anything goes with emma chamberlain - advice session #8

Episode Date: January 28, 2021

It's another advice session! Answering questions on trust issues in friendships, how much time should you be spending with your significant other, and are you actually into that person or are they just hot?  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey guys, welcome back to anything goes. I'm Emma Chamberlain, your host, and your bestie if you want me to be. I swear to God, guess what? I press record and the cats start scratching at the door. This happens without fail every time. It's like they literally wait for me to press record to start meowing at me. It's unbelievable. I will be back. OK. Anyway, today we're going to be doing an advice session. I'm really excited. I had you guys tweet at me on the Twitter at AG podcast. You can DM me.

You can tweet at me on the Twitter at AG podcast. You can DM me, you can tweet at me, whatever, and I will read through your guys' issues and things that you're struggling with and try to give you my best advice. Again, I've never said this as a disclaimer before, but I do want to remind you, no matter what you're struggling with, it's never about idea to seek help, whether it's from an adult in your life, a therapist, a professional, if it's something a little more severe. You know, please remember how important those resources are, but I also feel like as a 19-year-old girl who's struggled with a lot of things, I still like to give my input to my besties. My besties

are you guys. So let me pull these up and we'll get right on started. All right. The first person said, I need advice on how to not be super scared of somebody seeing your body when you start a relationship. I have scars on my body and I'm super insecure and I usually get out of something that's serious. I totally understand this and it is super vulnerable in a relationship when especially when you're older too when it's like wait a minute, wait a minute, this is not a middle school relationship anymore. You might have to see not a middle school relationship anymore. You might have to see my belly button and other stuff. You know what I mean? And it's fucking scary. I, you know, it is terrifying. So for starters, I want to say, you being uncomfortable and frightened by this is totally normal, totally

normal. I don't know one person that doesn't struggle with this at least in the beginning like when they first start Having relationships that are maybe more mature where you know, that's an element My advice is if you show up with confidence There's just no way you can go wrong. And that's something that I've realized because I've gone through so many phases with my body and the way that I look at my body and, you know, all of that stuff.

And every time, whether it's with a new person or it's with somebody I've been dating for six months, I just remember, if I show up and I do this shit with confidence, I can't go wrong. And guess what, I've never gone wrong. It's always worked out in my favor. Because if somebody's with you, it's because they're attracted to you,

and they love you, and they appreciate you. You cannot go wrong. But I think that the element of confidence is for you. It's almost like I've used this metaphor before, but it's like when you're sad or you're crying, and you look in the mirror, and you smile at yourself in the mirror, it immediately helps you stop crying. And it immediately makes you feel better in a weird subconscious way.

It's the same thing. If you fucking, okay, not to be like weirdly, TMI here, but let's say you're like taking off your shirt. If you're like fucking and you just like take it off and you're not timid about it and you just have confidence about it, you just have confidence about it. You may have to act here. You may have to literally be acting to seem swob about it. Like you don't give a fuck.

Like you're just confident and you're like fuck yeah, I don't give a fuck. That is so attractive not only to the other person, but also to you. You're gonna be like wait fuck that was kind of dope. Like holy shit. Okay bitch, you know, like that was kinda dope. Like holy shit. Okay, bitch, you know? Like, that was fire. Like you're cool, you know what I mean? It makes you feel like I got this shit in the bag. And it makes them believe that you're confident,

even if you're not, it almost starts to make you think you're confident when you're not. It starts with acting. It starts with going through the motions and just acting as confident as you can, even if a little bit of acting is needed. And then eventually, it's going to be like, wait, I am actually confident now because I've done this so many times that now I realize, wait, I don't need to even act anymore.

I actually feel confident in this situation. But showing your body to your significant other is so terrifying because number one, of course, as a human being, you want to be attractive to them, right? And there's a lot of moving parts in a romantic relationship. It's like, not only do they need to like you for who are, but they also need to be attracted to you because there's a whole intimate side to relationships. And I know I struggle with that a lot because I'm like, when I first meet a guy, I'm always like, well, I hope they like it. Like, I don't know, you know what I mean? How are you, like, it's scary.

You're like, I hope that they're attracted to me enough to like being a, I'm attractive enough to them, to, for them to be in a relationship. It's so, it's so easy to go down that rabbit hole and be like, I hope that they're attracted to me even when I'm not clothed, because if not, then this isn't gonna work.

And it's out of your control and it's so easy to be concerned about that. But at the end of the day, it's really less about what you look like naked and it's a lot more about what's in your heart. I know that I could be talking to the best looking guy ever who I was so incredibly physically attracted to, but if you was a douchebag,

that would make him ugly to me immediately. Whereas I'd so much rather day to day that I don't even find as attractive, but that I have this crazy connection with. Although I have never dated a guy that I'm not physically attracted to. The moral of the story is, physical appearance

is really not as important as you think it is when it comes to that stuff. And I don't care who you are, I don't care what you think about yourself, you are hot. And you need to look at yourself in the mirror and believe it, I work on this constantly. I'm always trying to do this. I'm always trying to be like, Emma, you are very hot.

