Anything Better? - What's The Matter With You?

Episode Date: July 24, 2021

Is there Anything Better than Bill and Paul talking about poorly they did in school?

What's up everybody and welcome back to the Anything Better podcast. You guys, this is episode 25 with myself, Paul Verzi, Bill Burr, the Greek freak, Andrew Stemmels. By the way, let's talk about the Greek freak for a second. We'll get into number 25. Andrew Stemmels, by the way, let's talk about the Greek freak for a second. We'll get into number 25. One of the greatest performances of a championship game,

of a finals that I've seen. The kid put up 50. He went to the foul line, I believe, 14 times and missed two. Every shot he was making, he fucking willed his team to win. Congratulations to the Milwaukee Bucks. Giannis Antetokounmpo, Chris Middleton, Drew Holiday. Holiday, yep. The kid, PJ Tucker, Lopez, Bobby Portis, the whole team, dude. That was a win, man.

That was great. That was great. That was great to see. I love seeing it. I love both of those teams. I love that I was watching two teams that weren't pile on. Yep. I'm glad the pile on teams got hurt. Two small markets.

Yeah, so I didn't have to watch the fucking Lakers versus the Brooklyn Nets. And then both of those cities thinking that everybody gives a shit. It's like New York. Are you excited when Milwaukee's in? Then why would they be excited if you were in? Same thing with LA. There's people who have that, oh, everybody cares about us.

Oh, sorry, Paul. You're a New Yorker. I always forget about that. No, no. I totally get what you're saying. I always think you're from Jersey, dude. I know that bothers you, but I'm telling you, there's just something about, you know,

there's something common about you, something regular, something. Oh, fuck off. Bridge and tunnel. Oh, fuck you. Come on, Paul. How many bridges do you have to go over before you get to fucking Manhattan? None. What are we talking about?

I don't have to go on any, I don't get any bridges to go to Manhattan. Fuck you don't. No, I don't. What are you talking about? You'd have to go on any i don't get any bridges to go to manhattan fuck you don't no i don't what are you talking about you have to already be in manhattan what do you mean manhattan's an island buddy there's no way in unless you go over a bridge or a tunnel no because i take the west side highway down which connects to henry hudson there and i just take no i'm down the highway connects to Henry Hudson. There's a bridge there. And I just take, no, I'm down the highway. I don't think so. There's no bridge. Is there a bridge? I don't know. I don't think so. I don't go over a bridge my way. I really don't. I don't, I don't. I take the,

the Hutch to the 68 84 to the Henry Hudson, to the West side highway. I'm telling you, I don't. Well, it's an Island. I sound like, I sound like Seinfeld. It's an Island. I don't know. I got to look at my route, but I don't think, well, I don't have a noticeable one. I can tell you that. I don't have, I don't go through the Lincoln. I don't go over the argument. I've tell you that. I don't go through the Lincoln. This is a Paul Verzi argument. I've never heard one. It's a definitive no or yes, and then it becomes clarified.

Well, not a bridge that I notice. Yeah, well, you said tunnel. You go over one role player bridge. Coming off the bench bridge. Yeah, like a little path bridge that nobody. You'd be in the water if you didn't. But no major one. No major one.

You know? Bridge and tunnel. I hate to tell you. It would be a 12th man. It would be a 12th man little path. It would be a, you know, it's not, you know. Paul, by the way, not only has the worst sense of direction of anybody you're ever going to meet, he's not even aware if he's on a bridge or not. Bridges are not noticeable. How many times you've driven to Manhattan, Paul?

Guilty as charged with that. I could probably say I was in the car. My friends have actually said this is shocking. This is shockingly bad. My wife actually looked at me and said, I can't I actually can't believe one time Giannis Pappas was almost we were driving down. He almost fucking jumped out of the car. I go, dude, I hope we're going to make it to Gotham. And we were eight blocks away. I didn't know where we were. And he goes, I's that's the thing paul when you're in manhattan the streets are numbered yeah i go i go you can look in every block i go dude we got like 14 minutes to get here he goes dude we're we're two lights away like i didn't even know i'm fucking it's brutal i just can't

catch my bearings it's actually a problem like you never want to be lost with me like i just can't it's it's up i just love how everything with you with your brain is your brain has to catch it like paul how'd you do in school yeah you did you did bad like me you're like no you know if a subject caught me it caught me i just love the arrogance of that it caught me i just love the arrogance of that like listen if it's interesting enough yeah you can catch my attention i was a distracted kid i had my i was i had problems dude my mom i'll never forget the story my kindergarten my first grade teacher her name was she's probably i mean she was old then so my first grade teacher if she's alive she's old woman her name was she's probably i mean she was old then so my first grade teacher if she's alive she's old woman her name was judy judy that was her name and judy judy judy judy her first name

was judy her last name was judy so she probably married into she probably married a guy whose last name was judy and she talked like this she She talked very much like this. And she, my mom, me and my mom always joke about it. She called my mom and she just goes, you know, I'm very worried about Paul. I'm just I'm just worried about Paul. He's having he's having problems. Is everything okay at home with Paul? And my mom and I used to just sit. How's Paul? Wait, your mother would make fun of your teacher with you like she we would just joke and be like hey paul like later in life like we would like i was gonna say like she no she would no then i would understand well shit

if my parents made fun of the teachers that said i was an asshole i would have done even worse i guarantee you paul i guarantee you there is no way you did worse in high school than I did oh dude I I graduate I was a dude I was a C student man I was like I I dude I I destroy that wow see students middle of the pack yeah but I got like an 800 something combined on my sats i just knocked my mic out here yeah it just sounded like you were an air you're an airplane all of a sudden yeah i ate something combined on your sats and i fucking i like took a sat prep course like i studied for this shit dude i couldn't even guess right wow i wouldn't take i would take you for like

just you just knowing you your vibe demeanor you got like i look at you like between 83 and 86 average just by our combos no huh no dude um i was uh uh i you know what it was with me if i went down in the first quarter back then i was losing by 50 i i didn't know how to come back it was like it was like you know school started kicking my ass in fourth grade and i won one round in like sixth grade then seventh grade they kind of got me again in eighth grade i was kind of hanging in and then grade. And in seventh grade, they kind of got me again. In eighth grade, I was kind of hanging in. And then ninth grade came in and algebra. I had to go to summer school. And then after that, like my grades was saying I was dumb.

And I was just like, I concur. I agree. I just gave into it. And I was just like, all right, I'm just going to be funny. funny because i know i'm not gonna be uh and this is just this is gonna be it because i know i'm not gonna get a good because you know the whole time you're in school you need two years of a language you need extracurricular activity and all this i wasn't doing anything it was just like uh what about uh you know getting sent down to the principal class clown does any of that count no yeah i wouldn't take you for what you know, getting sent down to the principal class clown shit. Does any of that count? No. Yeah. I wouldn't take you for what, you know, I was opposite. I always pulled myself into the, into the fourth. I rallied the troops in the fourth, dude. I have a great story and we didn't know how to win. I, we had the tools. I had a, Hey, we couldn't get it done. I had a- We couldn't get it done.

