anything goes with emma chamberlain - do i wanna look pretty or interesting? a talk with emma

Episode Date: September 5, 2024

if you were to look at a list of all my recurring dilemmas, you wouldn't see anything too out of the ordinary. you'd see the choice between a sweet or savory breakfast, going to bed early or late, putting gas in my car now or later, a lot of mundane shit. and then you'd see, towards the bottom of the list, something a little bit more interesting, a bit more complex, with a bit more nuance: the choice between looking pretty or looking interesting. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I'm faced with a lot of reoccurring dilemmas, as we all are. And if you were to look at a list of all of my reoccurring dilemmas, you wouldn't see anything too out of the ordinary. You'd see the choice between a sweet or savory breakfast. You'd see the choice between going to bed early or going to bed late. You'd see the choice between putting gas in my car now or putting gas in my car later, you'd see a lot of mundane shit. And then you'd see towards the bottom of the list, something a little bit more interesting, something a bit more complex, something with a bit more nuance. The choice between looking pretty or looking interesting. I don't know if this is a common dilemma or if this is just a dilemma that one faces

if they're super into fashion, but this is a dilemma I often face. Do I wanna look pretty or do I wanna look interesting? Now, when I'm talking about this dilemma around looks I'm not talking about things that I can't control Okay, like I can't control if my face shape is pretty or interesting. I can't control if my Butt is pretty or interesting. I can't control if my eyebrows are pretty or interesting. I guess I could because I could get them plucked. But you get what I'm saying here, right? Like there

are certain things on my body that are the way that they are. When I'm talking about the choice between pretty and interesting, I'm talking about things that I can control. My haircut, whether or not I dye or bleach my hair, how I do my makeup, what clothes I wear, what accessories I wear, et cetera, et cetera. I'm talking about surface level aesthetics here. It's the dilemma between do I wanna wear a beautiful form-fitting dress that makes my boobs look amazing

and my butt look round and rotund and snatched and round and smooth and gorgeous? Or do I want to wear baggy, neutral, dark-colored, fashionable, Rick Owens-coated, fashion-forward, on the cutting edge of fashion clothes? It's the choice between accessorizing with weird, kind of ugly, but cool sunglasses, or a gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous pair

of dainty, dainty, dainty earrings. It's the choice between cutting your hair short and bleaching it, or letting it be long and flowy and gorgeously balayaged with a blowout. And it's so beautiful and the highlights are perfect. and flowy and gorgeously balayaged with a blowout and it's so beautiful and the highlights are perfect and it looks so beautiful as though you've been swimming out in Nantucket for months.

It's beautiful what's happening to the hair. This is a dilemma I'm constantly faced with. This episode is brought to you by Airbnb. One very fond Airbnb memory is going to Arizona for a wedding with some of my friends and family. And we were all able to hang out together in this one house. My mom was able to bring her dogs. Everyone had their own room.

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you're just a wall away from your loved ones. You can chat for hours and hours and hours. And the best part about it is you can stay in Airbnb for less than staying apart at a hotel. When I'm traveling with all of my loved ones, Airbnb makes trip planning a whole lot easier. Whether you're practicing your morning breath work, waiting for your favorite artists to come on stage, or running errands at the perfect pace. Liquid IV powder helps you turn ordinary water into extraordinary hydration so you can live a more extraordinary life. Live more with Liquid IV Hydration Multiplier, available in refreshing

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I think of objective appeal. You know, fashion choices that are just objectively pleasant to look at. You know, let's say 90% of people, maybe even 80, okay, 80% of people would agree, yeah, this is pretty, this is appealing. I think of more stereotypical fashion, stuff that you see on big corporate magazines,

stuff that you see in the US, maybe a cosmopolitan. Clothing that's easy to find in retail, it's abundant, there's a lot of it. It's easy to digest, a lot of people like it. It's not polarizing. Like if you're showing up in a pretty outfit, for the most part, people aren't even batting an eye. They're like, okay, there's another person

in a pretty outfit. I mean, if it's a really, really pretty outfit, maybe people will double take because it's such a pretty outfit. But for the most part, when I think of dressing pretty, presenting myself as pretty, I think of pretty standard. There's not a lot of risk taking happening, but it's undeniably pleasant to look at.

I'll give some examples, okay? Let me paint a picture for you of what pretty might look like, okay? Long hair, possibly blown out, you know? Maybe someone went to the hair salon, got their possibly blown out. You know, maybe someone went to the hair salon, got their hair blown out. Their hair is a natural color, maybe with some highlights in it.

