Anything Better? - Wood Panel - Week 2 NFL Picks

Episode Date: September 17, 2026

Bill and Paul make their picks for NFL Week 2, as well as discuss the beauty of old American stores. MERCH: https://silkshop-screen-printing-701ba8.printavo.com/merch/anythingbetterpodcastmerch

What's up, everybody, and welcome back to another episode of anything fucking better. And there is nothing better than starting out week one for a show, six and two, Bill, because that's what we did. I went three and one. You went three and one, and we are in the swing of things. That's why I bet MGM left. They knew. They knew.

They knew. They knew it was coming. They knew. They got one in last year, you know, and then they fucking took off. They finally got a win. But we are strong. Louis Hamilton. What the hell was his name? And then you're like, retired. Nicky something or other. Not six. He's in Motley crew, the F-1 guy. I forget his name.

Oh, well. That was a fun year. They were both riding for, driving for Mercedes. They was smashing into each other like Days of Thunder. I remember. Yeah, when was that? What year was that? Like 2015. Okay. You know what, Bill? The one team that got me was the lion. I thought that, and they were up 14 the whole game, and then all of a sudden you look up overtime, I lose it by a point. The Jets won for me. The Giants looked great.

The Jets won for me, Buffalo and the Texans had a shootout. And the Lions, dude, they were killing them. Who knows? Still early, very early. Who did I? The game I lost, I took the Colts, believing in last couple of years, how they've always scored points.

And I thought, oh, the Ravens got a new coach. not saying they're going to lose, but they're not going to cover whatever. And they came out and they beat the crap on them. But I just took a chance with the Cardinals because they were getting nine and a half points or something. I'm like, they're getting the most points. I'll start. We have one game where I'm almost 10 points up, not knowing anything. And they straight up beat him.

And I was told, we got to talk to Jake to Snake. Is there panic in the Chicago, Chicago, the San Diego Chargers chat rooms? Jake, I got to tell you, you were looking pretty slick after. week, you know, before week one, now after that loss, I don't know, man, you're looking a little like you guys stayed up late in the war room here. You know what, Jake? I think Justin Herbert took a page out of your book where I saw him sitting on the ground with his girlfriend and training camp.

It was all distracted with his girl and shit. You know, I don't know. First Travis Kelsey, now Jake the snake. They're all going down. Hey, the only thing that takes down an empire is a woman. I've always said it. Happened to Tiger, happened to Belichette, it just happens. Come on, let's not blame the women in some of those.

We didn't tell them to go out and get all those hookers. Well, put it as way, if the women weren't there, it wouldn't have happened. That I can promise you. Well, you guys are right. Nothing brings down an empire like a woman whose dad didn't stick around because she has no boundaries in a vagina. People are going to get hurt. All right, there we go.

Real quick, before we go out, I did radio, Craig Carton, the fan in New York. And he goes, Paul, I told you about vagina. You know what I'm saying about vagina, right? I was just on the radio. I go, what? He goes, it's undefeated. He just lost it. It's undefeated.

It's never lost. I mean, playoffs every year. That's why it's undefeated because we think it's the vagina. It's the brain it's attached to it. Yeah. We're going after, we're going out the wrong end of the problem, Paul. Ooh, that's deep. I like it.

Every once in a while, you know, broken clock, Paul. The brain that's attached to the vagina. That's deep. Not the vagina. No. There's a dime a dozen out there, Paul. Yeah. When you're young, you talk to a dope.

You don't even want it. Wait, all right. That's not what I'm saying. Jake, Jake. I'm coming to learn, Paul. That they are a lot smarter than we are in a lot of critical areas. It's because they can't open a jar ball. It's because they can't open a jar.

It doesn't mean they're not clock and everything that's going on. All right. Jake, what do we got? What's the injury report, Jake? What's who's in? Who's out? What's up? Well, we'll start with the Rams playing your Giants on Monday night.

They're going to have Aaron Donald back. But unfortunately, there will be no Miles Garrett. He's going to be out for at least a month. We saw he didn't look so good in Australia. That's because he had a knee injury. So he had surgery for it. He's going to be out for a while. And then opening night, we saw Sam Darnold and A.J. Brown both go down.

Pretty brutal. AJ Brown's going to be out a month as well. Yeah, Sam Darnold, he had a hip injury, but it's a lot less serious than people thought. So he's going to be out this week, but he should be back soon. Did he come back in that game? I only saw the first half of the pets. No, he came out in the first quarter, and then he didn't come back in. Oh, by the way, my apologies to the Seattle Seahawks fan lines.

I'm like, who's playing quarterback for them? The guy I've won the Super Bowl last year, which really was a statement on how thorough wire-to-wire that ass-kicking ones. I can't even remember the game. It was fantastic. Dude, Paul, the helmet catch killed me. The fucking off the back foot and the double coverage. That killed me.

