anything goes with emma chamberlain - female friendships

Episode Date: June 23, 2022

i really can only think about two things right now: number one, how good spicy dill pickle almonds are and number two, today’s topic, which is female friendships. i have done episodes about friendship, in general, on the show but recently i’ve been really thinking specifically about friendships between women. i think there’s a very special dynamic between two women who are friends- between anyone, really- but especially between women. so today i am going to share my personal experiences…why sometimes these friendships were harder for me as a kid and how they have gotten better as i’ve gotten older. i share my opinion on some of the tough parts of female friendships and also ways to overcome them so that you have a better relationship with your friends and yourself.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm just going to get right into today's topic because I'm not going to lie the only thing I can think of to talk about in regards to my social life is how I just found spicy dill pickle flavored almonds at the grocery store and they're so delicious. Oh my God, but that's literally the only thing on my mind other than today's topic. So we just need to get into today's topic because if I talk about these spicy dill pickle almonds for more than 30 seconds, seriously, a lot of people are going to drop off of the episode. A lot of you guys are not going to listen any further. And I know that. So let's just get into the topic, which is female friendships. So I've made episodes in the past about friendship in general.

But something that I've been thinking about a lot recently is the relationship between women. I think there is a very special and specific dynamic between two women who are friends. I think between any two individuals, there's a unique dynamic. But throughout my life, I've noticed very similar qualities with all of the friendships

I've ever had with women. And in talking to other women, I've noticed that they've had similar experiences in their friendships with other women. And I've kinda done a study, if you will, within my personal life, through talking to other girls and reflecting on my own experience. And the conclusion that I've come to is that there definitely is a unique dynamic between

two girls who are friends. There's something there, okay? But this episode is not conclusive. This is not a scientific study. This is just my own personal experience, the experience of my friends and the women in my life, and it might be flawed, you know? It might be flawed, it might be biased, it might be all these different things,

but I just wanted to have a conversation about it. And it's funny because the real info for this episode came from my YouTube homepage last night because I was refreshing my homepage Over and over again trying to find a video to watch and I saw a video that was talking about The dynamics of a female friendship and I was like oh my god How did my YouTube homepage know I've been thinking about this nonstop. I wish I knew who made this video, but I don't.

I don't remember. I also didn't click on it because I didn't want it to alter what I talk about today. I wanted it to come straight from my brain and not from anyone else's. So I didn't actually watch the video. But shout out to whoever made that video. I don't know who you are, but thank you.

I forgot to write it down. I'm so sorry, but thank you for the inspo. On that note, shall we begin? Yes. So let's talk about my younger years. When I was in middle school, I started to notice the difference, I would say, between my friendship with girls and my friendship with other people, right? I started to notice that it was a little bit more tense. It was a little bit more difficult. It wasn't as natural. And obviously, as a middle schooler, I didn't really know why that was.

I didn't have the brain power to even analyze it. But what I could feel was that it was definitely a little different. The dynamic was a little different. And it was just, in general, more difficult. As I got into high school, those feelings started to develop more. And as I became an older person with more knowledge and wisdom, I started to sort of analyze it. And I was like, okay, I'm noticing a lot of competitiveness here.

And I'm noticing a lot of difficulty here in general. It's hard to keep friends for very long. It seems there's always some sort of blow up and friendships end in a catastrophic way. It seems that all of my female friendships never can last for more than a few years before something happens that just ruins it. And on top of that, I started to notice

that a lot of those friendships felt ingenuine. I started to realize that I don't think I have ever had a truly loyal and fully positive and healthy friendship with another girl. I realized that in high school. I was like, wait a minute. Have I ever had a truly positive genuine, loyal friendship with another girl? No. And I was like, what? And then I moved to Los Angeles. I

left high school and the way that I was making friends was very different because instead of me having to choose my friends based on my school basically who was at my school, instead the pool of people I could choose my friends in grew infinitely because it was like, okay, now I can be friends with anybody because I have a lot more freedom with my schedule and my life in general now that I'm no longer in school.