Yes, Emma, sure. I'm like, even if I'm fucking lying to myself, I'm constantly trying to convince myself of that. And I think it does help, but it's not easy moving on. Somebody said, is it cheating if my boyfriend tells other girls that they're pretty or hot? It feels like cheating to me, but I want more input. Here's my possibly old-fashioned opinion. Do I think it's cheating kind of?

No, it's not fully cheating. No, it's not fully cheating. Because I think fully cheating means it needs to be a lot worse for it to be fully cheating, right? I don't think that cheating is really a word that we need to use in this scenario. I think it's disrespectful. And here's why. Can your boyfriend find other women attractive? Yes, he can. Can he control that? No, he can't. Can you find other men attractive? Yes, you can. That's not up to you.

I don't care who you are. If you're in a relationship, I don't care how good that relationship is. You still are gonna find other people attractive because that's just how this works. But it's how you react to that feeling. Like, if I'm in a relationship and I think another guy is good looking,

I can acknowledge that, but I'm also like, okay, but I don't give a fuck. You know, I'm never gonna, I would never act on it. I don't even want to act on it. It's my worst nightmare to act on it. Like, if that's not even on my horizon, and this is not even something that ever needs to be brought up,

it's like a passing thought. If I'm dating a guy and he sees a girl my horizon and this is not even something that ever needs to be brought up. It's like a passing thought. If I'm dating a guy and he sees a girl on the street and thinks that she's pretty, yeah, I want to punch her in the face, sure. But at the same time, that's not something he can control. Period. The thing is him verbalizing this opinion, him verbalizing finding other women attractive

at all is completely unnecessary, unless it's like maybe between him and his friend. Like if him and his friend are walking on the street and he's like, oh wow, that girl's beautiful. Okay, come on. That's a hard thing to avoid. But if you're aware that he's calling girls pretty cute, hot in any way,

that's just disrespectful and unnecessary. If I'm dating a guy, I would never be like, oh, that dude's hot. Ever. I would never do that. I'd never be like, oh, he's's hot. Ever. I would never do that. I'd never be like, oh, he's really, he's really cute. Ever. Because it's just disrespectful.

Actually, I think I did do that once in front of a guy. I was dating on accident, but I didn't mean it. And I feel like this is a good exception. Like, one time my friend was on a dating app and she was scrolling through a bunch of guys and I was like, oh oh that guy's kind of cute And I said that in front of the guy that I in that moment was dating and

I Remember thinking about it after him being like wait. I don't know if that like I was like is that not okay? But I think that that's okay because it's so clearly like a guy for my friend. Do you know what I mean? But I don't know's okay because it's so clearly like a guy for my friend. Do you know what I mean? But I don't know, even that maybe is okay. I don't know. I just think it's not respectful. And I think if he's trying to make you jealous, trying to make you feel bad from calling

other girls pretty cute blah, blah, blah. That's just not a good guy. A good guy should make you feel like you're the only pretty girl in the world. Even though that's not true, but I think that that's where the bar should be. And trust me, it's possible. It is possible. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. There's no instruction manual when it comes to being an adult. Sometimes I lay away at night rehashing something I said earlier that day, or I lay in bed

at night thinking about what the future holds. I know I'm not the only one going through a lot of what-ifs. Like what if I get into a fender bender or what if my home gets broken into. But state farm can help you with some of those big what-ifs. They're available to answer your questions day or night. You can reach them 24-7, file a claim on the State Farm mobile app or simply call your agent to ask what's on your mind. Like you good neighbor, State Farm is there. Call or go to statefarm.com for a quote today. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is more than a

website builder. It's an all-in-one place to make an online space that's entirely your own. Their all-in-one platform allows you to customize than a website builder. It's in all in one place to make an online space that's entirely your own. Their all-in-one platform allows you to customize everything from the fonts and color scheme to your domain name. All you have to do is choose from one of their beautifully design templates as a starting off point. Then, at whatever you need to show off your ideas to get your side hustle on, you've got all the tools you need to sell products, schedule appointments, and send email campaigns to your mailing list.

Plus, everything is optimized for mobile, so it looks just as good on a phone as it does on a desktop. Check out squarespace.com for more features and inspiration and when you're ready to build your site. Use the offer code Emma for 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain Somebody said can you give advice for a new youtuber or somebody who wants to do YouTube editing scheduling anything on that area?

sure Honestly my tips with YouTube are I Recommend uploading as much as you can I think the best advice I can give is make as many fucking videos as you possibly can. And the reason why this is my advice is because the more videos you make, the more you're going to figure out. You're going to get better at editing. You're going to get better at coming up with ideas. You are going to start to figure out what your style is.

