anything goes with emma chamberlain - advice session #12

Episode Date: July 8, 2021

Emma is back giving advice on every topic you guys ask about. Things like setting goals to help achieve happiness, dealing with Imposter Syndrome, letting go of difficult relationships and keeping current ones exciting, feeling comfortable being our true selves, and more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello everybody welcome back to anything goes. I'm Emma Chamberlain your host. I hope you're having an amazing week Welcome back I'm excited because today we're doing our 12th advice session. I do not know how I've done 11 of these Already like I do not know how it's possible and I don't know how I still have advice left in my brain Every time I record one of these I I'm like, how have I not run out? I'm going to run out any day now. But for now, we're gonna continue doing advice sessions until I'm just dried up

in the advice area of my brain. Advice session number 12. I can't believe it. Advice session is basically where you guys tweet at me on the Twitter at AG podcast. Situations that you need advice on. And then I, to the best of my ability, give you advice. It's pretty fucking simple and I'm excited.

Let's get into it. First thing somebody said is how to be happy. That is very broad but I wanted to touch on it because I was watching a TED talk the other day and I don't remember who was speaking so I can't give them credit. So I'm sorry about that. But I heard them talk about how in order to be happy, you need to have goals. You need to have a goal that you're striving towards. And I've talked about this before on the podcast, but I really think that the foundation of a happy life is having something that you're working towards, having a goal, having something that gets you to wake up in the morning, something that keeps you going.

I find for me personally when I don't have goals and when I'm just kind of floating by in life, that's when I tend to get the most depressed and the most unhappy and the most reckless in a sense. When I don't have something that I'm working towards, I can so easily fall into a depressive state because it's so easy to start pondering like what the point of life is when you don't have a goal that you're striving towards. Having goals in any capacity give you something to live for. And I think as humans we struggle to find sometimes a purpose in this life.

Not everybody struggles with this, but I would say majority of people struggle with this, trying to find their purpose, trying to find something to work towards. That's a huge struggle for humans. And when we don't have it, it's easy to fall into a depressive state. So I would say, although this advice is broad, the best advice on how to be happy is to

find a goal, which will then give you a purpose. Because just having nice things or just having good friends or just kind of like floating by is great, but I would say in order to feel true happiness, you need to have a goal. And your goal could be that at some point you want to get a certain job. Your goal could be that you want to improve in a hobby. Your goal could be that you want to make more friends. Your goal could be that you want to host dinner parties every weekend. Your goal could be that you want to start stepping up your fashion game,

like whatever it may be. Having goals like that, keep you inspired in life. And I think that the more goals that you have and the more things that you can consistently work towards, the better. I don't think that there's any limit. You can keep adding things on, keep adding hobbies, keep adding career goals, keep adding social goals. You know, there's no reason to limit yourself. Create as many goals as you can. And I think that that helps make you feel purpose. Somebody said, how do you fight in

Poster syndrome? So if you don't know what Imposter syndrome is, Imposter syndrome is basically, should I fucking read, I think we've talked about this before on my podcast, but it's very prevalent in my personal life because I actually have Imposter syndrome. So I thought we would talk about it again. Imposter syndrome is loosely defined as doubting your abilities and feeling like a So I thought we would talk about it again. Impostor syndrome is loosely defined as doubting your abilities and feeling like a fraud. It disproportionately affects high achieving people who find it difficult to accept their accomplishments, many question whether they're deserving of their accolades.

So I have this. I constantly feel like I am undeserving of my accomplishments. I feel like I somehow cheated to get where I am. I've always had this problem. It's gotten worse in my later years. It's very awful because I cannot accept any level of accomplishment in my own life. And that sucks because being proud of yourself is such a great a fucking bummer. But how I fight it is I try to look at my own life and brain, take myself out of my own psyche, and look at it in a general view,

from a general perspective. Instead of looking at my own accomplishments from my own lens and from my own point of view, I try to look at my accomplishments as my mom would look at me and my accomplishments, or how maybe my friends would view my accomplishments. And I've even tried to imagine if one of my friends was me. Okay, this is confusing.

