anything goes with emma chamberlain - body image & self-acceptance

Episode Date: April 9, 2022

this one is a bit different. normally before i do episodes i have everything all figured out (ok at least i try to). gonna be real with you guys, i don’t have all the answers here. i’ve dealt with this issue for years, and it’s been quite a journey, but i’ve learned a lot that i want to share that can hopefully help some of you. let’s work on it together. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello. Today's episode is a little bit different for me because usually when I decide to talk about a subject, I decide to talk about it after I've worked through it. I decide to talk about it once I feel like I have it handled. But today's topic is the complete opposite. I don't have this handled at all. Do I have a little handle on it? Do I have a little grasp on how to handle it? Maybe, but I'm not as far along as I'd like to be. But regardless, I decided I wanted to talk about it this week. And that is self-acceptance and body image. I've gotten a lot of requests from you guys to talk about these things.

And I've touched on it a little bit here and there, but to be honest, I kind of avoid this topic as much as possible, because it's a really uncomfortable topic for me, because it's one of my biggest struggles in life. And it has been since I was a child. When I look at the list in my brain of all of the struggles I have, this is at the top.

And that makes it a really uncomfortable topic for even me to talk about. And I'm somebody who will talk about anything. Okay, I will talk about anything. I will, one day I'll tell you the story about how I shit the bed a few weeks ago. I literally shit the bed. I'll tell you the story. At some point, not yet.

That's not for this episode. It's a good story though. But anyway, I will talk about anything, truly. But this is one of the topics that makes me uncomfortable. But that's why I want to do this episode. Because I think that it's important to talk about these things. And I know that there's someone out there that will relate to me. And because of that, we're going to be discussing it today.

So I thought I would start out with kind of my history, with my struggle, with my body image, and with overall self-acceptance. I would say that the first time I noticed that I wasn't pleased with how I looked was when I was maybe 10 or 11 and it was when I went to middle school and in middle school there was a group of popular girls. Obviously, I wanted to be friends with them. And eventually I kind of did become friends with them. I never fully felt accepted, but I got in.

I squeezed in there a little bit, but not fully, whatever. But I remember seeing this group of popular girls on the first day of middle school. And number one wanting to be friends with them. But number two, just wanting to be them. Because I thought that they were prettier than me, all of them. I thought that their clothes were cooler. Their clothes fit them better than my clothes fit me. They had prettier faces, in my opinion.

They were just prettier and cooler and better than me, in my opinion. They were just prettier and cooler and better than me in my eyes. And I had not really felt like that before. And I remember having thoughts about how I could become more like them. I started looking at what they were eating for lunch and thinking maybe I should eat what they're eating. I started looking at what brands they were buying their clothes from and I was like maybe

I could you know buy clothes from the same brand as them and I started trying to morph into these popular girls and I never really felt satisfied. By the end of middle school, I had realized that I'd spent the entirety of my middle school experience trying to be like these girls and never quite meeting the mark. Always feeling like I was falling short and always feeling dissatisfied with what I looked like and how

I compared to these other girls. But it was time for high school. And when I was in high school, I was a cheerleader. I was also a cheerleader at the end of middle school. But in high school, I was a cheerleader. And this was not good for my body image either. Because in the cheerleading world, all the girls that do cheerleading want to be strong. They want to look really strong.

You know, have like a fucking six pack when they're like 14 years old and like have big muscles and like whatever. That was kind of the aesthetic that was praised in the cheerleading world. And so I wanted to be like that. And when I looked at myself in the mirror, I was not like that. And so I started working out all the time, trying to make myself look like working out all the time trying to make myself look like These other cheerleaders that were so strong and so majestic looking and I beat myself up over it I

