anything goes with emma chamberlain - failure (part 2: failing in our endeavors)

Episode Date: August 11, 2022

welcome back for part two of my series on failure. the first episode in this series was about failing as a human being. this episode is a little bit different because it's actually about failing in your endeavors. maybe that's job-related, something creative, school-related, a new hobby...failing in our endeavors in life. right now in our society, it's hard to fail...it kind of feels like there's no room for it. so i want to share some tools i've found that makes trying something new easier or a little more enjoyable and decreases the fear of failure. here we go. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to part two of my series about failing. Just failing, taking that L in life. It happens the first episode of this series was about failing as a human being. Failing on a personal level in your life. You know what I mean? Treating people badly, a relationship or a friendship, going to shit, and failing, blah, blah. This episode is a little bit different because it's actually about failing in your endeavors.

Maybe that's job-related, work-related. Maybe that's something creative. Maybe that's a new hobby. Maybe that's something at school, something school related, failing in our endeavors in life. If you haven't listened to the first episode of the series, go check it out or don't and just stick around for this one. Okay, let's get started. I don't, I don't want to waste any time. It's 6.30 in the morning when I'm recording this. Whenever I wake up at 6.30 and I get a weird desire to record, I'm a little bit more feisty than usual.

Because I still have that morning grumpiness a little bit. I'm still a little bit on edge because I just woke up. So I'm just, I'm eager to get started. So I mentioned this in the last episode, but I think I should say it again. I feel like right now in our culture, in our society of sorts, it feels like there's no room to fail. Because we're living in the age of the internet, it feels like all of our failures have the chance of being broadcasted to the world. And in the last episode, I talked about how it's frightening that when you fuck up as a human being, you

treat somebody badly, you get too drunk at a party, something like that, you fail as a human being in some way. There's a chance that somebody might whip out their phone, film that, and put it on the internet, and just absolutely embarrass the fuck out of you. And there's a chance that the internet might pick that up, make it go viral, and your life could feel ruined for months, maybe even years from something like that. Now, it's not super common. The likelihood of it happening is not that high, but it's also not that low. In the age of the internet, it's a free for all, you know what I mean? So, it's scary because everything that we post, everything that people post of us

is available to whoever wants to see it and is open to criticism and hatred and maybe love too, but we're not being that positive today because, actually, no, we are being positive today. You know what? I am a positive girl, okay? Anyway, it's nerve-wracking because every single thing that goes out there, the matter of you posted it, or your friend posted it of you, or a stranger posted it of you, it doesn't matter.

Anything can be out there, and it's scary. I think it's caused a lot of people to try less things, experiment in life a lot less, and live in fear in one way or another. I think in regards to failing at our endeavors in life. The fear is a little bit different than failing as a human being. When you fail as a human being, it's scary because one fuck up in life could reflect on your entire personality. It could change how people perceive you as a human being on a very deep level.

And that's scary because sometimes we fuck up and it's not a true representation of ourselves. Sometimes it is, but sometimes it isn't. I would say when it comes to failing in our endeavors in life, there's more of a fear of embarrassment. And I think that that's different because it's a little bit less serious when you really really deeply look at it. Because embarrassment is a less dangerous feeling. Feeling heartbroken because a bunch of people on the internet or in your personal life or whatever, think that you're a bad person because you made a mistake. When deep down you know that that's not you or deep down you know that that is you and

that you need to change, that's a lot more painful and a lot more serious than the embarrassment you feel about a failed endeavor because it's just not as big of a deal in the grand scheme of things, but I still wanted to talk about it today because I think that it's causing a lot of people right now to have a sort of mental block when it comes to starting new endeavors in life. Out of fear of embarrassment. I mean, on the internet, we see people every day who are already the best at the endeavor that we want to start. For example, let's say you want to start playing an instrument. How easy is it to go on Instagram and be like, oh, let me just look at Travis Barker's Instagram. And he's just like the best drum or ever. You know what I mean? Or like, oh, I want to start painting paintings. And then you go on Instagram and look at a gallery's Instagram,

like some gallery in Paris and you scroll through and see all the art that they carry in their gallery. And you're like, well, I could never make something like that. Like, fuck, like that's those, you know, whatever. I think to a certain extent, it can be inspiring to see people who are really good at what they do. And I think that there's a positive element to that. But when you're constantly seeing people every day

on your Instagram, who are really good at what they do, I think that deep down, it kind of starts to convince you like I could never get there. All these people I see on Instagram already are good at their thing. I'm going to look stupid if I start this from scratch. You know what I mean? Like you might look at somebody on Instagram who you think has such good style. You think their style is so good. And maybe they even sew their own clothes. And then you might scroll again and see somebody who's amazing at drawing. And then you might scroll again and see somebody who is extremely athletic and is really good at playing sports.

