah that was the wayans brothers oh that's the wayans but no was it that's fuck dude the wayans brothers have some fucking monsters dude i mean six oh dude don't be a menace to south central i can't even watch those you're drinking your juice yeah oh my god dude so. I'm trying to think of a serious movie Stallone was in where he was.

Cop Land. Cop Land. He played a fat cop. Was he the sheriff? He was a sheriff, wasn't he? Yeah. Yeah, he was a sheriff. I mean, John Rambo is a bad fucking dude, man.

That was too. Rambo was fucking. No, look at Stallone. All those all those movies all those great movies he did al pacino al pacino's played everything yeah from michael corleone the doctor kovakian uh uh cavorkian dr corveckian yeah there he is all right there he is bill's always good i know we get the names right i know we get the names right i'm going what movie did i miss yeah he played jack cavorkian uh he's never been an Italian founding father. Yeah. I don't know.

Is there? I got now. I'm going to tell you, look, how we look, we're limited unless you write it yourself. So that's what you got to do. Yeah. You got to write it yourself. Well, Paul, I got to be honest with you. What is your wardrobe going to be?

well paul i gotta be honest with you what is your wardrobe gonna be i mean you're really gonna sit there with a tweed fucking coat sport coat with the fucking elbow patches on it in a pipe yeah and a vest and shit yeah yeah fuck yeah dude all right what's the name of that movie you know it depends what the what it's about but all right it's a uh i don't know it's it's you're gonna reboot the paper chase you ever see the paper chase i i did not but you didn't there was no titties there was no broads in it you know no what year was it that was way back when um this podcast is sponsored by better help. Everybody. People don't always realize that physical symptoms like headaches, teeth grinding, and even digestive issues can be indicators of stress. Oh, my teeth. I'm grinding my teeth down lately, Bill. I got a bunch of stress in this bag.

in this bag um and let's not forget about doom screw doom scrolling uh sleeping too little sleeping too much under eating and overeating stress shows up in all kind of covers the gamut yeah being happy not being happy all of these are indications of stress. Starving yourself, gorging yourself. Stress shows up in all kinds of ways. And in a world that's telling you to do more, sleep less and grind all the time. Here's your reminder to take care of yourself, do less and maybe try some therapy. BetterHelp is customized online therapy that offers video, phone, and even live chat sessions with your therapist. So you don't have to see anybody on camera if you don't want to. It's much more affordable than in-person therapy. Give it a try and see if online therapy

can help lower your stress. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp and Anything Better listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash anything better. That's B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P.com slash anything better. All right, it's Helix Sleep, everybody. Helix. Helix Sleep is a quiz that takes just two minutes to complete and matches your body type and sleep preferences to the perfect mattress for you. Why would you buy a mattress made for someone else? With Helix, you're getting a mattress that

you know will fit, will be perfect for the way you sleep. Everyone's unique, Paul, and Helix knows this. So they have several different mattress models to choose from. They have soft, medium, and firm mattresses. Mattress is great for cooling you down if you sleep hot, you fucking animal. And even a Helix sleep, Helix Plus mattress for all you big boys. I took the Helix Sleep Quiz, and I was matched with the model mattress because I wanted something that felt soft, medium, firm. And so if you're looking for a mattress, you take the quiz. You order the mattress that you're matched to, and the mattress comes right to your door shipped for free.

You don't ever need to go to a mattress store again that's a pain in the ass paul dude i just picture a fat guy going honey i'm sleeping hot i'm going to the other room i gotta get a bigger room i gotta get a bigger mattress yeah can you turn the ac on how about we put you out on the porch uh hose you down you uh you get a floatable mattress that just like you put it in the above ground pool uh helix is helix is awesome but you don't need to take my word for it helix was awarded the number one best overall mattress pick of 2020 by gq and wired magazine those are cool guy magazines pa, in case you didn't know. Just go to helixsleep.com slash better.

Take the two-minute sleep quiz, and they'll match you to a customized mattress that will give you the best sleep of your life. They have a 10-year warranty, and you get to try it out for 100 nights risk-free. They said they'll take it back after 100 nights paul jesus christ call the vice squad helix is offering up to 200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners at helixsleep.com slash better that's helixsleep.com slash fetter for up to $200 off two free pillows. Yeah, guys, it's not Helix. It's Helix.

Bill did both throughout the read. I know. I know it's Helix, but I just, you know. Now that we can get out and travel and take vacations, we want to celebrate some of our favorite times by turning our new memories into art. celebrate some of our favorite times by turning our new memories into art. Get a professional hand-painted portrait created from any photo at a truly affordable price. You can also see your Coke dealer face-to-face for the first time since 2019. Go ahead. Hey, I miss you. It's been a while. Yeah. Or combine photos of people or places you love

into one painting. Choose from a team of world-class artists and work with them until every detail is perfect. At paintyourlife.com, there's no risk. If you don't love the final painting, your money is refunded guaranteed. There you go. Those are people who are confident in their work. And right now, as a limited time offer, get 20% off your painting. That's right, 20% off and free shipping. To get this special offer, text the word BETTER to 64000, 64-000. That's better to 64,000. Text better 64,000. Paint your life. Celebrate moments that matter most. And what does this say? The disclaimer, message and data rates may apply. So got to say that. Okay. It says must read. So don't call it. 64-000 because that's not 64,000.

64,000 is 64,000. Yes. Yes. That's right. That's right. 64-000. Okay. And message and data rates may apply terms apply available at

paintyourlife.com again text better to six four dash zero zero zero get 20 off c scott dash zero zero zero indochino from weddings to work functions to weekends out on the town, sex in the city, it's always the right time to dress to impress, especially in clothes that fit you perfectly, like Conor McGregor. Indochino makes high-quality custom-fitted suits, shirts, and casual wear, all at a surprisingly affordable price. Oh, would you look at that? Oh, my God.