Was just spending hours and hours a day trying to achieve this. And by the end of my cheerleading career, I had realized I didn't achieve it. I had spent all this time busting my ass to try to look a certain way, and I never got there. I never accomplished it. I still looked in the mirror at the end of every day, dissatisfied and unhappy

with how I looked. And then a few years went by and I kind of got over it for a little bit. I don't know what happened or what changed. It might have been my environment, who knows, but I kind of stopped caring about my body image. And I kind of spontaneously started accepting myself. I think it was because I was in a more accepting environment. Because when I was in middle school, and when I was a cheerleader, I was constantly comparing myself to other girls. But during the later years of high school, I felt like a lot of the popularity hierarchy had died down

and I was no longer a cheerleader. So I didn't feel like I was in an environment where I was competing with other girls' appearance, especially going to all girls' school, by the way, I went to an all girls' high school. Going to all girls' school was kind of nice in this way because we all came to school looking like shit. It didn't matter if you were the most, quote unquote, popular girl in school, you were coming to school with your hair not brushed and your legs not shaved

because we went to all-girl school. Nobody was like trying to be cute at school. So I felt like it was kind of a neutral environment. trying to be cute at school. So I felt like it was kind of a neutral environment. And at that school, your appearance didn't matter. You know what I'm saying? Because none of us were like, in any way trying to show our attractive side.

That was almost hidden when we were at school. And then obviously when I was at home, like, what, I'm going to compare myself to my parents, like, oh, I wish I had my mom's hair, like, I don't know, like, you know what I'm saying? So I just didn't have any competition. I didn't feel like. And I was good for a few years. I feel like I truly was comfortable in my own body and my own skin. I didn't even really think about it. It just kind of went out of my mind and it was great.

Did I have other struggles? Absolutely. I had a lot more struggles with my identity during that time, like who I am as a person and what my personality is. I was having a lot more struggles with that, but less with my physical body, if that makes sense. I felt like I was accepting my physical self. I was accepting my physical self. But then I started my YouTube channel. And then people started looking at me on the internet. And at first, this wasn't a problem.

Because at this point, when I started my YouTube channel, I didn't care about what I looked like. I would post videos where you could see clearly that I had a bunch of acne. You could see clearly that my hair was dirty. You could see clearly that I didn't shave my legs. Like, it didn't matter. I didn't care because at the time that I started

my YouTube channel and started gaining a following on the internet, I was still in high school in this environment where I just didn't feel competitive or insecure about my appearance. And so, for the first year or two, maybe even, of my internet life where I have a following on the internet, I was pretty confident in myself.

I mean, I don't remember having many body image issues. I mean, of course, every once in a while, you're going to be dissatisfied with what you look like. That's just human. But overall, I would say my relationship with my appearance was pretty healthy and normal. And then something shifted. did because I remember one day I was reading through comments and somebody commented about my weight and I think I've actually talked about this before.

Somebody discussed a weight fluctuation that I had had, which I didn't even notice or care about. But the comment was discussing my weight fluctuation in a negative way. And this honestly has damaged me ever since. Because it brought something to the forefront of my mind that I had hidden for so long. For so long, I was able to accept myself for who I was and accept my body for exactly the way that it was, despite its fluctuations. And I didn't even really think about what my body looked like

very much. I just didn't really care. I mean, I cared as much as a normal human being would, but no more than that. But this comment brought me back to when I was in middle school and when I was a cheerleader. It brought me back to this feeling of hating what my body looks like and hating being stuck in my body.

So I decided that I needed to improve my appearance. And I did everything I possibly could to do that. Whether that was exercising more or, you know, getting facials done so that I can heal all of my acne. Whatever it may have been, I was doing everything I could to try to make myself look as good in my eyes as I could. And it turned into a sort of obsessive thing where I'm obsessing over what I look like. I'm obsessing over taking all the necessary steps I need to take to look as good as I possibly can and Meanwhile people are on the internet are saying

How cool it is that you know I show my acne and I don't really care what I look like and all this stuff people are saying this about me Well meanwhile in my head. I'm like and all this stuff. People are saying this about me. Well, meanwhile, in my head, I'm like, but I want to look perfect now. I don't want to show all the sides of myself anymore. I showed all the sides of myself. I didn't care what I look like and that one stupid fucking comment just ruined all of it. And I can't do it anymore. I can't be vulnerable like that anymore. I'm scared now because I can't handle those words. I need to be perfect so that I never have to read those words again. I never have to read any kind of negative comment about my body or my appearance ever again.

That was just the straw that broke the camel's back. And ever since that point, that was probably, I don't know what, three years ago now, four years ago now, ever since that point, I have struggled a lot with self-acceptance and my body image. That comment that I read, that one day, tattooed in my brain that I need to be perfect all the time.

