Anything Better? - The Magic Bullet Theory of the NFL

Episode Date: October 16, 2026

Bill and Paul are both .500 through 5 games.  This week they discuss Digger and how short a 52 yarder is.

What's up, everybody, and welcome back to another episode of the Anything Better podcast with your host, me, Paul Berzi over here, Bill Burr over there. As always, we have Andrew Themless to greet freak out there in Beverly Hills, and of course, Jake the Snake with our injury reports from who knows what Jake the... Who knows what shenanigans Jake the Snake is up to? But, guys, we are here for week number six. I can't believe how fast this is going. And Bill, what did we say? I was texting Bill. and I go after 20 games, I'm 10 and 10.

And after 20 games, Bill is 10 and 10. So we're right there. We're right there. Right there. Yeah, I went three in one last week. I went two and two again. Three weeks in a row. I'm two and two.

So can't get over the hump. But who would have thought the Jets would get me to 500? Well, my new theory is once a week or 20. twice a week, I picked something that makes them got sense, and it keeps coming in. I had a 10 against the Dallas' hours. They won the game. Stupid. Doesn't make any sense.

A few weeks ago, I took the bills playing in Buffalo, only getting four and a half. I'm like, why is it only four and a half? That one came in, and then I had the Raiders. They had a small spread against the Chiefs and they covered. So that's my new, that's my new, my new thing. I will tell you this, Paul, your pick with the Buffalo Bills, they're not doing shit in the playoffs. They give up 31 points a week.

They got to do something with that fucking defense. It's ridiculous. Yeah, that game is on. The Rams have no special teams and the fucking, the bills have no defense. Like, Josh Allen's got to be laying in his bed like, nah, it's not enough. It's not enough, like, I need to throw another touchdown. Like, Josh Allen, in the,

offense are killing it. Yeah. I think the Rams defense isn't great either. It doesn't make any sense. Well, their special teams is horrific. Horrific. It's also like the other team where they start their drive, the yards that they're giving up on kickoffs and punts and stuff like that, just they're horrific. Horific. I don't know. Have you seen that kid who imitate Sean McVeigh? Did I send you that? Oh, yeah. So great. Yep, yab, yop, yop, y'all, you know, we're not getting it done. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. That kid.

And he just sits there with his eyes like this the whole time. It's fucking amazing. Well, the Rams, the Rams cut that kicker, you know, the guy that was kind of heavy. Yeah, the tricker. Yeah, yeah. He did look like he was in a Halloween costume. God bless him. But, you know, when I knew something was wrong with that when they were like, his high, his career high was 52.

And I'm like, dude, in today's game, that can't be your career high. That was a career high. when we were young, when I was young. Oh, yeah. Do you remember a few years ago when they were doing something with the ball? You know, they weren't. And everybody caught on to it. It was just like, all of a sudden,

everybody was just kicking like fucking 59-yarders. Like, nothing. Like it was a 39-yarder. It was insane. I do have to say this. Old Billy Hollywood. The critics absolutely eviscerated this movie Digger with Tom Cruise, John Goodman. I'm always bad with the director's name.

The guy who did, he did Birdman. Yeah, yeah. God damn it. I just looked it up. And where's my phone? Where's my phone when I need it, Paul? Alejandro Inoratu. There you go.

Dude, I went and saw it last night, Paul. It's unbelievable. It's unbelievable. Tom Cruise is going to win the Oscar, and so is John Goodman. They are unbelievable. It's unfucking believable. It's like,

everybody from Warner Brothers having the balls to make this movie, it's so, it's really, there's a turn in it that is so, I don't want to spoil it, they're so fucking different. And these stupid critics, all they do is bitch. Oh, it's just one Marvel movie after another.

Oh, what? Werewolves and vampires now? Oh, now we're going to do all the fucking horror movies. They're always fucking bitching about how Hollywood doesn't do something different. And then when they do it, Paul, not only do they eviscerate it. They don't even understand the movie. And I'm actually starting to think that the way fucking media has been taken over is the same thing. Like if a movie says something about billionaires,

Critics eviscerate it. Eviscerate the thing. Go see the fucking movie. Oh, no, I heard, I heard good. I did hear good things from people. I'm going to go see it. It's fucking incredible. Yeah, I can't wait.

Dude, Tom Cruise, all of these years being a movie star, like the character acting that he does in this thing, and this isn't like the thing where, like, you're so used to them being like a movie star if they do anything different, it clouds your viewpoint. He was fucking incredible. He's fucking incredible in that. I can't say the movie blew my mind. It's an incredible movie. And these critics are just, I don't know, they're critics. Their job is to criticize shit.