I try to basically look at myself as if I'm friends with myself and I'm not me, if that makes sense. And I try to think about how I would treat a friend if they had accomplished what I accomplished. So how would would treat a friend if they had accomplished what I accomplished. So how would I treat my friend if they accomplished blank? Well, I would congratulate them and I'd be extremely excited for them

and I would feel genuine happiness and excitement, right? So I try to look at myself as if I am my own friend. It's very weird. I'm not going to lie to you, not much has worked, but I've tried those things and they've helped a little bit and they might work even better for you. So, that is how I try to fight imposter syndrome. But actually, the strategy that I just described of kind of looking at yourself from somebody else's perspective, looking at yourself not through your own lens is something that I

think is really helpful in other areas of life as well. For example, if you're really hard on yourself, I know I'm really fucking hard on myself all the time. I'm constantly like bullying myself and being like, oh, you're not good enough. You need to work harder and you're not working hard enough and you're lazy and you don't deserve to lay in bed. And you need to read 10 hundred books a week

and you need to work for 200 hours a week. I'm constantly beating myself up, right? When I take a step back and I look at myself from someone else's perspective, for example, my parents or my friends, I try to look at myself through how they see me. They would never call me lazy for wanting to lay in bed all day. Sometimes. They would never call me lazy for wanting to lay in bed all day. Sometimes, they would never judge me. They would never think that I was a loser. You know what I'm saying?

So why should I? I think that it's really important to step back sometimes and look at yourself more objectively and look at yourself more objectively, and look at yourself as a real human being. You know what I'm saying? I think we forget to do that sometimes. We get so caught up in our own heads that we start beating ourselves up for not being perfect or for not being

the most productive perfect person on this planet. But I can guarantee that you wouldn't expect that of your friends. You wouldn't expect your friends to get up every day at 5 a.m. and exercise in journal and read a book and work all day and then go to bed at 8.30 p.m. and be the most productive, perfect human being on this fucking planet.

You wouldn't expect your friend to do that. You wouldn't judge your friend if they didn't do that because chances are they don't do that anyway. So you know what I'm saying? Like, look at yourself, like you are your own friend. And I think that that helps with being kinder to yourself. You know, I need to do that more recently. I feel like I've kind of gotten bad about

being too hard on myself. I go through phases like that all the time, but anyway. Somebody said female hygiene tips. I don't have that many female hygiene tips because I really don't think I do anything that crazy, but I will tell you, the biggest life-changing female hygiene tip that I've ever received was for my mom. And it was to buy special soap for your vagina. Okay, nobody's talking about this. When I was growing up, I used body wash,

like normal body wash, everywhere. This is probably TMI, but I don't care. I don't even know. I wonder if my audience is primarily female, probably, so whatever. If you are not using special soap for your vagina, you need to be doing that because your vagina is very sensitive and it needs a very sensitive soap that helps to keep your pH balance in your cooter, happy and healthy.

So that is the best female hygiene advice I have by vagina soap. Okay, it's life changing. It keeps everything happy and healthy baby. That's all I got. Somebody said, I literally cannot let him go. It's been so long and I feel and hope like he's going to come back. Do I reach out? What do I do? Please, please help. It sounds like to me you need a definite answer.

You need either a definite yes or a definite no. This requires communication. Definitely reach out to him because even if he gives you an answer that you don't like, even if he comes to you and he says, I'm done. I'm not going to do this relationship again. I'm done. We need to move on. It's over. That's better than not knowing because right now, you're holding up your own life, waiting around for him, you need a definite answer, you need a definite yes or no, and if he can't give that to you, then take it as a no. And who knows, he may come back at some point,

but you need closure, or you need a chance to start over, but you need one or the other, because you can't live in this limbo of being like, are we together? Are we not? Are we going to get back together? Are we not? That holds you back from living your life, you know what I mean? Because if he comes to you and he's like, we're done, then you can go out and start finding a new bay. Hello. You know? And you know, the interesting thing about human psychology is that the more I do research on it,

the more I realize how much of our realities are determined by our own mindset. And I promise that this relates to the topic I'm discussing right now. For example, if you think that the world is out to get you, if you think that everybody fucking hates you and you think that everybody is your enemy, because your brain is more aware of that, you're going to start to see it more in your day-to-day life. Because you're subconsciously thinking about it, right?

Because you're in that mindset. So, you're going to notice when somebody gives you a slightly dirty look in the grocery store, whereas if you're in a good spot and your mindset is more like, I don't really care what people think about me. I have good people in my life and I treat people the absolute best I can and how they respond to that is up to them. And I mean, if you kind of have more of that type of mindset,

you're not really gonna care or even necessarily notice when somebody gives you a dirty look at the grocery store. Because your brain is not subconsciously thinking that the world is out to get you. So, do you see what I'm saying here? It's like our subconscious mind is more responsible than we think of how we perceive the world. My point of this is, let's say you're in a situation with maybe an X or maybe somebody

