anything goes with emma chamberlain - advice session #6

Episode Date: November 19, 2020

Another advice session! Emma is weighing in on a variety of things, like how to give great gifts without spending money during the holidays, tips on how boost confidence when feeling insecure, questions about sexuality and virginity, is it better to date around or try to stay with one person long term, and plenty more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey guys, welcome back to anything goes. I am doing an advice session today. We're just going to hop right into it. I have been feeling really good the past few days and that's always a telltale sign that it's time to do an advice session. Because I'm feeling emotionally stable. There is no drama. All of my relationships are solid. My self-esteem for the most part is not the worst. It struggles, but it's like pretty decent.

Which makes me feel like I'm in the right spot to be doing this. Let me take a sip of my coffee first. Ah! For starters, I hope you guys are having a great week. And if you're not, don't worry, a lot of people are probably having a shitty week. It happens, right?

I'm excited for this advice session. I feel like I found really good questions. I love that you guys are just sending me questions constantly now. So I don't even have to ask, like, hey, I'm doing an advice session. You guys just DM me or tweet them at me and it's great because I just collect them over time and then when I have enough and I'm in a good headspace, it's time to go. So let's just get right on into it.

First one, I currently have a boyfriend whose family is more financially stable than mine. I don't have a job and holiday season is coming up. I'm worried that he won't appreciate what I get him if it's not something expensive. Okay. Listen. Gifts are not about the money spent if you're a good person. Okay. If you're dating somebody, they should be aware of your financial standing, right? And I'm pretty sure he probably is.

He probably knows that you don't have a job. He probably knows that you don't have money to be spending on gifts. And so if he gives you a hard time or isn't grateful for whatever you give him, that's just straight up not a good guy. And I get it because I growing up, remember, when it was Christmas time, a lot of my cousins and other family members

had a lot more money than my family did. Like my parents and I, right? They would give maybe more expensive gifts than my parents and I would give because we just didn't have the money to spend on like these crazy extra having and gifts, but instead what I would do is I would make something usually. So I'd make like a cute little, like I remember one one year stands out to me. I bought all of my cousins mugs, and I put little And I bought like from TJ Maxx a hot cocoa mix that was really nice, but it was on sale and I bought like little Oreo cookie things that were covered in And I bought little Oreo cookie things that were covered in peppermint chocolate from TJ Maxx.

Yes, they have food, fun fact. And then I bought fuzzy socks from TJ Maxx and I did the whole thing and I bought all these mugs only four because I only have four cousins. And then I made cute little winter things. And it was so cheap to make. It was, I probably spent $20 on all four of my cousin's gifts,

but I put effort into it and they were so grateful and they didn't care that like they maybe spent more money on a gift on me than what I spent on them. Like it was something that I actually put time and effort into, you know what I mean? And that actually means more, I think. And if people don't see that or they don't think of it like that,

then they're not a good person. Also, if somebody is wealthy and they're expecting expensive gifts from others when they already have everything that they could ask for, that's just straight up a bad person. I'm assuming that you're not dating an asshole and I'm assuming that from others when they already have everything that they could ask for, that's just straight up a bad person. I'm assuming that you're not dating an asshole, and I'm assuming that he's probably gonna be grateful for whatever you do. Make something heartfelt, buy something heartfelt,

it's not about the gifts at the end of the day. Gifts mean nothing. Don't put so much pressure on yourself. If he's a good guy, he's gonna be grateful for whatever you give him. But I also understand that pressure and that guilt in a weird way. Or you're like, fuck, I can't provide for this person like they provide for me. But what you give them on a day-to-day basis, the love and support that you give your boyfriend and your relationship is a daily gift.

And that's truly true. Like, if you're in a healthy relationship, you don't even want a fucking gift from your significant other. I know some people's love language is material items, and I totally understand that. That's something you can't really control. But I think you're gonna be grateful for anything

that you get from your significant other if you truly are in love with them, and you truly love them for who they are. And so anything, whether it's a more thoughtful gift or it's a more expensive gift, you're going to appreciate it regardless. Because I think if they understand your financial standing, they're not going to judge what you end up giving them. So don't worry about it, girl.

Just do something heartfelt and have fun with it because it's supposed to be fun. Getting somebody a gift is fun. Personally, I don't enjoy it. Well, I don't enjoy it because it's supposed to be fun. Getting somebody a gift is fun. Personally, I don't enjoy it. Well, I don't enjoy it if it's not in obvious. Like, there's certain people where I'm like, oh, I know exactly when I get them. Like, the second I started making my own income, I was like, I'm getting my dad a laptop.

You know what I mean? Or like, I'm getting my mom a Louis Vuitton bag. Like, those were things that I was like, yes. But before when I didn't have my own, it was awful. It made me so stressed out because I actually had to be creative about it and it was upsetting. It was stressful, but in retrospect, now I actually have reverted back to where I'm like,

I like a more heartfelt gift that doesn't mean where money is not involved. And I like receiving gifts like that more too because it shows that someone cares. Don't put so much pressure on yourself. Next one, hey, I'm a my question for you is how to stop overthinking friendships and making yourself think that you have no friends.

I do overthink a lot, but lately I've been going overload with it. I like that. I've been going overload with it. I like that, I've been going overload with it. Anyway, loving your podcast so much, you're the best. Love you too. So, you know what I've realized about friendships in general, is if you have all your eggs in one basket, you're constantly gonna be stressed about it.