You're gonna start getting more and more comfortable in front of the camera. It's gonna become a routine. Also the more videos you have up, the more videos people have to watch of you, the more videos that exist of you, and the higher likelihood of somebody being like, wait, I really like this YouTuber. And I binge like 10 of their videos, I really like them. I'm going to subscribe. If you have one video, people are a lot less likely to subscribe.

If you have five videos, people are a lot less likely to subscribe. If you have 30 videos, people are going to be like, this person's consistent, I love them. I'm going to subscribe. Make as many videos as you can. And also, don't be afraid to go outside of the box. Like, if you've never seen somebody do something before, that probably means it's a good idea.

Somebody said, Hi, Emma, I'm an introvert, but I'm also really social and I like spending time with friends. However, I have this really bad habit of cutting people off when I feel left out or excluded from a group's last friendship. I feel awful and regret it every time, when I feel left out or excluded from a group's last friendship. I feel awful and regret it every time, but I feel like I do it for a reason. I often feel really anxious and bad about myself in my big group because I'm usually everyone's

last resort. Do I have real problematic trust issues or am I just being overly sensitive? Any advice? I don't think that you have anything to feel guilty about. I don't think that you have even really trust issues, necessarily, and I definitely don't think you're being overly sensitive. I think that this friend group dynamic just simply doesn't work for you. And there's nothing negative about that.

That's just how it is. There's nothing wrong with you in a friendship Obviously there's gonna be ups and downs obviously sometimes things are gonna be rough But then the next moment they could be great and they could be great for months to follow like there's always gonna be dips in everything Relationships life all of it But if your instinct Wants you to cut somebody off, there's probably a good reason for it. If you feel like you're everybody's last resort

and you don't wanna be that way, then that's just not the right friend group for you. Go find a friend group that's maybe a little bit smaller, maybe a little bit more intimate, two to five people, maybe, or maybe even two to four, two to three. And see how that works out for you. Because I personally am not great in big groups either because it's always like that.

There's always somebody being left out. And whether it's me feeling bad because I can see somebody being left out, but I don't know what to do about it. Or I'm the one being left out. I just never works for me. I just don't like it. So I will leave and I don't feel bad. Do you know how many friendships I'm ruining on a day-to-day basis because I just don't have the energy for it or just doesn't feel right to me? So many. Do I feel guilty about it sometimes?

Sure, but what do I remind myself? It's my life And I am number one most important person in my life. The people that I just can't hold friendships with or the people that I've cut off, they'll be fine. They're doing just fine without me. You know what I'm saying? They don't need me. I need to do what's best for me. And if that means making different friends,

if that means having less friends, if that means having less friends, whatever that means for me, that's number one priority. So think of it like that. There's nothing wrong with you. You're just not in a friendship dynamic that works best for you. And I think a good way to transition out of it is to have one foot in this friendship,

but have another foot in the rest of the world and start looking for new friends. And let me know what happens. I know how you're failing and I totally get it and you got this. Somebody said, hi, Amid, do you think it's healthy in a relationship to be seeing each other every day?

My boyfriend and I live close and with college being online at the moment due to COVID, we spend all of our time together and we've almost merged into one person at this point. If I want this relationship to last, do you think we need to change? So it's hard to know because I do think it's a very personal thing and like some people can function really well being together constantly because they know how to separate their own lives even though they're together constantly, right? So, even though you guys are together 24-7,

you're not fully interacting 24-7. It's like, you guys are both doing your own schoolwork in different rooms. You guys are doing certain activities without one another. You're not constantly, yes, you're constantly together, but you're not constantly, yes, you're constantly together, but you're not consciously, constantly together. God, that was a tongue twister. Consciously, constantly together. You guys have a separation mentally because you have your own things going on. You guys have your

own lives. Maybe he goes out and goes for a run. And you go out and like, you know, like to sit in the park and write poetry. I don't fucking know, but you see what I'm saying? I think when it gets toxic is when you guys are constantly interacting and like constantly checking in on what the other person is doing and you know not letting the other person do anything on their own. Like let's say your boyfriend wants to go on a run. You're like I need to come on every run. Like it's like there needs to be some distance. You guys need to do some stuff separate. As long as that's happening I think it's fine.

But I do think that distance in relationships is so fucking important. Because especially at a young age, you still need to form your own identity. I love spending time with dudes when I'm dating them. It's my favorite thing on the planet. It's like an escape. It's great because I love them and I like to look at them and it's amazing. Don't get me wrong. It's like the I love them and I like to look at them and it's amazing, don't get me wrong. It's like the best thing ever.

