Anything Better? - People Say 'He's A Nice Guy'

Episode Date: January 15, 2022

Bill and Paul talk about TV crushes, generosity, and blackface. Helix: is offering up to 200 dollars off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners at www.HelixSleep.com/BETTER Better Help: Get 10% off  your first month by visiting our sponsor at BetterHelp.com/ANYTHING BETTER

what's up everybody and welcome back to another episode of the anything better podcast with your host paul verzi bill burr we got the greek freak out there in uh what is it out there he's in massachusetts going back to the compound in Beverly Hills next week. You guys are listening to episode number 48. And I don't know, Bill. I mean, 48. Can you think of somebody offhand? I can't.

Who? New England Patriots. Tim Fox, the great Ohio State Buckeye. One of the hardest hitting safeties during his era. Wow. That's a good. I have no. I don't remember.

I don't. I can't think of a 48. It's got to be a great pitcher. Number 48. Eric Gagne. Yeah. Eric Gagne. Yeah.

But Eric Gagne was fucking good for a year. Then they found out he fucking. That's not true. He was good for a couple of years. Dave Stewart. Dave Stewart. That's a true. He was good for a couple of years. Dave Stewart. Dave Stewart. That's a good one. It's a great one.

Did he pass away? Rest his soul if he did. I think he might have. He was on the Oakland Athletics. Great, great pitcher. If he didn't, I'm sorry if he didn't pass away. I didn't know. Torrey Hunter passed away i found

out we were trying to we needed a name in our script you know for a reporter so we were just picking old red socks names like obscure ones and uh i picked gary hancock i got his autograph in like the late late 70s early 80s i got his autograph here this tom selleck mustache just cool dude i just saw he passed away 61 years of weight well didn't he passed away in like 2015 61 years of age so that's sad rest in peace gary hancock shit um um most obscure new york yankee that you remember give me a name obscure meaning like like just didn't didn't matter a cup of coffee came up for a cup of coffee you got his autograph oh shit man um my favorite yankee was mel hall He put the one leg out straight and then he leaned back and he, yeah, he was my favorite number 27. And then I heard he went to jail for something brutal,

but I don't know how long he was there. So I would remember, I remember Mel Hall never got an autograph. I never got an autograph as a kid. Well, actually one guy named Mike Bowers, he was like, he was in the minor leagues. They called him up for a game. Everybody was psyched. He was signing autographs. I never saw the guy again, but Mike Bowers. Well, good for him, man. If you get up to Yankee stadium, sign some autographs, you never know if you're going to come back. Yeah. Gary Hancock.

He was an outfielder when we had like rice, Fred Lynn and, and Dwight Evans. So he was having a hard time trying to get up through our system, and then he ended up with the Oakland Athletics. You know, so he was up in the league for like five, six years, seven years or something like that. What were we talking about where we said, let's save this for the podcast? We were texting back and forth about something,

and we were going back and forth. I think we were on the phone, and we were going, and I go, oh, dude, we got to say this. It wasn't for teams that go for it all the time, was it? It was if you were a coach. Fuck, I got to remember we were having a really good we're having a really good discussion on on coaches. Shit. I forgot what the fuck it was, but I'm never going to remember with my old ass brain. I got to be honest, dude. I was talking to Bill on the phone. I know this podcast is coming out a week, but Ben Roethlisberger, dude, it was it did something to me where I was like, oh, man, like this kind of sucked. Like I was like watching it and then he's walking through the tunnel and it really sucked. I remember saying to Jerry Ferraro one time, I said to Jerry Ferraro,

I said, Jerry, why does the Kobe death really bug me more than other ones? And he goes, yeah, me too. And he goes, he's our age. Like Kobe Bryant and I, I think we're like, rest his soul. We're like certain amount. And it really, and I realized like when you grow up with something, so watching Ben, because Ben came in the league when Phillip Rivers and Eli Manning did in 04 and then seeing him crying and waving to his family. And I'm going, I'm getting older. He's getting older.

Like a whole generation of football passed me by. And like, he didn't want to leave the field. He walked around with his hand out and he went around the whole stadium, like, and stood there as kids ran out. And I was just like, dude, this is like an end of a, it's sad, man. It's fucked me up. It's like, maybe the Kobe thing was his daughter and just the whole way. There was just fucking horrific.

But I'll tell you the one that got me this week was Betty white. Yeah just the whole way there was just fucking horrific. But I'll tell you, the one that got me this week was Betty White. Yeah, rest her soul. Betty White. I remember watching the Mary Tyler Moore show as a little boy when like they were new episodes.

And now every major cast member on that show has passed away. The only person left is John Amos, who was in the background, who ended up being on Good Times, was played Mr. The only person left is John Amos, who was in the background, who ended up being on Good Times, was played Mr. McDowell, or whatever, McDowell's from Coming to America.

