Anything Better? - Welcome Back

Episode Date: August 24, 2024

Bill and Paul talk about the DNC pep rally, couples brunch, and the upcoming season.

What's up everybody welcome back! Oh you thought it was over didn't you? Welcome back to the Anything Better podcast show with me Paul Verzi over here, my dear friend Bilbur over there, we got Andrew Thimless the Greek Freak Beverly Hills Kid over there, and you guys are listening to episode number 85 which Bill, that's a big tight end number. I got, I got a list. I think, hold on. I got a gap. Dwight Clark was he 85. Here's what I, Oh, all right. So they got a little, they went a little Antonio

Gates. Good one. George Kittle. Um, how about your boy, Wes Welker? Well, he wasn't 83. He was 80. That's the thing. They put one Mark Duper. Oh, Mark Duper dude, Mark Duper, Chad Ochoa Cinco. All right, Bill, here's a couple of names that I don't know. Oh no.

Wesley, a Wesley walls. Wesley Walker, maybe. No, there's a Wesley walls. What about a Tim McGee? You ever hear of that guy? No. You ever hear of that guy? Uh, Tim McGee on the other side of town is fucking moving in on our territory.

How about Russ Washington? You ever heard of Russ Washington? Oh, no. All right. Isaac Curtis, Isaac Curtis. Isaac Curtis. Isaac Curtis was the beginning of the Mel Blount rule. Where when he lost, they got that guy and they had this dude with a can in the arm.

He was the fastest guy in the league and everyone was just fucking punching him and hitting him. And then they finally said, what is the fucking point of having a fast receiver if you can beat the fuck out of him the whole way down the field? So that was the beginning of the Mel Blount rule. And then beat the shit out of Golden Richards in the Super Bowl. And then they said, All right, we can't have

this black guy with a shaved head beating up this white golden boy whose name is literally golden. You know what, see, Bill, that's why you're the best at this because I knew none of that and that's awesome. How about Sammy White? You know Sammy White? Sammy White? Yeah, on the Vikings.

Now if I'm not mistaken, he's the one Jack Tatum hit over the middle with something. Forget about being a penalty today, he would have gone to jail. He didn't even play the ball. He played, he played his fucking head. Do you know a Paul Flatley? I don't know a Paul ah Flatley sounds a little I don't know that one. Ken uh Ken Dilger uh uh Drew Hill uh Rob Moore Vernon Davis we know. You know what's funny I know the Russells, you know, like the, uh, the Jaquan whatever, you know, like the guys that the last 30 years, I know like the Haywoods, the Leons, the mics,

the Brian's like the old school fucking names. Uh, Greg, Jenny, what about Max McGee? Do you know a Max McGee? Max McGee went out before Superbowl one got shit faced. Cause he's like, there's no way I'm fucking starting. No. And the fucking guy went down that he was behind and he went in and became the MVP. Hungover dude, hungover.

Get outta here. Are you serious? Caught a ball from Bart Starr, was the AFL NFL like champion, whatever you wanna call it. Wasn't the Super Bowl yet. Reach back, Paul, to go get it. Reach back like he was reaching back to himself the night before saying, hey, take it easy on those fucking high balls there.

And yeah, it was the MVP. Dude, we're ending it on that because that's how dope that you know that is and that story is. I just know a period. I know from the late 60s to about 1991. And then everything else after that, I start to stand up and it becomes a blur. Well there were no 85s in baseball that I could remember you.

What about Billy Joe Dupree? That's a fucking great name for you. Where did all the Billy Joe's go? Billy Joe Dupree for the Dallas Cowboys. Billy Joe. And they come up. Dude, Billy Joe Dupree was meant to be a professional athlete. So this was the Dallas Cowboys. Billy Joe Dupree, Preston Pearson.

Oh, God. Drew Pearson. They had two Pearsons. Charlie Waters, old school white guy named Charlie. Tony Dorsett. Robert Newhouse. Oh, Newhouse. Rest his soul. Who else? It was Tony Hill on that team?

Dude, what about names like Don Mattingly? Harvey Martin, Ed Tuttle Jones. Dude, what about Don Mattingly? Should Don Mattingly? Harvey Martin, Ed Tuttle Jones. Dude, what about Don Mattingly? Should Don Mattingly have done anything but baseball? That's a fucking- Donny Baseball. It's a, it's, yes. The only guy who had a better mustache

than Tom Selleck and Burt Reynolds, Donny Baseball. What about Steve Balboni? Remember that guy? That's a fucking great name. That's the kind of last name your parents and you stay away from that fucking Balboni kid. All right. He's nothing but trouble. His parents aren't around. He's out at all hours. And I'm telling you, you hang out with them. You're going to start doing what that Balboni kid's doing.

Well, Bill, we're back here on anything better. I think three weeks removed from the NFL season. I'm still under on Billy windowsill. Because the window fucking con Steve jobs, dude, you know, it's so funny about them. Every fucking plug. You know, it's funny that the fucking thing that sticks in the wall for some reason, that's always the same and the device works. But the thing that goes into their device has to be different.

