anything goes with emma chamberlain - i changed my mind

Episode Date: October 27, 2022

if you are a frequent listener of anything goes, you know i love talking about life, life philosophy, society as whole, etc... i like sharing my opinions, discussing those things broadly and openly. there's two things about that: 1) i don't know everything and 2) i'm 21 and i'm still learning a lot and so naturally, i'm not always going to get it right. sometimes i will get it right, but i'm not always going to get it right and i am open to that. so in today's episode, i'm going to address some of the times when people disagreed with me heavily and i'm going to talk about it. i'm going to talk about whether i still stand by what i said, or if maybe my opinion has changed. i wanted to do this, because i feel like a lot of people are afraid of the natural and healthy evolution of the human mind over the course of your life where your ideas and your moral compass change over time. it can be humbling because you have to admit that you were wrong or didn't know enough about a topic at the time, but it's so so important. let's get into it.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, if you are a frequent listener of anything goes, you know that I love talking about life, life philosophy, society as a whole, etc. I like sharing my opinions on those things, I like discussing those things just broadly and openly. And let me tell you, I don't know everything. Okay, I don't know everything. That's number one. Number two, I'm a child. I'm actually not at all a child. I'm 21. Okay. So, woman over here, but I'm still very young and I'm still learning a lot. And so naturally, I'm not always going to get it right. Sometimes I will get it right. Okay, every once in a while, let's give me some credit, but I'm not always going to get

it right. And so I had this idea. Let's give me some credit, but I'm not always going to get it right. And so I had this idea. In today's episode, I'm going to address some of the times that people disagreed with me heavily. People thought, Emma, you did not get this one right with your opinion, with your take on a certain topic. And I'm gonna talk about it.

I'm gonna talk about whether I still stand by what I said or if maybe my opinion has changed, etc. And the reason why I wanted to do this was because I feel like a lot of people are really afraid of doing this. Not only on the internet, but even in their lives on a personal level, I think a lot of people are afraid of the natural and healthy evolution of the human mind over the course of your life, where your ideas and your moral compass and all of this change over time. And sometimes that can be humbling because you have to admit that at one point you are wrong,

or maybe you didn't know enough about a certain topic, or I don't know, you know, like you have to admit fault and some times that hurts more than other times. Sometimes you're like, I can't handle this. I don't want to admit that I was wrong. My ego can't take it. I don't want to do it. And you know, it can be uncomfortable to sort of address yourself and say, hey, that opinion needs some work,

or that opinion could grow a little bit. I think people are especially afraid of doing that on the internet, but I think that we all struggle with that. So today I have three topics that I've discussed in the past. And I'm going to discuss whether or not my perspective has changed and what my perspective is now. So let's dive right in. Let's start with my episode on the truth about being

self-employed. I'm starting out with the big one because why not? You know, most people would be like, I'm saving the biggest one for last, not me. I'm generous. And I'm giving you the big, heavy one first. So I made an episode about the truth about being self-employed, where I basically argued that being self-employed isn't all that it's cracked up to be. My reasoning for that was that because you're your own boss in a way, you're kind of forced to work 24-7. Like it's very hard to just tune out

and remove yourself from the world of your work, right? I also argued that you're much more emotionally involved in your work when you're self-employed, which can be kind of miserable because again, you can't ever fully be off work. You're always in it. Whereas when you're working a nine to five, you may be clock out and you're done and you don't have to think about it again because you're not as emotionally involved in the business, right? And then I also discussed that when you're self-employed and you're famous because sometimes a lot of times when you have a successful business that you started,

you're gonna have some notoriety for that, some fame for that. And that fame can be miserable. Actually, I would argue is always miserable pretty much. No, no, not always, but like, there are some really challenging things about being famous that can make your life significantly more difficult. Although it's kind of ironic because it also comes with fortune in a way, but it also comes with, you know, some really challenging things as well. But I basically touched on how fame, when self-employed, adds the challenge of being scrutinized

publicly all the time, which is a very imprisoning feeling for everyone. Almost I don't think anybody can become famous and not deal with that challenge. I was basically shedding light on all of the reasons why being self-employed is not the dream come true that everybody presents it to be. And I was saying that I feel in our society, you know, there's this pressure to strive to be self-employed that that's the epitome of success.