I had a teacher. Shout out to Miss Scora, man. She did something. She's amazing. Fridays, we would write essays. And I was in like the lower, I was in like the non-regents class and we would write essays. And every time we would just hand it in on Friday. And then one day she just came up to me,

she goes, do you wait after class, and she goes, she goes, your essays, why are you in this class, she goes, your essays are always so good, and the way you close out the story is always so good, and she's like, you're just distracted and stuff, she goes, I'm going to do something, and she goes, and I want you to prove me right, and don't make, don't make me look like I made a mistake, she goes, I'm going to put you in a higher English class. And dude, she like lifted me up, dude. And I went from the lower English class as a seventies student. She put me in the higher English and I ended up getting an 86 that quarter.

And that was just because she like, she was one of those. She believed in you. She believed in dude. But like, it's amazing like what a teacher or coach can do if they know how to be an individual teacher or coach the ones that just put you all under an umbrella and go this is the way those people don't win the people like it's like in the fucking last dance in the last dance phil jackson was like i'm going to let Dennis Rodman go on a fucking bender for three days and he's going to come back and we're going to fucking win. Bill Parcells with

Lawrence Taylor. He doesn't have to. He can big out with hookers doing what he wants to. He plays like that on Sunday. Those are the people that understand their personnel. And she understood me. No, but I remember I had a teacher goes all right for number five we're gonna call on the dumbest kid in the room bill burr no and i should have laughed huh he said that yeah because he thought i should be doing better oh okay but he didn't realize you know what i had going on at home so i was just like oh fuck this guy, fuck adults. And I just sat there writing ACDC on my notebook. I remember the first year I had the guy I tried. And I ended up in summer school. And then the next year I had the same fucking guy again. And by September, it's

like, am I really going to come back for extra help and do all of this shit again? It's my senior year. I'm already not going to go to a good college. I know that. That's what kills me, dude, is if I fucking studied. I'm really jealous, not of the education. I know. Because you don't get any better education. It's just like at the end of the fucking day, Paul, it really is addition, subtraction, multiplication, division division that's the only math you need unless you're gonna go build a goddamn bridge okay and then as far as then you gotta have like common sense i won't drive over it i don't drive over that bridge not not a noticeable bridge hey i i need i need a suspension bridge with lights something with a little pizzazz i need signs yeah yes

that bridge isn't on a postcard i mean in my world you you're not a bridge you're not a bridge paul the amount of bridges that you have to drive over just to get out of your fucking neighborhood that you don't even notice you're driving over brooks and streams and all they live in the middle of fucking nowhere uh manhattan i go from upstate new york to manhattan i don't go over one fucking bridge i just cruise right on in you ever go to the bahamas yeah no planes no planes not anything noticeable nothing to write home about i mean i get into some tube type of thing and people saying, put on your seatbelt. I thought it was a bus. Bumpy ride.

Dude. Yeah, so I was just my senior year. I was just like, so I'm going to fucking try. I'm still like, well, I was going to say was I just wish I could go if I could do high school over again. What I'm jealous about bigger schools is not the stupid fucking education, which has really been exposed to be no better than anything else. I saw this great thing on that, talking about prestige, prestigious schools. Prestige, the original French meaning of that was deceit.

So you're buying into this fucking this idea that you know one plus one equals two at harvard is somehow not the same as one plus one equals two i'd say bu you know what i mean like i'm not sitting there if i'm hiring somebody going oh this guy went to harvard this person only went to bu i'm like those are the same fucking that's the same school just my brother went to be my brother christian went to bu but he was also like... All right, then strike that because I've met him. I'm saying, okay, BU,

let's say Boston. No, I'm kidding. No, BU, dude. And it's a business, Bill. You know what it costs? But why I'm jealous is the sports programs. Yes.

Like I got a friend of mine went to a big, like a big 10 college. Yeah. Big 10 college. So like the football team, he still follows it. He goes back to games. I got another buddy of mine that went to like Carolina Duke or something like

that and went to those games and still follows those teams. You have like that connection back to it, where if you don't study and you go to a shit school and you have no sports teams or like your teams just suck every year, it's just, you just graduate and there's no, like I'm envious, like when I've gone to like on the road and I've gone to big college, you know, a lot of football games. And I see those people like, you you know i graduated here in 72. i'll tell you you know

who the best florida gator was i love talking to those people those people at lsu alabama michigan ohio state all of those big programs there's something about usc though is gross i think the celebrities ruin it. I don't know what it's about. There's just something about USC where I don't get that vibe from them. They just seem like a slimy corporation, even though they're all doing horrible shit. There's nobody more perfect than Pete Carroll to coach that team.

There's nobody more perfect than Pete Carroll to coach that team. There's nobody more perfect than him. I mean, he was the perfect guy. Just sneaky Pete, man, out the back door. Sneaky Pete right out the back door. Oh, my God. I love that one. What's-his-face gave him shit. Your boy there. Who?

Sanchez. Sanchez. What did he say? Well, when he left early yeah he said at USC yeah

Pete Carroll went public and said that he shouldn't be leaving early and then when Sneaky Pete was sneaking out the back door when the fucking hounds were hell

was showing up at the front he was going like yeah you know I don't think he's ready I don't think he's ready to jump to the NFL oh that's great that's great yeah somebody else told me't think he's ready i don't think he's ready like to jump to the nfl

oh that's great that's great yeah somebody else told me one time he said he goes i feel like anytime there's a major college sports scandal usc is always one of the team's name yeah yeah no they got banned like they were in that big thing that he did and they were like not eligible for a bowl game for years while he's like on the sidelines in seattle but there's a lot of guys but i think i think usc in a way is guilty of their uh is a victim because of their location all right la per capita has the most smoking hot chicks that you can tempt a recruit with. They got the whole Hollywood thing. They got the unbelievable weather. They got the beaches and all of that. I mean,

like when you really look at like LA, it looks like a, like a postcard for doing blow, you know, as opposed to trying to get somebody to go to Iowa. Right. What are you going to do? You don't have to be lonely

remember that when they played that were you at that rose bowl when stanford played that to them yeah yeah farmers only yeah i remember them yeah what are you gonna tempt them with yeah i guess get yourself a four-wheeler and you can just keep driving like just fucking just start driving. Just make sure when you get to a half tank, you turn around, or we'll probably never see you again. See, if I would go, you know where I would go. Where would I go?

Oh, that's a good question. Where would you play? You know where I would go. Oh, Rutgers. You love New Jersey. No. Let me see. No, come on.

Paul Verzi. Notre Dame. That's one of them, but that was one of them. Wait, come on. Paul Verzi. Notre Dame. That's one of them, but that was one of them. Wait, wait, wait. Give me five guesses. All right. No, no, three. Five's too many.

All right. Notre Dame. Yeah. LSU? Nope. Fuck. Michigan? No.

Give me the conference. One more. One more I'll give you. I remember you being impressed at the Red River game, Texas or Oklahoma. No, I love that, but you're getting closer, a little south. Go a little south. Well, Texas, south of what? South of the Red River game, Paul, would be Texas A&M, Texas, SMU.