Listen, you guys know me, I have a very small circle, very small, okay? But I also have a broader circle. Yes, I have my closest friends, but I also try to be on good terms with everyone I meet so that if I ever wanted to like, if my friendships ever failed or relationships ever failed in general, like, I know that I have people that would hang out with me even though we're not best friends. And so I think your goal should be yes prioritize your closest friendships but also expand your horizons a little bit on the surface level. I'm not saying you need to be best friends with everyone you meet, but going out and having a few people that like,

you maybe, okay, say for example, you have somebody at work that you really get along with, or somebody in your math class that you talk to, you know, during math only, and then after that, you don't talk really. It's just like a friendship in that class. Like, those relationships are important to have, because they make you feel like you have a foundation

in the world where if your direct friendships don't work out, you have other people that you enjoy that maybe you're not as close with but that you know that you could, you could actually develop those friendships further if needed down the line. I think also having a life on your own that you're excited about, you know, keeping yourself busy and stuff like that helps too.

Obviously, I literally, that's my Emma's fucking remedy for all is to have a life that you are excited about that involves nobody but you and it's hard to do. But constantly working towards that is should be you. And it's hard to do. But constantly working towards that is should be the goal. Because it fixes 90% of life's problems, not all of them, but a decent amount. But I also think that like trying to be friends with everybody that's not obviously shitty person,

like I'm not talking about, somebody's just an asshole, no. But like, if you meet a breeze to add a coffee shop that you like, and every time you get to that coffee shop, you guys talk, those are the things that make you feel better because you feel like you're not relying on just your friend group. Or even I can use my two best friends and I, yes, we're all best friends,

but we also have other friends that we hang out with. Like, one of my friends has a tennis friend that she goes and plays tennis with. Or, you know, I have a group of friends that I've met through social media that my friends don't really know, but like, if I ever want to go hang out with them, like, I totally can, but we're not like close, but like, if I wanted to go hang out with them, like, I have that option, but we're not like close, but like if I wanted to go hang out with them, like I have that option, but we're not besties, but it's like, but that makes me feel good. Knowing that like, if one night all of my, you know, my two best friends were like busy doing something, I have other options. You know what I'm saying? My friends

also have friends that they like, they do acting class. I don't. They have friends from that. It's nice to have other friends besides your best friends that you're not as close with, but that you still hang out with. You don't want to put all your eggs in one basket. That's the moral of that story. So this next one isn't a question, but somebody said, do you support LGBTQ plus? I was listening to one of your podcasts of the day

and randomly that question came to my mind and now I really wanna know. Okay, yes. I want you guys to know this about me because I mean, obviously, I feel like it's obvious but like, maybe it's not. I support everybody, everyone. I don't care about anything that has to do with anyone's identity at all.

That means nothing to me. I support and love everybody for who they are as a person, and I never judge and I support. As long as people are doing the right thing and being good people, I'm supporting you. You know what I mean? But also if I'm not supporting you, it has nothing to do with anything that you identify as, who you are as a person.

Okay, like, for example, if somebody fucking murders people, like I'm not gonna support that person, but that has nothing to do with anything else, besides the fact that they're making bad moral decisions and hurting others. If you're not hurting others pretty much, I support you. And even if you are hurting others, I want you to do better. That's where I'm at, okay? I have never cared about that or judged ever, ever.

And, you know, I just want you guys to know that no matter who you are, no matter what you identify as, I, no matter if you don't know yet, I don't care. Because that's not how I look at people. I don't look at people based on anything, except for how they treat me and how they treat others. That is the only way I look at people. And that's just how I was raised

and that is just whatever, but I just want you guys to know that I am in full support of everybody. Like, you know what I mean? And I just, I don't know. I mean, I think that's important because it's just important for you guys to know that, you know, you can feel safe DMing me about anything.

Even if it's necessary, like, I can't necessarily relate to certain struggles that you guys have dealt with, because we're also different, and we all such different lives. But I've never had to come out, so I don't know how to relate to that. But at the same time, I want you guys to feel comfortable

to vent about those things to me, because even though I maybe haven't dealt with it personally, or experienced that personally, I still would love to help in any way that I can if you guys are struggling with that. In the best way I can, take these things with a grain of salt from me, I'm not a fucking professional therapist of sorts,

like I'm not like a genius, but like, I wanna help and I accept all of you for exactly, I mean, it doesn't even, that's a no-brainer. Moral story is that's a no-fucking-brainer and I've never even, like, that's never even been a question. Moving on and moving forward. I just, I think it kind of scared me that somebody asked me that because I was like, wait, it scared me to think that somebody

would think that there was a chance that I didn't. And so I just needed to like talk about that. But this episode is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is more than a website builder. It's in all in one place to make an online space that's entirely your own. Their all in one platform allows you to customize everything from the fonts and color scheme to your domain name. All you have to do is choose from one of their beautifully designed templates as a starting off point. Then add whatever you need to show off your ideas to get your side hustle on.

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There's no instruction manual when it comes to being an adult. Sometimes I lay away at night rehashing something I said earlier that day, or I lay in bed at night thinking about what the future holds. I know I'm not the only one going through a lot of what ifs. Like, what if I get into a fender bender? Or what if my home gets broken into? But State Farm can help you with some of those big what-ifs. They're available to answer your questions day or night. You can reach them 24-7 file a claim on the State Farm mobile app or simply call your agent to ask what's on your mind. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Call or go to stateform.com for a quote today.