That's not really creepy. I like to look at them, but you know what I'm saying? Like, right? It's like being with your significant other is like, when you're in a positive and healthy relationship, it's like the best shit ever. It's like, you feel like relief almost. It's like, okay feel like relief almost.

It's like, okay, finally, it's like something that can help me escape from my problems and make me feel like I'm in a dream world. You know what I mean? That's kind of what a relationship is sometimes. And I think that maintaining that escape quality with your significant other is so important. So even if you guys are spending all day together, technically, like you guys are in close proximity all day, still having each other as an escape at the end of the day when you're done with your work, when you're done with school, and being able to escape into them at the end of the day, I think that's so important. But the only way to maintain that is to have different interests, to have different hobbies,

to do different activities throughout the day, and not do everything together. That's a huge priority for me. And I think it really creates a stronger relationship. But it is hard because it's like, you love somebody you want to do everything with them, but I find that spending too much time with your significant other, too much conscious time with your significant other can make things go stale, you know, and it ruins the excitement. That's why it's good to kind of spice things up, go on a trip without them every once in a while, stuff like that.

Somebody said, hi, I'm blonde right now, and I bleach my hair every two months, and I really wanna dye it dark because of seeing your videos, because my hair is so dead. I'm not sure though, because my family and friends say, I shouldn't. If I dye a dark brown or black,

can I still dye it back to blonde later? Also, will this really damage my hair? So, we're gonna touch on three things within this. Number one, your family and friends are telling you not to do it. That's not up to them. I had a few people that were telling me not to dye my hair dark,

and then the second I did it, they were like, wait, you were right. This actually looks really good. So that should tell you right there that like, it's nobody else's decision, but yours, make that decision up yourself. Don't listen to anybody else. Yes, it can be helpful to have some advice. And yes, some people might have good advice. But when it comes to something as mundane as a hair color,

that really is up to you. And you're the one that has to look at it in the mirror every day. So I would say, trust yourself. As for dying it dark and then going back to blonde, that's super damaging. And I know that because I asked them when I went from blonde to brown, I was like, is there any way I can go back to blonde if I hate it? And they're like, yes, but it's going to be very damaging. So make up your mind and I was like, okay, I will be brown forever. Okay, so going blonde is tough because that shit just damages you forever, but it's so fun and blondes have so much more fun. I do miss being blonde a little bit. Let me look in the mirror. Actually, I like the brown now. It's growing on me, but it's been a rough journey.

Anyway, I would say go brown. Fuck it. Don't listen to anybody. Get your hair back healthy and follow your gut. Next one. Somebody said, tips on how to know when you like someone or if you're just attracted to them. Love you Emma. This actually makes me want to talk about something interesting that my friend told me

about and I want it's something like, I don't know if it's from a book or from like an article, but let me pull it up. Okay, I can't find it online. So whoops, actually wait, I found it. Oh my god, I found it. The three loves theory. Love number one is infatuation. And it's an obsessive interest or desire for somebody, usually based on their physical

or behavioral characteristics. A lot of fantasizing and it's usually sexual. So this is kind of like, you know, what you're referring to, where you just find somebody attractive and you're kind of fantasizing about the rest. They probably don't fit in the rest of your criteria, probably not perfect for you personality-wise, probably wouldn't be a good fit, but you're so physically attracted to them, so infatuated by them, that you kind of love them for their physical appearance.

The next one is a romantic love. It's highly passionate. It produces a relationship with high emotional highs and low emotional lows. And your partner becomes addictive almost like a drug. This is kind of like a dependent relationship. This is where it's almost two, you're two into the person to a point where it's toxic,

and you're too obsessed, it seems like with the person that it becomes toxic and you feel like you can't live without them, which is not good. Because I think in a really healthy relationship, you love this person, you choose to be with them every day and you would not want your life without them, but you also know that you would be fine without them. And that actually leads us into the third one, which is commitment. A defined commitment to a single person to share your life with them for an indefinite amount of time, shared identity, goals, values, and visions for the future.

This is the most healthy one, because I think it's the most balanced, and I think in the third love, what is it? Concept? I don't know. It's a lot more of a rational love with somebody. It's like, okay, I love this person because they have everything that I need, but I also have balance with them and it's healthy, blah, blah. So I think your goal should always be the third type of love. But inevitably in life, we're going to experience probably all three of those love types of bazillion times. Except for not the third one.