All right, I'll tell you what state no no Notre Dame was my when I was in eighth grade we had to write a note to ourselves of where we're going to be in four years and I said I was going to be the starting quarterback in Notre Dame that's hilarious I said I was going to go to Notre Dame and become a lawyer no yeah I was too slow Paul I didn't have a good arm either oh I would have been in a blow scandal and you would have been representing me okay um i would no but you would have had to lie and said that you had a little bit of irish he's an eighth irish he's got a little bit of irish blood in him not playing sports and having the grades i'd probably go go to like, I'd go to, you know, hurricanes, Miami,

Florida. Yeah. Florida. I would go. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, where you would play football. No, like I'm saying like not play football. Like if I wasn't going to play like where I would just go to college, if I could go anywhere would probably have been Miami. Cause I'd still get the beaches. I wouldn't be that far away from home. I wouldn't have to fly across. And I heard, oh, I heard the University of Miami. I heard they like to party, Bill. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. No, you would come out with like, you'd have no cartilage left in your nose. Oh, dude, I'd have like a 1.2 GPA. I would like have to skip semesters because I was of money. It would be. Yeah. Wait, so where would you want to play football? Notre I was of money. It would be. Yeah. Wait. So where would you want to play football?

Notre, Notre Dame is where I want to play football. I said that was my first guess. Yeah, no, no, no. I,

I meant like, like not, not sports, but yeah, you actually got it right. If it was sports, I would, my dream.

My crazy head. Then why was I continuing to guess? Uh, I don't know. Maybe we just, maybe we missed it, but you know what you said? I thought you said no, no, no. I thought you said, no, you know, you're a no, no. I thought you said you were all right. No, you're not all right. Um, I, my dream was to be quarterback of Notre Dame when I was in in like when I was starting to play and people

knew that I had a big arm and I wanted to be Notre Dame and then I just first of all I would I was 5'8 no quarterback in the history of since uh Doug Flutie and he's 5'9 and three quarters 5'9 and three quarters so it was never I am the same height as Doug Flutie I stood next to him at a beach dude he had flip-flops on and he was pushing his kid in a thing. And I was just going like, this guy is one of the best athletes ever. And he looks so small. Then they said he went to the basketball court and just started like, it was like, he's just one of those dudes, man.

He's just one of those dudes. Yeah. You know, dude, by the way, how about Doug Flutie's career when he came back to the nfl and played for the bills brutally underrated that guy is a winner everywhere he went the team won yeah that's it boston college was nowhere the football program was nowhere and this guy went down into the orange bowl well God knows the Patriots can never win for fucking decades. To Gerard Phelan. Oh, we got it. He did it. He did it. Flutie did it.

I still remember that call. That's great. That's great. I'll never forget that, dude. That was fucking, that was like we won the national championship and i remember we were looking when we were ranked fourth oh god dude that just took me back to such a vivid memory we were all wearing astro turf shoes remember when those things were in and i had the spot built ones with the big fucking cow's tongue hanging over it i remember those other dude he had the nike ones with the blue swish, and he was holding up the football card. You know, the gambling.

This is just for amusement only. Remember that thing? And we were looking in the sports page and at the gambling card, and they were saying how he was talking about we were ranked like seventh or eighth. After that game, we were ranked, and then we beat Houston in the bowl game. The Houston Cougars beat them in the bowl game. We ended up being ranked fourth in the country.

And that was back when we were – who else was big back then? Miami was one of the big ones. We beat them. It was insane but he put that on the map and then after that he um he went to the new jersey generals in the usfl which was a show then he went to the c uh the cfl one up there i want to say he won a couple of gray cups or something i think he did warren moon was up there winning all the time so i'm not sure but he he was part of a winner up there.

He came back. Did he go to – I know he went. He was Chicago Patriots Buffalo Chargers. Yes. But Buffalo was the run. Buffalo was the one he went to. Those couple years in Buffalo, they were going – like he had some magic left, dude. He was the Flutie Flakes and all that shit.

Patriots didn't know what to do with them they try to have him be a pocket passer it's like this guy has to roll out and improvise didn't you guys have him come out once to kick a field goal you guys had him come out to kick a field goal once or like a spot kick or something like that i remember something yeah yeah yeah that's how talented that guy was. Like that guy's such an asset that they were like, he was like a utility baseball player in football. It was just like that guy could do.

If he ever, as a kid did the punt pass and kick comment competition, he would, he's like at the Catholic that played football. I bet he can throw a javelin. He is. He's like, he's like a,

he's like a Bruce Jenner type. All right, I got one for you. And it doesn't have to be. Nothing on the rest his soul joke. Nothing against fucking Caitlyn. I said he's like a Bruce Jenner type, rest his soul. The new governor of California, Caitlyn Jenner jenner uh oh god i hope she wins oh dude me too that would be awesome dude i just would not conserve because it would be a conservative

person that transitioned i just as selfishly as a comedian yeah dude i just but it is the kind of thing that fucking California would vote for. And you know something? All these people on the right would get pissed. Fucking liberal Hollywood, you know, elects, you know, Caitlyn Jenner. It's like, no, no, no. You guys elected fucking Schwarzenegger. So come on.

We all do it. We all got our guy. Yo, I just love watching her drill golf balls she fucking drills them uh all right i got one for you doesn't have to i was gonna say it has to be an athlete but doesn't have to be an athlete and doesn't have to be alive you get to sit on a fishing boat, just you and this person, you and this person on a fishing boat. Is there a canopy to cover me? Case of beer canopy. You're cool. You're fishing. They're open for any discussion at all. Nothing is off limits. And they want to talk to you for like three four hours out on the boat fishing and it's just you two and the rule is it never leaves that surf it never leaves you

too all right i don't want to talk to anybody great okay you get anybody in the world who do you i want to talk to somebody who was considered crazy slash great so one of the first guys i thought of uh hollywood henderson dallas cowboys okay who was who had coke cocaine in a uh remember those vicks inhalers yeah this nfl films footage of him taking it out of his waistband taking it out of his waistband. Super Bowl. Wow. Yeah.

Wow. That guy liked to party, huh? Yeah. Him. Mercury Morris. Dwayne Thomas. I don't know if any. Mercury Morris is still around.

