Anything Better? - Talking About Triangles

Episode Date: February 19, 2022

Bill and Paul talk about drugs, gambling, and triangles. Private Internet Access: Try out the best VPN on the planet, completely risk free.  That’s PrivateInternetAccess.com/Anything Better .  Get 3 years + 4 months free for only $1.98 per month (83% OFF)

what's up everybody and welcome back i love when you say that you don't like that i love that oh what's up everybody and welcome back to the anything better podcast with your host, Paul Verzi, the great Bill Burr, the great Greek freak, Andrew Themlis out there in Beverly Hills. You guys are listening to episode number 53. And for the life of me, I can't think of one off the top of my head. How dare you? All right. Giants.

Linebacker. Not harry carson yes oh all right all right he was just at the knicks game i was at all right harry carson harry i loved harry carson harry carson was the guy right before lt then you had them both yes harry carson was late Harry Carson was late 70s? Mid-late 70s? Right through your 1986 championship. He might even have been on that 1990 team. Okay. The NBA is cool, though.

Daryl Dawkins. Oh, that's a good one. 53 for the 76ers. The man Chocolate Thunder. The reason for the collapsible rim. He was the guy breaking backboards. Artist Gilmore, one of the great Afros ever. The sideburns and the goatee for the Chicago Bulls. Mark Eaton. Remember that? Oh, I remember Mark Eaton. Yeah. One of my, one of my favorite accidental things ever. I was watching a Celtic game and in blob Cousy,

he's got an accent like that. And he goes, he goes, Mikhail gets eaten out. Cause he was, he was out by the three pointer line. He came out of the paint is what he was trying to say. But I remember he's did that. Me and my brothers all looked at each other like beefers and buffheaded butthead and started cracking up. There's gotta be some big pictures.

Let me look here. Famous number 53 and MLB. I don't think there's one in hockey. I don't know who's anybody in the 50s. Let's see here. Ozzie Smith? He wore number one.

Nah, this isn't it. They're just doing the best guys to wear each number. I don't know. There's got to be some fucking power pitcher dude war number 53 right i would imagine that or somebody out of the pen for sure maybe a reliever but dude speaking of speaking of numbers tonight was my son's last basketball game of his season for junior high or his last game and they played a team so they're they're in the so they played a team that's in the a class a plus class so like depending on where your school size is you're either in a b or c and that has nothing to do with skill it has to do with size money it's all about the money well it also has to do with the size of your district and our district is

small you know we're up here in the country. How much your parents are trying to live their dream through you and transfer you to that district so you can play A-plus ball? Right. So our school is in the C because it's very small. Their school, they have to cut a ton and ton of kids because they show up with a bus. They got to keep like 20 kids on a team.

Dude. So my son's out there. I'm not kidding they got a guy this other team i'm sitting there we got the mascot i got my hat on i'm just sitting there watching i told my son you know play defense just give me effort that's all i care about that's all we care about dude the starting five of this team come out fucking kid is six five dude i'm not this it looked like fucking vanderbilt playing my son's team six five how old is he dude seventh and eighth grade dude get the fuck out of here dude this kid comes out one kid is six three another kid is like i would say maybe five seven it went from like from like five, seven, seventh and eighth grade, seventh and eighth grade. Right. So dude, my son is like, my son is one of the scrappy guards.

So first, first time my son touches the ball, they go hit him, hit him. He's in the corner. Right. And Lucas just throws one up and he just splash goes in and he's playing defense. I'm happy. Then what happens is we end up getting blown out, but here's what happened. And I don't mean to be, this is not trying to be disrespectful or off color here, but our coach did something very nice where there was a heavily, I guess you would say mentally disabled player challenging that they challenged mentally challenged player

and what they did is they brought him in the game did he start raining threes no no no he brought him in the game no he was like this this kid had you know some issues he had a hard time dribbling but what they did is they let him go up to the all everyone's cheering they let him go up to the hoop and they let him you know score great i love when that. Yeah. And he's kind of running down and both teams are scoring. And then he was on the court for a while and they subbed in, they subbed in a kid from the other team and his kid comes in and his kid is just nasty. His kid could touch the rim and everything. So they want him to like, let the kid get the ball, but he doesn't know yet. Cause he just came in the game. So he thought it was a regular player. So he steals the ball and do the kicker, like dunk,

just like steals the ball and the other kids kind of obviously like oblivious. So everybody kind of like, no, no, whoa, whoa. And the kid just stopped. And they go, I'll give it. So he kind of just like rolls it to him and dude i'm in the fuck i'm in the crowd i lean over to a dad and i just go yo when they told that oh no i said yo i said we were getting beat so bad when they told that kid to give it to the disabled kid he was thinking which one dude no i'm fucking crying i mean i'm basically joking on our our guys dude this one dad is like we're in mass this dad's gonna i'm pushing him i'm going to we were getting so bad that kid didn't know who the fuck to give the ball to yeah um which one is special needs because we're up by 89 but uh it was such a great moment to have like the play like

clap like the the coach is like oh you're on defense now and the kid was so excited then he goes up to the line and the officials called a foul and he goes and he misses the first one hits the next one nice place goes goes nuts. I'm clapping for him. It was so fucking cool. It was so cool to see this kid have that moment and they gave him like a certificate and they put his Jersey in a thing. It was so fucking awesome to see. Oh my God. They treated him like a hot chick. Oh dude. It was, it was so awesome to see,

but yeah, it was cool, man. It was cool, man see But yeah it was cool man It was cool That's great Oh dude Dude I was crying laughing I gotta fucking tell you this story man I shouldn't tell you this story I'm gonna tell you this story Alright I just told this story

That I just can't tell I can't tell time needs to go by and my wife needs to be there, but I'm just, just in general, Paul, you have a fucking like, I mean, no matter what, dude, no matter fucking what, it's your fault. That's all I know. Then all I know, dude, is every fucking time they fuck up and i think like you know if i did that shit oh i would be apologizing for a month you do that shit not only do not take responsibility you get mad at me for calling you out on it dude Dude, it's fucking, it's fucking bananas, dude.

It is, it's fucking, it's, I, I, I, I did my Thursday podcast and I bit my tongue and now I have to bite my, I'm literally dying right now inside because it's not worth it. No, it's not.

But every married guy out there knows the fucking deal dude it is just like hey bill save it for your therapist that's that's where you can say it that's that's the safe space there's no fun there unless you get them laughing i want to tell it to you and andrew and you guys laugh your balls off and it makes me feel better because it's like yeah i've been there i've been there yeah i gotta have her on i gotta i i love her to death man she's so fucking funny and for half a second she sort of admitted to it but then i i pushed down too hard on the accelerator to try and get the victory.

You? And then I false started. I know, me, right? And then I got the false start. Touchdown. Wait, there's a flag on the field. By the way, can we talk Super Bowl for a second? I was just going to say, we have to talk Super Bowl for a second here. Dude, I got gotta tell you something that was a that was a really good game

but these calls or non-calls like there's no penalties in the game and then at the end there they're raining penalties and i don't know i can answer all of that go ahead all right the first one i don't fault the ref for missing that fucking tug of the helmet. That was so slick, so fucking smooth. That was one of the sickest fucking I'm going to cheat in this moment. You're not going to see it. It was like, and that fucking asshole who bitched, you know, was grabbing his jersey the whole fucking game, slowing him down. And he made it look like he just brought his hand up.