The Eagles won when we lost to them was weird because it was. no punting. I didn't even to look like a fucking... No, that was a John Madden video game. Yeah, it was a video game. But like the Seattle one that we lost to them was just like, I think Seattle fans, no, too. You'd rather just get the shit kicked

out of you than lose on beast mode at the end of the helmet catch. So last year's ass kicking of my team was so fucking thorough. There was no point where I was like, huh? Come on, we got to do this. When they came out in the second half and it was more the same. I was just like,

all right, you've got three cigars, Paul. Oof. It was a rough one. So congratulations to them. I totally disrespect them. I didn't even remember. Didn't even remember. It wasn't very memorable. No, but it's funny that you said that. One of the shittiest Super Bowls as far as, I mean, it was total

domination, but as far as like, I'm trying to think of, unless you were a Seahawks fan, there wasn't much really exciting. It was like they just kicked the shit out of us. Yeah, my son and all his friends were over. They were talking about football and they were just like, was that the most non-memorable Super Bowl?

And I don't remember, it's funny you said. I don't remember many plays from it. I was going to say you named three. We never got going, Paul. No. Like, it was, you know, you have the first drive and people have the yips. They're a little nervous. That was the whole game.

We could never. I mean, I don't know. Maybe we could have gone into the hurry up. I have no idea. But it was just. I don't know. I'm still waiting for the stat. There's no way.

There's never been another team that had that many fucking turnovers who made it to a Super Bowl. There's no way. There's no way. We played the Texans. We had like five and they had six. I remember that game. Yeah, it was insane. Anyway, let's let's, but my,

I just wanted to apologize to Seattle, Seahawks. Congratulations. Yeah, they look good again this year for sure. Dude, their offensive line is super healthy. Yeah. Their defense is insane, though. They might have the best defense in the league, at least after week one. All right.

Well, listen, if they got anything like they had last year in the Super Bowl, I would not argue that. For sure. Well, it's kind of it for the injuries. There's one that popped up today with Nico Collins as a hamstring injury, so he's likely out. This is the Texans star receiver. And then Kyler Murray had a concussion.

So we don't know if he's going to be out there for this week's gaming as the Bears. So those are kind of the bigger injuries, but pretty healthy so far. So hopefully we can keep it that way. People are giving Kyler Murray's shit that he gets hurt all the time. It's like, how about because he has the whole offense on his fucking back, every place he goes? Yeah, I'm excited to see him in Minnesota.

He'll have a good team out there. But we'll let's see when he comes up. At some point, you get too old to run in the NFL. Yeah, it was a dirty hit for sure that got him the concussion. Not much you could do there. anything else. Bill, this is in... He didn't fly feet first.

He kind of went down sideways. He was already down and someone just came in, boom. When I was growing up, that was called football. All right. Let's, uh... So this is week two. So, Bill, you have... Yes, you have first picked this week because it's a...

All right, Paul. Well, I know one of the games you're without a doubt taking, and I would take it too, and I'm going to stay away from it. Which way? I assume Giants Rams was the Thursday night game because it's at the top of the list. It's Monday night. It's Monday night. Which one is the Thursday game?

Lions Bills is tonight. Tonight. Lions Bills is tonight. Really? Five and a half. Paul, can I ask you a question? Why do they always pick the perfect number? And I have to be honest with you, I didn't watch anything from last week.

So I don't even know if the Steelers won last week playing my Patriots. if they didn't. I don't know who's shot. I don't know who's not. I'm going to do this. I'm just going to come right out of the gate. I'm going to take a favorite. Oh, did we say that Darnold's coming back? He's all right? Donald will be out this week. Oh, who do they got? No, tell me. I know. The Jackson Dart. No, he's on the Giants. Who do they got? They got Drew Locke.

He's true. I know it was one of those names. Drew, Jackson, the list of him. Um, oh, fuck you. Fuck that game then. Um, I'm just going to go with the straight up favorite. I'll take the chiefs laying six and a half at home. Um, I think they're going to be back. And I think the NFL is going to be excited that they're back. And we're going to have to deal with that.

I mean, it's like wicked meets a fucking football team. I mean, the whole thing, the lack of calls, the way Mahomes runs, the romances, like, why do I know these people's wives? It's so true. I don't give a shit. It takes away from what they're doing. Like, you remember that period when Tom first was going out with Giselle and they would photograph him in Brooklyn wearing hugs? It was like, what the, I thought that was the end of us. The Tony Romo, Jessica Simpson one was worse to me.

That was bad. They would pay for every play. It was like, who cares? That was bad. Yeah. And Tony never gave any sort of indication that that was a serious relationship. I like seeing Taylor Swift at the games because she's looking at the camera and she's going, stop coming. Did you see what she did?

She goes, don't look at me. Stop doing that. It's fucking awesome. I was like, I'd rather see that. Well, we could have used that 40 games. Oh, I'm not blaming her. Yeah, yeah. It's the NFI's the Swifties.

