anything goes with emma chamberlain - having children

Episode Date: February 3, 2022

there’s been a lot of talk lately about how get z and millennials are having kids less and less and i find it super interesting. some people know they want kids, some know they don’t, but i think a lot are just unsure. i’ve gone back and forth on whether or not i want kids myself. there are a lot of pros and cons of having them, so i’m talking it all through with you guys. also please don’t mind my minor meltdown throughout the episode about the yard work going on outside :) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The amount of times that I re-record the beginning of every episode is so embarrassing and so disturbing. Let me paint a picture for you. When it's time to record a podcast, I press record and I'm like, hello. And then I'll think for a second and I'm like, that one wasn't it. And then I'll stop recording and then I'll start recording again second and I'm like, that one wasn't it. And then I'll stop recording and then I'll start recording again and I'll be like, hello. And then I'll be like, ooh, that hello was not it. Either stop, start again.

And I just do that like probably six or seven times. It's painful. Anyway, hi everybody. So excited to talk this week. So excited to hang out this week. And full. Anyway, hi everybody. So excited to talk this week. So excited to hang out this week. And every week for that matter. But anyway, oh my god, I just looked at my hand and realized that my nail is broken.

Fuck. And I'm leaving to go on a vacation tomorrow and my nail is fucking broken. What is a girl to do? What a heartbreaking thing to see? Like now my whole day is changing. Like the whole trajectory of my day is changing now that I have a broken nail. Everything is changing now.

Like we're gonna have to keep this podcast recording short because now I need to go fucking get my nails done. That is sad. Anyway, sorry. I just took a sip of my cold brew. I think it would be fun if we started doing a drink of the day, where I tell you what I'm drinking while recording this podcast because I love making myself a fun, special drink to have on my nightstand while I record this podcast in bed. Today I have a matcha.

Let me paint this picture for you. It's an iced matcha with water and a little bit of nut pod caramel flavored creamer. That's the drink today. That's what's on my nightstand. It's the Chamberlain Coffee Matcha. Chamberlain Coffee is my company. Suddenly I'm promoting myself.

Excuse me, I have to. But the Chamberlain Coffee Matcha is so good. I know that it is my brand, but also like, I picked out this matcha, right? I picked it out, I love it. I'm like obsessed with it. It's my favorite matcha ever, as it should be, and if it wasn't, there'd be an issue.

Anyway, if you wanna go pick up that matcha, it's on ChamberlainCoffee.com, although I think it's sold out right now, but like, whatever, it'll come back at some point. Anyway, now we can get into the episode. What are we talking about today? Today we're talking about having children, starting a family. And here's why I want to talk about this.

I have seen articles time and time again over the past few years about how my generation is not planning on having kids or a lot of my, not all of my generation, but a lot of my generation is planning to skip out on having children. And I don't think it's just my generation. I think that the generation that's older than me, which would be millennials, I think millennials are also not having children. And reading these articles about this

really made me think myself about what I want to do. And I just have been knowing on this for the past few years and my thoughts about starting a family have evolved a lot over the few years. And I just want to have like an open conversation about it

because I think that it's a really interesting thing. And I think that a lot of people are really quick to say, I know for a fact that I want to have kids, but other people are also very quick to say, there's no way in hell I'm having kids. I feel like there's not a lot of time put into thinking about why an individual that's in my generation does or does not want to have kids. I feel like it's not something that my generation is thinking that deeply about. I think that's mainly because we're all young and we don't need to think about it yet.

Why I think about it. Also, I can't help but think about it a little bit. And I will start this conversation off by sharing how my personal beliefs on starting a family have evolved. So until I was probably like 13, 14 years old, I thought that everybody had kids and that it was just kind of mandatory. Like you just, everybody has kids one day. Like, sorry. Like it's just what it is, right?

But then I started to learn that like that doesn't necessarily need to be the case and you don't have to have kids if you don't want to and actually a lot of people don't have kids. And that's fine. And so then when I found that out, I was like, you know what? I actually don't know if I want kids because I didn't grow up with siblings and I don't know how to even hold a baby and babies are kind of weirdly intimidating to me and I have

no interest in learning how to hold a baby. So I don't really think it's in my cards and I don't really think I want to have kids. Also, the responsibility of having a child was daunting to me. I mean, let's put this into context. I was like 15, 16, 17 when I started to have the realization that I didn't want to have kids. And obviously the idea of having a child at that age is daunting as it should be because when you're 15, 16, 17 years old, you can barely take care of yourself.