He just fucking, that guy's looking at the ball. He what? He did the old tap on the shoulder. And the way the ref was, how fast that happened. I didn't even notice. You usually can see a face mask, even at full speed. You see the head go. Nobody saw that.

Everybody's going to say they saw it at full speed. They didn't. Okay. You know, the ref saw that, you know, they missed it. And you know that they had to do the makeup call. And what's so fucked up was when they decided to do it. And you know that they had to do the makeup call. And what's so fucked up was when they decided to do it. It's like, make it up, make it up a fucking in the third quarter. You do it at the end. Not only at the end, dude, half the Rams false started on that play

on that first one. It was three guys, a tight end and two fucking linemen or three linemen. It was like 900 pounds worth of guys all fucking moved before the ball. And I, in real time go false start. Then they call a phantom hold call. So it's like, all right, whatever. And then after that, all of those penalties were penalties. They were grabbing them and shit, but they'd kind of let that go the whole game. It was really fucking weird. But I will say every time they threw a flag, other than that first one that gave them first and goal, and there was a false start to start, to start that play. Those other ones were, I was like, Oh, what the fuck? And I was like, Oh, you know, he did grab him. He did do this.

He did do that. I just thought, uh, yeah, kind of, um, kind of sucked, to put it mildly, just as a sports fan, obviously for a Bengals fan. But I'm a firm believer if you're going to do the make-up call, you do it right then and there. Yeah, do a make-up call kind of early instead of, like, when it's more important. I agree. You give a first and goal to win the Super Bowl?

I mean, I know they fucked up and like missed out on a touchdown. The thing is, is Paul, how do you make up for fucking another team on, you know, out of seven points? Cause which, which is what they did. And then the Rams had to play catch up in defense of the refs. I don't know when you call the makeup call to miss a call. That's a touchdown in a super bowl coming out of the half it's it's yeah it's tough man it's tough and he wanted to give it back dude i gotta be honest with you dude what i don't fault the ref for missing that that guy did it so

quick it was so fucking slick and i've never seen anybody do that no i was watching it with somebody going dude they didn't see that like they didn't see that. Like they didn't see that. Literally. In real time. I got to give credit to that Sean McVay coach, dude. I put it on my Instagram story because it was the ultimate dude. I called it right on fourth and one to end the game. He just goes, hey, Aaron Donald, get over here.

Get over here. He goes, one play, one play, everything you wanted right now. Right. And then he gets down, he puts his hands on his knees before the snap. And he just goes, Aaron Donald's making a play right now. And then he looked right back at it. And then Aaron Donald gets the sack and he's going, I told you, I was going, all right, man, I got to give him a dude. I called it on that one. But you know, when I was betting the super bowl and well, Hey, you know, fucking mixing is going to score the first touchdown.

They do. What the fuck bill? That's so obvious. What are you like a blow job? And then he does it. He's a fucking genius. Oh, really? Do you think the best guy in your fucking fields can make a play?

Oh, dude. Speaking of that, I put Odell Beckham last minute plus 900 Odell Beckham first touchdown of the game. And I got it, but I lost 500 on the Rams covering. So I lost. So that equaled out because the Rams didn't cover. Dumbass took the fucking Bengals straight up. Yeah.

Well, look, it was a good game. Could have went either way. I just hate when a Superbowl or a big game is decided by. Dude, what about when the saints got that? That what's it called? When the saints had that no call. Dude, I've never seen a pass interference where a guy literally tackled a guy, then the ball comes out.

And it's like in those games, dude, they need to figure something out. That would have been bad enough if it was away from the ball. That was where the ball was going. Oh, dude, that was, I think, worst call, non-call in history of the sports. What's the worst call you've ever seen ever in any sport ever? Oh, fucking, yeah, it's an easy one. The fucking Cardinals getting fucked over at first base against Kansas City. I mean, this guy was out by a full fucking step.

The perfect game, right? Oh, no, that's the hockey. Six World Series. That umpire at in the press conference he goes he goes i screwed him i said he broke down crying and he goes i took a perfect game away from that all response because i kicked the shit out of it i kicked the shit out of that call god damn it no not that one not that. I'm talking for a World Series. For a fucking World Series. The Cardinals had it.

Andrew, can you pull that up? Can you pull the guy? I mean, that poor umpire, people took it too far. That guy had to change his name. He'd go whatever. He got like death threats. What year was that, Bill? 1985.

And here's another thing, too. What year was that, Bill? 1985. And here's another thing, too. Everybody on the Cardinals lost their composure, including their coach, manager, Whitey Herzog, and it just carried into the next game. In game seven, they lost like 14 to 2.

I mean, he is out by a full fucking step. I mean, they look at the bag and then they listen for the pot. And it was like, pop foot. Fucking rang him up. Oh, I see, dude. That might've been, was that, that's a fix. Are they saying that fix? Nah, you know, his mind was on the Hooters.

They were going to go to afterwards. I don't know. Oh, dude. He was out by foot. He called him safe or something. That's what it was. He called him safe. He didn't ring him up.

He called him safe. Oh, he called him safe and he was out by foot. Can you find that, Andrew? 1985 game six, first base call. There's going to be a lot of in-capital letters. And then Cardinal fans will be like, whoa, you lost to Knicks. And for me, I don't really remember that. I think for me, it was the non-call of the Saints, Passer and Ference thing for me.

That was a terrible one. I mean, they were all fucking bad. They were all bad. But that one was literally, dude, that was like ninth inning to win the World Series. And Donaghy, when that Donaghy one, where the 2006 Sacramento Kings, they start giving Laker calls. Oh, that was just fixed. Dude, Mike Bibby's going, dude, the players,

that was like a comedy. They're going, dude, what am I in a sketch? It was so bad. They weren't even mad. They were like, Hey man, if you're going to fix a game, try to, you know, hide your cards a little. Yeah. That was a, that was a, that was a bad one but uh what do you think of the halftime show i gave the halftime show here's the deal i gave the halftime show look i grew up with those guys i love it um i gave this sounds like a lower number no i gave it like a i gave it like a seven dude like people like people people like LeBron going, wow, that's the greatest thing. I gotta be honest with you. 50 cent hanging upside down with his chain,

like over his face. And people kind of make it like that. I love 50 cent. You shouldn't have been, he should have got out of a fucking car, like a G and done the song. He was like hanging upside down with dancing around them. Then they went away so we could get them down. I didn't love that. Mary J fucking killed it. And, um, if I'm being honest, I wish Eminem would have like sampled more than just lose yourself. He came out and just did lose yourself, which was so mainstream. But I think if he would have done like a few different parts, I love i love uh snoop and dre i thought it was good not the best nothing beats as far as i'm concerned prince doing that solo guitar solo in the rain that was fucking nuts dude all right i did not see the halftime show

oh okay uh my daughter was freaking out because it was company and stuff and she was feeling lonely. So I had to go upstairs. So they saw all of that. My wife is a good dad. That's a fucking dude. A dad watching a Super Bowl. Okay. Hanging out, enjoying the company's there. The daughter's upset and you excuse yourself from the Super Bowl.