It's the Swifties. All right, guys. Did they get sued by that Mock Company? Who? Swifter. Does Swifter got a case there? The Swifter. Oh, no, it's Swiffer.

Swiffer. Oh, they get the T in there that saves them. They saved it, yeah. Look, I'll be honest with you. I know it's going to sound like I'm a homer. I know blah, blah, blah, but I was telling Bill, and I was at the Giants game. I brought my family down there,

I actually saw competent, clean football for the first time. My son just goes, have they ever played a game that good? They just, no dumb penalties. Jackson Dart looked way more mature than a second year quarterback, and they're getting seven and a half. If it was seven, everyone thinks the Rams are going to kick the shit out of them on Monday. Why? Explain to me why.

Because they had that embarrassing game. Because they're the favorite for the Super Bowl, Bill. That's why. Because everybody said it and they got to keep it. All right, time out. Why are they the favorite after the season they had last year? Because they got Miles Garrett, they got Aaron Donald came out of retirement, everybody's saying the defense.

Matthew Stafford's still one of the best. They like the coach. And they just said that that team is going to steamroll. What's the line for betting against them making this, even getting to the Super Bowl? Yeah, you could do that. You probably make the Seattle Seahawks are not the favorite. Wow, okay. Not even under the band.

How the 49ers looking this year? 49ers are good. They look at week one. Oh, they kicked the shit out of the Rams. That's right. All right. Yeah. So back to my pick here.

I think the .5, I think the . 7.5. Giants will, that means that they should be in the game late. I just like what I saw. I'm going to take the Giants getting seven and a half on the road in a game. Everybody says they're going to get the shit kicked out of them, which I always like. So I got my giant.

I'm going to jump in and say that's one of my picks as well. Nice. I love the Giants both seven and a half. They kind of, well, that game against Cowboys pretty comfortably, in my opinion. The penalty's kind of kept the Cowboys in on a pass interference, calls on Lamb, but I love the Giants look really good on both sides. The thing that I never, the thing that I don't think I've ever saw before and some of the guys were talking about, the Cowboys only had the ball two times in a second half, which is pretty fucking nuts. That's insane. Yeah.

All the whole time? They've only had the ball two possessions in the second half, which I don't think I've ever seen. So I don't know. So what were you guys doing? Like 10-minute drives? Were you just running to the left and the right? He was just, yeah, he was like, he was just like it was like methodical, like run, run.

Like, you know. Dude, if they can, I mean, look, the Rams are not the ram. Who the fuck did you guys play last week? The Cowboys. Yeah, the Rams are not the Cowboys. But like, if you can somehow establish a run game, Paul. You got seven and a half points. I mean.

Got to take it. I know. Well, can I get any credit? Because I wanted that game, but just out of respect. It's an unwritten group, Paul. It was out of respect. Listen, I appreciate it. You know who would have done something like that?

Bet MGM would have taken that ball and gone home. That's what they would have done. Well, if I ever see a Patriots game I like, I go, ha, he just give it up to the fan first. Listen, we have respect on this show. That's the difference. That is the difference, Paul. I'm glad you called that out. 49ers laying 13 and a half against the dolphins.

Jesus Christ. That's a lot of goddamn points. I'm going to stay away from that game. And I think I'm going to take the Falcons at home just because they're getting points. It's a division rivalry. I like the half a point. I don't know shit. I'm doing what I say.

I never do. I stay out of the NFC South. I cannot pick a game. The Falcons, the Panthers, the Buccaneers, the Saints. I mean, who are these people? So every year. That's a whole other world down there, Paul. It is.

And you know what? I'm fucking, look at me. I'm taking the fucking Chiefs going with the Swifties and the dirty birds, Paul. Oh, all right. I like it. Well, you know what, Bill? I am going to take the 49ers laying the 13 and a half. I looked at that game, and I was like, I just, the, you know, it's such.

your rebuild year for the dolphins. They're young, and I just think that the 49ers are going to be a big, I think they're going to steamroll them. I see this being like a 24-point win. I'm going to take them. Paul, that's old school bloodbath. Paul Bloodbath, Bursey. It's going to be a bloodbath. It's going to be a bloodbath. Bring the tarps because that's going to be splatter everywhere. You got to look like the beginning of a Law and Order episode. Did you guys see that Lane Kiffin is going back to Old Miss on Saturday? I didn't realize the game was so soon. What a crazy man.

What do you mean he's going back? Well, he's coaching. Sorry, LSU's playing Ole Miss at Mississippi. Didn't they call him a whore when he left? Dude, he said he loves being the villain. Dude, he just, that guy just loves bad press. No, he doesn't. He's just, he's doing damage control.

