anything goes with emma chamberlain - a series of unfortunate events

Episode Date: April 14, 2022

y’all i’ve been going through it the past two months. you know when everything that can go wrong, does? that’s literally been my life. some of the things that have been happening to me are just so ridiculous i had to share them with you guys. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, my voice is so raspy right now and I'm obsessed with it. If it was up to me, my voice would be raspy all the time. Because I feel like when my voice is raspy, everybody likes me 10 times more. Everybody suddenly wants to hang out. Everybody suddenly wants to have a two hour conversation with me. It's like people like me in my normal state, but people love me when my voice is raspy. And I don't know.

I need to start screaming into my pillow for an hour every morning so that my voice is always raspy because I love it. Anyway, the last like two months for me have been filled with bad luck. I have had the worst luck for the past two months. It feels like the last two months have just been unfortunate event after unfortunate event, after unfortunate event. Like it's just non-stop this month. And I was sitting down trying to figure out

what I was going to talk about today. And I was like, well, maybe I could share some of my recent unfortunate events. And so I started writing a list. And the list of unfortunate events that have happened to me over the past two months is so long that I thought it would be a disservice to myself if I didn't make a whole episode about it because there's just so much. And it's not just like little unfortunate

events. These are like bad. Like some of these things are really bad. And like they might never even happen to me again. But for whatever reason, these things all happened within the same two month period. And so today I'm gonna be telling you all those stories. The stories of my recent unfortunate events over the past two months. Let's start with possibly the worst one. It was around 11 in the morning and I arrive in Paris, France, for the Louis Vuitton fashion show.

And I check into my hotel room and I was actually staying with somebody else. So I was not alone in this hotel room. So me and this person check into our hotel and immediately I lay down in bed and the person I was staying with goes to take a shower. And so I'm laying in bed, I'm on my iPad,

doing stupid shit on my iPad. Who knows what I was doing? And I started to feel my stomach hurt. And I was like, why does my stomach hurt? Like, come on. Well, then again, my stomach kind of always hurts. So this wasn't too much of a shock, but my stomach was like really hurting.

Like it wasn't feeling good. And I have IBS, as most people do, honestly. Most people I know have IBS of some sort, which is when you have a very sensitive stomach. It's a little bit more complicated than that, but in simple terms, IBS is just having a very sensitive stomach. Anyway, I have IBS. I'm used to having stomach pain,

but this stomach pain was a little bit worse than normal. I ignore it, I'm like, whatever. I keep going on my iPad. All of a sudden I felt that I needed to fart. And I'm staying in a hotel room with somebody else. So normally I would hold my fart in. Just because I don't want to fart in a hotel room when I'm staying with somebody else and stink up the whole place.

I don't want to do that. But this was a unique situation because the person that I was staying in the hotel room with was in the shower. So I was free to fart all that I wanted until they got out of the shower. So you know what I did? I fucking farted. I farted.

I farted it right up in bed. I tuted in bed. And when I tuted, it was a little bit more powerful than usual. You know, it was a little bit more intense than usual. It had a lot of force, it had a lot of power. And I wasn't expecting that. And so after I farted, I stopped going on my iPad for a second.

I put my iPad down. And I was like, I don't know if that was just a fart. That felt like more than just a fart. You know, that felt like... That felt more like a shard to me. And so I lay there for a second and I brace myself for what I might find when I stand up and look in my pants.

But I gained some courage. I stood up. I pulled down my pants and lo and behold, I fucking shit myself a little bit. I was like, you know, way, no fucking way. I just pooped myself as a 20 year old woman. What do I do? Like, what do I do? So I saw it for a second and I'm like, okay, the person who I'm sharing the

total room with is in the shower still. I know this person well, they're gonna be in the shower for a while. I have a little bit of time, but I need to figure this out quick. Now this is when the story starts to get a little bit disgusting, but I'm going to tell it anyway, because why not? I take my pants off and I'm like, what do I do?