Because if I'm not, somebody will catch it, somebody will see me in a moment when I'm not, somebody will catch it, somebody will see me in a moment when I'm not perfect. I don't look perfect. And they'll say something mean about it. And it's been a constant battle ever since. And I think that that's normal. I think that that's normal. And for me, you know, this moment when I read that comment was the beginning of this struggle for me, but it wasn't the sole cause of this struggle. Because this struggle that I have is fed by so many things outside of just that one comment that I got that one day. Because now when I look back at that comment, I'm like, that comment is stupid.

Like, who fucking cares? Like, who cares? If I gain a pound, if I lose a pound, it's nobody's fucking business besides mine. It doesn't fucking matter, and it has nothing to do with who I am as a human being. Absolutely nothing. That comment is stupid and means nothing to me now,

but it tattooed that message in my brain. And that message stuck in my brain, even though that comment no longer means anything to me. And as I said earlier, there are many things that feed this insecurity and this struggle for me. One of them being the internet, okay, the internet because I don't care how much of a grandma I sound like when I say this, but scrolling through Instagram makes me feel self-conscious. It makes me feel like I'm not pretty enough.

It makes me feel like I'm not doing enough stuff with my life. It makes me feel like I should change things about my appearance. It makes me feel like all of those things. And I consider myself to be someone who is resilient when it comes to the internet and the struggles that come with it. But even I spend too much time on Instagram and put my phone down feeling like I'm a disgusting piece of shit. Like I'm serious.

And, you know, so that doesn't help, but also for whatever reason, when I'm struggling in my life in other ways, maybe I'm not feeling proud of the work that I'm doing. Maybe I'm not getting along with my family, whatever it may be. When I'm having a struggle in one area of my life, it affects my body image for some reason. Because when I don't feel perfect in other areas of my life, when I look in the mirror, it also makes me not feel perfect, right? It weirdly is all connected. And so obviously this struggle

that I've had with my body image is complex. And it has multiple facets to it, right? It's not a simple thing. It's not like, oh, Emma got that one mean comment that one day and she's been a mess ever since. It's not that simple. That kind of started it. That kind of hit the first dominoe, but it's evolved into far more. And I think that I would regret it if I didn't mention that this has been something that has remained in the back of my mind since middle school.

Since that point in middle school when I was comparing myself to those popular girls, this belief that I'm not pretty enough, I'm not good enough. My body isn't as good as it should be, whatever the fuck that means. That is remained in the back of my head ever since I was in middle school. But I would say it's had moments where it's gone into remission, if that makes sense. It never fully went away. Even during that period in high school, when I felt pretty good, and I was pretty comfortable in my own body, I'm certain that that toxic voice was still in the back of my head.

I know it was still back there. It just wasn't in the forefront. I am not sure that I will ever fully figure this out. In this present day, I go through phases with this, right? I'll have a few months where I don't even care what I look like. I don't care. And then I'll have months where it's all I can think about. And I'm so self-conscious and I'm so dissatisfied that it ruins my whole life. I go back and forth. And the weirdest thing about it is that I don't think it's actually obvious from the outside looking in because I've never been somebody who wears a lot of makeup dresses up super fancy all the time

I've never been somebody like that. So you might click on one of my old YouTube videos and see me with my hair a fucking mess and wearing PJs and looking like a mess and think there's no way that she cared about what she looked like at this time because she looked so unkempt. She looked like a mess, right? But the interesting thing about it is that for me, my body image has nothing to do with like what I'm wearing or whether or not my hair is brushed and

It's deeper than that Because when I'm in a good place I can look in the mirror and Have messy hair and be in PJs and not have showered for two days and think wow actually look kind of cute hair and being PJs and not of shower for two days and think, wow, actually look kind of cute. But when I'm in a bad place, I look in the mirror like that and I'm like, I look like shit. It doesn't even have anything to do with like whether or not I'm all made up and I'm in a fancy outfit or whether or not. It has nothing to do with that. It's so much deeper than that. So if you look back at my old videos and see me looking kind of messy, don't assume that I was in a good place at that time