So I can kind of pick and choose more carefully who I'm friends with. And this kind of inspired even more thought because I was like, okay, well, now that I have infinite choices, who am I going to choose? And I've gone through a lot of different friend groups, not because there was anything wrong with any of the girls I've been friends with, but just because I've tried something out,

I realized that it wasn't really working for me in one way or another. And then I moved on. It's simple as that, right? It just wasn't the right dynamic. And to this day, I don't know if I've ever found the perfect dynamic in a female friendship. I think I've gotten pretty close to finding something that I think is the epitome of a healthy female friendship. I think I've gotten really close,

but I don't know if I've perfectly found it. I'm not sure, and I might never, to be honest, because no friendship is perfect, and nothing is ever perfect, ever, in any category. So, I don't know. But that's kind of my history with my friendships with other girls, but now that I've given you that background, I wanna share with you what I think the

biggest struggles are in female friendships. These are the things that I've gathered through my experience, but also the experience of other women that I know and that I've talked to. So number one, we have the issue of constant competition. I've even noticed this within myself. For example, let's say me and a girlfriend are going out to lunch and my girlfriend shows up and she's wearing a badass outfit. And my outfit is just so, so. Maybe all of my favorite clothing pieces are in the washing machine. My outfits kind of a cluster fuck of god knows what. I'm not feeling so hot.

And we're going to a cute little lunch place where there might be a cute guy or something. This sounds ridiculous, but this has literally gone through my head before. I'm like, she's going to get more attention than me. When we go out to lunch today, she's going to get more compliments. What the fuck? This sucks. I've literally found myself feeling competitive in those little petty ways with other girls.

I felt myself feeling those feelings, okay? But I've also felt a sort of aggressiveness from other girls who might be feeling competitive with me in some way. Maybe my outfit is really cool that day. Maybe a guy asked for my number and not theirs. Maybe I did better on a test at school. I felt competitiveness on both sides. I felt it on the receiving end and in the projecting end. You go what I mean. I'm not a competitive person in general. I'm not.

Like, if I'm playing a board game with somebody and I lose, okay, couldn't be bothered. When I used to do sports, I was probably the least competitive person on my sports team. I just have never been super competitive. I don't really care about winning in a way, but when it comes to my friendship with other girls, a competitiveness comes out in me

that is so abnormal, it's so unnatural. It's not present in any other area of my life, and I find that really fascinating. The second difficult trait of a female friendship is the lack of loyalty. I cannot tell you how many times I have been stabbed in the back by a girl friend when it was convenient for them. For example, I've had girlfriends who have known that I really, really have a crush on some guy.

And when they got the opportunity, they just went and made out with them. You know what I mean? Even though there was maybe even a pact where it was like, hey, I have dibs. And it's like, you know, when you know that your friend is a crush on somebody, you gotta talk to them before you make a move.

It's just the polite thing to do, right? I've been backstabbed so many times when it comes to boys, like competitiveness over boys, disloyalty over boys, I've experienced that, bajillions of times. But also, just loyalty to you in general, like, being true to the friendship. I found that that's very rare in friendship between girls. I've just noticed that a lot of girls will ditch you the second that something more appealing comes along. So for example, let's say your friends with somebody and you guys have dinner plans. Well, the second that somebody

more popular invites them to dinner, they'll ditch you and just go to dinner with them, even though you guys had made the plans first. I've noticed that a lot. The quickness to sort of turn on another girl for a better opportunity is interesting. And I'm not saying that this happens in every female friendship. I'm also not saying that this doesn't happen in other friendships with other types of people. I'm just saying that in almost all of my female friendships

that I've had throughout my life, this has been a reoccurring theme. And I'll actually use what I just said as an opportunity to say that this is not exclusive to female friendships. And this is also not a set and stone rule either. Like, yes, this is common in my experience, and in the experience of the other women I've talked to about this,

but it's not exclusive to female friendships, and it's also not necessarily going to happen to you. You know what I'm saying? In your female friendships. Anyway, anyway. But you get what I'm saying. It's definitely common. It definitely happens a lot. The third difficulty that I've noticed is that a lot of girls want to see other girls fail. And we'll be better friends when their friend is struggling. I've had friends before that only have been there for me when I've been struggling.

And when I'm doing really well, they aren't as good of friends to me. And in fact, they're the opposite. They're actually a lot more passive aggressive with me and things like that. And they don't really give me the time of day, et cetera. But then the second that I'm having a hard time, they're just stoked to be there.

