Anything Better? - What Are You Gonna Do?

Episode Date: August 31, 2024

Is there Anything Better than Bill & Paul answering the question, 'What Are You Gonna Do?'

What's up everybody and welcome back to the anything better podcast with your host Paul Burzy over here. Bill Burr over there. We got the Beverly Hills kid behind the glass over there. I even think we might get an appearance later from Jake the snake. I mean we're getting a we're a week away. Fan favorite fan favorite. You guys are listening to episode number 86. Which I got some names for you

here. Paul, I got nobody. You got nobody. I got nobody. All right. Here's the ones the Pro Football Hall of Famers. Fuck you Canon. Dante, lavelli. Those are old names. James Lofton. Oh, Lofton wore 80. I think he wore 86 late in his career when he went to the Bills or something. He go to the Bills? No, I think he was 80 on the Bills.

He was 80 on the Bills. How about him? He should get some sort of honorary award playing in freezing cold Green Bay and then went to the warmer climate of Buffalo, New York. Here's some of mine. Freddie Solman. I thought he wore 88. I just looked that up. But Stanley Morgan. Got to give it up to Stanley Morgan and Heinz Ward, the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Stanley Morgan, the great wide receiver. Steve Grove used to drop him in. Heinz Ward's a great one. Hinds word is a really not talked about enough underrated that guy for the Steelers would just he was one of those guys after the catch. Find more yards. Great receiver and had a mean street too, like a D back picked off a ball.

He could he could put a hit on him too. Um, I gotta I I don't mean to cut this short. I gotta get into this. Cause I just had it just happened and I'm glad that I got something on your chest. You want to get it, we got to hear it. I, you know, it's nice to have a friend that you could unload it to sometimes.

And I just got to start unloading the dude. So I hear my wife going, I'm having a day and she's on the phone and she's I'm having a day. This is right. So I go in because my daughter, I mean, I'm probably gonna get in trouble for saying. First mistake, Paul, she's having a day, this is right. So I go in, cause my daughter, I mean, I'm probably gonna get in trouble for saying- First mistake, Paul. She's having a day and you go in.

Tell her. I go in the room to go, hey, Sophia wants to have a friend over. She wants me to go pick the friend up. I gonna be doing something, is there any way? And she goes, oh, so what do you want me to do? And I go, do you have a gap? And she goes, no.

And I go, okay, no problem. And I close the door. And then she goes, I'm just having a day. And this person, she starts talking about, and she says some guy's name at the job, like, that he's like, he's in trouble, and things are all fucked up. And then I close the door, and I look at my dog. And I just go, who gives a fuck about so and so to Lloyd, right? I said it, I said it low. I just said it low, you know?

So I just go like, Lloyd, who gives a fuck about it? So she goes, she comes out and she goes, did you just say typical? Did you just say typical? And I go, no, I swear, I didn't say typical, right? But she walked at me like that. So I go, no, I didn't say typical. And she goes, what'd you say?

I go, I looked at Lloyd and I go, who gives a fuck about that guy? She goes, okay, but you didn't say typical. And I go, no. So she goes back in her room. So I'm thinking. So there was no, oh, sorry, my mistake. Oh, no, she's having a day. She's having a day. She's coming up to you like she's got the whistle around her neck and you called the wrong place. All right. Here's where I could, I started to think like, wait, what were you going to do? Like when you got up and marched and said, did you say typical? So I went back and I go, I'm just curious. I go, what did you think I said?

And I didn't say typical, but if I did, what would you have done? What was that going to be? I got to understand. And she's like, I love you, Paul, that that that needed to be addressed most men don't do it And I go I go yeah I go what did you come she was I thought you said something and you kind of look coy like you did and I go No, I said I didn't know if you'd be mad that I was looking at the dog saying who gives a fuck about that guy But I didn't say what you thought I said

But like why would you come at me like that and I said it like the way I'm saying it now and it was like Cuz I didn't know what you said, I'm having a day. Let me ask you something, Bill. Let me ask you something. Can I have a day? I already know. If Paul's having a day, are you getting in her face?

In what fucking lifetime, in a million years would I ever get out and go, did you just say that? Paul, Paul, the water flows one way. Flows downhill. Downhill. Dude, men should do that. Guess who's down the hill looking up at the fucking goddess?

We can't have a day. We can't have a day. Because then it's, well, we all. They'll just be like, well, you're just in a mood, and then they fucking walk away, and then you have to apologize for having a fucking day. Do my wife fucking tells me to leave the house. No, I think my wife should just be like, you know, I just go to the gym.

Why is she throwing me out of my own fucking house? And I'm like, no, you don't like being here. You fucking get out of here. Oh, Paul, you got me heated now. My wife the other day day right she's fucking yelling at me we're in this thing we're in a fucking thing I can't remember what the fuck it was about I'll even say it was my fault. At one point she's fucking yelling at me. And they ain't doing that. She's talking to me like I'm a kid so I turn around and I go nose to nose with her like I'm arguing arguing with Paul, I go, don't fucking talk to me like that. And then she's like, oh, you're gonna get in my face?

