Anything Better? - Not Financial Advice

Episode Date: March 19, 2022

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What's up everybody and welcome back. You know what it is. It's the Anything Better Podcast with your host Paul Berzy, Bill Burr, producer extraordinaire, the Beverly Hills kid, the Greek freak Andrew Themlis. And we are back this week guys with episode number 56. Need I say more? 56. If he doesn't come to your mind when you hear that number, you cannot be helped when it comes to sports knowledge. All right, let me get to it. I had the whole list right in front of me where it's okay. Lawrence Taylor, number 56, bunch of great number 56. He's the greatest of them all though. Hollywood Henderson, the man that Lawrence Taylor modeled a lot of his game after that Paul Verzi knows nothing about. Chris Dolman. He returned that fucking kickoff

almost for a touchdown. If Roy Jarrella didn't get his ribs in the way in super bowl 10 1976. chris dolman andre tippett andre tippett hall of famer for the i think he's all of fame right he's definitely the patriots hall of fame and a black belt black belt he body slammed that giant lawrence taylor taylor ted hendricks wore 56 for the uh the Green Bay Packers Bill Hewitt Dante Lavelle Joe Schmidt not sure who those last guys were I'm an old guy so I don't I don't know a lot of those guys um all right guys at the top of the show we want to thank we want to thank all of the anything better uh podcast listeners we want to tell you guys to please rate and review. It makes the show move up. And we thank you guys for all the subscriptions and please subscribe to the

anything better YouTube channel and get anything better where you get your podcast, iTunes, Spotify. Also want to thank everybody who are sending the pictures of getting the merch. Our merch store is open. I just had somebody reach out. They were really happy. They opened up the anything better hoodie. I got to tell you, man, the material is incredible. I just had somebody reach out. They were really happy. They opened up the Anything Better hoodie. I got to tell you, man, the material is incredible. It's soft. They even give you that official tag. I think our material is the shit.

So go get it. Get your Anything Better merch. It's available now. Hope you guys enjoy that as well. Bill, I got something to talk about. I would love your opinion on this. Andrew, you as well. Me and Stacey are in a dilemma. Me and Bill were talking about this yesterday. This has to do with real estate. So I'll break it down for you guys. I'd love to hear your opinion. So Stacey

and I both agree after being in our home for eight years, it's time to split. No kidding. time to split. No kidding. Imagine I just broke down and told you no. So we decided that we need a little more room. I, we don't have the walk-in closets we want. We, I would like a bigger office, maybe a game room. Our kids are still young. So we have this land and we're 800 feet elevated. We have an unbelievable view of the mountains in our backyard. And we looked at houses that are more expensive away from here that don't give us what we have on this plot of land. Right. And we're looking and it's like, you could get a beautiful house. You get more house.

You're not getting the views. So Stacey and I were talking and I said, and some other people were like, what you could do is you could add on to this house. And I'm like, yeah, but what if we want to remodel? I don't know the difference between an add on or a remodel. Then I learned what that means. Okay. And it would be a lot of money. We have to leave for a while, go somewhere, come back. But then I realized I could actually pony up not crazy cash, but and make make this where we are now, everything we want pool in the backyard, extended garage, even a layer on top a little all that shit. Or do we wait to get our dream house, but still maybe not? Let me just break it down like this. There are four or $5 million houses around us,

four or $5 million houses, which we wouldn't get, but even $2 million houses that don't have the view I have. So I'm thinking, you know what? My kids love it here. It's a great house. It's a great property. The view is great. I say, fuck it.

We stay here. We add on and we make where we are, what we want by just adding on, getting a good, you know, architect in here and doing that. What do you guys, or do we just fucking wait and get a house that's away from here and compromise the beautiful view that we have? All right. I'm a grizzled, bitter vet of owning a house. Bill's doing this before. I get a cortisone shot before I talk fucking real estate here. You actually have, dude, you, you actually have, you, you've bought in some,

you're a real estate. You've bought in some homes. Yes. And one thing I've learned, you don't fight a house. have you you've bought in some you're a real estate you've bought in some homes yes and one thing i've learned you don't fight a house okay you take what a house gives you okay you you let that house you take away your house's best thing you let them beat them with your with the second guy going belichick here don't fight a house dude don't fight what do you mean by that you mean you mean don't that house had plenty of fucking room when you bought it and now you don't so what does that mean you've bought too much shit you need a yard sale save your fucking money don't add a bunch of shit onto it it's a split entry i don't know where you're gonna add on it might look fucking weird the worst thing about

once you add on to a house but i can see you look please at birth the fucking angry irishman's gonna kill no no no i'm i'm i'm listening i'm listening there's nothing worse than when you drive by out when you put an addition onto a fucking house if it's done right it should be seamless you shouldn't be able to tell oh they blew out the back of the house. Right. The fucking garage looks like it's going to tip over. Cause they put this big top hat of a fucking room onto it. Right.

Um, your walk-in closet is too small because over the years you kept buying sneakers. You literally have sneakers stored in your fucking podcast room, Paul. All right. That's true. But my kids were babies do, you know, my kids were babies. I don. That's true. But my kids were babies, dude.

You know? Huh? My kids were babies when we got here. I don't give a fuck. Kids have too much shit. My kids have more goddamn fucking toys than I had my whole childhood and all my brothers and sisters included. Yeah.

It's fucking, it's a ridiculous time of consumption. And at some point, you need to get out of the rat race, dude. You know why these fucking, I was just talking about this to somebody, these fucking little ass houses, you're going, there's no closet space. It's like, no, you have too much shit. We all have too much shit. There's not enough outlets. There's not enough this. You got fucking, I got a laptop. I have an iPad. I have a fucking iPhone. I have flat screen fucking TVs. I have all this shit that comes with them. I got all of this fucking shit. I bought a bunch of shit.

Somehow when I first met my wife and we lived together, we lived together with all her shit and my shit in a 600 square foot apartment. All we've added is two kids. And now somehow you'll be in a 3000 square foot house and it's not enough room. It's because you bought too much shit. Back up. All we added was two kids. That's kind of big. That's kind of, it isn't.

All we've added was an extended family. That's not that big. Well well i know you go six it was it was two people were two adults were sharing 600 square feet so we basically both had 300 square feet to ourselves two little people come into our lives well bill let's be honest you're with 10 times that is not enough fucking room well Well, Bill, let's be honest. You're with a woman. So she gets 500 square feet. That's right.

You get one. And I was fine with that. I had my little electronic drum kit on the side. I played my little diddles. Little cot in the fucking. Yeah. So Paul, like you have too much shit. And I swear to God, dude, if you fucking stop buying shit

and really looked at your stuff and ask yourself paul do you need every shade of air force one air jordan one whatever the fuck you call it no no no you need fucking 900 hoodies no but you know i mean i like i like a certain i'd like a certain outfit you know what i mean i like a certain pair of sneakers but i don't think the sneakers are doing it because i could store my sneakers in other rooms it's not that it's you know you're right some of the things you're saying are right yeah paul what do you you're building like a spa go take a vacation what are you doing a game room you know for the kids and their friends you know get a little movie theater

you got the backyard the fuck are we doing yeah sure you're gonna have like that video game in there where you fucking drive golf balls like you're at pebble beach in your house people have in their houses now it's fucking insane it is true you're right you're right when you're right you're right dude when i grew up there was maybe three people in the entire state that had a bar that actually had a fucking keg of beer tap nobody had that nobody had like fucking the shit that you have these flat screen tvs one flat screen tv dude you literally have a fucking movie screen that's crazy we used to watch a 27 inch tv being like oh my god it's unbelievable the shit that people have in their fucking houses myself included yeah dude i i over

the years i started buying guitars i i still can't play a guitar i got like six of them i'm gonna start selling them like what am i doing what am i. And they're all fucking sitting on one side of my bed and I can't walk on that side of the bed. What the fuck am I doing? Sell your shit. Cause I'm gonna tell you something, Paul, you know what you're going to do? You're going to add onto that house. You know what you're going to do? You're going to buy more shit. And then all of those rooms over the years are going to get cluttered. One of the hardest things to do is to walk out the door with nothing in your hand and come back with nothing in your hand yeah i'm not a big buyer though i'm not a big buyer dude you have fucking beyonce would look at your fucking clothes and be like god damn you have

a lot of clothes well i have a lot i have a lot of sneakers but i'm gonna donate some and and re-up well i gotta be honest-up I've known you for 20 years I'm trying to picture a shirt that you wear and I can't because they're in the rotation like Jordan Jordan wore a new pair of sneakers every game how many times I've worn this fucking shirt you see this

I got the same fucking hoodie it's all pillowy anything better wait do I know you 20 years no I don't know you 20 years yet 20 I know you 20 years? No, I don't know you 20 years yet. 20 years in 2025. 20 years in 2020. 17 years, almost 16 and a half years. Cause I met you in the fall.