that you are considering dating, but there's no definite answer or whatever. Let's say you're in a spot with this type of person where you don't know what's next. Like you don't know if you guys are gonna date, there's maybe some cold feet or there's maybe some hesitation from the other party and they're like, eh, I don't know if I'm ready to commit. Maybe they're kind of wishy-washy

and they're, you know, pushing you around and blending you up, like you're in a fucking blender, emotionally, right? Let's say you're in a situation like that. The reason why being in a situation like that is so harmful is because subconsciously, you're not gonna be looking outward. And you're going to miss potential opportunities to meet somebody who actually would want to commit,

who would actually be a great significant other. Like you might miss out on someone else because you're so busy fixated on this one person that is not giving you the commitment that you deserve. You said I'm saying, but because you're fixated on it, you're going to miss potential other people that are around you. And I don't think that we realize that because I know I've been in some toxic situations where it's like half in, half out, not fully committed, whatever. And I was fine with being in a situation like that at the time because I was like, well,

if I did meet somebody else, then I would just break this off and, you know, go be with that person, right? But what I didn't realize was that because I was all locked up in this complicated situation, it's not a relationship, but like situation, right? I wasn't paying attention to other potential options and I was holding myself back. So eliminating that helps you move forward. Moral of the

story is you need to communicate with this guy say are we doing this or are we not all in or not in at all. Because I need to either move on or I want to start working on our relationship and developing our relationship. You need to make up your fucking mind. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. There's no instruction manual

when it comes to being an adult. Sometimes I lay away at night rehashing something I said earlier that day. Or I lay in bed at night thinking about what the future holds. I know I'm not the only one going through a lot of what ifs. Like, what if I get into a fender bender? Or what if my home gets broken into? But state farm can help you with some of those big what ifs. They're available to answer your questions day or night. You can reach them 24-7, file a claim on the State Farm mobile app, or simply call your agent to ask what's on your mind. Like you good neighbor, State Farm is there. Call or go to statefarm.com for a quote today.

This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is more than a website builder. It's in all in one place to make an online space that's entirely your own. Their all-in-one platform allows you to customize everything from the fonts and color scheme to your domain name. All you have to do is choose from one of their beautifully designed templates as a starting off point. Then, at whatever you need to show off your ideas to get your side hustle on, you've got all the tools you need to sell products, schedule appointments, and send email campaigns to your mailing list.

Plus, everything is optimized for mobile, so it looks just as good on a phone as it does on a desktop. Check out Squarespace.com for more features and inspiration and when you're ready to build your site. Use the offer code Emma for 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Somebody said, have you ever met a new person that you feel like you can't be yourself around if so, what's your advice? I have many times. And what I've found with that type of social interaction is that usually what it means is that whoever you just met, right, who doesn't make you feel comfortable, they're nervous.

They're nervous. Okay, that's it. Well, I guess it's not necessarily true now that I think about it, because I think that there's two types of people that at least for me make me uncomfortable. Number one, people who are overly confident, but not in a cocky way, though. Like, just super comfortable with themselves. Like 200% themselves and just are unapologetic about it. That can make me nervous sometimes, but also when somebody is on the other side of the spectrum

and they're completely insecure and kind of judgmental and kind of an asshole. So I would say with the first type of person, the really overly confident, the really secure person. This is intimidating because you're like, damn, I am not on your level and I can feel it. Like I am not as in tune with myself as you are. And when you feel that within somebody else, it rattles your foundation because you're like, damn, this person is 10 steps ahead of me, you know? And it's normal to meet people and feel like that sometimes.

And then you feel like you don't know how to rise to the occasion because you're not there yet. You know, like you haven't reached that level of self confidence or whatever it may be. And I can tell, and I get intimidated by people like that all the time. But what I remember is that, okay, these people are extremely confident. They don't give a fuck about me. They don't give a fuck about, you know, not like they don't give a fuck about me, but they're comfortable with themselves, you know what I mean?

Which means that they're probably not paying attention to you as much as you think. You know what I'm saying? They're not hyper analyzing every single thing that you say in every movement you make. They're comfortable with themselves. They have a good relationship with themselves. And people who are like that don't tend to judge

because they don't care. They feel judgment comes from insecurity. So somebody who's really comfortable with themselves, really confident, stuff like that, they're probably not gonna judge you because they have no reason to. They're comfortable with themselves. I've said that seven times,

but you go and I'm saying like, they have, they're fulfilled within themselves. They don't care about what you're doing. And they're not hyperfixating on what you're doing because they're just one of those people that has a homeostasis between their mind, body, and soul. And listen, I bet even those people have bad days, I bet even those people have bad days, I bet even those people have moments of insecurity

and judgment towards others. But in general, I feel like those people, as intuitive as they may be, are the least judgmental. And I try to remind myself of that and just speak to them as if they're my best friend. You know what I mean? Speak to them as if they're my best friend. You know what I mean? Speak to them as if we've been friends for years. And if you do that for like two minutes, it starts to become more and more natural.