And that I think we should take that pressure off because maybe a nine to five isn't so bad. Now, people were unhappy with this and I completely understand why for the record. Like, I'm, I get it. A lot of people were saying, you have no place to talk because you've been self-employed For God knows how long that's all you've pretty much ever known so fuck you number one fair People also said that being self-employed will always be better than having a nine to five no matter what the scenario is Working a nine to five is brutal and depressing and Basically in any situation being self-employed will always be better And then I need to shut the fuck up because I don't know what I'm talking about So now I answer the question has my perspective changed. Yes, absolutely

I think the thing that really hit home for me was a lot of people saying that no matter how bad and challenging being self-employed can be, there's a really good chance that having a 9-5 is worse. And I guess that sort of showed me in a way I was like, well, I guess work in life, working in life in general is always, you know, gonna be challenging. Like, it's just, there's no perfect formula. There really isn't.

There's no perfect formula. If you're self-employed, they're gonna be intense challenges that come with that. If you have a nine to five, they're gonna be intense challenges that come with that. If you have a nine to five, there are going to be intense challenges that come with that. If you were born with money and your family has a lot of money and you don't have to work a day in your life, there are intense challenges with that. And I think that I may have romanticized a nine to five a little bit too much because I remember saying, and mind you, I didn't listen to my

episode again because I was like, ooh, I don't want to listen to my voice for an hour. Like I really don't like listening to myself talk, but anyway, I think I was sort of romanticizing having a nine to five. And I was heavily focusing on the fact that you have this structure where you show up and you sort of work within a machine that you have no emotional connection to. And at the end of the day, you leave and you don't have to think about it at all, right? And that was sort of the thing I was focused on was like, how beautiful is it that you can just show up, get it done, and then leave? But I think that the cons are a little bit more powerful than the pros in this situation,

because the main con of working a nine to five is the lack of control that you have. You don't have control over how much money you make. You don't have control over if you get a raise. You don't have control over how the business runs. You don't have control over anything. And although that may not always be a terrible thing, there might be times when it totally works out.

It shouldn't be ignored that that's a really challenging thing. So I think the way that my perspective really shifted was realizing that although my points may still be true about being self-employed, being challenging at times, that's a nightmare that you inflict upon yourself. When you're self-employed, you are your own boss. So your job being a nightmare is your fucking fault. You have the power when you're self-employed

to mold your career and your life into pretty much whatever you want it to be because you are the boss. And so if shit's not going right, if you don't like your hours that you're giving yourself, if you don't like how hard you're working, if you don't like the people that you're working with, in theory, when you're self-employed,

you can mold that situation, whereas when you have a nine to five, you can. And I think I sort of glossed over that in a way that maybe, yeah, I think I just didn't look at that side of it. And so I sort of realized that. I will say though that I agree with a few of the things that I said. I still stand by those things.

One of them being that society's pushing really hard on the peak of success being self-employed and that maybe not necessarily being necessary, right? I do agree with that, because I think that everybody's peak of success looks different. And for some people, that might be working in nine to five at a job that they really like, for a company that they really believe

in and they want to support something that already exists, right, that isn't theirs, but they want to be a part of it. That might be somebody's dream and there's nothing wrong with that. You know, not everybody maybe feels the desire to go and be self-employed and start their own business and, you business and do their own thing. Not everybody necessarily wants to do that and they can be very successful without doing that. And that's okay. I think the sort of ideal career picture that has been painted is unnecessary because again, we're all on our own journey and what success is going to look like for one person versus the next is just going to look so different.

I just don't think that there's a reason to sort of look at one path as the right path because it just puts everyone in a box and I just I don't know I just don't think that's necessary and I also still agree with the fact that like being self-imployed isn't a perfect situation have I realized that it's something that is in your control as a self-employed person? Yes, I've realized that a lot more and That's sort of a luxury that you get when you're self-employed person, yes, I've realized that a lot more. And that's sort of a luxury that you get when you're self-employed. Are you going to give yourself that luxury who knows? But yeah, I think overall, for sure, my perspective has changed on that. And that's exciting to me, because with this topic in the next two that we're going to talk about, I'm so grateful

for the learning. You know what I mean? That's come from making episodes, podcast episodes about my opinions, people tell me what they think, and then me getting to hear a new perspective, you know what I'm saying? I fucking love that. And I think that's incredible. And so yeah, okay anyway, moving on. Moving on to my next controversial opinion. So I made an episode about female friendships.