First time I ever spoke to Bill Burr, he called on the phone. He called me and just dove into me saying the 2007 Patriots were the best offense I ever seen. I was like, oh, this guy gets right into it. And I fucking called it. And then when the Super Bowl happened, you're like, dude, what did I say? What did I say? Fucking ridiculous.

Fucking guns ablaze. We rammed it up their asses. What did I say? I didn't say that, did I? You did. You were drunk um friendship was in a very precarious place at that point three months in we didn't know each other any young person out there i'm telling you if i can give you any fucking advice other than marry

for love not for looks okay i would say don't it's it's jimmy the gent don't buy anything you don't need it you think you need it you think you want it you think you gotta have it and and two months later it's just sitting there another thing that needs to be dusted another thing where am i gonna put that got to move it over and jam something else in there. I'm telling you. Yeah, no, you're right there. There's actually, it's funny because I said to Stacy, I go, maybe if we like, if let's clean out the closet. So she did something and I was able to walk in our little closet a little better. And I was like, all right, I just bought me a couple of months in this house. You know, I can do that, you know? Dude, that is the fight that I have with my wife. It is just like, God forbid,

there's a place where you can sit down and stretch out your back. You know what I mean? Like right now, you know, my garage is getting cluttered because of my kids' toys. You know, my daughter is like, she's of my kids toys you know my my daughter is like she's really into like you know skateboards and bikes and shit like that so it's like fine so now my son's coming along and i'm going like all right well he'll just use the shit that she outgrows and and my wife's having a problem with it no he has to have his own stuff it's like no it's called a fucking hand me

down well no here's the thing though dude and this will happen because i dealt with it with my son and daughter they're gonna have a real problem with not having their thing because they're gonna go oh daddy mommy they have a bike i can't have my bike and then when you go just share the bike that's their bike it's it's gonna happen it's gonna happen yeah it's a problem hang on keep talking i'm gonna get a fucking i gotta get a water over here i gotta get a water over here you know what's funny is i took the kids i took the kids uh to the store and they wanted to get a skateboard you know so they had like all these santa cruz skateboards and i remember santa cruz growing up so i go i remember toys r us and you bought a fucking skateboard there made out of plastic and your feet hung over like fucking four inches yeah i remember those fucking

goddamn giraffes should have been sued for selling those and the wheels on it were like the roller skate wheels um but dude one pebble and you high-sided just went evil. Knievel looked away. So my kids go, can we get a skateboard? And I go, you could, you could get a skateboard. We're going to get a skateboard and that's it. And then they're putting together the skateboard. They're putting the trucks on it. They're putting the wheels on it. And Lucas goes, well, if that's her idea, then I want a skateboard. And I go, no, no, it's a, it's an expensive scale. The skateboard is, you know, my kids think just spending $130 is like getting a coffee now. Cause they're just sport. So I go, no, no, it's $130 skateboard. You guys

are going to share the skateboard. And if I see that you guys do that well, and you guys take it up and you guys do good on it. And then you go out with your friends and you need your own skateboard. And if I see that you guys do that well, and you guys take it up and you guys do good on it, and then you go out with your friends and you need your own skateboard, I'll get another skateboard. Guess where that skateboard is ridiculous that that offer is even on the table. So, and it was a fight to even get that. We get the one skateboard. That thing has been sitting in my driveway through snow storms, rain storms. And I said, look, i go see that 130 that's getting fucking ruined i go that's why no more but i use it as an example i say when we're in the mall i got them both come here come here come here you see that's it never again so when we're in the mall you're never gonna say why don't we get two because i'm gonna keep bringing up the skateboard that's what it is i mean i

wouldn't even say that i would i would just wait for him to bring it up because i got your skateboard you guys didn't use it go ahead and fucking cry what uh what'd you say andrew i was gonna say you should just bring it every time you guys go to the ball just bring the skateboards if they ask for something you just hold it up yeah dude but there's one thing going on with my son someday they'll talk to a therapist about that. And the therapist will side with them because, because they're paying them. Well, that must've been horrible to not get your own skateboard.

That must've left you feeling not loved. And did you feel like, not like your own person? And then all of a sudden I'm this fucking cruel monster. You're going to be a better parent. You're going gonna buy three skateboards for your two kids but here's the thing usually when kids are spoiled and shitty like that they're not good in all aspects of like school and respect and my son my son has cornered that

market dude my son will just look at us and go honor roll every my son has made the honor roll or high honor roll every fucking uh every quarter every quarter he's made honor roll or high honor roll he's a stand out on the basketball team and then we just got a note from his teacher going what a job you're doing with this amazing boy all this and that so then he goes to the mall and he's like no sneakers and i'm like buddy i can't keep buying sneakers he's like well i guess i'll just keep crushing it for no reason no no i'm saying like that's what he's thinking you know because the kid's doing it all so i'm like oh man like you know dude here's the thing me. Your teacher writes me a note like that, you're getting sneakers. Getting sneakers.

So, Paul, you're creating the monster. Because I have that problem, which is awesome, is my kids have a bunch of relatives out here, but they're always buying them shit. And I tell them, stop buying them shit, and they keep buying them shit yeah I I but I haven't like put my foot down on it's fucking nuts to the point that they have some really cool toys that not they don't play with them because they don't have the fucking time to play with them and it's ridiculous it's ridiculous yeah it's really ridiculous and like you know I I gotta put my foot down on it so um because I'm not leaving

this house I'm not and it's like if you guys I'm not going to become like you know so I have like this this rule like and I don't throw out either I find somebody that wants it and I give it to him or you know occasionally I have something that's kind of cool I give it to them or, you know, occasionally I have something that's kind of cool. I give it to my buddy and he sells it on eBay or whatever. And even then I just let him keep the fucking money. But like, I just know that, you know, I want somebody that like if it's something I really like, I want someone that loves it to get it. But like I have so much fucking shit, dude. And I am, like, I don't know.

I always think of you when I come to L.A. Because I'm like, when Uncle Paulie comes to L.A., I got to get your kids something. But in my mind, I'm like, all right, it's got to be small. Bill doesn't want you. No, they don't need anything. They don't need anything, dude. They have two incredible parents that love them and play with them i showed you this video my wife i didn't know my wife was taking this

video last night i was playing with both my kids you know i was actually looking at going i'm a great dad i'm not saying i'm a great husband i'm a great dad though yeah i got work to do on my game i got to be a better husband but i'm a fucking great dad and like i gotta be honest with you man like you can get him all the toys in the fucking world it doesn't matter but like rolling around i from five to seven every night it's fucking crazy time we go into the living room i chase him around the fucking l-shaped couch i'm the horsey i'm my kid can catch already he He thinks it's funny. You throw it, it hits his chest.

He just grabs onto it. He just starts laughing. He can fly. My daughter can throw and catch. Like, that type of shit beats all of that iPad stuff and all of that. Hanging out with your kid and all that type of shit. I'm going to tell you something, Paul. Remodeling your fucking house is a

nightmare it is a fucking nightmare those contractors they're gonna show up they're gonna show up that first day paul they're gonna say they're gonna get there at nine they're gonna get there at nine paul and they're gonna blow out the side of your house and then now that your house is cut wide open like fucking World War I gut wound, they'll get there when they get there. And then the thing that they ordered finally gets there, and then they put it in. All right, what's next? We got to install this.

We got to order it. Why the fuck didn't you order it while you were putting this other fucking thing in? Dude, you are giving me such anxiety right now about this i'm being a friend i just got that fucking feeling of like oh god and meanwhile you're gonna have to extend how long you're renting this fucking place your wife's gonna cry at least a dozen times during it oh my you guys are gonna fight and all of this shit and you can be like you know what, Dan? Fuck the game room.

Make it a hair salon. I don't give a fuck. Yeah, yeah. Hey, listeners, write in and tell us your stories about remodeling your house and adding a fucking addition, Paul. Oh, by the way, Bill, let's do a little anything. It's like a Wes Craven script. paul oh by the way bill let's do it like a west craven script let's do a little uh let's do let's do a little anything better uh breaking news andrew can you hit that button where it goes

guess what that house that house that was fucking 500 million dollars sold the one that you showed me yeah for $129 million plus the real estate fee. Yeah, I heard $150, but dude, they took a fucking- No, it was like $141, but it sold for like $129. They basically, they broke even, I think. I think the bank got their money back, but that guy lost his ass because he put like 50 million of his own money into it.