So I use the pants that I'm wearing. And I clean myself up a little bit. I know, it's disgusting. And then I wrap up the pants to hide all of the, you know, shit. I can't believe this story is real. Okay, anyway, I wrap them up tightly and I put them in one of the little closets in the hotel room. Okay, that was step one. Then I put on new pair of jeans.

I was like, it's fine. I'm just gonna put on in a new pair of pants that are nice and clean. I'm all clean now. We're good. I just need to figure out how to dispose of this pair of pants that now has shit in them. That's the issue. So I'm thinking for a minute and I'm like, okay, you know what I could do? I could go down into the hotel lobby and I could throw them out into a trash can in the hotel lobby. I know it's disgusting, but I was desperate at this point. And the person who I was sharing the hotel room with was still in the shower, so I couldn't go handle the situation in the bathroom. I had to handle it without access to a bathroom.

And so I go back into the closet, I take the dirty pants, and as I'm turning to leave the hotel room to go down to the lobby to throw these out, I look at the bed and there's a ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff And I'm sharing this room with someone else. Like if it was just me, it would still be unfortunate. But you know, it's like, okay, I have time to handle this. I'm alone, you know, nobody's here. Yes, this is mortifying.

Yes, this is terrible. But like, at least I am on my own and I can handle this on my own. But no, I got a shit stain on a bed that I'm going to be sharing with someone else. No. Luckily for me, the shower is still running. The person that I'm staying with is still in the shower.

At this point, it had been at least 15 minutes. I'm running out of time. So I just start stripping the bed. And unfortunately for me, I was under the covers when I started. So my shirt landed on the fitted sheet that goes around the mattress, which is like the hardest piece of linen to remove from a bed is the fitted sheet, the sheet that is wrapped around the mattress. That thing is so inconvenient to get off.

It takes at least five minutes to get that thing off, but I was like, you know what, I just got to get moving now. So I start throwing everything off the bed. I'm throwing the pillows across the room. I'm throwing the duvet cover in the duvet and everything off the bed as fast as I possibly can. So I can rip off this sheet, wrap it up tight

and shove it in the closet and at least hide it until I can figure out what I can do with it. I'm shaking at this point. My hands are shaking. I'm almost in tears. I'm almost in tears. I'm so freaked out. I get the fitted sheet off the bed. I'm almost in tears. I'm almost into, I'm so freaked out.

I get the fitted sheet off the bed. I wrap it up and I shove it in the corner of a closet in the hotel room. I was like, okay, I'm gonna handle this later. The first thing I need to do is I need to throw away this pair of pants, somewhere outside of my hotel room. So I take the dirty pants and I start walking around the hotel and I ask a woman who works at the hotel, I was like, where's her bathroom? And so she led me to a bathroom in the main area of the hotel. And I threw the pants away in the bathroom trash can. And then I go back to my room.

When I get back to my room, somehow the person that I was staying with was still in the shower. I was like, oh my God, how is this possible? I look over at the bed and the bed is just ripped apart. I mean, it is just ripped apart. Like, there's pillows everywhere. The bare mattress is just laying out. It looks a mess.

I sit down for a second, trying to figure out what I'm going to do. And all of a sudden I hear the shower turn off and I'm like, oh my god. Oh, like I need to come clean. I need to come clean. I need to tell this person what happened. I can't lie about it. I could lie about it, but I don't know. I just, I'm not a liar. Like I don't do well with lying. I'm not a liar. I don't do well with lying. I'm a very honest person, and I always feel guilty if I don't tell the full truth.

So I knock on the door of the bathroom. And the person who I'm staying with opens the door, and I'm like, can I be honest with you? And they were like, what's up? And I was like, I shit the bet. And they were like, oh my God. Oh no, like how? Emma, like how did that happen?

And I was like, I think it's because I ate the airport food last night. And like, you know, I have tummy issues. I don't know. And they were like, it's OK. It's OK. We'll figure it out. And I was like, OK don't know. And they were like, it's okay. It's okay, we'll figure it out. And I was like, okay, thank God.