So if you think that you could take care of a child at that age. There's a pretty slim chance that you're right, a very slim chance. But then as I got a little bit older, like age 18, 19, 20, I started to change my mind again. And I was like, you know what? I actually think I do wanna have kids. And I was like, you know what? I actually think I do want to have kids. And it was interesting because I remember as my opinion shifted back into wanting to have

children one day. And I brought that up to people around me. There were a lot of people that were like, why? Like, why you? Like, why? No., like having kids is not it. Like that's not the vibe. That is not good. Like we don't like that. Um, and I was like, wow, this is interesting. It was shocking how many people didn't agree with me. Like how many people did not find that appealing.

So, long story short, I want to talk about the pros and cons of having children in my opinion, and let's just see where we end up after I list the pros and cons. We're going to start with the pros of having children and then we'll go into and cons. We're gonna start with the pros of having children and then we'll go into the cons. So the first pro is that having children gives you a family forever. Now, I know that there are some loopholes to this, right, like if something happens to your child and they and something tragic happens to your

child and therefore you don't make me finish that but you go and I'm saying like obviously there are loopholes here but in theory having children gives you a family forever because if you don't have children, once all of the elders in your family pass away, you know, you're kind of left alone with no family. And that to me is very frightening. And if you have children, you know, in theory, they will outlive you In theory, they will outlive you and they'll be there for the rest of your life. And that is something that is very convincing, right? Like that within itself is something that makes me want to have kids, because the thought of Christmas rolling around when I'm 70 and not having a family to celebrate with actually makes me so depressed that I do not, I don't know, I don't want to think about it. The thought of being 70 years old and not having a family member to call when I'm down also

makes me depressed. Because there's no bond like family. I mean, obviously you can make friends that feel like family, and there can be people that are not traditional family to you, not blood-related family to you that feel like family. That's very much possible. But in my experience, there's nothing like the comfort of a family member,

because you know that they're kind of stuck with you. I mean, obviously, again, there are loopholes. There are exceptions to all of this. But generally, your family of stuck with you. I mean, obviously again, there are loopholes, there are exceptions to all of this, but generally your family is stuck with you for life. So it's like your occasional shitty attitude is not gonna make them run for the hills. You know what I'm saying? Like they kind of have to be with you through thick and thin

and they also know you better than anyone else because they've lived in the same household with you. They understand you better than anybody else. And having people around that you have that connection with is so comforting because a lot can go unexplained. It's like you don't have to explain everything to your family because they've been with you through it all. And so there's comfort in that. And the thought of being old and gray and not having that in my life anymore really frightens

me and makes me uncomfortable. And so that's a really big selling point for me. The other thing is I'm an only child. And so I don't have siblings. So it's not like when I'm older, I can call it my sibling and that could be my family that I call when I'm old and gray and they're still around. Like I don't have that, right? So that's obviously a personal thing for me

that only applies to me and other only children. But like, I don't know. That's just something I've been chewing on a lot. The next pro is that having children gives you something to care about that isn't yourself and it makes you selfless. This is something that I've heard from both of my parents and it really fascinated me and intrigued me.

The thought that having children has the potential to fully humble you in a way that nothing else ever will. Obviously, there are gonna be some parents out there that had children and still behave like teenagers. Like that exists. I've seen it with my own two eyes. There are a lot of adults that just never fully grow up and they never stop being self-centered.

They continue to being self-centered. They continue to be self-centered and continue to be ego-centric. Is that, yeah, fuck. I can't get through an episode without having to look up a word or a definition and it's exhausting. Right now I'm looking up ego-centric. Is that the word that I wanna be?

Yeah, okay. That is the word I was looking up ego centric. Is that the word that I want to be? Yeah, okay. That is the word I was looking for. Basically when you have children, you have two paths. On one hand, you can let it humble you and let it make you more selfless than you've ever been before in your life. But on the other hand, you can reject That opportunity to develop those mature qualities and you can remain egocentric and I think that

Adults who have children go both ways. I've seen both in my life, you know, I've seen both but If I were to have children I would do everything in my power to approach that experience with the potential for maturity in mind. Like I would want to gain wisdom from the experience. I would want to become more selfless from the experience and I would throw myself into it 110% so that I could reap those benefits. Because becoming a more selfless person and becoming a more humbled person should be everybody's goal in theory. And there's ways to do that without having children.

You know, I'm not saying that this is the only way, but because having children is such a powerful thing, there's so much room for maturity and growth, and having children gives you a purpose that is beyond yourself. Because for the first, say, 20 to 30 years of your life, your main focus is you. And it should be. But at a certain point, your main focus doesn't really need to be you anymore. And if you don't have children, then what does that focus go to? Some might

argue that it could go towards their career. Some might argue that it could go towards their career. Some might argue that it might go towards their hobbies. Some might argue that it could go towards their relationship. But I think it would be silly to write off the potential for a lack of purpose as an adult without children. Am I saying that adults who don't have children have no purpose? Absolutely not.