And I'll tell you, they criticize that movie. They criticized the hell out of it. And I don't think they, I'm trying to think the last time they were that wrong, you know. Yeah, I'm going to go, I'm going to go check it out. I heard some people were saying good things. So I'm going to go check it out, dude. And Tom Cruise, man, like, he's just. one of those guys dude like everything he touches i think is dope yeah but he's usually you know

doing like the movie star thing this thing he's fully in a character like when i saw the clip of it i literally like lean closer to my phone go is that tom cruise holy shit i got to go see this i saw last night with a buddy mine i just i'm telling you just go if if don't whine that you want to see something different because everything's the same and blah blah blah blah and then don't go see this movie okay cost a ton of fucking money it's cool it's cool it's cool it's cool it's cool it's good it's in a dystopian way, it's gorgeous. It's fun. It's the whole movie.

Nice. The fucking end credits were brilliant. Nice. Nice. That's great, dude. All right. That's it. I'm done.

I'm done. No, no. Listen, dude. Listen, man. I'm a movie guy. You're a movie guy. You're a movie guy. Got to tell people, dude.

You know, especially if you see some good. You what kills me is I did this fucking the morning show there. in New York City. I can't ever remember the fucking name of anything. Good morning America? No. For the today show? It used to be Regis and Kathy Lee.

Oh, Kelly and her husband. Yeah, yeah. I went on and I did that show and fucking John Goodman was on in front of me, promoting it. I hadn't seen it yet. I just wish I had seen it so I could have told him how, I mean, how he knows he's amazing, but I just, I felt bad. I was like, oh, I'm going to see that.

I'm seeing that next weekend and blah, blah. And he was like super nice and everything. But now I'm just like, oh, my guess. It might be John Goodman, my favorite thing he's done, including all the Cohn brothers stuff that he's done. Oh, God, John Goodman's an animal. John Goodman is an animal. John Goodman, dude.

I mean, he's another guy. I was a catchphrase in my house growing up. Shut the fuck up, Donnie. All right, let's talk, let's get back to football here. Sorry. No, no, no. Yeah, so Justin Herbert and them, I'm sorry, Jake to snake, we're going to bring you in here. I don't mean to bring you in with how bad your team is doing, but, you know, I'm hearing Justin Herbert on the trading block now for teams.

I don't know if that, I think that's a little, I think that's a little much. Yeah, I don't think the charges are going to trade him. I think the guys, it only happened if Herbert requests to trade, which like I would understand if he did. did because this is just a nightmare. But yeah, it's been a terrible season. So hopefully we just keep, we lose as many games as possible and get a really high pick because that's just where we're at now. Jake, I got to tell you guys, I got to tell you something.

I got to tell the show something. I was performing in Janesville, Wisconsin. And there was a guy at the show. And he goes, he goes, anything better, blah, blah. He goes, man, he goes, Jake to Snake. He goes, guys, we need more Jake. I swear to God, guys, we need more Jake to Snake. he goes, we just, he goes, Jake the snake.

He goes, that fucking guy is the best. I'm like, yeah, dude, you know, that's our guy. I mean, look at you. You even got a little Elvis Presley thing going with your hair. I mean, who's fucking better to you? I was going to say Johnny Cash, man. I'm telling you's looking at an outlaw this week. Yeah, I got the hair going.

It's definitely week to week. What it'll look like. I'm rocking as long as I can. Well, I like with you guys, though, is even though you went bald, you brought in the facial hair. So, you know, one day when this is a very, is gone. I see my future here. I'm still happy. I definitely grow a lot of facial here. So, but for now, Jake, if you steal our look, we're finished, man. Everybody knows we can't compete

with you, me. Jake, I get the red beard, you know, like you. It's great. Who is out this week, Jake? All right. Well, I was going to say this is one of my more positive injury reports I think I've ever given. So, So we'll just get the negative kind of out of the way. The Broncos will be missing. Pat Sertan, that's their big star.

A big quarterback for tonight. So, yeah, that's a huge one. And then we'll have another negative one. Oh, Baker's trying to come back, but it looks like he's not going to be back this week. So Jalen Daniels, I think his name is for Tampa will be the starter. And then the rest is good news. Caleb Williams will be back this week against Atlanta. Jackson Smith and Jacob, the Seahawks receiver had an angle injury,

but he's going to play. Nick Bosa could return this week. There's rumors A.J. Brown's back in practice for the Pats. And Lamar Jackson is also supposed to be back this week as well. Oh, everybody's real. Everybody's getting the ammunition back. All right. What's going on with Micah?

Is he out for the near future? No news on Micah. He's still not back yet for the Packers. Won't be singing for a little bit. from the ACL injury from last year. Hopefully he gets back soon because backers starting to win some games. They're three and two now. If they get him back, they can definitely make a push.