And now there's a dispute between two of the financiers to see who's first position to make their money back on the sale they actually reached out some people people that manage that property reached out about a month ago um to see if you wanted to take a tour bill but then they sold it so it was unable to happen saying if i wanted to take a tour that's hilarious why didn't you say yes i would would have done that. We did, and then it sold, and then they said no dice. It sold like two days later, and you're making a movie. So, I mean, you couldn't have gone last week. Oh, okay, okay.

Yeah, it was like last week they wanted you to go. Oh, my God. Oh, I would have surprised my wife, because that was one of our favorite reality shows, watching that guy fucking, I don know fucking scratching his arms doing it he was in deep the man was in deep bartnick yeah dude he did that he fucking goes he did some crazy scratch like i don't know i can't imagine, maybe he can sleep now that they sold that. So good for him. He got that debt off him.

Dude, my wife was. What is he going to build next? I bet he builds like a fucking one-floor cottage. Starts building starter homes in Milwaukee. Tiny little fucking. You know, I've done the big thing. I've done the big thing. Paul, I got to tell you something.

You know, and there are probably going to be a lot of listeners that didn't agree with me at the very least I gave you the fucking honest truth of putting a fucking addition onto your house oh my god and that stupid ass game room that you

want I'm already seeing all the fucking plastic balls laying all over how many times am'm gonna tell you to pick this shit up it's another fucking messy room well my kids don't use the rubbery balls anymore it would be more of like video game shit movie theater shit but um oh a little pool table i'm a sucker for a nice pool table i got a great idea. Go to a pool hall. I went, this place is a shithole. Exactly. What about like a guest house on the property that you can just have like an office that we can, you can have a podcast studio, just build a separate structure.

Cause Bill's right. You're going to get gone. If you, I mean, you don't have time to be watching contractors show up. Dude, I'll be honest with you guys man i i need i need a little i need a little more space i need higher ceilings man you know why because i i just i feel five foot eight what the fuck do you need high ceilings for i just feel like it's a little too small now. We got to, I don't know, man. I don't know. I'm just telling you, man. I just feel my kids are getting older. Their friends come over. If both of them have friends over,

it's like, it's just not enough. It's like they're running around this small fucking hallway. Well, they don't live there. You want a hallway that a group of kids can run around in? No, just, just have it more like not not like that you know what i mean man paul you have too much stuff yeah your kids both have their own room my kids both have their own room yes you have a nice master bedroom you have plenty of room you have a kitchen you have a living room you have a downstairs area you have plenty of fucking room you've just bought too much shit i've seen your garage paul yeah it's full of shit

you don't use anymore it's so true it's so get rid of it i want my garage empty empty clean like i don't have a yard sale don't add on to your house you think you add on your house you can take that shit that you don't use anymore out of the garage you're just gonna get more shit no i mean you're making points i can't you know you're all i swear to god i'm gonna shut up now i'm gonna shut up now because i see that you have your mind made up no no no no no i tell you as a friend when i feel you collapse into my arms halfway through this build i want to let you know that that cries it dies with me i won't tell anybody that it happened you were right

they've been on the roof fucking 30 days. We did a remodel. We had a house one time. We did a remodel while we were living there. I probably took three years off of my life breathing in dust. It's probably why it took me so long to get COVID. COVID was like, I'm not going to that body. It's fucking toxic.

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coinbase.com slash better for ten dollars in free Bitcoin. This offer is for a limited time only. So be sure to sign up today. That's coinbase.com slash better. Oh dude, my wife, my wife is standing over me the other day, crying, crying as I wake up. That's how I woke up. And she's going, cause we had, the garage was left open and we're up in the fucking woods so a rodent got in a rodent got in through the garage it was like uh and uh she goes there's wood chips on the thing and i saw a little head and i go all right i and she goes i go all right man just you know i'm fucking in bed and she's like pull i just need you to get up you gotta help my wife that's the one thing my wife can't fuck with is like like any kind of rodent or I don't mind them. I don't care. You know, and my cats used to kill

the mouse or whatever. And she's like, can you see it was a little big, this and that. So we call up the pest control and the pest control comes in and dude, they said something and Stacy fucking lost it. He goes, listen, he goes, I don't want to freak you out. And he tells me, he goes, a lot of, a lot of wives don't take this well. He goes, that's not a mouse. He goes, I don't want to freak you out. And he tells me, he goes, a lot of wives don't take this well. He goes, that's not a mouse. He goes, it's called a wood rat. And he goes, and wood rats come from, obviously, what they're called, they come from the woods. And what they do is, since a lot of people have chickens and chicken coops, chicken feed is everywhere.

And when they sense that they're super smart, when they sense the chicken feed, they come in. So one came up, came in our garage. Wait, wait, wait. When they smell the chicken feed, they in so one came up came in our way wait they stay when they smell the chicken feed they sense what that there's chickens there what yeah the chicken that's not super smart paul that's common sense no no but rats are super smart dude they they go in and they see 3d they have a like a infrared 3d and when something is new they won't touch it so the guy called me up he goes listen he goes i put three traps in your garage but i didn't send them paul you see in 3d huh we all see in 3d no no but the rats see it like panoramic like when you have like fucking infrared goggles they see that n3d in that

he said he said i didn't know that that i don't know but he said to me this is what he said he called me up and he goes, look, he goes, I didn't set the traps. I just put the traps in the garage. I didn't set them because I'm going to come back and set them in two weeks. And I go, why? He goes, the reason I didn't set them is because when the rat comes out and sees those, they're going to know that it wasn't there before. And they're going to be hesitant. And that's what he was telling me.

So Stacy here's rat and dude, she fucking, I love that rats are paranoid. She goes, it's a, she goes, it's a, it's a rat. It's and I go, yeah. And then she goes, why are you know so nonchalant about this ball? It's a, there's a fucking rat. And I go, I go, listen, I go, he said, it's a wood rat. He also said it's very common and they're coming up because people have chickens. That's it. The garage was left open. It got in somewhere.

They're going to do this. This guy was old school bill. This guy was almost 70 and he's got white hair and he's got the full jumpsuit and it says like pest control. He looked like a movie character and he just goes, I go, yeah. So what do we do for that? And he just goes, we're going to kill him. And he like, just cause we're going to kill like that. And he's got this flashlight. He goes, they're coming in from here. They know how to go in from here. they're chewing the wood because of this he's telling us the whole thing and then

everything is good they set the traps i tell my wife don't worry two weeks then they're going to be comfortable with the box there then he's going to put the feet in we're going to get him but you can't walk around the garage they smell a cat right they're like i'm getting the fuck out of here oh the thing about the wood rats and the mice that come in is they go in and then they stay in the they'll stay in a vent that they're they're completely concealed so even the so the cats and dog like the dog was going like like lloyd just got up out of his bed the other night he's going and i'm going what's up boy and he's going and he's like looking around he he, he, he knew something, but there was, there was no way to like, there was no way to, for him to see it. Like that dude in predator dry shaving his head.

Yes. Yes. Yes. That's a perfect analogy. He's going like, he's going like, he's looking around. He's going like, and I go, buddy, just lay down. Like I can see you. Over there in them trees. over there in that wall exactly so everything is good and then stacy fucking comes to me shaking shaking and she goes that's not a fucking rat she goes i just saw this thing, this thing. And she exaggerated. She fucking did like this. Like it was a cat. I go, Stacy, there's no way it was that big. I go, I see rats in New York city. You just went like this. She goes, Paul, I'm telling you. She's like,

I think I gotta be out of the house. This and that. She's freaking the fuck out. I call the guys. I go, dude, what's going on? It's been two weeks. They come and check all the traps are empty, but now there's no sign of this fucking thing so i'm hoping it's gone i told her the other night i said just to make you feel better i think it's gone and she and she laughed narrow and heat that rat yeah i mean you gotta be able to walk away you gotta be ready to walk away. You got to be ready to walk away. Dude. And then the other pest guy comes and he goes, you know how smart they are, right? And I'm going, why do you guys keep saying, how do you guys, that's what I said.