Until next thing you know, you feel comfortable around them. Might take a few times of hanging out, but you know, you figure it out. But the other type of person that can make you feel uncomfortable is somebody who's kind of judgmental, kind of mean, kind of an asshole. Let me tell you, that all comes from insecurity. If I look back at moments when I've been more judgmental or more of an asshole in general, it's been because I was insecure. Simple as that. Like that always comes from insecurity. So if you're hanging around somebody and they're just judgmental and mean and whatever,

it's probably because they're really insecure. And when you look at it like that, it puts into perspective so that you can realize that there's nothing to be nervous about. Like you can just be yourself because guess what? That might be inspiring to them. That might actually rub off on them. When somebody is maybe being judgmental towards you

or judgmental towards others, or being just an asshole in general. Don't look at it in a way of like, oh, they're better than me because, you know, they like, the thing is, people are negative like that. Because it makes them feel powerful, you know what I mean? It makes them feel powerful. You know what I mean? It makes them feel strong because hatred is a very strong thing. So it makes them feel powerful, but in fact, it's a weakness, you know, and we all have

moments of weakness like this. It's not like there are some people that are completely exempt from being judgmental or negative or a asshole sometimes, not at all. But I'm just saying that if somebody is frequently judgmental and frequently an asshole, it's a weakness. It's not something that makes them have the upper hand. So by you being yourself around them,

you might inspire them to get off their high horse and be themselves. But if nothing else, you should feel comfortable to be yourself because they're going to be hating on everything. So, it's not personal. I don't know, I would say when it comes to being yourself around people, I think that the general practice should be to try to just talk to everybody like they're already your friend. That's what I do. I talk to everybody like we're already friends.

And sometimes it's more uncomfortable than other times, but it's a really good habit because now I feel like it takes me less time to become truly myself around people because I just talk to everybody like they're my friend already, you know? And I try to always keep interactions really casual between people.

Like, you know when you first meet somebody and it's kind of awkward and it's like, hey, oh, nice to meet you. I don't do that. I literally am like, oh, what up? Like, I literally, and when you just set the tone like that, it makes all the difference. But listen, it takes a lot of practice

and you have to keep working at it every single day. It's like, it definitely gets easier, but you have to keep working on it throughout life. Somebody said, how can I start new projects to make my life more varied and interesting? A few months ago, I had a moment where I was like, okay, I need to expand my hobbies. I need to do the whole thing.

I need to start finding some interests because I was spending every day on TikTok playing Fortnite, doing shit like that. I was like, I can't be doing this. I cannot be doing this. I need to find something that's fulfilling for me. I need to find a more fulfilling way to spend my time. And so I bought a drum set and a sewing machine and I started reading books. Now what I learned from this was that when it comes to starting new projects or starting new hobbies or whatever it may be, the key is to not force them, okay, because I tried to force myself to learn how to sew. It didn't work. I wasn't that excited about it and so it didn't

stick. And it was because I was forcing myself to learn how to sew. Whereas with reading books or playing drums, I was excited about those things. Like I wanted to get out of bed to play drums or I wanted to lay in bed and read a book for an hour. Like, those were things that I actually wanted to do and that I actually felt motivated to do. And those things stuck. And I think the key is is that don't be hard on yourself if some things don't stick because

it's just going to be that way. It's about trying out a bunch of new things, finding what sticks, finding what you wanna do every day and leaning into that, you know what I'm saying? At some point I might get into sewing, I now have a sewing machine for no fucking reason. I might get into it one day. It's here and I might end up falling in love with it at some point, but right now it's not gonna work. It It's not working. I don't want to do it. I have

no motivation to do it. It's too difficult. It's too stressful. I don't want to do it. I'm not pressuring myself to do that. I'm not like, oh, I wanted to start this hobby. I'm not going to stop until I am perfect at it. I'm not going to do that because that just makes you get burnt out. And that's not the point of having hobbies. The point of having hobbies is that it's supposed to enhance your life. So if you're forcing yourself to do something and it's not natural and it's not organic, stop and find something else.

There's unlimited hobbies. Another thing, I started getting into exercising more and I started running a little bit more and I always hated running But I like you know started getting into it and then I was like okay, this is sticking like I want to keep doing this I'm enjoying this so I'm just gonna lean into it, you know and if at some point I No longer like running or if at some point I'm kind of over reading books. Or if at some point I don't really want to play drums anymore, I'm going to stop and find something else.

