anything goes with emma chamberlain - advice session #14

Episode Date: October 14, 2021

i can’t believe we’ve done 14 of these already. i asked you guys to ask me questions about anything and you delivered. advice on how to not be overwhelmed when you have so much to do, when to move in with someone and when to wait (hint: wait if you can), dealing with social anxiety which i have plenty of experience with, hookup culture, and why you should do all the corny shit in the movies to romanticize your life :) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey everybody, it's me! AHHHH! It's me! Oh my god! Hi! Anyway, I just got my nails done and I normally get long nails, like super long acrylic nails, but today I wasn't in the mood and I got normal, short, natural nails. And I'm loving it.

I never thought I'd see the day. I normally don't feel myself without really long nails. But I'm kind of feeling sophisticated and classy with my short nails. And I can guarantee that you don't care. I don't know why I started talking about that. I promise I will touch on more important topics starting now. Because today we're going to be doing an advice session. This is advice session number.

Oh my god, I don't know what number we're on. Advice session number 14. Wow. That's a lot. That's a lot of advice. But I'm excited. We're doing another one. I asked you guys on the Twitter at AG podcast to ask me questions or give me scenarios that you

need advice on. And I'm just going to be doing my best to provide useful and productive advice. So let's just get into it. Somebody said, advice on not getting overwhelmed when you have a lot of shit to do. You know, I was kind of dealing with this today actually because I've been traveling a lot recently. I am literally going completely rogue right now. I haven't been home in like three weeks.

I've just been traveling nonstop, and instead of going home, I just keep going to another destination. And I am leaving tomorrow for a new destination. Right now I'm in New York, and tomorrow I'm going to Boston. And I had a lot of shit I had to get done before I left for Boston tomorrow at six in the morning and I was freaking out. I was like I've so much to do. I want to record a podcast

I have to edit a YouTube video, you know, I have so much I have to do But I also want to enjoy my last day in New York while I'm still here and it was like there was so much shit I had to do, right? and so the first thing I did was I made a checklist of all the things I needed to get done. And then I just started checking things off one by one based on how hard they are. So I would start with the hard stuff. For example, editing my YouTube video was probably the hardest task on my list.

So I started with that. And then I finished that. And then the second I finished that, I immediately felt 50% better. And then I looked on my list at the second most difficult thing that I needed to do, which was bring something to the post office so I could mail it, I had to mail something,

which is very intimidating to me because I don't know how to mail things, which sounds stupid, but I genuinely don't know how to mail things, which sounds stupid, but I genuinely don't know how to mail things. Like, it's weirdly intimidating, but that was the second hard thing I had to do, so I got that done. I felt 25% better,

and I just kept checking off things, one by one, going down the list, checking off the hard stuff first. And the next thing I knew, it was all done. I think you got to make a list, and you got to do the hard stuff first. That really helps. Somebody said, I'm struggling with being at peace and not constantly waiting for the next thing right when I reach what I've accomplished.

I want to be able to relish in what I've accomplished. I totally get this. It is really unfortunate that majority of us tend to accomplish something and then immediately feel anxiety and pressure to one up what we've done. It's unfortunately the human condition. Like I think most people feel this way, but I think the best thing that you can do is be conscious of it, right? Be conscious that that's how your brain reacts to an accomplishment. That's step one.

And then step two is to actively change the way that your brain thinks when you have an accomplishment, right? So now you're aware that every time you accomplish something, it immediately makes you feel more pressure and more anxiety to accomplish something else. You're aware that that's how your brain works. So now next time you accomplish something,

and you start to feel yourself having those thoughts, redirect those thoughts, redirect those thoughts. And in your brain, tell yourself, I'm going to give myself a week to just relish and enjoy the fact that I accomplished something. And then after that point, it's go time and we start working again so we can accomplish more things. But I'm going to give myself a week to enjoy this. And the way that you enforce this could be to write down in your planner or in your calendar wherever you organize your life, to enjoy your accomplishment.

Like just write that in your planner or on your calendar. Every day for like a week following whatever you accomplish, right? Like write it down somewhere to help enforce it. You could write about it in a journal. You could write down in a journal. This is what I accomplished. And I'm going to let myself enjoy this for the next week. You know what I'm saying? Put it physically on paper. Can graduate yourself on paper and physically write down that you're going to let yourself enjoy it. There's something about writing things down that makes it real and makes it click in your brain. It like activates a different side of your brain.