That's paired with a pretty summery dress and some pretty sandals. Everything is just pretty and clean and beautiful. Another example could be a bun. Maybe the hair is put up in a bun. The hair is a classic brown. This person is wearing classic dress pants in a sweater, simple gold jewelry, loafers,

palatable, easy to look at, whatever. Another example, hair is down, looking very natural, paired with a lot of beautiful, colorful sort of jewelry, maybe with a flowy white top and a flowy white, like linen skirt and maybe a boot or something. You get the idea. Like pretty can mean a lot of different things, but the through line is that it's palatable,

easy to digest, it's not shocking, it's flattering, it's like automatically flattering, it's flattering by nature, it's objectively appealing. Now let's discuss the definition of interesting. Like what do I think interesting is? When I think of interesting in the context of this dilemma, I think of more niche appeal. Less people are going to love it. It doesn't mean it's ugly, but it maybe goes against the grain a little bit.

It goes against the grain enough to make it more of a polarizing choice, right? When I think of interesting, I think of risky choices too. Wearing something or cutting your hair in a certain way that is sort of a risk. Like you might be made fun of, you might be ostracized. It might not look good, like it's not foolproof. I think of uniqueness, you might be ostracized, it might not look good. Like, it's not foolproof. I think of uniqueness, you know, choosing things that are maybe not trending in the moment.

Yeah, overall, I think interesting is just a bit more polarizing, a bit more niche, and can at times even be ugly at first glance or confusing at first glance or even infuriating at first glance. Like some people really are bothered by people who present themselves in a more interesting sort of way. I think of elders in my life who have maybe seen somebody who's dressing in a more fashion sort of way and like making fun of that, being like,

what the fuck, like why are they wearing that? That's so weird. I guess the elders in my life don't talk like that. They're more like, now, why? They don't really talk like that either. Emma, why would that young woman wear the jeans that are so baggy like that? And why is that shirt have a dead rabbit on it?

It's just disturbing. You know what I mean? Whatever. Took every single ounce of energy I had in me to imitate the elders in my life apparently. But like an example would be, let's say like a bleached pixie haircut with nerdy sort of style glasses, like big chunky, unflattering kind of,

but cool glasses, baggy dress pants, a sweater. The color palette is very much booger poop colors, not like a beautiful coral salmon pink or a beautiful turquoise blue. It's like booger poop color scheme with the outfit. That's something that I would say is more interesting. Or maybe somebody has dyed their hair orange and they have sort of weird chunky jewelry on

and they're wearing a black and white striped dress and big black boots and it's like a bit more extreme. I feel like both of those descriptions kind of sounded a bit goth. I'm not actually necessarily saying goth or like emo or anything like that. Just like any unorthodox interesting choice. There's not one particular look

for either of these pretty or interesting. They're both incredibly broad, but I would say that almost every outfit that we see out on the street falls into one of these categories, for the most part. Now, let's go back to the dilemma of it all, right? I'm constantly facing the dilemma. Who do I want to be?

What do I want to be? I've gone through different phases in my life. Like I would say, when I was in middle school, high school, I always chose pretty. I never chose interesting. I did not care about being interesting. I wanted to be pretty. I had long hair. I did not care about being interesting. I wanted to be pretty. I had long hair that I would get highlights in, so I looked kind of blonde, and I would

wear the trendy skinny jeans, and I would wear the UGG boots. The only time that I would choose to be interesting over pretty was on Halloween. I did a lot of interesting Halloween costumes that were more interesting than they were pretty. Like they were actually like funny. Like I did Napoleon Dynamite one year, you know what I mean? Like I wasn't always trying to be hot for Halloween. Anyway, after I left school,

I was more open to the idea of presenting myself in a more interesting way. And I would say since high school and beyond, I've become more and more interested in being interesting rather than pretty. So I'm slowly drifting in that direction. I am less concerned about looking pretty and more concerned about looking interesting. I would say for me, it's

a sign of maturity because I am somebody who loves weird, interesting clothing by nature. So for me, it's a sign that I'm maturing and coming into myself. Whereas for you, that might not be the case. You might ultimately prefer a more pretty sort of aesthetic and that just might be where you end up. That just might be what you like better. With that being said though, I still am faced with this dilemma constantly. I don't think I'm at a place yet where the dilemma is gone and the decision has been made and there's sort of a code and a recipe for my day-to-day aesthetic. Like I'm not there yet. Let me sort of walk you through what the dilemma looks like for me. Okay?