It's amazing. You can customize everything from suits and shirts to chinos and bomber jackets at prices more affordable than you might expect. Indochino offers completely custom-fitted suits, shirts, casual wear, and more at surprisingly affordable prices. I already said that. Get a wardrobe personalized to your style and taste without spending a fortune every piece is made to your exact measurements and you can customize every detail choose everything about your suit

including the fabric lapel monogram and statement linings create a suit that fits you and your style perfectly they're they're always adding new pieces so you can stay on trend and in style. Check out their latest spring and summer collection. The best part, Indochino's suits start at just $4.29 and shirts from $7.99. Dollars this season, dress to impress on every occasion with Indochino get fifty dollars off any purchase at three nine and nine or more using promo code better b-e-t-t-e-r at indochino.com that's fifty dollars off any purchase at three nine and nine at i-n-d-o-c-h-i-n-o.com promo code better dude imagine if we did reads and we were like holy shit no no like yeah 20 get the fuck

no we should do it it's coinbase everybody holy shit if you hold on a second jesus uh if you've been looking to level up your financial uh, it's always good to diversify. Why not think about cryptocurrency? Backed by the world's leading investors, Coinbase keeps your portfolio safe and secure while adding crypto into your mix. Coinbase offers a trusted and easy to use platform to buy, sell and spend cryptocurrency. They support the most popular digital currencies on the market and make them accessible to everyone. They offer portfolio management and protection, learning resources, and a mobile app so you can trade securely and monitor your crypto

all in one place. Millions of people in over 100 countries trust Coinbase with their digital assets. Whether you're looking to diversify, just getting started, or searching for a better way to access crypto markets, start today with Coinbase. For a limited time, new users can get $10 in free Bitcoin, guys. Giving out fucking Bitcoin over here, okay? We'll give you a Bitcoin when you sign up today at coinbase.com slash better sign up coinbase.com better, uh, for $10 free Bitcoin. This offers a limited time only. So be sure to sign up today. That's coinbase.com backslash better and get yourself $10 of Bitcoin, everybody. Bert Reynolds.

Did Bert Reynolds have any Italian in him? Rest his soul. I think he might have had Indian in him. Okay. Bert Reynolds, because I thought Bert Reynolds could pass for a dime. Maybe he just went to Florida State. I don't remember. Yeah, but he looked like, Bert Reynolds looked like he had a little Italian in him. Burt Reynolds looked like a million bucks.

Burt Reynolds, nationality. His family descended from Dutch, English, Scottish, Irish, Scottish ancestry. He also claims he's part Cherokee and has Italian roots. Okay. I don't know, Paul. That's pretty much Northern Europe there. Well, he's kind of all over the map, though, there. He's just like... No, no, no. There was a lot of map

where I was. You didn't like that at all. No, no. I don't mind. I didn't mind it. Black Irish. He looked Italian, though. He dressed Italian with that red shirt and that fucking trans am he and he had a little shit talking to him too right dude they don't make him like that guy anymore they just don't make him like that how long did he live how how rest his soul how old

was he when he passed he got to about 80 he did all his stunts he used to do stunts when you jumped a car you broke your back I was talking to an old stunt guy and they used to put like an inner tube with air to put it underneath you then they did stuff where they tried to have you suspended in the car

they tried different things so your spine wouldn't get compacted yeah yeah there's all kinds of shit that people you know when they used to jump the general lee you know you got the engine the whole powertrain the more the weight is in the front the thing would flip like that so they had to put like cinder blocks so they would put like dumbbells and shit and just weld them to the trunk inside the trunk so the car you, you wouldn't go end over end. But they wouldn't have the real actor in.

They would have stunt people, right? Yeah, these are stunt guys. These are stunt guys, yeah. Yeah, that's crazy, dude. Like, even if you're a 20, 30-year stunt vet, and you're like, you're going to be in a car that flips. It's like, fuck, dude. That's like like do they get

paid really good money or no just i i'd be honest with you uh they should make more than the act well the actors is what the famous person is what brings people there but the fact that these guys are like risking their life like now they just cgi dude back in the day when people they would literally jump out like they bust through glass on a building and then land on a big those big inflatable things like if you miss that thing you're dead yeah it's just like i i don't know man like those Like, those guys were insane. And I think, like, back in the day, like, they used to make, like, the big actors really insecure. Because these guys were, like, risking their fucking lives. And I think that that's why certain actors wanted to do...

Yeah, they wanted to do their own stunts. I'm happy that I don't... own stunts um i'm happy that i don't i don't uh i i like anytime they go hey you want your stunt guy to do this i'm like yep i'm not you know he's that's what he's here for that's what the fuck he's here for and it's like you know then they take it seriously like they it's like we my job is to make sure you don't get hurt because if you get hurt, then you can't do your little soliloquy. The next day, this thing gets shut down. The fucking movie loses all this money. So I've done a few like just like minor things like with cars and shit because they'll literally have one.

You just got to fucking make a U-turn and peel out, make it look good. It's like, oh, yeah, I can do that. Just turn the wheel and hit the gas it'll be fine but anything that involves uh you know where you could actually get hurt fall off something like that always always dude nothing was ballsier than the tom cruise mission impossible thing he said he couldn't sleep the night before he fucking held on to the side of a b2 bomber and it took off and they had a camera on his face and his fucking and then what it in in reality it just spun around and came back and landed but it fucking took off with him on it and it was like and he because he wants to do all that shit it's just like that's another level dude that's like you know but he's like he's like nuts he wants to do all that shit it's just like that's another level dude that's like you know but he's like he's like nuts he wants to be the first actor in space and shit like he's

fucking he's a wild kid man tom cruise doesn't give a fuck yeah i don't know about that dude at that age to still want to do that you're running from something. Yeah. What about, is there, I just don't see tranquility. And like, that's what you're working. I feel like you're born a bunch of fucked up shit happens.

