Anything Better? - Staying Together For The Kids | Wildcard Weekend

Episode Date: January 9, 2026

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What's up everybody and welcome back to the Anything Better podcast going into Wild Card Weekend with your host, me, Paul Verze, Bill Burr. We got Andrew Themless, the Greek freak out in Beverly Hills, and we got Jake the Snake from always an undisclosed location with our injury report for Bill. What is my favorite? I thought about this today in the car. Yes, I like the division series. Yes, I like championship weekend. And of course, you like the Super Bowl. But Wild Card Weekend is just so much is on the table.

There are so many teams that just squeaked in. A lot of wildcard teams have gotten to AFC and NFC championships. A lot of wildcar teams have gotten to the Super Bowl. I am all in. I am excited. Guys, if you want to bet with us and have fun with us, you obviously know how to do it. It's the best book out there. That's why we're here.

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If they get that, you win. If they don't, but in fact, get the second touchdown. You get your stake back in cash. Very simple. Bet responsibly. Bill, we have some good ones on the list. We got to talk about the end of the year, Paul. Last week, I was told that I needed to go two and two to beat the book.

The reality was I needed to go three and one. What did I do, Paul? I went one and three. I didn't go two and two. Well, you know what? that Tampa, that Tampa kick, that blocked kick hurt you too. It's all good. Dude, you had an epic season for what we were dealing with.

Wait a minute. Andrew Femblis, the Greek freak, beat the book. By one game. And Jake the snake tied. There you go. Hey, by one game, you're still beating him, Paul. Dude, I had. There's no reason to bring that up.

He beat the book. He beat the book. Beat the book. He beat the book. That's what you say. Yeah. You're not going to say by one game. That's like something your wife says.

No, but it's also triumphant. Well, we don't do that here. It's triumphant. He caught it in the corner of the end zone at the end. Did you watch any of that college football last night? I did. I did, man. What a great game.

How about the fact that the quarterback of Miami's in his seventh year at college? I was like, I thought I was the only one of did that. My son just told me that. My son goes, yeah, I go, dude, that guy was throwing. I go, that guy was thread in the needle. And Lucas just goes, yeah, I know. He's in his seventh year, though. And I was like, what?

I'm trying to make excuse. So, we got to let my dog out. I'm sorry. Come on, Lloyd. What are we doing here? Hey, Andrew, how do you shut off that fucking thing, zooming in and out and looking around your room? It's so weird.

I got to figure out how to do that. All right, let's go back. Anyway, so it's funny because last night, I was at one of the best clubs ever, first time I ever worked there as I opened for you. As a matter of fact, I don't know if you know this, a little trip down memory lane. You, I was at Stand Up New York in New York City. We had only worked together once in 2007 at the Stress Factory.

That's when I was telling you about the, oh, the 07 Patriots, the best off the-office. No, but yes, Rascals was the first time. But then the first time we actually did something, you were like, hey, come to Vinnie's, and we did that Vinny's room in 2007. And then I'm at Stand Up New York one day, 2008, and you just texted me. It was like the first road gig. And you go, hey, man, you want to open for me next weekend at the DC Imprope? And I got to see how great that room was.

So last night I go into D.C. run a one-nighter to run my material. And these fans come up afterwards. And it was kind of bittersweet. They go, oh, dude. I mean, look, you beat the book like three years in a row. And who know, you know, this just happens. and I just go, hey, dude, dude, four. Four. And he goes, oh, four.

My band. And I go, listen. And then they go, it happens. I go, look, man. I said, I'll buckle, you know, I'll strap it on next year. We'll get them back. But their fans are paying attention and they love it. And then they go, are you guys doing the playoffs? And I go, oh, yeah. I go, picks coming tomorrow. And they were like, nice. Okay, good. All right. Yeah.

I'm glad people haven't lost faith. Not in you. Maybe in me. But who's going tonight, though? It's Indiana and Oregon, right? Tonight is Indiana, Oregon to go meet the hurricanes in the national championship game? I'm watching that tonight. I mean, dude, Indiana's never won a title.

Yeah. Never won a title. They've always been about basketball out there. Is Oregon ever won a title? Yes. I think the ducks have won one or two, haven't they? Andrew, can you check that? I think the ducks have won.

I know the Hoosiers are not. Eisenhower was president, not the whole time. I've been alive. No, you would probably know that. Maybe I'm wrong. If the Ducks won one, they won it in the 40s. And the Andrews sisters were at the after party. No, they'd never won.

Wow. Net reach national championship game twice. They lost to Auburn in 2010 and to Ohio State in 2015. Oh, okay. So, oof. So two out of the three teams left have never won it. That's pretty cool. I got to tell you, Miami, the thing, do you watch the game last night, Bill?