I'm not sure about Hollywood Henderson. Dwayne Thomas, I'm not sure about Hollywood Henderson Dwayne Thomas I'm not sure either Dexter Manley got the NFL could not read was illiterate I would want to talk to guys like that like how did that work

I'd want to talk to guys back when they would give you a new car when you come to visit the school and you committed, you'd get a threesome in like a fucking new car. Like when it was that overtly corrupt. As opposed to now where I feel like, you know,

because everybody's got cell phones and social media. Like they've had to get a lot. They've had to dial back the corruptness. Like I would want to know like how how bad did it get yeah as far as like football players like that um you know i'd want to talk to that guy who did acid and threw a perfect game you know yeah i mean we're talking anybody in the world i i'm thinking like dude i would sit down with hitler and be like the fuck's the matter with you i thought you meant athletes no anybody in the world i said i would sit on a boat with hitler and say what

the fuck is the matter with you that's hilarious like what the fuck first of all he probably wouldn't even talk to you because he you don't fit his fucking perfect human specimen. No, I don't know if it would be Hitler. You know, I think a good one would be. Dude, I don't know, man. There's a lot. Dude, you got Muhammad Ali, U.S. president. Eddie Murphy would be one that if I could sit with Eddie for fucking four hours fishing. I thought you just meant athlete. No, no, I meant in the world, but you can go athlete. If I went athlete, I would probably go,

oof, dude, I don't know, athlete. I would, all right, if I say anybody in the world, I would say it's between probably a US president or Eddie Murphy, just because of what he did for me from when i was nine eight nine years ten years old and if which president oh dude jimmy carter i i would love to talk to him he's the only fucking human being who's ever been president since i've been alive that human as far as like, actually, I feel genuinely cared about the working person. I think Lincoln or Roosevelt

would be two really fucking good ones, dude. I think those are both hacky. Yeah, but hacky, they know shit. Like I'm not, I don't care about- You wouldn't go Woodrow Wilson, talk about him to his letter of regret about helping create the fucking federal reserve.

You know, Nixon would be an interesting one too. He taught, he, he already, yeah, I don't know, man.

Uh, sports wise, I may listen to his tapes. That is kind of funny. Just look at Hitler. Be like like the fuck's the matter with you he's just oh i got one um i don't know can we go back to that like what would you expect to get out of that like when you look at hitler and just be like what the fuck is wrong with you if i was such a legit question if i was sitting down what were you thinking yeah

if i was sitting with beers and we were fishing and i was like adolf dude i gotta tell you something man it's like what the fuck were you trying like how fucking evil are you like what were you trying to do like what would you do if he actually went like i know i went down a rabbit hole i read the wrong shit and i don't know i was good at making a speech i was good at making a speech then i got these followers i started getting my dick sucked and i didn't want it to go away dude it got out of control i was relieved to blow my brains out. No, that's what I'm asking. I'd be like, dude, did you really blow your brains out or did you go down to fucking...

Yeah, were you down in the South? The friendly confines of South America. Figure that one out. A whole group of people that don't even fit in that would have been on the fucking executioner's block. I actually think the people of south america the women are so goddamn beautiful i think that they are the only ones that had the power to cure nazis like they would actually go down there be like you know go to brazilian what the are we

thinking yeah just some brazilian wax just he'd be like yeah all the hate goes away yeah see some some beautiful beach. Everyone's got drinks. It's like, ah. Go behind him. Maybe we were just sick of the winter and we needed a vacation. Maybe that's all it was, Paul. That might be the answer.

The answer might be sitting on that boat and anything is on with somebody that was evil or cruel and you try to really reason or try to figure out why and he's got to answer honestly honestly yeah another one could be like uh but don't you think that that would be the same as like talking to somebody like you know he's just so committed in his in. Like, it would just be like talking to somebody who is like committed to wearing a mask or not wearing a mask. And then you just be in some fucking social media loop conversation. Helix. I love my Helix mattress. I didn't even know I needed a new mattress till I got one and realized what I was missing. Helix Sleep has a quiz that takes just two minutes to complete and matches your

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Jizz stains, funny. Cum stains, special victims. Cum stains. All right. That's a true. Dude, can I get that ringtone of Paul Verzi going? I got up 11 o'clock. Whatever.

Sound like Tracy Morgan. You did, too. That whole Canada tour, I knew. Do not call Paul. Wait till Paul wakes up. All right, everybody. Oh, look who is. It's RexMD. Hey, Paul, should Viagra really cost $90?

I don't think so. No. No. Whyra really cost $90? I don't think so. No. No. Why does it cost that much? I'll tell you. If a woman's vagina couldn't get... Sorry. That's why I got to tell you about RexMD.

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something has to be done uh so don't wait another minute rexMD is now offering startup packs of generic Viagra for new customers. Visit RexMD.com slash better right now to get started. That's RexMD.com slash better. Oh, by the way, dude, how funny was that fucking text I sent you that that woman wrote? Oh, so funny. All right, here we go. This right here. This this this right here this is we're gonna ask two married guys who fortunately did not marry this i'm gonna tell you this

right now this is something you'll be happy that you fucking avoided you do not marry this this is an an actual post. Post from some post. Post. This is a woman talking about her dream husband, marriage, family, and all that. I want a family where my kids can clearly see how much their father loves me. It's fine so far. Yeah. I want them to damn near be like, ew, why are you always touching on mama? Or mom is so spoiled.

And you know how daddy is about our mom, even when we're old and gray. That's the ultimate to me. And it just ends there. And then I love this person. This is literally my fucking... It's just like, there wasn't a word in... It's like, are you already competing for the attention of your husband that you haven't met yet against your unborn children?

I mean, she just seems to me that she would fucking jump ship the first fucking sign of like, you know, just how dark you just went. We were just like, I mean, listen, nobody reads people like Sicilians. No, she would fucking dip on that guy. If they were on a boat, as soon as the waters got rough, dude, done, done. I would think she's going to pressure her kids to be popular. done i would think she's gonna pressure her kids to be popular she's gonna one of those people that has difficulty with aging clocking what yeah you know her her daughter's kids are wearing like dude the second you have kids like it's fucking over dude nothing is about you

yeah forever no it's true but that's that is so narcissistic she's making it, it's true. But that is so narcissistic. She's making it like it's about, she's making it like it's not about her. She's trying to, but it's all about her. That woman wants to be the center of the fucking universe and any poor motherfucker that doesn't give her that is done. And any guy that marries that, if that's the attitude going in.

She would lie and say he hit her if he didn't. No, I wouldn't say hit her. She would say that I, I don't know. I don't like him around. She would say that. So she would get custody. Nah, she'd go further. That one that you read, she'd say, I was afraid at night. He'd get angry when he drank, she would go hard she would fucking go hard you know what paul i have to default to you when you're mediterranean blood and she would go i just felt well did he ever hit you ma'am no but i just felt uneasy and the guy's going like dude i didn't i mean who knows she maybe she's a sweetheart we're both wrong i don't know i. There is that possibility.

But I just want a man to love me. It's like, hey, your husband's going to love you and kiss you in front of your kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kids with you. And I just, like, the whole, just where is the spotlight in that whole scenario? Every scenario, it's on her, and she's just, you know. Yeah, it was never like, oh, and I'd love to, I just just want him to be all over me and i'll take care of him sexually always and he'll never think a straying and he'll never fucking sexually yeah but like it's never about that you notice that you notice how it was never

like i just want to have him love me but i'll take care of him too you know it's never that it's never who still talks about themselves when there's kids involved yeah the second you present this okay you're married you have kids what do i think all right i don't want my kids to go through all of this shit i went through i don't want them to be spoiled i gotta figure out a way to thread the needle where they're not afraid of me but they respect me yeah that's what i'm thinking i'm not thinking like oh i want my wife to fucking uh you know be rubbing my head and uh making me a roast beef sandwich every fucking yeah who you know you know that's out

the door that's out the door paul oh that leaves quick no but what i was gonna say was uh what i was gonna say you know it's never like, I just want a man. How about this? Here's a nice one. Here's one that would be okay. Oh, you got the hands going, Paul. Here we go. Shoulders.