Yeah. Oh, dude. I went into my son's room last night looking for a charger. Didn't work in my phone because I have a 14. Dude, they pay like some massive fine every year for what they do against the environment. And then you watch their commercials and they got like John Lennon and fucking Gandhi in there. It's so ridiculous. It's so ridiculous, like that whole fucking establishing your brand without even having to be what you say and you are.

Yeah, well, listen, I owe you- Let's get to football, Paul. Let's not get to football. No, no, I owe you, yeah, let's- Sports. I owe you something. I owe you something because I didn't get to do it publicly but you know me being the gentleman that I hey you know me I'm about you know you're the kind of guy you know you know and your chest your chain outside your shirt that's the kind of guy you are there's

no secrets with you Paul thank God you don't have your dick pierced. Everybody would know. It's 12 carrots. I owe you a congratulations. I owe you a public congratulations that your Boston Celtics are world champions once again, taking it above the Los Angeles Lakers. Now the Minneapolis slash Los Angeles Lakers. Minneapolis slash Los Angeles Lakers. The NBL slash NBA 17 titles that they have. There's a lot of fucking disclaimers. Boston Celtics, all 18 in Boston.

I'm just trying to give you a congrats, that's all. I know, but I'm trying to frame, I'm trying to think who does a better job framing their bullshit The los angeles lakers in the indianapolis colts Probably the colts because at least the fucking lakers are legit champions Yeah um

No, dude, that was a wire to wire Healthy good team It just was you know, it's funny.? I have yet to watch a second of the finals because I know myself. I just, I mean, I got him recording. I just haven't had the time, but it was just like, I don't have the emotional maturity to watch NBA playoff basketball around my kids. Well, I could tell you this one. This was one series where you'll be okay. I know we had one game where they came out and kicked our ass and uh, you know, I don't know. I'm one of those guys, Paul. I'm always waiting for the other shooter problem.

Yeah, but you, you know what? I, cause we we've been friends a long time now. No, we've been friends. I think me and you started to become friends. I want to say I think me and you started to become friends. I want to say, Oh, six Oh seven is when we met, but we became close in Oh nine. But you, you had a stretch there. You had a stretch there where the other shoe didn't drop. And I was like, Oh shit. Then all of a sudden, all of a sudden the other shoe started to drop. And I'm like, what happened?

Oh, as far as my mentality. No, I think when we started this podcast, you go, dude, I'm in therapy. I'm like what happened? Oh as far as my mentality? No I think when we started this podcast you go dude I'm in therapy I'm good I'm fucking good. Oh yeah no I'd started taking mushrooms no I need to do it again Paul I'm never gonna be able to undo the shit that was done to me so there's always gonna you know the kettle's always gonna be hissing a little all right you're just gonna have to deal with that. Hey, listen, I'll deal with it. Hey, I got my shit. You got your shit. All right. Why are we always bringing up my shit? Let's talk about my shit. Um, believe now, believe me, believe me. Are you a guy that takes any stock

in preseason football? Like if the, if your team goes, you know, 0-3 in the preseason, do you think they're- Paul, I don't take any stock in these stupid fucking primaries. What in God's name are they doing? Stevie Wonder and all of these fights, everybody knows who they're voting for. This is just a big fucking waste of money. We know who we're voting for. Yes. You have the fucking election already. Yeah. How many more stupid, empty, inspirational speeches do I have to let? Thousand points of light. This person cares about your family.

This person said this about me. Who gives a fuck? Can you imagine just sitting there watching that? No. Night after fucking night, they're saying nothing. I will tell you this. It the championship game. Who can get away with more and their own fan base won't ever hold them accountable. This is the number.

This is like the ultimate matchup. Bill Clinton versus Donald Trump. I mean, wait, wait, call slick Willie. Yeah. Slick Willie versus fucking that. Donnie, did I say I was going to pay you? I don't think so. Trump. Let me grab them by the pussy. And those two fucking guys, dude, how about this? Those two guys used to be golf buddies for a long time.

Those conversations, dude, Trump and Clinton going down the 15th fairway talking. Oh God. To be a fly. Oh yeah. And I bet there was just as many women running from that golf course as there were running towards it. Figure that one out. Oh that's perfect. I saw that last night. My wife had it on and I was like Bill Clinton is going to speak at this thing? There's a woman running for president post all this shit. And then I'm watching Diana Luzer. You know, I catch the clips, Paul.

I catch the clips. Yeah. And that's why I watch it for like two seconds. I came in Stevie Wonder's playing. Oh, the higher ground. Like, you know what? I wasn't sure if I was going to vote for Kamala Harris. And then Stevie Wonder started playing one of my favorite songs.