And then you might, whatever, seeing all these people showcasing their talents all day long on social media can start to make you feel like, well, these people seem like they were born with it. Like, they seem like they were born good at this shit. Why should I even try? And as much as I know on a personal level that that's not how it works, you know, just because somebody else is really good at something

doesn't take away from the fact that I Might really enjoy trying it, you know what I'm saying? Just because there are already people who have made it. They're really good at what they do doesn't mean that I can't Start from scratch and be bad at something for a few years and then eventually get to a point where I'm actually really good at something. The problem is, is that social media rarely shows people when they're not good at something yet. Do you know what I mean? When you're scrolling through social media,

you only see the people who have arrived at an endeavor. You know what I mean? They've arrived and succeeded at a given endeavor. People don't usually share the beginning stages like when things are difficult and you don't know how to do it. And it's not easy. And it's uncomfortable.

And you want to quit. And blah, blah, blah. Most of that's not shown. So, in the back of your mind, you convince yourself that everybody immediately was good at stuff and you just suck ass and are a loser because you're not automatically good at whatever endeavor you're pursuing. I guess it all boils down to by seeing people on Instagram and on YouTube and

on wherever, by seeing people in social media every day that are talented at different things, especially at something that you want to pursue and you want to try to do. I think you begin to think, why would I start when there's already so many people who are good at this thing? You know, let's say you want to start a jewelry business. You might look at all the jewelry businesses on Instagram and think, why would I even try to make a jewelry business if there are already so many popular, successful jewelry businesses out there?

It's almost like we find ourselves in a sort of existential crisis because we're like, if there's already so many people doing this one thing who are already good at it, how am I going to be able to add to this? You know what I mean? How am I going to be able to ever reach their level when they're already there? That already makes them so much farther ahead. By the time I catch up, they'll already be at the next level. It feels like a game of catch up, they'll already be at the next level. It feels like a game of catch up that can never be won. And the truth is that it can't ever be won.

There's always going to be somebody who's better than you at something. You will never, the chances of you being the best in the world at something is showing, it's not, it's just not going to happen. But the truth is, is that that's completely okay. The comparison that we experience on the internet every day, sets an unrealistic expectation for ourselves. The constant comparison that we experience on the internet, just because when we're looking at people on the internet, we're seeing the stuff that goes viral, we're seeing the stuff that we follow on purpose that shows up in our feeds because we're constantly seeing what other people are doing. We're seeing their successes, blah, blah, blah. We're subconsciously

telling ourselves, God, why would I try this? Why would I try to do this? The thing is, is that the impact that the internet is having on our psyche when it comes to trying new endeavors in life. I don't think that it's intentional and I'll give you an example. I am not the type of person that naturally looks at other people's successes and feels like it's getting in the way of mine. Like if someone in my life succeeds as something I am stoked for them You know what I mean? I'm like rock on babe and I've always been like that. I don't think I've ever felt like Threatened by other people's successes necessarily But for whatever reason the internet

Has a different impact on me in my personal life, I don't feel an issue. I'm not like, you know, looking at my dad who's like an amazing artist and thinking to myself, well, I could never be an artist because he's such a good artist. So like, why, why even try because he's already so good and, and, you know, why does the world need another artist when they already have my dad who's so good or i don't look at my friends who are musicians and think well why the fuck would i learn how to play drums if they already have a band and they're already really talented why does the world need another drummer like in my personal life i don't think like that but when i'm scrolling through the internet and i'm seeing people all the time that are really good at stuff subconsciously I start to get discouraged.

I feel uninspired a lot of times when I spend too much time on the internet because I see too many people who are so good at what they do that I feel almost stupid even trying to do what they're doing but I I think it's subconscious because then I'll have a moment where maybe I'll see my drum set in the other room. And I'm like, oh, maybe I'll go sit and play drums for a little bit. And then I'll be like, am I, you're an idiot. Like, you're so bad at drums. Even though nobody's around and nobody's going to hear you, you're so bad at drums that it's like embarrassing that you're even trying. And then I start convincing myself, well, you'll never be that good.