So luckily, I didn't get heavily judged for this. I was honestly expecting a worse reaction, but I got a really nice reaction from the person I was staying with. And I was like, okay, you know what? That's at least better. At least, the reaction could have been worse. So I was feeling relieved about that.

But now I needed to figure out how I was going to dispose of this dirty sheet. So I think for a second, and I'm like, okay, here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna call the housekeeping, and I'm gonna ask them to come and replace the bedding, like the whole bed. I'm gonna have them to come and replace the bedding, like the whole bed. I'm gonna have them replace all of the bedding and then while they're walking out,

I'm going to ask if I can put this sheet into their dirty laundry hamper. Just throw it straight in there and I was like, that's the plan, that's what I have to do. And luckily, the she was all wrapped up. So like, you know, there was no gross stuff visible at all, you know? And so that's exactly what I did. I called housekeeping, they came in, they changed the bedding. Right at the end, right as they're walking out, I'm like, hey, can I throw something in your dirty hamper? Throw it in there? And everything was okay. And then I took the bottle of perfume that I brought with me on the trip. And I sprayed the bed, and I sprayed the areas of the closet that might have had my dirty pants touching it.

And I called it a day. And that's my story about shitting the bed in Paris while staying in a hotel room with somebody else. Now, that was like the first unfortunate event that happened to me, but definitely not the last. The next unfortunate event happened a little bit more recently. One night, I decided to park my car on the street instead of in my garage, because I'm a lazy girl, okay?

And I don't like pulling my car into a garage. Like I really would rather not. And so I decided to park my car on the street. Now I didn't think anything of it because I park on the street all the time. So I wasn't concerned about anything. I was just like, okay, I park my car on the street all the time. I'm too lazy to pull into my garage today.

I'm just going to park my car on the street like I do all the time. What could go wrong? You know, I've done this a thousand times. So I went into my home and I went to bed. The next morning, early in the morning, I come out of my home and I start walking towards my car. Now my car is probably 200 feet away from my front door, right? So it's a little bit of a walk.

So as I'm walking towards my car, I see something red on the floor, or I guess on the street next to my car. And I was like, what is that? And I start getting closer and I'm like, that looks like a shirt that I own. I was like, that looks like that one red turtle neck that I own. And I was like, what is going on? And so I get up closer. And I realized that is my shirt. That is my red turtle neck.

And I was like, oh my God, my car got robbed. My car got robbed. So I walk up to the back of my car, and I look at the back windshield of my car, and it's just smashed. The whole window is smashed. And I paused for a second and I was like, wait a minute, what was even in my car? Like I don't even think I had anything in my car. Like, what did they steal?

And then I remembered. I had a suitcase in my trunk. Basically I'm moving right now. So I'm in between two houses. I am living in a temporary rental house for a few months before I move into my permanent home. But I'm kind of in the process of moving my stuff into my permanent home.

And so I've been kind of bringing things over leisurely as I please suitcase by suitcase. And so I had a suitcase of clothes in my trunk that I was meaning to bring over to my new house. But I just left it in there because I was like, whatever, like, you know, I'm too lazy to bring it over right now, I'll bring it to bring it over right now. I'll bring it over when I get a chance.

It's probably going to be fine in my trunk, you know, whatever. Well, it wasn't fine in my trunk because now the whole suitcase got stolen. And then I was like, this all makes sense. That's why there's one of my shirts on the floor outside of my car. Apparently that shirt didn't fit in their criteria. They didn't like that shirt, apparently. I'm like, why did you guys take, whoever stole my shit, right?

They broke my whole back windshield on my car, got into my trunk, stole an entire suitcase, but then decided to leave one shirt. I was like, why? They might as well have just taken that shirt. It's actually a cute shirt. It's like a red turtleneck with yellow and blue and metallic stripes on it.