He's the only guy, like, I think Ted Baxter passed away first. And then, I don't know. Dude, they're all gone. One time I did Conan O'Brien. I was the comedy guest, the standup guest and Mary Tyler Moore was the,

was one of the main guests. And she walked by things. She smiled, walked in. I was like, Hey, I got to meet her for a second. And I saw one time I did a voiceover and Ed Asner was there for something else so it's like oh my god that's

fucking lou grant wow um i know i don't think i saw and i don't think i saw any anybody else from that show but that's the thing we're like that in like bands there's like bands i listen to now where all the members are dead and like when i was a kid they were all alive except maybe like jimmy hendrix where all three of them are dead but um jimmy was you know he died when i was like two but like uh yeah that kind of becomes uh you know it's just brutal it's brutal because it just really shows how like a guy that you see in the pocket scrambling, ducking and throwing things, you're like, he's going to, you know, he's been there 18 years. Then you're like, no, he can't do it anymore.

Well, that's the first thing. The first thing is you see athletes retire. And you're like, wow, man, I'm old enough to be like a has been a former great in the NFL. Right. And then you get to the point where they actually die it's like what the fuck yeah um that's why tom brady being the age he is makes a lot of guys in their 40s go i'm still young man i know what we were doing i know what we were doing we were looking up quarterbacks that played when he, when he,

who the starting quarterbacks were when he first started out. It's just, obviously they're all gone because he's the oldest quarterback in the league, but I think you could go all the way to like the mid two thousands. And there's like a couple of guys like big Ben after Philip rivers and drew breeze and all of those guys left over the past couple of years uh eli payton back in like 2015 2016 like that whole class of people yeah just gone and there's not even like a steve deberg type of guy clip clipboard guy, hanging around, a Vinny Testaverde.

Yeah, I think out of 32 NFL teams, every generation has the eight to ten guys that stick, but five of them are like legends, like the Favres and the Patons and then Drew Brees. Dude, what's his name is coming up on over double-digit years and won a Super Bowl and went to two. Your boy Russell Wilson, man, like he's been a staple. Dude, he's a great quarterback. I love that guy. Oh, that guy would get so many more props if he didn't play way up in the corner there. Playing in Seattle, man, I'm telling you,

you've got to be like Ken Griffey Jr. level for people to even notice, especially like on the East Coast where like so much of the shit gets churned out. It's like we're in bed by the time they're playing those late night baseball games and hoop games and shit. All right, I got one for you. I got one for you. If you had to guess, what is Sneaky Pete's next move? If I had to guess, his next move is to beat the fucking arizona cardinals and to hold on to his job oh you think he's staying as a coach there

okay yeah i mean i don't uh i don't know what the problem and they're saying russell wants to leave but i mean i felt like he kind of would have that's kind of died down is he a free agent after this year uh yeah but I mean all directions are he wants out I think he said there's three or four teams he'd like to go to I think uh dude I'll tell you what's weird is Aaron Rodgers just keeps alluding to the fact that he's done there he's like oh it's been it's been they're like, yeah, but you love playing there. And he smirked. He was on Pat McAfee and he smirked and he goes, I love football. And they were like, they started laughing.

And he's like, I know, I just love playing football. But I thought they gave him some big ass contract. No, no, he didn't take it. He declined it. He declined it. You know, so I think he's going to do the I think he's gonna do the LeBron going back to Cleveland winning one and then being like all right you know thanks but you know that's what I think but who knows who knows I mean going back to Cleveland winning one he's been with the

Packers the whole time where's he going back to no no no like I think winning I think after they had that little thing and then he went back you you know, because he said he wants out this year. He said he didn't want to play this year. He was calling teammates going, I'm out. And they were like, did everything for him. And he's like, all right, I'll play one more year, but I'm not taking the contract thing. So I think he's just going to – I think regardless win or lose,

I think he's going to – I think he's gone. But, yeah, maybe the LeBron James thing was a bad analogy. And Russell Wilson's up in 2024. His contract. Yeah, yeah. But no, no, he could get out, though. He could get out with a trade if he's not, if he says he wants a trade or whatever. Some bad teams have two, you know, two picks in the NFL draft.

But I don't know. Where do you go? I mean, there are that many good teams to go to and russell wilson's gonna be new york who he wants to go he his first choice reported on on ian rapaport just reported he he wants to go he wants to play for the giants and i don't you know the giants are in fucking oh man go fuck yourselves you fucking pussies i fucking can't i fucking hate you goddamn big market fucking douchebags this is stuff everybody's a fucking instagram athlete i want to go where all the media is you guys would have to sit in the cesspool of shit that you fucking created same

as the fucking lakers and they never have to pay for their sins everybody wants to go fly out there and banks fucking who's the boss chick or whatever the fuck's going on out there it's fuck out fuck the giants yeah that fucking annoys the fucking shit out of me god forbid a team in new york and la goes five years and they suck because they made the wrong moves before some free agent who wants to get an aqua velvet contract comes riding into town to save your fucking lives well I don't think he's gonna save our lives somebody goes I want to go to Buffalo and maybe finally get them their first fucking they don't no dude they have nobody jumps on a fucking private jet to go negotiate with cincinnati no what's funny is agents said that some of their clients give them cities

they won't go to they're just like i'm not going to jacksonville i'm not fucking going didn't eli start that didn't eli start that when they said we're not going to San Diego I want to go to Johnson that was the first John Elway wouldn't go to the Colts John Elway was John I remember that yeah he wouldn't go to the Colts but he wasn't wrong they were a shit organization and he was just like I'm not going to just