Am I saying that adults that don't have children are lost? No, I'm not saying that either. Am I saying that there are some adults that didn't have children that are now at a loss trying to figure out what their purpose is? I am saying that. There are adults like that. And if you decide not to have children, there is a chance that you might experience that,

a feeling of emptiness and no purpose. There's a chance that that can happen. You know what I'm saying? And that's frightening because it's like, you make the decision to have a child, which is the biggest decision of your life. You make that decision without knowing how it's going to affect your life. And yet, it is something that you are committing to forever, unless something tragic happens to the child.

But even then, you are committing to something for life. And when you make that decision, you do not know how it's going to affect you 100%. You can only get a brief idea. Or when you decide not to have children, that might seem like the right idea when you're 25 and you're like, I'm going to the bar every night and I'm living, laughing and loving

and I'm dating, left and right and I don't wanna settle down right now. You might be in that spot, and you might run that until you're 35, and then you're like, wait, fuck. I didn't want to have kids because I was like, beat, popping around, or whatever. And now, I'm in a really bad position because I don't have a lifelong partner that I would want to have a child with because I never really found that person and I wasn't really looking for that person and also I'm running out of time now What the fuck do I do?

There's so much room for error and it's so frightening. And I think that no matter what path you choose and even if you do end up having a regret, whether that's a regret about having a child or not, you can always find a way to remedy that problem. You know what I mean? It's not like these things aren't fixable. Like, let's say you're 35 and you're like, I don't have a partner but I really want a child now.

I regret not doing it sooner and I'm running out of time. You can adopt. Let's say you do have a child and you're like, oh my god, I was not anticipating this responsibility and it's like not all it's cracked up to be. And I don't like being a parent like I thought I would, you adapt and you find ways to enjoy it and you find ways to bond with your child that will make it even more enjoyable and more rewarding. Like there's so many ways that you can remedy, you know, the regret that might come with either decision.

But I will say that when you're making the decision about whether or not you are going to have children, you're making that decision for your future self, truly. And you really have to be thinking about your future self. You know what I'm saying? You have to look 10 years in the future, 30 years in the future, fucking 50 years in the future, like, it's not a short term decision. It is like the longest term decision that you're ever going to make.

And I think that our brains are wired to think about the near future and to think about what we want to do right now. And what, you know, into a certain extent, that's healthy and normal. But when it comes to something as important as whether or not you're going to have children, you really have to think about the future in these ways. You have to put yourself in your shoes, your own shoes, 30 years down the line. You have to close your eyes and imagine what your life is going to be like years down the line in order to properly make this decision.

Now let's discuss the cons of having children. I think the biggest one for a lot of people in my generation is the fear of what the world will be like when our children are adults. Because it's so hard to predict what the world is going to be like at that time. There's two ways it could go. On one hand, the world could be a better place. It could be better than we could ever imagine.

We could have new technology that's helping, you know, the environment. Who knows? For fuck's sake, like anything could happen. Like, there could be a whole new structure of government. There could be a renaissance where everybody's rediscovering, reading, and everybody's putting their phone down. Like, we don't know. The world could be a very beautiful place when our children are adults. But on the other hand, things could be terrible. The government could permanently put microchips into our brains that like feed us a constant stream of

TikToks within our inner mind to keep us distracted. The environment could be getting worse by the minute. Polar bears could become completely extinct. There's a lot of bad things that could also fucking happen. So we have both sides here. That's a scary reality. And part of the responsibility of having a child is taking care of that child and keeping that child safe.

And so the question arises, am I putting my child in danger by having a child in a world that's very uncertain? Now, somebody is fucking leaf blowing and I like, I don't wanna stop recording, so I'm not going to, but if you can hear it, I'm so sorry. There was a wind storm in Los Angeles last night and there are pieces of trees and plants everywhere and it's insane. It looks like there was a tornado. I don't understand. I've never seen that happen here before. It's

very weird. So there's a lot of gardeners out and about right now cleaning this up. And that is why there's a fucking obnoxious leaf blower, although I am not hating on the leaf blowing guy. He's probably a great guy. I'm just saying that it's just annoying to listen to. Anyway, the way that I look at the dilemma of, do I want to have a kid in a world that's so uncertain is that that fear has been a fear forever. I highly doubt that there's ever been a generation

that hasn't faced the same dilemma. And yet here we are alive now. And as complex and shitty the world can be now, I personally am happy to be here. You know what I mean? Like I'm happy that my parents were like, you know what? There's a chance that the world could be in shambles when Emma grows up. But we want to have Emma anyway. And we, while I guess they didn't have my name picked out when they were considering to have a child.

