Anything Better? - Not A 'Ventor'

Episode Date: October 9, 2021

Is there Anything Better than Bill & Paul about changing tires?

what's up everybody and welcome back to the anything better podcast with your host paul bursey phil burr producer extraordinaire the greek freak from his compound out there in beverly hills don't let that don't let that uh room fool you kids crushing it out there in beverly hills that pulls under is that that rooms under his infinity pool dude and right to the right of 15 feet to the right he's got a hot tub people are in there smoking weed right now the kids crushing it anyways guys you guys are listening to episode number 36 another weird sports number first one that comes to mind for me was what bill said last week is jerome bettis i can't think of another 36 lawyer malloy and here's a safe bet if it's a number in the 30s shack wore it with some team because he was on that list too that fucking guy wore every number in the 30s

32 34 36 i think he took all the even numbers. Yeah, I couldn't find a decent list of like number 36. Let me try to find Major League Baseball. I bet you some goalies wore number 36, Paul. You know, MLB greatest 36 of

all time. This would be some stupid stat because it's baseball. Greatest Major League Baseball to wear each number? All right. One through 50. What do we got for number 36, Paul? Who do we got for number 36? Did I just see

Chipper Jones? No. He wasn't that. He was a... No, no. I'm saying I saw his name on this list. Number 36, the greatest... Oh! Gaylord Perry. Okay, that's a good one. Gaylord Perry with the condiments all over his jersey. Dude, we got slim pickings with 36.

Gaylord Perry, Jerome Bettis. I can't find a good list. Greatest NHL players to wear. Number 36. Who do you got? Who do you got here you got paul it's gonna be a lot of white guys it's hockey here we go it's a weird number to be jesus christ 36 is yeah it's gotta be like because it's not a birthday, right? It can't be a birthday because it's more than 31 days. It can't be, it's got to be like your mother or grandmother's favorite number. It's not a number that you, we're getting into numbers now that aren't people's favorite numbers.

It's not a good waist size either. It's like you're not in shape, but you're not fat. You just got that cunt belly. Matthew Barnaby, number 36. either it's like you're not in shape but you're not fat you just got that cunt belly uh matthew barnaby number 36 runner-up matt zuccarello and you see yokanin or juicy jokin in however the fuck you say his name all right all right so there you go that's 36 hopefully 37 will be a little more well maybe we can do a little more research and stop blaming the people that wore number 36. Yeah.

And you know, we're going to get fucking shit when somebody goes, how did you guys forget fucking Dave Cowens when he came back with the fucking ABA? Tucky Colonels. Episode 36, dude. I got to tell you something, man. I am. I'm having a bad week, Bill. I gotta tell you something, man. I am, um, I'm having a bad week, Bill. I'm having a bad week. Um, I'm tired people that I love are, you know,

not understanding me this week. Uh, I don't feel well rested. I'm annoyed. It's just one of those weeks. And listen, like you call me, you call me Pauly positives, which is a positive. It is a hilarious nickname, but this week I'm only the glasses full. Sorry, dude. I mean, my, my laptop is like overheating. I don't know what's going on. It's making this fucking noise here. I don't know what's going on with it. Um, is it plugged in charging? Yes. Okay. Uh, then you charging? Yes. Okay. Then you're

okay. You can always dim it if you think that it's a little hot. Dim the screen. That sometimes helps. Hey, sorry. Just looking out for it. All right, Paul. So tell me, Paul, what are your troubles? No, it's just you know what it is? It's just one of those things. It's one

of those weeks where like I call friends. I'll call you. I'll call my brother. I'll call people that I just need to. I'm not a big Venter. I'm not a big Venter, but when I do. What? I'm not a big Venter, but when I do, I let it go.

Paul, you're one of my favorite Venters of all time. Right, but it's not. I call you upset. And by the end of the phone call, you're more upset than I am. I do get going, but I think you – All right, we have to define what the difference between venting and getting going is. Oh, here's the deal.

Let's do it this way. I think this is the best way to do it. If Bill and I are baseball managers, you're definitely coming out of the dugout yelling more than me that's a definite i think oh i'm lou panella you're you're yelling from there until until he throws you out you come out me i i get my like they'd be like oh versi went out you know his team's gonna be fired up he rarely does that but i go hard that's i think the difference i think when i go, I just go,

you know, when the guy's just, he doesn't even, he's not even in control of it. You would be more controlled, but have something weekly. No, I wouldn't be weekly, dude. I would have something. I'd have something every game. What was the guy on Detroit? What was the guy, the classic guy or Minnesota Weaver on the, uh, the classic guy or minnesota weaver on the uh on on baltimore that guy was you came here for one reasons what is that earl to fuck us another great one was the mets guy the mets guy before this guy he goes well you just give us a chance come on he's going george just give us a fucking chance. Just give us a chance. You're not giving us a chance out there. And he kept saying his first name.