And in the middle, you're hurting other people because you're damaged and you don't know that what you're doing is not normal. Then you figure it out and you're trying to work yourself to tranquility and to be a peaceful person so you can help younger people with their pain i feel you know and i just think it's a certain age if you're still you know i don't know i wouldn't him i shouldn't judge the guy but i'm just like i don't know like what are you doing fucking gluing yourself to the side of fucking play yeah dude it's nuts you can watch like that's something you do when you're like 1920

i'm never gonna die so i guess i have more respect for that because you know at that point you realize how mortal you are. Yeah, he knows. There's no... I'm fucking thinking like I am fucking with the aerodynamics of this plane right now. I'm like a giant piece of gum sitting on the side of this fucking thing. Yeah, no. Here's another thing, too. The pilots are risking their lives because if he was ever to fall off that thing and went back and hit the rear stabilizer, they would invert and they would be dead.

Yeah, no, they had him on like the side bottom. It was just fucking nuts, dude. Oh, so I bought him. So if he fell off, he went underneath. Yeah, but he would go. Yeah, like he was willing to die for the for the fucking stunt and it was nuts and they watched it you can watch it you can youtube him like taking off and dude his like like the face his cheeks are fucking it was it was like it was a b2 bomber just flying

down the runway and took off with him holding on the side it was nuts it was really it was it's like yeah of course you didn't sleep the night before you could die tomorrow you fucking it's a mission impossible what are you doing you can't sleep it's beyond that you're gonna die it's what people are gonna say after you die that's a tragedy what the fuck was that guy thinking yeah like that's one of those things you're not gonna feel like yeah i mean you, you glued yourself to the side of a plane. I love that you're saying glued. Well, whatever the fuck they did.

Velcroed you to the side of the plane. I mean, what do you, there's nothing there. What do you stick yourself on? Yeah, no, it was. When's the new Evel Knievel coming, coming man when's that guy coming i want to see the x games ruin that they're all a bunch of evil kenevils that's that's the shit that they're doing on those fucking motocross bikes yeah that's actually a perfect point because those guys will jump things and they'll yeah it's like i loved

watching evil knievel as a kid that was like a pay-per-view dude when he would fucking jump caesar's bike weighed like fucking 4 000 pounds like these things they're jumping with today like like uh like robbie knievel his son even like the technology i remember reading he was talking about that was talking about the bikes his dad used to jump how heavy they were um oh my god dude i if one of the joe theismann's leg getting broken and evil kenevil crashing at caesars when he's just tumbling end over end oh Oh, my God. You just hear bones. Dude, please tell me, Bill, you saw the guy jump from space on Red Bull? Oh, that was just insane.

Do you realize if that guy's mask, if his shield broke? Andrew, can you just pull that up just for one second? I just want to watch the initial because they said he lost consciousness twice during the drop which he was prepared for but dude there's one where he's going like this for so long for so long it's fucking not can we actually watch the leap do you know Paul they said if his if his visor if his shield failed the saliva in his mouth would instantly reach the boiling point oh my god dude on his way down you mean yeah and that's why what we're doing to the planet like people don't understand how fucking hot the sun is we think it's far away but it's the atmosphere is what is protecting us from that and we are fucking with it so wait his visor his visor

comes off his visor came off i think the altitude he's at he's above the atmosphere or what i don't i didn't i don't understand i mean hey we all know I'm not a scientist. They said the saliva in his mouth would instantly reach the boiling point. He had boiling saliva in his mouth. Just doing that. This is fucking. Oh, dude, here it is. This is fucking. This is him on the ledge, right?

So he's in space right now, right? Yeah, this has just so much what is 24.2 miles above the earth's surface look at this motherfucker dude i mean this kid is oh he went up in a fucking balloon oh my god dude Oh, he went up in a fucking balloon. Oh, my God, dude. Yeah, we're not doing it. I was just thinking that. You do it.

Oh, my God. Did they pay him good for this? Look at this crazy mother. Probably a buyout. Dude, look at that. Dude dude that took him right into space dude that is that's wild man i want to see would he falling faster than terminal velocity because it was so thin up there that must have been why maybe he lost consciousness i have no idea. Yeah, I think they said he was going to lose consciousness,

which is just so, just to know that. And then he gets it back. I want to see the step off, dude. Look at that. Oh, my God. Fuck that. Now, this right here, dude, putting your feet out, dude, I'm afraid to fly to Florida. This fucking guy.

Dude, this is, I mean, forget skydiving. Look at that. What's he thinking right there, Bill? What's he thinking with the legs? I got to take a leak. What if I just piss on two continents at the same time? No, he's thinking of a woman. He's right there. He's thinking of a woman or his kids right there. What was that pouch?

Was that to piss? He had like a big, like, dude, this is, look at this. Look at this, dude. I'm getting anxious. I don't think that pouch is to piss, Paul. It's like on his stomach. No, I don't know what it's set up to. Dude, here it is.

Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Am I filming my own death? And three, two, one. I wish you could see this, he said. Wow. Yeah, dude, this guy is just built with something. He has like fucking titanium bones.

To understand how small you are. This guy's a philosopher. Oh, here he goes. Here he goes. Dude. Coming home, which usually, you know, means you died God

dude dude that is look at his form though that's amazing dude I went skydiving once the second I let go of the plane I did That is, that is. Look at his form, though. That's amazing. Dude, I went skydiving once. The second I let go of the plane, I did two front flips as my chute came out. How fast is this guy going on the free fall?