because it's impossible to know, because I've never based my body image on the clothes that I'm wearing or the makeup that I'm wearing or whether or not my hair is brushed. It's always a deeper thing than that. Which I think is really interesting. But our society right now is very hyper focused on appearance and on body image and on all of these things. For many reasons, obviously number one being the fact that the internet is the most toxic

place for body image and self-acceptance on the planet because people are editing their photos. People are getting plastic surgery, which I don't think is necessarily a bad thing. So don't get that twisted, but it can be confusing if you see somebody who has surgery and you don't know whether or not they have. So you're comparing your natural body to their slightly altered body and then that's confusing. And that's not the other person's responsibility either, right? I mean, it's like, it's kind of a complicated issue because it's like people on the internet might be editing their photos. They might be getting surgery, whatever it may be, to make themselves feel better.

And it's not necessarily their responsibility to announce the world that they've done that because people can do whatever they want, but it's also not your fault if you see it and you compare yourself to it and feel like shit because you can't distinguish what's real and what's not. That's why the internet's so terrible because it's like you see so much stuff every day

with no context and it's kind of nobody's fault. And it's kind of nobody's fault. I also think that this society, our society that we live in, puts a disgusting amount of value on appearance. And I don't know why that is. It's so weird because I feel like by now, we should all know that what someone looks like just doesn't fucking matter at all. And it's just completely irrelevant to whether or not somebody is a good person or if they're talented

or if they're nice or if they're nice or if they're wise or it doesn't have anything to do with that, you know? I think that the value that's put on appearance is completely ridiculous. Do I think that there is room in this world to appreciate people's beauty? Absolutely. But do I think that there needs to be value on it?

No, that's where we're all going wrong here. Because I even struggle with this. I have moments where I don't feel as pretty. I don't feel as good in my body. And it makes me feel less valuable, which is just like so ridiculous. Because my value as a human being has nothing to do with what I look like

at any given moment. It just doesn't, but for some reason, that is so ingrained in my brain. And I think it's because throughout history, people who are deemed good looking, by what judge I don't know, but people who are deemed good looking by what judge I don't know, but people who are deemed good looking get rewards, right?

Which is again, stupid, but it is what it is. And so I think that we all grew up seeing people who are considered perfect and gorgeous to be rewarded. And so now we all place value on it. I don't have an idea on how to solve that. You know, I don't know. I don't know what the solution to that entire societal issue is, right? I mean, I'd love to press a button in the whole world, shift their view of beauty to look at it as something that is simply beautiful rather than look at it as something that has value. You know, I wish I could press a button and that would shift,

but it's not going to happen. So, in the meantime, the best thing that we can do is focus inward and figure out ways that we can all learn We grow out ways that we can all learn to better accept ourselves for who we are and to accept our body image for what it is regardless of what's around us, regardless of the internet, regardless of what is valued by society, whatever the fuck, who cares. At the end of the day, you gotta focus on you, you know? And this is one of those situations where you gotta be selfish and figure out a way that you can learn

to better accept yourself in the body that you're in. Now, before I give some of my advice on how I try to improve my body image when I'm in a bad spot, I want to say that this is an ongoing battle for me and Probably for a lot of you and it and it might be that way forever. It might be something that We battle forever I Don't have it figured out, you know, I don't know. I don't have it figured out yet, but I do have Some tools that I use when I'm struggling that help me get into a better place

so that I can return to a place where I accept what I look like, I'm fine with what I look like, and the toxic voice telling me that I look like shit and I'm gross and I'm ugly, goes into the back of my head, and it goes into remission for a few months until it inevitably comes back out again to ruin a month for me. The first thing I do is that I get off my phone. I know, grandma, am I here to tell you

to put your phone down again? I know it's annoying, but the first thing I do is I tell myself you cannot scroll through Instagram for at least 48 hours. I start reading a book. I start watching movies. I just do anything else. Just no scrolling on Instagram,

no seeing what everyone else is doing. Just for like 48 hours, maybe for a week. Just stop all of that. And that within itself will help by at least 50%. When you start entertaining yourself in other ways, maybe that's by reading, maybe that's by watching a movie, maybe that's by hanging out with friends in real life, maybe that's by going on a few more walks,

whatever it may be, getting off your phone and doing those healthy activities will help ground you to reality again. Because a lot of times when we get all wrapped up and obsessed with what we look like, it's because we're so deeply rooted into the reality that's in our phones, that we lose sense of the reality that's in the real world.