You know, you'll never be that good. So what's the point? And it's like this battle I have in my own brain, where on one hand, I'm like, I know that it doesn't matter. I know that at the end of the day when it comes to pursuing a hobby, the most important thing is enjoying it. Or when it comes to trying a new creative thing, or when it comes to trying a new job, or trying to succeed at school by taking a really hard class, whatever it may be. I personally struggle

with one part of my brain knowing that it's okay to fail and knowing that I'm not gonna be a natural from the beginning and there's gonna be a period of time where I suck at something because that's normal and knowing that nothing is promised like it might not work out. I might not like it, it might not work for me and it might end up being a failure.

On one hand, my brain knows that that's okay but on the other hand, the constant stream of information on the internet about people succeeding at things can sometimes make you feel discouraged because you feel like that little period in the beginning that's really difficult and the potential that there is for failure has the potential to be embarrassing for you. But also it doesn't feel fair. Almost. You kind of think about it and you're like, there are so many people that are just good at this. Like, why can't I just be good at this? I find myself thinking that all the time.

But the key is to push away those thoughts that develop subconsciously from being on the internet and scrolling around all day. And to focus on your own journey, really, with everybody on the planet who's successful at something, there was probably 50 failed attempts. There were probably 50 times that they wanted to quit, and they probably worked really hard to get to where they're at. We don't see that. But even beyond that, who cares? I try to live my life,

striking a balance where, on one hand, I'm living my life for me. You know, I'm living my life to make me happy in whatever way necessary. But on the other hand, I still make time for other people. I'm still empathetic for others. And here's what I always try to remember when it comes to starting a new endeavor in life.

Number one, the beginning is always going to be bad, basically. When you start any endeavor, it's going to be challenging. It's not going to come natural. It's going to feel uncomfortable, and you're going to feel like a failure in the beginning. That's just part of it, because nobody's good at something right off the bat. The learning curve in the beginning is always the hardest. Number two, what other people are doing and what other people are saying doesn't really matter. When trying something new, you have to just focus all of your energy in order. What other people are saying about what you're doing and what other people are doing on

the internet, maybe succeeding at the thing that you're trying where you feel like you're doing and what other people are doing on the internet, maybe succeeding at the thing that you're trying where you feel like you're failing right now. All of that should be shut out as much as possible. All outside opinions, influences, whatever should be taken with a grain of salt. It shouldn't be taken that deeply because when you're trying a new endeavor, there are going to be people who are like, why are you even trying to do that? You know, there's already so many people who are good at that thing. Try something else. There are always going to be people online who are the best of the best who are like, no, seriously,

one day you could be just like me, ignore all of that and focus all of your energy and word and do it for you. Work really hard at this thing for you. Get really good at this thing for you. If your inspiration is coming from outside sources like people who are doubting you or people who are heavily rooting for you or from the comparison on the internet, that's not doing something for you. You've got to be doing it for you. You've got to be doing it for you. Because when you do it for you, the irony is, is that number one, you're less likely to fail, truly, because you're more likely to keep going. And if you do fail for whatever reason, it's a lot easier to

fail. When the only person that you feel like you're going to be disappointing is yourself, I think we have a hard time disappointing others and a lot of times that's a lot more painful than disappointing ourselves. The other thing to remember is that failure in life almost always teaches us something. There is always a valuable lesson in failure. It has the potential to lead us to discoveries about ourselves or about where our true passion may lie. For example, the first two times I started my YouTube channel because I started a YouTube channel three times, I think, in total. The first two times I started was a failure. I made like

two videos and then I was like, I can't do this anymore. And then I would quit. And the reason why I would quit was because I was like, nobody's gonna see this. You know, like nobody's gonna see this. This is just kind of embarrassing. There are already so many people who are already on YouTube. Like I'm late to the game. I have nothing new to add. Like why am I even doing this? And then the third time I started my YouTube channel, I started for a different reason. I didn't start because I wanted to be a YouTuber. I started because I liked editing YouTube videos. I liked creating YouTube videos in general.

I just liked video creation in that way. I enjoyed the process. And I just wanted a hobby to work on that would make me happy and that I could focus on. And when I started with that intent, I didn't care about embarrassing myself. I didn't care about disappointing the people in my life who were like rooting for me. I didn't care because I was starting for me, for me and me only. And I didn't care where it went. I didn't care if it was extremely successful, but I cared about was enjoying myself.