It's actually quite cute. Not sure why they decided to leave that one behind but take everything else. I was honestly kind of offended. I was like, did you guys really not fuck with that shirt? Like what's wrong with that shirt? It's a cute shirt. You guys took everything else anyway,

but now I'm left with a mess, right? Because I'm like, a mess, right? Because I'm like, okay, my car has a broken windshield. And a bunch of my belongings are now out in the world, God knows where, what do I do? And so I called my mom and I'm like, what do I do? And she was like, well, she's like, I wouldn't even call the police. Like whoever stole your stuff, like they're long

gone. Like, we're not going to, we're not going to find them. Like, it's, it's over. You know what I mean? The stuff that got stolen is gone. We just need to get your car fixed. So I was like, okay. So I get in my car with the back windshield completely blown out. And I just go about my day. I was like, you know what? I'm not sure when I can get my back window fixed. Everything that was in my car that was valuable

has already been stolen. So I might as well just use my car as it is. So I go about my day, I'm very upset throughout the day. I'm just upset. I'm in a bad spot. And around lunchtime, I was like, you know what? Make me feel better. If I just ran over to Whole Foods real quick and got some sushi, that would really turn

this day around. I was in the mood for sushi, I was craving it. Whole Foods sushi is my favorite on the go sushi. Actually Whole Foods in Airwan are my favorite, but anyway. Let's pop into whole foods and grab some sushi. So I drive over to whole foods. I park my car, I run in, I grab some sushi, I get back into my car, and I set everything up to eat because I love eating in my car.

It's like my favorite thing. I love just using my little center console in my car as a dinner table and just eating in my car. It's like my favorite thing. So I set my sushi up. I get out my wasabi and my little soy sauce packets and I'm setting up all my sushi and I'm doing my whole thing.

And I take a bite and it's frozen. It's frozen. And I was like, there's no way why? Why is this? Why is it frozen? How is it frozen? I was like, what point did this get frozen? It's sushi from the little sushi-refrigerated area in the whole food. How is it frozen? It was literally frozen. There were shards of ice in it. I didn't notice that first until I took a bite and my sushi was crunchy because it was frozen.

I was like, how is this possible? And I was so hungry and I was so frustrated at this point. I'm like, today cannot get any worse. Like, what is going on? And so I was like, you know what? I'm gonna try to defrost my sushi. So I turn up the heater in my car to the highest setting. And I place my sushi next to it.

For about five minutes, I try to take a bite, it's still frozen. I was like, you know what, I'm done. I'm done, I'm not doing this right now, I'm going home. So I throw the sushi away, I was just so mad. I was like, I can't even, I don't even want to deal, I don't even want to try with this. I'm not even going to try to let it defrost. I don't even, I don't even want to deal, I don't even want to try with this. I'm not even gonna try to let it defrost,

I don't care, I'm throwing it out. And I went home and I, and I post-made it. And you know what, that's okay. You want to know what I post-made it though, and this was like the only good thing that happened. I post-mated Kava. If you've never had Kava before, it's like a restaurant that kind of lets you create your own bowl.

And it's all like Mediterranean food. It's so good. Well, I recently did a collab with them where I created a bowl with them. To be exact, it's called Emma's Fire Bowl, okay. Anyway, I named it that kind of as a joke. Like Emma's Fire Bowl, like you know, people say things are like fire.

Well, I named it like Emma's Fire Bowl kind of as a joke, but then now I feel like it's not really coming off as a joke anymore, but you do the best that you can. Anyway, so I created a bowl with them, and it has like falafel, spicy hummus, feta cheese, calmata olives, lettuce, avocado, all the good stuff, like all of my favorite Mediterranean food flavors are in that bowl anyway. I created that with them a few

Months ago it just recently came out and I was like, you know what? I'm feeling really down in the dumps right now I just tried to get sushi. It was frozen. I'm Gonna fulfill my lifelong dream of being able to order something off of a menu somewhere that I created. That's like always been my dream. Like, I remember growing up, there were like these sandwich spots in town, like places that you could get sandwiches.