She starts going like, what are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? Like she was gonna kick my ass. So I talked to her afterwards and I'm like, did you do anything other than escalate the fucking situ- Oh, Paul, and here's the thing too. I was right. I was right.

I was talking about fucking clutter. And you know how that works, Paul. When you're right, what happens? The second you're right as the guy, everything's in play. Everything's in play. They go off topic, Paul. They put it in four wheel drive, go over here, they start talking about your family. They're talking about, they're fucking all over the road can we do it's just like if i

ever fucking did that paul she was talking to me saying you know you got your fucking drum shit all over the place i'm stepping over it cleaning up and all of a sudden i start fucking bringing up some shit from her side of the family oh forget it forget it oh i love you i'd have to apologize paul and that fucking mistake that I made, that mistake that I made is a day that lives in infamy, like Pearl Harbor, 9-11. That's never forgotten. No. Yeah, I mean-

But Paul, that's why we have football. Yeah. That's why we love football. Going nose to nose like it's a UFC stare off? Oh, dude, I had like fucking had it dude. It was like the third time in the argument. She was talking to me like I was the little kid. Nah dude, it's-

I just wish I had a hat on so I could turn it around backwards. What are you gonna do? That's what she said to me. It was adorable. What am I gonna do? I'm gonna pick you up like a fucking little teddy bear and I'm gonna tuck you in like the child you are and then I'm gonna go fucking, I don't know.

Where am I gonna go, Paul? She's got me, she's got me over a fucking barrel. And it's funny when a woman said it's like, what are you gonna do? It's like, what can I do? I can throw you out a fucking window is what I can do, but I'm not doing it. How about respect in the fact

I can throw you right through the fucking bay window and sit down and make a sandwich. Yeah, you know what I can do. So don't question that I'm not doing it You know You know what you should say to a son. Just look at your son and just go listen I'm happy you're getting mad. You know when your son sits you down goes dad, you know, I think I think Christina's the one I'm gonna ask her to marry her. What do you think, dad? And I'm gonna go, look, dude, she's a great kid.

I met her. Just know, you're never right. You're never gonna be right. So are you okay with that? That's what I'm gonna say. Are you okay with Christina always winning? No, no, no, you're never gonna be right. And guess what, guess what?

That's what I'm here for. That's when you call me. Don't say the thing to her. Say it to me. Yep. I'm gonna let you get it out. Then I'm gonna tell you some shit that your mother did to me. And then we're gonna both laugh

at the hopelessness of our situation. And then we're gonna go see a football game. Just the fucking clutter, the fucking clutter. Paul, we have snacks for the kids sitting on top of the washing machine because the pantry is so fucking full. Yeah. It's like, are we in another pandemic?

Like, what are we gonna do? We're gonna eat fucking, we're gonna eat Cheetos to get ourselves, this is gonna be our nourishment. No fucking interest in a tomato garden or any of that type of fucking shit, but we got this shit-ass fucking food. It's on the washing machine, Paul. You know what it is, dude? I got bags of fucking pretzels and Cheetos sitting on top of the fucking washing machine. Oh, I got draws of it. We got draws of it, overflowing draws. You got draws? What are draws mean? Drawers?

Drawers, yeah, draws. What did I say? Draws. Draws. Drawers. Like you, he draws. Yeah, they're packed with fucking shit chips. I got draws of it.

They're just shit chips. It's just shit. It's shit, it's a bunch of fucking shit. Nobody wants to eat it, it's overdone. You know what I don't like? This is what I don't like. I don't like the walk- I'm missing't like. I don't like the walk up. I'm missing.

It's like, no, you're sad. You're sad and you're filling it up with stuff. I don't like the walk up thing. I don't like the walk up confrontation. I don't like the door opening and hearing the hard steps to me about shit that I'm not rocking. I'm like, they're the principal of the school.

Yes. Yeah. Can I see my life for a second? I just throw something see my desk and try to act like I'm not in fucking trouble? Yeah. What am I gonna do? What are you gonna do? Right? I could fire off the fucking deck is what I could do. But I'm not doing it. I'm not fucking doing it. Listen, I got a bench downstairs. You wanna go toe to toe so you can lift more?

Come on, let's, what we'll do, okay? What are the ways to do those things? Paramets. We'll start with fucking 135, first person to tap out. All right? Well dude, I'm doing this, I'm doing this- What are you gonna do? Yeah, I'm doing this new bit in my new special

where I go, they could hit us. They could hit us. Even if it's a don't be a dick or get you a little rap on the chest or even one of these, Bill, even one of these. Stop it, stop it. Could you imagine? Could you, and you know, as a guy, you go, what, what?

Dude, she said, what are you gonna do? Like she was doing a Hulk Hogan promo. Listen, brother. Let me tell you something brother. I have the vagina. I'm running shit. What are you gonna do when I call a lawyer on you? This Saturday.