Because in the real world, the real tangible world that we walk around in, appearance, and what you look like is a lot less relevant than it is on the reality that's in your phone. Am I saying that your appearance has nothing to do with your circumstances in the real world? No, I'm not saying that at all,

but I will say that it's a lot less. Like your appearance comes to play a lot less in the real world than it does on the phone. It's a struggle in both places. Don't get me wrong, but it is 500 times worse on the phone. So if you can put that down and be present in real world activities, you'll feel a lot more rooted to reality.

The reality that's real, that you can touch and feel, and that will help to balance you out. Because reality is a lot more balanced. Reality in the phone is not at all balanced. All the values are wrong on the phone. Everything is 50 times more extreme and all of the values are wrong. What is celebrated on the internet?

Being the most gorgeous, hot, perfect person on the planet and drama and fighting and shit that just sucks. You know what I'm saying? That's what's most celebrated on the internet. And it's blown out of proportion. Whereas in real life, everything is a lot more tone down and realistic. The second thing I do is I remind myself of the concept of beauty, because it's kind of not a real thing.

If you think about the concept of beauty, it's actually kind of insane because it it's all based on societal opinions, you know, and that's proven by how the beauty standards has shifted throughout time and When I remind myself of that I'm able to take a deep breath and be like, okay, this is not really a real thing You know what I mean? It's it's not real Yes Okay, this is not really a real thing. You know what I mean? It's not real. Yes, it is real in the sense that if everyone believes in it, it might as well be real, but if you look deeper into it,

it doesn't have a lot of powerful substance. It's just merely an idea that we all share, but it's actually quite insignificant in the grand scheme of things. The third thing I remind myself of is that when I'm on my deathbed and I'm dying, am I going to care about what I looked like? No. What am I going to care about? Whether or not I was happy in my life. And when I'm having a hard time with my body image, let me tell you I'm not happy. I'm not a happy camper.

I hate myself. I hate everyone around me. I feel disgusting. I don't want to go outside. I don't want to feel disgusting, I don't want to go outside, I don't want to see anyone, I don't want to do anything, I get depressed, it makes me anxious, like it's awful and I'm not happy. And that's all happening because I'm being too hard on myself, which is something that's completely in my control, right? I'm making too hard on myself, which is something that's completely in my control, right?

I'm making myself unhappy. You can blame, you know, the internet. You can blame, like, society's norms. But at the end of the day, you have the power to turn it around if you want. Is it hard? It's literally impossible for me sometimes. Sometimes I cannot do it. As much as I can and I want to,

sometimes it's still impossible, but you just gotta keep trying. And remember that none of this shit's gonna matter. What really matters is what kind of person you are? And that's it. Do you treat people well? Do you work hard? Are you doing your best? Okay, great. Then you have nothing to be mean to yourself about. And even if you're not doing your best, or even if sometimes you're an asshole to people. You're still a human being. You just have some stuff to work on,

but that's not a reason to hate yourself. There's kind of no reason to hate yourself, ever. That's an unproductive feeling to have. Whether... Anyway, I'm going down a fucking tangent on that one. I'm going... This is like one long tangent, anyway, I'm going down a fucking tangent on that one. I'm going, this is like one long tangent, though. So like who's shocked? Anyway.

Another thing that I remind myself is that body image is heavily tied to your overall image of yourself. I've noticed that in times when my body image is the worst, I'm usually also dissatisfied with myself in other ways. They go hand in hand. So if I feel like I'm not being a good enough person or I'm not working hard enough or I'm not helping people enough or I'm not checking in on people enough, whatever maybe if I feel like I'm not a good person on the inside, that also reflects on the outside. So although sometimes I might just feel like shit about myself on the outside because I do. I would say 40% of the time,

my physical body image is negatively impacted by how I feel about myself on the inside as well. And so being aware of that can be very helpful because a lot of times, if you're struggling with things on the inside and they're starting to show through onto the outside into your body image, you have an actionable item, you know.