And in the episode, I focused very heavily on the challenging elements that I've experienced within female friendships. Okay, we're talking about competitiveness, backstabbing, you know, toxicity, et cetera, et cetera. We're talking about all the bad parts of friendships between women. I said that female friendships are particularly difficult. There are very few genuine ones. There are definitely genuine ones, but there aren't...

It's more rare, I would say, in my experience, then difficult ones, right? And I also talked about how I, myself, have learned to be the best friend I can possibly be by sort of working on myself and working on my insecurities and my sort of feelings of competitiveness in order to truly be a good supportive friend to those around me.

Okay, so after I posted this episode, people said, Emma, what the fuck kind of friendships do you have? Because I've never experienced this. That was one thing that people said. Another thing people said was, Emma, what the fuck? This is kind of adding to the narrative, the false narrative that women are constantly competing against each other, and this narrative drives women apart even more.

So now we ask the question, has my perspective changed? I would say yes, actually, on this one as well. Again, you know, same as the last, as the last topic, there are still some things that I agree with that have not changed. I still do think that there are some really distinct challenges within female friendships that people experience all the time. I still do think that there is an element of competitiveness sometimes, and there is still weird toxicity and backstab. Like, does that stuff exist?

Absolutely. But I think that in the episode, I was kind of like saying, that's majority of what exists. That's pretty much, in almost all female friendships, that's what's gonna happen. I think that was sort of my vibe. Again, didn't listen to the episode again

because I literally cannot handle listening to my voice for that long. I used to be able to do it and then now I can't. So sorry, I didn't listen to the episode again. I think that there is truth to everything that I said. But I think there was a lack of discussion around female friendships that just don't have that toxic competitive, weird element. Because friendships like that do exist exist and I remember when I posted this episode and some people were like You're talking like there's no such thing as a healthy female friendship like you're talking like it doesn't exist

I realize Wow, I I've been sort of focusing on the negative memories I have in female friendships and I've completely ignored all of the positive experiences that I have had Because I have had positive experiences. I would say it's split 3070 like 30% really positive really genuine really real 30% really positive, really genuine, really real, non-toxic, gorgeous friendships. 70% have been iffy.

And honestly, if you think about it, 30% is pretty good. Like, meeting that many, that's pretty good. My perspective now is that positive female friendships, number one, do exist and they're more prevalent than I thought before because I think I had sort of a pessimistic sort of perspective just because I was frustrated. I mean, honestly, because I was frustrated, you know, because it's tough, like it's tough, because I guess the way that my perspective changed

was that I really do think that toxic, competitive, weird, not genuine female friendships are not the norm. They should not be the norm. And in my life, I felt like they kind of were the norm just because of my experience, the way that my cards were dealt, you know what I mean? But now I realize, no, actually, this was just my experience. Number one, but number two, it's something I allowed in my life.

You know, I could have sort of cut these friendships out of my life sooner and searched for those genuine people, those genuine women and found them instead of tolerating shitty friendships. And that was sort of my responsibility, because I think my belief before was that finding those people is like near impossible sometimes depending on who's around you.

But I think it's just a matter of looking a little bit harder and not tolerating the shitty friendship because I think in the episode I was sort of talking about how you can sort of learn to tolerate and maybe even improve these shitty friendships. But I'm now realizing, no, you know, that's not necessarily the norm that we need to accept and just deal with and sort of try to do our best to make better. Instead, we can just go search elsewhere because there is a such thing as an automatically genuine, incredible female friendship. They're out there and it may not be as rare as I once thought. We just need to look around and find friends that work for us and a story. And if there's a competitive

weird vibe, that's just not the right friend for you across the board in life. Okay, last but not least, we have my Culture Shift series. So I made three episodes about a Culture Shift coming that I felt happening. And I specifically got some pushback on one of the episodes, and it was the episode about influencers. Okay. Now this is crazy because some might consider me an influencer. Okay.