Did they say? I mean, it's got to be like. I mean, I think how. Dude, look at that. The guy's in space. That's fucking nuts man i mean the space shuttle burns up on re-entry if they loses a couple of tiles what the fuck is this guy wearing that's what i yeah like how did he not burn to death i i have no idea maybe that's what maybe that had to do with the fucking so i don't know i don't know what the fuck i'm talking i just remember they said that you spent three how do you know where you're going

no but there's this is a slow motion video there's one where you just see him tumbling dude i was crying laughing but um i think it just looks like slow motion because you're on with him you're falling with him that is're falling with him. That is just a ball. There's nothing to go past him. He spent three and a half minutes free falling, and he reached speeds of 360 miles an hour before opening his chute. That's, I mean, dude, he's going, he's going, he's going 300 and something miles away up top, I believe. And then once he gets into like the trope of pause, whatever the fuck you call it, he's into two minutes into a free fall right now, dude.

That is. All right. So now he's back in the atmosphere here. I don't know. Dude, he's been falling for three and a half minutes. That's unbelievable, man. He's at 10,000 feet now. Now he pulls the chute.

Holy shit, man. and he pulls the chute holy shit man parachute deployed at 8 000 feet paul oh my god dude 8 000 feet all right bill here's the question how much money would it take for you to do that? If they said, we'll give you 100 million cash, clear, no tax. There's no money. It would have to be to save my family. Look at that fucking lazy asshole. Dude, he didn't even fucking do a face plant that's nuts i can't believe he didn't burn on the way down it's like what bill was saying was true they show the ship coming in and it burns

it's like it like well i don't know because it's going it's going way faster or something i have no idea all i know is when they said if your shield comes off your saliva would immediately start boiling i'd be like okay yeah i'm good you'd be so nervous you'd have dry what i would do is just open my mouth then and just hope it just dried it all up real quick because you're flying 356 miles an hour. You're fucking off. You're fucking screaming. When I was 18 years old, I wanted to skydive, and I have this much interest in doing that now.

I don't like roller coasters anymore. Can you imagine trying to tell that guy a story? Dude, one time, me and my friends, we went down to a bar and he's gonna be sitting there Is that what you did Dude we went bungee jumping We went bungee jumping Over a lake

It was bananas There was a split second I thought I was gonna hit the water Dude you know those slingshots At an amusement park Where they put you in a ball It was fucking crazy, dude. We're going fast.

He's like, really? Really? Yeah, I jumped from space and I went almost 400 miles an hour. I went skydiving one time in Pepperell, Massachusetts in like 1986 or 87 or something like that. And it was a static line jump. Meaning it was hooked up, your thing was hooked up to the plane. Yeah. Sit in the door, get out, go.

Arc 1,000, 2, 1,000, 3, 1,000, look, if nothing, look, reach, pull. I still remember that. And I let go. It was a one-day course. I let go and immediately tried to grab for something, and I was doing front flips. I did two front flips, and I felt the chute go by my inner left thigh. And I remember thinking, I'm going to be like a fruit roll-up. I did two front flips and I felt the shoot go by my inner left thigh. And I remember thinking I'm going to be like a fruit roll up.

I'm dead. And then it was like, and then it was just out. Oh my God, dude. Yep. And I was like, I'm never doing that again.

No zero. I know somebody that did it. They collapsed lung. People don't breathe. Right. Dude. Fuck that man. I know a guy did a tandem one and the chute didn't open and they both looked at

the same time and they started rolling and the guy had to get my buddy to calm down so he could kind of write the thing and then he pulled the reserve and they were fine and i guess my other buddy was there he said right when they got on the ground the guy unhooked him and he collapsed and he started crying in the fetal position. And my other buddy had to be just like, oh, just, oh boy. Grown man crying, Paul. Top five funniest.

And number one most uncomfortable fucking social situation is when a man completely loses control of his emotions and starts crying. In front of the other man, what the other man has to do. Unless you're Italians. Italians can get away with it. You guys are more emotional. Yeah. Dude, if my wife watches The Real Housewives of New Jersey, the men are

crying every five episodes. You're my fucking father! I love that he said fucking. You're my fucking father! and he's like crying yeah yeah they and the irishman of me is german irish guy is just sitting there going that's great that he can show emotion but you know he probably should have left that f-bomb out of it no there's there's nobody this is the truth dude there's nobody more emotionally walled off than my any irish friend i had from boston

yourself included irish guys from Boston, dude. If you want to make an Irish guy from Boston, uncomfortable, hug them, tell them you love them and look them in the eyes, dude. It's just like,

it's my favorite. They can't do it. I remember, uh, uh, the late, great Maria Falzone. Great name.

Had to, Oh dude, she was a beast too. The rest of the soul beast of a comedian she had to teach me how to hug she came up to me and hugged me hugging the support of like a parking garage just like because jesus i gotta teach you how to hug there was another woman from that comedy scene where she was just like you know always like hugging on the comics big ostrich shaped woman just coming at you and i used to always make sure there was a table between me and her when she came in to say hello one time she

goes ah she goes bill burr i can never get you it's just like damn i don't want you to get me you it's just like damn i don't want you to get me creepy no boston guys and you guys can't give a compliment without a that's the jab too i can't have yeah i would say irish guys in uh boston and in all and i don't know about ireland but could use some mushrooms. Dude, mushrooms changed my fucking life, dude. I know you were saying that. It really has. I would say what that dude did the other night at the Ward show, Will Smith, that reminded me of behavior that I saw men do when I was a kid. Right down to the apology and i would be like the old me would have

got livid when i saw that i would have had murderous thoughts like really like uh like misdirected anger misdirected murderous thoughts at this fucking actor because of shit that happened but since two trips on that shit dude i'm telling you i just really just saw i just more felt pain and sadness watching it which is way more healthier than fucking uh you know i used to see shit like that dude and i literally had to go work out or play drums just like or just go drink like a fucking lunatic and uh you know it's not it's not the way to live so you're saying that mushrooms made you take that anger away from that i figured out who i was on my first trip 52 years old

but and i didn't i did not have a good trip but all the fucking hippies are like hey man you get the trip you you get the trip you need not the trip you want man I did do like I had like it just hooked me into the bedrock of how I felt growing up and I I was like, what the fuck is this? And oh, wow, this is why. And I just understood my whole life up into that fucking point.