Anyway, I'm glad that they decided to have me. I'm glad that I'm here, even though shit isn't perfect, right? But I like to believe that things are constantly improving. You know what I mean? I like to believe that when I have kids, because I am planning on having kids, that the world is even better for them than it is for us now, I would love to see that and I'd love to believe that. Do I know for sure? No, but I am optimistic. And I know my parents were optimistic about it.

And I would say that the world is better now than when my parents were deciding whether or not to have me. I do think so. And I think that the world is better now than when my parents were children. I actually know that for certain. And I think that there's a good chance

that things are gonna continue to get better. Are many things still flawed? Absolutely. And is this like a privileged sort of decision to make? Absolutely. We have to put all of these things into perspective here. Like, people's realities, some people's realities on the planet right now are fucking awful. And that's terrible. And so long story short, it's definitely a con to having children that

we have to worry about what the world will be like when they're older. But at the same time, that's out of anyone's control individually. Like you cannot control that. You also cannot predict it. And as much as I think we want to believe that we can predict what's going to happen next, we can't. There could be a fucking asteroid tomorrow, but there could also never be an asteroid ever. So it's like, I don't know, like, you just don't know. And so I think that the best that you can do

is just hope that things will be even better for our kids than they are for us. And that's kind of where I land with that. But if you're somebody that does not believe that things are going in a good direction and never could and never will, you know, then this con might be a huge factor for you. And that's fair.

I, you know, my perspective is that I want to be optimistic and hopeful, but that's just me. How you approach this specific con is your prerogative, but it's definitely something to consider. The next con is the financial burden of having a child. I think it would be irresponsible not to discuss how one's financial status affects whether or not they're able to have a child, because I can imagine that there have been many instances when somebody able to have a child, because I can imagine that there have been many instances when somebody wanted to have a child, but just simply couldn't afford it. And that's awful and terrible.

And I wish that things like that didn't happen. But I do think that if you are going to have a child, you need to think about whether or not that's a financial responsibility that you can take on because having a child is the most expensive thing fucking ever. It's a very expensive thing to do, right? And I guess there's a question of number one, is this something that you can financially handle in general? But number two, is this something that you can financially handle in general?

But number two, is this a financial burden that you want? You know, would you rather spend money on traveling the world or investing into a business or your own business or investing into a property or whatever? Where do you want to put your money? If you're not somebody that wants to have a kid, you might think having a kid is the biggest waste of money ever because you're kind of just dumping a bunch of money into a person. You're basically investing in a person, right? Hoping that they turn out good and that they do good things for the world

and that they don't cause more harm than good. Like you're investing into a literal human being. And if you're not somebody who tends to like other people very much and you don't really like children very much and you'd rather use that money for yourself, then there's your answer. If you don't think that investing in another human being is worth it, then there you go. You know what I mean?

I can see both sides. Like, I don't think that wanting to save your money for other things, rather than investing in a literal child, is like even selfish necessarily. I think it's just, if that's what feels right to you, that's what feels right to you. The next con of having children is something that I never thought about until recently, and I was, it was like a really eye-opening thought, and I think it's something that people

don't think about hard enough when having a child. And that is the potential risk of your child having an ailment of some sort that makes them require more care than a child without that ailment. You know, are you personally someone who can take care You know, are you personally someone who can take care of a human being that needs extra care? Do you have that capacity, time wise, money wise, patience wise? Do you have the ability to take care of someone who might need a little bit more help.

That's a huge thing. Like that is the biggest thing that you need to ask yourself when you're going to have a child. Because when it comes to having a child that might have some sort of ailment. I think a lot of parents are like, well, that's not gonna happen to me. It absolutely might happen to you.

And not only could that be potentially emotionally jarring, it would be heartbreaking to have to manage that type of situation. It might be heartbreaking, depending to manage that type of situation. It might be heartbreaking, depending on what the scenario is. It could be emotionally really exhausting and jarring. It could also be financially really upsetting and jarring. It's like there's so much potential for upset with that. But also there's a selfless element there

where it's like, are you willing to give your time? You know what I mean? Forever possibly to take care of your child properly if they need a specific type of care. Are you able to give that? And it's fine if you're not. That's the other thing. If you look at yourself and you're like, I am not someone who could give a child special

care. Like I'm not, I can't, I don't have it in me. Like emotionally, even, like emotionally, I don't have it in me. Like I just can't do it. I don't think I'm gonna have the patience and like whatever. It's so responsible to be aware of that. And that's something that you need to really think about. The next con of having children is the constant anxiety that you would probably have if you had a kid. Like, I know for me, when I love something or someone I'm so anxious about it constantly. Like my dad goes surfing every day and when I tell you that I force him not only, okay,