Granted, it was halftime. I had to lose myself in the moment i owned it went upstairs read her a book hey mom spaghetti um yeah so it was good but it was good but what are you gonna do overall i just saw a little bit when i saw snoop and dray on stage together i was like man they did this one right I thought listen how hyped up the crowd was just the little clips that I saw yes that it was like it was LA they opened it up with Nipsey Hussle I thought they did a lot of stuff right for a lot of people that you know they, they, they usually, you know,

rap has really been ignored largely. I want to say, um, for things like that, for obvious reasons. I mean, we're going to be honest here. I mean, we know the kind of comedians that get gigs like that. They're the clean comics. And I feel like rappers is sort of like the late night musicians with the language that they use. So, you know, there's a reason they'd never had a comedian at the fucking Superbowl. Here's one thing I learned about the queen set in front of 80,000 drunk

football fans and in broad daylight, let's try to see, get that one going. They're going to do it. No, they're going to do it. And some comic is is gonna be dumb enough to take the fucking gig nah yeah you can't do it dude that's like i've seen a number of my

friends they go out and they did they did one of those fucking one of those fucking shows where you know what they have it's all industry and then they have phony good-looking people supposed to be a crowd between them have done a few of those kinds of gigs that's just a thankless you know you're performing people listening to you with a the club down front male and female and it's just like that's not the crowd those are the people you make fun of and you just go out there and you got your sparkly clothes on because you think it's going to be a big moment. And then you just go out and you just eat a fucking dick. If, if I had the biggest enemy comedian, if my biggest enemy in comedy ever, which obviously I

don't really have, but if I did just a fucking rival of, and then he went out there for the Superbowl, he or she went out there for the Superbowl. You guys having a good time and bombed. I would still feel horrible. That, that is how scary, but it's not good for comedy. No, it doesn't belong. It doesn't. Although Brian Regan did that Florida Gators thing where what they did was

they bring a growl. Yeah, that was a famous gig. And he thought that he was bombing. And then all of a sudden, like three seconds later, you're like the laughing because of how far away it was. But, um, all right, everybody, it is private internet access. Today's episode is sponsored by private internet access. America's number one virtual private network or VPN. Even if you use incognito mode, your internet service provider is storing your browsing data. Oh, you don't want that. And many times even so. How is that even fucking legal? It's crazy. But Private Internet But private internet access, or PIA, can help. PIA encrypts and reroutes your internet traffic

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Beer is dead. They did in the entire fucking super bowl that's how you know that these hard seltzers and all of these other things they waited till like the beginning of the fourth quarter one Clydesdale Budweiser commercial soda commercials all the shit that that people are like substituting with hard seltzers diet sodas and stuff like that dude there was no beer i was why now why are hard seltzers in over beer hard seltzers are in because they they found a way because the main ingredient is carbonated water they found a way to get these organic non-chemical so basically you could catch you're not going to get hammered but you have like three or four of them you catch a nice buzz and stay there and it's healthier and it's just taken

over it's just taken over so and corona i'm so glad i don't drink anymore dude is there anything better than a bud tall in a fucking can when you're supposed to be working. I mean, that's one of the, I mean, that's, that's America. I listen. Hey, I love a cold one. Every once in a while. I'm not a beer guy. I love a cold beer. I like yingling dude. You ever have an ice cold yingling? It's fucking great, man. It's a good beer goes down. I don't like that hoppy shit. I don't like that fucking overly. I don't need it. I like all the beer from when I was a kid i like michelob light i like miller high life i like budweiser budweiser not that bud light shit and none of these lemon and lime fucking things i don't like any of that shit i didn't even like light beer from miller i didn't i like coors light yeah coars light was a great one um and then back in the day if we

really wanted to get fucked up you know you get somebody to buy you a case of heff and refer which had a higher alcohol content came in a green bottle it was called the green death and we used to fucking drink those drive my buddy's dad early 70s ford ltd down the mass pike into the old boston garden that's all i just remember sitting on the passenger side rear seat and i swear to god my buddy looked like he was like driving the car looked like he was 20 feet away. Like I could have thrown a football to him. That's how big the car, because everybody else, you know, we all had like, you know, little ass cars.

We didn't have any money. And just riding that fucking sled in there was a four door Ford LTD, shit brown with light brown interior. And it had like a 400 under the hood, posi end it was the fucking car was the greatest it was the fucking greatest yeah so that was it though but i all i ever drank i just used to drink budweiser there was a while in my 30s where i drank heineken for a little while and i just one day i just drank it was like i just don't like i'm not into this can you ask me a question? Because you're a German guy.

What's the deal with Germany and certain European countries drinking warm beer and saying that's the way you're supposed to drink? Dude, a warm beer is fucking horrific. Oh, because it's of higher quality over there. Okay. Yeah, our shit, you ain't got to have it ice cold and stuff. Dude, like, you you know what one of the funniest things ever to see a european come over here and drink american beer i remember wait when i first came when i first came down to new york city i remember david tell being on stage and

this fucking guy from england was walking across in front of the stage with like a, almost a full picture. And he goes, and Dave just, you know, I think he knew they were from Europe. So he just knew he goes, he goes, what's the matter? He goes, you don't like our beer. And he goes, right. It's weak piss. And that was the first time I, cause I had never been to Europe. I was like, Oh, I guess there's shit dude over there. Like when you go to Belgium and, um, um, uh, what was the other place? I never went to Belgium.

I went to the other city over there. Amsterdam. No, no, no. It's, it's, uh, it was in, uh, what the fuck was it called? Antwerp. Antwerp. Um, okay. Yeah. For half a second, I thought Belgium was a city. That's a country. I Antwerp. And then there's the other one, the other, the capital. I went to Antwerp dude. They have all of these fucking beers over there that you've never heard of. And each one of them has their own special glass Alright And the Germans got a thing Well yeah they'll drink it at like room temperature

Yeah that's what I don't get man Cause it just tastes I had a Heineken that was warm once And I was just like this is fucking horrible No I think some of those other ones And I also think it's an acquired taste if you've never had it it's really like shocking but i i don't you know i don't give a fuck yeah i don't i like my dad likes beer a little warm like he's really german so i mean i like but but but the but the shit he drank Stroh's the American shit,

he needed an ice cold or you'd taste how fucking horrific it was. But, um, one of the things like, you know, if you, I saw this picture one time of somebody who got a little snowed in, in Belgium and they just were just sitting at a bar and was trying as many different beers as they could. And they had all these empty glasses and they were were just sitting at a bar and was trying as many different beers as they could and they had all these empty glasses and they were all different different sort of shapes for the beer head and all of that's to give it the the best taste instead of just you know fucking just grabbing a you know a thing on it and um you know it's funny. I really like, I really miss drinking, dude.

