anything goes with emma chamberlain - can celebrities find true love? a talk with emma

Episode Date: August 8, 2024

i'm starting to think that the price of fame and fortune is true love. how often do you parasocially fall in love with a celebrity couple just to watch them break up a year later? most people would think that finding true love would be easy for celebrities because, in theory, they can date whomever they want. and so it’s made me wonder, can celebrities find true love? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You know, I'm starting to think that the price of fame and fortune is true love. Yeah. How often do you parasocially fall in love with a celebrity couple? Just to watch them break up a year later. Honestly, a year later is really generous. More like a month later. Or three weeks later. Or, hell, one week later.

Celebrity couples have the lifespan of, I don't know, maybe a mosquito? Maybe that's a little too short. Maybe a rodent? Most people would think that finding true love would be easy for celebrities, because in theory, they can date whoever they want. Celebrities have an insane level of access, and most people have a celebrity crush, right?

Celebrities, in theory, can date their celebrity crush. They can meet whoever they want, socialize with whoever they want, and in turn, kind of date whoever they want. You know, what prevents somebody who's not in the public eye from dating a celebrity? Well, the fact that they're never hanging out in a room together. But also, celebrities tend to attract special treatment and ungodly amounts of respect, probably more respect than they deserve. This is coming from somebody who's a public figure. But I think celebrities sometimes receive a little bit too much respect, like to a point

where they can just do whatever the fuck they want and get away with it sometimes. People put them on a pedestal. When a celebrity walks into the room, it's like a God has walked into the room. And there's something about celebrity that alters the brain chemistry in people, I swear. And automatically we put the celebrities on a pedestal and would do anything to get close to them.

Let's use an example. If Anne Hathaway walks into a room and she sees this cute man, she thinks he's cute, and she starts chatting it up with him, her likelihood of going on a date with this guy is now 400 times higher because he has automatically put her on a pedestal because she's a celebrity.

People wanna be close to celebrities and that makes it easier for them to go on dates with people. And last but not least, celebrities don't tend to experience financial challenges and that's a huge contributor to divorce. So with all these things in mind, it should be incredibly easy for celebrities to date, fall in love, live happily ever after.

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into a watered-down life. Grab a vitamin water today. Now, some might argue that celebrities have no more issue finding love than the average person who's not in the public eye. The only difference is that celebrity romance challenges are just being broadcasted in a way more issue finding love than the average person who's not in the public eye. The only difference is that celebrity romance challenges are just being broadcasted in a way that makes them feel larger. People break up and cheat

all the time, we just don't know about it. However, however, my own personal experience in being a public figure and dating myself while also watching celebrity couples develop and crumble in real life. I will say it's kind of its own unique little dating bubble. Love is uniquely hard for celebrities. It's impossible to compare dating for celebrities versus dating when you're not in the public eye. Like it's, who's going gonna gather the data for that?

I don't know. But I will say there's something uniquely challenging about dating for celebrities. And I'm not saying all this to say, you guys, it's really hard for celebrities to fall in love. Like you guys should feel bad for celebrities. They are having a hard time finding love. That's so sad.

I'm not saying that. I just find it fascinating, especially being somebody who I'm a public figure, but I'm not like, I'm not Beyonce. I'm not Taylor Swift. I'm like this tiny little aunt, but like it's something that does directly impact me in a way.

And I've experienced the challenges myself. I'm close enough to it that I can say that there's something particularly challenging about it and it has sort of made me wonder, can celebrities find true love? Now, before I go any further, I do think it's important that we can agree upon a definition of love. The definition that I prefer is the Buddhist definition, which is unselfishly wishing others to be happy, to be delighted to be in their presence, to offer our affection in smiles and hugs and help freely

without wanting anything in return. That's at least the definition that I found on Google last time I Googled it. So hope that that was helpful. I did make an episode back in October of 2023 titled is romantic love an illusion? Where I basically discuss whether romantic love is what we tend to be feeling when we experience romantic love, or is it something

else? The definition of love doesn't really match a lot of the relationships I see out in the world, doesn't really match a lot of the relationships that I've had in my life. I think a lot of times we confuse lust and self-esteem boost for love. I think experiencing true romantic love is far more rare than we realize. And I think it feels a lot different than we expect it to feel. I don't think it's the most explosive, fiery, intense thing. I think it's far more chill, you know? And I think at times you have to choose to love people romantically. Some days are harder than others.

I just think societally we kind of have the wrong idea about romantic love. A lot of our definitions on it are off. Again, that's my opinion. I have a whole episode on it. It's called, Is Romantic Love an Illusion? Go listen to it if you want. Here's the thing.