All right. All right, Paul. I'm saying already right now, I mean, I got to think that Patrick Mahomes, healthy with a running back that's getting 125 yards, 130 yards per game. That kind of, that's a wrap on the AFC. I don't want to just do a foregone conclusion, But they've been there. So the experience that they have, the coaching and all of that stuff, I just don't see.

And the bill's letting up 31 points a game. And for whatever reason, the fucking Ravens never seem to be able to get it done either. So I think it's going to be the same three teams that's been forever. Last year was an anomaly because Mahomes got hurt. But, like, I just think it's going to be Ravens, Bills, and Chiefs. I think the Chiefs, that's it. They, you know, they were always scoring a bunch of points. But if you get a running back that's, like, also eating up the clock.

Yeah, yeah. That kid is good, man. Walker, the, yeah, man, Walker's really good. But I- And it's Walker the third, probably. I know, I know. I just, dude, I, I said this before, I just, I don't know, I think the bills have time to tighten up the defense.

I think it's still early, but Josh Allen to me, dude, he's incredible. Like, I still got to stick with the bills, but I would love, I would love to see those three teams just battle it out. Listen, you guys, the page. The Patriots, man. The Patriots, dude, beating up teams, fighting teams that are, they beat up teams they should beat up. And then teams that they're- We're an above-average team.

We weren't as bad as they said they were. Now we went two games in a row. And then they're like, wait a minute. Is Drake made the greatest fucking, they're going to do this shit. It's just like, we are an above-average team. We do not have an offensive line that can fucking, I mean, I'm still nervous about those guys. when you get into the playoffs and you're not playing teams like the fucking Raiders who were overrated.

We were underrated. The Raiders are overrated. So now it's done this. And now that's basically where it is. Raiders are about here. Patriots are here. But Chiefs and all of these guys are, they're on a whole other fucking level.

It's a whole other level. Well, look, I think, you know, I think A.J. Brown coming back to the Pats, I'd like to see that look, too, because I think that that changes the dynamic of the team. Is Gonzalez back? Sorry. Is this Guzalah for the Patriots?

He was back at practice, but we don't know if he's coming back just yet. I just want to say quickly on the Chiefs, like I can't believe Seattle after winning the Super Bowl, they're running back when Super Bowl MVP, and they just let him leave. Like, I just never heard something like that before. It's like, I just, and then, of course, the Chiefs are right there to scoop him up.

I just find that unbelievable. Like you let the Super Bowl MVP walk out the door. It's actually a good point. I've never seen that before either. And he's still young. Yeah. And they gave some receiver, like this huge contract. Well, the owner said something weird.

He said, like, the championship parade. He goes, this guy just, she tried to negotiate more money with me right here. A guy was like an idiot. That's why he said that. And you see, Walker was going like, what? Like, he looked like he had no idea what he was talking about or like, also, buddy, time and place. And I think at that point, like,

if he, like, showed him up there or embarrassed him right there, that might have been it, where Seattle might have tried to re-sign him and he was just already made up his mind. I'm not playing for these guys anymore. If that's what the owner's going to do after I, I'm an MVP in the Super Bowl. Yeah. But Seattle's, you know, their coach is, you know, there's a reason he has a ring. that they're still really solid. I can't imagine if they still had them,

that 49ers game maybe goes their way. I don't know. That was a really close game. Did you guys think he cop picked up that first down? I don't know if you saw the play at the end. That was really close. It was really close. It was one of those where it's out of bounds,

diving out of bounds, so you really can't tell. So, like, you can't be mad either way because there's no one. It looked like he was like, it looked like they got it right. I thought he was short. I never understood once you leave your feet and you're going through the air how you mark the ball at that point.

Because the referees either behind you or in front of you, like you need to be like above to see. Is it when, at that point when the ball starts to go out of bounds? Yeah. It's when the ball crosses, hits the white line, and when they jump in the air, you can't tell. Yeah. Yeah. It was so close, but I think it looked like he was short. but yeah they're a good defensive team Seattle

I know I don't mean to be disrespectful to a Super Bowl winning team but to me it's like I just feel like the office like I don't know man Donald's okay he's good you know I don't know if he's that guy I don't know I don't want to be disrespectful I'm getting me live vibes I'm getting me live vibes fucking sitting there with a Super Bowl rim people like you know yeah he won his Super Bowl vibes

I don't know. I think considering the way that guy looked with the Jets versus being with Seattle, it really, it's like Formula One. It's like whatever team you're driving for, you've got to have the fucking car. So, well, look, you know, I know you don't like to talk about it because it's your team.