It was the best. It was, just give us a chance. No, there's been some great. Lou Piniella, I thought it took him a while, but when he got mad, he looked like he was going to kill you. Like, Lou Piniella looks like he could fuck you up still. All right, top five hot heads in sports ever here are my first two oh that's a good one bobby knight definitely number one he's

the he's like he's the if there's a mount rushmore there's a jordan of yelling that guy if there's a mount rushmore of this you got bobby knight for sure then i think you do got to put lou panella up there i don't know i think just lou was scary lou looked like your dad that like knows still knows how to fight like he just looks like that guy looks like he looks like he could walk into a bar and just fucking clean house does bill parcells go on that list no he was more of an intimidator not a yeller yeah he had the goods he knew he did and like his press conferences the way he would make he had reporters on their heels if they asked a stupid question he told them it was a stupid question and they were like oh shit this is this is live that's an person there. That's what I always loved about him.

He let those reporters know that they were talking to a person and you're not just going to sit here with your stupid fucking laptop and ask a bunch of goddamn questions. You can't even throw a fucking ball. I would say Bobby Knight, Earl Weaver, Billy Martin was close. Oh, Billy Martin used to get fired up. Yeah, that's a good one. Dude, he almost fought his own player. He fought Reggie Jackson in the fucking dugout.

Like, Reggie wouldn't just fucking throw him. Dude, if ever a Wolverine was a person, like, there's no reason this little fucking thing should be winning but it is uh yeah um i'm trying to think man yellers john madden i don't know if it's because he was a big guy and he would get all red john madden could yell um there's not a lot of screaming coaches anymore gruden close he sort of scowls and shit he's like the ice cube ice cube boy he says that look on his There's not a lot of screaming coaches anymore. Gruden? Gruden's close. He sort of scowls and shit. He's like Ice Cube.

Ice Cube always has that look on his face. He kind of has the same thing. That's kind of funny, huh? Ice Cube's a huge Raiders fan, and so is John Gruden. They should do like a... The scowl off? I mean, those are two Hall of Fame scowls right there, Ice Cube and John Gruden. But I don't see either one like i don't see him losing his shit i'd say basketball i'm not a big basketball guy um yeah the guy like sheshevsky

is more of like uh when sheshevsky yells and gets that thing in his face he's more doing it in like a motivational like this is our fucking like he doesn't go at people right he's motivating you yeah he's like yelling but motivating you he's like a screaming life coach dude if i was a manager i would be like and that's why he was one of my favorites and he was fucking our rival but i fucking loved terry francona's temperament he was fucking so chill you know tori was almost too tori was almost too stoic oh he you could see you could see his tomato garden in the backyard paul he was fine he was fine with what was going on he's italian or whatever the fuck he was that guy he's got the mediterranean olive skin you guys

are chill no francona's press conferences were great he said said the right things. Even when he walked out, he had that laid back walk. Like Terry Francona is going to live long. He just, that was a big mistake getting rid of that guy. Um, all right, Bill, I got one for you. I'd love your, your, Oh God, you would be the best at this. Your, your team, your team just lost a heartbreaker. Your team just lost a heartbreaker. We did the fucking Buccaneers. No, no, no. But I mean, you're coaching it. You're coaching it. You're the coach. And you walk in and you're at the, you're the coach right now at the press conference and microphone. You're at the press conference right now, right now. And you just lost an absolute heartbreaker. You had to have, and they say, uh, coach Burr, what do you feel like you were out

coached tonight? And that's why your team's going home early after after you clearly had a better team than them well define what clearly better means and why you're not coaching professionally let me tell you something about you fucking nerds if somebody loses every goddamn night and you guys act like like what am i supposed to go fucking undefeated i'm gonna tell you why you guys never made it on a sports team. Cause you don't, you don't have any fucking heart. And the second you see a little water on the boat, you jump ship to go over to somebody else's you fucking weasels. And I guarantee you, none of you is satisfying your wife in bed. Go fuck yourself and kiss my ass next week when we win. Next question. Oh my God. That,

that right there might be my favorite moment on anything better from Bill because he literally answered that like he was in the press conference and knowing you as good as I do, that's what you would have said. And you would have started it with defined better team. Oh, that was perfect. It's like when somebody who isn't a comedian comes up and starts telling you

like how to be funny. And it's just like, yeah, you got any footage of you making people laugh at the cubicles? It really is crazy how like one of those guys didn't vote for Jeter. One of those guys didn't vote for, like, and it's like, it's just. Because they're nerds, Paul. Yeah. Because they they're nerds paul yeah because they're fucking nerds and at the end of the day paul they look that they actually have man crushes

on these athletes and they hate that they that god didn't give them those genes and that they are that close to it they envy it like dude you know where the press parks is probably right where the players park all their shiny fucking cars. They got T-tops because of how many whores they're stuffing in like a fucking bouquet, driving out from underneath the stadium. And they're going over there, Dodge Opel. There's a car for you from back in the day. Fucking lemon yellow.