you know he all of those Cleveland Brown quarterbacks that fucking and Joey Harrington those types of guys that went to these awful fucking teams and who knows what they would have done you just go into a terrible franchise with no offensive line and you spent three a three-year NFL career and you're fucking back on astroturf back then so John Elway was smart um Eli Manning was smart was it drew breeze no eli no it was it was a flip it was it was philip rivers and eli got drafted rivers to the giants eli to the chargers and they

just for something out of eli was like i'm not going i'm not playing there was some reason eli didn't want to go there but the chargers granted granted him whatever, which I don't know why. Yeah, Archie got involved in that. But what if the Chargers just said, no, he's our pick? Kobe Bryant did that with the fucking Charlotte Hornets. I'm not playing for those guys. And the NBA goes, all right, where do you want to go? L.A.

for those guys in the NBA goes, all right, where do you want to go? LA. Hey man, listen, it's really tough though to go to LA. No dude, it's gotta be hard for a guy to go to LA with his family and see palm trees and a beach and be like, ah, fuck. I, you know, it's, trees and a beach and be like ah fuck i you know it's you know you guys are sitting in fucking la right it's like it's dope it's a fucking you know i would rather be back on the east coast this is just where this business is dude la is not dope la is one of the hardest fucking cities you're ever gonna live in well listen i listen i you're Fucking. I don't shit on it, though. I don't shit on it. Like I I like it in the doses I go out there. I'm like, dude, this is like I like like I can tell what the lyric that I have a problem with is the New York, New York one. If I can make it there, I can make it anywhere.

That's not true. make it anywhere that's not true the amount of new york comics that move out to la and fucking come back with their tail between their legs back in new york is i've run out of like now notebook paper to write those fucking names down la is fucking brutal la is a great place if you're working if you're not working dude that sun beating down on your head every day becomes like brown dog day there's no weather. You just sit. It's like time has stopped and you're getting older. It's fucking, it's a bizarre place, dude.

It's really bizarre. It is still a great place, but like it is not, you know. Dude, it's like when they fucking show New York. What do they got? You go to the Statue of Liberty. When was the last time you went to the fucking Statue of Liberty? Field trip in fifth grade? No, I went with my son's field trip like three years ago.

And, yeah, it was – no, I'm sorry. We went to Ellis Island. We went to Ellis Island, which is pretty cool. But, yeah, I mean, if an 18-year-old kid goes out there and he bangs a movie star, it's like, all right, I'll play for the Clippers. No, I mean, that's what it is. Yeah.

It's really, I don't know, free agency is something that needed to happen. But just like unions, like unions needed to happen. But eventually the abused becomes the abuser but isn't it dope bill isn't it dope to be the guy that goes to the buffalo bills and fucking the bills are the shit and you got that whole buffalo dude when the buffalo bills made the playoffs last year the bus showed up the entire city was like at the airport crying and they didn't win shit but they were all there it was like fucking when michael jackson rest of soul like showed up to asia and people were fainting that's what it was and i'm like there's got to

be something cool about being the star of that team being the star of those small markets you know what i mean you imagine that level of fame somebody sees you when they they lose consciousness i don't think i was blessed with those looks if somebody just fucking fainted i mean i i would burst out laughing if somebody saw me and fainted i would fucking burst out laughing or I would be totally weirded out. I'd be like, what are you doing? I fucking flunked everything in high school and I drink root beer.

Get up off the ground. You're making an ass of yourself. So listen, this, there's a tweet. There was a tweet today that the post put out and it says, and then I retweeted and said this, it says that a study showed a celebrity,

celebrity obsessed people are less intelligent. New study boldly claims. And then I wrote, I mean, did they really need a study to figure this out? Because it's like, if you give a fuck what Jim Scarlett Johansson is working out in and that's like shit you talk about there's no way on an intellectual people are dating I've always found that fascinating dude if I ever went out on a date when I was single and the the woman sitting next to me was like oh my god did you hear about will and jada pickett smith i would instantly be like this is over this is fucking over you know what's funny my wife was so excited

when ben affleck and jennifer lopez got back together i go really she goes i love them together i love them i love them as a. I think that's like a woman thing. They just dig it into like the romance and all of that, that type of stuff. Yeah. Plus like, it was probably like a nostalgia thing too because she saw that when she was in New York and it was all that shit. And then it's back. I was into a celebrity couple when I was a kid, I was into some, when Lee majors was with Farrah Fawcett, I thought that was a –

I was like, oh, my God. She likes him. Like, I didn't even – like, that was before the internet. So as a kid, like, you didn't even really even know what sex was. It was like she hugs him and kisses him. Like, you didn't even know what was going on. And he was this $6 million man. That's great. And he was this six million dollar man oh that's great and he was with farrah faucet i was just like what the fuck that one i was into i think that was probably the last one that i gave a shit about fuck i'm old i'll tell you i

remember when ginger rogers got with carrie grant i really got my knickers in a bunch My first My first crush ever My first crush ever I was like 8 or 9 Remember Growing Pains Which was a Tracy Gold It was Kirk Cameron's It was Kirk Cameron's sister