So I guess I could do it for you because it would be like me trying to talk about the Giants, but if you did it, I could be like, all right, I'll hear what he has to say. But for me, it's like, if Christian Gonzalez comes, back. AJ Brown comes back healthy. You got the coach and Drake May plays good. You guys are a team that could definitely threaten an AFC. And I also think, of course, the Chiefs, and then, you know,

I have the bills. And then in the NFC, dude, people are like, oh, it's still up in the air. The 49ers, dude. The 49ers are 5 and 0. They beat, they've kind of beat a lot of good teams. They're good, man. Oh, I think the NFC is going to win the Super Bowl. I still think that they're just better out that way the way it is right now. But I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I just think the chief's like, you know, with Patrick going down, you know, not getting to win three in a row. I think they got a good motivation to go in there. And you got Andy Reid. And like I said, you know, they got the Super Bowl MVP running back in their backfield now to take some of the workload off of Patrick Mahomes.

And he never had a problem with the workload. So, you know, I don't know. I hate to say that. But I just feel like, you know, you know. By the time the playoffs come around, I think the Chiefs, that's going to be, they're going to be on another level. But I think they're going to get, they will, that's my prediction. They're going to lose, the Chiefs will lose to an NFC team in the Super Bowl.

I think, do you guys think that the three best teams of football so far are in the NFC West with the Niners, Rams, and Seahawks? Because I think that might be the case. Those teams look like the Rams. Well, the Rams keep sputtering. I can't figure those guys out. I can't. I don't think the Rams are one of the best.

teams in the NFC right now. I think when Miles Garrett plays and their defense gets healthy, maybe, dude, the Rams are two and three and they, yeah, like Bill said, they kind of sputter. They're like one week they look good. Then the other week, they're just kind of all over to play. I don't know.

No, but Sean McVeigh's going to get them on, when they get on track, then you're going to be able to, like, judge them. But I'm not judging them right now for whatever reason. They keep tripping over themselves. Their special teams are a fucking. and night. People don't understand, like, how much it matters where the other team starts.

And, like, I think you overlooked that. Like, I think people go out to their kitchen during punts and kickoffs. You know, they just fired their field goal kicker. I mean, it's wild. I don't know what that kid was doing. Maybe they just liked having them around because he looks so funny in a uniform, but, like, 52 yards being your longest, like Paul was saying. Bill, then, all right, so you go, Bill, you go first this week because it is, yeah. All right, we got a divisional rivalry, Paul. We got a divisional rivalry right out of the gate on Thursday night. They're going to be simple game plans, simple game plans, brings down the better team and

elevates the worst team. Broncos are the worst team. It's only two and a half. And Paul, it makes no goddamn sense. And that's why I'm going to do it. I'm going to take the Broncos at home getting two and a half because this. And no, everybody, oh my God, Seattle's going to fucking kill them. And then for some reason, they won't.

All right. And then they'll go on Instagram going, it's fixed. All right, well. Andrew, quickly, you can put me down for Seattle. Bill and I are heads up there because I was going to go. Listen, I was just going to say Bill and I went head-to-head last week and Bill won that game big. I'm going to go head-to-head again. I'm going to take Seattle tonight.

I love it. So. there we go. The only reason is Sartan is a big deal and no injuries for the Seahawks, right? Jake? No, they're going to be healthy coming in. But now I'm scared.

Why would it only be two and a half? I'm scared a little of his bills on the Broncos now. Why would it only be two and a half? It doesn't make any sense. Dude, they just played. Seattle just went fucking a 15-rounder with the 49ers. But that's why they need the game, in my opinion, versus Denver did technically beat the Chargers.

So it's like they, not that they're not going to try their best to win the game. And I think Seattle is going to be a little more desperate. That's the time. Denver had a fucking spa day with the charges. They said it. They had a 15-round heavyweight fight. I'm telling you. They're coming in there feeling fresh.

All right. What do you got next, Phil? Oh, you already picked. I'll pick something else that makes no goddamn sense. That's what I do. This is my new theory. Jets, seven and a half. I think the Patriots beat him.

beat him by a fucking touchdown. I don't think they're going to beat them. At that point, then they've got to win by 10. It's a touchdown and a field goal or whatever. I just don't think that's going to happen. I think it's a division rally. I think the Jets are going to play as tough. They're not as bad as people say they are.

And, you know, everybody's blowing the pats now. It's, you know, the wins have changed here, Paul. I'm going with the Jets. Seven and a half, Paul. I like, I like, I like. Seven. You can take a fucking walk this year. I like that.

Now, you guys know me with picks. You know that when I, see something who I get the willies when I see something like this because it's like you got to show me if this is going to happen and is this going to happen if the Philadelphia Eagles lose if the Philadelphia Eagles lose to the Panthers in Philadelphia after that heartbreaking loss they had their season is pretty in my opinion their season is over they're they're they're looking bad I'm going to I got to see it I got to see it to believe it it's one and a half they're in Philly they should beat the Panthers.

There's no, there's no injuries there. Right? Is Sequant playing? We don't know, but they're hopeful he's going to come back. He didn't practice yesterday, so it seems up in the air. Dude, that's like everybody this week. Gonzalez, maybe. There's rumors about A.J. Brown. How the fuck he's supposed to pick this week?