And you got to drive back to type it up. Dude, sports writers used to be cool, though. They'd look the other way. They weren't trying used to be cool, though. They looked the other way. They weren't trying to fucking, you know, get everybody in trouble. They smoked cigars. They were fucking decent people. You know what I mean? But now it's just all about...

It's about the story and it's about like... Creating controversy. Or actually, another thing, too. Like, just creating fucking history that doesn't exist. Like Aaron Boone. They've been callingaron boone aaron fucking boone since 2003 but no one in boston ever said it because it didn't have time to marinate right like i was telling you this dude bucky dent happened and then we didn't we do we didn't get another shot at the series until 86 so you had like an eight-year period there and when you rewound that game okay you knew ron gidry was a fucking beast you knew reggie jackson lou pinella craig nettles you

knew all these clutch guys thurman chris shambles had that big home run in 76. You fucking knew that those guys could hurt you. But Bucky Dent became Bucky fucking Dent. Of all the guys, a five-foot fucking nothing, 200 hitter playing shortstop, hits a three-run fucking home run. Because a lot of people forget, Reggie Jackson hit a home run after that. You won five to four. But when you looked back the moment was it was bucky fucking dent and they missed it where it was like they think it was like this

anger thing at first it was it was disbelief yeah like bucky fucking dent that's all of those fucking superstars that's the guy that got us so then that became like a legend. So then ESPN, the second Aaron Boone, they're like, oh, he hit home run to beat Red Sox. And they go, Aaron fucking Boone. What they didn't realize, they forget is the very next year we won. So his shit, as much as it fucking, dude, it was like a funeral. But I got to be honest, when I was looking at that game seven, which I will never watch again, that game seven,

we should do that, games you could never watch again. That game seven in 2003, when you guys came back, it was the seventh and eighth inning. Whatever inning it was, the seventh or the eighth. I was at Dangerfield. The fucking thing was on. The game was on. We had it won.

I was there. We gave it won. I was there. We gave it away. Yeah, was it the eighth inning? My wife was there, too. Yeah, it was. Well, when Grady Little left Pedro, that's why Aaron Boone, nobody even really got mad at Aaron. Nobody was in awe, like Bill said, in awe of Aaron Boone.

It was just like, how did Grady little keep him in there? No one gave a shit that Tim Wakefield gave it up. Nobody cared. And Pedro threw three fastballs to Giambi. The first two missed. And then he went back with a third and then he put that out. And then yeah, Boone's ball went past the third base. I was in a bar in New York city. Boone's ball went upper deck, left upper deck's ball went past the third base. I was in a bar in New York City.

No, Boone's ball went upper deck left field. Upper deck, yeah, beyond the third base. Yeah, over third, yeah. Yeah, but anyways, getting back to that, how, like, these 24-hour sports networks, they, like, create, like... Yeah. Like, I'm supposed to believe all of Philly's sports history

is throwing fucking snowballs at Santa Claus, going, give me a whiz wit, and how hard the turf was at fucking veterans field. Like I'm going to go out on a limb and say that there's probably a little more to the city than that. So like that whole, uh, I saw it last night. Yeah. It's it's to you're right. It's, it's the journalist to develop drama and also try to repeat history. But you just said something that made me think of something that nobody ever registers when you talk about sports. There's always the play after or the game after, right? So, like you said, like Reggie hit one too.

Nobody thinks about that. Of course he did, Mr. October. Like he wasn't going to hit one. But everybody talks about that fucking helmet catch against you guys in seven, but they never talk about the third and 11 to the sticks that Steve Smith caught out of bounds. And it's like that play had to happen. I remember.

It was a third and 11, but people only remember the one thing, so they'll only remember. And didn't, like, in – wasn't there another game in in uh the 80 the bucky dent i mean not bucky dent what was a bill buckner wasn't there another game after that and we were up three to nothing in game seven people always forget that there's always the either the another play or the other game but that one moment they they you know that fucking game that that series oh bill Bill, I'm sorry. I don't mean to cut you off, but Steve Bartman,

the kid in the Cubs who caught the ball on Moises Alou freaked out. That was game six. So they had to play game seven, but people forget that. How about this, Paul? There was like three, four other people also reaching up to get it. It just didn't land on their hands. Dude, that kid almost fucked. That kid was probably suicidal, dude.