What are you gonna do with these 8 inch. When I give you divorce papers what are you gonna do? this? When I give you divorce papers, what are you gonna do these eight-inch pythons? Can't lift you When my lawyer takes out his pen and pencil says She literally said what are you gonna do Like I was some guy talking shit that didn't know how to fight and now she was gonna like she was Steven Seagal Like the first five minutes of the movie like I'm that guy with the ponytail that she beats the fuck out of it throws out The fucking window. What are you gonna do brother when I get custody over you? I get custody over

It's brutal I wanted to pick her up and throw her in the pool No, God It's brutal. I wanted to pick her up and throw her in the pool. Oh. Oh God. Because you're crying, that could have been the driveway. No. What are you gonna do? Who the fuck says that? That's wild. It's fucking, it's all wild, Paul.

It's all out of bounds. I'm telling you, dude. I'm telling you. I'm telling you, dude. And then afterwards, it's afterwards. It's like, yeah, you know, I shouldn't have brought up your crippled uncle when we were discussing pretzel.

You know what I mean? Like, it's always that, I'm sorry. Then I gotta like fucking shake it off. Yeah. Oh, well. Oh, Paulie, Paulie, that's what they got football for. I didn't mean to do it to you, but thank you. I just had to get it out.

Look at you, you're making me feel sad. You're looking down. No, like, because hearing a door open with footsteps aggressively going towards you and then having the question of, did you just say it's like. Yeah, it's like this intimidation thing. It's like, I wish I had said it. I wish I fucking had said it.

Next time you should just get in a face of the... Hey, let me tell you something. I don't rattle. I don't rattle. I don't rattle. Oh, God. What can you do? What can you do? You can watch football, Paul. You can watch the glorious game of football. Yeah, well, you can hit mute so you don't have to listen

to the female commentator because they've infiltrated that too. You just can't get away from it, Paul. There's just there's just there's no way. See, you do something different than I do. You watch all the the game I don't watch the games I just watch the games that are televised in New York and then I look at the scores and that's how I look at I can't I actually don't watch the guy I was watching to get my kids just they take up too much of my fucking time So I watch a lot of highlights. I watch my Patriots. Yep. That's what I do and But there's a lot of pausing You know, my kids like to play home run derby fall. I mean what I do. And but there's a lot of pausing. You know, my kids like to play home run derby. Paul, I mean, come on. Oh, I got to do that. Right.

All right. So I got a question for you. Do you think you Paul, what are you going to do? What are you going to do? Did you just say that? Did you just say it? I was like, um, go to narrow on you. Do the Kansas City Chiefs three Pete for the first team ever to do it this year or no, in your opinion, what are you thinking? I'm thinking, no.

Well, it's never been done. Um, I think they have a great chance at doing it. They're obviously the favorites and, uh, but they're always just, I mean, it's beyond like keeping the team together, keeping as many coaches as you can, because every time you win a Superbowl, people come in and pick your team apart. You also have to be lucky three years in a row where you're healthy enough to win the title, defend the title twice. It has to happen at some point. I think, I'm gonna say they're gonna do it.

I think they're gonna do it. Like I don't, I mean, as a Patriots fan, I don't want them to do it, not because I'm rooting against them, just because I know people are gonna be like, well, he won three in a row, Tom Brady never did that, that means he is better than Tom Brady. They're gonna do like that shit.

But sports fans will always say something stupid, but like, I think, I just don't see Buffalo ever getting their shit together. I'm done with them. I was on that fucking bandwagon. I'm done with them. I think the Jets are going to get them once. I think the fucking Dolphins are going to get them once.

I think the Bengals, dude. Joe Burrow's back healthy, and I think that they were a really good team before he got hurt. I'm just talking about the Bills. I've given up on them. I'm trying to talk about contenders. Joe Burrow. Joe Burrow has like, that guy is the winner and he has that thing. So that's another, you know, the big question mark. It's all about when you play and how fucking how healthy you are. Because you know, the parodies pretty good in the league. But there's just something about the Chiefs and also like the league needs something the

same way like the NBA needed something. It's a business Paul when fucking you know Jordan retired All of a sudden the Lakers become this pile on superstar fucking team No one give a fuck about the Lakers once it became the Jordan era And that was just fucking it. They were they were a joke All right, and then all of a sudden Jordan retires And that was just fucking it. They were a joke. And then all of a sudden Jordan retires.

The Spurs are the Spurs, but they're not like a sexy team that they can really sell. And then all of a sudden, you know. Yeah, small market. Yeah. And then all of a sudden, yeah. And then it became like, this is it, you know, their business model came from the accident of the Celtics and Lakers becoming super teams. So that is their business model to allow these teams to happen.

So with the NFL, you had the greatness of the Patriots and then everybody hating the Patriots and all the scandals and everybody trying to like fucking ambulance chase and try to figure out, although they gave more paper clips than we do. I mean, they could fucking figure out to say why we kept winning. So now that's over. All right. So now he's the anointed one. And the chiefs are go for three. All right.