Yeah. I'm going to take the Eagles in a basically in a pick-em at home against the Panthers, dude, with their season really hanging there. So I got to see it. And I want to see it. I want to lose that game because that helps my giants. But I think the Eagles should find a way to win that game if they got a Super Bowl caliber quarterback. Quick.

Quickly, Andrew, heads up again here. I like the Panthers. It's what scares me is I think the public's all over the Panthers. This line was at two and a half for the Eagles. But I don't know. I'm being Joe Public here going to Panthers. That's all. Jake, Jake, what is the public now?

That's the exact. You know what the public knows what Vegas tells them. The public knows what Vegas tells them. All right. If you know me, you know I'm a dog lover. So I'm going to pick another dog here. I don't know why people keep sleeping on the fucking Cardinals, man. They're scoring points and they're covering spreads.

They're getting 12 and a half. Once again, division rival, 12 and a half. I mean, why even show up to the fucking game? I'm going to take the Cardinals. I'm going to start the game, Paul, 12 and a half points up. I might lose this one, but I feel good about my other two picks. Dude, one of our fans needs to make a meme of Bill at like a dog, like superimpose him at a dog rescue shelter with all the cages

and just have the NFL logos at the dog cages. I mean, you love a dog. No, but I've been taking favorites this year, and that's when I got in trouble. And then when I started doing shit that didn't make any sense, you know, I righted the ship, 10 and 10. Oh, Billy wins some lose. some. You know what?

Caleb Williams coming back. I don't know if that's premature or not, but I'm going to take the bears, dude. The bears are a really good team. I know the Falcons are good, but I'm going to take the bears, hopefully hyped up with their starting quarterback

back minus one and a half. Quickly there, I forgot to mention Atlanta's quarterback out here at the end of the Ravens game. He's going to play officially. And so both quarterback should be out there. Okay. All right.

Here's a game. I don't know why I'm looking at it because I don't know. The Bills and the Raiders, like the Raiders are starting their free fall. But the Bills D gives up so many goddamn points I fucking hated. I don't know why. All right. This is a stupid bet. This is a stupid bet.

For some reason, I just see the Buccaneers coming home and for some reason beating the Steelers and then the local media being like, should Baker Mayfield be the second? second string quarterback. I can just see them doing that. I don't, I don't, I got to take, I got to take one. I'm going to cheat off Andrew's paper here. I can't go all dogs this week. I think they turned, maybe that their quarterback turns into a pumpkin after beating the Cowboys last week, 14-day layoff or whatever 10-day layoff. He went around Tampa, he hit the hooters, he hit the titty bars. Everybody wants his autograph.

I say Aaron Rogers comes in. I'll take the Steelers. Andrew, you can put me down for the Steelers as well. Dude, if that's not a two-and-two week, my name is an old Billy Freckles. All right, guys. Well, speaking of dogs, speaking of dogs,

actually, I've taken one dog, which is the Eagles. But guys, you know what? I'm looking at it. I'm going to be watching it. I got to do it. I know you're going to laugh at me. But my New York football giants have only lost one time this year. And it was to the Rams when Jackson Dart got injured.

Other than that, we are holding strong and we are playing the Saints at home. James Winston looks like he's actually got confidence. But Malik Neighbors is Malik Neighbors again. And our defensive line is showing a lot of pressure. I'm going to take my New York football Giants getting one and a half, which is disrespectful at home against the Saints with their record. Hopefully we could win that game. It's a pick-em. And our kicker, dude, I felt bad.

We got the kicker from Michigan. I don't know if you guys saw. Kicker from Michigan. The kid Dominic Zedato, whatever, he was perfect all year. Then all of a sudden he misses, they're in that bad weather in Washington. He misses one. then he overcompensates and miss another. Kid ended up making one missing three.

So I think, and it's going to be good weather for the first time Sunday, I think he bounces back and the Giants win that game and a close one. I would say the Giants, the quietest three and one in the league. Like nobody's talking about you guys. I think once Jackson Dart went down, everybody wrote you guys off. Like no one's like paying attention that you guys are playing great ball. The defensive line is keeping us in games. Like our defensive coordinator is like blitzing a lot.

He's blitzing at the right time. And we got this kid that we got Arbel Reese, the number one pick in the kid that was supposed to go number one in the draft. He's just all over the place. He's making tackles. And if we had Brian Burns, it would be a lot better. But also, Deontay Banks, for the first time, me is a Giants fan, dude. This is the second time in my life being a Giants fan where we actually have cornerbacks that are good and capable. and like you don't want to throw to that side of the field.