When that guy called him a whore, he got mad. He didn't laugh. He got pissed. Who called him a whore? Who called him a whore or someone. He left Old Miss. This is a fucking thing, too, though. Those Old Miss fans got a lot of fucking nerve. Okay? What they don't have a lot of in Mississippi,

unfortunately, is books. Like, they're the one state the North never let up off the fucking mat after Civil War, because we were fucking terrible to them. After Sherman's marching, all of that, we were fucking terrible with them. And what they don't understand what they don't understand, with their lack of books down there is like if you get in business with lane kiffin it's like

dating a stripper okay now jake i don't need to tell you this okay you learned these lessons a long time ago when you were like 15 or 16 when i first when you were first building your grotto um you can't get mad like that was like uh who would have like like a free agent like that that that fucking guy would stare down the pitches for the yankees then he goes to the met's and you guys got all butt hurt it's like if you got a bouncing around the league. It's a fucking whore. It's a stripper.

You don't fall in love with him. Your baseball player there. He would do the big macho stare and then the next year you guys offered a bunch of money. You knew, LSU knew, I mean, Ole Miss knew who he was. And you let him off the hook. Let him off the hook.

You don't bring Lane Kiffin home and introduce him to your mom. Exactly. All right? This is a weekend relationship. I got one for you guys. You're ready? Lane Kiffin and Pete Carroll come over your house.

They both ring the doorbell. Hey, nobody's home. Nobody's home. Nobody's home. And then you imagine those two going, no, come out with us. Come out, go, come out, still be a good time. You start making flyers,

and you start putting them up on the telephone poles to warn your neighbors. Pete Carroll's going, no, come out. We're going to have a good time. Link is it can be a good time. Gray. Come on. It's like, ah. John Caliperi's out there beeping the horn. No, but I don't, you think Caliperies, I don't think Calipari's like those two. Do you? He's a team like that, but he's been to the guy. I mean, Bobby Knight called him out to it.

He goes, I don't get this guy. Every place he goes, he builds up the program and then he leaves and they're on, they're on suspension. Yeah. Well, he's buying players, but he's not, he only has been on a few teams now. Maybe, well, I guess four. We're up to four and a house kind of a lot. Okay. Hey, hey, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. His name ends in a vowel all of a sudden. No, maybe, listen, maybe I'm a little biased. No, no, no, no, I get it, Paul. He's Italian. Maybe I'm a little bias. You know, I give a pass. I can't, you know, you're right.

All right. You're right. Boy, that's some poker table. Cala Perry, Pete Carroll, and Lane Kiffinffin at that table. Hey, do you know the dealer? Fucking holding your cards like this. Hey, I don't know for the next table. Because he's just so open going,

hey, you're going to be here for one year. You're going to buy your mom an alley. He's been doing that forever. Uh, but you know what? The thing with Pete Carroll that's different is he did it with a smile like Bill Clinton. Lane Kiffin doesn't smile. Pete Carroll does the head. How you do?

Oh, Lane Kiffin is like the corrupt sheriff in one of those revenge Southern movies. Yes. Car movies I used to watch in the 70s. Yep. All right. Let's get back to the, let's get, I've just been stalling because I have no idea what I'm going to pick next. I don't know, Paul. The jet's going to come back down to earth me.

That's what the fuck happens every goddamn year. I know the Packers have some injuries. Mike is out, right? Who they got to? quarterback. Jordan Love. Lynn Dickie. Oh, Jordan Love?

Yeah, he's going to come in there. They're going to beat him. I like that. I'll take the Packers. Go in there as Jet fans in the New York Post will start saying Super Bowl. That's going to get knocked right now.

I was thinking of the Packers that I wasn't going to, that's a great pick. I like it. I hate all of my picks. I think the Chiefs are going to kick the shit out of them. I do too. I do too.

That's a good pick. Bill, real quick, I like the Packers, too. So Andrew can add me there because I think they're going to, I think people are overreacting. So the Packers are having a bad loss against the Vikings. They gave up 29 straight points. And the Jets won, but they played the Titans who stinks. So I think people are, this is an overreaction line. I like the Packers here.

Okay. I am taking from my third pick. I am going to take the Houston Texans, minus two and a half against Joe Burrow and the Bengals. and the only reason is it was such a shootout and a fight against the bills, and it slipped away at the end, and the Texans are home. I think the defense is going to bounce back. I don't like the Nico Collins thing,

but I do like that it's under a field goal. So I'll take the Texans to win by three at home after a devastating loss. All right. And then for my final pick, I'm going to take the Chicago Bears at home. Oh, it's nice. Minus four and a half. I hate four. I would have loved three and a half, but I'm going to do it.

And I believe in the Bears. I think that they're going to build off of what they had last year. The Vikings. I don't know. They had a nice, what are they going to fucking, they're going to win two divisional rivalry games, two weeks in a row pole? That's not how it works. You have it flow.