I know that this all sounds stupid, but these are all the tactics that I use to rewire the way that I think. Like if I need to rewire the way that my brain is looking at something, I write it down. I'll write it down in my planner. I'll write it down in my calendar. I'll write it down in my journal.

I'll write it down somewhere to remind myself to shift the way that my brain is working. Another example of this would be, I had a period of time a year ago or so where I was feeling a lot of shame about my past, not because I did anything wrong, but just because when I was a young teenager, I did cringy shit. Like I was embarrassing, I was loud, I was obnoxious, I was annoying.

You know, I did things that were maybe not in good taste, like whether that was with boys or with fashion or whatever it may have been. Like I have done things in my past that make me cringe now. And there was a period of time about a year ago where that was really haunting me for some reason. And I realized, okay, I need to change the way that I'm looking at this. Like I need to shift my perspective on this because none of this stuff is a big deal.

None of this is bad, none of this is life threatening. None of this is even not embarrassing. It's all normal, it's a normal part of growing up. But I was like, I need to convince myself of that. So I started writing about it in a journal, like almost every day. I started writing about how I could shift my perspective. I was writing about how none of the stuff that I'm cringing about was really that bad. And also, if I hadn't gone through those phases of my life, I wouldn't be who I am today.

And I just wrote about that as often as I could until eventually that became my reality. And I truly began to believe that those cringy moments in my past were actually not the worst thing on the planet. And the same thing can work with your situation, with trying to relish and enjoy accomplishments. You just need to reinforce to yourself that that's an action that you need to take. And so writing it down in a planner to remind you to enjoy it or writing about it in a journal will help solidify that in your brain.

That was a lot of words. I don't know if what I said made sense. Sometimes when I go down these deep philosophical rabbit holes, I start to wonder if I'm just like literally losing my mind. Like I start to wonder if I'm like kind of like a free, like hopefully this stuff isn't too weird. Like sometimes I really second guess myself. I'm like, am I saying some weird shit?

Am I going a little bit too deep? But I don't care, actually. So, even if I'm speaking nonsense, like, I'm just doing my best, okay? Okay, next question. Somebody said, when do you know when it's right to move in with somebody? Okay, this is a tough one for me because I don't like living with people because I've always believed that distance

makes the love grow fonder and being able to have your own private space at home, where it's just you and your thoughts is really important. Because not only does it give you time to recharge, but it also makes you appreciate the time that you spend with people so much more. But I do understand that there are times in life when it makes sense to move in with somebody.

An example of that would be like with your significant other, if you're dating somebody or even you're getting married to somebody, that might mean it's time to move in with them. And I would say there's a few key elements that ensure the best outcome. Number one, I think it's really important to be in a place in your life where you're really independent and where you could live alone and feel comfortable.

Now obviously this isn't the perfect advice for everybody because some people just really feel uncomfortable living alone. And for people like that, I would say, the time to move in with somebody is now. If you just get a lot of anxiety living alone and you've always lived with people and that's always how you function best

Then I say you know the time to move in with somebody is Now, but if you're somebody who's living alone and you can do it like you're doing it This applies more to you I think that it's important to be in a place in life where You aren't dependent on anybody. Because I think it can get a little bit toxic if you move in with your significant other

or your best friend and you feel very dependent on them because living with them is going to make that dependency much worse. And it could cause conflict is going to make that dependency much worse. And it could cause conflict because if you're a significant other or best friend or whoever you're moving in with, you know, wants to go do their own thing, you might get your feelings hurt

because you're like, what? Like, but I wanna come and that could cause some conflict or if they wanna go on vacation for like two months without you, you know, you need to be able to fend for yourself while they're gone, right? And you need to be able to feel comfortable whether they're there or not. And I also think that having a sense of independence

is important because it's going to allow you and whoever you're living with, to have your own independent space while living together. But I think that it's very hard to find that balance unless you have a solid sense of independence on your own. You know what I'm saying? Like, if you move in with somebody and you're like, oh my God, I'm so glad because I just want to spend

every second of every day with them. That's maybe not good and that might be a sign that you're not ready to move in with them as ironic as that sounds, because living with somebody should be kind of more like co-existing, rather than like spending a bunch of time together. You know, because you still have to have your own independent lives.