Okay, next one. I'm really insecure about my looks for some time now. Every time I look in the mirror, all I see is my imperfections. It's not that others think I'm ugly. They might though, but anyway, I just really hate how I look. Okay, girl, I feel you. I feel you. And, you know, I think it comes in phases in life.

And I think that it's impossible to expect yourself to always see yourself for how beautiful you are, right? I think it's really, it's borderline impossible to expect that from yourself. But you know what's something I've noticed is when I'm looking in the mirror and I'm picking out all of my imperfections and I'm judging myself, I found that it less has to do with how I actually look

and it more has to do with how I feel about myself on the inside. If I look in the mirror, let's say I've been having bad habits recently, like I've been on my phone too much or I haven't been getting my work done on time. Or I haven't been checking in on people as much. I weirdly find that those things making me feel bad about myself make me feel bad about how I look too. And it's so weird. But if you start doing those things and you start doing things that make you feel good about yourself, that have nothing to do with your appearance, that can really, really help. And it's so crazy because

when I feel like I have my life together and I feel like all of my ducks are in a row, right? I'm taking care of the people that I love. I'm taking care of myself, all of my ducks are in a row, right? I'm taking care of the people that I love. I'm taking care of myself, right? I'm doing things that are good for me. I'm not participating in things that are bad for me, whether that's being around bad people or not treating others the way that they should

probably be treated, stuff like that. When you eliminate those things, it subconsciously makes you respect yourself more and appreciate yourself more. So when you look in the mirror, you're less likely to nitpick and you're more likely to be like, you know what, you're a good person, but it's all subconscious. It's a very hard thing to do to look in the mirror when you are struggling and you're like, I look like shit, to just be like, you know what, I'm just going to change my mind.

If it was that easy, I think we would all have figured that out by now, but it's not. And so work on your soul in a way, and I think that that will help a lot, and that's helped me a lot. Okay, next, somebody said, I'm a junior in college. Four of my best friends all live in an apartment together without me, and one of them found out that the other three girls Have a group chat without her where they talk shit about her in the chat

That's fucked up I'm a mutual friend with all of them and I feel like I'm in the middle The fourth friend and I Try to discuss similar issues with the other three in the past, but their behavior hasn't really changed The fourth friend is now considering moving out of their apartment next year, which will leave me in an awkward situation of where I should live. And if I should continue to be friends with any of these people. It's very obvious that the three girls that had the group chat are not very good people.

Listen, shit like this happens between friendships with girls. It's impossible to assume that it won't. But if they've constantly had toxic behavior over the past few months without fail, I say you, in the fourth friend, the girl that was being talked badly about, I think you two go, you two get a place together

and you ditch those three other girls. You don't need that toxicity in your life, neither does the fourth friend. You guys escape from that. Neither of you are happy in this friendship of five. Okay, you need to get the fuck out of that. There's life is way too damn short. And I think that you're gonna feel better long term rooting for,

it's not gonna make you feel good if you side with the three friends. Because they all have each other, they don't need you guys. You guys go off and do your own thing. And go make new friends, fuck them, done. You're not living with them next year. I'm sorry, I made the decision for you. They're not good people. It's toxic. Somebody said, okay, am I need advice? What should I do if I'm in a loving relationship, but I also have a huge crush on somebody else?

Okay, so You're gonna have to put yourself second here, right because From what I'm getting from this is that you're at a loving relationship, okay? It's probably pretty positive. There's probably not a lot of drama in it. It's probably very simple and very comfortable. Great, but you have your eyes on somebody else. And listen, it's impossible to expect

from two human beings that occasionally, one of the people in the relationship might look at somebody and be like, ah, they're hot or like whatever. But if you have like a genuine crush, like, okay, there's a difference between admiring while in a relationship and having a crush while in a relationship. I think that it's impossible not to look at somebody

and be like, wow, they're really cool or they're really cute. You can still think those things when you're in a relationship, but when you're in a solid relationship that has a solid backbone and has a lot of substance, you're probably not going to be like, God, I wish I could pursue that person. Like, I have a crush on them. You need to get out of this relationship for two reasons. One, it's clear that it doesn't have enough substance in it to keep you excited, which is unfair to you. But also, it's unfair to who you're dating because they deserve your full undivided attention.

And unless you're in an open relationship, having your eyes on somebody else is just not right. Listen, it's not your fault. You having a crush on someone else is out of your control. So don't be mad at yourself about that. You don't need to feel guilty about that and nothing, but what you need to do is act on it, right? Because it's unfair to whoever you're dating to be in a relationship when your eyes are looking elsewhere. Again, be honest with yourself. Do you just think that somebody's good looking

or do you genuinely have a crush on them, like a full crush on them? Because if you have a full crush on them, it's time to end the relationship. Because, you know what, to be honest, your relationship might just not have enough substance for you. You might be bored of it. And that's totally fine. Yes, it's going to be painful and it's going to suck and it's going to hurt.