It was Kirk Cameron's sister In Growing Pains And I was like 8 or 9 And she was the sarcastic smart ass who would just come in the kitchen and start breaking balls and all that shit and she had the puffy hair and I remember being like yo man I gotta get with her I was like eight eight or nine she was literally she was like my imaginary girlfriend I just picture you already shaved one of those early puberty kids

no first shave i had i was uh first shave i had i was like it was like peach files like 13 14 i had all right dude i can go literally show for show and i'll tell you who my crush was when i was a kid growing up. Okay. Yep. All right. Charlie's Angels was Kate Jackson, also from the Rookies. Okay. Facts of Life. At first, I was into Blair.

Then I got into Jo. I thought she was cool because she rode a motorcycle. Just had nice teeth. Different Strokes, I like Janet Jackson. I didn't give a fuck about Janet when she was on what was it? Good Times. When she was Penny. But when she

was like Charmaine or whatever. I don't remember her on Good Times. No, not Good Times. Different strokes. Oh, okay. The lovely Nia, everybody. We're talking sports out here. We're talking about childhood crushes on TV shows.

Oh, I'm not here. Eight is enough. Elizabeth, the chick with the straight hair. I think that was... I'm naming shows you don't even fucking know. No, I remember Eight is Enough Was that Dick Van Patten

Yeah I don't know He banged this chick eight times And she died with the final childbirth After eight kids And then they brought the other woman in Or maybe he killed her They never really explained it And then they, they brought the other woman in or maybe he killed her. They never really explained it. And then he kind of had a younger, hotter,

like really younger, hotter, uh, wife on that show. First, first actress I whacked off to was Edith bunker. Oh, I had, I had granny issues. You know what was funny? I never got into the woman on that show. She was always whining. Yeah. Yeah, I wasn't into her.

Oh, no, you're talking, that's family ties, right? On Alice. Oh, I'm thinking of Tina Yothers. I'm sorry. Tina Yothers. No, I liked the Bateman. Justine. Justine Bateman. Oh, she's beautiful. And then

she's a director. That show, Alice. Alice with Flo and Vera. show alice alice with flo and vera stow it dingy with mel's diner you never saw that one i used to like alice dude what about old what about like sitcoms that weren't like that because dude i remember watching them with my grandmother rest her soul my yaya my greek grandmother and i told you we talked about this before mentioning betty white rest her soul but we we watched a ton of Golden Girls. But dude, I watched Mr. Belvedere. Remember hanging with Mr. Cooper, Mark Curry?

I never saw an episode. That show was on forever. Dude, hanging with Mr. Cooper. He was like a coach, right? He was a a coach right he was a basketball coach yeah he mark curry still lights out comedian he came into the store a few years ago and and that guy's that guy still got it no dude he fucking he toured with kat williams dude kat williams does something no comedian i've ever seen or heard of does he first of all his show is like two and a half hours he because my buddy opened for it my buddy hosted it dude he brings four national headline monsters that have been doing it 20 30 years and has them all do like 25 minutes it's literally like a show of what is left by the time he gets up dude like mark curry what's the guy uh red oh my god there was another guy dude like and i saw the list and it was like that guy that guy that guy and then i heard he comes out like

an hour and 15 minutes after the show starts and fucking just like it's like i was like holy and mark curry was one and i heard he killed. I heard Mark Curry fucking killed still. No, Cat Williams is like, that guy's one of the best guys to ever do it. I don't think people understand that. And also, like, he's still one of my favorite actors, too. Ah, fuck, my phone's going to die. That one, who's Goddamn White Baby? Is that fucking scene? And you know that

that was so much that was improv. They had the premise and that was just off the top of his head. That guy is fucking brilliant, man. Yeah, no, for sure. I'm gonna have to sit on the floor of it and plug in my phone or Mr. Belvedere.

Wasn't Bob Euchre in Mr. Belvedere? Yes, he was Jesus Christ I can't believe that got cancelled When you have a career 230 hitter As part of your fucking cast Okay Got it

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H E L P.com slash anything better for 10% off your first month. All right, here we are. I'm in the bunker. My wife's laughing at me. What do you want from me? You look like you're being held hostage And you gotta make a video for your family I know, you're a professional comedian Like, what are you doing? Oh, I just don't show people my house