Like, how do you guys know? He goes, dude, rats are so fucking intelligent about their surroundings that they were like, no, we're not going there for at least two weeks. Cause that's something new. It's pretty impressive. That is impressive. You know, but, uh, what are you guys? So when they all hang out with those scientists for all those years doing

experiments, maybe they picked up some shit, you know, what do you get out in LA? What do you guys get? Cause I'm in the woods. What do you guys get out there? Like snake? It's more snakes, right? No, not snakes. Um, yeah yeah we get the same shit you get you get i don't know you get you get um rodents in the house rodents you know guys come around they fucking spray shit i don't know i've had it all paul i had i remember when i was a kid we somehow had squirrels in the wall i remember having to fucking bait those things that come out my dad killing them there's a mountain lion there's a mountain lion that's starting to walk around residential areas like i just don't understand how that thing is allowed to coexist i mean the second it starts

looking at as people as a food source it's done someone's gonna get i'm just worried about it's like you know i say to my wife i'm like we got a mountain lion coming down around you know i mean fortunately it's not near our house where it's doing it but it's just like i think of that fucking thing every time i go out to my garage dude that's fucking yeah that's scary like we've had bobcats but never a mountain lion like that fucking mountain lion dude there's a fucking lion that just walks around neighborhoods in la yeah dude that's that's i'll take wood rats all day then that shit man yeah you know yeah there's rattlesnakes and shit out here but they're not like down here they're like they stay away from people though is the mountain lion attacked anybody? Has there been any reports of it? It goes after like, you know, goes after little fucking purse dogs.

Oh, okay. You know, I mean, they weigh like, you know, a male one weighs like, you know, I don't know, 125, 130. Females weigh like 70 to 80 pounds. So, I mean, that's like a pit bull is like, well, like pit bulls are like, like cats are like athletes, like dogs are like nerds. You know what I mean? Like cats are like, if they fucking move, their agility and all of that shit, their jumping ability, their quickness, all of that.

You watch a cat move and jump and blah, blah, blah. It's amazing. You see a fucking dog. It's all knees and elbows. Andrew, can you pull up that cougar? Can you pull up that cougar hissing and going like that to the guy in Utah walking on the trail? And the guy's going, don't you fucking do it. Don't you fucking do it.

Stay back. Did you see that shit? He's filming it. Why don't you pick up a fucking rock, you idiot? I don't understand why he's filming the fucking thing. Why was he filming that fucking thing? Yeah, yeah. Does he think that because the thing's on Instagram,

it's not going to do anything because he's going to get caught? Are there ways to prevent, like, are there ways to, like, I guess when you go up there and you go hiking in Utah, because a couple of people were killed, a couple of bicyclists were killed by a mountain lion in Denver hiking. Can they give you like lion spray? Can you go with a fucking.

How about you don't hike where there's mountain lions? Why do they always have to adjust? This is like these fucking people. They go swimming in the ocean. A shark gets killed and they try to go find the shark to kill the shark. It's like. You went into their world well i mean i don't hike every hotel has a fucking pool yeah but you hike don't you hike yeah yeah i hike in the city oh okay so you're not going anywhere where you're going where there's no no bears no lines there's

one mountain line there's one mountain line and i don't go off the trails i stay with is like well where i hike i haven't hiked in fucking years i'll be honest once i have kids i just don't have time but i i used to hike um you know like runyon, uh, that mountain line is over in another group of hills. Like there's like a highway between it. Now it's like starting to walk down the fucking street, like Bill Bixby. Right. So we used to do fucking Runyon Canyon. And there was just like, there was just wall to wall people going up and coming down. I mean, it wasn't, it wasn't, it was, it was funny to me. It was just just like this really isn't nature but then if you went up there earlier before everybody got up there you'd always run into like a coyote and those things were always

sort of looking at you and shit but you're too big for them you know those predators it's like you know their whole thing is they want a quick, easy kill. They don't want to get hurt themselves. That's why they, you know, when they chase a herd, they go after the weak one. They go after the baby or whatever, because it's an easy kill. I don't have to deal with this thing, you know, kicking me or fucking bite me or any of that type of shit. You know, some of those things that have horns or whatever, you know. Andrew, do you have that or no?

I hope that wasn't too deep for everybody because i was describing nature here is this is this it yeah i've seen this guy oh you have yeah there's all these rocks in the foreground that he could pick up and give him a nice brushback pitch yeah see he's yeah you're right dude because that time the cat looked at all those rocks look at all those rocks this idiot is holding on to his fucking iphone you know what's weird about predators it's a hell of a gamble if you run at them it freaks them out and they run away like running away from them i guess triggers this is what i learned on youtube paul from probably a

guy who puts additions on the split entry houses see that cat doesn't look like it's really wants any like trouble no this guy and this guy is still this guy is still doing that paul you didn't see that mock charge here is this it right here it's also hissing and all of that he's like looking around should i do this shit should i do that i don't know got on a jacket i mean can i get to his neck there's andrew it's muted i want to just hear Can you... Holy... Babies. And mama got to be right there, don't they? Yeah, that thing is like thinking about it right there. Yeah, that right now.

Yeah. Before I thought it was like further away and didn't want to. Now I would be... Yeah, look at that right there, Paul. It's kicking up dust on that trail. Oh, shit, man. Holy... No, go away. Yeah, look at that right there, Paul. He's kicking up dust on that trail. Oh, shit, man. Holy shit. No, go away.

Holy fuck. No. Wow. Dude, look how fast that fucking thing is. Fuck you. Fuck you. Dude. Fuck you.

What? Fuck you. You do not go out there. All these fucking assholes saying they're going to take away people's guns. There's shit like that out there. Dude, that is like, and look at that. Look how woodsy that is. Dude, they'll never find that kid if that thing gets dragged into the.

Look how woodsy that is. Dude, if he falls off of that. The comments from animal experts do say that it probably wasn't trying to attack because the guy was way bigger the area that it was in there's plenty of prey and that it was probably just scared and protecting something he's slowly bill's right bill's right he's slowly going back with a camera talking about it where it's like let me tell you something alright just shut this off this is giving me fucking anxiety yeah that's fucking nuts dude yeah dude fuck

but I will tell you something that I love about cats okay it is over quick if you had to choose between a bear, a big, stupid ass fucking bear.

You don't think a grizzly attack would be quick? No. Dude, those things just grab you and then just bite. A fucking, cause they're just big. They just sit on you when they start eating you oh you never watch how they kill they don't kill the deer no they just start eating the

deer's going like with his dumb tongue going no no i can't do that when they start pulling away a live animal skin i can't do it dude i can't oh it's awful. I can't. Oh, it's awful. That's right. So if you get a cat, it goes right for your fucking neck. You're like, I don't know. It chokes you out. It just sits there looking around until you stop breathing. My, and then it starts eating. My buddy who was a cop in Harlem was telling me that guy that had the tiger in Harlem and people thought it was a stuffed animal, dude. The guy had a fucking, I remember that. And it was a full on tiger.

And it was looking out the window like my cat does here, but it was a fucking tiger. It's just like looking around and shit of birds. And someone like, it took like, they said like hours to somebody who's just like, dude, that's a real, that's a real tiger. And then the guy, then they went into the guy's house and the guy had all types of shit. Guy had an alligator and shit. I remember that. When I first moved to New York, you were in New York when that happened.

Yeah. That's when New York was really like, was still fucked up. I know it's getting fucked up again, which is so disappointing to see. It is going disappointing to see. Um, it is going to be hilarious if time square becomes scummy again to watch like, you know, hookers in front of the M and M store. It used to make sense when they were all jerk off joints and stuff. Um, some kid fucking pissed me off. He goes, really, Paul, hasn't it? Hasn't it? Like he just said, it was a guy that lived in New York and didn't like that. I said that like there's definitely stuff going on. And then like the next day that hammer attack happened and then something else happened.

cutters you know what's funny to me a box cutter was like this you held it where's my camera you held it like this and you went down the side of the box i didn't know those ones were like that i'm thinking like how the fuck do you cut somebody there's a guard on it i didn't know that i didn't know you had those ones where you just pull it out and they were just slashing people on the subway oh they when you take you actually take it out you mean yeah yeah yeah no that's uh that's uh yeah that's criminal activity bill you're going to the fucking hardware store to get a box cutter and they're fucking doing that shit man i won't ride the subway down here um i'm not not not right now i mean not not i just never did you always wanted to keep your sneakers clean let's you've always been a car guy.