They showed up to his house. They showed up to his house. They showed up to his fucking crib, dude, just waiting for like, look. Yeah, those morning shock jocks, they threw him to the fucking dogs. Oh, dude. There was a period, Paul, like it took the Red Sox winning a World Series. I couldn't watch a night game at Shea Stadium. If the Mets played, that's why I just started watching the Yankees when I was living in New York and, you know, before I didn't, you know,

they didn't have the baseball package or whatever. I used to just watch the Yankees obviously root against them. Guilty pleasure, the 98 Yankees. I never saw a team score more runs with fucking two outs. I mean, they were just amazing. They were fucking amazing to watch. But I could never watch. Dude, I went to Shea Stadium and I had to go to a day game.

It's like, dude, I can't be here at night. Like all I just thought of was sitting there. I remember in silence when they lost game six, you know, bombing ball behind the bag and the Mets win it. That fucking thing, dude. I just sat there. We just sat in silence. But we were too young to know that we were going to lose game seven.

I do remember that was my first official dance. I kind of saw the collapse in 78. I was like 10 years old. But my older brother watched that more than I did. He used to keep score every game. Well, I, you know, we had those feelings as Nick fans where you would just be in the game against the bulls or the Pacers. And there'd be like a minute 13 left and everybody would be like this. And just sure enough, sure enough, whether it was MJ, whether it was Miller, whether it was fucking Bill Paxton,

whether it was fucking Jordan kicking it off to BJ Armstrong. And it was just always this. Reggie Miller is one of the greatest players of all time. Most ice water in his veins, wanting the ball in the moment ever to not get a fucking ring and the fact that that guy i feel on every fucking list should be higher like so many people suffered because jordan was winning everything dude i'll tell you a big sports myth i think is that the 96 bulls would just fucking beat everybody i just don't buy that no i don't buy it in jordan okay that combination you

just can't fucking beat those guys i just don't buy it you know with luke longley underneath what they have they had uh steve kerr and then the other guy uh kokovich or whatever the fuck his name was you know yeah and i i no i don't think so 83 sixers dude those fucking showtime lakers and like 85 with Kareem and Magic and Worthy and all of those guys, they would have been a problem. I'm not saying that the 96 Bulls might be the greatest, but this foregone conclusion, dude, the fucking big three with the Heat

would have been a problem. That's a fucking problem. Some of those Warrior teams, teams i mean i also think you could say i'll tell you a team that could have really hung with that team was that spurs team man that one spurs team that beat the detroit pistons in the in the championship yeah when duncan was fucking like in his fuck in his prime you know duncan was i mean i i don't know man jordan i just think because they won 72 or 73 games that's like the benchmark and they were just like this no that's the greatest team

of all time i think that is one another one of those things trying to sell newspapers and trying to get people to watch so we sit here and like debate it but it's just like i'm not saying they're not the greatest team of all time but it is not a foregone conclusion that if, you know, my team's showing up with Dr. J and Moses Malone underneath against fucking Luke Longley, that that triangle, whatever the fuck they're playing, doesn't need to make some adjustments. Andrew Toney. Yeah.

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The Policy Genius team will handle the paperwork and scheduling for free. Policy Genius doesn't add on extra fees. Head to policygenius.com slash better to get started right now. Policy Genius, when it comes to insurance, it's nice to get it right, Paul. We are sports heavy this week, huh? I mean, we are sports heavy. We are sports because we're steering away from the personal lives, Paul. Yeah, well, you know what it is when you have a bad week, I'm afraid to say something. So I'll just say that, you know, we're planning a trip to Europe, Bill. We're going to Europe and we're going to we're going to go. You know what? We're going to do a little we're going to, we're going to go, you know what? We're going to do a little,

we're going to do a little Mediterranean. We're going to hit up, you know, Sicily and Greece, and we're going to go and do that. And we're going to, and you know what? I don't listen. This one thing that I know a lot of parents are going to have a mixed thing about. I'm not one on leaving the kids. Oh, you leave. No, no, no. Your kids. And that's one thing. My dad, I got to get my dad. gotta give my dad i am 100 on board with that my a lot of people are like we have friends that are literally like no no no dude the kids stay my dad always said you bring the fucking kids i gotta give him credit for that we went on we went when we were younger we went places and the kids come that's it the kids are

coming because they're going to experience that i was 11 years old in the Coliseum and I remember it. I fucking remember it. I remember what it looked like. I remember standing there. Bless you. I remember standing in the Coliseum at 11 years old, looking around and we got pizza across the street. I remember that feeling in Rome. So my son and daughter will remember that. Damn it. son and daughter will remember that damn it you know paul sneezes come in threes right it just happens well not with my allergies i'll go seven uh what's the under over i'll do me what's the under over i'm taking bill's got the under over on bill sneezing's four i'm taking the other if you go and blow your nose you're fine it's the thing my my wife is like that my wife's like going like uh that's just something i learned where she just i just went like you know she needed a vacation i go great we know we're going