You can say to yourself, okay, what's really bothering me here? Is it the fact that I feel like I look like shit in this outfit and my hair looks terrible and I don't like the way my body looks? Or do I hate myself for another reason? Do I hate myself because I haven't checked in with my parents in a few weeks because I have been prioritizing going to parties instead and hanging out with my friends

and I don't respond to my parents' texts when they check in on me. Is it that? Or is it actually that my hair looks like shit? Well, text your parents and check in with them and then look in the mirror after and see how you feel. Because a lot of times, it's not even really your physical body.

It's actually your internal self that you're dissatisfied with. But your brain is almost kind of distracting itself by picking apart your external body. It might be that you're feeling anxious about a job interview that you have coming up. And you feel like you're gonna fuck it up. You feel like you're gonna fuck it up. And this is weighing on you, weighing on you,

and making you feel bad about yourself internally, once again. And then it's showing through into how you feel about your body. and then it's showing through into how you feel about your body. Another thing is that a lot of the self-hatred and the dissatisfaction with our physical bodies is something that kind of happens subconsciously. It's kind of happening in the background. And it can be really helpful to take a moment every once in a while, to check in with yourself and check in on what

your subconscious mind is doing. Because you're aware of it, but it's not in the front of your mind. You're aware that your body image might might not be so good, but it's not something that you're consciously participating in at all times. And so I think it's so important to take moments here and there, to really sit down, maybe write in a journal, maybe just lay in your backyard and look up into the sky, whatever it may be, and just ask yourself, okay, wait, what's really going on? Am I feeling good?

Am I feeling cute? Am I feeling happy? Am I feeling sad? Am I feeling anxious? What am I feeling? Check in with yourself every once in a while. And it's a scary thing to do. I did this yesterday because I've been struggling

a lot with my body image recently. And it was kind of happening in the back of my head, right? But yesterday I sat down in my front lawn, which sounds kind of psychotic because like, my neighbors probably saw me sitting on my front lawn. Anyway, I sat on my front lawn and I just listened to music and thought inward and reflected inward for like an hour. And I realized, okay, number one, I've been really mean to myself recently and really, really dissatisfied with what I look like.

And for what? And I brought those feelings to the forefront of my brain so that I could address them. And I did. And I feel so much better today. Am I still struggling? Yes. But because I took the time to sit there by myself and address the things that are bugging me in the back of my head, I was able to handle them or at least begin to handle them.

And I think that this all comes down to being mindful and taking time to be mindful so that you can address these things properly. And last but not least, the thing that I remind myself of is that the people in my life that are truly quality people love me regardless of what I look like. And the same goes for you. The people in your life that you love most

don't give a fuck about what you look like. They just don't, they don't care. You can even turn the table, look at somebody in your life that you love more than anything as unconditionally, as you possibly can, because obviously unconditional love is a complicated topic. But think about somebody that you love a lot. Do you care about what they look like?

No. You don't value people that you truly love based on what they look like. Well, the same goes reverse. People who truly love you. People who truly deserve to be in your life don't give a fuck about what you look like, it doesn't matter, it just doesn't. I feel like the people that I love and the people that I care about the most, they're physical appearance. I'm like blind to it now.

I don't even see it. It's so irrelevant to me that I can't even like, I can't even look at the people that I really love in that way anymore. I'm not looking at them based on their appearance at all anymore. They've transcended that in my mind and become like just a being. You know what I'm saying?

And the same thing goes for you. You probably feel like that about some people, and I bet people feel that way about you. All right, that's all I got. I feel like this topic is so complex, and it's so layered. Like there's so many layers to it that I feel like I just scratched the surface today.

At some point I'd love to make another episode about body image and in my struggles with it. This was just the tip of the iceberg. To wrap up this episode, I'm going to answer some questions that you guys asked me about self-acceptance in body image on the anything goes Twitter, which is at AG Podcast. Also apparently the AG Podcast, Twitter did just get verified.