So and they are the champions two times and they have like, you know, like the league's behind them. The business of the league is behind them. Like Patrick Mahomes is like the face of the league and the Chiefs, you got the Taylor Swift thing going that's bringing in more money. So when you're playing the Chiefs, you're going up against all of that. You literally, you literally said exactly what I was thinking and a perfect segue

to what I'm gonna say. And I know people are gonna be mad. By the way, the more I watch Patrick Mahomes, the more I listen to players on the chiefs, the more I watch Andy Reed in interviews, I actually don't hate the team, but what you just said makes me go the other way a little bit. But what I didn't like is, and again, I'm not, I know somebody's going to listen to this and go, Oh, Verzi is complaining.

It always happens. I know it always happens where a star gets a call. I know that, but dude, honestly, to not get an offensive holding call one time in the AFC championship game against the Ravens and then to basically in the Superbowl show them tackling Joey Bosa where Kyle Shanahan went up to the ref and he goes, dude, that's fine, but you got to do it the other way too. And they, where my homes would have gotten sacked two times in a row. It's like what's what breaks what

breaks that bill need him they need. They need someone they can't just have Brady have seven rings and have it be this untouchable thing. That's what happened in baseball. So many of those fucking records before the league was integrated, like these fucking white guys, some fucking, that fucking guy had 190 RBIs. No one's ever going to fucking break that. He didn't like the fucking 1930s. If you look at like records from back then, like that's why baseball looked the other way with the steroid era, because they needed some of those records to fall because the whole thing was built in the past.

And this is the thing, dude. Business watches what works and what doesn't. And they don't just do their business. Dude, you look at our foreign policy. You look what happened when we lost in Vietnam. Okay? They lost the support of the people. So they realized that. You lose the support of the people, you're going to lose the fucking war. So then the next time we come around, there was already that, hey man, the way they treated the troops when they came back, that was the guilt the nation had, they used that with all of this shit that's kept us in the Middle East for 20 fucking years, where all of a

sudden you can't criticize the foreign policy without, then that means you don't support the troops. They welded that together. If you say, hey man, what the fuck are we doing over there? Okay, they weren't part of 9-11, there was no weapons of mass destruction, this is bankrupt in the country, it immediately, you don't support the troops,

you're a communist, you're a pinko, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and they bury you. So now everybody has to shut the fuck up and then they can keep doing their business Yeah, I'm bringing the Middle East into this Paul. Yeah, I was just going like I was with you at the baseball And then now I don't know what happens Paul. It's all business. It's all fucking money. That's all it is. It's all fucking money That's all people care about That's all fucking people care about the psychos at the top, they don't give a fuck about the environment. They don't give a fuck about kids. They don't give a fuck about old people.

They don't give a fuck about veterans. They don't. The NFL doesn't give a fuck about their own players. You saw how they looked the other way when they knew that CTE was a problem. When they settled out of fucking court, what did they do? They gave them like $700 each. Go fuck yourselves. We're done.

Over. Thank you for playing. Same steroids in baseball. Yeah. So it's like these fucking guys, like you see them, they're all multi millionaires, billionaires. They're not happy with that. Paul, they want more.

They're not happy with the NFL being number one. They want to go global. They're having more in these fucking games. They want to keep growing and keep growing and keep growing. How do you do that? You need to have superstars. Okay, so right now they're behind that train. And that's how that fucking works. And I'm not saying that they didn't do that with the Patriots. I'm not saying that. When you're on top, you're going to get the call. So that's

part of my thing right now. If you're going to knock them off, this is like boxing. You can't outpoint the champ. You have to knock them out. And that is a, as you were saying, dude, you know, they're like tackling defensive fucking, I mean, dude, that's how I won money on the Superbowl last year. I'm like, this guy's the anointed one and they're getting fucking points was the easiest bet I ever made. I didn't even think about the money. The chiefs are getting points in the Superbowl. I remember somebody on the team is dating Taylor Swift. There's so many fucking revenue streams here.

The 49ers are going to have to beat him one and a half times. That's just how it fucking works. Yeah. Yeah, and it's so- Having said that, Paul, like if Mahomes gets four, that's great for the league because then it becomes, is he going he gonna like having three versus four four all of a sudden it makes it doable and then this keeps everybody on the hook rooting for our fucking against dude you know my favorite thing the other day i'm watching the fucking

i know i'm on a rant here right i was watching the race both yesterday right so you know we're down we're down-0 ninth inning against the Blue Jays. This fucking ball comes in and barely skims the top of the Red Sox, lefty, his front foot. Hit by a pitch, they send him to first base. So then they got, they go to the review and fucking Euclid finally fucking said it. He goes, I mean, the ball kind of changed direction or whatever, but you can't, this is really close to tell, can't really tell. and Euclid finally fucking said it. He goes, I mean, the ball kind of changed direction or whatever, but you can't, this is really close to tell, can't really tell.

He goes, but you know, they're sending it to New York, so we'll see what the fuck happens. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. As a Boston guy, I love that. The fact that so much of sports, the storylines come out of New York. I also think that that's why Jim Ursay was never fucking called out for being a fucking completely full of shit and a cheater himself.