So it's like, whoa, black mirror episode. She's kind of talking about herself in third person. That's weird, you know, any who. So here's what I said. I basically was talking about how there are so many influencers at this point. There are so many people with an Instagram following, a TikTok following, all of this, a YouTube following,

whatever it may be, that it's becoming so saturated that it's almost like being an influencer doesn't even mean anything anymore because there are so many that internet fame is just diluted now, maybe. And I think we're heading to a point where it's not going to mean anything anymore because so many people have found internet fame. And it's so popular now in a way. Like it's just getting to a point where almost everybody knows someone who has a million followers on some platform.

Like, it might be your cousin's best friend. It might be your best friend. It might be your best friend. It might be you. Like, you know, there's so many people who are becoming famous on social media. What does that mean? I also was talking about how with so many people sharing their lives on social media,

like an influencer, if you will, and with so many people Kind of doing the same things showing their daily life whether that's their morning routine or their vlog or like whatever it may be how much longer can we keep making that same type of Content if you will before it all becomes stale because it's all been done before, because the volume in which it's coming out, and the speed in which it's coming out, is causing things to become stale so much sooner that I just wonder, at what point we're gonna hit a wall,

and it's gonna be like, well, everything's already been done before, there's nothing left to do. And that was sort of my argument. Now I left it very open ended, I was like, listen, this is just kind of what I'm feeling, it might happen, but I also don't fucking know anything because again, I'm, listen, like, I don't know,

I don't know, I don't know, you know, but I sort of have been having existential crises, crises about that because I just don't know how much more it can evolve. Like how can it evolve? It has to hit a wall at some point. There's only so much we can do as human beings before we're gonna run out of shit to film

and take photos of, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Anyway, so that was sort of my perspective that I shared in that episode. And a lot of interestingly enough, a lot of people who are not influencers don't participate in that world of things seem to sort of agree with what I was saying. And they were like, honestly, yeah, I kind of see what you mean. But a lot of people who are influencers were like, no, that's not true. You're a hypocrite, me, me.

You're a hypocrite because number one, you're literally a fucking influencer right now. Number two, don't shit on other people's livelihoods because obviously a lot of people are influencers as their job, right? Don't shit on other people's livelihoods, because obviously a lot of people are influencers as their job, right? Don't shit on other people's livelihoods after you already did that, like you already were an influencer

and you made a career out of it. Like don't shit on other people trying to go do that. I completely understand that perspective, but I will say my perspective has not changed. I will clarify, I'm not shitting on anyone trying to be an influencer or succeeding as an influencer. Absolutely not. Why would I ever do that?

No, that is not the point. The point is, I mean, truly, I'm just wondering how it's possible for it to continue. More on the story is my perspective has not changed. I just, and I'm even confused, you know, because I have been posting shit on the internet, whether that's YouTube or Instagram or whatever, for years, and even I kind of feel myself confused at times like, God, what do I post anymore? I think one of the key pieces of being an influencer is sort of sharing your everyday life, you know, sharing what you're doing, sharing what sharing your everyday life, you know, sharing what you're doing, sharing what you like, sharing what you hate, sharing everything all

the time on social media. That's sort of the definition of being an influencer if you ask me, right? Being in the business of sharing your entire life for people who may want to emulate what you're doing or pick up little pieces of your life and integrate into their life, that's sort of what an influencer is. It's somebody who lives a life that's interesting and shares it so that other people can sort of pick up those traits, right? That's really the science of what an influencer is. And I don't know. I mean, I guess there's a chance that as new people come along and share their own unique life that maybe that's the way that the influencing world evolves

is that as more people come on the scene and start sharing their life, and they have a new, unique, fresh way of living their life. They have a new, fresh perspective. That's what will keep it alive, you know, is the fact that once one person runs out of shit to show, talk about whatever, because they've already given all they have of themselves, then that's when a new person comes along and that's sort of the healthy trajectory of the industry. Maybe that's what it new person comes along and that's sort of the healthy trajectory of the industry.