You know, the point of hobbies is to have something that you can work on that's enjoyable, but that also enhances your life. And if you have to force yourself to do it, then it's not worth it. So the key to starting new projects is to find things that are not so difficult that you're like stressed out about them.

You know, find something that's fun, not a chore. You know? Somebody said, this might be random, but how do you get comfortable eating in front of others? I go through phases where I will get like anxious eating in front of people, because I don't know what I look like when I'm eating, and I feel like it could be really not cute.

But, okay, the thing with these little anxieties that we have, you know, whether it's eating in front of people or exercising in front of other people or wearing a new outfit or whatever it may be, these kind of inconsequential but still nerve-wracking things that you feel like could be potentially embarrassing. The thing about all these things that we have to remember is that nobody is really paying attention. Think of this right now. When was the last time you were eating a meal with somebody and you watched them eat? I cannot name one time. I could not tell you what anybody in my life looks like when they're eating. I can't even remember it.

Okay. So think of it like that. Like people are so focused on themselves. You do not need to like hyper fixate on what you look like when you're eating because nobody else is paying attention. Also things like eating or exercising or you know trying out a new outfit or a new style or new like whatever it may be. All of that stuff is so normal.

It's all normal stuff. And chances are nobody's even going to think twice about it. So, just remember that, that really helps me. And also, it's also practice makes perfect. Like just every time you get invited to a dinner party, go and face that fear as often as you can. Because then you'll start to realize, oh wait, nothing bad is happening. You know, then there you go.

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Mom. Good luck spelling that. I don't know how to spell it, but it's a really great book. And I like it because the story is not something super crazy or sensational. It's not like a crazy murder mystery or a crazy, you know, dramatic tale. It's a simple recount of a character like and their life. And their life is interesting,

but it's not like the most interesting life ever. It's the way that the book is written, that like transports you into the setting of the story. And there's a lot of really interesting characters and it's weirdly a very interesting book, even though it's not that crazy, like not that much is going on in it, but yet it's really interesting.

And so that's the type of book I like. I like a book that is realistic and that's honest and that makes me feel like I'm with them, you know. This book is great. And it kind of talks about, it touches on relationships and social status and, you know, it takes place in Europe and the United States. So, you know, it's nice to kind of feel like I'm in Paris

when I'm reading the book, when the book is talking about Paris, whatever. It's a great book. That's a really great book. Another great book. The first book that I read was East of Eden. I don't know what it is about this book, but I I mean, I've not read a book since that has impacted me as deeply. There's so many philosophical discussions throughout the book that really make you think about your own life. And there are so many great characters that, again, can help you reflect on yourself in your own life.

It's just a great book and it follows like multiple generations of multiple families. But it's so like, you know, you become really emotionally invested in the characters and in the families because you're following families through generations. And it's like, I don't know, you guys, I can't explain it, but you need to read East of Eden. Like, it was the first book I ever read, and it was life-changing for me. Not only was weirdly comforting, but it also provided different perspectives for me.

And I think that that's what makes a good book, is a book that really makes you think about yourself and makes you reflect on your own behavior. And I feel like East of Eden really did that for me. So those are my two book recommendations. Somebody said, I feel really confused about my mental health. I distracted myself 24-7s

that I never really have to think about what's going on in my brain. I don't know if I'm happier, sad, or numb. Do you have advice on how to figure this out? I would say you need to find some activities that kind of force you to think. I'll give you some examples. So for me going on a jog or a run or going on the treadmill and walking or something, that forces me

to think because I'm not going on my phone, I'm just listening to music and I'm stuck in my own head. And the few times a week that I do some sort of running, walking, jogging, I'm usually reflecting subconsciously. And I find that it's a good time for me to think because I'm not just laying in bed and staring at the ceiling. I'm being active, I'm listening to music, whatever, but because I'm not going on my phone, I'm forced to reflect on my own feelings. Another thing that I do is like the other day I went and I got a massage. And while I was getting this massage, I was like subconsciously working through things. And it was interesting because I told my dad after I was like, I got this massage, but the whole time I was just like,

kind of anxious and like thinking about shit, right? And he was like, well, I think maybe getting the massage forced you to lay there and work through your shit. And I was like, that's honestly really true. I think the key is to integrate activities that kind of force you to be a little bit bored, whether that's running or getting a massage or going for a walk or going for a long drive,

whatever it may be, forcing yourself to be a little bit bored so that you are forced to work through your problems. But obviously, I always am a huge advocate for journaling. I think that taking your journal and just starting to write about how you feel will help to unlock more things than you even anticipate before you start journaling. Like you'll start writing about one thing and next thing you know you're like writing

about 10 other things that are bothering you. You have to kinda unlock your brain in that sense. You have to start the chain reaction of unpacking what's going on in your head. But the only way to do that is to just start writing about something. What's the first thing that you can think of that's bothering you, or affecting you in any way. Good, bad, neutral, whatever, what's affecting you in general?