Dude, his voice, it still sounds like it's the 70s. You know, this Kamala is making a lot of sense to me. Well, dude, you said it best. Everybody knows who they're voting for already. That is just a fucking, you know what it is? What was the thing in high school before a big game? They had a, uh, a pep rally. That's this is, this is a pep rally dude it's a tea i wasn't named little john came out he was like yay everybody it's like he's not changing your vote everybody knows what you're voting for i would say that's one thing that the left is the worst is is their their uh the way they embrace like sort of modern music or at least music of the last 20 years.

And then they just have the stiffest politicians smiling and sort of like wedding dancing to whatever is happening. Dude, I can't believe you just said that. When I, I can't believe you just said that. When I saw, I saw a clip of Chuck Schumer come out and he went like this. And I said, I go, dude, that looks like a wedding floor at a, with old people at a wedding. It was hard. It should have been a parquet dance floor underneath them

You know when they first started it was it was Bill Clinton and fucking Al Gore when they were playing Fleetwood Mac don't stop thinking about tomorrow. They go like It's just they look like they both just gave away their oldest daughter. Yeah. Out there in their dumb button down fucking Jay Leno shirts trying to make me feel like all these guys, these guys are like regular Americans like look, look at them. They look like they're about ready to, you know, clean out the J trap on a fucking kitchen sink there. All right, dude, ready?

Gun to your head. You could sit down and ask anything and they have to be forthcoming. They have to be forthcoming with like three to five questions. You could sit down with a beer. Slick Willie. Donald Trump, George Bush or Obama, George Bush Jr. or Obama. They have to answer any of them. Oh, dude, those would be for the darkest conversations. I gotta be honest, having a beer with Slick Willie and having him have to be honest might be the most entertaining. Dude, he's the fuck. Is that entertaining, dude? Dude, Slick Willie? Oh, you think it might get dark. Murders under, I mean, the shit they allege and he has to actually answer honestly.

He goes like this, no, they already asked him. When they said like this, they go, what did he say? I think the record shows. Then he just walks away. They go, Bill, what about the 27 flights on Epstein Island? He just goes, oh, he's smiling. He goes, oh, no, the record shows, thank you. I think the record shows and he just kept walking.

And so my Democratic National Confed... It's fucking hilarious, but I gotta make sure I balance this because those fucking cunts on Fox News always just grab this or CNN, they just grab that. I'm saying they're both pieces of shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, here's the beautiful thing, Bill. That's why football's back.

And that's why we have the worst... That is why football's back, Paul. Yeah. Well, here's the beautiful thing Bill. That's why football's back and that's why Balls back Paul bread and circus. I gotta lay down my fucking back is killing me Paul Oh, this is great telling me from carrying this podcast. No Bill Oh Billy traction Oh Paul, I can't do the C4 We haven't done a podcast in months. Well, you know, I was just laying there. Bill, what happened? You're back out? Nah, I just agreed to go to a couple's brunch.

Fucking 10 a.m. It's going to be packed. I can already see the line. Paul, you got to get me out of this. I was supposed to go golfing. I can already see the line. Paul, you gotta get me out of this. Ah, ah. I was supposed to go golfing. I agreed to reschedule it. I don't know what I was thinking. Can the nurse get back in here?

More morphine. Oh, fuck, dude. What's wrong with your back? She brought three friends. She brought three friends. I thought it was going to be a boy. They're all loud. They all talk at the same time, but they still hear each other. It's maddening.

I thought it was her. I thought her mother was bad. They brought three friends. Her mother's a saint. Her mother's a saint. Those old school brats know when to shut up, not the newest. Her mother's a saint! Her mother's a saint! Those old school frogs know when to shut up, not the newest! They just keep going, Paul! I was wishing it was her mother! I was wishing it was her mother!

That's what I do! That's what I do when I'm in trouble! Anytime you do the Lester of two evils! They started making jokes with the waiter. It was awful. All right. All right. I already knew what they wanted to order and they still made him say everything. It's only three times.

One of the specials. She still went with the Benedicts. He just likes to go, oh, after everything they say. It's only a bloody Mary Mimosa, but they still wanted to hear it. Oh, dude, is there anything worse than going to a fancy restaurant and the fucking guy says every ingredient, dude, when he gets down to the cracked pepper, it's like, are you going to tell me what the plate's made out of? I can't do it because I was hungry, not because I wanted to learn something. Dude, I haven't left like this on a podcast in fucking half a year. I'm going to throw up. Oh, oh God. All right, we got to get into this, dude.

With a garlic, a Whaley sauce, or whatever the fuck they say, it's that same orange, ketchup, and mayonnaise. It's like, give me the French toast and fucking bacon and leave me alone. Right? Yeah. Two eggs over easy and a gun I can put to my head.

Is this your first time brunch in with us? Uh, yeah. And this is the fucking last. We've been here before, but he hasn't. I'm good, I'm good. You don't need to go. Well, we started in 1978 and our mission was locally grown, humanely sourced. We're the only brunch place that's farm to table.

Great. Great, fucking great. Yeah, all the farms are place that's farm to table. Great. Great. Fucking great. Yeah, all the farms are owned by corporations. All right. Fantastic. If you said that to him, he would go, I don't know what that even means. I love how I made him gay.