You ever saw that Don't Fuck With Cats? All they see is one little chip of paint on the wall And next thing you know You're getting arrested for something That's fucking hilarious what was so funny don't fuck with cats but you know people just can go missing and just nobody gives a shit and this guy was like sticking cats in like plastic bags and vacuuming all the air out and just letting them die and these these cat lovers got so fucking mad they're like we're gonna we're gonna find this fucking guy and they did and he was just like a lot of

serial killers where he started out with animals and then moved up to people dude that documentary freaked what animal would you start with and what what what person would you kill i mean i can't i shot a i shot a bird when i got a pellet gun 13 and i cried like a baby and i i don't go hunting i can't do it that's a bird man they don't even have hands i mean how can they defend themselves no dude it was beautiful dude blue jays like you ever see a fucking cardinal blue jay man it's like i don't like killing anything dude i don't like killing it my wife is like we saw a big spider in the house i mean i mean big this is hilarious i don't like killing anything every time i go out for a meal you get the veal no i mean but that's listen it's already i'm doing it a disservice

you know the thing i'm not gonna let the thing die for nothing. Thing's in the freezer. But you're making them have to make more veal by you eating it. Dude, I have it like twice a year. I just saw a guy fucking go to the supermarket. He had a fish tank and he was looking for a new pet. He saw the fucking live lobsters and he took the thing home

and he had it as a pet dude so he takes the rubber bands off and he takes the little peg thing out that they have and it couldn't even open his claws because they atrophy because they stay like that like same thing you get frozen shoulder he added that with his claws and he fucking had a little rubber tube when he'd stick it in there that they would open and close doing like rehab with it he started feeding it he brought it back to health they're really really interesting little animals and i already didn't eat lobsters that whole shit where they boil them alive and they go oh they don't feel it how the fuck do you know you don't speak lobster do you boil anything alive it feels it

how does it what do you mean it doesn't feel it you know what they do a lot now is they take a knife and they stick it on the back of the head and they right before they drop it in that's what i've been saying forever yeah a lot a lot of people do that you had been talking about that on the podcast a couple people were sending in other videos of them killing monsters to whack the fucking thing and then two behind the ear two behind the head and then you throw the thing in the fucking um dude i was talking to brett ernst yesterday and we were crying laughing because we know this italian dude who doesn't know how to it's real too he doesn't know how to take how somebody said something to him. So he's one of

these guys do we were crying. He's one of these guys that like, yeah, you know, he said I had a beautiful family. How should I take that? He would always look for the fucking, like, was there disrespect or like, he would always have to go to the bathroom. And one comic said something to him. I can't mention the name, but people know him. He was in a green room in, uh, I think in Philadelphia. And this comic was like, look at you, man. Good looking Italian kid. He goes, look at you, man. Good looking. That's why you're getting these gigs or something. So he goes, you know, I had to excuse myself. I had to excuse myself. I went to the bathroom and I just, I said, listen, I'm going to fucking smack this kid. I just don't, you know, I don't know.

So then he finally went over there and he said to the guy's name, I'll tell you after he goes, yeah, can I, I need to talk to you for a second. Totally freaked the other guy out. And he goes, you know, I took what you said as disrespect and it was really fucking the other guy goes. And here's the best part though. The guy that he did it to was being a fucking dick was being a fucking asshole. And I know the dude, and he's in a passive aggressive cocksucker and bill. When I tell you who it is after you're going to be like, Oh shit. And this kid just, I mean, the kid is way too in tune with it.

He's way too in tune with the, the passive aggression so he had to like walk away he fights every battle he fights every battle instead of just being like i'm never gonna work with that guy again that guy's a passive aggressive asshole he's just like i didn't really i didn't really appreciate how you said that to me and the guy goes nah man i'm sorry but the guy that did it's a dick and never been called out like that and fucking totally shut down what's right too. He doesn't go around carrying shit. That fucking guy, you know,

he did me three years ago. You want to fuck? He did. He doesn't have any of that. Yeah. See, I have that. That's what I do.

I'll call you. I thought you were pretty good. I, yeah, I do that. I'll tell you, I told you about my week, you know,

my favorite fucking expression out there other than my ass hurts on a hardwood floor is no good deed goes unpunished. Yes. I'm sorry, right? That is one of the truest fucking things in the goddamn world. No, you try to do something nice to somebody. The amount of fucking assholes that come out of the woodwork and just start giving you fucking, why'd you do it this way? Why don't you do it that way?

I swear to God, Paul. I swear to God, man. No. No more. No more. I'm done with that shit. shit you know what you're a car dealer office shift yeah i'm done you're a car dealer office shift dude you can't yeah and here's the other thing you do a good deed for somebody and you think you think that there should be no grief there should be no grief but no no yeah you know what i find ends up happening paul you're talking to their lawyers it's fucking unbelievable the amount of times that has happened to me trying to do something nice to somebody it is just

fucking i'm just done with it i'm done but can i can i tell you something though and i don't mean to be disrespectful you're gonna call me i don't think i like how you began this question you're gonna call me after the podcast that thing you said i don't know how to take it no but i would go as far as to say you're almost too generous you're you're such a generous dude that like i i'm you've been listen i think i'm a nice guy okay i'm a nice fucking guy you are the type of guy where i go like i'll be like they say hey paul you're a nice guy you've done shit i don't know how to take that what do you mean i'm stupid stupid nice what am i fucking naive no i you you're you do shit sometimes for people that i'm even like wow man that's like i mean above and fucking beyond and then it just raging what no no you're not a jerk

off you're not a jerk off that because there's the other saying what's the other saying you know you know the one i lost it you know the one though like what goes around comes around good you know what how does it go you know what goes around when a good person does something no you have it you have it you just don't have confidence you're saying it right say it what goes around comes around that's one right you got it yeah yeah and karma is you know is a thing so it's just like i believe in all that i believe paul you were crushing the book report and then i realized you only read half the book I believe in all that. I believe in all that. Paul, you were crushing the book report,