Yeah, I watched the fourth quarter. The thing that I noticed, I watched the second half after my show, and I noticed that Miami went down the field, though, kind of like any time they wanted, like they kind of were doing what they wanted on offense, getting first downs with slot. You didn't think both teams were doing that? That reminded me of a Bill's Chiefs game. There's just no defense. in football anymore.

I don't know what it is. The quarterbacks and receivers are, it's insane. Did you see that catch that kid made and he almost, that one-handed catch and they pedilize him because his toe came down, but then his heel, it has to be just a toe. The fact that he caught that ball. I think it's a catch. I was like, dude, his toe came down.

That's a catch. Well, you can, you can like drag a toe, but you can't have a toe heel and have a glove. Yeah. Oh, okay. No, that was a fantastic. to catch. In the drumming world

that's known as a foot flam, the single foot flam, it's as hard as the single-handed roll. And he did that while catching a football one-handed and some guys go, that's not a catch. He just kept, first of all,

it is a catch. He caught the fucking ball. It is just out of bounce. Yeah. But can you give it up? Can you give it up to that first? Would it kill you, Paul? Would it kill you?

I got a new thing. Paul, I got a new thing. That's something your wife says. that's something my mother would say i like that that's a good one wasn't a question corny kiddoughlin with adamance that's a good one that's something your wife would say i like that one but dude i'll be honest with you let's let's just be honest we have a dear friend willis whalen he he said to me paul i'm apologizing again for not coming to your show at dc because i said willis i go i don't want you at my show i know how much it means to you and he said to his wife he goes i knew if

if anybody would understand, it would be Verzi. He said, I said that to her in bed. And I go, and he goes, I'm just apologizing one more time. And I go, Willis, I wouldn't want you at my show thinking about the hurricanes. I know how much you love the hurricanes. I watched you jump into a hot tub going, oh. And then he goes, dude. And E.S.K.

Yeah, he goes, if they would have lost and I didn't come to your show, it would have been very bad. I said, dude, I'm so happy for you. And he goes, I'm taking my son to the championship. I'm taking my son to it. So I was happy for him. I was rooting for him. Um, is it Dallas? No. It might be, it might be Texas. It might be, it might be, it might be Texas. But, um, dude, if the Hoosiers go, if the Hoosiers win tonight, that's kind of nuts. It's going to be fun. No, that kid playing quarterback is on another level. I got to tell you, like, I watch the, I don't have to tell you, Paul, but I'm going to. I saw the, um, the Heisman trophy when he won it, just his speech. everything. It's like super smart kid.

Like, I don't know. Who knows? You never know. You never know if they win or lose. But like if he goes on to the NFL and has, you know, any type of a career. Like he's going to be like in football broadcasting. You can see the whole thing. This kid is a layup. Any time a guy cries and goes, mommy. And then they show the mother. I'm like, this guy's a sweet. This guy loves his mother. You know, because he didn't say my mom and dad, he goes, mommy, you. He said, mommy's weird to me. He goes, Mommy, you believe his mom.

He said mama or mommy, but like maybe, you know. I can deal with the mama. I can't deal with the mommy past a certain night. That's like George W. Bush when he's called his dad, daddy. It's just like, dude, you got to stop doing that. You're a grown fucking man. Hey, Daddy. Yeah, it's a South thing, too.

He's not what you're saying trying to kill my daddy. I love you, Dad. The crime. Daddy is weird. Daddy passed the age of six. Daddy's weird, yeah. Not even like, my son is going to be six. And he already still, he calls me dad.

Dad! Yeah, my son. My son has never called me daddy. My daughter calls me Daddy. That's just. sound of being a father the second you sit down. Dad. It's a great sound though.

It is, but you know, sometimes you need to sit down. That's why you just imitate him. You just go, what? That reminded me a Will Farrell and Elf, remember? He goes, you need to tuck me in. He goes, Dad. And James Kahn goes, what? And he goes, you got to tuck me in.

You got to tuck me in. James Con goes, what? Rest his soul. He goes, well? He goes, you got to tuck me in. And he just, like, goes like that. And it was all awkward. Such a great movie.

It is. All right, Bill. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then he did the, like, yeah, and he comes in. So next week, Santa's coming. He just goes, Santa. Like, how much he's freaking out. Rest his soul, but James Con thought it was going to be such a bomb.

You can see it in the movie. Yeah, he hated it. And then he walked out of the premiere and goes, oh, I get it. He's like, the guy's a genius. But he thought it was horrible. He thought it was terrible. I mean, in James Com defense, you're coming out of the godfather and all of these types of movies. And now you're sitting there with a grown man dressed like an elf acting like he's eight years old.