But this is part of life. So don't string along your current significant other. You know what I mean? Just because you are afraid of being alone again, right? It's just not fair. So that's that. Somebody said, Hi, am I love the podcast and it gets me through the week. I'm a 15 year old boy and I've been struggling

with my sexuality lately. I've never had feelings for guys, but I do sometimes have crazy thoughts about them, which I kind of like actually. Anyway, I'm also kind of girly and have a lot more girlfriends than boys. Is this a phase or is this something? Now listen, I want to preface this by saying, I don't want to seem ignorant or seem like

stupid for talking about this, being somebody that's never experienced it. Right? I've never experienced this. But I still feel like I might have something to say that could be useful, even though I haven't necessarily experienced it. So, but take it with a grain of salt, because again, I haven't dealt with this. And talking to somebody who has might be a little bit more useful. I don't think that you need to put any pressure on yourself to come to any sort of conclusion until you're ready to do that. And even if that was never, you don't ever need to come to a conclusion about this. There's no rush to figure out what your sexuality is.

You know what I'm saying? Let your mind grow and evolve. And I think that eventually the answer will present itself to you. Experiment a little bit if you want. You know, don't follow the rules of society that you need to have your mind made up, the second that you're born. You know what I mean? Like, let's say you went on a date with a boy, right? And just because you wanted to try it out, because you were curious. And let's say like you

went on the date and it ended up being great and you're like, this is awesome. I love this. I, this is, this makes sense. I feel like attracted to this guy, I feel like I could be romantic with this guy. This is great. Then, you know, there you go. But at the same time, if you go on a day with a guy and it doesn't work out and you're don't feel attracted to them and whatever, take it on a case by case basis. I think that the answer will present itself to you eventually. I don't think that it's just a phase because I don't like that terminology of like something

being a phase. Like that's not the right way to look at it. You're not going through a phase. You're just trying to figure out where you're at. You know what I'm saying? You're not going through a phase. You're just trying to figure out where you're at. You know what I'm saying? You're just, you're 15 years old. You're not, who is expecting you to, you know, have a full grasp of your sexuality, like yet. Like that's an insane thing to ask of a human being. So don't ask that of yourself.

You're so young, you just went through puberty, so many things will change over the next few years. Don't put pressure on yourself to have an answer. And also being friends with more girls than guys doesn't, that doesn't determine your sexuality. You know, your sexuality is something that has only, it only has to do with you. That's where I'm at with that. So I think just don't put pressure on yourself. Don't be afraid of experimenting in a way and be honest with yourself.

You know what I mean? I know that that's probably a lot easier said than done. And again, this is coming from somebody that hasn't necessarily experienced it, but I feel like, you know, there, no matter what the outcome is, no matter what your sexuality is, everybody's going to love and accept you regardless. And anybody who doesn't is a piece of shit and shouldn't be in your life anyways. They don't deserve you.

They don't deserve to have you in their life. If they're judging you for that, everybody in your life should be nurturing and accepting of whatever your sexuality may be. And that's the end of the story. So make sure that you have people around you that make you feel accepted and safe, you know, try your best to have those people around so that you can feel comfortable experimenting and you don't feel like people are gonna be, you know, you're not making decisions based on other people because you know that regardless of what you do or regardless of what you try or regardless of whatever,

you're gonna feel safe. And that's most important. Somebody said, hi, Amba, I just hung out with a boy and he's really sweet, but I don't think that we have a real connection. I don't want to lead him on, but I'm really bad at letting people down easy. Do you have any advice? This is where I ghost people. So I mean, it depends on how close friends you are with someone. If you guys are in like the same friend group, don't ghost him. But I would say the easiest way to do it

would be to slowly but surely just drift away. And I know that that might seem fucked up, but if you guys don't have a relationship yet, it's almost easier if it just kind of naturally fades away. Because I think that sometimes having this conversation where you're like, okay, I know we went on one day, but I don't fuck with you. That almost hurts worse.

If you guys have been on 10 dates, then you need to be like, hey, listen, I'm not looking for a relationship right now. I'm so sorry, you were really amazing. I'd love to be friends, but I just realized that I'm not ready to be going into a relationship. And I don't wanna lead you on, blah, blah, blah. But if you guys have gone on like one or two dates,

I think you can safely ghost them and it's fine. Then again, I'm always somebody who believes in communication. So if you feel comfortable with being like, hey, you know, you are really cool, but I don't want this to go the romantic route. I think we need to just either be friends or, you know, maybe regroup down the line, but I'm just not ready for this right now.

Because somebody can be really cool, but you just don't have that click. I mean, I've talked to so many guys where I'm like, this guy's cool, why don't I like them? But then it was just like, well, because we don't click. That's majority of the time that's what happens with me. It's like, I like them, like they're cool,

but like, and I, you know, even attracted to them, but like, I feel nothing emotionally. And that's when you know that it's not maybe the best, because you don't want to, either, there's fucking seven billion people on this planet. You don't need to be talking to somebody that you don't have a strong connection to, point blank period. This episode is brought to you by LiquidIV. You might think that hydration is only necessary after intense crazy activities, like working

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Okay, next one. Hi, Emma. Can you talk about long term relationships? Would you ever want to date somebody as a teen and spend years with them and then get married? Or do you like to date a lot of people as a teen and fuck around and not have to be committed to one relationship for the rest of your life? I love you so much. Okay, so I really think that this is so

situational for everybody. I really, I like for me personally, I don't think that there's one right answer, right? I don't think that there's one, I think that it's completely based on what type of person you are and what works best for you. For me personally, I don't like fucking around because to be completely honest, I find it to be a waste of time and I don't have fun with it. A lot of people I now have fun fucking around. Like they don't mind things that are kind of emotionless.