Anyway. All right, dude. You know what the last time I saw you we were golfing in Arizona with Vinnie Mark. Is that Arizona? Yeah. Oh Vinnie Mark. You know, remember that guy Jared before he touched the kids.

He got all skinny. You know, oh from Subway. Yeah. White Castle people need to contact Vinnie Mark. What? Oh my- yeah they do. Oh my god, that guy is like- he's like Donald Trump. Donald Trump is like 80, he's still eating fucking McDonald's and he hasn't died. It's like that person that smokes every day till they're 100. Vinnie Mark is the same way.

That guy is eating fucking White Castle at least twice a week since Nixon was in office. Yeah. He's in Eisenhower. Shout out to Vinnie Mark. I ran into him when I was in Albany and he goes, let's go to lunch. And I go, where do you want to go? And he goes, all I eat is pizza. So I just saw him at a pizza. I just went and met him at a pizzeria. Guy eats horribly. Nice golfer.

Oh him. Vinny's a hustler, man. Vinny acts like he isn't good, then shows up with that little Sunday bag and knocks you all around the fucking course. No, he had me six strokes going into the back nine and then we didn't finish. But he's like I said, he's a 10, 12 stroke better than me. What can you do? Oh, but bill, we got to talk about this. Let's talk about this on the show. I, oh, you might've talked about it on the money morning podcast, but I was thinking about you the other day. I texted you when I hit that pit, when I fucking chipped in to beat Bertolina on 18 and I hugged, here's the funniest part, Bill, I hugged the caddy from behind. I hugged him from behind. That's that for me. I've seen that thing. You are not the father and I've

seen less of a celebration than when you chipped in to beat Bertolina by one stroke. Oh, that was fucking that was my favorite. Jumped up in the air and then you took your sunglasses, you threw them, you galloped sideways, you threw your hat and then you hugged your caddy from behind. And he had the startled look of a man being hugged by another man he just met from behind. He was like, yeah, yeah. another man he just met from behind. He was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Ha ha ha ha ha. It's the little things, man. That was great. Dude, NFL films should put music to the footage of that. If I somehow had that on film in slow motion, that would have been incredible. That was fucking great, dude. And when me and you played with,

well, Anthony Anderson bailed, but Drew, Drew Bledsoe. And here's the best part. We're playing the Netflix thing and Drew Bledsoe is shit in the bed the first seven holes. He's dribbling it. He goes, guys, I don't know what to tell you. I play golf. And then dude, no, but he was out till four in the morning. Yeah. And then after eight, nine holes, he turned into a, the drew Bletchel that he was. And I never forget he hit a drive three 20 and we were playing best ball and I hit one

right down the fairway in the middle. And he, I go, I guess we're, I go, I guess we're using Drew's ball, dude. he fucking was an animal, dude. Great guy, great guy. Oh, that was great. That was such a great time, man. All right, dude. I'm back off golf ball. You're back off?

Yeah, I went- I'll play with you, but I'm not fucking going down there. My life is too short to fucking deal with all of that stuff. Ball markers and tees and fucking, going down there. My life is too short to fucking deal with all of that stuff. Ball markers and tees and fucking those stupid smiling chicks driving by with the booze. This is sadness to the game, Paul, that I can't get past. You just feel everybody's

running from something. They either embezzled something from a company, they're in a loveless marriage. It's just like, and also like that weird number 18. It is weird. I feel like 18 holes is, they got it like the analytics. That's the exact amount of time you can be away from your wife. If you went 19, you're getting a divorce. That's a fucking great point.

Why isn't it 20? I know. Why isn't it like, I don't know, fucking 15? 15. 15. Yeah. That is weird. I'm not gonna lie though, when the chick drives up with a smile and a fucking drink, I'm like, hi.

Hi. Right on time, baby. You got any sticks in that cart? Anyway. I think she spikes me. Dude, she's throwing fastballs. Um, what do you think about the NFL season? You got anything or you haven't paid attention at all?

Surprisingly, I can't say surprisingly to our listeners, but surprisingly to me, because I usually have some sort of inkling inclination on something. I don't. I don't even know like it's an it's a really cool year with the Chiefs could be the first one to win three in a row which it would have happened with the Pittsburgh Steelers in 76 but in the end of the season that was like their best team Franco went down like a bunch of like their top like three guys all got hurt. Which is the other thing you gotta be luck. You gotta have luck with you and be great for 36 months, man.

That's a long time. I'll tell you Paul, 36 months, that's like 22 years in any other sport. So I'm definitely paying attention to that. I'm liking the Raiders. I'm liking their coach. I just I just I like that. I want to see what the Patriots are going to do. There's already a bunch of people having like panic attacks because of the preseason, which is hilarious because I remember when I was growing up, the Patriots used to, in the 70s, would do great in the preseason, then we come to the regular season, and not

so much. So I don't know, we have a new coach, we have a new quarterback, and the guy that we, I think it's that Carolina kid, I don't even know the names Paul, I'm not going to- No, no, no. That's Drake May. Yeah. I mean, the throws that I saw, I mean, he's got a hell of an arm. So we'll see.