See, I feel like. And you know what? You know what? Yeah. That's why I got fucking sober. I was like, I need to figure out what the fuck this is because I'm hurting myself and I'm hurting people around me.

I got it. I got it. I need to figure out what the fuck this is there's no other drug yeah that i've been around that does that like alcohol just makes you more of an asshole you know or or or a good time charlie or a sad guy crying in the corner or whatever you would say I'm a good time Charlie, right? I'm definitely a good time Charlie, right? Drinking? You never see. I don't get angry.

Yeah, no. The only time I've ever seen anything out of you is because you're around another guy who isn't a good drunk. Yeah, that's what I don't like. Yeah, and then you're just ruining the good time. And I think, you know, weed is like, I don't know, weed is like silly. But I also think it kind of kills your drive. Like I always felt weed people always compared themselves to alcoholics.

So obviously they're going to win that one every time. But I used to do a joke on my app, you know, because all these times, you ever see anybody who smokes weed robbing a liquor store and getting into a fight? It's like, yeah, you never really see anybody who smokes weed all the time really doing anything, though. Right. Sort of sitting on the couch. Yeah. Yeah, like I think when you get to the point with weed where the wake and bake shit,

or when you get to the point where you're so good at smoking weed that you can go to work high. Yeah, yeah. Once you can live, because no one's going to smell it on you or whatever. You mean your eyes will be a little red. Once you start getting the visine before you go into work and you're just walking around high, I think that's a time. I would think, I'm not telling you how to live your life, but that would be maybe you want to step back and examine. Yeah.

What you're doing and most importantly, the why. I had a friend who could take tests high. I had a friend who would smoke blunts and get fucking out of his mind high and go function and function. And me, I would smoke weed and I would sit down, think about my life, panic, be all fucked up. And then I learned that like less weed would be good. But, you know, it's funny. Last night I was smoking a cigar, by the way, this amazing cigar lounge in Rhode Island called the Ale House Cigar Bar or something, dude. It's amazing. It was it's down on Prince Street in leather chair. It's it's it's fucking old school.

It's amazing. And I was talking to this comic and we were talking about drugs. Cocaine does this and this and that. And I just go and he kept saying Molly. Right. And I go, dude, what does Molly do? And he goes, he goes, oh, dude, it's because it's better than Coke. And I go, he goes, it's just the best because it just puts you in the best fucking mood. You're happy. Everything is great. He goes, the come down could be a little shitty like coke but he goes dude it's just the fucking best that's the thing that's what i know because like the second time i took mushrooms um i was like i had the best time ever like i literally dude i had a fucking blast and i was totally aware that i was tripping i was out in nature i was in the middle of fucking utah it looked like i would like the

road running coyote were gonna go by and i was like talking to the rocks and shit and like laughing knowing that this is ridiculous but i felt like like dude shit just got turned on i was like all right what's up everybody and i was talking to inanimate objects man it was fucking wild and then i came in and i i watched the chargers raiders game that great game at the end of the year and the raiders were in their dome and it was all those lights and i was tripping my wife wasn't i was just like nia this is fucking amazing and i had the and she was worried that i'd have another bad trip and i was tripping my wife wasn't i was just like nia this is fucking amazing and i had and she was worried that i'd have another bad trip and i i didn't i had a fuck i had a i had

the best time but this is the thing too like what i like about it was it's not like i did them and then i'm like i gotta do that again yeah i need to i need to keep doing this shit like with other things that i've been involved in it's just more like no came home and it just everything's still shut off i don't fuck with um i'm just stone sober dude i don't fuck with anything yeah i i uh i told this guy last night i go it took me 41 years to learn how to drink like i've now the last couple years i know how to drink where last night i went out to a cigar lounge i had a single bourbon single and then i had one other like and i just like like i can go out now and have two two three drinks get that little buzz feeling smoke a cigar and fucking call it a night i could never do that for i couldn't do it forever and i learned how to

do it don't get me wrong if you know don't get me hey this weekend like if you know when i'm with friends in a house when i'm with friends in a house you know the dial gets turned up a little bit but i can well my that's my thing my thing now is like if i'm on a vacation with friends and my kids aren't around yeah you know i'll have a gummy or something like that you know but i'm i gotta be honest with you dude if i have a nice cigar and a root beer and i'm i'm hanging with you guys and we're just shooting this shit i mean it's kind of fucking great how underrated is like a soda like just a an ice cold soda just oh dude i had a cream soda yesterday like i i really haven't been smoking like i smoked three cigars in the super bowl and i've smoked three since then like i had one cigar

two cigars in march i like it better like i kind of have a rule now that if i have a cigar i can't have another one for at least 10 days and i just follow that militantly now. And then I find like around nine days, like I'm like, I don't really want to do that. I don't do the alone stick. That's what I learned. Don't do the alone stick. If you could get rid of the alone stick though, it just helps. You love an alone stick. I love it. Dude, I love drinking alone. Yeah, dude dude that's drinking alone is a let's be honest so drinking alone is the border of a fucking that's a tough one would you do that a lot did you do that a lot drink alone oh yeah i loved it pour yourself a little splash a little dude i used to pour him like that and i would fucking put on me tv and i watched peter gunn 77 sunset strip uh the untouchables uh and then another one okay peaky blinders

yeah peaky blinders and i was just like uh you know i people, I'll tell you right now, you know who figured life out and that's why God takes them so quickly is people who smoke inside their house. Like, if you just don't give a fuck, like you're at home, like I'm having a bourbon, a cigar in your living room and I'm ordering a pizza or I'm getting some White Castle and you just don't give a fuck and you're just and you just give in to the now.