You haven't flow alike. You know, you get along with your wife, and then all of a sudden you say the wrong thing. Now you're not. And then next scene, you guys are watching a movie at night. This guy's looking this way. That dog's going that way, and the skis. What do you want for me?

There you go. There's my pick. All right. My fourth and final pick was a tough decision, but they looked so good, and the other team looked so bad. I'm going to take the Jacksonville Jaguars. I knew it. Getting two and a half points. I think the Broncos are in trouble.

I think the Broncos don't look that good. I know that they might bounce back, but the Jags are good. And they're getting points. riding the Jags since the 2000. Like, you were literally, you were a Jagger. You know, you know what happened? Your coach went down there. No, you know what?

We played golf in Vegas at Summit. Trevor Lawrence walked in there. He got in a car. He waved. He seemed like a nice kid. I was like, you know what? I like this guy. Bill, you know me.

I'm a sweetheart. You know, I see a sweetheart. I got a soft spot. I hear you. You know, we had a good time and we shot those guns down in Jacksonville, right? He shot those guns. We ate a little.

gator. We had a little gator. Dude, I didn't like... Chicken tastes like chicken. Chicken tastes like chicken. Everything else tastes weird. Dude, that tastes like fucking reptile, dude. It tastes like reptile.

And not even a real one. It tastes like you cooked a kid's toy, like a rubber one. I did not like it. But yeah, I just like the Jags. And I think that the Broncos look bad, man. All right. First of all, it's weak, too. Everybody relax.

I know. But there's a reason to spread. It's a big game. Yeah, but it's only two and a half ball. Yeah. You know, it's fucking weird. Football is weird. It is.

It is only week two. We got to see. Who knows? We could be wrong. But our show's good. We're good. We're good. Three and one.

We both go three and one. We're both talking shit. That's why Ben MGM left us. They're afraid. They don't want this. You know, We were promoting our site and we made a bunch of money. So do we, are we going to do a, are we going to do a Giants Monday night special here?

What's going on? We got seven and a half points to play with. Yeah, I just feel like, oh, man, you know, the Rams are going to come out and they're going to be fired up in front of their own fans to not, you know, to make up for what happened in Australia. you, but I just think, you know, it comes down to coaching and the game plan. I mean, it's essentially the same players you had last year. By the way, Andrew, how did we do on Monday night? How do we do Monday night special, Andrew, on the last one? I know we had the under.

What happened there? Did we take Denver? Yeah, took Denver, the under, and it was Bo Nix to throw one? To throw one. Yeah, Jake, we hit that, right? We would have hit that. Well, Denver lost, so. Oh, we took Denver. That's right. Yeah, they lost.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you sure? Okay. I know we took the under. Yeah, what was the final score? It's 31.10? Yeah, so we got that by... So we got the under? Ah, fuck.

We get the under and we are right. That's how they keep the lights on and the air conditioning on. Lights on, air conditions on. The doors are open. You're in the middle of a fucking desert, Paul. I tell you what I think is going to happen Monday I think Jackson Dart it did not happen week one and I thought it was Thursday. What's that? What's that?

That's Thursday. You're talking Giants. No, no, no, no. You got it. The Giants is Monday. You got it. It's too high. Oh, shit. Yeah. That was the way they listed on that. I think Jackson Dart's going to run one in because I just, he didn't last time. I think they're going to blitz him and I think he's going to run one in. I'm very confident in that. I like that. I like it. I like it.

And we're going to throw in the giant spread in there just because it's so many points. I mean, I like it. I like the Giants getting seven and a half. I mean, I know what I saw. I know what I saw. I mean, I saw, like Bill says, I saw company coach. I've seen one bit back. He's a hall of favor.

48 and a half is the over under. Ah, let's let's, let's under. Under. You guys, you got Bill and Andrew can't. handle it under. I mean, it's like me with a favorite when I was younger. Monday nights, you got a, you got to look at that. They both got great defense. What the

fuck are we doing here? All right. They're going to go out there and start lighting it up. Jackson, Darts, going to come out and just fucking light it up. And then Sam, what's his face? Samarrell. Who the fuck's that quarterback? You're thinking of Sam. Who is your boy, Bill? What was his name?

You wore khakis. He went to Oklahoma. You didn't have to throw khakis in there. The school makes him wear that. Wait, what was his name? Eli wore khakis. Come on. Sam Bradford. Sam Bradford. God, we're Sammy Bradford these days. I know. All right. Jared Goff left and then

what's his face came in, man. I got a brush up. I don't know. Oh, Maddie. Maddie! Come on, Paul Grizzled Betts. Dude, you know what's nuts? That Vince Young Doc, which we talked about, I had Norrie Davis on my podcast and he goes, you know, Vince Young's like 42.

Dude, these guys are done it. Like, we saw a steakhouse, Bill. We saw Vince Young's steakhouse, and I'm thinking he probably had that at like 36. These guys are young, man. Dude, how about Jeff Fisher, man? That guy, he was still, ah, you know? He was just like, he was not having it.