Let's walk through the pros and cons of each. Let's start out with the pros and cons of pretty. The pros of looking pretty. They're pretty obvious. Number one, it's widely appealing. There's not a lot of risk involved. For the most part, everyone's going to accept and probably enjoy to an extent your pretty outfit. You know, there's not really anything negative to say about it. Number one, because it's just not that bold of a choice, but number two, because everyone else is wearing it.

It's the most popular choice. It's easy. You're not fearing judgment. It's more comfortable in some ways. Number two, you can go into the world wearing a pretty outfit, knowing that you're probably gonna get compliments. You're probably gonna be celebrated

if you were to show up to your family reunion wearing a pretty outfit. All of your elders are gonna be like, wow, you look beautiful. Whereas if you show up to your family reunion with, I don't know, baggy dress pants and a striped long sleeve shirt and short pixie cut haircut,

your elders might be like, oh, my granddaughter is goth, I think. Me thinks my granddaughter's goth. That's so sad to see her going up the edge. I bet she's really lost herself in this. She's probably doing bad stuff, like bad stuff. Yes, like drugs or something. You know what I mean?

I don't know. There's a higher likelihood of being celebrated and receiving compliments when you're dressing pretty. Number three, it's a lot easier to feel attractive when you dress stereotypically pretty. For me, for example, I know that I'm gonna feel pretty if I get my hair done really nice and my hair is like a normal neutral color and

I get it blow dried and you know I put on like a little blouse top. I might feel a little weird because that doesn't really match my personality very much but I know for a fact I'm gonna feel pretty though, in a weird way. Whereas if I'm wearing like a pair of like jean shorts that go down to my knees and I'm wearing like a scrunchie sock and then I'm wearing like a ballet flat or something and then I'm wearing a tank top and then I'm wearing a baseball cap and then I'm wearing these weird glasses and it's a bit weirder or whatever. In that I feel more interesting but I don't feel as pretty, and I'm not gonna feel as attractive in that outfit.

Or maybe I will, but it's not as foolproof. It's not guaranteed. Whereas with a pretty outfit, it's almost guaranteed that you're gonna feel your best. You're gonna feel your most attractive. But it depends, because we're all so different. And I don't know, even for me, as I'm saying this, I'm like, it's true and it's not, right?

Because I actually have found, the older I've gotten, the more attractive I feel when I'm interesting. I actually feel attractive through my intrigue when I'm wearing something interesting, rather than feeling attractive through just being pretty or something. I think my definition of what's attractive is changing, and therefore it's opening up the door for interesting aesthetics to actually make me feel attractive, which was not necessarily

possible for me when I was younger because my definition of attractive was different. But I do think that it's easier to feel attractive when you're dressed pretty, you know what I mean? I don't know. Okay, now let's talk about the cons of dressing pretty. Number one, I think there's something, and I might be wrong about this, like I might be crying wolf, so I don't know,

take this with a grain of salt, but I do think that in some ways, dressing pretty means dressing in stereotypes to an extent, right? Like what does it mean for a 23-year-old girl to dress pretty? It means wearing like beautiful colors, maybe more feminine silhouettes,

like a skirt or a dress or a blouse. Like there's certain things that are more pretty, more widely appealing, right? I'm not saying it's right or wrong. I'm just saying that that's the way that it is, okay? And I think in a way, dressing pretty is limiting. You're limited in some ways by maybe the gender stereotypes of fashion. When we all think of dressing pretty,

it does definitely involve masculine and feminine silhouettes, which is not necessarily inherently bad. I don't think that that's bad. That's one particular aesthetic. It's neither right nor wrong. It just is, right? But I do think for me, that's limiting. Like I love wearing masculine silhouettes. I love that.

I love, and I love mixing masculine and feminine silhouette. Like I love masculine silhouettes. Another con is I do think that dressing pretty is less interesting and less dynamic. I would even say at times it feels boring. To me, I've had a place in my life now where I don't really, like I don't care what other people are wearing, you know what I mean?

It's none of my business and it's not how I judge a person. But for myself, I'm bored looking in the fucking mirror at myself in a pretty outfit. I'm like, I might look good, but like I'm bored. It's boring to me. So on myself, I think it's boring. On other people, it's like, do your look good, but like I'm bored. It's boring to me. So on myself, I think it's boring. On other people, it's like, do your thing. I don't care.

It's none of my business. But on me, I just think it's less interesting, less dynamic, and I think it's boring. I also think that, and this might be a pro for some people, but I think it's a con for me. When one dress is pretty, they tend to blend into the crowd because a lot of people dress pretty, right? Because it's more palatable. It's like that's what majority of people choose,

which is not necessarily wrong or bad, but it's just harder to stand out. And for some people, that doesn't matter. Like when I was in middle school, I didn't want to stand out. My goal was to follow the trend and enjoy the trend. And that was totally fine. But I think I'm at a place in my life now where I'm like, fuck it, I'll stand out, you know what I mean? I wanna wear an outfit out to a wine bar or something and like get compliments.