It's weird. It is. People are still so excited that the Patriots aren't the Patriots anymore. So I'm just taking it as compliments as to how much, you know, how much success we had. Where the fuck did I go? There we go. You know, and it's one of those things

where I think that new coach is gonna, I heard the Patriots, I don't know much, but I heard the Patriots defense is good. And I think it's gonna be one of those things where you guys are supposed to not be good, but you're gonna be, and I think you're rebuilding good. I definitely think we're going to overachieve. But you know, we have a whole spoiled generation.

They used to get the Super Bowl every other year, they used to win it six out of nine. You know, they used to have the greatest quarterback of all time showing up, they're just used to it. Still, so I didn't grow up that way. Yeah, dude. My Red Sox though this year, there's no more an exciting team this year than the fucking Boston Red Sox. You put that game on after six innings and our bullpen gets in there, dude. We can't get it.

We haven't gotten up. We don't have a guy in our bullpen can get a ground ball. I swear to God, everything is in the fucking air, dude. We played the Orioles. They, on one of the games, they got us to ground into like four double plays and five innings. And I'm like, I think this is what's missing. Yeah, I mean, you guys were dead last and now you're making a run again like you always do.

It's such a tough team. You know what? That Cora kid is good, the manager. Alex Cora, he's good. I'll tell you this, we have a superstar at the center field, first base and shortstop positions and third base. We got all the fucking talent in the world and bats in that right field are there, that O'Neill kid, I'm telling you,

Jaren Duran, I forget the shortstop name and Costhead first base, dude. Like we got a fucking squad. We have some of the best starting pitching in the American league. We just made bonehead fucking base running and our bullpen. If they could just fucking get somebody out there

for the love of Christ that could fucking get somebody to ground into a double play every once in a while, Paul, you know, we wouldn't be on the outside looking in. No, you guys, you guys, like at the beginning, I was like, oh, this might be a rough year for the Red Sox. And then you guys just fucking are great shit on the Yankees beat us. My favorite thing you guys did did I was watching you guys yesterday And who's your right fielder superstar? What's his name? Oh, Juan Soto Juan Soto

He fucking hits a double to score a run and then he overruns second base gets in a rundown and gets thrown out And then he still points to the sky Like thank you God for the dog He still points to the sky. Like, thank you God for the self congratulatory. Wait, didn't he though, he cleared the bases on load bases loaded or no. There might've been two guys, no base. I don't know what it was, but he still made like a dumb base running. Oh, he still did the point into the sky.

It's just athletes are different these days. I love, I love when the pitcher, when the pitch comes and he looks at it and he goes, he does that the whole time. Oh, big time. Yeah. But that's just to psych out the pitcher. Like, what are you nodding at my fastball for? Like you didn't think I have one where I'm fucking pitching the Yankee stadium.

Yeah. And if you, yeah. And if you knew what it was, you could kind of hit it. So we're like, I'm totally with John. That's, that's just a for him thing. Um, but I agree with what you said about the preseason every year. My New York giants are good in the preseason. They're horrible in the regular season and every year it looks like we're going to be bad. We're okay. But, um but you know, New York City is doing what New York City does Everybody's shitting on Daniel Jones. Everybody's saying when are they just gonna get over this guy?

I'm not I'm not there dude. The guy went nine and eight and won a playoff game and then blew out his knee I mean, what are you gonna do? I mean, what am I gonna do? This guy went nine and eight. And won a playoff game. Hey. You know, I mean. I don't know what you guys have, so I don't, I don't fuck with. With that offensive line? You guys still haven't recovered from getting rid of what's his face, who had our number.

The guy, the Jacksonville BC Eagles guy, spacing on his fucking name there. Your coach, Tom Coughlin. Oh, Tom Coughlin. That was not a good move. But I mean, he was, I don't know if it's cause he was old, I don't know what, but like, you know, the same way, you know, now Tom Brady's gone, Bill Belichick is gone.

We're going through our period to see, are we gonna replace, you know, do we got somebody new that can get us going on a run here? You know, some of those guys, like Tom Coughlin, just picks the right fucking guys. But I also feel like the Giants historically, for whatever fucking reason, whoever's in there, you guys always draft great defensive players. So I think you'll be all right. I'll be honest with you, dude.

I'm actually really excited for college football. Oh, I thought you were gonna say, I'm glad you didn't say what I thought you were gonna say. I thought you were gonna say, I'm glad, I'm really excited to see if the Kansas City Chiefs win three in a row. I'm like, let's not get, I don't wanna see that. But I like this guy.