Because you inherently had New Yorkers controlling these and then you guys fucking hate us and we hate you. So we were behind the fucking eight ball. That's the end of my conspiracy theories, by the way. No, man, I, I listen, they played favor to Jordan, didn't they? George, when Jordan became Jordan and Jordan was the league, when David Stern was, you know, rest his soul was Jordan got calls, dude. He talked a ref into a call. He just did. And the same thing, you know, like.

But I agree with you, it's it's it sucks when it happens in a big football game. The 49ers needed to dominate the only way to win. You're right. It sucks. I think now though, I think now though, with the amount of money that's on the table, which is way more than back in the day, it's gotten pretty egregious and then also sort of the panic. I think, that older people that are running shit are having right now, trying to figure out what device young people are going to gravitate towards next. I mean, there's people now, I guarantee you,

there's young people now who don't even watch TV. They go to bed every night. They have a gummy, and they just scroll videos. I've been guilty of that. I'm like, what the fuck am I doing? I gotta get- I was gonna say, hey, don't knock me, all right? Yeah, okay.

So look, I'm in my 50s, you're in your 40s, and you're doing that, okay? And they have this thing that got built up on the television, which is now becoming like a record player. So there's all of that going on. So what keeps people invested, like you and me, Paul, no matter what, we're going to watch the game. But like what keeps the casual fan and all these other revenue streams is the fucking storylines.

So the storyline this year, I feel is, can they three P if you remember last year, the storyline was Aaron Rodgers with the Jets. Like, let's hype this up. It's a great story. That's going on now a little bit too though. Right now it's going on a little bit. Yeah, but the hype is way less. That's why the Jets are kind of like

my fucking dark horse here. Sleepier, yeah. Where it's like, I mean, people forget, Aaron Rodgers is still fucking Aaron Rodgers. Yeah. Okay, and like, I know he's in his forties, but like early forties is like, fucking, I swear to God, 33, 34 when I was growing up and like that guy's going to do, he's going to do some fucking damage.

Um, yeah, especially after that injury dude, he wants to. Yeah. And then not playing them and that they're holding on to, you know, making sure. What the fuck was that? Was that did you hear that hawk? I mean, that sounded like a bird real close. I think it just killed something. Anyway, so it's going to be so Joe Burrows and the bangles as you say instead of the bangles the bangles That like the level that they're gonna have to beat them. I Mean I've heard guys say that about the NBA

Like, you know, we're playing a team. I'm going to go in there beat him and like a former NBA guy Go, you know, that's the so-and-so's and they're the storyline this year So we can't we're not if if it's a one point game a 10 point game we're not winning that game he goes to beat these guys we're gonna have to we're gonna have to be up by 18 yep i remember where it would be so obvious that they massaged it i remember that i know who you're talking about too but dude what about cincinnati having it won and then the player sitting on the bench while everybody left and he just stayed there with his head down because he did that 15-yard penalty which

ruined the game for him. I mean, that's fucking rude. Yeah. Well, who hasn't been there, Paul? Yeah, I know, dude. At some point in your life, you've been that guy sitting alone on a bench. Oh. Just for you and me, it's a park bench as you mutter to yourself.

I mean she got in my face like she was going to kick my ass. Yeah, yeah. What were you going to say? What are you going to do? I don't know, fucking pay a lot of money to contribute to this family? Pay the bills? What are you going to tell Bill? What are you gonna do, Bill? I don't know. Make stupid money on the road so you can go buy some more bags. I don't know. What am I gonna do?

I don't know. Buy another beautiful car? I don't know. I don't know. Maybe go on another vacation. I don't know. I'm gonna do something though. Go on another vacation where I don't know. I could have done something though. Go on another vacation where you decide where we go and how long we're going there and who's

invited? I mean, I don't know. Yeah. I really don't know what I'm going to do. That's tough. I don't know, go to a resort you picked. I mean, I had other ideas, but it wasn't worth it. All you got is football, Paul.

All you got is football and sports, and now they got him in the booth and you just can't get away from them. Dude, when your wife is on vacation with you and she goes, what do you want to do today? It's like, I don't know what excursion did you pick? I gotta listen I gotta give it up to my wife she's great to go on vacation with because she's totally content to not do shit like you know it's funny I got I got some gigs coming up in Paris and the amount of we've been to Paris like four times like the fucking Louvre could go fuck itself.

All of those people, I went in there one time. I was like, where's the Mona Lisa? I went to get it. It was the size of a fucking iPad. And there was like a million people taking pictures. And I was like, I have to get the fuck out of here. And then I would just immediately go to a cafe back. And I was drinking back then.

And I would light up a cigar and we would just sit there, drinking watching Paris go by and had the best fucking... I'm going to go on the other side. Here we go, we'll do the sunshine part of my wife. She knows how to hang. My wife can fucking hang. Hey, she's a great host, okay? She can fucking hang. Hey, she's a great host, okay? She can fucking hang.

But when she gets fucking mad, dude, oh my God. Anything is in play. What's that game where they start fucking, the end of the game they start putting the cards down and they go on a fucking run and then it's over? Is it Fantan? I don't know. Parts, one of those old lady games.