The first two you might experience multiple times, but I think the third one is kind of who you end up sticking with at least for majority of your adulthood unless you get a divorce, which happens. Take it from me. But you're probably going to experience infatuation in romance the first two quite a few times. To answer your question, which is how to know basically if you're dealing with infatuation love where you're just attracted to them on the outside, ask yourself this. And this is something I always ask myself in relationships and it's the toughest pill

to swallow. But it's, would I be friends with this person if there was no romantic element, would I be friends with this person if we weren't romantic with one another? And if the answer is yes, then I think there's a potential there. And it may not be just surface level. It may actually be something deeper. But don't lie to yourself, because I've only in my life had one relationship where I could fully say to myself in the mirror with no lie in the back of my throat that I would truly

date that person, or no, I would truly be friends with that person even if we weren't dating. Now listen, it's hard to put yourself in that spot because you're like, okay, but like now I know what it's like in a relationship and it's really good and like I wouldn't want to be friends with them. But I also know that if this person was in my life and for some reason I wasn't romantically attracted to them, we would be best friends. Like without that element. Sorry, I'm itchy, my armp arm, because I have ringworm. And it won't go away.

I can't tell if it's exomer or ringworm, but it really looks like ringworm, so I think it's ringworm. But anyway, look at yourself in the mirror and be like, would I hang out with this person if we were not romantically involved at all? And don't lie to yourself. I dated a guy once for literally,

God, like a decent amount of time, and I knew the whole time I would not ever be friends with this person, really. Like without the ulterior motive of wanting to date them. And as fucked up as it is, that was the fucking truth of it. That's happened to me multiple times, but especially in one scenario I'm thinking about, I knew it, the whole relationship

that we aren't compatible friends-wise. We don't have anything in common. If anything, we clash in that area, but I was so physically attracted to this person that I just could not let go and realize like, wait, this shit doesn't work. So yeah. This episode is brought to you by LiquidIV. LiquidIV believes everybody needs hydration every day.

It's not just for athletes or that one time you try to hot yoga class. Staying hydrated is essential whether you're just taking a stroll through your neighborhood, traveling or slogging through back-to-back meetings. And with just one stick of liquid IVs hydration multiplier, you can hydrate two times faster than water alone and get three times the electrolytes as leading sports drinks. I have been drinking liquid IV actually for many years now. And I've used liquid IV for so many different things. When I'm hung over, after a long plane ride, when I'm really dehydrated, when I have a headache sometimes I'll sit on liquid IV and it can really help. When I'm sick, when I just need a little boost, liquid IV is almost

always in my bag, almost always. And my favorite flavor, if anyone is wondering, watermelon and passion fruit, although there are a lot of great flavors, but those are my most commonly consumed. And the interesting thing about Liquid IV is that my preferred way to drink it is to pour it into a water bottle with lukewarm water

and chug it. So not sure what that says about me. Grab your liquid IV in bulk nationwide at Costco or you can get 20% off when you go to liquid IV.com and use code anything at checkout. That's 20% off anything when you shop better hydration today using promo code anything at liquid IV.com. This episode is brought to you by liquid iv. You might think that hydration is only necessary after intense crazy activities like working out. But if you think about it, running errands is still running. That's why liquid iv powder hydrates you two times faster than water alone with three times the electrolytes of traditional

sports drinks. I am a big fan of liquid IV. I drink liquid IV after workout. I drink liquid IV after a long day of sweating in the sun during the summer. I drink liquid IV if I just feel a little bit dehydrated. You know, maybe I have a little headache. I feel a little off. I love it. It's so easy. You just rip the packet open, pour it into a bottle of water, shake it up, and gulp, gulp, gulp. I always keep a liquid IV in my bag because I never want to feel dehydrated again. My favorite flavors are the passion fruit in the watermelon.

And I actually think they're delicious. It's so easy to chug water when there's a liquid IV in it. It's so simple to use. Just rip open a stick and pour the powder in some water for a boost because real life is extreme enough. Liquid IV, real people, real flavor, real hydrating by a stick of liquid IV at a store near you or head to liquidiv.com and use the code anything for 20% off your order. That's liquidiv.com with the code anything. Tap the banner or visit this episode's page to learn more. But I actually want to talk a little bit more about these three types of love because I think it's so interesting. I've experienced the second type as well, which is the Romantic one, which is really passionate, crazy high- in lows, and your partner becomes

addictive almost like a drug. I've experienced this type of relationship. And it is so emotionally taxing. Like I know that this isn't really a part of advice session, and this isn't really like giving you advice, but it's like, actually I'm gonna give advice about it. And my advice is that if you're in a relationship with like that, that's not the type of relationship you wanna be in. And the hard part is it's hard to distinguish the romantic relationship, the really addictive drug like one

to the commitment type of relationship where you wanna spend your life with this person because you're like, holy fuck, I can't live without this person and you think that. But the problem is, is that in a super addictive relationship, it's not, it's normally very toxic and that's my personal experience with a relationship that had crazy highs and lows

and I was like so addicted to them. I was miserable. I forgot who I was. I only lived my everyday life for them. But like not in a way that was positive. Because I think that in the third type, the commitment type, that shows a healthier version of the addictive relationship. The committed relationship is like, yes, I think about them all day, I'm very in love with them. They're my best friend, they're perfect, blah, blah, blah.