Who? Jeff Fisher. Oh, no, fuck that guy. Fuck that guy. Well, I mean, there's also the edit in this music, but they did not make him look like, they just made him look like he was hold up just still holding a grudge like he thinks about it every day. It's like, I think this guy, I think everybody's kind of moved on, but he definitely, uh,

he didn't read the letter that the guy wrote him. And he was like you said, Bill. He just misspelled his name. He wanted, yeah, he wanted Jay Cutler and Jay Cutler wasn't there. You think he spelt it G-E-O-F-F, G-F, instead of Jeff? I don't know. I think he probably messed up the letter. He spells it with the C, not like the fish.

My guess is he said Coach Fisher and spelled Fisher wrong. That would be my guess. He probably spelled it like the fish, right? Yeah, he probably said Coach Fisher. Christ, what the fuck do you want from him? How about, but what about this one? This was a crazy exit. Was Andrew Luck in his prime?

In his fucking prime just goes. Oh, hey, let's stop for a second. Is they're now examining what the Patriots put on the fucking scoreboard when people are kicking field goals? Does everybody remember how the Colts got that quarterback, Andrew Luck? Do you remember? They tanked the whole fucking season. And they're like, oh, I can play.

They're like, no, you're good. You're good. And then what were there? The band base played shit football. Yeah, they win like five games to get them, some shit like that. When they threw them, they threw the games. The dirtiest, that's why they were doing this. It's like these rich white people going, oh, illegal immigrants.

It's like, no, motherfucker, it's you. That's the Colts in the NFL. The Patriots doing this. You're doing that. Your owner is a fucking drug addict with a dead mistress who sits on the competition committee and makes how we play illegal and then steals our offense.

Tank for fucking half a season to get Andrew Luck. I will never shut the fuck up about those cunts. I don't care who's dead or who's alive. Fuck them. Fuck them. Anyway, Andrew Luck was young. When he left. He was smart.

And he was also went to Stanford. He's like a doctor. He was real smart, Paul, not AI smart. People are forgetting that it stands for artificial. Artificial means fake. Fake smart. There's a fake smartphone. Artificial intelligence.

It's like artificial flavoring in your fucking favorite candy. It is. It's yellow number five. All right, so for the Monday night special, we are going to take Jackson Dart to run one in. We're going to take the Giants getting seven and a half, and we are going to take under 48.5, Andrew? 48 and a half, yeah.

Under 48.5. For some reason, the anything better show, we just can't lay off an under, but we've hit it a couple times. Let's go over. No, no, no, it's too much. No, no, Paul. You know what?

You know what? you wanted to take your giants you wanted to bet that fucking game what about scataboo running the monday night game i'm fucking with you okay we'll go under we'll stick to it because then if god forbid we change it at the end and lost let's just

stick to it under 48 am me andrew lose and then we got to fucking you know you're going to be laying into us come up no i don't like me about the under i feel great about the under listen and i feel great about dart running one in so we both feel great everything's going to be great Hey, the great Gatsby, he was great.

You can see me after class, Mr. Mellon. What movie? Back to school. Yeah, yeah. So under 48 and a half, dart running one. And what was the other one? Just the Giants straight up? Giant plus seven and a half, yeah.

Giants plus seven and a half. I don't know, dude. I took the Niners, I took the Niners laying 13 and a half. Oof. I just looked at that. But you made up for it by taking a big dog at seven and a half. Yeah. Yeah.

When was the last time fucking Harbaugh was a seven-a-half? He's going to take that personal. How dare they? I like that. That's even at all the locker room. Doesn't he think you belong in the same building? Did you see his... I'm going to take the 49ers with you.

Did you see how Harbaugh brought his dad? He brought his dad and his mom and his dad is like old and his dad just was in the locker room and his dad goes, can I say something if I might? That's how he said it. He goes, can I say something? He goes, can I say something? something if I might and you just see his son John just with a huge smile and all the

giant just like then he goes who's got it better than us and they all just go nobody and they all start clapping that's fucking awesome how great is that dude it's that's so great um what yeah I don't know sorry I hate to bring up a harbaugh when your when your team lost Jake but you're going to be fine I love Justin Herbert you got to be fine yeah and I like Jim harbaugh too ugly loss so We just got to bounce back, hopefully. You got it out of the way. Yep.

It didn't look good. I don't have. There's nothing to defend. That's a bad one. Hopefully. Hopefully the season's not over. And our schedule gets great hard. Listen,

last thing I'll say, I know we got to go. These guys got to stop. And I'm not even trying to be funny here. These guys and coaches got to stop having their girlfriends and wives show up to fucking practice and camps and all that shit sitting there smiling. It's just like, I saw one of the Giants girlfriend. She's like, I just came to bother him for 10 minutes.