Like, I am just going to enjoy now. You just smoke a fucking joint in your house. You know, you're going gonna die decades earlier but you know i don't know sitting around eating brussels sprouts to you 90 there's got to be a fucking happy medium dude i had a friend whose grandmother smoked uh palm oils yeah and she smoked non-filtered Paul Malls. And I went to her house. She was in her 80s. Okay. Dressed to the nines. House stunk like smoke.

Just lighten up. And all she did was fucking sit in her house and smoke in her house, Paul Malls. And she lived to her 80s. Nothing. Just fucking light up, man. It's crazy. Loved it. Dude, you were able to smoke on an airplane.

Dude, if I could go back in time and just fucking pull up on an airplane with a stick, oh, my God. I don't know if you could ever smoke a cigar. Oh, you know. Hey, let's try to keep it as cigarettes. It's the 70s, all right? I actually was been talking to my podcast how I wanted to have like a degenerate section in every ballpark to make it how it used to be. Oh, that's great. Smokers, drinkers, people who know the game and and people who you know, because they killed the class clown at games. the class clown at games because the second there's a stoppage of play all hell breaks loose up on the screens and people running out on the court and all of that fucking shit and all of a

sudden it just ended the the heckles that people used to yell out it was great used to hear him when you'd watch on tv used to hear fans all the time i remember one time there was there was some big controversy at a Bruins game this guy Paul Stewart when he first started made three calls in a row he he would lose sight of the puck and would call the goal back like three times on the Bruins I remember right before they went to the commercial now Frank Hughes is like we'll be right back after these messages. They just hear this guy. The fuck? That's great. Yeah, you could just yell, what the fuck? Wasn't a problem, you know?

Look, I'm not saying to act like complete animals. But, like, just have a section it's up top the kids know not to go yeah kid no kids yeah and just sort of wall us off where you can't see us and just you just have a fucking great time to go into a fucking sporting event when i was a kid was also going to a comedy show because every section had somebody that was just hilarious yeah i think there's still that though i think that still exists like i i took the kids last year to yankee state you you'll always find one there's always one guy who's like a little extra but i think, I feel like, um,

because Yankee stadium is like story tradition. They're like, listen, we'll do a little bit of that jumbotron ship, but not crazy. Yeah. We're like the newer ones. You know what I mean?

The number one is that Barclays center. That fucking Brooklyn Nets game was just, it was bananas. Which one is that that is it called the barclays center the yeah that's when we went to that fucking game like yeah how like the the fucking idiots running around going where will we know where we at where brooklyn where brooklyn is brooklyn and it was like they were louder than the game it was like a nightclub of a dj playing all brooklyn songs in between a basketball game it was i can't stand that

fucking place or that team i like that i like this really it was a really uh bad experience yeah i i like um i like the loud people that know the game though like I told you that one time the guy one of the Yankees we needed a rally and we had like two outs and one of the Yankees got a double and this guy's just go don't you dare leave

him out there don't you dare leave him out there he did his job dude and it was like, he was so passionate and everyone's just looking at the guy and he's like, looking at the batter. You know what to do. You'll bring him home. Don't you do it. It was, it was the, it was the best. It was the best. But then you got guys that you don't want your kids to see.

Like this one guy was going like this. My I bring Lucas and Lucas's friend. And this guy's going, hey, fuck. Hey, he's looking at anybody with the opposing apparel. And then like all of a sudden, like Lucas, he did the lip thing. So then Lucas gets quiet. You know, Lucas is very shit. He's going, dad, dad dad so then the guy saw lucas

and he looked at lucas and he was cool he goes and lucas is like dad can i laugh i'm like yeah you could laugh he goes i can't give the finger i go no can't give the finger nothing was worse than that seattle seahawk fan at the green bay game we went to. Oh, God. Which one? Was that the guy who was screaming? He was cursing, right? Yeah, he's not even a sports fan.

He doesn't even understand sports. Like, they don't. It's like, you listen to that guy. You watch that guy. It's like, you never played organized sports. You just watch sports. You don't even understand. You don't even know what

oh that guy that drove you nuts there was a guy that drove you nuts me and bill went to uconn and we watched uconn at uconn and they're playing i forgot who they're playing and every single time uconn would shoot there was a guy going his arms wrong his arms not even like what's he doing like he's not even uh they don't know what to do every fuck dude i every possession the guy had something to say and we're looking at this guy the whole time instead of it was just like a guy with no athletic ability no no hey you're at a basketball game and every time somebody shoots a three the guy in front of you puts his arm up like that he's got to be like this oh like buddy we can see the arc yeah yeah or people stand up every

time on a three-pointer it's a three-pointer it's one one more point or when the guy misses there's always the guy that goes why is he shooting that i don't mind that it's like i don't know because he's open i don't know he's feeling. It's a good pass. Got a couple of guys underneath. He thought if I missed, maybe they'll get the rebound. Worst, worst venue you've ever been to. Mine, Barclays is up there. Worst venue you've ever been to, whether it's concert game, just shitty fans, shitty atmosphere where you're just like, oh, why am I here? shitty atmosphere where you were just like, oh, why am I here? Well, I don't want to say this one because I don't like the way the NBA runs their league where they just have pile on teams and then smaller markets can't compete. Right. When we went to the Charlotte Hornet game. I mean, I felt like I was at a CBA game. That was weird. That was weird.