And like they had sandwiches named after people, like they had like the Mikey sandwich, which was basically like a sandwich named after one of their favorite, you know, consistent customers that always came in. And so they put something on the menu for Mikey. So Mikey could come in and be like, hey, can I get the Mikey sandwich?

And I always thought that that was so bad ass. And so my dream has always been to have something like that on a menu somewhere. And so finally, I now have that at Kava. So I was like, you know what? What better thing to do to turn around the day than to be able to go on postmates and order the Emma's fireball?

You know what I was saying from Kava? Like what could go wrong? Nothing went wrong. I ordered the bowl online. It got delivered to my door. I ate it. It was delicious. I felt temporarily better.

And it was magical. So thank God for that. I felt temporarily better and it was magical. So thank God for that. That was like the only redeeming quality of that day. Also, if you wanna check out that bowl, it's so good. It's available at all Cava restaurant locations. Go try it or order it off of a food delivery app or order it through their app and pick it up. It's really good. And if you don't have a coven near you, the next best thing is to go to your local whole

foods and pick up their spicy hummus, which I've been eating for years. It's one of my favorite snacks. Anyway, moving on, another unfortunate event that happened. So, as I mentioned earlier, I'm in the middle of moving right now. I've been moving for the past few months because I'm basically redoing a house right now. I bought an old house and I'm redoing it and you know, kind of fixing it up. And the process was only supposed to take like eight months. But due to circumstances that I have a hard time understanding, the construction is taking

a lot longer than I expected. So I've been living in rental houses for the past year, just waiting for my house to be done. And so I lived in this one rental house for about a year. And then my landlord was basically like, you need to leave now because you need to leave. And I was like, okay, so ever since I left that rental house that I was living in for about a year,

I've just been living in Airbnb's and hotels and things like that. So it's the first day that I show up in a new rental house, because I've been in like literally 10 rental houses over the past year and a half. Anyway, I show up in a new one a few weeks ago. And the hardest part about moving a lot is the fact that I have cats.

I have two cats. And that makes this whole process 10 times more complicated. Because it's one thing, you know, to move around yourself a lot, but it's a whole other thing to move yourself and two cats around from house to house. It's a lot.

And so I've been very stressed out about this recently. I also worry about the safety of my cats because they're my pride and joys. And so I want to make sure that they're safe, they're happy, they're insecure homes where they won't escape because there's a lot of coyotes in Los Angeles and I don't want them to get eaten by a coyote. And they definitely would get eaten by a coyote

if I let them outside, et cetera, et cetera. So I've been very stressed out because every time I move from one rental to another, I have this fear that a cat is gonna go missing and I'm gonna be heartbroken. So anyway, I move into this new rental and I get the cats all unpacked, I get all my stuff unpacked,

and I decide that I'm to keep my cats in the master bedroom of this rental house. Because I don't really feel comfortable with them roaming around the whole house. What if there's a window open that I'm unaware of that they could sneak out of? I don't know, I just would rather keep them in a smaller space

and keep them more contained, at least for the first few days that I'm in this new rental. And so that's what I did. I put them in the master bedroom, set them up with all their stuff, their little litter box, their little, you know, food and water, and I went on my merry way.

I had some errands to run that day that I moved into that rental, so after getting the cats all settled, I went and did my thing. Later that day I get home and I go into the master bedroom and I look around. I'm like, where are the cats? What?

I start freaking out. I can't find them anywhere. They're confined to the master bedroom of this rental house. There's not that many places for them to hide. So I start freaking out because I can't find them. And they're in like a pretty small room. I take a bag of treats, I search, shaking the treats around, trying to lure them to come out from where they're hiding. I check every door in every window,

every single door in window are locked. I'm like, what the, where are they? And then all of a sudden, I hear a tiny, tiny little meow coming from the bed area. So I walk towards the bed area. So I walked towards the bed and I sit for a second and I listen and I hear a little meowing and I'm like, oh my God, they somehow sneak their way into the bed frame.