and then I realized you only read half the book. Hey, you know, it goes around, comes around, and, you know, karma is a thing. So, Stitch and Time is going to save you a few minutes. You know, Sticks and Stones, my break might start going into younger ones. But I also can make a house, you know sticks and stones my brake might start going into younger ones but i also can make a house you know but i'm not a pig but the best one i heard coming up my fucking stone driveway i'm gonna shoot him in the fucking head um but we the bet here's the best quote oh

his phone went what's the wait wait how do i do this? Decline, decline. All right, go ahead. There's a quote, my favorite quote, one of my favorite quotes, you know, is the guy that says people fail at their give up their dreams for what they want now. Fuck, I fucked it up. I got to figure it out. My wife dying laughing, listening to you right now. No, no, it fucked it up. I got to figure it out. My wife is dying laughing listening to you right now. No, no, it's the fucking. Another favorite saying of yours, Paul, that you can't quite remember.

Hold on, hold on. I got to get this one. You know, it's like what they say. You know, those teachers that do that stuff can't do it if they really wanted to. Sound like one of the Bowery boys. No. He's on the Sopranos. You know what? Sopranos, where they're always messing up the sayings and they're

mispronouncing words. Damn it. It's really good though. It's a good one. It's like a... Remember it, man. I'm telling you, your head would be spinning right now. No, it's a good one it's like uh remember it man i'm telling you your head would be spinning right now no it's it's uh it's perfect actually are your top five sayings um my top five quotes whatever just what i just want to hear you say them because you

well my favorite my favorite quote you know john Wooden, failure to prepare is preparing to fail. That's my favorite one. The other one is the best thing a father can do for their children is love their mother. That's another really epic one. But then this one here about the dreams thing, I got to find it. I got to find it. What's yours? I like what goes around comes around, too. That's a good one.

I just love you. You always nail the first two. And then it just gets real vague after that. I'm going to find it. They would do on the, you stitch in time, saves nine and look both ways because, you know, one man's meatcakes, another man's hamburger. Thanks, Paul. Oh, God.

The guy on ESPN said it. Dude, it's driving me nuts. I got to find it. I said it the other day, but it's perfect. It's basically like people aren't looking at the long game. It's like they're giving up on things just because of like what they want now they're doing it quicker than that and i'll find it and i'll yeah of course do what's that carry some old wrinkled up dude because they want all the money now and then they just sit there praying the guy's gonna die and

then he does it and then they have to go downtown again on that wrinkled mess did you see that jeffrey bezos picture did you say andrew can you pull that up to andrew can you pull what i want to we want to write under that what i want to write under that picture find the predator like which one he looks like a creep and what is she doing with that old man he looks i mean yeah like he it almost looks like a halloween like night like they're on burgundy night you think he's wearing a man girdle like man spanks no dude i'd say he's a nice sport coat over what he had on he would have looked so much better oh the glasses being the glasses being heart-shaped is brutal he looks like jason says some grandfather theyatham, but yeah.

Listen, Bill Burr may say I fuck up sayings. Bill has fucked up names. Jason Statham. I mean, you. What's his name? His name is Jason Statham. What did I say? That's what I said.

Statham. Statham. I didn't hear. Oh, it's that. Whatever. He's worth $100 million. I'm sure he's all right. I'm a fan.

I'm a fucking fan. Lock, stock, and four smoking barrels. Right? He's in that, right? He was in that. No, he wasn't in that. A Guy Ritchie movie. He did.

You like Dags? Isn't it too? Snatch. Whatever. Yeah, he wasn't in that one, though. That was Johnny Depp. Johnny Depp, I know. Bill called my cousin Vinny Uncle Vinny's.

I literally forget movies the second I'm done seeing them. Mariana Rivera was Manny Rivera for three years. Jason Statham was in that movie Paul he was in Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and Johnny Depp absolutely Johnny Depp was not in that movie I rebooted it I gave him four smoking barrels oh Johnny Depp was in

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas right yes well yeah that's like yeah alright you know I mean what was that movie I called The Last Days of Dracula Yeah. All right. You know. I mean, what was that movie I called The Last Days of Dracula? Interview with the Vampire.

Interview with the Vampire. It was Brad Pitt, right? Yeah. I called it The Last Days of Dracula. My God. The amount of times I accidentally make my wife laugh her ass off as i'm trying to remember the names of movies and the people that were in them i just can't fucking uh it's so stupid if you fucking catch a screen pass in 1980 i still remember your name but i'll watch you for two hours in a movie theater it's just old old brain. You just can't remember stuff.

Oh, my God, dude. Yeah. The movie name thing that you've messed up. You had a couple doozies. But actor's name. No, because sometimes you'll take two names and put it in this one. Like Manny Rivera. You were clearly thinking of Manny Ramirez and Mariano Rivera. Yeah.

That's the only thing I could think of. I don't know. I don't fucking know. Not the brightest bulb bulb. Hey, I can't. What goes around comes around, you know? It just does. Bill, karma's a thing.