And to me, that was going to be a success, whether or not other people think it's a success, whether or not I eventually make videos that are good enough and get enough subscribers to a point where I'm comparable to the people I look up to. It didn't matter. And then when that was my mindset, it worked because I kept making videos because I wanted to do it for me.

I think the first two times I started, it failed because I was doing it because I wanted to be a famous YouTuber. You know what I mean? The first two times I started, I definitely was like, no, no, no, I want to be a YouTuber and I want to succeed at it and I want to be the best at it. And it just didn't work because it was so discouraging

to go into the endeavor with that mindset because when I'd post a video and it would get zero views, I felt so far from what I wanted to eventually accomplish that it just felt like succeeding at that point was almost impossible. So I would quit. Whereas when I went into it kind of open-minded and just said, listen, I just want to do this because I actually enjoy creating videos. And as long as I'm enjoying myself, then it's not a failure.

You know, when I went into it with that mindset, it was like night and day. You know, I was more productive, I got more done, I kept uploading videos, I was like excited about it, I didn't really care about being the best or whatever, and that's when it finally worked out. Also, my first podcast was kind of a failure on a personal level because I started my podcast in like 2019, 2018, I don't know. And my first podcast was called Stupid Genius. And it was a very structured podcast about science because I've always loved science. And when I started making a podcast every week for Stupid genius i didn't know what i was doing i didn't know anything about podcasting right so for like the first year of my 40 minutes every week. And it didn't work for me.

I didn't enjoy doing it. In the beginning I did, and then it just started to get too difficult. And so I decided to stop doing it. And I failed, you know, I quit and I failed and it didn't work. And I was like, you know what, I don't want to do this anymore. Like I can't do this anymore. But then I was like, hey, you like recording podcasts. You know, you enjoy the process of that. So, but then I started anything goes, where I basically decided, I'm going to make a podcast that has no theme, where I talk about whatever I want every week.

There's no theme. Whereas before there was this science theme going on with stupid genius, but I was like, I'm just going to make a podcast, talk about whatever I want. And I don't even care if people listen. I'm just going to do it for fun. And we'll see if it works, you know, with stupid genius, there was too much structure, you know, talking about science every single week became boring to me. Because there were other things I wanted to talk about in a podcast format But I couldn't really do that because stupid genius was so structured then I started anything goes With low expectations just like let me just do this for fun You know where I talk about whatever and see how it goes and it and it's done so much better than stupid genius ever did

stupid genius had to fail My first podcast had to fail in order for me to figure out that this new structure of podcasts that I'm doing now is what really works for me. That failure was crucial. Also I'll mention that I've failed at almost every creative or musical endeavor I've ever started. For example painting drawing playing instruments cooking whatever like anything in that round all of those things I've failed it almost every single one of those things. I've failed to get good at those things But do I enjoy them? Yes By failing at

hobbies over and over again, you know and never really getting that good at these things. I used to feel discouraged because I was like, well, why would I keep doing these things? Why would I keep playing instruments when I suck at them? Why would I keep painting and drawing when I'm bad at it? Why would I keep cooking if I'm not that good at it? You know, blah, blah, blah. Instead of looking at it like, hey, who cares? Like, I'm having fun. I used to feel like this is embarrassing that I'm even trying to do this because I'm just so bad at it, you know?

But from failing at those things, what I learned over time was, yeah, it doesn't matter. If I enjoy cooking, if I enjoy playing the drums, if I enjoy painting with watercolor, if I enjoy it, then it doesn't really matter. And what I learned too was, is that if I fail at something, like a hobby, especially, if I fail at a hobby, and it makes me want to quit altogether, then that's a sign to me that I'm pursuing that hobby or that thing, or that or whatever for the wrong reasons. Because when you try a hobby or

an endeavor in that realm, a failure shouldn't completely deter you from doing it. Because if you really enjoy the process, then a little failure here and there won't discourage you from the whole thing. Because you're like, well, I still enjoy it though. If you're starting an endeavor because you just want to be the best at it, you're always going to end up disappointed. And every little failure in the beginning is going to just ruin you, you know what I mean? It's really hard.

It's really hard to start any new endeavor these days. I think it's safe to say that, because mentally there are so many blocks in our way, whether it's the internet, or people in our lives telling us what to do, there are so many blocks in our way, whether it's the internet or people in our lives telling us what to do, there are so many things that make it mentally difficult for us to start and to stick to it, and to accept failure as something that's not a negative thing always in and endeavor, because there's so much to be learned from that failure.