Now, this bed frame was very unique. It wasn't the type of bed frame that has space under the bed. There's no space under the bed. The bed frame comes down to the floor. But if you were to lift the mattress up, there's a whole compartment that's just empty space under the bed. And so I was like, you know what, that's just empty space under the bed. And so I was like, you know what, that's where they are. So I lift the mattress up and low and behold,

there are my cats underneath the mattress, hiding under the little slats that hold the mattress up on the bed frame. Now I was like, okay, this is great. I don't know how they got under here, but like at least I know that they're here. But how do I get them out? Now I have two cats. I have one teeny tiny little girl cat named Frankie.

And I have another cat named Declan who's a big orange tabby, kitty, badass, sweet boy, kitty. And so I was like, well, Frankie's the girl cat, the tiny little girl cat. Frankie's definitely going to be able to get out on her own. Because even though it's kind of tight, like they're hiding underneath the slats on the bed frame.

Slats are basically like wood boards that are laid flat that hold up the mattress on the bed frame. I hope you know what I'm talking about, because if not, I'm just Google what mattress bed frame slats are for me. Just take a second and look that up for me so that you can at least see what I'm talking about. I could tell that Frankie could slip out

between the cracks easily. But Declan, my boy cat is a big boy. And I was like, I actually don't know if he's gonna be able to get himself out of here. And so I lure my little tiny kitty Frankie out from the bed using treats. She comes out, no problem. She slips through the cracks and she gets out.

Easy peasy, no problem. My other cat, Declan, is struggling. He's having a really hard time fully moving under there. And I was like, how did he even get under here? Like, how did he even get under here? Like, how did he slip in here to a point where now he can't get out? And so I start to kind of nudge him towards a larger opening where he could possibly slip out and get out from under the bed. But it's not working. He's stuck under there. And I was like, are you serious? Like, I need to get him out right now because this is my son. This is my

pride and joy. I'm in physical pain watching him try to get out from under the bed in this spot. Like, he's not hurt. He's not even being pinched, he's not, nothing about where he was was painful for him, but he couldn't really get out. And I was like, we need to get him out. So I was like, I need to take the bed frame apart. Like I fully need to remove the slats that hold up the mattress. I need to remove those and pull him out because that's the only way I can get him out

from under the bed. But I don't have like a screwdriver to disassemble this bed frame. So I start digging around this Airbnb, trying to find like a toolkit. And I find a few screwdriver's, but none of them fit into the nails that are holding this bed frame together.

And I was like, fuck. So, luckily my mom was in town. And she's helping me with my move because she's a very organized and smart woman. She's very good at logistical stuff. So whenever I need to do anything that's complicated, I have my mom come into town. So she's in town at this time.

She's running some errands herself. I call her, I'm like, Declan stuck under the bed. She's like, I'm in hour away. And I was like, fuck, I don't wanna leave him alone. Like, I don't wanna leave him alone. He's my pride and joy. I wanna be here with him while he's stuck under the bed. She was like, okay, well, I can go and run and try to find a toolkit

so that we can take this bed apart, but it's gonna take like over an hour. I was like, you know what, it's fine. I'm just gonna stay with him, get home as fast as you can. An hour and a half goes by. Poor Declan is like under there, just so frustrated, because he just wanted to get out, but he'd gotten himself into that mess, you know? So I think he was a little bit mad at himself. But anyway, an hour and a half goes by,

my mom comes, we unscrew the bed, we take Declan out, he's totally fine, he was pissed off, but he was totally fine. And then that was the end of that. Okay, last but not least, we have the story of me getting my passport photo. So recently my passport became expired.

This is very unfortunate because getting your passport renewed is a very complicated situation. Luckily my mom's in town to help me move, so she was like, I will help you with this process. I was like, thank you, mom. What a queen you are. Love you. So she told me that the first step is I need to go into a place that takes passport photos.