Yes, I think about them constantly, but there's not those highs and lows, there's this element of stability within it, where you still have time to explore who you are as a person. Your life kinda revolves around them, but not in a way that's like life sucking. It's like, yeah, my life revolves around them because I love them and I'm excited to see them

at the end of the day or I'm excited to go get lunch with them in the middle of the day, but it's like I'm not destroying my own life for this person. I'm not canceling every plan that I have for this person. I'm not sacrificing any of my own shit for them. There's a balance and that's super important to find. Anyway, next somebody said, how do I get rid of my fucking eye bags? I've tried

almost everything. I feel you because I used to have the same problem until I realized that they are genetic. And they're going to be there forever. I don't really have eye bags. I have more dark circles, but a lot of people get those two confused. But regardless, under eye bags, dark circles, whatever you may be struggling with in the eye department,

there's a decent chance that it's genetic. A lot of that is genetic. under eye bags, dark circles, whatever you may be struggling with in the eye department. There's a decent chance that it's genetic. A lot of that is genetic. No matter if you get a 12 hour night of sleep or you get a two hour night of sleep, you're still going to have them. And my key is to embrace them. I used to hate my dark circles. But now I like genuinely like them.

Like I think that they look cool. And they make me look like a fucking rock star from the 80s. And that's all I want. I'm a simple gal, okay? Embrace it. I mean, of course there's certain things that you can do. Of course you can try to get more sleep.

Of course there's certain cooling eye products that you can put under your eyes that help with de-puffing and stuff like that. But at the end of the day, if you're getting your sleep and you're doing your skincare and they're still there, that probably means it's genetic and embrace that shit. There's nothing wrong with it. Somebody said, how to deal with bad gut feelings that have no solid proof? Oh my god, I struggle with this so bad, because I have a pretty good intuition in general.

I find that my intuition is pretty on point, most of the time, but I also have really, really bad anxiety. And so sometimes, my anxiety will make me believe that I'm having intuitive thoughts about something when in reality it's just my anxiety talking. And the way that I distinguish anxiety from intuition is that whenever I'm anxious and I know that I'm anxious, I ignore both intuitive and anxious feelings and just exist until they go away

because I cannot make a rational decision when I'm anxious. I cannot distinguish what's anxiety and what's a gut feeling when I'm in a really anxious moment. And so I just wait until I'm feeling a little bit more rational because anxiety comes in waves at least for me. I'm not constantly in a crazy state of anxiety. There's moments that are really bad and there's moments that are much, much better.

And so in a moment where it's much, much better, that's when I do some self-reflection and I'm like, okay, let's assess this feeling of intuition. And let's really weigh it out and really think about it. But I try not to do that much when I'm in an anxious moment because I know that I'm not being rational. A lot of the times your anxiety is lying to you and you just can't mix the two when you're anxious.

You just can't. Because there's been so many times when I've been convinced that something bad had happened to somebody I love, that something bad was going to happen to me, that I was sick, that like, you know, I was something was wrong with my body. Like I needed to go to the doctor or something like that, because I had this weird intuitive feeling. Like, you know, I was something was wrong with my body. Like I needed to go to the doctor or something like that

because I had this weird intuitive feeling. But I was so anxious that I couldn't tell, and then it turned out everything was fine. I was just anxious. It wasn't intuition. I've had other times where I've been in a more calm state and I've had a feeling of intuition. I had a gut feeling about something

and I ended up being right because it wasn't being clouded by my anxiety. So I trusted my gut feeling a lot quicker that day because I wasn't super anxious. You know what I mean? Somebody said, I'm gonna combine these next two. Somebody said, I've been feeling really irritable lately, mostly as my dad, everything he does annoys me

and makes me frustrated when he walks in the room, the energy becomes negative. I don't know what to do. And then somebody else says, I love being alone, but it's gotten to the point where I hate being in the same room as my own family, even if it's just one person. And I don't have problems with any of them. What is wrong with me? To both of you, I say, this is completely a product of what we're going through right now as

a world, right? Especially, you know, at least where I live, which is in the United States, we have been forced, some of us have been forced to be around our family so much more than normal. It's not normal to be around your family, sometimes 24 hours a day, sometimes seven days a week. That's not normal. But now people are working from home, people are doing school, from home, all of that. And of course you're going to start getting irritable around these people. You're around them too much with no break.

It's impossible not to get frustrated with somebody, at least a little bit, when you're around them constantly, not to mention, your family already has, you already have a shorter fuse for your family than you do for your friends or your significant other. Like, you're already halfway there with your family. You know what I mean?