Dude, you know what I miss? I miss me and you. I remember me and you were in the car. I think drinking beer with buddies in the moment is so much better than the actual beer. Like me and you were sitting in front of somebody's house. Remember when you parked in a residential, you would park the car going to like the lsu game yeah alabama lsu and me and bill are sitting in a car we had the nickel globe lights the only place that still sells it is new orleans dude you remember everybody's got that fucking ultra

bullshit dude we're drinking michaelobes and we're sitting in the front of this guy's house and we're getting fucking hammered we're laughing we're talking we get out of the car we start throwing a football around i was like this is the fucking best dude i was so fucking then we also had a bottle of hard stuff that was the mistake i just remember this guy lighting a match trying to get my cigar going he's like you gotta hold and i was like like like say here was the match right here and i was like hammered like falling away from it he had to like come forward with the match it was really bad you this is hammered, like falling away from it. He had to like come forward with the match was really bad. Yeah. You,

this is what I learned about you drinking now that you don't drink anymore. You went hard, but like Bill was one of those guys to keep it together as far as you never really, the only time me and you, the only time I ever saw you stagger was when I was staggering back to your apartment when we were drinking pints of vodka after that Rangers game where I passed out and I almost got divorced. But dude, you, I almost got divorced, dude. I almost got divorced. Like my wife called me up going, I was about to explain to your son why dad's not coming home. I go, no, no, dude,

he wasn't going to let me leave. It was three of them i was hammered we were like staggering but dude you you went you would go hard and like your your going hard drinking was never staggering or throwing up your shit was like a little if there was a little fight or like a little argument you would just you would just lock in on somebody and just be like really is that what you think i would be like oh my god i never puked you never puked you never the amount of people that i that i got into arguments with over fucking sports and shit it was just so fucking stupid dude i remember when i was 19 i went up to or, I went up to our 20. I went up to Montreal just to go up there and get hammered with the guys I worked in the warehouse with. And we were afternoon drinking. And I don't know what the fuck happened. All of a sudden me and this Canadian guy just locked eyes.

And I, I mean, I, I don't even know. I don't even know. I was like, I was so fucking hammered. Like I, I don't even know. I don't even know. Like, I was so fucking hammered. Like, I realized I was in an argument with somebody, like, halfway through the argument. And I'm thinking, like, when the fuck did this start? And then I was in it, and I had to keep going. I couldn't back down. Dude, this was the middle of the day.

And this was some Canadian guy on his lunch hour and he was a fucking um one of those montreal douches that hates americans and i was the classic irish german irish fucking boston drunk and he was just toying with me because he had only had like one or two and his friends were all laughing at me and i was just cursing him out being hammered and then we all we went to a titty bar on saint catherine street and i don't even remember what happened all of a sudden we were out on the street my buddy was covered in puke i he stood up to go to the back i don't even want to happen to him. We were a fucking, we were idiots because we were like 19 and you went up there and the drinking

age was like 18 and we made absolute spectacles of ourselves. We didn't represent the country well, but we did make it to a Canadians minutes, uh, against the Minnesota North stars. Um, Patrick walk between the pipes. That was when they had Cabano and um chaleos was still on that

team spaboda all those fucking blue blanque rouge cunts that i hated i'll be honest i love not drinking that much dude i drink i try to keep it down to like a couple times every two weeks if there's like a Saturday UFC fight, I have a couple of pops. I can't, I've learned my body can't do it anymore, man. I'm getting, I'm not getting any younger. And I don't like feeling like that in the morning. I don't like feeling weaker and I don't like feeling out of control. Um, but here's the other thing, dude, I don't have anything now. Cause I can't, I can't do the, I can't, I don't know how guys and people smoke weed like that to that level, dude. I got friends that are like, dude, just smoke all day. And I'm like,

how the fuck I can't fucking smoke all day, dude. I got kids. You know what? That's going to be, that's going to be the new thing, dude, is when they finally admit how addictive weed is because it is it is i experienced it too because i replaced alcohol with weed and then every night i started fucking smoking i was like this fucking pothead and then i was like i needed it to go to sleep you get like it's like anything you get dependent on it i mean it's not and it's not like um the thing about weed is is it's not messy you're not breathing on people people don't know but what what it is is it's just like i used to do a bit about that you know you never see anybody's high on weed robbing a liquor store

it's like you never see anybody on weed doing anything that's the danger of you just sitting on a couch eating a fucking sandwich talking about how much you love the sandwich and how awesome it is and how much you appreciate the person that made the sandwich yeah i'm exhausted i'm exhausted i like melt into my couch and i just stare at the tv i'm fucking i'm worthless i'd rather what about pills i know that's bad but i'd rather a pill you You want to talk about clean? Throw a fucking Vicodin down the gullet. No, no, I'm just saying like, it's addictive,

but you know, all of it's bad. That's the kind of shit you fucking die. Weed, you just, you know, whatever. I mean, you're not going to fucking die. What you want to do is you, if you're going to fuck around, you got to be with like the good time happy drugs all right which you know alcohol is one of those ones that lives on both sides of the road you know no pun intended but it's like that's one of those ones where you know it's harmless if you're doing it at home but you know then if you're an angry drunk and you do it every night

it crosses the double line into being one of the bad drugs weed i just feel like weed is like you know you know one of my favorite fucking shows did you ever watch on um what the fuck channel was it i really liked the channel too and i just i don't know i just got so busy i stopped watching it they had that kid he was indian kid and he just loves getting high and then they just make food with weed and like just how sure yeah and he was just so psyched to get high like me and nia used to just sit there laughing like going i just love how much this kid loves weed like dude he loves it and you just you know seeing somebody doing something that they love even if it's like and it was just and then they had like the all like they weren't like potheads they were like scientists and they would get like the weed into like liquid form and it

looked like olive oil and they would put it on the pizza i mean dude that is literally like a pothead's dream like a pothead that is infused with fucking weed. Yeah. It's like a complete circle for them. What the fuck was the name? It was one of those things where they incorporated weed into the name of like food or something like that, like some sort of pun or some shit. What was the show? What channel was that where they also had that rapper,

Most Expensivest? Yeah, the other guy, Fuck That's Delicious. What channel was that? I used to love all of those fucking shows, and nothing was better if you smoked a little weed and you just fucking watched two chains talking about the most expensive tie tack or whatever the fuck he found then it'd go into fuck that's delicious and they'd be eating all this food and then they go in with the indian kid who i can't explain his vibe dude he was just fucking psyched to be eating this stuff was awesome he like you you put me in a better

mood i love people like that i just you know what i envy bill i envy the guy that you could go to his house and he's got a fucking bottle of some insane tequila or whiskey and he goes yeah dude let's have a little you know and he has like one or two and he's just completely done and i'm like hi i'm down i don't care what the thing is you blew it out too much was it bong bong appetite bong appetite now watch i'm gonna find out he's pakistanian i'm gonna get a bunch of problems like he could tell i'm fucking german and not irish right um anyway i fucking i love that show yeah i can't do it love that show i i can't do it dude i did an edible and i almost hallucinated and had to have stacy take me to the hospital i was hearing sounds and shit. I couldn't hold a thought.