I wrote down some tips on how to make the process easier. Number one, I think as much as you can when starting something new, try to keep it to yourself. And the reason for that is, when you don't broadcast to the world, that you're starting something new, there's so much less pressure on yourself to succeed. When you share your endeavor with the world Now people are asking you about it. Now people are watching you and the pressure builds quickly. If you kind of keep it to yourself and keep it private, it's so much safer because

You don't have to worry about embarrassing yourself on social media because you're not posting about it, you're not telling anyone about it on the internet. And you don't have to worry about disappointing the people in your life who are rooting for you. You get to go on the journey truly by yourself. And that is one of the best things that you can do when you start a new endeavor. When I first started

my YouTube channel, I didn't tell anyone except for my parents. I told no one. And it was amazing because it was like, no one knows. So if this all goes to shit, who cares? Because no one's watching. My other recommendation is make it a goal to work on this endeavor for 30 days, non-stop, 30 days. And if you aren't seeing progress and you're not enjoying yourself at the end of those 30 days, then you reconsider. Because I think a big reason why people quit and they think that they failed when they're starting a new endeavor is because when they first start, they're really bad at whatever that thing may be. And most people quit trying

something new within the first 30 days. You know what I mean? Because they're like, this is not working, this is not clicking. But if you can push through the learning curve in the beginning, and you can get into a rhythm with something new, that's one of the biggest challenges. Once you get through that, it only gets better from there. And just because things aren't working out in the beginning doesn't mean that it's a failure. And I think we tend to believe that. So by trying something new for 30 days, working on something new for 30 days, you truly

have the time to figure out if it's something that you want to keep pursuing or if it's something that maybe isn't right for you, another thing that you can do is turn off your phone and seriously have some discipline with yourself about social media use when you're starting a new endeavor. Because when you're starting something new, you're very vulnerable. You feel kind of stupid, you feel kind of embarrassed,

you're comparing yourself a little bit more than usual to people on the internet, know that and adjust your phone usage accordingly. Eliminate the potential for subconscious comparison on the internet. And I think that that would be really helpful. I think that failing at an endeavor, whatever that may be, is so normal and it's so healthy and it teaches you so much. There are so many different things. They can teach you It can teach you things about yourself It can teach you things about what types of things you like to do in your life What types of things you enjoy spending your time doing?

it can teach you about what things excite you in life and what things don't there are so many benefits to failing at an endeavor. And on the internet, when people fail, sometimes it's looked at like, ooh, that's cringe, that's sad. Oh, that's embarrassing. But that's not true. Don't listen to that voice and know that everyone on this planet has failed at something. And everybody on this planet will probably fail again. And there's no way to know if something's gonna work until you try it. Sometimes you might have to try a few times too,

but there's no way to know until you try. And every time you try something new, there's a chance that you might fail. But when you look at failure as something that will teach you something, rather than something that's just embarrassing, then you'll feel fearless and you'll wanna try so many new things.

And the more things you try, the more things you might succeed at and you might end up falling in love with. I'm still struggling with this personally. I still find myself wanting to start something new and then feeling like, well, is it worth it? Because if it fails, you know, it could be kind of embarrassing and there are already some people who are good at this or why even try it. Like, I still find myself in that place mentally, but then I have to remind myself of all the times in my life that I've failed

and that it's taught me something so valuable. And I also have to remember that not being the best at something is to be expected because no one's the best. It's just not a real, that's not a real thing. Like who, like who's the best singer in the world? No one knows. There are a lot of really great singers, but who knows who the best singer is? There's just no such thing as being the best.

So going in with that expectation is impossible. And going into it with just the hope that I'm gonna enjoy myself and I'm gonna do my best and I'm gonna get as good as this as I possibly can and who cares, what comes with it, or how long it takes, or who's watching, and what they think. That's life. Anyway, that's all I have for today.

That's it. I'm cutting myself off. Anyway, failing in life is not bad. And don't forget that. I love you guys. Thank you for listening. I honestly want to go back to bed. I just, I think I have to go back to bed.

I use my brain enough for the day. Anyway, I love you all. Thank you for listening. Thank you for tuning in. If you want to tweet me or send me a DM, the Twitter is at AG podcast and the Instagram is at anything goes. Follow anything goes on any platform that you stream podcasts. Check out Chamberlain Coffee.

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