Start writing about it, and then more things will come out. Somebody said, I struggle with physical touch. I wanna have a connection with this guy like a lot, but I literally almost have a panic attack when I think that we might hold hands. Like I'm 19, please help. Y'all, I still have this problem. Like I still get really nervous about physical affection.

I mean, the longer that you're in a relationship or the longer that, you know, you're close with somebody, the more comfortable that you get, but I still get kind of nervous sometimes. I think the key is to push yourself out of your comfort zone, but not to a point where you're getting a panic attack. You know what I'm saying?

Because I've actually gotten, I think, so one time, I think I got a panic attack when a guy that I was dating, like, had his arm around me. Because I couldn't stop shaking, and I was like trying to hide it. But I couldn't stop shaking and I was like, and my breathing was all fucked up and I couldn't breathe. And I think I've talked about this.

I think I've told this story before. But anyway, I didn't know what was wrong with me, but in retrospect, I think I was having a panic attack because I was so fucking nervous. The thing is, with me, but in retrospect, I think I was having a panic attack because I was so fucking nervous. The thing is, some people are really comfortable with physical affection. That's great. Good for them, whatever.

Personally, I'm not like that. Okay, you're not like that. The key for us is to, I think, number one, push ourselves out of our comfort zone to a certain extent, but not to a point where we're getting a panic attack. It's all about small baby steps, you know, maybe grabbing their arm for a second and letting go. And like just practicing.

But more than anything, it's about finding somebody that you're comfortable with. Because I'm not as nervous about physical touch once I'm comfortable with somebody. So it's about growing an intimate emotional relationship with somebody because that helps so much with the physical element. When I don't feel really connected to somebody emotionally, the whole physical touch element is out the window. I can't even do it because I'm so nervous around them,

I cannot have that level of vulnerability with them. And so I need to feel really emotionally comfortable with somebody. And so I think that the key is to nurture your relationship physically and emotionally, not just physically and not just emotionally, taking baby steps in both because they help each other out. You know what I'm saying? They go hand in hand. If you can like find yourself in a deep talk with this guy, maybe you guys go in a drive one night

and you guys talk about something deep, like maybe something from your past or something talk about something deep, like maybe something from your past or something philosophical that you believe in. I can guarantee that having a deep conversation with this guy will make you feel more comfortable to go and grab their hand because you've had a vulnerable emotional moment with this person and you now know them better. And that familiarity, is that even a word? Familiarity, whatever. We'll make you feel more comfortable with reaching out and grabbing their hand

because you know them better. So you're not gonna have that fear of rejection, like, oh, what if they don't wanna hold my hand back? Or, oh, what if this weirds them out or freaks them out? If you have a deep conversation with this person or a long conversation with this person even, it will help you feel more comfortable to take those steps and you have better gauges to who they are. So you'll feel more comfortable.

Somebody said, how do you know whether you should leave a situation or whether you should try to fix things? I think the simple answer to this is that you have to look at whether or not the situation is toxic. That's it. That's the only question that you need to ask yourself. Is this toxic or is this not? If it's not toxic, you stay in it.

If it is toxic, you leave. But toxic can look a lot of different ways. And sometimes it's a little bit less obvious. You know, toxic could even mean that you and this other person are codependent and you can't do anything without each other. That's toxic. It's not as obvious as say,

some form of emotional abuse or something. Like that's a more, you know, easy to, it's not easy always, but that's maybe a more extreme version of toxicity, a more severe version that, you know, requires more of a quick exit, you know what I'm saying? Like, if something's like emotionally or physically abusive, that's obviously toxic and obviously you need to evacuate that situation ASAP. But when you're say codependent with somebody,

you guys might have a great relationship, but your codependence might be holding you both back from being independent and having your own identity in life. That's toxic, but it's less obvious because nobody's getting hurt. The negative effects are more long term and they're more of a slow burn, right? So it's a little bit harder to distinguish.