I haven't, I've had that twice. So the defense is keeping us in games. And James Winston, God, knock on wood, I don't want to jinx it. But he hasn't made the crucial one, you know, crucial mistakes yet. So hopefully that keeps going. Every week he's getting better. Every week. If you look at his stats, every week's a little better.

He threw like 350 yards. Dude, did you hear what he said? It was kind of scary that he said this, but he just goes, yeah, he goes, I was thinking to myself, I don't know if I could do this anymore. I don't know if I feel good throwing anymore. He said that, and then he goes, and now, he goes, now this week, he's like, I'm, I'm going to throw it. And I was just like, you were thinking that when they gave you $13 million to be a backup? That guy's another guy.

He just flicks his wrist and it goes 60 yards. So if he can get accurate, he's got a hell of an arm. All right, let's do the Monday night special, Pauley. All right, buddy, well, listen, we can't, we missed you last week. We can't do the Monday night special without the song. Did we hit the Monday night special last week? We hit it. We hit it.

All right. I hope you guys suck with us. All right. All right. Let the Monday night special win some money for you. Let the Monday night special win some motherfucking money for you. Commander's 49ers, Pauly, in San Diego, win the Bay. Home of the fucking tech bros.

Mine is seven and a half. I hate that number. Commander, ah, commanders are, they kind of need a win. They kind of play better. last week. It's a perfect number, guys. I like it. I like the commanders getting seven and a half because it makes no goddamn sense, Paul. I'll roll that with you. Listen, we won the last one. Why not? Paul, come down to the shelter with me. Let's go rescue the commanders. That's the new thing for the year. Bill, it's something Bill with the underdog. Bill loves the dog.

Come down to the shelter. My heart betrays me every week on this show. All right. So mine is plus seven and a half. We got that going. Who the fuck is their quarterback now? He came back, right? Yeah, he's back. Jane Daniels. I mean, they're going to get a rushing touchdown if they like the commanders is a good possible one.

Yeah, I think they hang in there and then we've got to say something the 49ers. You know the 49ers? They're going to do what they do. I just don't think they're going to cover for some stupid reason. They have all options for touchdown scores. I mean, CMC is great,

Purdy's looking like an MVP type player. Purdy. Let's do Purdy to throw one because that's going to happen. Okay. Love it. And then what's the third one? I feel like everybody just realized he's a good quarterback like a week ago. Myself included.

No. I realized he was good. I didn't realize he was this like MVP. He's type good. He's awesome, dude. Yeah? He just wins games. He's just fucking like, he just like, he just like quietly.

Is he awesome or did people just start saying it? So now everybody's. saying it. Like, I'm getting a little Patrick Mahomes thing going, like, for the second he came. I hope you appreciate what this guy just did. Like, well, the thing is, Purdy's not flashy. Purdy's not flashy. He just finds the open man, makes the right pass, and just runs back. Like, he doesn't celebrate. I like the kid. No, no, I do think he's great. But he went from, like, underappreciated.

That's what they do. They're like, yeah, you know, and then all of a sudden, like, oh, my God. God. Like they can never just kind of pick where the fuck somebody is. Anyway, so I guess Brock Purdy is the second coming of Jesus now, but we're going to pick against him. He's going to throw for one. And then what else do we got here? Commanders, you want to say, what's his face to run one in or throw one?

Our quarterback, whatever the fuck his name is? Yeah, Jayton Daniels. What do you think, Paul? Jaydon Daniels. Did he get hurt? What is thrown out, Paul? Did he get hurt at the end of that game? No, he didn't, right?

No, no, no. He didn't get hurt. He just dove and made a bonehead play. Yeah, you know what? Yeah, everybody's talking shit. Everybody's talking shit about how dumb what he did was and this and that. So he may come in there a little pissed off. We'll take Jaden Daniels to throw one, too.

That, I think, of the game on Instagram. Sorry, Jake. Who's that guy on, on, uh, go ahead. I know, we keep talking at the same time. I'll finish talking about the Redskins there. No, that's it. That's all I want to say. What did you say, though?

I missed it. Oh, I just want to say that was the weirdest anecdote game I've ever seen. That's all. So strange. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, he didn't know the clock. And then, you know, the coach said, oh, he told them. But I don't know, dude.

It was, hey, listen, I'll take it, dude. People were just like, what? Does that guy on Instagram come up in your feed who's just convinced the NFL's fixed in every week? He's just like, okay, this one, you're not going to be. believe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The San Diego Chargers are down by three points, and they punt the fucking bull. That guy, no, that guy knows how to get clicks, man, but it's like so dumb.

Every fucking week. Yeah. This is the magic bullet theory of the NFL every week. He's, it's like, dude, if you think it is this fucking fix, why are you still watching? Yeah, exactly. I mean, he loses. his mind every fucking week. He sounds like he has ephacema.