Like, whereas with me, it's hard for me to be attracted to somebody that I'm not in love with, I found. I usually will, like if I'm in love with someone, then I enjoy, like my point is, I don't like hooking up with somebody, oh my God, I can't lose. I don't like cooking up with somebody, oh my God, I can't lose. I don't like doing that with somebody that I don't have a genuine connection to.

Listen, have I done it? Absolutely. But it made me feel bad. And I don't know why that is, but I didn't have a crazy phase of that. Like maybe, my list of that was small. Like I didn't, I had a really hard time with it. I think I did it two or three times in my whole life

where I was not in a relationship and I just randomly was like, okay, you for today. Like that, but it was not good for me. Because number one, it took an emotional toll on me. Because it made me feel weird. And I don't know why that is. And it was kind of fun. Like yeah, it was kind of fun.

But it felt so empty that I like, you wake up the next day and you think about it and you're like, I feel empty. Whereas I'm the type of person where my ideal situation is like being in love with somebody and spending time with them and like feeling safe with them and having a genuine connection with them. Like that's something that is just so exciting to me. So I'd rather just be single

and like not talking to anyone until somebody comes around, and I'm like, yeah, I'd date this person. So but sometimes you pursue someone for a little bit that you think that you would date and then you find out later that you aren't into it and then that's fine too. I just don't like things that are meaningless from the start where you know that it's like you

have no plan of that going anywhere. You're just like this is just for right now for fun. I can't do that. And even so I'm always dating with the like I'm always my goal is to always hopefully if it works out get into a relationship with said person. I'm not gonna force it though, if it's not right, it's not right. But my goal going into everything is like, okay, if this works out, I will date them. I'm never going into it like, I'll date this person for a few months. Like I'm always going into it with the long term mindset.

Just because I prefer a long term relationship and I also need stability in my life. Like I, if I'm, when it comes to boys and stuff, I don't like when things are all over the place. I either like to be talking to no guys or to be talking to a guy that I'm going to date. And I also date with the mindset of like, is this person treating me well

and is this person a good enough match for me to a point where like I would marry them? And if the answer is no, then I break up with them, right? Because I think it's a waste of time to be dating somebody just for the moment if it's not gonna go anywhere. Why would I waste time with somebody that I'm not gonna spend a long time with when I could just break up with them and go find the person that I would rather spend a long time with? I'm that's kind of more where my head's at. When it comes to like meeting somebody really young and dating them for intel marriage, I think that if it's the right person,

I think that that's, you're gonna know, I think a lot of you are afraid of that, right? They're afraid of like meeting somebody young that they wanna be with forever and missing out on like a crazy hookup phase. I personally don't like that hookup. I don't like that shit. It's not how I'm wired.

So for me, like ideally, like I would prefer to find somebody younger and just find somebody that I can be with forever. But I also think that if you're with the right person at a young age, you won't get bored of them in a way. And you know what else I found too? If you can find somebody at a young age that's your best friend, as well as your significant other,

and somebody who gets you in a very deep way, you guys are both gonna grow together in a way that keeps it exciting. And if it's truly a good match, then being together forever is like the dream come true. You know what I mean? If you feel like you're in a prison because you've been with somebody since you were 19 and now you're 25, then that just means you're not with the right person, but I think that if you're with the right person being together at like a young age until forever isn't scary. Because I've been with people before where I was like, I can't imagine being with this

person for another year. Talk about forever. Oh, I don't know about that. And then that was when I knew that it was not working, you know. And so then you leave. And that's it. But I also have been in relationships where in the moment I was like, oh yeah, I would definitely like, I could marry this person

But then you know down the line you're like Never mind and then you break up and then you move on and you find somebody better and it you will always find somebody better Trust me the second you think that you found the best guy you've ever met The best guy you've ever met is probably still out there Or girl anybody it doesn't matter, but I'm just speaking more for myself here. And then eventually I think you find them, and then you stick there no matter what age you are, no matter whatever the fuck, young or old, it doesn't matter. Somebody said my boyfriend and I met in quarantine and next semester we're going to be in two

different states. He told me two months before we leave, he doesn't want to do long distance. I told him it's hard to continue dating knowing he definitely wants to end this in two months. Should I try to live in the moment like he says or end it now? I think it's a lot to ask of you to just live in the moment when you know that it's going to be over and there's an end date. I think that that's really borderline impossible. And I think that's a lot to ask, especially if there's feelings involved. I would say if you can live in the moment, try your best to do so. But if you can't, understand that most

people wouldn't be able to. If I was dating somebody and then they literally were like, okay, we're breaking up in X amount of time. I'd be like, no, we're breaking up right now. I can't, I can't, because then it's like all the memories you make and all the shit, it would be too emotionally taxing to be living in the moment, knowing that it's going to be over. If you guys don't have this crazy, like, soul connection and it's kind of like more of a surface level type of thing where like, yeah, you like them

but like whatever, then maybe have fun with it. But if it's a really deep connection, you might as well like just end it now and move on because that's a lot to ask of you. Next, somebody said, what are your thoughts on influencers constantly getting in trouble? You know, listen, it's so tough because I feel, it's hard because I think we just have a bunch of young teenager or college-aged kids that are in the public eye and I think that a lot of them don't know how to handle themselves or be like a lot of the influencers that do bad things would be doing those bad things if they were on camera or not. The only difference is is that they are under a