So really look at your situation, whether it be a relationship, a work environment, a school environment, whatever it may be, look at it and really weigh the pros and cons, like really write down the pros and cons or make a mental list and see if this is actually something that's toxic or if it's just difficult

right now. Like in friendships, in relationships, at school, at work, there are going to be moments when things are difficult, when things are boring, when things are uncomfortable, when things aren't flowing as they should. And that's normal, but it's about distinguishing whether or not it's toxic or if it's just in a lol. It's not easy, but make a list of pros and cons. Look at it from a bird's eye view. Is this harming me more than it's benefiting me? And if the answer is yes, then you know, you should probably leave. But if something is like just in a dull moment

or just in a kind of rough patch and you know that the chance of it getting better and going back to normal are high and in the, it's not destroying you or ruining your life. That's something that's worth fixing. Because in life, sorry, but nothing is all sunshine and roses all the time. So in most things, and with most situations, and with most people, there are going to be moments that are kind of difficult and need to be worked through. But it's about determining whether or not it's toxic. So I recently just moved about a month ago

and let me tell you, it was a nightmare. Moving in general is a nightmare. There were so many things that I needed that I didn't realize that I needed before I moved in. And I felt like the nightmare was never ending. Finally, I'm settled in, but it was a journey. Thank God for Macy's because Macy's hooked me up with all the different things that I needed.

They had the most random things that I didn't even know that I needed. Appliances, cooking utensils, hangers, everything that you can imagine. Right now, Macy's has a Black Friday in July event from July 7th to the 12th, and there's a ton on sale. Everything that you need to stock up for summer, from beachwear to lotions to summer barbecue supplies. And if you listen to the show, you know that I love Macy's because they really do have

everything you could ever need. So I've been filling my cart with a ton of stuff, not only for things that I need for after the move, but also a bunch of summer essentials. I loaded up on all the sunscreen on macy's.com recently. Like I just didn't have a good sunscreen collection going into the summer and I was like no we need to load up because I want to preserve my skin. I do not want I do not want to get wrinkles when

I'm like 25 so I loaded up on the sunscreen and I also got some new beach towels which was very exciting. Also I've recently updated my custom site over at macy's.com slash Emma with a buying guide for you guys with all of my favorite picks. Not only is it full of some great items for home and for summertime, but I also have a ton of really cute summer fashion items on there. There are so many trends I'm obsessed with right now, so I added a bunch of my favorites over at macy's.com slash Emma.

There's some really cute hats from Ralph Lauren on there. I'm obsessed with baseball caps for summer. There are some of those on there. Some sunglasses from Vogue Eyewear, Rayban, some bikinis from Roxy for that kind of 90s summer vibe. The whole nine yards baby, go check it out, macy's.com slash Emma. And make sure you check out macy's Black Friday

and July sale and look through all my favorite picks for summer at macy's.com slash Emma. Check it out, macy's.com slash Emma. And make sure you check out Macy's Black Friday and July sale and look through all my favorite picks for summer at macy's.com slash Emma. Check it out. Somebody said, I've been a dancer ever since I can remember, but I seem to have lost my passion for it because it's so toxic and my ballet teacher is really mean. I want to quit because it causes me so much anxiety, but I don't want to waste all of the years in practice I've put into it. You know what's really interesting is I think that we hold ourselves back so much in life because we don't want to waste our time. But there's a completely ironic side to this. So let's say it's in a relationship or with a job or with a hobby. We may grow out of it, but instead of ending it and moving on to the next thing, a lot of

us will stay in it and try to make it work because we feel like if we move on to the next thing, then we wasted all of this time nurturing and exploring the old thing. The thing is, any experience that you have in life teaches you something. It's never a waste of time. Let's say you're in a relationship and it ends. You did not waste time being in that relationship. In that relationship, you learned things. You learned how you behave in a relationship. You learned what you want in your next relationship. You learned about

maybe how to feel more comfortable with being physically affectionate. in your next relationship, you learned about maybe how to feel more comfortable with being physically affectionate. Like, you probably learned more things than you even realized from being in that relationship. And even though you guys didn't get married or you had the relationship didn't last forever, it doesn't mean you didn't learn anything. Same thing with like this specific situation.

You've been dancing for years, you are over it, you don't wanna do it anymore. The amount of stuff that you learned from being a dancer your whole life is priceless. And if you quit tomorrow, that doesn't mean that all of the stuff that you learned is just going straight in the trash can. Absolutely not. You probably learned about how to be dedicated, how to manage your time.

Because being a dancer is very time consuming. You probably learned about how to be on a team. If you are on a dance team, you may have learned about work ethic because being a dancer again is difficult. You have to have a work ethic. The things that you learned from that are going to make you even better in your next passion. When you go to pursue your next passion or your next Passion, you know, when you go to pursue your next passion or your next interest or hobby or whatever it may be, you know, the stuff that you learned from being a dancer is going to make you even better at all that stuff. So it's not a waste of time.