And they're almost excited. Like, how do I explain this? I've had friendships where when I'm having a hard time, like I've had girlfriends who have almost gotten excited to see me in distress. Like the way that their eyes light up when I have gone to them crying about something, in retrospect is bizarre.

And I don't think that they meant to be excited about my pain. I don't think that that was a conscious choice that they were making. But rather, I think it's a sort of deep rooted instinct to feel almost relief when your friend is struggling because it's like, oh, finally, the competition is gone because I automatically have the upper hand right now because they're struggling. I think it's almost this sort of subconscious relief that girls feel when their girlfriends are struggling

because they're like, thank God, because now this is just a break from the competition. We're not on a level playing field right now. My friend is automatically on a lower playing field right now. This is great, because I don't even have to think about being competitive right now. Another difficulty is that there's a lot of copying going on. A lot of girls copy each other, which I mean, this is obvious, because copying and emulating in general is very common in life.

But particularly in female friendships, I've noticed that it's copying, but to a whole new level. It's like, oh, you just bought those shoes? Now I need to buy those shoes. Or it's, I just bought these shoes and there's no fucking way you're buying these shoes because these are my shoes, these are my thing. So it's a combination between this extreme desire to copy and this extreme desire for your friends to not copy you.

Combined. I've noticed this a lot. I've had girlfriends where I've been like, oh my God, you know, that shirt is gorgeous. Where did you get it? And they're like, I forgot. And it's like, no, you know the fuck you didn't. You just don't want to tell me because you don't want me to copy you.

Now, I understand it to a certain extent. I've been on both ends of the spectrum. I've been on one hand somebody who sees my friend wearing something, doing something, whatever, and I'm like, hey, I want to copy that because that's a great idea or I really like that. But on the other hand, I've been the one who's being copied. And the conclusion that I've come to is you just need to let people copy you, like whatever. If it starts to get out of control, then maybe the friendship is just not a friendship that

you need to be in anyway. So if somebody somebody asks me, where's your shirt from? I'm going to tell them. And if somebody asks me, you know, where I got my nails done, I'm going to tell them. And if I ask somebody the same questions, where they got their shirt, where they got their nails done, whatever it may be, and they don't tell me, I'm like, hmm, there's something off there. Because in a really healthy friendship, there should be full transparency

about you wanting to copy your friend or then wanting to copy you. It should be something that's openly discussed and allowed and accepted because it's actually flattering. I think the reason why copying is such a touchy thing within female friendships is because of the weird competitive nature

that tends to exist in these friendships. Obviously, if you're competitive with somebody, then you don't want them to copy you because then they got your swag a little bit, which brings them up to your level in your mind. And you don't want that because you're competitive, and you want to be number one, and and you wanna be that bitch, right? On the other hand, if you see your friend as something cool and you think it makes them cooler, well, you wanna rise up to their level so you wanna copy them.

You see what I'm saying? There's a lot of copying going on. And through that copying, there's a lot of drama. The next difficulty is that a lot of copying going on. And through that copying, there's a lot of drama. The next difficulty is that a lot of girls will be friends to your face, but we'll be talking shit behind your back. Now I will say I am somebody who talks shit sometimes. I've talked shit in the past. I even talk shit sometimes now.

It's just, it's hard for me not to because I'm somebody that genuinely is fascinated by other people's behavior. And I like talking about it with other people. But when I'm talking about this sort of backstabbing shit talking, I'm talking about, let's say you're in a group of five girls and then you decide to go and talk to one of the girls in that group about another one of the girls in the group. That's when it gets a little bit toxic, okay, because you guys are in a group

of five and now there's going to be tension within the group because you are deciding to talk shit about one of the girls in the group and that's gonna create some division, right? Now listen, have I done that? Before my life, of course I have. Have you done that before in your life? I can almost guarantee 100% you have done that. It's normal. But that doesn't mean that it's good. It's just normal. Is it good? No, no, no, it's normal. But that doesn't mean that it's good.

It's just normal. Is it good? No, no, no, it's not. But do we all do it? Of course. I've noticed that a lot. And last but not least, girls can be very protective over their female friends. It's interesting.