Maybe that's what it is and maybe it will last forever and even though it's becoming really saturated, the truth is is that no two people are the same and that's kind of what can maybe set everyone apart unless somebody's copying someone else when they share what they do every day, what they like, what they wear, what they're eating, whatever, maybe it's going to be different than the next person, you know, unless they're copying somebody.

But if they're just doing their own thing, yeah, it's going to be unique, it's going to be different. Until they run out of shit to talk about in regards to themselves, that will continue. And then when they're done, the next person comes along, you know? But then again, like, but there's just so many people. But then I guess because everybody's different, maybe it will never be still.

I don't know, I don't know, because now I'm sort of, maybe my perspective has changed. Maybe my perspective has changed. I don't know, because now I'm sort of, maybe my perspective has changed. Maybe my perspective has changed. I don't know, maybe, well, I don't know. Well, let's focus on the influencers and influencing of today, because obviously, the next generation of influencers and people who wanna follow influencers,

that's a whole other story, okay? And also, I'm going to be like a parent at that point, maybe by the time the next round of sort of influencers and whatever come in and completely replace what is now the scene of it all, you know? But let's just talk about right now. Is influencing for our generation on the downturn? Things are kind of, things are kind of getting stale. We've kind of seen it all. Is that what's going on here or what?

On one hand? No, that might not be the case. You know, influencers might not be the case. Influencers might continue to evolve and change their lives and their content. And it might remain interesting forever. And maybe who you as an individual decide to follow might shift over time, but influencers themselves will continue to do their thing and find an audience that matches them at that given time until they decide to quit. Maybe that's one way it goes. On the other hand, this whole thing could become so stale to this generation

This whole thing could become so stale to this generation that it just sort of eventually dissipates. And because so many people are doing it, it sort of becomes something that everyone does. Almost everyone's an influencer in their own way. Maybe some are more followed than others, but it sort of loses its allure in a way, because it gets to a point where it's so diluted that everyone's doing it and It's not a scenario where you know, maybe influencers are

Like movie stars in a way because everybody becomes sort of an influencer Now listen, I don't know. I is just me playing around with what could happen. And again, I don't fucking know. What do I know? We'll see. We'll see on that one. I don't know. Again, I don't know.

But to finish off this episode, I wanted to talk about not only the importance of being wrong, but also the incredible things that can come from putting yourself in situations where you might be wrong. It is frightening to share your opinions, share your perspectives, share your ideas, because there is a chance that you might be wrong. There is a chance that your ego might get slammed, because you just didn't get it right that time.

You might end up making a fool of yourself a little bit, all of these things. But it is such an important part of being a human, because without sharing your thoughts, ideas and opinions, you can't have meaningful conversations that help you to further develop those thoughts, ideas and opinions. Listen, only so much can be done by looking up information on the internet. There's something unparalleled about, is that the right word to use? Fuck, why do I use big words? And then like, I'm like, did that work there? I do this every day and all the time. I use a word and I'm like, I swear this works here, but does it and then I have to check and it's a whole thing.

Oh my God, I used the word correctly. Sometimes I do shock myself. Sometimes I do impress myself. Sometimes I do impress myself. I'm like, wow, that, how did I, anyway, there's something unparalleled about having a conversation with somebody that you know about your thoughts and your opinions, because the ability to bounce back and forth and the ability to connect on a real personal level,

you know, just using context from what you know about each other's lives or whatever, there's something about that that just helps you grow so much and in my personal life, I'm always sharing my thoughts and opinions. I'm like, I swear to God, people in my life probably are so, are like so annoyed with me because I take every opportunity I can to like throw an idea at someone and see if it sticks and like see what they think. Because I'm constantly trying to build my own library in my mind of what I think.

And I wasn't always like this because there were certain times in my life where I did not want to do that. I was like, no, I'm too scared. I don't want anyone to think I'm stupid. I don't want to come off as stupid. I don't know if I know enough about what I'm talking about to just talk about it, et cetera. But what I've learned is is that it's so valuable

on so many levels. And whether you're doing it on the internet to a bunch of different people like I'm doing right now, or you're doing it with people in your personal life, there's so much to be gained from it. And I think we shouldn't be fearful of it. But we should also be graceful towards others. You know, it takes a level of vulnerability

to sort of share a perspective or an opinion. And I think it's very easy, especially through the internet, but even in person, to maybe disagree with someone's opinion, right, and immediately be like, you fucking fuck you, fuck you, you know, kind of have a jolt-y sort of reaction and be like, fuck you, no. Like, what the hell? Like, I know, like, just get angry, right? And emotional and whatever. That can sometimes be an impulse, especially on the internet, but in person as well.