back you know we're going back east you know we got that she goes well that's that's not really of uh what'd she say a vacation vacation. Yeah, not a vacation. She called it something else. She goes, that's more of like a trip or something. And I was like, okay, what's the difference between a trip and a vacation? She goes, well, a trip is what we're doing. We're going back with the whole family because a vacation is just you and me. So, you know, you don't have to do all the parenting stuff. And then I was just like, you know, yeah, that was like me so you know you don't have to do all the parenting stuff and then i was just like you know yeah that was like i was like don't you like the kids well i see what she's saying with a trip and vacation because i feel like a trip could be

something where you got to go and do a task at hand and then get back that's it i have no problem with like a fucking like a date night and getting a babysitter, but like, I'm not going to have fun going on vacation. I'll be missing my kids, dude. When you're my kids are fucking hilarious, hilarious.

There's so much fun. And then they play with each other. Now I don't want to miss that, dude. I remember my kids in the, in the nice hotel for the first time. Dude, they were looking around. Yo, they were looking around. Like they were going, this is.

And Lucas just kept going, hotels are great. There's a pool? Can we go to the pool? Hotels are great. And he goes, I could do a hotel every week. He loved it. He loved the pools. He loved that you could eat.

He loved that the beds were made. He loved the pools. He loved that. You could eat. Like he loved that the beds were made. Like he loved the whole thing. It was just, it's fucking amazing, man. It's amazing. In defense of my wife, she doesn't go on the road the way I do. So like my whole thing is like any, every second I can spend with my kids is huge to me because I know every other week I'm going to be, you know, taking off for like three days. But, uh, I don't know. My time with my kids is nighttime, dude.

That last two hours, we go into the family room, and I'm just chasing them around. We were, dude, my daughter's got an arm on her, man. We were throwing the ball back and forth. She was lacing them in, and I'm throwing them, and she's not afraid of the ball now and everything. I was just, you know, it's a big thing for me, dude. My daughter's going to know how to do stuff. man people who like keep a daughter under like shrink wrap and

some and then they don't want to do anything i was like you know i did a gig recently this woman showed up with her friend she's like we got a flat tire and she knew how to change it she was freaking out that she knew how to change the tire. And I was just thinking like, yeah, you should know how to do that. It's not, it's literally, if you can open a jar, truth be told, if I had to do it myself, I couldn't, I went and I was doing it. But when I jacked it up and the cop pulled me over and a cop was like, dude, he goes, you gotta, you're going to have to do this quicker or whatever and then like he saw that i don't know if the thing i had in my car it was one of those rinky dink ones so you gotta make sure it's on the frame and not on your on the

underside of your car the floorboard he started helping and uh i felt like a bitch dude i was like sitting there and this like short state trooper was just fucking helping me crank it and i was like i gotta get my shit i think whatoper was just fucking helping me crank it. And I was like, I got to get my shit together. I think what I did was I didn't have it on the frame. You're right. I had it on the edge of the car. This is what you do, Paul. You find a safe place.

Bending. Level ground. And the first thing you do is loosen the lug nuts. You don't want to braze the car up and then do it because the fucking tire is going to spin. You do that. Yeah. And then you put it under the frame you jack the fucker up but dude i had a flat on my car recently the underneath of the car is covered in so much fucking plastic i was so nervous to be like this has to be the frame i was right on the edge but even the edge had like a plastic thing over it and i'm like is this gonna like you know

I you know they got the screens and all of this I just feel like I'm gonna pop something hydraulics or whatever that was embarrassing because dude there's a few things I love doing all right it's basic mate changing the tire changing the oil the air filter just basic putting a new battery dropping a new radiator changing the hoses all the filter, just basic shit. Putting a new battery, dropping a new radiator, changing the hoses, all the outskirts. I don't take the head off. That shit is, that's when it becomes... Somebody else.

Yeah, I tried to rebuild the carburetor. Let's just say I took it apart. It never got back together again. But yeah, you should have a basic, like, I don't know. I'm one of those guys that i watch people do it i watch people do it and then i yell things out like i'm helping you know like i'll be like oh it's over there yeah i say it i say i don't buy you know dude i changed the tire one time when i had my my old fucking old ass truck the 83 ford ranger i was coming back from a gig, got a flat tire on the highway, 93 and 95 at night.