Obviously, it can be super fun to spend time with them, and you should spend time with them and you should spend time with them if they're somebody that you're close with to begin with, but you need to still have a healthy balance. And I think that if you're in a place where you're feeling codependent with them, then that balance is just not going to happen. I also think it's important that if possible, you should avoid moving in with somebody for as long as possible. Like, for example, in a relationship.

Let's say you get into a great relationship, right? Six months later, you're significant others like, let's move in together. Now in the scenario, you guys don't financially need to live together because you both are doing fine on your own, you both can support yourselves on your own. You just wanna live together for fun. I would say you should wait as long as possible to move in with one another.

Because I've heard this from so many wise people in their 40s, who now have families and obviously live with their whole family and whatever. And every 40-year-old that I meet that's in the scenario always says, wait as long as you can to move in with your significant other because the second that you move in together,

it's a whole new relationship. Everything changes, you know? You're at a whole new level of intimacy. You have to have a whole new level of patience for your significant other and you're also tied to your significant other in a whole new way. You know what I mean?

You're bonding your lives together in a whole new way. You're committed to one another in a much more serious way. And there's kind of less room to hit the road if things aren't working out, you know, you're really committing heavily same thing with a friendship If you move in with a friend like you're committing to that friendship For the long haul because you know you guys are paying for a lease and like you can't it's not easy to break a lease So if you guys have a falling out You know six months into your lease. It's not gonna be break a lease. So if you guys have a falling out, you know, six months into your lease, it's not going to be very fun, right?

And having a falling out with a significant other or a friend when living together is much more likely than if you don't live together. So there's kind of a lot that could go wrong. So you really have to look at your relationship with this person. Ask yourself, am I co-dependent with this person? Do I feel like me and this person could live together and coexist together in a way that allows us both to have breathing room and space?

Am I going to be okay seeing this person in a bad mood? Am I going to be okay with this person seeing me when I'm in a bad mood? Am I going to feel comfortable feeling the day-to-day emotions that I feel normally privately now with this person in the other room. Do I feel like I have the capacity to compromise with this person much more frequently than I would have to normally because we're going to be living in the same space or do I feel like that's not something I have energy for. You know, like you have to ask yourself all these questions. I think that you know that it's the right time to move in with somebody when you have a very solid and healthy relationship that has been going on for as long as possible. I would say, honestly, ideally two years plus.

Honestly, ideally two years plus, and also ask yourself, you know, do you see yourself having this person in your life for the long haul? If the answer is yes, then I would say, give it a go. But again, if you don't have to, I don't think you should. I think that in your youth, you in your youth, not even necessarily youth, but when you're young and you're not married yet, I think you should live alone for as long as you possibly can. It gives you the most freedom to pop in and out of friendships, pop in and out of relationships,

evolve and grow independently. It allows you to do that. And I think that that's really important. But also, if you need to move in with somebody for like a financial reason or, you know, whatever, that's different. I'm not really talking about that. I'm more talking about when it's a choice, you know, because I know that sometimes like, it's not really a choice.

So I'm not referring to that as much Next somebody said I've been experiencing a lot of social anxiety when I go out on the weekends I'm a junior in college and I do enjoy going out with my friends each weekend But recently when I'm socializing with a lot of people I begin to feel panicked almost like I'm not meeting their expectations of an interesting Conversation do you have any advice on how to calm yourself down in a social setting when you start to feel anxious? Well, I'm going to discuss specifically, not feeling worthy when you're in a social situation, because social anxiety can show itself

in so many different areas, right? Personally, I've dealt with social anxiety where I feel like I'm almost... I get very anxious about how I look or how I like smell. Like this sounds so weird, but I get really bad social anxiety about like my appearance in a way. Like I'll get really bad anxiety, like feeling like my clothes don't fit right or that I smell bad or like I didn't brush my teeth well enough

or that like my makeup is smudged and I don't know it, like or I have a booger on my face, like that's weirdly enough, something I get really bad social anxiety about and I just get so anxious when I'm talking to somebody because all I can think about is like, oh my god, like do I, you know, do I have a wedgie? Is my fly down? Is there something in my teeth?

Do I have like a booger? My nose like whatever. I get social anxiety about that. I also get social anxiety about feeling like I don't fit in at an event, like I feel like I don't belong somewhere. I feel like I'm sticking out like a sore thumb. Like I, you know, am not cool enough or not worthy enough to be somewhere.