Bill's, you got Josh Allen. Is that the guy that goes like, this one, you can't deny. Take a look at this. And sometimes it's like not even, sometimes what is, it's like not even anything. You're like, what, that's nothing. What do you mean?

Yeah, I mean, well, now he painted himself into a corner. Now he has to do it every fucking week. No, you know what it is? Social media came up with that thing where like the algorithm, like the first four seconds, of this is true too the first four seconds of every video is everything so when they start out like this woman i swear that that like keeps people like this and that's what that guy's doing all right here's a here's a here's a couple of terms that are worming their way into stand up that i don't

understand like you know that it was a blue collar uh crowd he's a middle class comedian Like what the fuck of these fucking, a blue collar crowd? It's a crowd. There's a dentist, a doctor, or mechanic, some pothead who plays fucking video games all day. What the fuck are we doing here? Oh, I'm a blue collar comedian. Oh, yeah, you work on cars during the fucking week and then you do stand-up. You're an artist, you asshole.

You're staring at your navel all day. Killing a fucking day waiting to go out of the ha-ha-ha-ha. That's what the fuck you're doing. I'm just a blue I'm just a knock around guy Kyle Paul I'm an I'm an aristocratic Hey what's the deal with butlers

Like what the fuck are we doing Hey Bill Bill I'm a white collar Cullen Yeah what the I'm a below the line comedian I only talk about what it's like to be fucking poor Like what the fuck I mean I guess back in the day They had the blue collar comedy tour

I mean they did do that But like this new thing where like all of these fucking these scandals, you know, meanwhile, let's fucking $7 a gallon. Let's let's fucking like, let's start labeling stand-up. There's no such thing as a fucking blue-collar crowd, a white-collar crowd. I guess if you were doing a private gig, all right, if you're doing like a private gig, it can get a little fucking hoity-to-to-y.

I will give you that if you do like a private gig. But other than that, what's great about a crowd, is that it's a crowd. Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't, all right. All right. I just,

Paul, I'm an upper middle class comedian. You know what I mean? Like, I do well with people that have a nice house, but not a mansion. But like, there's at least two floors in the house. Then people, you know what, Paul? Then people get my shit jokes. Yeah. And it's like, what does it say about your act if somebody's like, yeah, I'm a

middle class. It's like, what are you talking about? Dude, you're just a comedian. That's what you are. I know. And it was it how you dress? Like, what the fuck? Like, I'm telling like, it's, it's, I don't know, but I also think so many comedians in, rather than doing, making fun of everything, maybe they, they've, like starting to pick sides. But dude, if they start doing to us, what they did with CNN and Fox News, that's, it's, it's not a good thing. And I think the bottom feeders, We'll start jumping onto that and start labeling themselves as that just to get something going. These kids today, Paul, with the branding. Like, do your fucking act, but like the fucking branding shit.

A blue-collar fucking crowd, Paul. What the fuck is that? Dude, I got to say this real quick, Andrew, I know you got to go. So it'll be 15 seconds. I go like this. I go, last night, somebody goes, hey, can you come down? can you do me a favor? He goes, I got this special event. Can you come down? I want you to go on towards the end of the show. It's at Rodney's. And I haven't been to Dangerfields since it's been Rodney's because they changed it during the thing and they redid it, right? And I'd never been there. So there's, uh, Eleanor Kerrigan is on stage. And then there's supposed to be this other dude after her and then me and whatever. So I walk in. He's like, hey, man, thanks for coming. I'm look. The place is packed. I just said yes to the gig because I was already in the city. right i'm gonna run on do 15 and go home right so eleanor carrick gets off and she just looks at me she

makes eye contact and she goes oh hey and she gives me a hug and she goes did he tell you what this is for and i go no and she just goes dude it's an israeli soldier children's scholarship like something dude like all and i'm going like what and like it was dude and she's like yeah it's Israeli soldiers' children scholarship. And like it was, she's like all young. And there was just, you know, obviously it's a Jewish crowd. They're sitting. And dude, I went up to the guy and I go, dude, Eleanor told me like, and I go, and I

just tell her. I go, yeah, dude, I go, because, you know, I don't know. Like, I don't want to, I don't want to fucking offend somebody with people going through horrible shit. Like, you know what I just go, hey, dude. And I hit him. And I go, you're going to tell me? Were you going to tell me?

He goes, oh, dude, it's great. It's a sin. It's a crown. And I go up there, dude. And it was a fucking cult. It was fine. They were great. And I had a good time with them.

But, dude, they were looking like, motherfucker. I was like, dude, what are we doing here? You got to tell me. How about a heads up, dude? You know? How about a heads up? He would never happen to stand up, dude. You should have gone on stage to that Macklemore kid's music just to see if they got it.