Had I just gone through a breakup when I recorded that? Yes. Am I going to be a bit extra pessimistic in that episode? There's a chance. There's a chance. However, I still agree with everything that I said in that episode almost a year later now. And my life is very different and I'm far less pessimistic.

So with all that being said, is it hard for celebrities to find true love? Absolutely. Do I have my suspicions that it might be extra hard for celebrities to find true love? Absolutely. Do I have my suspicions that it might be extra hard for celebrities to find true love? Yes, I do. Do I also think we all struggle with finding true love? Yes, I think that this is a universal challenge. But what I'm particularly zooming in on today is celebrities, because I think it's unique. So why are relationships so hard for celebrities? I have my suspicions.

Number one, celebrity self-sabotage, okay? When you come into a lot of money and you come into a lot of power, your morals can slack a bit. Now this doesn't happen to everyone, but it happens to a lot of people. And it doesn't always happen forever. I think some celebrities can have a bit. Now this doesn't happen to everyone, but it happens to a lot of people. And it doesn't always happen forever.

I think some celebrities can have a phase where maybe they turn a little toxic as a result of their fame and money and power, but then can catch it and revert it. That's absolutely possible for some people. But I think because of this potential for getting away with bad behavior, celebrities' egos can get out of control.

And the world has just decided that they now have all this power, have all this respect, and they don't even feel like they really have to live up to that. It can give people God complexes. And when someone has a God complex, it's going gonna be really hard for them to respect their partner. It's gonna be really hard for them not to feel like they're better than their partner. It's gonna be really hard to satisfy somebody who has a God complex.

Chances are they're gonna go out and cheat. They're gonna be like, well, I have the right to flirt with other girls. I have the right to disrespect them. I have the right to be selfish. I have the right to be selfish. I also think too that that God complex can cause the celebrity with the God complex to expect more from love because they believe that they're God-like. They are expecting experiences and feelings that the average man does not have, right? So a celebrity with an out-of-control ego

is gonna be looking for a type of fiery, lustful, intense, extreme, hot, sexy love that is like something that the average man cannot experience. But the problem with that is it doesn't matter who you are. There's only a certain range of emotions and feelings that we can feel as human beings. I have not experienced any new emotions since becoming a public figure at all.

It's all relative, depending on what your life is at a given moment. So a celebrity with a God complex might expect love for them now as a celebrity to feel different than love in high school. But unfortunately, it's not going to feel that different. The excitement is still the same. The jitteriness is still the same, but also when things kind of

lose their spark, that's the same too. So I do think that celebrities can have a tendency to self-sabotage in this way. They let their egos get too big. They get a God complex and that makes them a horrible partner. They're looking for the wrong thing or they're just simply incapable of it because their ego has gotten too big. Now, on the opposite end of things, celebrities are constantly at risk of being used by their

partner, by more than just their partner, their family, their friends. Because celebrities have fame, power, money, people will use celebrities without even realizing that they're doing it. I'd say half the time it's subconscious. People cannot help but see an opportunity to benefit in some way from a celebrity. So when it comes to dating a celebrity, you're bound to benefit the most way from a celebrity. So when it comes to dating a celebrity, you're bound to benefit the most out of anyone else. You're gonna go on the most vacations,

you're gonna get dinner paid for the most, you're gonna get hotel rooms paid for, you're gonna get, there's a lot to benefit from dating a celebrity. If you're a fellow celebrity, being in a celebrity relationship is a great way to get into the press cycle, get in the news, get people talking. Celebrities do get used a lot. Now, I know what you're thinking. Why should I fucking feel bad for a celebrity? Why? I'm not saying that you should. I'm just saying that this is a reality. If you

were to look at the celebrity as a human being, no human being wants to be used. Human beings most of the time want to be giving and want to be generous and want to help their family or their friends or their loved ones financially, bring their friends and their family and their loved ones on vacations, out to fancy dinners, whatever it might be, but they don't want to be used. I think that that's fair, right? But what's tricky is that it can be really hard to realize you're being used until it's too late. Realizing after many years that somebody that you just dated has been using you for all this time, it's a horrible feeling.

It's the worst feeling. And I think this might be one of the most sad issues with celebrities dating. Actually, I think this might be one of the most sad issues with celebrities dating. Actually, I think that this particular issue tends to be the worst when celebrities date celebrities. Like I think that that's when it's the most painful to feel like, you know, you were used as some sort of pawn in this other person's plot to getting somewhere in life.