And that also gives me social anxiety. Like I feel like I'm weirdly inferior to everybody else in the room. And those are normally my socially anxious thoughts. But this is a very different one that I have an experience, which is, well, I guess I kind of have, but the way that you word it is a little bit different. You feel like you don't meet their expectations of an interesting conversation. What you need to remind yourself is that

when you're at a social event and you're having a conversation, it's not that deep. Nobody's sitting there picking apart every word that you're saying and analyzing whether or not it's interesting, I can guarantee you that. And in general, with social anxiety, the thing that you need to remember

is that nobody's paying that much attention to you. And I've given this advice before, but I just think it's so important and so relevant with every anxious thought that comes up in social situations. The truth of the matter is is that everybody is so focused on themselves, that you are the last thing that they're fucking thinking about. Okay.

Everybody's minding their own business. And the other thing is, is that specifically for your, your anxious thought, which pertains to, you know, the quality of your conversation with other people, don't put pressure on yourself to be quote unquote interesting, because I can guarantee that you are interesting. And what you want to talk about is interesting.

The thing about conversation is that any time you talk to a stranger or you talk to somebody that you haven't talked to in a while or even you talk to somebody that you see a lot, like conversation with other people is just interesting because it's interesting. Because as human beings, we find other human beings interesting just by nature. That's like in our biology. In our biology, we find other human beings interesting. That's why we conversate with one another. That's why we watch television and we watch YouTube

and we are obsessed with social media and we're addicted to social media. Because by nature as human beings, we are interested in what other people think about, do, look like, all of that. That's literal biology. That is how we are built. And so let that comfort you, right? Like just by existing, you're interesting to somebody else because as human beings, we're interested in people.

And as I've said 10 times, nobody's paying attention to you. I can guarantee in the back of their head they're fucking thinking about whether or not their pants look wrinkled and whether or not they have something in their teeth. They're not thinking about you as much as you think. So you can take the pressure off a little bit.

Just have fun with it. Conversating with other people should be fun. And if at any point it's not fun anymore, force your brain to look at the bigger picture. It's not that deep and it should just be fun. That's another thing I do to help with my anxiety is that whenever I get too wrapped up in it, I close my eyes, I take a deep breath

and I just remind myself, it's not that big of a fucking deal. All the stuff that we get anxiety about is not that big of a deal. Most of it anyways, especially with social anxiety. None of it's that serious. Other human beings tend to be very gracious and kind and just wanna have a good conversation with you.

Put things into perspective perspective like worst case scenario The person you're talking to thinks that what you guys are talking about is boring That's a bummer, but it's also not that bad like things could be fucking worse You know what I mean put into perspective in that way You know that's something I remind myself when like I'm out and about and I start to get my social anxiety about, you know, my outfit or whether or not I smell bad or whether or not I'm acting weird or whether or not. I belong where I am.

I look at it from a bird's eye view and I'm like, okay, worst case scenario, my pants are wrinkled and I've shit in my teeth and I don't belong at the event that I'm at. I don't fit into the social gathering. That's worst case scenario. So what? That's not even that bad. You know what I mean?

It's not that bad. And when I look at it like that, it always makes me feel better. Somebody said, I need advice on getting out of hookup culture. So if you don't know what hookup culture is, it's basically the concept. I mean, I feel like everybody knows what it is. But just in case, it's basically, you know, casually having romantic encounters with people that are short-lived and do not result in a long-term relationship. I think that the way that you get out of hook-up culture is to number one, start making more friends. Make friends with the people that you would normally hook up with.

Okay. So, instead of immediately like hooking up with somebody that you find attractive, don't let yourself do that. Hold off and force yourself to become friends with them instead. And if they try to make a move on you, be like, no, I don't want it to be like, I'm not looking for that right now. And form friendships with people that you find attractive. Then, at that point, you have this baseline relationship with this person.

And then, if you go and you hook up with them, there's a decent chance that that one hook up will lead to a relationship. And a good one at that, because you have a baseline friendship. So you already know that you two get along and that life is good and that you guys have fun together. That weeds out a lot of problems. You know, because now you know, like, okay, I actually like this person, I can tolerate them. Then when things start getting a little bit more romantic, you have this like solid

foundation, you've built this friendship, and now you can build off that and start building a relationship. See, the problem with hookup culture is that you meet someone that you think is cool and that you think is attractive, whatever. And you hook up with them immediately. And when you do that, you ruin the potential for a friendship. Because I mean, no, don't get me wrong. Sometimes it can work. But it's pretty rare, because you set the tone. And it's hard to come back from that sometimes.