Just to fuck with them. And then, dude, at the end, he goes, I was going to have you go last. But he goes, I got this Jewish comedian. And he goes, then we got a mom. I'm not even joking. He goes, yeah, you know that person? He goes, you know, Mom Donnie, there's a Mom Donnie impersonator. And he goes, and they go, it's incredible.

It's perfect. And I go, dude, you know that they hate him, right? And he goes, I know, we're going to see how it goes. And I go, he goes, he's just so good at it that we're just going to do it. This has no place. And fucking stand up. We're clowns. Like, you're bringing, you're bringing like literally foreign affairs.

Dude, and I go, wait a minute, I go, so it's an Israeli thing, and they don't like Mondani, and to close this out, you brought a guy, and he goes, yeah, but I think it'll just be like tongue and cheek. And I think, you know what I did, Bill? I go, okay, man, thanks for having me. I left. Dude, I did one one time. They told me it was a fucking birthday party, and I show up, and what was really happening was this guy, this Irish guy was getting deported because he got caught, giving money to the, the IRA. So before I go up, he gives this fiery speech.

And I forget what the fuck he just ended with. He was talking about like Margaret Thatcher or something. I got two words for her and it's not happy birthday. And they all lost their minds. And then they fucking bring me up. It's just like, dude, what the fuck? And all the Irish guys all went up to drink with him at the bar. And then all the Irish women were sitting there with like their babies.

And I went up and. and just fucking ate my fucking dick for 20 minutes. Dude, I'm crying. The most politically charged thing. Yeah, that's, that's, I'd ever, I'd ever gone. I was just like, dude, this is not my, hey, Paul, you know, I'm a fucking lower middle class comedian. You know, I'm not a fucking, you know. Dude, and listen.

And listen, those is real, the Israeli crowd, they were amazing. And it goes for like prosthetic arms and legs. All that stuff. but you got to give the guy a heads up. You got to tell the comic what he's going into, dude. I don't even know. Anyway, guys, that's the show. You got our picks for, dude, I can't believe we,

I can't believe it's week six. Just to let you know, emotions are going to be a little high in the crowd. There you go right there. That is not a crowd. That is a group. That is a completely different animal. Like, if you ever did a stand-up fucking class,

you got to tell them the difference between a group, group in a crowd. A crowd is your act. A group, you're kind of like, okay. All right. Get rid of this one. Maybe I can do this one. Dude, Eleanor Kerrigan's face when she hugged me and said,

you know what this is for, don't you? And the way she just looked at me, dude, I just burst it out laughing. It's like, tell the, tell, but in his defense, they were good, but there was something going on. You could feel. It's like, dude, this is an event. Yeah, well, here's the thing, too. The next time you people watching the fucking show, you jump.

on a comic because of fucking some decision he made. Just what Paul just told you, that's how much information we get. Yeah. That we don't get any fucking information, and then we do the gig, and then what something fucking happens and the shit hits the fan.

How could you fuck? It's like, how did I do that? Do my gig this fucking weekend. My agent goes, hey, you know, you want to do a baseball park in Arizona, Mesa, Arizona, Fastball Comedy Festival. He goes, Chappelle's doing it too. And I go, all right, I thought I was opening for him.

Chappelle's on the next night. Now I got to sell tickets against fucking Dave Chappelle. It's like, you didn't fucking say that? Do they never tell, hey, you want to do a gig in Wyoming and you show up? It's a fucking clan rally. These guys, they make sheets. They're a sheets company and you show up. Bill Burr, they stand up in a clan rally.

They don't tell us anything. Oh, dude. Yeah, it's true, man. We don't, we get, this is what we get. Hey, love to have you. Come down. You'll get some money to be fun. And then you're like, yeah, and then that happened.

That's the information that the person booking gives you. Then they give the agent this much, and then they give the comedian this much. And everybody's working towards a yes. And then it happens. And then this shit hits the fan and everybody else involved dives under their deaths. And then you get destroyed online. That's how it goes down. It just happened too well.

one of our buddies there. All of a sudden, everybody was fucking, you know, a couple guys, a couple guys got it this week. The last couple of weeks. And it's just like, I guess it's your turn. Everybody gets the turn. The wonderful goes round in round. I won't have a smart fan's comedian anyway.

What's that? Andrew, Andrew, I know you got to go, buddy. So we will. Sorry, I guess it's a point. No, no worries, man. We'll see you guys next week. Good luck, everybody. And if you do put any money on anything, gamble responsibly, as we always say, have a good time.

We'll see you next week. Hey, Paul, I got a gig for you, some well-dressed guys that aren't Argentinian in Argentina. Listen, it pays two grand all-inclusive. It's going to be great. It's going to be great. They speak English. They speak English. Hey.

Have fun. Have fun. Let me know how it goes. My cell phone's going to be off this weekend. You'll be fine. You'll be fine. All right. I'll see you guys. Bye, bye, bye.