An example would be a FedEx office or a UPS store. Basically any establishment that does printing and shipping will probably do passport photos. So I was like, okay, that's not too hard, like whatever. But I was determined to look good in this passport photo because in the past, all of my ID photos, all of my passport photos have always been mediocre and I was like, I want this passport photo to be a banger. Like this is going to be my passport for the next 10 years. I want to make it good.

And so, one Sunday morning, I do myself up, which I rarely do. Okay, I showered, I blow dried my hair, I did my makeup, I spent like an hour and a half getting ready. I never do that, but I was like, you know what, I really want this passport photo to be good. Let's do it. So I get on an outfit and I go out to this FedEx store to get my passport photo taken.

And I walk in and there's a line. I was like, no problem, no problem. I wait in a 30 minute line. I get to the front of the line. I say, I'm ready for my passport photo. Let's do it. He was like, you can't wear white in your passport photo. I was wearing a white shirt.

I was like, this is all I have. Can we just like try to, do you think it'll be, like, is there any possible way it could be okay? He was like, you know what? It should be fine. Like as long as, you know, the photo of your face is good,

like the you wearing white will probably be fine. And I was like, all right. So I stand against this white wall and the guy told me he said, okay, you need to be facing straight on. You can't turn your face to the side a little bit like you got to be straight on. And I was like, no problem. Meanwhile, I'm feeling a little bit devious. And I was like, I like the right side of my face better. That's my good side in my opinion. So right when he's about to take the photo, I'm going to slightly turn my face a little bit to the left so that the right side of my face better. That's my good side in my opinion. So, right when he's about to take the photo, I'm going to slightly turn my face a little bit to the left

so that the right side of my face is showing a little bit because that's a more flattering angle for me and I want this passport photo to be an absolute slay. So, the dude's counting down. He's like three, two, one. By the time he hit two, my head was turned a little bit to the left so that you could see my

good side. He takes the photo, he's like, ah, this might not be straight on enough. I was like, okay, no problem, let's take it again. So he's counting down, three, two, one. I turned my face a little bit to the side, just a little bit that time. I was like, just give me a little bit of something, like, it's fine. He was like, okay, this one's actually fine. I was like, okay, perfect. He shows it to me. I'm like, you know what, it's not. He was like, okay, this one's actually fine. I was like, okay, perfect.

He shows it to me. I'm like, you know what, it's not my favorite photo ever, but it's pretty damn good. I'm happy with it. He prints it out, I pay for it. I send a photo to my mom. She's like, that's not gonna work. And I was like, you're kidding.

And she was like, I just looked online at the passport photo requirements. You need to have your hair out of your face. You can't be wearing white, and your face needs to be straight facing straight on. You are doing none of those things. Your face is tilted to the side. You have hair in your face. I had little strands of hair in my face because it's more flattering, sorry.

And I was wearing white. I did everything wrong, basically. She was honestly, my mom was like, I think you need to take them again. And I was like, okay, well, for one, I'm not going back into this same store because I just went in there, they just took my photos. I'm not gonna go back in and be like, can I have one more? No, I was not gonna do that.

Also, I like argued with him over multiple things and then he ended up being right. I didn't argue with him, but I didn't listen to him. And that was my bad. I really should've listened to him. Like he's a professional. You know what he's doing. I'm an idiot sometimes.

So the first thing was I needed to change my shirt. So I'm, I parked my car. I started digging around my car to see if I had any clothes in there because I throw clothes in my car. I have so much random shit in my car to see if I had any clothes in there because I throw clothes in my car. I have so much random shit in my car. By some miracle, I find a black shirt in my car. I was so excited. So I do a little quick change in my car and I go on my maps on my phone and I find a new

place that I could take a passport photo at again. I was determined to get my passport photo taken this day because I had spent so long getting ready. I was like, I wanna make it worth it. Like I wanna do it right. And I wanna make sure that, you know, the passport photo that I do take gets accepted by the government,

because you have to like send it into the government and then they either accept your photo or decline it, whatever. So I go into a whole new FedEx store across town, and I'm like, I'd like to take my passport photo. We take it. It's not a good photo, it's not. I don't like it, but it's fine.