You're too paranoid, dude. Yeah, I am. I'm not, but that's good to know that it's good to know that I thought I was like that. And it turns out I'm not, man. I just think it's fucking hilarious. Like when I took, when I I've had mushrooms, the second time I had mushrooms and I kind of worked on myself. So I just had a good trip, dude. I had a fucking blast. And the whole time I knew I was tripping. I just found the whole thing was fascinating. I had no desire to like, you know, now I'm going to start doing that every other weekend or every night or some dumb shit. Like the way like alcohol and weed seemed to work like mushrooms. Just like this was explained to me so explain something to me explain something to me bill seriously i'm not gonna do it but explain to me no no because because like listen if i was what tell me the truth you know that when i get really high from weed i get paranoid and i'm not

comfortable you know you know i like to get buzzed with booze what What would mushrooms do to me? And what, what would I expect if I did a light dose? I have no, I can only go with what happened to me. It's not like something, I don't know what trauma you have in your head. I know with me, what happened was, um, I found out who I was on my first trip. Yeah. See, that's already fucking scary, dude. You know what I mean? One of the greatest things ever is to know who you are. You know, Santa Paul, I realized why I drank while I, why I did. It's because of this shit I was fucking running from. And then, you know, people say, you know, you don't get the trip you want.

You get the trip you need, man. Like that hippie shit. But it was like, it was great for me. And, um, I had this moment of clarity and I was just like, I need to knock off weed and cigars. And I just got stone fucking sober. I fucked up and started smoking cigars against last May. But, um, I haven't fucked fucked i haven't fucked with anything since except the next time i went on vacation with me and i took mushrooms and i smoked a little weed and i came back i'm like okay that's it i'm not i'm not doing it and now i'm back off again i don't have a problem with i never was able to do that like uh like before but now that I know myself and I kind of know why, if I'm feeling like I want to get fucked up, I know that there's something wrong

in my life and I got to think about what it is. And I got to sit with that emotion rather than bury it. And, uh, it's made me a better, better person, a better father and all of that. So, I mean, you tell me one substance that you've done that alters your mind, that makes you a better father. I mean, look, I'm not advocating that anybody goes out and I'm just saying what it did for me. Cause I hate people that have such a small brain where they're just like, well, this happened to me. So now it's going to happen to you. It's like don't wanna i just don't you know you know that i have a i have a unique relationship with my father it's not crazy but i don't get to see him i didn't have him growing i don't want to

fucking go on that shit in the middle like i don't want to fuck it why not cry it out of you i'm sorry dad like i don't i don't want to fuck i just want don't be near your phone Why not? Cry it out of you. I'm sorry, dad. Like, I don't want to fuck. No, don't be near your phone. Don't be near your phone. Dude, you take mushrooms. You know what you do? You go outside, man.

You go outside. You're like, all right, man. Don't be near your phone. It's so fucking funny. I'm just, I got my phone. I started getting my first mushroom. Bill it's happening. Dude. If you knew what happened to me right after I took the fucking mushrooms and my phone blew up, man. I mean,

I told the story the other night on stage. Yeah. Yeah. That's wild. Yeah. But I was able to ride it out and i was able to and i didn't have a bad trip i just knew i wasn't gonna have a bad trip and i was i was like you know i was excited and it was like i just remember when it kicked in i was like it's happening i was on vacation my wife and neil was just like go outside go outside and my wife is so fucking cool like she really is spiritually just a really good person and and she roots for people and all that she was like the best person to be tripping she was totally like so sober whatever so she and she you know was making sure that i wasn't gonna freak out because she knew the first time i had a bad one and i remember

um yeah just coming in being like it's cool it's cool. It's cool. This is going to be fun. And I was just out there, dude. Like, you know, fucking looking at the rocks. Hey man, didn't see you over there. Remember saying that? What do you mean? You saw something in the rocks? But you saw something in the rocks move like you thought the rocks were alive yeah well no i knew they weren't alive but i just we were just vibing it was like it's like everything just becomes like you're just i can't it's no way to fucking explain it it's but it's fucking awesome it is so fucking awesome how long does it last

uh mine was like two and a half hours and like dude it you come back and then you think oh was that it you're like bummed out and then oh another wave here we go here we go this fucking awesome you gotta pass at the amusement park i was generally up like sad when it was over and you're not hung over or anything no hangover but at the peak at the peak of it when i looked outside like there was the it was going there was like circles and it was going that would fuck me up man no but you know it's because you ate mushrooms it's not like you're like they say in high school that you think he can fly you know you're tripping so you're just looking at it and you're just like that's fucking amazing dude at one point it seemed like all the plants were starting to stand up

so i was just like hey what are you guys looking at, man? You just embrace it. Embrace it. Dude, and then I watched the fucking Raiders versus the Chargers. I mean, it was just fucking – I remember that game. All the writers in the field were like moving. It was fucking amazing.

It's one of my favorite football – First of all, it was a great game, and I was tripping, and the announcers' heads were going down into their fucking shirts it was wild what's the difference between that and lsd like acid what's the difference is what's scary about acid is acid is like man-made so i just always think like you know the only thing man-made that i prefer to eat is salmon at this point because it wasn't fucking inhaling the plastic out there i know i'm not eating my old fucking running sneakers that this you know so i'll take my chance on that but like i just figure you know you know it but i mean it is like i mean mushrooms are a poison from

what i heard that's why what what's happening is happening but what i like about him is um i don't know you just it's not it's like a uh it's a trip man you take a fucking trip you have a good time and then you're just not like you know i'm gonna do this again and they're using it in therapy you know some people trying to use it it's very early i heard like the micro dosing and certain things like that to help people but i just like dude when me you when me you stacy and nia were out in la and we were going to sushi and you were like hey man i got those ice balls before we leave let's have a couple tequilas i'll squirt some lemon on it and i remember being oh yeah and dude i remember after the second one a i didn't

want to go to dinner anymore i was having such a good time but like those two drinks i was like oh i'm up i'm happy i'm ready like it was amazing for me that's a great a great tequila yeah a great tequila um it just how clear it is and how clean it is and everything um with with the right amount of lime in it it's it's it's just it's it's like a martini where i like the right amount of vodka and it had to be belvedere i hate gray goose i don't like gray goose is like pepsi it's just too smooth i like the bite of coke and I like the bite of like the Belvedere. You know, I always liked, um, by the end, I really fucked up after. Oh, I know.

I just really loved, um, including me. Okay. Yeah, no, I just love the whole, uh, I, I like like taste in the alcohol i didn't like the disguise of it i used to just by the end of it you know what i mean like i felt was like like driving like a pure sports car where there's you know it's a stick shift there's no power steering no power brakes like you're driving that fucking. I felt the same way about alcohol where it was like, you know, maybe you'd have like one ice cube in it, but it's like, I want to taste what you made. It's like whenever I go to a place and the first time I tried their pizza,

it's like, I always get, I get a plane or a margarita. I want to, I want to see what you're doing here. You're not going to hide behind your topics. You either know how to make it or you don't. Yeah. I think we talked about this, but you said, what did you say your last meal would be? What did you say if your last meal was, was it a, was it an Italian dish? Was it a pasta dish? It all depends on who's cooking it. If my mother is cooking it, I want a roast beef with mashed potatoes, carrots, and gravy.

I mean, it's just a German Irish kids. That's a German Irish kids go to right there. Yep. And then that Indiana cream pie she makes that's that is it slice of that. What is that? What's Indiana cream pie? Well, that's where the rest of this is fucking recipe floating around out there that I've never seen it in stores, but people who live in there and have older people, they know that recipe, dude, it's fucking crack cocaine, Indiana cream pie. It's an Indy. Well, I just call it that because I got it from, uh, relatives that, you know, when they got the recipe, they were living in Indiana. They didn't live there afterwards. So, um, that's sort of the region where we got it and it's been in our family.