So I'm feeling quite fancy right now. Anyway, let's answer some questions. Somebody said, does talking to people about body image insecurity actually help? I feel like it's too personal to have a conversation about it, and there must not be any sort of benefit from it since they can't do anything about it. I think that when you share an insecurity with somebody else or you share a struggle with somebody else, the benefit is not that the other person is going to help you find a solution, but rather talking to somebody about a struggle that you're having allows you to speak the

issue out loud, get it out of the confines of your brain and put it out into the world so that you can talk through it on your own. When I go to somebody with a struggle or an insecurity, I always appreciate advice, but I never expect advice. Instead, I just want somebody to listen to me work through it. And I think the key is that when you have something deeply personal, like a struggle or an insecurity, it's best to go to people that you really, really trust, just so that you can feel comfortable to fully flesh out

your issue, so that you personally can find a solution. I don't think it's pointless to talk about it because I think that talking about things with other people not only allows you to speak these things out loud but can also potentially give you another perspective from another person if the person that you're talking to has some two cents to share. Somebody said, I've struggled with self acceptance since I've had memory. And I don't know what to do anymore. I just kind of gave up and accepted that I'm never going to love myself.

I understand this feeling because, you know, for the past four years, it's been a constant ebb and flow of hating myself and then being okay with myself and then hating myself again and then being fine with myself, like not being stoked about myself but like being fine with myself and it's been this constant battle and it's never been perfect and the truth is is that it might never be perfect. But you have to take it day by day. You can't wake up and decide, I already know that today I'm not going to be nice to myself. You can't wake up in the morning and already have decided that you don't accept your body for what it is.

You have to wake up every day with a new perspective and you have to wake up every day and try again. If yesterday you were struggling with your body image, that's okay, try again tomorrow to do better and to take the steps that you need to take to improve your relationship with your body image. And it's something that takes constant work. And it's exhausting and it's so annoying.

But the truth is, is that you may never feel like you have the perfect handle on your body image. But you can kind of let it go at some point. And I think the best way to let it go is to focus on things in life that are more important. Like the people in your life that you love, the things that you enjoy doing, the things that you're passionate about. If you start putting more energy into those things, unless on your physical appearance, the negative feelings about yourself will start

to lessen and they may never fully go away but they'll get less and less until you realize I don't really give a fuck about what I look like because I have so much other stuff that I care about so much more and that matters so much more. And so who gives a fuck? Somebody said, I don't know if it's just me, but my mind unintentionally makes me compare myself to every girl and then put it on a mental ranking.

How do I stop comparing myself to every girl that I see? This is so hard because a lot of this is subconscious, but something that I do when I find myself playing these toxic mind games with myself, like that. I reroute my brain. Okay. I actually use this tactic for anxiety a lot where every time I have an anxious thought and I become conscious and aware of it, I think of a comforting image. And I have an image in my head that I always go to. It's a very specific image that's comforting to me and safe to me.

And so every time I become aware that I'm having an anxious thought or I feel like I'm getting a panic attack or I catch myself saying mean things to myself or I start playing these toxic mind games with myself. I put up that image in my brain. I stop for a second and I concentrate on that image. And it might sound stupid. It might sound like, you know, I'm playing mind games with myself, but what that does is that that stops those thoughts in its tracks and it forces me to think about something else. And I've noticed that when I'm really consistent

about using this strategy, which I'm not sure if it'll work for everybody, this is just something that works for me. Every time I'm having an anxious thought, every time I feel like I'm having a panic attack, all of those things, every time I feel bad about myself, if I can stop those thoughts in their tracks using this method, I'm better off doing so.

It might not always work. Sometimes the bad thoughts creep back in again later, but it's a tactic that works to kind of train your brain to shut down those thoughts. And it's been actually quite useful for me. But another thing that you can remember is that everybody is on their own journey. And if you're looking at somebody and you think that they're prettier than you, and in this theory, they rank higher than you on your imaginary mental ranking of girls. If they rank higher than you, remember that you don't know everything about them. And there are definitely things about their life that you would hate to live with.

And you might not even know what they are. Maybe they have a terrible relationship with their parents, but you have a great relationship with their parents. Maybe they have a disease that makes their life more difficult and you don't even know about it. You don't know what someone else is going through. So you might be looking at somebody else and think, oh, I want their life, and there's so much prettier

than me, and they rank higher than me on this imaginary scale. You don't even know what they're going through. It's pointless to compare yourself to somebody else because number one, it's not getting you anywhere. But number two, you don't know the full story. You don't know everything about them, so you can't compare yourself accurately to them because you don't know what they're going through.