She does that and like this right here is everything I've ever fucking done and anybody who knows me she starts fucking playing those cards I'm all I'm down to one card I think I got it one and she just she goes from 40 cards down to nothing do day drinking in another country is in the top It's it's incredible Oh bill, I don't know if I'm going to a touristy city and not going to one tourist attraction.

I got one in New York City. You don't have to go to the top of the Empire State Building. You don't have to go to the Statue of Liberty. No, you don't have to go to fucking all the things in Times Square.

You can skip Times Square. Yeah. I'll go to it during the day. Just pass through, keep fucking going. Dude, I took mushrooms by accident. I told you the story, right? I think it's really perfect that we brought out Bill Clinton earlier. You're like, I smoked pot, but I didn't inhale.

You need to go see the movie. Remember that? No, no, I did. I tried pot, but I didn't inhale. You need to go see- Remember that? That fucking- No, no, I did- I tried pot, but I didn't inhale. I took mushrooms, but it was an accident. I think the record shows. I think the record shows. No, dude, this was a legitimate thing

because it was a sponsor sent me. So one of the sponsors for the Versi Effect podcast is Diet Smoke. So they send all kinds of THC levels. They send it to the people that want to fucking get 100 milligrams and go to another planet. Did you say diet smoke? Diet smoke? Yeah, it's just the name of a gummy company. So so then not get the munchies.

I don't know why the fuck they come up with the name. But all I know is they sent me a fucking they sent me everything from five milligrams to if you want to mellow out to another fucking planet, right? So anyway, this picture in this big bail in a green garbage bag. No, they're these little, they almost look like, they almost look like candy, little little like gummy bear candy bags. Like, so, um, I go get one one night, everybody was sleeping and they, it was like this new bag and I opened it up and it said five milligrams and I was like, Oh, that'll

help me sleep. And I was like, Oh, I wonder why it's like a cube. It's a little big for five milligrams, but 25 million. So I take this shit and it's like, you know, gummy and all of a sudden, dude, like half hour later, like all the sadness in my life, like came to the forefront and I embraced it, dude. And Stacey said she heard from the bedroom. I was pouring myself red wine talking to myself. It's how she said it sounded like I was having a party with myself. And then I go like this. I go, Alexa, play sad 80s music. And dude, this fucking like Def Leppard or one of these songs and I'm sitting there drinking this red wine and dude, the words are like resonating with me

like crazy, dude. And I'm like sitting there and I'm like enjoying it. So then Stacy sees me and she goes, why are your eyes look like that? So dude, I'm like out of it, but in a weird different way. And I'm like, man, that new gummy they gave was a different, you know, so dude, a week later I go, this is the peach one, different way. And I'm like, man, that new gummy they gave was a different, you know, so dude, a week later, I go, this is the peach one that I took. And I noticed where it said diet smoke in the middle of the, uh, in the middle of the, Oh, was a mushroom. And then I remember doing the read and the read goes, Oh, and our new mushroom

gummies and I go, I took a fucking five milligram mushroom. Now it wasn't a lot, but dude, if I was on a higher dose, I know what you're talking about. And I'm kind of glad, I didn't freak out because I thought I was on THC. No, but you did, you did such a pro move. What do you mean? A lot of people don't, the way you have a bad trip

is if the sadness comes, you fight it. You just embrace it. Oh yeah. You just say to. Oh, yeah. Just say to the universe, what are you trying to tell me? Oh, dude, I was drinking red wine going, yeah, life is sad, sad. And it was nice. It was nice. What Def Leppard was it bringing on the heartache? It was it was it was like one of their slow, like love sad, like probably not a hit. And I was-

Probably not Def Leppard either. And it might've not been, but it sounded like him. I'm picturing Whitesnake. They open up the door. And I was just like, I can't even something tonight. Dude, Stacey goes, Is this love?

Oh, that I'm feeling. Oh, that's a good one. Is this love that I'm feeling. Oh, that's a good one. Is this love that I've been dreaming for? No, man, I loved it. Stacy goes, it sounded like you were talking to people while you were drinking wine. And I go, yeah, man, I was just feeling it, man.

It was amazing. And that's what I love about women. Like they are so fucking curious. Like if I heard my wife downstairs muttering to herself, wine, I'd be like, she's having a good time And I would just stay upstairs, right? What are you talking about? Why are your eyes like that? They're like it's like living with Colombo Yeah, you're meeting my wife a raincoat just never come downstairs Fucking fedora and a cigar

I said, you know, this is one more thing, you know, you're playing. She's got a fucking fedora and a cigar. Oh, you know, there was just one more thing. You're watching the sports all the time. What, what, what are you getting out of it? What are you guys doing on the balcony? That's so fun. Um, a trench coat with a fedora.

Yeah. Um, oh man. Anyway, Hey, I was at the, I was at the gym today, Paul, you're in fucking trouble with that pull fedora. Yeah. Oh man. Anyway, hey, I was at the gym today. Paul, you're in fucking trouble with that pull up back. Oh. Yeah, you're in trouble. What do we got? We got like-

Paul, I'm doing eight with my legs. I can't say straight up, but like that. That's the secret. Kids, if you want to increase your pull ups, if you have a problem doing that, be careful with your lower back. But if you have your legs straight out, be OK with going from eight bad ones down to four.