This is interesting because I've noticed that in these friendships, girls are competitive with their friend, but then girls are also competitive with other girls that are trying to be friends with their friend. Do you see what I'm saying? And so through that comes protectiveness. I'll give you an example. I used to have a best friend growing up, like one best friend.

It was me and this other girl. Best friends, hung out all the time. I think this was actually an elementary school. It was, it was an elementary school. This is my first memory of this. Me and this girl were best friends. We'll call her Sarah for now. That was not her name, but we'll call her Sarah.

Me and Sarah were best friends. I'd go to her house after school multiple times a week. We were attached to the hip best friends, best friends. And I remember this one girl moved to our elementary school from another city. And her and Sarah ended up becoming really good friends. And me and this new girl didn't really click as well. We were so cool, but like we just didn't click the same way for some reason.

We had a lot of tension. And I think it's because we both wanted to be Sarah's best friend. I became very competitive with this new girl, and she became very competitive with me, because we were both trying to win the friendship of Sarah. But then I also have memories of feeling competitive with Sarah. I remember Sarah was really tall and I was not. I was short. And she was also very athletic.

And I remember being so jealous of Sarah because she had those qualities. Also I remember a lot of boys liked her too, and that also made me jealous. So it's interesting because it's like, not only was I jealous of Sarah, but also I was jealous of other girls that wanted to be friends with her. And I was competitive over being Sarah's number one friend.

It's really interesting. I felt protective over her to a point that was maybe a little bit unhealthy. So now that we've broken it down, the difficulties of these friendships, what now? Well, I think I've cracked the code because over the last few years, I've become aware of all of these tendencies, all of these deeply ingrained sort of feelings that I have in female friendships. And I've learned to virtually eliminate these negative qualities on my end anyway from my female friendships. And I wanted to go through how I learned to be a better friend to other girls because it's not always been easy for me. And obviously it's impossible

to control how other people behave. So have I figured out how to find other girls that are on the same page as me? Not necessarily. It's very rare. I don't know very many girls that I can have a truly loyal, genuine friendship with. Do I have a few? Absolutely. Do I have very many? No. Is it quality over quantity? Yes it is. So I'm happy with what I have. And I mean, I'm always working on building more friendships too. But all you can do in a friendship is be the best friend that you can be. So I'm gonna tell you guys how I personally became a better

friend to other girls. Number one, in order to feel less competitive, I've worked on building my own personal confidence. This is huge. I've eliminated all competitiveness in my female friendships by focusing inward and looking at why am I insecure? And you know, I found number one, I'm insecure because I've always been more of a type of girl that guys like to be friends with. I've always felt like guys don't ever want to date me, right? And they always want to date my friends that are maybe more stereotypically feminine than

me, or maybe they have a different body type than me, whatever it may be. That was one reason why I used to be competitive with other girls. I used to be competitive with other girls because I felt like they were cooler than me, simply put. Maybe they had cooler music tastes than me. Maybe they had more talents than me. They were better at sports or they were better at art. I used to feel like I didn't have any talent in any way and all of my girlfriends did.

That was another reason why I would feel competitive with other girls. What I did was I looked at those things and I was like, okay, those are the reasons why I feel competitive and insecure. How can I fix those things? So when it came to the talent thing, I found things that I was good at. What am I good at? I'm good at editing YouTube videos for some reason.

I don't know why, but I am good at that, in my opinion. Okay, I found a sort of creative outlet in that. I also found that I'm actually good at shopping and picking out clothes, especially at thrift stores. I found that going to a thrift store and finding cool stuff and then making it your own is kind of a skill. You know what I mean? And I started to find that that made

me feel like I had sort of a talent. I also found that my ability to communicate was something that I was proud of. And I started to find these things. And then I started to remind myself of those things in the moments where I'm feeling insecure. And then through that, I realized that other people's strengths have nothing to do with my own. Everybody has their own strengths and everybody has their own weaknesses. So comparing your own to other people does absolutely nothing.

And I realized that at a certain point, after being mindful about my insecurities and trying to reroute my energy towards what I am good at and being proud of myself for those things. When it came to my insecurity about not feeling like guys like me as much as they like my friends, I came to the conclusion that that's okay. Any meaningful romantic relationship has to be genuine. And so I don't want attention from a guy that doesn't like me for exactly who I am. I don't want attention from that guy. I don't need that.