I don't root against greatness. It was great for them to see that. But then, then all the sports talking heads and all the morons would be like, do you mean you're better than Tom Brady? They're going to do that. Um, I, so, you know, I don't, for the listeners, Bill knows this about me. I don't get starstruck unless it's an athlete, right? So I'm at, I'm at the stand and somebody goes, yo, the Giants GM is in the front row, right? This is like two weeks ago before

my vacation. And I go, what? And they go, the Giants GM is in the front row. So I'm looking and I'm going, holy shit. He's next to this big dude. And dude, I mean, I've been having such a good time on stage. The stand is my home. It's where I work out dude. And dude, I mean, I've been having such a good time on stage. The stand is my home. It's where I work out, you know, kind of like you at the store, whatever, you know, you have that club and all of a sudden, dude, all of that comfort goes away. And I go, Oh my God, like I could, if I meet them, like I could take my kids to games. Like, I mean, this is the giants, like I can't bomb. What if I bomb? Then somebody in the Giants front office gonna think I'm not funny, dude. I went down this rabbit hole and I got on stage

and literally performed for this guy. Like I'm not even gonna lie. Don't get me wrong, I had a good set, but I was so focused on this guy liking me. That's when I knew I cared too much about my teams. Like, and Deuce McBride came to see me from the nicks he came to see me at the grammarcy and i see him walking up old school gangster name dude deuce mcbride well his name is my machine gun kelly and dillinger came walking in and dude i'm just going like yeah like if it's an

actor i could give a fuck if it's another comedian i I could give a fuck you tell me that no, I'm serious No, you tell me the clout al Pacino sitting in the front row. You don't give a fuck All right, I mean that's al perot sitting in the front row. You don't give a ed harris Sitting in the front row. You don't give a fuck look. I uh, I care but jay killen hall Look, I care but- Jake Gyllenhaal. Dude, if Jake Gyllenhaal was in the front row, you would give a fuck. No, dude, Michael- He'd be like, I gotta have a good set. Maybe he'll like me and then he'll put me in one of his movies.

Dude, what about Michael Jordan in the front row, dude? Dude, if Michael Jordan is in the front row dressed to the nines at your show and you go on stage and see that, I don't give a who you are you're thinking about it there's no fucking way not right dude if Mike Michael Milbury was in the front row I give a fuck you didn't have to go all the way to Jordan all right who would you want to impress more Jordan or Tyson in the front row? Well, I know who I wouldn't want to piss off. How about this one? Who's the biggest person you ever performed in front of? I can't think of anybody. Athlete, athlete, I should say. Oh, you performed in front of Brady, right? Or no?

Yep. That must have been nuts. Well, no, it wasn't. Well, he was behind, you know, on the stage and I was on the island that they had out there further into the crowd. So there was like a VIP section. Yeah, dude, that was that was one of the craziest gigs I had. Like when they asked me to do that gig, I thought it was going to be like a hard rock cafe. Like I was not I did the roast for Big Poppy and it was at the hard rock right down in Fenway. It was the perfect venue. So I'm thinking like, all right, you know, it's going to be something like that.

Maybe it'll be some venue at Patriots Place. And then they were like like it's Gillette Stadium And I'm like do they have a theater there? They go. No, it's Gillette. I'm like where they play football. They're like, yeah And I go how many people gonna be there? They like it's sold out. Oh My god, they go. Yeah on the field too. Oh My god, it was like it was like twice the size of Fenway. I got to tell you something, dude. Fortunately, I had a good set.

I can just hearing them laughing at jokes. Forget about screaming when you score a touchdown to win a game. I can see why these guys don't want to retire. It was fucking unreal. That's nuts. So, but that was like a different thing. I felt like that thing, I wasn't doing that, but I was, that was like for the crowd because he was also part of the show. So as far as like, he's never been like sitting in the front row. Right, right. See, yeah, who I saw.

William Shatner. And he didn't laugh at anything. And I was thinking like, oh fuck, he's famous. I'm not like, he knows something I don't. He didn't laugh. I must suck. And then I thought about it years later going like, wait a minute, every hat comedian had a William Shatner impression. He was probably sitting there wanting to crawl under a rock going

like, why the fuck would you take me here? And they sat him like it was at the cellar, not that front row, it's that second row near the door. And they had him on the outside. He couldn't hide. near the door and they had him on the outside. He couldn't hide. I crushed in front of Jack Black in Vegas. R.F.K. Jr. Who? R.F.K. Jr. Oh, that's a good one.

For a Massachusetts kid to perform in front of a Kennedy, that was a big deal. Yeah, I performed in front of Jack Black in Vegas and he was actually laughing, but it was weird because it was one of those where I didn't know he was there. And like, until, you know, it was like, it wasn't like, uh, you got me with one. Who did you get me with? You, I was opening for you years ago when you go, Hey, just so you know, so and so is going to be here.

And I was fucking freaked out. It was, it was, I can't think of, I was fucking freaked out. Who was it? It was a big... I can't think of, I know it's happened. I just don't, I don't remember. The most nerve, I could say this, I know for a fact, a hundred percent fact, the most nervous I'd be is if somebody said Eddie Murphy was in the crowd. That would...