so I force him to text me before and after he goes surfing and I also will call and harass him if he forgets. Like I, because I just want to know that he's safe or else I'm a fucking mess all day. And then if I go to call him while he's surfing and he doesn't answer, I start worrying and it's a fucking mess. Same thing with like friends that I love. Like if I text them and they don't respond

for like 24 hours and that's kind of abnormal. I'm not upset about that because I feel like they're ignoring me or something. I get upset about that because I'm like, are you alive in okay? Like that, like whatever. So I can't even imagine how fucking uptight I would be if I had a child who's vulnerable

for the first 20 years of its life. Like I don't know how I would be okay. Like my mom is so nervous about me. She tracks me on my phone. She's not controlling about it, but like she tracks me on my phone and she's always checking in and making sure that I'm okay. And I don't mind it,

because I understand now that I'm older. When I was younger, I thought it was annoying, but now that I'm older, I'm like, girl, you got it. You wanna track me to make sure I didn't get kidnapped? Girl, you got it. Because I get it. If I sure I didn't get kidnapped? Girl, you got it. Because I get it. If I was in her shoes, I'd be doing the same thing. I would be very nervous.

And I wouldn't be controlling, or at least I would hope that I wouldn't be. I would just be nervous. And that's natural. But that added level of anxiety would be a lot to take on. And if you're, you know, naturally an anxious person, this could potentially be very debilitating for you. You know what I mean?

If you're a very anxious person having something that is that sacred to you could be very actually painful. And I just think that that's something that also needs to be considered. The last con that I have in my head anyway is just the loss of freedom. You know, the second you have a kid, your freedom is gone. Obviously, you're not going to be able to travel the same way. If you want to travel, you now have to pay for a child or you have to pay for a babysitter

of some sort, which also might be upsetting for the child. I know I was somebody that could not handle a babysitter. My parents had no freedom. If they wanted to go on a trip or do something without me, they simply could not because I was far too clingy. I was very clingy to my parents. Luckily they were divorced, so they could just be like, I'm doing something without you and you're going to go with your dad like my mom could do that. You know what I mean? I'm vice versa. Because they obviously didn't do stuff together

or something like they're like we're divorced but we're gonna go to Hawaii together. Like okay so you see what I'm saying. So yeah so I swear God, if you can hear this fucking leaf blower, just unfollow the podcast. You can fully unfollow the podcast. You can block me on social media. You can, because I'm the type of bitch that will not stop a task that I'm doing, even if all of the elements are getting in the way, like even if there are so many elements getting in the way of me completing a task, I will not stop because I don't like taking a break

and I don't like stopping things when I'm in the middle of something I refuse to stop. Moral the story is I'm not stopping recording, I'm on a roll, I feel really good, I don't wanna stop. If you can hear the leaf blower, feel free to punish me in whatever way that you feel fit. I'm not stopping. Any who, yeah, the moral of the story is when you have a kid, your freedom is gone.

Sorry, it's gone. And like, you will get your freedom back at some point when your children are grown up. But even then, you never have the same freedom again. There is this lightness in not having a child and knowing that like you only have to fend for yourself and take care of yourself and that you don't have to really think about anyone else unless you want to. But when you have a child, you are permanently committing to taking care of something forever. And so that is a factor, that's simply a factor. Oh my God, I actually have one more con that I forgot. And that's the complexity of having a child with a partner.

I can't believe I forgot that this is a con because this is like a huge con. When you have a child, majority of the time, it's with somebody else, whether you got pregnant with another person or whether you decided to adopt with another person or whether you decided to get a surrogate with another person, whatever it may be,

most commonly, people decide to raise a child in a pair of some sort. There are many ways to do it, but it's the most common scenario. Obviously, there are scenarios when that does not happen. I am aware of that, but let's discuss co-parenting. There are so many ways that this could go, hey, wire. The likelihood of you choosing possibly the wrong co-parent is actually high, you know what I mean?

Like there's a 50-50 chance that the person you decide to co-parent with is gonna be a good co-parent. There's a 50-50 chance that the person you decide to co-parent with is going to be a good co-parent. There's a 50-50 shot that it's going to be good and it's going to work because I can only imagine how a relationship shifts once you have a child together. I can imagine that in a lot of scenarios it gets better and in a lot of situations it gets better, but I can also imagine that it could potentially get so much worse.