It's like, dude, get the fuck. Get in the Range Rover I bought you and fucking go to Macy's or wherever the fuck you go. Macy's. I don't know. The person that came to my mind. They got a variety there. Dude, everybody comes in Macy. That's like just right up for Bradley's.

Like, wait a minute. Paul, that would be you, you cheap fuck. You'd be starting for the Giants. Hey, sweetheart. Here's a couple of bucks. Why don't you go to Macy's? Hey, dude, Macy's got a great Ralph Lorence section. I'm a Ralph Lernerce.

friend guy. I thought you were starting, Paul. That's hilarious. Yeah, I should say say Gucci or something. This is the first thing that came to my mind. And you know, you're off there. You got Sacks there. You got Fifth Avenue, right there. You know what's you're getting that fucking Roseroys and get to Target? Get to Target.

What are you going to go all the way in the cities for? They got a Macy's right down from the Meadowlands. It's right there. But is there at T. J. Max, next to your favorite frozen yogurt place? All right. All the high level. things they don't sell they put them in Bradley's I don't know what is Bradley's

it's like it's like it's like a marshals if it's gone it was a Northeast yeah it was a Northeast thing Bradley's and Caldores oh Caldores is old right this watch how you talk about Caldores Caldores had some stuff in that it was right next to Child World that was Caldores was like fucking Target before remember Sears you guys remember Sears of course can I tell you I went to I was back east and I was I went to the Fesson Lane Mall in Nashville, New Hampshire, you know, the local mall there right over the line, no sales tax. And the Sears, I was like, if this doesn't represent everything, the Sears is now, what

is the Sears that? The Sears that's sold American-made products, supported jobs, you could work there, you could go in, you could take the family to Sears, right? You get your car fixed. Right now, right? They had the automotive section. Right now where that Sears was, it is a casino. No.

It's called the Nash. It's a national... It's called the Nash. So no longer do we have a place where you can buy, you know, a hammer made, you know, two cities over. Nope. You can go and you can play Blackjack.

And I'm just like, oh, my God. It was so sad. The Nash. Yeah, they had a big fears out here that they closed down, knocked the fucking thing down, built these luxury high-rise apartment. Nobody can afford.

them, it's fucking, they're just laundering money. What about, you guys remember, you guys remember service merchandise? Did you guys have that? Service merchandise was a good one too. Here's one that should have gone national, never did. I always bring them up, Leachmare. Oh, Leachmare, dude. Leachmere was the shit, dude. You could buy like a fucking six stereo,

a leather porno couch, CDs, a washing machine, whatever the fuck you need to do. They went from like TVs and music to stereos, to refrigerators. They fucking had, it was the one store like your parents would bring you, and everybody just broke off. You know, we'll meet back here at the information desk. That's how you did.

I bought all my CDs at Leachmere before they opened Newberry Comics. They do, they fucking had everything. They literally fucking sold everything. Like, you ever robbed the Leachmere? You could have a 30,000 square foot house, and you would totally furnish it. And everybody in their department, was like knew exactly what was going on with their department.

Like they knew these guys could like build. That's my bad times at Richmond High was so cool because that dude who knocks the chick up, the guy from the stereo department, that's exactly how they were. They had like leather jackets, they had cologne. They fucking were cool. And the whole fucking vibe was you get this stereo. All of a sudden, tens are going to hear it from down the street

and come into your fucking living room. I bought G3, which is Joe Satriani, Steve Vine, and Eric Johnson. I bought the album. And I remember the salesman goes, oh, yeah, stew ham on base. And I was just like, this guy knows who's on base. And I like, I'll never forget that Stu Ham played bass for Steve By on that. It's like insane stuff.

Yeah, it's Stu Ham. And then he goes, you know, you get. Way back. Way back. Mammoth Mart. Mammoth Mart. No, nobody. No.

Their mascot was a baby mammoth. A pretty historic elephant, whatever you want to fucking call, because the store was so big. That was the thing, and they went with like alliteration. And I think that they got bought out by like marshals. Who did I find out? That's actually a really, like a weird rabbit hole to go down to find out who bought out who. Like I remember I found out like I was the Howard Johnson Motor Lodges were bought out by the Western Corporation. Like the Western Inn, if you stay there, they're the ones that bought it.