microscope and so I think it's just people who aren't maybe cut out to be in the public eye because they're just the type of person that's problematic. And it's not their fault that they're in the public eye. Is it their fault that they're doing bad things? Absolutely. Is it good that they're being held accountable? Absolutely, yes. But it's sad because it's like, well, these people would be doing this if they were like in college and never, you know, and had three followers on Instagram, they'd be doing the same shit. It's just that that's their personality and they were just handed this life

and they don't know how to handle it. And I know that it's like, okay, well, people who are making mistakes should never have any kind of like mercy. I get that, but like, okay, well, people who are making mistakes should never have any kind of like mercy. I get that, but also you have to understand like nobody has to be put in the spot. Yes, you're supposed to adapt. If you're somebody who naturally likes to get into trouble, you should probably learn how to adapt so that you understand how to handle your platform and shit, a thousand percent. But at the same time, most of the kids and the public eye are the kids, they're kids.

If we expected them to be these perfect angels all the time, I mean, we would be very disappointed because kids are going to be kids. And most of the things that influencers do that are like fuck ups are things that kids at your high school do, kids in your college do. But it's just there in the public eye. Doesn't make it right, but it's also like, we have to deal, we have to realize what we're looking at here.

We're looking at children. Of course they're gonna fuck up. Everybody fucks up. But like, you know, more rowdy kids are just how are they? We're not dealing with geniuses here, you know, we're dealing with a normal kid that just has a lot of followers That doesn't give them some sort of superpower to not be problematic If they are then they are and they would be no matter where they were so I don't know. I guess it's like

Where do we go from there? God only knows. Next, somebody said, so my entire life, there's been this narrative that high school is supposed to be the best years of your life and everything is supposed to be this big spectacle, but given the pandemic and everything, it doesn't feel like that. I'm not excited for promising your stuff. Help. Listen, I didn't go to, I didn't go to senior year, I didn't go to prom or senior year. I can tell you that I doubt that we missed much. You know what I mean? To be honest, all of my best years of my life that I've had so far, like I've never, I think that high school were the worst years of my life,

safe to say. I think middle school was better. Ah, that's debatable. Middle school is pretty fucking bad. High school was not a great time for me. My life has only gotten better since I've graduated. And most of the people I know can say the same. It's what you make of it.

And if you're not excited about the rest of high school, don't worry about it. You have your whole life. There's a bigger picture to all of this. College is gonna be so fun. Getting a job that you're excited about could be so fun. Having children and having a family one day, it's such a bigger picture.

Imagine four years of your life, where you're doing school work being the best. No, that's just not true. That's fucking what movies say. That's not reality. I've never, I've rarely met people who have said that high school is the best four years of their life. I rarely meet people who say that. And usually the people who say that are not very pleasant people.

I've found. They tend to be pretty miserable. Don't worry about it. Okay. There are so many things to look forward to. All right. Next, somebody said, please help me balance my social life and school life. You know what?

I don't know if I've said this before, but I really wish somebody would have said this to me when I was in high school. I felt all this pressure to take honors classes, AP classes, any advanced class that I could possibly get into, and it completely ruined my life. Completely ruined my life. I never slept. I never had a social life. I didn't develop social skills because of it, because I was just at home doing homework all the time. I didn't take care of my body. I was like, I mean, I just neglected myself. And what I realized is, there's always this pressure

on society to go to this amazing college and, you know, go to this fucking prestigious this and do this prestigious that and to get the best grades and to be so perfect. But we are in a time now where that it's just it's so different now, I feel like, where so many people are taking alternate routes, you know, I know a lot of people are taking alternate routes. I know a lot of people are going to community college for two years and then transferring to a university. I know a lot of people are taking a gap year.

I know a lot of people are deciding to do online college. There's so many, I mean, a lot of people are even choosing to go to schools that, yeah, maybe they're not like a fucking Ivy League, but like, they'll be happy there. And they didn't have to bust their ass to an unhealthy point to get into that school and they're equally as happy there. You have to understand that like,

going to some sort of crazy college, it's not worth it for the pain that you endure to try to get those grades that like you need to get in. Listen, if it's your passion and it's your dream and it's all you've ever wanted and you're willing to give up your social life for that, by all means, go crazy. That's kind of what I did. And for what? Because look at me.

It's fucking dumb. I didn't even like look at me now, but whatever. Nothing is worth your mental health. Nothing is worth ruining your quality of life. Are you gonna remember the nights of fucking AP laying homework that you did? No. Are you gonna remember the nights that you and your friends

went to a football game? Yes. Remember that. When you are 50 years old, you you going to remember the nights that you and your friends went to a football game? Yes. Remember that. When you are 50 years old, you're not going to remember doing homework until 6 a.m. or studying until 7 a.m. Studying all night, you're not going to remember that shit. I get it. School's hard.

It teaches you discipline. And so to a certain extent, having a crazy workload is part of it. But it gets to a point sometimes where all you're doing is school and you don't get to do anything fun. And that's when you need to readjust and you need to reassess, what class could I, you know, let's say you really want to do biology, like you want a major in biology. There's no reason for you to be in an AP English class There's no reason for you to be in

You know In AP psychology class. There's just no reason for that or an AP history class. You do not need to be doing that It's like pry oratize The things that you're passionate about and Be okay with like, you know, like leveling out your workload a little bit because it's unnecessary. And you're gonna be fine regardless.