There's so much room for disagreement. There's so much room for irritability with one another because you're dealing with life's hardest task together. The other thing is there might be a certain point when you want to separate from this person. You don't want to co-parent under the same roof anymore. Now you're breaking up your family and that's going to affect your child. Then there's guilt that comes with that. There's so many layers of complexity to co-parenting

that I can't even scratch the surface right now, but I think that we can all use our imaginations and figure out how that could go horribly wrong in all the ways that it could go horribly wrong. So that's something that also needs to be considered, the potential for chaos in that front. Sorry, I have to take a photo of Declan because he's literally sleeping under a blanket.

Declan is my cat, by the way, if you didn't know. He's literally, I'll tweet a photo of it. He's literally sleeping under a blanket. Like, he curled up under the blanket. It's the cutest thing I've actually ever seen in my life. Okay, so enough talking about me. I asked you guys on the Twitter at AG podcast to share with me why or why not you wanna have kids.

And we're just gonna go through and discuss them and continue the conversation. So somebody said, I don't see myself ever having children. If I change my mind, I 100% want to adopt or foster because some of them have had difficult experiences as I did and I want to give those children as much care and support as I can and show them that it's okay and that you can do great things and be successful. I think that that's a beautiful thing. I think for a lot of people having a child, physically having your own child is just not gonna happen,

but they still want wanna be parents. And so there are so many children out there that need homes and need a consistent home. And so I think that that's a really beautiful thing. Somebody said, I tell myself I hate being with little kids, but it makes me happy sometimes. I think that one day I will have children, but I'm debating on it.

You know, my parents are a great example of adults who do not like children, but liked me, because I was theirs. And I think that that is usually pretty true across the board. I would say that even if you're somebody who hates children, you'll probably have an exception for your own. I actually agree. I think other people's babies are fucking annoying

because it's their baby. I don't wanna hear it cry because I didn't agree to dealing with the turbulence of this child. Like I get frustrated with other people's children because I'm like, I, this is, why am I having to deal with this distress? And it's not even mine.

Does that make sense? I think other people's kids are annoying, but I know for a fact that when I have my own, if I do have my own, that like, I will make exceptions for that child because it's mine. You know what I mean? I don't know.

Some people just hate all kids, even if it's their own. And those people should not have children. Amen. But I think for most people who are not the biggest fans of kids, they make exceptions for their own. Somebody said, if I'm being honest, I don't think I have the mental capacity to have children.

Like I struggle to take care of even myself. So yeah. I think that this changes when you get older. Because I think when you get older and you mature, you start to become more capable of more responsibility at once. I think that that's a part of growing older and a part of your brain maturing, you just become capable of more responsibilities at once.

So, I think that that's something to consider. If you're just completely deterred by that idea of having children because you're like, I can barely take care of myself right now. Remind yourself that you're also really young right now. And it's normal that you can only take care of yourself right now. You're only supposed to be taking care of yourself right now. But in 10 years, 15 years down the line,

it's gonna look a lot different. And you're gonna be capable of taking care of others because all of the work that you've done on yourself up until that point has made it possible that now you can take care of other people as well. Do you see what I'm saying? Like, when you're a young person, it's your responsibility to take care of yourself and to raise yourself.

But at a certain point, you don't need to take care of yourself and raise yourself as much anymore. And then you have the room and the space to raise a child. Somebody said, I have a lot of healing to do and money to make before I even consider the possibility of kids. So for now, it's a strong no. If that changes in five to ten years time, then so be it. But right now I want to grow up and be the cool on with good music and better wine.

I also think that this perspective just shows that you know you can change your mind over time. Like you can leave your options open. I feel pretty certain that I wanna have kids, but I also am not stating for certain that that's what's going to happen because you just never know what tomorrow's gonna bring. And so you don't need to make a stern decision if you don't feel ready to. Like it's all about leaving all the doors open

and considering all possible options and then waiting until one of them feels right and then going with that. I swear to fucking God, I really, if you can hear this leaf blower, I'm gonna lose my marbles. I it is so annoying. There's just nothing more annoying than the sound of a leaf blower and I don't know where it's coming from. It must be my neighbor's yard, because I don't have anybody leaf blowing in my yard. It's so loud, and the sound of it makes me, like, actually, nothing makes me more mad.

Like, it makes my blood boil, and I don't know why, and I feel bad, you know, I feel bad, because I'm like, some innocent person is out there, just leaf blowing and doing their job. And I'm in here boiling, wanting to scream at them and tell them to just throw that leaf blower off of a cliff. Like I, but it's not their fault, you know, and like I can't even imagine how bad it is for them, right?