Dude, that I'd miss that America. that was right at the end where you came up with the wood paneled fucking station wagon and a pipe your two and a half kids in a dog and you went into the motor lodge you checked in and then you went over to the

kids went to the pool and then you and your wife got fucking shit-faced meeting other shit-faced parents in the restaurant all in one spot and then you packed the family in the car all hammered at night with no drink driving laws and went home

no seat belts kids hanging out the back tailgate that was it yeah all metal cars that could just brutal dude yeah all that metal just came like right India it's weird though like the cars today

they weigh just as much even though they're plastic pieces of shit but like dude all you had back then was the power train you had your brakes do remember you would open the hood you could see the driveway any car you got now it's it's like a fucking subway car in Japan it's all jam packed with

GPS, everything has AC, power steering, power brakes, sensors, the shit that's got to listen to you. I saw a great meme. It was like, uh, this car has like all these features and functions and then it cut to like an old old, like an early 90s wood panel station wagon and said, this car has three cigarette lighters. Hey, Bill, I saw a house that, and I say this with all due respect, it made me think of you because I saw the inside the living room. And when you talk about if it goes another way, if you don't like get married and have kids,

like what you end up as, and I, dude, I don't know if I could share this. It's not going to let me. What is it? It was just a house, dude, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, living room in this place. I got to give this a shot here for a second, but yeah, it was

let's see. The anticipations killing me, Andrew. Does he give us wood panel? What do we got going on here? Oh, yes, it worked. Dude, look at this house. Jesus. Dude, this is the outside. It's on the water in Beverly Mass.

Oh, now, now the water. Water goes a long way. Yeah. My wife loves a Victorian. Look. Dude, look. That's a Victorian? Well, I mean, Bill, can you the cigarette? Wait, wait, back up for a second.

Is that a Victorian? That's a Victorian, right? I don't know that you'd call that a Victorian. That's a nice house. It looks great at that, that's a watch. You can fish right off the fucking... Dude, the amount of cigarettes and TV, it looks like Cliff Booth lives here.

Look at this. Old school house. That is old school. Oh, look at that kitchen floor, dude. Holy shit. Luke, great fucking reference. Dude, that's a little bit. fucking...

Oh, you know what? That is, Paul. That is linoleum. Dude, that, yeah. I don't know why that brings back bad memories. I want you to find that on your periodical chart. Linoleum. Fuck you, man.

That's a great house. That is a great fucking house. I love that. It's not a bad. No, it just needs updates. If that house had updates, it's incredible. I like that carpet. I like that carpet.

It feels good on your feet when you wake up, and if you fill something, you don't even know. I mean, I don't know. It does look like it could. This house has been on the market, Bill, this house has been on the market for like four months. It hasn't bunched. And I, every time I look at Beverly Matches' time I was just checking real estate, just curious. And every time I see this, dude, I think, Paul, I think of you saying, like, if you didn't get married and you just ended up there.

Look at the fun room, dude. I wouldn't change the fucking thing. Can I get the furniture with it? Bill, what are they asking? Andrew, what are they asking? Studio. What are they asking for? $5.95.

Wow. Three bedroom. What a, how big, is that a pond? Or is that, what is that on? That's the ocean, dude. That's the ocean. That's the inlet. Oh, I wouldn't buy anything on the fucking ocean, dude.

Those things are all going to be underwater in 10 years. Yeah, a lot of rich people buying the ocean. And these fucking rich cons are going like, ah, there's nothing to worry about, nothing to worry about it. They go to high ground. Yeah, here in LA, there's like all those coastline erosion going on. It's pretty crazy. I think that is a Victorian.

Yeah. Yeah. Jeez. Just sitting in that, just all the smoke in the ceiling. Peace. Oh, dude, check this out. Going back to cars, somebody was talking about the safety of Volvo. They said that Volvo puts the engine in backwards,

so when you hit it, the engine falls and doesn't go through people. I thought that was pretty fucking interesting. Well, back in the day, yeah, it used to go right through the firewall, and then the steering wheel would impale you. And they would have to pull you out of the trunk. Jesus. Well, that's what everybody's, oh, those old fucking cars, man, you know, you could run into a wall and nothing happened.

It's like, yeah, and then you took the hit. Like the car went like that, and your fucking brain just went, whacked, whack, wow. Guys, I got to run. My little girl's trying to call me. I got to call my daughter back. That's it, guys. That's the show.

What else do we have? Hey, we sell that house. We should get a fucking commission. no, based that That's true Or we should all buy it Have it to be anything better Beach house

And we'll do a month of broadcasting From that porch You could film a fucking Cohen brother movie in that living room Oh, real quick New York Comedy Festival November 6th I'm headlining Get tickets, Paul Bursey.com

Oh, and I'll be in New Orleans New Orleans Saturday and then Arizona for the fastball comedy festival in October. yeah, I'm doing a baseball stadium with Tom Seagora, Dave Chappelle, and Rachel Feinstein. October 17. That'll be fun. I'm going to Jane. I'm going to Janesville, Wisconsin.

Jamesville, Wisconsin on the 9th and 10th of October, I've never been to Janesville. And Buffalo, one of my favorite places, Buffalo, Elium on the 11th, Buffalo, Buffalo, Buffalo. All right. Buffalo, got it. All right, guys. We'll see you next week. Gamble responsibly. Don't be stupid. Yep, see you guys next week. Take care. Thanks, guys.