Everything's going now. Here we go. Here's a nice one. I just want a man to love me and show that he loves me in front of my kids, but can also call me out on my bullshit and put me in my place. Sometimes the way that I'll go at him, he'll go at me. How about that? Yeah. I mean, I know that's getting a little rough. They put me in my place sometimes the way that i'll go at him he'll go at me how about that yeah i mean i know that's getting a little rough there put me in my place huh not put me in my place but like no and i know that i'm here and he's here no no when i say put me in my place i mean call me on my bullshit listen i i i agree with the whole thing you know

showing your kids that you love their mother is huge yeah your thing knocked out came around to the kids it was just all about her that's the john wooden quote the john wooden quote is uh the john wooden quote is the greatest thing um a father can do for his kids is love their mother and listen that's a great quote and i see my kids light up but that's about the kids her fucking thing was just all about herself yeah i think your thing i don't know what are you doing no your thing came on done my came up oh how did it come on done jesus christ uh the back end is it there you what? This is like a fucking one of those socks that loses its elasticity. So now it's not going to fucking. I need a new cord.

How about the best thing a mother can do for their kids is take care of daddy once in a while, okay? I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Hey, if you want that mood around the house to fucking calm down a little bit, you can get rid of the fucking low pressure system building in his balls there. Dude, you know what we're thinking? Sorry. You know what we're thinking about doing, dude?

I got to tell you, man. You told me this a long time ago, and I was always, you know, we lived in a place. We weren't able to have a dog, so we had a couple cats. One of them went down. Rest sold best cat ever other cat but having lloyd now and just having lloyd oh dude all the time oh yeah um but dude he is so smart his vocabulary like trainers are just like dude he understands when you talk to him. But like now he's five. He's like five and a half.

So he's like the dog's talking. No, the amount of words the trainer says, like the amount of words they understand. And I could just be like, you want to go out like the way I'll say, do you want to go outside? He'll go. Yeah. But then I'll be like, all right, you want some water? And he just like every little thing from another room, I could say something. He gets it. I'll be like, where'd mommy go? And he just does. And thing from another room, I could say something and he gets it.

I'll be like, where'd mommy go? And he'll just go and he'll like look at where she always is. Like, it's awesome. No, he's awesome. But like, I'm just going like, I want another one of these fucking things because he's, Lloyd is like my wife where there's no, it's always what he's looking for.

He patrols the house. Then when he cal's always what he's looking for he patrols the house then when he calms down he's looking at night he's up and down like a fucking prison guard like he's always and he doesn't relax and i want a dog like he's just on it dude he's on it i mean but he does well he sleeps hard i love that he's a little lazy after he's done he goes down hard you know he's like he plays hard he go but he's just like looking the whole time he's like a dude in a bar that like can't like almost had a fight but he just keeps looking like he's trying to he's going he's like dude it's over it's fucking what do you want to get a dog that will chill this thing out no no he's he's chill but i want to get another one so that he doesn't he's not always just focused on like i mean i guess it's in him but i just want like another dog so they can hang out together

be together and i just kind of just want another dog because how cool he is because he's just like it's so cool having a dog i remember you telling me that because uh you had a dog when i had little kids and it's just like, there's something about, did you see that guy was in a pool and he had that beautiful blue pit bull and he was at a pool party and the dog is around the pool and he just closed his eyes and sunk down and the dog fucking looked. And then the dog just started to run around and everyone was watching him and he just fucking dove in to save him.

And everybody clapped and he like grabbed the dog and it was dude it was the sickest thing ever it was amazing it was amazing like the dog was like fake drowning to show everybody how much this dog loved him you know what that guy should marry that other chick and they'll have the greatest fucking they'll make another hitler hey look how much my dog loves me. I'm going to make it think that I'm dying. Would you ever do that to a human being? No. I'll tell you this about dogs.

Every year we watch on Thanksgiving, we watch the dog show. Right? We gamble on it, me and my wife try to, you know. Do you? Yeah, we bet to see who, you know, who's going to win or whatever, right or whatever right that's fucking awesome yeah i kind of nailed it like two years in a row now i lost my touch but when i watched those things like 80 of the dogs i would get i love there's just a couple of those little uh those little little fucking clutch bag fucking dogs i'm just not into no me me neither dude i need a dog to be medium to big anywhere from like 50 pounds up to dude i gotta be able to fucking dude i got a

buddy who's a cop he's got 170 pounder dude he's got a cane corso which is a sicilian mastiff dude this thing if it bumps you you it's it you, it's like one step. It's gigantic. Yeah, dude, that's like a buffalo calf. Did you ever see that fucking idiot who was living with a buffalo? Yes. Taking it to the fucking bar and shit. Well, and he was trying to get fucking past it in the hallway,

and it kept slamming him into the glass like a fucking boarding. Yeah. He's going, oh, oh. And he's like, don't touch. Oh. He just kept. He's like, we leave him in the living room. Did you see that?

People would walk in and there would just be a full-sized buffalo sitting in the living room. There'd be somebody on the couch watching TV. Do you understand how big those fucking things are? Yeah. I didn't. I didn't until I saw that fucking. I mean, I thought they were like uh like

cow size dude you know people hit moose in um in canada and instead of like instead of like in the u.s where we hit deer and it fucks the car up the moose will just literally take out the whole top of the fucking car and like those things are like insanely big like monstrously big and they're like out like just out you know what bugs me about prey is so much of them they just if they just could get together as a group they just stand there watching their friend get fucked up even saw one time a bison got run down by some wolves what they do is they at first the wolves are like fuck these things are huge then they just get them to run and then they take down the weakest one so one of them was trailing and as the weakest one was being taken down he ran by and he gave him like a swipe and they all

scattered it's like why don't you guys all do that the only guys that i really see do that are those the buffalo in africa every once in a while they get the best of the fucking lines wildebeest wildebeests not the wildebeest the uh it's like the those giant fucking buffalo they're like no joke bison no it's not bison no in africa oh cape horn buffalo whatever the fuck they're called what's the difference between buffalo and bison i don't know the cape buffalo you're right they look they look real similar cape buffalo is there a difference between a buffalo and a bison so they don't have buffalo burgers they have a bison maybe it's the male oh i like bison meats

good uh generally the buffalo has a larger body than the bison the buffalo also has bigger horns uh the bison has a larger head used to forage uh for feed during winter months the buffalo also has a smooth coat while the bison has a shaggy winter coat there you go yeah um whatever either way i don't want it walking up to my car in a fucking national park can you imagine if he got stuck behind one of those fucking idiots you remember the guy who put one in his car he was he was driving through a national park and he saw like a baby buffalo and he thought that it was like there was a problem with it so he

lifted the thing up put it in the back of his like toyota 4 runner and they were like and that the you know people at the park were like we're gonna have to kill this thing now like you can't live like you just like i don't know if they killed it but it was just like you can't take a buffalo and put it in the car drive it and expect it to not you can't touch and you what you can't do either is you can't touch babies. So, because when the mother smells it, she'll abandon them. So, we had a, we were in the backyard, and we saw this little thing at night, like, rolled up and shiny. And I'm going like, what the fuck is that, dude? Is that a fucking, and honestly, like, from a distance, I was like, is that like a turtle?