I don't want that because it's not going to be anything of value. And that gave me peace of mind. It made me feel peace when guys would give my friends attention and not me. I would remember, well, I don't want that guy to give me attention anyway because he isn't into me for who I am. And that's okay. You know, because there's going to be another guy out there somewhere who will. And as I've internalized all those things, I've ended up letting go of my competitiveness with my friends.

And just trying to be excited for them instead. If their outfit is badass, I'm just stoked that their outfits badass. If a guy likes my friend more than me wants to go on a date with my friend and not me, listen, it's just not my time right now. It'll be my time later. I'm going to just be excited for them right now instead. It takes a lot of mindfulness to shift this mindset, but it's so worth it because once you learn to let go of that competitiveness, you feel free and you feel happy in your friendships and you feel happier in your day-to-day life. It's amazing. It definitely takes mindfulness in the beginning.

You have to retrain your brain in the ways I just described. But once you get there and you crack the code and it becomes a habit in your brain, it's gorgeous. It's gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous. The next thing I've done is I've made it a rule in my own life that, and this actually applies to not just my friendship with other girls, but also my friendship in relationships with anyone and anyone, anyone and everyone, right? It's loyalty or nothing for me. So if I feel the desire in one way or another to not be loyal to a friend, then there needs to be a change.

A change needs to happen. Or if I feel that my friend is not being loyal to me, a change needs to happen. I'll give you an example. Let's say I made plans to go to dinner with a friend, but then I get a call that there's a party that night and all of these cool people are gonna be there. But the only catch is I can't bring my friend.

If I find myself getting tempted to call my friend and cancel and make up a lie and be not loyal to them. I stop and I say, okay, you're feeling the desire to not be loyal to your friend. Why is that? Most of the time, it's because I need to do some work on myself. Am I really going to prioritize this stupid party over this dinner that I planned with my friend? You know, am I really gonna cancel on my friend

who I made plans with weeks ago to go to the stupid party? Why? Why am I doing that? Is it because I feel like I'm gonna get more social validation from that party than from this friend? Is it because I don't really prioritize this friend as much as I should? Why is it, right? If the reason is that I'm feeling insecure

in some way, and I feel like this party will give me validation, because obviously parties, you know, you get all this attention, there's a lot more going on, right? Something about that is tempting when you're feeling insecure sometimes, because you're like, I feel like I'm gonna get validation at this party, right? If that's the reason why I'm feeling like I want to be unloyal to my friend,

is unloyal a word? Fuck, I don't know. Disloyal, I don't know. But whatever, if insecurity is driving me to be less loyal to my friend, then I use discipline. And I say, okay, you know what? I'm not going to fall victim to my insecurity right now. And instead, I'm going to stick to my promise and I'm going to go to dinner with my friend. And if I'm feeling like, no, you know what? It's not that I'm feeling insecure. It's just that I genuinely think

that this party's gonna be more fun and I can go and grab dinner with my friend another time. Then there's two ways to go about that. I'm either like, hey, listen, you know, I'm gonna have to reschedule something else came up. I love you so much. Let's hang out another time. But if the reason why I wanna go to this party

instead of go to dinner is because I just don't really care about this friend as much as I should, then I need to start taking steps to letting go of this friendship because it's unfair to someone else. If I am not being loyal and I'm not showing up to a friendship 100%, and I'm feeling that happening. Then I know that I need to exit the friendship for not only myself, but also for them,

because it's unfair to not be a good friend to somebody when you could just walk away, and both of you could just let it go. You know what I'm saying? I think that anyway, disloyalty towards a friend can be stemmed from many different reasons, as I just explained. But I think most important is, if I feel the disloyalty is happening

because the friendship is just kind of fizzling away, then I make sure to honor that by stepping back from the friendship in kind of setting it free. Because it's unfair to string along a friend that you don't have the emotional capacity for whatever reason. It's unfair. Because your friend might be putting in 100%. Meanwhile, you might be putting in 50. That's not fair to your friend.