And then unless you guys want to pursue a relationship that's romantic, it's pretty hard to like keep things going. And so then you end up never speaking to them again, and it's awkward and weird. And that's why if you build a friendship first with somebody that you find cute, then if down the line, you know, things get romantic, you have a better understanding of one another. And if it doesn't work out, you know, you have a better likelihood of being able

to remain friends even after that. And you also have a better chance of forming a meaningful long-term relationship out of that. Somebody said, hi, I'm a my boyfriend and I have been fighting about my past relationships recently. And I don't know if it's my fault. If I could change my past, I'm a my boyfriend and I have been fighting about my past relationships recently and I don't know if it's my fault. If I could change my past, I would. How do I make him forget about my past? Okay, number one, it's not your fault. Everything that you did before you met, the past is the past. It cannot be changed and it should just simply be accepted

as something that happened. And the thing is, is that it takes a lot of maturity, you know, to look at the past for what it is, to accept it and to move forward. It takes a lot of maturity and strength to do that. And I'm aware of that. And I know that sometimes in relationships, your significant others past can make you feel insecure

or make you frustrated because you're mad that the person that you love so much has been with someone else before, right? It's fucking annoying sometimes. But at the same time, it's inevitable. And so it's absolutely not your fault. But at the same time, I understand why your boyfriend is frustrated because it's human nature to feel territorial over somebody that you love.

Your boyfriend is territorial over you and he doesn't like the idea that somebody else has been as close to you as he is, but unfortunately, that is kind of how the shit works. It's not avoidable, like it is just how it works. And so I think that this comes down to a conversation that you need to have with your boyfriend where you just need to be like, listen, the past is the past, it can't be changed.

I'm not with those people anymore. I don't, I'm happy to not be with those people anymore. I want those people to remain in my past. I'm with you now. You are my focus now. You know, you are all that my eyes can see. I'm not looking like I have tunnel vision towards you. I only see you now, you know?

The people that have dated in the past, they don't exist to me anymore. That's in the past and it's staying in the past. You know, I want to move forward with you because want to hold our relationship back by being stuck in the past, like the past of the past, we're done. All that stuff is done, it's over with, it's never happening again. Right now, like I'm with you, and like that's what I want the focus to be. And say, listen, it's really hard for me to have you be frustrated with my past because I feel helpless.

Like there's nothing I can do to change it. But I also want to make you happy and I want to have a happy and healthy relationship with you. So like, let's try to find a happy medium. Let's compromise here. Like, let's agree to move past this together because neither of us want to relive that shit. You know?

Somebody said, can you give me some ideas of what I can do in order to romanticize my life better? You know, recently I've been thinking about this a lot because I'm getting to a point in my life now where I feel like I'm starting to find myself again because throughout my teen years, you know, I've gone through so many phases and I've experienced so much and I've grown so much and my view on life has changed so fucking rapidly and so often that I feel like I haven't gotten a firm sense of footing up until recently.

And I've finally gotten to a place now where I feel like I'm settling into a much more stable and a much more consistent mindset in general. Just because, you know, I've gone through the turmoil of being a teenager, that's kind of coming to a close now and I feel like things are kind of settling out. But now that all the chaos is over of being a teenager and navigating that whole thing, you know, my brain is looking for something to stimulate it.

And I've been more interested in finding ways to romanticize my life and make it more interesting and beautiful while still remaining simple and drama-free and relaxed and just nice. I'm trying to find ways to romanticize the simple things in my life so that I can stay excited about life without having all of this crazy teenage turmoil. Because I feel like for the past, you know, five years, I've been running on teenage adrenaline right like