I don't think I've ever seen you on the subway. With you and maybe me and you on it once. Maybe if that, I think we got, let me think we left the game hammered and we went one-on-one. Yeah. And I, you always have like these, like, come on, man, let's take the subway. You always have that sort of look on your face. Subway. I love the subway. Let's go grab a slice and get an uber what do we what do we don't oh i i love the subway uh no dude i fucking hate dude oh i was on an airplane we got to talk about this real quick because something with sports came up but i'm on

um i flew i did this weird thing where I flew first class one way. And then the lady that books my stuff for some reason, I was end up on a middle seat in the back and I'm going, what? So the guy walks over and I don't know if he was with his boyfriend or not, but he goes, Hey man, I'll give you the window. If we just sit next to each other, if you want to just scoot over to the window. And I was like, thank boy did did did the universe equal that great gesture out this fucking kid falling asleep going like this and doing oh no and dude i have my arm here and he took my arm rest because the arm rest goes to the person who's on the right and he's going and then finally dude i put my arm here and he kept doing it dude for fuck and i said

i said fuck it so i'm going to arizona i just go first class i don't give a she goes oh it'll be i go i don't i'm not doing it anymore so anyway um so check this out bill russell wilson to the denver broncos, Bill, your boy, your boy. Are you making enough money to fly first class? I mean, yeah, I mean, yeah. Jesus Christ, Paul. Yeah. I mean, there's certain flights. I got points, you know, I'm not, I'm not fucking doing it all the time, but yeah, I mean, no, I'm not going four or five hours without sitting there. Just not doing i can't do it i need sleep dude i need a fucking baby man no dude i'm fucking baby dude how long have how many years have i toughed it out dude been doing this shit almost 20 years

you mean to tell me if i could afford to go one way to fucking west coast i shouldn't do it come on man i just asked you i'm just looking out for your money here paul paul i'm really i'm really helping you out on this podcast don't fly first class if you if you're making two two grand all in no the fucking week no i'm not saying if you're making twice that don't do that don't do that paul no no don't do that i'm not doing no that i would not do no no i that i'm not saying if you're making twice that don't do that don't do that paul no no don't do that i'm not doing no that i would not do no no i i doubt it would not jerk off you what you should have done was wake him up hey buddy you're drilling on my shoulder i went like this and then you spend only 400 dollars you learn how to confront people i would never buy one time i was at an airport and this guy's like i said buddy buddy and he looks over there i go you're shouting

there you go and he just goes into my phone i go yes you know what he said he goes sorry i said no problem he was yelling next to you yeah he's on his phone you know what he sounded like he sounded like a toddler you know they have like no volume control and they just come walking into a room screaming oh it's great oh it's fucking great yeah some people have no concept dude when they do business you just crack me up because me being german irish i am wired to just take it and you i swear to god if there's a two degree temperature you're like i can't do it anymore i can't i can't i remember one time you with you were talking about uh i think private flight private jets you're just

like yeah dude i just i need that in my life like when when i when i can afford to do that i'm just doing that i'm flying private i'm flying i'm gonna turn my driveway into an airstrip i'm walking out of my house and i'm getting on the plane and i'm just gonna fly to the fucking gig i would yeah what you're saying is true but i would not do something i can't afford if i'm flying first class i'm gonna tell you something paul i'm gonna get this is this is this is me i am being your financial look at me god damn it i am giving you the best financial advice i'll tell you this right now nobody can afford to fly private nobody yeah it's ridiculously it's ridiculous yeah it's the stupidest fucking waste of money every once in a while you know every once in a while if my wife you know we're gonna go somewhere you know to great you know make some happy occasion right

right but you sit there and people people go like oh you you build it into the deal you build it into your deal it's like it's like dude you are the deal yeah you think they're taking that money out of their pocket they're taking it out of your pocket you just don't see it on the itemized list now you you were the one to teach me about that with riders in the green room where i remember one time i went to bill when i was like this is like dude you know what's nuts this january is like four years since I haven't opened for you anymore, which is so fucking how much time went by. Yeah.

But I remember one time, you know me, dude. I was like this young, like, you know, I was still like early, like, you know, early 30s, late 20s, and like I was opening for you. I go, dude, why don't you like, if they're getting you, like why don't you get like sushi and candy in here and shit? And you just go, you go, you know what? We pay for that. And I'm like, what do you mean? Doesn't the and you were like no they bring it and like i get bottles get sushi

and i'm like yeah and what they're gonna do is buy a whole bunch of this shit because they know that you're not gonna drink it they're gonna charge you three times the fucking amount service fee and then what you don't drink you you've lined their refrigerators yep that's what you do i'm telling you what it is do you ever read that book i think it was called the k i forget what it was it was old man in the sea that's the one old man in the sea when he goes out he gets that giant fish that whole fucking metaphor paul that's what happened you get a big fish everybody comes in and starts taking a bite out of it. And by the time you get home, you got a fucking skeleton.

Yeah. And the government hasn't even hit you with that overhand Tyson right. Remember when that Geese Osby looking dude got back up and he came running and he just did this and he fucking punched him. He thought the guy died. That's what the government does to you every fucking the end of the year. Hey, man. Hey, Andrew. guy died that's what the government does to you every the end of the year hey man hey uh andrew we gotta name this like financial help podcast or something anything better looking out

for people hold on i have my biggest tour coming up after this movie i'm buying two shirts and a pair of pants that's it see yeah that's it's it. That's definitely the difference between me and you, cuz I would have definitely if that was my biggest tour, definitely a few pairs of sneakers in there, but not the crazy. Paul, you are gonna dress like you used to be in the Commodores. I know you, Paul. Yeah. Paul, if you were crushing it, you got that Mediterranean blood.

You can't just be crushing it. You need people to know it. No, no, no, no, no. You know what I just said? Yes. No, but that's not true. I see a giant PV medallion. No, no, no, no, no. See see that's where i think that's where i think that's where

i think you have me wrong well you told me if you made money you were going to go through a fur coat phase and you were dead serious right but that's not for the people that would be for me who's it for you're just gonna wear a fur coat around your house dude i gotta show nobody buys a fur coat for themselves you buy that for other people to look at you be like oh my god look at that chinchilla he's killing it all right dude can you guys see this this is my father holding me oh my god i love this picture listen this first of all i didn't even realize brett ernst goes dude look at the trim curtains he goes that's tremendous but i didn't realize that it's in front of my dad's shotgun case.

But if you look closely, my dad has cash in his hand. Look at this. My dad has cash in his hand. And he has, I have one with the, I have one that that's an up close. Your dad looks like he owns an island. This is the up close. This is my dad's hand here he's got cash he's got a ring and he's got the thing and i'm just like so i definitely like instagram model your dad was an influencer

back in the 70s like tommy we want to do a picture with you and Paulie all right get in front of this shotgun case get in front of in front of the curse give me my money clip give me my tell you something Paul you combine that with social media that's how Kim Kardashian got her car herself robbed you don't do that shit I love you know what my favorite thing is my favorite thing is gun nuts talking about the guns they have in their house. Just giving the blueprint for the guy. Dude, I got a shotgun right above the doorframe. I got a.22 over here.

It's like, where else do you have all your weapons, you fucking idiot? One dummy did that and got arrested because one of the guns wasn't registered. And he's going, yeah, right here, my Glock 20-something. And the cop looked at it and was like, that's not an elite. That's not a legal gun. You do when you're on a podcast and somebody asks you, do you have a gun in your house? You say, no, I don't. Right.

Yeah. You don't want to, you don't want to know. You want them to know what the fuck you have coming. My safe with 400,000 cash is behind the picture. Case. Anybody wants to know combination is 19. Combination is my daughter's birthday. Cause I love her so much. Shout out to you, Gina. Fucking morons. Uh, Paul, uh,

listen, you learned a big lesson here. Keep your mouth shut. Don't rat on your friends. Don't ever put an addition on your house. Don't buy anything. Have a yard sale. Have a fucking yard sale. You make a good point. Paul,

you know something? One of the greatest things you can ever have in life is to be happy with what you have and to enjoy the aging process. Oh, man. Look at that. Bill Burr with the words of wisdom. That's it, Paul.