And it was on the driver's side. I never changed the tire so fast because I just thought I was going to get clipped. And when I was, I had one of those stupid little fucking L-shaped things, you know, they over torque them and stuff, but I had a big piece of pipe behind it. So I was able to, I got that off in fucking two seconds, slapped it on, put it back. I've never been so proud of myself. Didn't get killed, jumped in, was all fucking greasy. I'd already done the gig, but like,

I think I changed that tire, Paul, in about maybe, I don't know, four and a half, six minutes, which felt like a fucking hour. I got one for you. Is there anything worse? Is there anything worse than a flat tire at night or getting your car towed? I remember I did the Wendy Williams. Towed is worst. Dude, I did the Wendy Williams comedy experience in Times Square. And I'll never forget this. Capone hosted it. And Wendy Williams sat on the stage. Place places packed, Times Square, 300 people, right?

And, dude, everybody's murdering. And Dean Edwards is murdering when he goes into Denzel Washington. What else is new? Right? He's murdering. And Capone looks at me, and Capone goes, dude, you want to, if you want, he goes, and you know, the competitor in me, he goes, if you want, dude, I'll put you on. If you don't want to follow that. And I go, no, no, no, no, no. Put me on, put me up. So I go up and I ended up having a really monster set. I actually rode the wave

and Wendy Williams is laughing and everything is good. Then I go outside and these women dressed to the knives, like you were funny, high to the bottom. I'm like, yeah, everything's good. It's a little drizzling. And then car gone. So, so great night. I overcame my fear. I didn't bitch out and go later in the show. I followed Dean, all the stuff and people. And then I go to my car in the rain, gone. And I'm going, ah, maybe it's a, you know, me with directions. So I'm going to drum. So I'm walking around looking at block to block. Then I find out, I call up, I give the license plate. You got to go down by the FDR, wait online, $285. They bring you to a parking lot all hours of the night. Fuck it is. That's the thing, Paul. If you have a flat, you at least know where your car is. And if you have a flat, we like where you're like, did somebody steal it?

Was it towed? Did they lose the fucking numbers? Somebody going to go through my trunk and steal some shit? But here's the thing, though. Getting a flat while you're driving, like when you hear the... While you're driving on a highway is really fucking dangerous. No, I will give you that. I will give you that.

But the tires... Back in the day, it was really scary. But now, I don't know.. I will give you that. But the tires, back in the day, was really scary. But now, I don't know, the safety in them are crazy. You can actually ride on the fucking rim. I don't know how they do it, but it's not as bad. You can at least get over. Where back in the day, like, you'd have a blowout in the left lane, and, you know, you fucking died.

That car started rolling. That's why airplanes have the double. That's why airplanes and, like, 18-wheel airplanes have the double that's why airplanes and like 18 wheelers have the double wheels right i know it's because of weight i believe oh okay yeah certainly trucks i would think because of the weight and all of that it's like yeah the more weight you're pulling or carrying that's why you have those pickup trucks a dually has like the double wheels in the back the axle everything's reinforced and those things can carry like north of 10,000 or 20,000 pounds or something like that. So yeah, no, I'm a, I don't like nighttime.

I don't like nighttime car issues, man. Freaks me out. Freaks me out, dude. It's yeah. People get hit. They get clipped. Like you said, if you don't pull over all the time dude it's yeah people get hit they get clipped like you said if you don't pull over all the time it's not but i'm um i told stacy i said i think i'm gonna i think i'm gonna get a tesla dude i think i'm gonna get a new i think i'm gonna get a new i have like less than a year going electric gotta go electric man it's i i could not believe the speed i could not believe i couldn't believe i was out dude it was i was in like the millennium falcon it just i just tapped it and i was gone it was fucking incredible the torque was incredible i loved the feeling of it i will make sure you get a front wheel drive one for or get the all wheel one if you can just because i know

there's a lot of hills up there in Westchester. Because a lot of those, the ones that I've seen are, I think those Teslas are rear-wheel drive. No, no. You could get the Tesla that I was looking at. It's all-wheel drive. Oh, it is all-wheel drive. Yeah. Fucking all-wheel drive.

Oh, I thought you had to get the dual motor to get all-wheel drive. No, but I'm doing that. Oh, you are getting it. Oh, Jesus. Yeah, I'm getting the dual motor all with the whole. Yeah but i'm doing that oh you are getting oh jesus yeah i'm getting a dual motor all with the whole yeah i'm getting the fuck dude i'm getting the the fucking dual motor one that's the one that says uh that what is it ludicrous mode yeah no i'm getting the fucking bells and whistles dude if i get this thing but i'm gonna wait another year i'm gonna wait another year with the lexus and then, uh, you know, put the Lexus in the garage, maybe for Lucas in a couple of years. And, uh, then I'm going to get the, Oh, I love that.