And that's the one that we make. And people look at, they're like, I'm not eating that shit. It's like, try it. They're like, Oh my God. Oh my God. This is fucking unbelievable. Your mom throws down, huh? Oh yeah.

No, my mom is like a, uh, you know, pies, cookies. Like she goes all out, would make like a,

um, a prime rib. She'd make, make popovers. I like yeah her shit was just fucking insane like yeah like i have all her recipes this is what a great mom my mother is she wrote out all her recipes by hand times all the kids she has wow and gave it to us one year as a gift took it like a fucking year to do it dude they're all handwritten and that's a great thing someday like when my mom passes like i i want to get them like laminated that's like her handwriting it's incredible

that's fucking gang that's like old school shit oh no dude my my mother is like you know she's i always said you're in the tsa to fucking pre-check line to heaven she's got clear yeah that's it yeah i'll tell you who else was dude bob saget oh bob say You could have heard his kids talking about him at the funeral, man. It was like, it was, it was inspiring the relationship he, and how much they loved him and he loved them and how much they knew it. It was just like, there it is. There it is right there. The world would be a better place if every dad, know and husband was was like bob's the great bob saget man i'm telling you now rest his soul amazing that's rest his soul but that that knowing that your kids know how much you love them because you instilled that and you just let them know, dude, it's like underrated, underrated, leaving, dying

and leaving your kids with no questions. Oh, that's, that's number one. I mean, you do that to a, you can make a kid drink your own kid, drink themselves to death on some shit, depending on how, how deep it was. You got to fucking own up to the shit you did wrong or whatever you got to face all of that and you really got to just sit down like uh like that's the thing you know throughout like you know my my kids being kids and becoming you know young adults and everything i'm just gonna be i'm just hundred percent honest. Like when they come home and like,

oh my God, I got math. Like, you know, I hate math. I'd be like, yeah, so did I. So did you go to summer school? Yes, I did. Yeah. I shouldn't have, but I did. Cause I was an idiot, you know, drank and drive. Yup. Got arrested for it. Idiot, stupid move. Like, and then I'll tell them the good stuff I did, but I mean, um, yeah, my daughter already, like, she, you know, like I always have a thing. I always say to her, you know, what's something, whenever I do something, do I always say, whenever I do something for her, I always say, why did, why did I do that? And she smiles and goes, because you love me. I go, that's right yeah anything why do i make you those waffles why i take your skateboard you know why do i read your books yeah always like

breaks into a smile and says that and it's just like that is so like um yeah i'll tell you dude you can see it it. You can see kids that know they're loved versus kids that they don't. And I swear to God, when I see the ones that know they're not, I always look at them. Yeah. Yeah. I tell my kids straight up. I'm like, dude, you're fucking better looking and better than that kid.

I don't take it to that point. That's fucking hilarious. In a nice way. No, no nice in a nice way okay now i want to hear how you say that in a nice way huh i'll just be like like here's what i'll do like lucas like lucas makes like high honor roll and stuff right and he just does things that me and stacy couldn't do like lucas can look at a math test everybody gets a 50 and fails and stuff. Right. And he just does things that me and Stacy couldn't do. Like Lucas can look at a math test. Everybody gets a 50 and fails. And his teacher's like, yeah, he just looks at math and science and just gets it. Right.

And he's just like, yeah, dad, he's like, you know, a couple of people, I know they got like forties and fifties and I'm just like, yeah, listen, man, I just fucking don't have what you have. You know, you're just, you know, I mean, listen, God listen god bless them but you just you fucking smart and get you know what i mean and do you ever say at any point i would if i was in your class i'd be one of the kids getting 40 oh i will me and stacy always say dude we've stunk in math you know i'll just say like you have something and that's great and you know out of curiosity do you have any relatives on either side that were good at math? I don't know. Maybe my older brother was decent at it,

but Stacy and I were morons at math. I watched my nine-year-old daughter do division last night. I looked at it and said, I literally couldn't do that right now. I could not do my nine-year-old daughter's division. It was like two divided. I suck at math. I'm not talking that. I mean, once it got into like algebra, once they threw the alphabet in and they just shook it all up, I was like, I don't know what the fuck's. Dude, geometry? What was that?

I still don't even know what that was. All of a sudden, we're just talking about triangles. It's just going up and the angles that can grow it and i saw suiz in the pythagorean theorem it's like what is this for you ever think of starting that so i i'm fucking tethered to something yeah just tell me what i just have to memorize all of these theories about a fucking box you fucking idiots that was oh my god i didn't want to tell me what to tip a waiter tell me what to fucking tip a waiter that's what i know tell me what it is i'm learning how what did it what is it for yeah jesus fucking christ i'm taking wood shop

yeah so i know how to build a fucking shelf i get it hey you're fucking some kid needed to build a shelf some kids needed to learn how to build a shelf like 20 years after i took geometry some fucking math guy goes oh it's for like engineering and you know designing bridges and i'm like thank you i mean why wouldn't you tell kids that get some excitement? Like this is the type of stuff you need. This is how bridges don't fall down when you drive over them. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah. Instead of just sitting around talking about triangles. Yeah. What about earthworms and rocks?

The fucking earth science. I was in earth science in ninth grade. They were telling me what a fucking rock was I wanted to take a rock and fucking hit the teacher with it that's how fucking bored I was yeah that that's you gotta that's like some old old person shit like

you gotta get really old to that point where you're like inquisitive and join like a rock group but not the bands I mean like getting in, like, I like rocks too. We should start a rock formation collective and sit around. Like there is no fucking reason at all. Why isn't there a class about sports,

sports or picking fucking handicaps or fucking trying to fucking, you know, one of the dumber things you've said, Paul. No, but seriously. That's right up there with I don't cross any bridge or tunnel or go through a tunnel to get in Manhattan. Come on, man. Why not? Why not?

What do you mean, why not? There are people whose job it is to look at a game and pick a spread, figure out things like that. I would have crushed. Yeah. They put it math. They got to be good at math. Paul, you would be, you'd be horrific. No, you got to be good at defense and offense. And no, no, no, no, no. You would be horrific as an odds maker. I wouldn't. No, I wouldn't. I wouldn't suck at math. Yeah, but it's not math.

You would take all the information they gave you, and then you'd have to figure it out mathematically on a piece of paper what the spread is, and you would fuck it up. Why are the Bengals getting 12? It's not worked out in my fucking – No, no, it's, you know, I carry the six. It's just – What? Whenever you don't, no, it's, you know, I carry the six. It's just... What?

Whenever you don't get something, you sort of mumble what you did, and then you go, what, after? No, I just, you know, I carried six. What? What? Oh, Paul. That was the meathead comment of the week.

Hey, why can't they have a class on sports? I bet you some schools do. I'm serious. There's something out there like that. Paul, why would you want to drive your student body to the track? You're supposed to be giving these people. You're supposed to be giving these people. Why don't they have a fucking class on the different genres of pornography?

You know? And have a guidance counselor, have the girls pick out if they were to be a porn star. And we're down the hall learning how to handicap fucking horse races. Somebody told me the reason why. Somebody told me this week, they was like, you know why sex is...