Oh, I performed in front of him? That would, for me, that would be the most nerve wracking thing for me. Because if he didn't like it, uh, the comedy union or mix nuts, whatever they called it and uh, Meet charlie and donnell That's awesome, dude. That's nuts. Yeah That's fucking nuts. Okay. Here we go Our uh, our esteemed, producer just says, why 18 holes? This hails back to 1754 when William St. Clair of Roslyn,

who at the time was the captain of an organization called the Captain of Gentlemen Golfers, some type of primitive RNA decided to merge the first four holes of the course into two under the premise that they were too short. This gave the origin of the famous 18 hole course. What you may not know is that the first had 22 holes of each round. Ten holes were played twice except the holes 11 and 22 were only played once. There you go.

So it was a bunch of guys going, dude, that's too short. We can't, let's just, let's just fuck. That's what it was probably two hammered guys going this, then we can't do this. It's fucking put them together. It's the only thing I could think of. Fucking AC busted. I swear to God, dude. Don't ever buy a fucking house. It's just constant. It's just fucking constant.

I said it's 68, it's off and I'm fucking sweating my balls off here. What do you got, Central Air not working? We got Central Air, it works. Well, Paul, I have Central Air and at some point it did work. You think I just have it as decoration? Well you call those people up and you tell them the fucking what are they doing over there? Well, first of all Paul, it's not like the phone company. They'll come over here and then it's just more money I've got to fucking, you know, I just had to fix the... Yeah, and then they go, oh you know I just had to fix the yeah and then they

go oh you know what you might need a new system like fuck what house you look at the inspector goes it's got good bones it's got good bones what does that mean it's not gonna fall down but everything else is fucking busted you cunts yeah we had an air conditioning guy come and go dude you guys might need another unit it's gonna be anywhere from five to eight grand I called another company and the guy goes, no, no, it's great. You just need a new switch to let you know where the water level is. This was completely fine. Fucking liars. Um, all right, Bill, we're going to wrap this puppy up, but before we do, we need some predictions for the fans going in a couple of weeks, a couple of weeks

away. Who do you like without obvious? We don't have to predict a super. Who do you like though? Who do you like? Without obvious, we don't have to predict a super. Who do you like though? Who do you like? Do you think the chiefs are gonna make a run? I think everybody is just sort of lulled to sleep. Where last year there was all of this excitement. Are the Bills finally gonna push through with Josh Allen and beat the Kansas City Chiefs?

And they did not. Are the New York Jets with Aaron Rodgers gonna fall? Oh my god are they finally gonna beep-bop-bop and then he goes down. And then the Kansas City Chiefs look like they were fucked and then out of nowhere they got their shit together and they want another one. And No one knows what to do other than then maybe hype the Chiefs. Like are these guys going to go for their third, you know, they're going to win their third one. I think that's kind of the only story that they're going to go after. But I don't know why people aren't still excited about Aaron Rodgers with the Jets. He's back. He's healthy. I don't know why people aren't still excited about Aaron Rodgers with the Jets.

He's back, he's healthy. I think that came and went so fast that people are kind of forgetting that he's one of the great quarterbacks of all time. So I feel like the Jets have to be better than the average fan is thinking. Now like I've totally paid, I mean, I don't watch these talking heads about it, but I, you know, like I said, like politics, shit comes across my feet. I haven't seen, like I remember last year,

the excitement about Aaron. I was excited because I was like, you know, the Bills winning the division, they're acting like this is a foregone conclusion. What about the Jets? This is gonna be, you know, they're gonna play each other twice. This is gonna be great.

Then, you know, it was fucking brutal, him going down. And then out of nowhere, the Dolphins were like super competitive. So, uh, I don't know, I don't see anybody, you know, what's what about Joe Burrow and the Bengals? What are they doing? Everything's just quiet. I just feel like it's quiet. No, listen, you make a good point. I think the jets, I mean, look, if the jets ever went to the AFC championship against the chiefs Rogers in his like kind of la in the twilight of his career versus my homes would be great. But here's a kid that I love talking about and he's got the new court, uh, coach Harbaugh. I think Justin Herbert with Jim Harbaugh, I think that that's a, that's a good team. I think Joe Burrow

being healthy again in Cincinnati. That's a good team. I think the AFC is stacked. Like you said, Josh Allen, is this the year the bills can finally fuck? Did you hear what they said? They, what he said, they go, Josh, are you going to miss Stefan Diggs? You know, cause Stefan Diggs went to the Texans and he goes, you know, this is how you know it was locker room shit. He goes, you know, listen, he's a great player. He goes, I don't know about saying miss him. And I was just like, oh, okay. So it's like, does that change the dynamic? You don't know.

But, uh, and the NFC, the lions are coming, right? The giants, I don't think so. I think the Packers are coming. We'll see if the giants overachieve, but I, yeah, I think so. I think the Packers are coming. We'll see if the Giants overachieve. But yeah, I think everything is up in the air. And here's the best part for our fans. We're the ones picking the games. So everybody's making money.

That's the best part. Listen to you, Paul. You're actually, everybody's talking about, can the Chiefs 3-P? What about Paul Verzi? No, I did 3-P. I'm 4. I'm going for four. Going for fucking four.