Like they're fucking, out there having to hear that sound all day, but I just cannot deal with the leaf blower sound. It's so annoying and I honestly wish that leaf blowers didn't exist. Can we bring back brooms? Can we bring back brooms and just start using brooms instead? I cannot hear the sound of a leaf blower ever again. I never want to hear it again. Let's make brooms cool again. Let's sweep things up. Let's stop with the fucking leaf blower. I think it's gonna be a big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big Constantly questioning whether I want kids or not. Sometimes I get baby fever, but also one kid costs around one house. So sometimes I think maybe I'd rather want a comfortable living space, fun vacations with friends and partner and get as much as possible out of my young years.

I honestly think that you can do both. I really think that you can live your young years to the fullest and then have kids when you're like 35 and you're over it and when you have a more stable income, like I think you can do both. I think you can use your money for, I don't wanna say selfish, but I guess selfish reasons when you're younger and then when you're older and you're ready to kind of share,

then you can still have a kid. So I think you can do both. Somebody said, having and raising kids to be good people is a huge responsibility. Plus the idea of being pregnant is really scary to me. I agree. Like, I think that the choice of having a child or not is very different between men and women, because women are the ones that have to carry the baby. And I completely agree about the fear of holding the child.

I literally do not wanna do it. I don't, there's nothing I've wanted to do less ever in my life, but I also think that that's a huge part of the humbling experience, which is appealing to me. Like when you take your body and you put it through something like a pregnancy, you're using your body for a purpose that's much deeper than I think what we tend to think our body's purpose is

before it's put under the stress and responsibility of having a kid. There's something very beautiful about using your body in that way to have a child. And even though it might do things to your body that make you uncomfortable, it could give you stretch marks. You know, it like there's weight fluctuations that come with it.

There's so much that comes with pregnancy, right? That's scary. But also, I think that going through that could possibly make you love yourself more. Like there's a potential for that. I don't know if it would work out that way, you know, like you might not end up feeling that way, you know, you might like hate the way that your body looks after pregnancy and you like regret, you know, the whole thing. I don't know, but I think that there is a potential for seeing your body in a new way after becoming pregnant and after having a child. Like I think it could

help you accept your body for what it is and look at it as a beautiful, powerful thing rather than objectifying it like you tend to do when you're young. Anyway, you guys, I have to go because of this fucking leaf blower. I'm so upset right now. I actually cannot deal with it.

It's so loud. I'm so mad, but I actually cannot talk anymore because I'm so angry about this leaf blower. So I'm going to go, I'm sweating because I'm so upset. Actually, I can't end this episode yet because I'm not done, but I'm just so mad about this fucking leaf blower. I'm going to pause the recording and I'll come back when the leaf flow is done. Okay, I just had to stop recording for literally an hour and investigate this leaf blower situation. It turns out it wasn't a leaf blower at all. Um, and in fact that loud noise was

someone chopping down a tree with a chainsaw. So excuse that sound. I know you guys probably heard it. I'm so sorry, but also I am not going to do anything to fix it. And that was a pain that we had to go through together, which personally I think is a bonding experience for us. We both had to hear that tree get chopped down violently, and we both had to deal with just the sheer annoyance of it. And I like that we got to experience that together.

So I will not be re-recording the parts that have chainsaw noises in them. In fact, it's actually still kind of happening. Do you know what? Now I think I'm just imagining things because I know that the tree is done being chopped down, but I keep hearing the sound still. Like I think it's like literally anchored into my brain. Anyway, let's get back to

What we were discussing Okay, somebody said Being 16 and looking into my future no Because that's at least 18 years of your life that you have to completely dedicate to somebody else It just seems stressful to me and I don't think I'm cut out for it. I Honestly think this is the mindset of a lot of young people because I think the idea of having to give up yourself for somebody else, for another human being, it just seems impossible because in your current state of mind, it is impossible. When you're a young person, you could not, and you should not dedicate yourself to somebody.

Like you shouldn't. You shouldn't have to, you shouldn't want to, and you just shouldn't in general, right? So it can be hard to imagine that at some point in your life, that might be actually a great thing. So I think that that's just something to consider is that that mindset will shift, you know what I mean? And it's natural to feel like that when you're young,

but I think when you're older, that goes away. Like when I think about having a child right now, I'm like, I could not have a child right now, even like, it would be awful. I would be a mess, you know what I mean? Like I still have a lot of work I need to do on myself. I still have a lot of growing that I need to do. I need to focus on me for the next 10 years

before I have a child, you know? But I'm looking into the future and I'm aware that at some point I Won't feel this way anymore. I won't need to put as much time and effort into myself as I am now Somebody said because my family situation is not the best ever I want to make myself a loving family in a safe place and I don't want to give up on the family idea I won't ever be great with my parents, but hopefully I can make it perfect with my children. I think that this is a really, really beautiful way

to look at starting a family, especially if your family situation growing up wasn't the best. I think that having children and starting a family allows for a second chance where you're in control this time. You know what I mean? You're in control.