You ever have a dumb... I guess we're having a dumb one now, but like a conversation with a friend, my buddy goes, he goes, you know why vagina feels so good, why sex feels so good right it's designed it's designed like that where animals and the reason it feels so good is to reproduce that's the only reason you're not supposed to and he's like kind of telling me how like it's just supposed to feel good to reproduce that i'm right and it kind of like yeah i i kind of know you never get what was that like supposed to be like some groundbreaking information yeah like i didn't i

didn't know what he was saying because it was just like dude you want to know why it feels so good because nature is supposed to reproduce and i was like waiting for like that's one of those things where somebody smarter than him said something and that's all he could remember. And then he repeated it to you. That sounds smart. I want to sound smart. And then whatever they remember, they just puke it at you. It's like, yeah, I know. You got to sit there like, Oh yeah. Yeah. An alligator is not going to lift another alligator's leg.

not going to lift another alligator's leg just for fucking leverage. That's something I don't want to see. Alligators fucking because I think one of them has to be in the missionary position in order for that to work. Oh yeah, I don't know about that. This is the difference between our podcast and the Joe Rogan podcast. Because right now Joe Rogan would have two alligators fucking.

Yeah, no, I think they lay on top of each other. That's all. There's no, there's no, you see gorillas 69ing? Well, where's the veg? It's got. Well, where's the veg? It's good. Well, you've seen that one where the monkey took a frog and was like making it give him a blow job.

No, I didn't see that. I'm telling you, it is so funny. You don't want to ever see that. No. You don't ever want to see that. No, I'm doing this bit in my act. I'm trying to do this bit in my act out like animals don't know they could commit suicide like they don't know that that option existed and i was just trying to it's like like a monkey at a zoo with a gun to his head or it's about that i'm trying to and like i started i can't figure it out yet but i thought about that like animals

don't know they have an option to fucking do that i love the idea of the monkey getting the security guard's gun and rather than using him as a hostage he just blows his brain see that's the difference between a monkey and a person a person would have put the gun to the security guard's head instead you gotta open up this fucking door uh dude this podcast is fucking epic we're talking mushrooms drinking fucking animals fucking uh god would happen pour myself a tequila after this one bill what are we gonna do though can we talk about the depression that's about to set in Sunday when there's no football until early September? I'm not going to lie. This year was so much fun, not just on the bed MGM with you, the, which was incredible, but just texting your buddies.

Did you see that play? They're not playing defense, all of that, all that comes with the NFL dude. And now we got to watch shitty nba fucking games i'm just bitter because the knicks aren't doing good but i was real i never brought that up all you guys you talent all you guys shut up no i know and i looked i just looked up and you guys were like 25 and 27 dude you said to me you go, Paul, do you understand that you sound, I've literally heard this. You said this to me, then you go, I've heard you do this like 11 years in a row going,

no, dude, this is, I'm telling you, this is different. You go, you just go, all right, man, I wish you luck. Death, taxes, and optimistic Knicks fans in November. Dude, they are balling. They are balling. It's done. The. Dude, they are balling. They are balling. It's done. The new coach, they're playing D. They're playing all the shit that good team is doing.

They got draft picks. You know? Who knows? If we're in it, come the all-star break, they make a couple of moves, you know? LeBron's getting old. What's going on with your Celtics? We're pretty much right where you're at. No, we're like three games out of three and a half games out of first place. What's going on with your Celtics? We're pretty much right where you're at.

No, we're like three games. We're like three games out of three and a half games out of first place. Since when? I looked like two weeks ago. We had like a fucking Jason, Jason Tatum's. I heard he's balling out. Yeah, he is. He is. And the local papers are already trying to rip the team apart saying Jalen

Brown and him don't like playing together. There's such fucking unathletic cunts. Just shut the fuck up. Yeah. Whatever issues they probably don't even have a fucking issue and you're going to create one. Oh my God, Bill. Oh my God.

Did you see who's new on first take right now? Dude, Max Kellerman is off first take. And today was the first day of the new hire with stephen a smith and it's mike mad dog russo from mike and the mad dog is now on first take dude the first argument him and he's on with who else no no it's stephen a smith and mad dog russo now oh my god and dude today's first argument they're screaming at each other they're screaming at each other and he's going he's going mike mad dog i'm telling you right now he's overrated he goes jack prescott's overrated there's tim he goes josh allen's better than

patrick maho's better than him he goes he goes and he just starts going down the list that's a good mad dog he goes yeah he goes wilson's better than him he goes roger who's better and all of a sudden and he said somebody goes he'd be lucky to be goes, Rod, who's better? And all of a sudden, and he said, somebody goes, he'd be lucky to be in the top 10. He goes top 10. And all of a sudden Stephen A. Smith goes, Stephen A. Smith goes, that's ridiculous. Oh, now you're just, that's right. And it was like the first one they had. And he'd go, go through the names, go through the names, Josh Allen, this and that dude. It was, I was going,

if this is going to be on every morning, I am fucking in to first. Who did Stephen A. Smith? I was going, if this is going to be on every morning, I am fucking in to first. Steven a Smith. You know, they started to get into names around that 10, nine, 10 area. And mad dog was like, there's a couple, you got to have a conversation and he goes, who? And he goes, all right, Derek Carr, Derek Carr is good, better in the playoffs than this. And, and Steven a Smith's just goes, come on, come on, you know, they were just going, but he's like, let's talk about it.

All right. I'm going to name my top 10 in no particular order. All right. Patrick Mahomes, Russell Wilson, Josh Allen. Jesus Christ. The football season ends and i forget everybody as far as top guys and see no more brady no more aaron rogers aaron rogers there you go god how'd i forget him um joe burrow i put down there like 10 he's a young kid on his way up higher than 10 maybe but yeah top 10 um mac jones top 10 no no no not yet um oh this is the two that was on that i would say uh uh kyler murray's somewhere in there as far as like, you know, he's one of those, there was nine, 10 kind of guys.

Kirk Cousins. Just outside. Yeah. Kirk Cousins. I mean, cause also like, I feel like if, if you're, you know, if you need a quarterback and you got Kirk Cousins, you'd be like excited. That guy, he's with the Colts now, right? No Vikings. Vikings. Who's with the Colts now, right? No, Vikings. Vikings.

Who's with the Colts? Carson Wentz. Carson Wentz scores points, man. I'd take Justin Herbert. I'd take Justin Herbert. Justin Herbert. Justin Herbert. Great one. I forgot about him too. Justin, I'm going to put Derek Carr. Top 10? That's a hard one.

The fucking Raiders are just like, you fucking become quarterback of the raiders just the amount of extra bullshit they seem like they righted the ship all the work john gruden did um righted the ship once again i loved all those fucking assholes when he got fired they go like you know classic white male he gets paid a hundred million dollars and this is his record it's like dude you don't even know football the guy resurrected the fucking raiders from the ashes twice so he's going to have two and 14 years that's going to affect his overall fucking record he brought him to the goddamn super bowl his team he took over Tampa, won with that team and played his old fucking Raiders team. And not only

that, he got $100 million over fucking 10 years. It's $10 million a year. Oh, by the way, a little birdie told me something. A little birdie told me something. I'll tell you, a little birdie told me, Tom, I love you did three. I was

wondering if he was going to say birdie three times. Little birdie told me something. Little birdie told me, Tom. I love you did three. I was wondering if he was going to say birdie three times. Little birdie told me something. Little birdie told me something. This is a big thing. When Verzi has to start his sentence three times, it's big. Paul, for the love of God, what did this little birdie tell you? He told me that Tom Brady doesn't think he's done. told me that Tom Brady is, he doesn't think he's done.