I would just be like, why did my agency? I mean, I totally, I get that. All right. Let's get into the, let's get into the fucking NFL here. Let's get into the, let's get into the, let's get into the, let's get into the games. Paul, let's get into the playoffs. Look who it is.

Look who it is. Jake, the snake. Yeah. Well, it's all positive news for injuries this week, really. I got a lot of people coming back. So everybody's going to play, right? You got to. It's the playoffs.

You know, it could be your last game. So, you know, these guys are really tough. They play through almost anything. So when it's a game like this. So the Rams are going to get back to volleyball. Monta Adams. Jordan loves coming back for the Packers from a concussion. And then D.K. McCaff is, he was suspended for punching a fan, but he's coming back to,

those are kind of the big ones. That's so ridiculous. Yeah. He should have punched that fan. No. If a player punches you, that means you did something. Yeah. Yeah.

He said something, that fan for sure. He had some, like, weird press conference, so you could tell he was guilty of something. I don't know what. What's that? Who had a press conference? The fan? The fan. Yeah, the fan.

There's a weird situation. He's hired his own camera guy. What are you doing? Did he build his own little volume? What's that? I've heard a self-produced documentary. I thought that was the worst thing I ever heard in my life. Like, hey, let's make a movie about how awesome I am.

This guy out of nowhere, he had a self-produced press conference. Literally, yeah, that's exactly right. That's kind of funny, though. He just hired a camera crew. That's great. You could just tell he was full of shit, too, just about the way he looked. But he was serious.

You know, he's full of shit. Yeah. You got D.K. Metcalf is a good person. 100%. If D.K. Metcalf says, I don't care how much money I'm making in that moment and walks over and tries to punch you in the head. And you don't know.

He could have said something about his wife. in kids. He could have said... His mother. Yes, dude. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, you don't do that. And if you got a hold of a dumb wig, something's going to happen. And let's be honest, he didn't straight up cock back and did it. He kind of did one of those, like, grab the wig and try to hit him.

You know what? Take the fine. Let the fan learn. All right. Well, so Jake... How much was the fine? I don't remember the fine amount, but he was suspended the last couple games of the year. No, but missing the last... two games cost them a lot of money. It was significant. It was six-fif. There goes to comedy benefit

I was going to do. Let's do a comedy benefit. We'll have a press conference, Paul. He was going to lose his guarantees of like $40 million, but the Steelers decided to not avoid it. So he ended up getting the money. But yeah. Yes.

Very good move by the Steelers. Of course. Of course. All right. Well, let's, we have an unbelievable wild card lineup, I think. I love these games. I actually be honest with you. I wish these games are on our regular season

because I think I see a path in this one. So, Bill, do you want to go? You know what, Paul? If you were able to complete that sentence the first time, I think I'm seeing it, but instead you go, I think I see.

I think I see. I'm like, this guy doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about. Yeah, this guy's This guy is down by 14 games. It's over. I think this guy's on something. Sorry, I'm trying to lock my phone so I can have the picks open. Do you guys want to go game by game? Just go from Saturday and Monday.

Bill, do you want to do... That's a great idea. How do you guys want to do this? On this screen here, this man right here had the best record. Why be down there like Bobby Brady? He should be up top. Bill, do you want to go down? Do you want to go down all the list and you just do your picks and then I do mine?

or do you want to do them together? Are we going against each other? We're just saying what you think. No, no, no, we're not going against each other. We're just picking. All right, Paul. I don't like going against you, Paul. You know what?

You see the board? I'm seeing it. Yeah, just make picks together. Just go through each game and then, you know, okay, have any insight. Rams Panthers. It's 10 and a half. This is almost like a bye week is what they're telling me.

If I know anything about the Panthers, they cover. They're going to cover a 10 and a half. half point spread for some stupid reason. I think the Rams are going to win it. They're probably going to get up and then they'll fucking, you know, dial it back to save guys and then the Panthers will score some garbage bullshit in the end. It is in Charlotte. So, I mean, I think that counts for something.

The Panthers beat in the year, too. Yeah, I think I found, yeah, I was listening. The Panthers beat him early in the year, but Stafford had like one of his worst games, three turnovers. That's why it's high. I kind of actually echo every. everything Bill said. I think the Rams obviously win this game, but 10 and a half points, I can see a backdoor cover by the Panthers. So I'll take the Panthers with the points, with the Rams

winning the game, I think, by like a touchdown or even 10, but I like the 10 and a half for the Panthers. So I'll take the Panthers too. Over under's 46, Paul. What say you? Oof, I don't like that. I never like that. I never like the underover, especially, I don't know, dude that what's it called the rams are out for blood against the panthers oh people are talking shit that puka kid is playing he's unbelievable stafford is an MVP type year him or drake may is going to win the MVP yeah the rams are going to win a game this is why you take the panthers because everybody's saying that so you guys are picking separately maybe you might differ or we're just doing one no no we're saying well we'll either be the same or different i'm i'm saying

i would take the panthers we're both taking the panthers with the points um all right i'll i'll I'll start this one off here. Here's a deal. Bears Packers. I think the Bears, the Bears have been the one, if I did anything good this year with picks, it was the Bears winning for me. I think the Bears are at home. It's one and a half, so it's kind of like a pick-em.