You're the one that's determining the family dynamic. You're the one that's calling the shots. It's not your parents anymore. Now it's you. You get to create whatever type of family that you want. And I think that that's a really beautiful thing. For me personally, my parents are divorced. And I'm really excited about the idea of raising a child in a non-divorced environment, which, you know, I don't know. I might end up divorcing.

I mean, I don't think so. But like, you know, you don't know. You're like, I might end up getting divorced one day. I don't know. You'd never fucking know, right? But I like the idea of being able to experience a home that is like not split in half. I am excited about the concept of a whole family

living under one roof. And like being able to experience that in one way or another, even though I'm not getting to experience it as a child, I'm excited about the idea of getting to experience that as an adult. So I think that starting a family gives you the opportunity to experience things that you always wanted to experience that weren't available or weren't possible when you were growing up.

Somebody said, I absolutely want to have kids. The thought of having a family and starting a life with somebody is so cool, but on the other hand, parenthood is a job within itself and what if I'm not good enough? It's always a thought in the back of my mind. You know, I think that what I'm about to say applies to a lot of things, like not just being a parent, but like a lot of things. Okay, so we'll start with the example of parenthood. The thought of being a parent is daunting because it's so complex, it's so difficult, it takes a lot of maturity and it's just like, it's one of the hardest

things you'll ever do. But like a lot of people do it though, a lot of people do it. And you see a lot of people do it, right? When you see somebody else doing something, like being a parent, for example, it's easy to look at them and think, wow, they have it all figured out. The truth is nobody ever with anything has it all figured out, nobody. And everybody makes mistakes.

There's no such thing as being good enough for something like parenting. Everybody's just figuring it out as they go. You know, it's like being a good parent comes down to doing your absolute best. If you're doing your absolute best, there's no doubt that you will be a good parent. Because I think the only way that you can be a bad parent is if you're not

trying to be a good parent. Like, if you're actively like, I don't really care to try to be a good parent, then you are a bad parent. But if you just simply say, I'm going to do my best at this, and I'm going to love my child as much as I possibly can, and I'm going to do my absolute best to keep them safe and keep a roof over their head in the best way that I can,

then you're being a good parent. Simple as that. So don't ever doubt yourself and say, like, I don't know if I'm good enough, because that's up to you whether you're good enough. You decide whether or not you're a good parent. Like you, through your actions, get to choose whether or not you want to be a good parent. Somebody said, it depends on whether or not I'm stable enough to provide the children a good life.

I think that that's a great basis to go on. And the beautiful thing about that is that that can change. Like let's say at 25, you're like, I'm just not there yet. You know, like I haven't found the right partner. I'm not feeling mentally stable enough. Like I'm still figuring out my own shit. I'm not ready for kids. I don't even want to think about kids right now. Great. Then maybe in five years, you're 30 and you have all of those things in place. You have a partner now that you would like to raise a family with and you have a good grasp on your mental health and you're in a good spot with it.

Then you might be like, yes, I'm ready. You have to just be intuitive with it. You have to, I think that this is the type of decision that you need to be intuitive with and you need to listen to yourself and no one else. Like, you're gonna know when you're ready to make that type of decision. Nobody else is gonna know.

You need to go on your own timeline when everything is in line for you and you feel ready and it feels right and it feels like a good decision, that's when you press go. There's no need to listen to anybody else's noise about this decision. Like, this is a decision that you got to make for you when it's right for you and not let anybody else convince you otherwise unless it's your partner because that's kind of the only person that you need to listen to because their timeline also needs to be taken into account. But yeah, that's all I got for today you guys. I really enjoyed this conversation. I love just like, I don't know, like working stuff out.

Like, no, I don't, like, what did we accomplish today? Like, I don't know, we just discussed and I loved it. I, like, I, discussing is great. That actually is what a podcast is though. I don't know why I'm like getting all excited about the actual concept of a podcast. And like sharing that excitement with you, it's like, yeah, I'm a, we get it. You like podcasting because you have a podcast. Why are you just explaining to us why you like it? Like,

I need to go. I need to go. This was really fun. I really enjoyed hanging out with you guys this week. And we'll do it again soon. Thank you for listening. If you want to follow the Twitter, the Twitter is at AG podcast. You can follow anything goes on any platform that you stream podcasts and you can leave a review on Apple podcasts. Tell me what you think of the podcast. I really appreciate the reviews

and honestly read them all the time and they make me feel really good and I really appreciate your guys' kind words. I hope you all have an amazing rest of your week and we will talk soon. Bye!