Be happy with what you have and enjoy the aging process. And just find the humor in the whole fucking thing that you are not, you are so not important that you are going to die, but you're alive right now. So have a good fucking time. Absolutely. Yeah. And a good time is not owning a bunch of shit. No,

but a good time is smoking a stick with your buddy, having a fucking pop, watching a game. It's a good time. You know what's great about after smoking the stick, it's gone and it doesn't take it up any space in your house i'm gonna have a walking humidor i'm gonna cream it yeah oh my god bobby kelly bobby kelly has like i swear to god like that guy's enough cigars for fucking 40 guys for their whole life he literally could have his own cigar like convention no dude he does he has like 800

to a thousand cigars and it all started at a birthday party of mine where he never smoked and he goes all right dude for you i will it's your surprise party and then he turned into a fucking he like knows the company owners like he's like he went all in man no paul bobby is like he's like uh did you see bobby fall off stage no is he all right oh my did you see that right andrew yeah they were fucking around on snow they were fucking around and they had like a prong and they fucking zapped him with it and he stepped off and he fell out and they were it was like it was like a joke but dude i was just but he was laying there still for a while and like didn't move but he was fucking around but it looked like something was brutal oh i know yeah he fucked up his knee on that that uh what the fuck was that tour way back

in the day dane cook's uh oh to orgasm i believe orgasm yeah he fucked up his knee on that all right bill what do you think russell wilson to the denver broncos the afc has now uh gained another monster quarterback along with what herbert mahomes now you got russell wilson he's now back in the afc west where the uh seattle seahawks used to play but yeah what a division huh see you know what's funny he's the grizzled vet now of the afc west dude he's he's gonna be 34 years old he's probably like a three years away from hanging it up i would i mean unless unless he pulls seasons um yeah yeah i would say uh uh but look for what i heard got 1,000 picks for the guy.

And here's my question. Does Pete Carroll have it? Was Russell Wilson already there when Pete Carroll got there, Andrew, or was that his draft pick? Oh. He's looking it up. He's looking it up. That's a good question.

Because that's my thing. If I'm the Seattle loan, if I tell you right now, Paul, if I own the Seahawks of Seattle, my question is which came first, the Russell Wilson or fucking the egg, the chicken or the egg Carol is despite how good he looks. He's almost, he's 70. I think he's the oldest coach in the NFL. he's almost he's 70 i think he's the oldest coach in the nfl what does pete carroll do on a weekend in the off season when there's no football paul what is your deal with pete carroll is it that great head of hair no is it the fact that he goes when they score what is it about him you got a fucking hair across your ass about that guy. It's how he left USC. It's knowing that.

He left it like a fucking wood rat. Dude. He left UFC knowing that they were going to be like, you know, not count for a year. They were in shambles, and he just walked out the back door and went like that. And for me, when a man does that, they're kind of dead to me. They're kind of dead to me, man. You go on with the ship.

You go down with the ship. But – I mean, that was like some fucking Bugs Bunny shit where he's on a rock, and right before it hits the ground, he steps off it and he doesn't die. Yeah, that was a – I got it that was an amazing move like pete carroll because that stink stayed on usc and did not follow him did not follow pete carroll up to usc at all at all it was like he just put on a different color coat and he was free. Yeah. He rebranded himself. He was what?

Pete Carroll did draft him in his first season. Carroll completely overturned the Seahawks roster, totaling over 200 transactions in the course of only one season. The moves paved way for a foreign to start the 2010 season. Yeah. They won a Superbowl, like, what, three years? Four years? Three years. They won 2013.

I'm sure Pete Carroll's fun to have a beer with. Pete, if you're listening to this podcast, you know, I call you Sneaky Pete. It's all in fun. He is Sneaky Pete. He ran out the back door. Pete, he ran right out the back door. Woo-hoo! I'll tell you this though, man.

If there's any early NFL, he was in there putting his UFC gear through a paper shredder, all his hoodies and shit. He left like the fucking locksmith and, uh, uh, and a Pope of Greenwich village, which I will keep making references to that movie until you see it. Oh, somebody reached out. Somebody reached out to me and said that you

could see Pulp of Greenwich Village now streaming on HBO Max. Oh, my God. There's no wind. Okay, blowing it. Paul, we're going to watch that, dude, when we go to the Masters, buddy. Yes. Back at have to. We're going to watch that, dude, when we go to the Masters, buddy.

Yes. Back at the house. We're going to sit down. We're going to watch. We're going to fucking grill up some steaks. What a day that's going to be. We're going to smoke some sticks and we're going to put the fucking Pope of Greenwich Village on. Dude, I'm shutting everything down until then.

Everything is shut down. Sticks, booze, heroinze heroin blow all of that shit um dude by the way i don't know if you're watching kevin costner's uh yellowstone but episode one of season four was one of the hardest shits i've ever watched in my dude episode three ended with an attempt on all their lives and you don't know if they survived oh don't run because i gotta start that series okay okay dude was there a gunfight in that cowboy show don't run for me there's a lot of them there's a lot of horses bill shh kevin costner dude that dude's a fucking man dude just walking out with a cowboy hat and shit. The guy's just fucking awesome. He's a great dude.

I did a movie with him and Mike Binder. Mike Binder wrote and directed it. What was it? Black or White. That's how I met Mike Binder. Kevin Carsten was cool as hell in One Night. He's such a good guy. He took me out bow fishing.

That's what I mean. What kind of man? That's a manly. It's like, hey, Bill, let's go a good guy. He took me out bow fishing in. That's what I mean. What kind of man, like that's a manly, you know, it's like, Hey Bill, let's go get some beers. It's like, how you want to go bow fish. It's like, what? Yeah. I got a few. Did you? I shot an alligator gar. I felt bad. Cause they threw it back. But the thing looked fucking vicious. And then I find out it's really like, you know, kind of introverted and likes to read books or some shit i forget what the hell it was but i

felt horrible afterwards i'm not good with that shit you know what i mean me neither dude like if i'm gonna eat the fucking thing no i can't hunt man i told you in eighth grade i shot the other you know but we kept a lot of this shit to eat it but that thing i don't you guess you don't eat alligator guards oh i just went through the back it's fucking impaled the thing no no i i don't like killing anything dude i killed a bird once and i cried like a fucking baby in eighth grade i never hit anything again i think you cried more like a fucking uh emotionally developed human being no dude i saw this thing gasping for its last breath at my hand and i fucking felt horrible about it and i was like what am i doing that thing was just doing what birds do sitting in a branch chilling and stupid me i got a pelican i got another co2 i

think it's still alive and then the thing flopped at my feet and was bleeding and i was like oh my god so i can't do it i don't understand like and i know people listening to this what are you a pussy there's too many deer they're overpopulated okay but i can't that shit you said about deer to do that chrystalia thing where chrystalia said he shot a deer and the deer just goes it's going brutal he goes it was like screaming like a person if i saw that and i knew that i did that i would be a mess dude i'm fucking messed i gotta be honest with you paul it really like seeing how animals what animals do to each other and predator and prey

i know that's how the whole you know it, it's just like, I don't believe in a caring God. Just don't. You know what's the worst on all those videos? There's always one asshole that has to write, I know this is harsh, but this is nature. It's like, dude, I understand what I'm watching. You fucking asshole. Yeah, I don't need your lesson. Stop acting like you're fucking Grizzly Adams. asshole yeah i don't need your lesson back in like your

fucking grizzly adams yeah all right you don't need your lesson air conditioning and your fucking heater yeah you're the father giving discipline that needs to be done it's like i kind of know how i've been alive enough to know i've read or like if it's a really sick video somebody has to like leave like a joke to show how unaffected they are yeah like i saw one time these lions were literally running away with a baby giraffe that was still in like the embryo sack like the thing they literally it gave birth and it fucking they grabbed it and somebody writes fresh meat i just want to be like, oh, wow, man, you're fucking edgy. That's the worst.

Yeah. So, Bill, going back to the football thing with Wilson, I think that. You saw that video? Wilson! Pete Carroll floating in the water. Russell Wilson's head's floating away. Wilson! That's great.

I think Justin Herbert's the guy this year, man. I think Justin Herbert, that amazing game he had against the Raiders that they ended up losing in overtime. I was tripping on mushrooms watching that. That's one of the great football games I ever watched. I think he's the guy, dude. I think he's going to take the Chargers to the place that nobody's been able to take them. I think that kid is awesome man it's what paul what's that what where where is that place where's the super bowl next year so you're saying that they're gonna win a super bowl have

the chargers ever won a championship? Not in my life. No, not in my lifetime. Maybe 70s? I don't want to hear about your lifetime, Paul. Dan Fouts, did he win one? No. No. They won an AFL title, I believe, early on.

Can you look at it? They both beat the Bills, right? Well, Bill, you're good at this. Do you think Justin Herbert's got, got what it takes to do it or no? Was it the LA charges too that won it? Or was it San Diego? They are, they went LA for their first year. Then it went down to San Diego, San Diego, go super chargers. I didn't know you were on that one. That was a good one.