And there's a decent chance that if you were in their shoes, you would realize that they got their own set of struggles in their life isn't any better than yours. Comparison is a pointless thought to have. Comparison yourself to other people doesn't accomplish anything at all. Somebody said, how to stop constantly comparing myself to what I'm seeing online? I think what you got to do is you got to get offline because Unfortunately, when you're online for too long, it becomes Nearly impossible to stop comparing yourself

The only way to stop is to put the phone down and just do anything else, anything in the real world. Somebody said, how to start looking at food as nourishing rather than calories. This is a really, really, really tough thing, especially nowadays when on the internet, there's so much talk about food and dieting and all of this bullshit. It's also extra hard because there's so much conflicting information and the whole thing is very complicated and confusing and upsetting. But I think that the way that you can reframe looking at food is that you can look at it

as something that's like oxygen or water. We need oxygen and water to live. And we never feel guilty about it. We never put any thought to it. It's just something that we all know that we need. And so we give it to ourselves. I mean, we don't give ourselves oxygen because that is in the air. But you know what I'm saying? We give ourselves water to drink and we give ourselves the space to breathe because those are things that we need and we never question it because it's something that we need. It's the same thing with food.

Food is just simply something that we need and I know that if you're struggling with food, which I have in the past, and even sometimes to this day, I understand that when you're in a place where you are looking at food as the enemy, because you feel like food is the reason why you don't accept your body. It's really hard to reframe your thinking and start looking at food as something like oxygen or water, something that we just simply need. But it's a process that takes time. And if you're struggling with food, something that I recommend is every time that you're sitting down for a meal.

And if you're feeling bad about the food in some way, close your eyes and think, I'm so grateful that I get to eat this food because this food allows me to do all of the things that I love to do, whether that's play sports, whether that's make art, whether that's run around town with my friends, whether that's going for walks early in the morning, whatever it may be, think about something that you love physically doing. And then think about how the food that you're about to eat is going to power you through

those things that you love so much that make you so happy. And I know that it's hard, but if you can try to shift those negative emotions into more positive emotions, that's an amazing first start. Somebody said, I feel like a huge reason why I haven't gotten into a serious relationship with anyone yet is because I'm terrified of what they'll think of my body once we get more intimate. How do I get over this fear? When someone truly loves and cares about you, truly, your body will be beautiful to them no matter what. No matter what. If you shaved

your legs, if you didn't shave your legs, if you gained a pound, if you lost a pound, if your boobs aren't perfect, if one's a little bit bigger than the other, if somebody loves you, they don't care. They do not care. Because when you truly love somebody, like love transcends the surface level bullshit of your physical appearance. It transcends into something far deeper.

I know that it's scary when you don't feel fully secure in your body to let someone see your body, especially in an intimate setting, but feel confident knowing that when someone loves you in a romantic way, they stop caring about that shit. And I think that the hardest part is taking the first step. And being like, you know what, I'm going to try to get into a relationship. I'm going to allow myself to get into a relationship and I'm going to allow to get intimate.

And I'm just going to see what happens. It's scary when you've never done it before. I mean, I experience this. I had the same issue. I, you know, like, I was so scared of getting into relationships for so long because I was so scared of that exact thing. But what I realized time and time again was that it didn't matter in the relationship. If the relationship was good anyways, the relationship was bad and we're dealing with an asshole, maybe it's different. But in all the relationships that were worthwhile, it didn't matter. It didn't And if anything, getting over that fear actually helped me with my body image, because it was empowering in a sense to push through that fear.

And I think that you just have to remind yourself that it's going to be a little bit uncomfortable at first, it's going to feel scary. But if you're with somebody who truly loves and cares about you, they're going to think that you're the hottest thing there ever was. Okay, that's all I got for today. Thank you for listening. I really enjoyed today's conversation. I definitely want to do another episode about this topic at some point, because I think

it's just such an important conversation and such an ongoing battle for me and for so many people. And so I definitely want to touch on this again at some point, but regardless, I don't know why I just said regardless. But anyway, I appreciate you all. I love you all very much. And that's all I got for today. Feel free to follow anything goes on Instagram, anything goes or on Twitter at AG podcast.

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