What the fuck is that thing, right? So, we went up to it, and it was basically. That's a fucking tuna bro it's a baby wheel man is that what it's a baby wheel man holy no um so we go to it and it's like it was a it was a a baby deer and she was rolled up like this. So you just saw the lines. And what it is, is their legs, that shit, even in like Bambi where their legs fall out. What it is, is when they're walking, they have to, what they call it, it's like a drop. They have to drop and get their energy. And the mother is around like either getting food or whatever. So I didn't, we read that there,

but I went and like, I just kind of barely touched it. And then I didn't. And we read and they were like, don't touch it because the mother smells humans and we'll kind of abandon it. So, uh, but then we always, why the fuck would you touch a wild animal, dude? People, I just did like that. Like, I just wanted to feel, I didn't know what it was at first. It was, you know, and then I saw it like all rolled up and shit. I was just like.

That's a dangerous game to walk up to an animal you don't know what it is and to touch it. Look at this fucking guy. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. So that's a buffalo. All right. Bison almost like they don't have that hump back either.

What did they do? Andrew, can you find the guy? Please find the guy who did the impression of conor mcgregor uh after the fight if you could just find it it's on tiktok there's a guy and they go this is the best conor mcgregor impression ever dude i was fucking it's and the guy looks like he's like either mediterranean or arabic and he fucking nailed this thing, dude. If you could find it, it would be incredible. Because it was a fluke.

Oh, dude. I got to try to find it if you can't. Yeah, I know. It must have been hard for him, though, dude. It's like you train all that time and then some fucking stupid injury. No, I know. Takes you out like that. That's a bitch.

The fight game, dude, like, his leg, too, man. Like, they got to do something with that leg check, dude, because, like, it's happened to, like, five guys now where if you kick wrong, the leg just fucking, it's. I don't know how the fuck, how you even, like, check a kick with your shin, dude. You ever get kicked in the shin? That's it. You're going down.

Well, Dustin Poirier looked at him and smiled in the fight, if you kicked in the chin that's it you're going down well dustin poirier looked at him and smiled in the fight if you notice and he pointed to it because when connor went to do a kick he did it with his foot they said instead of his so they heard like a little pop and he kind of fucking smirked at him and pointed because they both heard it and then later and then later on he broke it so he was probably now Dana White, they're saying that it was fractured. I just don't like that when you watch a fight and then they're like, oh, he was compromised before. It's like, don't go in there and talk that shit then for anybody.

He's got to sell the fight, Paul. That's all he's doing. People take it personally. He's selling the fight. That's like that YouTube kid he's saying i beat mayweather so you'd be like oh you don't wait to see him get beat now he's gonna fight like tyson or something it's just like he's just selling he's trying to piss you off and make you want to see him get beat so bad that he gets your money oh dude i hope one of these youtube stars

fight tyson and and Tyson catches one. I don't wish... They're not, dude, because that's not going to be part of the agreement. Right. Yeah, we're going to go in and we're going to have an exhibition. Second, it's an exhibition, dude. That's it. You're out.

Unless you just want to, you know, watch people punch each other in the chest dude i'm going for when's the last time you had a massage dude i gotta go for a massage soon i need the other week i got one yeah you gotta it's it's actually a must i take money gets taken out of my checking from a place every month. I just have, and then you could build them up. You could build them up, but like they're, do you want to laugh? I went to this.

I'm a Suess as a Jedi, dude. Like I found this person when I had a sciatic nerve issue. And dude, she fucking like with the elbow in the back of my leg, like there's like three layers of muscle. Dude, I was just from the first pass was coming up off the table. And each week we'd go a little bit deeper, deeper, deeper until she got all the way down to the bone, the whole fucking thing. Because people are like, sciatic nerve, man.

You're going to have that for the rest of your life. Nope, she got rid of it. I knew she knew what the fuck she was. Because it was my left leg and she started with my right shoulder was her instinct to go there i was like okay either this person doesn't know what they're doing or they're like a genius and turned out she was like a genius that's amazing same doing my calves dude if you grab my calves i will like first time she went just like that they're a little glued up and I was just like coming up on the table yeah and they gotta like because I guess the muscle fiber like goes like that when you move it and when you you do something you get hit or whatever

it kind of gets mashed up like that and then it gets kind of glued together so what they're doing is pushing it down and then having you move it to break it up. And that's what hurts. Dude, I told her I felt like in my calves, I had like a fucking ball of hornets. That's what it felt like. So she's down to like the last layer. And yeah, I don't get like cramps in my legs or anything like that anymore. Yeah, man. Like they give me like it sucks when you know, this this woman was like in her 30s and she goes how's the pain and i go all right and dude she was killing me it took everything i almost said you got to stop i couldn't bring myself well that's not good if they're really

killing you because then you're going to tense up and cause other problems so you got to get out of the ego and be like that hurts yeah she goes just tell me i'll go like i'll take it down and i was just like you know i don't want her and be like, that hurts. Yeah. She goes, just tell me. I'll go, like, I'll take it down. And I was just like, you know, I don't want her to be like, this guy's a pussy, man. So. Do you know how many guys fucking walk around lifelong pain because of that attitude or fucking die? With dumb. Yo, I, uh, years ago.

Richard Pryor bit. Macho man. I'll take that knife and stick it up your ass macho man you gotta be like ow that hurts i uh years ago i went to a foot i went to a foot masseuse right it just seems like it would tickle i went to a foot masseuse so like apparently they like get all kinds of muscles that are in your feet and like it just does something dude and i was laying there and she was doing the foot dude and i had like boxer briefs on you know i knew it was going this direction no no no it was a complete legit place so she said to roll over dude and i just had a fucking rager and i just said to her i just said i just go sorry i did all

i could say i was just like sorry you know i was fucking mortified dude because it was like yeah like it was so bad and i was just like and she she kind of did like uh like oh like i just it was literally just a natural she's probably thinking well it's so gross because she's like trying to help you out and you're up there like oh yeah like she must have been mortified no i was mortified too dude i'm picturing you with like these gomer pile marine issue briefs no i just felt bad because she was like a professional at like the foot massage and i just rolled over and i because she was like a professional with the foot massaged dope queens should be called two dopes

no dude I felt so bad I literally I just go I'm so sorry I go I'm so sorry I didn't expect you know like it was just she just goes flip over now she couldn't really and it was dude i was mortified i never showed my face on that block again like i was just like why didn't you just say yeah all right you got to give me a second she goes okay turn over now and she was gonna and then i just turned over and like my leg was up i just i just had a rager dude and she just was like she was just picturing you flick Manoa just she just goes well you had to know she was gonna flip you over you didn't fight it try to talk it down off the ledge yeah I got a jumper

it's like a negotiator you don't need to do this you don't need to do this. You don't need to do this. And I know I went over. Dead babies, dead babies, dead babies. I just said to her, I go, I'm so sorry. And she just kind of did like, oh, it's okay. And I was fucking brutal, man. I could tell. I could tell.