A lot of people are saying the Packers are going to go there and beat them. I think Caleb Williams is going to show on the big stage that the bears are kind of back. And I just think they're good at home and they're in every game. The thing about the Bears is they're in every game. every game and they had an amazing fourth quarter comebacks. I like the bears getting one and a half at home. Crazy crowd. That place has not had a playoff game in a long time. I think it'll be close and I think the bears are going to pull it out in the end with a field goal. All right, here's my question for you, Paul. When you say the bears are back, back from when? Like the late 80s, early 90s?

Mid 80s. Actually, no, Rex. 84, 85. And then you got to go back to Dick Butkus and Gail Sares. No, Rex Grossman took him to his Super Bowl against Peyton Manning and lost. That's right. You're right. There you go. I believe in the Bears. I actually think, you know, this is the classic one where the Packers come back with

Jordan Love, Michael Parsons and all. Is he out for the year? Michael Parsons is out for the year. Michael Parsons out. The Packers have too many injuries. They've gone one in one. If the Bears won both of those games, you know, I don't see them going three and all against the Packers, but they are at home.

It's only a one and a half point spread. And, you know, to actually see the Bears have a passing game is borderline bizarre. They've been such a one-trick pony over the years. I think they got the players, the personnel, home field advantage. I like them one and a half. And you guys remember when they played each other the last time, Caleb Williams and the Bears came down and had an opportunity to win, and he just under threw it and threw a pick in the end zone,

which gave the Packers the win. I don't see him doing that again either. Look at this. Bill, we're on the same page, two in a row. I like it. All right. Well, I'm going to tell you, this is the most, if this was a book, it would be written in Chinese.

Because the Bill's Jaguars, like, what is going on here? I think this is a tough. Jags are favored by one at home. Bills are fair. The bills have just been shooting themselves in the foot the whole year. I just lost Paul. Wait, where to Paul he go? I think.

They've been shooting. themselves in the foot all year. Jaguards have been playing great, but, like, there's a part of me that's nervous that the bills are just going to turn it on in the playoffs. This is, obviously, it's like a pick-em. I'm going to go with the bills.

I'm going to take the bills getting a point. I think somehow they're going to win this game, and they're going to be like, wait a minute, did we count them out too soon? And then they're going to lose the next week. Look, I'm listening to, I was listening to all these ex-players and all these analysts and everybody's saying the Jaguars are the most complete team in the NFL, nine in a row. They think that they're going to go to the Super Bowl and this is their year. I'm with Bill.

I'm with Bill. I think Josh Allen is too good. I think that they're talking about their coach losing and getting fired. I don't think that's going to happen. And I think Josh Allen is the best quarterback in the game. And I see him making some miraculous. this shit happen. I'm going to take the bills in a pick-um because here's the difference. The Jacksonville, Jaggars. You know we're both O and three at this point. No.

Yeah, he said the Rams are going to win by 30. No. I think I think that Trevor Lawrence has not been in that, you know, listen, dude, the chiefs are out. Everybody thought the chiefs were going to be in Josh Allen's way. And now it's Trevor Lawrence and the Jags who have not been in this situation where Josh Allen has, that's why I'm agreeing with you. All right, well, here's my question. You know, how do the refs make their money this year? The Chiefs are out. That was so fucking petty.

All right, let's go to the next one. Eagles 49ers, Eagles at home, Lay and Six. Nick Soriani against Marty Schottnheimer, Jr. No, it's what's it called? I know. Shannon. Shannon. Mike Shanahan.

Mike Shannon. Sorry. Mike Shannon. That means it would be up by 30 at the half and then just fucking run the ball. Here's the deal. Eagles are at home, but everybody's saying that like there's still a locker room thing. They keep saying that the coach, if they lose, the coach is going to be gone. Dude, the 49ers to me, and this is just me, the 49ers to me have been like good all year.