It served its purpose in your life and now it's done. It's not serving you anymore. Now it's holding you back. Let go of it except that you have gotten everything that you possibly can from it and move forward. And that applies to literally everything in life. Somebody said, can you give us tips on how to journal? Like give us starters because they get overwhelmed whenever I try to journal and I know it would be good for me to do. Yes.

I will give you a few prompts that could be good for journaling. One that I like to do is write about a good thing that happened to me that day and a bad thing that happened to me that day. That's a great one. Another journal prompt that I use a lot is writing down all of the things that I want to happen to me,

either in the near future or in the far future. You could also write down five things that are making you excited and five things that are stressing you out. That's a great journal prompt. Another one is you can write five things that you're stressed out about and then five ways that you can fix them. Fix the things that you're stressed about, like how that could solve those problems.

I always think it's nice to write down, you know, things that you're grateful for. So writing down just like as many things you're grateful for as possible. A journal prompt I use quite frequently is just, how was your day? And I just write a full recount of my full day and talk about, you know, the different emotions I felt throughout the day, why they made me feel that way, maybe how I'm going to do it differently tomorrow, stuff like that. You can also obviously, I mean, you can Google journal prompts and that's really helpful too, but those are the ones I usually do. And I find that they're really helpful. Somebody said, hi, Emma, I need your advice on my 15 month long relationship. Recently things have been uninteresting and I found myself getting really bored. I feel so guilty

because he's the most amazing guy I've ever met. He has all the qualities a girl could have ever asked for. I think I've talked about this before, but something that's so interesting about dating is that the thing about dating and the truth about dating is that it's not... How do I explain this? It's like, at a certain point in a relationship, the emotions level out. You know, like, all of the excitement is kind of gone because, you know, you have each other and it's great, but the excitement is gone because it's comfortable and you kind of get into a routine and things get comfortable and inevitably they're going to get boring. Now, I think that the thing that young people need to remember is that being in a healthy relationship comes with boredom.

And it's up to you whether you want to be in a relationship in your younger years and potentially have moments of boredom or if you want to go out under the dating scene and have exciting two-week, two-month flings here there, and have that be your thing. Because both of them, you learn something from both of them. Let me tell you, you will. It's about deciding what works best for your life in the moment, because let me tell you, if you decided to break up with your boyfriend

and go kind of, you know, be a free agent and just, I don't't know float around a little bit You might have more fun and you might be more entertained But that will only last for so long because then at a certain point that you're gonna want a deeper connection you know what I'm saying and I think that when you're in a healthy relationship You have to have strength and you have to push through the boring moments because the reward is that you have somebody by your side 24-7 that's

got your back, you know? Whereas when you're maybe in a single phase and you're whatever, that's not the case. And that's totally fine because there are times in your life when that is more than important. But if you're in a healthy relationship and it's going well and the only problem is that you're bored, you just need to push through it because it's going to happen. It's just going to happen. A thing that you can do that's fun is start spicing up the activities that you guys do together.

Start cooking together, maybe go on little road trips together. Sometimes you just need to kind of get out of your rhythm. You know what I mean? You kind of need to like get out of your routine because I think that in relationships, it's so easy to fall into a routine. Like, oh, you know, we go to brunch on the weekends and besides that, like we just kind of live at home together and that's it.

Like it's easy to fall into a routine like that. Throw some spontaneity in there, you know? That can really help revive the relationship. But at the end of the day, I think that you just need to come to terms with the fact that sometimes your relationship is not gonna be the most interesting part of your life, especially when it's healthy because there's no drama.

There's no drama. It's just healthy and it's easy and it's like whatever. That can get boring, you know? But in a weird way, I think that that's actually a good sign. So anyway, that's all I got for today. Thank you guys for listening to this episode. I hope that you enjoyed. I hope that you got something from it.

I really loved hanging out with you today. If you want to participate in the next advice session, the Twitter is at AG podcast. I also tweet out prompts so that you guys can ask questions for episodes on there. So feel free to follow it if you want to participate. Also follow anything goes on any of the platforms that you listen to podcasts and last but not least,

leave anything goes a review. If you'd like on Apple Podcasts, it really, really helps me out and I love reading them and you guys are just the fucking sweetest and I really appreciate all of your reviews and spending time with you. So anyway, I had a lot of fun. I will see you next week. Have an amazing rest of your week and that's all I got. Love you.

lot of fun. I will see you next week. Have an amazing rest of your week. And that's all I got. Love you.