I mean, it's disgusting. And I think that this can cause trust issues in celebrities. Like, I don't know who I can date. I don't know who I can trust because everybody's out to use me, it feels like. And so that's a bummer. The next challenge is the narrow dating pool. Celebrities tend to date each other,

causing the dating pool to shrink substantially. And I sort of understand why celebrities date each other because I think the lifestyle is sort of unusual. And I don't know, there's just sort of something comforting about it maybe. Also, I think there's something attractive about it too. Like, oh, I have a crush on this person because I saw them in a movie. Well, I'm a celebrity, I could just date them. However, again, as I mentioned earlier about a celebrity being used, I often think that celebrities tend to be used the most

by other celebrities because that's where it's the most helpful in becoming more famous. And that's also when it's the most sinister. Do you know what I mean? Like, there's something really sinister about using another person to become more famous. There's something less sinister to me

about using another person a little bit to like, I don't know, live a more comfortable life. Like, I cannot help but be like, I kinda get that. And to an extent, it's like, if you're dating somebody who makes more money than you or has the opportunity to experience more grandiose things than you. Of course you're going to want to experience those things with your partner. Of course you're going to want to experience those things in general.

You might not even be using the other person. You might just be excited to experience these things. That is a little bit less sinister to me. It's still not right if you're going into dating somebody just for the experiences and the connections that you can gain from your partner. I just think that there's something particularly disgusting about one celebrity using another celebrity for fame.

I think it's gross. I think it's particularly nasty. So that's also why it's kind of funny that celebrities tend to date each other because I think it can be the most nasty. It can be the most sinister and it can be the most twisted and it can be the most freaky. But also like because celebrities tend to date each other, the dating pool is so narrow for so many reasons. Okay, number one, there aren't that many famous people.

You know what I'm saying? The pool is not that big. Whereas if you open up your dating pool to the entire world, there's billions, there's billions, babe. Shrinking it down to just people who are in the entertainment industry or whatever, that is a tiny sliver of humanity. But then beyond that, celebrities all tend to know each other

and be friends with each other and shit. So now you have to cut out all of your friends' exes, or at least you should. So now you have an even slimmer dating pool. And it's like in high school, you can't expect a lot from a small dating pool because there just aren't nearly enough personalities available to find the one. The larger your dating pool, the larger your success rate, I would argue, right? I mean, maybe there's something easier about having less options, but no, I don't think so.

I think the more options you have, the merrier. And so I think that's another reason why celebrities struggle. In fact, there are some, I don't, I think it's Dolly Parton. I think like Dolly Parton is married to, you know, somebody who's not in the public eye and they've had a beautiful Loving relationship. I'm pretty sure and I hope that's true because if it's not Whoops, yeah, I think they're still married. I don't know. Oh, whoa Okay, I just found this article on the independent dot co dot UK

Dolly Parton reveals secret to her and husband Carl Dean's marriage of 57 years. They've been married since 1966. Wow. She says, he's not in the business, so we have different interests, but yet we have the things that we love to do together. So it was meant to be, I think. He was the one I was supposed to have and vice versa. Well that's beautiful.

I think that's a great example of how, I don't know, there can be something nice about not dating somebody in the industry. However, I think most celebrities prefer it for the most part, I don't know. The next challenge, immense jealousy. I think whoever is less famous or less wealthy or less successful in the relationship

can potentially grow animosity towards the more successful partner if they don't have a solid sense of self. Now, do I think that this happens in all relationships? Absolutely. I think there's always gonna be somebody in the relationship who's making more money, who's more popular when you go out to social events,

who has a higher ranking position at their job. This is a universal challenge. However, I do think that it's elevated. It's made worse in celebrity couples because it's on such a grand scale. Like instead of, I'm annoyed because my husband comes home and he talks about how he just got promoted or something. And I'm, and I didn't get promoted and it's so annoying.

Instead of like, I'm driving down Sunset Boulevard and there's a billboard of my husband. There are constant reminders of a celebrity's success in day-to-day life and I think sometimes partners can grow animosity towards that. And you know, like I've dated people who are more successful than me and it's never bothered me. Like that just does not get under my skin. people who are more successful than me, and it's never bothered me.

That just does not get under my skin. However, I've dated people who have grown animosity towards me for whatever reason, because they felt in some way threatened by my wins in life and stuff. And that's a fucking bummer, because I understand it, I completely understand it, but I do think it's unfair, especially when it turns into maybe mean behavior

or whatever. But also just celebrity lifestyle is challenging in some ways and some people fucking hate it. Whether it's having people come up and say hello or ask for pictures or whatever for celebrities, or constantly traveling, or for some really famous celebrities, not being able to go to the grocery store.