It's like the room for frustration with family is like there's a lot more room for that than there is for maybe friends or significant other. You're already halfway to anger constantly. That's the resting position. Don't be hard on yourself. Try to find any way you can to get out of the house. Any way to have distance from them, whether that means going on a walk,

whether that means walking to the fucking 7-11 down the street and like getting a bag of Cheetos and sitting on the curb and eating them by yourself and having that moment, whatever kind of moment you can have right now in this time to yourself is going to help your all your relationships so much. And that's honestly what I would say. Somebody said, I need advice on how to keep friends who don't agree with you on political things.

I just think you need to not engage in these conversations. And as important as this stuff is, I think that a lot of people feel the need to talk about it with their friends and stuff's understandable. But if you don't share the same views as your friend and a political conversation wouldn't get either of you anywhere, you just need to have a conversation with your friend and be like, listen, I have my views, you have yours, and we're never going to agree on this.

So it would probably be better if we just didn't talk about it at all It'd be probably better if we just avoided the whole thing altogether and See what they say and if they're not down for that then they're You know, maybe somebody you need to distance yourself from for a little bit because they clearly don't understand that like you know Sometimes compromises need to be made in a friendship. And if they're not okay with not discussing political stuff,

then maybe it's just not the right friend match for you. Simple as that. You're not going to agree with your friends on everything. There are things that I don't agree with my friends on. Sometimes dumb shit. Sometimes I go, I don't like pizza. You like pizza. You know, something doesn't. I love pizza by the way, but like, oh, I don't like pizza. You like pizza. You know, something I love pizza, by the way, but like, you know what I'm saying. You're

not going to agree with everybody on everything. And sometimes those things are just better and not discussed at all. They can discuss that with somebody else, somebody who shares a similar view. I think that when conversations with differing opinions are had in respectful and educational ways. That's great, but that's also not always going to be the case. Sorry, it's just not. At a certain point, if you're talking about something that you disagree on, it's probably going to become negative at some point. And usually people aren't willing to budge in their opinions. So, request to not discuss. Somebody said, advise on how to wear weird or close with confidence. Funny story. Today I actually posted a skirt that I thrifted,

which it might have been from the target kids section, actually, possibly, but I liked it. It's like, kind of reminds me of something I would have worn in elementary school. It's like this striped reminds me of something I would have worn in elementary school. It's like this striped pink brown green skirt that has these cool pleats in it. And I'm wearing a button up shirt that's blue that kind of has these cool 70s circle imprints on it.

And I'm wearing a pink jacket and I'm wearing some knee-high black boots. And I really like this outfit. Because although it was a little bit weird Because although it was a little bit weird, although it was a little bit eccentric, it kind of reminded me of something like a Barbie would wear or something, somebody commented on my phone and said that it's something that a polypocket would wear.

And although it's something that I maybe wouldn't wear in public, I really liked it and I was inspired by it and I really loved how all the pieces looked together and I think it's a cool outfit. But a lot of people were like, Emma, this is so fucking ugly and stupid. Like I was getting genuinely hated on for this outfit and I lost followers.

People started unfollowing me from this outfit. You can go look at it. It's the post that I posted on January 20th and people were look at it. It's the post that I posted on January 20th. And people were not having it. Like they just didn't like the outfit. My mindset behind putting this outfit together was I like it because I think that fashion should be looked at as an art, right?

If that's the way you wanna look at it. I mean, some people don't wanna look at it like that. Some people are like, fashion is convenience for me. I totally get that too. But for me, I like to look at fashion as an art form. And if putting together an outfit that looks like a polypocket from the 70s, excites me, I'm going to do that. And I'm going to share it with the world because there might be a few people that will get inspiration from it. And there was, I got quite a few comments too that were like, wait, Emma, this outfit is so weird, but it's like kind of dope. That was inspiring to somebody.

I've never seen an outfit like the one that I wore in this photo. And I liked that about it. I liked that I haven't seen anybody wear an outfit like it. That's what's inspiring to me. And even if some people don't like it. That's what's inspiring to me. And even if some people don't like it, even if some people want to unfollow me because they thought my outfit was stupid,

if people think I'm crazy for it, like whatever, I don't care because I like it. Putting that outfit together makes me feel creative and that's all that matters. I felt confident in the outfit. So who gives a fuck? Also fashion is so incredibly subjective. It's unbelievable.

That's another thing to remember. Literally, all it takes is one person who has influence and who thinks something is cool. All it takes is one person to wear an outfit, like that is weird, but that has influence and who thinks something is cool. All it takes is one person to wear an outfit, like that is weird, but that has influence and that people respect in the fashion world for it to become trendy. That's all it takes.

When it comes to having confidence and wearing weird stuff, I would say, remember that number one, it's subjective, and you could wear something tomorrow that in a year everybody's wearing. Who knows? It doesn't really matter. Close is something that just covers up your inappropriate body parts.