Injuries didn't matter. They're getting sick. they got a good coach. I think they got a better coach. I'm taking the... Rangers mattered last week. They couldn't cover against the Panthers. I think they lost

the game, right? No, I was Seattle. Seattle, yeah. But Seattle's the one seat. I'm taking the 49ers getting six. I see this coming down to the end, but I love the six points with San Fran. I'm going to take a San Fran team getting points on the

road with everybody saying they're going to lose. I like them. That's my pick. I hate this number because I want to pick the Eagles because I feel they're at home they're going to win this game. Are they going to win by six though, Paul? Paul, are they going to win by six? Is that what's going to? Am I really just sitting here thinking they're going to win by six?

Ah, I can't do it. I just want to say Eagles so bad. I just can't do it. You just to switch it up, I'm going to do it. I'm going to take the Eagles. I'm going to take staring on it, the nod at the camera. That's one of the funniest things you've ever done in a pick

since we've been doing the show. You just looked at the camera and you go, I can't do it. I love the 49ers. I like the Eagles, too, but, like, I just, I'm just hearing rumblins that, you know, the team doesn't like a certain star player, which is...

How is that happy? He won the Super Bowl last year. What's not to like? Yeah, I don't get that. Because they're fickle, man. The Eagles are one of these teams that, like, they look great. And then all of a sudden they look terrible. They're up and down.

The 49ers getting those points. They see more steady. But, dude, how great are these games, dude? Well, is anybody coming back for the 49ers? Not really. I mean, at some point, dude. All of those injuries. Anyway, whatever.

All right. Let's head into the next one. What have we got to here, Paul? Now we have the Los Angeles Chargers going into the Patriot, and going into New England against the Patriots. Patriots are three and a half point favorites. Do you want me to pick first or you want to pick this? Hey, going into Gillette, the house that Robert Kraft built and paid for.

Unlike all these other asshole owners. And this is Sunday. This is, yes. Three and a half. When is this game, Sunday night? the night game. Yeah, it's going to be a great game. It's a big, oh, woo! It's going to be fun. You don't think the past, baby. All day. I think this is going to be a super close game. I like our chances in the playoffs after this game. We need to win a playoff game. So this is,

this is you know listen dude I'm a I this time last year we were not in the playoffs and we had nothing going on and I can't believe we're here so I'm psyched I hate the half a point but there's no way during the

playoffs I'm going to I'm going to pick against the page I'm going to pay you it's three and a half at all Mike Brable against obviously another great coach Jim Arbaugh but you know charges are not an easy team, but fuck it.

I'm taking the Patriots. I've been thinking about this game. You guys know that I always love the Chargers for some reason because I love Justin Herbert. Jake, I know you like the Chargers. Here's the deal. I don't believe in this whole thing that everybody's saying,

oh, this is where the Pat stop. They haven't played anybody. That's horseshit. Okay, they have played somebody. They played a fucking NFL season. and they've been winning. They're at home. That place is going to be an absolute zoo

because all they know there is winning. It's a winning franchise. And that place... People are Boston are animals. You can say it. No, no, no. Paul, you're doing such a great job. Do you want to be a Patriot Spain?

You're doing a great job. Here's the deal. Here's the deal. Keep going, Paul. Listen, I know it. I know it when I see it. Okay? I know it when I see it.

And here's the deal. The Patriots are champion. They have a champion DNA and rape. Mike Rable brought that back. The half a point I hate because I can see, I can see a fucking charger thing going down, getting something late,

but I'm going to take the Patriots at home. I think they're going to win the game by six or more. I think they're the better team. And here's the other thing. He has a broken hand, Herbert. It's the other hand. And I know that, right, it's the other hand, right, Jake? Yeah, he's left.

I know it hasn't been effective. But that's just Drake May. is so good this year. MVP candidate. I'm taking New England at home. That place is going to be a fucking zoo. 32 degrees, by the way. It'll be a brisk 32 degrees.

And by a little later in the night, chance of precipitation. There you go. And the charges, they play in that mall. They play in an Apple store. Jake, what say you here? They're going to go out from an actual football stadium. That's a real football stadium.

He's not there, Jake, the snake. He can tell because it has a lighthouse. us. And a mall attached to it. All right. Last one, Texan Steelers. Hold on.

Hold on. Andrew just asked Jake what he thinks because he's such a charger fan. Yeah. What do you think, Jake? Listen, Jake. Jake, I know what your heart is, Jake. But what do you really? What's the Jake the Snake football analyst think?

Well, I'll start by saying this. like where the Patriots have the advantage is the trenches. So that's where I work because the Chargers offensive line is last in the league, right, pretty much every metric. So that's going to be the key. Can they keep Herbert, can they give Herbert enough time to throw the ball? So but I think the Patriots defense is not super scary to me. So I think the Chargers are a little bit more veteran team.