Taylor Swift can't go to the grocery store. And I think depending on the level of celebrity, the lifestyle can get more and more unique. And that can be challenging for some people. A lot of times when you're dating a celebrity, you're also dating their lifestyle. Now, if there's two celebrities, you would think, well, that's easy because, you know,

both parties have a similar lifestyle. Not necessarily. One celebrity might be more famous than the other. So one celebrity might not be able to go to the grocery store, the other one can. Maybe the one who can go to the grocery store really loves going to the grocery store and wants to go with their bae.

Well, no, they can't. Or maybe fans constantly coming up to one of the celebrities makes the other celebrity jealous. There's a lot of reasons why the lifestyle can sort of get in the way. But also I think celebrities tend to travel a lot and are never home, so that also can get in the way of relationships

because majority of us need time spent together. Long distance relationships are a fucking nightmare. Are they possible? Totally. Are they a nightmare? Yes, it sucks. And so, I don't know, it's just like the lifestyle can really put a wedge

into things. Last but not least, a lot of celebrities like to have public relationships. And I've gone back and forth about this for years. Actually, majority of my relationships have been pretty private. I've had a few little moments of public, and then I had like an actual public relationship. So I've had one like truly very public relationship where we told the world, hello, we're dating, you know? Prior to that, I had never been so explicit. And let me go back a step.

I understand the appeal for celebrities, like why it's appealing to have a public relationship. Number one, because it's hard to keep things private. Like naturally, you know, you're, you want to do things with your partner. And when you're a public figure, things get photographed, you go to events together that are publicized, like it's natural that things become public. But also on top of that, I think a lot of times celebrities are like, I want people to become invested in the lore of my relationship. Like I think there's a bit of that too. And that can be either exploitative or not. It depends on the person.

Like if that's really their main reason for wanting to make the relationship public. But also I think a lot of celebrities deep down are like, I know that this will cause some buzz, cause some stirs, cause some talk. The reason why I personally wanted to do it was because I am unique in the fact that I put a lot of myself out there more than traditional celebrities like actors or musicians. They're more in the business of being mysterious, right? Whereas YouTuber, podcaster, it's a very different vibe.

It's hard for me to keep things private because I talk about my life all the time. So I was like, this would just be so, it's such a relief, like not to hide something so significant about my life. And I was at the point where I was like, you know, I've been dating this person for a long time. Why not? I'm glad I did it to experience it. Do I think that it can cause a healthy, good, perfect relationship to end that would have not otherwise ended? Honestly, no, I don't think that. However, I do think it can expedite the ending process. You know what I mean?

So, okay, I guess arguably it's like, is it better than to go public if you're a celebrity because then you stress test it and if it doesn't work, then well, it didn't work. And now you learned? Yes, in that way it's helpful but it's not helpful when you then break up and then everyone's talking about it while you're trying to go through a breakup. Like I will say going through a public breakup is brutal because breakups are bad enough as is but when your partner is very visible, and if they're maybe talking about it, discussing it, that makes it 50 times harder. So that's the reason why I think it's not worth

the stress test, if that makes sense. But there are quite a few reasons why public relationships are challenging. Number one, because it inevitably causes trust issues. Like, is my partner with me for the right reasons or are they with me because people are talking about a relationship and it's causing buzz? I also think too, you know, a couple can go

into having a public relationship and then one partner or both can become greedy about the benefits that come with a public relationship and it can eventually turn toxic. It can start as something cute. No, we don't wanna use this for our benefit. We just wanna make our life easier by putting it all out there and having it be public.

But then one partner or both can end up becoming greedy about it. We need to post more of ourselves. Or one person could be like, I'm gonna capitalize off of this. I can't help it, I have to. I'm gonna capitalize off of it by doing this or by doing that.

And then it gets toxic. So it can cause trust issues at minimum, but at maximum, it can actually cause greediness. But I also think too, a public relationship loses its sacred feeling. When you feel like you're sharing your intimate relationship with the whole world and you're sharing your story and you're sharing all of these things, it almost feels like it's not yours anymore. And there's something so important about feeling like your relationship is yours, the story is yours. It's based in reality.

It's something that can be grounding actually when it remains private. When it's public, now people are discussing whether or not you guys are gonna break up. You know, what's gonna happen? Is this person cheating? They don't seem happy in this photo. Are they fighting in this photo?