And then I'm going to get a, I'm going to get a Tesla, man. I'm going to get something. I want the Tesla that drives itself though. By the time I want one to drive itself. So when I'm coming home, I could watch a movie or some shit, you know, or like chill out, just like have the thing where you got to touch it. You know, they're making it to me that you're afraid to fly yeah you'll take a fuck you know dude i've said a million times when you're up there there's not a lot of shit to hit when you're on the ground you and you can fucking hit stuff right and left and And you're going to take your hands off the goddamn wheel.

No, no. Tree-lined fucking street. Deers and shit running out in front of you. You're crazy. Not the whole. No, they got ones where, like, it needs to know you're there every couple minutes. But you just touch it. And it, like, you know.

So you're paying attention. But you could open your water. You know, kick back a little. You're watching a movie you're not paying attention i actually i don't think they let you i don't think they let you watch the movie but i'd like that like i think the first guy that did it actually got killed rest his soul the guy the guy that actually tested the first trip of like literally letting it die he he passed away in a wreck so rest his soul but. Yeah, because I think he was asleep.

Fucking guy took a nap. I mean, that's, I got to be honest. And I'm not trying to talk ill will about anybody that's passed. But that's a little, I don't know if I'd have the nerve to just conk out. Well, here's the thing, Paul. Those fucking things are going to get so good that they'll be able to do that. My big question is, with the amount of satellites this is going to get so good that they'll be able to do that. My big question is with the amount of satellites, this is going to take cool.

The sun still be able to shine on the earth. Yeah. But dude, to roll over and put a blanket on, on your front, just be like, that's a fucking ballsy move, dude.

And then the question is, are you drinking and driving at that point? He's drinking and driving over. point? Is drinking and driving over? And the amount of times there's a comic like, oh my God, I got to drive seven hours to go to this gig. You just take a nap, just fresh as a daisy. And then those comics would be like, yeah, man, comedians used to be a lot angrier, man.

This is a more chill general. It's like, we had to fucking drive. You guys are taking naps on the way there on the way back nobody has i watch big lebowski i watch big lebowski in jurassic park on the way here great watching the big lebowski drinking is that's one of the great booze and movies derosa said to me one time if you if you if you watch that movie, when he's, what does he drink? He drinks white Russians. Each time he makes it, there's less milk in it. Like the brilliance of that, because you have to understand that it's, it's shot out of order. So that means he made that fucking choice. And then like like he had to be like okay know exactly

where he is in the script when they're shooting the thing just brilliant i've said it once and i'll say it again kurt russell and jeff bridges two guys that don't get their due enough i mean they get their due but i think i put those guys up there with the best of them dude yeah as good as they say they are they're even better those guys are fucking with the best of them, dude. Yeah. As good as they say they are, they're even better. Those guys are fucking epic, dude. Jeff Bridges in, oh, that scene in Seabiscuit where his son died and he's holding him as he's dead on the fucking front thing, crying. Oh my. Watch that.

Oh my God. I was like, dude, it was. How about his dad, Lloyd? Lloyd in Airplane? Oh my God. The wrong week to quit sniffing glue what about when he was in hot shots and his hat blew off the uh the aircraft carrier he goes all right well turn it around i'll go get it an aircraft

bo bridges was in this great movie um oh bo bridges a black and white movie when he just started out it was about these hoodlums and they were fucking wouldn't let these passengers get off this subway my only problem with the movie was the amount of time between stops it was like they were on a train not a subway i gotta see that bowbridge is is uh is, too. But, dude, Kurt Russell and... I got to give people the name of that. I can't just bring that fucking movie up and not say what it is. Bo Bridges' Subway movie. Bo Bridges' Subway movie.

The name is... The Incident. The Incident. You bastard. You're going to store my glory. Oh, sorry. I thought my glory oh sorry i'm fucking with you 1967 the incident all right there's an incident paul on the train you know i love yous both and i could sit here and do this for a long time but uh i gotta fucking be in man in Manhattan in about an hour and 20. It's going to be a close one. I wish I had the Tesla now, but yeah. Oh boy. Hey, you know, I was just fucking with you with that Yankee shit, right?

I mean, you guys got 27 championships. I'm just breaking your balls. No, no. I was, I, yeah, I was, do you realize how long you guys would have to suck now with like 30 something teams in the fucking league? Can I be completely honest honest i kind of don't give a fuck about baseball it's no that's a problem they have paul i gotta be honest with you something has happened like people were hitting me up are you all right after last night what uh how brutal i gotta be honest with you man i watched it and after i knew we were gonna lose

i kind of was like all right well we'll just do 162 games next year. I don't have – I mean, if the Giants or Knicks lose, it's a good eight-hour depression. It's a good problem. Listen, if – I mean, I love watching my – There's going to be tension in the house. It's a good eight to 12 hours of shaking the head, thinking. Stacey finds me staring off at the ceiling going,

thinking like shaking my head. When the Yankees lose, I love the Yankees, but it's like, it's, and you know what it is, dude? The Red Sox-Yankee rivalry is a wrap, dude. You took it. You guys took it, man. It's over. It's over.