And when I tell you the source later, I think there's some, something to it, maybe. So. Guess who doesn't give a fuck? Who? Me.

He comes back, tell me he's back. I'm not going to say, you know, I don't know. You know what? I know you long enough to understand people that are into gossip. No, I know you long enough to know that if he did come back, you would care. Yes, but I don't give a fuck enough to sit here in this middle ground of like, dude, I don't know.

I heard something. Oh, what'd you hear? I don't give a shit as far as like that. If he comes back, great. Tell me he came back. I'm not going to sit here fucking like some old lady on the phone. Oh, I heard. I heard he wants to go to the giants wouldn't that be something

i gotta be honest with you that's all sports shows are between games once they're done with the games then they go into speculation and there is no difference between that and watching the real housewives. Right. Well, they have to be watching Stephen A. Smith and bad dog yelling at each other is the, it's the same. Fuck it. I mean, that has got to sound as stupid. So somebody who doesn't watch sports. Yeah, but that's different. I'm not watching the show. I just seeing clips pop up. I'm not watching it.

Oh, you said you were going to watch it. No, I will. I said, if it's like that always, I will, because it was incredible. Oh, I'm not judging you. No, if I had the fucking time, I would watch that every day. And I like watching Stephen A. Smith kind of get challenged and yelled at not in a, not in a way that I don't like him. I like him, but there was always like, he would do his platform. Wow. I'm going to blast from it and he would just do that now this guy's going tell me tell me like that's what i that's what i love like i love when a guy like that gets challenged is what i'm saying um but uh wow this is a great really you know what's weird if they're like a comedy team they don't have two straight men they got two guys that are delivering the punchline they they got two guys going all out.

Yeah. Yeah. They usually have the guy like, well, how can you say that? Oh, I can fucking say that. They usually have the one yelling and the one quiet guy.

Now they got, they got two screamers in them. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. I like going at a guy going, is that a desperation move by ESPN? We're more and more people are going to the

internet? Is this the last gasp of basic cable sports? Cause you know, everybody yells on ESPN now. So now they're going to get the two loudest guys yelling at each other to try to say, I was, I was wrong about, I said this before. I was really wrong about like where TV was going and how it was. I remember having a buddy go, dude, 10 years, everything's on the phone. People aren't going to watch TV. And I'm going, no, what are you talking about? And I gotta be honest,

I can turn everything off Stacy, like canceled cable. And I didn't even realize it for a while. Cause it was just, and then I was just like, I'll lay down and I'll just look at clip. Like everything is right here. So I don't know, man. I think TV is the Olympics. Cause I was like, you're going to watch the super bowl on your phone. No, no, but I'll watch it on, you know, I'll watch it on like,

either like a stream, like a, you can know streaming it or using a service. And what will you be looking at? For the super bowl, I would obviously be watching my team. UFC, you're going to watch it on your phone. What you're saying is basic cable and networks might go away, but there's going to be streaming services. Yeah. It's just TV as we know it is going to change, but there's going to be TVs, Paul. There's always going to be TVs, but I can't, I don't understand the amount of time. I can't believe the amount of time I'm looking at this for updates for anything like that. I use the phone so much more than I thought I would.

Um, no, these things have killed small talk. Yeah. I mean, literally there's people sitting next to their soulmate and they don't, they don't see them and they're looking at that. And then when they look up, they're gone. My kids were not allowed. My kids are not allowed to be on the phone we go to dinner or like when we're at dinner one time i looked my daughter and son are like this and and everybody's sitting at this dinner and i go guys guys what are we fucking doing here man

let's spend some time together as a film put the fucking phones down and my son's like just two more minutes on this game and i'm like no, no, put the fucking phone down. Yeah. It's attention span. You curse like that at the dinner table? What's that? You curse like that at the dinner table. That's just how you told the story. No, no. That's just how I told the story. I don't know. You looked away there. I thought when you looked away, that was the truth. I was like, you curse like that at the dinner table?

You go, no, no, no. I have said, if I say it it three times I do the opposite you know the way I do three times if I have to do it three times that's what I fucking laid a hammer down no that makes put your phone away put your phone away put your fucking phone away I mean that's classic parenting yeah yeah well you have a daughter like I do and you know what I saw my both my wife and daughter said something to me and they both kind of had their hand up with their head tilted like yeah and i'm going i got fucking two he is doing this shit now like my daughter just jumped on my wife's side and

they had like the same pose like yeah dad and yeah paul what are you gonna do and i'm going i want to go i go i only need this for one of you okay i don't need this from one of you. Okay? I don't need this from two of you. Okay? Where's Lucas? Dude, I got a buddy of mine. I got a buddy of mine who's got a boy and a girl, and the whole house is against him. Oh, wow. Yeah, stop picking on mom. Why can't you be nice and blah, blah? And he goes, I want to be like, shut the fuck up.

I go, do you ever say that? He goes, sometimes. I try not to, but sometimes I do. Dude, me and Stacy got into it. Not crazy in front of the kids. And my daughter goes, why are you fighting right now with mom? And I just go, cause she's wrong. And dude, it did not, it was in the kitchen and I go, cause she's wrong. And that's why. And Stacy just turned to me. She was by the, and she just turned to me and gave me that. And I was like, Ooh, boy, it's going to be a rough 12 hours. Hey dude, you're not allowed to say they're wrong. Even when they're wrong.

No, I do. I do. If you're really wrong, I do. No, no, no, no, no. I'm just, I'm, I'm saying as far as the rule book in their head the rule book in their head is even if they're wrong and you tell them they're wrong they then make the argument about well you didn't have to say i was wrong in front of the fucking neighbors hey bill hey bill to be the champ you got to beat the champ you know the way the judges never let the title get lost unless it's definitive. It's the same thing with the wife. If there's three, but your wife is also the one putting the scores up.

Yeah. She's in the game and she's also scoring the thing. So you just, you know, you're not going to, you're not going to win. Yeah. All right, everybody, this has been such a fun, another fun episode of anything better podcast. Uh, we want to thank everybody who listened, please continue to go to our YouTube channel and subscribe to anything better. Get it on iTunes, Spotify, everywhere you get your podcast, please check out Bill's Monday morning podcast, my Verzi effect podcast. This weekend, I'll be at the funny bone in Syracuse.

One show Friday to Saturday, February 24th, one show only. It's going to sell out the Pittsburgh improv February 24th. And for all my other dates, go to paulverzi.com, Texas, Tampa, Rhode Island, Buffalo, San Diego. I'm coming to see you guys. And that's that's pretty much, uh, that's it. That's pretty much it. Great. I got a, I got a world tour or whatnot, a national tour, whatever the fuck you want to call it. All the dates are on bill at bill bird.com. And, um, then what else do I got? Yeah, that's it. My tour gets going in April when I got the other side of this acting gig.

That is it. Thank you.