It fits all the requirements. My face is straight on. I have no pieces of hair in my face, and I'm wearing a black shirt, it's perfect. So a few days later, I bring in my passport photo into this company that basically helps you get passports quicker, because normally I have to wait for like six months

to get a passport, but I need mine quite quickly. So I'm going through another company that can help me expedite the process. So I go into this business company establishment, whatever. And I'm like, here's all my paperwork for my passport. Here's my passport photo. They take one look at the passport photo and they're like, this is not going to work. And I'm like, why?

Why? This passport photo is perfect. Like I did everything right. They're like, no. There's a little shadow on the side of your face. this password photo is perfect. Like I did everything right. They're like, no. There's a little shadow on the side of your face. There's a little shadow on the right side of your face and the government's not gonna like that. We need to retake the photo right now.

And I was like, well, we're gonna retake it right now. And they're like, yeah, we have all the cameras and equipment to retake the passport photo here. And I was like, are you serious? My hair was in a bun. There were like little baby hairs flying everywhere. I had just woken up like an hour prior. My face is still puffy.

I was like, I spent an entire Sunday afternoon getting ready, looking my absolute best to go get my passport photo. And now all of those have been declined. All just for me to end up with a passport photo that's actually worse than any other like ID passport photo that I've ever taken because I just woke up in an hour ago and I look like ass.

We take the photo, I look like shit. I look like shit. But I was like, you know what, whatever, it's fine. So we take that photo. And I'm like, all right, we can just use that one. But then, today actually, I went back into this passport, expediting services building. And I was like, is there any way?

Can I take my photo one more time today? I still look like shit, but I look a little bit better today. Is there any way we can take it or is it too late? They're like, actually, we haven't submitted the photo yet, so you can take another one. Will you take another one today? It's a little bit better. I still look like shit. But that entire process made me almost lose my mind.

But anyway, I think that that's all I got for today. Those are all of my recent unfortunate events. Listen, none of them are a big deal. Like, the stuff that got stolen out of my car, all of that's replaceable. It doesn't matter. It's totally fine. My cat's getting stuck under the bed, whatever.

I saved them. They're still alive and healthy. Everything's fine. Me sh under the bed, whatever. I saved them. They're still alive and healthy. Everything's fine. Me shitting the bed, it was a bonding experience between me and the person that I was staying in that hotel room with. And it's a funny story that I can one day tell my children. My sushi from Whole Foods being frozen, it's fine.

I ended up ordering something even better, which was my Emma's Fire Bowl from Kava, which is like literally my bowl that I created from my mind, which nothing is better than that. And that ended up being great. Everything ended up being fine. You know what, it's okay. But I just thought, I was like,

that's just how the past two months have been for me. It's like the most random, unfortunate events have been happening to me. I'm just grateful that I can laugh about all of them now. In the moment, they felt like major inconveniences and made me upset. Now, I'm able to laugh. And it's all going to be okay. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed. Thank you so much for listening. Go check out my covable if you want. It's available at all cova restaurants

or go pick up some spicy hummus from Whole Foods. Cova spicy hummus to be exact. You can subscribe to anything goes on any platform that you stream podcasts. You can leave a goes on any platform that you stream podcasts. You can leave a review on any platform that you stream podcasts. You can follow anything goes at AG podcast on Twitter or at anything goes on Instagram.

You can check out my coffee company. I've been sipping on a cold brew from my coffee company for this entire episode. I've been drinking a little cold brew. Actually black today, I just have black cold brew today. It's delicious. I made it with the cold brew elephant, chamerling coffee, cold brew bags. Can't go wrong.

Check that out if you want. I really appreciate you guys coming back every weekend listening. I love you all very much. I appreciate you all very much. And we will talk more and hang out more next week. Bye.