Well, I mean, the end of the movie was they won the World Series. So it was always, that was my thing. Like I remember when Dan Shaughnessy was trying to fan the flames on that. So he could sell some more books. I remember in 2005, he goes, is the curse back. It's like, what are they going to chant? 2004 at us. It's over. And even when I watch a home run that you guys hit or one, it used to be where it was like ah now they're like

high five but it's not it doesn't have that that fucking pain you can feel it dude it's a wrap it's a wrap because now they expect to win not like we're gonna win every time but we we're not going like oh we went up early how are they gonna blow it like this there's a whole new generation of fans who expect Boston teams to win and when I was a kid it was only the Celtics I remember when like Manny Ramirez or like even like Gary Sheffield like when they would hit a double off you guys or you would hit one on us when the guy got to second, they would be like, they would be like, now they're doing this. Like, let's go. Like, it's a different thing, dude. It's a different thing, but whatever, man,

it's it's, it is what it is. Let's go giants. Big game against the Cowboys. Yeah. All right. What's the over under the red Sox somehow not do what they did against Tampa Bay. I like three years. Dude, they own us. They own us. Dude, that organization, the Tampa Bay Rays organization from the top down, they just figured it out with not that much money.

They're fantastic. Yeah, why can't the Pirates do that? That's the best fucking ball field in baseball. And it's just, it's a sin. And it's the great colors and a great team and a great city and great fans. And they're just sitting there. And what they're doing is they're killing off that fan base. You gotta understand that people that grew up as a,

like knowing the Pirates as a winner are like bartnick's age dude the yellow bridges in the back the three bridges behind the outfield and then the shrubs are all shaved perfectly we it was it's the most beautiful that my thing is san francisco giants and the fucking the pirates but i'd give it to the pirates because i i like uh you know san francisco stinks now with all those fucking computer nerds took it all over. San Francisco used to be fucking really cool. It's still cool, but it's just, you know, I miss the real people there. I'm going to be late for my spot.

What am I doing? I should have just said I'm going to be with my family tonight. But I got to run. You know, one of these, Paul, we should just fucking smoke a stick. We'll do a virtual stick. Oh, by the way, I'm coming out there. Don't think I'm not coming out there soon. We're going to be out there together.

Okay. And we're going to find out. I got a couple of hookups out here for some sporting events. Oh my God, dude. I thought you were just going to say hookers. I was like, Jesus bill. Through the way you went into that. Where would that come from?

I don't know. Just the way I was like, yeah, I'm coming out there. Oh, I got a couple of hookups you i probably got a couple of hookers i was just like hey jesus listen paul things have been a little rough here around the house okay bill not on the podcast okay all right are there even hookers anymore i feel like everything is like you'd have to postmate one last time we saw a hooker walking down the fucking street just nobody wants to go to work they're even they're getting checks i haven't saw a hooker walking down the fucking street. Just nobody wants to go to work. They even,

they're getting checks. I haven't seen a hooker. I haven't seen a hooker walk in the streets probably since like the, like mid late nineties, like, or maybe early. You can't see him now. Cause all women dress like hookers now,

like the level of horror that they dress like, dude, it's just like, what are they supposed to do? Just walk down the street with that twat hanging out. Hey, non ladies of the night can you dial it back to give hookers somewhere to go the hookers are like where'd you get that dress underrated paul underrated a classy woman i saw this woman this is fucking hilarious i saw one walk down the street today was so beautiful i'm like that's got to be a dude

you know because dudes go extra hard man they got to make sure they're doing the extra walk and you always got to be like wait a minute let me look at that jawline right so this woman was was absolutely stunning totally covered up just was just her hair just everything she was absolutely beautiful and she had her dress on like down, like halfway down between her knees and her ankles. And I was, and I remember looking at her going, oh my God, that's a classy woman. How old?

He froze. Oh boy. Give him one second. Yeah. Unfreeze. I gotta, dude, it i'm gonna be late man yeah i gotta i gotta run man um you want to just wrap it up wrap it up all right guys that's the show uh bill froze up check me out i will be at the the Houston Improv October 14th through the 16th. I will be at the Wilbur Theater in Boston, Massachusetts, October 22nd. Get those tickets. Go to WilburTheater.com. Go to PaulVerzi.com. Thank you.