You know what boy am I gonna be talking to tomorrow and who's my friend going to be tomorrow and You know what kind of drama is going on and like whatever I think that's what I've been running on for the past like five years And now like things are kind of settling down and I'm like what is gonna keep me? things are kind of settling down and I'm like, what is gonna keep me mentally stimulated now that all the teenage drama is over? And so, you know, I'm trying to find ways to romanticize my life. Okay. You have to do the corny shit. You have to take a book to the park and read the fucking book. You know, you need to put your headphones in,

and go for a walk, and get a coffee, and feel like you're in a fucking movie. Like you need to do that corny shit. It sounds stupid, and it sounds obvious, and it sounds corny, but that's the stuff that makes life feel special and beautiful and romantic. Is doing the cliche shit, you know, like getting dressed up in the morning to go and get your morning coffee with your headphones in, reading a book on the beach all day by yourself,

going on a drive really late at night with your friends. Like, do the corny shit that they talk about in movies and that they write about in books. Do the cliche stuff that like is borderline corny. I, like today, for example, the sun was going down and I was like, I'm not going to walk. So I put my headphones in and I went on this walk and I was just looking at all the buildings, I'm in New York

so I'm like, you know, all these massive buildings and I felt like I was in a fucking movie and it sounds corny and embarrassing. But you gotta do that shit. That's what you gotta do to romanticize life. You know? I went to a bookstore the other day and just like walked around and like looked at the covers of the books. I didn't even really want to buy a book, okay? I just like walked into walk in just to feel like a character of a movie. Like you, I know everybody's always like, oh my god, I want to feel like the main character

of a movie or like I'm, you know, like whatever, like that's kind of like a cliche, like thing, like popular thing, everybody's talking about like feeling like the main character. But it's kind of true. Like as, trust me, I'm the first person to be like, no, that's stupid. You know what I mean? I'm the first person to call out when something's corny and stupid. Okay? Like, my cringe radar is very sensitive. Something's cringe, I can't handle it. And I know that this shit is a little cringe but it really is nice and it's important to do. Read some books and like, you know, analyze what the people in these books do. Like,

I think that that's a great way to find inspiration. You know, watch movies and read books and see people doing things, you know, that are kind of in a way romantic. And then emulate those things. I read a book once about this guy who was constantly throwing these like extravagant dinner parties. And so I was like, you know what? This is a little bit corny, but I'm gonna start

having people over for food. You know what? This is a little bit corny, but I'm gonna start having people over for food. You know what I mean? Like whether it's a barbecue or dinner or whatever. I'm gonna start having people over and doing some corny shit. I'm gonna make a cheese board. I'm gonna do the whole thing. And I'm gonna have people over for a classy, elegant,

eating experience. Because in the book, it seemed so romantic, right? So it's like, I'm gonna do it. And I did and ended up being romantic, right? So I'm going to do it. And I did and ended up being great, you know what I'm saying? So read some books and watch some movies and get some inspo. Somebody said, how do you ask someone for their number without feeling awkward? The key to this is to not ask somebody for their number ever and to instead give somebody your number. Write it down in a piece of paper. Or if you're feeling bold, go up to them and say, hey, like, you know, you seem cool. Can I give you my number? Can I give you my number? Because it can be a little bit invasive

and awkward at times to ask somebody for their number, you know, but if you give somebody your number, then the ball's in their court and that person doesn't feel any uncomfortable pressure, it's a lot less weird to give somebody your number than it is to get somebody's number or to ask somebody for their number. And the other thing that's good about that is that if they end up, you know, reaching out to you, then that means that they were really interested. And so, you know, that's a much more genuine start to a friendship or even a potential relationship.

Somebody said, I was wondering if you have any tips for living alone and being okay spending time alone. I'm a junior in college and I haven't really made friends here and I get so jealous of everybody around me going out every weekend and always hanging out with people when I just sit at home with my cat. I think the key to not getting FOMO, which is fear of missing out.

The key to feeling comfortable and happy and satisfied with being alone is to make your alone time useful. Do something creative, in productive, you know, like nurture a hobby that you're interested in that's exciting to you. Make your alone time useful because when you do that, you kind of stop thinking about what anyone else is doing. And also it's productive, like you feel confident, knowing that you're spending your alone time wisely. The problem is, you know, you start to get angry

and pissed off when you're spending time alone doing nothing because you're like, I'm just wasting my time. Whereas if you're nurturing a hobby or a creative passion or something like that, then you can feel good knowing that you're using your time wisely. And the other thing is that nurturing a hobby or something that's creative is also something

that helps with your confidence and your self-worth and your independence as well because when you have something that gets you excited like you know a hobby or something creative that gives you something to focus on and it gives you something to work on that will make you feel proud of yourself. And when you feel proud of yourself and you feel accomplished, you don't feel like you

need validation from others as much. And so you don't feel like you need to be invited to stuff anymore. And you don't feel as mad when you're not invited or when you don't have anything to do. Because you feel confident and happy knowing, like, well, but I created something cool today, or I did something productive today, you know? And don't get frustrated if you don't have that thing yet. You know, it takes time to find that thing. Unfortunately, the only way to find that thing that excites you is to spend a lot of time alone and to get so painfully bored and angry that you're forced to find a creative outlet.