You know something? I never really thought about what goes around, comes around. Is it like a boomerang? Kind of like what you throw out there, comes back around? Yeah. What you put, I never, like so much shit, I've never thought about it. Really? Will you stop looking at it with your superior?

What do you mean you're leaving? No, come over here. Do a guest spot. Come on. Pull up some hardwood floor over here. I don't want to bust in on your podcast there. No.

Hi. Hey. How are you? Okay. All right. You don't want to do it. Yeah. She's a woman. I have to be chairs and a fucking table and a microphone. Oh, wow. Chairs.

I really got these high standards asking for a chair, huh? Yeah, she doesn't want to sit on a hardwood floor, Bill. Wedge between two pieces of furniture. No, no thank you. You know? Hey, I'm earning Fucking money over here So we can have Bologna sandwiches

Alright That was a good one What goes around Does come around though Yeah go order the sandwiches Cause I gotta do I gotta punch up A script after

Go order the sandwiches That I got to do it. I got to punch up a script after. Go order the sandwiches. That was fucking the most Italian I've ever heard you. Go order the sandwiches. Yeah, they want to go somewhere. They want to go somewhere and make something that should take 20 minutes, take two fucking hours. Yeah.

It's unreal. Want to go out to lunch? They got a great little feeding area. Let me ask you you a question did you ever do something that came back do you ever do something bad and it came back to you yeah yeah i mean do you have other other than that or god hates me had a lot of bad days no no i mean mimic I mean, mimic. I mean, like mimic what you did. Like I remember doing stupid shit like breaking into cars. And then I come out when I lived in Queens and my car was broken into like shit like that. You broke into your own car. Goes around, comes around.

I was so guilty that i went outside this guy also has a beautiful 1994 maroon oh fuck this is my car um i mean i'm sure i'm sure something i don't fucking know i just like every day paul every day, Paul, every day. There's just shit coming your way. Is it because of shit you did last week or is it because that's just how life is? I would say not the latter. I would say that there is a something going on. Oh yeah.

And that's great. What Paul vibes. Oh, yeah. And that's based on what, vibes? Yeah, man. I've had things happen where I'm like, that's hard to explain other than, you know, I believe in coincidence only so far. My brother lives in Idaho on the border of Washington State, like 20 minutes away from like Spokane. And they took a trip out to Montana and they showed pictures and stuff like, dude, that is like the, the idea, the pleasure I get thinking about me sitting in a cabin in Montana fishing with no fucking any devices is amazing. And I, I want to do that with my wife one time, you know,

I would do that. Yeah. I've become a, uh, I've become a go near the ocean or go in the country type of guy. Um, I, I am New York city. I was there last night. I got out of the car. I mean, granted it's a ghost town because of what's going on there now, but I just looked around and I was like, I did this. I did this. I lived here for a while. I always come I'm done with cities, man. this. I lived here for a while. I always come. I'm done with cities, man. I love being away and I'm starting to really love the ocean more. So we're going to get a cigar shop. We got to get a cigar shop and a pizza pot. Paulie's listen, this is the Paulie's pizza parlor. And we got to come up with the name for the, for the smoke shop next to each other and, and just getting top quality cigars. what did you say you want

to do a little barber shop too yeah a barber shop and then legal masseuse no fucking horse no horse you got to keep the whores away legal massage yeah dude we will some old russian woman that just beats the shit out of you you can then put your hand above and open the cupboard again the question is where we go and no davidoff cigars no davidoff no because if you fucking if you get them you got to take their hold they make you buy their whole line that's why when you go into some of those i hate those fucking fucking Davidoff ones. Cause you go in and 80% of that product is going to be those fucking Davidoff cigars. The Davidoffs are good, but they, a couple, two, three are good, but I don't want to, you know, I like a variety.

Shout out to my boy, Josh in Australia, who sent me 10 of the best cigars in the world, the greatest companies, the Cubans, they're fucking, and I got them. And when I come out to LA, I'm giving a couple to you. We'll smoke it. But, dude, I don't care what anybody says. People are like, oh, you know. I don't care what they say about you, bitch. Cubans aren't as good.

Cubans are overrated. They're not. I just had a Hoyo de monterey that was fucking it was i'll tell you no no no because they're smoking fake ones i'll tell you what's overrated overrated is finding a real cuban it's so fucking it's so goddamn annoying i actually have a theory paul i think i think that cuba only gives certain countries the real Cubans. Like, I think, I think England, I think Israel gets them. People who have skin in the game and who will fuck you up.

If you don't, if they don't like what you're doing, Canada, they don't get the real ones. You don't think so? I don't think so. No, I don't get the real ones. You don't think so? I don't think so. No, I don't. Oh, wow. The supply can't match the demand. That's why there's so many fake ones out there because it's not even all of Cuba.

It's just a certain little square patch that is the perfect longitude, latitude, weather to grow tobacco. And that's why it's so flavorful and so good. Okay. And that little patch has to basically supply the entire world's cigar smokers. I like that theory. I think you're right about that. By the way, man, I got these new ones sitting in a humidor that I got. I haven't smoked a cigar since November 6th. Paul, I have not smoked a cigar since September 29th.