But with your legs out like this, going up and down like that, it adds a degree of difficulty and builds up the strength. You don't have those fucking people that have a 45-pound weight hanging on them. It's so fucking dumb. Just stick your legs out. You're fine.

I mean, what is that 45 pound weight for? In case you're in a fire and you can carry your kid, like the dad adrenaline is not going to do that. But if you do that, you can increase. So what happens is I could do like seven with my lip like that. And then when I bring my legs straight down like that, it's like I took off a weighted vest and I'm able to bang out the other three.

Paul, get that money ready. I want to give that money to you. You sound like a Yankee fan when we beat you in 04 after giving a shit. Then you're like, no, no, I'm happy for you guys. I mean, Paul Paul you're competitive you want to win. Paul forget about the fucking cheese that's not the story the story is can Paul Verzi for the fourth time beat the book. Dude the book he crosses the street when Paul Verzi

comes down the street. This fucking guy. Listen, if I'm a whale, I'm taking me all year, no? If I'm a whale, I just go with the kid all year. See what happens. I mean, you know something? They're gonna be like... Paul, your backs up against the wall here. People are thinking like how long can this kid do this? The luck. They're calling it luck, Paul. Yeah. They think it's lucky. They think you're lucky. They're like, when, when, when is this kid's luck going to run out? I'll tell you what I'm going to do. Your boy Paulie

here is going to Munich and not only am I performing in Munich on November 8th, but on November 10th, I'm going to see my New York football giants play the Carolina Panthers in Munich. I'll be there like I was there in London. And come and see me in Germany. Baltimore, September 13th and 14th too. PaulVersey.com. What were you when we were over there? Schnitzel? Oh, Schnitzel. I can't wait. And Kenny kept getting the pretzels. Schnitzel? Oh, Schnitzel, I can't wait. Penny kept getting the pretzels. Schnitzel to me is like their Italian dish.

It's breaded, it's like a cutlet. It's like a cutlet, throw a little lemon on there. Oh dude, German food, hey, I'll tell you, after going to London, German food's a pleasure, okay? Germany's Paris compared to London. I mean, Indian food's incredible. That's what you gotta go with. If you go to London, go to Indian food. Yeah, but that's Indian compared to London. I mean, London Indian foods incredible. That's what you got to go with If you go to London go to Indian food. Yeah, but that's Indian people making it. It's that's still not like

Well, no, there's no food in like London. That's like their own that's good I'll be honest with you. It took me a while That English breakfast or Fish and chips, but it but it's really fucking heavy. Like I get the English body. You know what they got? They got like the skinny seventh grade arms coming out and like that fucking bloated, like the Will Ferrell torso.

Yeah. It all kind of fucking looked like that. And it's like, I think it's changed a little bit now because everybody's like on the internet. Yeah. And it has like an Instagram page. You can only get so fat before people just start fat shaming you. That is one good thing about social media is that'll keep you in shape. Unless you want to play the victim card.

You guys, I have an addiction to donuts. All right, well guess what next week is, Bill? Next week we will be sitting here picking our games for week one. I can't believe how fast it went. Yo, I was gonna tell you when I was at the gym before I fucking had to tell everybody how many fucking pull-ups I was doing

because I can't get enough attention in my life. I saw this fucking kid. Oh my God, I did a screenshot and it's over his fucking name. Oh my god, I did a screenshot and it's over his fucking name. Oh you motherfucker. I think it's Holt. What is his name? God damn motherfucker. Maybe this is such a classic old guy move right here. Oh there he is. Jimmy Horn Jr. Yes, of the Colorado Buffaloes. Did you see that catch and that fucking move to the outside? Lightning quick, Paul.

Like a fucking cat smacking a snake away. You ever watch those fucking videos? They walk right up to a poisonous snake. Wait, did you see a thing comes in, pulls back and whoosh. Did you say Joe Horn? No, who? Jimmy Horn Jr., number five for the Colorado Buffaloes.

Paul, I don't use this word a lot. The man is electrifying. Oh, all right. That's the only thing that was missing was like fucking, like back to the future lightning as he was going down the, he fucking cut it over the middle, gave this guy this lightning quick move. Next thing you know, he was on the sidelines

and it was like Bo Jackson when he was on the Raiders against Seattle. That's awesome dude. Lightning, lightning quick. We saw North Carolina last night beat Minnesota in Minnesota because Minnesota missed a field goal when they were up by down by one to win the game. That's amazing. Hey is Colorado is that the one that Deon's coaching? Yes.

Yes. Two sons, two sons, his son through three touchdowns last night and his other sons at D back and apparently both going to the NFL next year. All right. Well, this is what I liked about what I saw the highlights is, you know, he's only been there. What is this? Is this his third season, second season?

No, this is his second. Okay. The team that I'm just watching the highlights is taking on his personality. Like how exciting, how fast, in that next level of play. I mean, I know they were playing like fucking North Dakota, whatever.