Then it becomes the world's story. It's not yours anymore. And there's something about that that I think can put a wedge in the relationship. And last but not least, I think it puts pressure on relationships to be perfect when things wedge in the relationship. And last but not least, I think it puts pressure on relationships to be perfect when things are in the public eye.

We wanna put our best foot forward and there's this pressure for celebrity relationships to be perfect. And guess what? Relationships are not perfect. So if a celebrity couple has a fight outside of a restaurant and it gets photographed and then it gets posted, now everybody is talking about this couple's challenges and blowing it out of proportion potentially and coming to their own conclusions. And now that causes this argument

that could have just been something that was a 24-hour ordeal. It now makes it a lifelong ordeal. Those photos will be circulated forever. Those memories will be forced back into the conscious mind of the couple constantly because anytime anything goes on the internet, it's permanent. So the pressure to be perfect can also put a wedge in between the couple because yeah, they wanna be perfect for the people. With all of this in mind, can celebrities find true love?

And if so, how? Here's my opinion. Number one, both people need to have some sort of an ego death. Maybe both parties had their ego death before they got together. Maybe they have an ego death together. Do I have advice on how to have an ego death? Not necessarily, but I think that it's important because I think a celebrity relationship will never work

if one or both partners believe in the illusion of fame and fortune and power and glory, okay? Like neither party can believe in that. What I mean by that is both partners must believe that they are just human and they are no different from anyone else. Doesn't matter if they're famous or they're dating somebody famous or both are famous.

That is an illusion. It's undeniable that being a celebrity definitely gets you things in life. Okay. I'm saying that both partners can't believe in it. They must believe in their soul that they don't deserve that any more than anyone else. They should be grateful for that because it is a great thing. And like, what else can you do than be grateful for it?

But they can't believe it. Does that make sense? When you go wrong is can't believe it. Does that make sense? When you go wrong is when you believe it. Like, oh, I believe that I'm special and I'm different than other people and I deserve this special treatment and I am up on a pedestal. Both partners must not believe in the pedestal of fame. Now that's a huge ask. However, I found that it's the only thing that can make celebrity love work. Two people who see beyond that, see that that doesn't really matter. You still have to be a good person.

Both people must believe that celebrities are just normal people. They might be talented, but they're normal people. Now, I also think it's helpful when both parties are also at a place in their lives where they're secure in themselves and they're secure in their own journey, accepting it as it comes and being patient as it unfolds. I also think celebrities should consider dating outside the celebrity bubble. Take Dolly Parton as an example. I think when you broaden it to the entire world, only good things can come from that. Being a celebrity and thinking,

I'm only gonna date other celebrities, to me is a limiting mindset, that's limiting. And I think that's very common. I also think extra communication is necessary, or maybe not extra communication, because I think that there's no such thing as too much communication in a relationship. I mean, maybe there is,

like if you're constantly dumping your shit on your partner to a point that's detrimental to their mental health. I mean, I do think maybe communicating too much does exist, but I think unique communication is necessary. Communication about the challenging lifestyle, about jealousy, all of these things that we don't wanna talk about, I think

putting them all out on the table and making sure that both partners are on the same page is crucial and often overlooked. I do think that celebrities can find love. I do think it's possible. I'm aware of the challenges. I see the challenges. I've experienced some of the challenges, but I do think it's possible and I really am hoping and manifesting for all of the celebrities out there. It's like so stupid to be like, I'm really, I'm praying for the celebrities. Like no one is ever saying that. None of this is about like pitting celebrities, but it's just interesting and I'm somebody

who particularly loves celebrity couples. Like I love the lore of celebrity couples. And beyond that, I have had a public relationship before and it is something I learned a lot from and I didn't learn from it because it was easy. You know what I'm saying? I learned from it because it caused me pain in a lot of ways, long term. And so, I don't know, that's where I'm at. Hopefully this was somewhat interesting.

I don't know why I felt this like intense desire to discuss this today, but I did. And I hope you enjoyed it. And if you did new episodes of anything goes every Thursday and Sunday, you can stream anywhere that you stream podcasts, but video is exclusively on Spotify. Check out anything goes on Instagram and anything goes check me out on social media at Emma Chamberlain. Check out my coffee company, chamberlaincoffee.com at Chamberlain out on social media at Emma Chamberlain. Check out my coffee company, Chamberlain Coffee dot com at Chamberlain Coffee on social media. And that's all I got.

I love you all. I appreciate you all. Thank you for listening and hanging out. And I will talk to you very soon in a few days. All right. Bye.