I was so obsessed with getting into a prestigious college and I was like, this is the only, this is like my identity, like this will be my identity, this will make people respect me. And I get that, respect me and I get that but and I get why I felt like that but that's not the right way to look at this school and college and all of that it's not about the image that it portrays there's a it's about getting a job that you're gonna have for a long

time that you're excited about I, think about all the people that have gone to, you know, a normal fucking college that have ended up getting amazing jobs. And even the other way around, look at people who have gone to amazing colleges that have struggled to get a job outside of it. It's all about life is a lot. It's a, there's a way larger picture here. And nothing is there's no exact path. And so you just have to do your best, but you also have to live in the moment. Somebody said, I'm 15 and my mind is living in the year 2030, aka when

I'm settled down with a husband, kids, a house, and all done with school. I've had very intense baby fever for a while and I know I sound crazy but I literally can't stop thinking about how my life will be, please help. It's sort of because my life is a mess, family issues, wanting to move out, hating school, et cetera. So imagining my life 10 years from now is maybe a coping mechanism, I don't know. I don't think that there's anything wrong with this. I think as long as you don't make any rash decisions and you don't just go and get pregnant right now, I don't think that it's a bad thing

to fantasize about 15 years down the line. I mean, I do the same thing. I'm 19, but I fantasize about that all the time, because I, as well as you, crave the stability of having a family of my own one day. And for me, it's because life on the internet is so like jarring and scary, and it's hard to trust anybody, and every day,

nothing is ever guaranteed. And people spread rumors about you, and everything is so upsetting and jarring and anxiety-provoking that fantasizing about when things will be a little bit more simple is like a dream. And so I totally get it. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. As long as it's just a fantasy and you're not jumping the gun on anything. I think there's nothing wrong with fantasizing about things in life and manifesting. Think about it as manifesting. I really do not think there's anything wrong with that.

Somebody said, hi, am I? In a couple of days, I have a serious test, which will determine if I'm able to go to the elite groups of high schools, and I'm really nervous. I don't know how to cope with these nerves. Love you, and the podcast is amazing. This is kind of goes back to the college question. It's like, I think people forget.

I had to take the same test because when I was going to I went to a private high school and I Was also stressed out because I wanted financial aid So there was a lot of pressure on me because I was like I want to go to these elite schools So I have to test well, but also I'd love to get a scholarship At the same time if that's like possible if I score well Maybe they'll give me money to pay for my tuition. You know what I mean? So I totally get this.

But you know what I realized as I got older? I realized that if I would have not passed the tests and I would have not gotten financial aid, blah, blah, blah, blah, I would have been totally fine. I would have been totally fine and I would have made the most out of whatever experience I was put into. And everything happens for a reason too.

I think that people forget that. Do your absolute best on the test, you'll probably be fine. The high school, those like private high school tests or so. I don't know. I didn't meet a lot of people. You'll be fine. You'll probably be fine.

But even if you aren't, even if you don't pass, even if, you know, maybe the one in your state is like really fucking crazy hard or maybe the one, you know, whatever, and it's like impossible to pass and it's like whatever, listen, if you didn't pass and you don't get in, it wasn't meant to be, and you adapt and you will be fine. I feel like every time something unfortunate like that happens, there's always a silver lining. And be patient with the universe and wait for it to show you that silver lining.

And it will. And it will. So, Trist try to remember that. You'll be fine and you will survive either way. Okay, last but not least, somebody said, can you talk about red flags and some maybe even green flags in friendships and relationships that you should pay attention to?

Yes, I kind of want to make a whole episode about this, but I'm gonna start with red flags. Okay, red flags. If somebody doesn't listen to you and doesn't validate your feelings, that is an immediate red flag. If somebody is just like constantly dismissing your feelings and is not attentive with your feelings, immediate red flag, that's number one.

Number two, if somebody is just disrespectful to people in general, if somebody is just disrespectful to people in general, if somebody is just like an asshole to like everyone that they meet, like an asshole to a waiter at a restaurant, an asshole to a barista at a coffee shop, an asshole to the guy who works at the gas station. Somebody who's just generally an asshole, bad sign. Another one is somebody who is really, really wishy-washy. You can't rely on them for

anything. That can be a red flag. It's very situational, but it can be a red flag. If you're really close with somebody, but you can't rely on them, this one's more relationships because they feel like with friendships, it's tough because it's like, you know, usually people have like multiple groups of friends and like sometimes they can't, I think that's more of a relationship one. You should be able to trust your significant other with your fucking life. I refuse to date somebody if I'm not like literally I trust you with every bone in my body. And even though I have trust issues, you still deep down know that they're not fucking shit up. Until they do and then you're like, what the fuck? But yeah, green flags should be, I mean obviously the opposite of all those things. So trust worthy, reliable, attentive, honest, communicative about things, about their

feelings and about, you know, and some people are more closed off and don't want to communicate about everything. But as long as they're communicating about important pressing matters, that's all that matters, somebody that supports you and everything that you do and uplifts you rather than brings you down, right? Somebody that really creates a solid foundation for you. You can lean on them and you know that they believe in you, right?

Also, I think somebody who you can tell adores you. Like, I feel like people don't like think about that enough and I was thinking about this the other day, but people will accept treatment by others that's below par. I only surround myself around people that I genuinely feel like really really love me. And vice versa, like I really try my best. I'm definitely not the most affectionate person, but I do my best to show the people around me that I genuinely adore them with every bone in my body.