Yeah, it didn't feel right. Then I went to some legendary awful parks, though, like Candlestick Park where they used to have, like, fucking trash blowing around and, like, little tornadoes out there, cold as shit right on the bay. But I also looked at it like, you you know this is where uh you know uh joe montana and all those great bill walsh coached here so it was it was something amazing about that this was barry bonds was there this is before the whole roid scandal before everybody else did roids and became

better than barry bonds so he had to do steroids that's how I always look at him. He's a victim of the steroid era. He was the best. And then everybody cheated and got better than him. He's all right. Now I'm on it. Yeah. Yeah. No, I agree with that. Worst venue I've ever been to. I didn't like the Barclays one. Dude, I went to a concert and it was Method Man and Red man and onyx opened onyx was there you know just throw your guns in the air but right and i'm standing there and dude i'll never forget this shit and he's like yeah man and i'm just standing there and there's a bunch of people and it's like up there so there's like a lot of white and black people and onyx came out and they were just i don't know what they were they were on just some shit racial shit they're like yeah if there's any white motherfuckers out

there y'all know where to point your guns i'm standing there it's these fucking people i was just like all right i'm gonna uh you guys have a bathroom i'll tell you no it was a bad one just a bad shit arena was that continental airlines arena in jersey i saw a devil's game there oh yes i saw a nets game there it was a dump what about the what about the old nassau coliseum in long island a legendary dump because here's the thing the difference between a dump and a legendary dump is whether or not championships were won there. They won four cups in a row.

Alaba! A legendary dump is funny. Yeah. Because it's great. The old Boston Garden, one of the greatest venues I ever went to, was a legendary dump. That fucking place, Paul like I wish you could have gone there I wish you could hear the people they yelled from across the ice in the upper deck

you could hear I still remember that oh my God this guy stood up he goes Milbury eat my meat he was grabbing his dick dude you could bring fucked up signs i remember went to i went to a bruins first to quebec nordiques who are now the avalanche this guy had a sign quebec has no deeks he just had it hanging down the thing like now they would i mean he spelt it deeks he didn't say dicks um but you could never have like i don't know you would get like all upset and shit and yeah people would make these banners dude they used to come in with like a noose around like the quarterback's neck and shit just you can't do that shit anymore you see that sign that woman put up on the glass at a hockey game because i sucked your dick in high school. I always feel like all of that is photoshopped. I thought that one was real because that one was real, right?

No, that one was real because the dude looked over at it and looked at her and he's just like shaking his head laughing. A lot of them are photoshopped, but that one was like, I think that's the one that started it. And then everybody started to either try to do it and then they stopped doing it but dude he was like at the it was like in front of him it was it was what is what is the motivation of that andrew can you get that are you trying to get a free stick no but the funny thing was his face because his face was like hey what are you doing and like

yeah she kind of did that's a great way to take somebody out of their game if it's some chick he's never met before yeah yeah oh my god i just thought of a bad one. What? You just fucking. The best player on the other team. This one, yeah. Tyler, we sucked your dick in high school. Look at his face. Yeah, that's not real, dude,

because I've seen like nine different things written on that. No, it's not real, dude, because I've seen like nine different things written on that. No, it used to say, I wish I only got two minutes for hooking. That was the original one from that picture. Those are the same girls. All right. I thought I know I knew that one of them was an original reel. And then I don't know. All right.

Go ahead. What is it? To take the star player on the opposing hockey team? Yeah. I can't even make the joke because someone will do it. Oh, dude, the United States. We got to talk about this real quick. The United States soccer team qualified.

They're in the World Cup, man. The U.S. is in the World Cup. They qualified. And something pretty cool is one of the star players. Always qualify and then get the shit kicked out of us. No, we didn't make the World Cup last time. Oh, I went to one of the yacht race to what a fucking sports. So weird, dude.

One of the star players on the team is named uh tyler adams i went to high school with his uncle and his mother was a year ahead of me and he's one of the fucking top guys man and he's like i'm gonna watch it paul because there would be nothing funnier than if the united states won the world cup oh my god the level of shit that we could talk we don't even give a fuck about that game if we won the world cup it would be i gotta be honest watching it was so i uh lucas has the fifa game so i play with him all the time and i'm into soccer now dude soccer is fucking awesome awesome it's a beautiful game it's a beautiful game it's it's really awesome i don't think it i don't think it caught on over here is because they can't

show commercials because like they show the fucking f1 on espn and they go we're going to commercial break don't worry we just hit pause in the fucking race it just kills the drama i fucking hate it we're a fucking fast pace you know look at hockey's fast. Basketball's fast. Hockey's from Canada. Let's not take credit for that. All right. Football's fast. Basketball's fast. You dunk on somebody, you talk shit.

America's pastime, baseball, slow. That's why you should be able to smoke a stick at a fucking goddamn baseball game. Keep and score, Paul. Ugh. Yeah. The older you get. Yeah, the older you get yeah the older you get the older you get baseball is awesome what are you gonna do on a tuesday night oh fuck what are you gonna do on a tuesday night you just got a text you didn't want to see no no it said my battery was dying here

how far along are we andrew uh we're about an hour in all All right, so hold on. I love that shit, dude. I love keeping score at a game. Yeah, people have been doing that for almost 100 years. And people make fun of you if you're doing it. And it's just like, dude, I know what's going on. You know what I mean? Like, I know what this guy did the last time he was up at bat. I know where he hit the fucking ball.

You look like a second baseman to me. Hey, Phil Rizzuto, man. Little guy. I think you look like a second baseman. I see you flipping over the shortstop, right? The motion. That's the one sport Italians are. Italians could still do soccer and baseball.

Hey, who's the best Italian in MLB right now? There was that kid Rocco something or other on. He's a manager now. Rocco Baldelli. Yeah. Manager. No, our guy Rizzo.

We have a great name. Rocco Baldelli. I came out to one of my shows one time. Great guy. Did he? Yeah. He had like vertigo or something that he had to deal with. Something like that.