I want people to be like, whoa, that's a cool outfit. Like I crave that now. And the last con of dressing pretty is that often pretty outfits are more physically uncomfortable. Like, I am not comfortable in a dress that's beautiful and form-fitting. I'm not comfortable in, like, form-fitting pants.

Like, I don't know, a lot of the key pieces that I think of when I think of pretty are uncomfortable. Now, that's not to say all of them are, because I think there's a lot of the key pieces that I think of when I think of pretty are uncomfortable. Now that's not to say all of them are because I think there's a lot of sort of pretty options that are flowy and comfortable. But I don't know, for the most part, like just not as comfortable to me because they fit really well, you know, for the most part.

And obviously dressing pretty is very much dressing in flattering silhouettes, right? So I don't know, there's just a higher likelihood of discomfort. Now let's discuss the pros and the cons of dressing interesting, looking interesting. Let's start with the pros. I mean, obviously there's more room for creativity

and having fun with appearance. There's just a lot less rules. There's just so many more rules and regulations when it comes to looking pretty, dressing pretty, because there's societal norms in play, there's societal stereotypes at play. And so you have to kind of play by those rules. There's just a lot more rules.

Whereas when you're putting together a look to be interesting, there's kind of no rules. Like, anything that's a little bit weird or inventive or unique is going to be interesting. So there's just a lot more room to play and experiment and have fun. And if you're somebody who loves fashion, this is really exciting. You know, let's say you're trying to pick out a haircut, you're not factoring in anything other than your own personal opinion

and what you think is interesting, which is cool. You're obviously more likely to stand out this way because you're making choices that are less common, that are scarier to make. So in turn, you will stand out more, which again, to some people is great, to some people is bad. It's also kind of exciting to potentially be a trendsetter.

I don't know that you can be a trendsetter. No, actually, let me correct myself. You can be a trendsetter if you dress more pretty. I think it's just harder. I think the real trendsetters that really rock the world are usually the people who tend to lean more interesting with their aesthetic. I don't know, like you're not really,

it's hard to disrupt in the land of looking pretty. It's really hard to disrupt because there's such strict rules. If you're living in the interesting world, you have the freedom to experiment. You're gonna try shit and at times it might fail. People will hate it, whatever, you might even hate it. But you also have the chance to try something

that people think is weird at first, and then eventually it catches on. I don't know, I think that's cool. I think there's also more room for physical comfort. You're not relying on flattering silhouettes. When I'm having a day where I wanna dress more interesting, I'm wearing baggy shit. I'm wearing comfy shit I'm wearing a bunch of dark colors or I'm wearing like a bunch of patterns. So it like distract

I don't know like it's not about my body It's about what I'm wearing and it's it's like almost like my body gets removed from the equation Which I appreciate and I enjoy it's more physically comfortable and it's more from the equation, which I appreciate and I enjoy. It's more physically comfortable and it's more like emotionally comfortable. Yeah, it feels more about the clothes and about the overall aesthetic and less about me as, it like almost takes the sex out of it. Does that make sense?

I hope that that makes sense. Takes the sex out of it, which I like. But then also like baggy, comfortable stuff is, it flies, it flies, and it can look really cool. I also think when you present yourself in a more interesting way, you tend to attract a more curated group of people to talk to. Like if you're at a coffee shop, and you're presenting yourself in a more interesting way, people are going to read your vibe, your aura through what you're wearing, through your haircut, through the accessories you're wearing,

through the bag that you chose to wear that day. They're gonna pick up on all that and learn about you through that. Now let's discuss the cons of dressing interesting. Because there definitely are some cons. I think most obviously, there's gonna be more judgment. Inevitably, you'll be judged. There are gonna be a lot of people

who don't understand your taste, who are weirdly offended by your choice to dress in a more interesting, avant-garde sort of way. Like I've noticed this a lot and it's very unusual to me. I do not understand it. People get really angry at people who dress interesting or present themselves in an interesting way. Like for example, I've seen like celebrities

get haircuts, right, that are maybe more avant-garde or weird or you know, maybe a girl like chops all her hair off and gets a pixie haircut and people will be like, why would she do that? She looks so ugly now. Or I remember one of my friends like accessorized their outfit in sort of an avant-garde way one random Friday night.