So the more I thought about, the more actually like the Chargers in the spot, even though the Patriots have been great all year. And Paul is 100% correct. the whole narrative that they haven't played anybody isn't really true. The Patriots have been very good all year. And this is going to be a really great game between two of the best quarterbacks in the league. And I think the winner of this game is going to go probably

to the AFC championship game because I think these are two very good well-coached teams. So I like the charges to win out, Ryan. All right. I like that. Jake to Snake. What's in Jake to Snake's heart? He's a confirmed bachelor. Why is he going to give this stuff?

I mean, he's going to revolve. door it's Caesars, Paul. And I think all the talk of Herbert not winning a playoff game in C. Year 6 is going to be fired up. So that's a fun of these years. We got to go to Vegas with cigars and do the podcast. Oh, yes. How fun.

Dude, from a sports book. Oh, my God. Jay, set it up. That's your stomping grunts. All right. All right. Here we go. Sorry.

Do you guys want to do a Monday night special for Houston Steelers? Because it is the Monday Night game. So I just wanted to say that. before you get into it. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, that's the one I... This game to me is the hardest. This game to me is what this is going to...

This one is the one that I was like, because here's the deal, dude. If Aaron... Dude, it's the best defense in football. That's the problem. And you know what? You know, Bill, we always say a defense wins championships, dude,

the defensive line of the Texans, I don't know if I've seen a defensive line gets seven sacks week in and week out the way that they do, but the Steelers have a, a good defense too and Aaron Rogers they seem so excited and the Steelers are home. This one dude, you know what, Bill? I'm going to actually have to think for a second.

I'm going to give you the floor because I'm stumped right now. I hate minus three. I like the Texans. I hate minus three. You know what's funny about this game real quick. If you look at all the totals for the over unders, this over under is basically 10 points lower than every other overunder listed for the weekend. Yeah, that was interesting.

Anyway. Oh, I didn't even see. Bill's Jagu was over under his 51 and a half. You know what they're basically saying with that number? Neither one of those teams is going to win the Super Bowl. You're letting up that many frigging points. Yeah. We're also going to get some snow in Pittsburgh.

Really? Yeah, 39 degrees and just a giant snow. I don't think it's possible to snow at 39 degrees, dude. I'm going to take the Steelers. That's the high. That's the high during the day. You're right. Yeah, 31 degrees after 4 p.m. Snow after 7 p.m. I'm going to take the Steelers based on some dumb Hollywood shit. Here's what I think is going to happen. Okay. I think Mike Tomlin, they're saying Mike Tomlin could be done. They're saying Aaron Rogers could be done. So this literally can be the last two, the last game of Aaron Rogers and the last time Mike Tomlin after almost 20 years coaching.

I think they go in a room. I swear to God, I think they go in a room. I think they go in a room. I think they put each other's hands on each other's shoulders. They look in each other's eyes and they go, you know what? Dad? No. One more.

Let's go out there and let's go fucking go. Let's win a playoff game together and see how far we can go together. And Aaron Rogers plays like Aaron Rogers late in the game. And I think C.J. Stroud is not Aaron Rogers. I think Mike Tomlin is probably a better coach. I like the Texans coach.

I'm going to take the Pittsburgh Steelers at home getting three. I got to take the Steelers at home getting three to survive the Texans. Even though the Texans defense, I know it's what I usually go against. I'm taking that. All right, I'm going to go with the Texans

to go in there and break everybody's heart. They're all going to be crying at Paramis or Pristramis, whatever the hell it's called out there. Permanes, yeah. Perannies, yeah. It's just a bunch of Pittsburgh crying. His French fries and the bread. Yeah.

I think I just, I think the Texans are quietly one of the things you've really got to be afraid of. And I just think they're playing down in Houston. Houston doesn't get a lot of love. You know what I mean? And even when they do win a championship, what do they say? Oh, you're used to trash camp. You know? the only time they've ever gone back to back is most obese city.

You know, I got a soft spot in my heart. Yeah, they rival San Antonio for fat. I used to do that bit when I would go down there. Do you know how hard it is to repeat is the most obese city? Because you lose all your players from year to year. Everybody's dropping from art. That's great. I go, you guys sucked it up.

That's great. You know, when they take it. somebody out in a piano case, casket. There's somebody there to eat those 72 pancakes and pick up the slack. No city

has ever gone back to back, as far as I know. How much do you hate fat people that you go around being that petty? Just sitting there in a city going, look at that guy. Look at the size of them. How do you do that ranking? You got to check

you got to check San Antonio. I think they went back San Antonio might have three-peated. Jim, how do you tell how fat a city is? You know what? You know, you haven't advertised it free barbecue, and you just wait to see how many people show up? That's actually a good point. How do you know that?

Medical shit. Oh, yeah. Something. Yeah, like, well, Bill. Oh, that's two inside baseball. Medical shit. Did I talk over you there? No, no.