I know a pattern. I have a system. I have a system. Dude, you just got so amped up about yourself. You were like, no, I got four. I got four. Then you're like, I'm fucking going for four. Like you felt five nine all of a sudden.

Five, bro. We've beat the book collectively three years in a row. We're going to do it for you. You know what some guy said to me on the road? He goes verzi. I was in Seattle. He goes, dude, I'm an ex UPS driver or he goes, I'm a UPS driver. I've been listening. He goes, this year I'm going with you. He goes, I fought it. He goes, this year I'm going with you. He goes I fought it. He goes this year. I'm going with you I said what the fuck are you waiting on kid? Let's go um I Erin Rogers getting her hacks on you. What's that? Does that put the hex on you some sad sack UPS driver? You know UPS they're in the twilight of the... Amazon's kicking their ass.

No, they're still number one, dude. UPS is like still... They're still number one. I see more goddamn Amazon trucks going down the street. I know, dude. I don't know. But UPS is... My stepfather drove for UPS for 25 years. You know what I miss, Paul? I miss a good mob war. Wouldn't it be great if fucking Amazon and UPS took it to the streets? Oh, dude, that'd be great. Pretending you're delivering a package and your back door opens up and they just fucking open up on some fucking... Amazon trucks are blowing up. That would be good if the drivers were doing it.

Amazon trucks are blowing up. They have to go to the cunts up the top. They have to pay. Yeah. They're the ones that have to go down. Yeah. How about like Amazon trucks are blowing up in the middle of the night? The one thing, the one thing he liked more than anything, he loved blowing up Amazon trucks. I mean, he actually enjoyed it. I mean, he actually enjoyed it. All right, man. Well, I'm glad we're back.

We're back and we're going to be back next week. We're going to keep I'm like you, dude. I got to start looking at some I got back from vacation. You got back from vacation, I'm sure. We got to start looking at these things. But I think the AFC is wide open and I think Joe Burroughs got something to say about that bill. I think Joe Burroughs doesn't like that nobody's talking about. All I know is you're going for fucking four. I'm not going to argue with you if you're feeling something. You know, you got your chain out like you just got a signing bonus. I mean, what's what's going on over there in fucking New York, Paul? You're bringing the vibes.

I mean, do you think Jim Harbaugh changes things in in in the Chargers world? No, but I think you think and he will does. I like that. Yeah. No, Harbaugh's a fuckin' winner, man. That guy's a fuckin' winner. Everywhere he goes, he wins. Yeah, I actually, the Chargers are a little bit

of a sleeper of mine this year, but all right, buddy. Well, it's great seeing you. It's Andrew Thames, it's great seeing you. Bill, we're gonna be back next. Wait a minute. When's when's the first season two weeks from now? Is that it? Oh, that's amazing. Dude, two weeks. And it goes by dude, it goes by faster than summer vacation. I'm

so bummed out summer vacation is over. I love my kids being around. I fucking hate when they go to school. I'd meet two these fucking parents. Oh, thank God two more weeks. Am I right? Am I right? It's like you out of your fucking mind. Yeah, it's like you're going to be dead and you're going to fucking look back. Morning to making breakfast is this shit. Yeah. What do you guys want? How? What do you want? What do you want? You want pancakes? You want fucking eggs? What do you want?

Yeah. How about taking your kids to the fucking arcade with their friends? How about my kids fucking crushing it for both sides of the plate? Paul, how about that in the backyard? I love it. The driveway now. The backyard can't contain them. All right, dude. I'll talk to you soon.

Anything better, fans? Thanks for hanging with us during the off season. We're back. Paul Verzi, the Golden Child is back. We're going for four. Who's we? Our show. We're collectively doing this. Come on, stop bringing me.

I'm the fucking place kicker on this team. No, no, no. Dude, you were fucking up seven games like halfway through last year. No, I wasn't. No, yeah you were. I have the records. I'm nuts.

You were up like six games and you kept taking that same team. I forgot who you kept taking, but I keep taking the same team. We always fall. I know that we're relationship guys. I got, I free Andrew. Stay with them. We're not, we're not like these hounds running around trying to jump on anybody's fan wagon. All right guys.

Well, listen, we are back. So please, I know some of you guys thought the show was over. We had to take a little break. We're back for football. Click the subscribe football. What the fuck? What are we going to talk about? Yeah.

Well, I mean, absence makes the heart grow fonder. Yes. And you know what? Hopefully you guys grew fonder. So click the subscribe button and tell your friends we're back. We'll be back next week with anything better. We are out of here. We'll see you guys next money. Turn this thing on. If you don't go watch somebody else. All right, that's it. We'll see you next week. Yeah, exactly. ESPN got nothing on us. Fuck out of here. All right. We talked about the young women's softball on 48 hours a day. All right, I'll see on us. Fuck out of here. All right. What are you talking about? They got women's softball on 48 hours a day.

All right. I'll see you. Later.