Be patient. Somebody said, I need advice. My ex has been telling me that he's going to come back, but right now he is a girlfriend. He told me that I'm not an option and that he needs to be mentally stable to be with me. He's told me that he feels like he can't be alone, and that's why he is a girlfriend right now. Anyway, I've anxiety thinking that if he comes back, I will be thinking about how he was with another girl, even though he knew that I was the one. I'm sorry that this is confusing. It's totally okay. So my advice for this is that you need to stop talking to this person because this is not healthy.

Nothing about the situation is healthy. He's stringing you along while he's with another girl. That is so bad. Okay, that's bad for him, that's bad for his current girlfriend, and that's bad for you. Okay, there's absolutely for him. That's bad for his current girlfriend. And that's bad for you. Okay, there's absolutely nobody is benefiting from the situation. This guy is not good news. Okay, we need to not do this. He's being very manipulative by, you know, dating somebody else yet, like, keeping you on the back burner. That's just not fucking cool at all. It's manipulative of him to be telling you, you know, that you're the one while he's

with another girl. That's completely backwards and fucked up. Anytime that somebody's like stringing you along like this and you're questioning like what the next move is going to be, I can guarantee that the next move is gonna be, I can guarantee that the next move is to jump ship. You need to fucking cut this dude off. It's over. You don't deserve this chaos.

Let me remind you that there are seven billion people on the planet and there's someone out there that would treat you 10 times better than him. And wouldn't cause you even a tenth of the emotional turmoil that this dude is causing you. You don't need to put up with this. You do not need to put up with this. You will be absolutely fine and you will find love elsewhere.

You don't need to put up with this bullshit. We put up with so much shit that we don't need to. Don't do it, just stop. Cut this guy off, end it, it's over. Somebody said, I had a certain friend group consisting of four people and then a new member came into the group, which was fine, but we just didn't really bond very well,

which happens sometimes. But then I started to develop another friendship group. But as soon as I started making plans with them, they began slowly pushing me out. I don't know how to deal with this. I feel rejected by the original group, but I don't want to fall out with any of them. Well, this sounds like a healthy evolution of friendship, right? You were in this group

of four people. A new person came in, you didn't really click with them. You ended up making some new friends that you get along with great. And then as a result, you know, you're kind of being phased out of the old friend group, this is very normal. In life, you know, you're kind of being phased out of the old friend group. This is very normal. In life, you know, friendships are going to ebb and flow. You know, there's going to be moments when, you know, you have a friend group that's just working perfectly. There are going to be moments when, you know, your friend group isn't working perfectly.

There are going to be moments when, be moments when you feel like it's time to break free from a friend group and you need to go spread your wings and find new friends. There are gonna be moments when your friends kind of push you out and exclude you from the group. They're like, this is all normal. This is all part of just friend groups, right? I don't think that there needs to be any drama.

I don't think there needs to be any beef. I think that the best way to handle this is just to gracefully kind of fade away from that original friend group. And just start hanging out with these new people because it sounds like, you know, the friendship with them right now is a lot better and a lot healthier and makes more sense. So just lean into that for now.

And at some point, it makes sense to reconnect with your old original friend group. Then you can do that. You know, there's nothing stopping you from doing that down the line. It sounds like it's probably the best decision to kind of distance yourself for a little bit now. And obviously, if you run into your old friend group or if they reach out to you, you can be nice and it doesn't need to be this toxic ending. It can be a civil ending.

I think that a lot of times we look at the end of a friendship as something that's dramatic or toxic or angry, right? But it doesn't need to be that way. You can end a friendship in a way that's amicable so that at some point down the line, you guys could maybe even become friends again. And even if not, you can always remain on good terms

so that if you see them, whatever, it's not awkward. Like, friendships don't need to end in a toxic way. Like, I've ended so many friendships in my life or just phased out of friendships in my life where it's like, it wasn't this dramatic ending, it just faded away. And like, now if I see them out and about, it's all good, but, it wasn't this dramatic ending, it just faded away, you know? And like, now if I see them out and about, it's all good, but we just don't hang out anymore

because we just don't align anymore. And that's okay, you know? And the truth is, you're in the driver's seat, you know what I mean? Like, it's kind of up to you how the friendship ends. Unless, you know, you're dealing with somebody who's obviously like passionately angry or something, but even then, like it's just about remaining kind, regardless of how close you guys are at any given moment,

like just remain kind, kill them with kindness, and they can't be mad at you, even if the friendship ended. Eventually you guys will get over it and we'll be able to get to a place where you can be acquaintances and it's a positive thing. Somebody said, should I quit my restaurant job? I worked there two days a week just because it pays well, but I also have a part-time job at a hospital.