But then everything, then it subsided, okay? The embarrassment. The embarrassment. It was just so, was yeah it was just brutal but like it's just tough dude because if you're laying somewhere in your underwear you know if you're laying somewhere in your underwear and then you know and you're getting something like like something's being touched and then you're told to flip over there's just but your foot dude that's what i don't get get. Part of your brain is going like, you know.

Dude, if my wife was giving me a massage and she told me to flip over, I'd have a rager. Yeah, but that's your wife. I know. She married a good one. That's not a fucking above board massage parlor. Something could go down. No, it was a long time ago. What can you do?

But here's the bad news. That was a nice exit. You just went right out the porthole. No, it was a long time ago. What can you do? Anyway. Here's the bad news. We got no basketball.

You got no hockey. Okay? No football for six weeks. So we're sitting here. What do we got? We got fucking. We got baseball. I watched the whole game the other night smoking a stick.

Great. Who'd you watch? Dodgers versus the Giants. They lost like seven to two. They lost last night. You know, I think it's Mike Yastrzemski. Kari Yastrzemski's grandson. Yeah, yeah.

How cool is that? That is awesome. That is awesome that is awesome uh olympics the olympics start uh friday night are the opening ceremonies tokyo yeah so i i don't know what happened once it became every other year every two years like yeah i just don't get into them the way i used to but i used to what was that song they used to play get into them the way i used to but i used to what was that song they used to play which yes is that darth vader no no vader is darth vader is i don't know it's like it's the same guy writing these fucking songs does john williams just fucking i mean there's only eight notes right or whatever

it is he just keeps swiveling you know dude that's like the fight songs yeah i used to do talk about that on my podcast not this one the other one of the 19 i have where it's like Of the 19 I have. It's like... It's like... It's the fucking same. John Williams. He did do it. We lost Paul.

Where'd Paul go? I'm coming. He's coming. What happened? You shut your video off. You got a rager and it fucking hit cancel on your uh your screen there what happened here okay you shut your video off okay i'm back i'm back that's how i approach computers what happened then you just you don't correct it you just get madder at the

computer what happened here i got a big announcement guys computer. What happened here? I got a big announcement, guys. You're pregnant. I got a big announcement. I'm late. No, I, Tony, remember Tony Roberts? Yeah. Tony Roberts used to have that joke where, dude, he was like one of those guys that was so silly that he would be like, man, you ever be with a woman?

You want to be with her so bad. You lie about shit. It was, bitch, I'm late. I'm doing my special, guys. It got announced. Tickets are on sale right now. Number two, special number two, September 18th at Levity Live. Two shows, Saturday night, September 18th.

It's going to be directed by Pete Davidson and, um, I'm really looking forward to doing this new hour. So come out to that man. And, uh, tickets are going quick. They're already getting sold. It's only two shows. It's an awesome venue. So, uh, come out to that man. And I'll plug the other shit at the end. That's amazing. I think we're almost at the end. Cause I have my batteries red here. We talked for like an hour, right? All right. Well, this Friday, I'll be at the SHU Theater in Fairfield.

Next week, Zany's, guys. July 30th and 31st. Go get tickets. And yeah, man, all the other dates are on paulverzi.com. September 3rd and 4th, Wise Guys. Going, I think, August 6th and 7th, I'll be in Nebraska, the funny bone, all tickets on paulverzi.com, but get those tickets for the special. I cannot wait to finally, finally put this shit to bed unless they, these fucking assholes say COVID's coming back and going to make my fucking date not happen. But I don't think that's going to happen. We're not thinking that

way. All right. We're not thinking that way. It's going to happen. It's going to fucking happen. You know how many fucking times there's always a fucking bump in the road can there always does there always have to be a bump in the fucking road you know it's like can anything you know what i mean it's always some fucking oh well we got good capacity now we got to go back to this oh we got to go back to that because someone was a fucking asshole. Oh, it's out of your hands. It's out of your hands. Half the people are going to go with it. The other half are not.

Just have everybody wear fucking masks. Hopefully what happens is COVID keeps getting deadlier and deadlier, and it just kills the dumb people. That's all you can hope for at this point. I will be August 11th. I'm going to be at the Wilbur in Boston for the Wayne Previty Memorial slash reunion of all these comedians I haven't seen in forever.

John David, Dan Smith, uh, myself, uh, Todd Parker, the, all the old crew, Mikey Pryor couldn't make it unfortunately, but, uh, Jack Lynch, just a bunch of guys that I started out with. And then we invited a bunch of other people that are going to hang backstage. Um, it's going to be awesome. Um, and then, uh, I think two days later the 13th i'm at i'm at foxwoods and then the 28th i'm in hollywood florida oh florida there you go god willing if there's no fucking hurricane and when this comes out uh saturday today's saturday uh yesterday

friday uh will have been the on-sale date for your Bryce Jordan Center. It's the newest date. Oh, the Bryce Jordan Center. In University Park. Up there near Penn State. I believe I'm going to a Penn State game when I'm out there. That's what I got going on.

September 10th. Paul, is there anything better? What? Than being a fan of the Milwaukee Bucks in that great city and seeing them win it after a 50-year drought. I know people from that city. People were reaching out that I knew. Such a fucking, dude, they had 65,000 people outside the arena. It looked like fucking Woodstock. It was, those people went nuts,

but I got to say it again. I'll bring it back. That Giannis performance was one for the ages, man. It was up there in my mind with the Vince Young, uh, 2005 Rose Bowl, uh, Jordan against, uh, it's just, the thing was he never like, you're like, oh, he's going to start missing foul shots. Never did. He's going to start missing when he goes to the hole. Never did. He's going to start missing his jumper. Never did. Willing his team 50 points in a closeout championship finals game.

He's also, him and somebody else, I forgot, are the only, no, he's actually the only person to have multiple 20-point quarters in a finals. So he did it in game two two and he did it last night he had 27 or 25 it seemed to me that like those guys every time there was like the suns were close and all of all four of those games that they won for the most part they were close and then that final seven to eight minutes they would just take over the game with their defense and start hitting their shots and all they'd have to do is get a couple of stops and they get like this eight point cushion and there was nothing that phoenix just didn't have an answer yeah no that's not right i don't know much about hoop well chris paul i will say this

you know chris paul and Devin Booker in that game, it just seemed like they just couldn't click on that. Devin Booker never seemed to really get off the way he wanted to get off. The guy was scoring 40 points a fucking night. He has one bad game, and because it was the last game, everybody's looking at that. That guy was fucking Larry Bird level shots every half. He'd hit a larry bird shot no i'm not a three-pointer some guy in your fucking face or running over to the three-point land and fucking behind the behind the arc i get

it i just don't get this shit dude 30 teams fucking are gonna are gonna go home a loser it just is what it is it's not the star fucking player's fault every fucking time. No, no. Somebody's going to score more points. There's only so many minutes. Only so many minutes, only so many games. But you can't, you know, the big one was the turnovers. They had a lot more turnovers.