What about Houston Oilers? Houston Oilers. Houston Oilers. Number one. What a fucking Jersey and logo that was. Houston Oilers were the best dude. The best. I'll tell you,

USFL is supposed to be coming back. They had some good ones. The Houston Gamblers. Oh God. That's a good one, right? Yes. I like the Oakland one, like the fist holding, got it. That's a good one, right? Yes. I like the Oakland one, like the fist holding the lightning bolt.

That was a good one. I was kind of upset that the Boston Breakers didn't come back. By the way, I went to one of their games. Boston Breakers versus the Washington Federals at Nickerson Field, which I believe is the second, first or second place. The Patriots, the Boston Patriots play. The Boston Patriots played in Nickerson field, Fenway park in Harvard stadium before getting their own stadium in 1970.

I like Washington's name. The commanders. I like that. I actually liked the commanders. Chicago blers. I like that. I actually like the Commanders. Chicago Blitz. That's a good one. That was the Washington Federal Chicago Blitz. The Philadelphia Stars. That was a good one. Jacksonville Bulls.

What was the one that Steve Young like some tampa baguio dude there was some fucking dude there was some gunslingers in that league steve young uh jim kelly bobby a bear with the uh the michigan panthers winning the first fucking usfl superbowl um yeah and i don't know anything about it, but Herschel Walker with Doug Flutie for the New Jersey Generals. Come on. I know all those guys. I know all those guys. You didn't name anybody I didn't know.

I didn't know those teams, though. Kelvin Bryant. That guy, I don't know. 44 from the UNC Tar Heels. Hey, what about you saw Coach K? Did you watch the last home game? Did you see what he said? No, what did he say?

I watched it. Oh, no, no, no. Andrew, he talked to the crowd afterwards and said it's embarrassing and unacceptable. He said it to the whole crowd. Did he put it up? Can you put that up? I didn't see that part that they lost.

They lost, and then Coach k is at center court and he just basically fucking said it's an embarrassment dude can you pull that up coach k apologizing to crowd dude it's it's fucking awesome dude it's funny you brought that up because i was going to say that after the justin herbert thing oh dude coach k you know what scared me dude i was like wow man that guy coached there for 42 years that's amazing then i thought wait a minute i've been doing stand-up for 30 years what the fuck but he coached a few other places before my biggest sports regret, Paul, one of them, was I was in North Carolina from 1987 to 1988. Jim Valvano was coaching at NC State. A young Coach K was at Duke, and Dean Smith was still at North Carolina,

and I went to zero games. That was some East Coast idiot. Fucking idiot. I don't know what I, I think I just thought like, I don't have any money. I can't get tickets to that shit. I don't know. You can just stand there and scalp a ticket. We went to one of the best last Duke North Carolina games where Duke actually won. We were at like, it was only five, six years ago. I know they've won a couple,

but we went to a great one where they came back. Andrew, can we pull that up or no? It's not. Yeah. Check this out, dude. This is awesome. This is, and then we got any sound or that whole thing falls back. You're like, and then we, wait a minute. don't think, and then we, wait a minute. You have any sound? This isn't part of the program.

This is impromptu by me. I'm sorry about this afternoon. No, please, no. Please, everyone be quiet. Let me just say, it's unacceptable. Today was unacceptable, but the season has been very acceptable. And that right there, Paul, is why

he wins. Listen to what he closes with. The season isn't over. All right. Dude, I'm ready to run through a wall and I don't play any sports dude he just basically sent a message to his bench going this season isn't over and just fucking walk to the

locker room that's the mic drop moment and he didn't have to drop the mic that's an old school guy a mic drop moment and he didn't have to drop the mic back and that's an old school guy has a drop a mic drop moment doesn't even have to fucking touch the microphone yeah rex ryan would have thrown the microphone through the roof ralphie may would have dropped the mic american maze i mean ralphie may rest his soul bunny bastard he used to remember he used to like a minute and a half of stand-up

on, what the fuck was it, Last Comic Standing. And he fucking dropped the mic. We used to tease him about that. God damn it. There's so many dead comics. It's so fucking depressing. Jesus. Yeah, I know.

Yeah, it sucks fucking brutal um what are you doing uh what are you doing this week are you doing anything important bill over there in uh california are you busy at all yeah i know i got uh we got our first big boy week we got five days uh coming up i got a bunch of lines i have to memorize and uh but i gotta tell you you know even though they're like 12 hour days i'm having a fucking blast amazing actors crew the whole fucking thing merrimax has been cool as shit it's uh yeah so um i think people uh i think people are going to like this one. That's great.

I got a really good feeling about it. And no matter what, Paul, I'm making the movie that me and Ben Tishton, my writing partner, want to make. And it's like, yeah, I can't talk too much about it but it's gonna be it's got yeah i'm excited about it very excited that's awesome man that's fucking cool to do especially to fucking write shit and then do it it's so fun when you work with your friends too no i gotta i've been on i've been on on set going like at one point i go dude we sat in this room i called him up one day he's like you

know what you know i just want to drop off i got an idea for a fucking movie and he goes dude we should fucking write that i was like all right you know but then it's like no i'm coming over to mom we just started fucking writing it and um yeah right through the pandemic, Zoom just wrote it and wrote it, rewrote it, and fucking pitching it and people not liking it or saying it was too this or it's too that. And then people going, okay, we'll give you the money for it and we'll completely bend you over. And we're like, well, we're not doing that.

Took a while, but now it's going. I can't believe it no this this shoot is gonna go by so goddamn quick um oh am i gonna smoke a cigar when i go that's a wrap and that's a picture wrap oh oh yeah dude it's gonna be uh that's gonna be a party that's gonna be that's gonna be a party yeah nothing is like the stick when a big piece when a big project is done oh that's oh yeah and then you know what dude then like a fucking like 10 days later i'm gonna be walking fucking augusta with you guys oh dude it's gonna be it's gonna be uh insane but um i can't believe we're going back to the

masters dude like this is gonna be it's like for anybody that but um i can't believe we're going back to the masters dude like this is gonna be it's like for anybody that's been there we we were fortunate enough i was fortunate enough to go in 2010 with bill after we did the punch line together augusta's like walking into a picture dude it's like it's like you're in georgia on this main strip of cars and then you go through this gate and you just step into a picture yeah it's the weirdest thing because right out because i just you just assume that everywhere around there is this whole ritzy area and it isn't it's just literally one of those streets that has all the fucking corporate stores on it it's like a walmart a fucking waffle house oh you know a jiffy lube and shit and then you make a right there you are you are. You're at the masters.

Oh yeah. I can't. And we're going with a nice deep crew. We're rolling in there pretty deep, man. Yeah. It's just going to be, uh, yeah. You got to keep the chit chat. Like, I don't know. I know. We went there on a Sunday. I've never been on there on a Saturday. We're like by Sunday, it's just like the people that have a shot i believe or but like yeah i always heard like thursday's the fun one there's all kinds of people dude i'll tell you we're going i don't know if this is a tradition but if you don't make the cut like the tradition you should

go out and get fucking blind drunk or some shit. That's what somebody tried to tell me. I remember one night I was in a cigar bar, surprise, surprise, out here, and this dude came in solo, fucking hammered. And he's a professional golfer, and he didn't make the cut. He was a young kid. And I'll tell you, dude, he was looking for a fight. He was not a happy drunk. And there was a tattoo parlor right next door and fucking motorcycles out front and i was thinking like if this kid's i i was actually nervous for him like

this kid should not be walking around like we're like hey man how you doing he's like yeah i'm fucking great like he had like that vibe what do you do i'm a golfer yeah well i didn't make the fucking cut today and we were like stone sober looking at him like all right man oh yeah he just felt the uh vibe is brutal anger i didn't see you know what it said you know yeah this guy it's the vibe most of you guys have after you do a round of golf it's one of the funniest things that you oh i do it to get exercise and relax like 9 99 times out of 100 when you fucking call me up paul how was golf you know the first seven holes was great and i got a fucking oh fucking thing it just sounds horrible that guy probably lost out on a lot of money though too and he sounds like a drunk so that's just a bad combo well i mean john daly did pretty well with the liquor

and golf john daly was just like i mean there has to be a movie about that guy but you know what is you can't do it because it's actually pro-alcoholism because the guy was just such a highly functioning and he was unapologetic about it he goes man he goes every one time we were playing a round of golf me and this other guy it starts raining out so they call it and he goes so we just went back and just started drinking dude they kept drinking all night long sun comes up they went back out there in the same clothes and finished the round i mean this guy has stories paul that are just like i mean they dude and just watching him crushing that fucking ball i heard they used to after he would hit they would take they would never show

him until he unless he was hitting because he'd be sitting in his bag like this yeah drinking smoking butts he was smoking cigarettes drinking he put it down and then he would hit i think he hit one of the longest 400 he hit like he was on a public like a municipal course right just crushing crushing crushing he just him and his son just won the father-son thing they just won the father-son oh i love that fucking guy yeah i heard his book is amazing too like he just get but he loves crushing beers he loves like i think alcohol made him just kind of concentrate on the game more where he said i played better when i was drunk yeah which would not be the case for someone like me or you like we would have two beers and all it wouldn't affect

my game either way paul my handicap is like a buck 40 i'm not into where it goes it's i'm into how far it goes like i can't i just grew up playing baseball so i remember one time seeing like there was like the green was here and then behind it was the trees and all i was thinking was i just want to clear those trees it was like wiffle ball what i loved about golf is i kind of went out there alone i kind of went out there alone and i'd get paired up with old men and i just wanted to learn like i was i was a comic you know my wife like worked full-time i was a comic, you know, my wife would like worked full time. I was just like, I didn't have any agent or manager, so I would get up where I could.