And I think learning how to have a conversation with someone about your thoughts and opinions on things and their thoughts and opinions on things and the ability to learn how to have a constructive conversation where both of you can learn something but also your voice was never raised. Like you don't need to raise your voice, you don't need to be mean,

you don't need to be an asshole in order to disagree with somebody and share your perspective. That's not necessary, because I think that it kind of discourages the excitement around these conversations when they're sort of negative and not received in a rational manner. And so I think that the courage to share what you think and the self-control and patience to hear everyone else's opinion is a really, really incredible skill to have number one, but also mind expanding skill to have. And I don't know, I just I encourage everybody to let their minds be free and let your opinions and perspectives evolve with you throughout your life. Because that's a sign of growing.

That's a sign of becoming a better you and becoming a wise or you. And that's gonna be awesome when maybe somebody needs your help and you can offer them a sort of sense of wisdom on something. Because you have fully fleshed out that idea in your mind and in your life as well. Anyway, I'm going on a fucking... Okay, I need to stop. You guys know I need to stop. Anyway, that's all I have for today. I'm done. Okay, I'm done. I hope you enjoyed this episode again, as we know by now. Always feel free to share your opinions with me.

Do you agree? Do you disagree? I don't think I can nail it into your head more that I appreciate and cherish that type of conversation. As long as it's respectful, and listen, not everybody's gonna be respectful, and a lot of the comments that I'm referring to today We're not respectful a lot of them are mean and that's okay because I also understand that

That's fine But I do appreciate like constructive Yeah, but I also enjoy like agreeing as well and like being able to bond over that. Both are incredible. Always know, my DMs, Instagram comments, Instagram DMs, Twitter DMs, whatever. Always open. Share your thoughts with me. Share your perspectives. It's a magical thing that we can do.

Share your thoughts and opinions with each other in the comments. Whatever you want to do. You know what I mean? Healthy positive growth conversations Should be happening as much as possible and I'm I'm here for it The Instagram is that anything goes the Twitter is at a G podcast You can follow anything goes on any platform you stream podcasts as well if you enjoy the show my coffee company, Chamberlaincoffee.com, incredible coffee, incredible matcha, incredible coffee-related accessories,

drinking a matcha right now out of my Chamberlain Coffee Tumblr cup. I mean, I live the life. I live the Chamberlain Coffee lifestyle. I mean, as I should, but you know, I'm there. Also, you can use code AG15. If you want a little discount, special discount for listeners of the podcast. And I think that's all I got. Thank you guys for listening. I really, truly appreciate all of you so much. And I think that's all I got. Thank you guys for listening. I really, truly appreciate all of you so much. And I love talking to you every week. It's the fucking best. And I'll talk to you soon.

Okay, love you. Is it weird? Okay, wait, is it we, hold on. Before I end this episode, I can't decide if it's kind of, if it is weird for me to say I love you to you because it's like really, is it weird because we don't really know each other? Is it sort of teetering the line of a parasocial relationship, which is the relationship between

me and the scenario as the person that's being listened to and you as the listener. Like, is it getting a little too dystopian for me to be saying, I love you to you? Because even though I don't know you, I kind of feel like I do, but I also just genuinely don't. And also vice versa, you kind of know me, but you don't really, but you do enough,

but you don't all the way. So is it weird? And I've kind of wondered me, but you don't really, but you do enough, but you don't all the way. So is it weird? And I've kind of wondered that for the past six months, I've been really asking myself, is it weird to say I love you to people who follow you on the internet? Like, is that weird? I don't think it is, because I do truly feel genuine love for you, even though I've never met you, but also is it weird.

Let me know. That's an opinion you can share with me. Okay, bye. I do truly feel genuine love for you, even though I've never met you, but also is it weird. Let me know. That's an opinion you can share with me. Okay, bye.