And we went out and met up with some other friends and the other friends were like, what are you wearing? Like, what is that? Like, why'd you do that? And I remember just thinking to myself, who fucking, who cares? And I feel like sometimes people even feel offended, like I have to look at your weird choice.

It's so bizarre. But that's something that comes with choosing to present yourself in a more interesting way. I also think too, it can be at times harder to feel attractive. There are times when I put together a really bad ass outfit that I think is so cool, but it's not maybe super feminine

or super flattering or whatever. It's just kinda cool, but it's not necessarily a hot, pretty, cute outfit. And I can feel confident leaving the house in it, but then once I get out of the house, I see other people in pretty outfits and they look prettier than me in some ways or something. And I'm like, ah, fuck, do I look weird?

And then I start to second guess myself and then especially in times when I'm single, like I'm on the hunt, it can be harder to wanna dress interesting because I'm like, I just need to look pretty and have a boy think I'm pretty, and then once we start dating, I'll start dressing weird again,

but I can't do that right now because I need to attract boys, which is actually a horrible, horrible idea because you want to attract a partner who finds you attractive in your ideal aesthetic. So don't ever fake your aesthetic to attract somebody and then throw it all to the wind once you get together. Bad idea.

I don't know. I think, again, there are pros and cons to both. And I mean, I think it's very clear that I'm biased. Like I tend to prefer a more interesting sort of aesthetic for the most part, or at least in my heart of hearts. I prefer that, but neither one are wrong. There are pros and cons to both, as we've just gone through ad nauseam.

But I know what some of you are thinking right now. Emma, we don't have to choose one. Isn't there a mixture of both pretty and interesting? Like, why is this even a dilemma? You can do both. I could not agree more. In fact, this is a balance that I'm almost always trying to strike.

You know, this perfect balance between pretty and interesting. And it's not always like 50% pretty, 50% interesting. It has evolved and changed throughout my life. Like when I was in high school, I wanted to be just pretty. I had no interest in being interesting. So my ratio was 100% pretty and 0% interesting. And then I left school and I was existing in the real world

and then it was like, oh, maybe 30% interesting, 70% pretty. And then now I think I'm at a place where I was like, oh, maybe 30% interesting, 70% pretty. And then now I think I'm at a place where I'm like, oh shit, I think I'm ready to be like, I don't know, like 30% pretty, 70% interesting. The reason why I find that it's a dilemma is because it's very challenging to accomplish the perfect balance.

And I feel like I'm almost always leaning more one way or the other. And so with that is the dilemma. The dilemma is not choosing which one I wanna be 100%, it's choosing which one I wanna be more of because it's very rare that it feels 50-50. And I know it might seem like I'm thinking about this in a way that's completely unnecessary and ridiculous,

but as someone who really enjoys fashion and the art of one's identity aesthetically, like I love that stuff, this is something that is interesting to me. I really do think that I'm at a place in my life now though where I am the least interested in being sort of pretty than I've ever been. And there's a lot of things I wanna do.

Like I wanna get my hair cut. I wanna change my style a little bit. Like I'm definitely having a lot of epiphanies right now about my pretty to interesting ratio. And I think my interesting percentage is going up. I wanna have fun. And I don't care if people call me ugly on the internet, because they will.

And that's literally what I signed up for. And so I'm fucking ready and I can't wait. And again, I might change my mind in a year and say, you know what, fuck this. I tried to be interesting. I leaned into the interesting side of my aesthetic desires. And you know what? I didn't actually like it that much.

And now I wanna go back and be pretty again. Like who knows what will happen, but there it is. That's all I have for today. The dilemma between pretty or interesting. Thank you all for listening and hanging out. I hope that you enjoyed this episode. If you did, new episodes every Thursday and Sunday, stream anywhere you get podcasts.

Video episodes are exclusively on Spotify. Anything goes is on social media at Anything Goes. Check out my coffee company. We have coffee, we have matcha, we have lattes in a can with oat milk. We have cute accessories online. Find us in store. We're probably in a store near you if you're in the US.

So go on the store locator at chamberlaincoffee.com to see if we're in a store near you. Or go to chamberlaincoffee.com to order us straight to your door. If you want a recommendation, I would say my favorite blend is probably the early bird. It's a light roast. I love light roast.

And my favorite product at retail is probably the oat milk lattes in a can. My favorite flavor right now is salted caramel. I don't know, it fucking changes every week, but I do love the salted caramel one. Yeah. Oh yeah, and then I'm on social media at Emma Chamberlain. That's all I got.

Thank you all for listening. Thank you all for hanging out. I'll talk to you in a few days and I love you and I appreciate you. Okay, bye.