So I just got clubs and I would show up to a course and I would pay. And these guys would, and dude, I would play with old men. I didn't know. And I learned and heard some of the funniest shit on a golf course I ever did. One old guy just goes, ah, ah he goes you know why they call it golf i go out he goes because fuck was taken the guy was like 80 right and then another time another time now you're gonna love this one bill you're gonna love this one i might have said this before on a versi effect whatever i i hit a ball and it started out. It was weird. It started out low.

Like it starts grazing the sand, but then just fucking flew up. And like, as it got down, as it kept going down, it started to get good. And I was like, I just probably got lucky. Cause I've seen pros do that. I probably just hit it wrong and got lucky. And this old guy goes, ah, there it is. It's the mother-in-law shot and i go i go what's that he goes yeah the further away it gets the better it looks oh my god that reminds me of an old joke me and patrice joking around one time we came up with this thing you know you describe a girl's looks

it was said that girl has rocket launch good looks cause as she's walking towards you like that girl's a 10 9, 8 that's fucking great oh dude yeah we would say this girl we like that girl's a 10 and i go wait nine he goes eight and then i go oh you know well some of us said one of us said

fucking we go rocket launch rocket launch oh dude that is fucking great no you what about that time when we were in Germany? Oh, look at that girl. She's pretty fucking cute, huh? I don't know, Paul. There's a lot of paint on that house. Remember she had all that makeup on? Oh, she came.

Were we with Kenny then? Something happened. Yeah, we were in a mall in Germany. Oh, dude. There's a lot of paint. I don't know, Paul. There's a lot of i don't know there's a lot of paint on that house oh my that was a great one that was a fucking great i gotta be honest the countdown one might might take the cake oh nine impromptu that's the best um yeah that was another great place just standing out in front of caroline's fucking joking around there was that great pizza place that used to be on the

corners no longer there there was a music store diagonally across i bought every drum instructional videotape i still have those things i can't get rid of them because they're sentimental to me but i have on vhs um oh dude like i i everybody everybody i have every every single one somewhere in my that's another thing too like who do i even give those to why did i buy those i never got any better at drums i used to just like watching them you play still right yeah i do look i'm really good for a comedian dude i'll tell you he's a fucking beast andrew andrew's a beast of a guitarist and songwriter and all that shit i'm telling you he's very you know he's quiet man he's a fucking quiet dude that guy can fucking play yeah hateful and, and he's coming up with his own shit. And, and now that we're Pat and Andrew Semless on the back,

if I grew up in Beverly Hills, I could do that too. Dude, I got an email. Somebody asked, somebody said, Hey, did we go to school together? I grew up in Beverly Hills. I was like, dude, I'm like, I'm like, I did not grow up. Dude, I'm sorry. No, no, no. I don't care. Bill, Bill, Bill called me the, you know, I long time. I used to try to start this rumor that, uh, that Chelsea Peretti was from Sacramento. I used to, cause I used to always tease her about back in the day about being from

Northern California. And I used to try to get this thing going on Twitter. Like how I'd say to Bob Paul, New Jersey zone. I used to do that to her saying Sacramento. Dude, you know how many people have reached out to me and said that? Like, Verzi, what part of Jersey are you from? I'm like, no, dude, I'm not. I'm not from Jersey, dude. I don't really like driving.

I'm a New Yorker. They're like, oh, I just thought, or like people, but Jersey's own. And I'm like, no, no, no. Pride of Trenton. Like, no, dude, no nah uh four years four years since you opened for me you're still shaking that off i gotta get that stink off still paul's paul's first the newark clipper paul's first your first appearance on the mond Morning Podcast was eight years ago last week. Wow.

What? That was that Canada trip? That was only eight years ago? Eight years ago last Thursday. Oh, yeah. We were like gone for the whole month of March. Yeah, but I did it at your house one time when we went to that Little Dom's restaurant. No, no, but the first time you did it, we were in

that hotel room, and that was the time you said if i could go back in time i'd take a time machine go back to the revolutionary war no i remember i remember that but i did it one other time at your house before that when we went out to little doms to eat yeah i think this was just the full first full one but that was like the first full one where the the time machine one which is still when somebody did an animation of it was great somebody did an animation of it coming out with uzis and shit it was great um but and then you'd say to george washington you're welcome he was going to come out and just start lacing red coats no the line was i you said paul they would freaking be so freaked out and kill you, you know, like they or something like they did to Jesus or something.

I know I go, I'd be Jesus. And you go, yeah, look what they did to him. They killed him. And I go, he didn't have an Uzi. And then there was dead silence when Bill asked what happens when you run out of bullets. Oh, yeah. Yeah, what happens when you run out of ammo and i just had nothing i'll bring enough i'll bring enough hang on i'll be right back

jump back in the time machine all right i gotta i gotta get out of here because uh i found a place that recycles flat screen tvs and there's there's one that's been in my garage forever so oh there you go there's a nice little way to wrap this up is talking about don't hoard get rid of your shit yeah all right well guys this has been oh pretty soon i'm gonna be in la and we going to be doing anything better in the studio. But until then, we'll be back. No, this has been episode 56, everybody. We really appreciate you subscribing, listening, liking. Check out the Monday Morning Podcast, the Verzi Effect, YouTube channels.

And oh, this week. Oh, this is going to come out too late, so it doesn't matter. March, guys. March 31st to April 2nd, I'll be in providence then i will be with bill oh wow this is the first time i'm saying this in a long time me and joe bartnick will be with bill burr birmingham alabama i'll be there macon georgia i will be there and then i have all other dates going to my god dude who tampa san diego go to paulversey.com. Sorry. Who loves going to the deep south more than you, me, and Bartnick?

Oh, dude. And we're driving, dude, and we're going to run into somebody who's out there. We're going to be driving along from Birmingham to whatever the main road is to Macon, Georgia. If there's a barbecue spot out there someplace we need to stop, let us know.

Are we going to be on a bus or no no oh okay oh jesus paul now you're making me feel bad we're doing two dates i gotta get a tour bus me i want to be able to retire someday me and bill were in charleston south carolina walking to a deli i had jordan shorts on flip-flops and an eli nose t-shirt on and i was walking back with prosciutto with you do you remember that yeah and i remember they were looking at both of us they were looking at both of us like we were in the witness protection program it was really you i would just look like some fucking, you know, orange idiot, but I was walking with you. Yeah. Paul, you look like, yeah, you were looking for an off track betting. No, dude,

you look like what you were. You look like a, you look like an East coast Irish fucking kid too. Don't, don't put it all on me. We looked like what we should have looked like. I'm just saying they made more mob movies about your people than my people. That's all I'm saying. That's true. Which, by the way, have you seen Ireland going in? Ireland going in, talking about, like, how all of these wars caused what you're seeing, you know, in the Ukraine right now.

It was talking about all this horrible shit that's going on in Afghanistan and all that stuff. People selling their kids. It's fucking horrible, dude. dude it's just like so i don't watch you it's just like how do you stop these fucking world leaders how do they live with themselves yeah and how do they just lie to everybody and then we all stay behind the paywall just believe oh yeah when we do it it's okay it's just fucking horrible man shit is fucking i don't want to end on this shit all right just don't put an addition on your house all right yeah listen go to paulverde.com for my dates go see bill you're gonna see us now we had a great time this has been episode 56 we'll be back uh we'll be back next week oh you see what's happening to the turtles. All right. I'll see you.

Take care guys. Thank you. you