That's one of the dumbest things I ever said. How do they figure out medical shit? McAllen, Texas, took, uh, is it, uh, is ranked. It says McAllen, Texas right now is ranked for fattest city of the United States. That says for 2026 and I mean, we're still in the first inning here. No, it's, Joe, trust. The big boys usually die by April. Then we, let me find out who's real.

They got to start early. Yeah. Now we find out who's real. No, Houston. It's the holiday wait. They want to get them at. That's the most they're ever going to weigh. Houston's a late game comeback team.

Do you count somebody in a food coma? Like you have to still be eating. You still have to be able to. No, if you're still being staying alive by a machine, like that doesn't count. That's BEDs. You get suspended for that. Well, all right. So.

Yeah, McGowan, Texas won for 2025. Bill, so Bill and I have the same team. except for two, which is he has the Eagles, I have the Niners, he has the Texans, I have the Steelers. We both have the Panthers, we both have the Bears, we both have the Bills, and we both have the Patriots. Dude, this, I have not been excited for a football weekend. What the fuck are the Packers' favorite?

I don't, yeah. They're one and a half, though. It's like a pick-em. Yeah, but they're going into the Bears and they got it. Micah's not playing. Michael Parsons is not playing. They got a way, wait, wait, wait, wait a goddamn minute. Oh, yeah, I already made my decision.

That's all right. I didn't see that. I wasn't thinking about that. Oh, boy. Don't worry about that. One and a half. Oh, Paul. I'm already looking at all of this shit that I just picked.

I got the Eagles minus six. I got the tensions minus three on the fucking road. What was I thinking, Paul? It's their head-to-head. It looks like that. Oh, Andrew, I thought she loved me. You know? All right.

So since it's players, we probably shouldn't do the Monday night special, right? since we're head-to-head. How about we don't do the Monday 8th special because we haven't hit one since the second week of the season? When we went two for two, we thought we were going to go run the table. It was all a dream. Or at least one more. I know, one more.

Come back in the end, you know, like those guys who win the World Series their rookie year and then they win one right in the end? I saw that thing. It's got the record, go on the longest, the weeks. World Series title. I saw the thing. If you bet the first week for the Jets to not get an interception week one, like 20 bucks and then just parlayed it each week that they would not get an interception, they did. And I like start with 20.

It ended up with like $5 million. Do you know the last time that happened? On a $20 or $100 bet? Yeah, it was like on $20 or $100 if you parlayed every week. Wait, did they not get one intercept? No, dude, it's the first time it's happening like 100 years. The Jets did not get one interception. I think it's the first time in the breath. When they started keeping track.

Track. Yeah. Yeah. And it's 17 games. They used to play 12 back in the day, and even just like 12 games, some of them will get one. And they played two at twice who leaves the league in interceptions. It's pretty crazy. Dude, to not get a deflection, to not get one deflection that even lands in a fat guy's

hands and he doesn't know what to do with it. Like, not one is crazy. Just a midfield guy checked him down too long. I mean, it's like... Dude, did you see that kid? Did you see that kid that was probably about 11, 12, maybe 13 tops, get interviewed at a Jets game. And he goes, what do you think of the Jets? And a kid had a Jets jersey on. He's like 12, 13 years old. You saw that, right, Jake? And he goes, I swear to God,

it was the most sensitive. He just goes, I hate this team. I was born into it. So I might always be a Jet fan. But I, yeah, I just hate this team and walked off, dude. It was brutal. Oh, yeah, you age and dog years. He looked like a 60-year-old man. I would think that not getting one interstate. I would think that not getting one interception in a 17 game season is mathematically impossible. It's insane.

Like, that takes something, Paul. That is so, I feel bad talking. The Jets fans have been through enough. Let's just say, they stop. They happen to. I was thinking about you. Oh, right here.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, watch this. Put this on. I don't know if we'll have audio. I hate this team. I was born in this, and I'm not going to ever. I'm always a jet span, but like, I just, I hate this team.

Because he wanted to say something meaningful, but he just couldn't. That was the 12-year-old version of I'm staying in it for the kids. Oh, that's perfect, dude, that poor kid. But you know what? I've got to give him credit. You know what he said? He said, I'll always love the Jets, and they're my team. I was born into this.

You give him credit. That kid's going to be a bubbling idiot when they win. Blubbering, not bubbling. I said, what did I say? Bumbling. I said what Bill said, yeah. I said bubbling. A blubbering.

Well, you know, you're not good with expressions. What was the other one I said? Big Leaguing? Listen, if you want to order off the menu, get some apps, you go to Paul. What did I say, do? If you're looking for expressions. It's just that's not what he does. I go, he tried to big time him.