I've worked at this restaurant since I was in high school and I've just kept two days a week there for the money. It's super easy, I know all the customers, the employees are like family, but I just feel like a loser working somewhere that I've worked since high school. I'm 20 by the way. Never make a decision based on what other people are gonna think of you, okay?

If you like working at this restaurant job, you feel comfortable there, it makes good money, and you love it. There's no reason to stop. There's absolutely no reason to stop. If somebody thinks that you're a loser for that, they're a fucking loser. They're a loser for judging you for just living your life.

Who gives a fuck? You're not a loser. There's nothing, there's nothing about that that makes you a loser. You know what makes you a loser? Judging somebody for their job choice and judging somebody for how they decide to live their life. You're 20 years old. Like you're making that money. You're on your grind, okay? There's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. And it sounds like this job is actually really great.

Who cares if you've worked there since high school? That's actually awesome because like, you know, you've built relationships there. That's really special. Don't throw that away just because you're worried that somebody's gonna think you're a loser. Nobody in their right mind will think that you're a loser for that.

And this applies to a larger picture here in life. Like, you know, if something is making you happy and you're comfortable with it and it's working, it doesn't matter what anybody else thinks. The truth of the matter is people always have opinions. You can't please everybody. You have to be selfish and think for yourself in situations like this. What's making you the most happy?

End of story. Somebody said, I've been having a really hard time being okay with not knowing what the future holds for me. I'm a sophomore in college and I feel like I'm at a place where everybody's starting to figure out what they want to do with their lives and are getting into serious relationships and stuff like that. A part of me feels so behind and wants to do everything possible to get my life together, but I also know I have no control over this.

Do you have any advice on how I can find a way to feel control over my life without knowing what the future holds? Well, the first thing I'm gonna say is that I know that it's so easy to look at other people around you and feel like, oh, they have their shit together so much more than me. But that's actually not really true. Nobody really has their shit together ever.

You know, tomorrow is never promised for anybody, and you know, the person that you're looking at that has the perfect job and has the perfect relationship could lose their job and lose their relationship tomorrow and be back at square one, okay? Life in the future is so not promised to a point where comparing yourself to somebody's present is just a waste of your energy because Nobody has their shit together and Everybody has their moments where you know things are going a little bit better

But also everybody has their moments where things are going a little bit better, but also everybody has their moments where things are going a little bit worse, okay? And so the person that you're looking at that has their shit together is going to have a moment at some point in the future where things are not going great, okay? And right now where you feel like,

you know, you don't have your shit together, there is gonna be a moment in the future where you do feel like you have your shit together. Life is full of ups and downs. Don't compare yourself to other people because everybody's on their own individual journey and you just can't do that. It just doesn't get you anywhere.

It just holds you back. I can guarantee you have your shit together more than you think you do. And also, these moments of uncertainty are inevitable. I'm sorry, you don't get to go through life constantly feeling secure and confident in what the future holds. You're always going to experience moments of

uncertainty throughout your life forever. Just accept it and be patient because you will come out of this and things will fall into place as they may. Live in the moment, find things to focus on that you can focus on right now that are in your present life and be patient. All right, that's all I got for today. Thank you guys so much for listening. I really appreciate you coming back to the podcast, listening every week. If you do, if this is your first episode, thank you so much for listening. I love hanging out with you guys every week. It is such a pleasure. I love you all so much. And I hope you have an incredible rest of your week. And what else? If you want to follow the podcast on Twitter and participate in the episodes, the Twitter is at AG podcast.

If you want to leave a review on Apple podcasts, I would really appreciate it. I love reading the reviews. I read them every week and they absolutely make my heart skip a beat. You can subscribe to anything goes on any platform that you stream podcasts and that's all I got. I'll talk to you guys next week. Bye bye!