If you feel yourself only put in 50%, then there's nothing wrong with walking away from the friendship because then it gives your friend more room and energy and time to put into finding new friends that will be able to give them 100%. And this also goes vice versa. If you feel your friends only giving 50% and you're giving 100%, both of you guys have the prerogative to walk away,

because there's an imbalance, and there's some disloyalty happening there. Next, when it comes to the experience of feeling relief and almost happiness in a way when your friend is struggling, when it comes to that, I actually, I don't think I've ever felt that way personally. I've felt that on the receiving end,

where I felt other girls being excited almost when I'm like having a hard time. But I don't think I've ever felt That way Because personally I I genuinely do get upset When my friends are upset I always have and when they're going through a hard time. I'm not stoked I'm upset for them. I don't have a personal experience with curbing that emotion, but I would say that if you catch yourself feeling almost relief when one of your girlfriends

fails, I think the key to rerouting that thought is mindfulness. It's being mindful, it's knowing when what you're feeling maybe isn't so good. You know what I mean? It's like, okay, hey, why am I feeling almost happiness when my friend is failing? Like maybe that's not so good, right? It's about rerouting those thoughts in your head. It's about saying to yourself, no,

that's not what I wanna be thinking right now. I wanna be feeling genuine empathy. Let me not what I want to be thinking right now. I want to be feeling genuine empathy. Let me put myself in my friend's shoes right now. How would I feel if I was in their shoes? Oh, well, I would feel like shit. Okay, well, then I'm going to feel sad for them. You know, it's about rerouting those thoughts and it's about making it a habit. And then eventually you'll get to a point where you're like, oh, wait, I have shut off those

feelings almost completely and now I genuinely do feel empathy for my friends when they're having a hard time. And I want to help them from the kindness of my own heart and not because I'm feeling this weird feeling of joy because my friend is struggling. Next in regards to copying, what I've realized is that within these friendships, if copying is going on, let it happen. It's not that deep. If your friend wants to copy you, let them copy you.

If you want to copy your friend, be open about it, be like, hey, can I copy you? You know what I mean? I'm obsessed with what you're doing here. Let me copy you. I admire what you're doing. Let me do it too, whatever. And even better than that, do your own spin on it.

Maybe copy your friend, but take your own spin on it. And if you feel like there's a little bit of discomfort, for example, you're starting to feel frustrated because you feel like your friend is copying you too much or you feel like your friend is frustrated because you're copying them. Have a conversation about it. Be like, hey, be honest with me.

Like, is it pissing you off that, you know, I'm copying you on this thing, whatever? Or say to your friend, hey, you're kind of copying me a little bit too much. Like, it's kind of weird, you know what I mean? That's kind of a hard conversation to have. I need to think about that one more. Like how to confront somebody who's copying you,

you might just have to let it go. I've learned to let it go. If somebody's copying my every move, you know what, whatever. And if it does for whatever reason, get to a point where it's really bothering me, I distance myself from that friend. I don't even end up having a conversation

about it to be honest. I mean, if this friendship means a lot to you and they're copying you really bad and it's really pissing you off, I think the conversation is pretty much the only way to keep that friendship going without having to step back. I tend to take the route where I take a step back and I'm just like, you know what? You need some space to figure out who you are without me around you because the copying is getting a little crazy.

And then maybe you revisit the friendship down the line, but I would say most of the time, you know, let your friends copy you and unapologetically and honestly copy your friends and tell them, be like, hey, I admire what you're doing and I'm going to copy you. Don't go and like copy them in some sort of sneaky weird way. Just be honest and tell them that you're doing it. You know what I mean? But it's not none of it's that deep and I think that that's what I've realized and that's why it's less of an issue in my friendships now is that It's just I've realized that it's not that deep, you know

It's a form of flattery Unless it gets out of control and it's like every move, but you get what I'm saying When it comes to talking shit, if I find myself frustrated with a friend and I'm talking behind their back, I ask myself, is this something that I can talk about to their face or is this friendship just not working anymore?

Like is this something that they need to hear? Is this something that's productive to be saying about them? Or are they bothering me to a point where I feel the need to express myself by talking shit about them? Are they bothering me to a point where I'm now being disloyal to them? But yet, there's not really a productive conversation

that could be had. So is this friendship just no longer working? Because sometimes you get to a point where you're like, oh my God, I talk shit about this friend so often. Why are we even friends anymore? I've caught myself like that where I'm like, they just keep pissing me off. They keep pissing me off.