Some weird thing that affected his career. That's cool. He's in managing though. I would love to, I would have loved to just be like a fly on the wall when like a conversation went like, you know, Lou Gehrig and like guys like that,

just like after a game, what they, what they saw, you know, what they were feeling in the game and shit. You guys want to get hookers? She gave me chlamydia. There's no cure.

Yeah, dude. Like Mickey Mantle, man. They said painted the town red was a fucking understatement, dude. Like Mickey Mantle, man. They said painted the town red was a fucking understatement, dude. So that dude was just getting fucking hammered. Uh, kid was from Oklahoma, man. You take an Oklahoma kid. Yeah, wasn't he worried that he was going to die? Everybody died young in his family. So he's just like, fucking, I'm going to live. I think what happened too is he, he thought he gonna quit he's like i'm a failure he was like i gotta go back home like he is like what am i gonna tell my dad like the whole thing and then

he just started getting good and then went out and like new york city treated him like a king and he just couldn't you know he couldn't fucking handle it that's that's but he didn't like when people would say that to him like there was one thing what billy crystal did that movie 61 and like roger maris said to him like why are you doing this to yourself and he's like you're mickey manil and he goes what the fuck does that mean fuck you he was worried about your own fucking wife and kids like he was like he didn't like when people would you know kid was an am what are you gonna do still still put up what 500 and something home runs play with that his hip was all fucked up he's like you know and he didn't get a storm drain out in the middle of his cleats got caught and he turned. He

tore his knee and DiMaggio hated him. DiMaggio didn't like him because DiMaggio said like doesn't take care of himself, doesn't take it seriously. So he's also going to be the next me. Yeah. One thing I heard,

man, and I hate to, you you know but i talked to somebody like all bunched up man some of those guys didn't like to like i heard some of those guys like didn't tip good and that's like when you hear that it's funny bartnick loves dimagio and i go yeah no it's great i was like a couple yeah i heard you know i heard a couple guys were like tight with their money didn't want certain autographs and joe loves them so much. He goes, listen, you know, we don't know. We don't know the truth. No, but I heard he was limited with autographs, and he didn't want to. We don't know.

He had all that sank of money. He didn't spread it around a little bit. But when Joe Bartnick likes somebody, they could do fake, or when they like to kill somebody. He'll be like, look, you know, we don't know what happened. We,

we don't, we don't know. We don't, we don't know. Joe Bartnick was in Wisconsin. Be like, Hey, Jeffrey Dahmer was always nice to me.

That's what I love about Bartnick. he's so like loyal and loves people that are good to him that like he's just like he looks he's like a mother with unconditional love for his son just like yeah no he cuts someone's head off where is he where is he he bought me a shot oh dude gotta wrap this up dude cause I

have some more writing i gotta do to make sure this last fucking scene works here in this thing oh paulie it's almost over i'm gonna be all i gotta worry about is editing the fucking thing do you mean the most important the most important part of every movie no but it's one thing right yeah it's not five fucking things what's you're a guy like that right you're one of those and i'm one of those too what where you're one of those yeah yeah no there's everybody's one yeah like i always say oh he's one of them like when somebody tells me about somebody did something i go oh he's one of the, like when somebody tells me about somebody did something, I go, oh, he's one of those. But you're like me where the task doesn't matter how difficult the number of tasks and the number of days involved is what stresses you out, right?

That's how I am. Like if it's like, if like, what do I have today? What do I have tomorrow? I just need to know what today that bothers me more than a big task. Does that make sense? Like, i don't care how big the task is i just get freaked out about what i have to do like how many days in a row no this was just doing a number of jobs all at the same time so that that's was you know

yeah wearing a lot of hats and then trying to keep my stand up back where it needs to be. Dude, I went out last night to the store and I ran my set. I was trying to remember my fucking jokes. And this one that I've been working on, it just worked perfectly. I literally said on stage, fuck, I missed this. I missed this. What, you did an hour? No. I did like 15, minutes oh okay i was trying to like you know but i'm gonna you know i gotta put it together because my special is gonna come out so i gotta

you know i got like you know 30 40 minutes of material i gotta i gotta work out yeah get it get it together so i'll just you know i still have my old act so what i'll do is i just insert a new 10 minutes get that thing going drop 10 old ones insert another new 10 drop that you just walk it down that's exactly what my special is coming out soon too and i'm like at the comedy connection last night just trying to get new ones trying to get rid of the old shit you know trying to get rid of the old shit so all right, trying to get rid of the old shit. So, uh, I got to go buy some sticks for this, uh, this trip out to the masters. Oh yeah. You know, which ones get those Connecticut rappers over there.

Tell Paulie over there. All right. Well, this has been episode, uh, 57, 57. We'll be back. Uh, you'll see us soon. What was that? Weeks. Probably be off a week if you want to let them know. Okay, yeah. So we're going to be – Bill's wrapping up something, and we're going to be traveling.

So next week, you know, you're going to have to just look at some highlights. Yep. The Masters episode where you guys talk about what you're betting on. The Masters will be up during the week. Okay. So the Masters, we up, uh, during the week. Okay. So the masters, we did a little preview of the masters. Me and Bill picked a couple of golfers.

We're going to be over there. Put some money down. Who knows? We'll do some Instagram lives when we're together. It's going to be the first time the band's getting back together in a, in a, in quite some time. Oh God,

Paul is bringing his drinking shoes, fellas. I'm excited. I'm excited. Um, all right, well, that is bringing his drinking shoes, fellas. I'm excited. I'm excited. All right. Well, that's it. Check out paulverzi.com for all of my dates. Check out Bill.

Check out the Verzi Effect. Check out the Monday Morning Podcast, YouTube channels, all that stuff. We'll see you guys next week. Thank you.