So listen. Or they had better defense on the other side. And that kid Drew Holiday's defense was defense on the other side and that kid drew holiday's defense was incredible on the other side really great way you go drew holiday played incredible defense not in sitting there saying like this guy coughed it up or he did that this is the thing the people that fucking do that it's like dude like what's going on in your life yeah are you getting it done your game sevens your game sevens week to week are you getting it done? Your game sevens. Your game sevens, week to week. Are you getting it done?

How good a father are you? Stop taking your fucking life out on the fact that somebody fucking loses and it makes you feel good to dump your negativity off. Devin Booker played fucking amazing. Chris Paul's the reason why they fucking got there. To be shitting on those guys now because they didn't fucking win is, I'm just not into it. No, no, no. Listen, I'm not shitting on them. I'm just saying because they didn't fucking win is uh i'm just not into it no no no

listen i'm not shitting on them i'm just saying that they didn't seem listen if guys don't get into a flow they don't get into a flow yannis was into a flow that's all that's all i'm just saying it's just they had a great series both of those guys but somebody plays better in the big moment and it was yannis that's all that's all i Good on him. You know, somebody's got to miss the shot and somebody's got to make the shot. That's all. You know, that becomes the thing. Oh, this guy delivers this other guy doesn't deliver. It's just like every fucking night somebody fucking delivers and somebody doesn't deliver. That's life. Sometimes you're the bug. Sometimes you're the windshield. All right. That's it. So are so are you saying hold on a second are you saying that if somebody in a sport in a sport in a game doesn't do their

job or listen dude if a quarterback throws if you don't do your job right you don't do your job those kids did their job and that's why they were there but when you have an athletic competition somebody's gonna win somebody's gonna lose and just because somebody wins and somebody loses doesn't mean the other team choked they didn't fucking choke no they didn't know the folks had an unbelievable fucking team and just because they went up two games to none then everybody's just like oh you know what the fuck dude i'm up two games to none every fucking week in my life the shit doesn't work out sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn't that doesn't mean i'm fucking choking that doesn't mean by friday saturday you're gonna lose game seven it's just so stupid that that fucking and the fact that these athletes have to listen to

this from people who can't even throw a catch a ball half the fucking time yeah like that guy who went after fucking carl malone after after the when he finished in the fucking uh that peter versi guy going like, do you feel like you let yourself down? It's like, dude, that question has nothing to do with him.

That has everything to do with yourself and your childhood. That's a brutal question, dude. It is. And it's meant to hurt. It's like watching,

like my wife watches those fucking, the recaps of those Real Housewives. When Andy sits there and he gets them all fucking stirred up again. And dude,

when the shit that they say to each other is just like, dude, I was watching one, the Real Housewives of Potomac. I had to tell my wife to shut it off. I'm done with that show. I'm done with all of those shows. I tried, Paul.

I tried. For the happiness of my marriage, I'm like, all right, I'll get into one of these. There was two older women on that show the middle older woman how hard they were going at her trying to make her cry just trying to make her fucking cry that was the end game we're gonna break your spirit on television it was one of the most fucking like saddest things i mean it was right up there with watching him scrubbing oil off of a

fucking like a little bird or some shit after an oil spill like i can't watch this this is too depressing what do they call her ugly and shit and say she's like they say all that stuff they found out her boyfriend was like fucking around or something and they had like text messages and shit and all of this stuff and they just fucking went at her on tv it's like she's not fucking around he is that stuff made up is that stuff fake are those things fake for the show or no uh if they are they're the best actors ever because dude she just looked like it took everything in her not to start fucking crying like they just fucking humiliated her it was bad dude it was just like i was just every time i was thinking the rocky like throw the damn towel port portnoy just tweeted today he said that he could

see he's in miami i think he said he could just see next door they were filming like a real house wives and then he wrote he's like this looks very scripted no that was his tweet well yeah no it's called assisted reality because if you don't you end up with 300 hours of footage every day yeah and people like well how do you end up with 300 hours in 24 hours because there's multiple cameras is it does it get physical ever do they ever like fight fight yeah this was the only thing though actually the part that i did enjoy because this woman because this while she was fucking asking for it and she got it she got it and then just kept as as never uh wants the other one to address that she shouldn't have done it but never will address that she you're asking for it i always look at like i used to always use the analogy like if i walked

through central park back in the day when new york was crazy if i walked through central park at three in the morning dressed like liberace singing I'm in the money waving my fucking wallet and I get this shit kicked out of me you know and they take my wallet it's still wrong they shouldn't do it but there is that what the fuck were you thinking what did you think was going to happen it was one of those scenarios yeah hey oh by the way just getting in her face what are you going to drag me you're going to drag me i'm flipping her fucking hair and all of that it's just like oh boy yeah you're asking for that that's yeah um people were talking about when we talked about dumping the garbage in a volcano a lot of people that actually came up i

don't know if you saw it andrew but there was actually a doctor or scientist heard the podcast and actually talked about it. And it was funny. A lot of people were like, that's actually a great idea. But this one scientist said that the lava will not, the lava will not just melt it and make it go away. That it will, it turns into a gas. It would, yeah. It would do something like that. So there were, she just goes, you know, yeah, please don't do that. they were she just goes you know yeah please don't do that yeah no it turns into a gas but then i had people fans going that's fucking brilliant paul that's a that's a great idea exactly the non-scientists think you're brilliant and then the scientist is going ah please don't do that and then you know what the fucking internet says?

She's a socialist. Paul Verzi for president. My computer's going to die here. All right, that's it, everybody. This has been episode 25. We didn't do the great 25s. We didn't do the great 25s. We have to do it.

The best 25s. Jason Giambi, Reggie Bush. Vince Carter. Barry Bonds. Barry Bonds, number one. Richard Sherman. Vince Carter. Barry Bonds. Barry Bonds, number one. Richard Sherman. Vince Carter was 15. Different team.

He was with the Suns. He's on different teams, Paul. I got the list right here. Okay. He's 15. Ricky Henderson for the Red Sox was 25. Jim Tomey. Guy hit bombs.

Dude, that guy was Paul Bunyan with a bat. Was. George Brett. George Brett. Sammy Sosa. Fred Belitnikoff. How did I forget that one? The father is Harmon Killebrew.

Mark McGuire. How crazy is that? Sosacguire jamal charles al k-line mark price mark price not skippy the other one no i remember here's a good one gail goodrich ucla all right we're getting what's getting thin here all right robert ori oh wow what'd they call him what was his nickname something about big game big shot bob big shot bob that's the nickname you want dude that's a great nickname um all right james big shot bob all right i'm down to 4%. All right, guys. Oh, I got to go, but this one last thing. No, no.

I'm not. I'm saying I'm kidding. Oh. You know, I'm trying to close out the show like a bro. That was the joke. Sorry. No, it's fine. Listen, guys.

I hope everybody has a great week. This has been episode 25. We'll be back on anything better next week. Please like and subscribe to the show. It's the best fucking podcast out there. You know it, and I fucking know it. So rate, review, let the show grow. And next week- Hey, Adolf, what the fuck were you thinking? No, no, no. What's the matter with you? What's the matter with you? Later. Thank you.