And you go, no, it's big league or something like that. I forgot what I said. No, because big time, I think big time is all right. You can flip both of those. No, you did, I forget, I can't, because the way you do it. I've been doing it since you're knowing me, right? Yeah. I mean, you're not going to ride a dead horse.

You do shit like that. You know, it's like, I'm going to get a big truck electric, which is funny. Oh, yeah, big truck electric. Yeah, that was funny. Dude, people still want that T-shirt. Don't sleep on that was a good one. That was hilarious. Dude, is there a reason why they didn't make the batteries on electric cars recyclable?

Is there a reason why they didn't do that? Do you realize how bad these cars are nowadays? All of them. Yeah. Like, no one in the future is going to be like, what's your dream car? Oh, dude, a fucking 2025. IONIC 5. People used to make jokes about living near power lines because it's objectively bad.

And if you saw the story about the San Francisco 49ers having the most injuries of any teams by a very high, uh, incrementally high, you know, uh, percentage. And they said, yeah, it's like it's, they all joke by it. It's like, it's like right next to this power plan. The guy went out there within, uh, an NM, EMF reader. And it was just like, the thing was just buzzing. What is that reading like radiation?

Yeah, it's just like we're all just surrounded by electromagnetic waves. Like your iPhone, like earbuds are the worst thing you can stick in your ears. Oh, dude. I use wires, but all that stuff's like terrible, keeping your phone next to your head. And we used to joke about living there power lines. But they're saying now if you're just driving an electric car, like all these kids like that haven't even developed, they're just getting zapped. But you do your own research. What?

Yeah, you're just sitting on a battery. Yeah. Oh, my God. I'm getting rid of my wife's car. Yeah, I'll send you some articles. Scared the shit out of it right away. Yeah, dude, that earbud shit is like, when I saw the stats and I told my kids. How many do you have to be in the car?

So they say it's like the earbuds. Like even if you have. No, we talk about the car. Yeah, so it's like it's slow. Continue with earbuds. No, so like, let's say I have these on with the wire. But then if my computer or iPad was actually also plugged into the wall, you're literally just like plugged into the wall. This is like really not even close to as bad, but even they say this is not great, right, if you were doing this all day.

But the AirPods, it's like it's a very low, it's like a low signal, but it's constant. So like, listen, if you're in, you got one in for like five minutes a day or something, like, yeah, you're probably going to be fine. But there's people who just have them in all day long. And they're really bad. Like kids with like the big Bose headphones, like, yeah, like kids never had bows headphones, wireless headphones. We used to just, you know.

I've been using those for years. Yeah. They're bad? How often a day, you know? I mean, listen, I don't know that, you know, you guys. I get on an elliptical for a half hour. I don't know. I don't know the exact time.

Like you say, I don't know. I wouldn't be able to speak on that, Bill. Well, you spoke on the other shit on. Well, what I read. What I read, you know, what I see every day. My algorithm feeds me. Slowly rocking, slowly rocking. Yeah, let's keep the end.

Listen to us. Going down to Venezuela. Oh, my God, they're pumping drugs in the, what is fucking these other assholes doing? Yeah. Well, you know what? We got to keep it's wildcar weekend. We can't talk about cancer. It's wildcar weekend.

Let's go, Paul. I'm thinking about you, do you think the giant should get John Harbaugh? I think that's the guy right there. Yeah, but now that the dolphins. now that the dolphins fired their coach you know these guys probably after being in baltimore for so many years the idea of being in florida is probably appealing to him and you got to understand dude the wife is going to have something to say the wife's going to be like oh i could be in south beach i could be this and that come on john we've been in baltimore for years john what's that that's something your wife would

say oh i can't i can't hear you can't hear me oh there you go what'd you say i said That's something your wife would say. You want to live in New York City? Anyway, go ahead. Sunny. I don't know, but Florida gets a ton of shit, though, now. Florida gets a ton of shit. I don't know.

I think the Giants are going to make a big play for him. We'll see what happens. All right, cool. All right. I got to wrap this up. I got a, oh, Jesus Christ. These spam fucking calls. Did Jake just take off?

All right. I'll sign. We're having some technical difficulties here. You want me to sign off, Andrew? Yes. Yeah, Jake, I think he just got cut off. It's not us. Okay.

Well, those are our picks. Those are our picks, everybody. Enjoy Wild Card Weekend. Bill and I have all the same except he has Eagles. I have 49ers. He has Texans. I have Steelers. Enjoy Wild Car Weekend.

My favorite weekend. We will be back next weekend for the Divisional Series. And enjoy, what's it called? Enjoy Oregon, Indiana. Hoosiers tonight to go to the national championship that'll be great um you you know you download the app you guys know the deal enjoy bet responsibly and we will see you next week