And I think that that's really important. And you know what? I can't do that for everybody because I don't genuinely adore everybody. But for my closest circle, yes. Actually, I wanna do one more because I'm having fun. Somebody said, last one, is virginity a big deal?

Have I talked about this? I can't fucking remember whatever I'll answer it anyway. And should I be worried if the person that I wanted to lose my virginity to is also a virgin? By the way, love your podcast, and love you, love you too. I, okay, I think I've talked about this, but I can't remember, so we're just gonna do it again. And maybe my answer will be a little bit different.

But I think that it's all up to you. I think that if it's a big deal to you, then it's a big deal to you. Do you know what I'm saying? I don't think, but if it's not a big deal to you, then that's okay too. And I think that people are always like, this is so sacred and like, you know, whatever.

But like for some people, it just isn't. And it just doesn't matter. And I think it's all up to you. I mean, I think that there's things to consider, you know, should it be with somebody you trust? Yes, because it's a very jarring experience. Like you need to be with somebody that you feel comfortable with, 1000%.

There's a lot of safety precautions that need to go into play. Like all of, as long as all of those things are covered, then the rest is all up to you, emotionally. Like, are you ready? Like, is this something that's gonna upset you? Is this somebody that you feel like you're not gonna be with for a long time?

Is that okay with you? If you guys aren't together for a long time, is there a religious element? There's so many things, but I think that as long as the safety precautions are being taken, I really don't think, and the person that you're with is respectful of you and your body and whatever.

I think that it's not something you need to be scared of, right? But it is something, you know, there's a lot of precautions that need to be taken. And so I think that it's just like finding that balance. But you brought up something interesting, two virgins together. I don't know much about that, but I do know that that's probably happened to bazillion times. And so, I think you don't have anything to worry about. It's human nature to have sex.

Humans are like meant to know how that works, right? So I think you guys will figure it out, And I think you have nothing to be afraid of. As long as you're in a safe, loving, nurturing environment with somebody who cares about you and with somebody that you're comfortable with, I think you go crazy. Go crazy.

Okay, last two questions. Somebody said, I'll combine them because they're kind of the same. Somebody said reinventing myself. You mentioned in a recent video that you always reinvent yourself and are constantly making changes. And I just want to know how, because I want to be seen as a totally different person. And then somebody said, changing your appearance question mark, I cannot look the same for a

long time because it drives me insane. Okay. I think, on the same way, way, I like to constantly reinvent myself, constantly dye my hair, maybe change up my style a little bit. I mean, at the end of the day, when I'm reinventing myself, I'm still the same me inside, and that's something that I'm aware of, and I think that a lot of people who maybe are uncomfortable

with who they are on the inside, become obsessed with changing their outward appearance, because they're like, well, this, you know, makes me seem like a different person than I am. At the end of the day, what's going on inside of you will evolve naturally and you can't really control that. But on the outside, I think it's fun to have fun with, you know, your appearance.

Like for me, I'm always dying my hair. I mean, not really. I don't do any crazy colors, but like, you know, I'm blonde sometimes, number, net and whatever. And, you know, I like to change up my style one day. I'm wearing like all leather and then the next day I'm wearing, sometimes, number, net, and whatever. And, you know, I like to change up my style one day, I'm wearing like all leather, and then the next day I'm wearing like some sort of hippie outfit. Like, I'm unpredictable.

Who knows who I am? Or then the next day, I'm like, you know, fucking e-girl. I don't, whatever. I just like to switch it up, because it's fun, and it's fun to like, experiment, and figure out what I like best. And also, I don't like to stick to just one thing. That's why I'm constantly reinventing myself, because I like so many things. I like so many styles, that I don't like to stick to just one thing. That's why I'm constantly reinventing myself because I like so many things. I like so many styles that I don't want to put myself in one box like, Oh, you have to dress like this all the time.

Oh, you have to have this hair color all the time. Oh, you have to do your makeup like this all the time. No, I don't. I can do whatever the fuck I want. And so can you. So if you want to reinvent yourself, there's no like reason not to. There's no rules about that. It's you, it's your body, it's your clothes, you can do whatever the fuck you want. And I think you just have fun with it. But just know that even when you see somebody constantly reinventing themselves, that doesn't mean they're reinventing themselves on the inside.

That type of shit happens on its own. You know, so, anyway. Okay, I think I'm done. I've said that it was like last question six times and then I keep finding more that I like, but I'm gonna stop now. I hope you guys enjoyed this advice session. I love you guys very much.

Thank you for tuning in every week. I really appreciate it. If you wanna be a part of the next advice session or just ask me questions for the next episode, the Twitter's at AG podcast. You can tweet me. I read that shit all the time. And I'm always reading your SDM's. So feel free to vent to me about anything if you want advice, if you want to tell me a story like whatever at AG podcast on Twitter. Also, rate anything goes

on Apple podcasts. If you'd like little five stars and never heard anyone, it actually helps me a lot. So I'd really appreciate that. And if you're enjoying it and you love it. And yeah, I love you guys so much. And I hope you guys have an amazing week, an amazing month. We're almost in 2021. Let's just get through this last few months and then hopefully 2021 has some good news

in store. I feel hopeful that maybe things will turn around. If not, I'm moving to Europe. Okay. Bye guys.