That's really at the end of the day what it is. If you want to start dressing a little weirder, do it because you might inspire somebody and that's a really exciting thing to think about. I don't want to wear what everybody else is wearing because that's not gonna inspire anybody. I wanna do something that nobody's ever seen before. I wanna ruffle some feathers. I like that because that's exciting

and I have a passion for that. I don't have a passion for copying what everybody else is doing and I've done that for a long time, but this outfit was an example of me just kind of having fun with it and stepping outside of my box. And I think it's actually a cool outfit. People can say what they want, they cannot like it.

I don't care. I think it's fucking cool. And that's all that matters. And guess what, if I wear it, if I wore that to the grocery store, I didn't because I literally don't leave my house. But if I were to worn that to the grocery store, I didn't, because I literally don't leave my house. But if I were to worn that to the grocery store, I can guarantee I would have at least gotten one compliment

because it's different. People like seeing something different. It's eye catching, it's something cool. I may have gotten a few dirty looks, but that one compliment means you're doing something right. And even if they compliment it because it challenges them a little bit in their mind, doesn't matter. Have fun with it because it challenges them a little bit in their mind, doesn't matter.

Have fun with it because having fun with clothes is so fucking fun. It's so fun. And who cares when anybody else thinks. Most of the time, you're never going to see them again and when it comes to people at school, people at school can suck my ass. I literally, people at your school, if they try to give you shit, trust me. If you start doing some dope stuff, they're gonna be wearing the same stuff in six months. Somebody said, how do you enjoy going out alone? I think my key to this,

although sometimes I struggle with anxiety with going out alone, and especially recently, because now going out in general and even going to the store is like difficult. It's like almost impossible not to be kind of uncomfortable by it. Now these days, at least for me, but what I've found is I use going out and doing things by myself as a time to catch up with myself, almost like I'm my own friend. And to check in on my own mind. And instead of focusing on what everybody else is doing around me,

I try my absolute best to kind of focus my energy and my thoughts inwards and reflect on myself and use my alone time to do that rather than you know being all weirded out about what everybody else is doing because at the end of the day most of the time everybody else is also just looking inwards so it doesn't really matter. I remember I used to eat at restaurants alone sometimes and people would definitely stare at me and give me weird looks. But I loved it because once I would get over the beginning hump of anxiety with it, I could

like, you know, read an article about something, I could listen to a podcast, I could listen to music, I could just enjoy my food and reflect on how I'm doing in my own life. And it's a beautiful thing. It's like, it's really great. I think it's just learning how to fall in love with spending time with yourself. And the only way to do that is just by doing it as much as you can. Anyway, that's it for today's episode. I hope you enjoyed. If you have any topics that you want me to talk about, anything specific, it can be literally anything.

Tweet at me at AG Podcasts. Also follow us on the Twitter at AG Podcasts to keep up to date with podcast related stuff. You can give us five stars on Apple Podcasts and leave a little review. That just helps me stay in the loop about, you know, how you guys are feeling about the podcast and it's a great way for me to get feedback, so I really appreciate it. You can subscribe on Spotify, Apple Podcasts anywhere you get your podcasts. I love you guys so much.

And I'll see you next week. I'm gonna leave you with one piece of homework. And my one piece of homework is to cook a new recipe this week, cook something new. I'll actually give you something to cook. If you're somebody who likes broccoli, I found this really amazing and super easy broccoli recipe. And it is, I'll read it off to you and you can write it down if you'd like.

It's so good. Okay, here's how you make it. Obviously you don't have to make this but I encourage you to cook something. But this is my favorite broccoli recipe right now. You mix two tablespoons of tahini, three tablespoons of fresh lemon juice, two large cloves of garlic minced, a half a teaspoon of kosher salt, a few grinds of black pepper, two tablespoons of olive oil, mix that all together, then add probably a tablespoon of zatar seasoning. If you don't have that though, I think you could probably go without it, maybe add parsley or something.

But I do love the flavor of it. So if you can find that at your grocery store, definitely add that. And then you take four cups of broccoli and you cut all the stems off and you mix it all up together with the sauce super easy. Of a net 450 degrees parchment paper put it on the pan lay out all of the broccoli nice and spread out put it in the oven for 10 minutes, delicious broccoli. Literally so good. I'm obsessed with it. Like I literally made some tonight, and I ate so much of it, but I like think I'm gonna finish off all of it that I roasted.

Even though eating too many vegetables will give me gas, but I'm willing to go do it. So I'm gonna go eat my broccoli. And I love you guys so much. Thank you for listening to this episode, and I'll see you next week. Oh, also tweet at me if you cook something. I'd love to see what you guys cooked. Okay, I love you guys. Bye!