It's a cupcake game, as far as I know. But still, like that's a fun team to watch. And he has, he's got some players, dude. Like can you imagine Deion Sanders coming to recruit you? Where else are you going? Oh my God, him sitting with your mother in the living room joking? Be over. His rings, he's done it all. your mother in the living room joking, be over. His rings, he's done it all, he's in the Hall of Fame, ridiculously charismatic and he's

one of the most talented guys who ever did it. I mean, it's so cool. I don't know how so many other programs like, slept on this guy. Like you know, there's so many programs that were good when I was a kid that like have just fallen off Like Nebraska in the 80s, dude I gotta make sure somebody's coming to my house at noon here when Nebraska in the fucking 80s, dude Was it was that they weren't they were a powerhouse? Yeah, they fell off sometime and I wanted they had they fall off for like 30 years

Yeah, and then after that it was the Miami Hurricanes, right? They were they went on a run didn't they Miami Hurricanes and Nebraska. That was one of the great Orange Bulls of all time Jimmy Johnson, yeah, Jimmy Johnson. I think Jimmy won that one. Yeah, dude. That was just like That was so my those those those were the days. I saw a guy today was saying how these guys in the NBA couldn't play 20 years ago. And it's just like, dude, if they were born when you were born, they would be able, they would play the way you played. And if you were born, when they were born, you would be playing the way they played. It's just, it's different. It's like a professional athlete, it's a fucking professional athlete.

And it's a, people just, when they look at the game, the game has changed. It's just like, you know, oh, you couldn't play during my era. It's just like, they would have adjusted. Yeah. They would have played differently. It's, that's what Jordan and all them say.

It's not, you just take that guy in that time and he's got access to everything that the guy today has and that's it. It's not, you just take that guy in that time and he's got access to everything that the guy today has and that's it. It's like, it's the same shit. Yeah, like the rules of the game, you know, with the analytics has turned it into this perimeter game. I think that's really hurt the game.

Like analytics is the fucking worst thing as far as like, it just becomes math., it's just, it just becomes math. And then it's like, you can't put anything on a coach anymore. Like, why did you do that? All the analytics said to do it. Man, the fucking, fucking lions. I watched the doc, the lions, he fucked it up. He fucked it up.

You take the points. You're down fucking 17. Then you go, I'm having a bad, I'm having a bad influence on you, dude. That was like me. You went from like sitting there like no because I watch the clients I watched the doc with Lucas and even Lucas was sick You're on the road in san francisco in the nfc championship game up 17 They make it 14 and you have an opportunity from a 30-yard field goal to go back up 17 And instead on fourth down,

you don't take the points because that's what we did all year and that's how we play. And you know what happens on the, on the road. If a road team, if a home team gets a fourth down stop place goes fucking nuts. When I go to Met one. It was also the, um, how important those extra three points were. I forget what the score was, but it was going to put them down by another score and they were coming away with points. And yeah, you like,

and the crowd like analytics doesn't realize the crowd. Yeah. He didn't take any consider. Like what is like the, there's a shift happening fucking here. You gave him hope. You woke him up, dude. I know when I go to MetLife and I see the Giants get like a fourth and fourth stop, the place goes fucking ape shit and the whole fucking everybody's charged up. You're in the NFC championship game. And he's like, I, that's what I did all year. And all this players back to him. That's what coach did all year. We said, we're going to go get those yards.

It's like, dude, you got to kick her right there. A fucking chip shot. Go back up 17 and keep this place quiet. You fucking dope. Exactly. Well, it's like when I'm running errands with my wife and then all of a a fucking chip shot, go back up 17 and keep this place quiet, you fucking dope. Exactly. Well, it's like when I'm running errands with my wife and then all of a sudden I have time to dip into one of those Italian joints to get a little affogato. You know? Hey Bill, he turns the day around.

All of a sudden I'm running the conversation. Hey Bill, what are you going to do? What are you going to do? Dude, my wife said that to me like she was gonna fucking beat my ass. She said it to me like I was that fucking guy signing over my restaurant. It's a fucking shame. It's a fucking shame. Like, yeah.

We got to wrap this up. You know what your wife needs? Your wife needs a hideout. You know what I mean? Like how the mobsters hang out there. That's what wives should be doing. Then we're coming down. And call your girlfriends. Fucking john Gotti. Um, all right, well, I don't know if we talked much about football, but I feel a lot better.

This is no, we're gonna listen to conspiracy theories out. I fucking. Nah, well, listen, football's coming next week. We're going to make the picks next week. Um, this is the next week. Neither Paul or I, that means our wife followed through and kicked one of our asses means I'm in court. All right, everybody. That's it for this episode of anything better. We will be back next week with week one picks. We are back in the saddle. Yeah, we'll see you next week. Uh,

I'm Paul Verzee. Check out paulverzee.com for all my dates. Uh, that's it. We'll see you next week. Right Bill? 100% Paul. Hey Paul, and you know, just don't forget, what are you gonna do? All right, everybody. See you next week. Take care.