They're doing things that bother me. They're doing things that make me uncomfortable or make me cringe or whatever. I find myself calling my mom at the end of the day being like, oh my God, you'll never guess what they did. You know what I mean? And then it's like, well, why are we still friends? Because I'm talking shit about them all the time.

They're bothering me. Why are we still friends? It's unfair to them because they don't deserve to have shit talked about them behind their back that nobody is willing to say to their face. But on top of that, it's unhealthy for me because talking shit is not a positive thing to do. Sometimes you gotta do it, but it's not something that you should be doing all the time. It's unhealthy for me because talking shit is not a positive thing to do.

Sometimes you got to do it, but it's not something that you should be doing all the time. And if you find yourself doing it all the time with a friend, it's a sign that either a conversation needs to happen or you got to go. You got to get out of the friendship. Sometimes it's a simple fix. It's just like going to your friend and being like, hey, this is not working out. Like you need to stop doing x, y and Like, you need to stop doing X, Y, and Z. You need to stop doing this, whatever.

Or, you know, when you do this, it bothers me. Or, hey, have you ever thought about doing this this way? You know, it might be a conversation that could fix it. But it might also be like, hey, this friendship's just not the vibe anymore. Sorry, I woke up at 5 a.m. this morning and I'm getting like really tired. So I'm like, I feel like I'm now talking like I'm drunk. Like I feel like I'm drunk.

I feel like I'm slurring my words and I'm not drunk. It's just that when I wake up early in the morning by 10 30 in the morning, I feel drunk. I don't know how to explain it. I don't know why it happens. But anyway, on that note, the last thing that I've done is work on my independence on a personal level so that I don't ever feel protective over my friends. I don't ever feel offended if my friend doesn't invite me into something. I don't ever feel protective over my friends. I don't ever feel offended if my friend doesn't invite me into something. I don't ever feel protective over my friends,

making other friends by working on my own independence and becoming comfortable with my alone time, learning to enjoy my alone time. I've been able to let go of the protectiveness that I used to feel over my friends when I came to them Having lives outside of me, you know because it's important for you and your friends to have lives outside of your friendship It's crucial and it's as simple as becoming comfortable on your own Learning how to have fun on your own. Nowadays, I spend so much time

alone. I love it. I'm like, when I don't get invited to stuff, I'm like, thank God. Like, you know what I mean? I'm like, yes, this is great. I finally figured out how to enjoy my alone time. I've talked a lot about alone time on this podcast. So if you want any advice on how to enjoy your alone time, I have billions of episodes on that, but it really helps in friendships in more ways than one to have that independence and feel comfortable with being independent. Anyway, you guys, that's all I got for today. Let me know if you've had similar experiences or if this is just something that you've experienced

in all friendships, like, let me know what you think of this, you know, I like talking about these sort of hypotheses that I've formed over the course of my life. I like talking about them and analyzing them and talking about how I've managed these situations in my life. What's worked for me, what hasn't. And what I say is not, it's not law, right? Like what I say is just my own personal experience

and how I've maneuvered through life and the best way possible. But what works for you, what doesn't work for you, what is your experience, what isn't your experience, is yours. And we might share some stuff, we might share some similarities, and we might not. But either way, I'd love to hear about your experiences.

You can always tweet me DM me on Twitter at AG podcast or on Instagram at anything goes. I like having conversations with you guys. So just send over your thoughts. What else? Check out my coffee company. I'm drinking a little cold brew right now. I was so lazy this morning.

I didn't even put almond milk or creamer in it at all. It's just black. It's just black cold through this morning. I'm really feeling rougher on the edges. But if you're a coffee drinker like me, check out Chamberlain Coffee. My coffee company, we have a lot of fun stuff, a lot of coffee, some tea, some accessories for your morning drink. And for our listeners, we have a special code.

Our listeners, I record this fucking podcast by myself. And for you guys, we have a special code. Why do I keep saying we? Like, it's literally just me. I have a special code for those of you who listen to anything goes, because I'm just so grateful for you. And the code is ag15. Use it at checkout on ChamberlainCopy.com.

Get a little discount from me. Pick up some coffee. And that's all I got for today. Thank you guys for listening. I appreciate you so much. I love talking to you every week. And we'll touch base again next week. Bye. and we'll touch base again next week. Bye.