I'm on eight weeks and my throat, I'm just clearing my throat. Oh, by the way, I'm going to Atlanta this week. I'll be at the punchline this Friday, Saturday and Sunday, and I'm going to Falcon Saints and it matters for the Saints. Oh,, and I'm going to Falcon Saints, and it matters for the Saints. Oh, nice. I'm going to Falcon Saints. I've never been in that stadium. That's a great one.

Dude, all the years I've been going to Atlanta, I've never had a chance to go to a game, and I'm going to see the Falcons play the Saints, and it matters for the Saints. The Saints need to win. So I'm going to go see that, and I will be smoking this day. I'm not saying all of canada's cigars are fake i'm saying the prime minister gets the real ones i think montreal will get some real ones toronto you start getting out into those you know satellite cities you really gotta know where the

fuck you're going i i really think there's only like yeah that's a good thing. Andrew, look up what percentage of Cuban cigars are fake. Versus what percentage of Hollywood people are fake. Let's see which is higher. That fucking blackface wearing fucking prime minister. I deserve a Cuban. Who's? Oh, what the fuck did I do? Who are you talking about?in trudeau he means yeah

oh i can't get out of this now he's the guy he's the guy can you hear us or no i can't oh jeez he's the guy right now when that shit happens can you see me no now i can't no justin trudeau he's the prime minister or whatever the president of canada and he's the one always like heading the marches and the protests and he's like this you know this far left equality and then like they have all these things of him in blackface and then he was like mortified i don't i'm sorry i don't yeah it's like he did it like multiple times. That guy shouldn't be smoking a fucking Cuban. I'll ask you

a question. 90%. 90% are fake? I see that in two different articles. That's high, dude. That's high. Dude, that's been my experience. 90% of them don't smoke. 90% of them don't. They're fucking fake, dude.

You're talking about the size of a couple of football fields. It's got to supply the whole thing. It's bullshit. It's fucking bullshit. And they'll charge you $50 a stick. You're much better to just go with a nice Nicaraguan or a Cuban leaf. I call it a Cuban leaf. A Connecticut leaf.

I'm telling you, I don't want to just sit down and smoke a nub, then sit down and fucking sit there and pay 50 bucks for a goddamn Cuban and then sit there and be like, is it real? And then you start to light it. And then they got all these websites. Oh, yeah, you can tell like this is what this i don't understand too what they're saying like the band you got to know what the band the real band looks like it's like well the counterfeiters are gonna know what it looks like unless you get some easy guy i think the smell right when you light it right when you light the smell i've always felt like it was

different i was like something was really good for as you're lighting it, you should say, oh my God. Yes. Yes. What were you going to say though? When I talked about the Canadian president, you said, can I ask you a question? Yeah. How many opportunities as a white person have you had to be in blackface? I just don't understand why these people, it's just, I did blackface. That has never come up in my life once never hey we got a picnic you guys want to do blackface maybe take out some camcorders and videotape it

the only time I could have done blackface and I didn't was when I was 10 years old and I could have done Eddie Murphy raw and I could have gotten that's when I had hair and I would have wore the leather suit but I've never oh like a talent talent show yeah or like you know what yeah I mean what time is it guys what time is it it is uh 501 oh my god how can it be that it's 501 your time

oh yeah yeah I missed the meeting. No, that's 2.01. Why is this person calling me? It's 2.01 my time. I have a meeting. Okay. All right. Okay.

All right. We could wrap up. Sorry. No. It's all good. I just can't see it. Hey, I'm back. I'm back.

There you go. Let's wrap this up.'s dude that's a bit how how many opportunities as a white person have you had to be in blackface dude that's a bit that's because it's so i don't understand how all of these guys get in power is like oh that's one time i i did blackface it's like how does that even come up i've been white my whole life no one's ever say uh you guys want I did blackface. It's like, how does that even come up? I've been white my whole life. No one's ever say, you guys want to do blackface tonight? Videotape ourselves.

That's perfect. That's perfect. All right. Yeah, there he is. There he is. That's the president. The president of Canada. Mr. Fucking, you know.

He did it twice he did it once once to dress up like aladdin or some shit and then he did it again and here's the thing aladdin wasn't in black yeah uh i don't know weird people are weird no, it makes you think that when people go hard with the stuff they're doing, when people go extra hard with the stuff they're doing, they got skeletons in the closet they're hiding shit, dude. That's why any fucking comic who is overly super clean, they're either fucking angry. There's something in there, dude.

I always felt like that. I was like, oh, that guy fucking, that guy drinks and throws shit in his fucking living room. Dude, I hate to jump off. I got to jump off because I got this. No, no, I get it, man. We run long anyway. So, all right, guys, this has been episode number 48, Anything Better. We will be back next week.

Go to paulverzi.com, all my stuff, Tampa, Florida, Austin, Texas, Rhode Island. You guys can see it all there. Go to billburr.com for Bill's dates. Check out the Verzi Effect podcast, Monday morning podcast. That is it. We will see you guys on episode 49. We are out of here. Thank you.